The Doc and the Jock
by shayla1462
Summary: What happens when Sidney Crosby meets his polar opposite when he visits Cannes in May 2011. He's dealing with his concussion and needs to focus on getting back to hockey; but, he can't forget the girl with the quick brain and haunting eyes. One night was not enough. Can two very different people find love and happiness?
1. Chapter 1

**This is a Sidney Crosby fictional story. It begins with his visit to Cannes June 2011. It's my first story, please be kind ...**

**Chapter One**

I can't believe I let my sister drag me here. I knew Mariah would be off flirting and getting her picture taken and I would be left alone - the pathetic girl in the corner, sipping her wine and glancing at all of the pretty people. The party just had to be on a boat, excuse me 'ship' as I was corrected earlier. All I know is that I'm bored, tired and it's really hot in this stuffy boat. I thought the south of France was supposed to be cooler in the summer with the breeze from the water. Of course we're not allowed above deck; something about insurance and too much alcohol.

Shit – I need air right now. Ah, maybe through the door by the washroom that says 'no exit.' Of course no one notices me slip from the room. Yep, no one sees me and, score, the door's unlocked. Great, now I'm in a dark stairwell and, damnit, the door behind me is now locked. So much for being genius, I can't even escape a party. Of course, if someone asked me the square root of pi then I could tell them to the last decimal, doesn't help me here so I guess up I go into the dark.

Another door, thank God, and air – beautiful, cool air. The ocean looks gorgeous from the deck of the boat. Dark but beautifully lit from the moon. I can't help going to the railing to see more of the water.

"Don't jump," this deep voice says behind me. I wasn't going to jump but his voice startles me so much that I feel I could fall in. I turn around but only see a shadowed outline of a man. Great, from a stuffy room to a deserted staircase and now alone with a stranger.

"I was just looking for some air" I tell the shadowed stranger. "Me too" he says and finally steps out of the shadows. You know how you see in the movies when the girl sees the boy and her eyes go wide and her mouth falls open – that was almost me when I saw him. Almost six feet tall, checkered dress shirt and jeans. And built, I mean you can just tell he's got an incredible body. Of course, now I realize I'm staring so I look back toward the water.

I feel him step up next to me and ask "how did you enjoy the movie?" I reply "actually, I didn't go to the movie. My sister had to come to this after-party so I came with her. Predictably, she's meeting and greeting people and I'm sneaking up back stairs to get some air." "The stairs by the washrooms" he asks. I chuckle and say "those are the ones. I'm Angelia by the way."

Wow, she has an incredibly sexy laugh. It takes me a full minute to realize she's just introduced herself and is looking expectantly at me. So here's when I weigh in my head what I say – from her accent, she's obviously from North America. Will she recognize my name? When I came out of the shadows she did stare at me for a while. Did she recognize me and isn't saying anything? "I'm Sidney" I tell her and look at her face closely. "Nice to meet you" she responds. Nope, doesn't seem to know me, interesting.

As I shake her hand, I feel a spark work its way up my arm. Ok, this is weird. We both turn back to the water. I can smell her perfume, vanilla and something else I don't recognize. I look at her out of the corner of my eye; long brown hair loose around her bare shoulders, form fitting sleeveless dress and a beautiful face in that not-too-obvious sort of way. Max would say 'nice tits, great ass.' I would never say it but it doesn't mean that I don't notice and appreciate them.

This is when you have the awkward moment and I'm no good at this, making conversation when I don't know someone. Max would know what to say, so would Jordan for that matter; better than me. Wait, she said she is here with her sister. "Is your sister in the movie?" I ask her. "She's not in the movie but she was asked to come to the party. Her name's Mariah" she tells me. Now it clicks who her sister is. "The model?" I ask her. "Yes" she answers. Silence again, until she asks "and are you associated with the movie?"

"No," I tell her. "My friends and I are here on vacation and we were invited. I think through Paulie's agent, I can't remember." "Agent?" she asks. Now I've done it. Why did I have to say agent? "Um, yeah." I hope she'll leave it alone. "Was he in the movie?" Guess she's not going to leave it alone. Well here goes. "No," I answer, "we're hockey players and when his agent heard we were coming to Cannes he suggested a few movies and parties."

I look over at her and she's smiling at me. A lock of hair flies across her face in the wind and, without thinking, I reach out and push it behind her ear. Damn, there's that spark again as I touch her skin. I just stare at her and her eyes widen then she turns quickly back to the water. Shit, I just met her and I'm offending her. I'm really no good at this!

Holy crap, what was that? He's just touched me, on the hand and now the cheek, and it feels like we just kissed or more, much more! That shiver ran right down my spine and landed a little deeper. I can feel my cheeks get red and turn away quickly. I've got to ask him something, anything, to give my cheeks some time to calm down. "What team do you play for?" "Pittsburgh" he tells me. "That's a professional team, the NHL, right?" I ask him. He chuckles and says "yes." "I'm sorry" I apologize, "I know very little about sports. Neither my sister nor I got involved in them as kids. I was more into school and Ri was totally into fashion, of course. I guess you guys aren't playing now, being summer. How did your team do last year?"

I don't know why, but I can tell immediately that I've hit a nerve. His face becomes blank of expression and he turns back to the water. "We got knocked out in the first round" is his answer. Seems like there's more to it than that but I don't even know him so I'm not going to ask. I sneak another glance at him. He is breathtakingly beautiful. I was too busy noticing the body before that I didn't see the short, thick, dark hair and great eyes and, wow, those lips, definitely worth staring at. 'Change the subject so I can see those lips smile again' is all I can think. "Is this your first time in Europe?" "No" he responds, "I've been a few times for hockey. My first time to Cannes though. I love the water." "Especially when you're on the deck and not below" I say and am rewarded with a smile from those kissable lips. "Yes" he says "I don't know why anyone would want to be down there when it's so beautiful up here. So what do you do?" he asks me.

"I'm a physicist. I teach at a university and do research." As I say this, I sigh because I know that this conversation is over. This is always when their eyes roll back in their heads and they ask where my sister went. She's the gorgeous and interesting one and I'm the forgettable and brainy one. No gorgeous hockey player is going to want to keep chatting with the brainy one. "So" he says, "you must be a genius like on the Big Bang Theory" and he chuckles. "Kind of, yes" I answer. He is quiet for a while and now I know the 'kiss-off' is coming. "You don't have an unhealthy attachment to Star Wars, Star Trek or comic books do you?" I look up at his face and finally let out the breath I didn't know that I'd been holding. He's teasing me and those gorgeous lips are smiling. "Nope" I answer. "Good" he says "although I could get into the comic book thing." Now we're grinning at each other.

It's then that I notice the dock is very close. "Wow" I say "We're docking already" and I look up into his eyes to find him looking at me too. I could swear I saw disappointment in them. I feel the same way. I've never clicked like this with a man and definitely one that looks like a Greek God! Now we're just looking at each other, staring really. "Angelia" he says, "um, when we dock, would you like to grab a drink or go for a walk?" I think about my sister and the next party she's dragging me to tonight, which I'll be alone at again, and then I look into his beautiful eyes. Before I can think, I say "yes, I'd really like that Sidney." Then he takes my hand again, spark, and smiles and I know I'm in big trouble.


	2. Chapter 2

When I tell Max, Jordan and Paulie that I'm not going to the next party, Max says "Did you get your own tail already? That's fast for you mon ami." "No tail Talbo, just going for a walk. Not in the mood for a party." I don't know why I lied to them. It just really bothered me that Max called Angelia 'tail.' Nothing could be further from the truth. "I'll meet you guys for breakfast at the hotel. Text me what time when you drag your asses back to your rooms."

I leave them to hail their cab and go look for Angelia. She had to find her sister. I see her on a bench by the boat texting on her phone. "I couldn't find my sister so I'm just sending her a text." When she finished, she stood up and smiled up at me. I can't help but smile back, it's too compelling. We begin to walk side by side and I take her hand. Where the hell did that come from? I'm usually much more reserved. There's a reason most of the pictures of me have my hands in my pockets. She looks at me quizzically and then turns away but doesn't remove her hand.

As we walk along the water, I notice her perfume again, how small her hand is in mine and how comfortable I am with her. Even the silence is comfortable; but, I really want to learn more about her. "You seem really young to be a professor at university" I ask her. "I'm 22" she says "but I got my doctorate when I was 16." Wow, she must be really, really smart. Might not have been that far off when I mentioned the Big Bang Theory – although I'm really glad she doesn't look like Sheldon. "So that means you're a doctor?" I ask her. "Sort of" she says.

We continue to walk slowly along the path. Further and further from the lights and people. Suddenly, she trips and falls into me. I grab her waist to prevent her from falling and feel her soft full breasts against my chest. Her hands are grabbing my shoulders and we are staring into each other's eyes. She pressed against me, fully, so that I can feel the entire length of her body. I lean down and press my lips to hers, softly, slowly tasting her. Still looking into her eyes, I cans see her eyes widen and her lips don't move under mine. Oh God, I'm really no good at this, now she's pissed or I've scared her. We just met two hours ago. Then I feel it, her fingers tighten on my shoulders, her eyes flutter closed and her lips are moving. Slowly at first, softly and then I feel her tongue dart out, licking my lower lip. It's so incredibly erotic, that little movement of her tongue. My eyes close and I pull her even closer to me. My hands circle her waist and pull her into me. She has to feel my erection growing against her stomach. I part her lips with my tongue and trace those beautiful lips. Her hands slid up my neck and her fingers play in my hair and down my neck. I've completely forgotten that we're out in public; I just can't get enough of this girl.

* * *

Oh my God, he kissed me! I can't help but just stare at him. No one this gorgeous with those beautiful lips kisses someone like me. All think is that I don't want it to stop. I'll consider it an experiment, I'm good at those, I have experience with those. I tighten my hands on those broad shoulders and slowly kiss him back. I've closed my eyes – I may be experienced with experiments but I just can't look. My tongue seems to have a mind of its own and licks his juicy bottom lip. He moans, oh wow, I feel that all the way to my core, and pulls me even closer to him. I feel his erection grow against my stomach. His tongue parts my lips and my hands slid up into his hair, over his thick neck. I want this to go on forever. Our tongues are playing now, one of his hands has slipped down to my ass and is pulling me up on my tip toes. In heels, this puts his erection at the same level as where he'd enter me. We grind against each other as we continue to kiss. His other hand moves from my waist higher so that his thumb can run over my nipple through the fabric. I cry out – where the hell did that sound come from! It startles us both.

At the same time, we both realize what we're doing and where we are. He rests his forehead against mine as we both breathe heavily. Slowly we pull away until we are looking at each other. My hands are on his shoulders and his are on my waist. "Wow" he says. A giggle breaks free from me, which makes him laugh. "That was, um, unexpected" he says. I can only keep staring at his beautiful lips smiling down at me. He must think I'm an idiot. He run far and fast in the other direction if he knew this had never happen to me before. I'm sure he has girls in every city he plays in; but, I have never met a stranger and had a make out session with them two hours after meeting them. "Are you ok?" He asks me. I just keep staring – how do you tell someone that you've just had the most incredible experience of your life and not sound like an idiot?

* * *

Now she's freaking me out. She's smiling but not saying anything, she just keeps smiling at me. Finally, she says "yeah, I'm ok. You?" How do I answer that? I've had girlfriends and the occasional puck fuck; but, I've never, ever experienced immediate attraction – ok, let's be honest, an immediate erection – with any other girl. "I'm good. Should we, um, keep walking?" She nods.

As we go around the next corner, I see a café that the boys and I went to yesterday. I love Europe. You can sit for hours and people watch and no one looks at their watch or tries to hustle you along. "Want to stop for a coffee or glass of wine? There's a great café over there." "Definitely" she says "that's my favourite café in Cannes." When we walk in, the waiter immediately greats Angelia and kisses her on both cheeks. They are talking in frenetic French and, although I spoke it in Rimouski and when I'm in Montreal, I just can't follow them. I pick up that his name is Gerrard he's asked if we want a table inside or outside. She says outside, in English, and looks at me for confirmation. I nod and we're quickly escorted to a table and given the wine list.

"I had a great red from Beaujolais yesterday when I was here. Would you like to try it?" I ask her. She nods, I tell the waiter the winery and he nods, smiles and goes into the café. "You seem to know your wines. You must love visiting France" she says. "I've really gotten into wine in the past few years. Mario, guess you could call him a friend, has been introducing me to them. He gave me a list of wine to buy for him while here. I'd say I'm just learning – Mario has a huge wine cellar." "What do you mean by 'you guess you can call him a friend'?" she asks.

I pause, how do you explain Mario? "Well, he owns the Pittsburgh Penguins, so he's kind of my boss. I also live with him and his family since I moved to Pittsburgh so he's kind of my landlord. We also played together my first year and he really became my mentor. So, I call him a friend to simplify things." I look over at her and she's watching the people walk by, deep in thought. "So you live with him and his family?" she asks me. "Yeah, I'm building a house right now and it won't be finished until September." I wonder if this makes me look like a freak, 23 years old and still living with a family. "That's nice" she says. "One of the things I always miss being at the university is that my family is so far away. Especially my sister. She travels so much that I can't keep track of where she is never mind trying to actually see her regularly."

"Which university are you at" I ask her. "MIT, it's in Cambridge, Massachusetts. I did my undergraduate degrees at Oxford in the UK but I wanted to be closer to home to live." "Where is home" I can't seem to help asking, I want to know everything about her." "I was born in Canada," she says "just outside of Toronto." Now I chuckle "you're Canadian? Me too. Wait, how can you be Canadian and not know much about hockey?" I am genuinely surprised. I can't seem to go anywhere in Canada without being noticed. I look at her and see her blushing. The pink in her face brings out her eyes even more and makes her look impossibly more beautiful.

* * *

I know he's just teasing me; but, I hate being reminded that I'm not normal; that I've never been normal. Of course I should know about hockey, I am Canadian and that's really the only sport that's universally followed. I'm a freak, weird, have nothing in common with this beautiful man. This is where he'll say 'it's been a nice evening' and that will be it. "I went away to school when I was very young, away from home, and focused so much on my studies that it left no time for anything else." I try to explain. He's nodding like he understands. How can he? How can anyone understand being 14 years old and sent away from home because you're different? "That must have been difficult" he says. "I remember what it was like for me. I was 15 when my folks sent me away to school. It's kind of lonely to be that young and away from home."

I can only stare at him. Does he really understand? "Yes," I tell him "it really was lonely. It made it more difficult that I was at least 4-5 years younger than anyone else in class and I was taking a two year class load." "Wow" he says with genuine awe on his face. "You must be a genius and truly scary-smart." He's chuckling when he says it so I don't think he's making fun of me. "I thought my straight A's were impressive with all the practicing and games I had. How old were you when you got your degree?" "Which one" I ask him. "There's more than one?" he asks. Well, here goes. "I had my undergraduate at 14, my master degrees, two, at 15 and my PhD when I was 17. So, yeah, there is more than one."

"Wow" is all he says as he shakes his head. Again, he looks at me in amazement. "So now you teach at MIT?" "I teach and do research; trying to figure out the origins of the universe." I'm really hoping we can change the subject. The more we talk, the more I realize we get further and further apart in our worlds. But he did seem to understand the loneliness I felt, hmmm. Time to change the subject "tell me what it's like to be a professional hockey player?" He seems to tense at this question. I thought it would be easy to talk about. He's just staring out at the sidewalk watching people walk by us. It's been a really long time now, or at least it feels that way, and I'm wondering if I should change the subject. Don't guys like talking about themselves, and sports, and this is both in one for Sidney. I glance over at him again; lips tightened, hands in fists, he looks seriously upset. I gently put my hand on his arm. I can't say why I think he needs the support, or to be soothed, but he does.

* * *

I can't say why her question has upset me so much. I get that question all the time. People want to know what it's like to play in the NHL, to do what you love for a living; but, this time the question isn't so easy to answer. For the last 5 months I don't know what it's like to be a hockey player. I only know what it's like to be a patient and something to be analyzed or dissected. The touch of her hand on my arm brings me back to the present. I look at her and she looks concerned, genuinely concerned about me. Then I can't help it, the whole story just falls out of me: how that fucker Steckle head-hunted me at the Winter Classic; how the doctors fucked up and said it was a neck injury and I'd be fine; and then that second hit by Hedman that truly put me out. The migraines, neck pains and complete and utter frustration that all I could do to heal is lay down in a dark room. Set back after set back after set back until the season ended for the team in the first round and all I could do was watch from the press box. Finally, how I still can't do anything, no workouts, no nothing except 'enjoy' the ever present symptoms.

It just all rolls out of me until I'm sitting there with my head in my hands. I don't even notice that she's left her chair and is crouching down in front of me. She lifts my chin with her hand and lightly kisses each of my cheeks and finally my lips. Softly, so that it's only a whisper and then just looks into my eyes. Mine fill with tears. This moves me and does more to comfort than any of the encouragement of my teammates, coaches or Mario. Not even my mom and dad could help me feel better. But this girl, who I only just met, has given me the only peace I've felt in months from a simple kiss. "Thank you" I tell her softly and she softly smiles, stands up and holds out her hand. I leave some money for the bill, grossly over tipping, take her hand in mine and we leave the café.


	3. Chapter 3

I don't know what came over me. He sounded incredibly lost as he told me about his concussion and what he's been going through. Like a lost little boy who just needed someone to understand him. I can't imagine if something prevented me from doing the work I love and the only thing I know how to do. Before I knew it, I was in front of him and kissing him. He looked so sad and scared. Now we've been walking again, back along the water, holding hands and in a comfortable silence. He's so easy to be with and so easy to look at – I keep glancing at his profile. Those lips keep drawing my gaze. I remember them on mine softly at the café and more insistently earlier. Of course my mind goes to that kiss and those lips hard on mine, his tongue sliding along mine and his hands, well, everywhere. Oops, he's looking at me like he said something. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"Do you know where we're going? Or even where we are?" he asks again. I look around and don't recognize this part of town; it's just an ally. "Actually, no, I have no idea" I tell him. We both laugh and look at each other. Then we're not laughing anymore. Quickly, his hands envelope my face and I'm pushed up against the wall. He's kissing me again and my mind goes blank. All I can do is feel - his plump lips hard and his tongue slides against my lips parting them. My arms circle him and my hands splay against his broad back. God, he feels so good. I run my hands up and down his back as we continue to kiss. Our tongues dance and play. His hands slide down my face to my waist and my hands feast in his hair. I feel the rough stone against my back and I don't care.

One of his hands slides up to the side of my breast, his thumb rubbing over the tip, lightly at first and then firmer. I can't help but moan into his mouth. It feels so good. His lips travel over my chin, down my neck, licking and kissing his way down. My nails dig into his scalp and now it's his turn to moan. I feel his erection growing against my stomach and shift my hips to grind against him. He moans again and his lips move farther down to the swell of my breasts. I guide his head lower and he slips my dress down to reveal my naked breast. He teases me, kissing around my nipple, licking and kissing around it. I'm ready to beg him to taste when he takes my nipple in his mouth. I'm whimpering now, I feel it all the way down to my panties where I'm definitely getting moist. My hips continue to move against him as he moves to the other nipple and nips lightly. I gasp and my fingers dig into his scalp again.

I need to feel more of his skin. My hands move down to slide under his shirt and over the smooth skin of his back. Now he's grinding against me too and his lips travel back to mine. His hands replace his lips on my breasts. My hands run down his lower back and into the tight fit of his jeans to feel that firm ass, pulling him harder against me. We continue to kiss with our tongues keeping the same time as we grind against each other. He pulls one of my legs up and around his back so that he can get closer to me. My dress rides higher and I can feel his jeans against my thigh. The last thought I have is how desperate I am to get rid of those jeans and actually feel him against my bare skin.

HONK, HONK, HONK! The sound of a car alarm going off stuns us back to reality. We're staring at each other, each trying to catch our breath and incredibly aroused. I realize I'm half naked and pull up my dress. Sidney has his hands on the wall on either side of me and rests his forehead against mine. "Just give me a minute" he says. I stay where I am and focus on my breathing. What the fuck am I doing, out in public and with a man, who admittedly looks like sex on a stick, and that I just met? I stay where I am, finally my breathing is leveling out, his already has – probably the athlete in him – but I know he wasn't waiting for only his breath to return to normal.

* * *

For the second, or is it third or fourth, time tonight I'm left wondering 'what the fuck was that?' We kissed by the water, I dumped all of my problems on her and then we nearly have sex in an ally. What is it about this girl that makes me feel I've known her all my life? I start thinking about Duper's dirty socks, Tanger's rank pads, anything to stop wanting to say 'fuck it' to being in public and push her back against that wall. When I finally have myself under control, sort of, I back away from her. She looks stunned. I rub my hands against my jeans trying to figure out what to say. I blurt "I really want to apologize but I just can't seem to feel sorry." Oh God, did I have to say that? She laughs softly "I feel the same way." Now I'm laughing too. "This has never happened to me before. I don't know what to say" she tells me. "I'm not much help. This has never happened to me either" I confess. She walks away from the wall and, again, holds out her hand to me with a smile. I take that hand and we begin to walk again.

This time I ask "do you know where we're going?" She smiles "does it matter?" "No, not really, as long as we're still together" I admit. She laces her arm through mine and snuggles up beside me. I put my arm around her and pull her to me. We continue to walk down the street. "Oh, I know where we are now. There's another great little café over there. Want to stop again?" she asks. Anything to stay with her, so I tell her "sure." We find a table outside the front doors. There are a few tables occupied but it is mostly empty; it must be getting late, even for Canness. When the waiter comes over, she orders a café noir and I ask for Pellegrino. She glances at me, a little tentatively and asks "if you don't mind me asking, what are the doctors saying about your prognosis? When do they think you'll be able to work out or play?" I respond "I'm meeting with them when I get back. I'm not having the migraines but there are still some headaches and sensitivity to light. They'll probably want me to keep 'resting' and I'll slowly go crazy or crazier." The waiter brings us our drinks.

She takes a sip of her coffee and says "I have been working most of my life on my studies. It's all I've really done; focused on the next hurdle, then the next and on and on. I'm one of the top in my field. My students call me Dr. because I have a PhD. I still can't believe that, I'm 22 years old and I'm a doctor. If that was all gone because of something I didn't do and I couldn't do anything to get it back" she shakes her head "Sidney, I really don't know how I'd handle it." I look into her eyes and see that she really gets it. Who knew I would go to the other side of the world, well France anyway, to meet a Canadian girl who completely gets me? I take her hand and kiss it. She laughs and says "how very French of you."

"Tell me about your family" she requests. "I have a sister too" I answer her. "She's fourteen and a bit of a brat but we're really close. I worry about her having to deal with being Sidney Crosby's sister. She's started playing hockey too so the comparisons are going to happen. At least she's a goalie, like my dad was, so she's spared a bit." "Your dad was a hockey player" she asks me. "Yep" I answer, "he was drafted into the NHL but his career never really went far. It has been a big help though, having a father who understands the NHL and was able to help prepare me. I'm really lucky to have their support. It's definitely made things easier. What about your family?"

"You've met my sister" she starts "and know that she's a model. Talk about unfair comparisons. As if I could ever be as gorgeous as she is, never going to happen." I look at her and think she's crazy. She doesn't even know just how beautiful she is and in a very different way than her sister. I guess you'd call it a 'not obvious' way. "You underestimate yourself" I tell her. "You are gorgeous." She wrinkles her nose at me and shakes her head. "Thank you, but you don't need to say that. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that I was the smart one and my sister was the pretty one. It's just the way it is." I let it go, for now. "What about your parents?" I ask. A look of pure grief passes over her face. "We lost my parents 2 years ago" she tells me. "It was a drunk driver and they were killed instantly." I take her hand in both of mine. I can actually feel the grief coming off of her. She looks up at me now with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry" she explains. "I just can't seem to get use to them being gone. My sister and I have each other, thank god, but we're essentially orphans. At least that's how it feels." A tear escapes down her cheek as she looks at me. I can't help but lean in and kiss it away like she kissed me earlier, softly. "It's good that you and your sister have each other" I say. She nods at this and shakes her head as if to clear out the bad thoughts. "I guess you and I are both a bit of a mess" she says with a smile. I just smile back at her, I can't seem to help but do that when I look at her.

Suddenly REM's Losing My Religion is coming out of her purse. She laughs at the expression on my face and says "I'm a sucker for 90's music" and answers her phone.

* * *

It takes me a minute to realize my phone's ringing. I was so lost at the compassion in Sidney's eyes. He has this effect on me I just don't understand. It's Mariah, as I figured it would be when I heard it ring. "Where the hell are you?" she yells at me. "It's 4am and I'm NEVER home before you!" I can't help but chuckle, she's absolutely right. "I'm fine. At a café with Sidney having a coffee" I tell her. "Wow Ang, you work quickly" she says as she laughs. "Ha ha" I tell her, acutely aware that Sidney is listen to my side of the conversation. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do" she tells me. My answer is to hang up the phone.

I turn back to Sidney and say "it was my sister." "I figured" he responds. Then what she said dawns on me. "Did you realize that it's 4am?" I ask him. He looks at his watch and says "no. I had no idea. I guess these cafés never close huh?" We look around and notice that we are the last ones here. The owner is inside wiping down tables and putting up chairs. "Guess he's trying to tell us that it's past closing time" he says. I grab my purse and Sidney leaves some Euros for the drinks as he waves to the owner. This time he wraps his arm around me and pulls me to him as we walk down the street. "I guess we should be heading home" he looks at me as he talks. I don't want this night to end but I do have a flight the next day back to Paris with Ri. He takes my silence as agreement and asks "which hotel are you in?" "We're staying at a friend's apartment. I'll need to take a cab" I tell him. "I'll take you" he says and begins to look for a cab. Finding a free one, we both get in and I give the driver the address. Sidney has his arm around me and I cuddle in. I just feel safe in his arms. His hand begins making circles up and down my arm and I rest my hand on his thigh. Holy crap! How did I not notice how huge his thighs are and incredibly muscular? I'm now feeling his touch down to my panties and shiver. "Are you cold?" he asks me. I look directly into his eyes and say "no." Where did that come from? He smiles and pulls me closer.

For the first time tonight, I begin to think about tomorrow and the day after that. I've just had this incredible night with this incredible guy; but, there is absolutely no future here. Damn that brain of mine. It couldn't just let my body take over, could it? It may be old fashion, I know my sister thinks so, but I don't do one night stands. God, I don't usually do most of the things I've done with Sidney tonight. Did we really almost have sex in an alley?! What am I doing? This isn't really happening. These things definitely don't happen to me. Oh God, does he do this a lot? You hear about athletes who have girls in every city. Maybe I'm just one of those girls – the Cannes Girl. I wish I could talk to Ri although she'd probably tell me to get a room and fuck him until I passed out. Easier said than done. Ok, I'll just say goodbye in the cab, thank him for a great night and wish him the best with his health. Alright, I feel better now. Decision made until, damnit, I had to look at him and see that sweet face and gorgeous lips.

We get to my building and I go to pay the driver but Sidney beats me to it. The cab drives away and we're just staring at each other. He takes my arm, gently, and steers me to the door which he opens. We walk up the three flights and get to the apartment door – all in silence. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Ok, this is it. I'm definitely going to say thank you and goodbye. "This is it" I begin. Then I look up at him and I can't say anything at all. My brain just stops. He lowers his head and gently kisses me, almost sweetly. His hands both cup my face. "Meet me for brunch tomorrow or, I guess, later today." It's not a question, he makes it a statement. I can't look away, I can't even speak. I just nod yes. He smiles. "We'll meet back at the first café where we had drinks, ok? How about noon?" I just nod yes. He kisses me again. This time my hands come up around his neck and hold him to me, close, to savour the moment because I know I won't be making that date.


	4. Chapter 4

The lake is quiet and peaceful. I love this time of day, before everyone is awake and I can just sit here with Sam and fish. Everyone should have a dog to keep them company. I miss her when I'm in season and she stays with my folks but it's great to have her with me in the summer. They've let me start doing light workouts again. Dr. Carrick seems to know what he's talking about. It's a crazy machine they put me in, like I'm training for the space shuttle, but I immediately feel better when I come out. I don't care how it works, I'm just glad to be doing something, anything to get my head better. If only I could do something about my heart. Oh God, did I really just think that? The guys would rag me forever if they knew.

It's been 3 weeks and I can't stop thinking about her. I waited for 2 hours for her before I went to the apartment Angelia was staying in with her sister. I fumbled through French to learn from a neighbour that the _jolies filles_ had left that morning. She left without saying goodbye or leaving a note. Nothing. After everything we shared, everything I told her, I still can't believe she just left. It's like I imagined the connection we had, like I imagined her. The guys thought I'd gone crazy. Max finally cornered me to find out what the fuck was going on. I was being an ass, moody and snapping at everyone, even more than the usual since I got hit. If it was anyone but Max, I would have told them to fuck off but I you just can't do that to Talbo. He's the life of the party and the jokester but he is a good friend and knows when something is wrong. On the flight home I couldn't avoid him anymore and I told him all about her. Of course I left out some details, but he got the point. By the time we landed in Toronto, he'd told the other guys and they work out a plan to find her. Paulie's agent found us the party so he could find us the sister. How hard is it to locate a supermodel, he said?

We all went our separate ways at the airport, everyone had different connections to make and I haven't talked to anyone since. Ok, if I'm being honest, I've ignored everyone since. Fuck her! If she doesn't want me then I don't want her. Of course I can't do anything but want her. My dreams have become more and more vivid, they wake me up in the middle of the night, so hard I have to jerk off just to go back to sleep. Usually I'd work out, preferably running which I hate, when I have a problem that's bugging me. Unfortunately, 'light work outs' means bike and a low heart rate. How's a guy supposed to work up a sweat that way?

"Ok Creature, you won't answer your phone, you won't return my texts, so the mountain has come to you mon ami! Get your ass up here!" I know that voice. Only Max would show up on your door step and yell like that of course. Resigned, I pack up the fishing gear and Sam and I make our way up to the house. "How did you even get in here?" I ask when I reach him. "Jumped the gate" he responds and gives me a bear hug. I can't help but smile – Max always seems to be able to do that for me. "Grab your stuff Talbo, let's go inside, I'm hungry anyway." We go into the kitchen and I grab a yogurt from the fridge. I start eating and just stare at Max, I know he needs to get it out or he'll explode.

"We found her!" he says. I just keep staring at him. "Angelia, we found her. Paulie went through her agent who tried to contact the sister's agent. Anyway, long and convoluted story but we found her, or them actually. The sister is going to be in some really important fashion show and Angelia is going to be there. New York City man, it's just a plane ride away. Get your stuff and let's go." He's just staring at me now with a huge shit eating grin on his face. I don't know what he expects. Why would I get excited to see a girl that doesn't want to see me? A girl who deliberately left the country instead of seeing me again and he just expects me to jump on a plane? Fuck that idea. "No way Talbo. Why do you think I've been ignoring your calls?" He smacks me upside the head and says "because you're an idiot with your head up your ass?" "Hey" I shout "remember, concussion?"

"Ok" great now he's speaking slowly like I'm a child "let's talk about this rationally. When was the last time you were this hung up on a girl? Never, that's when. How often do you actually do something unpredictable and fun? Again, never, that's when. Sid, seriously, why not go and at least ask her what happened? Worst case, we have a lost weekend in New York. Best case, you get laid and finally put a smile on your fucking face." He has a point. Stewing here isn't helping me. In fact, mom keeps looking at me and shaking her head. She's even stopping by twice a day like she expects me to drown in the lake. "Ok" I finally say. "Let me pack and you book us a flight to New York."

* * *

I love New York City. It's fast and noisy. You can go to a noisy club one night and see a Monet the next. You can truly disappear in a crowd. This was a great idea. Coming here with Ri was the right thing to do. It will take my mind off of Cannes and him. Sitting through one fashion show shouldn't be so difficult for all of the fun we're having. Although she drives me crazy, Ri can always get me out of a funk and I know she loves me. This 'backstage' stuff is really interesting too. No one out front would know that there is absolute bedlam back here. This brings back memories of mom and I standing backstage and walking Mariah walk in her first shows. She was always so nervous but wouldn't let anyone see it. She always stomped it like a pro – or so mom always said. I have to admit, the clothes are gorgeous and the event is for charity. Those who say Ri is a diva would change their minds if they knew how much charity work she does. As I look at the monitor, I can see her walking the runway to a huge applause. Her smile is huge; she loves this and is so good at it.

The show ends on Ri's last outfit and the designer takes his bow with her. Ri comes of stage and gives me a hug, like we always do when I'm at the show. "You were great" I tell her. "Of course I was" she laughs and says back to me. I laugh too of course. "Do I really have to go to this party too" I wince as I hear the whine in my voice but I really don't want to go. "Nah" she tells me, "go back to the hotel if you want." I'm stunned "really?" I ask her. "Yeah, I'm going to be working and making sure I'm 'being seen' so you might as well relax for both of us. Order dinner and have a soak in that big tub." I'm not going to argue with her so I gather up my stuff, give her a kiss and leave before she can change her mind.

Finding a cab outside is murder. Too many people looking for too many cabs so I decide to walk to the next block. I turn around and all thoughts leave my head. It can't be true. I'm see things. It can't be him. As he walks up to me, I know it is and I can't think of anything to say. "Hi" is all he says to me. I look into his eyes and everything else is gone. The time since I left Cannes, the people around us, the noise of the city; everything disappears. I can't help myself so I rush forward, throw my arms around him and put everything I have into kissing him.

* * *

She looks gorgeous. That's the only thing I can think when I see her on the sidewalk. I force myself to move toward her and say "hi." Not original but it's all I can get out. She just stares at me with her eyes wide in shock. Next thing I know, she's launched herself at me and is kissing me, hard, like she's missed me as much as I've missed her. I feel every inch of her body against mine. I remember every moment we were together. Suddenly I hear applause break out around us and I remember that we're on a very busy street. We both look around us sheepishly and I can see her face turning red with embarrassment. "Hi" she says softly "want to go somewhere and talk." "That's a good idea" I respond. As we begin to walk, she says "there's a pub around the corner that's usually quiet on a week night." I just nod.

We enter and find a quiet table in the back. Both of us order a draft and then just sit there looking at each other – reality has set in on us both. When our beers come, we just keep staring at each other, saying nothing. I can't stand it anymore and simply say "why?" She takes a sip of her beer and a deep breath. Finally she says "it's really hard to explain." "Try" I insist. "I've never met anyone like you before" she begins. "I've never been like that before. It was so out of character for me, I mean, we had just met and I, we, I don't know." She looks up at me and something seems to dawn on her. "What are you doing in New York Sidney?" Now it's my turn to sip my beer. How do I want to answer that question? My pride has taken a shit kicking with this woman. There is no way I'm confessing to following her to New York. "Max has a 'thing' for models" I tell her. "He thought coming to this event was a good idea. I think the NHL is a sponsor or something" I lie to her, praying she doesn't call me on it. "Oh" she says and actually sounds disappointed. What the fuck? I really need answers. "Angelia, you haven't really told me why you left. No note, no nothing. You could have at least left me a message."

"I was scared, ok?!" she practically yells at me. It's loud in here so at least no one but me hears her. "Scared of what" I ask her although I think I know. I think I felt, well feel, the same way. She looks at me almost pleading me to understand. "It all happened so fast, instant connection, instant attraction, instant everything. That kind of thing doesn't happen to me and what was going to happen next, huh? Have some fun over the summer until I went back to school and you went back to Pittsburgh for the new season? Were we going to date and have a relationship? That was definitely never going to happen." That last comment snaps my head up. "Why do you think a relationship wasn't going to happen" I demand. "Sidney, you seriously expect me to believe that wanted to see me after Cannes? That it wasn't just a vacation fling or summer thing? That an all start athlete with hundreds of thousands of websites about him would ever want more with me? I bet you even have someone here in New York you would be with tonight if we hadn't run into each other by chance. Puck fucks, isn't that you guys call us?"

I can't believe she's saying these things to me. I thought we had a connection. I told her things I've never told anyone, poured out my soul basically, and now she's just treating it like nothing; actually, less than nothing. How could I have misjudged her so badly? How could I have felt so much for this girl who seems to think so little about me? This is insane. I guess I really did just idealize our time together in Cannes. Coming to New York was a bad idea, time to cut my losses, so I pull out some cash to pay for the beer and get up from the table. "I guess we have nothing to talk about" I tell her and leave. I guess they call this closure; but, I don't know that I'll ever be able to forget her.


	5. Chapter 5

I wake up and feel hung over. I only had one beer but I'd been crying since I got back to the hotel. This time Sidney walked away from me as I knew he would. A professional athlete who was that gorgeous, sweet and kind could have anyone and would never want someone like me. I knew it. My phone goes off and it's a text from Ri. "Is the coast clear?" she asks. "Yep" I text back. Why would she ask that? She must have sent the text from the hall because she comes in the door immediately. "So" she says "how was last night?" "I ran into Sidney" I tell her. "I know" she tells me, excited, and jumps on my bed. "Max called me and we set it up." I'm stunned and stare at her. "What did you do?" I demand from her. "Max Talbot called me a couple of days ago." She tells me "he said that they've been trying to find you since you left Cannes – you really need to explain to me why you left without meeting Sidney like you told him you would – and asked me how to get in touch with you. I told him we were going to be in New York and we set it up. Why? What happened last night?" Oh God! "I made a huge mistake and a huge fool of myself. That's what happened last night" I cry to her and it all spills out.

After listening to the whole story, Ri finally says "only you could screw it up this much." I start crying again. She's right, but … "Ri, think about it for a minute. I travel to Cannes, go to a party on a boat, meet a professional hockey player who is originally from Canada, he's sexy as hell, seems into me, thinks it's cool I'm so smart and he wants to see me again. This isn't my life. Hell, this isn't even your life, and your life is pretty awesome." Great, now she's laughing at me. I sit there glowering as she tries to catch her breath. Finally calm, she picks up the phone and orders breakfast. To me she says "we're going to need some fuel to plan your next move." "What move?" I ask her. She shakes her head and says "since you've screwed it up, you need to fix it. Looks like you're going to Nova Scotia."

That was the last time I felt in control. That moment, sitting on the bed with my sister eating breakfast, was the last time I felt like myself. The next couple of days were a whirlwind of activity. Ri taking me shopping, after all you need to have the right wardrobe for seduction, then to the spa where I discovered that waxing really fucking hurts and finally to the airport. What could I do? Ri bought me the ticket, connection in Toronto to Nova Scotia and organized a car to take me to Sidney's house. No amount of arguing or balking would stop her. What if he's not there? Well, she confirmed it with Max. How will I know where he even lives? Got that from Max too and the car service has the information. I didn't have to be at school until the end of August. That's when I knew it was fruitless to argue anymore and now I find myself being driven through Nova Scotia. I'm terrified, if I'm truly honest with myself, but also feel like this is right. How the hell did this become my life?

We stop at these iron gates and the driver tells me that we're here. Ok, terrified was to mild a word to describe how I'm feeling. I get out of the car and the driver gets my bags. "Are you sure you don't want me to wait ma'am?" I shake my head. If I'm going to be humiliated then I'd rather not have an audience. I watch him drive away and then look back at the gate to the speaker box. Making myself move, I push the button on the box and wait. I'm surprised to hear a young girl's voice saying "yes?" It's not Sidney, am I in the right place? Maybe he has a girlfriend and she just sounds young? Well, I've come this far. "Hi" I say, "I'm here to see Sidney." "You and every other girl" she snarks back to me. "No, um, Max Talbot helped me get here." "Oh" the voice says "you're Angelia. Talbo said you were coming. I'll let you in." The gate buzzes, I go through it and up to the house. There is a young girl of about 12 or 13 at the door.

"Hi" she says and takes my luggage. "I'm Taylor, Sidney's sister. Max asked me to be here in case Sid was out. He went fishing and should be here soon. You must be exhausted after flying from New York. I've always wanted to go to NYC. My folks won't let me go with friends and they hate the really big cities. Pittsburgh is still a big city to them. It's great to meet you finally. I knew there was more than the concussion bugging Sid. Didn't think it would be a girl though. Oh, don't worry. My folks don't know anything about you. You don't need Trina and Troy all over you. It'll happen before you know it. Come on in." Wow, she really can talk. Good thing since I'm still stunned that I'm even here. "Max says you're really smart, huh?" "Um," I begin "I guess you could say that." She smiles and says "cool. I have to get going. No one knows I'm gone and I biked over. The kitchen is through there and the deck out back is huge with really comfy chairs. Oh yeah, the bathroom is down the hall that way. I always have to pee when I get home from a flight. Sid should be home soon. He's going to be so surprised; it's going to be awesome. I can't wait until we get to know each other. Bye." She hugs me and leaves. Yeah, stunned is a good word to describe how I'm feeling. I look around at the house. It feels really homey, comfortable with lots of oak and masculine colours. I think Taylor is right; the bathroom is a good idea.

I feel better now that I've splashed some water on my face. It's a beautiful day so I wander out back. Taylor wasn't kidding. The back of the house is gorgeous. The lake is so peaceful, I can hear birds in the distance, a buzzing that you hear in the woods but I never know what it is and the deck, the deck is incredible. It has three tiers with lots of seating areas to be comfortable. I settle on a couch with lots of pillows, snuggle into it and call my sister. "I'm here" I tell her. "His sister was waiting for me and let me in. Of course she's gone now so I'm just sitting her, waiting. What the hell am I doing?" Mariah lets me wind myself down before saying "you'll be fine. Just relax and wait for him. Everything will be fine. Gotta go, kisses." Then she's gone. I put down my phone and stare out into the lake. It is just so peaceful here. How does he ever leave it? The jet lag and time differences catch up with me and I drift off to sleep.

* * *

Sam starts barking as I park the boat at the deck. I quiet her and she is really wound up but she sits there on the dock, quivering, and quiet. Grabbing my rod and tackle box, we both head up the slope to the house. She keeps running up a ways, looking back, running up more and then looking back. It's weird. She just stops on the deck. Really weird. Then I see what has Sam excited. Angelia is on my deck, curled up on a couch and peacefully sleeping. Sam goes up and sniffs her head to toe and then curls up and goes to sleep herself on the deck. I watch this scene in disbelief. I can't believe she's here, that she's on my deck and asleep. I can't help but look at her. She's incredible beautiful with her long brown hair laying on the pillows, her small hands curled up under her chin, her breasts small and firm, down to the curve of her hip and her long legs showing a lot of skin where her skirt has hiked up in sleep. I need to look away before I begin to do more than look.

Taking the fish into the kitchen, I'm glad that I caught a big striped bass because it looks like I have a visitor for dinner. I grab a beer and go back out to the deck to settle into a chair and wait for sleeping beauty to wake up. Why is she here? How did she even know where I live? Talbo, of course it had to be Talbo. I grab my phone to text him. 'What did u do' I text. My phone vibrates and Max writes 'don't know what you mean mon ami.' Asshole. 'what did u do' I text again. 'It was all her' I get back. 'She wanted to find u, enjoy.' Is he telling me the truth? Did she really try to find me this time? Is that why she's here? I want to wake her up and force her to tell me what's going on. Why is she here? Did she really seek me out herself? As I gaze at her, my thoughts change about why I want to wake her up; I just want to hold her, kiss those soft lips, have her gaze at me with those beautiful eyes and, of course, my thoughts turn to more. I can't help but remember Cannes and the alley. The way her body fit against mine; her firm breasts against my chest and then soft in my hands; her nipples puckering in my mouth as I run my tongue over them. I loved the way she scraped her nails down my back and made me moan into her mouth. I've played this scene over and over again in my head and dreamed about it almost every night.

"Hi" she says and snaps me back to the present. I look at her beautiful face. She's biting her lip and looking at me. "Um, Taylor let me in. I hope its ok? I guess Max called her." I keep staring at her and she's biting her lip again. All I say is "why?" She looks at me and says "I guess in case you weren't home when I got here." Is she being deliberately dense? "No" I say, "not why are you in my house but why are you here, in Nova Scotia?" Now she looks down and seems really nervous. It's almost like she's unsure of herself and I want to let her off the hook. I want to gather her up in my arms and sooth her or maybe bite that lip myself. I just sit there and wait. I have to know why. I need her to tell me.

This is when Sam decides to wake up, stretches and jumps up on Angelia. I start to admonish her but Angelia laughs, hugs Sam close and scratches her ears. I've never been so jealous of a dog in my life. Sam settles beside her and Angelia looks at me again. "I was an idiot" she begins. "Twice my sister tells me. First, I disappeared from Cannes and second, in the pub in New York. If you were an equation then I could solve you. I know what to do with math puzzles but you … I just don't know what to do. So I came here, that's why, to figure it out." I have to ask "what do you want to do?" She smiles, that sexy, shy smile that reaches her eyes. She moves Sam and stands up. Slowly, she walks over to me and slides onto my lap. Winding her arms around my neck, she kisses me softly at first and then deeper. My arms circle around her and bring her closer. We kiss for a while, slowly but with all the emotion I know I've been feeling since I last saw her. Finally, I pull away and rest my forehead on hers. "That was a good thing to do" I tell her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Please consider this an additional warning of very mature content to come.**

**Also, thank you for the comments/reviews. As this is my first fanfic, the feedback is very much appreciated.**

* * *

I can't believe it was that simple. I show up on his doorstep, tell him how I feel – basically confused – kiss him and now we're making dinner. I'm chopping up vegetables for a salad while he's at the BBQ grilling the fish. It seems so domestic, so normal, except that we really haven't talked about anything. I have no idea how he feels or what he thinks. I have no idea what we're going to do after dinner. Oh God, where am I going to sleep? I really didn't think this through. I let Mariah and Max organize everything and I just went along with it. Now I'm the one facing the reality. I'm the one living it. Isn't this when I get myself into trouble? It's what Ri always says; I start thinking too much. Maybe this time I'll stop thinking. Maybe this time I'll just do. Maybe this time I'll just feel.

I look up as Sidney comes in saying "The potatoes are done and the fish is close." I can't help but smile. "The salad is ready too. I hope you don't mind that I rummaged around for dishes and cutlery to set the table outside?" I ask. "That's great. Just let me get a platter for the fish and we're ready to eat." He grabs one and disappears back outside. I grab the salad and meet him out there. Anyone looking at us would see a young couple going about their evening ritual of making and eating dinner; maybe sharing the goings on of their day. I am surprised by how much that I wish that was the truth.

I smile as Sidney puts the fish down and sits facing me. "I opened some wine that should go nice with the fish" he tells me. "Thank you" I respond. My, aren't we polite. We both fill up our plates and I taste the fish. "Wow" I tell him. "This is delicious. I guess you can't get fresher than your own lake." He chuckles and lifts his wine glass to me. I lift mine too and he says "to new beginnings." I like the sound of that, so I respond "yes, to new beginnings." The wine is good, as I expected it would be and ask "more of Mario's suggestions?" "Actually," he says "I found this one myself. It's from the Niagara area." We eat in comfortable silence. I don't know how it can feel so comfortable when there's so much we haven't said. There's so much that we have to talk about but we seem to both want to just enjoy the moment. I look out over the lake and the view takes my breath away. "Wow Sidney, it is just gorgeous here. Look at the view of the sunset on the lake. How do you ever leave it?" He looks at the view too and says "I know it will be here when I come back next summer. Its home, and always will be, and this year it's been a sanctuary too." He's silent again. I decide to let it go for now. We finish dinner and go about the chores of cleaning up.

When we're done, Sidney says "I built a fire out in the pit. Would you like to go down?" I grab a sweater I left on the chair and say "sure" and follow him outside. Around the corner from the deck is a fire pit with a comfortable seating area set up. The air has a chill but I can feel the fire getting warmer the closer I get to it. Sidney settles on a love seat with lots of pillows and holds out his hand to me. I smile, take his hand and snuggle in beside him. He puts his arms around me and pulls me into him. I love it when he does this and I fit right into the nook under his chin. His sweatshirt is soft but I can feel his hard chest underneath. His hand on my arm is stroking up and down. His other hand is stroking my thigh, softly, just above my knee. I snuggle in even closer to him and don't even notice time going by; this moment is perfect. No matter what tomorrow or the rest of my life brings, I want to always remember this one perfect moment in Sidney's arms, watching the fire and feeling … oh God, loved?! It feels like love.

I look up at Sidney and the fire is lighting his eyes. I touch the side of his face and he looks down at me and smiles. I've missed those lips and I've got to taste them. I tug his head down to mine and we kiss. Soft, teasing, at first only our lips touch and then I taste his bottom lip with my tongue. I can taste the wine from dinner and something else that is uniquely him. As we continue to kiss, and our tongues play over each other, his hand on my thigh moves under my skirt and runs up and down against my skin. I can't help sighing. Sidney tilts his head further to deepen the kiss and his hand moves up to cup my ass. He pulls me closer to him but it's not close enough. I climb up and straddle him with my hands circling his thick neck. One of his hands slides up the back of my shirt and the other is massaging my ass. I push my hips against his and feel his partial erection against me. I feel it deep inside me and my panties get moist. Sidney moves his lips to kiss down my jaw, then my neck and I shiver when I feel his warm breath in my ear. He chuckles at my shiver and does it again. I break out in goose bumps everywhere and feel myself getting wetter and wetter. I push my hips hard against his erection and it's his turn to moan.

He kisses down my neck and, as I feast my hands in his thick hair, he moves back up to my mouth. I could go on kissing him forever. His hand on my ass moves to my stomach still under my skirt and the back of his fingertips lightly stroke my bare stomach. Then they move lower, slowly, very slowly until they dip inside my panties. A single finger strokes and parts my lips and a loud moan escapes me into his mouth. He just teases me, his finger circling the entrance using my own juices against me. It's so slippery. I try to move against his finger so it dips in but he holds me still with his other hand. I open my eyes and see he's looking right at me with a small smile on his face. I can't resist so I take his lower lip in my mouth and lightly bite it. His turn again to moan now and I run my hands up and down his chest. I can't wait to feel it bare against mine. His finger keeps teasing me, slipping around and around but it won't go in. He has me mewing like a new born kitten and begging for him to use that finger. Instead of slipping it in, he moves it to my clit and slowly runs it around and around. I cry out now, I could come apart just from this one touch. He has magic fingers.

His hand leaves my panties and I can't help crying out for more. When I look in his eyes, he's smiling again. "It's been quite a wait" he says to me in a husky voice. "We can't finish it too quickly. I want to take my time with you." I can't help but sigh. I move slightly away from him and take off his sweatshirt and tee shirt together. Wow oh wow! Nothing could prepare me for seeing his chest. It felt fantastic through his clothes but, running my hands over his bare skin now, I see and feel that it's even better bare. I kiss his neck and move my way lower, down his chest, his nipples and my hands follow my lips. If it's even possible, his abs are even better than his chest. I've never seen a stomach this taunt and can make out each muscle in his six pack, or is it eight.

He's been busy too while I've been exploring his body. He has undone all of the buttons on my blouse and pulls it completely off. I'm so glad that I wore the Le Perla panties and bra Ri gave me. Sheer pink lace has Sidney staring at my breasts. Each of his hands come up to cup one and his thumbs rub at the nipples which are immediately at attention for him. He leans down and kisses the swell of each breast as his thumbs continue to stroke my nipples. He continues to kiss and lick his way from the swell of one to the other. With his thumb, he pulls one of my breasts out of the cup and continues to kiss his way to the nipple. I am grabbing his shoulders to not fall in a puddle when he takes one into his mouth. It feels like a shock of electricity has gone through my body. Every nerve is tingling. It doubles as he moves to the other one and his hands make quick work of releasing my bra. He's slowly driving me crazy and, looking into his eyes, I see he knows exactly what he's doing. Hmm, now it's my turn.

* * *

She is incredible. That's all I can think, of course that's when I can think at all. Her mouth running up and down my bare chest and then her nails scraping over my stomach is almost more than I can take. I take off her bra and feast on her breasts, but slowly, in a way that seems to drive her crazy. The slower I go the harder her hips grind against me and the louder she moans. I'm so glad my house is secluded and far away from anyone else. She moves arm's length away from me and smiles. That smile is what undoes me. She slides off my lap and is kneeling in front of me rubbing her hands softly over my erection though my shorts. I can't take my eyes off of the small, feminine hand cupping me now. She slowly undoes the button of my shorts making sure she never loses contact with my dick; a little brush here, a soft touch there as she touches my zipper and I have to concentrate to keep from grabbing her and burying myself in her balls deep.

Slowly she lowers my zipper and I can see my dick throbbing against my boxer-briefs. She stops and I look at her. She smiles, damn that sexy smile, and licks her lips. She is killing me now. She starts kissing my chest again and working her way down, lower and lower, as her hands tug at the waist and lower my boxer-briefs. She continues to work lower them until my dick springs free. I feel her breath on the tip and my hands tighten on the cushions of the sofa. I can't keep my eyes off of hers. She takes my dick in her hands and slowly strokes while she licks the tip, just once, softly. I think I'm going to rip the cushions in two I'm grabbing them so hard. She looks up at me and smiles again as she continues to stroke me with her hand. Her wet tongue circles the tip again and again like I'm an ice cream cone. I can't take it anymore, I have to have her so I pick her up and stand up at the same time. Kicking my shorts away so I don't trip on them, I carry her into the house and upstairs to my bedroom. I love the way she's twined her arms around me and has been kissing my neck the whole trip.

As I lay her on the bed, I realize that I didn't make the bed that morning; handy I guess. I look down at her and she's so incredibly beautiful with her skirt bunched around her waist and her eyes wide. I step completely out of my underwear and slip her skirt off. Next, I reach for her pink lace panties. They barely cover anything; for which I am eternally grateful. Slipping them off, I also bring her closer to the edge of the bed and kneel in front of her. I run my hands up and down the soft skin of her legs and kiss her lips deeply. I move my lips down her neck, over her breasts and down her stomach. I spread her legs wide and open her to me. With the flat of my tongue, I lick her and she moans and grabs my hair with her hands. Her nails dig into my scalp; as if I needed any further encouragement after hearing that moan. I find her clit and run my tongue around and around it finally sucking it into my mouth. Those nails dig in deeper to my head. As my tongue and mouth work her clit, I slip two fingers inside her and she gasps and falls back on the bed. It's incredible how responsive she is to everything I touch. I feel how rock hard I am and desperate to have my dick where my fingers are; but, I keep working her determined for her to come first tonight. It doesn't take long. I keep using my fingers inside her and my tongue on her clit. Then I begin to suck her clit and increase pressure inside of her. Her entire body shakes with the orgasm.

I crawl up on the bed and pull her into my arms as she continues to shake and shudder. I've never had a girl come apart like that and it's incredible to watch. She's flush and has beads of sweat at her brow and lip. She is still, periodically shuddering. Her eyes open and there are tears in them. I guess I looked worried so she puts her hands on either side of my face and kisses me. I know everything is ok when I see that sexy smile again, she pushes me on to my back and straddles my hips. Slowly, she lowers herself, inch by inch, until I'm completely filling her. She stops and leans down to kiss me, running her tongue over my lips. As she sits up again, her nails lightly scrape over my chest. Then she raises and lowers herself slowly again. I'm desperate for her to go faster. I try to grab her hips but she pushes my hands away. She increases the pace slightly and I'm praying that I last. She is so tight that I could have gone off the minute she had me in her fully. Again, she increases the pace and I can only stare into her eyes and watch her ride me. Faster and faster with me thrusting to meet her now, I know I'm getting close and, again, hope I last. She leans back with her hands on my thighs and takes me even deeper. I reach up and play with her clit and that does it. As I feel her tighten around my dick I know she's going over again and let myself go. Then it's just a haze of feeling. My dick goes off like a rocket while she milks it. I think my eyes are closed but there's only light. At some point, she collapses on top of me and we just lay there, each trying to catch our breath.

I feel a dull headache starting; damnit, not now, I don't not need any fucking 'symptoms' now! When she raises her arms and rests her head in her hands on my chest all thoughts of the headache disappear. My chest aches looking at her. She's so beautiful. I brush hair back from her eyes and know that I have a huge grin on my face. I can't help it. It's hard to believe that this girl, who I've dreamt of and ached for, is currently lying naked on top of me. "You are so beautiful" I tell her. She rolls her eyes and then rolls off of me. "You don't have to say that Sidney." She grabs the sheet to cover herself. I yank the sheet off of her and she 'eeks' like she's seen a mouse. "It's too late Angelia. I've seen all of you. I've touched all of you. I know just how beautiful you are." Her eyes widen and she leans forward to kiss me. I feel her lips curve into a smile and she nips my bottom lip. I can't help but chuckle and pin her down on the bed. I love these moments of playfulness from her. It's so sweet and silly at the same time. I hold her down with my body and her arms above her head with one of my hands. "I guess you've got me Crosby. What are you going to do with me?"

Now I know she doesn't know anything about athletes because saying that is like waving a red flag in front of a bull. I never back down from a challenge. I slip my free hand between her thighs and feel the wetness there. She still so sensitive, I feel her skin quiver as I slip a finger in and out. I slide beside her to have better access to her body. Running my hand from her knee, up her thigh, over her hip and then to her breast. I take my time there, watching her face the entire time. She's not smiling anymore. Instead, she is biting her lip. I lick my finger to wet it and then circle her nipple. Goosebumps break out over her whole body. I repeat this with the other breast to the same reaction. I replace my finger with my mouth and my tongue circles round and round. Then I nip, maybe a little harder than before, and she squeaks again. I look up at her and chuckle. She's squirming but it's only a token squirm. If I let her go, I know she wouldn't move an inch. My mouth continues to play with her breasts and my free hand travel lower, over her smooth stomach and to the core of her again. One finger, two fingers, playing inside of her and getting drenched. I take them out and move them to her clit. It's slippery since they are so wet and I begin to rub. I let the speed build as I rub and rub her clit and suck and lick at her breasts. Her hips are now moving against my hand. She's so eager and so quick to respond. I feel my dick getting harder and harder. She's getting close, her breath is shallow, sweat has broken out over her body again and her hips are pushing fast at my hand. I move over her, spread her legs and enter her fast and hard. She gasps but continues to move her hips; this time it's against mine and I'm meeting her thrust for thrust. It doesn't take long until we're both tumbling over again.


	7. Chapter 7

I have never had three orgasms in one night never mind within a couple of hours. And I don't know what came over me. I've never been outgoing during sex. I've never taken control. I've definitely never been so out of control of my actions. Sidney tries to move and hug him. "I must be crushing you" he says. It's obvious he doesn't know how good, yes heavy but good, it feels after an orgasm to stay connected and feel the weight of a man on top of you. "Just a few more minutes" I tell him. He raises himself up to look at me and smiles. I bring his face down to kiss me and he rolls over to his side taking me with him. We do those little things you do after great, soul satisfying sex, soft kisses, chuckles, stroking each other, until his stomach rumbles. I look at him and laugh. "Insatiable in more ways than one, huh" I ask him. He laughs this time and says "I need to refuel." He gets up and takes a tee shirt and track shorts out of a drawer. Giving me the shirt, he pulls on the shorts himself. Holding out his hand "com'on. We'll find something to eat." I pull on the shirt, take his hand and follow him downstairs.

This is my first chance to see his bedroom. It's huge. We pass two more bedrooms and a washroom before heading downstairs. In the kitchen, Sidney rummages around the fridge and I hear whining coming from the deck. "Would you let Sam in" I hear Sidney's muffled voice from the fridge ask. Going to the sliding door, I open it and let Sam in who immediately jumps up on me. "Sam, down, sit" Sidney yells. Sam does and is wagging his tail like it will wag right off. I can't help but bend down, hug him and scratch at his ears. "He's gorgeous, aren't you Sam?" "Actually" Sidney begins "Sam is a girl." Oops, although, how was I supposed to know? "Well, you're gorgeous, boy or girl, aren't you Sammy? Yuck." I get a tongue bath as a response. "You didn't mind that a few minutes ago" Sidney teases me leaning on the counter eating yogurt. "Well, you don't lick your ass with your tongue! Do you?" I can't help but tease him back. "I'm flexible but not that flexible, no. Would you like some yogurt?" I look at the small container and spoon he holds out to me. It's peach, my favourite. "Thanks" I take it from him. The clock on the stove says 2am. "Is it really 2am?" I ask. "Yep" he winks at me "time flies and all that."

We eat our yogurt looking at each other and grinning like idiots. Sam has given up trying to get attention and has found somewhere to sleep for the night. Sidney and I share a glass of water, clean up our snack and head upstairs. He pulls me into bed with him and covers us with the sheet and duvet. I turn over on my side away from him and Sidney pulls my back to him and spoons me. I was hoping he'd do that. He kisses and nuzzles my neck then I hear his breathing slow and his body relax. I know he's drifted off but I can't seem to slow my mind. You'd think I'd be exhausted and, believe me, my body is weary, but my mind just won't stop. At least this time I'm thinking pleasant thoughts. How Sidney held me in front of the fire. How he teases me and has that big goofy smile on his face. How his eyes flash with fire when I touch him. Hmmm happy thoughts to drift off to sleep.

When I wake up, I feel the sun on my face and stretch the aches from my body. Yep, a little sore is some spots but definitely worth it. I look next to me and see that I'm alone. I'm usually the earlier riser; but, as I sit up, I see my suitcase at the foot of the bed. Grabbing my toiletry case, I see the bedroom door is closed but there is another open door. The en suite? I go in and, yep, it's an en suite, the en suite of all en suites! My first impression is of marble and it's everywhere. There's a deep soak tub, double vanity sink and a shower big enough for me and five of my friends. I must remember to have a deep soak later. For now I just shower quickly, towel dry my hair and put on some fresh clothes. As I come out of the bedroom I can smell it and my stomach grumbles. I smell coffee and bacon so I follow my nose.

Sidney is in the kitchen and he's cooking. Who knew he could cook. "Coffee and a mug are on the counter" he tells me without even turning around. I pour myself a cup and sip; ahhh, the last of the cobwebs my head clear. Sidney brings over a dish to me with scrambled eggs, bacon and toast. "I took a chance and made bacon and eggs. Hope you're ok with turkey bacon." I sniff "it smells delicious, thanks." He sits beside me at the breakfast bar and digs into his eggs. "Do you want some coffee?" I ask. "Nope, thanks, I don't drink it" he answers. "I remember you had it in France so I thought you'd want some." I really shouldn't get this emotional over coffee but I do. There seems to be no end to how sweet and kind this man is.

* * *

I can smell my shampoo on her as she sits beside me and eats breakfast. "would you like to do today?" I ask her. She turns to me and asks "didn't you have anything planned for the day?" "Well," I begin "I already did the hour of bike I'm allowed each day so I'm pretty much free now." It's hard to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. She takes my dish and hers over to the sink and begins washing dishes. "Let's clean up her. You must have a favourite part of town. Would you show me?" I smile, that's a great idea. "Yep, I do. I know the right place."

Cleaning up takes us no time at all and we're off in hiking shoes, with bottles of water and Sam hanging her head out the window while sitting on Angelia's lap. I told her to put Sam in the backseat but she said no. She keeps laughing every time I have to stop and Sam licks her face. I keep trying to break her out of that habit but have had no luck. So glad Angelia isn't like most girls who think Sam's just dirty. I guess I am a 'love me, love my dog' kind of guy. Love me? Where did that come from? Love me? Ok, Crosby, slow the fuck down. We had a great night and are enjoying each other. Slow down. Enjoy the moment and slow down.

We arrive at Heritage Park and Sam gets really excited. She loves this park. Angelia almost trips getting out of the car as Sam scampers out. She sits and waits for me; knowing that I need to put her on a leash here. "Are you ok?" I ask Angelia. "Definitely" she answers. "Sammy just wants to be outside and free. I know the feeling. This is a great idea and a beautiful park." I smile at her "wait until you see the water. It's gorgeous." I take hold the lease in one hand and hers in the other and begin down a trail. No more than five minutes go by and we are enveloped in the woods. "I love walking on these trails. It's the only place, other than the lake, that I feel complete alone and peaceful." She responds "you don't feel peaceful on the ice?"

I think about this for a minute. "I used to feel peaceful when I first went out on the ice, on fresh sheet that no one has touched, and shoot the first puck at the neck. That peace just seems like very long ago now. All I feel is frustration when I think about skating. Every time they've let me back on the ice I relapse soon after." She doesn't say anything. We just keep walking along the path and pause occasionally for Sam to sniff something. I can't say why, but it seems vital that she understand what I'm feeling and what I'm going through. "When you injured, I had a bad ankle injury a few years ago, you miss the team, the guys, and the game. For that kind of injury, you work out, do physiotherapy, lots of exercise on that body part to get back. With a concussion, it's rest and relaxation. How the fuck do you relax when you've got a concussion? It's been six months of this shit and I've had it. I know some people are thinking that I should suck it up. A professional athlete who makes millions of dollars a year should stop whining. The money is great of course, but I play hockey so that I can play. It's all I've known since I was 2 years old and my dad put skates on me. Sure I've played other sports, had school and friends, but hockey was all I ever wanted to do. I guess I'm lost now without it and no way to get it back." I feel tears of frustration in my eyes. She stops and I'm pulled back to the present. She looks at me, takes my face in her hands and wipes away the tear that's escaped. I love how she is able to listen to me without judgement. Her eyes hold compassion but no contempt. "What can I do for you Sidney?" It's that simple for her and that perfect. I kiss her lightly. "You're doing it Angelia." We continue to walk.

I'm watching her face as we walk out of the woods. I want to see her expression when she sees the ocean. This is my favourite beach at home and the view is always breathtaking. I'm not disappointed by her reaction. She runs to the beach and I let Sam off the leash to run with her. Quickly taking off her trainers and socks, she runs to the water and wades in as far as her shorts will allow without getting wet. Unfortunately, Sam loves getting wet and splashes in beside Angelia who is now, definitely, wet. She turns back to me with a pure look of joy on her face. I release the breath I didn't know that I was holding. Have I only thought she was beautiful? Looking at her now is like seeing her for the first time and the view of the ocean pales in comparison. Her eyes have a sparkling light in them, her smile is huge and laughing while Sam splashes around her and I'm drawn to her. I take off my shoes and socks and follow them down to the water.

She runs to me laughing and throws herself into my arms. I twirl her around and hug her as close to me as I can. I never want to let go. "Oh no" she says and looks down at me. "Now you're wet too." I look down and am, in fact, wet now too. I look up into her laughing eyes and say "I am but I just can't seem to mind." Kissing her now is as natural as tying up my skates. I know the shape of her lips, the fit of her body to mine, the feel of her hands on my shoulders and face. We stay like that for a while, softly and sweetly kissing. I lose all track of time and am only pulled away when Sam tries to nose in between us. "What is that smell?" Angelia asks me. I chuckle "it's called eau de wet dog." She bends down to scratch Sam's ears and says "that's not a very lady like fragrance Sammy." Sam barks and takes off into the water again. I pull Angelia to my side and we watch the water and Sam chasing the waves. I lean my cheek into her hair when she cuddles in beside me. Here, on the beach, it feels like we're the only two people alive. It feels right. It feels like the time to ask.

"You told me you came here to figure things out. Have you?" There, I said it finally. I need to know. There's too much going on in my life that I can't control. There's too much going on that is frustrating. I need to know how she feels. I need to know if this is real. I, well, I just need to know.


	8. Chapter 8

This morning has been perfect. Standing here on the beach with my arms around Sidney, I don't want this feeling or this moment to ever end. Out of the blue Sidney says "You told me you came here to figure things out. Have you?" How do I answer that? Do I tell him that this is the first time I haven't felt alone since my parents died? Do I tell him that it's the first time that I've felt more than the young genius? Do I tell him that I think I love him? One moment he is so strong and feels like a knight in shining armour. The next, he seems lost and vulnerable like a boy who needs protecting. How do I answer him? Finally I decide on the truth; maybe not the whole truth but at least I'll be honest.

"Sidney, the past 24 hours with you has been one of the best days in my life. I regret that I left after that night in Cannes because we lost a month we could have been together. I've figured out that I've never met anyone like you before and I want more." Ok, now I've done it. If he doesn't feel the same, if this is just a summer thing, I'm going to be devastated. I finally take the risk and look into his eyes. I can't read any expression on his face. He's just looking at me. It's disconcerting and has been going on too long. I guess I can only hope that he does it fast; if it's going to be bad at least make it fast. Suddenly he pulls me to him, fast and hard, his mouth feasts on mine. Lips, teeth and tongue all collide. It's like he's trying to kiss through me. His hands on my arms are like vises holding me there so that I can't break free. Of course I don't want to be free. I've never experienced this kind of passion and extreme emotion in my life. We part slightly and look at each other, panting heavily. "Good answer" is all he says and smiles at me. In that moment, I feel everything is going to work out.

We both look toward the water where Sam is still chasing waves. "Don't worry" Sidney says "I have a towel in the truck to drive her off. Want to sit on the rocks for a bit?" I look where he's pointing and say "sure." He scoops up our shoes and we make our way over through the sand. Sam follows us in the water. I briefly hope she doesn't find any sea creatures to share with us. Sidney settles on a smooth rock and pulls me down in front of him cuddling my back to his chest. I love being surrounded by his arms. I find my nook again between his shoulder and chin. He kisses my temple and rests his chin forward on my shoulder. I feel his breath on my ear and shiver. He can always find that exact spot. Of course, he does it again with a predictable response. He chuckles and tightens his arms around me. I feel his thumb stroking up and down at my waist. "Thank you" he says. Now I'm confused "for what?" I ask. "Thank you for listening to me when I whine; for not judging me; for just listening without trying to find a solution. I have too many people in my life offering their opinion of what I should do and how I should act. I never realized how much just having someone listen to me could help."

"I remember" I tell him "when my parents died. So many friends and family tried to tell Mariah and me what we should do. I should take a sabbatical and Ri should give up modeling. We needed time to grieve and relax. Like telling someone to relax ever works." He laughs. "They've done that to you too huh?" he says. "Of course" I continue. "Everyone was very well meaning and very supportive but you can't just tell someone how to feel. So, Mariah and I went to Barbados for two weeks, by ourselves, just to get away from everyone. When we came back, we both sort of withdrew, socially. We each went back to work, but, I think we just started relying on only each other. I'm friendly with the faculty at the university but it isn't the same. Actually, nothing is the same since." I lean my head back so that our cheeks are pressed together. His thumb at my side is still stroking up and down. It's soothing, just that little touch provides a connection, even more so than being in his arms.

"Does she ever get tired?" I ask, gesturing to Sam still frolicking in the water. "She'll crash when we get home. She's the Energizer Bunny of dogs while we're here and then you won't see her for hours when we get home because she'll be sound asleep." I laugh at this and look up at him. His lips are so close that I can't resist kissing them. Once, twice, mmmm. These lips are addictive. I take one in my mouth and rub my tongue along it. I love the taste of him too and twist slightly to have better access. My arm snakes up around his neck and his hand slides higher up my side. Our lips and tongues are playing over each other now a little more insistently. His hand slides over my breast with his thumb stroking my nipple which puckers immediately. Everywhere he touches I instantly respond. His hand moves lower, down my stomach and inside both my shorts and panties. As he cups my mound I moan into his mouth and press against his hand. His middle finger strokes me right up to my clit and I push against his hand again. Suddenly, he pushes me away and begins looking around. I'm very confused, I know we're outside, seems to be the norm for us, but the beach is deserted. I guess I look as confused as I feel so he explains "the locals are good around here. But you never know when they'll be tourists and with cameras in phones these days, I really have to be careful." Still confused I ask "you mean people take pictures and video of you? I guess they do that to my sister so they'd do that to you too. I'm sorry." He shakes his head "you don't have to apologize. I'm sorry you even have to think like this but it's part of my life unfortunately."

I get up, make sure my clothes are all in the right place, and say "is there somewhere we can eat where they'll leave us alone?" His frown turns to a smile, as I'd hoped. "Yeah, there's a local diner near here where it's really only locals who go in. Best Burger on the east coast." He whistles for Sam and puts her back on the leash. We make our way back to the truck and I realize that I really am hungry. We've been out much longer than I thought. I leave Sidney to dry off Sam, dogs really do stink when wet, and then we all pile into the truck. Sam gets on my lap, she's dry now, and sticks her head out the window. As we drive by, some people wave and Sidney waves back. Everyone here seems really friendly. I noticed it right away at the airport and the driver of my car was super nice. We drive into the parking lot and Sam barks. Sidney runs his hand over Sam's head and says "she knows where we are and that I'll bring her out a burger when we're done. Sam loves her burgers." We all get out and Sidney ties Sam up in the shade out front. Two kids come up and say "hi Sid" then immediately being playing with Sam. Sidney looks at me and shrugs "I eat here a lot. Those are the owner's grandkids." The little girl, who can't be more than five, tugs on Sidney's hand. "Sid?" He bends down so he's at her height. "Hi Sarah, how are you doing?" "Great" she answers and opens her mouth wide to show a missing tooth. "It came out, finally. And the tooth fairy gave me a looney!" "That makes sense" Sidney says to Sarah. "She must have meant to give you two looneys and forgot because she left one at my house for you." He pulls a dollar coin out of his pocket and gives it to the wide eyed girl. "Wow" she says and runs back to her brother to show him her coin. First, any other man who was with a girl, would try to impress her and give the kid a twenty or something bigger. Not Sidney, he realized what it meant to Sarah to have another looney and gave her just that. Second, I now understand the phrase "my ovaries ached" because I just felt exactly that seeing him Sarah. I've never really thought about having children but it's definitely entered my mind now see how good he is with kids. He looks up at me, frowns and says "what?" I smile and lean into him for a kiss then go into the restaurant.

* * *

I follow her into the restaurant glad that she can't see my red face. I'm so embarrassed. I forgot that she was there when I was talking to Sarah. Usually no one's around when I eat here. Sometimes I even play mini-sticks with the kids on the grass out back. They're so much fun. Sarah has been talking about losing that tooth, and the tooth fairy visit, for three weeks. Then Angelia just smiles and kisses me. I forgot she was there and saw that. Oh well.

As we enter, Helen looks up from wiping the counter. "Hey Sid, you want the counter or a booth today." I smile at her "Hi Helen, we'll take a booth." She points to the back "you know where they are. I'll bring you some menus and water in a minute." I let Angelia sit facing the door so that anyone in the restaurant will only see the back of my head. I'm pretty sure that no one will be snapping pictures or bothering us, Helen would kill them if they did, but I don't want to tempt fate. Just as I'm thinking about her, Helen appears beside us with menus, water and carrots and celery. She knows I love to munch while waiting for my burger. "Have some manners kid! Introduce me to your friend." Helen doesn't even give me a chance before she's ragging at me. "Helen, this is Angelia. Angelia, this is Helen who makes the best burger I have had anywhere." Helen laughs and pinches my cheek like I was still three years old and calling it an 'urger' because I had trouble with my b's. Angelia smiles at Helen and says "it's very nice to meet you. I'm definitely looking forward to trying the best burger Sidney's ever had." Helen laughs and says "I like her. Do Trina and Troy no about her?" I can't help but wince when she asks. "Not yet" is the only answer I can think of and Helen laughs again having to take a few minutes to catch her breath. "That's one way to do it. I'll go order your lunch."

I look at Angelia and she has a wary look on her face. How do I explain this to her? "My parents are very protective" I begin. "I didn't know you were coming or if I'd ever see you again so of course I didn't tell them. Now," I don't know how to finish that last statement. She bails me out, puts her hand on mine and says "why don't we just take the next couple of days as they come. We can talk about it then, ok?" She looks relived when I agree. Isn't that weird? Don't all girls want to meet the parents? Doesn't that prove that you're serious or something? I put that away for now. We're going to do exactly what she said and take the next couple of days as they come.

"Is there any exercise you're allowed to do other than the bike?" she asks. "Oh, I'm glad you asked. I forgot that I have a call this evening with the doctors to discuss my 'symptoms' and how it's going. I might be able to do 'light workouts' soon which means more than the bike." "That's a positive step, right?" she asks. I think about this for a minute. "It is" I begin "but it's been a lot of positive steps and then crash! I begin the symptoms all over again. I really don't want to get my hopes up this time. It's too damn frustrating." She nods at me and then her cheeks turn really pink and she looks down at her water. "What?" I ask. She bites her lip and looks up at me. "Um, we're not, I mean, what we did last night, oh God. It's ok to have sex with your concussion, right?" As she finishes her sentence, Helen comes up with our lunch. I can see that Helen has heard and she's dying to laugh. Her stomach is even quivering to keep it in. I think it's only seeing Angelia in so much distress that stops her. She delivers lunch, whispers 'enjoy' and quickly leaves.

"Oh God, I'm absolutely mortified. This is what it feels like to die of embarrassment. It must be." Angelia just shakes her head as she talks. Now I'm trying to hold in my laughter but I'm not nearly as skilled as Helen. I burst out with it. I'm laughing so hard I have to brace my hands on the table to stop from falling over on the bench. I better get myself together or there's going to be no more of 'what we did last night.' "Angelia, seriously, yes it's ok. I didn't have any symptoms and, while I'm not going to tell the doctors about that particular aerobic activity, I also think it's a good sign that there was no side effects. Except that I can't stop wanting you ever since." Now she smiles at me and her colour recedes a bit. Looking at her lunch, she gasps saying "how am I ever going to eat all that?" She's looking at the hamburger that's easy an inch think and three inches around. What room there is left on the plate is crowded with fries. "Yeah, I usually limit myself to only one of these every couple of weeks when I'm training off season." She picks it up, and it does look ridiculously huge in her small hands, and tries to figure out how to open her mouth wide enough to fit it inside. Maybe it's all this talk about sex, but I can only think about Angelia kneeling in front of me last night, with her lips around my dick. Of course the 'yummy' noises she's making don't help. The 'mmmm' and 'oh god' sound very familiar.

"Aren't you going to eat?" she asks me. I pick mine up and take a bite. I've got to pull it together. This is a family restaurant, my family's restaurant, and I can't get up and leave with what's going on in my pants beneath the table. "What do you teach at MIT?" I ask, anything to get her to stop making those damn sex noises. Finally, she stops the noises and says "I have two doctoral candidates that I'm mentoring which means I advise on their work. I also teach two master degree courses and one first year physic courses. I like to teach the first year course for fun. It's great to see brand new students get excited about physics and learning about the universe. Of course, I have my own research and a team of four that work with me. They're continuing their studies while they work for me and act as TAs for my classes." "Wow" is all I can think to say. "How long have you been teaching?" She wrinkles her nose, very sexy damnit, and responds "since I was 17. Although I was a TA while getting my PhD." Now she's nibbling on a fry and I'm really trying to focus on her words. I can only envision her nibbling on me. What the fuck has this lunch turned into? I'm rock hard under the table. "What, do I have ketchup on my face?" she asks because I'm staring at her. "No" is all I say and I'm glad I've finished my lunch. "Are you done?" I ask her. She looks confused but answers "yeah, I can't eat anymore." Thankfully, Helen comes over with Sam's burger. I thank her and give her two twenties. Pulling Angelia up, we walk out the door quickly. I grab Sam and we load into the truck. Angelia is glancing at me sideways periodically as I drive like a maniac home. I just know I need to get home and have her before I explode.


	9. Chapter 9

We were having a great time, or at least I thought we were, until I started talking about what I do at school. Since then, Sidney has been really weird, distant and kind of a maniac. The drive home has especially been crazy. Even Sam can feel it as she rubs her head against my chin while on my lap. When we stop in the driveway, Sidney slams out of the door and comes around to open mine. He grabs my hand and throws the burger at Sam who catches it in midair and runs around to the back of the house. He pulls me into the front door, slams it, and pushes me against the door. Suddenly his mouth and hands are everywhere. His body is pushing me against the door hard. He moves away from me slightly to pull my shirt over my head. His mouth moves to my breasts and he's tugging at my nipples through my bra. I'm just trying to keep up.

He pulls the straps down to release my breasts to his mouth which traps my arms to my side. He's licking and sucking at my nipples while his hands slide down over my ass inside my shorts. I cry out when he bites one of my hard nipples and then laps at it with his tongue. I feel a growing puddle between my legs. I can only touch his waist since my arms are still pinned by my bra. He seems to like this and moves back up to my throat with his mouth and to my ear; that spot he knows so well. I cry out again. There is so much pleasure all at once. My body has never been on fire this fast before. I am able to push his shirt partially up his back and he leans back to do the rest of the job. His shirt joins mine on the floor. I love the feel of his hard, bare skin on mine. I desperately want to touch everywhere but I can't reach.

He pushes me back against the door and takes my mouth with his teeth pulling and biting at my lip. Then he sucks it in appearing to sooth but then he nips at me again. I'm moaning and my hips are moving against him. I can't help it. His hands push my shorts and panties down together and he kisses his way down my neck, over my breasts with a quick side trip to my nipple, and then down my stomach. One hand pulls my legs apart and the other opens me to him. He blows on my clit and I have to brace myself with my hands on his shoulders to keep from falling down. I just can't keep up. Then, simultaneously, his tongue is on my clit and his fingers are inside of me. Both are moving at the same pace, fast, and I just can't stand anymore. He grabs me to break my fall and rolls so that he's on top of me. Making fast work of my bra and shoes, his shorts and shoes, then he pushes my legs far apart and slams into me. I cry out, so loud that I don't even recognize my own voice. He's so deep and it feels so good. I didn't know it could feel this good. I didn't know he could top last night. I meet him thrust for thrust, harder and faster each time. I feel the orgasm coming and I'm completely at his mercy. He speeds up and I know he's coming too. Then I know absolutely nothing. I can only feel. My entire body is on fire and shakes. I can actually feel it deep, deep inside me where he still is. He collapses on me and I hug him there while I continue to shake. He's heavy, and not helping me to catch my breath, but I love having his naked body full on me. We stay that way for a few minutes. All I can hear is our breathing. He lifts his head and looks at me then rolls to his side taking me with him so that we're still facing each other. His hand wipes away a tear that I didn't know was falling down my cheek. "I'm so sorry baby. How badly did I hurt you? God, I don't know what got into me. Are you ok?" I realize how scared he looks and it dawns on me what he thinks. I take his face in both of my hands. "No Sidney, nothing is wrong. I'm fine, actually much more than fine." He wipes away another tear and looks confused. "I don't know why I'm crying. I didn't even know I was crying until you wiped away my tears." He doesn't look convinced. I look deep in his eyes and hope he believes me. "Sidney, I'm telling you the truth. Do you really think I would be upset that you lost control? You cherish me with every touch. I've never, ever, had that intense an orgasm in my life. You made every nerve ending I have come alive. Is this why you were such a maniac driving home?"

I think he finally believes me but he blushes and says "yeah. Since you started the sex talk, then made those sex noises and it was nibbling the fry that finally did it. I got so hard and just had to have you." Sex noises? "Ok" I say "well, more than ok. I've never had someone want me the way you do. It's overwhelming, exciting, but new. I do have one request though" I begin. "Right now, anything" he says. "Can we go up to your bedroom? This floor is too hard." He chuckles and stands up while picking me up in his arms. As he starts up the staircase, I say "Sidney, I don't want to offend you, but it wouldn't be very romantic if you dropped me you know." He pretends to throw me over the staircase and I shriek and grab him around the neck. Again, he laughs. "I won't drop you. Remember, star athlete here, I bench press much more than you on a regular basis." "I trust you" I tell him "it just that I already have some aches from the hard door and floor, not that I'm complaining necessarily, and I really would rather not have any more." He smiles and says "I have an idea for that." He drops me on the bed, I bounce twice, and he says "don't move." I do cover up with a sheet while he disappears into the en suite.

He's in there a while but I stay right where I am. Finally, he comes out, pulls the sheet off of me saying "looks like I should have also said don't cover up." I laugh as he picks me up again and carries me into the bathroom. I see he's filled up the tub and with bubbles too. "Sidney Crosby has bubble bath? What would the guys on your team say about that?" He blushes and looks totally cute. He slowly lowers me into the tub and then joins me. He lounges there and pulls me back against him. The water is almost hot enough to scald – just the way I like it. I lean back against his shoulder and feel myself relaxing. "This was a great idea" I tell him. "It's your second best idea today." I feel him smile against my cheek. Out of the blue he says "I always wished I could have gone to college." I'm surprised and tell him "really? I would have thought that being a millionaire at 18 was a better goal." He's quite for a minute then says "it's never been about the money. I'm not going to lie to you because it's definitely a great perk. My mom and dad don't have to work and I can pay for Taylor to go to school anywhere she wants. But it's always hockey that I wanted and that I loved. At first, I did it to make my dad happy. He loved it when I wanted to play in the basement with my mini stick. He even loved getting up at a ridiculously early time of the morning to take me to practice. Then I just, sort of, loved it. I loved working over and over on a move and then pulling it off in a game. The rush of beating a d-man to the net and scoring a goal was incredible; still is. But, yeah, I wondered what it would be like to be a regular guy and go to college. Meet a pretty and incredibly smart girl. Tell me, do you have reading glasses? That would totally put the whole fantasy together."

"Yes, I need glasses to read when my eyes get tired." I say with a laugh. It seems that Sidney has a librarian fantasy, who would have guessed. I love the way he's rubbing his hand up and down the wet skin of my arm. This was definitely a great idea. "I Googled you" I tell him and he groans, loudly at that comment. "You realize" he says "that you can't believe most of what's written on the internet." "First" I begin "I was stunned to see almost nine million hits. Just typing your name brings up almost nine million instances of your name. Then I started looking at them." I decide in an instant not to tell him I also included the word 'girlfriend' in my search. "There are a lot of people talking about you. They really like to speculate on your life and especially about the concussion." I can feel him frown behind me. "Yeah, the press wants me to report everyday on how I'm doing. What's there to say if nothing changes? Plus, I really just need to be away from that shit. It's stressful enough without having the press up my ass all the time." Damn, I didn't want to bring this up again for him; but, I know how to take his mind off of it.

Grabbing a washcloth, I soap it up and begin rubbing it up and down his arm. I'm careful to get every nook and cranny just to torture him. Then I move to the other arm and repeat the whole process. I work on his leg next from thigh, good God their huge, to toes. Yes, this wonderful man has very ticklish feet. I finish one leg and then move to the other. I feel his erection grown against my ass. Mission accomplished, his mind, and other parts of his body, are definitely thinking about something else now. Having touched all the skin that's reachable to me, I turn around and straddle him. Starting at his neck, I rub softly with the cloth and rinse as I go I move down to his chest. This is definitely going to take a while, I love exploring his gorgeous chest. Sidney tries to kiss me but I hold him where he is "I'm not done yet" I tell him. He laughs and says "by all means then. Be sure you do a thorough job." I start with his shoulders, so wide and muscular; I can't help but kneed the muscles while I rub. Then down his chest I go, slowly over each pectoral muscle and pay special attention to each nipple which have grown hard under my fingertips. I can't help but follow with my lips along his clean, slick skin. My hands move farther down, rubbing at his stomach, while I lavish his chest with my lips. He tries to grab my head and kiss me again. "Do I have to get rough with you Mr. Crosby? I'm not done yet." He groans but stops moving.

I continue to kiss his chest as my hand moves lower and envelops him. The suds and the water have made him slippery and my hand easily slides up and down. His head falls back against the tub and I swear I saw his eyes roll back too. I nip my teeth at his nipple while I continue to stroke him. My other hand, having abandoned the washcloth, follows its way down too. I reach for his balls and lightly massage them while I stroke him up and down. He's breathing heavy now and groaning when I touch him just right. I love watching him while I touch him. His eyes are closed like he can't keep them open, his brow is furrowed like he's deeply concentrating and his lips are pursed, hard, so that they almost disappear. He's gripping the lip of the tub hard and every muscle on his body that I can see is tensed. He's impossibly hard in my hand but seems to grow even harder as I massage his balls with just a little more pressure. I increase the speed of my stroking and I can feel him completely tense up. I know that he's fighting it but I desperately want to watch him go over the edge. I keep up my work under the water while I kiss his lips, slipping my tongue inside and sliding it over his. His eyes pop open and are staring directly into mine. This is the connection I was looking for and desperately needed. I stroke even faster and bite his bottom lip, hard. His head then falls back like it's too heavy to hold up and I feel him come in my hand. He just lies there completely still for a few minutes. His face is flush and there's sweat on his brow and above his upper lip. I lick it up above his lip and continue to stare at him. "I think I've gone blind" he says rather hoarsely. "Sidney, your eyes are closed." They pop open and he responds "oh, that was the problem." I can't help but laugh.

* * *

This woman is going to kill me. I'm absolutely sure of it. There will be an obituary titled 'death by boner' or some silly thing. TMZ would be all over that. Who knew that my little physicist had it in her? "My?" When did I start thinking of her as mine? If I'm completely honest, I know exactly the moment when it happened. It was her first day here (was it only yesterday?) and I watched her sleep on my deck. Right now, she's partially lying to my side and on top of me. Our wet skin against each other is starting to cool as the water cools. "The water is getting cold. Let's hop into the shower to rinse off." She nods, gets out of the tub and heads straight to the shower to turn on the water. Steam begins to build up inside. I open the drain in the tub and meet her in the shower. She's reaching for the shampoo and I grab it from her. "Let me" I say. I don't know why, but I really want to wash her hair. She hands me the container and turns around so that she's facing away from me. I lather up and begin to rub; this feels even more intimate than anything else we've done. It's completely crazy but washing her hair with the growing lather feels like I'm taking care of her. I have a hard time even describing it to myself. The one thing I know for sure is that she's making those 'mmm' sounds again that make me crazy.

I use the suds on my hands to slide over her shoulders. I rub down her arms and over her stomach. Up my hands travel until I've reached her breasts. I hold them firm in my hands and rub my whole palm over each until I have the nipples between my fingers and thumbs. I rub them together lightly at first and she tilts her head back against my shoulder and moaning. I begin criss-crossing my hands down over her stomach, her hips and then one slips down between her legs. I just massage her mound without dipping inside. Pushing her under into the multi-jets, I rinse her using my hands over every inch of her body. I dump conditioner in my hand, run it through her hair and rinse that out. Her eyes are wide when she faces me. I turn her around again and move us both into the sprays of hot water. My hands work their way down again until one is between her legs. I slip a finger onto her clit and slowly slip around and around until I quickly push directly on it. She cries out and grabs for the walls to keep from crumbling down. There's no need because I'm holding her firm with my other arm. She isn't going anywhere I don't want her to go.

I repeat that over again, slipping my finger around and around until she can't take anymore and then pushing down on her clit. She's whimpering now and cries out my name. Again I marvel at her responsiveness to my touch. Taking my fingers away from her clit and slipping them into her has her pushing against my hand. I push as deep inside as I can looking for just the right spot. Ah, I found it, she cries out suddenly and loudly with her hips thrusting hard into my hand. My other arm is definitely the only thing keeping her upright now as she completely comes apart in my hand. I continue to stroke her, hitting that spot deep insider every time, until I feel her orgasm tighten against my fingers. She is soaked and it's not from the water. When she stops shuddering, she turns around and hugs me, hard, to her. Then we're kissing, softly while stoking each other. Our eyes meet and we both smile. "Getting clean has never been so much fun but you're going to have a hell of a water bill if we keep this up." I chuckle at this and say "my wallet can handle it." We both laugh and go about finishing the actual chore of a shower.

When we're clean and rinsed, I wrap her in a big, fluffy towel then do the same for myself. Back in the bedroom, Angelia rummages through her suitcase for clothes. "Do you want to hang anything up?" I ask her. I know we're careful not to talk about 'tomorrow' but that's no reason she should have wrinkled clothing. "Yeah," she says "that would be great" so I point her to the closet. She takes a few things and goes in. "OCD much?" she asks. I follow her and see what she sees. The walk in closet is separated into business wear and casual. Then it's in tops and pants and finally colour groups. The shoes are lined up on the floor and in the same groupings of business wear and casual; then by colour. I shrug my shoulder and say "I like things organized." "I guess so" she responds. "Is there anywhere particular you would like me to use?" I make some room for her and give her some hangers. "Thanks" she says.

I leave her to hang up her clothes and get dressed. Downstairs, I look out back and notice rain is coming in. The weather is so unpredictable here. It was warm and sunny this morning and at lunch and now a storm is blowing in. I love it! I grab an apple, sit at the breakfast bar and look through my messages on my Blackberry. There's one from Pat Brisson, my agent, reminding me of the call with the doctors in a couple hours; one from Max crudely asking how it's going – which I ignore just to spike him; one from my sister also asking how it's going. This one I respond to 'thanks for letting her in Tay¸ yes, I owe u one.' I get a smiley face back and chuckle. Angelia comes in the room and looks at me quizzically. I respond "Taylor was just reminding me that I owe her one." She laughs too and says "only sisters keep track. I know Ri will be riding me forever about helping me get here." I take her in my arms and we just stand there holding each other. I think we both want to hold the world at bay for as long as possible and discussing our families has brought reality back in for a minute.

"What do you want to do for dinner? Go out, eat in? I'm not sure I have too much in the fridge to cook." I tell her. "How about I cook?" she says. "Let's go to the grocery store and grab a few things. I make a fabulous marinara sauce and we can get some chicken too. What do you think?" She's sexy as hell, even smarter and now she cooks too. "I'm in" I say quickly. "But we should head out soon. A storm is definitely coming in." We each grab our stuff and head out. I whistle for Sam. I know she doesn't go off the property so I just leave her off the leash. She knows that I'm whistling from the truck and is always up for a trip out. Sure enough, Sam comes racing from the back yard to scramble into the truck. Angelia laughs and settles Sam on her lap with the window open. We already have our own routine.

I'm really hoping that no one notices me at the grocery store. Sometimes I'm hounded and sometimes no one even knows me. I just never know which is going to happen but, just in case, I've got my baseball cap on and pulled low. I tie Sam up to a tree in the shade and we move to the store. Angelia grabs a buggy when we enter the store, which she passes to me, and then heads for the fresh section. "Oh, look at these great tomatoes" she's sniffing at them. Why is she sniffing at tomatoes? "Oh, they have fresh herbs too. Yum." Now she's sniffing those too. I usually just throw stuff in the buggy so this sniffing thing is new to me. I follow her around from tomatoes to onion to zucchini. She's having such a good time of it. I lose track of her for a minute as I put something in the buggy she handed me. I look around and see she's chatting with the butcher. They're both laughing at something but I don't like the way he's looking her up and down. He's almost old enough to be her father too. He's handing her a package now and touching her arm. What the fuck is he doing? She turns, sees me and waves goodbye to the butcher. "I got some great chicken breasts" she tells me. "What was he doing?" I demand from her. She looks puzzled, she can't be that naive. "He was cutting up some fresh chicken for me. What do you mean?" I guess she really is that naïve. I glower over at the butcher and then turn back to her. "Anything else you need?" I ask. "No" she answers "is everything ok Sidney?"

I wait until we're out of the store before I say "he was touching you!" "Who?" she asks. "The butcher. He was flirting and laughing and he touched you!" I shout this and see people turn to look at us. I know better but I'm just pissed off. Angelia still has sense at least and grabs Sam while I load the groceries in the truck. When we're driving, she says "Sidney, I don't think he was flirting. We were just talking about fresh chicken and he told me about his granddaughter who is upset that he cuts up the cute chickens. That's all. I didn't even notice that he touched me." Of course now I feel like an idiot. I never get jealous, what the fuck was that? "I'm sorry" I admit. "No problem" she responds a little hesitantly. I don't blame her. I'm an idiot.

* * *

As I'm stirring the sauce later, I think back to that weird thing back at the store. Was Sidney really jealous or was he just pissed off that I left him to go to the butcher. He couldn't possibly be jealous. Doesn't he have girls practically throwing themselves at him? Or their mothers, if what I read on Google was true. I shake it off. I must be reading it wrong. I peak at the chicken and it is coming along nicely. The sauce is ready and the water is boiling just waiting for the pasta. I managed to grill the vegetables before the rain hit. I'm just waiting for Sidney to get off the phone with the doctors. He was really anxious to talk to them. I can tell he's desperate to get back to working out. Maybe that's what was bothering him earlier.

I look up as he comes in the room, just in time for him to scoop me up and twirl me in his arms. I'm dizzy by the time he puts me down and then get dizzier when he kisses me. "Good news?" I ask when he finally lets me go. "I can start work outs again. Modified of course and only 25% effort but who cares, I can work out again. God, I feel like I've waited forever for this day." He looks like a little boy on Christmas morning; like he's going to jump out of his skin with excitement. "Now I'm definitely hungry and whatever you've been doing in here smells delicious." I laugh and turn back to the stove. "Just let me put the pasta on and we'll be ready to eat in five minutes. Would you set the table? It's started raining so we'll have to eat inside."

Within those five minutes, we're at the table and Sidney is working his way through the pasta, chicken and veggies. "Oh wow, Angelia. This is delicious. If you ever give up physics then you could seriously open a restaurant." I smile because I love that he is enjoying it. I do like to cook although I don't have much time for it at school. Plus, it's a lot of effort for only one person. At least cooking for Sidney is like cooking for six with how much he eats. I chuckle to myself at that and then all thought leaves my head. I see Taylor and two other people come in the back door quickly getting out of the rain. Sidney's fork drops to his plate. "You didn't answer your phone so we came over to find out what the doctors said." the man explains. The woman just stands there silent and staring at me. Taylor mouths 'I'm sorry' to me. Then the man says "Sidney, are you going to introduce us to your friend?" Sidney stands up and says "Mom, Dad, this is Angelia. Angelia these are my parents."


	10. Chapter 10

My parents are pissed. I know they have sat down, at Angelia's invitation, and are eating with us but they are definitely pissed. Dad's giving her the third and fourth degree. I think he'll have her blood type soon. Mom hasn't said a word; not a single fucking word. This is the first girl I've brought here so they know it means something which, I guess, makes it worse. I don't know what to do. I just sit there and eat like my mom, silent. Mom did look surprised when I said that Angelia had made dinner but that was the only emotion I've seen from her. Except for eating, mom's lips have been in a very tight line. Why couldn't they stay away longer? Why did they have to show up before we've spent more than a day together? I just want more time before reality has to set in. I notice that Angelia excuses herself and heads to the bathroom.

"Dad, do you have to give her the third degree?" He looks directly at me and says "Maybe we wouldn't have to ask about her if we knew she even existed! You know better than bringing a girl you barely know into our lives this way. What the fuck are you doing?" "I like her ok?" I respond. "Son, I know you do but after the last six months, don't you think it's time to focus on you and getting back on the rink than a girl? And you know better than to invite a stranger into your life this way. We have done any background checking. We don't know what she's after." I look at mom and she just sits there. I know Angelia is coming back soon so I need to make this fast. "Dad, Mom, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her. You're right, I should have. It's just that I finally felt good, not focused on my damn concussion, and I just wanted to keep that going for a little while." Angelia comes in and I can tell that she knows we've been talking about her. She quietly begins to clear the table. Taylor jumps up and says "I'll help." I smile at Tay and know I now owe her much more than one. Mom gets up and speaks, for the first time, "actually, Taylor, we need to get going. Angelia, dinner was delicious. My apologies for leaving so quickly but we do need to go. Sidney," she looks me directly in the eye "I'll talk to you tomorrow." With that they all leave.

I sink down onto a chair. Angelia is still clearing off the table. "Please stop" I ask her. "We need to talk about this Angelia." She finished clearing the table and is now rinsing dishes. "Sidney, there is really nothing to talk about. They were surprised because they didn't know about me. So your mom was stunned silent and your dad asked me all kinds of questions to see if I was a gold digger. I get it, really." I hear her words but somehow I just don't believe her. The smiling, fun Angelia with the light around her of the last day is gone. Back is the cool and almost detached girl I spoke to in New York. How did something so good go to hell in sixty minutes? I follow my instincts and go to her. I physically have to turn her to look at me and, as I thought, she is visibly upset. Tears are in her eyes as she looks at me. "Oh baby" I take her in my arms. "I just wanted them to like me Sidney. That's all I wanted and now …" I look in her eyes and wipe away the tears. "Baby, they don't know you yet. When they do, they'll love you, I know they will." She doesn't look convinced. I lightly kiss her lips. "Angelia, what is not to love about you? This definitely isn't the way I would have chosen to introduce you but I am certain they will like you when the shock wears off." She looks at me still skeptically but the tears have stopped. "We'll take a day or two and then all get together. I know it will be great." I give her a hug. I know I can still salvage the evening. "Here's what we're going to do. You are going to sit right over there. I'm going to pour you another glass of wine and start to get you just a little drunk. While you enjoy the wine, I'm going to clean up the dishes. You may observe if you wish." Now that gets a genuine smile from her. Good, it feels like we're on more solid ground again.

True to my word, she has a full glass in her hand and is sipping while I clean up. I've decided to have a couple myself, I think we both need it tonight. While I've been cleaning, she turns on my iPod. "Seriously?" she asks me when country music comes through the speakers. "What" I ask, as if I don't know what's coming, I get it from the guys all the time about my 'country collection.' She shuffles through the songs looking for something she likes while I do a final wipe down of the counter. She stops on Lady Antebellum's Need You Now. I love this song. Turning off the light, I go over to her and take her in my arms. We begin to sway to the music. The moment feels right. We're back on even ground again. I love the way she's put her arms around my neck and her fingers stroke the hair at the base. She's just softly and slowly stroking in time to the music. The song ends and that must be the last one on the iPod because it turns off. We continue to sway to our own song and at our own rhythm. I pull slightly away from her and she smiles shyly at me. I kiss her softly as we continue to move. She kisses me back just as soft. Running my hand through her hair I tilt her head to deepen the kiss. We continue to move slowly, our bodies swaying slowly, our mouths moving against each other slowly. I sweep my tongue across her bottom lip and gain entrance. Our tongues mate in a slow dance of their own.

I move slightly away, look into her eyes and try to put in mine all the things I'm feeling but can't quite say. I pull her to my side and guide us upstairs. Turning on a lamp gives a soft glow to the room. She is standing at the foot of the bed watching me and still looking a little unsure. When I go to her, I take her face in my hands and kiss her deeply putting everything I'm feeling into this one kiss. She wraps her arms around my waist. We continue to kiss and I feel her hands sliding under my tee shirt and softly over my back. He fingers lightly work the muscles there as she moves her hands up and down. I move my mouth to her jaw and lightly kiss down her throat enjoying this slow journey of her body. She slides my shirt up and I lift my arms so she can take it off. Throwing it aside, her hands softly play over my chest. I lift her shirt off and slide the straps of her bra off her shoulders. She undoes the clasp and her breasts are free. I pull her against me to feel her bare skin on mine and kiss her deeply. I want everything to last tonight and savour every part of her. Pulling back slightly, I look down at her breasts and run the back of my hands lightly over each one. They pucker and I bend down to kiss and lick each one.

Her hands are in my hair and she brings me back to her lips. Her hands slide down to my shorts and push them off. I slide down her body to my knees. Slowly I undo her shorts and pull them down unveiling another pair of barely there lace panties. I look up at her and smile. As I look at the lace against her skin, I run my fingers along the lace pattern. I hear her intake of breath as I pull them down slowly to reveal her fully naked body. Slowly standing, I run my hands from her knees, up her hips, the side of her breasts and final to her face where I kiss her.

Turning to the bed, I pull back the comforter and sheets. Holder Angelia's hand, I slide onto the bed and then bring her with me. We kneel in the centre wrapped in an embrace and looking deeply in each other's eyes. Each of us is lightly exploring the other's body with our hands. There are soft touches, almost a whisper, and we continue to stare. Neither of us seems to want to break the link. I lightly touch her ass with both of my hands and pull her a little bit closer to me. I know she can feel my erection on her stomach. He hands make it up to my face and she pulls me in for another kiss. It's slow, deep and very thorough. She explores every part of my lips, my tongue and then back to my lips again. There is none of the usual fever and speed we'd have about now. We both seem to want to savour every moment. That doesn't make it any less exciting or erotic. I shiver now from her light touch across my chest and her mouth follows the way down. Little licks and kisses that feels incredible while her hands circle my back.

I slowly pull her into my arms and cushion her as we slip down to the bed. This gives me even more of her body to explore. I sit up slightly and start with her feet; kissing the instep and then up to her ankle; sliding my hands up her calf and following them with my mouth, kissing my way up an over her knee. Her thighs are very soft and I run both hand ups one, memorizing each beauty mark I find there. I continue up and kiss her hip and where she nips in at the waist. Further up I go to the side of her breast and spend a few minutes there kissing and licking around the fullness and on the nipple. Her hips begin to move involuntarily. I kiss up her chest and finally her mouth. Sliding mine over hers softly and slowly. My tongue licks at her lips and then enters her mouth to mate with her tongue. While I'm doing this, my hand slides down her hip to between her legs. I run one finger completely and thoroughly from entrance to clit and then spend some time on her clit. Circling it with a wet finger, wet from her, while we kiss at the same pace.

Her hands have been busy too. Most of this time, one of her small hands has been running from my shoulder to my ass. Very slowly it has moved up and down but with purpose taking time to massage the muscles there. As I'm playing with her clit she manages to move her hand to my stomach and lower until she has me in her hand. She strokes my dick and matches the time in which I'm stroking her clit. We're both breathing heavily now and continue to kiss. Her hips push at my fingers at the same rhythm. I slide a finger back and feel that she's absolutely soaked and ready for me. After one last, deep kiss, I move away from her and turn her on her back. She opens her legs wide and I move over her to nestle myself there. While looking deep into her eyes, and with both of her hands holding my face, I slip into her slowly. Angelia sighs like I've never heard before. Through mutual need, we set a slow pace to begin, moving in and out. I can't possible take my eyes away from hers. We do increase the speed but continue our eye connection. Finally, I feel that I'm close and am just trying to hold it off a bit longer. It is vitally important that we come together this time; essential like breathing. Pushing my hand between us, I rub her clit and that gets a response. Angelia is moaning and thrusts harder and faster. I quicken the pace and continue to rub. I can feel inside her that she's about to come. She seizes up and begins to shake so I let myself to and come with her.

When our breathing has slowed down and I feel that I can actually move, I roll to my back bringing her with me to where she cuddles at my side. I look down at her face and see tears again. At least this time I'm not freaked out by it. I've really got to Google why women cry after sex. She says it's never happened before me; she's not upset or unhappy, so I guess I'll take it as a good thing. I pull the sheet and comforter over us and she cuddles into me. What an incredible day and, with the lack of sleep last night and an eventful day today, I'm exhausted. This feeling of contentment comes over me. I have this beautiful, intelligent girl cuddled beside me. I get to start work outs tomorrow. I truly feel I'll be back at camp this fall. Everything is coming together.

* * *

I wait until I hear Sidney's breath slow and know he is fully asleep. Slipping out of bed, I see his tee shirt and pull it on. I take a moment and just smell the fabric. There is a little bit of Tide detergent and a whole lot of him on it. Quietly, I slip out of the bedroom and head downstairs. Getting my phone out of my purse and heading into the family room I look around for a light and don't see one. Oh well. Hitting a button, I make the call. "allo" I hear on the other end and then I burst into tears. My sister knows me well enough that she waits until I've cried it out. When I'm done, she asks "did you just wake me up to cry into the phone or do I really need to be awake for this conversation." "Where are you?" I ask. "Paris" she responds "and it's only 7am in the fucking morning. Do you have any idea what time that is on model-time? So why have you really woken me at this on-Godly hour. From your last text, it sounds like everything is going great. First, tell me seriously, how good is he? I've had a couple footballers in my time and they always have the most outrageous stamina."

I know I need to answer the last question first or else she'll never concentrate. "He's great Ri. Actually, incredibly mind blowing is really the description. My first night her, we had sex three times with three mind blowing orgasms. Then tonight, it was incredibly romantic and sweet, like he was cherishing me;" which makes the tears come back. "Ok Ang, mind blowing, cherishing sex and you're crying to me. What did you do?" "It's not me, I swear it Ri. His parents showed up while we were eating dinner, the two of them, and not very pleased to see me. Sidney didn't tell them anything about me. I invited them to stay for dinner, I'd made lots anyway, and they did so I thought we could get to know each other. His father would have been good during the inquisition. He drilled me the whole hour long about my work, my family, he even asked about mom and dad, and if I made a 'comfortable living.' He actually thinks I want Sidney's money. I don't even know what his mother thinks. She didn't say a fucking thing the whole hour. She nodded when we were introduced and then just picked at her meal. When she finally did say something, it was to apologize for leaving so soon and to tell Sidney that she'll to him tomorrow. They hate me! They truly hate me! I told you this was never going to work."

Mariah sighs "Ang, what did Sidney say when they left?" I thought back to it "he told me that they were just surprised and they're really protective of him. He said we'd get together in the next couple of days and they'll love me." She sighs again "So why are you so freaked out then?" "Sidney is leaving in a dream land Ri. Those people hated the very thought of me in their son's life. When I was going to the washroom, I heard Troy, his dad, tell him that he needs to focus on hockey and getting back to his team and not some girl. He didn't even defend me Ri. He just apologized for not telling them about me. Oh God, this isn't going to work, why did ever let you talk me into thinking it would work. You've got to get me a flight out of her first thing tomorrow. I can meet you in Paris; my apartment is sub-letted for another month at MIT." I know I'm sounding desperate on the verge of hysteria but I just have to get out of here. "Ri, please, his parents hate me, he doesn't need this kind of stress while he's try to get healthy and, very soon, he's going to realize it. I'm already too deep, it will kill me if I stay and fall deeper and then he kicks me to the curb. Please, help me, please."


	11. Chapter 11

I wake up slowly. My mind plays over yesterday and I remember our trip to Helens and what came after in the foyer, and then tub. The call with the doctors was phenomenal and I can't wait to hit the gym after breakfast. My smile dims as I remember my folks and the awkward dinner. At least I was able to salvage the evening. I've never made love like that before maybe I've never made love. Rubbing my hand over my heart I know that it is definitely love. I guess it does happen fast sometimes but there is no denying it anymore. I guess the question is when I tell Angelia. I look over at her side of the bed – I like that it's 'her side of the bed' – and it's empty. Frowning, I run my hand over the pillow and it's cold. Guess she's been up for a while. I throw on workout gear and head down to the kitchen. Everything is the same as we left it last night. While I didn't expect her to make breakfast for me, wouldn't she have eaten herself? Come to think of it, her suitcase wasn't where it was yesterday. I run up to the bathroom and there is nothing of hers on the counter and the suitcase is definitely gone.

I run back downstairs and Sam's in the kitchen watching me and thumping her tail. She didn't do this to me again? She didn't just take off in the middle of the night again? There's no note, my phone only has messages from my mom and Taylor. I sink down to a kitchen chair in utter shock. It's just perfect and exactly how my life has been this year. I fall in love and then she disappears, fucking twice! At least I can purge this anger by working out and fuck their 25%. I'll work as hard as I fucking want. Grabbing a bottle of water, I go downstairs to my home gym and warm up. A little cardio first, stretches next and now what I've really wanted. I begin the plyometric routine my trainer Andy created for me here. I can definitely tell it's been a while. My rust has rust. At least I've got enough anger built up to motivate me to push through. I can feel my muscles pushing back and it feels good. I increase the sets and am happy to see my muscles respond. I guess a few months aren't enough to lose all muscle memory. How the fuck could she do it after the incredible connection we had last night? Didn't she feel it? It's time for squats, the essential part of a hockey work out, with all of the variations thrown in. My muscles sing with the strain and it feels good. A little bit of sweat has started. Now that I'm in the gym I know the ice will be next. Another week, maybe two and I'm sure I can convince them I can put on skates. I wanted her to be with me and celebrate this success. She had been so supportive and comforting with my shit that I wanted her to see what I really can do when healthy. Well fuck her then! I don't play these kinds of games. Legs are cramping a bit, definitely not liking the strain, some running will help that. I jump on the treadmill and crank it up. It feels good to have my lungs working again. A little faster now, that feels great, just like before the game, well, maybe with a little more incline.

I notice Sam come running in, which she never does because the treadmill scares her. I look at the door and there's Angelia. I stop the treadmill and just stare at her. "It took me a while to find you." She says. "I didn't know you were awake. I went down to the lake for a walk early and lost track of time." She's smiling at me now. "So, how does it feel to work out again? Sidney?" I've just been staring at her. She comes closer and I flip off the treadmill and grab her in my arms smothering her. "Sidney, what's wrong." I silence her with my lips kissing her like my life depended on it. Actually, it kind of feels that way. She pushes against my chest to say "I really enjoy the kissing but what's going on? Your shaking babe." I'm having a hard time catching my breath, I'm just so glad that she's here. "I thought you left." I blurt out at her. She looks at me then looks embarrassed. "Well," she begins and slips out of my arms. "I did have a very late night chat with my sister. I freaked out, ok, I did. It was just so perfect with us. You even made me breakfast. And the sex, oh my God, I've never felt anything so incredible in my life, never had orgasms like that in my entire life, and then last night, last night I felt so precious but …" she takes a breath finally and looks at me. "Sidney, your parents hate me, they just hate me. I thought your dad was going to ask me to sign a contract just to date you and not ask for your money. But, Mariah stopped me from being hysterical, she's good at that, and reminded me to live in the moment. See what we can build here. Of course I don't know if you even want that." She pauses and looks at me strange. "Are you ok Sidney?" She rushes to me. "You look very pale all of a sudden. Maybe you should sit down." She rushes me over to a chair. I can't even think; she wants to see what we can build, maybe she does love me. Then I really can't think because everything has gone black.

* * *

When I wake up, I slowly open my eyes and see my mom. She has a cold compress on my head and looks very worried. "Sweetie, don't try to get up. Dad's talking to Dr. Burke in Pittsburgh right now." "What happened mom? I remember that everything went black, before that, before that I was … oh, where's Angelia? Is she ok?" Mom pushes me back down when I try to get up. I must be really bad if she can keep me down. "She's in the other room sweetie with your dad. They're both talking to the doctor. She said that you were working out then talking and while talking you turned completely white. Your eyes rolled back and you passed out. She did her best to keep your head from hitting anything but you may have a bump or bruise on your body. She's a little slip of thing and couldn't completely catch you. When you wouldn't wake up she called us from your cell. Your dad brought you up here to your bedroom. I'll clean up the mess in the gym before I leave. Won't be the first time I've ever cleaned up your vomit." I actually can't speak. Did I really pass out and puke? And on Angelia too? Shit!

Dad comes into the room with Angelia behind him. She looks really scared and brightens a little when she sees me. "You're awake." She says. "Yep" I tell her "and owe you an apology for falling and puking on you. Sorry." Dad laughs and puts his arm around Angelia "at least you got a gamer kid! She made sure you didn't hit your head and then called us right away. Clear thinking I say." My mouth is just hanging open now. Did he really just hug her? Is mom smiling at her? How the fuck long was I out? Dad continues "talked to Dr. Burke. He says you either weren't ready for the 25% workout or you went too hard. I suspect you went too hard, right?" I can't look him in the eye. I feel like a ten year old who's getting in trouble. "Sidney, did you work too hard" he bites out each word. "Yeah, maybe." Mom sighs, dad swears and Angelia just watches every one. "Well fuck kid, you know not to do that with a concussion injury. If you know nothing isn't it that for Christ sakes?" I can't tell him it was because I thought Angelia had left. I definitely can't tell him that I was trying to work out all the pain I was in from losing her. That is never going to happen. Let him think I just over did it.

"Dr. Burke says that you are back to zero. No strenuous activity at all; absolutely none. Your heart rate needs to be stable, no strain on any part of your body that would affect the blood supply in the brain." He glances at Angelia quickly. Mom didn't notice but I know Angelia did. "I will definitely make sure he rests and doesn't do anything strenuous." Angelia pipes up and mom smiles at her. "How long do they think I'll need to do nothing this time?" I know I sound like a ten year old but I feel that way too. "Burke said we'll talk again tomorrow and go from there. Soon we'll be in July. If you're smarter, maybe you can get on the ice in August. You won't be starting this season but you'll damn well play in it." I nod at him. Mom leans in a kisses me on the forehead the way moms all do. She turns to Angelia and says "I know you're a wonderful cook dear but I'm going to make some chicken soup. It was always Sidney's favourite when he was a child. I'll bring it over tomorrow. Is that alright with you dear?" Did mom just ask if she could come over? What did I miss being unconscious? "Of course Trina, please don't change any routines because I'm here. I'll give you a call tonight and let you know how our patient is doing." They all laugh, like I'm not even here and move to the door. Dad waves at me as an afterthought. The twilight zone, that's it, I woke in the twilight zone. Everyone is mad at me and loves Angelia. Next thing I know Sam will be a cat!

A few minutes later, Angelia comes into the room, climbs up on the bed and curls up beside me. "Don't you ever, ever, ever do that to me again. I was terrified. I wasn't even sure that you were breathing. You're so big so I couldn't move you; and then you puked so I just made sure that you didn't choke. I could only think to call your parents or an ambulance. I grabbed your cell and called them first." I turn my head to look at her and see stars accompanied by a marching band at the back of my head. She must feel me wince because she gets off the bed and comes back a few minutes later. "Dr. Burke said that you could take two of these if your head hurts. Your father said to 'shut up and take them' so I guess you don't like following doctors' orders much huh? Would you please just take them for me? It's killing me to see you in pain." I take them and swallow with the water. She puts the glass on the nightstand. "You were lying to your parents, weren't you? You didn't just over do it. What happened Sidney? You know that you can tell me."

I pause a moment but know I'm going to tell her. "When I saw that you had left, or I thought that you had left, I was pissed off. When I'm pissed, I work out and work off the mood. I think I got a little carried away, well, a lot carried away. I'm sorry. Your suitcase was gone, there was nothing on the counter in the bathroom, I couldn't find you; I guess that I just freaked out myself." She looks down at me with sad eyes. "I'm so sorry that I've given you reason to think that of me. I know it's totally deserved. But, I put the suitcase in the closet so we wouldn't trip over it and my toiletries are inside the cabinet, I know you are very particular about tidiness and I went to walk by the lake because I was trying to figure out how to tell you that I'm falling in love with you."

* * *

Well, I've said it now. It's out there and I can't do anything to take it back. Between Mariah smacking me around over the phone about trying to run away from my feelings again, then Sidney scaring me to death by passing out cold, I just couldn't keep it in anymore. He's just staring at me now, like he's stunned and doesn't know what to do next. I can't do or say anything. I'm just staring at him. He tries to sit up but then his hand goes to his head in pain. I try to get up but he grabs my arm and says "don't, please, just wait a minute for it to pass." I sit there, trying to be patient, and wait. Finally, he opens his eyes and takes a minute to focus on me. He reaches for me but I'm just out of reach so I move closer. He touches the side of my face and pulls me to him. When I'm an inch from his face, he asks "so you're in love with me?" I can only nod. "That's good, because I'm in love with you too." I choke out a laugh or a cry, I'm not sure which, and I throw myself into his arms. He wraps me in them and holds me tight to him. When we finally pull away we're both grinning like idiots. "It is really too bad you know?" He looks puzzled and says "what is too bad?" "That you are not able to do anything strenuous." He smiles and then understands what I mean and looks like a sad little boy. He's too funny. "Don't worry, the last day will hold me over until you're better and we'll definitely make up for it later. Why don't we just lay here and watch a movie?"

I grab the TV remote and try to figure out how to turn it on. Sidney grabs it from me and says "you're such a girl." He flicks it on quickly. "How's your head feeling, better?" "Yeah" he says "thank you and not just for the pills. Thank you for staying even after my parents were horrible to you, thank you for telling me how you feel and thank you for loving me." I look over at him and can't help the tears in my eyes. He is so beautiful right now, looking lovingly at me, but something else passes over his face. He looks lost again and very sad. I move to his side and stroke the side of his face. "Tell me, what's going on in that head of yours now." "That's just it babe, there's something going on in there and it just won't get better. These setbacks are killing me. I can't do anything to make it better. Dad's right, training camp is closing in and there's no way now I'm going to make it. Maybe I'll be able to get ready for some time in the season but I've had no luck so far, or all bad luck I guess, so I don't know that I'm even going to get there during the season. Every time I take a positive step I'm cut off at the knees again. If I don't train, I don't know what to do with myself. If I, oh God, if I can't play hockey again, who am I? Hockey is everything I've ever known, everything I've ever been good at and everything I want to do. If I can't do the only thing I can, what am I worth?"

The tears in his eyes make my heart ache. I wish that I could make it all better. I wish that I could say something or do something to stop his pain. So I do the only thing that has worked in the past, with a little something new. I take his face in my hands, wipe away a tear, and kiss him softly; once, twice, three times. Then I whisper against his lips "I love you" and kiss him again. He puts his head against my chest and begins to weep. I know he's trying not to but he just can't stop. I stroke his hair and whisper in his ear "just let it go baby, just let it all go." Now, he finally does. All the pain and frustration pours out of him and into me. I want to be strong for him. He needs me. He loves me. He needs and loves me. I would do anything for him and right now I just want to give him some peace. When he finally finishes purges himself, he lies across my lap and we silently watch the TV. I stroke his hair and down his arm trying to sooth.

There's Nascar on the TV so I definitely have to change the channel. Thankfully that's easier than turning it on. I can feel that Sidney has drifted off to sleep. The emotional purge and the pills must have finally done it. I find a documentary on the history of technological discovery and settle in to watch it. But I keep going back to look at Sidney and my mind goes back to when I called his parents earlier.

They came in the door and I could hear their footsteps on the stairs. "We in here" I yell out to them. I've tried to be so calm but now I begin to shake. Trina pulls me away from Sidney "come on sweetie, move away and let us look at him. We called Dr. Burke on our way over and he told us what to do." I let her move me away but won't go too far. "Angelia" Troy begins "did he bang his head in any way." "No" I answer him "his eyes rolled back in his head and he started to fall backward. I ran around and held his head as he fell. He was too big to catch all of him. He definitely did not hit his head." "Ok, we can move him then" and Troy picks Sidney up, with some difficulty, and we all go up to the bedroom where Troy lays him on the bed. Trina brings a damp cloth and begins to wipe at Sidney's face. "He's going to be ok Angelia. Really sweetie, he's going to be fine. This happened once before. You did really good calling us and doing it so fast. Protecting his head was the best thing to do. Thank God you were here." "Angelia, please come with me so that we can talk to the doctor" Troy asks me and I follow him out of the room.

We get Dr. Burke on the phone and I repeat exactly what happened to him. The doctor says "Troy, it sounds like a relapse similar to the one back in February. I suspect Sidney will tell us that he overdid it when he worked out which caused the symptoms. If he doesn't regain consciousness in the next five minutes then call for an ambulance immediately. If he wakes up before then, you know what to do. Wake him periodically to check brain function and tell him to do nothing. Absolutely nothing is absolute. We can talk again tomorrow morning with the rest of the medical team and talk about next steps."

Sidney stirs on my lap and I'm brought back to present. I lean down and tears I didn't know I had are falling from my eyes. I kiss his forehead and wipe at the tears. It's odd how often I've found myself with tears in my eyes since I met him; both good and sad tears – but mostly good. Now it's just a release from being so scared. I've lost too many people the last couple of years and I just literally couldn't take any more. I move my mind from those negative thoughts. Sidney is going to be fine and I'm going to help him get it back. This is funny given that I barely know what it is; however, I'm here for him and anything he needs. I have to stop being scared and remember that he loves me. This beautiful, sweet, loving, extraordinary man loves me. Now I need to do research to figure this out. Since I can't move with Sidney on my lap, I grab my blackberry and start a Google search on concussions and hockey. Surprise, surprise the first page of hits talk about Sidney Crosby.


	12. Chapter 12

I have learned one thing about Sidney Crosby – he is a very grumpy patient! Over the next week he is sullen and moody. We have watched a lot of movies and a lot of war movies. We began with the entire Band of Brothers series, then we moved to space movies which were better and finally documentaries about war. The last was a little more interesting but I thought my brain would explode. I starting have dreams about war with Sidney trying to save me but he couldn't because of his confession and then Tom Hanks got involved. It was a real jumble of stuff. Basically, Sidney was very unhappy and I was handy to take it out on. Thank God his family came by to help. Taylor had the most success because she talked about the hockey camp she was going to in a week. I thought this would piss Sidney off because he can't play but he actually took great interest and pride in his sister. It was really lovely to see.

When they left, it was sullen and moody Sidney again. Occasionally I can tease him out of it; but, that didn't happen very often. It's now July and I think he sees the new season coming closer and closer without any progress for him. But it's a big day today. We talk to his doctors about taking the first step and getting him back on the bike and it's Canada Day. There's a huge fireworks display down by the water and the whole family is going. That feels so good to say. Trina and Troy have welcomed me into the family and are treating me as one of their own. Taylor and I have formed a great bond. We've found a love of cheesy romantic comedies in common which is a good thing because Sidney falls asleep or heckles throughout the whole movie if I make him watch one.

I feel him behind me as at the stove. I love it when his arms circle my waist and his cheek rests against mine. "So" I ask "what did they say." I can feel his smile against my cheek "I'm back on the bike again." I turn and hug him close. "That's so great Sidney and we have fireworks tonight to celebrate." He chuckles and twirls me in his arms. "I'm going to burn the chicken, let me down." I turn back to the stove and stir the pot again. It's my first time making chicken and dumplings – Trina's recipe – and it smells delicious. "Set the table Crosby so we can eat." While we're eating dinner, I ask about the call. "They said that the quick recovery from the severe symptoms is a good sign. I wanted to tell them that I have a really good nurse but thought I should keep that to myself. Whether it's the rest you hounded me to take or the weird vegetables and roots you've been making me eat that have 'medicinal properties,' I don't know. But it's worked. I'm allowed to get my heart rate up. again You know what that means, right?"

I look over at him and raise an eyebrow. "We're going to have more than one kind of fireworks tonight?" I say. He laughs and says "yep" shoveling more stew in his mouth. "This" he points to his plate "is fantastic; as good as mom's." "Oh God" I tell him "don't you ever tell her that. I want her to keep liking me." Sidney chuckles at that "Angelia, you have nothing to worry about. I thinking she likes you more than me now." "Let's not get carried away. You are the prince of Cole Harbour and can never be dethroned." "Does that make you my princess?" I roll my eyes and groan. He can be so sappy some times. I secretly love it of course.

We clean up and tease and play as we do. I love having the smiling, joking, light Sidney back again. It may just be riding a bike but it's a step forward and, if I'm really honest, I am so glad we can do 'other' activities too. It has been so hard lying beside him at night and not able to touch him or be touched. The need in me was starting to keep me up at night. It's like a physical craving that I just can't fill. I'm starting to feel desperate for him. I glance over at him now, stacking the dishwasher, the way the jeans stretch over his ass and his thighs. The tee shirt clings in all the right places. I feel my hands itching to touch so I turn back to the dishes in front of me and keep washing. The anticipation for tonight, when we're alone might just kill me but it's going to be fun too.

With the kitchen clean, we gather up all of our belongings, cooler with drinks (Trina's bringing food), a couple of blankets to sit on and wrap ourselves in and, of course, Sam who is quivering with anticipation. She doesn't know where we're going of course but we haven't been out much and she loves her trips in the car. She sits on my lap with her head out the window, as usual, and we drive to the park by the water. There are lots of cars and people already. We hop out, Sam waits to be put on the leash, load up our stuff in our hands and make our way towards all of the people. Occasionally, people wave at Sidney and say hello. There are a lot of glances my way; some are speculative and some are wary. I didn't think about this as the first time we're really out with the 'public' together. I have no idea what to expect.

I see Trina waving at us and we make our way there. Taylor takes Sam after giving me a hug. Trina and Troy each hug me too. I love that this family is so demonstrative. It reminds me of my parents although that also brings back the pain. Pushing it aside, I focus on what's in front of me and we lay out our blanket and put the cooler on it. Taylor grabs a pop from it. Trina opens hers and shows me all the fruit and cookies she's brought. I have a love/hate relationship with her cookies. I absolutely love them but I'm concerned that my hips don't. This doesn't prevent me from taking one of course. Troy chuckles "I told you she wouldn't resist them." We are distracted when music starts. Sidney sits down and pulls me to him between his legs. We cuddle in and listen to the music being piped through speakers throughout the park. First Great Big Sea and then Ashley MacIsaac; it's almost as if they are here playing for us. We sway to our own beat while listening. The light is quickly leaving the sky being replaced by a dark sky with stars. I love how you can see so many stars here. Taylor leaves with Sam to find some friends. I see Trina smile at Sidney and me and then she leans into Troy and looks up at the night sky.

The first firework goes off with a loud 'boom' in time to the music playing. Its classical music now which is a perfect accompaniment to the punctuation of the fireworks; I ooo and ahh with everyone. It looks fantastic against the dark sky and there are so many going off I have to continually move my eyes around the sky to keep up. Sidney tightens his arms around me pulling me even closer back to his chest. I lay my head back against his shoulder in what I still consider my nook. It feels surreal, the fireworks going off, the music playing in time and lying in Sidney's arms. The perfect moment, that's what it is, this is the perfect moment. I glance up at Sidney and he looks down at me. "I love you" he whispers to me. "I love you" I whisper back. We both smile and he leans down to kiss me. Now this is what perfect is, all the production around us and being held in the arms of the man I love. We kiss sweetly and then a little more deeply until I notice the fireworks have stopped. We pull away and just look into each other's eyes.

"Wasn't that incredible? Even better than last year, seriously!" Taylor comes running up with Sam who jumps on Sidney and me in her excitement. An eighty pound dog barreling at you means toppling over; I'm very glad for the blanket to cushion us. I haven't laughed so hard in a very long time. We're all a tangle of arms and legs and paws and fur. Troy helps out and pulls Sam off of us. Sidney is laughing too hard to give any commands to her himself. I take a minute to appreciate how nice it is to really hear him laugh. I look over at Trina and know she's thinking the same thing and we share a smile. We finally get everything organized and packed up and begin making our way to our cars. Various people wave and say hello. It's a really nice and homey feel. I love this town. Taylor continues to jabber on about her friend who likes a boy who likes someone else. This girl can definitely talk and reminds me of Mariah.

When we get to the cars, we hug and part ways. Trina whispers in my ear "thank you for bringing his laugh back." I tear up when I look into her eyes. It is an incredibly sweet thing to say to me and I can't help aching for my own mother. She was always so warm and full of life; very much like Trina. All I can do is hug her again. I don't trust my voice. After we're on the road, Sidney turns to me and asks "what was up with you and my mom as we were leaving?" I try to decide what to say. I settle on "she is incredibly sweet to me and, while wonderful, really makes me miss my mom too." Sidney takes my hand and kisses it. "I know babe, I can see it and you know my mom would never try to take her place. She just really does love you too. You've won her over, actually both of them." I turn and smile at him. "It's so nice to be part of a family again. I mean, Mariah is my family and I would be lost without her but, your folks and Taylor are just so great, your mom makes me cookies." Sidney laughs "I know. She swatted at my hand when I reached for one because they were 'yours.' I now have to make a special request for them and she'll make me some 'if she has time.'" It's my turn to laugh.

"You seem so happy Sidney. The last weeks have been really rough, I know, but you seem to be happier." He glances at me and says "what's not to be happy about. I've been cleared to start the bike again and they've made a plan for next steps when I'm ready. I get to spend every minute of the day with the girl I love. Why wouldn't I be happy?" I chuckle "good because I feel he same way. You do know that we have to talk about September at some point. I live at MIT and you live in Pittsburgh. We both want this to work but we have some figuring out to do." I take a chance saying this because, although I know he loves me, we still haven't discussed next steps. Maybe I'm getting braver since I'm the one to bring it up first. "Your right" Sidney replies, "why don't we grab a glass of wine, sit out by the fire and talk?" A huge smile lights up my face "great!" It also feels like a huge weight lifts of my shoulders that he agrees with me

We get out of the truck and go around back to dump our stuff and for Sidney to light a fire. I notice that it's already lit and there's a shadow sitting in one of the chairs. Sam goes running up and jumps up to lick at the stranger's face. Sidney notices and begins to move closer "what the fuck? Max? Is that you?" The shadow gets up and turns to us. "Oui mon ami, c'est moi." Sidney runs over to give him a hug and then stops suddenly. "What's wrong Talbo?" I can see why Sidney has asked. Max looks like he's lost his best friend. "I don't know what to do Sid. We're trying to renegotiate my contract and Shero wants me to take a pay cut which is outrageous of course. So we started looking at other offers to maybe use as leverage with the Pens; but, even when I got them, Shero said he won't match. He wants me to stay, blah blah blah, but he only has so much money. One of the best offers, both in money and role on the team, is in Philli. What do I do Sid?" He looks absolutely dejected and Sidney looks stunned.


	13. Chapter 13

**A very sincere thank you for all of the feedback. I'm getting so wrapped up in Angelia and Sid's love story and I'm very grateful that you are enjoying it too.**

* * *

Angelia leaves Talbo and me outside to talk while she puts our stuff away. I'm grateful that she realized we need to talk alone. For the last few minutes, I have been just sitting here looking at the fire in stunned silence. Playing for the Pens without Max has never even entered my mind. I knew they were renegotiating but always thought it was just going to work out. He got the two goals in our Stanley Cup winning game for fuck sakes. How can the Pens exist without Talbo? Why can't Shero just find the money and get it done? Then I really start thinking about it; I'm up for renegotiation next year, so is Staalsy and then Geno the year after. That's a lot of cap room to keep available. Fuck.

"Talbo, I just don't know what to say." Angelia comes outside with a couple of beers and some grapes for us. I kiss her hand when she gives me the beer, she winks at me and goes back in the house. "I guess things are going well, huh?" Max chuckles when he says it. "Yeah" I tell him "we're figuring it out." "I'm really happy for you Sid, really happy. You deserve it." He looks so genuinely happy for me that I feel guilty. He's happy for me and his world is falling apart; that's a friend. "I guess I don't have to ask what Pat thinks you should do." Max and I share the same agent. I know Pat well enough that he's telling Max to go to Philly. "Yeah" Max says "he likes the money obviously but they also want me to be on the second line and take a bigger role than I'd have in Pitt. It's going to be a new team. With Bryz in net, Jags on the top line with Giroux and Pronger as captain and anchoring D, they really think they'll contend for the Cup. It also keeps me in the east. How can I turn that down for less money with Pens and a lesser role? What do you think Sid? I didn't just show up on your doorstep to get drunk and pour out my problems like some girl. What should I do?"

I think about this for a minute. What will the locker room be like without Talbo and Flower swearing in French and pranking the call ups from Wilkes-Barre? Who is going to remind me to have fun and enjoy myself 'for Christ sakes?' I know I should have learned from Army getting traded that nothing is permanent in hockey but it's just not fair. I'm dealing with my own shit and now I could lose Talbo. It's just not fucking fair. I look at Max. He's staring at the beer in his hand like it has all of the answers to the universe on it. He looks so tired with none of his usual energy and laughter that follows him everywhere. I need to get the stick out of my ass and think about what's best for my friend. I may not like the answer but I know what it has to be. "Talbo, I don't know how it will be the same if you leave, seriously man, but how can you pass this up? It has to be fucking Philly huh?" He chuckles at that "I know, that's what burns my ass too. Flower is going to have lots to say about that I know." He sighs. "It's the right move. I'm meeting Pat in Philly tomorrow to talk about it with the GM and ownership in person. I was supposed to go tonight but I pushed the meeting an hour so that I could come here first. I just couldn't do it without talking to my captain first. Ok, that's settled then. Let's go inside and see your girl. I want to know when she's going to leave you for a real man mon ami."

We douse the fire and go inside. She's in the kitchen and is just taking cookies out of the oven. "You bake too ma chérie? Now you must leave this one and run away with me. We will go to Fiji and live on the beach. I'll fish for our dinner and you'll wear a coconut bra." He noisily kisses her cheek. Before he can pull away, she grabs his cheek and says "Maxime, why would I choose a sedan when I have a luxury SUV?" and she kisses him square on the mouth. Talbo has rarely ever been stunned silent and I'm enjoying that this is one of those times. I'm laughing so hard that I have to brace my hand on the counter. No wonder I love this woman; that brain of hers is so quick and lethal. She transfers the cookies to a rack to cool and says "they are oatmeal with high fiber in the oats, antioxidants in the blueberries and honey instead of sugar. Be careful because they are very hot." I taste one, not expecting too much, and they are hot but also really good. I guess I look surprised because she says "see, not everything that's good for you tastes like crap." I chuckle.

"She's trying to get you healthy through food, huh?" Max asks and chomps on one himself. "Yep" I respond "she's been doing research on what to do for a concussion or brain injury. We've been eating all kinds of weird things." I see her raise her brow at me so I quickly say "good, definitely good babe, just a little different than I'm used to." Her 'humph' doesn't sound good but she continues to move the rest of the cookies to cool. I turn to Max and ask "what time is your flight man?" He responds "7 am so that I can get to my meeting on time." I look at my watch and notice that it's 1 am. When did that happen? Max continues "I guess I should get some sleep so that I'm fresh tomorrow." "Yeah" I reply "Do you need any help cleaning up babe?" I ask Angelia. "Nope, it's all done." Max grabs his bag and we all head upstairs. At the spare room, where Max usually sleeps, he says "you too keep it down, comprendre?" I laugh and push him hard into his room. "You just keep your snoring under control." We both look at each and laugh, heading into our respective rooms.

I close the door and we begin getting ready for bed. As we climb in, Angelia asks me "are you ok?" I know what she's asking about and, truthfully, I'm not ok. How do I describe this to her? "Talbo has been one of my best friends. He makes sure I'm not too serious, reminds me to have fun and pokes at me when I don't listen. I know I should be used to friends being traded but it's just never easy. There is no one else like Talbo, no one and it just won't be the same without him. Then he's going to Philly and that's the worst. We have a long standing rivalry with them that goes way back and way deep. He's going to be missed by a lot of people. He and Flower are best friends." "Flower?" she asks me. Oops, I forgot that she doesn't know the whole team. "Oh, yeah, Marc-Andre's last name is Fleury so we call him Flower." I rub my head and don't realize it until she says to me "do you have a headache?" I do but I say "it's just a small one." I reach for her and bring her full against me. Kissing her deeply leaving no doubt what I'm thinking. She pushes me away and says "you need some sleep Crosby and your friend is in the next room. Put it away until tomorrow." She actually chuckles when she says it and rolls on her side away from me. I pull her against me, spooning, and leaving no doubt at all what I want to do. "If you think that is going to convince me, you are very wrong. You need sleep. It's 1 am and we're getting up at 5 am to say goodbye to Max. Go! To! Sleep!" At the moment that seems like an impossible task but I pull her back against me, push her hair aside and snuggle up behind her. It seems like I can do anything if she is in my arms because I do indeed fall asleep.

* * *

Sitting at the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee in my hand, I am begging my eyes to open and stay open. It's only polite to see a guest off in the morning but that doesn't mean it's easy. I just can't function on four hours sleep. I really don't know how Max and Sid are awake, alert and joking around. Usually, I'm an early riser but this is way too early. I sent a text to Trina to let her know that Max came in and I'd send her a message after we went back to sleep and woke for a second time. I don't even know how Max and Sidney have eaten with this little sleep but it seems that professional athletes can eat all the time and actually do. "Ma chérie, come here and give me a kiss goodbye" Max says to me. I put my coffee down and give him a hug; more like I'm hanging on to him so that I don't fall down. He hugs me back in earnest so I put in an effort and squeeze him too. I'm surprised when he whispers "you take care of my friend chérie. He needs someone to love and who loves him." I look at Max and see that he's very serious. I nod and do kiss him goodbye. Under the jokester exterior, he really is a good man and I can see how much he loves Sidney. The two men hug and Sidney wishes him luck in Philly. Max promises to let us know how it goes; he gets into the taxi and leaves. Both Sidney and I told him we'd drive him but his only answer was 'tabernak' and he walked away. At this very moment, I'm glad because the bed is calling my name.

Surprising me, Sidney picks me up in his arms and carries me upstairs to our room – when did it become our room? – then he throws me on the bed as he likes to do. Just when you think he's a gentleman he tosses you on the bed and you bounce across it. He jumps in after me and pins me to the mattress. "How can you possibly have all of this energy?" I ask him as he kisses up and down my throat. "I have the proper motivation" he responds. My body, which could barely hold itself up downstairs, is now betraying me as I feel it respond to his lips. His hands have been as busy as his lips as they begin to push up the tee shirt I'm wearing. He moves his mouth to my ear, those lips find that spot every time, and his hands lightly touch my breasts. He teases my nipples lightly and of course they respond to him. The tee shirt comes off so that he has better access to me and he definitely knows how to make the best of that access. I feel moisture build between my thighs as he continues his attention on my breasts with his mouth complementing his hands. He tugs lightly, then a little harder with his teeth; lightly, then a little harder with his fingers. This man definitely has my number, for sure.

Not to be outdone, and I'm finally feeling the caffeine kick in a bit, I pull his shirt over his head. My hands run over his shoulders and then up and down his back. I love the feeling of his muscles under my hands. I slide my hands a little lower and under his gym shorts excited to find out that he didn't put on any underwear. I push his shorts down and he helps me take them off. His lips begin to move down my chest to my stomach and, as his hands pull down my yoga pants, his mouth follows his hands. I hear him say "it drives me crazy when you wear these." I chuckle and say "why do you think I wear them." He looks up at me and gets that devilish look in his eye. As he stares in my eyes, he pushes two fingers inside me aided by how wet I already am. I can't help but cry out and my eyes want to roll back but I keep them on his. He strokes me in and out, in and out and I love how he hesitates at the entrance and plays close attention to the nerve endings there. My hips are pushing in time with his hand. Our eyes never lose the connection. He moves his wet fingers to my clit now and slowly circles it. With a smile on his face he knows that I'm desperate for him to touch it. In fact, I try to move my hips so that he does but he won't let me. It looks like he wants to be in charge this morning which is more than ok by me.

I keep watching him and feel his fingers go around and around and then stop. I make a small cry out for more and he just smiles wider. I wait and wait as my breath comes out faster and I feel like I'm dripping onto the sheets. Just when I don't think I can take anymore, he pushes down directly on my clit and begins to rub. I cry out and can't keep my eyes open any more. My hips are rolling under his hand and I know I'm dripping now. I can feel him watching me but I just can't open my eyes. Every nerve ending is alive and I feel a throbbing deep inside me. He keeps rubbing, changing direction, moving slightly but never losing connection with my clit. I think I'm going to fly apart as my entire body is on fire. I feel sweat break out everywhere and I know I'm going to come apart. My entire body shakes and finally let's go. I feel it in every part of me; head to fingers to toes. The orgasm sweeps through me like waves, over and over again, then another wave; but, Sidney doesn't let me come down. His fingers are back inside me, working me. I'm still shaking from the last orgasm and he's bringing me up again. Then he replaces his fingers with his full erection and he's pumping in and out of me. He goes harder and faster and I meet him thrust for thrust. I open my eyes and he's looking down at me. He has that extreme look of concentration he gets right before his orgasm. I whisper "I love you" and his expression softens for a moment but by then his orgasm has begun. I feel myself go over the edge too. I hear him groan and feel every muscle of his that I'm touching tense up. We both completely let go and then just lay there for a few minutes. I can feel everywhere his skin is touching mine. I love when he stays like this, still between my legs, still inside me for just a few minutes.

He slowly reverses our positions and I'm tucked up half on him and half at his side. He takes my face in his palm, I love that, and tilts his head and mine so that we're looking each other in the eye. "I love you" he tells me. I feel it all the way down to my toes when he says that to me. I smile and kiss his chin, his cheek and finally, his lips. "I love you too" I tell him but quickly continue with "but I have got to get some sleep or else I won't be responsible for my behaviour; and it won't be pretty, trust me." He chuckles, we cuddle in, get comfortable and shortly fall asleep.

* * *

The next week goes by quickly and we've fallen into a routine. I do my bike workout in the morning while Angelia takes Sam for a walk by the lake. We have breakfast together and then run whatever errands need to be done in the morning. Angelia has decided that the deck needs flowers so we've spent a lot of time at a nursery buying flower pots, dirt, potting tools and flowers. I have to admit that it does look good to have the colour out there and we almost have Sam trained to leave them alone. In the afternoons we take trips around the area. She might not be athletic, as she puts it, but she does love the outdoors. We go hiking in the beautiful trails. One day we rented a boat and went out fishing into the ocean. She wasn't overly fond of that but she did like to eat the fish we caught. Today we're off to the beach. It's going to be the first time I see her in a swimsuit and I am definitely looking forward to that; I know I've seen her naked every day but there's something about a beautiful girl at the beach in a bikini. I really hope she has a bikini.

"Com'on Angelia, hurry up. If we don't get going global warming will have eroded the shore so that there is no more beach!" "Ha ha ha" she says finally coming down the stairs. She has on this long dress, a big floppy hat and sunglasses. "I've seen the glasses before but where did you get the hat?" She looks at me and says "when I was out shopping with your mom I picked it up; its retro 70's and very in, or so Mariah tells me." "Ok" I reply "let's just get going." We go out to the truck and she asks "are we taking Sam?" "Nope" I respond "dogs aren't allowed at the beach. She'll be fine out back. Probably found some shade to sleep in." We pile everything in and take off. It only takes a few minutes to get there and it's definitely crowded. "Wow" she says looking at all of the people. "Yeah, it's always busy when it's this hot out. I figure it's like hiding in plain sight. No one will even notice us because there are so many people around." At least that's what I'm hoping.

I finally find a place to park and we walk the short distance to the beach where we find a place for our blanket. I take a bottle of water out of the cooler after spreading out the blanket. It is definitely hot out and a great day for the beach. I pull off my shirt and slip off my shoes. When I look up, all movement stops; in fact, all brain function stops. She definitely owns a bikini. The colour has to be called electric blue. The top covers her while leaving a hint of cleavage and a lot to my very active imagine. The bottoms, oh wow, the bottoms are 'boy shorts.' She is definitely sexy and I'm glad my board shorts are loose because this is not the place to be showing a hard on. Just to be safe, I say "let's try out the water." She takes off the sunglasses and says "sure." I take her hand and we head down to the water. The water is cool but it's nice since it's so hot; but, Angelia puts her feet in and immediately jumps out. "Why is it so cold?" she asks. "It is the ocean" I tell her. "Nope," she says "it's way too cold for me" and she turns to go back up the beach. Predictably, and I can't believe she didn't think about it, I grab her and carry her into the cold water with me while she shrieks the whole way.

Apparently my pretty professor has a mean streak because my actions have started an all-out water war. I may be stronger but she swims like a fish. Every time I think I have her, she ducks under water and comes up ten feet in the other direction. Just when I think I know where she is, she pops up somewhere else. I definitely wasn't impressed when I find my trunks down at my ankles; for which I'm very glad we were in the deep, unclear water. Pulling them up, I watch her laughing so hard she is actually losing control of herself. Always knowing when to take advantage of my enemy, this is when I strike. With my much longer reach I dive her way and grab her. She's laughing like a loon now. There's nothing else to do but push her head under water. I hold her there for a second and then let her up sputtering water. "Not fair" she cries. "That was for the trunks" I tell her. At least she's stopped laughing. I grab her again and pull her to me. I love her wet, cool lips and take my time exploring them. I also love her slippery body against mine. "Ok" she says "truce?" and holds her hand out to me. I shake it and we head back up to our blanket.

Both of us flop onto the blanket tired from our play. I grab a bottle of water and hand her one too. A shadow falls over me and I hear "Sidney?" I look up and see that it's Sarah, Helen's granddaughter, standing over me. "Hi Sarah, lose any more teeth?" "Nope" she replies. "Will you help me build a sandcastle? Brandon won't help me." I remember back to when Taylor was that age and I didn't want to be seen with her at the beach. "Sure Sarah, I'll build one with you. Can my friend Angelia help too?" Sarah looks over at Angelia and seems to be thinking about my question. It's so cute. I just wait until she says "ok. Is she any good at it?" I try not to laugh. Keeping my straight face I respond "I don't know, you could ask her?" Sarah looks over at Angelia who is sitting up and has been watching the whole exchange. "Are you any good Angel?" Sarah can't quite get her mouth around Angelia's full name. Looking Sarah in the eye she says "I am definitely good at building sandcastles. May I help you too?" Solemnly, Sarah thinks about it and then says "yep" with a smile and takes off to some empty sand. I get up and then offer Angelia a hand. "I like that" I tell her. "Like what?" she asks me. "Angel" I respond "it fits you very well." She actually blushes, that's a first, and says "let's go build a monster sandcastle."


	14. Chapter 14

"What the fuck?!" I hear Sidney yell from the family room. He's talking into his cell phone. "Hang on Pat and let me get to my laptop." I follow him into the office and he turns white when he sees that I'm following him. He mouths 'I'm sorry' and opens up his computer. I go behind him and see the website he's bringing up. It's something called Puck Daddy but I don't know why he's so upset. When the site comes up, I immediately know. On the page are pictures of us. First, there are pictures of us kissing at various stages on Canada Day with the caption 'seems like 'the kid' has grown up and all Canadian girls' hearts break.' Next are pictures of us at the beach building a sandcastle with Sarah with the caption 'does baby make three?' I'm stunned by what I see; absolutely stunned. I can't stop looking at them though until Sidney closes the lid. "This is completely unfair Pat. Isn't there something we can do?" He listens for a while and finally says "Yeah, I understand. Thanks for telling me about it. Ok, bye."

He turns off his phone and looks at me. "Babe, I am so sorry. I really didn't think this would happen. Usually they leave me alone here at home. Are you ok?" I really can't respond. I open the computer again and look at the pictures. Those are surprising, as are the captions, but the comments underneath are just vile. Everything from how ugly I am and he can do better to how good I must be in bed to land Sidney Crosby and all his money. I just can't fathom that people would be that mean and demeaning. "Angel, please, talk to me." Not even Sidney's new nickname for me can make me look away from the screen. In fact, it reminds me of how innocent and fun that day was building sandcastles with Sarah and how sullied and tarnished that memory is now. He touches me and that brings me back to the present. "Babe, I really am so sorry this happened. I knew it was a possibility but I thought we'd have more time. Pat said there's nothing to really do. They are pictures of us and people can say what they want." He pulls me into his arms but I just feel numb. I don't really feel anything other than numb. He guides me out of the office and into the kitchen, sits me at the kitchen table and gets me a glass of water. I finally look at him when he sits down beside me.

"I'm so sorry" I say to him. "For what" he responds "you haven't done anything." I think for a minute. "Isn't this bad press for you? Isn't Pat mad because they're saying bad things about you? Oh God, what will the Penguins say or Mario? I guess I could go back to MIT early and just disappear. I don't see how they can find me. Mariah bought all my plane tickets and made all of the arrangements." I look up at him desperate because I just don't know what to do. Sidney takes my face in his hands. "I'm not getting mad at you right now because you're upset and this is your first invasion of privacy. It's sad how I've grown accustomed to it. But for the very last time, I pray, you are not going anywhere! I love you, that's it, that's all there is for me. We just need to figure out how things are going to happen, not if they are going to happen. Don't you get that yet? Don't you see how much I love you and need you? I've been trying to figure out for a week now how to convince you to come to Pittsburgh with me because I won't be without you. I know it's selfish but I can't move to Cambridge so you have to come to Pittsburgh!" What he's saying is finally getting through to me. He wants me to come to Pittsburgh with him? "You mean you want me to visit you?" He chuckles "you know for someone so smart you can really be stupid. I don't want you to visit. I want you to move to Pittsburgh and live with me. I want you to stay a part of my life." "What are people going to say when I move there if this is what they're saying over a few pictures?" I ask. He responds "why should we care?" Is it really as simple as that; I just move to Pittsburgh? What am I going to do about my job, my research, my students? Then I look into his eyes. Maybe we do make it that simple. "Ok" I say. "What do you mean 'ok'?" I take a deep breath and repeat "ok. Guess I'm moving to Pittsburgh in September."

* * *

I know that she's been worried about the internet stuff and deciding to move to Pitt but I know it will all work out. Thankfully, my mom has helped calm her down over the last two days since we decided to do it. Her sister has been really supportive too. She even called me and threatened very nasty things if I ever hurt her sister. I promised to take care of Angelia and that seemed to appease her. I have great news to share with her now and can't wait. She's not in the kitchen or family room but I see her out back watering the flowers. I run out and grab her. The watering can goes flying and Sam starts barking. Angelia starts to say something but I silence her with a kiss. "What?" she asks me. "I just got off the phone with the doctors and I can start working out at 25% again!" I can't help but kiss her again. "Oh, that's wonderful Sidney. You're going to make sure to keep to 25% this time, right?" I laugh at that "yeah, I will, promise." I put her down and know that I'm just grinning like an idiot. "You want to go work out right now, don't you?" she asks me. "Actually, yeah I do. Do you mind if we go for that hike tomorrow?" She puts her hands on either side of my face and says "do you really think I could resist the 'little boy on Christmas morning' look on your face? Go, work out, maybe I'll come down and watch and then we can have a little workout ourselves." I laugh at that, but it's got me thinking. Ok, work first and then some play. "Sounds good" I tell her, one more kiss and then off to the gym.

Deep into my workout I marvel at how much is coming back. I know that I'm nowhere near my usual physical fitness and this is only a 25% workout; but, it feels damn good to be doing it! I'm surprised when Angelia comes in the room. "Hi babe, I need probably an hour yet." She shakes her head and says "I've been doing some research." I can't help but chuckle and wonder what weird Asian vegetable I'll be eating next. "Oh yeah, and what have you been researching?" I ask her like I don't know. "Dr. Ted Carrick. He is a PhD and a post graduate professor of clinical neurology at Logan College of Chiropractic. He has a graduate studies program out of Florida and specializes in what he calls chiropractic neurology. It's really progressive work for a brain injury very similar to yours. Think back: a couple of times now you've gone up to 25% or even 50% and had set backs. Maybe it's time to look outside the box. While Carrick is at the forefront in this type of medicine, his treatments are non-invasive and no medicine. He's got this machine that looks like you're a test pilot but he is getting incredible results." She looks really nervous now. I know she tries to stay quiet when we talk to the doctors and experts but she reads everything she can after and before those calls. I find her on the web all the time, especially on her university's research site with medical material. Maybe it is time to think outside the box. "Let me finish up here and then, yeah, let's talk about it." She smiles and leaves me to my work out.

I continue my work out and can't help thinking about what she said. I do keep having setbacks, even if the last one was my fault, and we keep doing the same things just in longer time frames. I guess it doesn't hurt to look into it. The doctors I've had fucked me up after not diagnosing me right after the Steckle hit. Maybe I need to take control of this rather than continuing to just let the doctors dictate what I'm doing. I like that it's non-invasive and no pills but just what does he do?

After finishing my work out, I go up to the kitchen and down two bottles of water. "Good workout I guess" Angelia says. "It feels so good just to work up a sweat and feel my muscles work. You have no idea. So, I've been thinking a lot about what you said." She smiles and says "I hoped." I sit down at the breakfast bar with her and say "tell me about it. I especially want to know just what this doctor does if it's non-invasive and no pills." She smiles and says "he uses a full body gyroscope, or rotating chair that spins around and upside down." Now I know we have definitely not only gone outside the box but, like in the Matrix, there really is no box!"

* * *

"Sidney, I really don't think this is a good idea." I can't believe he talked me into getting on the ice with him. He had worked his way up to 50% and the next step was on ice workouts. I told him that if he got there then I'd let him teach me how to skate; not thinking through that then I'd have to put skates on and go on the fucking ice! I should have just used sexual favours. "Let's go scaredy-cat. You promised you would skate with me. I have Dr. Collins looking into Dr. Carrick and his work. I've gotten myself to the 50% level and on ice workouts. Now it's time to pay up my dear professor." Damnit, he's right. "Fine, but don't you dare let me fall. I mean it Sidney. I'm a prominent physicists and the world would miss my mind if it was gone." He laughs at me. I'm scared for my very life and he's laughing at me. Fine, I am no scaredy-cat. I move from my position behind the boards, get close to the ice and I am overwhelmed by a horrible stench. I guess it shows on my face and Sidney laughs. "Sorry" he tells me "it's the gear. It really stinks." "God Sidney that is truly an understatement. What does your locker room smell like?" Again, he laughs "you don't want to know."

More scared of falling than I am of puking, I grab at his hand and put one skate on the ice. They are shiny new Reebok skates made especially for my feet. Sidney insisted that I have the best. So far, the specially made skate is staying on the ice so I risk another one. Clutching Sidney's arm, I'm still ok and haven't fallen on my ass. I look at him and he's smiling at me. "You're doing great" he tells me. "At least I don't look like Bambi but this is way above your pay scale, isn't it, teaching a novice how to skate?" Again he laughs, and I'm getting a little tired of the laughing as I still fear for my life, and says "I work with the Little Penguins group and they're 5 and 6 year olds so I have done this before." I send him a withering look. "So I'm like a five year old? If I wasn't completely dependent on you for my very life right now then I'd make you regret that statement."

"You can do it Angelia. Just balance your weight." Taylor yells from the bleachers. She wanted to teach me herself but Sidney insisted it be him and only him. I think Taylor came along to heckle me. Everyone in this fricken family wants me to die on the ice. Sidney moves in front of me and skates backward pulling me with him. I wobble a bit but stay upright. "See" he says "you can glide. Now we need to get you to push a little yourself." "Push what, you crazy ice skating sadist?" This time it's Taylor who laughs like a hyena, if Sidney's going to laugh, he thinks twice about it. "Take one foot and push it to the side." He moves beside me and shows me how. I try it and almost land on my ass. "That's good. Try it again and lean on me more." I do as he directs me and am less wobbling. Wow. We continue on this way until he says "ok, I'm going to let go and let you try on your own." I look up at him and say "no fucking way!" He just smiles patiently and says "you can do it. Here, take my stick and hold it on the ice. It will give you some balance but you'll do most of it. Give it a try. I'm still right here." I look dubiously at him but he's the best hockey player in the world and I've seen him do things on skates over the past few weeks that I can't do on land. Trusting him, I take his stick and hold it to the ice in front of me. He lets go of my elbow but stays beside me. I push off once, then twice and then three times. Wow, I'm skating. It's then that I notice that Sidney isn't right beside me anymore and I'm going way too fast for my liking. "Hey hotshot, you never taught me how to break!" On the last word I lose my balance and fall sideways. Halfway to the ice, Sidney catches me and dips me back for a kiss. "I told you I wouldn't let you fall." My heart melts, it always does when he says and does sappy, cheesy stuff like that and I hear Taylor pretending to retch. "Ok we're done for the day" I tell him and he takes me over to the side where Taylor is waiting with my shoes.

"Do some tricks for her Sid." Taylor tells her brother. He shrugs his shoulder, as he does when he's trying to be modest and not appear too cocky. Taylor helps me off with the skates, thank God, and we settle on the bleachers to watch him. I come to almost all of his on ice workouts. I've never seen him play or even skate before he was injured so I want to catch every minute. He is so incredible and Taylor tells me he's only at 50% of what he really can do. It's something about getting his timing back. I don't know what he'll look like when he's at 100% because this is unbelievable. I watch him put the pucks in a row, five of them, and then shoot them one by one into the net. Taylor yells "boring. I could've stopped those." He then picks up a puck with his stick and bounces it on the blade all the way down the ice and back. Wow. "I've seen that one too Sid." Now he takes the puck on his blade and tosses it high in the air, I have to look up to see how high, then catches it with his stick. "Even you have to admit that one was impressive Tay." She shrugs but I know she loves watching him skate. This time he skates down the ice at great speed, the puck in front of him, and as he nears the net he picks up the puck with his blade, turns 360 degrees and shoots the puck in the net. Joy at watching him overtakes me and I start clapping. "Don't encourage him Ang, he'll get an even more swelled head." Taylor says but I know she's impressed with him too although she's probably seen these tricks a million times.

Sidney comes off the ice and says "was that good enough for you squirt." Taylor wrinkles her nose, she hates being called squirt, and says "it was ok. You've been better." Sidney rolls his eyes at her "it's just easier being a goalie. You just stand there and move your stick and glove around. Angelia, give me 10 or 15 minutes to shower and we can go, ok?" I nod and Taylor and I move to the lobby of the arena. Damnit, they call it a rink, got to remember to call it a rink. I guess it's not a lobby either, oh well. As I'm standing there with Taylor and she's chatting about goalies, two girls come up to us. They have to be maybe 16 or 17 years old. "Hi Taylor" the one girl says. Taylor says hi back but that's it and Taylor seems very standoffish. She's not her warm self. The same girl who said hello to Taylor then turns to me. "So, your Sidney's girlfriend?" she asks in a very snotty tone. I just want to get hell out of here at this point but I'm always scared of camera phones and what people will write on Twitter, so I decide to be nice. "My name is Angelia, it's nice to meet you." They both scoff at me and the other one says "I always thought that Sid would date a model." Now I just want to cry. I was able to avoid the whole 'mean girl' thing by being tutored rather than going to school. Of course I graduated high school at eleven years old. I don't know what to say or do without causing a scene. The first girl agrees with her friend and says "yeah, maybe like your hot sister but definitely not like you." She looks me up and down when she says this, in a way to make it clear I am substandard in her eyes. Then their faces turn to all smiles and I feel Sidney beside me. "Hi Terra, hi Julie, checking out the rink today?" Both girls giggle, say 'yeah' and are big smiles for him. The one is even looking him up and down. "Nice to see you" Sidney continues "we need to get going." With this, he steers Taylor and I to the door. He doesn't say anymore so I know he didn't hear the exchange. The girls were also keeping their voices down. As Taylor and I round our side of the truck, I touch her arm and say "please don't say anything to anyone about that. It's not important and I don't want to sidetrack Sidney with it, ok?" She frowns at me but agrees.

* * *

Both Angelia and Taylor were really quiet on the drive home. Maybe the skating was a little stressful for her but why is Taylor so quiet. She only has one speed for talking and that's full out. Ah well, I'm sure it's nothing. "What did you think of your first skating lesson babe?" She smiles at me and says "terrifying and humbling when I saw what you can do on a pair of skates. But I did it, check that off the list." "Until next time" I respond. "Oh ho, you think there will be a next time huh? Think again sweetie, think again." We drop off Taylor and Angelia seems to be back in better spirits. "How did you feel on the ice today?" she asks me. I think about it for a minute and respond "great actually. It's just when I do the quick timing drills that I get a little dizziness. I guess it's not dizziness, more like vertigo." "That makes sense" she responds. When I looked at your MRI and saw the video, you injured the part of your brain that impacts your moving vision and coordination. Basically everything you do out there that makes you a supreme athlete. I'm curious to hear what Dr. Collins says because the studies and data show that Carrick's machine specifically helps for that area of the brain."

I know she's anxious but I've got to slow her down. "Angelia, Collins wants me to see a specialist out in LA and then we'll look at seeing Carrick. While I'm willing to look out of the box, I want to act carefully. I know that you're frustrated and I am too but I just want to be careful." She takes my hand and says that she understands. "Will you come to LA with me? I've booked a hotel. I'll be able to train with my friend Jack. He's a hockey player too with the LA Kings. We can even sight see if you like." She's silent for a moment and then says "I've never been to LA, it would be nice." I can't wait to take her there and show her the sights. I actually love LA. "We leave tomorrow." Now she whirls her head at me and says "what?" "Yeah, Collins called the guy and I have an appointment in two days. It's a hell of a flight so we'll travel tomorrow, see the doctor the next day and then take a few days for ourselves." "Leave it to the last minute much Crosby?" I laugh and know she'll get over it in a minute. Plus, I have an ace in the hole "oh, and I called Mariah and she's going to meet us there." Now she shrieks and throws her arms around me or at least as far as her seatbelt will allow. "Oh Sidney, I've missed her so much. She's been working the summer shows and getting ready for the fall shows, how did you make it work?" I shrug and say "I just asked." In fact, I called Mariah and said that Angelia might need her. With the pictures on the internet and what's going to come when we go to Pitt, I really think my pretty professor can use her sister. I also want to get to know her better myself. "She said something about shopping and that I have to give you my credit card. I'm all for it as long as the shopping trip doesn't involve me." She smiles and says "deal." I love that about her. When I pay for things, or want to get her something, there isn't a big debate about how it's too expensive or I shouldn't spend my money. Of course, she never asks for money either. When she picks up groceries herself then she pays for them. The money I have just exists for her and she neither balks nor takes advantage of it. Probably from having a sister who's rich that she's ok having someone help her out.

I can't believe its August already. When we get back from LA, Andy O'Brien, my trainer, is going to come to Nova Scotia and we're going to intensify my off-ice work outs. His plyometric routines can shape you up very quickly and he's an absolutely killer. That's going to give me a great boost to reach the next level. I didn't tell Angelia, but I've almost decided to go to see Carrick after LA; I just want to focus on one doctor at a time. I also want to focus on her. This has been my most difficult summer ever and I never would have gotten through it without her; not nearly have progressed as much or been so incredible happy. I park in the driveway and just sit there, looking at her, like I'm memorizing every part of her face. She's just staring back at me with that half smile that is so fucking sexy. We get out of the truck and greet Sam who needs to be greeted by both of us. Looks like Sam loves Angelia as much as I do.

As we go around the back, I see the lake and have a great idea. It's dusk now, the perfect time of the evening for what I have in mind. "What to take an evening swim in the lake?" She looks at me and says "Isn't it a little chilly for the lake?" I raise my eyebrows "not for the kind of swim I have in mind." She laughs at this than looks absolutely terrified. "Sidney, it isn't your own private lake. There could be people out there with cameras. We just can't do it." She hurries into the kitchen. She's right of course, but I also think that I've hit a nerve. Following her in, I see that she's setting the table for dinner. "I checked the crock pot and the chilli is ready when we are and don't even try to get it out of me what's in it. I'll tell you that it's good and good for you and then I'll tell you the ingredients after dinner." I go up and put my arms around her. She sighs and leans into me. "Are you ok?" I ask her. "She looks up at me and smiles. "Of course I am. Oh, thank you for not bringing that stinky equipment home with you." I laugh "I used to but my mom said she wouldn't ever step foot back in my house if it was there. She had 18 years of it and that was enough. The rink lets me store it there." "Well, I am eternally grateful."

Dinner is ready fast and we settle in to eat our late meal. "I don't think I'm going to ask you what is in this because it is so good that I just don't want to know." "Sidney, I agree, just enjoy and know that it is a very healthy meal for an athlete rehabbing. Oh, I didn't think about it, I need to pack tonight." "As long as that blue bikini is in there" and she laughs as I had hoped she would. "You are in for a grand adventure Angelia." I lean in and kiss her. "Maybe you are too Sidney" and we're both left wondering what the other means. Of course, I know that Mariah is coming to LA for more than to see her sister. I just hope that she's game enough to help me out.


	15. Chapter 15

**My apologies on the wait for this chapter; I was away for the weekend. Hope it was worth the wait. **

We arrive at LAX exhausted. Even in first class, it is an excruciatingly long flight from Halifax, changing planes in Toronto, to LA. Ten hours feels like ten years but we're here and the weather is gorgeous. Even better, no one has recognized me since we landed. I didn't tell Angelia but her sister is already here and is picking us up. We claim our bags and go outside to the arrivals area. All of a sudden, I hear a high pitched whistle and we look over. In dark glasses and a sun hat, I see Mariah in a black SUV signally us over. Angelia drops her bags and goes running to the car throwing herself at her sister. The driver helps me with the bags and we both chuckle. "Miss Mariah was waiting at the gate but she was being recognized by paparazzi so we came back out to the car." I nod to him and say "thank you" and get in the car myself. The girls are still hugging and talking a million miles a minute in French. I still can't follow a word of it.

Finally, they notice that I'm there and Mariah throws herself at me; there's no half measures with hugging for these girls. I just can't stop smiling at them. It's quite a family reunion. "You did this, didn't you, having her pick us up." Angelia says, but it's not really a question. Of course I organized it, anything for her to spend more time with her sister. "You must all be so tired" Mariah says. I'm yawning as she says it so no answer is required. "Why don't we get you guys to the hotel and you can catch a nap. I have meeting at noon but a car will be here to pick you up Ang and take you to Cal Tech to meet with Professor Stuffy-pants. Sidney a car will be ready to take you to your agent's office. We will all meet at Chateau Marmont where I've reserved a private room, ok?" "Sounds great Ri" Angelia tells her "I think I'll have much more pep after we have a nap and some food." "Great" Ri replies "I've checked you in and have your keys. My people have gone through the suite and say everything is exactly where it should be and it is gorgeous. We've taken up the entire top floor and its key passed to even get on the floor. We have our own gym, sauna, steam etc. It may not be up to your standards Sid; but, if you do want privacy during your workout you can get it."

We arrive at the hotel, unload our suitcases and wave goodbye to Mariah. The porter leads us through the lobby and up to our suite. I give him a tip and thank him. Angelia is looking around and then out at the view. "It's gorgeous" she says. I agree but all I can think about is the bed. I quickly unpack our suitcases while Angelia is out on the balcony enjoying the view, and then I join her. I put my arms around her as she looks out at the city. I love the way she tilts back against my shoulder. "It's beautiful, even with the smog" she laughs "but are you as exhausted as I am?" "God yes" I agree with her. We walk our way to the bed and pretty much pass out. I remember to get a wakeup call for 1 pm and then we both quickly drift off.

The phone shrills and I'm trying to ignore it. I hear Angelia talking to whoever it is on the phone and then she hangs up. "Sidney, its 1 pm and time to get up." I feel her get out of bed and soon hear the shower going. I could stay in bed but, hearing the shower, I get another idea. Stripping, I go into the washroom and see a huge steamer shower, perfect. I join Angelia and she looks up at me with the shampoo bottle in her hand. "Trying to conserve water Sidney?" I love how she quirks an eyebrow up when she says it. I don't answer but take the shampoo from her and wash her hair myself. I massage her head and she begins to sigh. I let my soapy hands glide down her body and she turns to me. "Seriously, we don't have time for water sports. We both have to be on time." I sigh but know she's right. I especially don't want to be late for my appointment and it has nothing to do with my agent. We leave the shower and finish off getting ready making it downstairs at 2 pm on the dot. There are two SUVs there, one for each of us, so I give Angelia a kiss. "I'll see you at the Marmot in a few hours." She smiles, we kiss again and we're both off in our own cars.

My car heads to Beverly Hills and North Rodeo Drive. The car pulls up at the back of the store and a young woman is there to greet me. "Mr. Crosby, welcome to Harry Winston. Would you follow me please? Miss Mariah is waiting inside for you." I just smile and follow her. I've gone through a lot of back doors and kitchens to avoid press in my career but none this swanky. They must do this kind of thing a lot. She takes me through a few highly decorated hallways and then into a large room. Everything is glass and mirrors, oh, and lots of diamonds. I see Mariah sitting at a glass table with a man. "Sidney, come on over" and she gives me a kiss on the cheek. "This is William. He is the only person you want to talk to when buying diamonds." I smile and shake his hand. "So" William says to me when we are seated "what may I help you with today?" I look from Mariah to William, clear my throat and say "I'd like to buy an engagement ring." William smiles broadly saying "than you have come to the right place Mr. Crosby. Do you have any ideas of what your intended might like in a ring?" I smile at him and say "that's why I've brought her sister with me. It has to be the right ring, the perfect ring and I know Mariah can help?" William smiles and says "tell me a bit about her, Angelia is it?"

"Yeah, Angelia. I call her my pretty professor. She's so incredibly brilliant and absolutely gorgeous too. She's at home in the kitchen, on the hiking trail and at a fancy restaurant. She can be stubborn as hell and wears me down with quiet persistence. Every so often, you see these flashes of humour and lightness in her and I've never known anyone so loving or giving of themselves. She's pretty much saved my life over the past two months and I can't see ever living without her. She doesn't wear a lot of jewellery. I know that a lot of the guys on my team by massive rings for their fiancés but I just don't see that on Angelia. Is it possible to meld modern and traditional. That's really her, I think." I look to Mariah who is looking at me with tears in her eyes. She just nods at William. "Ok," he says "I think I have a few you might like but I have one in particular I'm sure will be the one. Let me gage your reaction on a few others first.

William shows us a few rings which Mariah ooos and ahhhs over. They are all pretty, very sparkly, and one was really close but just not right. He puts all of those away and takes a new one out which he presents on black velvet. When I see it, I know it's the one. William is explaining that it's a Micropavé Ring Set, with a cushion-cut micropavé diamond engagement ring, featuring 3.03 carats and a platinum setting and a Micropavé diamond wedding band with a total weight 0.28 carats also with a platinum setting. I understand the word 'platinum' but the rest just goes over my head. What the hell is a cushion-cut anyway? All I know is that this is the ring. William asks if Mariah would like to try it on to so that I can see how it looks. Yep, it's perfect with lots of diamonds all around the ring and a big, apparently cushion-cut, one in the middle surrounded by little diamonds. I look at Mariah and ask what she thinks. "It's perfect Sidney, absolutely perfect for her. She'll love it." I tell William that I'll take it and would like to take the engagement ring with me. He says that we can do that and come back to the store with the lovely lady to have it sized at any time. We don't discuss price. Mariah told me that they don't bring it up unless you do. I intended to ask up front until I see it and know it doesn't matter what the cost is because it's her ring.

The rest was very easy and we're ushered out to our car again. "We have some time before we meet Ang; do you want to grab a horribly overpriced lemonade down by the beech?" "Sure" I tell her. About thirty minutes later, I swear it takes thirty minutes to go anywhere in LA, we are at a table by the sand with lemonade. "Sid, I want to talk to you about proposing. I love you, you know that, and I think that you are the best thing to happen Ang. I've never seen the light in her eyes and especially not since our parents died. I know she's a little neurotic, she's always been so self-conscious, but you know that she's worth it. I also love the two of you together. A little time away from the university and her studies will be good for her. Moving in together is one thing but getting married; you've only known each other for a couple of months. Why is there a rush to become engaged?"

I'm surprised by her question because she's so supportive and just helped me pick out the ring; so I tell her so. "Sid, I told you, I love you together but don't you think it's fast?" I think about it for a minute. She has a point on how much time it's been; not that much. I also know how it feels and it feels right. "Mariah, I get what you're saying and can't disagree about how long it's been; but, nothing about our relationship has been remotely the norm. If I really think about it, what in either of our lives has been the norm?" She chuckles now. "Ok, Sid, I can't argue with you, really, I just want to be sure that you're sure. She's much more fragile than she seems Sidney. Growing up the smartest kid among adults was difficult. Socializing was always incredibly tedious and painful for her. Our parent's death was sort of the last straw for her. It killed us both, truly, but Angelia just became a shell and scared of getting close to anyone. She retreated into school to the exclusion of everything else. Cannes was the first time I was able to bully her to go anywhere with me."

"Mariah, I want to take care of her, I want to love her and make sure the rest of her life is the happiest possible. I can't live without her; she's become essential to me to be truly happy. That's never happened before. It's always been hockey, then family and then, if there is any time, everything else. That's changed and I think for the better. So, I'm going to do it. Now, the question is how to do it. I thought I'd wait until we're back in Nova Scotia where our relationship grew. I thought I'd try to cook dinner, eggs are usually the only thing I can cook but I'm going to venture into dinner, and then have some wine out by the fire where I'll ask her. Simple, traditional and romantic; just like Angelia. What do you think?" "Well" she begins, and I get nervous, "if it was me, not remotely right. For Ang, it is exactly perfect. Actually, it's perfect for you both. Great idea, I'm so happy for you."

* * *

The meeting at CalSci was interesting. They're doing some very interesting research into string theory. It builds off of others' work but still has some interesting validity and I've asked them to keep in touch. When I arrive at Chateau Marmont, I'm completely intimidated; it's one of those trendy places that Mariah likes and where I am ignored. I go into the bar to get a drink since Sidney texted and they're caught in traffic but hope to be here soon. Ordering a glass of wine, I look around the room at all of the very pretty people. LA is so weird. I take my drink and sit in a sofa area which is much more comfortable than the bar. "Hi, do you mind if I sit here?" I look up at an attractive man smiling at me. "Sure" I tell him. "I'm waiting for my boyfriend and sister but they're running a little behind." He chuckles and says "LA traffic, right?" I chuckle too. He continues "Are you visiting or do you live in LA?" "We're visiting. My boyfriend is seeing a doctor out here so I came along for the sun and the beach." He introduces himself "I'm Matthew" and that's when it hits me; he's Matthew McConaughey. "Oh my God, I thought I recognized you. Would I seem really naïve if I said that I love your movies?" He chuckles and replies "no, I like hearing that from fans. And you are?" "Sorry, I'm Angelia. I'd love to talk about Contact if you don't mind. I am a huge admirer of Carl Sagan both his fiction and non-fiction work and the movie was incredible."

I can't believe how knowledgeable Matthew is about Sagan's work. We are deep into a conversation about it when I feel a hand on my shoulder. Looking up I see Sidney, so happy to see him, I smile and kiss him. "Sidney, so glad you're here. Do you know Matthew?" The two men shake hands and then I hear "Matthew, is that you? Did I hear you are expecting again? Congratulations." Mariah throws herself into his arms as only Ri can do. It's now that I notice Sidney has his arm around me but he's very stiff. I look at his face and his lips are pursed, something is definitely wrong, I wonder what happened with his agent. "Well, I need to be heading off. Angelia, it was an absolutely delight to spend this time with you sweetheart. Have a good evening y'all." I wave after him, what a nice guy. "Miss Mariah" a woman dressed all in black says "we have your table ready."

When we're seated, I ask Sidney "how did it go at Pat's?" He's looking at me like he didn't even hear me so I repeat my question. "Pat had to cancel so Mariah and I met at the beach for lemonade and then came here." Hmm, maybe that's what's bothering him. "I am so hungry and this menu looks great. Ok Ri, Sidney's doctor's appointment is in the morning – which you don't do anyway – so we can go shopping in the afternoon while he's training." Ri begins to plan our whole afternoon of shopping. Sidney is very quiet and almost sullen. Weird. He does come out of his mood the more Ri teases him and we have a wonderful evening.

Back at the hotel, we get ready for bed. I climb in and go to lie in Sidney's arms but he's pulled the covers up and rolled away from me. Something is clearly wrong but I just can't tell what it is. I grab my phone and text Ri 'did something happen with S today' I ask her. 'what do u mean' she sends back. 'being weird, cold, distant' and I wait for something back. Finally she says 'honestly no idea, sorry Ang.' Looks like I need to figure it out myself. "Sidney, something is wrong, I can feel it. What did I do?" Sidney rolls onto his back and sighs. "I'm sorry I've been in such a mood tonight." Then he rolls back over. "Sidney, that's ok, but what's wrong? You can tell me." He turns back and sighs again but says nothing. "Sidney, really what did I do? Tell me. I just can't take not knowing what I did. Please." "It was him, not you!" he yells at me. I'm stunned, completely and utterly stunned. Confused, all I can say is "who?" "McConaughey" he yells, jumping out of bed and stalking around the room. "It was inappropriate, in a bar, flirty and touching you; just completely inappropriate. What the fuck was wrong with him?" I'm still so stunned that I can't even speak. Who is this man who is completely irrational and angry? I get up and go to him. Touching his arm I say "Sidney, it was just innocent talking. When we introduced ourselves I told him I was waiting for my boyfriend. He's just really friendly and yes, kind of flirty too. I'm so sorry if that hurt you. So very sorry."

He turns to me and his face relaxes. "No, I'm sorry. Obviously I overreacted, I'm so sorry baby." He pulls me into his arms and I begin to relax. Whatever storm was brewing has past. All I know is that I need to show him how much I need him and only him. I need him to show him how much I love him and only him. I take his face in my hands and kiss him with all of the love I feel. My tongue sweeps into his mouth and plays in every recess. I pull his shirt off over his head and run my nails up and down his back. As I dig them in again, Sidney moans into my mouth. I push my hips against him and feel his erection on my stomach which always makes me wet. It encourages me and I have to have him now. I kiss down his chest licking and bite at his skin, his nipples and then over his stomach. I pull his boxer briefs down and kneel in from of him. His erection pops out and I hold the shaft in one hand and take the tip in my mouth. My tongue plays around and around the tip. His hand moves to my hair and digs in tight. I cry out with his dick still in my mouth and he grows even harder. I reach up and massage his balls while I move my mouth up and down and up and down. He grows even harder. He tries to pull me up but I won't go, I want to do this for him, I want to feel him get all the way to the brink before I move. I suck harder and faster, massaging his balls a little harder and I feel his hand tighten again in my hair. I move faster and faster, I know he's close, so I stop.

I stand up and push him back toward the bed while I pull my tee shirt over my head. I push him down and climb on top of him, slowly lowering myself over him. He's placed his hands on my breasts and is playing with my nipples which I feel deep inside of me. I stroke my nails hard over his chest and down his stomach while I ride him. He grows even harder inside me. I increase my speed and lean back on his thighs to get him deeper inside of me. Faster and faster I move until I know I'm close and so is he. One last thrust and I let go, shuddering, clutching at him inside of me. When I am completely spent, I collapse on top of him and we lay like that for a few moments. "I love you" he says to me, "I love you Sidney." 'Forever" he says. "Yes" I tell him "forever" and he kisses me deep and long. We move under the covers and cuddle in to go to sleep.

* * *

I can feel that she's drifted off to sleep and my body definitely wants to follow her but my mind just won't slow down. What the fuck was that earlier? I've never had a jealous bone in my body over any other girl and now it's happened twice with Angelia. I remember feeling so excited that I would burst when we left the jeweler. The weight of the ring in my pocket felt right; it felt like I was making the best decision of my entire life. Then Mariah voiced some of her concerns. I know she just wanted to make sure that I was sure. I know Angelia well enough to know that she can be insecure or unsure of herself sometimes. I'm really hoping the ring will help her stop feeling that way and be more secure with me and us. When we arrived at the restaurant, I was so excited to see her and I only had eyes on her when we walked into the room. She looked so beautiful in that blue sundress and matching sweater; a big, beautiful smile on her face. That's when I noticed that the smile was not directed at me. She was laughing at a man next to her. They were both animated and laughing. She touched his arm after he said something and they both laughed again. After that, all I can see is red. It should have been me she was laughing with and touching and not some Hollywood guy that she met in a bar. Part of me knew it was irrational but I still couldn't help how I felt. It was supposed to be me that she smiled at and laughed with and I resented the time and attention that she gave him.

I look down at her as she sleeps. She looks so content and happy in sleep and in my arms. It just feels so right. I know she loves me, I know she's devoted to me, and yet, I couldn't help how I felt in that restaurant. I'm so lucky she accepted by apology. I am very lucky to have her in my life and can't wait to make it permanent. It's going to kill me to wait until we're back at home to propose but I know that's the right place to ask her. Once she says yes and we start planning the wedding then I know everything will be perfect. She'll feel more secure and I'll get rid of this damn jealousy. Everything is going to be just perfect. I look down at her again, kiss her forehead, and settle in to sleep. I know we're almost there.


	16. Chapter 16

"Tell me again what the doctor said" Mariah asks me. We're in a private room at Channel trying on clothes that "Karl said Mademoiselle Mariah must try." Only my sister would have the designer another continent away put clothes aside for her. "Basically, Sidney has hit a plateau and can't move beyond 75-80% exertion without symptoms. They talked about trying this and that but basically they don't know what to do but won't say it. I don't think that they are used to someone be so highly in tuned with their body and as focused on each and every muscle performance as Sidney. Most athletes wouldn't notice specifically where the issues are and be able to identify actual movements. At least Sidney has made the decision to go see Dr. Carrick and hear him out. Dr. Collins and Pat will meet us there for the appointment and, if they agree, Sidney will get treated while we're there. Hey, that looks gorgeous on you" I finish as I come out and see her looking in the mirror in a barely there blouse and slim pencil skirt.

"That's got to make you happy then, especially since you suggested it. Wow, you have to get that; seriously, Sidney will flip his lid when he sees you in that dress." Mariah's encouragement has me looking in the mirror carefully. The one thing I can always count on is her telling me the truth. Even I have to admit that I like the way I look. It's very romantic and pretty but has enough drape and skin showing to be sexy. "Those sandals you just got at Gucci will be perfect with it." Hmm, I think she's right "ok, I'll get it. You are a bad influence." We both go into our change rooms and get back into our own clothes. When we come out, the sales clerk asks what we will be taking with us. For Mariah, it's everything of course. For me, it's the last dress and another two that Mariah says I'll definitely need in Pittsburgh. Basically, that's what this whole shopping trip has been about for Mariah; ensuring that I have a huge closet full of clothes for Pittsburgh. Of course the trip to La Perla was for me, well, I guess for Sidney. He loved the lacy bra and panties that Ri gave me before I went to Nova Scotia but he's going to lose his mind over what I got a La Perla.

The sales clerks help us into the car with all of our purchases and the trunk is full. "I need a nap. It's been a while since we went shopping together Ri and I forgot how tiring it is; I definitely need a nap." I yawn widely and Mariah laughs. "What are you and Sidney doing tonight?" she asks me. "I have no idea to be honest. He told me to wear a dress, that's it. Oh, I'm going to wear that last dress I bought. It should work no matter where he's taking me, right?" Ri laughs and says "I think that dress is going to work for anything and everything he has in mind." I laugh too, although thinking about it has my mind drifting and my laughter stopping. Mmmm, I can't wait for tonight. "You never told me what you're doing tonight Ri?" "Well" she begins "I'm actually heading out. I need to stop in New York and then onto Rome for a shoot." I'm instantly sad; I can't believe she can't stay. "Don't go getting all frowny-face on me Ang. I told you I couldn't stay long but I just had to see how happy you are for myself." I smile at that "and I am happy Ri. He's a really good man." "Yes he is sweetie and you don't deserve anything less."

When we arrive at the hotel, the porter helps Mariah out of the car and she tells him to bring some friends because we went shopping. She supervises which bags go to which room and we follow the porters into the hotel and up the elevator. After dropping off my bags, I follow Mariah into her suite and flop on the bed. "My assistant is going to be her in a few minutes so let's get the mushy stuff out of the way now. Plus, you need a nap to recharge for your date." I look at her and tears come into my eyes and hers. We hug, tight and long, as we usually do. "I love you" I tell her. "I love you" she replies. I quickly leave the room before we both start blubbering. We try to keep our goodbyes short. It always hurts so we figured out that we might as well be brief.

I go back to my room and unpack my shopping bags. Now I'm grateful that this suite has a walk in closet so that I can hang everything up. Looking at the volume, I may have to see if Sidney has room in his bag or else I'm going to have to buy a new suitcase. With that chore done, the bed is looking more and more inviting. Looking at the time, I know Sidney is going to be at least another hour so I can't resist. Sliding onto the silk comforter and among all the plump pillows I'm quickly asleep.

* * *

When I get home, you know that you travel a lot when you call the hotels 'home,' I don't hear any noise. Mariah already called me to say goodbye because she had to go to New York before going onto Rome – she travels even more than I do – so I know Angelia is here. I wander through the living room and drop my bag. I see her familiar shape on the bed and she's sound asleep. Mariah must have been true to her word and shopped them into a coma. Well, I have a big night ahead for us so, as much as I don't want to, I need to wake her up. I lie beside her and take her gently into my arms. It always amazes me how, even in sleep, she snuggles into me. I decide to kiss her awake, one of my favourite times to kiss her, and she responds slowly as she comes awake. "Mmmm, you know, my boyfriend is going to be back soon so we need to hurry if you want to do anything." I chuckle "I hear you did some damage today." "Yep," she responds "we did quite a bit although Mariah always puts my efforts to shame. I really don't know where she puts all of the clothes and shoes she buys. So where are we going tonight?" I chuckle again "nope, I'm not going to tell you. Can you be ready in an hour?" She opens an eye, just one, and looks at me. "That means that I have to get up, right?" I nod and roll over. "Ok, do you need the shower?" "I just need to change because I showered at the gym so it's all for you. Why don't I take my suit to the spare room and change there so you can meet me in the living room and surprise me with something new you bought?" I figured this out before I got back. This way I can do my thing before she can find out. She smiles as if she likes the idea of surprising me. I smile because I know that I'm going to surprise her.

I grab my stuff, give her a quick kiss, and head out of the bedroom, being sure to close the door. Calling down to the concierge, I tell them that the coast is clear and they can come up in ten minutes. Quickly, I get dressed, deciding to not to wear the tie though. I hate wearing them unless I have to but wanted to be a little more dressed up with the suit than usual. I go open the door and find four men, two from the kitchen and two from the other staff, coming down the hall. "This is perfect timing guys. She's in the master bedroom so we have to keep it down but she won't be out for about forty five minutes. Come on in and let's set up." They bring everything in and I know we have a job to do. "Let's set up the table on the balcony. She loves the view and having dinner out there should be good, right?" "Yes sir, Mr. Crosby" and the kitchen staff go to set up the table and champagne. I look at the other two guys and they are ready with everything else. "Um, let's set up the vases of flowers and candles around the room, wherever there's a space let's put a vase or candle. Ok, what else do you have? Oh, right, music can be set up over there. Do you have the box from the jeweller?" "Yes sir" he replies. "Let's put that on the table. Can we move some of the furniture so we have some room to dance too?" As they start that chore, I go out to the balcony and see that they have made very quick work out there. There are candles everywhere on the balcony, beautiful china is laid out and even chair covers. "Mr. Crosby, may I suggest that we set up the champagne inside. If you are going to start inside then it might be easier." "Sounds good to me, sure." I move back inside with them and look around. There are flowers and lit candles everywhere and a Coldplay song is playing. It's perfect. "Mr. Crosby, are we still on track to come back in thirty minutes with the first course?" I look at my watch "wow, yes, and you better go because she'll be out any minute." I shut the door behind them and do a quick look around. The sun is setting and the room is glowing in the candle light both from outside and the ones they have set up inside too.

That's the moment when she opens the doors. I look over at her and the world stops. The candle light plays over her skin and there is a lot of skin showing. The dress has light straps over her shoulders and dips low between her breasts. It nips in at her waist then flairs slightly at the hips and falls in waves to her feet. Of course I spend quite some time perusing the slit that begins high on her thigh. I move up to her face and see that she's left her hair down the way I love it. The light is playing over her skin and in her eyes which are opened very wide in surprise. She's speechless for a few moments taking in the scene in front of her. Her eyes move to the balcony and, I didn't believe it could happen, but her eyes get even bigger. "Oh Sidney, what did you do? This is gorgeous and look at all of these flowers." I pick one up, walk over to her and hand it to her. She takes it and lifts it to her nose taking a deep breath. She smiles a huge, beautiful smile and throws herself into my arms. I've learned to anticipate this move from her and I catch her easily. She also smells intoxicating. I take a deep breath at her neck and then kiss her there. Letting her back down, I hold her out a little bit and look into her beautiful face. She kisses me and says "you did this all for me?" "Yep, though I hope you'll share."

I take her hand and lead her to the sofa area. The champagne is already opened so I pour two glasses and hand her one. I hold out my glass and say "I wanted to make a fancy toast but I just can't think of one. All I seem to be able to think is that I love you, with all of my heart." She clinks my glass and says "that's perfect. I love you." We both sip the wine and then I lead her to take a seat beside me on the sofa. "I thought we would stay in tonight and enjoy each other. I haven't showed you my romantic side, although I've never really had one before, but I wanted to with you tonight." I pick up the box from Harry Winston. "I love you so much. While you were out shopping, I did a little shopping of my own." I hand her the box nervously.

* * *

My hands are shaking when he gives me the box. I just can't take it all in and am totally overwhelmed. When I first opened the doors from the bedroom, it was the fragrance of the flowers and candles that hit me. Then I noticed how beautiful the room looks with the candle light in the room and out on the balcony. The flowers and candles are everywhere, absolutely everywhere I look and then Sidney, he's looking so gorgeous in what I know is his favourite blue suit jacket and pants and lavender shirt. I love how he didn't wear a tie, both because he hates them and I love seeing a hint of his chest. The candle light is playing over his face and eyes now as he watches me take the box. I open the box and feel blinded by the diamonds. I knew it was a bracelet from the shape of the box but I didn't expect such a gorgeous one. I know they are marquise cut diamonds because they are Mariah's favourite. That must be where they were yesterday morning. I look up at him. "Sidney, it's gorgeous, I've never seen such a beautiful bracelet or so many diamonds. You shouldn't have been so extravagant, really." He just laughs, takes it out of the box, fashions it on my wrist which he takes back in his hand and kisses the inside. "I wanted to give you something special and knew it was for you when I saw it." I'm completely overwhelmed by the love in his eyes; I take his face in my hands and kiss him soundly. "Thank you. I don't what to say except thank you."

Snow Patrol's _Chasing Cars_ begins to play and that's the first time that I notice there is music playing. There's been so much to experience. Sidney stands up and pulls me to my feet. I see that a little area has been cleared and he pulls me into his arms. With my new shoes, I'm almost the same height as him and we stare into each other's eyes as we sway to the music. I love this song although, as long as I'm in his arms, I really wouldn't care what was playing. With my hands both on the back of his neck, I lightly play with his hair there. It's grown over the past few months and is slightly curling at his collar. I feel one of his hands on my hip and the other running slowly up and down my back. This is another one of those perfect moments that I know I'll remember forever.

He kisses me then. One of those light, soft kisses where you keep your eyes open so that you don't lose the connection. I smile and so does Sidney. That's when we hear a knock on the door. Sidney kisses me one more time and then goes to the door. Two men in uniform come in with a trolley and head to the balcony. Sidney reaches for my hand and says "dinner is served" in a really bad British accent. I groan "oh God Sidney, I love you but, please, don't ever try an accent again, ok?" We head out to the balcony where antipasti has been set up for us. Sidney holds out my chair for me and I sit down. One of the men says "Mr. Crosby, we'll be back with the next course as arranged." "Thank you" Sidney replies and they leave.

I look at the table and it's an Italian antipasti feast; roasted red peppers, marinated zucchini and eggplant, fresh mozzarella cheese, some kind of meat and, I sniff, oh wow fresh crusty bread. "This smells and looks delicious." Sidney smiles then and says "You told me that your favourite food is Italian and the chef here happens to be Italian." Leave it to Sidney to remember my favourite food. We dig into the food and the rich red wine that was poured for us. "Mmmm I think I've gone to heaven. This is so very good. I don't know if I'll be able to eat it all." Sidney chuckles and says "we have a few courses to go so you may want to pace yourself." I chuckle and ask "How was your workout this afternoon? Did you get together with Jack?"

Sidney says "it was great. We were able to use the workout room in the Staple Centre which is top notch and it was great to have a partner for it. As I told the doctor yesterday, I just can't seem to push beyond where I am so I'm glad we're going to Atlanta. Oh, I forgot to tell you, the real estate agent has a few rental units for us to look at. She's going to send us the pictures and details tomorrow. Nathalie said that she'd go through it for us if we like." I'm disappointed that I won't be able to see it in person; however, this is what happens with rentals for pro athletes, or so I'm told. "That is very kind of her" I tell him. "Is she upset that you're moving out?" Sidney thinks about it for a moment. "I wouldn't say upset. We've been a family for the entire time that I've been in Pittsburgh so it feels like breaking up the family to all of us I guess. She is so excited to meet you. I guess mom has been telling her how great you are and she's really looking forward to meet you."

I'm so happy to hear that because I know how close he is to Mario and Nathalie. It's almost like the second 'meeting of the parents.' I sip at my wine, it's also delicious, and look over at Sidney. He is just so beautiful, the candle light on his face and in his eyes, those luscious lips that make me lick my own. Then he smiles which makes my heart skip a beat. The door to the hallway opens and I guess I look concerned. "They know to just walk in once dinner has started" Sidney tells me and the two servers from earlier come in. They take our dirty dishes away including our wine glasses. "I'm sorry, but I'm not finished" I tell the waiter. "My apologies miss" he begins "Mr. Crosby had picked a different wine for each course to complement the food." "He did he" and I look at Sidney who gives his usual shrug. Then all I can do is look at my plate; my favourite food is sitting there, seafood risotto. I manage a "thank you" to the server before I have to dig in.

"Oh God" I say while savouring the sauce, rice, shrimp, scallops and more on my tongue. "Seriously, if the whole meal is like this than I'm going to end up in a food coma. This is the best risotto I've ever had and I've visited Italy." He's just sitting there and watching me eat; it's a little disconcerting. "Do I have sauce on my face?" "No," he chuckles "I like watching you eat. It's quite an adventure." I can't quite get embarrassed by this comment because the food is so good. We finish off our plates, I may actually have to go to the gym with him tomorrow to work this off, and Sidney comes around the table to take my hand. He leads me back onto the living room and I hear Beyoncé's song Halo playing. Sidney takes me in his arms and we dance to the music. I love feeling his broad shoulders moving slightly under his jacket. I always feel so warm and safe when he holds me. The words are so powerful right now 'It's like I've been awaken, every rule I had you breakin', It's the risk that I'm taken, I ain't never gonna shut you out.' I now understand how a song can be prophetic. This one seems to express everything I've felt and feel since I met Sidney. I know the pictures and the mean girls come with it but I'll learn to deal with it, I'm sure. When we get to Pittsburgh then there will be other player's girlfriends to help me out too. 'Hit me like a ray of sun, burning through my darkest night, you're the only one that I want, think I'm addicted to your light.' I put my cheek against his and move even closer to him; tonight it just can't be close enough. He did all of this for me; like Valentine's Day on steroids. I'm overdosing on romance and I love it. No one has ever done so much for me to show me how special they think I am. I raise my hands higher to the nape of his neck and lightly tease him with my fingertips. He leans his head down and kisses that soft spot between my neck and shoulder.

Then the spell is broken by the waiters coming in the door. They clean off the used dishes and glasses and leave the main course and accompanying wine. We move to sit down. This course looks absolutely delicious, again. Its steak, with both Sidney and I love, lobster tail and asparagus. Mmmm my steaks is bloody and just the way I love it. I sop up some of the juices with the bread and Sidney wrinkles his nose. "I really don't know how you can eat it so rare." "Don't knock it until you've tried it babe. Mmmm. Changing topics, so you don't get too grossed out by my bloodlust, we haven't talked about when we're going to Pittsburgh. I talked to my university and, while they weren't happy with the short notice, they've granted my sabbatical for the year. I've sub-letted by apartment and a colleague has agreed to have my boxes shipped to me in Pittsburgh. All of the furniture will be staying there. So when are we going?"

He thinks for a minute. "If it wasn't for the concussion, I would know an exact date, but I'm not sure. Dad and Pat are looking at the schedule. We'll definitely be there before camp begins because no matter what my level of fitness and what I'm 'allowed' to do, I am definitely going to be at camp. We should have the timing nailed down soon. Hopefully Dr. Carrick can help with that too." Oh, sounds like they are already making plans. I guess that since this is hockey related then it's something that Pat and Troy do themselves and I'll just be told the plans, hmm. "If we could get there a few days early that would be great. We could set up the house etc." Sidney gives a non-committal 'mm' so I can't tell if that is a yes or no. I look down at my plate and realize that I've eaten all of the steak, and I just might explode, but can't finish off the lobster. Knowing Sidney's appetite, I move my remaining lobster to his plate. He looks up and smiles and it's finished off very quickly.

The waiters come in and clean off the whole table except for the flowers. "Would you like dessert and champagne out here Mr. Crosby or in the living room?" Sidney looks at me and I just shrug, after all, he is the one setting this whole scene. "Let's do it in the living room please." They place various chocolate covered fruit on the table with various pastries. Of course, more champagne is poured. "Would there be anything else you need Mr. Crosby?" "No" Sidney replies "thank you so much for a wonderful meal and evening." They both nod and leave. "I guess we're all alone again, right Mr. Crosby." He turns red and says "I hate it when they call me that. That's my dad, not me, but it's easier to just take it then correct them." We sit down on the sofa and I pick up my glass of champagne. I love the wine, its sweet and tart at the same time. Sidney holds out a chocolate covered strawberry to me and I take a bite. It's delicious with the wine. He finishes off the berry himself. He does the same with a small piece of cheese cake, I take a bite and then he finishes it off. Next, it's his lips that touch mine and they are even sweeter than the strawberry or cheesecake. We softly and slowly kiss while Sidney pushes me down to the sofa. Slipping my shoes off, I pull my legs onto the sofa with me. Sidney settles full length alongside me. We continue to kiss and his hand moves up and down my bare arm His lips travel down my neck and he moves the strap down to have better access. I push his suit jacket off of his shoulders to give myself better access to him. He tries to slip my other strap down, but I stop him this time. "I have a surprise for you; just give me a few minutes to slip it on, ok?" He smiles at me and nods. I slip off of the bed and into the bedroom. The little item I bought at La Perla is going to be worth every single dollar I spent.

I take off the dress and hang it up then freshen up my makeup. It takes me a few minutes to put on the bra and panties and then the sheer baby doll. I look at myself critically in the mirror. My hair is still tussled from Sidney's hands; my lips are swollen from Sidney's lips; my fresh panties are feeling a little moisture from Sidney's touch and anticipation of what's going to happen next. I look at all sides of my body and I actually think I look good. I can't wait for Sidney to see me. Of course, I've left my new bracelet on.

* * *

The evening has gone even better than I had hoped. She seems to have loved everything and I'm so relieved. I've never done something like this for a girl and I didn't know if it was cheesy or romantic, clichéd or just right. I've loved every minute of it and can't wait to see what she bought today that I'm going to enjoy. I'm a man, so I'm really hoping for lingerie. The doors to the bedroom open and I have to blink to be sure I'm really seeing. My pretty professor looks like a sex goddess.

She has this see though mini dress on that falls to the top of her thighs and starts at thin straps on her shoulders. Her breasts would be completely bear except that she's wearing and black lace bra. Of course I can still see her nipples through it. For panties there is a see through, barely there G-string. Her hair is down and laying on her shoulders like she just got out of bed. Her lips are full and curved in a slight smile. I now understand the word wanton. That's exactly how she looks, wanton. She slowly turns so that I can see every angle and then walks to me. With a sexy smile, she says "do you like?"

She is a temptress and she is definitely mine, I feel that chest-beating Neanderthal feeling that screams 'mine' in my head. It's the feeling of wanting to drag her off and have her over and over again. I'm stunned by these thoughts and smart enough not to say them. Instead, I walk up to her while continuing to look up and down her body like my eyes alone could singe off what little clothes she is wearing. She isn't wearing shoes now so she's almost a head short than me. I run the back of my hands up and down her bare arms just barely touching them and I feel goose bumps break out across her skin and repeat the action over and over. I'm desperate to touch her everywhere but keep it simple to tease us both. Her eyes flutter closed and I hear myself say "keep them open." Was that my voice so husky? Her eyes pop open again and watch mine.

Angelia slowly unbuttons my shirt and then slides it from my shoulders where it the falls to the floor. Her hands lightly play over my chest, skimming my nipples and down my stomach where my muscles contract. Her hands skim lightly lower, she undoes my belt and the top of my pants and then her hands slide lower just skimming over the fabric but I can feel my erection grow in response.

I bend down to kiss her neck, starting at that soft space between her neck and shoulder and then up. Nipping at her earlobe and blowing into her ear. As I knew she would, she shivers and mews like a kitten. Her hips replace her hands against me and she seems surprised at herself, I continue to suck and lick at her ear and her hips continue to more in reaction. I move to her chest and up her neck again on the other side and pay equal attention to the other ear and lobe. When she shivers this time, I bite her lobe just a little harder and her hips slam into mine and she cries out. There's my sexy professor. The one who's sounds alone could get me off. Her fingers have dug into my shoulders and I know I'm going to have half-moon shaped marks but I really don't care. I tighten my hands on her ass and pull her up on her tip toes so that my erection is directly aligned with her opening. I grind into her and she follows my lead. The lace material might as well not even be there. I pick her up and she wraps her legs and arms around me. I kiss her deeply as I walk into the bedroom and toward the bed.

I notice that she has turned down the bed and has turned on the speakers in here so we hear the music playing in the living room. I sit down on the bed and keep her on my lap. I don't want her any farther away from me than this all night. The soft lace of her bra lightly grazes my bare chest but I can feel her nipples already hard through it. I take her mouth with mine and side my tongue over her lips to gain entrance. She doesn't make me wait long and our tongues mate. I love the way we fit together; currently it's our mouths but there are many more parts that are key and lock fits. I lose one of my hands in her hair. It's so soft and lush that I wrap it around my hand and pull back to give myself better access to her mouth. I take my lips from hers and run them down her throat to her shoulder pushing the straps of her bra aside. While my lips are busy with her shoulder revealed to me, I work at the clasp of her bra and it comes apart easily.

I slip her bra down so that her breasts are free. Angelia throws her head back giving me complete access to her breasts. I cup one in my hand and watch it change as I run my thumb over it. What was puckered before becomes even harder as I touch it. I circle around and around with my thumb while by other thumb rubs at her soft skin just below her other breast, teasing her, making her wait. I lower my head and take her nipple in my mouth and her fingers tighten in my hair. I lavish it with my tongue, take it into my mouth, suck and nip at it and then release it. Using my thumb, I rub the now wet nipple. Moving to the other nipple, I use my thumb again to start and watch it get harder. My mouth is next, licking, sucking and nipping at it before letting it go. Her head slowly comes up so that I can look in her eyes. The desire in them takes my breath away. Her hands slide to either side of my face and then she slides off my body to kneel on the floor l in front of me. She makes quick work of slipping her bra and slip completely off. The tiny triangle of fabric left is not hiding much but is definitely a barrier that needs to be gone. As I reach for her, she bats my hands away playfully, that gorgeous mouth turning sassy in front of my eyes. She pushes me back on the bed. Her hands release the top button of my pants and, oops, her hand brushes my erection through my pants. Then she grabs my zipper and slowly pulls it down. Another oops, she runs the length of me while pulling the zipper down. Whatever I did to deserve this girl, I've got to find out so that I can keep doing it.

She pulls my pants off and then my shoes and socks. Only her g-string and my boxer briefs are a barrier between us. She climbs on top of me and leans down to kiss me. I love the way she does that with only her lips sliding over mine and then she nips my bottom lip. As she tries to pull away, I grab her face with both of my hands keeping her there. I lick her lips and then pull her hard to me. Lips and tongues are playing now, hard then fast, teeth on lips, tongues soothing, I can't keep up. Angelia begins to rotate her hips against mine as her tongue swirls around mine at the same speed. I slip my hands lower, over her breasts and to her waist. I slide a finger into her g-string, down over her clit, pause there for a moment and then slip it inside of her. God, she's so fucking wet. I add another finger and play around and around then slip them up to her clit again. Pushing down on it, she gasps into my mouth and then throws her head back. I roll over and slip my entire hand onto her mound and slip two fingers back inside her. I capture her mouth at the same time and now I'm play with her tongue while my fingers are getting soaked inside her.

I can feel her almost so I move my fingers faster and faster. She's right on the edge so I move to her clit and she screams out my name while she goes over the edge. I let her ride it for a few moments but can't let her relax just yet. I kiss down to her nipples and take one in my mouth biting down and then lavishing it with my tongue. I repeat this as I begin to work her clit again. She is thrashing on the bed now with her head and I feel like I'm going to cum just watching her. I wanted to let her go again but I just can't hold on anymore. "Sidney please" she cries out to me the moment I move so I quickly strip her of her g-string and push at my underwear. I get back on the bed and she pushes me on my back and lowers herself onto me until I'm deep inside her. She immediately bends back with her hands on my thighs to get me balls deep now. My turn to groan and I just try to hold it together while she begins to ride me. Her hips roll and roll, it's a completely different feeling from anything else I've ever experienced. When did she learn how to do that? Fuck, I don't know if I can wait, my fingers are digging into the covers hard to focus on something else. Then I can't stop it from happening, I'm having the best orgasm of my life. I hear Angelia scream too and know she's close behind.


	17. Chapter 17

Waiting in the office for Dr. Carrick and I can tell that Sidney is nervous. It's almost like this is his last chance because the doctors just don't know what else to do for him. He is holding my hand and I swear he might break a bone he's squeezing so hard. His lips are pursed too. This is a telltale sign that he's nervous. Dr. Carrick examined Sidney and had him do a lot of balance and quick movement activities. Dr. Collins and Dr. Carrick are now looking at scans in the other room while we wait with Pat in the office. Pat is pacing and Sidney is just still. The air is thick like we're waiting on news about whether he'll live or die. I guess it actually feels that way. What is his life without hockey? God, I hope we never have to find out.

The doctors come back in the room. Collins speaks first. "We reviewed the results of the examination today and the scans from LA with Dr. Burke on the phone. We're all in agreement that none of the usual concussion activities or treatments seems to be working to get you over the next hurdle. To be transparent, Dr. Burke is not convinced that Dr. Carrick's treatment will help; however, he does believe that no harm will come of it so he has signed off. As you know, no treatment can proceed without the sign off of the team's official doctor." I feel Sidney tighten his grip on my hand even further. I know how he feels about Dr. Burke's diagnosis, or misdiagnosis, and treatment of his concussion although he would never share that with anyone else.

Dr. Carrick continues "Sidney, I'd like to begin treatment tomorrow. Before you come in, I'd like you to skate and do drills as usual but be sure to also do the ones that cause you some symptoms, after that, we'll get you in the gyroscope for a treatment and then back to the ice for the exact same workout. If the treatments are going to help you then we should see some improvement immediately. That's the way this has worked. I will caution you that there will not be huge improvements after the first treatment, I want to manage your expectations there, but, if you are going to respond to this treatment then you should see a noticeable difference right away." This is the first time Sidney's grip on my hand lightens and he places both of his hands in mine. I look over at him and nothing is betrayed on his face. Instead he simply says "Pat, can you arrange some ice time before and after treatment?" Pat agrees that he'll get it done. "Looks like we're a go Dr. Carrick and I'll see you tomorrow." Everyone shakes hands, we all leave, say goodbye to each other, and Sidney and I get into our rental SUV. He starts the car so that we can start the air conditioning, it is summer in Atlanta, and then Sidney just sits there with his hands on the wheel.

I touch the side of his face to turn him toward me so that I can see his eyes. As I expected, there are tears. "I know that there are no guarantees" he says softly "but this is the first good news, really good potential news, in forever." I pull him into my arms and he lets out just one, long sigh into my neck. "I know it has to be cautious optimism but at least it's the first news to be optimistic about. Tomorrow we'll see what happens Sidney, but tonight, we can enjoy it." He lifts his head and smiles at me. "Angelia, I don't know what I'd do without you during this – you are truly my Angel." I blush, as he knew I would at that, and I kiss him. "Let's go get some dinner somewhere. Surely there has to be a place for good southern BBQ." He chuckles "I know just the place but don't tell anyone I knew where to go or ate this stuff. It's so bad for the training diet." Now I laugh, "but it tastes so gooooood."

One of the great things about Atlanta is that it doesn't seem to be a hockey town. No one, and I mean no one, has recognized Sidney anywhere we've been. We pull up to what looks like a store front and not much from the outside. It looks like even less from the inside when we go in. Bright yellow and red walls and old booths and tables and chairs; Sam and Dave's is a bit of a dive which is exactly my kind of place for BBQ. We find a table in the busy restaurant and Sidney says "will you trust me to order?" "I don't know Sidney, do you really know what I like?" He laughs and, when the waitress comes up, orders a feast for us. He orders pulled port, brisket, corn muffins, collard greens, mac and cheese and fried okra. The waitress doesn't even bat an eye. Our food shows up fast and we dig in; ok, so Sidney knows good BBQ. He leans over and wipes some sauce from my cheek, chuckling "try to get it in your mouth, ok?" I don't even care it's so good.

It's been a long day for us, travel, then the appointment and now we are full of really good food. We check into the hotel and go up to our room. We quickly unpack and fall into bed exhausted; it's a good thing too or else I don't think I would have been able to sleep with anticipation for tomorrow.

* * *

Angelia insisted in following me for the day. She's in the stands quietly watching me do drills on the ice. Pat even found a goalie and player to practice with and both are pretty good. I'm able to push myself enough and they are keeping up. I do a few drills by myself to get up in exertion and skill; damn symptoms show up then, just slightly dizzy and headachy, but they're there. I finish up and take some pictures with the guys. They ask me to sign their jerseys too, which I do. Time for a shower and then off to Carrick.

When I come out of the locker room, I see Angelia waiting for me and smile. Taking her hand, we head out to the car and on our way to Carrick's offices. "You looked good out there Crosby." "How would you know?" I reply. She thinks for a minute and says "because I do. I'm a genius, remember?" My blackberry goes off and I ask Angelia to look at it since I'm driving. We're waiting for pictures from the agent for a rental home. She looks at the newest message and becomes very still and quiet. "Who is it? Is it the realtor?" Still she doesn't say a word. "Angelia, tell me, what's going?" She swallows and says "um, it's not the realtor, it's from Pat." That's weird because we're going to see him in a few minutes. "What does he say?" I feel her look over at me then she reads Pat's message out loud. "Hi Sid, hope practice went well. I don't want to say anything in front of Angelia when you get to Carrick's so I thought I'd do it through email and then we can talk later. More pictures have shown up on the internet. They're of you and Mariah leaving Harry Winston's through the back door. Then there is an article detailing a romantic night you had with Angelia at the hotel. They knew what you ate, what music was played, roses and candles the works. There are no pictures of the evening, just a description. Since the pictures were of you in public, there is still nothing we can do legally. I just wanted you to be aware what is out there."

He voice breaks on the last couple of words. I pull the car over to side of the road. "Babe, I'm so sorry this keeps happening. I wanted to spare you any of this and asked Pat to keep it quiet. I don't read that crap or even have Pat tell me about it usually. After the last time I asked him to tell me when anything new comes up about you." She's quiet, too quiet. I softly touch her arm and she looks up at me. Her face is unreadable and I don't know if she's upset, mad or, well, anything. "It's ok Sidney. It's definitely a surprise, I really don't know how these kind of personal details get out, but it's going to happen and I have to deal with it, right?" I sigh, both happy that she's starting to get it and sad that she has to. "Yeah, it's going to happen. I'm sorry that you have to deal with it at all." I start the car again and continue to Dr. Carrick's office.

At the office, they tell me to change into gym clothes. I meet them in a big room with a space-age weird machine. Dr. Carrick, Dr. Collins, Pat and Angelia are all there with a few technicians that I don't know. Pat told me earlier that he vetted everyone and they've signed non-disclosure agreements. How crazy is my life that I need those just to get medical treatment. Dr. Carrick again describes what is going to happen in the machine. Basically, it's going to move me around and shake me up like a two dollar carnival ride and when I finish then I should see results. Craziest thing I've ever heard but Collins and Pat seem sure. More importantly to me, Angelia has done a lot of research and she's sure. He runs be through some balancing tests I had trouble with yesterday and still do today. Then I get into the machine and strapped in – and there are certainly a lot of straps. The machine begins to move up and around, wow, who needs Disney World. "Keep your head straight Sidney" Carrick reminds me. That's easier to say then do but I'm able to focus. Eventually, the machine slows down and returns to its original place. I'm unstrapped and get out. I see Angelia clasping her hands in front of her almost in prayer. Dr. Carrick runs me through the same balancing tests as before. Holy Shit! Seriously holy shit! They're better, I'm better; not one hundred percent but a definite improvement. I look over at Angelia and she looks like she's going to bounce right out of her shoes. I open my arms and she comes flying at me. I twirl her once, twice, we're both overwhelmed with the moment.

"Sidney" Dr. Carrick interrupts us "this is only the beginning and we still have more work. I think we can all be encouraged by what we see here. This might just push you over the bottleneck you've been experiencing in moving your training along and then it's just your 'normal' activities to return to playing form." I keep Angelia in one arm beside me and shake Carrick's hand with the other. "I understand doctor. Thank you" I tell him and truly mean it. He leaves the room with Collins and I turn to Pat. He has a huge grin on his face too. He hugs me hard, as excited as we are about this progress, and then he turns and hugs Angelia. "If it weren't for you, we wouldn't even be here. You better stay around" he teases her. She looks at me and then back at Pat saying "I'm not going anywhere Pat." He chuckles and we all say goodbye. Pat has to leave Atlanta. This is a very busy time for him wrapping up trades for his clients before training camps begin. I was grateful he was able to come at all. I turn to Angelia and say "looks like we're staying in Atlanta for a little while to train." She looks at me and says "I hear they have the best aquarium in the country." Leave it to her to find something educational to do.

The next week goes by fast. I train in the gym first thing in the morning, have a session at Carrick's next and then train on the ice in the afternoon. I repeat this every day for a week and see remarkable improvements every day. We head back to Nova Scotia at the end of the week and Andy O'Brien, my personal trainer, meets us there. Another plan is put together with time on the ice in the morning and training with Andy in the afternoon. Angelia slips into this routine easily even having Andy stay with us. I didn't even think about asking her before he got here, it's what we always do, but she flexes to the changes seamlessly. It makes me wonder what I'd do without her and I never want to find out. It does change my plans for proposing, can't do that with an audience around, so I'll have to figure out how to do it in Pittsburgh. The time to leave for Pitt is coming soon. Thank goodness we decided on a house to rent and it's fully furnished too. Angelia's stuff from MIT has been shipped and we've boxed up what we need from the house here. Tonight is our last night here and Mom and Dad are having their usual send-off dinner. Both of my grandmothers are coming in for it and it will be only the family. It's a tradition for us.

When we get to mom and dad's, I can already hear the noise and laughter coming from the back deck. A huge welcome greets us when we round the corner with hugs all around. I introduce her to my grandmothers and Nana Crosby taps her cheek and says "what a pretty girl." As usual, there is a lot of food and fun with my family. We are too used to being physically scattered for it to bother us or make the occasion sad. There are a lot of frequent flyer miles earned by our family. Taylor is going away to school this year so this party is for her too. I notice Angelia and Taylor talking with their heads close so that no one can hear them and then they hug tight. Taylor walks away so I go over to talk to Angelia. "What was that about?" I ask her. "I just told her that she can call me any time and, if she gets lonely, I can visit her or she can come to Pitt and visit us. She's a little worried about balancing school, hockey and being away from home. I remember what it was like for me when I was separated from my family like that and it is lonely in the beginning but you adapt and build a new family." I remember that too "Yeah, she's going to be fine. It may take some adjusting but she'll love it in the end. How are you feeling about leaving for Pittsburgh in the morning? We're doing something completely new together too." She looks at me and says "but you go to Pittsburgh every year. How is it new to you?" "I've never done it with you babe." I think about this and realize that it's true. This is a completely new experience for me. I'm going to live in Pittsburgh without the Lemieuxs, with a girl I love and trying to get back on the ice with the team. It's going to be good but very different and I don't adapt well to change. Thankfully I'll have Angelia to help me.

Later, we cuddle in front of the fire on the back deck. "It's strange" Angelia says "sitting out here without Sam curled up beside us." I smile "yeah, it's just not practical to bring her to Pittsburgh with how much I'm away. She does really well with my folks during the season." I rest my check on the top of her head and stare into the fire. It feels like this is the last sane and private moment we are going to have for a very long time. Soon there will be the team and their families, the fans and the media. It will be a circus and I can only hope that Angelia is ready for it all. At least there will be lots of help from the other girlfriends and wives and the Pens media relation guys. I sigh. "What was that for?" she asks me. "I feel like this is our last moment of peace." She looks at me "but I shouldn't be worried right?" she says tongue in cheek. "No, definitely don't be worried. I just know that we're in for a ride." She smiles and looks back at the fire. "Well I'm ready Crosby, bring it on." I only hope she's right.


	18. Chapter 18

It feels like the first day of school or at least what I assume the first day of school feels like since I never went. I have my first 'lunch' with the girlfriends and wives of the players. The past three weeks has been a whirlwind. The house was as beautiful as it was in the pictures and is huge. I don't know why we need something so big but Nathalie Lemieux told me it's the gate that we need. Thank goodness both she and Mario seem to like me. I was really worried about meeting Mario. Sidney pretty much worships the man and I don't know what would have happened if there was friction there; but, the minute I met Mario, he gave me a big hug, welcomed me to the family and kissed me on both cheeks. Actually, the exact same thing Nathalie did when she picked us up at the airport. I still can't believe she did that and then took us to the house. She's shown me the neighbourhood, where to grocery shop and other key stores. The kids were great too with the exception of Lauren. She seems to have a huge crush on Sidney and is not fond of me. Hopefully we'll turn that around.

Sidney did a big press conference with Ray Shero and the team of doctors. I thought Nova Scotia was busy with people who know Sidney but it is ten times worse here. We are being careful about where we go together and I was definitely not around when he talked to the press. Everyone knowing about me is one thing, and the pictures from the beach of course, but I just don't want to have a camera following me everywhere. I watched the press conference from another room on their closed circuit TV and got my first taste of how intense the press can be. The press were told very clearly, off the record of course, that questions about me were off limits. Sidney was there to discuss his health and that's it. I know it's part of his job but I still don't know how he does it so professionally and calmly. I'd get pissed off being asked the same question just because they don't like the answer I give them.

For this reason, I've been meeting with the PR team at the Penguins. They say that at some point I'll be faced with a reporter and I need to know how to handle it. After all they tell me, since I'm with Sidney Crosby, I am not only representing him but the entire Penguins organization. A couple of things strike me as funny when they talk this way. First, it's always 'Sidney Crosby' and not Sid or Sidney. It's like he's not a person but a thing or a commodity. Second, when did I start representing the entire Penguins organization? Is that really what I signed up for when I agreed to move to Pittsburgh and be with Sidney? Of course I don't share any of this with him. He has so much resting on his shoulders already with the constant question of "when?" When will he be practicing with the team? When will he be cleared for contact? When will he be able to play? Don't they fucking know that we don't know? Hasn't the last nine months taught them anything?

Oh well, I can't change how the press behave but I can be supportive which means that I'm going to a Penguins Wives Association lunch. I arrive at the restaurant, tell the hostess who I'm meeting and she looks me up and down looking doubtful. "Are you Angelia?" a beautiful blond woman comes up to me. She is wearing a short dress that's form fitting, impossibly high heels and very white smile. "I am" I tell her. She takes my arm like we're best friends and steers me to a back room. "I'm Michelle Cooke, Matt Cooke's wife. It's so nice to meet you and we are so glad you could join us." We walk into the room and I'm stunned by the number of variations there are of Michelle. Most are blond, thin and impossibly gorgeous. There are a couple brunettes but only a couple. I'm definitely feeling like an oompa loompa in a room full of the gorgeous.

Michelle begins to introduce me around the room. I catch a series of last names that sound familiar; Sullivan, Adams, Kunitz, Johnson. Then there are the girlfriends for Fleury, Staal, Orpik, Letang. Everyone is really friendly and seems happy to meet me. I had a lot of reservations meeting these ladies. I kept thinking of Mean Girls and that a brainy type like me would never fit in with these gorgeous women. I know I don't look like I'm one of them, the outfit is right thanks to Ri but that's about it, but they are all being so nice to me. Maybe this will be the support I know I'll desperately need. We've made it through the room and someone has given me a glass of wine. When it's time for lunch to begin, everyone makes their way to the table but no one sits down. Michelle asks me "where would you like to sit Angelia?" I respond "I don't have a preference, anywhere is good with me" but they're all looking at me. Must be part of making me comfortable so I take the closest chair too me. Michelle joins beside me and everyone else finds a seat. The antipasti is served and Michelle clinks her glass with her knife. "I'd like to propose a toast" she beings. "First, we welcome Kristen Sullivan who is joining the Penguins family with her husband Steve. Second, we give a big welcome to Angelia who is also joining the Penguins family. Angelia, welcome to the Wives Association and the Penguins family. We are very lucky to have here and look forward to getting to know you better. Cheers everyone." This toast strikes me as weird. While Michelle was kind to Kristen, she was just this side of gushing when welcoming me. Definitely weird.

The lunch passes quickly. The food is wonderful and the ladies are so nice. All of them, at least once during the meal, come over to chat with me. I notice that quite a bit of wine is consumed although I switched to water a while ago; don't need to get tipsy at my first lunch. There is talk about the first official meeting of the Wives Associate so that 'we' can plan our fundraising and charity work for the year. Michelle looked at me and asked if I want to host the first meeting. I guess this is part of what I'm supposed to do so I say yes. Good thing we have that big house or else I wouldn't know where to put everyone.

Lunch ends with hugs and kisses all around. It seems like everyone wants to have a 'lunch' with me to 'get to know me better' individually. It's going to take the whole season to have all of these lunches. We all leave the restaurant and most of the ladies are waiting for valet parking. I parked down the street so I wave to the ladies walk to my car. I call Sidney to see if he's ready to be picked up. He gave me his car to use, saying "we really need to get you one." He picks up his phone after a few rings. "How did it go babe?" he asks me. "Actually, it went really well. Michelle Cooke sort of took me under her wing and introduced me around. Then all of the girls were really nice. I like them and it's going to be nice getting to know them." "That's great, really great. I knew you'd win them over." He did tell me it would be fine. "Are you ready for me to get you? I'm about five minutes away." "Yep" he replies. "Pick me up at the same place you dropped me off. They'll wave the car in." We hang up and I get into the car. I'm so glad Sidney has GPS because I still don't have the lay of the land.

When I pick Sidney up, I get out moving to the passenger side. I give Sidney a quick kiss but he grabs me, dips me low and kisses me long. "Not that I'm complaining" I tell him "but what was that for." He has a huge grin on his face. "I can practice with the team! I need to wear a stupid helmet that indicates 'no contact' but I can run drills with them." I throw my arms around him. This is another step and I know how much he has missed being with the guys on the ice. "That's wonderful Sidney. Absolutely wonderful news. I can't wait until I see you play in your first game. You are getting so close." He returns my hard hug then lets me go and we get into the car.

While we're driving home, he recounts his day from first workout to the meeting with the doctors. Now that the team is almost set, and they're beginning preseason games, I know he's itching to get out there. "I almost forgot, can we stop at the grocery store? We're out of milk and could use some fruit too." As agreement, he pulls into a grocery store parking lot and it's not too busy since it's the middle of the afternoon. We quickly get through the fresh food section and move on to the diary aisle. That's when it happens; Sidney is recognized. I little boy of about 8 years old comes up to him and says "your Sidney Crosby!" It was so cute and he was actually jumping up and down. The mom asked if they could have a picture with Sidney and of course he said yes. People in the area start noticing and wander over to see what's going on. Now there is a crowd around Sidney with people asking for autographs and pictures. How does he stay so calm? I know he hates this attention and loss of privacy. He isn't naturally an outgoing person and would prefer to stay out of the spotlight – unless he's on the ice of course – and yet he is centre stage a lot of the time. I hear people asking when he's going to play again and how he's feeling. He answers every question politely while still signing autographs. I start to wander over and he catches my eye with a slight shake of his head so I stay where I am.

Eventually, people do wander away and he extricates himself from the few remaining fans. I make sure that there's no one following him and then I go up to him and the buggy. "I'm sorry about that I just know that it's easier to sign and take the pictures, it goes by faster, and I definitely didn't want you tied up in that mess. They would have started asking for pictures of both of us." I smile at him, it makes sense but I'm feeling slightly weird about it for some reason. Oh well, this is part of our lives now I guess. We manage to pay and get out of the store without any further fuss. Driving home, I can't help but feel a little bereft at how Sidney dismissed me at the store. Was it really only to keep me comfortable and not pulled into the circus?

* * *

She hates that we can't even go to a grocery store without having fans all over me. I know she hates this and I feel so bad that she has to go through it. I should have thought more carefully about going into the store with her or we should have gone to a store in Sewickley. They're used to seeing me around town there and tend to leave me alone more. At least the lunch with the wives went really well. I am surprised that Cookie's wife was so welcoming. While she's always nice to me, I have heard that she's noy necessarily kind to the new wives and girlfriends; something about being Queen B. At least she's being nice to Angelia and I'm really hoping that Flower's girlfriend and Angelia hit it off. That would be a great friend for her and she really knows her way around the Penguins and hockey. Flower and Vero have been together since before juniors.

I can't believe how well everything is coming together. Tomorrow, I can go on the ice with the team, we have a great team this year and Angelia is here with me. Things could finally be turning around, I hope. We unload the groceries together and I can't help but trap her against the counter. "Sidney, this is not the way to get the fruit into the fridge." I chuckle and kiss her "but it is the way to do this" and I kiss her again and again. She winds her arms around my neck and makes that soft sigh that I love so much. My hands circle her waist. "Have I told you how much I love this dress? It's so prim and proper that I want to rip it off you." I whisper into her ear and feel her shiver. Kissing down her neck, I use one hand to touch her bare thigh just below the hem and slip it under her dress. Sliding it up, my other hand moves to the zipper in the back and pull it down. One of the straps falls off of her shoulder and reveals a red lace bra. I just love these little surprises. My hand moving up under her dress finds panties that I know are going to match the bra. I pull at them so that they fall at her ankles. That's when I go back to her breasts. I kiss the swell where her bra has pushed them up. With one finger I flick on strap down and release her breast from it.

I love how she sighs again when I touch her nipples with my fingertips. They pucker immediately and I repeat the process with her other breast. As I lower my mouth to play with them, I can feel her hands under my shirt and running up my back. I put my arms up to help her take it off. Her hands fall back to my shoulders and then down my chest to my stomach where her nails rake over my stomach. I feel my muscles there contract and I suck in a breath quickly. She leans in and kisses my neck, my chest and then back up again. My hands are on her breasts and my thumbs are playing over her nipples. It's my turn to shiver as she nips at my earlobe and her hands undo the button and zipper of my jeans. Pulling her dress up over her hips, I lift her onto the counter and stand between her legs. Taking her nipple into my mouth, I also open the clasp of her bra and it falls open for me. Her fingers are in my hair and, although it's shorter now, she grabs on tight to what is there. My hands travel up and over her smooth thighs to my goal. I slip one finger into her and feel that she's wet for me. I'm always amazed at how wet she gets. I've never known a woman to simply drip like she does as I work her.

Slipping another finger inside of her and playing makes her gasp. I take her mouth now and let her groan and gasp into my mouth. I move my fingers up to her clit that is already swollen and waiting for me to play. I push a finger on it, hard and fast, and work it like I'm going to rub it off. I love surprising her with what she doesn't expect. She thought I'd be soft and gentle first but I change it up. With this, she cries out into my mouth. Harder and fast I rub at her clit and now her hips are pushing on my hand. I stop for a moment to push down my jeans and underwear and then step back between her legs. I slip just my tip into her entrance and then hold her hips to keep her from pushing against me and entering her deeper.

Her eyes fly open and they are desperate. "Sidney, please" she says. I stay where I am and run one hand down the length of her leg and feel that she still has her heels on. Fuck, that's so hot; I wrap both of her legs around me and push all the way in. Her legs are wide apart to take me deep inside. I hold there now and look deep into her eyes which are wide and wild. She pushes one hand between us and grabs my balls squeezing once and then twice. That's all I can take. I want to tease her more but that isn't going to happen. I pull out and thrust back into her. Over and over we move against each other. I reach down the rub her clit and get her close to the edge and then we both go over together.

When we both come back down, I lean my forehead onto her shoulder and try to catch my breath. She is holding onto my shoulders to keep me tight to her. I know she likes me to stay inside of her after we cum, even if I do shrink a bit at this point, so I stay right where I am. "I guess we've christened the kitchen, huh?" I tell her. She pulls back and looks me in the eye "and I'm going to wear this dress every day." I help her down and we grab our various pieces of clothing off the floor. "Oh, Angelia, I forgot to tell you that I arranged for us to go to dinner with Flower and Vero tonight. It will be relaxed and casual with them, no fuss, it should be fun." She looks at the clock and asks "what time?" "We're meeting them at the restaurant at seven." I tell her. Again she looks at the clock and says "you're putting the rest of the groceries away. I need to jump in the shower." Hmm, that definitely gives me ideas, will I ever get enough of her. "Do you need help washing your back?" She snorts when I say this "keep away from me Crosby or else we will never get out of here on time." With that, she runs out of the room and up to our bedroom. I like the sound of that, 'our bedroom.'

* * *

I managed to be ready on time, with no help from Sidney who did surprise me in the shower. What a surprise too. At least I did get clean, after our water sports, and ready for dinner. I'm really looking forward to spending time with Marc-Andre and Véronique. She really seemed very nice at the lunch and was very sweet to everyone, asking after their kids and families etc. I'm a little nervous though because I know that Marc-Andre is a good friend of Sidney's and I want to make sure that we can be a foursome.

Walking into the restaurant, Sidney and I are escorted to a secluded table where Marc and Vero are just sitting down. There are hugs all around before we sit down. Sidney orders a bottle of wine and, of course, the conversation begins with hockey. "I hear you've been cleared for practice mon ami." Marc says to Sidney. "Yep, I'm cleared for practice but not for contact. It's a good step and I finally don't have to skate by myself anymore. You can finally be really tested in net rather than those candy asses that have been shooting on you for the past couple of weeks." This causes insults to be flung back and forth and Vero and I roll our eyes at each other. The tone is set for the rest of the evening. Marc and Sidney fling insults at each other, in English and French, and Vero and I both ignore them and have our own conversation or else we are rolling our eyes at them.

Toward the end of the evening, Vero and I both excuse ourselves to the ladies room. As we're both reapply lipstick, Vero asks me "how did you find lunch?" I reply "it was great. I couldn't believe how nice everyone was and how welcoming. I wasn't expecting it to be so easy and everyone to be so wonderful." She looks like she's debating something in her head. Finally she says "you didn't think that everyone would be nice to you? You're the captain's girlfriend; of course they'll be nice to you. Just be careful. Some, not all but some, are not as nice as they appear." I guess my eyes are wide with surprise because she continues "I don't mean to scare you; but, be careful you don't trust too much until you know them. It could be a mistake." Leaving it there, we both return to the table and then all head out to our cars.

Driving home, Sidney asks me "did you have a good time?" I smile at him. "Yeah, it was great. I love Marc and Vero; they are a lot of fun and super nice too." He smiles, I know it was important to him that we all get along and I'm really glad that it's the truth. I can really see spending more time with Vero. As we drive through the dark streets, I can't help but reflect on what Vero said about not trusting the other wives and girlfriends. What was that about them being nice to me because Sidney is the captain? What would that have to do with me and how they treat me? It makes no sense to me. Maybe I'll call Mariah and see if she knows. She doesn't know hockey but she does know what motivates women; she works with plenty of them modeling. Oh well, I'll worry about that tomorrow.


	19. Chapter 19

I'm officially bored; seriously, interminably, completely bored. I can feel my brain atrophy with every lunch, coffee and shopping trip I go on. I don't know how these women do it. The ones with kids, I completely understand. Carole-Lyne Dupuis has four children and they keep her extremely busy with only one in school. I just don't know how the others with no children and no job are satisfied going to lunch with each other and shopping all the time. When Sidney is home in the evenings, I love that we spend the time together or with other couples from the team; but, when he's not around, I just don't have anything to do. The other ladies wouldn't understand. If the guys have a morning skate, then they usually work out after that and maybe watch some video and then they are done. They can be home by 2 or 3 pm. Sidney does the same things and then he has foundation work, either his own or for the Penguins. There are a lot of sponsorship activities, videos and pictures, with a very full schedule. I don't see him until 5 or 6 pm. I'm so bored that I clean the house every day. The floors are so clean that we could literally eat off of them.

The season is starting this week and Sidney, although not cleared for contact in practice, may be travelling with the team. It will be good for him and his morale to be with them. They go to Vancouver, Calgary and then Edmonton. They will be gone a week. I didn't think this through when I decided to move here. What am I going to do for a week alone? I can't travel with the team; it just isn't done, even though I have the time. There is a foundation meeting and some planning for the first event but I feel so useless and unproductive. I've been thinking about checking out the University of Pittsburgh and their physics department. I know the school year has started but maybe I can do some guest lecturing. They don't need to pay me.

I hear the front door, know that Sidney is home and immediately smile; I can't help it. He comes into the kitchen and, as usual, slides his hands around my waist and nuzzles my neck while I chop vegetables. "Hi honey, I'm home" he tells me. "So" I begin "what is the decision? Are you travelling with them?" I can feel him smiling against my skin as he says "yep, I am. It's going to be great. It's so lonely with them on the road and I'm here alone." I know the feeling. "That's great. You can keep practicing with them and working out with Kadar." He kisses my neck and checks out what I have cooking on the stove. "Another new recipe?" he asks. "Yep, and this one is from your mom. Chicken and dumplings, apparently one of your favourites, and I'm making a salad too. It should be ready in a few minutes. Would you set the table please?" This is one of my favourite times of day. We're doing simple chores to get dinner ready and then we eat together and I get to hear about his day. Sometimes we will go out for a movie or, on nights like tonight when it's warmer, then we may go for a walk by the water. It is these simple moments that help me forget everything else and I know I made the right decision to come here and be with him.

As we eat dinner, Sidney talks about the road trip and the first home game with Florida. "I usually sit up in the press box to watch the game. You can sit with Mario in his box, Nathalie already asked if you were going to sit with them, or there is a family box where the other girlfriends and wives will be. I could also get you tickets to sit in the stands." I think about it and wonder if he's going to think I'm crazy for what I'm about to say. "Actually, I was thinking that I wouldn't come to the game." I glance up at him and he's looking at me quizzically. "I have never seen a hockey game, ever, and I really want my first one to be when you play. Is that ok?" His just stares at me for a minute and then leans over and kisses me. "That is very sweet and I think it's perfect. My first game back will be your first game. That's more than perfect babe. You'll be a good luck charm." I'm so relieved. It just didn't feel right to go to the game, not even able to sit with him, and not see him play.

After clearing the plates, we go for a walk by the water. Sidney has his arm around me as we walk along together. It reminds me of the summer and the walks we would take along the lake. By silent agreement, we sit on a bench and watch the sun set. It is beautiful tonight with brilliant oranges, reds and yellows. I sigh and snuggle in closer to Sidney finding my nook. "Thank you" Sidney says to me softly. I'm confused "for what Sidney?" He rests his cheek against my head. "Thank you for keeping me sane. I couldn't be going through this without you. You've made the move so seamlessly and made coming back so easy for me. I know I'm getting as close as I am because of you. I guess thank you for loving me." This man, so quiet and reserved off the ice, so hard and driven on the ice, so much a goofball with his friends, is so incredibly loving and moves me beyond word. I look up into his eyes and then kiss him. Sliding onto his lap, I continue to kiss him long and deep, trying to show him everything I was feeling. His arms come around me and hold me tight to him. I pull away slightly and say "I love you" softly and kiss him one more time. Realizing where we are, I slide off his lap to stand up and he follows me. We continue our walk back to the car.

* * *

I am incredibly lucky. This wonderful woman is mine. For the first time, I'm not looking forward to going on the road. Well, I'm looking forward to being with the guys and the start of the season, but it feels like part of me is staying at home. Is this how Flower and Duper feel? I'd never ask of course but it must be. We get home and I know that this is our last night together for a week. Then I get an idea. I listen for Angelia and hear her on Skype with her sister; perfect. I go into the en suite and turn on the tap in the bath. Lots of bubble bath goes in next. I shut the door and put out the candles Angelia keeps under the counter. She likes to have an aroma therapy candle lit when she has a bath. I light twenty of them around the tub and turn the lights off; perfect. Now I just wait. A little while later, she knocks on the door "Sidney?" Perfect, "come on in babe."

She opens the door and her hand flies to her mouth. I move to shut the door behind her to keep in the warmth of the room. "I wanted to do something special since I'm leaving for the road trip." She looks at me and smiles. I move over to her and kiss her softly as I unbutton her sweater and slide it off her shoulders. I replace the sweater with my lips and then slide her bra straps off of her shoulders too. Unhooking it from the back, I then slide it down to meet her sweater on the floor. She reaches for the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head then moves to my jeans. Her clever fingers make quick work of my pants and I reciprocate. When both of us are without our clothes, I step into the tub and reach for her to join me. She also slides in and settles against my chest. This is one of those perfect moments; a truly perfect moment.

"This was a wonderful idea" she tells me "and gives me more ammunition with your teammates about how much Sidney Crosby likes bubble baths." I chuckle and reply "go ahead and tell them. If they know that it includes you, naked, then no one could blame me." I run my hands up and down her stomach and ribcage. I love the feel of her skin wet. "I'm glad that you are getting along with the other girlfriends and wives. We are a tight knit family with everyone being from other cities and countries so we really depend on each other. Are you having fun with them?" She's quiet for a long moment. I get the feeling that she wants to tell me something and isn't or won't. I shift her so that I can look at her face. "Angelia, what's going on?"

I see her swallow and then say "it's fine and we're definitely getting along." I know there's something wrong. Why won't she tell me? "What's going on, tell me? If it's not the girls, then what?" She's quiet again for a few minutes and then she says "it's just weird I guess. I'm not used to being at loose ends. I don't know what to do with myself when you're at the rink all day. Going for lunch and shopping every day just isn't as interesting for me as it is for the other girls." She's biting her lip now and I'm beginning to worry. I thought she was happy. She's been telling me how happy she is; how can she now be saying that she's not? Does mean she wants to leave? How can she be telling me this the night before I leave on a road trip for our season opener?

"Sidney, I'm just used to using my brain more and being challenged. This is new for me and it will take some getting used to I guess." What the fuck? "Are you calling me stupid? Or are saying we aren't good enough for you? Should I apologize because you're bored?" I can't let her do this; I can't let her leave me. She turns around so that she's sitting in the tub facing me. "Sidney, no, that's not what I'm saying at all. You asked how I'm doing so I'm telling you." Now, fucking now! "I've asked you almost every day for a fucking month and you've said that everything was great. Now there's a problem! The night before I go on the road you decide to tell me that you're not happy. Are you even going to be here when I get back?" I feel nauseous, truly nauseous with fear. What am I going to do without her? How can she do this to me? "Of course I will. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm just trying to work through the adjustment and having some trouble, that's all." Great "so now living with me is an adjustment. I can't take this right now."

I get out of the tub so fast that water splashes over the side and Angelia falls back against the edge. Drying myself as I go into the bedroom, I grab some jeans and a tee shirt out of the closet and quickly get dressed. I'm finishing as Angelia comes into the room wrapped in a towel. "Sidney, what are you doing?" I grab my wallet and keys and say "I'm going out." She grabs my arm and says "please don't, let's talk about this, stay, please." I can't even look at her right now. I'm terrified of what I'm going to see; terrified that she's already made the decision to leave like she's done before. "Don't wait up" I tell her as I leave the bedroom.

* * *

I'm left there standing in the bedroom and wondering what just happened. He got so angry and so fast. I should have just kept my mouth shut and not told him anything. He's under so much stress right now and he didn't need me piling on. Going back into the bathroom, I snuff out all of the candles and empty the tub. Our romantic evening, the last one for a week, is left in shambles. I dry off and pull on some sweats. This is when I notice that Sidney left his phone on the dresser. Either he didn't want to be in contact or he left so fast that he didn't remember to take it. Neither reason adds up to something good.

I go down to the kitchen poor myself a glass of wine and settle onto the sofa with a blanket. Flicking through the channels, I stop when I hear Sidney's name. They are talking about the history of his concussion, the ups and downs of his recovery and how close he is to playing, even speculating that he's on the trip because he may play. They're showing clips of him playing in past games and of course the Steckel hit which always makes me wince and close my eyes. It brings tears to my eyes now. I don't know where he is right now or when he's coming home. My mind drifts to 'if he's coming home' and I stop my mind from going there. Sidney would never cheat on me. I'm as certain of that as I am … that's where my mind stops. Tonight I'm not certain of anything and that's a very scary thing. It's that last thought that does it. The dam breaks and I let it all out. All of the frustration, how scared I am and alone I feel. I sob and sob for a while until I don't have any tears left. At some point, I fall asleep watching the NHL network news talk about the man I love and miss.

When I wake up, I know its morning because of the light coming in the windows but it's definitely early. My watch tells me its 8am. I lay there for a moment and try to get my bearings. I'm lying on the couch exactly where I was last night. The TV is still on to the NHL network and I'm alone. I get up and stretch then head upstairs to shower and change. That's when I hear something in the bedroom; it must be Sidney. Feeling a huge relief, I rush in only to see him packing. Right, the road trip. He looks up at me and for a split second I see something in his eyes until that veil comes down. It's the one he uses with the media when he gives an interview. It's the same one he's never used with me, until now. All I feel from him is cold like an arctic chill.

I don't even realize that I've whispered his name until he looks up at me. We stare at each other for a long moment and then he goes back to packing. It doesn't take very long and I guess it wouldn't since he's done it thousands of times before. I realize that this is the longest we'll have been apart since I arrived on his doorstep months ago in Nova Scotia. I almost can't bear that he's leaving never mind that he's leaving like this between us. I take a moment to really look at him and notice that he's in a suit and tie. It's the same suit he wore for that spectacular night in LA. That night seems light years away.

He finishes packing and closes up his bags. I see that he grabbed his phone this time. He picks everything up and walks towards me. I try to look into his eyes but he just won't look up at me. When he's at the door, I feel him pause behind me and he says "will you be here when I get back?" "Yes" I answer. Then I hear him walk down the hall, the stairs and through the front door with a slam. That's when I notice that the bed wasn't slept in and he'd been out all night.


	20. Chapter 20

It was a very long flight from Pittsburgh to Vancouver and I was in no mood to play video games or talk to anyone on the plane. The guys knew something was wrong when I just ate my breakfast and went to sleep. Last night felt like the lowest night of my life and I'm definitely not interested in talking to anyone about it. When I sit down next to Flower on the plane, he looks at me and waits for me to say something. When I don't, he goes back to his iPod. I didn't sleep much last night so it did make it easier to sleep on the plane. I'm getting some side looks from the guys as we deplane, go through customs and get into our bus. I stop for autographs even though I really don't want to; sucks being me sometimes. Of course the guys have to wait on the bus for me to finish; sucks for them too.

I sit by myself when we get on the bus with my iPod on. The same thoughts keep going through my head. How could I have been so delusional that we were happy? Why didn't she say anything about not being happy earlier? What are we going to do when I get home? I think about the engagement ring I have hidden in the office. I was planning on doing it the night when I play my first game back. She's been so much a part of getting me back on the ice. How could I have misjudged how she's been feeling so badly? I hear a knock on the connecting door between mine and Duper's room. "You decent Sid" and he comes in. We don't worry too much about privacy when on the road. We pretty much live in each other's pockets on road trips.

"What's wrong with you kid?" Duper is the only one who gets away with calling me 'kid' and he only does it when we're alone. I look up from my phone. "Nothing I want to talk about" I tell him. "Then get your head out of your ass. You've got everyone talking about what's wrong when you should be excited. Practicing with the team and being so close to contact should put you on cloud fucking nine." He's right; I know that he's right. "Ok, Duper, I will. Is it time to head for the bus?" "Yeah" he replies and goes back to his room. I'm still staring at my phone when he shuts the door. I've typed a text letting Angelia know I got here ok but I haven't pressed send. Part of me doesn't want to contact her at all and let her wonder the whole time I'm away. Part of me, the part that loves her, wants to send the text and not be such a dick. Love wins out and I hit send. Before I can even make it to the door, I get a text back from her simply saying 'I love you.' Ahhh, what the fuck am I going to do now?

It feels good to be on the bus with the guys laughing and making fun of each other. Geno is bragging about how strong he is this year. It's going to be his year. Flower jaws back at him. I am glad that I came on the trip, it feels so good to be in this groove again. The routine makes it feel normal and I haven't had normal since December last year. I get into my undergarments and begin stretching and getting ready for practice. I'll stay on the ice afterward for a little while with Kadar doing some drills to test my vision on the fly. That's still where I'm having some trouble.

I love being the first on the ice. The only thing better than a pristine sheet of ice is a frozen pond that's so quiet you can hear the snow fall. I shoot a puck in the net and hear the 'ting' as I go top shelf and it hits the bar at the back of the net. Maybe that's my favourite sound. Shit, it's all my favourite these days because I'm on the ice with the team finally. Everyone trickles out and begin shooting around and continue warming up. Dan comes out and calls for three on three drills. After a few of those, we then do three on two drills. Back and forth we go until Dan likes what he sees. We break out into groups and work on some face-off plays. I need to leave the ice when they work on the power play because there's bumping in front of the crease. Soon, I tell myself, soon I'll be out there for those drills too. Dan calls everyone over to him for final instructions. There will be morning practice on game day tomorrow. The weight room here is open for us to work out and the bus leaves in two hours for the hotel. There's a team dinner tonight at 7pm; meet out front of the hotel for those who want to go.

A couple of guys stay at one end and work on board plays. Flower asks if I want him to stay on and, since it's not game day, I say yes. I set up pucks for Kadar to pass them to me on the fly down low so that I can shoot on the sharp angle. It requires a lot of spotting visually and will really test me. We start and, while I don't get the first shot by Flower, I don't have any dizziness either; a good sign. Repeating the same move over and over, I begin to get more pucks by Flower and he begins to swear at me in French. Then it hits me and its worse when it's a surprise; just a slight lack of sharpness in my vision as I turn and then the dizziness. I tell Kadar to stop and skate around until it's gone. I go back to do some more drills and, after a few more, the dizziness comes back. I call it a day and neither man asks how I am; they know.

Going into the locker room, I see some of the guys talking to the press. The press knows to leave me alone. The guys I know and who travel with us will ask how I'm doing, off the record, because they actually care. Unfortunately, they get the same answer as if they were on the record. I've learned the hard way not to trust the press. I hang up all of my gear and then stretch and cool down. After I shower and change, I go into the trainer's room which is empty and call the first person I thought of, she picks up on the second ring. "Sidney?" It just feels so good to hear her voice. "I just got off the ice" I tell her "and I'm still having some dizziness." She's quiet for a minute and then asks "when you use your visual acuity at high velocity?" I can't help but smile at the big words she uses when describing my symptoms. "Yeah" I tell her. She sighs and says "ok, time to go back to Atlanta. Maybe you need another session with Carrick." Now I'm quiet, for apparently too long because she says "are you still there?" "Yeah, I'm still here. Will you meet me there, in Atlanta?" There, I asked, I had to because I need her. "Of course I will" and I can hear love in her voice. "Let me talk to Dan and fill him in and I'll need to call Burke too. Pat will call Carrick and make arrangements for flights. I'll ask him to email the details of your flight and the hotel to you, ok? I'll probably stay for the game tomorrow night and then grab a flight out afterward. Hopefully I can get one direct."

We won the game but I couldn't get a direct flight. In fact I had to fly out the next day and go through Toronto. I hate the Toronto airport because it inevitably involves lots of autographs and pictures. I just want to get to Atlanta and, more importantly, to Angelia. We're landing now and I know I'm just a car ride away from her. As soon as the seatbelt sign goes off I'm up and grabbing my luggage from the overhead to get to the door. I don't think that I've ever made it through the Atlanta airport so fast in my life. I climb up the double escalator to the terminal and look for someone holding a sign with my first name – we never use my last name, even in the airport – and that's when my world rights itself. She's come to pick me up; she's here, in the airport. When I walk past the security, I drop my luggage in time to catch her. Then all I can do is kiss her. She's here, in my arms, and I'm kissing her. It finally dawns on me that I'm hearing applause. I put her down and look around, fearing the worst and waiting to see camera phones. Thankfully, this is Atlanta, and no one knows who I am. Everyone is applauding for a military officer who just came up the escalator. We laugh at each other, we were both thinking the exact same thing, and I pick up my bag in one hand and hold hers in the other.

She leads me out the terminal door and a man opens the back door of an SUV for us. When I get in, I see that there is a privacy window that's pulled up. I turn to her immediately and pull her into my arms. She climbs on to my lap to kiss me. "I'm so sorry Sidney, really so sorry. I should have been honest with you. You need to know how much I love being with you and just love you. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but where I am." When she finally runs out, I take her face in my hands "and I'm sorry that I got so angry and that I left." I kiss her again but this time softly and then she slips down to the seat beside me. Her hand stays on my thigh and I pull her close to me. I trace my fingers over the strap of her dress. Her hand plays up and down my thigh and my jeans are feeling slightly uncomfortable. We continue in silence and I know I'm praying that we get to the hotel soon. My prayers must be answered because we pull up to the hotel. The door opens, I tip the driver, and we go into the hotel.

* * *

I'm so glad he was happy to see me. I couldn't decide if I should go or just meet him at the hotel; it took me all morning to decide to go. I was encouraged when he called me and asked me to join him here. I was hoping that he had forgiven me, am so happy he has and that we seem to be on even ground again. In the car, I just couldn't stop touching him. It's been three days and I've been absolutely aching to be near him. I still don't understand why he got so angry when I was answering his question; but, we're still learning about each other and it will take some time. Maybe I'll try to go with the flow more and just be there for him. Once he's back playing then I'm sure he'll feel more like himself and we'll get into a routine.

We get into the elevator with an elderly couple. They smile at us and I feel like the woman just pinched my cheeks. She has that kind of look about her. When they get out of the elevator, she turns and says "you two have a nice night" in a very thick southern accent. Sidney says "thank you" and I wave. We look at each other and smile. Then we're not smiling anymore and I turn to throw my arms around him but the elevator door opens. We walk out and Sidney follows me down the hall. I have trouble using the key card. I'm shaking, I want him so much, and I just can't get the damn door opened. Sidney takes the key from me and opens the door himself.

I go in ahead of him, turn and then slam him up against the door with my body when it closes. I can't seem to get close enough to him. I rip open his shirt and the buttons go flying. There are just too much clothes between us. My nails scrap up and down his chest and stomach while I kiss him. My tongue is playing in every corner of his mouth. My hands make fast work of his jeans and they are down at his ankles. I reach down to stroke him while my mouth is busy on his chest licking and nipping at his skin. When I go back to his mouth again with mine he's fully erect in my hand. I move to his ears and bite at his lobe. He groans loudly and tries to take off my dress but I won't let him. I kiss and lick and bite down his chest – God it is incredible – and his gorgeous abs until I'm kneeling in front of him.

There's no preamble, no teasing, no waiting; I just take him fully into my mouth. His hand goes into my hair and his nails dig into my scalp. Both of my hands grab his ass I take him in and out of my mouth. I love the feel of his beautiful, hard ass. He groans again and now both hands are in my hair encouraging me, like I really need the encouragement. I know he's close, I can feel his whole body straining. I take him in my hand and continue the in and out with my mouth, faster and faster now. Finally, he lets go with such a loud growl as he goes over the edge that I swear they can hear him down the hall. I look up at him until he is looking down at me. I smile at him and say "hi" and all he can do is laugh at me and say "hi back."

He pulls me up to him and buries his face in my neck. I try to turn and go into the room but he won't let me go saying "I haven't even started with you. You're not going anywhere." He steps out of his jeans pooled at his ankles and drops his shirt. "You have much too many clothes on babe." He slowly unzips my dress and his hand splays over my bare back. I didn't wear a bra and Sidney smiles when he discovers this fact. As his hand dips lower, he discovers that I'm not wearing any panties either. He groans and says "fuck me, you have nothing under this dress?" I smile and say "first, yes please, and second, yes I'm wearing nothing under this dress." He backs me into the suite and looks for the bedroom continuing to back me into it. I kick off my shoes as we go and step out of my dress after he pushes it down. I circle his neck with my arms and he lifts me against him. It is such a turn on how strong he is and he can so easily lift and move me, which he does right now putting me on the bed.

He follows me onto the bed and covers my body with his. I missed this sleeping alone the last three nights. I missed just the weight of his body on mine. I take a moment to savour but that's all he gives me, a moment. He slides beside me as he takes my mouth with his, his tongue sliding over my lips and into mine. His hand lazily travels from my neck, in between my breasts and down to my stomach then back up the same path again. His mouth moves just as slowly over mine like he's trying to savour this moment too. I sigh as his hand travels lower and gasp when one finger slips even lower. "Can't have you getting too relaxed" he says to me with a chuckle. His lips move to my ear again and his finger slips inside. He bites my lobe, hard, and I cry out. My hips push against his hand at the same time. His finger begins to play a little bit more down there. He teases the nerve endings at the entrance, slips up to my clit and lightly rubs and then it slips back inside with another finger this time. He kisses my neck, along my jaw and down my neck again. He travels lower with his lips until he finds one of my nipples. His tongue plays around and around while I'm begging him to take it in his mouth. He does take suck it into his mouth with those beautiful lips and pushes down with both fingers on my clit. I cry out in a voice I don't even recognize as my own.

His fingers move back inside me and play in and out a few times while he moves to my other nipple. This time he nips at it while pushing at my clit. I cry out again and break out in a sweat everywhere on my body. Sidney kisses lower, over my stomach and down my hip. He pushes my legs open wide and kisses the soft skin of my inner thigh. His fingers are gone now and I'm desperate to have them back. I don't have to wait long but his fingers are only opening me for his tongue. God this man has a talented tongue. He plays over my clit with the flat of his tongue and I feel his warm breath over me. Then his tongue dips lower and inside of me. He goes deep in first and a series of shallow thrusts. His hands are holding my thighs as wide open as they'll go. His tongue goes in deep again and then with shallow thrusts. I'm mewing like a kitten and then crying out for more. When he moves back to my clit I cry out and my head thrashes from side to side. I feel the heat spread throughout my entire body emanating from where his tongue plays on my clit. He changes to suck it with his lips and then his tongue joins in again. He alternates over and over until I'm just crying his name over and over; finally I just fall, that's what it feels like, I'm falling. My entire body feels weightless. I can't even feel my limbs. There are flashes of light but I know my eyes are closed. I am definitely dripping now onto my thighs.

It seems that Sidney isn't done with me yet. He pushes me onto my side and pulls me too him. If I thought we were just going to spoon, I am very much mistaken. His hand reaches to play with my nipple and his leg slips between mine. I feel his erection against my skin. His leg opens me and he slips inside me. God, I've never had sex this way before. His hand plays with my breasts as he thrusts slowly and deeply inside of me. I push back against him with each thrust – it feels so good. His hand slides down over my hip and holds there for a few moments while we increase the tempo. As we go faster, his hand slides down to my clit and begins to rub. Now I absolutely love this position. I'm still vibrating from my last orgasm and Sidney is bringing me up to my next one. He continues to pick up the rhythm thrusting and rubbing until the world explodes again. His arm pulls me against him while I continue to shake and shutter and he finally lets go too.

* * *

Wow, I thought we'd done everything we could to each other. Then she practically attacks me the minute we get through the door. I don't think I've cum so fast since I was a kid. She just took control and, fuck, that was so hot. I may not mind road trips if that's how she greets me when I get home. I also don't know what came over me. I've always wanted to try that move, spooning, but never had the nerve to try in case it didn't work. I read about it in Men's Health Magazine. It certainly did work for both of us. Angelia is having what I call her 'after-shocks' where she shivers periodically after a particularly intense orgasm.

I kiss her shoulder and neck lightly. Her skin tastes salty. My hand is cupping her breast and her hand is over mine. I would love to just fall asleep but my stomach is reminding me that I haven't eaten. It feels like I haven't really eaten since I left Pittsburgh; or slept either when I think about it. Then my stomach grumbles again. She laughs and looks over her shoulder to ask "hungry?" I look at her and she is impossibly beautiful. Her face is flush and she is smiling that wistful and sexy smile. I realize that I still haven't answered her when my stomach grumbles again. "I guess so, yeah." "Do you want to go out or just order room service?" she asks me. Right now, sitting in robes and eating together in this room seems like the best idea I can think of so I say "let's stay in."

After ordering, we jump in the shower, one at a time so as to be dressed for room service. The robes are fluffy and very comfortable. I let the waiter in while Angelia finishes in the bathroom. I'm so glad I splurged on the burger, it smells delicious but I wait. She doesn't make me wait long when she comes out also wrapped up in a robe. We sit at the table and devour our food. As we eat, we talk about the game last night. "I watched with Vero" she tells me "and she pointed some things out. Of course, I've read the rule book so I knew those." I smile, with her photographic memory, she'll know the rules better than anyone. "What did you think of the game?" I ask her. She thinks for a moment. "I like that it's so fast paced. It keeps you interested and there is a lot to watch. I also like how the mood of the game can change quickly. One minute the crowd is cheering and loud and then the next minute they're silent because you guys scored." It's weird but I actually feel proud that she gets it. She understands the game better than I thought she would after watching only one. "I hope the hotel gets the game tonight. We can watch it together and you can say all of those condescending things men say when they're explaining sports to women."

Between the good food and the great, ok mind-blowing, sex we decide on a nap. I make sure to set the alarm so we're up in time to watch the game. After our nap, I call up a snack and some wine and we settle onto the bed with a million pillows to watch the boys play. It's Calgary so it should be our game; but, you never know what's going to happen when it's a team's home opener. Between the fans and the adrenalin of a first game of the season, the unexpected can happen. Thankfully, the game was as I'd expected and we won. Angelia was fascinating to watch. She asked a million questions about plays and puck movement. Who would have thought a brain could be sexy but watching her think is definitely making me hot. Fuck, she was so into the game, at one point she got so excited that she jumped up and down on the bed and wine went all over the sheets.

"It looks like Geno and James are getting a rhythm together. From what I've heard, James didn't do much of anything when he joined last year but he's definitely making up for it now. Geno's hard work over the summer must be paying off too." She has definitely been spending time on Google. "Yes on all counts" I tell her and can't help staring at her and smiling. "What?" she asks me. "I love you" is all I simply say. I watch a softness come into her eyes and over her face. She reaches over and strokes a hand over my cheek. I feel like we're back to an even keel again. This is the Angelia I know and love. I hope we can keep it when we go back to Pittsburgh. I kiss her and push her slowly back to the pile of pillows. Looks like I'm still not finished with her tonight.


	21. Chapter 21

Looks like the trip to Atlanta was a miracle in more ways than one; Sidney and I are better than ever and he has been cleared for contact. Of course now the questions are the same every day after practice: How are you feeling? How close are you to playing? Are you getting hit out there? Who's hitting you and how are you reacting? Every day after practice they interview him looking for a small nuance that will give them the date he will play. Canadian Thanksgiving has come and gone. Troy and Trina came to visit and we had dinner at the Lemieux's. I was surprised to hear that Nathalie was cooking, I guess I thought she'd have it catered, but we all pitched in and it was a wonderful day. Too bad Taylor couldn't join us but she's at an American school so they had classes. Even Mariah came in so it really felt like a family holiday.

The next day, we were back to the same routine. Sidney seems to thrive off of the routine of his life. We do the same thing and the same way. Vero tells me that it will be worse when he's playing. I've been able to adapt and if I'm feeling bored then I keep it to myself. Right now the entire focus is getting Sidney back on the ice playing. He really feels that his timing is coming back and he's getting close. The doctors have to give the final clearance for him to play but it will really be his decision. No one but him knows how he feels and knows if he is or isn't having symptoms. The good news is that he hasn't had any in weeks and he's been pushing himself hard. It's really just time now to be fit enough to play and not risk re-injury.

It's Sunday, November 20th, and Sidney has gone in to work out and have a meeting with the doctors. Pat is in town and Troy has a flight booked. If everyone is in agreement, Sidney will play on Monday. I went to the rink with him today. It is unusual but I couldn't just sit at home waiting so I'm in the family room on my iPad waiting. He's only been gone thirty minutes but it's torture, absolute torture. I hear voices in the hall and am about to jump out of my chair with anticipation. Sidney comes in the room and his face is blank. My heart breaks for him. This was a perfect week for him to start with a couple of home games. He looks around and asks "are you alone?" I respond "yes." Then it happens, that huge little boy grin lights up his whole face and I know he's playing on Monday. I jump out of my chair and run into his arms where he twirls me around and around and around. I kiss his lips and his cheeks and back to his lips again. "Have you called your dad?" I ask him. "They asked me not to tell anyone just yet. They want to make sure it comes from them and doesn't get leaked. The moment before they post it on the website, they'll tell me so that I can call dad. Fuck, I've been waiting so long for this moment, so fucking long, and I can't believe it's here. I owe a lot of people a huge thank you and you're at the top of the list."

"Sidney" I take his face in my hands "you don't owe me anything. I have never been so happy or so in love. Of course I would do anything I can for you. I'm just so excited to see my first hockey game live and even more excited to see you in action." He looks around again and says "maybe you can see a little action right now." His hand slides down to my ass and pulls me even closer to him. I'm close enough to know that he is indeed very, very happy. Those big, full lips descend on mine and I'm caught up in a big happy bubble. I don't notice that anyone has come in the room until I hear a man clearing his throat. We both look toward the door and I'm sure my face is as red as Sidney's is right now when we see that it's Mario at the door. "I thought I'd find you both in here. Why don't you get out of here? If someone sees you Sid, they're going to know what's going on. We should have everything ready within the half hour so go ahead and call your dad when you're in the car. Have Troy keep it quiet until he sees it on the website but I don't see any reason not to share the good news with him." I kiss Mario's cheek and we all say goodbye.

In the car, I call Troy and put the phone on speaker. "Hi Troy is Trina there too?" "Yep, she is" he replies. I look at Sidney and wait for him to tell them the good news. "I'm definitely playing Monday dad. They've cleared me. You need to get on that plane tonight." I don't know what I expected but there is silence on the other end of the phone. Then Trina comes on and says "your dad's a little choked up right now. We're so happy for you sweetie. You've worked so hard for this and we are just so happy you're going to play. Dad has his flight and hotel booked. You know that I'll be watching at home with Nana. You'll be great. We love you both and we'll talk to you later." After we say our good byes, I look at Sidney and see tears in his eyes. I touch his hand and we drive the rest of the way home in silence. As we walk through the door, we know the news is out there. Sidney's phone begins to blow up; texts, calls, emails, it just goes crazy. "Why don't you just turn it off?" I suggest. "Let's make some lunch and eat without all the hoopla. Tomorrow you'll see the guys, practice and talk to the press. Today, we'll pretend that none of that exists and just be excited that you've been cleared to play. How does it feel?"

He sits at the breakfast bar while I pull stuff out of the fridge for sandwiches and a salad for lunch. He thinks about my question for a moment. "Sometimes it feels like it's been years since I've played and sometimes like it was yesterday. I'm excited beyond understanding that it's really going to happen. I'm also terrified; what if I can't be as good as I was? What if I take another bad hit? What if the symptoms return? I know that I have to put everything out of my head and just play. Focus on the game in front of me and the first shift, then the second shift and on." It makes sense that he's so torn like this because I know that I am. I'm terrified for the first hit and I'm so excited to see him play. Of course, I just nod to him without voicing my thoughts. I definitely don't want to cause any problems before he plays. It will be great to have his dad here. Actually, that makes me think "Sidney, two questions: how come your mom isn't coming and how come your dad is staying in a hotel rather than with us?" He chuckles "my mom isn't coming because the live game scares her. She hates hearing the hits off the boards especially when I'm being hit. She came for the Stanley Cup games but not many others. Dad is staying at the hotel because that's what he always does, it's routine." I know that 'routine' means superstition but don't mention it. None of them talk about superstitions. They refer to them only as routines. I think it's funny and know that it's a little OCD. The way they deal with the stress and pressure is to control what they can; hence the creation of 'routines.'

"So what happens on game day for you?" I ask Sidney. "We'll have morning practice and then I'll come back here. I'll have the regular media scrum after practice but nothing before the game. Then I'll come home for a nap and to eat, leave for the rink at 4pm and then warm up and prep for the game." I think about this and ask "I'm sure there is a specific pregame meal that I'm cooking." He at least has the decency to turn a little red "yeah" he says "if you don't mind." I had already thought this through and talked to Trina about it. I know that I'm cooking chicken breast and pasta with a salad. The nap will be from 1pm to 2:30pm. She thinks his body knows how to shut down at 1pm on the dot. "It's not a problem. When and where do I go in? Where am I sitting?" "There are a few places that you could sit but Nathalie has invited you to sit in their box." I think about this for a few minutes. "Sidney, is that a good idea. I'm just guessing but won't she and Mario be on camera? What's going to happen if people see me there too?" He frowns into his drink and is silent for a moment.

* * *

I know what I want to say but I'm less sure about what Angelia is going to say back. Ok, here goes "I don't care" I reply. "I mean, I care, but I'm tired of being careful and avoiding being together in public where people will recognize us. Pat says we are all over the internet and the pictures are out there anyway. Some industrious fans have even taken some here in Pittsburgh and posted them on various sites. We really have nothing to hide. You aren't going anywhere so let's just live our life. I'm playing again and we can focus on hockey. The Penguins have been very clear with the press that you are off limits. If any of the press even try to get you on the record then they will be banned from the rink and everything Pens Hockey related. They also made it clear that this direction comes from Mario so they know it's very serious and he'll do it. So, I really, really want you there. I want to know exactly where you are sitting so that I can look up and see you from the ice." I know that I've been rambling because I'm scared of what she's going to say. I finally look up at her. She's biting her lip like she does when she's thinking. That's a better sign than I feared.

"Ok" she finally says to me. "Ok?" I ask, what does she mean by ok? "Ok, I'll sit with Nathalie. Ok we'll stop being careful. Ok we'll let the world see us." I look into her eyes to be sure that she is ok with this and ask "are you sure?" She smiles and says "of course I'm sure." I go to say something else but the doorbell rings. Who managed to get through the gate and to the door? I open it and immediately see who – half the team is on my front door step and are plowing right by me. Jordan, Kris, Flower, TK and Paulie all push by me leaving Vero to bring up the rear and apologizing for just showing up. Seems that they all heard that I've been cleared to play and we have to celebrate. I go back into the kitchen with Vero beside me and see my girl being passed around from guy to guy for a hug. Jordan hells "and how the hell did you get so lucky to find a girl who is both gorgeous and smart enough to find the right doctor for you?" TK pipes in "he doesn't deserve you Angelia. Leave him and run away with me." She is laughing and finally extricates herself from my team mates and puts her arm around me. "Apparently, I need to remind you guys that I would never turn in a Ferrari for a Volkswagen Bug; or, in your case Tyler, a Pinto." The guys all laugh and pummel TK for a while. I look down at her smiling face and kiss her. "Looks like we're having a party" I say to her. "Yep, I'll go order some food. I definitely don't have enough to feed a half dozen hockey players."

We definitely had a party. A few of their girlfriends came over too – Vero and Angelia said it was unfair to leave them at home. Next thing I knew the house was full. There were lots of food and lots of drinks and a lot of fun. Of course the Xbox came out and a full on war was in flight before we knew it. As usually happens, the girls were in the kitchen and the guys were in the family room. It was hard to tell who was louder. When I wandered in to the kitchen to get another bottle of water, I'm not drinking just in case, I see Angelia elbow to elbow with the other girls and having a great time. I'm so glad that she's really happy now. It must have just been a blip she went through; moving to a new city where you don't know anyone can do that to you.

We wrapped up around 10pm because I have my first game back tomorrow and we have a morning practice. It was actually Angelia who started shooing people out. "My man needs his sleep" was her reasoning. Of course, I only heard the "my man" part and smile. We got to bed shortly after that but its 2am now and I'm wide awake. I look beside me and see that Angelia isn't there. I get up and look in the bathroom. She must be downstairs. I wander into the family room and she's on the sofa wrapped in blanket and watching an old move in black and white. I sit beside her and pull her to me. "Couldn't sleep?" she asks me. "I woke up and saw that you were up. I was going to ask the same thing of you?" She looks at me, smiling, "I guess I'm too excited to sleep." I look down at her and, even though she's smiling, I think I see something else in her eyes. "Are you sure that's all? Is there anything else?" She continues to smile. "Sidney, what else is there? It is going to be a crazy day, I'm sure. Maybe we should both go back to bed and try to get some sleep." I turn off the TV and pull her up beside. We make our way to the bedroom and slide into bed. She cuddles up next to me, just the way I like it, and quickly her breath slows and I know she's drifted off.

I'm trying to do the visualization exercises the team shrink taught me. If you picture doing everything in game exactly the way you want to do it then you will be calmer and more focused. The problem is that I've never come back from a concussion. What am I visualizing? Will I be staying away from the boards so as not to get hit into them? Am I watching people more than the puck in open ice? That's where Steckel got me. I pull Angelia closer to me and she wraps her arm around me in sleep. How was I ever going to get through this without her? I snuggle closer beside her and feel myself drifting off. Tomorrow is going to be a great day.

* * *

I'm lying on the bed watching Sidney tighten his tie. He looks so gorgeous in a suit and tie, so incredibly gorgeous. He seems cool and calm but I'm a wreck. The press is like a circus. They've been showing pictures of the Consol and it's like a media town has been erected. Sidney shrugs on his jacket and I get up and go to him. I tuck his collar into his jacket and straighten his tie. Then I just lay my hands on his chest and look at him. He is so incredibly beautiful. He would hate to hear me say that; but he is. He is smiling at me now. I lean up and kiss him softly and then more insistently. I pull away "we don't have time to do more than this, you have to go." I kiss him lightly once more. "I won't wish you good luck because you are going to be brilliant. I am looking forward to a wonderful game." He rests his forehead on mine and says "I love you." Then, with one last kiss, he leaves.

I turn my attentions to getting myself ready. I want to be dressed to perfection, or as close as I can get, for tonight. If I'm going to be on TV, and on display, then I want to worthy of being Sidney Crosby's girlfriend. I shower first, then blow dry my hair and use the flat iron. Mariah is always after me to do more. I know how I just usually can't be bothered. Next is make-up for that polished, sophisticated look. Ok, clothes, and a quick call to Mariah helps me choose the correct outfit. Skinny jeans, knee high boots, white fitted blouse and a fit and flare jacket. The bracelet from Sidney completes the outfit. I'm feeling confident and ready; on the outside if not the inside. I get a text from Vero telling me that she's around the corner. Taking one quick look to make sure I look ok, I grab my purse and make it out the door as she's pulling up.

"You look fantastic" Vero tells me as I jump in the care. "Really?" I ask her and look down. "I thought jeans but a little more dressed up with the jacket." She pulls away from the house "you look incredible. Do you know where you're sitting?" I don't quite know how to answer her. The wives and girlfriends don't usually sit with the owner. "Nathalie asked me to sit with her in their box. Mario won't be there, he's going to watch from the press box, so there shouldn't be too many cameras going up there." Vero chuckles "ah, sitting in the owner's box huh? You've made it to the big time." I look at her and see that she's kidding, thank goodness. "Well, I would have sat with Troy but he is definitely going to have cameras on him. I could sit in the crowd but then I'd be alone. Regardless, Nathalie was not taking a 'no' so I'm sitting with her and the kids. I think there will be other big wigs from the Pens. I don't know what I'm more nervous about; Sidney's first game or being with those guys." We both laugh.

When we get to the rink, Vero is recognized and waved right in. There are easily hundreds of people already in the street and the game doesn't start for ninety minutes. Vero leads me through unfamiliar tunnels and corridors, although I've only been here twice so most of it is unfamiliar, and people great us both along the way. I don't know any of them but they seem to know exactly who I am. We see Michelle Cooke in the hall with her two kids. She comes over and gives us both a big hug and kiss. "Angelia, this must be so wonderful for you; your first game and its Sid's big return. It's too bad you've so busy that you couldn't come with us to another game before now. I hear you aren't slumming with us in the family box but sitting with the Lemieux's; my, you've really come up in the world. Well we've got to go. Chat later." Since September, Michelle has become more and more catty. I've been just ignoring it, and her, as much as possible. This was the most obvious and rude she's been but I just let it go. I can't bring myself to allow her to ruin this incredible night.

Vero rolls her eyes as Michelle walks away and steers me toward another room. It's the locker room. Various players are stretching or sitting at their place. I see the names at each player's location and their equipment hung up. That makes sense because the smell is just disgusting. Vero sees me wrinkle my nose. "You do get used to it but it's always gross." I chuckle "well, at least it doesn't make me want to puke anymore." "What ma petite fille, you don't like the manly smell of our locker room?" Only Marc-Andre would say that and I turn around to see him kiss Vero. More of the guys are making their way in and some begin putting their gear on. I feel hands on my waist and know Sidney's come in too. "I'm so glad you're here" he whispers in my ear. I turn around and look at him. I sigh, again wishing that he didn't have that cheesy mustache for Movember. "Of course I'm here. I'm glad we're allowed to pop in before you go out. Did you talk to Dan, what's the plan for your play time?" Sidney purses his lips and I can tell he's not happy with the plan. "The doctors want to see how I respond and then let's talk about it blah blah blah. Dan and I talked and he will put me out for a short shift after the puck drops and we'll see how I feel. Most of it is going to be dictated by how I feel out there." I nod because I know it gives him more confidence knowing that he's in control of it. I take his face in my hands "I know you'll have a phenomenal game and you'll be the best one out there. Remember that I'm so proud of you and I love you so much that I might explode." I kiss him, which causes hoots and hollers from his teammates, and then I leave with Vero.

Since we're going to different places, Vero and I say goodbye and there is an usher to take me to the Lemieux's box. I hear my name being called as we walk down the corridor. As I look at who is calling me, I know her but can't place from where, so I pull the "nice to see you" and hope it will come back to me. "I heard that you had moved to Pittsburgh with Sidney. This must be a huge day for you since it's his first back this year. How is he doing, nervous?" I think of how to answer "Not really nervous. He just wants to get out there and play. It's been so much work with getting healthy and then having a setback that he's just excited to get out there." "How are you feeling about it?" she asks me. I laugh "I'm the one who's a nervous wreck." We both laugh at that. "I was just talking to Michelle Cooke" she tells me. "She told me that you're sitting with the Lemieux's?" That's odd that Michelle told her that, where do I know this woman from? "Yes" I tell her "I am." "That's a great way to see you're first game, in the owner's box; beats the family box with all of the kids and noise. Plus, bet there's better food and drinks." She laughs again and I just smile. She looks past me and then quickly gives me a smile and says 'good luck' and then she's on her way.

I turn and see Jennifer Bullano, the Pens PR person, walking toward me. "Was Allison bothering you?" she asks me. Was she bothering me? I don't understand the question. "No, we were just chatting." Jennifer looks at me very concerned. "Well, did you tell her that you were off the record?" Now I'm really confused, why would I have to say 'off the record' to her? Then it hits me, that's where I've seen her before. She's an 'entertainment reporter,' and a sleazy one at that, who is often trying to get an interview with Mariah. "No Jen, I didn't." Jen pulls out her blackberry, fiddles for a moment and then gasps at what she's reading. I grab it from her and see that she's on Twitter, on Allison's account, which reads "just talked to Crosby's gf who's 'a nervous wreck' could she know something we don't, is he really ready?" Then her next Tweet reads "Sid's gf sitting with Lemieux's at game, too good to sit with team gfs/wives." Then there's one more "Little bird tells us this isn't first time Sid's gf is too good for them." Oh my God, what is happening? It's supposed to be Sidney's big night and I've created a PR nightmare. Jen looks like she's going to pass out. What the fuck am I going to do now?


	22. Chapter 22

Jennifer escorted me to the box herself where she told me to stay. No one was there yet and the public hadn't been allowed in the arena. I got myself a bottle of water and just sat there not sure what to do. Then I remembered, Troy is in the building. I text him and ask, if he's not busy, to come up to Mario's box. He texted back that he'll see me in a couple of minutes. True to his word, he arrives very quickly. He sees that I'm upset and takes me in his arms. I can't keep it together anymore and I just let it out. In between sobs, I tell him everything that happened. It isn't until the end of my story that I notice he's become very angry. Oh God, it really is as bad as I thought and I've caused so much trouble for Sidney. I sit down and wipe up my eyes and nose. Finally, I get the nerve to look into his face and he's definitely pissed.

"Angelia, who was it from the press?" I think about it "Her name is Allison but I don't remember her last name. She's an entertainment reporter I think. I've seen her at fashion week trying to get Mariah for an interview. I didn't really say those things, not like she wrote them Troy. You have to believe me. I barely said anything to her at all." I look at him desperate for something, I don't even know what, but something to make it ok. "Troy, I'm so sorry. It's horrible isn't it? Maybe I should just leave. This was a horrible idea for me to come. I just wanted to see Sidney play. I've never seen him play." I have tears in my eyes again. Troy holds my face in his big hands. "Sweetheart, it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong, really. They can twist anything these days and with twitter, and all the other stuff, it goes instantly into the atmosphere before anyone can say it's true or false." He holds me again until I stop crying and then pulls me out to look at him. "Here, dry those up now. You have nothing to be upset about, really. Pat will deal with the reporter, in fact, I bet he's already done so." "Then you'd win that bet Troy." Pat says as he comes in the door "and before you can apologize Angelia, it truly wasn't your fault. She's known for shoddy reporting and she should never have been credentialed for the game. It's obvious what she was looking for and was going to do."

I smile at both men. They are being so kind. "Sidney doesn't know, does he?" Troy shakes his head. "No, we'll have to tell him but after the game. Now, I'll stay here with you until Nathalie and the gang show up. We need to have a glass of wine and begin this celebration." He goes to the bar, Pat comes over and kisses me on the cheek and says "enjoy the game. I have a feeling that our boy is going to put on a show." He leaves and Troy hands me a glass of wine and sits beside me. "Let me tell you a little bit about what's going to happen. Before the game and during the game, Sidney won't be interviewed by the press. They'll talk to some of the other guys between periods but not Sid since it's his first game back. He'll have at least an hour of press after the game. First, they'll get him on live TV and then he'll do the video media followed by the print media. There's a box full of kids he'll see too. He buys a box every year and has various children's organizations as his guest. He'll sign autographs. The whole thing should take about two hours. I'll come up here after the game and take you down myself so you don't have to worry about all the people. How does that sound?" I'm just trying to keep up with how much Sidney has to do after he's played. "Thank you Troy. I really appreciate it. I'm still trying to get used to everything." He pats my arm. "You are doing just fine Angelia. I know it's not easy being with a hockey player and especially someone like Sidney. You are doing just fine and you need to call Trina or myself if you need anything, ok? We are here for you too." I look into Troy's eyes and I see where Sidney gets his kindness. Everyone thinks its Trina, and it is, but it's Troy too. He gets such a bad rap for not working, being in his son's business all the time, but people don't know how much Sidney relies on Troy and how much work he does for his son. I kiss his cheek "thank you Troy, for everything." He pats my cheek this time and heads down to his seat, the place is filling up now and the clock is counting down to the warm up.

Before I can even think, I'm engulfed in Lemieuxs. Everyone except Lauren, who is at school, is here. Nathalie gives me a big hug and asks if I'm ok. She's heard what happened and tells me to forget it. Easier said than done but I'm going to take the advice for the game at least. Austin sits beside me and says "there's lots more people than usual before the warm ups. Everyone wants to see Sid. See those 'Sid' signs that everyone has; my dad made them print them because they did the same thing for him when he came back from injury." Wow, that is cool. "Why is your dad not sitting with us tonight?" Austin looks at me "because it's Sid's night and dad doesn't want any of the spotlights to be on him instead of Sid." Mmm, that's interesting. Maybe I should have done the same thing. Did I screw this up too?

I can't continue the thought because everyone stands up. "The warm up is starting" Austin tells me. The players begin to come out. I'm waiting to see Sidney. A big cheer comes from the crowd and I know he's coming out. Then he steps on the ice and the place is loud, really, really loud. He skates around and shoots a puck in the net. He moves to a dot near the blue line and does some stretches. Then he gets up and begins drills with rest of the team. In line for a drill, he glances up at me, I know he's looking right at me, so I smile at him and I swear he winks at me. When warm up is over he's the second last off the ice and the crowd is cheering so loud. I'm right along with them. I sit down when both teams are off the ice. Austin has a huge smile on his face and I know it matches mine. We're just grinning like idiots at each other.

Nathalie comes over and sits beside me. "Angelia, can I introduce you to a few of our business partners? I know they'd like to meet you." She lowers her voice now "and we'll get this stuff over with before the game starts." I follow her up into the box. "Angelia this is Ron Burkle, David Morehouse and Travis Williams." I shake everyone's hand and smile. Ron holds mine in his for a moment "I've heard a lot about you Angelia, welcome to the Penguins family." He let's go of my hand but keeps smiling. I instantly like him. They begin talking about how exciting the game is going to be and how great Sidney will be too. I just smile and nod since my mouth has already gotten me in enough trouble tonight. Ron guides me over to the buffet. Wow, look at all of that food. "Let's help ourselves to some of this great food before the game." We do and I realize just how hungry I am. Then we sit down together to eat. "I'm really excited for the game. I've waited to see a game live until Sidney was playing." He chuckles "what a great idea. So it's your first hockey game and the first time you're seeing Sid play; definitely exciting. Oh, back to our seats, the show is about to begin."

Ron was right, it was quite a show. Sidney got two goals and two assists in the game; four points. It was, quite honestly, the most incredible experience. I can't wait to see him but that's just what I'm doing now. I'm sitting in the family room and waiting. The door opens and it's Michelle. She comes in and says to me "looks like it was definitely a successful night for Sid. He's definitely back with a vengeance. Although there was that blip from you talking to a reporter. Dear, you really should get some media training. I'm sure someone on the Pens staff can educate you on media relations even if you aren't a wife. Oh well, I guess he'll forgive you for it." That's when I'm positive. She sent Allison after me and was the 'little bird' that provided the information about me. I really just don't know what to say to her. Vero is right; this woman is a vindictive snake. Fortunately, I don't have to say anything since Jennifer comes in to get me. "The press is all gone now. Sidney is in the showers and said he'll meet you in the locker room. Do you want to come with me?" I decide it's just best to leave and follow her.

* * *

What a fucking night! I can't believe it's gone so well; two goals and two assists. I didn't beat Mario's timing on the first goal during his comeback game but I did get more points. Wow, that's all I've been able to think is wow. The crowd was crazier than during the play-off games and I barely held it together when I first came out for the national anthem. Everyone was holding up their 'Sid' signs and screaming. I took a moment, just a moment, to look up and take it in and then I spotted Angelia. She smiled at me and I knew I was going to be great. I just knew everything would be fine in that moment. It was a great game and I proved it to everyone that I'm as good as I ever was, if not better now. If they thought I looked good at the beginning of last season, they haven't seen what I can do; I'm going to lead this team to another Cup and all of those assholes who have questioned my ability to come back can fuck off.

I am finally starting to come down from the high of the game. The press was crazy and long; live interviews, then video and then print. The shower feels so good that I just want to stay here for hours; but, then I think about who's waiting for me and I hurry even faster. Dad was there to congratulate me after the game and now he's gone to dinner with the Lemieuxs. I thanked them for the invite but I definitely have plans when Angelia and I get home. There's a certain question that I've been waiting since August to ask her. Tonight, I feel like anything is possible. I quickly get dressed and make it back into the locker room. The place is empty except for a few of the equipment guys and a very beautiful woman sitting at my stall. I just stand there and stare at her for a few minutes. I like the way she looks sitting there with my name plate over her head.

She must have noticed me staring because she glances up at me. A huge smile lights up her face and I walk over to her as she stands up. We are just facing each other now and smiling like idiots. On a sob, she throws her arms around me and I swear she's laughing and crying at the same time. "What's wrong babe?" I ask her. She sniffs and hugs me tighter. "Nothing is wrong, in fact, everything is perfect. You were so incredible that I don't even have words to describe how incredible. Watching you practice was very cool but watching you play is just breathtaking." She pulls back to look at me. "You were so wonderful out there. The Islanders didn't stand a chance. The game is so exciting live too and the fans were crazy. I think my ears are still ringing. Oh Sidney" and she kisses me. We stand like that for a few moments with our bodies and lips together. When I finally pull back, I look at her and say "thanks." She laughs and takes my hand as we walk out. "Good night Dana, night guys" I call out as we leave. I receive various congratulations and good nights in response.

We drive home in silence and holding hands. I just can't break contact with her and she seems to feel the same. It's a good thing the car is an automatic. We arrive at the house and all of the lights are on and the driveway and street are packed with cars. I look at Angelia for a clue but she looks as surprised as I am. "What's going on?" I ask her. "I have no idea" she answers. I guess I look skeptical at her because she goes on "seriously Sidney, I have no idea what's going on." I park and we walk up to the door. Looking at her, I shrug and then open the door. "SURPRISE!" It seems like the entire Consol Energy Center is now in my house. I see most of the guys from the team, a lot of wives and girlfriends, Dad, Mario and Nathalie, Dan and the other coaches. Vero comes up and hugs me and then Angelia. As I look at her, Angelia says "this was your doing, wasn't it V?" Vero just smiles and then I'm enveloped in friends and family, lots of friends and family.

I eventually find out that they wanted to surprise both Angelia and me so they didn't tell either of us. The party is a thank you to Angelia for finding 'the good doc' as Flower says and to celebrate me coming back. I'm incredibly moved by that, the way they included Angelia in their surprise, and am so happy that they've accepted her to this extent. Having made my rounds to everyone, I finally find a minute to myself and go outside to get some air. Mario follows me out. "How do you feel?" he asks me. I look at him and then back into the night. "I can't get a handle on it. It's so completely overwhelming. Was it like this when you came back?" He chuckles "sort of; although I don't recall the Igloo rocking that loud. Savour it Sid, you've worked so hard to come back and there's still a long season ahead of us. Take a few minutes to savour this very moment with your friends and family because we go right back to work tomorrow. There's still a Cup to win." I laugh at this because Mario's comments mirror my own thoughts. "Angelia seems to be sticking. You got lucky with that one Sid." Now I really grin "yeah, I did. I really did." He laughs now too. "Don't let what happened tonight worry you either. That woman's press credentials should never have been issued in the first place. Then she wasn't supposed to be in those corridors. I've talked to legal and there's nothing we can do about it but I am calling the president of her news division tomorrow to give them a piece of my mind." My face must show how confused I am because Mario says "you didn't hear what happened." He then tells me the whole story.

I wait until the party had wrapped up before saying anything to Angelia. Some of the guys had to get home to kids and the ones that didn't stayed to clean up. Vero insisted that the place be exactly as they found it before they leave. After we said goodbye to the last of them, Angelia shut the door and stood there grinning at me. "That was quite a night Sidney. I can't believe they surprised us like that and actually pulled it off." She laughs and put her arms around me. I hug her too and say "there have been a couple of surprises tonight." She looks at me while we climb up the stairs together. "What do you mean?" We go into the bedroom and she starts to undress. Maybe I should just leave it alone and not say anything. No, Mario is looking into it tomorrow and there could be more press. We have to talk about it. "Mario told me what happened with the press tonight and the postings on twitter." She stops as she's about to unhook her bra and just freezes. After a few moments, she turns around to look me and her face is stricken. "I'm so sorry Sidney. I didn't even know that she was press or that I even said anything press worthy. Everyone warned me not to talk to anyone in the press tonight and I just should have listened. I am so sorry I" I put a finger to her lips to stop her. "Babe, do you think that anyone is mad at you? Everyone just feels bad that it even happened and that woman should never have been given press credentials. Mario is going to call the network in the morning and have a chat about that woman and her tactics." She has tears in her eyes when I look into them. I kiss her lightly. "You should have told me. It would have been ok you know. You can tell me anything." I kiss her again and then I'm totally embarrassed when I yawn into her mouth. I'm glad she laughs. "We need to get you into bed for some sleep" she finishes before I can make another suggestion.

We both crawl into bed when we're ready. I pull her into my arms and think back over the day. It was perfect. The game was incredible and I'm so glad I shut up all those assholes who doubted I could come back. The party tonight was just the icing. To have all of my friends in one place so happy for me was great. Now, at the end of the day, to be lying in bed with the woman I love, is the most perfect of all. The only thing I regret is that I didn't get to ask the one question I've been waiting for months to ask her.

* * *

I know when Sidney has fallen to sleep. It doesn't take long since he was so tired. It has been a long and adrenalin filled day for him and I'm surprised he was able to keep his eyes open so long. I slip out of bed quietly and pad down the hall to the office. Once in there, I start up my laptop and go on twitter. I do a search on 'Sidney Crosby' and can't believe how much comes up. I sift through them to find Allison's tweets. They are still posted so I guess there is nothing that can be done about them. I still can't believe that Michelle talked to her and led her to me. That is truly mean. What possible motive could she have for doing this to me? I am sorry that I didn't tell Sidney myself but I just don't know what I can and can't talk to him about since the last time I told him how I was feeling. I turn off the computer and go back to our room. Slipping into bed, it doesn't take me a long time either to fall asleep. It was an eventful day for me too.

I wake early the next morning after a fitful night sleep. I can't get what happened out of my mind and Michelle's part in it. What am I going to do? It's very important to Sidney that I get along with the wives but this one seems to have it out for me. I can't even talk to Sidney about it. Maybe I should call Mariah although she doesn't know what it's like here. She'll say to talk to Sidney. I turn the coffee on to brew and pray for it to finish. If I can't have sleep than I must have coffee. Sidney needs to go in today for practice and the next game is against St. Louis tomorrow night. I wonder what he's doing this afternoon. Maybe we can do something just the two of us. I know that I could really use that because it's been crazy and there are so many other people in our lives right now.

I grab a cup of coffee and go into the family room with the paper. The front of the Tribune is all about last night and Sidney's success and I read every word. They can't possible describe the night adequately but they do a good job getting close. I hear Sidney coming down the stairs and then he falls onto the sofa with me. "Looks like you're a big success, or so the Tribune says." He chuckles and throws the paper on the floor then pushes me back on the sofa. He nuzzles my throat with his scratchy face and it tickles. I try to push him away but he won't let me up. "Sidney, stop it" of course it's only a half assed push. I love it when he does this and when he lays on top of me. "What time do you have to be at the rink?" He lifts his head and looks down at me. "In an hour" then he continues at my neck. "What do you think of me coming with you? I know that Vero does sometimes with Marc-Andre. Then we can do something this afternoon together. What do you think?" He looks at me again and just stairs for a moment. "Sure" he says "you can watch practice if you like. Then we'll grab something to eat and do whatever together." Before he can do anything else, I push him off me and he falls on the floor not expecting it. "Then I better go get ready."

I manage to be ready on time for us to leave for the rink. Sitting up in the stands, I watch practice and they're having quite a bit of fun today. Of course they are; Sidney is back and they are ready to win. Dan has them doing drills and practicing plays. When they're finished, Sidney is the last person off the ice as usual. I talk to Mike Kadar for a little while giving Sidney time to shower and change. Mike is always a lot of fun to talk with and we're reminiscing about the party last night.

I make my way down to the family room to wait for Sidney. It's the most comfortable place and I can definitely avoid the press; they aren't allowed in here. I pour myself a cup of coffee and hear the door open. Turning around, I am very surprised. "What are you doing here?" I ask. Michelle just smirks at me and says "my husband works here. How about you? Does your husband work here, oh no, wait, you don't have a husband." Looks like I'm going to have to deal with this woman. "What is your problem Michelle? Just what is your problem with me?" She walks closer to me and I hold my ground. "You just arrive here and everyone bends over backwards to kiss your ass. You don't even have a ring on your finger. You've been around for thirty seconds. You should have more respect for those of us who have been around much, much longer. You've been fucking Sidney for what, a few months, and now you're the queen of fucking Pittsburgh." I don't even think about it, I just slap her. The sound echoes in the room and is the only sound until I hear "Angelia?" I don't need to turn around to know that it's Sidney's voice.


	23. Chapter 23

Michelle gives me a gloating smile before her eyes fill up with tears and her hand goes to her face. "What did you do that for Angelia? I can't believe you slapped me." Now tears are dripping down her cheeks. Sidney comes up beside me and looks stunned from Michelle to me. "Are you ok?" Sidney asks. I'm about to answer him when I see him looking at Michelle. What the hell? How can he show this bitch compassion when she instigated me to hit her, did all of the prompting for the twitter posts and has been generally nasty to me. Michelle, with tears still falling from her eyes, turns to Sidney and says "thank you Sidney, I'll be ok. I'll go check with the trainer and just have him check me out; we'll see if I need to go to the hospital." The hospital? Is this woman out of her fucking mind? "You go see them, they're in their room." Michelle thanks Sidney and begins toward the door. Behind Sidney's back, she winks at me and then leaves. Now what the fuck do I do?

I turn to Sidney and he just has a baffled look on his face. "What happened? Why did you slap her? This just doesn't happen here." I am trying to figure out what to tell him; how much to tell him; what is his response going to be? "Sidney, it's a long story but there was definitely a build up to this last moment." I tell him the whole story from the first day we met, what Vero has said, the twitter issue and finally what was said today. "I am sorry that I slapped her. I shouldn't have done that no matter how much I was provoked. I guess today was just the last straw." Sidney has listened to everything I've said carefully without commenting. "I agree, slapping her wasn't a great idea, and I understand the build up to it. I'm surprised by her behaviour and if she did lead the reporter to you then she needs to be held accountable. My problem is that we're here again; you aren't telling me what's going on and you're keeping things from me. I just don't understand."

Now I'm the one who is baffled. I don't know what the right thing to say is and I definitely don't know how this got turned around on me. What does he want from me? I've been doing my best to make sure that he's happy, taken care of and ensuring that he can get back on the ice as soon as possible. My life is his life, I'm doing everything for him and it just doesn't seem to be enough. "Sidney, I'm sorry. You're right; I should have told you. I didn't realize it was this bad with her until last night. Before that it was just 'mean girl' stuff but last night she just went over the line and then today she just went way over the line." Do I tell him more? I still have a vivid memory of the last time I was completely candid with him and stayed out all night. I still haven't had the nerve, in all these weeks, to ask him where he was that night. Mostly I'm just scared to ask him. I look him in the eye and see that the anger has deflated. He gathers me into his arms. "We need to be able to talk about these things. You need to tell me what's going on so that I can help you." I nod at him. "Tell me what she said today" he asks me. I think about it for a moment and decide to take a chance. I tell him every single detail, from what the reporter said about the 'little bird' right down to what Michelle said that made me slap her.

I can feel every muscle in his body tighten. His lips are pursed so tight that they've disappeared. He lets go of me and storms out of the room and into the locker room. I have to run to catch up. I enter the locker room just in time to see him grab Matt Cooke by the collar and haul him against the wall. "Would you control your wife?" he says to Matt. "She is a bully off the ice like you are on the ice." I can actually hear the gasp from the other players when he says this. Matt tries to push him away but Sidney doesn't budge. "From what I hear" Matt says "it's your woman who needs to be controlled. Michelle has gone home to put an ice pack on her face." I step forward to apologize but Kris is holding my arm. When I look up at him, he shakes his head slightly and pulls me back. Am I just supposed to stand here and watch? Kris keeps his hand on my arm so I guess that's exactly what I'm supposed to do.

"Keep control of her Cookie. This 'mean girls' act of hers is getting old. Other guys might have put up with it but I won't. Keep her away from Angelia. I mean it Cookie, control her!" He then let's Matt go and does a quick look around the room. Everyone who had been watching goes back to what they were doing and turns away. Sidney grabs my hand and pulls me from the room. We're both quiet as we walk, or in Sidney's case stalk, to the car. We get in and he starts driving. I don't know where we're going since we haven't spoken about it; he just drives. I can feel how angry he still is and I don't know how to react or what to say so I just stay quiet. He pulls into the parking lot of a small parkette by the water. We both get out and walk over to edge. The air is very cool but the sun is warm.

"Don't jump" I say to him hoping to get a chuckle. "Doesn't that feel so long ago now?" he asks me "that night on the boat and then walking through the streets of Cannes." I think about it; to me it seems like years ago and yesterday at the same time. "Sidney …" I touch his arm and he looks at me. We just look at each other for a while and then he puts his arm around me and pulls me to his side so we're both looking back out at the ocean again. "Is there going to be a problem with the team now?" I ask him. He sighs "I don't know, probably not. Matt knows he's still on thin ice after the last couple of years of reckless behaviour. He'll get her under control and she shouldn't bother you again." Oh great, now all of the girls will hate me. I've 'tattled' to the teacher and he's disciplined everyone. "You need to tell me about these things Angelia. I can't help if I don't know." It's my turn to sigh. "I understand Sidney." Even as I say this, I know that I'm deliberately not telling him that I will because there is still doubt in mind about the last time.

"So, where do you want to go to lunch?" he asks. Just like that we're back on even ground again and I am very grateful to have him all to myself today. We grab some sandwiches and then drive to the batting cages. Sidney has decided that it's time I learn to hit a baseball. Of course, I say that I've lived this long without doing so to which Sidney scoffs and puts a helmet on my head. For the next hour, he shows me the correct grip, which I screw up a few times so that he comes behind me to show me how, and I try to hit the ball. I do connect a few times to my absolute delight. My favourite part of the day is watching Sidney. I love the way his arms, shoulders and especially his ass look when he's at the plate. I always find it remarkable just how physical he is with everything. He concentrates so carefully and is disappointed when it doesn't go perfectly. The best is when he hits one that goes exactly the way he plans it. He watches it go and then turns to me with that huge, little boy grin. I run to him and throw myself into his arms. He swings me away fast and I hear the ball whistle by my ear. "Careful" he says "the balls aren't done."

We finish up and he says "how about a movie?" I haven't gone to a movie in so long that I agree quickly. Since it's a matinee during a weekday afternoon, there are only a dozen people in the theatre. We got a big box of popcorn and settle down for some action flick Sidney picked. He puts his arm around me and pulls me to him. I snuggle in as the movie begins. The movie is predicable but fast paced and with great special effects. The popcorn is buttery and salty. Sidney is warm and hard-bodied. What a lovely way to spend an afternoon. When the popcorn is finished, I slide my hand onto his thigh. God, I forget how huge they are, and hard too. I absently run my hand up and down feeling every muscle. I feel his hand tighten on my shoulder and my hand stops being so 'absent.'

I slowly move my hand from his knee just up to the point where I know his jeans are beginning to strain. I slip down to his knee again and all the way back up only this time I go further up and lightly rub over his slowly growing erection. I slip my hand back down again and slowly back up; this time I rest it over him and leave it there. Lightly I massage him through his jeans and hear him gasp softly. I continue for a few more moments until he grabs my hand and makes me stop. I feel his mouth at my ear whisper "you are an evil, evil woman. A few more minutes and you're going to get us thrown out of here." Of course while he's at my ear he licks and nips at my lobe. Predictably, I shiver at his breath and mouth playing with my ear. I cross my legs as I feel the sensation all the way down to my core. I feel more than hear him chuckle. As we both look at the screen, Sidney's hand slides up my thigh and between my legs to rub at me over my jeans. My hips lift slightly, I can't help it, they seem to have a mind of their own around him. He pulls his hand back onto his own lap. His left hand slides a little lower off of my shoulder and lightly strokes my nipple over my blouse. It puckers instantly for him. At my ear, I hear and feel him say "I love how responsive you are to my touch. You know what I'm going to do with you when we get home don't you?" I whimper softly just thinking about it. "I am going to tease you over and over again until you are begging me. I am going to strip you bare to me and lay you one the bed. You will be completely mine in every way." My eyes are closed now as I can see it in my mind, what he's going to do to me, and I shiver again. His fingers continue to play over my nipple occasionally plucking at it. The lights suddenly come on with the end of the movie and we pull away from each other like teenagers caught in the act. Actually, we may not be teenagers but we were almost caught.

Giggling, Sidney takes my hand and we almost run out of the theatre. Once in the car, we laugh so hard that Sidney needs to wait before he can start the car. As suddenly as we started laughing, we stop and I'm reaching over the console to kiss him. My hands are in his hair and my mouth is feasting on his. He pulls me onto his lap and we continue to kiss. It's a full on make out session like we are teenagers. Eventually, we pull away from each other and I notice that the windows are fogged up. We laugh again and I climb back to my seat. "Dinner or home?" Sidney asks me. I just look at him and he says "yep, home." When we arrive home, we kiss and touch as we approach the stairs. "Sid?" It's his dad calling from the kitchen. "I thought he went home this morning" I whisper to Sidney. He just shrugs and we right our clothes. We going into the kitchen and Troy is sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper.

"I'm happy to see you dad but what are you doing here? Is everything ok?" Troy takes off his glasses and says "Mario called me before I left for the airport and said there was a problem this morning. Apparently you took a swing at Cookie and Angelia hit Michelle. Shero heard about it and told Mario and Mario, knowing that I was still in town, called me and here I am. You're the captain of this team. You just got back and played your first game. What the fuck are you doing? What are you both doing? The team is gossiping about this shit rather than focusing on the game tomorrow." Sidney just sits down and lays his head in his hand. I just look at the two of them. "Angelia, why don't you sit down too?" Troy asks me. I sit beside Sidney and feel like that teenager again about to get scolded by dad.

"Who wants to tell me about what happened?" Sidney and I look at each other and I let him explain it. He explains the whole situation from the reporter to the slap to Sidney slamming Matt up against the wall in the locker room. Troy listens all the way through without commenting. Now he just runs his hands through his hair and looks at us both. "There was definitely a better way for both of you to handle this situation. Sidney, you need to figure out a way to make things right with Cookie. This team is already in flux with you coming back. You're the captain, you need to fix this, you know it's up to you." Sidney sighs and shakes his head. "Dad, what am I supposed to do?" He looks so lost when he says this that I reach for his hand. "It's my fault Troy. This is happening because of me. What can I do to fix it?" Troy gives me a small smile and says "that is very nice of you sweetie but this is now a team thing and Sidney is the only one who can do something about it." He looks at Sidney again. "Son, you couldn't just wait until no one else was around before you 'talked' to him? There was even press around. Thankfully it was guys who could care less but what if it wasn't?" Damn, I hadn't even thought about the press.

Sidney looks at Troy "dad, he was wrong. Michelle was wrong and she involved the press. This is not going to be fixed by me." Troy shakes his head "you've been raised in a rink. You knew that when you accepted that 'C' on your sweater that you were going to have to be the bigger man sometimes. This is one of those times. I shouldn't have to explain this to you." I look from one man to the other and decide to keep my mouth shut. This is happening because of me but no one will let me be the one to fix it. I just seem to keep causing problems for Sidney. What can I do? Maybe I can ask Vero what she thinks. Troy continues "I'm going to stay another night and see the game tomorrow. Why don't I take you both out to dinner?" Of course we agree and I continue to mull over what I can do to fix this problem?

* * *

Dinner with dad was pleasant enough but I was in a funk the whole time. I really don't know how to solve this issue. Practice this morning was brutal. You could see the divide within the team. There were guys who sided with Cookie and guys who sided with me. The team is tense and everyone's timing just seems to be off. Dan is yelling and he almost never yells. Now its two minutes before we go out to start the game and the mood in the room is off. Even TK, who is usually yelling and trying to get everyone's energy up, is quiet. I know he feels torn; he's on Cookie's line but is my friend. This is the first time that I've had guys mad at me. I'm never in the middle of any controversy with the team. I specifically stay out of it, and even try to fix it, because I'm captain.

We go out to the ice for my second game back. Angelia is sitting in the stands with dad for this game. St. Louis is booed as they come out. Pens fans aren't known for liking any opposing team. I start the game and win the face off. That's the last thing that I did well. The rest of the game is a cluster-fuck. I lose count how many times we turned over the puck at the neutral zone. I can't seem to find the back of the net and that's when I can actually shoot the puck. There are a number of near fights in the game. I get in the middle of one and let my frustration out when I should have stayed out of it. Then we lose in overtime to a stupid goal on a bad read by Flower. When we get back in the locker room, Flower has broken his stick over the door and thrown it across the room. Everyone is pissed off and Dan is no exception. "We gave up and did stupid, stupid things in the neutral zone. Ottawa is here Friday and we need to pull our shit together by then. Tomorrow morning we'll practice, be here ready to play the way I know we can. I want 100% out of each of you and you can leave your shit at the door." Dan looks at me when he says this and I feel the weight of what he says. Dad is right, and so is Dan, this needs to be fixed and it needs to be done by me. For the very first time, I wonder if I did the right thing bringing Angelia to Pittsburgh.


	24. Chapter 24

For the second night, I can't sleep. We play tomorrow and, after the last game, we need a win here. Everyone is looking for me to fix "it." Today's practice sucked big wind. We are just off, all of us just off, and I know that I have to do something, I just don't know what. So I'm sitting on the sofa at 2am watching Hockey Tonight on the NHL Network over and over again. They are putting the blame squarely on me. Maybe they don't come right out and say it but it's definitely there.

I feel more than hear Angelia come into the room. She slides down beside me, puts her arms around me and pulls my head to her breast. My mom used to do this when I was a boy and I find it oddly comforting from Angelia too. "Everything is going to be ok Sidney. I know you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders but you can do this, I know it. You do super human things every day in many, many ways. You'll figure this out too. I don't want to heap on, but maybe your dad is right. Maybe you need to be the bigger man and make the overture to make this right. I'm sure that there have been other issues that have come up as a team in the past. What do you usually do?" I think about it for a minute. "If it involves the entire team then we have a team meeting, closed door, without coaches or anyone else. We talk, shout, break sticks, whatever we need to do until it's sorted out." We're both quiet for a moment. "Maybe that's what you guys need." I think about it. Maybe we do need that to clear the air because it's more than just Cookie and me; the whole team is involved.

I grab my cell and type a text 'be at rink one hour before we practice; players team meeting' and I send it off to the whole team. I sigh and actually feel a little lighter. I'm doing something now rather than just waiting. Tomorrow we'll hash it out and be a whole new team. I look over at Angelia. She looks very tired, almost weary, and I wonder why I haven't noticed. I brush my thumb under her eye where there is a black circle. "We should get you to bed." I kiss her and then pull us both up off the sofa. With my arm around her, I lead her up the stairs as she stifles a yawn. She's definitely in need of sleep. Of course, so am I. We both fall asleep the minute our heads hit the pillow.

I had a really good sleep even if it was short. Angelia was up before me and made breakfast and then kissed me at the door. She looks a little apprehensive but smiles nonetheless. "I'll see you after practice" I tell her. She kisses me again and I take off. All the way to the rink, I'm nervous. I've called these meetings a couple times before but it's never been about an issue I'm directly involved in. I don't know how everyone will react. Doing nothing isn't helping, we got beat by fucking St Louis, so we need to do something.

I'm the first one there; I planned it that way, so I grab a bottle of water and head to the locker room. In the hall, Dan sees me "you're here early Sid." I look at him and say "players meeting." He nods at me, slaps my shoulder and nods again. I can tell that he's happy I am taking leadership in managing this issue. I go into the locker room, sit at my stall and wait. Soon after, some of the guys trickle in and sit at their stalls. Everyone knows the procedure for this; it may not be done often, but it does happen and follows pretty much the same process for everyone: No one but players are allowed in; everyone must show up; the captain kicks off the meeting; everyone is allowed their say; we stay until its fixed.

Flower is the last one in and he shuts the door with the sign on the outside stating 'player meeting, private.' The tension is thick in the room and everyone is looking at their shoes, the coffee in their hand or just the floor. I take a deep breath and start. "Cookie, I want to apologize for grabbing you like that after practice and yelling at you. I should have handled it differently. I apologize to the whole team for my part in our loss the other night and the tension in the room." There, I said it, that weight is gone. I manned up, which is what dad and Mario and, well, everyone, wanted. Everyone waits now because we all know that it's Cookie's turn. "Me too Sid, I finally got Michelle to be honest with me and she was definitely being a brat. She thought of it as hazing but she had no right with a civilian like Angelia. I'm sorry she got drag into all this shit." With that out of the way, we finally start to talk about hockey. What went wrong in the last game, Brooksy even apologized to Flower for leaving him out to dry on the OT goal. Brooksy was definitely out of position. We then focus on the Ottawa game tonight. We talk through what we can expect, Spezza is on fire these days, and how we are going to counter. It's agreed that they are meat tonight. Tanger makes a crude gesture accompanied by an even cruder comment in French and, just like that, we are all ok. The doors open and we all begin the preparation for practice. Cookie looks at me across the room and we both nod at each other. It's over and hopefully it's over for Angelia too.

As I get on the ice, Dan lifts an eyebrow at me and I just nod to him. That's all he needs to know to be sure the team is once again on the same page. Practice is light just reviewing some plays we're going to use tonight against Ottawa. When we get off the ice and are in the shower room, one of the call ups from Wilkes-Barre opens his locker and packing peanuts fall out. They are sticking to him because he's wet and, once they have fallen out, his locker is empty. His clothes have disappeared. The best way to bounce back from a tense time is a win, which we'll do tonight. The second best way to torture a newbie. The kid looks at me and I shrug. I never play pranks myself, I don't want them pulled on me, but I also never give up who does them, again because I don't want them pulled on me. I just get dressed and head home for food and a nap.

When I get there, Angelia all but pounces on me at the door. "What happened? Is everything ok? Are you ok? Should I apologize to Michelle? To Matt? What did Dan say? Is he ok now?" I finally put my finger to her lips. She does like to ramble when she's upset, nervous, or happy, just about any time. "Slow down" I tell her. "We had our team meeting. Everything was hashed out. Cookie and I are fine now. The entire team is fine now. And you shouldn't have to deal with Michelle's shit again." I look at her and she has tears in her eyes. "Are we ok?" she asks me. I sigh, what am I going to do with her? I pull her into my arms. "Of course we're ok." She presses her face into my neck the way I love and kisses me there. I pull her away and wipe her tears with my thumbs. "Now, I need food and I need a nap; preferable in that order. If I can have you somewhere in there, that would be great too." She chuckles as I intended her too. We have lunch, after which I also had her on the counter. Then we had a nap, before which I had her on the bed. Drifting off to sleep I feel happy.

The game was awesome. We won the game 6-3 and I had 3 assists; not as good as goals but I'll take it. Everyone was happy and laughing in the locker room. After the press cleared out, I saw Angelia standing at the door trying to be unseen. I walk over to her, towering over her in the skates I haven't taken off yet. She wrinkles her nose at me; the stench of the gear is pretty pungent, then says "screw it" and throws her arms around me. "I guess you enjoyed the game" I say. She pulls back slightly and kisses me. It starts of soft but then she deepens it and we both forget where we are; that is until we hear the whistles and calls for 'get a room.' I put her down and see that she's turned beat red. I pull her into the room and sit her beside me while I take off the rest of my gear. "You were so good Sidney. It was a great game." "What did he do?" I hear Pascal say "I got a goal don't I deserve a kiss?" Then Geno pipes up "I got goal and assist, where's mine?" I grab and dip her, kissing her quite thoroughly. "She's mine guys, get your own." I put her back on the seat and say "you can wait here if you want. I'll be 10 minutes tops." She smiles and nods. I run off to the showers.

I go into the locker room, or the real locker room where we actually get dressed and shower, humming. "What are you so damn cheerful about?" Jordon asks me. I raise an eyebrow at him and can't control the grin on my face. "Don't rub it in Sid. Heather is back in Thunder Bay this week. My only date tonight is my hand." That opens him up to comments and jokes from the rest of the guys. I shower and change as fast as I can. I have more than my hand to date tonight. When I come back into the main locker room, I see Cookie hugging Angelia and she gives him a kiss on the cheek. When he sees me, he turns red and looks away. I walk over to her and ask "ready?" She nods and we walk out hand in hand. "Great game Sid" I hear Dan shout. "Thanks Coach" I yell back and we keep walking. This is my reward, this beautiful girl beside me who, again, helped me figure things out.

When we walk in the door of the house, we shrug off our coats and Angelia takes my hand and leads me upstairs. She sits me on the bed and gives me that slow sexy smile that I love. She walks around the room and lights candles everywhere. The room is glowing. "Why don't you take off that suit? I'm going to just be a couple minutes" and she disappears into the bathroom. I decide to follow the directions and take off my suit, tie and shirt. I'm left in my boxer-briefs as I head out of the walk in closet and back into the bedroom. I hear her some out of the bathroom and when I look over at her, I can't move.

I stare at her and can't tear my eyes away. She has taken her hair down and it flows around her shoulders. She's done something with her eyes too. More make up but they look even larger and gorgeous. Then I move down to her body and all blood rushes to my dick. Her breasts are pushed up with a cream, sheer lace so that I can see her nipples through. The panties, if you can call them that, are also cream and definitely sheer. Her legs are impossibly long and smooth. Her skin glows in the candle light. She walks toward me and, when I can tear my gaze from her body, I see that she has that sexy smile on her face again. "I thought you deserved a prize for playing so well tonight. Want to unwrap it?" She chuckles a throaty laugh. I can't even groan at the bad joke. I just can't stop looking her up and down.

She is standing in front of me now and walking me back toward the bed until I'm sitting on it. Her hands start in my hair, work down to my neck and then shoulders. She glides them over my chest pausing over each nipple and then back up to my shoulders again. This is when she notices the bruise at my cheek. She leans in to 'kiss it better' and her breasts are inches from my face. I reach out with my tongue to take a lick but she backs up out of range. "Are you willing to put yourself into my hands Mr. Crosby?" I have no idea what she's asking me but the answer is yes, God yes. "Lay back on the bed, head on the pillows." I move back having no idea where this is going but loving the direction. That's when I notice a scarf, her silk scarf, on the side table. She takes the scarf and ties my wrist to the headboard and then repeats the action with another scarf and my other wrist. I am way too stunned to ask her where this is coming from and way to aroused to care.

She climbs onto the bed at the foot and slides a hand up each of my legs, lightly along my skin. When she gets to my thighs, she stops just short of my briefs and then scraps her nails down my thighs to my knees; back up with her palms, softly and then down with her nails. I can see my erection growing and so does she which makes her smile. My pretty professor has become a vixen tonight. This time, when her hands meet my briefs, she slides each hand under, goes up to my hips and then back down with her nails. Now her hands go up over my briefs and her finger tips so softly and lightly run over my erection. She moves lightly up and down all the while looking me directly in the eye. Her hands move away, her mouth opens and her head lowers. I can feel my dick quivering but she moves to my stomach instead. Her tongue traces my six pack; I've never been so happy to have done all of those crunches and core exercises in my life. She licks and kisses her way up my chest. I try to move my hand to touch her but I forget that I'm tied up. She grins up at me. Her mouth moves to one of my nipples which she kisses and licks and then to the other which gets the same attention. Fuck, what this woman is doing to me.

She moves up to my neck and more licks and kisses. Her teeth lightly bite into me and I know I'm going to have a mark; make that two marks as she does the same to the other side. She moves up to my ear and takes my lobe into her mouth softly licking and then bites lightly. Her hands are still busy running lightly up and down my chest and stomach. I try to capture her lips with mine but she'll have none of that. She kisses down my chest again, then over my stomach and lower tugging at my briefs with her teeth exactly where my erection is straining to break free. The feel of her teeth on my dick through my briefs makes me go wild. "Angelia" I growl out. She looks up at me with a sweet smile and says "Yes?" She reaches around and unclasps her bra and her breasts spring free. I forget what I was going to say. My hands try to move again and I definitely hate these scarves. She straddles me and rubs her chest up mine. The friction of her puckered nipples on my chest is incredible. I try to grab her nipple with my mouth but she moves away too fast. She slides back down, keeps sliding and takes my briefs with her. She straddles me again, this time my dick is aligned directly with her but with her panties are in the way. She rotates her hips so that I rub and rub at her but can't go in.

Her hand strokes me a few times, almost absently, until her mouth slides down to suck lightly at the tip. I'm desperate now to touch her and damning the fucking scarves. She sits up again, straddling me, and slides her hand down the centre of her chest and, oh God, inside her panties. I'm desperately trying not to explode right now just from watching her. She runs her finger up and down her opening inside her panties. I think I've lost the ability to do anything but watch her. She leans close to me, close enough to kiss, and takes my bottom lip insider her mouth. She bites it and then lightly runs her tongue over where she bit. She does this again and again. As I try to kiss her, she backs up again. I have sweat braking out everywhere on my body. My dick is so fucking hard it's going to explode. I pull at the scarves again, this time, one slips free. Before Angelia can do more than say 'oh' in surprise, I have the other one off too.

I push Angelia back on the bed, rip off her panties and go to work on her. I lap up her clit with my tongue over and over. As it grows I suck at it with my lips. I slip lower and slide my tongue around and around her sweet entrance. She's writhing beneath me now and her hips are moving in time to my tongue. I slip my finger over her clit and continue to rub while I dive deep into her with my tongue. Darting in and out and playing with her clit is making her come apart in my hands. Turnabout is fair play after all. I continue to lap at her while her juices flow. She is close now, I can tell. I quickly sit up, kneeling on the bed, and pull her up with me, lowering her onto my dick slowly until I'm completely buried in her. We move together, fast and hard, meeting each other thrust after thrust both desperate. I'm having trouble holding back and waiting for her to go first until I just can't any more. Thankfully, she follows me over and now we are both in oblivion.

When I can finally feel my body again, I slide down to the bed taking her with me. I hold up her panties and say "I think I owe you new ones." She chuckles "oh, we definitely need new ones, these ones are done but had the desired effect." Now I laugh, and I have to ask. "Not that I'm complaining, but what the hell got into you tonight?" I look at her and she is actually turning beet red. There's my pretty professor, she's back. "I don't know what got into me. I didn't even think I'd have the nerve once we were in here but I just sort of went for it." I am just staring at her. "What?" she asks. "You just continue to surprise me. Thank you." She looks puzzled "for what?" I kiss her nose, "for the best orgasm I've ever had, and you've given me plenty of bests, but this one was it. I might have broken the headboard if that scarf hadn't slipped its knot. How would we have explained that to the repair shop?" She giggles at that "and think of the article in the paper 'Crosby breaks headboard in sex romp' and it's always a sex romp."

"Do you know where Mariah is?" I ask her. "Crosby, not even for you am I having a threesome with my sister." I laugh at her. "No, but that is an interesting idea" she slaps me, hard, so I continue. "We're going to play the Rangers in a couple of days in New York. If she's there then I thought we could all get together, maybe some of the guys, Jordan always likes to get together with Marc. But now you've got me thinking of something other than dinner and drinks." I am immediately smothered with a pillow.


	25. Chapter 25

The game against Montreal had to go to overtime but we beat them. I'm still working on getting my timing back. It's coming but not nearly as fast as I'd like. I had two points, not goals but assists, so that was great. Tanger got absolutely decimated with a hit. He may have broken his nose. He came back for OT and got us the winning goal but started having concussion symptoms the next day. He's out for a while now. He has actually gone home, to Montreal, to seek treatment from a doctor there. I feel bad for him and know exactly how he's feeling. At least Pacioretty had the class to apologize to Tanger. It wasn't malicious like the hit from Steckel on me.

We're in New York now and just finishing up practice. The game is tomorrow and we're ready. The Rangers on are on streak and Lundqvist is at the top of his game. We have tonight free and the guys seem to be going their own way which often happens in NYC. Mariah is in town so we're all meting up at a restaurant that also has a great bar for drinks afterward. Flower, TK, Nealer and Geno are joining us. Jordan said that he and his brother Marc will meet us after dinner. Marc is still out with the concussion he sustained form a hit by their brother Eric and Jordan wanted to have dinner with him alone to check in and see how he's doing.

Angelia is absolutely giddy having her sister here. The two of them talked non-stop for the entire walk to the restaurant. The guys and I just shook our heads. Geno just kept staring at Mariah's ass as he walked behind her, G's not known for his subtlety with women, and even I have to admit it's a great ass. Dinner was a lot of fun. Flower was in rare form and kept us laughing throughout the entire meal. Mariah flirted with everyone, me included, as seems to be her nature. And Angelia, what can I say about her, she still simply dazzles me. She's quieter around her sister who tends to dominate the conversation but she doesn't seem to mind. I don't mind that her hand has been on my thigh most of the evening.

When we get to the bar, it is certainly busy and rocking. Marc and Jordan are in a VIP section. As we make our way over, I notice some of Marc's teammates have joined him. I see Boyle, Callahan, Prust and the asshole Avery. As we approach he gives a very obvious once over to both Mariah and Angelia. Asshole. I put my arm around Angelia and give Avery a very clear look to stay the fuck away. There's introductions, backslaps and handshakes all around and we all settle onto the comfy couches. We give our order and I choose water. The wine at dinner was my limit during the season. As expected, Mariah is having a great time flirting and having fun with all of the guys. I marvel at her ability to keep six guys' attention at the same time. I see Marc alone and tell Angelia "I'm going to talk to Marc, see how he's doing with the concussion." She smiles at me and kisses me.

I'm not that close to Marc but have spent time with him over the years since he's Jordan's brother. Sitting next to him, we make the usual small talk. Then I say "I hear you're back on the ice." Marc gives me a grin that I completely understand. "Yeah" he says "you know the drill. I'm skating alone right now with our conditioning coach. We hope to have me back with the team in a week or two. No contact at first, of course, but I can't wait to be on the ice with the guys." We look at each other and a hundred thoughts are passed in one look. I know exactly how he's feeling. We start talking about the winter classic, I've been in two and this is the Rangers first one, and the HBO 24/7 series which I've also experienced. It's then that we hear the shouting.

I turn around see TK nose to nose with Avery. They are shoving and yelling at each other. This isn't like TK and we all know better than to get into anything in public; not with camera phones everywhere. I go over to break it up and that's when I notice Angelia in Mariah's arms and she's crying. I storm over now. "What the fuck is going on?" I demand. Angelia doesn't say anything, she seems to be in shock, but Mariah pipes up. "That asshole wouldn't take no for an answer and was touching Ang." I see red. I turn and charge at Avery. Geno and Jordan, anticipating what I'd do, are already there to hold me back. It takes both of them to keep me from ripping Avery's head off. Callahan, the Rangers captain, grabs Avery and tells him to leave. Avery is still yelling at TK and then starts chirping at me. Callahan grabs him by the shirt collar and tells him clearly to get the fuck out of here while shoving him in the direction of the door. Obviously reluctant, Avery straightens his shirt and stalks away.

When Jordan and G are sure I won't go after him, they let me go. I turn to Angelia and she's wide eyed staring at me. I go over and take her face in my hands. "Are you ok babe?" She scares me a little because she doesn't answer me, she's just staring. "Let me take her to the ladies room. We'll be back in a few minutes." They go off and I turn to TK. "Tell me what happened" I demand. TK steps forward and explains what happened. After I went to talk to Marc, Avery was on Angelia immediately. He sat beside her on the sofa and just talked initially. Then he was leaning into her to talk. She clearly moved away from him. After a few minutes, she tried to get up but he grabbed her arm. TK was making his way over to them when he saw Avery put his hand on her thigh up her skirt. That's when TK grabbed him and pulled him off the couch and the shouting and pushing started. Now I really wish that I had killed the fucker.

* * *

I can't believe this happened. We were having such a wonderful time. I love spending time with Sidney's teammates and the Rangers guys were nice too. Until that guy Sean became an asshole. I shouldn't have let myself get so upset, nothing really happened, but when he grabbed me I kind of freaked out. Using a cold cloth, Mariah pats down my face and neck and I can see in the mirror that my colour is returning. "Are you ok now?" Ri asks me. I look at her and say "yeah, I'm better, thanks." She gives me a once over and I guess she likes what she sees. "Ok, let's go back to the boys." I smile at her and am so grateful that she's here. I obviously over reacted and have calmed down considerably now.

When we get back to the group, it's only the Penguins guys left and Marc. "The guys made sure that Avery is gone" Marc tells me "I'm sorry this happened. He's such an asshole." That seems to be the consensus tonight. I know that they don't usually say anything bad to others about their teammates so Avery must have pissed off his own team enough to cause Marc to say this "thanks Marc" and I smile at him We all agree to call it a night. They guys have curfew anyway. When we're outside, Sidney tells the guys "I'm going to make sure the girls get back to the hotel." The guys nod and we all go our separate ways not before I see Mariah slip Geno a business card. I just chuckle. It's so like her to go for the strong, silent type.

In the cab, I realize that Sidney hasn't said anything to me since we left the restaurant. When we get to the hotel, Maria goes to her room and Sidney takes me to mine. I turn on some lights and then turn to him. He gathers me in his arms and I gladly wrap mine around him. "Are you sure you're ok" he asks me. I pull back a little and look him in the eyes. "Sidney, I'm fine. I think it really just shocked me that he would behave that way. I was upset of course, but it was mainly shock." He looks me deep in the eyes and must like what he sees because he nods and gives me a smile. Then he kisses me, one of those slow, thorough kisses that you feel deep inside you; a warmth spreads throughout my entire body. He leans his forehead on mine and sighs. "I wish I could stay with you tonight but I have to get back for curfew." It sounds so odd to hear a fully grown man talk about curfew. "I know it sounds weird" he says reading my thoughts "but it's one of our rules and I need to follow it." He kisses me again, as reluctant to leave as I am to have him go. Finally, we part and he reminds me "your tickets for the game will be at will call." I thank him and walk him to the elevator where we say goodnight again.

I didn't really get a chance a say good night to Mariah so I stop by her room on my way to mine. I knock on the door and hear the TV inside but she doesn't come to the door. "Mariah it's me" I call out to her. After a few minutes, she comes to the door dishevelled and holding her robe closed in front of her. "I thought you'd be with Sid" she tells me and blocks the entrance to her room. Then it dawns on me "who do you have in there?" I ask her. She just smiles and I know it was her hotel and room number written on the card she gave Geno. I laugh and say "I'll see you in the morning." Guess Geno is going to be late for curfew.

The next morning we meet for breakfast, although it's much closer to lunch, and Ri has a huge smile on her face. I guess the Russian met her high standards. She sits down, pours herself a cup of coffee and then drinks it straight down. After pouring another, and taking a more ladylike sip, she looks at me. "How are you this morning? Have you talked to Sid?" I can't help smiling at her. I know she wants to spill about last night but it's more fun if I ask than her telling me. I tease her and make her wait "He sent me a text. Apparently Tyler still wants to rip Avery's head off. Tonight is going to be a very interesting game. Marc said that most of the Rangers hate Avery and don't know why the coach and GM keep him around." Ri smiles, nods and butters a piece of toast she takes off of my plate.

"Ok, Ri, spill it. I know it was Geno in your room last night. I saw you give him your card." She chuckles "can't get anything past the genius, huh? Yes, it was Geno. He has many more talents than what is on the ice you know?" I roll my eyes. "First, I really don't want to know any more than that. This is Sidney's teammate and I don't want those kinds of details in my head. Second, please tell me that it's a one-time thing. It would just be way too awkward otherwise if you break his heart as you tend to do." She orders breakfast from the waiter and turns back to me. "Don't worry your pretty little head, we left it very casual. He just broke up with his girlfriend and doesn't want anything more than a good time right now. It's perfect for me too. Sounds like it is going to be a very interesting game tonight. Geno said that the guys will definitely take out Avery in some way. Sidney won't do anything on the ice because they can't afford for him to get hurt; but, the other guys will do something. The way Geno put it is 'you fuck with one, you get us all.' It was especially cute with his little lisp." Now I'm worrying about tonight. Is there no end to the way I've affected this team? I also wonder if it makes me a bad person to secretly wish someone lays Avery out with a huge hit? Brooks could do it and make it look clean too. Oh God, now I'm thinking like these guys. "What do you want to do this afternoon Ri? Although I'm sure I know without even asking."

I was right about what she wanted to do. We spent the afternoon shopping. I bought a couple things but only because Ri pestered me. I did get a sweater and tie at Gucci for Sidney. They both reminded me of him so much. Mariah tried to get me to buy something flashier for him with more colour or design. As much as I know he'd look good in more colour, it just isn't his style and he definitely wouldn't wear them. He likes black and gray predominantly. He occasionally wears some colour in his dress shirts and ties so I get him a colourful tie to go with the purple dress shirt he loves so much. I saw some dress shirts that were gorgeous but he has to get everything custom made. Between the thick neck, broad shoulders and narrow waist, there is nothing off the rack about him. Not that I'm complaining!

While we're out, we grab a bite to eat before heading back to the hotel. The game is at 7:30pm and we'll get there an hour before to say hi before the game. The guys are heading to Washington tonight and then they travel to play Carolina. I'm going back to Pittsburgh tomorrow when Mariah leaves for Milan. Back at the hotel, I shower and dress for the game. Sidney texts me and says "give them your name at will-call; they'll call an usher to bring you to the locker room." Mariah is going to love seeing all these athletes in partial states of dress. Thinking about Ri, I remember her telling me to wear the new sweater I bought today. I'm a little uneasy about it. It is very low cut and falls past my hips molding to every curve. I decide to just do it. She knows fashion and never steers me wrong. She is the one who talked me into buying the lace bra and panties that Sidney destroyed a few days ago.

When we arrive at Madison Square Gardens, it's as easy as Sidney said it would be. They looked up my name, let us in and asked us to wait for an usher. I'm very glad we had the help because the twists and turns through the building have left me completely turned around. It's like we're in the bowels of the city. All of a sudden we're in a brightly lit hallway and I begin to see the Pens logo everywhere. I guess they bring the Pens signs with them on the road. I see Marc-Andre stretching in the hall. He greets us and points down the hall. We continue around the corner and I see a group of them kicking around a soccer ball. Before I can say anything, Mariah grabs my arm and says "don't you say a word." She is just staring at them and I expect to see a little drool. I look too and notice that they are all in tight shorts or tight warm up pants. The shirts are equally tight. Some are in ball caps. All are gorgeous. I look from one to another until my gaze lands on Sidney. Then I can look nowhere else. I've never seen him in his warm up gear. The pants look painted on and show off his gorgeous ass. He's wearing a warm up jacket that's loose but shows off his wide shoulders. My hands actually itch to touch him.

Like he can actually feel my gaze, he looks over and misses the ball. The guys all rag on him but he just laughs and makes his way over to us. He must see the heat in my eyes from looking at him because when he kisses me he says "stop looking at me like that. I don't have time to do anything about it. By the way, when did you get this sweater and when will you wear it again?" Then he kisses me again, this time thoroughly. When we part, he smiles over at Ri and gives her a kiss on the cheek. "You didn't have any trouble getting in?" Mariah shifts her gaze away from the guys and says "nope. It was easy peasy." He chuckles. Looking up at clock on the wall, Sidney looks at me and says "I need to go get ready for warm ups. I'll see you after the game. When he takes you to your seats, the usher will tell you where to meet him after the game to bring you back down her, ok?" I nod and kiss him whispering "good luck." He looks me in the eye "don't need it, you're here." Then he kisses me again and goes down the hall. I melt and stand there watching him walk down the hall. "That is one fine, fine ass." Ri says to me and we both continue to watch until he goes around a bend and disappears. We look at each other and giggle like school girls.

* * *

The game was brutal and we lost by one point. I had two points, both assists, and we had two chances for five on three but didn't capitalize on either. TK took on Avery twice. The first fight, Avery showed what a little bitch he was and kept punching TK while they were down on the ice and the refs were separating them. As soon as they came out of the box, the fight continued and they both got majors for fighting. At least it was even time so we didn't have to go on the PK. Losing, especially after last night, still sucks though. We gave up in the second period and you can't do that with this team. Lundqvist is just too good. You can't come back on him. We all feel a little battered after the game. That's always the way it is when you play the Rangers and especially at MSG. They're a very physical team and so are we. Everyone walks away with a few bruises. After the media scrum, I shower and dress. The way the Gardens is laid out, there isn't room for family to come into the locker room so I know that Angelia and Mariah will be waiting outside. Dressed, I go to find them and Dana, the equipment manager, yells to me "ten minutes Sid." Damn, I wanted to have more time with Angelia before we had to leave.

I see her and Mariah in the hall talking to TK. Angelia pretends to be hitting him hard and then Mariah kisses the bruise forming on his cheek. TK laughs at them both and, seeing me, continues chatting with Mariah to give me a few minutes alone with my girl. Angelia approaches me and says "I'm sorry you lost." I pull her into my arms. "Yeah, Lundqvist is really having a phenomenal year already." Angelia smiles "but you have at least one point in four of the five games you've played. That's incredible." I can't help laughing "how would you know?" Now she pouts "I am learning you know." I can't help but kiss that cute pout. She puts her arms around my neck and kisses me back. I hate to do it, but I pull away from her. One more kiss then "we have to go; onto Washington and then we play Carolina. I'll be home late Saturday night." She sighs "I'll miss you." I kiss her one last time "I'll miss you too." Then I pull away and grab TK so we can make it to the bus on time. As I walk up the ramp, I take a look back at Angelia. It keeps getting harder to leave her even for a few days. Ok, before Christmas I really need to 'put a ring on it' as they say. After the Boston game we have a few days before we play Philly. That's when I'll do it; that's when she'll say yes to becoming my wife.


	26. Chapter 26

The next couple of days are the usual grind of a road trip and we managed to win both games. I had an unremarkable game in Washington but chipped in with two assists against Carolina. Jordan got it hard in the face with a puck. The x-rays showed that nothing was broken which is a very good thing because we play Boston next and they are on a win streak. They had a slump at the beginning of the season but have come on strong the last couple of weeks. It's great to be home and I can't wait for the short break after the Boston game. I even called Mariah and got her opinion of my proposal idea. Her only response was "what the fuck have you been waiting for Crosby?" I have the whole thing planned out. The private room has been reserved at our favourite restaurant. I bought the same bottle of wine we had that night in Cannes, which cost a fortune to order in from the vineyard in France, and I even planned to set up candles like she did in our bedroom. She looks so heartbreakingly beautiful in candlelight.

We're all sitting in the locker room waiting for Coach's last words to us before we hit the ice. It's going to be a really rough game but we're ready. I like knowing that Angelia is in the stands with the other wives and girlfriends. Vero has made a huge effort to include Angelia and it sounds like Michelle is behaving herself; at least she's keeping quiet even if not overtly friendly. Apparently the other wives were pissed when they heard she went to the media and finally had enough of her shit. She's been a bully for years and the other wives just let her. This situation gave them the opportunity to finally put her in her place.

Dan comes in and reviews some of our key plays and then the game is on. It is as hard a game as we anticipated and they are all over me. I just can't shake their D and we've been horrible defensively. At the end of the first period, Krejci elbows me in the face so hard it snaps my whole body around the refs didn't call a fucking thing. I gave both Krejci and the refs an earful. The Bruins are now up 3-0 as we go into the third. Cookie gets a goal past Thomas and we're within two now. Half way through the third I collide with Kuni in mid ice and we both go down hard. It was a knee on knee and we both hurt. I continued to play and it just ached but I ignored it. When the buzzard sounds we lose 3-1. We're all battered and bruised sitting in the locker room. I've got a whopper of a headache and my knee is throbbing. I stay in the shower a little longer than usual because the hot water feels so good on me. When I finally come out of the locker room dressed, Angelia is waiting for me as I expected. She comes up to me and I see the questions in her eyes. I shake my head and she knows to wait before we talk about it.

We walk out to the car and get in. She touches the bruise on the side of my face and says "what symptoms are you feeling?" I notice she's not asking 'if' I feel any symptoms, instead she's asking 'what' I'm feeling. I sigh and decide to be honest with her. "I have a horrible headache." She gets out of the car and comes over to my side. "Let me drive home." I go to argue with her but don't have the energy. Between my knee and my head, I just ache. Angelia drives us home and I sit there with my head back on the seat and my eyes closed. When we get home, she takes my hand and leads me up the stairs and sits me on our bed. She takes off my jacket, tie and then shirt. She undoes my belt and pants, tells me to get up and then strips them off so that I'm left only in my boxer-briefs. I take her in my arms and just bury my face in her neck. I don't know if I'm trying to draw in her comfort or her strength but I know I need her. She holds me close for a few minutes then lets me go, turns down covers and waits for me to get in before she pulls the covers up and over me. She disappears for a few minutes then comes back in wearing my pens t-shirt, her favourite for sleeping, puts a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin on the end table on my side and then climbs in beside me. She immediately pulls me into her arms and I let her. Whether it's for comfort or strength, I only know that I need her because this feels like deja vu.

* * *

I lay there, holding Sidney and my heart breaks for him. When he got the elbow in the face, it took Vero and Heather to hold me back from running down there to make sure he was ok. The idea is ridiculous to me now knowing how many doctors and trainers are down there; but, all I could think in the moment was to get to him. I was less worried about the knee because those heal much more easily than the head. It took forever for him to shower and change. When he came out, the second I saw him, I knew something was wrong and that was confirmed when he wouldn't talk about it inside the building.

Now, laying here with him in my arms, my heart is breaking for him. This is going to be a setback. Symptoms don't usually show up until the next day for concussion symptoms and for him to have a headache immediately after the game makes me really worried. Not for the first time, I wonder if there is something they missed in his diagnosis. True, he went back a little harder and faster than I would have liked, but he was medically cleared and symptom free. Should he have been tested more in practice? I'm going to drive myself crazy if I keep this up tonight. I will myself to go to sleep and we'll deal with whatever happens in the morning.

The next morning, Sidney is in the shower and I'm at the mirror finishing my hair. "I'm going with you and you aren't going to say anything to stop me." I tell Sidney for the hundredth time. "I'll sit in the stands as I usually do but you're not going in alone. I want to see for myself that you're fine." When he got up this morning he was groggy but said his headache was gone, his knee was a little tender, but the head was fine. I want to make sure it stays that way. I am even more skeptical about these doctors now than I was before. He should not be having symptoms again.

He gets out of the shower and I turn around to argue more. He's toweling off and my brain stops working; he is so incredibly beautiful. My eyes travel up and down his body, over the muscles of his chest, his stomach and then lower. Wow, I lick my lips. Then I hear him say "Angelia?" That's when I snap back and look up at his face. He definitely looks annoyed. "Sorry Sidney, I wasn't listening." I lick my lips again. He laughs "how can I be mad at you when you're looking at me like that?" "Hmmm?" I walk over to him and run my hands over his shoulders and chest. "Angel, as much as I'd love to continue this, God I'd love to continue this, we're going to be late if we don't leave soon." I'm disappointed but at least he said 'we' so I guess I'm going.

We make it to the rink on time and go our separate ways. I go up into the stands and see that Kris is out on the ice with Mike Kadar. It's great to see him out there practicing. He's not ready to be on the ice with the team yet but at least he's out there. We definitely need him for both defense and to run point on the power play. That makes me chuckle. Listen to me talking about the power play; I may actually be getting this game. Kris comes over to the boards and says hi. "How are you feeling? Any symptoms?" I ask him. He smiles, still out of breath, and answers "just one or two headaches but no migraines or any of the other stuff." The other guys start coming out and Kris gathers his stuff. I head back up the stands to watch. They start shooting around at the empty nets. When both goalies come out, they get more organized with half ice drills. Dan blows his whistle and they begin full ice, two way, three on three drills. The guys are really working now. After Sidney has two turns, he says something to Dan and goes off the ice. Something is definitely wrong with him.

I go down and through the same tunnel in time to see Sidney throwing up in a bucket. Something is definitely wrong. He stands up and begins to swoon. I get to his side before he can fall and he leans on me heavily. I'm too small to keep him upright but the trainer is there to help me get him to the trainer's room. They take off his helmet after sitting him down. He is very pale. They try to move me but I refuse to leave. I'm holding his hand right now and I won't let go. The doctor comes in and begins examining him. "What happened Sid?" Sidney looks at him and says "last night I had a headache but felt better this morning. When I started to exert myself on the ice I got dizzy and some vertigo. When I got off I puked and got very dizzy." They administer the IMPact test for concussions. "Sid, it looks like you're experiencing concussion symptoms. You've failed the test although it isn't as bad as in January. I suspect the elbow to the face did something. You need to go home and rest. I mean rest, no exertion, no exercise at all. Tomorrow we'll evaluate you again." To me he says "take care of him young lady and make sure he rests." I nod and ask "is there anything he should take?" The doctor shakes his head and responds "no. He just needs rest." I try to help Sidney off of the table but he shrugs me off. I instantly know that he has to do this himself. He needs some bit of control in an uncontrollable situation.

After Sidney leaves the room, the trainer turns to me and says "I'll make sure he's ok. Wait in the family room and I'll make sure he knows you're there." I thank him and go to wait. It's the longest fifteen minutes of my life. I feel so helpless and wish there was something I could do to help. I pace because I just can't sit and wait. In what feels like forever, Sidney finally comes in the room. His shoulders are slumped and he looks so sad. I take his hand and we walk silently to the car where I get in the driver's seat. The drive home is quiet. When we get there, we are still silent as we climb up the stairs into our bedroom. He takes off his jeans and shirt and climbs onto the bed. I take off my jeans and climb in beside him. I lie on my side and look at him lying on his back. He covers his face with his hands then rolls over into my open arms. I gather him to me and hold him while he lets out all of his frustration. He is so sad and just helpless. I feel that my face is wet and realize that I'm crying tears with him. When we're both empty, we fall asleep in each other arms.

I wake before Sidney and slip quietly out of bed. I throw on my jeans and grab my phone before slipping downstairs dialing on my way down. When he answers, I say "Troy, its Angelia. I think you need to come back to Pittsburgh. Sidney is having symptoms again. They think it's because of the hit last night from Krejci. I've never seen him this upset or defeated." Troy is quiet for a few minutes then he says "I'll get a flight out in the morning, there aren't any today, and we can deal with it together." I sigh "thank you Troy. I think he needs all of the support he can get." I hang up and watch snow fall outside. "You called my dad?" I almost jump out of my skin. Turning around to face Sidney, I say "I thought he'd want to know and I thought you'd want him to know. He's coming down tomorrow." I go to him and take his face in my hands. "Sidney, you need any and all of the support you can get. He's your dad, he loves you, and he needs to be here with you." He kisses me and says "thank you." Rather than arguing with him about not needing to thank me, I simple say "you're welcome."

I go to the fridge and take out the fixings for sandwiches. "We both need to eat so sit down Sidney and I'll make some lunch. Then we'll sit on the sofa, if you're nice to me I'll make you some coco, and we'll watch Band of Brothers from the beginning. I want it noted that I'm only doing this because you are infirm and not because I like those war movies you love so much, ok?" This gets a chuckle as I'd hoped it would. Today, we cocoon in the house. Tomorrow, I start researching again and find out how to fix the brain of the man I love.

* * *

I thought that last year was the most difficult of my life; I was wrong. Coming back after working so hard to get there, having the huge success and feeling so good, and then to have it yanked away so fast is just … there isn't words to adequately describe how it feels. I don't feel nearly as bad as I did last winter but it still isn't good. Having to take the media scrums makes it even worse. I put on the 'company' face and just try to get through it. Mom and dad came in and stayed with us for a few days. It was good company for Angelia too. She has been a rock throughout this and I don't know how I'd get through it without her. The doctors have put me on the shelf completely; no bike and no exertion of any kind. This is the first time I've had a doctor tell me no sex. That's never been a real problem for me before since I tend to keep relationships to the summer and focus on hockey in season. This time though, it definitely hurts. It's the longest we've gone and it's killing me.

I walk into the bedroom and she's there, lying in bed with a book propped up on her knees. She's wearing her reading glasses that give her the sexy librarian look. I can feel my body react. I would think she's doing it on purpose but it's just not in her to be so cruel. I crawl into bed and watch her read. "Stop it" she tells me. "Stop what?" I ask innocently. "Stop looking at me like that." She keeps reading as she says this to me. "Looking like what?" I ask. She looks over at me, over her glasses, and raises an eyebrow "like you're picturing me naked." Of course now that's exactly what I'm doing. She's naked but wearing her glasses; definitely hot. "You know, I haven't had any symptoms for a week now. We could try …" I lean into her and kiss her neck. She puts her hand over my face and pushes me back. "Just because your parents are gone Crosby doesn't mean we're going to disobey doctor's orders." I lean back on my pillow. "You're a meanie." I tell her. She laughs but keeps on reading. I turn off the light on my side and try to go to sleep. It's going to be hard and I do mean literally.

The next morning I wake to Angelia throwing a pillow at my head. "Get up Crosby, have a shower and we're leaving in thirty minutes." I know I just woke up and am a little groggy, but I have no idea what she's talking about. "Leaving for where babe?" She throws another pillow at me. "It's a surprise so get your magnificent ass out of that bed, get showered and then get dressed. I've got our bags packed already." Now I'm really confused but when I sit up in bed I see that she's gone. Guess I'm getting up, showering and dressing to go somewhere. "Wear jeans" she yells up from downstairs. Guess I'm dressing in jeans.

It takes me less than the thirty minutes to get downstairs and Angelia hands me a protein bar and an apple and says "let's go." She still won't tell me where. We drive a familiar direction and I look at her "we're going to the airport?" She just looks at me and grins. We leave the car in long term parking and I get the luggage out of the trunk. We go in the terminal and to the desk to check in. Angelia has our passports which she gives to the attendant. Once we have our tickets I look at them. Barbados, we're going to Barbados. I look at her and grin "we're going to Barbados?" She grins back "you need to get some R&R and I thought the sun and beach would do the trick. Your mom told me you love the islands so I chose Barbados." I grab her and kiss her. "This is a perfect idea, seriously perfect. Thank you." She just grins and takes my hand.

When we're on the plane and in the air, Angelia releases her seatbelt, pushes up the arm separating us and moves closer to me. I put my arm around her, pull her in and drape the blanket over us both. It isn't very long before she's asleep. I'm glad because she's been so stressed out and she needs some sleep. This vacation will be great for us; getting away from the snow and slush to bake in the sun. She even talked to Mario to clear it with the team and he talked to the doctors. I had nothing to do but get on the plane. I feel the rise and fall of her chest as she sleeps. It's soothing to me and soon I'm also asleep.

We both must have been exhausted because we slept all the way to Barbados. The flight attendant has to wake us up to land. I love travelling south because you get off the plane directly out into the sun and heat. It's gorgeous here. We gather our bags and take the hotel shuttle. The resort is also gorgeous and we have a suite right on the beach. We drop our luggage in the room and immediately go for a walk by the ocean. "This is perfect" I tell her "a great idea." She looks up at me smiling and I marvel at how beautiful she looks with the wind in her hair and sun reflected in her eyes. I put my arm around her and pull her to my side as we continue to walk. "What do you want to do first?" she asks me. I don't need to answer because my stomach does that for me and growls. She laughs and says "lunch it is." We stand there for a few more minutes watching the waves and the sun reflect off of the water. Fuck, I should have brought the ring with me. Can you propose without the ring?


	27. Chapter 27

I'm so glad I thought about this trip. Sidney definitely needed a change of scenery and the sun and sand are perfect. Except for eating, we've been at the beach all day today. I'm already tanned and it's only our first day. When I come out of the washroom, I see Sidney is already in bed and reading. That's a good sign that he's able to read again without a blinding headache. I haven't told him about the research I've been doing because I want to see if anything comes of it rather than getting his hopes up. I l climb into bed and begin my ritual of putting my lotion on before bed. Sidney pours some of it in his hands and begins to spread it on my arms. "I appreciate the help Crosby but you know my arms are all you're going to touch, right?" He just keeps going but before he can reach other areas I move away and turn off the light on my side of the bed. I lean into him and kiss his cheek. "Goodnight" I tell him and then roll over onto my pillow. He flicks his light off too and pulls me into him. I love feeling the length of him against me but, God, it's killing me that all we can do is cuddle. Thankfully, the travel and the sun catch up with me and I fall asleep.

I am having the most wonderful dream. My entire body is tingling and Sidney's hands are everywhere. He pulls the tee shirt over my head so that my naked body is completely accessible to him. He's on top of me and between my thighs. I can feel that he is also naked. His hard muscles and soft skin slide over mine. His lips are on mine devouring my mouth. His tongue slips inside and we duel each not able to get enough. My hands kneed the muscles of his shoulders and back then dig into his dark hair. His mouth leaves mine and travels down my neck to my breasts. He spends time there licking around my nipples and then tugging each into his mouth. His hands travel up and down my waist and hips as he continues to play with my breasts with his hot, wet mouth. My hips can't help but begin to move under him. When he slips a finger inside me, I thrust up hard against it and moan loud and long. He takes his now wet finger out and slides it over my clit. God, what this man can do with only one finger. It feels like much more than a couple of weeks since he last touched me like this.

His lips travel down below my breasts and lower over my stomach. His hands move to push my thighs wide apart so that I'm open to him. I feel his hot breath over me and shiver all over. His fingers open me further and I feel just the tip of his tongue lightly touch the tip of my clit. He does that once, twice, again and again until I'm begging for more. Suddenly, his tongue moves from my clit to thrust deep inside me. Then it's gone and I'm crying out for more. He licks my entrance around and around, lightly teasing again and I feel like I'm going to come apart, I'm so close to the brink. He stops and moves his lips over the soft skin of my inner thighs; one and then the other. I cry out, he's such a tease, and he makes me wait. His lips move back to the apex between my legs and he licks me with the flat of his tongue. I moan again and again as his tongue works over me again and again. He focuses tight little licks over my clit and I'm about to come completely apart again. Yet again, he pulls away and makes me wait. I try to thrust my hips but he's holding them in place. I can't move and he won't bring me over yet.

His lips travel over my thigh again and keep going down my calf and to my instep. He's kissing and licking leaving a hot, wet trail everywhere he travels; but, I'm desperate for release. All of the pressure that's built inside me is dying for freedom. He moves up my other leg, inside my thigh and then pushes both thighs apart again. I feel his hot breath over me and then his tongue teasing me again; there are light little licks over my swollen clit now. Suddenly, he puts his lips around it and licks with more vigor. Oh God, I can't even think straight now as he works me harder and faster. My head is thrashing about on the pillow and my entire body is bucking. Finally, I seize up and see flashes of light. My entire body is shuttering and shaking and I'm lost in my orgasm.

Sidney isn't done with me yet. I can feel my insides still shuttering and he's thrusting into me. He's so hard and fills me so completely that I'm breathless. The pressure begins to build again, even faster and higher. I'm meeting him thrust for thrust. When I look up, I see his face above me and his eyes are staring directly into mine. I know he's trying to hold himself in check until I'm there again. It doesn't take long. I pull his face down for a deep kiss just as I go over again. He feels more than sees me orgasm and finally let's himself go too. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and hold him tight to me as I continue to shudder. His face is buried into my neck and I feel his breath there and then light kisses. This is when I realize it's not a dream.

I pull his head back and look at him. "Oh God, Sidney, are you ok?" He smiles that incorrigible, huge grin and kisses me. "Couldn't you tell? I'm more than ok babe." He truly does have a one track mind. "Seriously Sidney, is your head ok?" He rolls over onto his back and says "I'm fine. Do we need to dissect my every move?" I can tell he's pissed and I'm instantly sorry for it. Talk about a mood killer. I roll over to him and slide my very sweaty body over his. Trying to lighten the mood again, I say "oh, you felt much more than fine." If he's feeling ok then I'm not going to push it. I get an idea "how private do you think our 'private' beach is?" I ask him. He grins up at me, sits up and pulls me with him. Next thing I know, I'm in his arms and we're out on the beach going into the waves.

He plunges us both into the water keeping me close to him. We come up for air, still wrapped in each other's arms, and my breath is literally taken from me as I look at the water in the moonlight, it's so beautiful. I look up at Sidney and see him looking at me. There is such love in his eyes as he gazes at me that my breath is stolen again. "Marry me?" he says. My mouth falls open. I know that I'm awake and not dreaming but this has me stunned.

* * *

"Marry me?" did I really just ask her? Did these words really just come out of my mouth? This was not the way I wanted to do this; there's no fancy dinner, no romantic flowers or music and definitely no ring. When we came up out of the water and I looked at her watching the water and moon, it just came out of my mouth. She's staring at me now like she's stunned. Oh God, what if she says no? That's never crossed my mind but it does now. What if she doesn't want to marry me or isn't ready or, oh God, she has to say something. She licks her lips and places one hand on the side of my face. I turn to kiss it and look back at her. "Yes" she says simply. Now it's my turn to stare "Yes?" She places both hands on my face "What did you expect me to say Crosby? Of course, yes I'll marry you." Then she throws her arms around me and we go under water again; which is pretty much a metaphor for how I've felt the entire time I've known her, underwater and overwhelmed. When we surface, I kiss her softly and say "I love you." "And I love you" she replies.

I move a little closer to the shore so that I can stand but keep her in my arms. "This isn't how I wanted to do this, you know? I've had it planned out a couple of times but stuff got in the way. First was Andy's visit to train and then the hit in the Boston game. I've had to cancel a few plans." It's then that I notice her eyes wide at me. "You were going to do it when we returned from LA? We'd only known each other weeks." I shrug "I know but I knew you were the one. You're my Angel. I don't ever want to be without you. I want to wake up every morning to your face. I want a family with you; lots of kids by the way. I know it's right." She's just staring at me, making me a little nervous, and then I see tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. "You are the most wonderful man I have ever known Sidney Crosby and I want to spend the rest of my life with you too." It may not be the way I had planned it but it was definitely right. I walk farther up toward the shore and lay her on the sand, still in the water but much more shallow, and lay with her. This time I make love to her slowly trying to savour every touch and every moment. I want to remember this moment for the rest of my life. When we both climax, we're looking into each other's eyes and it is a perfect moment.

We lie there for a few minutes wrap in each other. "As wonderful as this is, and it truly is Sidney, I have sand in places I'd rather not." This is one of the things I love about Angelia; she can go from serious in one moment to silly the next. I stand up laughing and pull her with me. We walk back to our suite and shower to get rid of the pesky sand. As we tumble back into bed, we're both asleep the minute our heads hit the pillows, but cuddled in each other's arms.

The next morning, I wake up to find myself alone. I look around the room and see Angelia outside our door on the patio. She's bundled in a fluffy white robe. Taking her cue, I grab one of the robes myself before joining her. She smiles up at me and lifts her lips to mine for a sweet kiss. As I sit down at the table with her, I say "I have a ring you know." She looks at me "when did you have time to get a ring?" "Not here silly, at home. Mariah helped me pick it out in LA. I bought the bracelet after I bought the ring." She shakes her head "I still can't believe its all happening." Something in her voice has me asking "you aren't having second thoughts are you?" An odd expression passes over her face and then is very quickly gone. "No, I don't have second thoughts. I definitely want to spend the rest of my life with you Sidney" and she reaches out to grab my hand. I guess I was imagining things. I grab some pineapple, cherries and banana onto my plate. Angelia pours me some orange juice and continues to sip her coffee. It is a perfect morning. I look out onto the beach and something catches my eye. "Is that guy raking the beach?" Angelia looks out and says 'looks like it." Then a hand goes up over her mouth and she starts giggling like crazy. She tries to talk but it takes a few minutes until she can form words. "Can you imagine what kind of 'prints' he found in the sand after we were out there last night?" Now I start laughing "I'm sure it's not the first time that it's happened." We look at each other and start laughing again.

Angelia looks back at the beach and the laughter is gone. "Um, Sidney, I want to ask you something but I really don't want to make you mad." Huh, I thought she knew she could tell or ask me anything. "Go ahead" I tell her noticing that she's biting her bottom lip. "Before we left, the doctors told you that you still needed to avoid all exertion of any kind. After last night and our, well, exertion, are you ok? Were you ok?" I hate having our happy moment intruded upon by my 'symptoms' but I can tell that it's worrying her. "I'm ok babe, really I am. No symptoms, no headaches, no dizziness unless it's from being close to you." She groans and makes gagging noises like I hoped she would. "Good" she says and I hope that's the last of it for a while.


	28. Chapter 28

The week has been absolute heaven; the sun and sand during the day and Angelia at night. I haven't been this relaxed in a while. We've snorkeled and parasailed. One day we even rented a boat and went fishing; Angelia hated every minute of it but it was hilarious when I chased her around the boat with a fish I caught. She didn't think so but I still chuckle thinking about it. It's our last night here and I'm definitely not looking forward to going back to reality tomorrow. I'm going directly to the rink from the airport to see the doctors and do another IMPact test. The Blackhawks are in town so we'll stay for the game too. I think that the test should go better than before we left. I have been physically active, well outside of the bedroom, but we have been active and I've had no symptoms.

I'm waiting for Angelia to come out of the bedroom to the patio. She insisted on dressing without me in the room. She bought a new dress and wants to surprise me; I'm hoping she brought more of her surprising lingerie with her too. "Come on Angelia, we're going to be late for our reservations." I turn around as she's walking out. I thought she couldn't look any more beautiful than I've seen her the past eight months and then she surprises me. Her hair is down, how I like it best, and flowing over her bare shoulders. The dress seems to tie at her breasts although I don't know how it's staying up. It nips in at the waist before it falls to the floor. As she walks toward me, her leg flashes up to the top of her thigh in a very high slit. She looks at me and I motion with my finger for her to turn, which she does very slowly ensuring that her legs flashes out of that slit again. I grab her, dip her low and kiss her thoroughly. When we're standing again and look at each other she says "hi." I reply "hi. New dress?" She laughs at me. "Yeah, do you like?" I look her up and down again. "I'll show you just how much after dinner." She grabs my hand and we leave for the dining room before I can change my mind about waiting until after dinner.

We are seated quickly at our table outside, at the end of the beach, and can feel the breeze off the water. There's candle light everywhere which makes her tanned skin glow. I order us a bottle of wine, it's our last night and we are going all out. I lift my glass "to a wonderful week and a most wonderful woman who has agreed to be my wife." I sip the wine and its delicious then I sip at her lips and they're even better. When did I become such a sappy romantic? We order our dinner and sit in companionable silence. I don't think either of us wants to break the beautiful bubble we've been in this week. Tomorrow will come soon enough.

"What did Mariah say when you finally got connected with her today?" She smiles "first she wanted to know what took you so long." Now I smile "that's what she said to me too." "Yeah, she told me that she gave you shit. Anyway, she wanted to know what I thought of the ring and was very disappointed that I hadn't seen it yet. I'm really looking forward to it after what Mariah said." "Well, you'll get to see it soon enough. What do you think about summer for the wedding? It's too hard to do it during the season and we can have it in Nova Scotia." She considers this for a moment. "That makes sense. We can talk about it with your folks next week. Wow, I can't believe it's Christmas next week." Fuck, I forgot all about Christmas. I haven't even gone shopping yet, of course, I usually don't shop until the last minute anyway. "You forgot about Christmas didn't you?" she asks me. I have a lousy poker face so there's no use lying. "Yeah, but I don't usually shop until the week before anyway."

Our food comes and we dig in. I can't wait until I can work out again. I swear the food this week has spoiled me. "I already got gifts for your sister, mom and dad. They're wrapped and in the spare room already. You just need to buy for the Lemieuxs because I have no idea what to do there. Oh, and I've bought for Mariah too. We got your mom these earrings that she was admiring last time she and I went shopping. I did Lulu Lemon for your sister. I just found out that the gift I've been looking for is in for your dad. You are definitely paying for that one." I wait, realizing that she wants to build up to a big reveal. "Your dad told me that he doesn't have his rookie card from when he played and he's always regretted that he never kept one. Apparently now, anyone who has one doesn't want to part with it. Mario hooked me up with a collector and I just heard that he found one; very pricy but it's in decent condition." I don't know what to say to her. I know that I'm just staring but I really can't find the words. I never knew that dad didn't have his own rookie card or that he even wanted it. That she found that out from dad and then went about finding one is so incredibly kind. I lean over the table and kiss her. She blushes and shrugs.

After dinner, we leave our shoes at the suite and take a last walk on the beach. Hand in hand, we walk slowly along the beach; neither of us really wants this evening to end. We stop and stare at the moon as it hits the water. I pull her to me and we just hold each other. I kiss her softly and she winds her arms around my neck. We continue to kiss and touch each other lightly like we're trying to memorize every part of each other. I pull back and look down at her. Her hair flows in the breeze and I push a strand behind her ear then run my fingers lightly over her cheek and then lips. She sucks my finger into her mouth and runs her tongue around it. It is so incredibly erotic that I can't break my gaze from hers. She releases my finger and I run it over each of her lips again.

She looks around us and then back at me. With a quick flick of her finger her dress falls open and down to the sand. I had hoped for some of her sexy lingerie under her dress but what I get is even better; nothing. The moon glows off of her beautiful skin. She gives me her sly, sexy smile and then runs into the water. It takes me way too long to take off my clothes and follow her; looks like it's going to be a very memorable last night here.

* * *

I glance over at Sidney as he drives us to Consol. He is tanned and much more relaxed than when we left. He is quiet now, probably worried about talking to the doctors, but it was a great idea to get away. He pulls into the parking lot and we get out. He takes my hand as we walk through the underground and back corridors to the locker room. We see Marc-Andre first and he comes over to give Sidney that handshake/hug men like to do and then he kisses my check. "How are you Sid? I'm jealous of the tan." We both laugh but then Marc-Andre is just looking at Sid with genuine concern. "Better Flower, I'm doing better. We'll see what the doctors say. I don't know what they'll let me do or how they'll want to proceed this time." Marc-Andre nods, slaps Sidney on the back and goes into the locker room. When we enter, there are a lot of greetings and teasing which is nice to see for Sidney. He has an easy smile on his face and I know that he's happy to be with his teammates and friends. He misses them and this so much.

Dr. Burke comes in and the mood of the room changes. Sidney shakes hands with him and Burke puts his hand on Sidney's shoulder to guide him to another room. It is a not so subtle way of excluding me but Sidney won't have it. He turns to me and takes my hand to pull me with him. I see a split second of Burke rolling his eyes. He still holds it against me that I found Dr. Carrick and especially that it helped Sidney. They put Sidney on the table and run him through the formal IMPact test. I could probably administer it myself since I've seen it so often since meeting Sidney. I know that they have to do the test, and it is useful, but its motion that gives Sidney issues once he gets over the migraines and nausea. This test isn't going to diagnose motion issues. They finish up and ask us to meet them in the trainer's office. The doctors and trainers are going to confer and then we'll all talk.

We go into the office and see Mario there who gives me a big hug first and then Sidney. "Mario, it's great to see you." He smiles at me and says "Looks like Barbados was a great idea Angelia. You both look rested and tanned. I'm jealous." He shuts the door so that the three of us are completely alone and turns to Sidney. "How are you feeling?" Sidney sits down and looks at him "we did some physical activities in Barbados." Mario smiles at this and I turn crimson head to toe. "I mean parasailing and swimming. We waited a couple days until the headaches were gone before we tried anything. I didn't have any symptoms and I did ok on the IMPact; didn't pass but did better the results are better than when I left. We'll have to see what they say." Mario turns to me and asks "what do you think of all of this Angelia?" I look at Sidney because I'm not sure how candid I should be. I know Mario is his mentor and a close friend but he's also the boss. Sidney nods at me so I'm honest. "I'm definitely not a doctor Mario, or at least a medical doctor, so I'm trying to think things through rationally. It doesn't seem right to me that after one hit Sidney experiences symptoms again that badly. I know that once you've had a concussion then you are more susceptible to getting one again; but, something else has to be going on. It just isn't logical to me." I look from one man to the other for a reaction. They are both just staring at me. Did I go too far? I guess I am criticising Mario's team of doctors.

Mario looks at Sidney and says "you got yourself a smart one here, huh?" I relax when he says this but we don't get a chance to talk because the doctors and trainers come in. Burke stands up a little taller when he sees that Mario is in the room. "Mario, hello, we didn't expect you." Mario shakes the man's hand and says "I'm very interested in your prognosis for Sid and your rehab plan." This plainly tells Burke to get to it. He reviews the results of the tests, blah blah blah, and gives the same plan that they've put in place before; nothing for another week, then start the bike, then blah blah blah. Mario waits Burke out and then asks "I've heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. It sounds to me like we're doing the same thing again Burke so how can we expect different results?" I bite my tongue to hide my smile. "Mario, this is the proven treatment for a concussion. We all agree that it can take time and this is the best course of action for him." Mario continues to look at him and Burke visibly looks shaken under Mario's gaze. The room is silent for a few minutes and then Mario says "ok Burke. We'll go through Christmas with your plan and re-evaluate at that time where we are with the plan. Make sure you update Ray and Dan." This is obviously meant as a dismissal and the doctors and trainers leave.

When we're alone again, Mario turns to Sidney "what do you think?" Sidney pauses for a moment and then says "I don't know what to think. Doing the same thing doesn't make sense." He turns to me and I say "I agree. Why don't we go with Mario's idea? We'll follow their plan through the next week and Christmas and then we'll look at where you want to go from there. Maybe you want another opinion?" He thinks about it and says "yeah. You're both right." He pulls out his phone and says "I'm going to call dad" and leaves Mario and I alone. Mario turns to me and says "how is he really doing?" Now I'm in a very tough spot. I know that Mario loves Sidney and is very concerned about him; but, I also don't want to betray any confidences with Sidney. "Before we left for Barbados, I was very worried about him and not just physically. To be so close and have such a great comeback and then to be so sick again was traumatic for him. I think the time away to relax and focus on something else was the good for him. Christmas will be another distraction. It's the next steps that I want to figure out." Mario nods and says "I agree. We'll talk again after Christmas, you, Sid and I, and we'll determine where to go from there. His folks will be in town too so they can be part of the conversation." He leans down and kisses my cheek. "You are very good for him Angelia. I'm glad you're here." I blush at this and can only nod.

Christmas is a blur. The Penguins won four games in a row which made for a very happy Christmas for all. There were so many parties, both with friends and family, that faces became a blur to me. Mariah came in for the week and complained about the snow. Of course, she also flirted with every man around and enjoyed being part of a family again. We both did if I'm being honest. It's been a few Christmas' of just the two of us that we both enjoyed having the Crosby's and the Lemieux's craziness. Even Sidney's Nana Forbes and Nana Crosby came to Pittsburgh. Now I know why we are renting such a large house; it is completely full right now and I love it. On Christmas Eve, Sidney and I announced to everyone that we were engaged and he gave me my ring then. I wanted it the minute we got back from Barbados but he wanted to do it in front of our families. How can you say no to that? The ring iss positively gorgeous! I was worried it would be one of those huge and, in my opinion, gaudy rings that I see all of the wives wearing. Instead, it was gorgeous but still very, very sparkly. There is a diamond in the centre with little diamonds surrounding it and then there are little diamonds all around the band. Tasteful but definitely very sparkly; I am a girl after all, I like sparkly.

On Christmas Day, we all opened gifts and Sidney got me earrings to match the bracelet he gave me in LA. It was a very sparkly Christmas. Sidney opened his gift from me and was surprised. I gave him a pocket watch. I could tell he thought it was nice but he felt like he was missing something and he was. "Open it and look at the inscription" I tell him and he reads it out loud. "To Mark, with my heart full of love, Sarah." Now everyone is confused, especially when they notice that Mariah has tears falling down her cheeks. With tears in my eyes too, I need to take a moment so that I can talk. "This is the watch my mother gave to my father after he proposed to her." I manage to get this out but I can't stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. Sidney looks down at the watch and then back up at me. When I see the tears in his eyes, I have to choke back a sob. He walks over to me and pulls me into his arms. I lose track of how long we just stand there holding each other. He pulls back, looks into my eyes and kisses me deeply. I feel so much love coming from him that I'm completely overwhelmed. Then I see something weird come into his eyes. Keeping one arm around me, he turns to Mariah. She's wiping away her tears, actually all of the women and most of the men in the room are wiping away tears, but she smiles at him. "It's ok Sidney. Ang asked me if I was ok with her giving you the watch. I couldn't see it going to anyone else. Dad would have wanted it too." Now there are more tears all around.

When we've wiped all the tears up we continue with the gift opening. Troy gets to the one from Sidney and me. I'm biting my lip the whole time and Sidney is rubbing my back trying to help me keep calm. Troy opens the package and says "fuck me." Nana Crosby immediately says "Troy, watch your language!" He looks up at us and a big, goofy grin comes over his face and I definitely see where Sidney gets his smile. Trina looks over Troy's shoulder and says "wherever did you find it." Troy hands it to Trina and comes over to Sidney and me for a big hug. "Yeah, Sid, where did you find it?" Sidney looks at his dad and says "it was all Angelia, dad." Troy laughs and gives me another hug. Looks like our first Christmas together has been a big success but it does leave me wondering what the new year will bring.


	29. Chapter 29

For New Year's Eve, we stayed in with the family wanting to enjoy every moment before everyone had to leave. The party was dampened by the Penguins' loss to New Jersey but we still had a good time. The next day, we drove everyone to the airport and sent them on their way. Exhausted but happy, we stop at Vero and Marc-Andre's on our way home. Vero wants to show off the necklace that Marc-Andre gave her for Christmas and he wants to show off his new entertainment system to Sidney.

Vero and I are sitting at the kitchen table enjoying a glass of wine while the boys are in the family room playing with toys. "Sounds like you had a wonderful first Christmas with the family." Vero says. I can't keep the smile off of my face. "We really did and, you need to promise me you'll keep this confidential" I wait for her to agree and then show her my left hand. She squeals and grabs my hand. "He proposed? Sidney proposed? The ring is gorgeous!" Marc-Andre and Sidney come into the kitchen and he turns to Sidney "tu lui as demandé de se marier toi mon ami?" Sidney smiles at him "yep." Marc-Andre hugs Sidney and then comes to me and hugs me. Vero comes back to the table with a bottle of Moet and four glasses. "We need to celebrate." Marc-Andre opens the wine and pours four glasses. "Pour une vie longue et heureuse ensemble." We all drink and Vero and I begin to talk about weddings. She's already deep into planning her own this July and has lots of ideas for me. To continue the celebration, we order in dinner and enjoy a wonderful evening with friends.

On our drive home, we're silent but it's a content silence. I need to ask "are you excited to be able to work out next week?" He smiles "it's the next step. I think we've made the right decision to see how I react to the workouts. We can then determine if a second opinion is needed." I'm not so sure but I don't have an alternative yet so I agree. Sidney has his plan to work out for the next week. The Penguins are playing at home against the Rangers, Devils then Ottawa before they travel to Washington. It looks like everyone is going to be at home for a while.

Everyone's holiday buzz leaves quickly as the Penguins lose all three games at home. That's a four game losing streak. I've never experienced anything like this before. The guys all seem angry, Sidney feels guilty and I feel helpless. Then it goes from bad to worse. Dejan Kovacevic of the Pittsburgh Tribune publishes an article claiming that players on the Penguins believe Sidney is symptom free and should be playing, should be replaced as their captain, should be seen more around the arena like Kris is while recovering from his concussion and that Sidney's father is angry with the Penguins management over the way his son has been mistreated. Sidney, who stays as far away as possible from the internet, actually read the article on line and promptly threw his laptop across the room where it smashed into many pieces.

I'm smart enough to let him be when he storms out of the house. I clean up the pieces of the computer and then make two calls. First, I call Troy to make sure that he's read the article and knows that Sidney has read it too. Second, and I thought about this one for more than a few minutes, I call Mario, again to make sure that he's read the article and knows that Sidney has read it too. Mario asks if I've called Troy and then tells me that I did the right thing calling him. I sit at home watching nothing much on television and waiting for Sidney to return home. I keep flashing back to the last time he stormed out of the house and didn't come home all night. I know that this is a very different situation but I still go there anyway. I'm once again sitting alone waiting to see if Sidney comes home.

At some point I must have fallen asleep because I wake up with my head on Sidney's lap and he's watching a game. I look up at him; "hi" I tell him. He looks calmer than when he left. "Hi" he tells me back. "You called my dad and Mario." I look at his face again trying to determine if he's mad. He doesn't look angry with me. "Yeah, I did. I don't know what to do for you when these hockey things come up. I just don't have the experience so I called your dad. This time I also called Mario. I figured that if it's about the captaincy of his team then he should know what's going on." He's still staring at the TV and I just can't read his face. I don't know if he's glad I did it or mad. "Thank you" he says very simply and softly. I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding. "You're welcome" I tell him. Sidney continues "I met with Mario and Dan. I'm going on the road trip with the team; Washington, Florida and Tampa Bay. The reporter sited three sources but the guys are saying its crap. It's all crap but we decided that, since I am going to try skating again, I'm going to do it with the team. Also, we need to end this losing streak and if I can help by being there then that's what I'm going to do." I sit up and climb onto his lap. Taking his face in both of my hands, I kiss him deeply. "You are a good man and a good captain to that team. They know that and regardless of being on the ice, in the game or in the press box, you are their captain and their leader. Everyone knows that Sidney; everyone who matters." I kiss him again and he hugs me close to him. "Oh, by the way, you need a new laptop."

* * *

Going on the road trip was a good idea. The guys were surprised but happy to see me on the plane. We lost to Washington, 1-0, which still sucked but being in Florida is great. Dan decides we need to do some team building. First, we had a regular practice in the morning. I joined the team for the second half of the practice, non-contact of course, and was stunned when I stepped on the ice. Everyone has a white or black taped "C" on their sweater. In fact, I'm the only one without a "C." I laugh when I see Geno who, instead of a "C," has a "K" for the Russian word for captain on his sweater. We don't talk about it of course but I'm incredibly moved. After practice, we go back to the hotel and the beach has been closed off for us. There are two volleyball nets set up and a huge spread for lunch. While we eat, Dan tells us what we're up to this afternoon. It's a tournament; a little friendly competition among teammates. Ok course telling that to a group of professional athletes is like waving a red flag in front of a bull.

The games are heated to be conservative. There is actually an all-out war. The coaches have formed their own team so it's every player's goal to spike the ball into Kadar's face. The weather is beautiful. When we're not playing, we either cheer or jeer the other teams or swim. With the support shown this morning with the "C" and the tournament this afternoon, I can feel the tension leaving every person on the team. We are coming together to achieve a goal. We are chirping good naturedly at each other. We are laughing and having fun. It's been a great afternoon which we end with a BBQ on the beach. After the BBQ, most of us go back to our rooms. I say good night to Duper and Flower in the hall, grab a shower and then turn the TV onto Sports Centre.

Looking at the time, I realize it isn't too late to call Angelia. She answers the phone after the first ring. "Hi babe, how are you?" I ask her. "Great, miss you though. How's it going down there? Bet the weather is beautiful." "It is gorgeous. Did you hear what the guys did this morning?" I can hear the smile in her voice when she answers me "yes, Sidney that was such a wonderful thing for them to do for you. There's even video on the Pens site of it. I thought you looked adorable when you saw them and got so embarrassed." I chuckle "it was a really great thing for them to do. We had a great afternoon too; volleyball tournament on the beach followed by a BBQ. The team really loosened up. I think it's going to be a great game tomorrow." I hear some shuffling. "What are you doing?" "Sorry Sidney, I was just putting my book on the nightstand along with my glasses." I can picture her now, in our bed, wearing my Pens shirt with her glasses on.

"So you're in bed then. What are you wearing?" She laughs. "No, really, what are you wearing." She clears her throat and says "I'm wearing your Pens tee shirt." I knew it. I can see her lying there. "I wish I was there with you babe." "I wish you were too. So, come on, tell me what you're wearing." I chuckle and look down. "Just got out of the shower so I'm wearing a towel." I hear her gasp softly into the phone and an idea begins to take form. "Are you wearing anything under that shirt?" She hesitates "no, not a thing." I groan "you're really trying to kill me, aren't you? Will you do something for me?" Again she hesitates then says "what do you want me to do?" Oh, this is definitely going to be fun. "I want you to slide your free hand up under your shirt and touch your breasts for me. You love it when I touch your breasts, circling your nipples and making them pucker for me." I hear rustling and know she's doing it. "Touch one and then the other. Think of me there, lightly running my fingertips over you nipples. Have they puckered for me?" I wait a moment until she very slowly and softly says "yes." I shift to get more comfortable on the bed.

"Tell me what you're doing babe?" There is a pause and then she says "I'm running my finger and thumb around my nipple just like you do. I love when you touch me like that; I feel it deep inside me." I begin to stroke myself through my towel. "Where deep inside you do you feel it? Tell me babe." She sighs and tells me "I feel myself getting wet and I get wetter and wetter the more you touch me." I get rid of the towel now and take myself in hand. I can see her touching herself for me. "Thinking about you touching yourself for me is making me so hard. Would you do something else for me?" I hear a breathy "yes." I smile. "Move your free hand lower now. Take two fingers and slip them inside to get wet. Tell me how wet you are." I hear more rustling. "I'm so wet for you Sidney. I love how you touch me to make me wet. I love the way you slip your fingers in and out of me." God, I'm now rock hard. "Slip those wet fingers up now over your clit. Slide them around for me just like I do with my tongue. Lightly slide those wet fingers around and around. Tease your clit for me baby." I hear her moan into the phone and could cum right there and then but she's not ready yet, getting closer, but not yet.

"You love when I do that to you, don't you baby? I slide my tongue around your clit and tease it. You beg me for more but I keep on teasing you. Tell me how much you need me to touch you." I hear her moan again. "Oh Sidney, I'm desperate for you to touch me. I need to feel you inside me. I need you to fill me." I grimace and try to hold on until she's ready. "Now slip your fingers inside again. First use one and swirl it around at the entrance for me. Are you doing it?" I wait. "Yes" is her breathy reply. "Ok, now use two fingers. Keep moving them around and around baby. I love touching you like that with my tongue. I have my whole face buried in you, breathing you in and playing with you with my tongue. Tell me how you're feeling baby. Tell me what I'm doing to you." She moans again "I love it when you slide your tongue deep inside me and then pull it half way out. You tease me by running it around and around my entrance and make me beg." "Beg for what babe. Slide your fingers over your clit and tell me what you're begging for me to do." Now she cries out "fuck me, I need you to fuck me." God, I can't hold on anymore. "Keep rubbing for me babe. I want you to cum for me." I can hear that she's getting close. She's moaning and crying out. I stroke faster and faster. She gives a loud moan and let myself go.

I use the towel to clean up my mess and pick up the phone that dropped on the bed beside me. "Are you there Angel?" "Mmmm" is all I hear. I chuckle at that; looks like she's still there. "Angelia, are you still there?" "Yep, I'm still here. Wow." I chuckle again "yeah wow. I've never done that before." Now she chuckles "me either, but I'm seeing a very expensive cell bill in our future." She sighs "I miss you so much. I think I've been spoiled having you around so much." I yawn and say "Me too babe. I'm sorry but I need to get some sleep. I'm skating again with the team tomorrow." "Shit, I meant to ask how your skate went but you sidetracked me." Wow, I managed to get her off of thinking about my head. "It went really well. I'm still having motion issues with drills but it feels so great to be out there."

"Sidney, have you given anymore thought to the conversation we had with your folks and Mario?" I pause then say "yeah. I've been thinking a lot about it and especially what you said. I think we should get a second opinion but who? We're getting another one because we don't fully trust the current doctors so we can't ask them who to go to?" She pauses for a few moments "Honey, I've been doing research since before Barbados and I think it's more than a concussion. I don't know enough about the brain or the spine to make a diagnosis but I think there's a doctor in LA that you should see. He's a neurological spine specialist named Robert Bray. He's done a lot of work with football players who have concussions but are not improving with typical treatments. It might not just be a concussion." I hadn't thought of that and now that she brings it up, she may be right. "Ok, send me the information on this doctor and I'll call Mario. I want him to know before I call any other doctor." She's completely silent. "Angelia, are you there?" "Oh, sorry, I was nodding but I guess you can't see that over the phone, huh?" She can always make me laugh. "Let's find out if this is more than a concussion." I don't know if I'm hoping it is or it isn't.


	30. Chapter 30

**A huge ****_thank you_**** to everyone for your comments and encouragement. I've even made some changes based on your feedback and it has definitely enhanced the story. I'm so glad you're enjoying Angelia and Sid as much as I am.**

* * *

The winning streak that the Pens have been on is incredible. Looks like the trip to Florida was successful; they've won seven games in a row since Florida and now have a seven day break before going to Toronto to play the Leafs. We've gone through the channels and are now in LA for an appointment with Dr. Bray. Once again, Sidney has spent time in x-ray and MRI. As Dr. Bray describes it, it isn't just what they see in the tests, it's the differences they find when comparing the x-rays and MRIs at different points in his recovery. Pat is with us and he and I are waiting for Sidney to come out of x-ray.

"How is he really doing?" Pat asks me. What did these guys do before I was around to answer that question? Did they ask Sidney themselves or did it go unanswered all together. "He's doing better. Between actually being on the ice and now getting a second, or is it third opinion, there is action going on. You know these guys; inaction is a killer." Pat smiles at me "yeah, I know these guys. When there is nothing they can do to get better then they are lost. They're used to being able to just work harder to get results; especially Sid. Speak of the devil." I look up as Sidney approaches us. He kisses my cheek and says "We're to go to Dr. Bray's office in about 30 minutes. He's reviewing all of the results now. We can grab something in the café while we wait." We all agree and head to the café. Pat goes to the counter to get our drinks and Sidney and I grab a seat.

"Did they give you any indication of seeing anything during the test?" I ask him. He shakes his head "they never do. Especially with me, they want to let Bray look at everything and tell us what he thinks. At this point, I'm surprised any doctor wants to see me with all of the issues I've had." I hadn't thought of that, interesting. I reach for his hand and just hold it. He looks up at me and I kiss him trying to convey my support and love. He winks at me as Pat sits down with our drinks. The one great thing about LA is the variety of frozen smoothies and drinks they have. "We'll have to talk to the Pens PR team about what we're going to say about you seeing another doctor and one outside of the usual circle of doctors they use. We'll need to ensure we're all being consistent."

Sidney looks at Pat "I've already talked to Mario. We're going to say that the Penguins Organization encourages players to seek other opinions on medical conditions and that's just what I've done. We're completely leaving Angelia out of it." Pat nods "that sounds good." Sidney looks at me with a question on his face and it takes me a minute to figure out what he's asking. When I do figure it out, I nod to him. Sidney takes my hand and says "Pat, we want you to know that we're engaged." Pat looks at us both stunned for just a second and then he's up and hugging Sidney and then me. "Félicitations mes amis." He seems to genuinely be happy for us. Sidney looks relived.

Sidney's phone rings and its Dr. Bray calling to say that he's ready for us. We make our way there and Sidney's grip on my hand tightens. I hold it in both of mine trying to reassure him. We are escorted directly into the doctor's office. He doesn't waste any time giving us the diagnosis. "Sidney, I definitely think that there is more going on than a concussion. You appear to have a soft tissue injury in your neck that needs to be directly treated to be healed. You would not be able to reach your full ability without having this treat which you've saw with playing a few games." He pauses to let this sink in and I glance over at Sidney. His face is unreadable. "I've also seen something that I'd like to have reviewed by someone else. Dr. Vaccaro is a spinal trauma expert out of Philadelphia. I'd like to have him review your films; specifically to see if there is remodeling at your C2 vertebrae. He's an expert and will be able to determine if there was damage." Sidney and Pat don't seem to understand what Dr. Bray is saying so I ask "are you saying that you think Sidney may have fractured his C2 vertebrae and no one saw it on an x-ray before now?" Now both Pat and Sidney look at me stunned and then back to the doctor. "I'm not sure and I don't want to speculate. I can only say definitively that there is a soft tissue injury that is inflamed. I'd like to give you a cortisone shot today to begin reducing the swelling. It should only take one time and then you can get the usual soft tissue treatments for the area from your team."

We leave the doctor's office after he gives Sidney the shot and none of us are talking. I see an empty room and lead us all there where we can shut the door. As soon as the door is closed, Pat erupts. "Tabarnak! How can you have this injury and no one, absolutely no one, has seen it?" I was thinking the exactly same thing but stay quiet. Pat goes on to swear and fume some more around the room. When he finally runs out and calms down, he turns to us. Sidney looks at Pat and says "we are where we are Pat. He showed us on the MRI where the damage is and, although I hate getting shots, it was only once and should reduce the swelling. He's sending the films to the doctor in Philly and we'll all have a call to discuss what he sees and the next steps. Let's leave it at that for now. We have a plane to catch home and we will find out more tomorrow. Ok?" Pat nods and smiles at us both. "Ok, I'll go get the car to drive you to the airport." He leaves us alone in the room.

When he's gone, I turn to Sidney and he gathers me in his arms. He buries his face in my neck and holds me tight. I stroke his neck with one of my hands and hold him tight with my other. We stand there for a few moments. He finally pulls away from me and rests his forehead on mine. I take his face in both of my hands and just hold him there. He lets out a deep breath and looks me in the eye. "How are you Sidney?" He shakes his head "I have no idea. I'm relieved that he found something that I can fix. I'm also pissed that for a fucking year no one, absolutely no one has even looked for another cause or issue. I think we really need to just move forward right now. The end of the season will be here before we know it and I need to join the team as soon as possible." I nod and kiss him. I'm equally pissed but if he wants to focus on moving forward than that's what we'll do.

* * *

The conference call went well. There were more doctors on it then I even realized were on my "case." Bray gave his diagnosis and discussed the referral to Vaccaro. Thankfully, Vaccaro said that I there had not been a fracture and it was only a soft tissue injury. They both agreed on next steps for the neck injury and everyone agreed that I should keep skating but with no contact. A comprehensive plan for introducing contact would be developed with specific and detailed steps to be taken. Ray and I are going to hold a press conference in Toronto after the statement is released. Angelia wasn't happy to stay at home when we go to Toronto but she understands. We're only going to be gone overnight and then back to Pittsburgh. There will be another three game road trip and I'm going to stay behind to train. I need to start pushing harder and I need to keep getting treatment.

We won against Boston last night and the guys are in New Jersey to play tonight. I'm pushing myself hard on drills today; I have Consol ice to myself. Kadar stayed behind to train me and Angelia has been coming to the rink to watch me practice. She's even started to work out while I'm in the gym. She mostly sticks to the treadmill but it's nice to have company while I'm in there. Right now, I'm on the ice and yelling at Kadar. Of course he's yelling back at me. He wants me to do the impossible sometimes with very little break in between activities. The sweat is dripping down my face and I can feel it break out all over my body. Angelia is definitely getting an earful today. "Are you out of your fucking mind Kades? You are seriously out of your fucking mind!" Kadar looks at me. "Suck it up Sid and quit your whining!" He knows I hate being called a whiner. "Get in position and take off down the ice. I'll pass the puck into your skates; control it, get it on your stick, toe drag through the course and then shoot it." I just stand there looking at him and try to catch my breath. Fuck, I'm totally out of shape. "Pull it fucking together Crosby" he yells at me. I get into position and then take off. I almost fumble the puck in my skates but manage to get it on my stick. I hit the course too late and have to back track to toe drag through it and then shoot it into the net. "Again. This time control the puck better." I hate that he's right and I get into position again. We do this three more times before I hit it right. After shooting the puck in the net, I'm hunched over on my knees trying to catch my breath. I feel like I could puke. At least this time it's because I don't have my wind back and not because of the concussion.

When we're done, Kades asks if I want help in the gym but I've had enough of him today. I tell him thanks but Angelia is going to work out today too. He says goodbye and heads to the offices. "A few more 'fucks' today. Does that mean you're doing better or worse?" I laugh and turn to Angelia. "It means that I'm frustrated because Kadar is right. My wind sucks, my timing sucks and I'm playing worse than when I was in midget." She looks at me confused. "Ok Sidney, then why do you have a huge grin on your face?" I didn't even realize I was smiling. I grab her and kiss her hard on the lips. She pushes away wrinkling her nose at the smell of my gear. "I'm smiling because none of those problems are because I have symptoms." She gets it and smiles at me too. "That is great! Go get your fine ass changed and I'll meet you in the gym." "You get your fine ass changed and meet me in the gym." She jogs away to go and change in the trainer's room. There isn't anyone around but she doesn't like to change in the locker room 'just in case' she says.

When I get into the gym, she's already there and on a treadmill walking. Since there isn't anyone around, I turn on the stereo system. Seems that Kris must have had it last because ACDC pumps out; great work out music. Angelia begins running now and I just watch her for a few moments. She's reading something off of her iPad while she runs; she always needs to keep the brain working. I watch her breasts fall up and down as she runs and her long legs flex shown off beautifully in her tight shorts. Ok, I need to turn away and do my work out or else I'll never do it.

It's great to feel the familiar stretch of my muscles as I do the plyometric routine Andy and Kadar set up for me. In no time, I'm working up a sweat again. The music keeps me going, its Iron Maiden now I think, and I hadn't noticed until now that Angelia has moved over to the mats to stretch out. I turn around quickly to look away and finish up my set. When I'm done, I wander over to the mats myself. Angelia is doing crunches now. "Those would work better if you used a medicine ball too." I tell her obviously surprising her because she squeals and puts her hand to her chest. "God Sidney, I didn't hear you come over. Are you done?" I sit on the mat beside her. "Yep, just going to stretch out. You want some help?"

I move beside her and take one of her legs, straighten it and stretch it toward her shoulder. I slide one of my hands down her bare skin from ankle to her shorts and then over those shorts to her ass. I love the feel of her ass as it stretches. I run my hand all the way back up and then I move to the other leg and repeat everything. Now I take both of her legs, bent at the knees, and push them into her stomach. I hold them there with my body and just look at her face shiny with sweat as I know mine is too. I release her legs and she pushes me over onto my back while I'm unbalanced. "My turn to stretch you" she tells me and repeats exactly what I did to her. I almost groan when her hand slides over my ass. I do groan when she then slips it inside my shorts at my ass and runs her nails over my bare skin. She lays my legs out straight and straddles me.

"What are you up to Crosby?" I grin up at her and she shifts her hips against me. "Oh, I can feel exactly what you're up to." She's right; I am definitely getting 'up' to something. She runs her hands under my shirt from my waist to my chest taking my shirt with her. I lift up slightly so that she can pull it completely over my head. Her hands run down my chest now with her nails scraping over my skin. Her hips begin to rotate over me too. She pulls her shirt off and is looking down at me. I run my hands up her waist and over her breasts through her sports bra. My fingers slide under it and I pull it over her head too. Then I run my hands back down over her breasts; fingers on each hand play with her nipples and they get hard under my hands. She tilts her hips into mind and creates even more friction between us. I pull her down to me and kiss her. My tongue plays with the corners of her mouth and then slips inside. We duel for a while and my hands run down her back to her ass. I massage her there while we continue to kiss. I love the feel of her sweaty skin slipping over mine; her hard nipples on my chest and her hands in my hair.

Suddenly, the music goes off and I hear Kadar say "Sid, are you still in here?" Thankfully he can't see us behind the row of bikes. Angelia looks at me mortified that we've been caught. Why the hell do we always start something that we never get to finish? I grab my shirt, put it on and stand up hoping to buy Angelia some time to get her shirt on. "Yep, here Kadar." Oh fuck, I forget until I'm walking over to him that I have a raging hard-on that is absolutely obvious through my gym shorts. Of course Kadar notices and starts to laugh. I give him a look and pray he lets it go. Yeah, and pigs will come out my butt too. "Got yourself a problem Sid?" I'm not in the mood for this so I just stare at him. "Wanted to let you know that Burke wants to move your IMPact test to before practice tomorrow instead of after." The ass is laughing while he says this to me. "Fine, thanks." He keeps laughing and leaves the room. I go back to find that Angelia is gone. Shit, looks like a cold shower for me.


	31. Chapter 31

The next three games are played in Pittsburgh and it's great to be around the team again. I've been skating with the team because, frankly, I'm tired of being alone on the ice. I'm still experiencing symptoms with fast motion drills. The press are driving me crazy with the same questions about timelines, there aren't any, symptoms, yes I still have them, practice, I'm skating with the guys because I hate to skate alone. Over and over again, I answer the same questions and try to be polite. It's not easy.

I've started to notice that Angelia is distracted and a little moody. I don't know why and she says that everything is fine. Maybe she's as frustrated as I am that I'm not playing. I really don't know what I did to deserve this wonderful woman. Twice now she's saved me. It definitely helps to have a genius girlfriend; wait, fiancé. I like the sound of that a lot. We've been slowly telling our closest friends and the entire team will be next. Everyone has been so supportive. It's just a matter of time now before the press knows and then the circus will begin. I'm hoping to stave it off as long as possible.

* * *

I'm officially beyond bored. I don't know the word that is after bored but I do know that it is beyond bored. Sidney is now travelling with the team and working out on the road. I'm left at home for days with absolutely nothing to do again. Vero and I have grown closer so she's a great distraction. We've started speaking exclusively French together which is a lot of fun. Oh God, that's how bored I am when I find it 'fun' to speak French. She's deep into planning for her wedding and I'm enjoying helping out. Sidney and I need to figure out when we're getting married but I don't want to push right now. He's so focused on training and getting back on the ice. The April play offs are fast approaching and he wants to get back long before then so that he can be in shape.

The wives and girlfriends are meeting to discuss the annual "Pens & Pins" Charity Bowling Tournament. It benefits the Make a Wish Foundation and many of the kids attend the event with their families. We raise money by selling tickets to play on a team with the guys. It was Brooks' fiancée Erin's idea to have the tournament and they've been doing it for three years now. This year we should raise over $150,000. I'm working on the bake sale with Anne Adams. The entire committee is meeting at my place and the wine is definitely flowing. I've never seen a group of women drink so much and eat so little. We finish up the work and the gossiping begins. Sidney and I have decided that we're going to tell everyone today about our engagement. He's telling the guys after practice and I'm going to tell the girls now. I haven't been wearing my ring out so that we could tell people in our own time.

I slip it on now and go back into the kitchen to talk to the girls. I catch Vero's eye and she gets everyone's attention for me. "Thanks V. Um, I wanted to share something with you all." I pause not quite knowing what to say. Without thinking, I grab my glass of wine with my left hand and Anne notices the ring. "Angelia, Sidney proposed?" I notice her pointing at my ring and a huge smile breaks out over my face when I nod. All of the girls begin speaking at once and I'm passed from one to the other for hugs and examining the ring. Even Michelle gives me a hug although I know it's just for show. Seems like once a bitch always a bitch.

Now the talk has turned to weddings. This summer Heather, Vero and Erin are getting married and everyone wants to know when Sidney and I are planning for the wedding. "We're really focusing solely on getting him back on the ice right now. You know how they can be when we're looking at the trade deadline and positioning for the playoffs." Everyone is just staring at me now and I have no idea why. Carole-Lyne, Pascal's wife, pipes up when she sees me looking quizzical at them. "You've learned the game very quickly, non?" Everyone, including me, chuckles at her comment. "It's either learn the game or have very few conversations with the guys, oui?" I reply and everyone laughs again. I think about what I just said as the chatter around me resumes. That's really what my life has become; all about Sidney and hockey. A year ago my life was so very different and so very lonely. Now, I have a man who loves me and a community of mostly great friends; but, have I completely lost myself in the process? Is the boredom I'm feeling really a restlessness or unease? I don't have time to continue that thought because I'm drawn back into wedding talk.

* * *

Unknown to me, while Angelia was telling the girls about our engagement, I tell the team. There is a moment of shock and then noise erupts everywhere. There are hugs, slaps on the back and some rude comments – mostly 'don't do it' jokes from the married guys. Overall, they are very happy for me. It brings another level of camaraderie to the room. We're playing the Devils tonight and it's a very good thing that we're loose going into the game. Brodeur has been unstoppable this past month and we really want to keep the streak going. Dan tells us that the bus is leaving in 30 minutes to go back to the hotel and we all go back to taking off gear before hitting the showers. While everyone is engrossed in their own thing, Dan comes over to me and shakes my hand. "Congratulations Sid. She is a wonderful girl, really good for you, and I know you'll be happy." Dan isn't the yelling and cursing kind of coach but he also isn't the emotional or heart string pulling kind of coach either. It is quite touching that he says this to me and I thank him sincerely. Just as quick as the moment happened, it's over. Everyone showers and gets ready for the bus trip back to the hotel. I have a car waiting for me. It doesn't matter how long I've played in the NHL or if I'm even playing, like I'm not now, being in Montreal is absolutely crazy for me. I can't go anywhere alone or unseen. If I'm on the team bus, it can take more than an hour to get through fans. I don't mind it most days but I just can't handle the questions right now about when I'll be playing. It's better for everyone, especially the team who is playing tonight, if I travel in separate cars and go through back rooms while in Montreal.

When I'm in my room, I call Angelia's cell. She answers it out of breath. "Hi babe, is everything ok?" She laughs and says "the last of the girls just left so I had to run to the phone. Did you tell the guys?" "I did and they were all really happy for us. Did you tell the girls?" "I did and they were mostly happy for us. Michelle put on a happy face but I think she's always going to be weird with me for whatever her reason. Of course, there was lots of wedding conversation with Erin, Heather and Vero having weddings this summer. It was really sweet." I settle back in the chair more comfortably as I listen to her. I hate being away and I could just listen to her read a phone book I'm so desperate just to hear her voice. She goes on to describe the various wedding plans and differences etc. I'm only half listening, how much do I really know or care about the details of their weddings, but I love hearing her voice. "Sidney, are you there?" Oops, she must have asked me a question. "Sorry babe, I must have drifted off." She sighs "I asked how practice went and how you're feeling."

"Practice went really well. We did the three on two drills full ice and I had much less disorientation and dizziness with fast motion. It happened a couple of times but wasn't severe enough that I had to stop. The trainers have been giving me neck treatments twice a day; once before and once after practice. They feel that the inflammation is going down and I'm making great progress there." I can feel her smiling through the phone "that's great Sidney." I smile too. "We've also worked out a schedule for taking me back to contact again. I may not have had enough opportunity to test out the physicality before I came back last November. This time, we're going to get some of the bigger and more physical guys on the team to get on the ice with me and bang me around. I know one is going to be Benny. He doesn't know more than one way to play; whether it's practice or game he plays full out. Maybe Asher will help out too. We think we're still a little ways off but we want to be ready for it." She's quiet for a few minutes and I know she wants to say something but is unsure. "Angel, for the love of God, would you please just spit it out!"

"Ok. I've been thinking back to November as well and I like that you're planning more testing of physicality before going back. Have you thought about how to go back? I mean, maybe going back to your usual position and usual minutes isn't the right thing either. You don't have anything to prove. I know others may think you do but fuck them!" I smile at this, Angelia rarely swears and only when she's truly pissed off. "Maybe you aren't on the top line and maybe you don't play over twenty minutes." She continues and I think about this for a minute. "You may be right. I also think I need to be more cautious in the beginning. The problem is that it's not the way I've been playing for the last twenty years. Muscle memory and instincts tell me to go full out when I play. It's hard to figure out what the right thing is to do." I'm sure she can clearly tell how frustrated I am from my tone of voice. "Talk to your dad Sidney. He seems to know the right thing to do and he's been a player. Either him or Mario can easily advise you." Maybe she's right. Maybe this isn't a doctor or trainer thing. "Yeah, good idea" I tell her.

Changing the subject, I ask "how go the bowling plans?" She chuckles "I'm going to be baking for the next two weeks to prepare but it's going to be a huge success and a lot of fun. We think we'll raise over $150,000 which is even better than last year. Erin is nervous but they tell me she always gets nervous because it's really her event." It sounds like she's really into the event. It's nice to hear her sound so happy and involved about something. I tell her "it's usually a lot of fun because there are so many kids there and the competition of the game gets everyone involved. I'm glad that you're enjoying the planning." She chuckles "we'll see what you think when you come home and I've completely taken over the kitchen baking." I can picture it. "I won't care, as long as I'm home with you. I miss you." I hear her sigh "I miss you too Sidney. Are you in the hotel for your nap?" "Yep, it's that time. We'll be flying back right after the game. I should get home around 1am." She sighs "I'm so glad you're home tonight. I'll see you then. I love you." Now I sigh, I can't wait to see her either "I love you too."

I slip into sleep easily. It's much easier to sleep these days since I'm making progress on the ice. I get to the ice with the guys and I work out while they prepare for the game. I'm showered and dressed in time for Dan's last words before the game starts and then I go up to the press box to watch. The game was really close and went to an eight round shoot out where we lost. It sucks to lose and seems even worse on the road because we then have to fly home. I sleep on the plane as most of the guys do after eating. We land around 12:30am and I'm home shortly after one. Angelia has left the front light on for me as well as the light in the upstairs hall. It's so nice to come home when you know someone is waiting for you.

When I enter the bedroom, the light is on and Angelia is in bed with her glasses on and her iPad. She's very much asleep. I unpack my suitcase and change out of my suit. I climb into bed and reach over to take off her glasses and move her iPad. She rustles a bit and then opens her eyes. A slow smile comes over her face. "Mmmm Sidney, you're home." She snuggles into my arms I pull her to me. I love it when she's soft and warm in my arms. I roll slightly so that I'm on my side and kiss her. We kiss slowly but deeply exploring each other. My hand slides from her shoulder down her side and over her hip to pull her closer to me. Her hand slides from my chest and around my shoulder trying to get even closer to me. Our movements are slow and deliberate. I slip a leg between hers and slide my hand up under her tee shirt to caress her back. She sighs into my mouth and I move my lips lower over her neck kissing and licking to her ear where I suck in her lobe and play using my lips and teeth. I feel her hand slide over the bare skin of my back and into my shorts where she massages the muscles there. She pulls back from me so that I can pull her tee shirt off while she pulls down my shorts.

We are now lying, facing each other, the length of our skin fully touching each other. Our hands continue to slowly explore each other. There are light touches here and there; soft teasing touches meant to build arousal slowly. I lose track of how long we simply kiss and touch and where her body begins and mine ends. She runs her hand down my chest and stomach making its way lower until she's holding me in her hand. Her movements are still slow as she strokes me. I grow harder under her ministrations and take a few minutes to enjoy her light touch. Not to be outdone, I gently push her onto her back now and slide my hand over her and one finger slips inside. As I kiss her, she moans into my mouth. I slowly slip my finger around and around, just one finger and very softly. Another finger joins the first and I reach deep inside, as far as I can, to find that spongy part of her that will make her come apart. I reach it and she comes off the bed suddenly and thrusts into my hand with a loud cry. With my lips I smother her cry and continue to press that sensitive spot. I press and then let go, press and then let go. Each time she cries out into my mouth and her hips push into my hand.

This is new. I've tried to find this spot with her before but have been unsuccessful; looks like this is the angle to do it. Trying to heighten the sensation, I slip my mouth onto her breast and suck it into my mouth. When I press again, I bite her nipple simultaneously and she goes absolutely wild. I release both and then repeat the action. I swear they can hear here next door with how loud she cries. I'm rock hard listening to her and watching her come apart. I keep going a few more times until she isn't even aware of herself anymore. That's when I move over her and thrust inside. She is positively dripping around me. I've never felt her quite this wet. She's vibrating around my dick and I know I'm not lasting more than a minute. I reach down to rub her clit as I begin to cum then I can't think or do anything. I just collapse on top of her.

Feeling her hands fall away from my back I know that she has gone over too. Even as I soften inside of her, I can feel her walls vibrating still against me. When I finally can lift my head, I do so and look at her. She doesn't open her eyes but must sense me looking at her. "Welcome home" she says softly. I chuckle and roll to my side taking her with me. I can't stop touching her and my hands run up and down her body. I can feel her juices on my thighs. God, she was just wild this time. I have to remember how I did that for next time. "Thanks" I tell her. "Sidney, you can wake me up like that anytime but I really need to have a quick shower." I get out of bed and pull her with me. She starts the shower and gets it really hot; exactly the way we like it. Inside I wash and condition her hair. Then I use the body wash throughout her whole body and can't resist paying special attention to where she's the stickiest. The soap and water make it even more slippery as it does her breasts and, actually, all of her body. I can't help myself but take her again in the shower. When we have finally washed ourselves, we dry off and fall into bed exhausted and wrapped around each other. Spooning, she pulls my hand closer to her chest with her hand and that's when I notice the engagement ring on her finger. I smile at it as I drift off.

* * *

The next three days go by quickly. It's nice for the guys to have a few days in between games. They are practicing and working out of course but we have some time with them. We had dinner with Vero and Marc-Andre last night and even went to a karaoke bar. Vero and I did a few songs together and Marc-Andre managed to pull Sidney up on stage for one of their own. Those boys definitely can't sing. Wine flew out of my nose I laughed so hard while taking a sip. I had a couple too many glasses of wine and got a little too amorous on the drive home. I blush just thinking about how Sidney had to push and hold me away so that he didn't drive into a pole. Of course he let me finish him off in our driveway.

On to more PG thoughts, I think about our plans for tonight and smile. It's Pascal and Carole-Lyne's anniversary and Sidney and I are going to babysit. They were skeptical when I offered, they usually just have a babysitter, but I thought it would be fun and they were having some trouble getting a sitter on a weeknight. Sidney is very uneasy about the idea. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. Of course there are four kids but Maeva is seven years old and she can help with the younger ones. I told Sidney to be man-on-man with Kody and I'll take the three girls. The five year old has so much energy it's going to take a professional athlete to watch him for the evening.

Neither Pascal nor Carole-Lyne told the kids who was babysitting and when we come in the door they go crazy when they see Sidney. Kody launches himself from five feet away into Sidney's arms. Thankfully he has quick reflexes and he picks Kody up out of the air. With much noise, kisses and hugs mom and dad are off and the kids and we go into the family room. A rambunctious game of mini sticks breaks out while I give the baby her bottle. How Lola fell asleep while drinking her bottle with all of the noise is beyond me but she did so I take her up to bed. Next is Zoe who gets her bath, then I read her a book and she goes to bed too. I hear Sidney and Kody playing video games in the family room so I go into the kitchen. Maeva is at the table finishing her homework and she looks like she's having some trouble. I sit down beside her and we figure out math. She is a very smart girl and easily figures things out as I give her a little guidance. I stay with her for a little while as she finishes off the questions and then leave her to finish her spelling homework.

I notice that there is only the TV sounds coming from the family room so I go in. The scene is so incredibly sweet. Sidney is sitting on the sofa watching a game on the TV. Kody is snuggled in beside him fast asleep. I just stand there for a few minutes watching them. Sidney is going to be a great dad. This is the first time I've thought about us having kids. I hope he wants a big family. I actually rub a hand over my heart now feeling it ache through my shirt. Sidney must have sensed me there because he looks over at me and smiles. This time I feel the ache lower.

"It's time for Kody to go to bed. Do you want to just carry him?" I ask Sidney. He nods and slips Kody fully into his arms. I follow them up to Kody's bedroom and pull back the sheets. Sidney lays him in the bed and pulls the blankets up. Running his hand over Kody's head softly, Sidney places a kiss on his forehead. When he straightens up and realizes I am still there, Sidney turns red and shrugs. I don't know why he's embarrassed. This is the kind of thing that makes me want to jump him.

We both go downstairs as Maeva is finishing up her homework. She turns to Sidney and says "quiz me. I have a spelling test tomorrow." Sidney sits down, takes the sheet of words and quizzes her until she gets them all right. When it's time for her to go to bed, she asks Sidney to read her a story. She is so cute with her crush on him. They go upstairs and I tidy up the kitchen from snacks and then the toys in the family room. Sidney comes in and flops on the sofa. "They are exhausting." I look at him and laugh then fall on the sofa beside him. It doesn't take long between the comfy couch, Sidney's arm around me and the hockey game – the Islanders are very boring to watch – and I've fallen asleep. I dream of Sidney and I and our children.


	32. Chapter 32

The Jets are in town for an afternoon game. I don't know why but the building is rocking. Usually this kind of excitement is for the Flyers or Washington. We've lost the last two games and I think everyone, especially the fans, want a win. Angelia wanted to sit in the stands today to feel the energy of the crowd and watch the game down there. Vero is sitting with her. I'm up in the press box to watch the game. I can see where she and Vero are sitting and I find myself watching her more than the game. Neither team is playing great defense so there are a lot of goals to celebrate. She's often up on her feet cheering and screaming. I can see her consoling Vero when Flower lets in a goal and by the end of the night he has let in five. Thankfully, there were eight goals on our side and from eight different players. Dan is definitely going to be pissed with our defensive play and not just from Flower.

At the end of the game, I bring my gaze back to Angelia and notice that there's a small crowd around her and Vero. Most have their phones up and are taking picture or video of her. Guess they weren't as anonymous as they thought they would be. I start to get worried as the crowd gets larger and Angelia and Vero are trying to break free but they can't. I feel so helpless because there's nothing I can do all the way up in the press box. Actually, I couldn't do anything if I was down there either. I'd just make it worse. Thankfully a couple of the guys from security show up and escort them down the stairs to the tunnel. Good idea, going up would have made the problem even worse.

Knowing that she's in good hands, I head down to the locker room myself to meet the guys and Angelia. By the time I get down there, the guys are in the main locker room and Dan is just starting to talk. As I predicted, he's not happy with the lack of defense and he's careful to point the figure at everyone and not just Flower. Of course Dan would never call someone out in the whole group right after a game but he's right about the whole team not playing well defensively. I can see the drills we'll be doing tomorrow. Once he's finished up, the doors are opened for the press to come in. The guys start taking off their gear and waiting for the press. Weird, no one is coming in. The doors are wide open but no one from the press enters.

Ben, who was a healthy scratch for the game, grabs my arm and says "Sid, you better get out here quick." I follow him into the hall and see why the press haven't come in the locker room. They are all surrounding Angelia. What the fuck! They know better than this, they've been warned, and where is the fucking Pens PR team? There's no one around so I weigh in myself. "Guys, come on, leave her alone and let her go." Seeing me, the cameras turn and they start throwing out questions. "When did you propose Sid?" "When is the wedding?" "What did Mario say when you told him?" "Does the team know?" "Is this why you haven't come back to play?" It's the last one that makes me whirl around on them. It's only Angelia's hand on my arm that stops me from saying anything and we escape into the nearest office.

We're in one of the trainer's rooms. I finally get a good look at Angelia and she's definitely shaking. Her eyes are too wide and she's staring at me. I pull her into my arms. I know better than anyone what it's like to have cameras five and six deep focused on you with the accompanying microphones. Her arms come around me and she just hangs on. Vero pokes her head in and I smile and mouth 'we're ok' to her. She leaves and shuts the door. I pull away from Angelia so that I can see her face. She's not crying which I don't know is a good or bad sign. I tilt her head up to me and say "Angel, I'm so sorry baby." She takes a deep breath, holds it for a moment and then lets it go. "I'm ok Sidney. It was just too much. First in the crowd and then outside the locker room; it was just too much. I'm sorry I didn't handle it better." I stroke her face and say "none of this was your fault and you have nothing to apologize for babe. What happened?" She takes a breath "towards the end of game, Vero was recognized and then so was I. People were very nice and asked if they could take pictures. Then someone saw the ring on my hand and asked 'are you and Sid getting married.' It was loud enough that a lot of people around us heard and then we were surrounded. Security got us out of there and down the tunnel. I guess what happened made it to the press as they were waiting to get into the locker room. They saw me and then converged. I just got a little freaked out with all of it."

I just listen to her. The thing in the stands couldn't be helped and she's definitely not sitting out there ever again. Seems like Geno's parents can do it but not my fiancée; I should have realized it. The press thing has pissed me off and all I can see is red. Where the fuck was Jennifer or someone from her fucking team to manage the press? This should never have happened and someone is going to get an earful from me personally. "Stay here babe. I need to make sure that everyone is gone. I'll come back and get you, ok? If I see Vero then I'll send her in to you." She gives me a small smile which I return and kiss her. When I leave the room, the hallway is empty. I go toward the locker room and a recorder is shoved in my face. "When are you getting married Sid?" I turn and see who it is saying "no comment. Get away from me Rossi" and I keep walking. There are still press in the room so I make sure my face is impassive but still tells them to stay away from me. Then I see her.

I catch Jennifer's eye and she definitely looks worried; she should. I leave and walk to the coach's room they use during the game knowing she's followed me. Dan and Todd are in there but I don't care. The minute she comes in the room, I'm on her. "What the fuck was that Jen? They damn near attacked her in the hall. Weren't they told not to talk to her? And where was someone from your team who is supposed to escort all scrums into the locker room? I shouldn't have to be the one to make sure she's ok and weigh into the press myself to get her out. What the fuck is going on?" I would keep going if I hadn't felt Dan's hand on my arm. Todd has already shut the door so that no one can hear me yelling. Jennifer looks at me full of regret. "I'm so sorry Sid. I was just checking on the team's readiness for the press and I was only gone a minute. It was bad timing all around. The very minute I was gone, she came down the hall and they just pounced. I'm really, really sorry." I'm still pissed but how much can I take out on her. She made one mistake, a huge one but only one, and she'll probably get an earful from Ray and others.

I turn to the room at large and say "I'm going to get Angelia and take her home." I leave and head back to the trainer's room. Marc-Andre sees me and says "to get her away from everyone, Vero took her home. If you can drive me then we'll meet them at your place." I agree and we head to my car. I don't stop for autographs or pictures. There is no way that I want to talk to anyone about anything. I just want to see Angelia. As I drive, a little faster than the limit, Flower says "she was fine when she left with V. She got overwhelmed by the amount of people and the suddenness but she stood up Sid. V didn't take her home because she was upset; we just thought it was best to get her away from any press." I nod to him. I understand but I won't feel better until I see her myself.

We make it to the house in record time and I'm out of the car as I stop it. Running into the house, I go to the voices coming from the kitchen and see Vero and Angelia having a glass of wine. I pull Angelia up and into my arms and the world is right again. I hold her for a few moments. She pulls back and puts her hands on either side of my face. "I'm fine Sidney, truly fine." She kisses me and looks again "I'm fine." I pull back and look at Vero. She's smiling at us. I bend down and kiss her cheek and say "thank you." She smiles at me and says "pas de problem." Flower takes Vero's hand and she stands up. "We are going to leave mon ami" and they both head toward the front door. I follow them with Angelia beside me. I'm not ready to let go of her yet. "Flower" I say and he turns around "don't beat yourself up too much about the five goals. You were hung out to dry on most of them." He gives me one of his toothy smiles and responds "merci mon ami." Then they're out the door.

I turn to Angelia to hold her to me again. She runs her hands slowly up and down my back; seems that I'm the one who needs the reassurance. We walk back to the kitchen and I pick up her glass of wine and down it. She picks up the glasses and takes them to the sink, holding up the bottle to me for another glass and I shake my head. Right now I just want her in my arms. We climb up the stairs to our bedroom and get ready for bed. I turn on Sports Centre and climb into bed. A few minutes later, Angelia climbs in beside me and I pull her to me. She finds that perfect spot that is hers and we lay there in each other's arms watching the sports news of the day. We're just in time, of course, to see footage from the scrum around Angelia. I'm surprised by how poised she looks and how clearly she says 'no comment' to the questions being thrown at her. They do manage to get a close up of her ring though and end the piece by congratulating us.

"Are you ok?" I ask her. "Oh God, I looked horrible." She gets surrounded by more press than anyone in the league, except me, and she's worried about how she looks. "I guess that means that you are ok." She looks up at me. "Sidney, really, I was kinda scared at the seats because there were so many people and they all appeared at once. The press also surprised me but it's funny how the 'no comment' just comes flying out of your mouth. I'm fine." I look at her and she seems to be genuine. I don't know why I doubt her but I do. I can only ask so many times and hope that she's being honest.

We just lay there together watching the sports news. We both want to maintain the connection I guess. Eventually, I do hear her breathing slow and I know that she's asleep. I hear my phone vibrate on the bedside table. It's Pat so I pick it up. "Sidney, I just heard what happened. Is Angelia ok?" Damn, guess I should have called him. "Sorry Pat, I should have called you myself. She's fine, in fact, she's better than I am about the whole thing." He chuckles "that's good. I'm going to call the Pens first thing in the morning and find out how this happened. That gaggle should never have been left unattended and able to surround her." Now I chuckle because I know he's ready to kill someone. If nothing else, Pat is fiercely protective of me and now Angelia. "I kind of took care of that myself. Jennifer won't soon forget how I yelled at her. In fact, I think I owe her an apology. I might have over reacted a bit." I wince thinking back to how I yelled at her. "Well, Sid, I'll be nice about it but this needs to never happen again, ever. Ok?" Trusting Pat I agree and we say good night. I turn off the light and the TV. Holding Angelia to me, I slip into sleep.

* * *

It's Valentine's Day and Sidney has told me to plan nothing, he 'has it covered.' He told me to wear a sexy dress, if I feel compelled to but anything sexy under it than I should feel free to do so, and be ready for 8pm. I took my time getting ready, soaking in a scented bath and applying lotion everywhere. I applied my make up to play up my eyes and left my hair down the way he likes it. The dress I chose is the same one I wore in LA. It's a little cool out for it but I don't care. I want to see that look on his face like I did before. I keep the jewelry simple, only the earrings and bracelet he gave me, and the heels high. I should only be an inch or two shorter than him in these shoes. I wait upstairs for him to come home. Maybe I have some of Mariah's drama in me because I want to come down the staircase and watch him watch me. I hear the door, then he says "Angelia?" and that's my cue. I begin down the stairs and I'm the one left speechless. He's wearing a black suit with a small pinstripe through it. He's wearing the tie I bought him in New York and a purple dress shirt. He looks flawless and his shoulders seem impossibly wide. It's then that I notice he has a bouquet of Calla Lilies, my favourite flower.

I look at his face as I descend down the stairs and, where I expect his goofy grin, I see a very serious look on his face. Getting closer to him, I see his eyes are dark so that there's almost no difference between the iris and the pupil. He has such a fierce look about him right now. He steps up to me, I'm right that we're almost the same height, he uses his free hand to pull me to him and kisses me thoroughly. When he lets me go, he says "hi, I like the dress." I actually giggle when he says this to me. "I guess you do. I like the suit by the way." He gives me the flowers and says "Happy Valentine's Day." I immediately put them to my nose and breathe them in. They are beautiful. I quickly slip into the kitchen and put them in a vase and, with our coats on, we're out the door. There is a black SUV in the driveway with a driver holding the door open. Sidney helps me inside and then follows me.

I put my arm through his and ask "are you finally going to tell me where we're going?" Now I get the goofy grin "nope. You're going to have to wait and see where the evening takes us." I notice that we're heading to the SouthSide and there are a few places we could be going. I know that I hope it's my favourite Italian restaurant. When we finally stop, I have no idea where we are because it is a dark alley and obviously the back of some place. The driver lets us out and there is a waiter in a tuxedo ready to escort us in the back door. We have to go through the kitchen of course, not the first time we've done this, and I know where we are. I smile at Sidney and he smiles back. "Where else would I take you but for your favourite Italian food outside of Italy." We continue to follow the waiter into a private room. It's huge, usually used for parties, but it has a small table with two chairs set up in the middle. That's the second thing I notice though because around the room are vases of Calla Lilies; dozens upon dozens of them. There are also candles everywhere you look. Seems that I'm not the only one who wanted to recreate a little of our romantic night in LA.

I turn to Sidney and say "it's absolutely gorgeous. Thank you." He smiles, kisses me, and then helps me into my chair. The waiter opens a bottle of wine, the same one we had in Cannes, and pours for Sidney to taste first. He tells the waiter to pour it for both of us because it's our favourite wine. "How many cases have you had them send to you Sidney?" He laughs at that. "Actually, your sister smuggled in a few bottles for me." I don't want to know how much he's paid for this special room, using our own wine and what I know will be a delicious meal.

He raises his glass to me. "Many, many times I've wondered to myself how I got so lucky to love a beautiful, smart, sexy and caring woman like you and have you love me too. I think about our journey here, to where we are now, and I know I never want to be without you. I'm grateful for every moment I am with you and can love you. Thank you for being the best thing in my life. Thank you for loving me too." I have tears in my eyes now but I want to say something too before we drink this great wine. "It says a lot about us that I wonder exactly the same thing; how did I get so lucky to be loved by you. I can't see my future without you in it. I'm grateful for every moment I have with you. Thank you for giving me a family again. Thank you for loving me." We both sip at our wine and then Sidney leans over the table and kisses me.

Thankfully, the antipasti arrives and I can sniffle back the tears. It is a wonderful plate of marinated vegetables, spicy cured meat and soft and hard cheeses. I didn't realize how hungry I was until we started to eat. "We should go to Italy on our honeymoon." Sidney says will no preamble. To say I'm surprised is an understatement. Except for telling people that we're engaged, we haven't spoken about the wedding at all. He continues "I'd love to watch you eat your way through the country." I put a shocked look on my face. "Sidney, didn't your mom teach you that you're not supposed to comment on how much a lady eats?" He laughs at this "don't get me wrong, I like being with a woman who likes to eat. Most of the women I've dated would pick at their dinners and then claim they were full. I love watching you eat, especially Italian." I laugh and shrug my shoulders. It sounds like he's describing every wife and girlfriend I've met with the Pens when he talks about previous girlfriends.

The waiter clears away our plates then Sidney gets up and goes over the corner of the room. I hear music come on and I smile. He is just full of surprises. He walks toward me and holds out his hand. I take his hand and walk with him to an empty spot in the room where he pulls me into his arms. We sway to the music but it's more just an excuse to hold each other in public. I love being able to almost look him in the eye in these heels. I can place my cheek against his as we dance, one hand playing with the hair at his collar and the other against his strong, muscled shoulder. I can smell his cologne and the unique scent of him mixed together. One of his hands is slowly moving up and down my back from shoulder blades to lower back. It's hypnotic, the swaying and his stroking, I feel like I'll purr any moment. I can't help myself; I place soft kisses on his cheek and neck. He moves his mouth to my ear and says "if you don't cut that out, we aren't going to make it through the rest of dinner." I shiver as I feel his breath against my ear.

We are saved by the waiter bringing in our pasta course. Sidney gives me a quick kiss and then leads me back to our table. I look down at my plate and see a trio of pasta. "I know you have a few favourites so rather than choosing one, the chef said he'd do all of them for you: seafood risotto, stuffed shells with ricotta cheese and fettuccini alfredo." I look at Sidney "I'm going to be comatose and busting out of this dress by the time we're done." He just laughs and starts in on his pasta. So do I and I can't stop a moan from escaping when I do; then I try a second pasta and a louder moan. "You really do need to stop that if we're going to make it to the next course." I chuckle, I can't stop, it's so good. I finish the plate in no time. "Seriously, what do you think of a honeymoon in Italy?" I think about his question for a minute. "I'd love to Sidney. I've only been to Milan and Rome when Mariah had work there and I didn't get to see a lot. I'd love to go to Florence and see the artwork and Venice to ride in a gondola." I'm really getting into the idea. Seeing Italy with Sidney would be wonderful. "Have you ever been?" I ask him. He shakes his head "no. There isn't a lot of hockey played in Italy and I haven't travelled a lot in Europe unless it was for hockey." "Except for Cannes" I tell him with a smile. He smiles back "yes, except for Cannes."

He reaches across the table and takes my hand rubbing his thumb over my ring. I love looking at him when he's like this; he's so relaxed and not thinking about anything but this moment. He almost looks like that young boy I've seen in pictures; if he didn't clearly have desire in his eyes. The way he's looking at me right now causes a little moisture to pool in my panties. He's so gorgeous. We continue to talk about a visit to Italy and what we'd each like to see. It's no surprise to me that Sidney wants to go to a beach either in Capri or southern Italy. This boy certainly loves his beaches. He's heard that you can rent a house on Capri and we could be completely alone. I shiver at that thought; we could definitely make use of a private beach and home.

The waiter drops off our main course and we continue chatting as we eat. We talk about nonsense things; Sidney filming the new Gatorade commercial next week, his folks visiting for Easter and the upcoming playoffs. They are months away but it's all anyone can talk about now. When the tiramisu is put in front of me, I think I might explode. Of course, I eat it all. While sipping coffee for me, brandy for Sidney, he pulls out a long slim box and passes it to me. "Sidney, we said a night out but no gifts!" He just shrugs and gives me a smile. I sigh and open the box. That's when I'm blinded by diamonds. It's the necklace to match my earrings and bracelet. "Did you buy out Harry Winston?" I ask without thinking. Again he shrugs and I quickly say "it's gorgeous. What else can I say but it's gorgeous. Would you put it on me?" I get up and he stands behind me. I hold my hair to one side so that he can do up the clasp at the back of my neck. After he closes the clasp, he places a series of soft kisses over my neck and then shoulder. I lean back into him and suddenly feel his kisses deep inside me. I turn around and kiss him, deep and long. When we pull away I simply say "thank you." We head back to our seats and Sidney texts someone on his phone and then pays the bill.

When we head out the same way we came in, the driver and car are waiting for us. He pulls me close to him in the car. He has one arm around me and the other on my thigh running softly up and down my leg under my dress. His fingers become more and more provocative and closer and closer to my heat. With his lips at my ear, he laps at my lobe with his tongue and then kisses down my neck before running back up to my ear again. His fingers move closer and then a sneaky one slips inside my panties running the length of me. God, he has talented fingers. Before I can recover from his first touch, he slips that finger inside of me. I'm biting my tongue to keep it together but I can't help it as my hips move against his finger. I'm trying to control myself and then he whispers in my ear. "I can't wait to see you come apart when we get home. I want my tongue to be where my finger is right now; I want to feel you shutter and shiver as I work you; I want to feel your juices spilling out of you and into my mouth. I'll spend time on your clit licking and sucking and then dart back inside you. I want to feel you cum with my tongue deep inside you. Is that what you want my Angel? Tell me what you want?" Between his finger working me and his words, I have trouble finding words. "Tell me what you want me to do to you my Angel?" I moan and say "fuck me" then take him mouth with mine. My tongue plays over his insistently and I'm partially on his lap. The car stops and I remember that there is a driver and we're in the car. I pull away from Sidney a second before the driver opens the door. Sidney helps me out of the car and shakes the driver's hand giving him a tip.

My entire body is vibrating. The minute we're in the door, I turn on Sidney and push him against the wall. I'm too aroused to remember the scene I wanted to set upstairs. I deliberately wore incredible lingerie so that I could seduce Sidney. Looks like I'm the one who is seduced. I can't control myself. I push his jacket from his shoulders and then pull off his tie. The shirt has too many buttons so I just rip it open and then feast my mouth on the planes and muscles of his chest. I've pushed my own coat away and am once again happy to be in my four inch heels. I move back to his mouth and wrap a leg around his massive thigh and ass. I can't seem to get close enough to him. Grinding up against him, I play over his lips sucking the bottom on into my mouth and nipping it. I register him groaning and keep going. My hands unbuckle her belt, undo his pants and slide them to the floor with his underwear. Catching up, Sidney pulls my dress up, my panties down and then, with both hands on my ass, he pulls me up and onto him. Pushing me against the wall, he thrusts up and down setting a hard and fast pace. I bang against the wall but barely register it. My entire body is on fire and screaming toward release. It doesn't take too much longer before I fully come apart. With one last thrust, and his face in my neck, Sidney finds his release too.

We stay where we are for a moment until I slide down his body. I stay where I am, arms wrapped around him, and he kisses my cheek and then mouth. "Well," he says. "That was unexpected." I look at him still a little stunned. "I don't know what got into me. Actually, I do, it was you that got into me. You know, I had a whole plan for seducing you in the bedroom. I even have new lingerie." I kiss him deeply. "No one says we can't have an encore" he tells me. Hmm, I like that idea. Pulling away from each other reluctantly, we both pick up discarded clothing. Looking at Sidney, I break out in laughter. He's staring at me confused but I just can't pull myself together. I'm laughing so hard my stomach actually hurts. When I'm finally able to talk, I tell him "You should see yourself Crosby, completely naked except for socks and shoes." He looks down at himself and starts laughing too. We're like kids grabbing up our clothes and running up to the bedroom.

We both land on the bed after dropping our stuff, and Sidney takes off the hilarious shoes and socks, and pulls me to him. He's suddenly very serious. He is staring at me like he can see deep into my soul and I can't help but shiver. Reaching to my back, he lowers the zipper on my dress and pushes the strap from one shoulder then rolls me to my back so he can lower the other strap too. My dress is pooled at my waist but he's too preoccupied with my breasts. I'm wearing another sheer bra and he's tracing my nipples through the lace. He's using just one finger to trace around and around. He lowers his lips onto one and then the other to leave light kisses. The slow change in pace is so opposite to the fast coupling we just had in the hall but my body follows along easily. Both nipples pucker for him as he leaves his light kisses. Using one finger, he slips one breast out of its cup and takes my bare nipple in his mouth. He repeats this with the other breast. With a flick behind me, he opens my bra and then slides it off of me. His hand starts on the side of my neck as he kisses my lips thoroughly. His hand begins to move down the centre of my body and lower pushing my dress fully down and off of me. He keeps me on my back and uses his hand and mouth to lick, kiss and touch me everywhere. Just his light tough to my clit has my hips coming off of the bed; it's still very sensitive after that last incredible orgasm.

His lips are on my breast as he lightly circles my clit. He kisses the slope of one and then the other. His lips move to the nipple and suck at them. He suddenly takes a nip at one and pushes two fingers deep inside me to that most sensitive place. With this, I'm pushed to my second orgasm of the night. Is there nothing this man can't do to my body? The pressure inside me builds and then explodes all at once. I can't catch my breath and perspiration has broken out over my entire body. I'm still desperately trying to catch my breath and Sidney is touching me again.

Two fingers are on my clit and he's rubbing like it's his sole focus in the world. His lips kiss and suck at my neck then I feel more than hear his words at my ear "cum for me again my Angel. I want you to cum for me again; I want to feel you holding me deep inside you while you cum. Look me in the eyes this time." He moves directly over me as I open my eyes. He replaces his fingers with his dick which moves deep inside me. I can't look away from his eyes as he thrusts into me and I lift my hips to meet his with every thrust. He takes my mouth with his and we both retain eye contact. Over and over we meet hard thrust to hard thrust. I can feel my insides begin to quiver around his dick. I can tell he's feeling it too. We're both so close but I just don't want this connection to end. Moments later, I don't have a choice.

Sidney collapses on me as we feel the aftermath of our orgasms. I keep my legs wrapped around him and his now soft dick inside me. I want to savour this forever. The feel of being completely and utterly satisfied; the feel of his body lying on mine; the feel of him still inside me. I'm stroking the back of his hair "I love you" I tell him. With his mouth at my ear, he whispers "I love you too." Then he rolls and reverses our positions. My hair falls around me and him like a curtain. I kiss his luscious lips. I could do this forever. Eventually I do slide to his side and we lay like that, facing each other, occasionally kissing and touching each other. "Know what?" I ask him. He looks at me amused "what?" I smile at him "this is the best Valentine's Day ever." He kisses me and I know he agrees.


	33. Chapter 33

_**Note: thank you all for the great comments and feedback. As you know, it is my first story and your encouragement is great. I also LOVE to hear your thoughts and interpretations of what is and could happen. You never know when it just might come true :-)**_

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The Ducks are in town and they've been doing well since Boudreau took over. He doesn't quite have the talent he needs yet but they've improved a lot under him. It's going to be a harder game than it would have been a few weeks ago. The guys are still happy after the last win against Tampa Bay and having a few days off from games. I had a great practice this morning with Kades. We had to watch ourselves because they were filming for the new series the Pens have been producing this year; In the Room. It's like the HBO thing but we're doing it ourselves, or so they tell me since I don't watch any of it. I made a point of telling them to make sure they didn't get us fighting on it and it almost came to four letter words a few times. Kades knows how to push all of my buttons and it's a much better work out because of it. I just hate him when we're in it.

I come back to present and Dan's giving his talk before the guys go out for the game. We're on a six game win streak at home and we want to keep it going. Geno is on fire with 3 goals and 4 assists in the last 2 games. Nealer has 2 goals and 4 assists over his last three games. Those two are on fire together. Angelia is in the family box with some of the other wives and girlfriends. We both agreed that sitting in the stands wasn't going to work anymore. I could have brought her up to the press box but that's not really done. I hate breaking rules just because I can so I almost never do. The guys are lining up to go out on the ice so I make my way up to the press box. I follow TK and Asher up; TK has an ankle sprain and Asher a concussion. There's been some call ups from WBS to help out.

The game does not go well. Geno was pointless and Teemu Selanne was on fire. We came out in the first and played well. They had flown in at 3am and were definitely feeling it but then they got the best of us and, once again, our defense was horrible. In the room after the game, Dan had very little to say except that we should have won, we better be ready for the Flyers on Saturday and there will be a practice tomorrow; be prepared to work. The press come in and the room is subdued. After a loss, and a loss to the Ducks, everyone just wants to get out of there and put it behind them. I keep an eye out for Angelia a little gun-shy after what happened at the last game. I see her coming down the hall with Vero and Erin and meet them. Angelia gives me a kiss and I end it quickly, looking at who might be around. She puts her hands on either side of my face and says "I'm not hiding anymore Crosby. It's out there and I can't control what they write. So, we'll be smart, but I'm not going to run and hide all the time." She kisses me again and the three girls go into the players' lounge with me gaping after them. Asher puts his arm around me and says "I think she's getting the hang of it Creature." Leave it to Asher to use an old nickname and point out what's obvious to everyone but me.

I wake up the next morning and Angelia isn't in bed. That alone isn't unusual since she's usually up before me. What is unusual is that it's 7am and she isn't in bed. My bladder has woken me up but where the hell is she? After taking care of my 'business,' I head down to the kitchen and see the lights on the main floor blazing. Its winter in Pittsburgh and even the sun knows 7am too fucking early. As I get closer to the kitchen, I hear muttering then banging and then more muttering. I walk into the kitchen and am stopped by the sight. Angelia is in the middle of chaos; her hair is sitting in a ponytail straight up on her head, she's wearing a long sleeve pens tee shirt that must be mine because it's huge on her, yoga pants and bare feet. There is flour on her shirt and her nose. I look at the kitchen table and it's covered in cookies on wire sheets. The breakfast bar is covered in what looks like brownies and she is currently dipping what I think are cake lollypops into icing and resting them to dry.

"Um, babe, what are you up to?" I ask the crazed woman I think is Angelia. She looks up at me and says "it's about time you woke up. The cookies need to be put into those decorative plastic bags with six in each bag. Then use the ribbon to tie them up. When you're done with that then you can start on the brownies." She goes back to dipping lollypops. I'm still having trouble processing. "Babe, its 7am, what are you doing?" Now she glares at me, you'd think I'd be better than this after living with her for five or is it six months? Ok, let's rephrase this "I can definitely help. What is all of this for?" Now she looks at me crazed, glaring and pissed. Great, I've made it worse. "Sidney, the Pens and Pins event is tonight. I did most of the baking, I've been doing it for two weeks, and I was going to finish it up today. Erin called me in tears last night because Lola has the flu so Carole-Lyne is out, Michelle took her bitchy pills again so she's out and Rhys caught Lola's flue so Anne is out. The three of them were the decorating committee so I have to be at the bowling alley at noon to help decorate which cuts into my baking and packing time. So, you've been drafted Crosby. Grab some cookies, shove them nicely into a pretty bag, tie it with ribbon and do it fast!" I decide that the best thing to say to this crazed woman who resembles my Angelia is nothing. I go to the kitchen table and do exactly as she says.

At least she doesn't over-manage. She leaves me to my wrapping and keeps dipping lollypops. The first couple packages I did look horrible but I started getting the hang of it and they look pretty good now. When I've finished the cookies, I look over to see how she's doing. She looks a little less crazed now so I risk going to the fridge to get some orange juice. When I open the fridge, she turns and glares at me. Risking what could be my very life; I take out an apple and the orange juice and say "general, sometimes you need to feed the troops." She stares at me and then breaks out laughing. I do too and we're both laughing until tears are coming down our faces. "Ok, so I freaked out a little bit." I raise an eyebrow when she says a little bit. "Ok, maybe more than a little bit but we're almost done. Let's take a quick break and then finish up, ok?" I walk over to her and wipe the flour off of her nose then kiss it. "I know it's your first major event babe and it's going to be fantastic. We'll finish up and you'll have plenty of time to shower and change. I'll even make breakfast while you're in the shower but then I have to get to practice." She agrees and we finish packaging everything up.

While she's in the shower, I take out the eggs and turkey bacon. I decide on omelettes so I take out mushrooms, scallions, peppers and tomato to chop up. First the bacon goes in the oven, it's just easier that way, and then I chop up all of the vegetables for the omelettes. I hear her drying her hair so I start the omelettes. When they are almost ready, I put the toast on and call Angelia down for breakfast. I'm at the stove and I feel her arms come around me. "I love it when you cook for me. I'll have to get you a cute little apron too." She presses fully against my back and stays there for a few moments. "Let go of me woman and set the table." She laughs and does just that while I pile our dishes with the omelettes, bacon and toast.

We sit and eat breakfast in companionable silence. I yawn periodically; 7am is way too early to wake up unless you have to so I'm a little tired. "Tonight is going to be a huge success babe. You've all done so much work and it's going to be great. The kids and fans will really enjoy it and we're going to raise a lot of money." She smiles at me "thanks Sidney. I just want it to go so well. Erin has put so much into it and the money is really needed for Make a Wish." It's just like her to think of everyone but herself. Many would assume that she wants to show off what she can do but that's not who she is or how she thinks. She wants to do well for the charity and Erin too. Looking at the clock, she runs upstairs after giving me a kiss. "You'll clean up, won't you Sidney?" She yells as she's running up the stairs. Looks like I am the 'little woman' today.

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It took all of the time we had to decorate and set up the bowling alley. Both Brooks and Sidney showed up to help us after practice. That was so sweet and Erin had tears in her eyes when she saw them. Knowing Sidney, I should have realized that they would stop by to see if we needed help. We only finished on time because they came. We have just enough time to run out and grab some dinner and then we need to be back. We haven't spent time with Brooks and Erin as a couple so it's nice to spend this time with them.

We go to a local diner that's a favourite of theirs and it looks great. Actually, it reminds me of the burger place Sidney loves in Nova Scotia. Erin orders a salad, do all of the girls only eat rabbit food, and I order a burger but have the salad instead of fries. Sidney and Brooks both order turkey dinners. The plates come out and they are huge, overflowing with food. I'm starving and dig in immediately. We have a good time together. Brooks is more the strong silent type and Erin is a perfect foil to him with her bubbly and outgoing personality. We have a great time together but we have to get back and get ready for the evening fun.

When we arrive back at the bowling alley, the Make a Wish staff have just arrived so it's perfect timing. Craig has arrived bringing all of the bake goods that Anne made; she's home with a very sick Rhys. I begin setting up the sweet table and put both Sidney and Craig to work. I figure that until the kids and fans get here the players are free labour. Jennifer arrives shortly after with the bowling shirts for the guys. They each get their own with their names on them. She looks at me a little uneasy and takes the shirts in another direction. Sidney told me that he took a strip off of her but I don't hold a grudge. It happened and we'll move forward is my attitude.

The players and coaches start coming in and trying to get them in one place doing one thing off the ice is like herding cats. Erin is trying to get them to move to a back room where they'll get their bowling shirts on and hide out until they're introduced but they just aren't cooperating and we're running out of time. Exasperated on Erin's behalf, I stand on a chair and, fingers in my mouth, I whistle loudly. This gets everyone's attention. In fact, most look quite surprised at me. In my most professional professor voice, I direct them all to the back room following Erin who will get them set up. Sidney helps me down off the chair. He slides his hand to my ass and whispers in my ear "I like a woman who can take charge" and he squeezes my ass before continuing on with the rest of the team. I know my cheeks have turned bright red but I can't stop it. What that man can do to me with whisper and a squeeze. Taking a deep breath, I continue to set up the last of the sweets for sale.

When the fans and families started arriving there was a definite buzz in the air. Everyone is excited and the kids are bouncing around. I'm getting some speculative looks but try to ignore them. The staff from Make a Wish is so kind and appreciative of everything we are doing. It really is a wonderful evening. Then the buzz starts to heighten and you can just feel the energy increase. Everyone begins to gather near the back of the room. Dan Potash is there to play MC and he has the microphone. "It was a great idea to have him be the MC." I whisper to Erin. "Thanks" she tells me "we decided to do something a little different this year. Usually it's someone from PR but we thought this would be more special." Dan starts introducing the players beginning, of course, with the goalies and Marc-Andre. The guys look adorable in their bowling shirts. Some of them are playing to the crowd and some look slightly embarrassed. Unlike the entrance onto the ice, Sid is last for this announcement. The cheers are getting louder the closer Dan gets to the end. There is a huge cheer for Geno. The Russian looks embarrassed at the sound but smiles and raises his hand in thanks. Before Dan can even finish his name, the crowd begins screaming for Sidney. He gives his usual fan smile and gives a wave to everyone.

The guys head to their pre-assigned lanes and the girls and I help the fans and kids get to their assigned player. There are a couple of guys on each team and they are all so good with the kids and fans; lots of handshakes and hugs all around. Of course tee shirts and jerseys have to be signed. The bowling begins and so does the chirping between players. They are smart enough to keep it clean but the competition is on. There is a young girl on Sidney's team. She looks about 13 or 14 years old. When it's Sidney's turn, I can see that she's staring at his backside – which I have to admit looks exceptional in those jeans. When she notices me looking at her, she turns bright red and looks horrified that I caught her. I get closer and whisper, so no one else can hear, to her "why do you think I wandered over here? He does have an exceptional backside." She looks at me, stunned, and then giggles. I laugh with her until others on her team notice, including Sidney, and they are all looking at us. Of course, this makes us laugh more; I wink at her and wander away.

As the games begin to end, there is more chatting and picture taking happening. Almost all of our bake goods have sold. I'm enjoying watching everyone talk to their favourite players about the season, their position in the standings and the playoffs. I wander around some more and spot Sidney talking to a child in a wheelchair. The child is about 9 or 10 years old and he's wearing a Crosby jersey. Sidney has knelt down so he's at the same level as the boy and they are deep in a conversation. As I get closer, I hear that they are discussing the virtues of a one piece versus a two piece stick. The boy seems very knowledgeable and I know Sidney is enjoying the conversation; he loves talking about gear to anyone who will listen. He's one of the few players who work closely with designers at Reebok to design and develop his gear and the gear they sell under his brand. A woman comes up to me and says "Todd has been talking about nothing else since we found out he was chosen to come. He is a huge Crosby fan and his entire bedroom is a Penguins theme. I'm Shirley." I smile and shake her hand "I'm Angelia." She grins "oh I know who you are. You can't be a Penguins fan and not know who you are." I think this is strange, I'm still not used to the general public knowing me, but I smile. "Can I get a picture of you and Sidney with Todd?" To say I'm stunned would be an understatement; a picture with me? Whatever for? I hear Sidney say "of course" and that brings me back to present. I smile and bend down to be on the other side of Todd. Shirley takes a couple of pictures then I notice we have a small crowd around us taking pictures. I just continue to smile and wait for Sidney to stand up before I do too.

I quickly make an exit from the group and wander over to Erin. "You had you're very first picture request" she says with a chuckle. "Erin" I say softly so no one else can hear "I still don't understand why they even care about me but if it's what they want, and these fans are paying a really good price to be here, then I'll smile all night for them." We both chuckle now. As Erin moves away, I'm approached by a guy about 17 or 18 years old. I smile at him, could be another fan, and he turns red. "You're Angelia" he says to me and then turns even more red. "I am" I tell him "and you are?" "Oh, I'm Joey. I, um, I'm going to MIT next year taking physics. I was really hoping to be in one of your classes." Now I'm surprised, it seems that Joey is a fan of mine. This is definitely interesting. I shake his hand and he turns red again. "You're going to the right school Joey. The physics program is the best, in my opinion at least, but I teach there so I guess I'm biased." He looks at me confused. "Well, um, aren't you engaged to Sidney Crosby?" I nod slowly because I'm not sure where he's going with this question. "So you're going to live in Pittsburgh then and won't be back at MIT." Oh my God, I can't believe it's taken this kid to make me aware of it. I'm not going back to MIT. I hadn't even considered this happening. I manage to pull it together and we talk about where to live off campus, what is the best cafeteria to eat at and with which professors to take classes. He's all smiles when his folks pull him away and I wish him the best of luck.

I'm startled when I hear Sidney say "guess I'm not the only one with fans tonight." I turn and he's smiling down at me. He notices that I have a weird expression on my face and asks "is everything ok?" I shake my head to clear it and say to him "Yeah, he just said something that surprised me." Sidney leans in closer "he wasn't trying to pick up my girl, was he?" This makes me chuckle and he leans in and kisses me, I'm startled again by the sound of camera phones. We really need to remember when we're in public places although there are already pictures out there of us kissing. What's one more picture? He's pulled away by a fan and I start thinking again. I didn't think that marrying Sidney means I'm living in Pittsburgh and leaving MIT. Of course it does but I just hadn't considered it. I have graduate students who I'm mentoring. I have a research team that are employed by me, through grant funding of course, but they have jobs because of me. What about my research? Taking a year off is one thing but not continuing my work never even crossed my mind. If I'm bored out of my mind now, what am I going to be like next year or the year after?

Erin catches my eye so I go over to her. "We're starting to wrap up now. We've been cleaning and tidying as we go so the Alley staff said that they can finish the rest. We're sold out of baked goods, first time ever by the way, and we've raised over $170,000. That's a record, last year it was $47,000." She hugs me and says "thank you so much for your help. I couldn't have done it without you." Before I can even think, I ask her "how do you do it?" She looks confused "what?" "There are fundraisers and events like this and keeping the house, but how do you handle the time on your hands?" She chuckles "right now I'm in wedding planning mode. When I'm not, Brooks is home around 1 or 2pm depending on practice so it's really just the mornings and when he's on the road. The girls help out a lot. You come to lunch and shopping with us, you know." I smile and nod at her. Erin goes off to say goodbye to a family. It's so interesting to me how different Sidney's life is from the other guys on the team. The extra activities that he has with the foundations, his and the Pens, sponsors for him and the team and then the charity activities that no one ever knows he does. I'm lucky to see him at 5 or 6pm except for the rare occasions.

I can't stifle the yawn. It's been a long day; successful but very long since I was up at 6am baking and haven't stopped. Sidney comes over and puts his arm around me. "You look beautiful but dead on your feet. Why don't I take you home?" I smile up at him "that is a wonderful idea. Did you hear how much we raised?" He nods "yep, Brooksy is bragging." We say goodbye to everyone and Erin has to give me one last thank you hug and then we're off. In the car, Sidney glances at me and says "you're exhausted." I sigh "yeah, it's a good tired but I need sleep. Maybe a soak in the tub first but then definitely sleep." A good night sleep and then I'll figure this all out. My sleep deprived brain is just not functioning. When we get home, I walk slowly up the stairs. Sidney grabs me and swings me into his arms. "Don't drop me Crosby. If you do I may have to sleep where I land." He laughs "I wouldn't drop you. Have it ever?" He looks so sweet that I just kiss him and say "no, never." He nods like that settles that and lays me on the bed. "You know what I'll do for you? I'm even going to go into the bathroom and fill the tub for you." I think again how lucky I am "thank you sweetie." I lie back for just a moment and, predictable, I fall asleep. I never did get that bath.


	34. Chapter 34

I didn't go with the team on the trip to Philly. They're going to Buffalo directly after that and Dan doesn't plan any practices just some film sessions. Essentially, I'd be going to Philly and Buffalo to watch hockey games. As much as I miss the guys, I'm much more comfortable on my couch with Angelia in my arms. Actually, this day couldn't get any better, unless I was in the game. I worked out at home, we went out for brunch and now we're cuddled together on the sofa watching the pre-game. "Do they always interview one of you guys during warm ups?" It's been a while since we watched a game together and I forgot how many questions Angelia likes to ask. At least she keeps them to after the whistle. "Yep, it's some kind of agreement the team makes with Roots Sports." "James does a good job being interviewed. He's had a lot of practice this year too." I also forgot that she records every game and watches it again. Part of her 'education' she calls it. "Geno only does it when he has to; he's still really embarrassed by his English." She looks up at me "really? He has a lisp but I understand him fine. The lisp is prevalent in Slavic speaking people. It's the way the tongue works in their language that doesn't translate well to English. Of course, Mariah didn't have any complaints about his tongue." I groan "I don't need to know that. Sure, your sister is hot but I don't need to have that image of Geno in my head."

She laughs at me "you mean you don't want to think about Geno's tongue licking Mariah. Him getting naked and rubbing his" "Ok, ok, enough, seriously Angelia, enough." I just can't have that image in my head anymore. "If you ever want to see me naked again, please just stop." She moves closer and begins doing things to my neck with her tongue that proves I'm full of shit. Her hand slides down my chest, over my stomach and lower. "Ok, yeah, you can see me naked anytime you want." She laughs and settles back in to watch the game again. "You're so easy Crosby. So, what is the skinny on the game? Who's playing, who's not, and who's scratched?" She really is cute when she talks 'hockey.' "Asher is back from his concussion. TK is still out with his ankle. On their side, Jagr was out with the flu so I don't know if he'll be back for this game. Briere was out with a concussion but I heard he'll be back." They drop the puck and we're both quiet, except for her shouts at the refs or the team. She actually yells encouragement at the TV. It's especially cute when she boos Jagr, he is playing, or Hartnell. Only three minutes into the game, Cookie gets a goal and Angelia is off the sofa and cheering and yelling for him.

Fifteen minutes into the first, Jagr gets a goal. As Angelia boos, Philly goes on the power play and Jagr gets another goal only 20 seconds later. Now Angelia is sulking on the sofa. I should be much more into the game, especially a Philly game, but I'm having much more fun watching her watching the game. At the end of the period she stalks out of the room and into the kitchen. I watch the analysis and then follow Angelia into the kitchen. She's cutting up some fruit for a snack. I pick up some melon and watch her continue cutting. She seems to be taking out her rage on the poor melon. I move behind her and stop the cutting insanity. "It's ok babe. We'll come back in the second." She puts the knife down and turns around to me careful not to touch me with her melon juice hands. "It's just that it's Philly. It wouldn't be nearly as bad if it weren't them, damnit." I take one of her hands in mine and suck a juicy finger into my mouth. I let it out slowly and then take another one into my mouth. This time I swirl my tongue around it and watch her lips part and her tongue wet them. "You're easy too babe." Her mouth closes and she hits my shoulder with her fist. "You are an evil man Crosby." I run to the other side of the counter before she can hit me again.

Back in our comfy positions on the sofa, we continue to watch the game. It's fifteen minutes into the second period and there have been no goals. Then Duper gets a penalty for tripping. It was definitely a shit call. Probably because they've called so many penalties on the Flyers and they want to make it even. Out goes the penalty kill team led by Staalsy. Not twenty seconds into the PK and Staal strips the puck away in the neutral zone and takes it down for a short-handed goal. Angelia is cheering again and I get a big hug in congratulations. I'm not playing but I'll take it. Not ten seconds later, Brooksy gets a penalty for hooking and we're on the PK five on three. By the time the whistle is blown, Angelia is sitting straight up with her fingers clasped in prayer under her chin. When Cookie gets a break away and then another short-handed goal, five on three, she throws herself into my arms and starts kissing me. I'm laughing and trying to keep up. The kiss changes slightly and her tongue teases my lips open and plays over mine. My hands slide up from her waist to her back bringing her closer to me. It's been a while since I've made out on the sofa in front of the TV. Now that we're up a goal, I'm definitely focusing more on Angelia than the game.

I slide her off of me and move her into the sofa while I follow sliding on top of her and between her legs. One of her legs comes up and wraps around my thigh. Her hands are in my hair and we simply focus on each other's lips. We softly nibble, slide for some friction, tongues over lips and then tongues. I could go on just kissing her for hours. We've never spent time like this and enjoyed the simple act of a kiss, a very long and intense kiss, but just a kiss. I pull one of her arms over her head and lace my fingers with hers. I try to rise up on my elbow so I'm not too heavy for her but she holds me where I am with her free hand. I slide my lips along her jaw, to her ear and that spot that makes her crazy and then back to her lips. I pull up slightly to look at her face. She is so achingly beautiful. Her lips are swollen and very pink. Her eyes are hazy and slightly unfocused. I run my tongue over her lips to trace them and then suck the bottom one into my mouth nibbling with my teeth. Her tongue sweeps out and plays with mine. I know I had make-out sessions as a kid but I don't remember any of them ever being this good. We're grinding on each other now but neither of us seems to want to take this further. My jeans are uncomfortably tight and I'm nestled between her legs but this feels right; it's almost like its innocent. She takes my cheek in her hand and moves her lips to my neck landing open mouth kisses there paying special attention to my Adam's apple. I had no idea before her that this was an erogenous zone. It makes me crazy and I capture her lips with mine again. I let go of her hand and slide mine from her wrist to her elbow; her elbow to her shoulder; her shoulder down her side, sliding my thumb over her nipple and then moving it lower to her waist. I pull up for a moment as much to catch my breath as to look at her. Then we both hear it, a goal.

We look at the TV and see that it's in the third period now. We missed the end of the second when they tied up the score but now Jeffrey has scored to take us ahead again. We look at each other and giggle like we're teenagers. I sit up and take her with me. Not wanting to break the connection, I tuck her in beside me and resume watching the game. Not too long later, Duper gets a goal and then Nealer. Bryzgalov got pulled because he simply imploded. We win the game 6-4 so it wasn't a great defensive outing for us either but the guys will be happy for the win because it's Philly. I text a couple guys congratulations and then pull my attention back to Angelia. Her lips are still swollen from mine. Her hair is half out of its ponytail from my hands. Her shirt is slightly askew and I can see that there is no bra strap showing; mmm no bra.

I bend down and kiss her neck and over her bare shoulder. "Sidney, stop." She says this but I see her bend her neck slightly to give me better access. I kiss up her neck to her ear and suck on her ear lobe. She shivers, as I knew she would, and pushes me away half-heartedly. "I thought you were hungry?" she asks me. "I am, for you." She groans at my bad joke but pushes me back against the cushions and lies fully on top of me. I push back her hair with both of my hands and kiss her thoroughly. I roll and shift slightly so that we are facing each other on our sides. I have better access to her body this way. I slide my hand down over her ass. I love when she wears her yoga pants. They hide nothing and show off everything. My hand can easily slide down her thigh and up to her ass again. I pull her leg over mine and continue to devour her mouth. Her hands have been busy as well. One has been sliding up and down my chest trailing her nails over my tee shirt and then back up to my neck where she curves her fingers. She slides her tongue into my mouth and plays in every recess tasting every bit. Her mouth moves lower and over my jaw. I tilt to give her better access and she uses her tongue to trace it all the way to my ear and back. She stops suddenly and I open my eyes to look at her. She is simply looking at me, saying and doing nothing. "I love you" she tells me. I feel my heart beat faster as it does every time she tells me that she loves me. I smile, I can't help it, and then I say "I love you too." She smiles back at me and then we're kissing again but softly, slowly and looking at each other still. We part but only far enough to rest our foreheads. I kiss her lightly once more and then pull her close to me. She wraps her arms around me and everything feels absolutely perfect.

My phone starts ringing and I know it's Pat by the ring tone. "I should get it babe." I reach for the phone whiling holding Angelia so she doesn't fall. "Hi Pat" I answer. He tells me that he has received an offer for an interview and before I say no, I need to hear him out. He knows that I don't want to talk to anyone especially still being out so it must be important. I listen and Angelia can hear him too since she's right beside me. "Sid, it's from Brian Williams and he wants to so a whole show on you for Rock Center. He wants to weave in some stuff about concussion in sports but the focus would be your story but here's the twist, Angelia too. They are really interested how the two of you make it work given how unique you both are and how you've dealt with the hardships you've both experienced. They've learned that Angelia has been active in your recovery too." Now he pauses to wait for my reaction. I look at Angelia and her eyes are impossibly wide. "Ok Pat, let me talk to Angelia about it and I'll get back to you." He pauses "Sid, my opinion is that this is a good thing for you. The sponsors aren't saying it but they aren't happy that you're not in the spotlight, for more than not playing of course, and this could go a long way to getting your name and face out to those who don't even watch hockey. Think about it Sid." I agree and hang up. We both sit up. I look at Angelia and she is still stunned. Oh oh.

* * *

This is too much to take in. I went from being incredibly aroused to being interviewed on national television. What the hell? And they want to interview me too. Holy crap. Sidney is sitting there looking at me tentatively. I guess I need to say something. "Me?" I guess I'm still stunned because that's all I can say. He shrugs and says "yeah, I guess." He seems so nonplussed by this that I am confused. "Have you been interviewed nationally like this before?" I ask him. He chuckles "not exactly like this but by ESPN or CBC." I think about what Pat said and ask "is what Pat said true? Are your sponsors unhappy because you're not playing and they aren't getting the publicity they want?" Again, he shrugs "if Pat says then it's true. He doesn't bull shit me and knows that I want to hear everything not just the good."

I think about this now too. "What do you want to do?" I ask him. "Usually if Pat thinks I should do something then I do it but it's not just me now. What do you want to do?" I'm surprised by the question but I'm not sure why. "Sidney, it really is a decision about what's best for your career. I wouldn't be interviewed by anyone outside of the scientific community if not for you so it really is about what you need to do." He kisses me softly. "Babe, they're going to go into your past and probably want to talk about your parents. You'll be talking about that on TV in front of millions. You need to be ok with that or else we won't do it?" I hadn't thought about them wanting to know about me. It makes sense; we are more than a little odd, the jock and the doc. I'm not easy about it but Sidney obviously needs to do this for his career. "I'm ok with it if you are Sidney. Really, it will be ok." He smiles at me and picks up his phone to call Pat back. I can hear that Pat is excited and happy to hear a yes and he promises to email more details after he talks to Brian's people. Oh boy, 'Brian's people' sounds very official. Just fifteen minutes ago I was enjoying the hockey game and my boyfriend on a Sunday and now I'm talking about being interviewed on national television.

While Sidney is talking to Pat, I go into the kitchen to start dinner but still thinking of the interview. I wonder how much they'll want me involved. I'll probably be a very small part of it. If they're talking about concussions in sports then they'll have doctors and trainers on too. I hear Sidney come in "How do you feel about some grilled chicken? I'll use the indoor grill." While I was talking I didn't hear him come up behind me. He puts his hands on either side of my waist and his chin on my shoulder. "Thank you" he tells me. "I know you would rather not do this but it will be as painless as possible. Pat is even going to send out someone from his team to prep us." I glance at him "what do you mean 'prep us.'" He moves around to the breakfast bar. "They'll run us through some practice questions, talk about what to wear and what the interview will entail. He thinks they'll want to do part of it at the rink. I told him they can't come to our home, even if we are renting it, I won't let anyone do that. They'll probably create a set at the rink. Pat will involve the Pens PR and they'll all figure that out. We just show up."

Wow, this seems serious now. I guess this comes from being with Sidney Crosby; something else to figure out. We go about making dinner together; since he has only mastered breakfast, I give him vegetables to chop for the salad. These are the moments I really love when we are together doing menial things like making dinner. We talk about little things. Taylor called me yesterday because she has a crush on a guy at her school. Sidney covers his ears and says he doesn't want to hear about his sister with a guy. Of course I give him all kinds of details that just make him squirm. After dinner is consumed and cleaned up, I look out the window and see snow falling softly and it looks so peaceful. "Want to go for a walk?" I ask. He just looks at me like I'm crazy. "Come on Sidney, it's not that cold and then we can come home and warm up." He wiggles his eyebrows at me and I push him toward the front foyer where we put on our warmest gear.

As we walk down the street, we're holding hands and it is so peaceful. I can hear the snow crunching under our boots and some cars in the distance. We come upon a parkette and walk through it. Having a brainstorm, I find a piece of undisturbed, snow covered grass and flop backwards. Moving my arms and legs I begin my snow angel. Sidney stands over me watching me. When I'm done, I put my hands up for him to help me up. He does and we both look down. "A spectacular angel if I ever seen one." I glance over at him and he's looking at me intently. "No, I think I have the most spectacular angel." I want to tease him for his bad joke but can't. The emotion on his face is so intense and his eyes look so deeply into mine that I'm overwhelmed with it.

It is one of those moments that you cherish. It's completely silent in the park. The snow is falling on us and we are in each other's arms. Sidney puts one arm around me and we walk out of the park. Neither of us says anything all the way home. We both seem to be overwhelmed by how we feel. It catches up on you sometimes, this intense love for another person, and it can literally take your breath away. When it comes at the same time for us both then it feels so comforting; knowing I'm not the only one feeling this way. All I can think about now is warming up and using Sidney's body to do it. I actually itch to be touching his skin.

As we turn up our driveway we notice an SUV parked at the front door. We left the gate open thinking no one would bother us and now we're getting bitten in the ass for it. As we get closer, someone gets out of the car on each side. It's Mario and Nathalie and I don't remember making plans with them. Sidney and I look at each other and walk faster to them. When we reach them, Nathalie puts her arm around me and Mario addresses Sidney. "I tried calling your cell, actually both of you, but got voicemail so we came over." We look at each other and I say "I guess we both left them in the house." Mario looks back at Sidney "Your folks called me looking for you. It's Taylor, her team played this afternoon and she has a concussion."


	35. Chapter 35

There weren't any flights that night to Minnesota so we drove. We decided to rent a car so that we can leave it there and fly home. It took us twelve hours to drive to Shattuck St. Mary's School. I slept on the way to Chicago where we stopped for some food and I convinced Sidney to let me drive after that. He is a mess. Troy and Trina told him that Taylor was ok and they were just keeping her in the hospital for observation but he is terrified for her. Having gone through a year of pain himself, he is so scared for Taylor and her prognosis. He won't feel better until he sees her himself. Thankfully, he slept for a few hours. When he wakes, we make another stop for some food and facilities. Sidney drives the rest of the way with one hand on the steering wheel and one hand in mine. We arrive at the hospital around 8:30am exhausted. Trina told me where Taylor was in the hospital so we head directly to her room.

Sidney stops at the door and takes a deep breath. I squeeze his hand in both of mine and we go in. Taylor is sitting up in bed and eating breakfast with Trina sitting beside her. Troy isn't in the room. Trina comes over and hugs me first and then Sidney. We both then go over to Taylor. Sidney just stands there and I give Taylor a big hug. "Did you guys at least win the game?" I ask her. She laughs and says "yep" and we both laugh. Sidney is still just staring at her so I continue "how did it happen exactly?" Taylor shrugs, the same shrug her brother has, and says "I'm not really sure because I didn't see it coming but one of the girls was pushed into me and her stick swung up and smacked me across the back of head. I saw stars and blacked out for a second. They're giving me drugs for the headache and I felt like puking all night. That's better at least because I'm starving." She looks over at Sidney who is still just staring at her. "Sid" she says to him. That wakes him from whatever dream world he's in and he walks closer to her and puts his hand on the side of her face gently. "Are you ok Tator?" he asks, using his nickname for her. She shrugs again and says "I'm feeling better." She gets embarrassed by Sidney holding her face and staring at her. "Let go, would you? I need to eat."

Sidney releases a breath that I think he's been holding since we talked to Mario. He needed to see her and touch her for himself to know that she was ok. I turn to Trina "Where's Troy?" I ask her. "He went downstairs to get us some coffee." As she says that, he comes in the room with the coffee. He puts them down and hugs Sidney and then me. Keeping his arm around me, he asks "did you have any trouble getting here." Why is it that men always need to know about the drive? "It was long but uneventful." I tell him. "What have the doctors said about next steps?" I ask. Trina says "they want her to rest completely for the next 3-4 days. Then they want to see her and evaluate her symptoms. If there are no symptoms, then they will put together a plan to get her back on the ice." I smile slightly "that sounds familiar." I look at Sidney and he looks dead on his feet now. The stress and lack of quality sleep has caught up with him. I know it's catching up with me. "When are they releasing her?" I ask Trina. "You know, I'm right here" Taylor says annoyed "you can just ask me." I turn to her "I'm sorry Tay, you're right. When are they releasing you?" She smiles "I'm seeing the doctor this afternoon for testing and then I should get out of here."

Trina motions to me to meet her outside the room. I squeeze Sidney's hand and follow her out the door. When we're out there, I give her a hug and we just hold each other for a moment. "Are you ok?" I ask her. "I'll be better when they're both on the ice again. I've never been so terrified to get a call. It was like Sidney's hit all over again. Speaking of Sidney how is he? He looks horrible." I chuckle "yeah, he's exhausted. When Mario told us he just shut down. I could tell he was scared and needed to see her which is why I suggested we drive. We got here much earlier than if we'd flown. There wasn't a flight until this evening and he wasn't going to last that long. Did you guys get any sleep?" Trina chuckles now "we got out of here about 10pm. I wanted to stay the night but Troy said she was in good hands and she was just going to sleep anyway. We're in the hotel across the street. Why don't you and Sidney go over there and grab some sleep too. The doctor isn't planning on being back until 3pm so it's just keeping her occupied until then." I nod "that's a good idea." We go back inside and I manage to convince Sidney to leave.

It doesn't take us long to check in and take our bags up to the room. I close the blinds and we each strip out of our clothes and fall into bed almost literally. I turn onto my side and watch Sidney laying on his back staring at the ceiling. Using my hand, I turn his face toward mine. We look at each other for a moment and then he rolls over and I'm on my back holding him. His head is resting on my chest and I'm holding his broad shoulders. I massage the muscles there trying to sooth him. His hands are holding tight to my body and I know he's trying to hold it together. His sister being hurt is bad enough but it's also brought back all of his pain and frustration too. The lack of sleep is compounding the issue. I run one of my hands into his hair and stroke him there. He sighs once, twice and then I feel him begin to relax his muscles. I continue to stroke his hair until I feel his breath deepen and slow. When I'm sure that he's drifted off to sleep, I follow.

* * *

I wake up slowly. I know that I'm wrapped in Angelia arms. As I look around the room, I'm reminded of where we are and why. I look at the clock and see its 1pm. We have some time before going back to the hospital. I look at Angelia's face and she's still asleep. There are bruises under her eyes from lack of sleep that I'm sure match mine. It was a very long night but I'm glad we drove here and got to see Taylor. I was absolutely terrified when Mario told us about the hit. At first I thought she might have been head hunted because she's my sister; it wouldn't be the first time it had happened. I was so relieved that it was an accident and that her prognosis seems to be good. It is a huge relief.

I look up at Angelia again and feel so peaceful in her arms. I run a finger lightly down her cheek and she snuggles into it in her sleep. I replace my finger with my lips and lightly kiss down her jaw; soft kisses that have her sighing. As I continue to kiss her jaw, I slide my hand up her waist to the side of her breast. She arches to move more fully into my hand and I slide my lips to her neck. I love it when she's soft, warm and pliable. One of my favourite things is when she wakes up fully aroused. I continue kissing her lightly along her neck and then back up to her jaw. Her sighs and responses are making me hard. I slide my hand slowly down her waist to her hip where I discover that she's not wearing panties. My pretty professor only put on a tee shirt to sleep. I guide my hand over her bare hip and ass moving it down to her thigh to pull her leg over mine. I slide my leg between hers and feel her hips arch grinding onto my leg. I look at her face and see that she's still sleeping; we'll have to change that. I move to take her mouth with mine and slide my tongue along her lips until they open for me.

Her arms come around me pulling me closer to her and I open my eyes knowing that she is awake now. Her eyes are opened and slightly unfocused. She is so sexy when she wakes up aroused. Just looking at her now, I'm rock hard. She pushes me onto my back and sits straddling me. I help her pull her shirt over her head and feast my eyes over her naked body. She leans down to kiss me and slides her lips over mine to deepen the kiss. She moves her lips over my chin and jaw then neck. I feel open mouthed, hot, wet kisses down my neck and then over my chest. She slides herself lower on my body as she kisses over my stomach with her fingers following after her lips. When she hits my shorts, she pulls the waistband with her teeth and looks up at me. I've never seen anything so erotic in my life. Her hands meet the waistband and teeth and hands pull my shorts down and my erection pops out for her. Throwing my shorts onto the floor, she slides back up me and kisses me deeply again. I slide us both until we're on our sides facing each other. My hand slides over her breast stopping to play a bit before it moves over her waist and between her legs.

I slip one finger over her and she moans into my mouth. I slip it inside to get it wet and then slide it over her clit. I rub in short strokes over and over and her hips begin to rotate into my hand. When I slip that finger inside of her, it is instantly soaked and I can slip in a second and third finger. I play around her entrance and then slip them in and out again in short strokes. Her hips keep pushing in my hand and she continues to moan into my mouth. I rub at her clit again and she bites my bottom lip then cries out. I can feel that she's close and I roll her on to her back and slip inside her. I do it slowly to torture us both and she's trying to push her hips against mine to hurry me but I won't let her. I move as deeply as I can and just hold there. It is the most exquisite torture I've ever experienced. She's trying to move and I hold her there. "Sidney, please!" I look into her wild eyes as she tries to move. I try to keep still but I'm torturing myself too and can't keep it up. I pull out and then back in and she cries out. We set a steady pace and let it build until I feel her let go and I follow.

As we try to catch our breath, I gather her into my arms and roll on my back. "It's not fair to wake me up like that you know. I miss half of the experience sleeping." I chuckle at her. "But it's so much fun Angel." I look at the clock and its 2pm. "Do you want to grab a shower before we head back to the hospital?" I ask her. She lifts her head to look at me. "Yeah, that's a great idea." After kissing me, she says "and so was this. How are you feeling now that you've had some sleep?" I look down at her and kiss her nose. "I'm better after seeing Tay and getting some sleep. We'll see what the doctors have to say. Maybe we'll bring her back with us." As soon as I say it, I realize that I should have asked Angelia if it was ok with her. Damn. Before I can say anything she responds "if it's better for her and we have the doctors to help then of course we'll bring her with us. Your folks will want to come too. Remember though, she does have school. If she can attend classes then she's probably better off here." I smile, of course Angelia would be ok with it and she does have a point about school.

We shower and change but don't have time for food so we head directly to the hospital. My parents are with Taylor in her room and they're arguing. "Taylor" mom says "let's just wait and see what the doctor has to say before you make any plans." Taylor is pouting, mom looks exasperated and dad is standing there watching. When they notice that we're there, mom and dad look relieved but Taylor immediately starts whining to Angelia about how nothing is fair blah, blah, blah. I whisper to mom "what's going on?" She sighs "I mentioned to your sister that we might take her to one of your specialists but she doesn't want to leave school." I look at Angelia calming Tay down. "Mom, Angelia and I talked about taking her to Pitt with us, you guys too of course, but Angelia mentioned the school thing too. I can get her scans and tests sent to my guys and have them reviewed and Taylor can stay at school which she so obviously wants." Mom looks at me and kisses my cheek. "How did you get so smart?" I look at Angelia and then back at mom "the only smart thing I did mom was find Angelia." I roll my eyes as mom starts to tear up. "Mom, please stop." She sniffles the tears back as the doctor comes in the room.

The doctor introduces himself to Angelia and me and then runs Taylor through the tests. I could probably have done them since I've experienced them so often. "I see improvement over last night already" he tells us. "Your scans don't show any damage. It's definitely a concussion but most likely mild. I want you to do no physical activity at all for the next four days. You can go to class and walking is ok but do not raise your heart rate above normal. Take elevators instead of more than two flights of stairs." Taylor looks hesitant but says "so I can go back to school and classes?" He smiles at her and says "yes, if you abide by the rules." She nods and agrees with him. He turns to my parents and says "we'll run her through the tests again in four days and if we like what we see than we'll put her on a bike, get her heart rate up and see her response. Although, I would suppose you're all aware of the protocol by now." He says it kindly so I just nod at him. Taylor's going to get mad at me, but I say "doctor, I don't mean any offense at all to you or this hospital; however, I would like Taylor's tests and scans sent to my doctors for review." Taylor whines "Siiiiiiid!" but I keep going. "I'm sure you understand with my experience that I would look for second opinions." The doctor simply smiles at me and offers me his hand, which I shake. "I completely understand that Sidney and no offence is taken." I let out a breath.

When the doctor leaves, Taylor lays into me for being over protective although lots of childish and nasty words are used. I know mom is about to weight in when I hear "Taylor, stop that right now. You know what your brother has gone through over the last year. You should be grateful that he loves you so much he wants to ensure that you are taken care of the way he wasn't!" All four of us are silently staring at her. No one has heard Angelia raise her voice like this before and we're all rendered speechless. Dad is the first one who recovers and he just starts laughing. He pulls her into a hug and says "she's definitely part of the family" and then we're all laughing, including Angelia. Mom signs the paperwork to release Taylor and we all grab some dinner. Angelia and I have a flight back tonight so we need to head to the airport shortly afterward. As we walk to the car, I pull out my phone to check the score in the Sabres/Pens game. Angelia puts her arm through mine "I just checked and it's over. We lost 6-2. Johnny was pulled and Marc-Andre put in but the damage was done. Only Derek and Jordan scored but it was horrible according to the blogs." We lost to the Sabres, seriously. Wow, that's going to be rough after beating Philly.

We have a great dinner with the family and get to the airport in time for our flight. We are both dragging our asses. Not enough sleep and too much stress. I can't wait to get into our own bed. Ironically, we arrive at the airport at the same time as the guys. Flower texted me when they land to ask how Taylor is doing. He offers us a ride home which is great. I really didn't want to take a cab and my car is at home. "What happened?" I ask Flower and he knows that I mean the game. He glances at me and says "he had an off day." Even though we're friends, Flower is a goalie and would never throw his goalie partner under the bus. It's been a whole series of off days for Brent and Ray is going to have to do something about it next year if he can't before the trade deadline in a couple of days. Flower drops us off and we drag our sorry asses into the house. After a quick shower, I climb into bed and Angelia is already there. "Are you alive?" I ask her. "Don't make me laugh, I'm way too tired." I lean over and turn off her light and then mine. I pull her to me and we both drift off. My last thoughts are how lucky I am to have a wonderful family, a wonderful woman and, soon, the continuation of a wonderful career. My last thought is wondering if Angelia would agree to a summer wedding.


	36. Chapter 36

The next week goes by quickly. Sidney and I are both burning up the mobile minutes calling Taylor. Her tests went well and she's allowed to work out to everyone's relief. There are plans for Taylor to get back on the ice next week which is happy news for everyone; especially her team who misses her desperately. Troy and Trina have come to see us before going back home. It's been nice having them here. Troy goes to the rink with Sidney and Trina and I do things together. Sidney has been working out a lot and the doctors just cleared him for contact today. He hasn't had any symptoms this week so they want him to try contact. They are going to do it much differently than last time; they're going to have a few guys work out with him with the sole purpose of banging him around. Ben Lovejoy was volunteered, he does everything full out, and Derek said he would help out too. Tomorrow is the first time they'll all practice together. The Pens blanked the Rangers today and Dan said there wouldn't be practice tomorrow.

We're getting ready for bed "Sidney, how are you guys going to do this to test you out?" He comes out of the bathroom in his shorts and I am just stunned by how beautiful he is; I can't seem to get enough of his body. "Sorry, what did you say?" He chuckles as he climbs on the bed. "We're going to do a lot of work down by the boards. This way I can do fast turns and motion drills but also have them banging me into the boards." I run my hands over his chest "Don't let them bang up this body too much. I'm very fond of it you know." I lean in and kiss his chest now adding tiny licks with my tongue. "I'll be fine … they'll um …" I've moved to his nipples with my mouth and running my nails up and down his stomach. I glance up "you were saying" and go back to his chest. "Um" is all he gets out as I move lower. Suddenly I'm on my back pressed down my 200lbs of hot male. "Look woman, you can't expect me to have a coherent conversation when you're doing that!" I laugh as he does too. "You really are an evil woman you know?" I stick my tongue out at him and, forgetting how quick his reflexes are, he kisses me before I can pull it back into my mouth. I grab a handful of his ass when "Angelia do you … oh dear" Trina walks in to our bedroom. To say that I'm mortified would be an understatement. To say that I'm praying to disappear or for death would be an understatement. I just cover myself, including my face, with the sheets and pray it all ends soon.

"Mom, sorry, I forgot to shut the door." Then I hear Trina say "I'm sorry to interrupt. Why don't we just talk tomorrow?" Then I hear her leave the room and Sidney shuts the door. I feel the bed move has he lays down beside me. "Angelia?" He tries to pull the sheets off of me. "Don't you dare try to touch me Crosby! In fact, don't you ever dare try to touch me again." "Angelia, it's ok, we weren't really doing anything. It's ok babe, really." I just want to die of embarrassment. "Babe, come on, the door is closed. You can come out from under the sheets." I let him pull the sheets down so that I'm looking at him. He bends down to kiss me but I scoot away. "Don't you dare Crosby. You are never touching me again!" He starts laughing like a loon; that high pitched laugh when he completely loses control. "You baboon! I'm serious, the last time you touched me is the last time you touched me. I will never be able to look your mother in the eye again." I give him a glare as he tries to control himself. When he finally does stop laughing, I say "are you finished?" He reaches out and I move away. "I'm serious Sidney." He tries to smother another laugh. "Angelia, I think my mother knows that we have sex." Oh God. "There's a difference between knowing it and seeing it. Oh God." He starts laughing again. I grab my robe and leave the room. I need a drink, or a cup of coffee, something to help me forget my embarrassment.

I enter the kitchen and run straight into Trina. We both just stare at each other; eyes and mouths wide open. We stare at each other for a few moments then both start giggling at the same time. Trina gives me a hug. "I don't know who is more embarrassed Angelia, you or me?" I hug her back "I know it's not Sidney. He thinks the whole thing is hilarious." She guides me into the kitchen. "He's a man dear. It's like scratching and farting, they think sex is funny. I was making a cup of tea but I think this moment calls for a glass of wine." She takes out two glasses and I nod. In fact, I'd love to down it right out of the bottle. She hands me a glass and I take very healthy drink. "I am sorry Trina. I didn't even think that the door was open." She pats my hand "I'm sorry too dear. It doesn't matter how old your son is, he's still your baby you don't think of him that way." We look at each other and laugh again. "Ok, let's put this behind now. Troy told me that Sidney is taking contact tomorrow, that's a great step." I nod at her "yeah it is and I like how they're going to do it too. It's much more deliberate than last time and they are planning to integrate him into the game slower. I think he's also wrapped his head around going back more cautiously with less to prove." Trina nods to me "that's good. I worry about him of course. It's great that he has you to help out now too. Oh, I heard about the interview. That's coming up isn't it?" I groan "don't remind me. I have a 'session' in a couple of days with one of Pat's people. We're going to do a mock interview. They also want to talk to me about hair, make up and clothes. I don't know why, Mariah will be dressing me of course." I'm really worried about this interview and I know that Trina can tell. "Angelia, just be yourself and take Sidney's lead. He is very experienced at these things and they'll be focusing on him most of the time anyway." That's true. We continue talking about interviews and her experience with them. Next thing I know, we're opening a third bottle of wine. As I'm finishing up another glass, Troy comes in.

"They're both down here Sid" he yells up the stairs. I'm finishing my glass of wine so I don't care as much about our earlier 'gotcha' moment. "Hi Troy, hi Sidney, yep we're down here." I grin up at Sidney and say "hi sweetie." He kisses my nose and says "you're drunk babe." I think about it for a moment, or maybe more than a moment, and say "yeppers, I am." Then Trina and I laugh together and Troy and Sidney just look at each other and laugh at us. "Come on babe, let me help you upstairs." He puts his arm around me and I look up at him "you're so beautiful Sidney." I stand up next to him and trip over my own feet. Sidney sweeps me up in his arms. "Awe, see Trina, he is such a gentleman. Remember not to drop me Crosby. It isn't romantic to drop the girl." Sidney calls "goodnight" over his shoulder and continues up stairs. "You really are pretty Sidney. I love your lips. Mmmm I could eat them up. Then there's your chest; before your mommy interrupted us I was eating it up. Take off this shirt so that I can taste you again."

* * *

Angelia is completely wasted. I hear dad helping mom up the stairs too so it looks like the two of them finished off a couple bottles of wine. I kick the door closed and then walk to the bed dropping her on it. She bounces a few times and giggles. "Sidney, come over here and take me." She doesn't quite pull off the sexiness of her statement because she giggles at the end and collapses onto the bed. I get her a glass of water and some aspirin from the bathroom. When I get back to the bedroom Angelia is snoring in the middle of the bed. She looks so cute. I move her under the covers and turn off the light on her nightstand. She's going to have a whopper of a headache in the morning but she does look damn cute right now. I slide into bed, grab my phone and scroll through my emails. Pat's sent me the details of the interview with Brian Williams. Looks like they want more time with both Angelia and I than we initially thought and I don't know how she's going to feel about it. They really want to focus on our relationship. We can still say no to the whole interview but Pat feels that we need to do it for the sponsors. I look over at Angelia and wonder how I can do this to her. I've never had to worry about this before; how my career will affect more than my parents and Taylor. I'll have to talk to her about it tomorrow. Tomorrow's going to be a big day; I start contact drills and we get figure out the interview thing. I sigh as I slide into sleep.

I wake up the next morning to a groan. It's not me groaning, it's coming from beside me and Angelia is groaning again. I look over at her and she's covering her eyes and groaning again. I stifle a chuckle and brush the hair from her eyes. "Don't touch me, my hair hurts along with the rest of my body." I roll over and grab the water and aspirin. "Here babe, take a couple aspirin." She sits up and groans again but takes the aspirin and water from me. "Will this kill me? Please, tell me this will kill me." I take the glass from her and get out of bed. While I'm in the shower, I hear her come in the washroom and she joins me in the shower. She pushes me out of the way and puts her face up to the showerhead and holds it there. I pour shampoo in my hands and lather up her hair. She moans at this in a way that makes my dick twitch. I know that she's in no condition to help me take care of my morning wood but I can't help that the problem is getting worse. Thankfully she doesn't notice my situation and leaves the shower after finishing up. I turn the water cold and pray it takes care of the problem. Unfortunately it doesn't help and I have to handle the problem myself. I lean with one hand against the shower and take myself in hand. I can't help but think of the time when Angelia tied me up and had her way with me. She was so damn sexy; I can remember her eyes as she held me in her hand and licked me up and down. Thinking of that moment, it doesn't take me long to solve my 'problem.'

When I get downstairs, everyone is eating breakfast; mom and Angelia are only having coffee and toast. I guess they both are feeling the wine from last night but everyone is dressed and ready to go to the rink. It looks like the entire family is going to practice today. I feel like I did when I was I a kid and mom and dad drove me to practice. I drink my protein shake and dad and I smile at each other. We finish up and pile into the car to drive to the rink. Mom and Angelia head to the stands and dad comes with me to the locker room. I begin my warm up and dad talks with Kadar. Benny and Engel come in and begin warm up too. "Guys, thanks for helping out, I appreciate it." Engel turns to me and says "someone has to babysit you kid and help you fix your boo boo." Great, it's going to be like this and it's going to be a very long practice. We dress and head out to the ice. I see mom and Angelia in the stands. Engel sees them too and says "awe Sid, your mommy and girlfriend are here to watch you." It's going to be a long fucking practice.

We start with one on one drills to the net with Benny on D. He pushes and shoves at me as I fly to the net. Over and over we run the drill; Benny plays D one way and Engel plays D the other way. I'm getting great wind testing and they are definitely bumping me. Kadar stops us and we gather at the bench for water. "How you feeling Sid?" Kades asks me. "I feel good. No symptoms but I'm definitely in need of more sprints." Everyone laughs and we get back at it. Both Benny and Engel double team me against the boards behind the net. They are definitely not taking it easy on me and I may just have bruises. It's hard on me and I am out of breath but there are no symptoms. We finish up and I thank the guys. I go over to the bench and Angelia comes down. "Looks like you had a good workout" she tells me. I know what she's asking but not actually asking. "I feel great; tired and probably bruised but great." She leans in to kiss me and then pulls back wrinkling her nose. "I'm so sorry Sidney but I just can't get used to the smell of that equipment." I laugh at her but she says "fuck it" and kisses me. I laugh again and head off the ice to get showered and changed.

When I come out, dad is waiting for me. "Our girls are waiting in the players' lounge for us. How are you feeling son?" It's the first time dad has asked me in a while so I want to be honest. "Dad, I'm actually feeling good. My wind sucks but it'll come back more practice. There are no symptoms, not a single one dad." I smile widely at him and he's smiling back just as widely at me. He gives me a big hug and I return it. We pull apart and are just smiling at each. He wraps his arm around me and we walk into the lounge. Angelia flies at me and gives me a hug; I just hold her for a moment. I see mom take dad's hand and they both smile at us. It feels so good having my family here for this moment. I can't believe I finally got contact in and I feel good. I push my nose into Angelia's neck and just breathe her in. I want to remember this moment. It's one that no one will ever know about and no one is filming it for future viewing but it's the moment I got my game back. I won't be playing tomorrow or even the next day but I'm coming back and very soon. The way the team is playing now we're definitely making the playoffs and when I'm back, we're making a run at the cup, I just know it.


	37. Chapter 37

Trina and Troy stayed through the weekend to watch the Pens beat the Rangers. Today we came to see the Tampa game and it was incredible, 8-1 for us. Geno had the best goal I've ever seen. He split four defenders to get a goal and then got a hat trick in the game. I don't know that I've cheered so loud. We had a great time with Nathalie and Mario and a couple of the kids. Sidney sat up in the press box as usual. He doesn't like the optics of any favouritism so he doesn't sit in Mario's box. Most people don't know that he has a box too and fills it with kids for every game. His foundation partners with various charities in the city to bring in kids that are sick or unfortunate in some way. Today, he's asked me to go with him to say hi to the kids. I was surprised when he asked, and a little anxious, but of course I said yes. I'm waiting for him in the Lemieux's box with his parents.

I feel his arm around me and he whispers in my ear "hi gorgeous." I never fail to smile when he compliments me and shiver when I feel his breath in my ear. "Hi back" I tell him. We say goodbye to his parents and head off to his box. "The people we're meeting are from a women's shelter. All of them today have kids too. Basically, they run out of their abusive homes with their kids and the shirts on their backs. This organization helps them get back on their feet, clothes, toys and then helps them get a place to live and a job. It's a really great organization. What?" he stops talking and it just looking at me. "What, what?" I ask him. "You've got a huge grin on your face and have stopped walking." I never noticed that I'd done both. "I'm sorry. I've never seen you like this Sidney. It's really beautiful to see you so invested." He grins back at me and then takes my hand. We walk into the box and many of the kids squeal and run over to us; to Sidney actually. I move around the hordes of kids to some of the women. I approach a couple of them "Hi, I'm Angelia." I introduce myself to them and we chat about the game and how much the kids enjoyed the game. One of the women named Sara says to me "It is so wonderful of Sidney to do this for us. The children have had such a wonderful time. I don't know which was more exciting; meeting Iceberg or Sid. Oh, please don't tell Sid, I don't want him to think we don't appreciate everything he's done for us." I place my hand on her arm and say "don't worry about it. I won't tell him." We just smile at each other.

I look over at Sidney and he's laughing and talking with the kids. There are many things to sign and some of them even made things for him. It is just so cute. There is one little girl in the corner who is just watching everything but not joining in with them. I wander over to her and sit down beside her. "Hi there, I'm Angelia. What's your name?" She looks up at me shyly and I offer a small smile. "Jenny" she says softly. "It's so nice to meet you Jenny. Do you like hockey?" She smiles again "yes." It looks like she's not much of a talker so I try again "did you get to meet Iceberg?" She looks at me again and says "yeah. I like penguins." Wow, four words this time. "Jenny, would you like to meet the most important Penguin?" She looks over at Sidney, back at me and back at Sidney with a shy smile. "Do you want to meet Sidney, Jenny?" She doesn't say anything this time but nods at me. I watch as some of the kids begin to leave with their moms. When most have left, I catch Sidney's eye and motion for him to come over. He does and sits on the chair next to Jenny. "Hi there." He says to her. "Jenny" I say "this is Sidney. Sidney, Jenny here loves penguins and is very excited that she got to meet Iceberg. She also wanted to meet you." He looks down at Jenny and says "wait one minute ok?" I look at him and he just winks at me and walks over to the Pens PR person who reaches into her bag and gives Sidney something. Sidney sits down beside Jenny again and hands her a stuffed animal. Jenny's eyes widen and she hugs the animal to her chest. That's when I notice that it's Iceberg and my heart melts. "Jenny, what do you say to Sidney?" Her mom, Sara, asks Jenny. "Thank you Sidney" Jenny says in a sing-song voice. "You are very welcome Jenny." Sidney gets up and I follow him to the door saying goodbye to Sara. "Thank you so much Angelia, Sidney. We really appreciate it." We both smile at her. As we turn to go, Jenny runs up and says "Sidney?" He turns around and she throws her arms around his waist. He looks at me surprised and puts his arms around her too. Just as suddenly as she hugged him, she was gone back to her mom.

As we walk to our car, I can't help the tears that have come into my eyes. Sidney notices and puts his arm around me. "I'm sorry Sidney. It was just so sweet of both you to give her the stuffed animal and her to hug you. To think about what that little girl has gone through and yet she was able to give you a hug." I can't go on. It's just too overwhelming. Sidney stops walking and pulls me into his arms. "Oh babe, it's ok. These are the moments why I do it. It's great that the foundation does great things for hospitals and large donations but I love meeting kids like Jenny." I pull back, look at the face of the man I love and fall a little deeper. I kiss him and we get into the car. "Hungry?" he asks me. "Actually, yeah I am. Your folks went out to dinner Mario and Nathalie. We have the house to ourselves. Just what do you think I'm hungry for sweetie?" He glances over at me reaches for my thing with his hand. He gets on the highway to head back to Sewickley and his hand slides higher up my thigh; I can tell he knows exactly what I'm hungry for right now.

* * *

I traveled with the team to Dallas and Colorado where they won both games and I got in some practice with no symptoms. I feel like any day I could be ready to play again which is both a terrifying and exciting feeling. It's quite an unusual feeling to be scared to play. Usually I would talk to the team psychologist about problems with visualizing the game. I just can't seem to do it this time. Maybe I should talk to Angelia; she usually helps. That's another interesting thought; I am looking to someone outside of hockey to help me with hockey. I have always worried that having someone in my life would make me less focused on hockey but it's just the opposite. I have been even more focused with Angelia beside me. She has helped me look at the game and how I play differently. I had always thought that a woman would be a distraction during the season. I guess that isn't true if it's the right woman.

The team is on a five game win streak and the morale is high. We didn't make any trades at the deadline and Ray has expressed his confidence in the current roster. I know I'm close to playing; I can feel just how close I am. The world is almost completely right although right now the only thing that would make my world right is getting into my bed. I hate coming back from a road trip out west; we don't get home until very, very late. It's 3am and I'm driving home yawning. As I drive up, I see the light on outside the house; another benefit of being involved with a woman during the season. When I get in the house, I see another light on for me and climb up the stairs. I drop my luggage, I just can't gather the stamina to unpack, so I just strip and slide into bed. I gather Angelia to me, it's been too long since I held her, and she snuggles into me in her sleep. Yep, everything feels right.

I sleep deeply if not long and wake up in the morning with Angelia stretching in my arms. "Mmmm Sidney, you're home." I pull her close to me "I am, now go back to sleep." She tightens her arms around me "I'm so glad your home. The games went well. How is Kris? Was he hurt badly last night?" It figures that she would ask after the guys; that's just how caring she is. "He's day to day but should be back in a game or two. Now, quiet, let's go back to sleep." She's quiet for a moment and I think she's going to sleep but she says "When do you have to be at the rink?" I sigh "I don't have to go in today so, please, let's go back to sleep." I can actually hear her brain working and I know there is no more sleep for me this morning. "Ok, Angelia, what's on your mind." I pull up, look at her and see that she's looking at me. "Let's go to brunch somewhere Sidney. We can actually have a day together, it is very exciting." I laugh and just pull her closer to me. "You know what I'd find exciting? More sleep babe, I'd be extremely excited if I could have more sleep." The minute it's out of my mouth her fingers are digging into my sides tickling me. I try to wiggle away but she slides on top of me and keeps tickling. I roll over and pin her beneath me. "Stop it woman, I need to get more sleep." She smiles up at me "no way Crosby. Let's get up, get dressed and get some food." I laugh knowing that there is no way that I'm going back to sleep. "Ok, fine, we'll get some food. When we get home, I definitely will need some more sleep." "Woo hoo!" she jumps out of bed and runs to the bathroom. Why does this woman have so much energy this morning? I roll over and hope for a quick nap before she's ready. "Get out of bed Crosby!" She yells at me from the bathroom. It looks like I've completely lost this one. I throw back the covers and get out of bed to get dressed.

We're out the door in less than twenty minutes and on our way to our favourite diner to meet Flower and Vero. "The game last night was great. How excited were Deryk and Aaron scoring? Those two don't really score never mind in the same game." "Yeah, they were both quite pumped by it. It was too bad Flower couldn't get the shut out though." We pull into the parking lot and I see that there is a line to get in. I text Flower to see if he's inside; he is so we get out of the car. "Let's go in the back" I tell Angelia. I hate walking through a line and don't want people to think I'm getting unfair treatment. We eat here enough that the regulars leave us alone and we can go through the back. We both greet the cooks and the owner who tells us where Flower and Vero are sitting. We manage to get to the table with little trouble. Vero and Angelia start chatting and I look at Flower. "You look how I feel Flower. Vero would let you sleep in either huh?" He shakes his head and sips at his coffee. The waitress brings my orange juice and Angelia's coffee then asks "are you all having the usual?" We all nod and she heads off.

"It's nice to be home all week, eh mon ami?" I look at Angelia "yeah, it definitely is nice to be home for a while." Vero looks at me "is it ok to ask how you're feeling Sid?" I smile at her; it's just like her to ask if she can ask. "Of course it's ok Vero. I am feeling good. I think I'm getting close to getting back. I've had no symptoms and at some point I just need to play to know how I'll be when I play." She smiles at me in the sweet way she has. "How go the wedding plans Vero?" I ask her and Flower kicks me under the table. I did it on purpose because Flower is so sick of talking about the wedding. Vero takes my question and runs with it giving us all of the details. I'm not that interested but I love that Flower's eyes are about to roll back in his head. I'm kicked under the table again only it's from Angelia. She knows what I've done and why. I can't get anything by her anymore. It's kind of comforting that she knows me that well.

"We should do something today." I look at Angelia as she says this; what is she up to now? Vero looks at her and says "yeah we should." "Oh" Angelia has an idea "let's go to the aquarium. It's supposed to be really great and I haven't gone yet." Seriously, she wants to go to the aquarium? Now Vero is getting excited about it too. I look at Flower and he is agreeing with a gleam in his eye. He knows that I have no interest in the aquarium and wants to get me back. Before I can do anything about it, we've paid the cheque and we're on our way to the aquarium.

While we're walking in, I give Flower a good punch on the shoulder. "Thanks a lot." I tell him. "No problem mon ami." He gives me his toothy smile and walks up to take Vero's hand. We start at the Giant Pacific Octopus exhibit. "Wow," Angelia says "it's unbelievable that an octopus can be 600 pounds and six feet long." I look at her surprised, she isn't reading anything, she actually seems to know this information. "Look at the way he's changing colour as we come up to the glass. He feels threatened." She continues to give us facts about the octopus and I can just marvel at her. When we're finished here, we move onto the turtles and then the sea horses. Angelia seems to know something about every animal we view. It's amazing and interesting. Who knew that I'd find the aquarium interesting? "Oh boy" she says "we have left the best until last." I look up and it's the penguin exhibit. I start laughing and Angelia is looking at me like I'm crazy. Flower looks embarrassed and Vero is trying to smother her laugh. We enter into the exhibit and Angelia sees what I'm laughing at; there is a sign that tells the visitors the different names of the penguins in the exhibit. One of those penguins is named Marc-Andre Fleury. Now Angelia is laughing too and people are starting to look at us. We get recognized and a few kids come over. Angelia and Vero wander off to look at the penguins while we take pictures and sign autographs.

We catch up with them in the next exhibit and I take Angelia's hand. "Are you having a good time?" she asks me. I smile at her "I am. How do you know so much about animals?" She chuckles "I love zoos and aquariums and have a photographic memory." I kiss her cheek and say "and you are a great guide. So Flower, did you say hello to your little buddy?" He walks by and slaps the back of my head. "Hey, watch the concussion Flower" to which he says something very crude in French. We go through the rest of the exhibits having a lot of fun; especially when Flower starts imitating the cat fish. We leave the aquarium laughing with each other and then say good bye at the cars. As we drive home, I glance at Angelia "that was a good idea babe." I can feel her smiling at me. "I know you thought I was crazy when I suggested it." Seriously, I can't get anything by this woman. "I did but it was fun and I'm glad you suggested it. I have also noticed that you managed to stop me from having my nap." Her hand slides onto my thigh "awe poor Sidney. Are you getting cranky without taking your nap?" Her hand starts sliding up my thigh "are you Sidney? Are you getting cranky?" Her hand slides even higher until it's sliding over my crotch. She's an evil woman who seems to love to taunt me, not that I'm at all complaining.

We stop at a red light and I pull her to me for a searing kiss. I hear a honk behind me and pull back from her smiling. I continue driving us home. When I pull into the drive way, I turn to Angelia but she's already heading into the house; evil, evil woman. I lock up the car and follow her up the walk. I notice her jacket hanging on the front door knob; interesting. I walk in and hang up our coats. I go down the hall to the stairs and see a bra on the railing; more interesting. I pick it up and head up the stairs. At the top, I find a pair of jeans. Moving down the hall, I find a pair of panties and definitely pick those up. Before I enter the bedroom, I look down at her panties and pull them up to my nose. As I breathe in and close my eyes, my dick responds. This woman has the most incredible effect on me. I swing her panties around my finger as I enter the bedroom. She is lying naked on the bed with that smile on her face; this evil, evil woman.

I strip off my shirt as I approach the bed. She's still just lying back on the pillows waiting for me. I walk up to the bed and grab each of her legs to pull her to the edge. Kneeling on the floor in front of her, I push her legs wide apart for me. I look up at her and she's biting her lip in anticipation. God, she is so hot when she's like this, open and waiting for me. I lean in and she takes her entire lip in her mouth. I lean further and swipe my mouth over her. She throws her head back and moans. My dick gets harder at that sound. I love that sound. I flutter my tongue over her clit and her hips begin to rotate slightly and she moans again. God, that has to be the sexiest sound in the world. I dip my tongue inside her and flutter in and out. Her hips begin to rotate now and she continues to moan. I slip my hand up and over her stomach to her breast. I continue to lick her up while I play with her nipples. She is so incredibly responsive. I move back to her clit and she cries out now. I work her clit faster and faster, I want to see her cum first, and roll her nipple between my thumb and finger. She moans again and again. I keep up until I feel her shutter and taste her. As she rides her orgasm, I lick her up on her thighs and then kiss them lightly over and over. I move up on to the bed beside her and watch her flush face. I run my finger over her lips lightly and she nips at it.

Before I can react, she slides on top of me and straddles me. It's my turn to moan as she runs her hands up and down my chest. I love how her nails feel against my skin and then her hips begin to rotate against mine. She leans down to kiss me and I pull her hard against me. I sweep my tongue through her lips and across hers. We continue to kiss deeply as she now rocks her hips against me. My dick is poised to enter her but she keeps just out reach. I slide my hands up and down her back in time to her rocking. We're so in tune with each other right now. She pulls back slightly and looks right into my eyes as she shifts and slides over me. It's my turn to moan as I enter her and we continue our rhythm. She sits up now and rides me. I put my hand between our bodies and rub at her clit when I know she's close. She shifts slightly and takes me in deeper. I am trying to hold on but can't. I go over the edge and hope that she's following me. She falls on top of me and I have a last coherent thought that she's gone over too. When we both can move, we lay side by side and I finally get my nap.


	38. Chapter 38

The man is literally trying to drive me crazy. I'm convinced that he's trying to drive me crazy. He's practicing and feeling ready to play but the doctors won't clear him yet. He's frustrated and taking it out on me. I know what he's doing and why but it still hurts. I just don't know what to do to help him this time because there really isn't anything to do for him. Yesterday he had a tirade about laundry. Apparently folding his socks in a way that is not perfect is cause to flip out. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells the whole week. It's been a very difficult week. The Pens have had a great week though winning eight games in a row. I think that's making it more difficult for Sidney. He may think they don't need him anymore. Or he may just miss playing with them even more when they win.

I'm at the rink right now for the game against the Bruins. When we came in, Sidney kissed my cheek and went off to the locker room. I just stood there while he walked away. I'm describing my situation to V while we're having a glass of wine in the family room. "I just don't know what to do with him." I tell V. She shakes her head and says "It's a difficult situation Ang. These things happen and you just need to ride them. He'll be back playing very soon and then it will be better. Then something else will happen and you'll deal with it again. It's another one of those things that happen when you're with a hockey player." I look at her and then take another sip of wine. Actually, it's more like a gulp. "It doesn't make it any easier V." She smiles at me and says "it's one of the things we have to put up with." "Yeah, I guess so." Some of the other girls come in and we sit around and talk. The talk focuses on the sale at Saks beginning tomorrow. I sit and listen to them chatter on. A short time later, we make our way up to the family box to watch the game. When we get there, more wine is flowing and I decide to partake. Have I mentioned that it's been a very difficult week? A few glasses may just be what I need to forget this week. If they don't care that it's an afternoon game and might be a little too early for wine then I won't either.

The game is really exciting. Geno got three points and Aaron scored again. It was a very exciting game; of course I was seeing it through a wine glass. I have enough of my faculties to ask Vero to help me downstairs to meet Sidney. She's a little tipsy herself but better than I am. We find our way down together and wait for our boys. Sidney comes in first followed closely by Marc-Andre. They take a good look at us and Marc-Andre starts laughing at our state and Sidney just stares. Marc-Andre pulls Vero off of the sofa and they both say goodbye. Sidney stays standing there and looking at me. "You've had a few drinks" he says to me. I grin up at him "I most certainly have." I keep grinning at him even though I can tell that he's mad. He helps me off of the sofa and makes sure I'm steady before letting go of my arm. "Let's go home." He's pissed again but I just can't seem to care.

We drive home in silence and I get a little dizzy around the corners. It takes me a few moments to get out of the car when we get home. I'm still a little dizzy as I get out of the car but make my way to the house. I go directly to the kitchen for some water and find Sidney there. He looks up at me and then back to pouring himself a drink. "The game was great. Geno was on fire." Sidney just stares at me. It could be the alcohol, ok it is the alcohol, so I can't contain my thoughts. "What is your problem Sidney? You've been cranky for a week now and I'm tired of being your punching bag. I have done everything possible to support you and help you and comfort you and yet you've treated me like crap. I understand that this happens sometimes and I just need to suck it up but it's not easy and I'm allowed the need to blow off some steam for an afternoon. You need to get your head out of your ass and see what it's like for me too!" I've been looking at Sidney while on my little rant but now I'm really focusing and he looks stunned. He opens his mouth to say something but I can't wait. I run to the washroom and purge all of the alcohol that I put into my stomach and then a little stomach lining too.

* * *

As I stand outside the door and listen to Angelia get sick I am absolutely stunned. First, I'm surprised that she drank so much at the game. She is usually so careful not to have more than one or two when in public. The few times she's been tipsy it's been at home or with friends and family. The second thing that has me speechless is how angry she was and how she yelled at me. We've had arguments before but she has never been that angry, never yelled and never said things like that to me before. I go to the kitchen and wet a towel with some cold water. When I hear that she has stopped purging, I open the door and see her sitting on the floor beside the toilet. I bend down and wipe her face. "I'm so sorry Sidney." She's almost in tears now. "I didn't mean it, really I didn't. I'm just drunk and my mouth runs amok when I'm too drunk. Please forget everything I said, please Sidney." Tears do fall from her eyes now. I pick her up in my arms and carry her up the stairs to our bedroom. I place her on the bed, pull a blanket over her and kiss her forehead. "Get some sleep babe. You'll feel better after you've slept it off." She puts a hand to my face "I love you Sidney." She looks so sad and so pitiful. "I love you too. Now get some sleep."

I leave her in the bedroom and go back to the kitchen. There's only one person I can talk to about this so I call him. "Il a été longtemps mon ami?" I laugh "Hi Talbo, yes it's been a long time. How are you?" "We'd be better with some consistent goaltending but doing ok otherwise. The girls are definitely hot here in Philly so all is good." As usual, Max determines how he's feeling based on how well they're playing and how many girls he's getting into his bed. Some things never change and thank God. "And how are you mon ami?" I sigh at that. "Ah, you are having girl trouble because I know you're not calling for advice on your game." Max can always be counted on to cut right to the heart of the matter. "Yeah Talbo, I just don't know what to do." I recount the events of the day and Angelia's melt down. "Sid, what did you do?" I'm confused "what do you mean Max?" He laughs at me "You do realize she's right, don't you?" Now I'm seriously confused. "Once again, what do you mean Max?" He sighs "Sid, you know what you can be like; actually we're all like that when our game is off. We get pissy and mean and take it out on the people around us." Only Max would actually tell me exactly like it is; is this why I called him? Did I know that he would be one of the few people to be completely honest with me?

"Max, it has been so hard this past 18 months. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so close, I can feel that I'm so close, and yet I just can't get there." "Sid, this is all true but you can't take it out on her. She loves you and is trying to help you with everything. Why are you shitting all over her?" I swear out loud. "You can do that to her too Sid but just stop shitting all over her." That makes me laugh as he meant it to. "Ok Talbo, what do I do?" "First, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You'll play and you'll play soon. Second, when she wakes up and is sober, you need to make it up to her." He's right and I know he's right. "Thanks Talbo. I needed that and I knew you were the right person to call. I appreciate it man." He laughs "We're still going to beat your asses in a few weeks you know?" "You keep dreaming Talbo. Thanks again." As I hang up, I remember how lucky I am. I have great friends who, even when they annoy me, are always supportive. I also remember how lucky I am to have the woman sleeping it off upstairs. I need to stop taking her for granted as it appears I have been.

I sit down in front of the TV and put the NHL Network on. I always think better when hockey is on in the background. All I can think is that I need to get back on the ice. If I can start playing then all of this wouldn't matter. I just need to get back on the ice. Ok, I know how to make it happen. Picking up my phone, I dial the number of the only man who can help. "Hi Mario, I need your help." We talk about it for a while. I give him the details of how I've been feeling, basically no symptoms, and the practices with contact. I'm ready, I know I'm ready. The doctors are gun shy because they've screwed up so badly in the past. Mario hears me out, asking a few questions here and there, but he just takes it all in. "What do you want me to do Sidney?" I take a deep breath. "We don't have another game for four days. I'm going to get more practice in during the break. I think we should meet in the next couple of days with the doctors and they should clear me if nothing else changes." He pauses a beat and then says "Ok Sid, I'll call them and we'll do exactly that, ok?" "Thanks Mario." I hang up and immediately feel better.

I'm sitting there staring at the TV when I hear a noise behind me. I turn around and see Angelia standing there. She looks better than she did before she lay down. She's also had a shower and, while she's a little pale, her eyes are clear. I stand up and go to her. She's hugging herself and biting her bottom lip. She opens her mouth to say something and I put one of my fingers to her lips. "Don't say anything Angelia." She stops and just looks at me. "I'm so sorry Angel. I'm so very sorry. Please forgive me." I see her eyes get wet and she nods. I take her in my arms and we both sigh. Looks like I was right; I just need to get back on the ice. Now that Mario has agreed to help me, and I'm another step closer, I am definitely feeling better. I pull back from Angelia and look down at her. "Do you feel better now that you've had some sleep?" She gives me a small smile. "Sidney, I'm sorry for what I said. I just" I put a finger on her lips to stop her. "It's ok babe, you were drunk, I understand." She looks like she wants to say something so I wait but then she must have changed her mind because she kisses me. "Do you want something to eat?" I ask her. She shakes her head and says "a world of no. I don't think I'll ever eat again." I can't help but laugh at her now. "Then let's go sit down and watch a game." We spend the rest of the afternoon cuddled on the sofa and watching the games. It was perfect.


	39. Chapter 39

It's a great day! I'm cooking a wonderful meal with all of Sidney's favourites and have set a beautiful table complete with candlelight. I've been so excited since I received Sidney's text. It simply read 'I'm in' and I knew exactly what he meant; he's playing in three days in New York. I've booked my flight and talked to Troy who has also booked his. I'm ready to put the pasta in when Sidney gets home. They've made the announcement and he had some press this afternoon. I hear the door open and a huge grin breaks out over my face. I'm so happy to see Sidney that I dry my hands and run to the front door. He's just putting his bag down but he looks up when he hears me. His grin now matches mine and I run to him launching myself into his arms. He catches me on the fly and twirls me around. I am giggling as he puts me down and I grab his face and kiss him hard and long. He holds me off the ground against him while I continue to kiss him. There are some great benefits to being with an athlete and one of the great ones is that he can hold you for long periods of time in his arms.

"You look happy" I tell him. He's grinning "like a butcher's dog" as Mike Lange would say. "You look very happy sweetie." Now he kisses me again; quite thoroughly. "Yes, I am very, very happy. Tomorrow I get to practice plays for Thursday's game. Tomorrow I get to play on a line. Tomorrow I get to prepare for an actual game." He's kissing me again until I'm laughing so hard that I can't kiss him anymore. "Sidney, you have to put me down. I have dinner on the stove." He's laughing now and does put me down. "Good, I'm hungry." I head back to the kitchen with Sidney following me. "What's for dinner woman, I am very hungry." I look back at him "this cave man act is going to cause you to be eating frozen pizza you know." I look back at the stove and stir the sauce. Sidney slides his hands around my waist and kisses my neck in all the right places. "Fine, let me finish dinner Sidney, go set the table." He chuckles, kisses my neck one last time, and moves off to set the table. I finish up dinner and take it to the table.

As we eat, Sidney can't stop smiling. "Did you talk to your dad?" His grin widens, I didn't know it was possible, and he says "yeah. I told him right after I texted you. He is very excited." I look at him "yeah, I talked to him too. His flight is booked and so is mine. I talked to Mariah and she's rescheduling a few things so that she can be there too." He looks at me surprised. "Of course she's coming and not just to see hot sweaty guys on the ice. She loves you Sidney and wants to see you play." He blushes, I haven't seen him do that in a while, and then looks at me. "She's hoping to have a reunion with Geno isn't she?" Now I blush "maybe but she still loves you and she still wants to see you play." 'Ok, as long as I don't have to think about her and Geno anymore." He's so funny. "That's a deal. We don't have to talk about the two of them but she is coming to see you play." He smiles again. It is just so nice to see him smile. It makes my heart swell. "Ok, let's clean this place up. What time are the guys coming over?" He looks at his watch "in about thirty minutes." They are having a poker night tonight. "I've made some deli trays for sandwiches and fruit. You've got your wine out and I moved the beer into the kitchen fridge from the fridge downstairs." He kisses my cheek and says "you are a going to make a good little wife you know?" I slap his ass hard as I walk by, which felt great so I do it again. He tries to grab me but I dance away. "I have to get ready to meet the girls."

* * *

I've lost four hands in a row so I deal out to get more wine. "You realize you suck Sid." Duper has been riding me all night about playing so bad. He's right of course but it's still annoying. Flower starts swearing at him in French, Duper swears back and then they are going on way too fast for me to understand. Tanger jumps into the fray and it's every man for himself. I watch the next hand and, with all of the Frenchmen preoccupied, TK cleans up. The only one who plays worse than I do is TK so it's a surprise to the others when he wins and a lot of chirping follows.

Kris deals out of the next hand and comes over to the breakfast bar to make himself a sandwich. "We need to have more games here Crosby. Your woman knows how to make sure we're well fed." He takes a big bite of his sandwich and grins at me. "Tanger, you're just jealous because your woman only knows how to order in and take out." A crude comment about what she can do well follows. "My woman is good at that too Tanger and I'm well fed." A middle finger from him follows and I just laugh then go back to the game. Losing the next three hands, badly, I deal out again. Flower is getting himself another glass of wine. He claps me on the back "we can have the game here anytime Sid." I look at him "Vero puts out a good spread for us too when we're at your place." He looks at me "yeah, but it's not nearly as good as this is, you know?" I laugh "I won't tell Vero you said that so you continue to get fed." Now he laughs too. "Merci, mon ami."

I hear the door open and the chatter of the ladies coming in. All of the guys look up as they come into the kitchen and then there is chaos. Angelia comes up and slides her arm around my waist "did you win any hands?" I look down at her "are you intimating that I am not a good poker player?" She looks up at me with a very innocent look on her face. "I would never intimate something like that Sidney." She's not so innocent my pretty professor. I put my arm around her and watch the crowd begin to pack up. With all of the chirping going on it takes a while for everyone to leave but it is a lot of fun. Angelia and I clean up the kitchen together. "You were a big hit you know?" She looks at me confused. "Really babe, everyone wants to have the game here all the time because you put out a good spread." Now she chuckles and continues cleaning up. "Well, we had a good time too. Michelle was even well behaved."

When we finish, we head upstairs together and I turn on Sports Centre. "Don't you already know who won all of the games?" I ignore her comment and sit down on the bed to watch the show. She comes out of the closet in her bra and panties and now I'm watching her rather than Sports Centre. "I'm not complaining, I realize that the TV will always be on sports in our house, but what is there to watch if you already know the scores?" She turns to me with her hands on her hips and is quite a vision. Her head is tilted, her hands are on her hips, her hip is cocked and all of that is noticed after I see her breasts covered by lace and pushed up high and her hips covered in sheer lace. She is still talking, I can see her lips moving, but I'm distracted by the lace or rather the body inside the lace. "SIDNEY! Are you listening to me?" I move my gaze up to her face. "Sorry babe, I was distracted. If you want to have a conversation with me you most definitely cannot do it in panties and a bra." She looks down at herself and then back at me. "You are such a man!" I try desperately to hold back my laugh but I can't. If it's possible for a woman to get huffy wearing bra and panties then Angelia pulls it off.

I can't hold it in and before long I'm lying on the bed laughing so hard my stomach hurts. I feel a pillow fly at my head followed closely by another one. I look up and she's changed into her Pens tee shirt and is climbing into bed. "Awe, why did you get changed babe?" She gives me a withering look and climbs under the covers with her book. Then she does it, the only thing that is better than the bra and panties, she puts on her reading glasses. Who would know that its reading glasses that make me so incredible hot for her. "Stay where you are Crosby." Yeah, she's got my number. "I'm serious Crosby; you stay exactly where you are." But I have her number too. I slide up further on bed against the headboard and glance over at her. She's got her iPad on and is reading something. I lean in to read over her shoulder and don't understand a thing that I'm reading except for words like 'the' and 'is' but reading is not my purpose. I take a deep breath and let it out; right in her ear of course. She can't stop the involuntary shiver, just as I planned. "Is there something you want Sidney?" I take a deep breath again and, oh no, looks like I've let it out in her ear again and, oh no, she shivers again. "Sidney?" I lean in and kiss her ear this time taking the time to nip at her lobe; mmm another shiver, this is fun.

"Sidney, seriously, don't you have something else you could be doing?" In answer, I lick her neck, up her lobe and then nip it again; a full body shiver is her response. She turns and looks over her glasses at me. God she is so fucking hot. "Come on Angel, you know I can't handle it when you wear those glasses in bed. It's simply unfair." She raises an eyebrow and goes back to reading. Looks like I'm not getting anywhere tonight. I lean back and go back to watching the TV but keep an eye on her. She glances at me out of the corner of her eye. Hmm maybe my luck isn't all bad. My phone rings so I pick it up; it's Pat. He wants to talk about the interview with Brian Williams. Shit, I haven't talked to Angelia about it so I ask him to wait until tomorrow. I glance over at Angelia. This isn't the evening I wanted to have.

"Angel, we got more of the details about the interview with Brian Williams." She puts her iPad down and takes her glasses off. "What do they want to talk about?" I sigh "that's just it; they want to have a different focus than we thought. They want to focus on us for most of the interview. They are very interested about us and our relationship. Pat thinks that they may know of your role in my recovery." I pause now and look at her. She's biting her lip and looking at the TV now. I can hear her thinking; I am sitting beside her and can actually hear her brain moving. "Tell me what you're thinking babe." She stays quiet and I just wait. This time I refuse to let her off the hook and we are going to talk about it. The problem is that I'm not known for my patience and I'm not able to find it now. "Seriously Angelia, you really need share all of those thoughts going through your head." She sighs and looks at me. "Does Pat still think it's a good idea?" Leave it to her to ask a question first "yes, actually, Pat thinks it's even better now. He likes that they want to talk to us both. He also likes that we're going to be the biggest part of the story and most of the hour. None of that is what I asked you. What do you think about it?" I'm losing patience now and I try to find reserves. "Angelia, seriously, you're killing me here." She looks at me again. "If it's good for your career and you and Pat think that it's a good idea then I'm ok with it too." To say I'm stunned is an understatement. "Are you sure?" She slides over to me and kisses my cheek. "Yes, I'm sure. Pat will still prepare us right?" I smile and pull her to me. "Yeah babe, he will definitely prepare us." We snuggle together and watch the end of Sports Centre.

* * *

Sidney and I go to New York the day before the rest of the team. We are meeting with Pat and his people this afternoon, Wednesday, and then we're doing the interview Thursday morning with Brian Williams. This way Sidney practiced with the team this morning, will practice with them when they get there in the afternoon tomorrow and the next morning on game day. Mariah arrived early too and brought what I assume is the entire Channel showroom for me. Our suite is covered in clothes which Mariah and Janet, Pat's interview prep person, are currently debating and dissecting. I'm sitting and watching because I'm completely and utterly exhausted after all of the practice sessions. First I was too quiet when I spoke, then I didn't give long enough answers, then I was looking to Sidney too much before I spoke; it made me dizzy. The door opens with Pat and Sidney entering. Sidney takes in the scene and comes over to me. "How is it going?" he asks me. I simply gesture to Mariah and Janet and look at him. He chuckles and leans down to kiss me. "Did it take this long to pick out your suit for tomorrow?" I ask him. He sits down on the sofa beside me and throws him arm around me. "I have no idea. They just tell me which one to wear and I wear it." I point to the clothes around the room "apparently I've taken the same attitude and am letting them pick out my clothes."

"Come here Ang. You need to try this on." Sidney looks at me "sounds like you're up." Sighing, I get up and take the clothes into the bathroom. It doesn't take me long to put them on. When I look in the mirror, I'm really surprised. I look good. It's simple but stylish and gorgeous. I come out of the bathroom and Mariah and Janet come over to critique. They are looking me over, pulling and prodding, and finally agree that it's perfect. They start talking about shoes and jewelry and I look over at Sidney as he walks over to me. He kisses me and whispers "you are perfect but then I already knew that" and smiles at me. I smile back at him. 'Ok you two, how are you feeling about tomorrow?" Pat asks us. Sidney puts his arm around me and says "we're great Pat. Actually, I think we're going to beg off dinner tonight though. It's been a long day and will be an even longer one tomorrow. I hope you don't mind." I look at Sidney surprised and then Mariah and just shrug. No one seems to mind that Sidney and I want to stay in and Mariah and Janet pick up all of the clothes, leave me jewelry and shoes for tomorrow, and everybody piles out of our room.

"Ok, what was that about Sidney?" He flops down on the sofa. "Tell me the truth, are you relieved to think that we're going to be alone tonight." I look at him for a moment and then say "yeah, I am. Let me get changed, Mariah will kill me if I as much as sit in this dress before the interview, and we can grab some dinner." "Nope" he says. "What do you mean 'nope'?" He smiles "we are ordering room service, maybe watching a movie and, if you play your cards right, you may even get lucky." Sometimes that goofy side of his comes out and, even though it makes me groan, I love it. "I may lucky huh? Why? Are we going to play blackjack?" He flies off the sofa toward me but I knew he would and I'm in the bathroom before he can catch me. I change into a bath robe and carefully hang up my clothes for tomorrow.

When I come out of the bathroom, I look at Sidney and start laughing. He's wearing a matching robe to mine. "Great minds?" I ask and he laughs too. "Come here" he pats the place next to him on the sofa. I slide next to him and cuddle in. I love when we do this; it's just Sidney and me quietly enjoying each other. He pulls me onto his lap and holds me the way I love. My head finds my special nook and I glance up at him. "I love you Sidney." He looks down at me "I love you too." I sigh and settle in while he puts on Sports Centre. Is this damn show always on TV? Oh well, who cares what's on TV when I'm lying in his arms. The next thing I know Sidney is kissing my cheek and I realize that I fell asleep. I lean into his lips and he moves them to my neck. "Mmmm" I moan and feel him smile against my neck. "How long have I been asleep?" I ask him. "Not long babe. I thought you might want some dinner." This crazy man, I know that he's the one who is hungry and trying to push it on me. "I'm not really hungry. I may not need dinner at all tonight." The problem is that I can't keep a straight face when I'm trying to pull one over on him. "Ha ha ha ha." "Fine, give me the menu."

We order and sit back on the sofa. Sidney scrolls through his email while I watch the NHL Network. "Mom and dad say good luck. Dad's flight got pushed so he won't get here in time for the interview. Mom says not to worry about it because you're going to be great." I smile at him. It is so kind of them to remember how nervous I am and send their good wishes. "Am I really so transparent about how anxious I am about this interview?" Sidney hugs me tighter and says "Only to those who love you babe." Leave it so Sidney to find the right thing to say at the perfect time. "How long before dinner gets here?" I ask as I kiss up his neck and take a big lick at his juicy lips. "Unfortunately, not that long babe." I continue to lick and kiss at his lips. He tastes even better than the pasta I've ordered, I'm sure. I feel his hand wander up my bare thigh under my robe as I sweep my tongue into his mouth. His hand travels higher until he is indeed proven right. There is a knock on the door. Sidney groans and moves me off of his lap. I watch him walk to the door and my mind goes back to the interview. I know everyone feels good and prepared for the interview but I feel that something is off. I feel like something is going to happen that I'm not going to like tomorrow. It just doesn't feel good. I'm worried.


	40. Chapter 40

"Oh my God." "Ang, really, it went well." "Oh my God." "Ang seriously it went very well." "Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God."

Angelia has been flipping out for a while so I got Mariah to help out and Ri's currently trying to talk her down. The interview went well, to a point. As predicted, Williams wanted to go into details about how we met and how our relationship developed. Angelia was stiff at first but then she got more and more comfortable and I swear she actually charmed Brian Williams. He asked about her folks and she wasn't able to hold back the tears but she did keep it together to finish that section of the interview until we took a break; but, that isn't what she's freaked out about. What she's currently freaking out about is the question he hit us with when she was most comfortable. She did the one thing that people who are new to being interviewed do; she forgot it was an interview. She forgot that there was a camera, that he was a professional interviewer and that we were being recorded. She just forgot and most certainly can't be blamed for that although there are a lot of people who are going to do just that; blame her.

She navigated the personal questions well. Her charm really came through when she recounted how we met and fell in love. She was extremely cute as she described learning about hockey and memorizing the rules. Then we discussed my health and the many treatments. Angelia and I followed the plan carefully and fully. We went back and forth with our answers as we had practiced. Then she got a question that we hadn't practiced. We were deep in the rhythm of back and forth between us and Williams. It was as easy as a conversation amongst friends. She was at ease. Then she got the question: 'should these problems, the severity of the concussion and the soft tissue neck injury, have been caught earlier?' I was prepared to say 'I'm not a doctor and can't answer that question.' I was prepared to say 'that is best answered by a doctor.' I was even prepared to go as far as 'I don't know if anyone could have picked that up.' The problem is that Angelia was very comfortable with the conversation, too comfortable, and she beat me with a one word answer. She simply said "yes." The interview went off the rails for a few moments before I was able to bring it back. Williams is good, very good, and he softly pounced on her answer and got her to say that the Pens medical staff should have caught the concussion and never sent me into the game where I got the second hit. She said that when I wasn't healing, the Pens medical staff should have requested other opinions. I did manage to jump in and end the subject before we moved on.

"Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God." I'm brought back to Angelia. She's holding her head and rocking back and forth over and over. "Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God." It's bad, I know it's bad, but her freaking out isn't going to make it better. I kneel down in front of her. "Angelia, Angelia, look at me!" She does. "That part wasn't good. I'm not going to lie to you but it's not nearly as bad as you think. Pat is talking to Mario right now and they are figuring out what to do. It's going to be in the piece but we'll figure out how to respond. Pat and Mario are the best at this so we will rely on them, ok? Angel, we'll figure this out." She has tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry Sidney. This is the last thing you need before the game tomorrow. I'm so sorry. Sidney, really, I'm so sorry." I take both of her hands in one of mine and cup her face with my other one. "Baby, it will be ok. The game tomorrow will be fine, I'll be fine and we'll be ok." She's looking at me with tears in her eyes and pleading for it to be ok. I look at Mariah. "Ri, can you take her back to the hotel please? I really need to get to practice. Baby, I'm so sorry that I have to leave. Are you ok?" She nods and gives me a wobbly smile. I kiss her and apologize again. Mariah gives me a hug and whispers "she'll be ok Sid. I'll take her back to the hotel and you can meet us there after practice. Focus on what you have to do and I'll take care of her." I feel better at that and give Ri a kiss on the cheek. "I owe you Ri." She smiles and whispers in my ear "just tell Geno which room I'm in and we'll call it even." Ug, I roll my eyes and kiss Angelia before I leave.

When I get into the locker room, the guys have just arrived and are changing. "How did the interview go Sid?" Flower asks me. I just look at him and say "it went well, we had a momentary bump in the road, but it went well." I see concern in his eyes and I shake my head at him. He lets it go for now. Cookie comes over to me "So, line mate, are you going to have another four point night tomorrow." I want to laugh and shake it off but the room is suddenly quiet and everyone is looking at me. I guess I need to address this now. "We're going to start slow guys. You've seen that I've moved to the point on the power play. We'll play the third line Cookie and my minutes will reflect it. This is going to be very different than November, well, all except the outcome." This earns some cheers from guys and we all go back to getting ready for practice. Ray comes in and motions to me. I sigh and follow him out of the room. I know Dan won't say anything. I've been too chicken shit to talk to Mario myself. It looks like I'm going to get it from Ray. Not what I need right now for what was an honest mistake. Besides, the Pens wanted this interview to happen even more than Pat did. I stand there in half of my gear looking at Ray. "Sid, I talked to Mario a few minutes ago." Great, now I'm getting Mario's message through Ray. "Both he and I want you to forget about the interview. The PR guys will work with Pat and they'll figure something out. You will not be talking to the press today in case it's out there. Right now, we want you to focus on the game tomorrow and getting back into playing shape. You've been working your ass off for this and the only missing piece is playing. Follow the game plan and forget everything else, ok?" I'm stunned. I just nod and he slaps me on the shoulder then moves off.

I finish dressing and get out on the ice. It feels good and right to be out here with the guys. It's weird to be on a line with TK and Cookie but I'm just happy to be playing. After our regular drills and some three on two on the goalies, we separate out to work on the power play at one end and the penalty kill at the other. I'm on point, and as a winger, which I haven't played since midget and it's a little bumpy start. I get into the rhythm though and by the end it's starting to work. We're getting the right movement and I stay where I'm supposed to be. I know that the one thing we are all worried about is that my coming back disrupts the rhythm the guys have developed. Everything is clicking offensively and none of us want my return to jeopardize that success. When or if I go back to the top line, I may not get Kuni back as my winger since he's jelled so well with Geno and Nealer. I don't let myself go too far down that path. Today, right now, I need to focus on tomorrow and this one game. We'll determine what comes after that, well, after that.

I look around the locker room as we're all getting changed and notice that we are all healthy for the first time all year. Tanger is back tonight after missing five games with a shoulder injury. TK's ankle is better. Everyone is back and healthy, or as healthy as it gets in March, and you can feel the excitement in the room. Flower, showered and dressed, sits beside me as I put on my socks. "What happened mon ami?" He says it low even though the room is almost empty. I look around and see that there are no press anywhere. "She got a question about the medical staff and was honest, a little too honest, about what she thought of their diagnosis of my injuries." His eyes open wide "Tabarnak." I snort "exactly" and continue to dress. "It was her first interview and she's was prepped on everything but that one question. They prepped me on it but not her. Pat's person thought Angelia would just let me answer any questions about my health that weren't directed at her." Now Flower snorts "has Pat met Angelia?" I laugh "yeah, she does get passionate when it comes to the way my health has been managed. So, Pat's talked to Mario and they're coordinating with PR staff. I won't talk to the press until tomorrow so everyone can get the talking points straight. The problem is that there is going to be fall out. I haven't told Angelia but they're afraid of law suits against her for defamation or some such thing. They could also sue the Pens organization, Mario, me and who knows who else. It's going to get ugly; really, really ugly and just when we don't need it. We are going to need the docs at their best while we get close to the playoffs." He puts his hand on my shoulder. "Sid, don't let this worry you. Ray is right and you need to focus on the game. Let PR and Pat fix this mess." I thank him; he gives me his usual toothy grin and wanders off.

I grab my stuff and Jennifer meets me outside of the locker room. "Sid, there is a car right beside the team bus that will take you directly to the hotel underground. I've also confirmed that Angelia is in her suite with her sister." I thank her as she escorts me to the car. The trip to the hotel takes forever due to rush hour traffic but we are waved directly underground. At least there is an elevator that takes me directly to our floor. I enter the suite and Angelia is lying on the sofa with a cloth over her eyes. "Hi babe. Where is Mariah?" The voice under the cloth says "she got a text from Geno and went to meet him." I roll my eyes. I had to fucking ask. "How are you feeling babe?" She takes the cloth off of her face and looks at me. "How do you think I feel Sidney?" This is going to take some effort to walk around the land mines.

"We're going to talk about this once and then we'll put it away for a couple of days, ok?" She nods at me and sits up. I sit down beside her. "What you said, in those couple of seconds, was bad. The rest of the interview was phenomenal and you were phenomenal. They didn't prepare you for that question. You were prepared for every question but that one. They'll figure it out and let us know what to say about it. Right now, we're going to order up some room service and watch a movie. We'll go to bed early so that we both get a good night sleep and then we'll get up in the morning and deal with it, ok?" She nods with tears in her eyes and I pull her into my arms. "I'm really so very sorry Sidney. I don't know what happened. I'm just really, really sorry." I pull back to look at her. "What happened is that you did your very first interview and were not completely prepared for it. Except for two minutes, you did a great job and will definitely impress. So, that's it until tomorrow, ok?" She smiles and hugs me close.

I wish it was that easy for me to put it away. It never entered my mind that she would criticize the medical team. Sure, we've talked a few times about their incompetence but I just never thought she would say anything to anyone. This is bad and it's going to get worse. Once it's out, that's all we're going to be asked questions about and not just me. The coaches, the players, the trainers; everyone is going to be slammed with questions. They hinted before, in the press conferences, at the medical team's diagnosis being faulty but no one had the balls to actually say it outright. This interview, and Angelia stating her opinion so clearly, has now opened up the press to ask whatever they want and they'll just point to her comments. Shit. This is the last thing we need as we make our run to the playoffs. Shit. Ok, I really need to focus on the game tomorrow and stop letting other things enter into my mind.

* * *

They won't let me anywhere near the locker room. That's all I keep thinking about; they won't let me anywhere near the locker room. Mariah and I are brought in through the bowels of the building and up a back elevator into a secluded box. It has been 'suggested' that we stay in the box for the entire game and then we'll be escorted out. Basically I'm being treated like an explosive; need to be careful with her because we don't know what else she might say or do. Ri is simply pissed. She doesn't really understand how bad this is and is also blinded by being my sister. I know how bad it is. I know how bad it is for Sidney. I know how bad it is for us. For ten or more years, they've been carefully cultivating the Sidney Crosby image as professional, polished and a good Canadian boy who doesn't make waves. In one morning and one interview I destroyed that and tarnished the 'face of the NHL.' I really should have followed my instinct and said I didn't want to do the interview. If it weren't for Pat and the Pens, and even Sidney, wanting it so badly, I would have said just that. Instead, I said nothing and now I'm in this mess. I overheard Jennifer say that they are worried about lawsuits now too. Mariah simply said 'fuck it' but then she can say that about the press. Her image thrives on her not caring what she says; she's not reckless about it but she isn't carefully crafted either.

The sound of booing brings me back to the game. Sidney has just stepped on the ice and the Ranger fans aren't exactly showing the love. It's exactly what I expected from the fans. We are in NYC after all. The game itself is exciting. The entire team is on fire with both Kris and Sidney back. Kris was on the ice for all five of the Pens' goals and looks like he never missed a beat. Sidney ended with two points and a plus three rating. I'm still amazed that I know exactly what that means. He only played sixteen minutes but that was the plan. The power play didn't look very good and Sidney just didn't seem comfortable at the point. I also thought he was going to kill TK at a couple of times during the game when Sidney was wide open and Tyler just didn't see him. I guess that comes from being a top line player and playing on the third line. At the end of the game, Mariah and I stay in the box and wait to be 'collected' by Jennifer. Ri wants to take off, did I mention that she's pissed, but I've done enough damage and need to do what I'm told now. She's waiting with me but isn't happy about it. The arena seems empty now and we're still waiting. Ri is giving me dirty looks and finally, having enough, opens the door just as Jennifer comes in it. "I can take you both down now. The press has cleared out."

We follow her down the stairs and winding hallways to the locker room. I feel like everyone's eyes are on me and it is very disconcerting. Some of the guys say 'hi' and some just smile in greeting. Marc-Andre comes by, gives me a kiss on the cheek and whispers "keep your head up, smile and it will all be fine." He kisses my cheek one more time and then walks away. Somehow that simple interaction has made me feel better. That's until one of the trainers comes in the room. He very clearly gives me a dirty look and walks the other way. First, this is confirmation that the news is out. Second, if the trainer's behaviour is any indication of what the medical staff is going to be like, I will need to stay away from the locker room at Consol for a while. Geno comes out of the locker room and Ri deserts me to talk to him. Sidney comes out next, dressed in his suit, and I instantly feel better. He gives me a kiss. "You were amazing Sidney; absolutely amazing. You had two points and a plus three rating." He chuckles "and you even know what that means now, don't you?" I stick my chin up "I absolutely do." I hate to ask but I have to know. "How was the press?"

He looks at me for a moment and then shrugs. Either he doesn't want to talk about it or he doesn't want to talk about it here but I'm not sure which. I keep looking at him trying to figure out what to say and if I should press my luck. He leans into me and whispers "we decided to say that you didn't mean to slam the medical staff and, while you are a doctor, you are a PhD and not an MD. You have no way of knowing what should or could have been seen in my tests at any time during my recovery. You are my fiancé and are very protective. You said what you did because of that and not any medical knowledge." Now I just stare at him. They've decided to make me sound like a hysterical girlfriend and have done so without even asking me! I can't believe he went along with this plan. I have done everything I could, including making myself an expert on concussions, to get him healthy. I even found the two specialists that did indeed get him healthy and this is how everyone treats me. I really am dumbfounded. Sidney is looking at me but misinterprets my silence. "Angelia, don't worry, it will all blow over soon. They will be back focusing on the play-off race and this will be a thing of the past. Let's move past it, ok? You don't have to worry anymore." I'm not worried about the interview anymore; I have something else entirely to worry about.


	41. Chapter 41

**Note: I was going to make you wait but didn't have the heart. You might not find this chapter completely satisfying though**

* * *

The guys have a game in New Jersey the next day so they have to leave and I don't get any time to talk to Sidney beyond our quick chat in the locker room. I do see Mariah give Geno a kiss and whisper something in his ear that makes him laugh and turn a deep shade of crimson. She comes up to me and asks "what time is your flight?" I look at my watch "it's in ninety minutes." She nods and says "good, my driver can take us both to the airport. My flight is in two and a half hours so I can wait there." We get into the car and she turns to me. "Did you ask Sid about the press? I'm assuming it got out. What have they decided to say?" Now I sigh because Mariah is going to be pissed off and she's already got a mad on for the Pens leaving me out to dry, or so she thinks. When I think it through, I know that I have to tell her the truth. She'll read about it anyway. So I tell her and wait for the explosion.

She is silent when I tell her. She continues to be quiet as I now fill the silence. I make excuses for the Pens and Sidney. I downplay the implications of what they are saying. I even agree with their point that I am not a doctor. Finally, she puts her hand up to stop me from rambling. She turns to me and simply, quietly says "I thought you had more respect for yourself, and for your intellect in particular, to allow anyone to disparage it." She doesn't go on the diatribe that I expect and she doesn't say anything further. I sit beside her in silence for a few minutes more until I whisper "what am I supposed to do Ri? You know how tough the last year has been. He's just looking for some room to focus on playing and then I do this and the world blows up again." Why doesn't she understand? How can I make her understand?

"Angelia, the past year has been all about him. I understand why but that's the facts. Is it only allowed to be about you in the summer? Wait, he'll be training in the summer for the next year. Maybe it can be about you when he's finished playing hockey? Wait, he could be playing for fifteen more years. Are you going to wait that long? And by the way, you are a genius, not in a euphemistic way but an actual genius. If you learn anything, it sticks, and you learned about concussions. How can you let then portray you as an overly emotional girlfriend? The last thing I'm going to say since we're almost at the airport is this: you were only doing that fucking interview because they wanted it." This is more what I was expecting from her. I get out of the car because we've reached my terminal. International travel is at a different one. Mariah gives me a fierce hug and when she pulls back says "you deserve more." Then she kisses my cheek and gets back in the car. With her words echoing in my head, I know that it's going to be a long flight home trying to figure out what I'm going to do.

* * *

The press has died down a little. At least we are focusing on hockey and the three assists I just got in the win against the Devils. Cookie is a great line mate and I was able to set him up twice. TK has been incredibly frustrating and might as well not even be on the ice. He just can't keep up. I don't know if it's his conditioning or drive but it isn't good. Geno got his 40th goal of the season and we have now won eleven straight games. To say that we are riding high going into Philly is an understatement. We are ready to crush Philly.

As happens, I thought too much in the first game back. I wasn't just reacting; I was thinking too much about each move and each play. Now that I've played a second game, I'm trusting myself more and reacting to the game rather than trying to out think it. Unfortunately, Brodeur was on fire and made a monster save on my only real chance to score. I'd love to get that first goal back out of the way. I was made first star of the game followed by Cookie and Geno. We got three goals in the second and they never had a chance to come back. Secretly, I'm just glad that I haven't upset or impeded the team progress. Geno has been a great leader and I really want him to continue his efforts. He is on schedule for the Art Ross this year. My goal is to enhance what is already going on and not change it.

I've talked to Angelia a few times and she's doing well. She must be tired from the New York trip and the stress because she hasn't wanted to chat too long and definitely wasn't into phone sex last night. She was interested in how Talbo is doing since some of us met him for dinner the night before the game. He is thriving here and, while it kills me that it's Philly, I'm so happy for my friend. He is on a great line, he's scoring more than ever and he is convinced they'll make a run at the cup. Of course that started the chirping at dinner which led into French chirping between him and Flower and Tanger. We almost got kicked out of the restaurant until the Frenchies, as we call them, put on their most thick accents and flirted with the waitress.

I'm now sitting in the locker room and waiting for Dan's pre game talk before we go out for the game. I'm still on the third line and we'll keep my minutes around fifteen or sixteen. I'm responding well but I feel so rusty and like I don't even know my own body. It's really weird. After Dan has said his bit we head out to the ice for the game. That is the last good thing that happened. I played horribly. I didn't get a single point and ended a minus one since I was on the ice in OT when they scored with 0.9 seconds left on the clock. Fuck! Our winning streak has ended and we have lost to the Flyers. Fuck! At least we're going home now and should be there by 7pm.

The flight back was quiet since we hate losing to the Flyers. Dan has called a practice for tomorrow. We'll see what's in store for us then as we prepare for the Jets. Right now I'm so happy to be walking in the door home. I'm surprised that there are no lights on in the house. I thought Angelia would be making dinner for us. "Angelia?" I yell but hear nothing. Taking my bags upstairs, I continue to call out for her but hear nothing. I'm having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that she's not home. She's always home with I get in from a road trip. I take out my phone and text her. Expecting an immediate reply, as usual, I get nothing so I unpack and get changed out of my suit.

In my jeans, I wander downstairs and look for a note but find nothing. Then my phone goes off and there's a text form her. 'Went out with the girls, back later.' I'm dumbfounded. My phone rings and I pick it up immediately "Hi babe, where are you?" "That's an interesting greeting for your mother." I chuckle "sorry mom. I thought you were Angelia." She chuckles "nope. But speaking of her, what did you do?" Are all of the women in my life going crazy? "What do you mean mom?" She lets out a sigh. "I've talked with Ang and she has sounded sad, very sad since New York. Your dad told me what happened with the interview but said that it was fixed. Is there more to it?" I'm really dumbfounded now. "No mom, it is fixed. I think she may just be exhausted with the whole interview and travel thing. I'm just waiting for her to get home so we can talk about it." Mom doesn't sound convinced but we chat for a few more minutes and then hang up. I open the fridge and grab an apple. Hmm, thought there might be some leftovers. I take my apple over to the family room and turn on a game. I'll just wait for her here.

I must have fallen asleep because I wake up to an infomercial on TV. Except for the TV everything in the room is pitch black. My watch says its 3am. Where is Angelia? I head upstairs and into our bedroom where I see her sleeping form in our bed. Hmm, she must have come home and gone straight to bed. Guess she didn't want to wake me up. I strip and get into bed finder her dead asleep. It doesn't take me long to fall back myself.

When I wake again, I look at the clock and its 9am. I have to get going if I'm going to be at practice on time. Looking over, I see that I'm alone in bed. I sit up, pick up my phone and turn it on. There are a few messages and a gloating text from Talbo. There's also a text from Angelia telling me that she's gone shopping and will see me later. It feels weird to live with someone, having slept in the same bed even, and not have seen them. I shake my head and get changed to head in for practice. I make it in time to grab some breakfast before getting on the ice. Dan works us hard. He is pissed about our defense. It doesn't go unnoticed that the reason we're winning is because we can score. Johnny hasn't played well all season. Flower is either getting tired or something else is going on; he's not there when we need him in the clutch. When Dan is finished with us, Flower asks me for some additional practice so Tanger and I stay on the ice. We both do one on one with him and then I set up out front and do tip ins. He's exhausted when we finish.

After my shower, I look at my phone and there is nothing from Angelia. I'm beginning to worry now. Something is definitely wrong but I just don't know what it could be so I text her to ask if she's at home. 'Still out' is the text back. "Hey Sid, you going home to the wife or you want to have lunch with us?" TK asks me. "Sure, I'll come;" Flower looks up at me surprised but I just walk away to go with TK, Paulie and Nealer. We decide to go to a place nearby and we can walk. It's fucking cold but there is sun at least. We sit down and order without needing the menus. TK begins talking about the girl he hooked up with the night before the game with Paulie and Nealer jumping in with lewd comments occasionally. It's not unusual for me to stay quiet so no one notices that I do so now. Desperate, I text Mariah and ask her if she's heard from Angelia recently. I wait and wait but get no reply. We finish lunch and are walking back to the rink and still no reply. Looks like they're both pissed about something and I have no fucking idea what or why. This is getting tedious and now I'm getting pissed.

I drive home and decide to wait for her there. Going to the fridge to get some water, I see that there are new groceries in there so she must have come home at some point. Her car wasn't there so she went back out again. I go upstairs and can smell her perfume in our room. I take a deep breath and feel my dick twitch in response. Damn, it's been four days since I've touched her and that is way too long. I lay down on the bed for a nap. I have nothing else to do. The problem becomes that I can't sleep. We have a game tomorrow that I should be focusing on, sure it's the Jets but it is a game, and I just can't focus. I run my mind back through the last week. She was very nervous about the interview but definitely wanted to do it. Mariah was helping her out and Janet ran her and then us through the questions. We had a wonderful evening in the hotel with room service, a movie and then incredible sex. We woke up the next morning and reviewed the plan again with Pat and Janet then went to the interview. Everything was great until that one question when the world imploded. I know she was really upset by it but we fixed it. She doesn't have to talk to the press again. I'm the one taking the heat after practices and games. It doesn't make any fucking sense. Maybe I should call Talbo for advice. I look at my watch and see that it's 3pm. He plays tonight and will be having his game day nap. Damnit. I look at my phone again and neither Mariah nor Angelia have texted me back.

I lay there for a while longer and finally give up and put on the TV. Flicking around the channels turns up nothing but the repeat of our game yesterday. I definitely don't want to watch that; living through it once was enough. I'm at a loss as to what to do with myself. There was no press, interviews or meetings this afternoon. They want to keep the press away from me now and I am not disagreeing. I used to have free time before and never had a problem filling it. Why is it so different now? I don't even need to think too hard for an answer to that – Angelia came into my life, that's what is different. I try texting her again. 'When will you be home?' I just stare at my phone waiting for a response. Minutes go by without a response. Then it's even longer. I begin to wonder where she is and with who. Flower might know if she's with Vero. So I text Flower and ask him. He texts back and says that Vero is with him and she says that Vero hasn't heard from her since Angelia left for New York. If I hadn't seen her body when I went to bed last night then I would worry that she was in a horrible accident or left. That's when it hits me: could she be leaving me? Maybe the press storm is too much for her. She's always been a little shy about that stuff.

I know that I'm spiralling out of control but I can't seem to stop. Enough of the texting bullshit, I pick up my cell and call her. There is one ring and then it goes to voice mail. I hang up and then just stare at the phone. She sent me to voicemail. That is the first time she has ever done that; I just can't believe it. She always answers and usually one the first or second ring with a smile in her voice. Now I'm completely freaking out. Where is she? What is she doing? Who is she doing it with? Where the hell did that last thought come from? Who is she doing it with? Angelia would never, ever cheat on me but then she's done a lot in the last couple of days that she's never done before. The money and certainly the fame mean nothing to her. I am an absolute wreck now. I look at the clock and Talbo will still be asleep. I can't call Mario about this or my folks. Putting Flower or Vero in the middle isn't fair and I don't want anyone else on the team to know. Maybe Army could help. He is one of my few friends who are married. I dial his number and it goes right to voicemail. He must be playing tonight and having his nap.

I must fall asleep at some point because I wake up and it's 5pm. I look at my cell and no one has returned my texts and there is nothing from Angelia. Fuck, it's too late now to talk to Talbo or Army because they are in pregame mode. I get up and head downstairs. Maybe she's come home. "Angelia? Angel?" I hear nothing back. Guess she's not home yet. I try texting again and ask 'when will you be home?' A few minutes later I get 'be there in 5.' I let out a breath that I feel like I've been holding all day. She's on her way home. I'll get to hold her in five minutes. The world begins to feel right again. I grab a bottle of water and sit down at the kitchen table. A few minutes later I'm up and at the front door exactly as she is coming in. I grab her in a hug before she barely gets into the house; but, something isn't right because she's pushing at my chest rather than pulling me into her. I put her down and look at her face and she looks, oh my God, she looks guilty. What the fuck is going on?


	42. Chapter 42

I've managed to avoid him for a day now. It was especially hard when I got home last night and saw him sleeping on the sofa. He always looks so beautiful when he's sleeping; he's relaxed, calm and so much at peace. I hadn't seen him in three days and part of me just wanted to curl up beside him. The problem is that the other part of me was looking at this man and wonder how, when I've given my body, heart and soul, he cannot know me at all. I know he doesn't like to argue with Pat or the Pens PR often but he's done so when it really matters. I specifically think of when the media caught me unaware outside of the locker room. Sidney was pissed. So how come he thought this was ok? How could he not see how disrespectful their 'company line' to the media is to me? It feels like, in the past, he wasn't defending me but rather was standing up for something that was 'his.' This time I caused the problem and embarrassed him.

I've been thinking about this constantly since I left New York and haven't figured out what to do. I was a coward and avoided Sidney for the last day hoping that I would figure it out to no luck. I've now seen every museum and art gallery Pittsburgh has to offer. I wanted to be out of the house and in an environment to think. I've certainly been thinking but have no answers or conclusions. Now I'm home and the minute I see Sidney I feel so horrible about avoiding him. It was the cowardly thing to do and, regardless of what he's done, he didn't deserve it. I have a niggling though at the back of my brain about the time he stayed out all night but I push it away.

I barely get in the door and Sidney has me in a bone crushing hug. For the first time since I met him, I push him physically away and he puts me down. I don't feel close to him right now. There is a huge chasm between us. I see a hurt look pass over his face and then it's gone. "I'm sorry the Philly game didn't go better." I tell him. We can always count on hockey to chat about. "Yeah, it was really rough." We walk to the kitchen and I put my bags down. "I knew I wouldn't have time to make dinner so I pick something up." I tell him. "Thank you" he responds. My how formal and proper we are. I feel like I'm going to explode with the pressure build up in my chest. I'm looking at him and am struck again at how beautiful he is and how much I love him. The biggest problem that I've had the last couple of days is that I can't imagine my life without him. I can't picture going back to my existence focused solely on academics where work was the goal of life. My world was grey. There was no colour, no life and definitely no love. I have a family now because of this man. I feel loved because of this man. I have a purpose beyond myself because of this man. Maybe that's enough for me. It is certainly better than I've had since my parents died.

I look into his eyes and see all the love I feel there and I hear the click. It feels right, it feels perfect and it feels like love. I smile at him and he's on me in two strides. We are both more than a little desperate. I can't seem to get close enough to him. My lips slide over his hard and fast. His tongue sweeps inside my mouth and I moan loudly. I jump up into his arms with my legs around his waist. His hands both go to my ass and he holds me close to him while making his way down the hall, up the stairs and into our bedroom. We land on the bed in the same position we were standing in; neither one of us wants to be any farther apart. Sidney's hands are moving up and down my body, frantically trying to take in every curve until he strips off my sweater. Our lips are separated for a second and then feast back onto each other when my sweater is gone. The same happens with his tee shirt. I can feel his erection grow against me and I thrust up. It's more frustrating than satisfying as jeans meets jeans. There is just too much fabric between us.

We continue to kiss as our hands make quick work of the rest of our clothes. First I lose my bra while Sidney works on my jeans which fly off the bed with my panties. I flip us over and straddle him to help him get rid of his jeans. When we are finally naked I just stop thinking because I can only feel. His hands are everywhere. First, his hands are on my breasts massaging them and playing with my nipples; he isn't gentle and I don't want him to be. His lips move to my neck and then ear where he bits my lobe. My nails dig into his shoulders definitely leaving marks; five on each shoulder. He growls at that and then bites my neck. Back to my mouth and we devour each other. There is no other word for it. It's like we both need this release and we need it hard and fast. He rolls me onto my back and then he's covering me. Every inch of his flesh is touching mine. I run my hands over his shoulders, down his back and over his ass where I definitely take hold. I try to pull him into me but he won't budge and just continues to lick and bite at my neck. I can't keep track of where his mouth is because it seems to be everywhere at the same time. He slides down my body spending time at my breasts before sliding lower. His hands are pushing my legs apart as his mouth makes its way over my stomach and then, just as quickly, his tongue enters me. He laps at me over and over again and his hands have to hold me still. The rest of my body is thrashing around on the bed. I can't even think he has me whipped up so hard and fast.

His fingers follow his mouth and he's rubbing at my clit while he continues to work me with his tongue. I hear moans and cries and don't even recognize the voice as mine. I'm having an out of body experience. I can feel how close I'm getting and his fingers rub faster and faster. His tongue is switching between darting in and out and little licks around the entrance. It is too much for me and my hips begin to move in time to his tongue. I feel the pressure building up inside me and then it just explodes. Every one of my nerve endings is on fire and it's a mixture of pain and pleasure. When I can focus again, I notice that his mouth hasn't stopped working me. His lips have now moved to my clit and he's lightly licking and teasing it to keep me on a high. His fingers slide inside me and are instantly soaked. He has three of them in there and they are slipping and sliding. I'm desperate now to have him inside me. I need to be completely filled by him.

I try to move him up my body but he just won't budge. His tongue is back inside me and lapping me up. I try again but he's firmly planted between my legs. With one of my hands, I reach down and grab a handful of hair and yank him up my body. As his mouth meets mine, I can taste myself on his lips and can't seem to care. His tongue thrusts inside my mouth as his cock thrust inside me hard. He sets a punishing pace and I try to keep up. He buries his face in my neck as our bodies continue to slap together and our moans and groans fill the room. As Sidney finds his release first, I hear him howl, there is no other way to describe it. I am seconds behind him and everything goes to a kaleidoscope of colours again. I don't even feel him collapse onto my body.

Finally, I can sense what's going on around me again. I hear both Sidney and me trying to catch our breath. He is still lying on top of me and I can feel him soften between my legs. Our sweat mixes together over our bodies and I just can't seem to open my eyes. As my breath begins to slow and I notice that Sidney's does as well, I am finally able to open my eyes and look right into his. The look in his eyes literally takes my breath away. I can't tear mine away. Usually we are cuddling and chatting, or sleeping, by now but we just continue to stare. I move my hands up to cradle his face in both of my hands. How could I have thought that this man doesn't know me? He can see right into my soul right now. He slides off of me without losing eye contact and we are both on our sides. His hand reaches up to wipe at a tear I didn't know was there; then another and another. He leans forward now and kisses my lips. Tears I didn't even know were there continue to fall and he pulls me into his arms and holds me tight against him.

"Oh baby, I'm so very sorry." Sidney says to me and then pulls back to look at my face. He wipes the tears from my face. "I hated to leave on the road trip with only a few minutes to talk and after what happened. It was incredibly unfair to you." For the first time since New York, I feel a glimmer of hope. This is my Sidney; he's back. He kisses me again and then kisses my cheeks where the tears were falling. "It was a shitting thing to do and I'm so sorry that you had to go through it. I felt especially bad that you had to come home by yourself. That must have been even worse." I chuckle now and say "it wasn't easy, no." He kisses the tip of my nose. "At least we have the next two games at home so I'm here for a week." We both move to be under the covers and Sidney pulls me back into his arms. Once again, I find my nook and know it's where I belong. "I'm sorry about the Philly game. That was a really rough one." "Yeah" he says "I just couldn't get it together and to lose that way with less than a second left." He sighs. I know he hates to lose and even more when it's Philly. I don't want to say it, but I can't be upset with the loss now knowing that he has apologized and we are back on solid ground.

"Sidney, I'm really sorry too. I shouldn't have behaved the way I have the last two days. I just needed some time to think and maybe some distance too." He runs his hand through my hair which is soothing and erotic at the same time. "I know babe and I can't blame you. We'll have some more press again when the interview airs but it shouldn't be too bad. They've already gotten their answers and won't get any more. Eventually they'll back off and leave it alone. Soon we'll have the playoffs to talk about and they'll forget all about it. You won't have to do any more press either. I may get the one time question or two but that should be it. They all realize that the doctor as your moniker is a PhD and not an MD so you spoke out of turn. They all get it now and understand it was your first interview. They'll still come after me a bit but that should be it. Mmmm, it's so nice being in this bed with you again. 'Night Angel."

I am absolutely stunned. Sidney quickly drifts off to sleep as I am trying to process what he just said. What was his apology to me about if not for making me look like an idiot? Does he really think I've only been upset because of the interview? Is it really that simple for him? God, I'm an idiot. I pull out of his arms and sit up on my side of the bed. The moon lightly illuminates his face and I'm struck again at his beauty. I stare at him for a long while. It's like I'm trying to memorize his face, every little nick he's received on the ice, every small imperfection and all of the perfect ones too. I find myself asking the question 'is this enough?' If this is going to be our life together, if this is who he is, is there enough to keep us together. I scrub my hands over my face because I can't even believe that thought went through my head.

Crawling out of bed, I head to the bathroom for a shower. I really don't know how men can just go to sleep after an aerobic session of great sex. I cannot sleep this sticky. The familiar routine of washing and rinsing helps calm me. When I'm done, I wrap myself in a fluffy robe, grab my phone and make my way softly downstairs. I settle onto the sofa and pull out my phone. I can only hope that Mariah is awake as I quickly calculate the time difference. I text her just in case:

'Ri, r u up?'

'yep, how r u?'

'a fucking mess'

'what did Sid say?

'he apologized'

'great :D'

'not so great :-('

'oh no, why'

'he apologized for the wrong thing'

'I'm so sorry Ang'

'thx'

'what r u going to do'

'idk'

'what do u want to do'

'idk'

'come to Milan'

'can't, last games of season coming up'

'fuck that, this is fashion'

'lol seriously, can't'

'u deserve more'

I can't text her back after she sends that message. My hands are shaking. I don't know if I'm scared that she's wrong or that she's right.

'Ang, u deserve more'

'I need to go to sleep, night'

'call me 2morrow, I love you Ang'

'love u 2'

Shit!


	43. Chapter 43

I've been awake all night curled up on the sofa and watching infomercials. I've been replaying the past conversations with Sidney and my text with Ri. Sidney was very clear that the fallout from the interview has caused complexity to his life that he just doesn't need. He's still trying to get his game back and they are going into the playoffs. Throughout the night, I've tried to think things through logically. I have decided that if deductive reasoning makes me a genius than lets apply it my personal life too. I've also decided that I'm not going to Milan to see Mariah; running way hasn't worked for me in the past even though it seems to be my first instinct every time. So what do I do?

I can say something and deal with the consequences or I can say nothing and just suck it up. Of course, I think back to the only time when I told Sidney that I was a little bored and he blew it way out of proportion. He thought I was calling him stupid or that he wasn't enough. That's when he was gone all night and I still don't know where he went. Moving that thought quickly aside, maybe I say nothing for now. Maybe I wait for the season to be over and we can talk about next year, our wedding and our future together. Vero did tell me that you need to deal with moodiness with professional athletes. Waiting until season is over seems to make the most sense. They only have a handful of season games left before the playoffs. All of the other girls have told me that we do whatever they need during the playoffs because the games are so stressful and difficult both physically and emotionally on the guys. Maybe I should talk to Trina or Troy and ask what they think. This is when I really miss my mom. Mariah is great and she loves me completely; however, while her experience with men far eclipses mine she has zero relationship experience. Ri is more of a love-em-and-leave-em kind of girl. What am I thinking? I can't ask his parents to help me with a problem with their son. Arg. Ok, I've decided, I'll wait until hockey is over for the year and then we'll sit down and talk about our future and what we both need. I just need to get through a month or two but I have a plan. Finally feeling better about my decision, I go up the stairs and into our bedroom.

I sit beside Sidney on the bed and look at him. It's times like this when the love I feel is completely overwhelming. I lean over to him and trace his cheekbones, his eyebrows and finally his lips. He smiles in his sleep and I lean further into him and kiss his lips. He kisses me back but I can tell that he is still asleep. After one final look, I lay down on my side of the bed and drift off to sleep. It may not be a long sleep, it's already 4am, but I know that it will be a good sleep.

* * *

I wake up in the morning to the alarm. I stretch and then roll over to Angelia. She's still in bed so I move behind her and pull her to me. She moans and tries to bury into her pillow. I slide my arms around her and kiss her neck up and down. This is a wonderful surprise; usually Angelia is already out of bed when I wake. I slide my hands up and over her breasts. She grabs my hands "it is way too early for this Crosby." I chuckle into her neck and continue to move my hands over her body. "Seriously Sidney, I am exhausted and need some more sleep." I look at her face and her eyes are closed but she has a smile on her face. She does look tired though so I kiss her and get out of bed. Looks like I need to take care of my own wood this morning. Once in the shower, I think about last night and how we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. With those thoughts in my head It doesn't take me long to solve my problem.

I finish up in the bedroom and she's still in bed. I sit beside her "are you ok babe?" She looks up at me "I'm ok Sidney just need more sleep." I kiss her and say "I'll be back after practice. Do you want to go out to lunch?" She touches my face "you are a very sweet man but we'll have your game day meal here. I'll have it ready." I kiss her again. "Ok, thanks babe." I really want to crawl into bed with her but I know that I need to get to practice. One more kiss and then I force myself to get up and leave. It doesn't take me long to get to the rink and I'm whistling as I walk into the locker room. "I think someone got laid last night. What do you think Flower?" Duper says. I'm too happy to be bothered by their teasing. "I have to agree Duper. Looks like Sid is a little too happy this morning." A few more guys jump in and I just put on my gear and smile at them.

On the ice, Dan runs us through drill after drill. He focuses on defence because we have been far from stellar. Tonight Thiessen is starting since Johnny is injured. If we're honest, none of us is upset that Johnny is out. He has not been playing well at all and Flower is playing more than he should have to play. For me, I am having trouble catching my breath. Dan is definitely pissed about our performance defensively and we keep running D drills over and over until he thinks they're right. I am still building my wind and getting back my muscle memory. It's frustrating that I can't be where I want to be; however, when I think it through, I really shouldn't expect to be at top form after not playing or working out consistently for over a year. It doesn't make it less frustrating unfortunately. I do some tip in drills with Flower and Tanger. I've got to get my timing back.

After practice, I head home thinking about how hungry I am. I used to have to get take out or Nathalie might leave something for me to heat up. How my life has changed in less than a year. When I walk through the door I can smell that dinner is on and my stomach growls. In the kitchen, Angelia is at the stove and, coming up behind her, I notice that she smells even better than dinner so I nuzzle her neck. "Hello Sidney, hungry?" "Mmmm very hungry." Now she turns around and says "dinner Crosby, dinner." I kiss her leaving no misinterpretation about what I'm hungry for right now. "Ok Sidney, set the table and grab a drink. Dinner will be on the table in five." Guess I'm not getting anywhere right now, time for food instead.

I love seeing her in the kitchen, in her apron – which reads 'Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration' – making our dinner. I don't think I would ever say that to anyone, especially Angelia, but maybe I'm more traditional than even I realized. There's something comforting about the domestic chores. As we eat dinner, we talk about the game tonight and my role. "Dan's going to keep me on the same line but I'll get more time on the power play. We need to ramp up minutes before the play offs. Cookie's been great and his game has really developed since he left all the shit he caused behind him. TK is still driving me crazy though, truly driving me crazy." She chuckles and says "is Dan going to change your line eventually?" I sigh "we're waiting to see how I'm feeling as we increase my minutes. Once we do that then we'll see what to do next." We continue chatting as we tidy up the kitchen. I yawn and then look at my watch and see that it's 2pm; the yawn told me before the watch that it's time for my nap. "I'm heading up for a nap. Do you feel like joining me?" She gives me a face and says "it's not sleep you'll be after if I come up with you Sidney. Go, nap and I'll see you when you get up." Evil woman.

It's funny how when you ask a player about their favourite part of game day that they'll say, besides the game, our nap is our favourite part of the day. I pull down the blackout shades and strip down to my shorts. Angelia comes in as I'm climbing into bed and she's yawning too. "Ok Crosby, I am tired and need some sleep. Absolutely no funny busy though; you need to sleep and so do I, ok?" I laugh "get over here." I love it when she slides into bed and then into my arms. We snuggle into each other and quickly slip into sleep.

* * *

The game tonight was incredible. We beat the Jets 8-4, Sidney had four assists, James had a hat trick and Geno got his two hundredth career goal. His parents were there and they were so happy. It's incredibly cute how everyone wants to high-five them when Geno scores. There were fans that even asked for pictures with them. It was really quite cute. I can tell that Sidney is frustrated that he still hasn't scored. People are talking about him still getting his timing back. I look at his line, with Matt and Tyler, and it's not a wonder to me that he isn't scoring. There are times when he's all alone on the ice, I've even noticed that he taps the ice with his stick when he's open, and they just don't see him. He played almost twenty minutes tonight which is getting back up near his regular season numbers from when he last played healthy. I make my way down to the locker room with some of the girls and we wait for our men. I wander by to look into the locker room and see some of the press inside. There is a crowd of them and, although I don't see him, I know that they are surrounding Sidney. As I look around the room, I catch Brad's eye and smile at him. He has won all three of the three games he has played ever in the NHL. He looks so happy but trying to keep it cool. I congratulate James and Geno, who asks me when my sister is coming to town next and I roll my eyes for an answer. I am not getting in the middle of that.

I observe that a few of the press guys have started noticing that I'm in the room so I quickly leave and go to the family room. No sense in trying to tempt fate so close to the end of the season. Besides, right now the guys need to focus on hockey and I know that Sidney hates it when he becomes the centre of attention and not hockey or the club. Rhys Adams, Craig's little boy, comes up to me and wants to show me his new truck. I appropriately ooo and ahh over it; he is such a cutie. Then he pulls at my hand to play with him. We both get onto the carpeted area and begin pushing the car between us. When he gets bored with that, he says "wait here" and runs to the sofa where he gets a book. When he gets back he says "read to me" and plops down on my lap. I guess I'm reading to him. It's Sponge Bob and he's in trouble again. Rhys is in fits of giggles as I make up different voices for the characters. The kid is hilarious. In the middle of a passage, he jumps up, grabs the book and says "gotta go, daddy's here" and runs off. Sure enough Craig is in the mostly empty room now and he scoops up Rhys in his arms. "What do you say to Angelia?" Craig asks Rhys who turns to me and says "thanks Lia." The family, with some effort, leaves with waves.

That's when I notice that Sidney is in the room. Actually, when I look around, we're the only ones left. That's not unusual since Sidney usually has to take more time with the press. When I look at him, he has a really strange look on his face. It doesn't seem good or bad just really quite strange. I walk up to him "Hi" I say. He stands still and is staring at me. Slowly he leans into me and, placing a hand on either side of my face, kisses me so tenderly, so softly, so lovingly that I think tears may come to my eyes. When we part, I look at him and say "thank you, but what was that for?" He smiles "I know we haven't really talked about it but you are going to be the best mom." Now tears do pool in my eyes. There are times when this man is so incredibly sweet and disarming. I smile at him now. "No we haven't talked about it but we will be great parents together." He puts his arm around me and we walk out of the room on our way to the car. "You're going to be a great dad Sidney. You know that right?" He just shrugs, weird. "Do you remember when we went to the burger place in Nova Scotia? That's when I knew you'd be a great dad and that you were a great man. Sarah had lost her tooth and was very excited to show you. You looked at it very carefully and congratulated her. You also gave her a looney and said that the tooth fairy left it at your house. She was so happy and excited. You knew exactly the right thing to say to her. Many other men would have tried to impress me by giving her twenty or fifty dollars. You knew that it wasn't about the money for her and a looney made her the most happy. Plus, it's just cute to say 'looney'." I look up at him and he has turned crimson throughout his whole face. It is so cute when he blushes.

Sidney is hungry and insists on stopping rather than my having to make him dinner when we get home. I appreciate the break. I love cooking, and it's so nice to do it when there is more than just me to cook for, but I also appreciate the break. We head to our favourite Italian restaurant. Sidney can get his steak, the man definitely likes his beef, and I can choose from their pastas. I don't do it often, the need to stay thin as a girl of a player doesn't escape me, but I just can't constantly eat birdseed like the rest of the girls. I may have a little more meat to me than they do, I'm a size eight rather than a two, but Sidney seems to like it so I don't worry that much. Very soon after we're seated I'm making yummy noises over my pasta. Sidney looks at me, laughs and shakes his head. It's my turn to shrug now. "I like pasta and then you put shrimp, scallops, mussels and calamari in it and I'm in heaven." He chuckles again and tries to spear a shrimp off of my plate. I slap away his fork. "Hey, you're the one who wanted steak. Don't go trying to take advantage of my good nature and love for you by stealing a shrimp." He gives me his puppy dog look "C'mon Angel, let me have a shrimp." I try to hold firm but he's so hilarious that I just can't stop laughing and he sneaks in and grabs one. "Hey!" I say but he just chews and grins. Ok, so the man is incredibly sweet but he's also a bit of a dork too. No wonder I love him.


	44. Chapter 44

The game against Nashville went our way and Sidney continued his point streak. He still doesn't have a goal but his assists keep adding up. The game against the Senators in Ottawa was more of a problem. They lost 8-4 and Thiessen experienced his first NHL loss. From what I saw, only two of those goals were his fault and he should have played better in those cases. The others were lapses in judgement by the Pens and they couldn't capitalize on any of the power plays. They just can't seem to make it work with Sidney at point. He's a great passer but doesn't look comfortable up top and he's just better closer to the net. In the last six minutes, Ottawa got three goals. The turnovers on the Pens side were horrible. Sidney did get a goal in the third which is his first since he came back; however, knowing him, the goal is going to mean nothing since they lost the game and lost it so badly on stupid mistakes. Watching him being interviewed was painful. I could see behind his careful veneer he shows the press to how much he is frustrated with his own play. I could see how badly he wants to be better. I could see how difficult it is to lead and yet not be at his best.

I tried to stay awake until Sidney got home but I must have fallen asleep. I wake up as he's taking off my glasses that are still on my face since I fell asleep reading. I look up at him and he just looks tired. Putting my hand on his cheek, I look at his face and slide my finger over a new scrape on his cheek. I don't know how they get so many little nicks on themselves but they do. The bruises on his body I have gotten used to and there seem to be new ones after every game. He has dark circles under his eyes now and his eyes just look weary. I know they are three points below the Rangers with this loss and they were hoping to over them tonight. They really don't want to play Philly in the first round and would love to be on top going into the playoffs giving them home ice advantage. He lays his forehead on mine and sighs. I roll onto my back and pull him with me. He lays his head on my stomach and I stroke his hair. He seems to need comfort so that's what I give him. I know he wants to carry everyone on his shoulders as he sees his job as captain. I know that he feels he's letting everyone down because he isn't at his best. I also know that he wanted more for his comeback than trying to get better while playing.

He handles the pressure so well that for periods of time even I forget how much is on his shoulders and especially for someone twenty-four years old. His hand is on my hip and I know he's focusing on his breathing. He's probably doing one of the breathing exercises the team psychologist gave him. I try to stifle a yawn because his calm, even breathing is hypnotizing me. I've matched my breath to his. It's probably soothing us both. Without moving much, I'm able to reach over and turn off my bedside light and we are laying there in darkness. Just when I think he may have fallen asleep, Sidney turns his head so that he is looking at me. I didn't close the blackout blinds so there is some light filtering in from the moon and I can just make out the shape of his face. I run my fingers over his cheeks and back through his hair. I swipe my thumb lightly over his lips. He seems to need something tonight and I'm trying to figure out what it is. He shifts in the bed so that his head is sharing my pillow. I roll to my side to face him and continue touching his face lightly.

I lean in and kiss him lightly, barely touching his lips at all. I rub my lips over his lightly again as my fingers continue to trace the planes of his face. I feel his hand on my hip move under my shirt and softly play over my bare skin. I trace his lips with my tongue now until I gain entrance and then sigh as my tongue slides over his. His hand works up my back and slowly pulls me closer to him. My fingers play with the bare skin of his neck and then his chest. Neither of us is in a hurry and we continue to kiss and touch lightly. I've never seen this side of Sidney when we've had sex. He always makes sure my needs are met, often more than once, but it's always been frenetic. Right now, we are sliding into it. It's not so overwhelming. I let him set the pace as he seems to really be seeking comfort tonight. We continue to kiss slowly but more deeply and I run my hands lightly up and down his chest, over his shoulders and then back up into his hair. Sidney slides his hand higher up my back taking my shirt with him until he slowly pulls it over my head. I lift up so that he can take it off and then I move right back to his lips. I could kiss him forever.

I slide my hands lower now and into his shorts to pull him closer to me. I push his shorts down as I pull. He kicks his shorts off and slides one leg through mine. We lazily slide our hands over each other's bodies as we continue to kiss. His hand palms my breast and he slides his thumb over my nipple very slowly and barely touching it. I can feel his warm body touching every point along mine. His mouth slides from my mouth to my cheek leaving light kisses and then onto my neck. He slowly tastes my neck with his tongue and lips and I arch my head back to give him better access. I feast my hands in his hair as he explores the skin of my neck. His mouth is driving me crazy as he continues the slow and lazy pace. I am acutely aware of every inch of his skin touching mine. Making love so slowly brings me to an incredible awareness of every nuance of every movement. His hand on my breast slides lower until it settles between my legs. He slides only one finger between my legs, just that one finger slips over and into me. I sigh now into Sidney's mouth as he kisses me as deeply and his finger enters me. I want so desperately for more but Sidney continues the leisurely pace.

My hips push against his hand and I can't stop them. I love the simultaneous feeling of his tongue in my mouth and his finger inside me. I can feel how wet I've become from his ministrations. He rolls me onto my back and settles himself between my legs while his fingers have moved to my clit. God, it's so incredibly erotic how slowly and lightly he's touching me but having a huge effect on my body. His lips still haven't left mine even as we roll. Finally, he pulls back and looks down at me. Both of us are having trouble catching our breath. His hands move so that he is balancing himself over me and between my legs. It just feels right for me to reach down and guide him inside me. When he has entered me, he controls himself to slide deeper at the same pace; slow. I can feel him slip inch by inch. I'm staring up into his eyes while he moves. He has an incredible look of concentration on his face. His brow is furrowed so I put my hands on his face and sooth his brow, his cheeks and back to his brow again until I lean up and kiss him.

We both begin to move together setting our own pace instinctively following each other. We continue to stare into each other's eyes even as we occasionally kiss. I feel my heart swell as I feel how much he loves me. He lowers his forehead onto mine for a moment and appears to be struggling. I use my hands to sooth again at his brow and cheeks while lightly licking at his lips. He opens his eyes again and I can see he's close to losing control. I increase the pace slightly and he follows me. I know he wants me to go first but it isn't going to happen this time. I am too focused on him and his needs to let myself go into my own orgasm. I say the first words either of us has spoken since he got home "let go baby, just let go." He tries to shake his head but I quicken the pace again and I can see that he can't control himself anymore. It doesn't take long before I feel him orgasm.

He falls on me and then quickly rolls to his side until we are facing each other again. I take his face in my hands again and kiss him softly on the lips, then cheeks and back to his lips. "Angel" he whispers, just those two syllables until "I'm sor" but I cut him off with my lips and continue to use soft butterfly kisses all over his face. I can see how close he is to sleeping and how he's fighting it. I pull him to me and whisper "go to sleep baby, just relax and go to sleep." I hold him to my breast until I can feel him slide into sleep. I haven't felt him this upset since he had the relapse in Nova Scotia. There were no tears this time but I still felt his frustration and this time there was more, a desolation that he didn't know how to feel. Usually when he's frustrated he wants fast and wanton sex. This felt more sad and seeking comfort from me that I'm only too pleased to provide. I lay awake for a few moments more to ensure that he is definitely asleep and then I follow him.

* * *

I wake up in the morning and I'm alone in the bed. As I take in where I am, an unfortunate circumstance of the traveler, and see that I'm in my bed and remember last night. As we flew home from Ottawa, all I could think about was how I screwed up the power play every time. The Sens got a short-handed goal because of my fucking mistake. I never used to make mistakes like that before the concussion. I've started doubting myself thinking that I might never be able to come back to my full skill level. My play is average for an NHL player and that's not nearly good enough. The offense is there with point production and I finally got a goal last night but I'm just not myself. I didn't realize just how upset I was until I climbed into bed with Angelia. When she looked up at me after I took off her glasses I felt like my heart skipped a beat and I needed her. I've never made love like that with another woman. I felt her love and support with every kiss and every touch. She seems to instinctively know what I need and how to sooth me. Oh God, I just remembered that she didn't orgasm. Fuck! Was I really that far gone that I let her just take care of me. Fuck! I have never not taken care of my partner when having sex and would definitely never want to be that selfish with Angelia. Fuck! I guess I should get up.

I throw on shorts and a tee shirt and head downstairs. I hear the radio coming out of the kitchen and a Shania Twain song is playing. When I get inside I am forced to smile as I see Angelia dancing around the kitchen in time to the music while she makes eggs and turkey bacon. I also see that she's cut up fruit to join our breakfast. She twirls around and sees me. Slapping at her chest she drops the spatula. "Oh God, Sidney, you just scared the shit out of me." I sit on the breakfast bar and try to take in her mood. I know that she's surprised but is she pissed too? "I was going to wake you up in a few minutes so this is perfect timing." She's smiling and still doing a little butt wiggle to the music. She comes around to my seat to give me my plate and I take her arm to hold her there. She smiles at me and looks quizzical. I wait a beat and then say "thank you." Her expression softens, she cradles my face in one of her hands and kisses my lips. "You are welcome. How are you this morning? That was a tough loss." I sigh "yeah it was brutal. Dan was called a meeting today to talk about our play in the neutral zone. We have a pretty intense film session ahead of us."

"Are you having a skate too or just the film before tonight's game?" I shake my head "Dan was so pissed he told us to be there at 10am for film and that was it. I suspect we'll get on the ice too. He doesn't like to just do film." I look down and I've finished my plate off. "Guess you were hungry huh?" she's chuckling at me. "Look Angel, I want to apologize for last night. I can't believe I fell asleep before, you know." She comes around to me again. "Sidney, it's ok. I know last night was difficult for you and you needed something to help you. I'm so glad that you come to me to help. Please don't beat yourself up over it, ok?" She looks sincere but I feel like there is something there that she's not telling me. I really can't put my finger on why I feel that way but I just sense something there that I can't put my finger on. Oh well, time to get my ass dressed and go get yelled at by the coaches.


	45. Chapter 45

**_Short by sweet today and it's time to thank you again for your feedback. It is so thoughtful and provides some great guidance on the content. I do know where we're going and the major plot twists and turns; however, you give me some great ideas for nuance and additional character development. Thank you._**

* * *

The game against the Devils is really physical. I know Sidney's going to have some fresh bruises. The refs are calling nothing tonight. Kris got literally tackled by someone and they called nothing. Even Brodeur pushed Pascal so hard he landed three feet away from the goal on his ass. Brodeur had a great game and stopped so many great shots from the guys. Sidney got an incredible goal and gave me a view into just how good he is and what incredible things he can do on the ice. He had to pirouette around two defenders before taking the puck past Brodeur. It was incredible. The final score was 5-2 and Marc-Andre set a personal best at forty-one wins in a regular season which ties a Penguins record. We wait a while until the press has cleared the locker room and then Vero and I go in. Marc-Andre is in his shorts and about to go to the showers. He sees Vero and comes over to us to give her a huge hug. He turns to me and I give him a hug too. "Congratulations Marc-Andre that was an incredible game." He gives me his huge toothy grin and a "merci," gives Vero a kiss and goes to the showers.

I look around the room. "He went to the showers already." I hear Kris say behind me so I turn to thank him and then I can't feel my tongue or even think. Kris is standing there in front of me wearing a towel around his waist. I can't help but look over his muscular chest and down to his stomach muscles. Wow, just wow. I finally move back up his body to land at his eyes and he's trying not to laugh at me. Ok, I can handle this a couple of ways. I decide to go with it. "You can't blame a girl for looking Kris." I kiss his cheek and then walk to the family room to wait for Sidney. As I walk through the door I hear Kris yell "Sid, you may have to fight me for your jolie fille." I can't help but laugh. Vero says "what are you laughing at?" I turn to her "have you ever seen Kris Letang in a towel?" She smiles "I have but it wasn't funny." We both share a smile that women share when they are appreciating a fine looking man.

"So why do I have to fight Tanger for you?" I'm surprised to find Sidney in the room showered and dressed in his suit. "I'm a fickle, fickle woman Crosby and I just saw Kris in a towel." He laughs and puts an arm around me. "Why are you ready so quickly tonight?" I ask him. "You mean more than because I knew you were waiting for me?" I stick my tongue out at him and he pulls me to him for a juicy kiss. I pull back laughing. He pulls me to him again and tips me back in an exaggerated kiss. I'm having trouble kissing him because I'm laughing so hard. "I have to keep my eye on you if I have to fight Kris." He pretends to drop me and I grab on to him for dear life. I can't stop giggling. It is wonderful to see him so carefree and happy. A girl could get whiplash keeping up with these players' moods but I'm just going to try and keep up. He stands me up and I throw my arms around his neck.

* * *

We went into the Islander game on a high from winning ten straight at home and killing the Devils. The mood was light but also intense as we move toward the playoffs. We're still having lapses in the neutral zone and our defense is having gaps. Flower completely imploded tonight as he let in five goals on only eighteen shots. Dan had to pull him and replace him with Thiessen but the damage was already done. It wasn't all Flower's fault because we did shit in front of him. The Islanders won for the first time at Consol. I didn't even get a point. In fact, I wonder if anyone would have even missed me if I didn't play for how useful I was tonight. There was a moment when I got hit so hard I felt everything in my body shake. I also would have sworn that I heard Angelia screaming when I went down. That's crazy of course given that there were 18,000 people in the rink.

The mood in the room was definitely different after than before the game. The press is in my face demanding to know what happened tonight and how do I feel that we played. How the fuck do they think I feel? I left it at "we got what we deserved tonight." They hammered me some more and I repeated the same thing differently until PR said 'one more question' and then I was free. I wanted to stay in the shower and drown myself but I also wanted to get the fuck out of the building. Showered and dressed I meet Angelia in the family room. I walk to her and put my arm around her waist. She looks up at me quizzically and waits for me to say something to her. I simply say "let's get out of here." We are both silent as we walk out to the car. As I'm driving us home, I ask "are you hungry?" She's quiet for a moment and then says "sure, I could eat." I drive to our Italian place and park out back as usual. We walk through the kitchen and say hi to everyone. I hear a lot of "tough game" and nod but keep walking. The first waiter who sees us shows us to a table and takes our drink order. When we have them, we sip and look at each other. After a few moments I say "tonight was horrible. I was horrible." She reaches over and takes my hand saying nothing.

I don't know how she always does it. She knows exactly what the right thing to do is and at exactly the right time. I'm trying to do my best and it's not good enough. Tonight was abysmal and I am sucking wind. These ups and downs are killing me; I just can't find consistency in my game. My biggest concern though is that the team is following my lead now and we are tanking because I am tanking. How do I express this to her? How do I share my deepest concerns while in the problem? I know she'll understand and I know she might help me but if I actually express these thoughts out loud then they'll be out there and might actually be true. "You can you know." I'm startled when she says this to me. Is she actually reading my mind? "I know I can but if it's out loud then it's real. At this time in the season I need to put it away. I need to focus on what I can control. What would happen if I change that?" She simply squeezes my hand again and continues to hold it.

The waiter brings our dinners and we dig in. "Sidney, I will go along with whatever you need, you know that; but, it might be made better if you let me help you." As I listen to her say that and I begin to think. I really want to say that to her. I still feel a distance from her. I still feel like she's holding something back from me. "Angelia, you know that you can tell me anything too, right? I mean, if there's anything you need then I hope you'll ask me." She is looking at me and biting her lip. She always does this when she's thinking something over. It confirms to me that there is something going on that she isn't telling me. I finish off my steak and stay quiet waiting for her to decide. She continues to eat her pasta. "I know that Sidney." I guess she's made her decision. How much longer do I wait? That's something that I'll have to decide.


	46. Chapter 46

I am watching the second Islander game at home with Vero. The boys are not doing well and its 3-1 in the second. Then it happens and my world comes to a screeching halt. Sidney is hit in the face with a puck. I literally stop breathing for a second. Sidney's nose is bleeding and the trainer is helping him off of the ice. My entire body breaks out in a cold sweat and I start shaking. I can tell that Vero is talking to me but I can't hear her. She's touching me and talking to me but I can't feel or hear her. My heart, my mind, my entire being is with Sidney in the trainer's room. I know what they're doing right now. The trainer is stuffing bandages up his nose to stop the bleeding and the doctor is running him through the IMPact tests. It can go one of two ways for him; he passes and they send him back to the ice or they don't and his world, once again, implodes. I continue to stare at the screen like it's a lifeline. Vero is still talking to me and I can't hear her. I just keep watching the screen and waiting for Sidney to come back out. The seconds tick by and then minutes; they go to commercial and then come back; there is still no Sidney. Vero puts a tissue in my hands but I can't do anything but watch the TV and pray. Where is he, oh God where is he?

The wait is interminable. I'm sitting on the edge of the sofa waiting, simply waiting. The wait is killing me. I feel like I may actually die from waiting. My mind is whirling with what could be happening right now. It is taking too long, way too long, for Sidney to come out. Damnit, there's another commercial and no Sidney. They come back from commercial and I can't hear what they are saying but the camera pans to the side of the rink. Oh God, Sidney is there and now he's skating out on the ice. His nose is swollen but he's back on the ice. Todd leans in to Sidney and he shakes his head in the affirmative. I'm finally breathing and feel like I'm back in my body. I take a few deep breaths and turn to Vero. She wipes at my cheeks with a tissue to dry tears I didn't know had fallen. "It's ok Angelia, he's ok. Look, Sidney is going out on the ice right now for a shift." I keep breathing and look at her. "Thank you Vero. I'm sorry, I just lost my mind for a moment. How do you deal with this V?" She smiles at me "Fortunately, I've never had anything happen to Marc like what happened to Sidney."

We watch the rest of the game and the boys lose to the same score they lost to them in Pittsburgh. Sidney is going to definitely be upset when he gets home but unfortunately it won't be for a couple of days. They are on their way to Buffalo now. I told Vero to go home because I was ok. The truth is that I won't be ok until he calls me. I won't be ok until I hear his voice and know that he's ok. I am sitting on the sofa with the TV on mute waiting for his call. The phone rings and I pick it up before the first one is done ringing. "Sidney?" "Yeah, it's me babe." Thank God "how are you?" He chuckles "I'm ok. My nose hurts like a bitch and is still bleeding off and on. The IMPact test was negative and I have no symptoms at all. Really, babe, I'm fine." I finally let go of a sigh that I think I've been holding inside of me since he got hit. "Are you sure Sidney? I mean, I'm not all that trusting of the doctors." He chuckles again "then trust me Angel. I feel fine but I'll make sure that I keep close tabs on how I feel. Now, I need to go, I haven't even had a shower yet and don't want the guys to have to wait for me. Do me a favour please? Would you call my folks please and let them know that I'm ok? I really need to get going."

I agree with him and hang up. Before I call his folks, I take a moment to breathe and try to hold it together for a little while longer. Once I'm on an even keel, I call his folks. "Hi Trina, I just talked to Sidney and he's ok. His nose is extremely painful and still bleeding off and on but he's ok." I hear Trina take a deep breath and then she says "thank you Angelia. We were hoping he would call." Oh oh, "Trina, I'm sorry, he would have called you but he was already running late to take a shower and then they're leaving for Buffalo." She chuckles "Angelia, please don't worry that we're upset that Sidney called you rather than us. Of course he called you first sweetie. Thank you for calling us. I'm sure he'll call us later or tomorrow. You need to stay calm and remember that he is fine. He would tell you otherwise. Try to get a good night sleep Angelia, ok?" I thank Trina, say good night and hang up the phone.

Talking to Trina makes me miss my mom again. I feel very alone right now. I'm sitting in this big, beautiful house in an emotional knot. I keep reliving the puck hitting Sidney's nose and the trainer helping him off the ice over and over in my mind. I just can't hold it together any more so I break down in sobs after sobs. It wracks my entire body. I can't control myself as all of the emotional turmoil comes pouring out of me. I don't know how long I cried or how long I tried to catch my breath after crying. When I finally feel like a wet noodle and am completely spent, I grab all of my tissues and head upstairs. I contemplate taking a shower but I'm just too damn tired so I change into my tee shirt and crawl into bed. Before I turn off the lights I send Sidney a text and then put my phone on his pillow. It doesn't take me long to fall asleep.

* * *

When we land, I turn my cell on and see a text from Angelia 'I luv u, call when hotel no matter what time' and it makes me smile. It is so good to have someone care about me and waiting for me at home. We get through the airport and into the hotel. I say good night to the guys and go into my room. When I've undressed and get into bed in my shorts I turn the lights off and pick up my cell phone. It's 2am and I'm exhausted but I have to hear her voice and she did say to call; so I call. It takes a couple of rings and I hear "hello." I smile "hi babe, I'm in the hotel and calling." "Mmmm, hi Sidney, how do you feel?" Of course that's the first thing she asks me. "I'm exhausted and there isn't a bottle of aspirin big enough for me to crawl into." She chuckles now "at least you're in bed. I wanted to hear your voice again before I went to bed." "Angel, I love you so much but I've got to get some sleep now, ok? I'll give you a call in the morning, well, later this morning." "I love you too, good night Sidney."

I wake up to the phone and it's my wake up call. I hang up and stretch after turning on my cell. There's a text from Angelia "luv u" which makes me smile. It's just like her to make sure I see this as soon as I wake up. I do a quick test of stretching my neck and it feels good. I sit up quickly and there is no dizziness. I touch my nose and have to bite down on the pain. The good news is that I have no concussion symptoms. The bad nose is that I my nose is killing me. I can deal with the nose. What I can't believe is that we lost to the Islanders again. Fuck! We are sinking, that's exactly what it feels like, we're sinking. We should be getting better as we move toward the play offs. Instead we are sinking.

I call Angelia and she picks up on the first ring again. "Mmmm 'ello" I smile at her. "Good morning my Angel, did I wake you up?" I think I can hear her smile "yes, but I should be getting up." "Well, I'm already up. What are you wearing?" She chuckles, wow, a deep throaty laugh. I can feel my dick twitch. "No, seriously, what are you wearing." "You know exactly what I'm wearing Sidney, exactly the same thing that I'm always wearing to bed." How can a sleepy woman in a hockey tee shirt I can't even see be the sexiest thing ever? I really don't know but right now she is. "Come on Angel, play along with me." She chuckles in a sleepy voice. "How awake do you need me to be for this Sidney?" It's no wonder that I love this woman. "Just awake enough to help me with my morning 'problem' babe." She chuckles again and it has the same effect on me. This might not take very long at all. "Serious Angel, help a guy out who is a long ways away and coming off of a horrible loss." She chuckles again, as I meant her to, and I hear her sigh. "Fine, I know you wish I was in bed beside you. You want me to pull back the covers o that I can see your gorgeous body. I would trace each muscle on your chest first and lightly tease you. Then I would take my hands lower to your abs, God I love your body. Finally, I slowly push down your shorts until …" Bang, bang, bang "Sid, get up, Dan wants to have a film session before practice so we need to leave in 10 minutes." Shit, just what I need. "Thanks Duper, I'll be ready." I go back to the phone "ok, I'm back." "I heard what Pascal said, have a good practice" and then she hangs up. What the fuck? That woman can definitely be mean. I chuckle before I take the problem in hand myself. She knew exactly what she was doing.

* * *

As I hang up the phone I'm laughing to myself. That was mean and hilarious. I stretch and roll over to look at the clock. I really should get out of bed although what am I doing today. There is absolutely nothing on my calendar. There are no foundation meetings or events. There are no lunches or shopping trips. I begin to contemplate why I should get out of bed at all. The fates must be dialed into me because no sooner do I have that thought then my phone rings. It's Vero. "Hi V" I say. "What time can you be at Southside Works?" This must be serious because I didn't even get a 'hello' from her. "Um, forty five minutes" I reply. Vero is silent for a moment and then says "ok, that will work. Meet us at the Starbucks there in forty five minutes" and then she hangs up. I'm left wondering who am I meeting and what are we doing?

I do manage to make it on time. When I walk into the coffee shop, I see the girls huddled around a couple of tables and Vero gestures me over to them. She also points to a coffee so she must have got one for me. As I walk up, I notice Heather (Jordan's fiancé), Catharine (Kris' girlfriend), Maureen (Chris' wife), Erin (Brooks' fiancé) and Michelle Cooke. I sit down and everyone gets silent and looks at Catharine. Vero says "ok Cath, we're all here, what is this news you have for us?" Cath looks around and there is no one near us. She leans in and whispers "I'm pregnant." After a few seconds, everyone starts talking at once: how far along, when are you due, was it a surprise, is it a boy or a girl? She puts her hand up and says "one at a time, ok? I am 12 weeks along and due around Thanksgiving. It was a surprise but we are ecstatic and I don't know the sex." We all get up and hug her while chattering about how great a mom she's going to be and how Kris feels about it. He is very excited, she tells us. When she pulls her blouse across her stomach, we can see a little pouch that she's been hiding. Of course, she is so incredibly thin that a big meal shows so a baby definitely shows on her.

We all decide that we should go to lunch to celebrate. We head to McCormicks which is Cath's favourite restaurant. Apparently she has been craving shell fish and vanilla ice cream, sometimes together ick, and she can get both there. We don't order wine for the table because we don't want it to be noticed that only one of us isn't drinking. There is lots of talk about morning sickness and nausea although we're careful to watch it when the waitress is around. Cath looks so happy and I can see why they say pregnant women glow. She also has a huge grin on her face that isn't waning any time soon.

I'm grinning as I drive home. It was a great lunch and the girls are all so happy for Chat and Kris. Apparently Kris is telling the guys at practice. My phone rings and its Sidney "Hi Sidney." "Did you hear about Tanger and Kris?" I laugh "yep. I just left a lunch with Cath and the girls. She is so excited and looks great." "Yeah, Kris took a lot of chirping from the guys but he has a permanent smile on his face too." I laugh again "were you able to take care of you problem this morning?" I can't help but keep laughing. "You are an evil, evil woman you know." It's so good to hear him happy and light. "I know. You'll have to show me how much when you get him." I hear him breathing into the phone heavily. "Evil, evil woman" he says and I hang up. I can't wait for him to come home.


	47. Chapter 47

They won against Buffalo and it was a happy homecoming. Sidney had a monster game and had a hand in all four of the first four goals. He could barely breathe through his nose; actually he couldn't breathe at all through the one nostril. His goal was incredible, absolutely incredible, and I came off the sofa with popcorn flying everywhere. Vero and Heather were just laughed at me. They came over to watch the game with me include Catharine and Erin. The wine is flowing, I've noticed that I'm drinking more since I started spending time with these girls, and we're having a great time. The guys scored twice on the power play and I think that will mean even more to Sidney than his own goal. Since he started back, the power play has often sucked wind. That it worked twice tonight will make him so proud and it should. I'm really proud for him. The score stays close so we're riveted to the screen and continue to drink. The wine started going to my head in the second period and, now that the game is over, I'm feeling no pain. Heather is right with me so Vero says that she'll drive her home. The girls leave and I go back to the family room to clean up the mess. I take one look at it and turn around. All I need is bed right now. Too much wine swimming through me. I collapse on the bed, fully clothed and with the lights on.

* * *

The game was great and the power play was on fire. We really needed this win. Not only did we stop the Sabres win streak but we stopped our losing streak. Johnson let two in easily but then he regrouped and kept out all but one more of their shots. What a night. As usual, we don't get in until late and while Angelia usually leaves a couple of lights on, the house is lit up. I go in the door and wander through the main floor. There is no one on the main floor but I can see that there was by the mess in the family room. There were six people by the count of the glasses. I turn off all of the lights and go upstairs turning off more lights as I go. When I enter the bedroom I have to stop and laugh. My pretty professor is lying face down on the bed in her clothes with the lights on in the room. I unpack and strip down to my shorts. Turning off all but one of the bedside lights, I turn Angelia over and she doesn't even wake up while I take off her clothes. She is so cute. I can't believe that she doesn't even wake up when I move her under the covers. I climb in beside her and turn off the light. Last thing I remember is her soft snoring and my chuckling.

The next morning, I wake up to Angelia moaning. "Oh God, I'm dying. I actually think I may be dying." I roll over toward her and stretch. As I look her over, I notice how pale she is and chuckle. "You're not dying Angel. You may feel like you are but you definitely aren't." I wander to the bathroom and get a glass of water and aspirin for her. Before I can get back to the bed, she comes in the bathroom with her eyes squinting at the light. I give her the aspirin and water which she downs quickly. She turns on the water in the shower and immediately goes under it. She cries out once but keeps her face up to the cold spray. I leave her to drown herself and get dressed for practice. We're playing the Flyers tomorrow and Dan definitely wants to go over film as well as some plays on the ice. I grab her robe and leave it in the bathroom while I go down to make coffee.

After starting the coffee brewing, I make my protein shake and get some toast going for her in case she can eat something. I move to a chair and see her standing in doorway. "Looks like you are still alive" I tell her and earn a dirty look while she moves to the coffee and pours herself a big mug which she gulps all the way down. After pouring another cup, she turns and looks at me. "Nice goal last night Crosby." I chuckle "thanks. Did you see the power play?" Now she chuckles and then grabs her head. "You play you pay babe." That earns me another glare as I knew it would. "I have to go to practice but I don't have anything after 3pm. If you are still alive, we could do something." I have to wait until she has finished her second cup for an answer. "Yep, I'll be ready when you get here. Why don't we go to a movie?" I smile because anytime I can spend with her is good. "I like that idea. I'll see you after practice." I kiss her and leave for practice.

* * *

After Sidney leaves, I manage to keep down the toast and the coffee and go back to bed feeling marginally human. I'll feel much better after some more sleep. When I wake up a few hours later I'm groggy but I do feel better. I have about an hour before Sidney gets home and we go to the movies. Another shower should get rid of the fog.

I manage to get myself ready in just enough time and am coming down the stairs as Sidney comes in the door. He looks me up and down then gets that 'look' on his face. He meets me at the bottom of the stairs and I put my hands on his chest. "You promised me a movie and dinner Crosby. Get those thoughts out of your head; for now at least. There's a matinee in forty five minutes so let's go." I kiss him and then duck under his arms to get my coat. "How was practice?" We head out the door. "It was good, loose. We focused on plays against the Flyers and worked on the power play again. It worked last night and we expect penalties tomorrow. That's just what happens with the Flyers." I laugh "yeah, I've noticed that and I also found out that you haven't beaten them at Consol since you moved into the building. How did that happen?" I look over at him and he shrugs. Note to self: don't tease Sidney about Flyers games.

When we arrive at the theatre, we have a spirited argument about what movie we're going to see. I don't really care that much but you always have to argue with guys about movies or else all you'll ever see is American Pie and every movie like it. I let him think he wins and we get tickets for the Avengers. He gets action and special effects and I get a bunch of hot guys dressed up as superheroes; works for me. After buying popcorn and drinks, we settle into the movie just as it begins. We try to time it that way so that no one really notices that he's in the theatre. I'm well prepared for the story because Sidney has made me watch all the other movies that have every super hero in it. The movie catches me right away. When we're done our popcorn, Sidney puts his arm around me and pulls me to him. As we watch, I find myself watching Sidney more than the movie. He looks so relaxed and I love it when he smiles. He catches me and I look back at the screen. I feel his breath in my ear as he says "you're supposed to be watching the movie." I shiver and chuckle then go back to the movie. I'm acutely aware of everywhere his body is touching mine which distracts me constantly. The movie is funny and I begin to really get into it. Before I know it, the movie is over and the lights come up.

As we walk to the car, Sidney says "you enjoyed it, just admit it." I look at him "I was just laughing to be polite. I will choose the next movie." He tries to smack my ass but I dance out of his reach. That, of course, means war and I try to run away. Note to self: you can't out run from a professional athlete. Within seconds he's over taken me and has grabbed me around the waist twirling me around. I can't catch my breath between the running and the laughing. He puts me down and I try to get away again but he catches me again. I wrap my arms around his neck as he's holding me off the ground. "Ok, you got me Crosby, what are you going to do with me?" Of course I know what I hope what he's going to do; he does. His lips crush down on mine hard and fast while he continues to hold me off the ground. I love it when he does that; does it make me less of a feminist that I like the cave-man stuff? It's terribly romantic until he suddenly drops me on my feet and walks to the car. I watch him walk away, who wouldn't, and then I follow him to the car. Sliding into my seat, I look over at him and he's laughing at me. I can't help but laugh too. "Where do you want to eat?" he asks. I think about it for a moment and say "I have a craving for a burger." He considers and then starts driving. "Where are we going?" I ask him but he doesn't respond so I keep quiet.

In a few minutes we pull into the parking lot of a diner that I've never been to before. I get out of the car and follow him into the restaurant. When we've sat down I look at him. "How come we've never been here before?" He blushes, actually blushes, and finally says "it used to be my favourite diner." Now I begin to wonder at why he blushed and why it is no longer his favourite diner but we're here now. We've been having a great time and I'm not sure about asking him. I decide to take a chance "why don't you come here anymore?" He thinks for a moment and stares down at his water. "I, um, was seeing someone a few years ago and I used to bring her here since it was my favourite place. When we broke up, we had a huge fight and she told me how much she hated it here and how I never took her anyplace nice. The fight was really ugly and I couldn't come back here again." I'm silent for a moment and then ask "so why are we here now?" He continues to look at his water and purses his lips together. "It was as simple as you wanting a good burger and this is the best place to go. I thought it was time to come back." He is very red when he says this and glances nervously up at me. "Sidney, were you worried about telling me that story?" He shrugs. "I'm glad you told me" and I reach across the table for his hand. We smile at each other and the waitress comes over for our order.

* * *

I took a chance at dinner and told her about Kathy. At first it was just about the diner but, as we ate, it all came out. I told her about our summer together when we won the cup, how she would visit me in Pittsburgh or whatever city I might be playing that was close to her and how she always wanted more; more time going out to clubs, more expensive gifts and more of my time then I could possibly ever give. At the end, it wasn't a relationship and it ended horribly. I haven't been in a relationship since then; that is until Angelia. I thought I was in love with Kathy but I wasn't and I didn't know that until I met Angelia. Now I know what being in love really is and what I had with Kathy pales in comparison. Angelia was so understanding when I told her everything. I never told anyone about the details of my break up with Kathy. Angelia is holding my hand as we drive home. I love that she likes to stay connected.

We walk into the house together, hang up our coats and go upstairs. Each of us undresses and gets ready for bed. I'm lying on the bed when she comes back in from the bathroom. I watch her sit on her side of the bed and cream up her hands and arms. I love watching her do her nightly rituals. It's soothing and exciting at the same time. "Stop it" she says to me. "Stop what?" I ask her. "Stop looking at me like that Sidney." I chuckle "and how am I looking at you?" She turns to me and raises an eyebrow. God, I love it when she does that to me. I crawl across the bed and kiss her neck. "What are you up to back there?" I continue to kiss her neck; while I love her hair down, there are advantages to having her hair up.

I slide my lips to her neck and continue kissing her. "Come on Angelia, you know exactly what I'm doing." Before I can think, she has turned on me, pushed me on my back and is straddling me. "What are you doing Angelia?" She smiles and strips off her shirt. Now, I can't concentrate on anything because she is completely naked and straddling my hips. She runs her hands over my chest lightly and I break out in goose bumps. She circles my nipples with her fingers and bends down to kiss me. Her tongue slides over my lips until I open my mouth and she slips her tongue in. I love how she plays with her tongue over mine. Her lips continue to slide over mine in time with her tongue. All I can think about are her lips until she rocks her hips over me. I moan into her mouth and look up at her. She sits up and smiles at me. Sliding backward until she's on my things, she pulls my shorts down until I pop out.

Now she's grinning at me and takes me in her hand. Her hand begins to stroke me and I move my eyes from her sexy mouth smiling at me to her hand stroking me and then back again. I love the look in her eyes as she sees and feels me getting harder in her hand. Within moments I'm fully erect and she knows that she's in control. She let's go of me and strips my shorts completely off of me. I don't let her move back. I sit up and push her on her back while kissing her. I lay down beside her running my hand from her neck, over her breast, pausing there to play with her nipple until it is hard for me, and then over her stomach. I slip my tongue inside her mouth and we play over each other. I leave my hand on her hip for a moment and then slide it down, over the outside of her thigh and down her calf. I continue to kiss her as I move my hand back up the inside of her calf, tickle the inside of her thigh and push her legs open for me. I start my fingers on her clit and lightly tickle it. I move my mouth to her cheek, jaw and ear to nip at her lobe. I rub a little harder as I nip again and then lap up her neck. She tastes so good.

Her hands begin to wander too. One is feasting in my hair, sliding through it and grabbing fistfuls. Her other hand massages the muscles at my shoulder and back. I slip two fingers inside her and find her very wet. I swirl my fingers around her entrance like she loves and her hips instantly begin to move at the same pace. She tries to pull me closer to her but I keep my fingers where they are inside her. She grabs my neck and pulls my mouth back to hers. I can't wait anymore, and I know she's ready, so I go to move over her. She smiles at me and pushes me on my back and straddles me again. Taking me in hand, she lowers herself over me and stays there. I slide my hands up her thighs to her hips. When she begins to rock, I run my hands up and down her thighs. She rocks slowly back and forth, then changes it up to move up and down over me, and then rocks back and forth again. God, she's never done that before and I feel like I could go off right now. I manage to hold on. I move my hand to rub her clit as she rocks her hips. I continue to rub faster and faster and can feel her getting close. When she throws her head back and leans back on my thighs I can't hold on any longer. I feel my orgasm wash over me as she climaxes too.

She falls down on top of me. We are both trying to catch our breath as I run my hands up and down her back. "This has been a wonderful day" I tell her. I can feel her smile against my chest. "Mmmm I have to agree. This was wonderful." I am feeling completely happy. I'm looking forward to a lifetime of days like this with Angelia. Doing fun and silly things and ending our evening wrapped naked in each other's arms. This is perfect and I want it to last forever.


	48. Chapter 48

_**Work has been crazy so I'm trying to update as often as possible. My apologies for the wait.**_

* * *

I have never seen a game like that before. I know I've only been around hockey for one season now but I've never seen a game like that. First, we lost 6-4 to the Flyers and it was ugly. We were up 2-0 and then the Flyers got five goals in a row. Next, with almost one minute left, Joey laid Brier out on the ice with a clean hit and all hell broke loose. Earlier in the game, Schenn cross-checked Sidney after the whistle but didn't get a penalty. After the hit by Joey, everybody started going after everybody with Aaron taking Schenn to task. Laviolette immediately started yelling at Dan over the bench. Granato got on the top of the boards and started yelling back; Laviolette even broke a stick over the boards and then threw it onto the ice. It was ugly. Guys were thrown out of the game and the penalties were hard to keep track of, not that it mattered.

Throughout the game, I noticed Sidney yelling at the refs and some of the Flyer players. They yelled back of course. After a play, I saw Sidney cross-check Schenn which precipitated Schenn to cross-check Sidney later. I couldn't believe that Sidney was getting involved in stuff like that especially after he came back from his second concussion. When Sidney went down from the cross-check I was worried about how his neck snapped back. I stood up immediately and kept standing there until I saw him get up. I sank back into my chair and just started shaking. I really don't know what came over me; I broke out in a sweat, become very cold and started shaking. Since he got the puck to the face a few weeks ago, I've been a mess when he gets hit. Vero told me about how guys hunt after him and try to deliberately hurt him. It sounds so vicious. Vero puts her arm around me and says "he's alright Ang. It wasn't hard and he's more pissed off than anything else." I look at her and the quiet look in her eyes calms me.

At the intermission, she sits down beside me when most of the girls are busy. "What happened to you Ang?" I look at her and know exactly what she means. "I really don't know. I mean, I know exactly what happened to his brain from the concussion and the neck injury but I've never been like this when he's played. It's like, since he got hit by the puck, I've been really jumpy when he plays." She nods "I remember the first time Marc was injured, really injured and not just a simple pulled muscle. It was really bad. A slap shot hit him in the face and he went down fast and hard. My heart stopped and it felt like forever until he got up. Every shot after that I couldn't watch. It made me crazy but I just kept watching until I eventually got over it. It takes time Ang but you will get over it. Until then, we lean on each other." She takes my hand and I look down at them then back at her. "Thank you V." It is wonderful to have this support and this friendship.

At the end of the game, I'm waiting for Sidney in the family room and slowly the room empties. I'm used to Sidney being the last one to leave so I play with my iPad while I wait. Eventually, Sidney comes in and sits beside me on the sofa. I close up my iPad and reach for his hand. He pulls it onto his lap and holds it in both of his. "How are you?" I ask him. He shrugs and I know that it's bad. "How are you?" he asks me and now I face the decision I face every time he asks me. Does he really want to know or is it like when everyone asks when they really mean 'hello?' Ok, he told me about his relationship with Kathy and that was hard for him. He says that he's never told anyone about how his relationship broke up. He told me. He told me and he has told no one else. Time to leap too I guess.

"Actually, I'm having some trouble." He looks at me and I can clearly see how surprised he is but he says "what do you mean?" I take a deep breath. "I had a bit of a meltdown when I was watching the game where you got hit in the face with the puck. It seemed to go on forever, you got hit, went to the trainer's room and then we waited. We waited through three commercials and I couldn't breathe. For a few minutes, twelve to be exact, I actually died. I didn't know what happened to you and I actually died. We waited and waited. Sidney, I felt like I died." I sob. I didn't mean to cry but I just can't stop. Sidney pulls me onto his lap and holds me while I cry. When I finally stop, I look up at Sidney and he wipes the tears off of my cheeks. "How long have you been holding that in baby?" I can't help but smile softly at him. "I guess a few days. I'm sorry, I didn't want to bother you with it." Now he smiles "Thank you, but I don't want you to be holding this in, it's not good for you. I know this from my mom. It kills her to watch in the rink. She says that it's louder in the rink when I get hit into the boards." I look at him again and he holds my face tenderly in his hand. It's so incredibly sweet. "Let's go home." Sidney stands up and pulls me with him. For a moment, he simply holds me. I kiss him and say 'thank you."

* * *

I watch the replay from the game on Sports Centre while holding Angelia as she sleeps in my arms. I think we've had a huge breakthrough in our relationship in the past week. We have both opened up to each other in ways we never have. Maybe we got together too fast or maybe we got engaged too fast and because of that we've missed a lot of steps that most couples take to get where we are. I can't believe how crazy my life is and that's saying a lot. I don't know how we got here but I'm glad we did. I feel like we're getting closer but there is still so much to learn about her. Talbo thinks that's half the fun. We get to take our time finding out about each other. I look down at her and she looks so peaceful. Every time I look at her I'm struck by her beauty and overwhelmed by my love for her.

My phone vibrates and I pick it up. It's my mom which is odd because it's late. "Hi Mom" I say softly to not wake up Angelia. "Hi Sid, how are you? How is Angelia?" For mom, it's always a loaded question to ask how I am. "I'm good and so is Angelia. Are you going to come down for the playoffs? Looks like we're playing the Flyers" she pauses "No, I won't be coming down" I anticipated this "your dad will though." Yeah, mom would come down if it was the Stanley Cup but she doesn't like to watch live. "I figured as much Mom." I can feel her smile over the phone. "You know me Sid, it has always been hard for me to watch you get hit and it has become worse since the concussion." "I know mom and I completely understand. Actually, Angelia is having some trouble now too. She says that the hit with the puck did it first and then every hit since. It has really freaked her out mom." She is quiet for a moment and then says "it's hard for us Sidney, for those of us who love you; it's very hard for us." I don't understand and tell her so. "It's hockey, I was hit even worse in midget and now I'm able to handle it better." She is quiet again and then lets it drop saying "How are you feeling Sid?" I laugh "it sucks that we lost to the Flyers. We also lost first place in the east to the Rangers so we have to play the Flyers first in the playoffs. It's going to get worse and it's going to get ugly. I've never hated it more that Max is a Flyer. I can hate them all accept him; I just can't do it." I can feel her smile again. "You will be fine and your relationship with Max will be fine." I didn't realize how much I needed to talk to mom until now. "Thanks mom, I needed that and you." She chuckles "I love you Sidney." We say our goodnights and hang up.

"How is your mom?" I look down and see Angelia looking up at me. "She's good and sends her love." She smiles at me "and how are you?" "I'm good Angel, how are you doing?" She snuggles back into me and faces the TV. "I'm better now. I'm always better when I'm in your arms; always." I feel my heart swell, there's a literal tightening in my chest, when she says this to me. "I love you too Angel." I cup her face with my hand and tilt it up toward me. "I was thinking earlier, we missed a lot of steps when got together. We were together for only weeks when we moved in together and here to Pittsburgh. We missed a lot of steps and getting to know each other like other people do before they take the steps that we did. After the season, let's really talk about when we're getting married and having kids. It's going to take time but we can do it, right?" She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. Oh oh, I thought we were ready for this conversation; I thought she was ready for this conversation. She's wearing my ring for fuck sakes, what's going on. "Sidney, I can actually see your moods flashing over your face. These are happy tears. Yes, I want to talk about what's next and getting married and having kids. We have a date, right after you win the cup." My pretty professor never ceases to amaze me. I pull her up to for a kiss. Yeah, things are always better when she's in my arms.


	49. Chapter 49

The guys won the game against the Bruins 5-3 and Sidney had two goals and an assist. He was incredible and they even scored on the power play. Both teams played their backup goalies. James got his 14th power play goal which leads the league. The locker room after the game was really loose and fun. Once the press was gone the guys were joking around and having a good time. Dan cancelled practice the next day and told them to get some rest but there would be a practice the morning of the Rangers game. I am sitting in the family room with Erin waiting for Sidney and Brooks. The four of us are going to grab some dinner.

At the restaurant, talk turns to weddings. Erin is deep into planning there's in July. They are having it outside at a vineyard in California and it sounds absolutely beautiful. "What made you choose a vineyard?" I ask her. "When you see it, you'll know. You can look out over the vines and land from the deck and it is grapes as far as you can see. It is so peaceful and there really isn't another building for miles around this particular vineyard. We will have spaces set up for the ceremony, the dinner and then dancing." "Wow Erin, it sounds so romantic. I'm looking forward to it." She smiles at Brooks and takes his hand. It's really great to see how they are making this work; of course they've been together for years. "When are you guys getting married?" she asks. I look at Sidney and he looks at me then we both laugh. "We haven't gotten that far yet" I tell Erin. "We haven't even known each other a year so we're still figuring things out." Erin nods at me "there's no rush for it. We took our time and waited until it was right, you should too." Sidney finds my hand under the table and brushes his thumb over my knuckles. I smile at him.

Dinner with Brooks and Erin was fun. They are such an easy going and mellow couple and we always have a good time with them. Sidney and I are getting ready for bed and talking about the evening and the game. Of course, I only have half of his attention because he's watching Hockey Tonight. I finally give up and go about my own business of getting ready for bed. I climb in and Sidney hasn't even changed yet. He's just sitting on the bed and watching the TV. I look at what has him riveted and I sit beside him.

Mike Milbury, an NBC sportscaster, was on a Philly radio station this morning. The newscaster on TV is running the audio where he's saying "Crosby is a little goody two shoes who goes into the corner and takes a shot at Schenn" and then goes on to say "he said after he came back from his 35th concussion that he wasn't going to get into these scrums anymore, he couldn't help himself, there's a little punk in him, I say screw him." I've never heard someone talk about Sidney in the press like that before. This is unbelievable; what an asshole; who the fuck is Mike Milbury? I turn to Sidney and his lips are pursed and his brow furrowed. These are clear indications that he is pissed. I don't know how to deal with this situation. I've never dealt with this before. I put my hand on his thigh and rub it up and down but he just stays quiet. I sit beside him and wait. Eventually he gets up and walks to the closet to take off his clothes and then climbs into bed. I climb in beside him and go about my nightly rituals. He sits there with his arms crossed and begins flicking around the channels stopping at any sports reporting. When the half hour is done, he's seen five different reports on Milbury.

Sidney's phone rings, he looks at it and then picks it up. "Hi Pat" he says. He listens for a few minutes "yeah, I saw it." He listens for a while with only a few "ah has" periodically. Finally he says "ok Pat. That sounds fine" and then he hangs up. "What did Pat have to say?" I ask him. He stays silence for a while. I decide to wait him out. Finally, he says "Pat talked to some of his guys in the press. Guys he has known for years. Most of them are going to speak out against Milbury and they hate what he said and did. The network is even going to make him apologize." Of course Sidney doesn't sound happy when he says this because there is no pleasure in any of it. Sidney hates this kind of publicity and hates being the centre of attention.

I crawl over and straddle him. Taking his face in my hands, I make him look into my eyes. "Tell me what's going on in there?" He tries to look away but I won't let him. "Tell me." I repeat to him. He sighs, closes his eyes and then looks at me again. "I hate this" is all he says. "I know" I tell him. "No one needs this kind of distraction right now going into the play offs." I lean in and kiss him "I know that Sidney but it's not your fault. This guy is an asshole. He's truly an asshole." Sidney chuckles and hugs me to him; I'm glad he's smiling now. "Forget about it for now Sidney. Ok?" I smile at him. "Maybe I can help you with that forgetting part." I lean in to kiss him as I run my hands up his stomach and chest under his shirt. I am definitely going to make him forget about it.

* * *

The next morning I wake up early with a few aches. They're not from the game but from the couple of rounds Angelia and I went through last night. She's still lying beside me. I push her hair away from her neck and leave kisses along her neck and across her shoulder. "Wake up babe. It's time to go to the gym." She just groans and pulls the pillow over her head. I pull it off and throw it on the floor. "Let's go babe, we have to go to the gym this morning and then we're going to the hospital this afternoon." I get out of bed to get dressed and she groans again. "Ok, ok, I'm getting up" she tells me and I just laugh.

Shortly, we are in the truck and on our way to the rink. "Ok, this protein shake isn't as disgusting as I thought it would be." I chuckle because it's taken me a year to get her to try one. We're waved in, as usual, and make our way to the locker room. Angelia uses the trainer's room to change and I go to the locker room. We meet in the gym and see Kadar working out. Angelia and I each get on a treadmill to warm up. After fifteen minutes, I leave her there to do the rest of my workout. I get into my routine and time flies as it usually does. Kades spots me for a few exercises and then he goes to the shower. Of course, before he leaves he chirps at me about the last time he found Angelia and me in the gym. I look over at her on the mats stretching out and admire the way her body bends and stretches. She looks so hot in her tight tank top and shorts. I wipe my face and hair with the towel but continue to watch her body glisten with sweat as she stretches. "Stop it Crosby" she wakes me out of my daze. I look at her and say "stop what babe?" She raises an eyebrow and just looks at me. She's right, I know exactly what she means. "I'm not almost getting caught again" she tells me. I laugh remembering when Kades found us in the gym. It gives me another idea. "Fine, there will be no sex in the gym. Let's grab a shower and then some lunch." She smiles and we go to the locker room.

"You can use the showers Angel, there's no one else here. Kades is gone." She brings her stuff into the player's locker room and strips. We both go into the shower room. It is extremely weird to see a woman, a naked woman, in the player's shower room. I lather up but can't stop watching her. It is just so weird to see a woman in here; of course she is also incredibly gorgeous. I watch her lather her breasts and stomach. I can't take my eyes off of her naked body. She glances over at me and I still can't tear my eyes away from her. I walk over to her and slide my hands up her arms to her shoulders. Then I move to her neck and cup her face. "We can't do this here Sidney." I ignore her and kiss her hard and fast. I slide my mouth over hers and then down the slippery skin of her neck. My hands run over her back and her hips. She puts her hands on my chest but instead of pulling me closer she tries to push me away. "Sidney, I'm very serious, we can't do this here. I can't do this here." I can tell she isn't kidding so I stop.

We both finish up and get dressed. Jennifer is waiting for us. I feel Angelia stiffen up beside me so I ask "Hi Jen, are you waiting for us?" She nods and looks between us. "Yes, they've asked me to take you to the hospital." I look at her for a few minutes. "Is the PR person from the hospital going to be there?" I ask her and she nods. "Ok Jen, I think Angelia and I will grab some lunch and then head over ourselves. I'm sure their PR person will be able to take us around. There's probably no reason for you to have to come. Ok?" Jen agrees and then heads off. "You didn't have to do that for me Sidney." I take her hand and say "I don't think I did. She's lucky to still have a job because I'm still pissed at her. It doesn't mean that I want her with me at events." She nods at me and we head out to the car.

* * *

We have a quick lunch so that we can get to the UPMC on time. When we enter, the hospital's PR person is waiting for us. He obviously recognizes Sidney and introduces himself to us. His name is Derek and he will be escorting us around today. We're going to be in the pediatric cancer wing. The Penguins organization has already sent over hats, t-shirts and other things for Sidney to sign for them. We head up to that wing of the hospital. The nurses and doctors who see Sidney say hello but let him go on his way. Everyone knows exactly what he's there for and it's all about the kids and their families.

We head into the first room and I hang back. No one really knows who I am and it should be all about Sidney. The little boy in the bed looks to be about ten years old and he's wearing Sidney's jersey. He immediately sits in the chair beside the boy and starts talking to him. The parents take a few pictures of Sidney with the boy and then the two of them go back to talking. I go over and talk to the mom. After our introductions, we talk about how big a fan her son is of the Penguins and Sidney. We chat for a little while longer and then we have to move onto the next room. It goes the same way for a few more rooms. I'm overwhelmed by the sheer hopefulness of the children. Many are pale and hairless but they still act like children. They are still funny and fun. They still giggle and smile. Then we get to the infant room. There are babies, infants, in clear incubators with tubes and wires. It breaks my heart. In this room, we aren't here to see the children, we are here to meet the parents. Sidney spends time with each of the parents taking pictures and signing autographs. I wander around the babies. They are so small, tiny even, to have so many tubes and wires. There isn't the hope here that I felt with the other children. There are just babies and they are so very tiny.

I feel an arm around my shoulders and I lean into Sidney. "Are you ok?" he asks me. I look up at him. "It's so hard to see the babies. I can see the hope and the happy in the children but I can't see it in the babies." He turns and takes me in his arms. I stay there for a few more moments and draw strength from him. I pull apart from him then. "I feel badly. I'm not the one going through anything. These parents must be going through hell right now." He pulls me to him again. "They are still hopeful Angel, they still find the hope." I kiss him and we leave the room together. We go into a play room and there are some older kids playing video games so Sidney sits down with them to play. I watch them for a little while until I notice a small girl in the corner with a book. I wander over to her and sit down at the little table.

"What are you doing?" I ask her. She looks up at me and says "It's a find a word." I smile "I love find a words. May I do it with you?" She nods at me shyly and I move my chair closer to hers. "You've found quite a few of them. Which one are you looking for now?" She points to the word 'cat' and we both begin looking. We find 'cat' and then move to the next word. We finish this puzzle and then move onto the next. I tell the girl "I'm Angelia, what's your name?" She looks at me and then back to the puzzle. "Christina" she tells me and then we go back to finding words. "I'm going to die you know" she tells me. I'm stunned, shocked, what do I do? "What makes you say that Christina?" She keeps looking for words but says "I head mommy and daddy talking to the doctor. They said that I'm going to die." I look at her and still don't know what to say. "Did you ask your mommy or daddy about it?" "Yep and they said that we all go to heaven. I may go before I should but we don't know for sure. We have to wait and see." At least she's talked to them. I don't know what else to say but we keep looking for words.

Sidney comes over a few minutes later and sits down with us. He talks to Christina for a little while and gives her a stuffed penguin. She gives him a beautiful smile. She gets up and gives him a hug. It is incredibly beautiful to see him with a tiny girl in his arms. I say "thank you" and he smiles back at me. I'm so glad that we came here. It has been sad but incredibly gratifying too. I love that I got to see Sidney do this; there's no media and no one to see but he's here for the kids and their families. This is truly one of the best things about being with Sidney. He does so much good with his time and money. I'm really glad I got to go with him.


	50. Chapter 50

The play offs are here. You can feel it in the city, there's an excitement as we move toward the first game. There is so much talk about the Penguins winning the Stanley Cup now that Sidney is back. Everyone feels that the pieces are all there now and everyone is predicting the Pens will win the Cup. Sidney doesn't want to hear any of it of course. He doesn't read the newspaper, watch the sports shows on TV or even talk about what is being commentated on. All Sidney wants to do is focus on the series with the Flyers. They have been practicing every day. I know that guys are getting shot up with cortisone and using lots of numbing cream. There are injuries to shoulders, hips, wrists and many other body parts. I know Sidney is sore but he's been idle for a lot longer than the other guys and isn't nearly as banged up. Most of his pain is self-inflicted as he works out both on and off the ice to get his timing back. He still doesn't feel near the top of his game and certainly not where he left it before the concussion.

As we wait for the start of game one in the series with Philly, I decline the wine being offered to me by Vero. I want to be completely present for the game. This is my first play offs and, if it's the first step on the way to the Cup, I want to remember every minute of it. I'm also thinking that alcohol could be one of the reasons I get so riled up when Sidney gets hit. I either need to drink more or less; I'm going to try less at this game. I can't believe how nervous I am. Troy was calm and tried to help me but I'm just too wound up. Maybe Trina has the right idea to watch at home; but, I had to be here to participate in the whole experience. I'm even wearing a white out tee shirt over my sweater. It's incredible to watch as the clock reaches the time for the guys to come out. Everyone is on their feet and waving their white towel. It's quite a sight. Suddenly, there is a huge roar from the crowd and Flower steps on to the ice first. I'm on my feet now cheering but I'm waiting for only one person. I can't help but cheer even louder when #87 steps on the ice too.

The opening announcements and national anthem are a blur to me. Within the first four minutes of the game, Sidney scores the first goal of the game and the playoffs for the Pens. He got knocked down as he went to the net, passed the puck, got up and received the pass back to score as he was knocked down again. It was incredible if extremely nerve wracking to watch him go down and get back up and then go down and get back up. Everyone in the arena was on their feet and screaming. This was the beginning we were looking for and the fans are screaming their appreciation. Another five minutes go by and Tyler gets a goal putting us up 2-0. The Flyers call a time out. It doesn't seem to help them because Pascal gets a goal with only forty seconds left in the period from a pass by Sidney; this makes two points for him in the first period. The guys just dominated the whole first period. The Flyers don't know what has hit them. They go off the ice at intermission and look shell shocked. There are a lot of smiles in the family box.

That was the last time we were celebrating. The Flyers came back in the second with one goal and then in the third with two goals to take the game to overtime. Not three minutes into overtime, the Flyers score to win the game. It's our turn to be shell shocked. What the fuck just happened? The guys were dominating every play and every player in the first and then basically fell apart in the second never to recover. We only got five shots on goal in the third compared to their eleven. It was a complete flip of dominance. Every game matters now because the Flyers won in our building and go up 1-0 in the series. I don't know exactly what to expect when I see Sidney but I know it isn't going to be good.

Vero and I head down to the locker room and there is a definitive feeling of defeat in the air. You can tell that they feel stunned by their implosion after a 3-0 lead was killed to lose the game 3-4. The guys are done talking to the press, they try to move them through quickly in a loss, and most of the guys are in the shower room washing and changing. We wait quietly for our guys; we feel the loss too. As usual, Sidney is last to come out and I'm alone waiting for him. When he comes in, I immediately get up and go to him. I give him a hug and just hold him. I can tell by the way her leans into me and rests his head on my shoulder exactly how he's feeling. He breathes deeply a few times and then pulls away from me. I can see it in his face how upset he is and we silently move to the corridor and out to the car.

We are still silent when we get home. Sidney moves upstairs to get changed out of his suit. I go to the kitchen, I know he's going to be hungry and I could use something to eat too. I was too excited and then too upset to eat at the game. I feel better doing something to help him, even if it's just making food, then doing nothing. I've got everything ready when he comes in the kitchen in his jeans and a tee shirt. He sits down at the breakfast bar and makes himself a plate. I sit beside him and do the same. Finally, he says "it just completely fell apart." I know to stay silent because he needs to get it out his way and in his time. "We knew what they were doing and we just couldn't stop them. Neither Geno not James even got a point. Flower seemed to miss easy ones and we couldn't even shoot at the net in the third." He looks over at me now. I ask "what did Dan say?" Sidney shakes his head "that was the worse. He told us it was discipline and he's right. We stopped playing and let them take it from us." I look at him again and wait until he looks back at me before I say "and it has to be the fucking flyers too, huh?" He just looks at me and then chuckles a little. At least I got a small smile from him. "Sidney, why don't we clean up here, go upstairs, get into bed and watch a movie?" He stares down at his empty plate so hard that I think he is too focused to hear me but then he says "yeah, that's a good idea." I kiss him and pull away to clear away the dishes. Sidney catches my arm and pulls me back to him for a longer kiss. When we part, I simply offer him a small smile and then we clean up. Sidney doesn't make it through the whole movie. The game and the stress has made him too tired or else he escaped into sleep. I follow him soon after.

* * *

Game two has to go better; there is no other option for us. We can't leave Pittsburgh down 2-0 and especially to the fucking Flyers. We're waiting for Dan's pregame talk and the room is heavy. We all feel the stress of winning this game. After Dan has reviewed the things to focus on and gives us his final instructions, we line up to get on the ice. Rituals are followed and final checks are made to sticks and equipment. We go to the ice and the crowd screams and cheers. They are as ready for a win as we are and we all feel the excitement. Dan has me taking the opening face-off. He told me to set the tone as he knows only I can. I have always taken my role as captain seriously and I know that tonight I need to lead. I win the face-off and it goes back to our end. Engel shoots a stretch pass to me and I do a quick give and go with Sully for a goal. I score with only fifteen seconds elapsing on the clock. The building goes crazy and so do we on the ice.

We score again nine minutes later by Kuni. We're now up 2-0. Max gets a goal for Philly a few minutes later but we end the period on a goal by Paulie. We go into intermission up 3-1 and it feels eerily familiar. Dan reminds us to stay on our game in the second and reviews some of the details we need to focus on to keep our lead. Apparently, we didn't listen carefully enough because the game is tied half way through the second. Kuni gets us the lead only seven seconds later. We manage to hold onto the lead until three seconds before the period ends and Philly gets another goal. They go into the second intermission up a goal and we are hopeful. We pump each other up to go into the third and skate back onto the ice with renewed purpose. TK gets a goal one minute into the third and we feel great. That is the last time we felt good. Philly gets the next four goals and beats us 8-5. To say we are stunned is an understatement. I can't believe we played so bad and I really can't believe how badly Flower played. He let in seven goals – one was an open net goal – and Dan couldn't even pull him since Johnny has been playing so horribly.

I talk to press on automatic; we need to be better with the lead, we need to be better in the neutral zone, they are a good team. Blah, blah, blah. I want to drown myself in the shower but I also want the get the hell out of the building. We are going into Philly down two games. How the fuck did that happen? After saying goodbye to my dad, I meet Angelia in the family room and she's alone. She does the same thing she did at the last game. She walks over to me and puts her arms around me. I lean into her and try to draw strength from her. I can't remember feeling this helpless when playing, during my concussion sure, but I've never felt this helpless when I could actually play. I turn my face into her neck and breathe her in for a moment. It is amazing how comforted I am by being in her arms and feeling her.

I pull away and lay my forehead on hers. Her hands come up to my face and hold me there. She leans in and kisses me. "Let's go home Sidney." I nod and we head to the car. "Stop at the Sweetwater Grill Sidney, I ordered take out for us." I'm so lucky that she thinks ahead and I am hungry. I take a small detour to the restaurant and Angelia jumps out to pick up our order. She knows that I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone. She's back out to the car in a minute and we continue home.

As we did last night, I go get changed and Angelia puts out the food for us. While we eat I try to explain how I feel. "Angel, I don't know what to do anymore. We just fell apart; completely unglued. It was crazy. The mistakes we made in the neutral zone were unforgiveable and led directly to our loss. Of course Flower was leaking like a sieve. Dan didn't need to say anything to him because Flower knew it. He broke his stick against the locker room door after the game. I don't know what we're going to do for the next game." I nod and say "it is started to get ugly again too. It's more like the second last game of the season." She's right of course. "It's going to be really ugly in Philly. We have to win that one, we have to get back into the series. I'm just at a loss as to what we are or aren't doing that Is causing us to tank it. They aren't that good no matter what they think. They just aren't that good." I lower my head to my hands. I can't stop wondering what we can do differently to fix this and it just won't come.

I feel her hands on my shoulders rubbing me there. I know I haven't played perfectly myself but it's so frustrating how Geno is doing nothing out there and how we are falling apart defensively. "Angel, I can't figure it out." I swivel my chair around, pull her to me between my legs and hold her to me tight. She kisses my neck and my cheek moving lastly to my mouth. I take a deep breath and sigh into her mouth. She pulls back and looks at me. "Sidney, I'm not going to say not to worry because that's just stupid. I will say that you can't solve the problems of the world. You are doing the best that you can and that's all you need to do. You are leading others and that's all you need to do. You guys will figure it out together. Remember that I love you." I look at her with a small smile. "Thank you Angel. I love you too and I can't wait to win the Cup and celebrate with you." Now she smiles at me. It's too bad that she can't come to the next game against Philly. I'm going to miss her desperately. When did this happen? When did I begin to need her for such vital things as playing hockey? I think about it a moment and realize that it's a comforting thought. We are so close that she knows exactly what I need and when I need it. I still feel like crap but the ache in my stomach that came on after the loss has begun to loosen.


	51. Chapter 51

The girls have come over to watch the game; even some of the kids are here too. Carole-Lyn brought her four and Maureen brought her daughter. It is so much fun and a great distraction from the stress of the game. I hate that I'm not in Philly to watch it live. The guys really need to win this game to get back into it. If not, they'll be down 3-0 in the series. Sidney was trying to downplay it but I know it's essential to win the game. We keep talking about nonsense as we watch the pregame coverage but we are all waiting for the game to begin anxiously. It's worse than it's ever been, the waiting, and I am not handling it well. Vero glances at me periodically and I know she's feeling the same way. Collectively, we are a mess. We may not physically be on the ice; but, we are right there with our guys.

The game starts and we are riveted to the TV screen. Less than four minutes into the game, Jordan gets a goal. Heather is ecstatic. It is exciting for us all. Lots of high fives and hugs are shared all around. The celebration doesn't last long because Max scores and then Briere scores twice. Shit, we are down 3-1 now. This is horrible and we're all depressed; but, the world doesn't crash down on my head until twelve minutes in, that's literally when the world crashes in on me.

Twelve minutes into the first period, there is a scuffle at the net. Sidney tries to poke the puck in and doesn't stop until the whistle blows. Some of the Flyers, Giroux in particular, don't like it and pull Sidney away. There is some pushing and shoving but no punches thrown. Thank God. While they're waiting for the refs to talk, Sidney knocks Timonen's glove away from him when he bends to pick it up. A few seconds pass and Timonen approaches Sidney; I can see them exchanging words and then Sidney lashes out. That's when the world crashes in on me. Giroux grabs Sidney and the two begin to throw punches. I'm on my feet in an instant and watching them. I am in shock; the only thought in my head is how this will affect his concussion. The fight is in slow motion for me. They pull and push at each other each trying to get an arm free. Sidney punches Giroux in the nose. Giroux slips one under Sidney's guard and hits him square in his cheek. As Sidney's head snaps I actually scream. The two of them go down and I think I scream again but I'm not even conscious of my actions. When Sidney gets up and skates to the penalty box, I finally come back to the present and sink onto the sofa. I'm shaking uncontrollably, it's more than a shivering this time, I am shaking hard and can't stop. Vero and Heather are on either side of me and I can hear them talking to me but just can't focus on the words. I'm watching Sidney in the penalty box. He wipes his face and takes a drink. It all seems normal enough and he looks ok but I just can't seem to stop shaking. Concussion symptoms never occur right away. That's why guys can go back to the game and it can make it worse. As I begin to come back more to the present, I notice that he has a cut on his face then I begin to think. Why was he provoking anyone? Doesn't he realize that this could reinjure his concussion? One more concussion this close to his other injuries could but him out for good or cause even worse injuries that could affect his very life.

I'm still shaking and it's getting worse the more I think about the fight. Why would Sidney have done this when he's been through so much? How could he fight, actually let someone throw punches at his head, with so much of his health still on the line? I can't stop shaking. One bad hit to the wrong part of his head and he could be seriously injured right now. That's not an overstatement, I know from all of my research that the wrong hit or another bad concussion and it could affect his very life. I've been able to keep it out of my mind for a while, a long while, but he seems to be taking more chances in the last two weeks. It almost seems, well, reckless. I'm continuing to shake. I register Vero, or is it Heather, rubbing my arms up and down but it doesn't seem to help. Vero pulls me up and I follow her blindly. She pulls me out of the family room and into the kitchen. She sits me down at the kitchen table and gives me a bottle of water. I'm just looking at it and finally come back to the present completely. I take a sip of water and look at her. "You've stopped shaking Ang, are you feeling better?" I look at her "is Sidney ok?" She takes my hands "Ang, he is fine, he is just fine." How does she know? I guess she sees the look on my face. "Ang, let me go to the TV and see, ok?" I nod and just sit there. I couldn't move if I tried.

The wait seems incredibly long, a lifetime, until she comes back. "Sidney is fine. He is on the ice and seems exactly normal. He does have a cut on his cheek but it's superficial and doesn't even need stitches." I close my eyes for a moment and take in what she has said. Vero puts a tissue in my hand and I look at it confused. She takes it back and pats my cheeks to wipe the tears that I didn't know were falling from my eyes. A sob escapes my lips before I even know that I'm crying. I'm sobbing now and V puts her arms around me and pulls me to her. I can't catch my breath. I continue to sob and she rocks me in her arms. Finally, I begin to slow down and catch my breath. When I know I'm finished, I sit up and occasionally hiccup. I walk over to the kitchen sink and pat my cheeks with a cold cloth. Cleaning up my eye makeup, I make sure that I'm presentable and, except for the red eyes, no one would know that I've been crying.

I sit back beside V. "Are you ok now?" she asks me. "Yes, thanks Vero; I appreciate the help. You should go back in and watch. I'll be ok. I'm just going to clean up in here. I can't watch anymore." She looks at me closely and finally nods. When I'm alone, I begin to clean up the mess in the kitchen. I can't stop seeing it over and over in my head. Giroux's fist connects with Sidney's cheek and Sidney's head snaps back. I shake my head and focus on the dishes I'm washing. I get a flash of the scene again; Giroux's fist connects with Sidney's cheek and Sidney's head snaps back. I drop the dish in the sink but thankfully it doesn't break. I pick it up again, rinse it and put it on the drying rack. I get another flash; Giroux's fist connects with Sidney's cheek and Sidney's head snaps back. I lean down with my head between my knees and try to stop hyperventilating.

I catch my breath in time for the girls coming into the kitchen. I look at them and know that we lost. Damn, the series is now 3-0. Everyone is sad as they gather their stuff to go home. I say goodbye to everyone except Vero who stays behind. We sit at the kitchen table. "Vero, how could he do it? How could he get into a fight and blatantly risk another concussion? I understand that he needs to play which means hitting and being hit; but, getting into a fight is just reckless, absolutely reckless. It's more than a knee sprain or broken ankle. Another brain injury could mean serious injury affecting his life outside of hockey too." I end it on a sob. Vero holds my hand and I manage to pull it together. "I know Ang. I know. When he gets home, it will be better, I promise. It's horrible when they have bad games and are away. It's horrible for them and it's horrible for us. It will be better when he walks in the door." We talk a little more and she leaves. I give her a hug and thank her. I'm very lucky to have her as a friend. I also decide to talk to Sidney when he gets home. If the last few weeks have taught me anything, it's that we need to talk to each other more. We can make each other feel better like I did for him after the last game. I figure that I'll have to wait until after the second game in Philly when he comes home until I get a text from him saying that they are coming home. They have decided to get back to Pittsburgh after such a tough game. So here I wait, on the sofa, for Sidney to come home so that we can talk.

* * *

The plane ride home is brutal. We had to go back to the hotel to pack first because we had intended to stay in town before the second game. After such a bad and crazy game that was completely out of control, and being down in the series 3-0, Mario and Ray figured that we should come home to get ready for the second game. We are all silent on the plane. The trainers are passing around ice and hot compresses for all of our aches and bruises. I am so sore and am wrapped up with a few ice packs myself. The suspicion is that Nealer and Addsy may get disciplinary action and Asher definitely will. We could be without all three of them for the next game. There was over 150 penalty minutes handed out, Tanger, Asher and Addsy were all thrown out of the game at different points and Flower was replaced by Johnny for the third period. I have never been involved in a game like this in my professional or amateur career. The worst part of it wasn't on the ice, it was after the game when Mario took me aside and told me he was disappointed in me. He wasn't pissed because I didn't play well; he was pissed because I got into a fight. He was pissed because I put my 'health on the line.'

I'm really glad we're going home today. I need my own bed and my own things; most of all, I need my Angel. We land and still say nothing to each other. It's like we all want to forget it ever happened. The drive home is interminable. At least it was an afternoon game so we're home early. I get home and sigh. I can't wait to see Angelia. I dump my bags at the bottom of the stairs and make my way into the kitchen. She's not there but I hear the TV so I make my way in and see Angelia on the sofa. She has a blanket on her, a Kleenex box beside her and used tissues all around. "Are you ok?" I ask her. She shakes her head and now I'm concerned but I really don't want to deal with this right now. The day has been one of the worst I've ever had and I just need my Angel to take care of me.

"Sidney, what was going on today?" That wasn't exactly what I was expecting form her. "What do you mean Angelia?" She pauses a beat and then says "the fight with Giroux. What was going on with the fight with Giroux?" Now I'm worried, she doesn't want to talk about the game, she wants to talk about the fight. I guess she agrees with Mario. I decide to play stupid and see if that's what she thinks. "What do you mean?" She looks at me. "You are aware that any hit to your head could cause another concussion and another concussion could end your career or even your life depending on how bad it is." Yeah, she agrees with Mario. "I know Angel but I'm fine and everything is ok. The doctors checked me out and made sure that I am ok. Everything is fine." "Sidney, you could have been really, really seriously hurt. How can you think everything is ok?" This is the last thing I need right now. I got shit from Mario; I don't need it from Angelia too. "Angelia, I'm fine. This kind of thing is going to happen. I don't get into a lot of fights but, as captain, sometimes I need to step up and lead by example. This is hockey. I'm going to get hit, I'm going to hit others and I'm going to get into fights." Seriously, I really don't need this right now. She wasn't playing, she doesn't understand.

"Sidney, I understand that you are going to hit and be hit. This wasn't part of hockey. This wasn't part of the game and this wasn't part of being captain. This was a fight and you threw the first punch at Timonen when you know better. You were the instigator." She gets up off the sofa. "You know what could happen if you get a punch to the head in the wrong spot and, for someone who has had two concussions, any spot could be the wrong spot. What the hell were you thinking?" Is she serious? Is she serious? "What the fuck Angelia? It was a hockey fight, this is playoff hockey and it's especially rough with the Flyers. It happened today and I can promise you that it will happen again." Now I'm standing facing her. "What do you mean its hockey? This isn't hockey; this is a fight and one that you started. What do you mean it WILL happen again? Don't you get how bad this could have been? Don't you even care how scared I am for you?"

How the fuck did this become about her? "This has nothing to do with you. Its hockey Angelia, it's the way hockey is played and it's the intensity of the playoffs. You know that, you've been around a year now and you know that it's the way hockey is played. It's a rough sport and sometimes I have to get involved in the rough side of it." "Sidney, I don't give a shit if it's the way hockey is played. It's not about hockey, it's about your health and your life and that makes it about me too!" She's yelling at me and I realize that this is the first time that I've ever heard her yell. Then I realize what she's saying. How can she think this is about her? How can she be so selfish? We are down three games in the series, we lost 8-4 and if we don't win the next game then the season is over. What would I have been working so hard for the last eighteen months for if not to play for the Cup? If she doesn't get that it's hockey, if she doesn't understand that then … "Angelia, it's hockey and that means that it will happen again. If you can't take that then maybe you don't get me and maybe you shouldn't be here!"

I can't take it anymore. She was supposed to make it better like she did after the last game not attack me. Doesn't she understand? She should after seeing a year here; seeing a year in my life. I have just had enough. I grab my keys and leave.


	52. Chapter 52

_Sidney's side came out of me so quickly. _Angelia's is a little more complicated and you'll see why soon ...

* * *

It's another lazy morning sitting on the dock fishing. The sun is warm so Sam is curled up sleeping beside me and I periodically stroke her fur while I hold the rod. All I've done for the last week since the series with the Flyers ended is fish. I sit out here on the dock and fish and think. We won the fourth game in the series by a seven goal margin and took it back to Pittsburgh. We were all on fire for that game and played with a desperation I've never experienced. We barely won the fifth game by one goal and went into the sixth game reinvigorated for another win. The sixth game was brutal from beginning to end. Flower fell completely apart and we didn't do much to help him. They beat us by four goals and then our season was over. The complete and utter collapse of the end of our season will be talked about for a very long time. The more I think about it, the more confused I get and the more pissed off I get.

I get pissed off because I can't find any answers to why we tanked it no matter how many ways I look at it or think about it. Since I'm finding no answers there, that means that I have to think about my last conversation with Angelia. Our argument, when I got home from Philly, was the last time we spoke. I still can't believe she came after me the minute I walked in the door. After having one of the worse games of my life, she came after me with how bad my behaviour was on the ice. Like I really needed that from her after Mario had already ripped into me. I thought that she understood. I thought that she understood me and what I needed from her. What the fuck? I still don't understand what happened. I came back the next day, after practice, and she was gone. All of her things, clothes, toiletries, books, everything was gone. It was almost like she never lived with me; it was like I had never met her, never had her, never loved her. She left two things on the bed: my tee shirt that she wore to sleep every night and the engagement ring. These are the only things that tell me that we ever were.

As I sit here on my dock, in Nova Scotia, last season feels like a lifetime away. It just ended a week ago but it feels like a lifetime. I wake up in the morning here and wonder if I dreamed it all: the concussions and neck injury; the agony of coming back, going off and coming back again; meeting, loving and losing Angelia. Then I hold the tee shirt to me, the one she wore every night, and I smell her unique scent. That's when I know it wasn't a dream; but, right now, it does feel like a nightmare. I'm alone on the dock with Sam. There are even places here that were once my sanctuary that remind me of her. I took a walk at the beach with Sam and remember how we almost made love out in the open on the sand. I went for a burger at my favourite diner and Helen asks me why Angelia isn't with me. I can't even find solitude here.

Suddenly, Sam raises her head and runs up the hill barking. I turn and see mom greeting Sam and then she continues walking down the hill. She sits beside me and sighs. "Sidney, I've given you space for the whole week now and it's not working. We've seen you every day but you're a shell of yourself. I know you aren't my happy, sweet boy anymore but you aren't yourself either. I've tried to leave you alone, your father has almost had to tie me up, but enough is enough." I look at her surprised. Mom never talks to me like that; if I need a shit kicking, it's usually dad who does it. "Sidney, you need to answer a few questions. Where is Angelia?" Shit, I know that mom won't leave until she gets her answers. I guess it's time to fess up. "I don't know where she is mom. That's the truth. We had a fight, a big one, I left the house for a few hours and when I got back she was gone. She took all of her stuff with her. I've called and texted her but she has never answered or responded. I even called her sister but nothing." I'm close to tears. Mom knows it and I know it. We sit there in silence for while just watching the water.

After a while, mom asks me "what did you fight about?" I sit there and think back over the fight we had. "Mom, I keep replaying it over and over and I just don't know what happened. We've only really had two fights ever. I don't remember the first one that well. She was telling me how bored she was and didn't have much to do. This one was worse. It was after game three of the series. She freaked out on me about the fight with Giroux. I walked in the door and she was on me immediately. I relied on her like I've never relied on anyone before and she just turned on me. It was brutal mom."

Mom is quiet for a few minutes and then she says "Sidney, I love you but you are a very difficult person to live with sweetie." I stare at her. She has never said anything like that to me before. Of course, mom never lets me get away with much but she's never been quite that blunt with me before. "What are you talking about mom?" She takes a deep breath. "Honey, have you thought about this from Angelia's point of view. Ang did everything possible to support you. She cooked and cleaned, did your laundry and took care of your house. She gave up her career for you where she is at the top of her field in the world. She even researched and found new doctors for you. This led to your new diagnosis with the neck injury that led to you're playing again. She gave up everything for you, she did it because she loved you and didn't begrudge doing it, but she still gave up her life to be with you. What did you do for her Sidney? The money and things never meant anything to her. What did you do for her? Did you even look at things from her point of view? Were you really that selfish?"

First, I'm stunned, absolutely stunned. I've never thought about it this way. Was I really selfish? "Mom, am I really selfish?" She gets up and sits on the arm of my chair putting her arm around me and answers "in the best possible way, but yes. You've had to be that way Sidney. Look at what you've done: you are the best hockey player in the world and that has taken a certain amount of selfishness." I look at her and what she is saying makes sense. "That's where it ends though Sidney. When you share your life with someone, you need to actually share lives, not just your life, and it needs to be a give and take. You were the taker but how often did you give? How often did you consider her perspective of put yourself in her shoes? It's time to grow up sweetie." When she finishes, she gets up, gives me a kiss and says "think about what I said Sidney and I'll see you for dinner tonight – don't bother arguing, I won't take no for an answer."

I watch mom walk away and think about what she has said. I over the past year and the conversations we've had. They were usually about me, my health or playing hockey. The first fight, when I thought she was calling me stupid and boring, I should have realized that it wasn't about me. Angelia was trying to tell me that she needed more. I was even mad because she was keeping things from me. Why would she ever tell me anything if I always behaved so badly in response? How could I have been such an ass? I can actually feel my heart ache for her. I absently rub my chest now. I completely screwed everything up. I screwed up my come back. I screwed up in the play offs. I screwed up with Angelia. How did I get here? How am I going to get her back?

I have to be in LA in a couple of weeks to begin training. I haven't been able to properly train in two years and this is my opportunity to get into top physical shape. There's going to be about twelve of us on the ice and Andy is coming out to train me off ice too. I should be excited. I should be really excited. All I can think of is Angelia. I wish I could find her but she's not returning any of my messages and her sister is ignoring me too. I've even called Geno to see if he's heard of Mariah and he hasn't heard from her in a couple of weeks. Vero says she doesn't know where Angelia is but I think she does and won't tell me. I feel lost. When did hockey become 'not enough' for me? Since Angelia, that's when. Angelia has opened my eyes to the kind of life I could have where hockey will always be of great importance but won't be the only thing. We moved so fast and all the focus was on me and my health. I never stopped to wonder how I could help her. I never stopped to think of what she needed or how I could support her. God, I'm such an ass. Maybe she needs more time. Maybe I should wait a little while and give her some space. Of course, I still need to find her before I can beg her to come home.


	53. Chapter 53

"Talbo, I just don't know what to do." We're sitting at a bar on Venice Beach having a drink. Max is dividing his time between talking to me and watching girls in bikinis. "I've called and texted a million times. I've even called her sister and then had Pat reach out to Mariah's agent but it's like the both of them have fallen off the edge of the earth. How can I apologize and try to get her back if I can't even fucking find her?" I look down at my ice tea and wish I had something stronger like Talbo does. I'm being extremely strict with my training this year determined to come back in the best shape of my life next season. "Max, are you even listening to me?" He finally turns to me and says "I've been listening to you for two days mon ami. When you said 'come to LA and enjoy the beach' I didn't know that you meant to come to the beach and listen to you bitch." I sigh because he's right.

Training is going better than ever. I left the season in good shape since I'd only played twenty+ games. After the week of relaxing, Andy came out to Nova Scotia and we began our training and then came out to LA. The Flyers got kicked out in the second round, I was sad for my friend but happy because it was the Flyers, and I called Max right away and suggested he come out here. When he landed, he immediately asked me where Angelia was and the whole story came out of me. I hadn't told any of the guys on the team although many knew because their girls were friends with Angelia. My folks and Taylor knew of course. Taylor hasn't spoken to me since. She is so pissed at me. Even after I talked to mom that morning on my dock, I still didn't realize just how bad it was until I also talked to dad.

Dad was even blunter than mom was with me. He told me that I had been shielded by a lot of things by them and then by the Lemieuxs. I definitely had to grow up fast in a lot of ways but I had also missed a lot being so focused on hockey and, well, myself. I tell this all to Max and ask what he thinks. He heaves a huge sigh. "Ok Sid, I'll talk about this now and then I don't' want to talk about it again while I'm out her, ok?" He is actually pausing for me to agree with him "fine Talbo." He nods and continues "I think they are both right, your parents. You have been hyper focused on your career and hockey. I don't know what happened with Kathy and you've never shared it so I didn't ask; but, that wasn't a real relationship. You occasionally fucked, mon ami. That is not a relationship. This time you had a real woman and it was real love but you romanticized it, that is how you say it oui, romanticized? You liked all of the sex, the fun and the support but didn't think much about the responsibility or the shit that comes with it." Wow, is Max right? Was that what I really did? I think back on our time together. Yeah, I guess I did romanticize it and her. We were so focused on getting me back on the ice that I didn't think about anything else. God, I even bought her an engagement ring after only knowing her a couple of months.

"Are you in there Sid?" I look at Max and just shake my head. I said it before and I guess I'm going to say it again "I'm such an ass Talbo." This makes him laugh. "Yes, mon ami, you are. But you are also a man and, inevitably, when it comes to women, we can all be asses." This makes me laugh now. "What am I going to do Talbo? I can't find her. Like I said, I've tried her sister, her sister's agent and I even tried MIT. No one will tell me anything." Max takes a long drink of his beer and thinks. You can always tell when Max is thinking because he's quiet; Max is never quiet for long. I sit there and watch the water. Ok, I'm human too so I do notice some of the girls in bikinis but after a quick appreciative glance, they only make me think of Angelia. I remember the bikini she wore to our day at the beach in Nova Scotia. I have to shift a little as I remember it too clearly.

"Hey, how about Paulie?" I'm brought back to present by Max. "What do you mean 'how about Paulie'?" Max shakes his head like I'm stupid. "You found her that time in NYC because of Paulie's agent so why not try it again?" I don't answer right away. "You didn't tell anyone that she left you, huh?" I shake my head. "Ok, now I agree, you are an ass. Call Paulie and ask him to do his magic again. What have you got to lose?" He's right so I take out my phone and call Paul. Shit, voice mail, so I leave him a message and ask him to call me ASAP.

I sit back down and I guess I look pitiful because Max says "you've got it bad, don't you?" I look at him and know that I can always count of Max, when it really matters, to be a friend. "Yeah, I love her; the forever, thinking about kids, can't live without her kind of love." He goes to say something and then stops. "Go ahead Talbo, I know you want to chirp." He shakes his head and looks at me seriously. "Actually Sid, I've been wondering, after everything you told me, if she was so unhappy why didn't she tell you? I know there was stress because of concussion and everything; but, weren't there plenty of times when she could have said something?" I ponder what he's said. I've been blaming myself so much that I didn't think about what she could have done differently too. "Don't get me wrong Sid, you were definitely an ass, I mean expecting a 1950's housewife is so unrealistic; but, why didn't she do something else or at the very least tell you? She wasn't chained to the kitchen or the bed or anything, was she? Although, seriously, if she was I really want details." I chuckle and shake my head. Only Max can go from psychoanalyzing me to dirty sex games in a second.

My phone rings and I'm out of my seat and answering it without even seeing who is calling. It's Bob about a change of time for tomorrow's schedule. I thank him and turn back to where Max is sitting at our table. I notice two girls standing beside Max. He gets up immediately and flirts outrageously. I can always tell when he's in extreme flirt mode because his accent becomes more than a little thicker and he begins to throw more French words into his speech. He is all-in right now. "Let me introduce you to my colleague." Oh God, he's making me play wing-man for him. I know the role well so I go over to meet the girls. The both are gorgeous and definitely look hot in their barely there bikinis. I can see why Max was laser focused on them. I laugh at Max's jokes and tell the girls what an incredibly player he is; of course they want to know why, if he's so incredible, he's not still in the play offs like LA? I want to ask if they just discovered hockey because LA is in the play offs but I don't. I play along like a good little wing-man.

The girls go to get their things and promise to come back. Max and I sit back down. "I really want the blond mon ami. You can have the brunette." I just stare at him. "Max, I don't want either of them." He looks at me like I've lost my mind. "Ok, Sid, you are unattached and in LA. Those girls were hawt so you need to get in the game." How can he be giving me great advice about Angelia one minute and then fixing me up with a random hook up the next? "I'll be your wing-man Max but nothing else. She may have left but I'm still committed to Angelia." He rolls his eyes at me but doesn't say any more. The girls come back, dressed, and we order more drinks. I stick with my ice tea which the brunette seems to find hilarious because she is giggling non-stop. Max doesn't exactly pick the Mensa type. We order some food and Max and the girls dominate the conversation. No one notices that I'm quiet which is fine by me. My mind drifts as I watch the sun set over the ocean. Before I realize it, I'm in a picture with the girls and Max which the waiter is taking. I'm really not in the mood for this right now.

I smile at the girl beside me when she starts talking about her 'acting' career. If she uses the word 'like' one more time then I might actually scream. I'm saved by my phone as I'm getting near that point. It's Paulie so I excuse myself and walk a few feet away. As soon as he got my message he called his agent. His agent works out of the same office as Mariah's agent. Oh God, he knows where they are! He knows exactly where they are!


	54. Chapter 54

I literally can't cry any more. My fear is that I'll die of dehydration and there will be a horrible headline like 'Crosby ex-fiancé found dead of dehydration' or 'Crosby ex-fiancé found dead of a broken heart' because either could be true. I'm wrapped in a blanket sitting out on the terrace at a villa in Tuscany. I should be relaxed with the view of the grape vines, the olive trees and the rolling hills. It is beautiful here if a little chilly at night. I love how the moon illuminates the land. It is so peaceful. I'm finally peaceful if not at peace. I arrived at Mariah's door step in Paris with my carry-on bag and an empty tissue box. She took one look at me and I broke out into tears, not for the first time, so she bundled me inside. We sat in her parlor and I poured everything out. I was hysterical at one point and she needed to give me a shot of brandy to calm me down.

It all spilled out, even more than I had already told her, about how I originally tried to tell Sidney that I needed something more and we had a big fight which culminated in him leaving for the whole night. Mariah almost smacked me when I told her I'd never had the guts to ask him where he went. I told her about the ups and downs of his health and what a toll that took on him; how much he needed me to help him get through it. I shared how sweet and loving he was to me. He always told me how much he loved me. Sure he was very focused on what he needed to do and sometimes he was forgetful about my feelings or my needs. Finally, I told her how scared I was because he was acting more reckless on the ice than he should have because of the concussions and it terrified me. Our last fight was ugly and made even uglier when he told me that I didn't get him so I should leave. Then it was déjà vu and he left the house. I'd never seen him that mad at me before and I know he meant what he said. I think back to the moment he left. I called Vero and asked her to come over right away. She tried to talk me out of it but ultimately helped me back up my things. What I didn't have boxes for I simply took with my luggage to Fed Ex and paid them to box and then ship my things to Mariah's place. I didn't know what else to do. Vero offered to help but I'd already put her in the middle enough. She doesn't even know where I am now only that I'm with my sister.

Ri was her usual take charge self. I did have a moment of panic when she called her travel agent and booked tickets to Barbados. I couldn't do it. That place became my and Sidney's place after our last trip. Mariah called a friend and he gave us his villa to use 'as long as we need.' I don't want to know how Ri made this 'friend,' I'm only grateful for the time and place. I look over as the door opens and Ri is coming out with two glasses of wine. There are some great perks of being at a vineyard. "Here Ang, this will warm you up." I take the glass and continue looking out at the land. "I know it's only been a couple of weeks but have you given any thought about what you're going to do?" I look at her and shake my head. It hurts to think of a life without Sidney. How could I possibly go back to MIT and live that solitary existence again? Maybe I should transfer to Oxford and get out of North America all together. Or I could do research at the _Hadron Collider_ in Switzerland. 'I don't know Ri. I still have time to decide. It's too much to even think about right now." She quietly sips her wine. "When do you have to get back to Paris?" I know she's had to reschedule a lot to be here with me. I feel guilty for pulling her away but we both know that I would do the same for her. "I should be in Milan for a photo shoot but I don't want to leave you like this Ang." I sigh and then know what I need to do. "Ri, we can do one of two things: I could go with you to Milan if you are concerned with leaving me alone or I could stay here if your friend doesn't mind me staying. I would prefer to stay here. I have my books and my laptop to do research. I've agreed to help out one of old doctoral candidates with his thesis and that will take days if not a week or two to review and provide feedback. Right now, I need solitude and to stretch my mind." "Don't you mean to immerse yourself in work so you don't have to deal with anything else?" I know she's looking right at me when she says this but I continue to look at the land. "Maybe Ri, maybe that's exactly what I'm doing but it's what I need right now."

After a while, Mariah goes back inside and I continue to look out at the land. I pull out my iPad and check my university email to see if my student sent me his documents. They are all there and I look forward to reviewing them tomorrow. I put the iPad down and look at the moon. It reminds me of our time in Barbados when we made love on the beach with only the moon for light. I remember how Sidney's skin glowed in that light and how it reflected in his eyes. I close my eyes and I can take myself back to that moment. I can feel the weight of his body on mine even though he's resting himself on his elbows. His hand caresses my face and sweeps my hair from my face lightly. He lowers his lips to mine and his tongue plays at my lips until I grant him access. I don't even realize that the sob I hear is my own as I remember the touch of Sidney's lips. I rub my hand over my chest because it feels heavy and constricted. Oh God, it still hurts so much. How could he reject me like that when I did everything I could for him? How could he not see how unhappy I was with my life outside of him? How could he tell me to leave when the only thing I had done for almost a year was love him?

I put my glass of wine down. Even though it is exceptional, it really only makes me feel worse when I drink. I am having a lot of trouble sleeping. When I close my eyes I see him and of the oddest moments. When I watched him at practice and he did a trick shot that went in. He would look at me, shrug his shoulder and grin like a little boy showing off but not wanting to be seen as showing off. I see the dark passion in his eyes when I first wore that sexy lingerie for him in LA and then his eyes got even hotter and darker as he stripped me out of it. I woke up at 3am last night thrashing around in bed in the middle of an orgasm as I dreamed of him. I can't even escape him in my dreams.

I've wondered what he told people about my leaving. I really wonder what he told his folks and Taylor. That's what I regret, I became so close with his family and then I was just gone. I will contact them and explain the best I can; I owe that to them. Right now, I can barely talk to Ri without sobbing. I turned my phone off when I left Pittsburgh and I still haven't turned it back on. I'm with Mariah so I don't need to talk to anyone else. Professionally, the school and my students will use the MIT email so that's all I need. No one in Pittsburgh will be looking for me. I asked Vero to say goodbye to the girls for me and they were all going to be busy packing up and moving back to their summer homes. It killed me, but I watched the rest of the series on the internet. At least for the first and second game after I left, they did really well and won 10-3 in the first and 3-2 in the second. They lost the next game and the season was over. Sidney looked so sad shaking hands with the Flyers after that game. My heart went out to all of them. No one had any answers why the team that everyone predicted to win the Cup now that they had Sidney back, didn't even make it out of the first round.

I wander back into the villa and turn off lights as I go to my bedroom. I get ready for bed and hear a knock at my door as I'm reading. "Come on in Ri." She does and climbs into bed with me like we did as kids. "Since when did you start knocking at my door rather than just coming in?" She chuckles "what are you reading?" Now I chuckle "nothing that you'd be interested in. What are you really here for Ri?" She sighs "I need to head to Milan in the morning. I'll probably be three or four days. Are you coming with me or staying here?" I think for a moment. Going to Milan would be exciting and definitely take my mind off of everything but "I think I'll stay here Ri. It's the solitude I need and I do have lots to do." She kisses my cheek "ok Ang. I'll be back here as soon as I can ok?" I nod. I am so lucky to have a wonderful sister.

* * *

I don't know what surprised the guys more, that I cancelled my workouts or that I was going to Europe. I yawn hugely as I hang on for dear life in the cab. Italian drivers are crazy; it's even worse than New York and I thought nothing was worse than cabs in NYC. I managed to describe to him well enough where we were going through his broken English and finally showing him the address on my phone. Now I'm seriously thinking about prayer so that I live through the ride. I have no idea what I'm going to say to Angelia when I see her. I've been thinking about it for hours since I took a flight from LA to London and then on to Italy. I haven't slept in 32 hours. I couldn't sleep on the plane, and I can always sleep on the plane, because I kept trying to think of what I am going to say when I see her. How am I going to convince her to give me another chance?

I am slammed into the seat in front of me as the cab comes to a stop. The driver points to the total and I give him the correct Euros. I had time in London to buy some. One of the great things about traveling in Europe is that no one, absolutely no on, knows who I am. I get out bringing my one bag with me. I really hope she is here. I didn't bring too many clothes with me. I knock on the door and a man in a black shirt and pants opens it and speaks to me in very quick Italian. I ask if he speaks English and he shakes his head. Great, now what am I going to do. Then it hits me and I take out my phone and show him a picture of Angelia and me taken in Pittsburgh. I point to it and into the house. He looks at the picture and then at me carefully. I guess I've passed his test because he smiles and indicates that I should follow him into the house. I let out the breath I was holding.

I follow him through a parlor and then a kitchen out the back door. When we get outside, I notice a lot of people around and a mixture of French and Italian being spoken. There is a man yelling at another man with a camera. I am very confused. The man who met me at the door touches my arm and indicates that I should keep following him. We go deeper into the backyard to the entrance of a tent. He points to my phone and into the tent. I guess she's inside the tent so I go in. My heart is beating faster and I'm anxious and excited to see Angelia. I see her sitting in front of a mirror so that I can only see the back of her head. "Angel" is all I say, softly. She turns around and then I know what a cruel, cruel woman fate must be. I can't blame the man at the front door of course. It's completely my fault; I forgot that they are twins. "Sidney Crosby" Mariah says "is there something I can do for you?" Shit! I guess I have to face the music with this sister first.


	55. Chapter 55

I can't believe how much I am enjoying myself. I am sitting at the table outside and reviewing the material from my student. There is the warm weather with a beautiful light breeze off of the fields. Occasionally I hear a bird or other animal. The canopy is keeping the sun's rays off of me but I can feel the warm air. Most importantly, I'm feeling useful, I'm feeling challenged and I'm using my brain. Even I didn't realize just how much I missed this until I was doing it again. I'm reviewing his analysis of data streams completed by the super computer at the university. His initial analysis is strong but there are some cracks in his theory when I dig into a few areas that he'll need to consider. The thesis review committee with rip him apart if he isn't buttoned up in every area. Wow, that's a new phrase for me; 'buttoned up.' This immediately makes me think of Marc-Andre buttoned up in his crease for a shootout. I guess the last year has changed me more than I thought. I'm even using sports phrases in my work.

"Posso portarti qualcosa signora?" I hear from the door. Mariah arranged for a housekeeper to come in once a day. I told her it wasn't necessary but I think she feels better knowing that I am not completely alone. Before she leaves, she always asks me if I need anything and the answer is always the same "No, grazie." She waves to me and is on her way. I am enjoying the quiet and the focus. I go back to the data on the screen and notice that I'm hunched over and squinting. Has it really been so long that I forget to use my computer glasses? I have been staring at computer screens so often and for such long periods of time that I have glasses specific for computer use. I dash inside for my purse. When I'm sitting back outside I dig through it for my glasses. I see my phone and wonder if I should turn it on. Mariah said she would use the house phone but I'm perversely wondering if Sidney has tried to reach me or if he's just glad I'm gone and out of his life for good.

My curiosity gets the better of me and I turn my phone on. I lights up for a second and then turns off again; damn battery. I plug it into my computer, wait a few moments and then turn it on again. This time it stays on. It takes a few minutes to find a signal and do the things mobile phones do when they are turned on in a different country. After a few moments, it begins to ping like crazy. There are notifications of voicemails, text messages, missed calls and emails. When it's finally done downloading, I have 214 unread/unheard messages. I scroll through them and they are mostly from Sidney. There are a couple from his sister and the girls; but, they are mostly from Sidney. I sit there staring at the phone. Do I read them? Do I just turn the phone off? What if he wants to talk or wants me back? Do I want to go back? What would I do? My heart beats faster, sweat breaks out all over my body and I feel flush. Oh God, I'm having a panic attack. I haven't had one of these since mom and dad died. I close my eyes and focus on breathing slowly; I focus solely on my breath, in and out. Eventually my heart slows, I stop sweating and have regulated my breathing. I turn off the phone but leave it plugged in to recharge. Maybe I'll look at it later.

* * *

I had to wait until she was done the shoot. I've been around my fair share of photo shoots before and this was no differently. There were lots of hot lights, lots of people poking at her but here there was also lots of Italian spoken and I didn't understand a thing. A couple of people spoke French and I caught a couple of words here and there; Parisian French is very different that Quebecois. I knew that Mariah was beautiful, I looked into the same face of the woman I love, but I didn't realize how talented she is until today. Anyone who thinks that a photo shoot is easy is full of shit. First, you feel like an object, a thing that people grab, move and position how they want. Second, it can be a very long day standing in awkward positions, waiting for lighting to be perfect or the photographer to move something just so. From my vantage point, I can see her but I can also see the computer screen where the pictures come up. They are gorgeous. I can see the differences between the sisters even though they are identical twins. It's the look in the eyes and expressions. My Angelia is thoughtful, sweet and sassy. Mariah is exuding confidence and sex.

Finally, I hear a spat of Italian and then a small celebration from the crew; they must have called it a day. Mariah comes over to me, now in a robe, and says "I need to change and get cleaned up. You can wait here." Without waiting for my response, she leaves with three women trailing after her. I guess this is one of the hoops I'm going to have to jump. I sit back down and wait. She keeps me waiting for 45 minutes watching the crew strike down the set and clean up. When she does emerge, she walks past me shouting Italian to the crew. When I don't immediately follow her, she turns around and says "are you coming Crosby?" I get up and follow her outside with my luggage. There is a car waiting for us and the driver takes my luggage to put in the trunk while I climb in after her. I can't wait anymore and have to ask "Is Angelia here with you?" Mariah doesn't even look at me when she simply says "no" and we drive the rest of the way in silence. When the car has stopped, I notice that we are in front of a hotel and I follow Mariah through the lobby and into the elevator. We go the penthouse, of course, and there is a try of coffee, soft drinks and a huge tray of fruit and cheeses. When I look at Mariah she says "I thought you might be hungry." She might be pissed but she's at least trying to be nice.

We both sit down and, because she's right and I am starving, I load up a plate. She pours herself a coffee and sits across from me. We just look at each other. I'm not even sure what to say but I've got to say something. I'm not stupid; this is the gate I have to go through to see Angelia. "Um, I guess Angelia told you what happened, huh?" This earns me a dirty look with a raised eyebrow that seems to say 'of course she did you ass.' I swallow, hard, and continue "look, Mariah, I'll do anything to get her back; anything. She is as vital to my life as hockey, even more so because I've just blown off a week of training to fly around the world on the remote chance that I'd find her here." She continues to just look at me. Fuck! "Mariah, what do I need to say for you to tell me where she is and how to win her back?" She leans forward now. "Let's get one thing straight first; I am not your ally or friend here. You hurt the most important person in my life. You destroyed her self worth, her self-esteem and her heart so I am not here to help you get her back! Do we understand each other?" I nod because I can't seem to form any words.

"Good" she sits back now "and I am also not going to accept any bullshit from you. Let's be absolutely honest with each other and then we'll see what might come next." I guess this is the best I can hope for so I begin my story. I start with the concussions and the end of the season. Then I talk about meeting, losing and then finding Angelia again. I share with Mariah how Angelia is as vital to me as breathing and I couldn't have come back to health without her. It all just flows out of me. I also tell her about what an ass I was to her and how I should have, and given the chance will, do better. This is where it gets tricky but she wanted honest. I tell her about the first time Angelia mentioned that she needed more and I blew it out of proportion and made it about me, not her needs. The tricky part was when I tell her that maybe, maybe, Angelia should have tried again and explained it to me. As predicted, Mariah comes to her sister's defense.

"Don't you know how brilliant she is or how much she's idolized in her profession; every bit as much as you or even more because she's renown world-wide. Sidney, do you have any idea how much it killed her that you basically called her a hysterical girlfriend after that interview? She researched and learned as much as a doctor would know about the brain and spine and when she researches, it's not like other people searching the web. She read texts and medical journals that she has access to through the university. Then, after doing an interview she didn't even want to do, the man she loves and who is supposed to understand her, basically calls her an overexcited girl. The one thing that she has over and above everyone else in the world is her brain and you completely discounted her intelligence. And still, she stayed with you and didn't rock the boat because you were in your come-back and there was a lot of stress on you. Should she have said something? Maybe. Did she ever feel like she could? No."

I am shocked and speechless. I never thought about how the PR spin affected Angelia. It never even crossed my mind that this would have a negative effect on her and her self-worth. Was I selfish, self-centred, both? How could I not have known this about the woman I love? I didn't realize that I said the last question out loud until Mariah answers "I don't know Sid. Maybe you guys went so fast that you missed a few steps. Maybe you were both so focused on problem solving for your health that you ignored the things you should have, or would have, talked about. Or maybe you are both such klutzes when it comes to relationships that you don't know better."

I take it all in and then it hits me; what Mariah isn't saying. "What was Angelia like before your parents were killed?" She gives me a wry smile "not as dumb as people think jocks are huh? Yeah, she's definitely different and took it very hard. Hell, we both took it hard. I dove into my FABULOUS life of partying and men and she became a recluse. We took time away for a while and said we were healed when we came back but we weren't. It's hard to trust that people don't leave when the two people you count on most in your life are taken so violently and suddenly. We have each other, and I think that's the only reason we are even functional, but it's not enough. I know how close you are to your parents and how much they nurtured you as a young phenom. That was the same for Ang. She was in university as a child. She was basically an adult while still a child. Mom and Dad both nurtured and protected her. What would you do if, at age 20, after they were everything to you, your parents were suddenly gone? Yeah, it nearly killed us both."

I can see it in her eyes; eyes that look so much like Angelia's right now. I remember sometimes seeing this sadness in Angelia's eyes but she always hid it quickly. I just assumed that I imagined it but now I know it was there. I look at Mariah again and she's brushing tears away. Without thinking, or maybe it's because I'm thinking how much she looks like my Angel, I walk over to her and take her in my arms. We stand like that for a few moments. I pull back and look down at her. "I'm so sorry" I tell her. She tries to chuckle and pulls away to get a tissue. "For what Sid?" I sigh "for everything. I'm sorry you and Angelia ever had to go through that horrible tragedy. I'm sorry that you are both still in pain about it. And I'm sorry that I caused you both pain. You are so close that I know when I hurt her that it hurt you too. I'm such an ass." I flop down on the sofa and take my head in my hands. She sits beside me and puts an arm around me. "Don't say that about my soon-to-be brother-in-law." It takes a moment for me to register what she's said. "Does that mean that you're going to help me find her?" Now she does chuckle. "I don't need to find her Sid. I know exactly where she is and how to get there."


	56. Chapter 56

_**Note: I had a mix up today and uploaded the wrong chapter. I'm sorry for the confusion and a big 'thank you' to kblatz for letting me know about the error. Here's the correct chapter 56.**_

* * *

Mariah called and she has to stay in Milan for a few more days. She did ask if I wanted to join her but I am too comfortable here to want to go anywhere else. This is where I want to be right now, a peaceful garden with nothing and no one around but my work. I wander into the kitchen for a snack. I haven't been too hungry these days but I think my appetite is returning. I grab some fruit salad the housekeeper made and return to the garden. Maybe I'll move to Tuscany. I can work here with high speed internet and I'll have access to any file from the university. Of course I know that's nonsense because I need to physically be in a lab with direct access to a super computer and I really miss teaching too. Arg, I don't need to think about this right now. It can wait for a few months at least. Again, I think about the messages from Sidney on my phone. What was he contacting me about? A man who only wanted me out of his life wouldn't call and message so much, would he?

I turn it on again. I look at the most recent message first. It says "I love you." I go back one message and it says "I love you." Then the one before "I love you." For the last two weeks, every hour or so, Sidney has sent me a text that simply says "I love you." In between those messages he tells me how much he misses me and how sorry he is for what he said. He tells me he needs me and how he feels empty without me there. First he's in Nova Scotia and misses walking with me on the beach or by the lake. Next he's in LA and is staying in the same hotel, even the same room, that we stayed in out there. How did things get so screwed up when we love each other this much? I can barely read my phone with the tears in my eyes. I look up to reach for a tissue and I stop dead. This has to be a mirage or my imagination. I've been thinking about him so hard that I'm seeing him now.

I hear a soft "Angel?" This isn't my imagination and he's really here. That's all I can think is that he's really here. I jump out of my chair and run to him. When I launch myself into his arms he easily catches me and holds me close to him. I can't let go of him. I stay in his arms, my cheek against his, my arms tight around his neck and shoulders and my feet off the ground. I just keep holding him close. Finally, I slide slowly down his body until my feet hit the ground and I pull slightly away from him to look up into his eyes. I slide my hands to his face and just look deep into his eyes. He lowers his head and softly captures my lips. We continue to softly kiss as look into each other's eyes. I feel the same familiar tug I've always felt with Sidney. Being in his arms feels right. Then, just as suddenly as I flew into his arms, I remember everything that has happened in the past few months, weeks and the last argument we had. Slowly, I pull out of his arms and I see the hopeful look on his face disappear. I feel badly for him but I can't help it.

I nod to the table and chairs and Sidney gives me a small smile. We sit down on opposite sides of the table. He speaks first "Mariah told me where to find you." That is what has me quiet now. Why on earth would she tell him where I am? She is more pissed at him than I am, or at least that's what I thought. I guess after she talked to him she forgave him and thought I should talk to him too. Maybe I need to trust her judgement and see what he has to say. "Yeah, I kinda figured since no one else knew." "I thought you were in Milan, at least that's what Paulie's agent said, but I found Mariah instead." Now my head is spinning a bit. "I don't understand Sidney, how does Paul figure into you getting here?" He takes a deep breath and then says "after the series with the Flyers ended, I went home to Nova Scotia. My mom and I had a long talk, or rather she talked and I listened, and she told me what she thought of my behaviour and really opened by eyes to how I've treated you or should have treated you. Anyway, I started sending you messages and calling but neither you nor Mariah answered. I was talking to Talbo in LA, that's where I've been training, and he thought of calling Paulie since that's how I found you in NYC. I guess his agent found Mariah, although I didn't know that at the time, so I flew to Milan and found her and she sent me here."

Again, I wonder to myself why Mariah told him where I am and why she didn't give me a heads up first. I take a deep breath and then take the plunge "why are you here Sidney?" There, I said it, the ball is in his court now. "Basically, asking you to leave was the worst decision I've ever made in my life. I love you, I want a family with you, I want a future with you and I'll do anything to get you back." I look at him and see his eyes are wet. All I want to do is go to him and comfort him; tell him yes and spend the rest of my life loving him. The problem is that, in my head, I know that's not going to solve anything. I shore up my courage again. "Sidney I want that more than anything in the world" and I have to hold up a hand so that he doesn't come across the table to me "but, we have a lot to work out. Isn't that what we always do; we fight and then one of us makes a declaration of love, we fall into bed and nothing is settled. If we really want this to work, we need to do something different to make it work. Love just isn't enough to create a life together; not a life we share." I look directly at him and he nods. Maybe we have the beginning of an understanding. I take another plunge "would you like to stay here for a couple of days?" That little-boy smile I crave breaks over his face. "In the spare room Sidney." His grin diminishes a little but it does stay.

I ask if he's hungry, although I don't know why I ask because the answer is always yes, so we move to the kitchen. I have some grilled vegetables and pasta that the maid left for me. I also find some chicken already grilled too. When we sit down to eat, I ask Sidney about training in LA and he fills me in on the guys who are there and how Bob has come out too. He will be shooting new Reebok commercial in the next few weeks. Then he asks what I've been up to; he noticed my computer on the table. I'm surprised by the question but I tell him about my doctoral student needing feedback on his work. I'm surprised again when Sidney asks me about the work. I use layman's terms but tell him about it. He seems genuinely interested and asks great questions. We've never talked like this before about my work.

After cleaning up from dinner, we go outside with our wine and look out over the fields. We sit side by side on the soft bench; close but careful not to touch. "It is really beautiful here; I can see why you are enjoying it." I smile at his comment "yeah, it can feel like I'm the only human on earth but I have great internet speed." He chuckles and I feel how much I've missed that low rumble of his. "How are your folks?" I can feel him glance at me and then say "you mean besides pissed at me? Actually, Taylor is the one who may never forgive me. She misses you terribly. So does my mom of course. I didn't realize that you spoke to her every day." I guess I never told him that "yeah. I probably did talk to her every day. I guess I never told you, huh?" There is silence again until he says "yeah, I think there's a lot we did tell each other." He puts his arm around me and tries to pull me into him. For a moment, I don't know what I'm going to do.

* * *

Fuck! I wasn't even thinking when I put my arm around her. It is as natural as breathing to me to pull her close to me. For a moment I think she's going to pull away. I try to take it calmly but it definitely hurts that she doesn't even want me to touch her. But, after a moment's hesitation, she slips closer to me and cuddles in. It feels so right to have her next to me and her hand goes on my thigh as her head slides to my shoulder. We sit like that for a while, looking out over the fields as only the moon illuminates the land. I know we have so much to say to each other but I love having her in my arms again. I know that I missed her but I didn't realize how much I simply hurt from not being able to touch her, smell her and just listen to her. Over dinner, I was careful to talk more about her than hockey. I think I let her inquisitive nature over shadow our conversations so that all we talked about was hockey because she was learning about the game. It never occurred to me to change the subject. I didn't do it maliciously but it still had the same effect. In fact, when I asked her about the work she's doing the stunned look on her face actually stabbed my heart.

When she did start talking about her work it was fascinating. They are researching the origins of the universe. She must be a great teacher because she managed to explain it to me so that I understood but didn't make me feel like a stupid kid. I can feel her yawning and I've stifled a few of my own. I just don't want to move even an inch and break our great, if tentative, connection. "Will you have some time tomorrow to do some touring tomorrow or do you need to work?" I'm really hoping that we can do some touring and some talking too. She looks at me and says "I think it would be great to do some touring of the area. I've basically been staying here." She yawns again and says "I think I need some sleep if I'm going to be able to tour tomorrow." I stand up and help her up beside me. We walk into the house and I put our glasses in the kitchen. I grab my bag and follow her down the hall. We stop at a closet and she takes out some towels for me then we head down the hall to a bedroom. "This room might be good for you. Do you like it?" My first thought is to say no because she's not in it but I don't of course. It's a nice room and I even see an en suite. "It looks great, thanks." God, it feels so awkward. I hate how awkward we are with each other. I decide to take a chance so I put my bag down and turn to her. I take her in my arms and give her a hug. When I pull back, I give her a quick kiss and then let her go so she doesn't think that I'm after something else. I want to respect her boundaries. "Good night Angelia." She smiles at me "good night Sidney" and then she heads down the hall.

I turn on some lights in the room and unpack. I look at my watch and try to do the math to the timing to Nova Scotia. Knowing that it's the afternoon there, I make the call. "I found her mom and she's letting me stay."


	57. Chapter 57

Of course I get up before Sidney and I'm sitting outside with a coffee when he comes out. He squints at the sunlight and I can tell that he's jetlagged. "Good morning" I say to him and he just sits down and closes his eyes. "Do you want some juice?" I ask him. He just grunts so I get up to go to the kitchen. Suddenly he grabs my arm and says "no, it's ok, I can get it" and he disappears inside the house. That's weird. "Do you want anything?" he calls from inside. "Nope, I'm good thanks." He comes out in a little while with juice and toast as well as a huge bowl the fruit salad and two bowls. "I thought you might want something while I eat." Now I just stare at him. Sidney was always helpful in the kitchen. He would help clean up, do dishes or anything else I asked him to do; but, he almost never did anything on his own. "Thanks" and I do but some fruit in a bowl for myself. As it usually does, the food helps wake him up. "How did you sleep?" He looks up at me and says "well. I think the jetlag has caught up with me. I've never done an LA to Italy time zone change, it's pretty brutal." I chuckle. "I thought we could go to San Gimignano today. It is third century BC town and I've always wanted to see it. What do you think?" He smiles at me and says "sounds great. Let me get dressed and I'll be ready to go." He takes the dishes in with him.

I'm really excited to go and explore with him. He's ready quickly and we head out. We have a car that is kept at the villa but it's a standard. Sidney can't drive standard, which I tease him mercilessly about, so I drive. "The fields are gorgeous Angelia, just gorgeous. What are those trees with the silver leaves?" "They're olive trees" I tell him. He laughs and looks at me "I love how you know so much." I smile back at him and he asks "how far are we?" I point to the village with huge walls built around it "that's it. There are three huge walls surrounding it and its famous for the towers you see." We find parking and walk up the winding streets. The entrance is simple brick but it's gorgeous and to think, it's been around since medieval times. Sidney takes my hand and I smile up at him. We stroll through the town and I see laundry hung out of windows and flower pots. "I didn't realize that people actually live here" he says. "I didn't either" I respond. He looks at me surprised. "I thought you knew everything. Are there actually details that aren't in your head?" I look at him and know he's trying to get a rise out of me by teasing so I just ignore him.

When we enter the piazza I see a café with outdoor seating. I love this about Europe; the café culture. There are always places to get a cappuccino. I point it out to Sidney and we decide to stop. I get a cappuccino and Sidney gets some fruit juice. We also get a few biscotti. Sitting out in the sun and enjoying the morning with Sidney is wonderful; but, I know we have a lot to talk about. I guess I'll have to start. "So, I guess we do need to talk, huh?" He looks at me and just nods. "I guess, if we work backward Sidney, I was incredibly hurt when you said that I didn't get you and that I should leave. I was so scared during that game that I was physically ill. When I saw you fighting with Giroux, I had to stop watching the game. It scared me that you might reinjure yourself and another concussion could affect more than your ability to play. That being said, I know that I didn't exactly pick the best time to say something about it. You guys were down 3-0 in the series and I knew how upset you must be; but, I just dove in anyway. I'm sorry."

He takes my hand. "I appreciate that but I flew off the handle too. I had just heard the same thing from Mario right after the game. He took me aside and told me how disappointed he was in me for fighting when I was putting my health at risk. When I came home and heard the same thing from you, I guess it was more than I could take so I took it out on you. I'm sorry." It makes more sense to me now, why he got so upset. I squeeze his hand and smile at him. "What about if we go back from that point, what else has happened that we haven't discussed?" When he says this, he looks at me hesitantly. I take a deep breath and say "I guess I was really upset at your response after the interview. I did a lot of work to educate myself about your injury and your health. I know I should never have said what I did about the doctors in the interview and you guys had to spin it somehow; but, did it have to be at my expense?" I look at him and he actually looks upset now. "I didn't even think about it that way Angelia. I'm so, so sorry. Mariah pointed that out to me. I was only trying to fix the problem without you having to say any more. I know you only did the interview for me and I felt so bad that it went like it did." It makes sense, I know, but it still hurts that he didn't think about how it would affect me. "Why didn't you see how that would make me feel Sidney?" I can't believe that I actually asked him that and told him how it made me feel. Oh God, I hope I haven't gone too far. "I know baby and I feel awful. I guess I was so focused on the second comeback and just making it all go away that I didn't fully think about what it meant to you professionally." That makes sense to me, I don't like it, but it makes sense. "Why don't we look in the church? I read that every surface has a fresco painted on it." We should probably take this new honesty in small doses.

* * *

Why does this feel like our first date? Maybe it's because it kind of is and we're both trying to figure out how to be with each other. I am glad that she's ok with me touching her. I always want to touch her when she's near and we feel so far apart that this helps me feel closer. The town we're in is so old and beautiful. I love watching her take everything in and it seems like her head is always on a pivot like me on the ice. We go into the church she wants to see and I am awed. I've never seen anything like this in my life. There are no pews or alter; the church is empty but when I look at the walls then I know why. Angelia was right, every surface, wall and ceiling, has a fresco painted on it. Most are faded but you can still make then out. I look over to tell Angelia and everything stops. Her eyes are wide as they roam over ever line and colour on the wall. There is a sunbeam coming through a window that rests on and over her. It gives her highlights in her hair and almost glows around her. I don't know that she has ever looked more beautiful.

Without thinking, I walk over to her, take her face in my hands and lightly kiss her lips. When I pull back her eyes are still wide but on mine now. "You are so incredibly beautiful. I love you, very much." She doesn't say or do anything and I wonder if I went too far. Then my Angel gives me her longing smile and kisses me. "I love you too Sidney." Now I know that whatever we have to go through to get back, or maybe go forward is a better description, it's worth it. She still loves me. I feel warmth spread over me at the thought. She still loves me. We'll figure the rest out.

I take her hand and we wander around the church looking at the frescos and pointing things out to each other. I notice something 'strange' in a tableau with a shepherd and his sheep. When I whisper a rude comment to Angelia, she begins to giggle, then I laugh and we are like two school children trying to keep it down in church. The security guard even 'shhhhs' us. This makes us laugh even harder of course. Thankfully, we have completely gone around to all of the frescos and are ready to leave so he doesn't have to throw us out. When we're back outside, we both break out into loud laughter and are leaning against each other to stay up. Eventually, we do slow down and are just looking at each other and grinning. I didn't realize how much I missed just being silly together.

We walk to the next piazza and there is a tower that you can tour. We decide to take it and begin the climb up. I don't need to feel guilty about no work out today because this tower is tall; very tall. We learn that the base of the tower was the city hall and the tower provides a 360 view of the surrounding area. When we reach the top, I immediately know that it was worth the climb. I glance around and you can definitely tell that we are the tallest building around. I look back and Angelia has disappeared. As I walk around the corner, I see that she is at the wall overlooking the vineyards and olive groves. I come up behind her putting each of my hands on either side of her on the wall. She leans back against me and sighs. "It is so beautiful up here. You can see for miles which, of course, was the point. They built their villages on land as high as they could so that they could see attackers and no one could sneak up on them." Her voice drifts off as I slide my arms around her waist and hold her to me. We both continue to look out over the land and enjoy the silence.

"I can't be like the rest of them who get their nails done every week and shop and lunch every day together. I need more Sidney. It's not about you not being enough, it's about me using my brain and having something for myself that is outside of you and hockey. When you travel and when you are working, I have absolutely nothing to do. None of the other guys have as much to do as you do so they can spend more time with their wives/girlfriends. There are days when you're gone like it's a nine to five job. There is only so much cleaning a girl can do around the house." I think about this for a minute. It's usually when I talk and don't think that I get myself into trouble. "It sounds like this has been a problem for a while" is all I say. I want to buy myself some time to think. I don't want to say the wrong thing. "I guess, yeah, it has but after the first time I brought it up …" She trails off so I prompt her "after the first time?" She pauses and then continues "the first time I brought it up Sidney you got really angry and I didn't want to add to your stress." I guess it really has all been about me since we've been together. "I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say except that I'm sorry." She turns around, puts her hands on my shoulders and slides them up my neck. "I think there are enough 'I'm sorrys' to go around between us. What do you say we just try to understand each other and figure out what to do next?" I rest my forehead on hers and say "ok. We can do that but I want us to keep talking." I pull back and look at her. She smiles at me and says "so do I." We kiss again, this time more deeply and I feel my world beginning to right itself again.


	58. Chapter 58

The day together in San Gimignano was wonderful. We had a couple of deep talks and a lot of fun. As I reflect on our conversations, I notice that it's been mostly about me and I haven't asked Sidney about his concerns or feelings. I really need to do that and soon. No one is perfect and I'm sure that I've done things that he isn't happy about. As we drive back to the villa, we are both enjoying having the top down and the wind and sun. It has been a really great day. We had lunch in a little café we found and I can't help but smile when I think of how Sidney tried to order using the Italian version of the names. The waitress wasn't offended thank goodness. Actually, I think she was flirting with him even though there was a language barrier. She was old enough to be his grandmother so I wasn't remotely jealous. It was cute.

We arrive back at the villa and enter the house. "Do you have work you need to do today?" Sidney asks me. "No, I don't need to do anything today." He smiles at me and we go out back to the patio. In complete unison, we sit on the padded bench together and Sidney pulls me into his arms. I cuddle in beside him. We sit that way for a while watching the sun going down over the hills and valleys. "Sidney?" I feel him look down at me "yeah." I take a deep breath and say "I know we've talked a lot today about me and what I need but, um, it can't just be all about me now like it couldn't just be all about you then. It makes me wonder if, um, you might need something from me that I'm not doing or saying or whatever." He's silent for a moment. Then the moment drags on and it's killing me to just sit here but I do.

Eventually he says "I guess I do have something to talk about. It's hard to bring it up though, I mean, I've hardly been a saint in our relationship so I hate to bring it up." I lean away from him so that I can look up at him. "Sidney, remember what we said? We need to be honest with each other. I have so now it's your turn." I settle back looking out at the sunset again and wait for him. "Ok, I guess I think we need to be honest with each other. We need to bring up things that bother us when they bother us. Do you realize how bad I felt when I realized how unhappy you've been the entire time in Pittsburgh? When I think about how you bottled everything up for months, it just makes me sick that I didn't know and couldn't help you. Sometimes I can be self-absorbed, and I need to work on that for sure, but I need you to keep at me so that I hear you. What kind of relationship do we have when I think we're blissfully happy and you're unhappy? It makes me wonder if you don't trust me!" By the end of it, Sidney has raised his voice and I know he is upset. I stroke his thigh with my hand trying to sooth.

"Sidney, first, I was never completely unhappy. It just isn't that simple. You have made me happier than I have ever been in my entire life. I am so sorry if I've made you feel inadequate or responsible. Second, yeah, you can be self-absorbed when it comes to hockey and what you need. Last year that was completely understandable given what you went through; not excusable but understandable. I definitely should have tried to tell you how I was feeling. I let one bad experience colour everything I did after." He seems to be digesting this and then asks "what do you mean by 'one bad experience'?" As I think of how to answer his question, I get up and walk to the edge of the garden and look out over it. I turn around and hold out my hand to him. "Let's go for a walk." He looks at my hand and then gets up, takes it and we begin to walk along the path. I know he's waiting for me to answer his question and I consider how far to go with it.

"Sidney, do you remember our first fight?" I look at him and he nods. "We were in the tub and I told you about how I needed something to fill my time when you were playing or practicing. You got so angry so quickly. I was, quite honestly, stunned." He squeezes my hand and says "I know. I totally overreacted. Is that why you never tried again?" I think again. Do I tell him everything? Do I ask the one question I've never asked and am afraid of the answer? I wish I knew the right thing to do. I guess 'in for a penny, in for a pound' applies here. "That was part of it, definitely. I hated to upset you given everything else you were dealing with and I decided to keep quiet about any problems I was having." We continue to walk through the garden and pass some of the big old trees that are on the property. "I understand that Angelia but we need to tell each other everything so that we can work through it together." I nod at him and he gives me a smile and goes to put his arm around me now. I evade him and walk around one of the trees.

"Wait a minute; you said 'that was part of it.' What is the other part?" There it is; the one question I haven't decided to answer. It's out there now and I need to answer it; but, how do it do it? What do I say? I can't figure it out so I just blurt "where were you all night?!" It comes out much louder and high pitched than I intended. I guess that's what happens when you bottle something up for months and it terrifies you. I can't look at him. I wrap my arms around myself and continue to circle the tree. I know Sidney is standing still watching me. "What do you mean Angelia?" I look at him; is the man really that obtuse? "Sidney, you left me during our argument and were gone all night. You only came back in the morning to pack and leave on your road trip. Where were you all night?" I look away from him again. I am terrified of what the answer is and even more terrified that he will lie to me; I'll know by the look on his face. He's a horrible liar.

I feel his hand on the side of my waist and the other one lifts my chin to meet his eyes. "Has that bothered you since that night Angel? Do you really trust me so little that you think I could have been with another woman? Is that how bad our relationship was that you could think me capable of hurting you that way?" I am looking at him through tears. When I look into his eyes I know that he could never do that to me. He would never be capable of hurting me that way. "It wasn't distrust of you Sidney. It was distrust of me. I still wonder how I got so lucky in my life to find you. People don't stick around for me so I guess I'm always looking for when they'll leave. Maybe I didn't trust that you were going to stay and, when you were gone all night, it sort of proved me right. I'm so sorry I thought that of you. I'm so sorry that I never said something or asked you then. Please forgive me Sidney. I love you so much and I know that you love me. I do know that. Please forgive me, please."

* * *

At first I'm stunned that she thought I would or could ever cheat on her. I know that a lot of guys are unfaithful to their girls but I could never be that guy. I know how much it would hurt her and I just don't have any interest in any other girl than her. Then I'm stunned by the pain and anguish on her face when she says 'people don't stick around for me.' I feel tears come to my eyes as she begs me to forgive her. How could I have never seen how much pain is in her? How could I have missed how much she needs someone to love her and someone that she can trust to be there for her? I am overwhelmed by the need to show her how much I love her. Then I have her in my arms. I can taste her tears as I kiss her cheeks. I run my thumbs over them to wipe them away. I kiss her lips so softly and sweetly trying to pour into one kiss how I'm feeling and how great my love is for her. I slide both of my hands up to cup her face and then into her hair. I slide my tongue along her lips, first the bottom one and then the top. Slowly, I alternate between rubbing my lips over hers and licking her lips. I hear her moan softly and I get hard. God, I haven't touched her like this, had her in my arms and loved her, for weeks. Beyond the physical release I'm desperate for, I have ached to touch her and be touched by her. I feel her hands slide up my back under my shirt. Her soft hands against the muscles of my back make me shiver.

I push her against the tree and my hands slide over her shoulders, arms until they find her waist. My tongue slips insider her mouth and mates with hers. We lightly play over each other as my hands slide down to her hips and massage at the muscles there. Her hands have found their way into my hair now. We're both taking our time like we're exploring each other like it's the first time. I pull back slightly to look at her. Her lips are slightly swollen and her eyes are wide. I move my hands to her cheeks and explore the angles of her face with my fingers. I trace her eyebrows, her cheek bones and then her jaw. I follow my fingers with my lips and kiss my way around her face, her jaw and down to her neck. I breathe in her scent as I bury my face in her neck and then move to her ear. I remember fondly that special spot that makes her shiver every time for me. When I find it she does shiver for me and I'm also treated to a deep throated moan. This gets me excited too.

I slide my hands lower down her arms then up her sides until I reach the sides of her breasts. I leave my hands there and rub each of my thumbs over her nipples through her blouse. I love the way they pucker immediately for me. I rub my thumbs around and over her nipples again and again as I lick at her neck then her ear lobe making her shiver again. I can't help but push against her now, my hips push my erection against her stomach. She leans her head to the side to give me better access to her skin. I take advantage of this new skin and slide my lips lower over her clavicle on one side and then the other. I lift my head and capture her lips again. I have missed this mouth that fits mine so perfectly. I take tiny sips from it and then a deep searing kisses. Her tongue sneaks out and plays over mine. How did I forget just how much pleasure there is in kissing this beautiful woman? We continue to play with our lips and tongue. Over and over we kiss and taste. My hands are back at her hips holding her against me and feeling her softness against my hardness.

I feel her hands on my chest and it takes me a few minutes to realize that she is pushing at me. I stop and, trying to catch my breath, I look down at her. There is no more sun in the sky and her features are only lightly illuminated by the moon. I look down at her and she's trying to catch her breath too. "Sidney, I want you desperately but I think we need to slow down. We always jump into bed after an argument without ensuring that everything is really settled. I don't want this to be one of those times. I want to make sure that we are truly in a good place before we, you know." I see that she's biting her lip like she does when she's nervous. What she is saying is making perfect sense; to every part of me but one. I rest my forehead against hers for a moment and then kiss her one last time. I move back a step and she rights her blouse which my hands and mouth had displaced. I take a couple of deep breaths but know that those aren't going to solve my problem. I take her hand and we walk back to the house. Thankfully, the phone rings and when she goes to answer it so I disappear into the bathroom and take my problem in hand myself. After that's done and I've splashed some cold water on my face I feel on more even ground and meet Angelia in the living room. "Is everything ok?" I ask. She looks up and smiles "yes. It was Mariah calling to see how we're doing. I think she might like you even better than me now. What did you say to her in Milan?" I just laugh, take her hand and kiss it. She laughs, as I'd hoped she would, and we are standing there smiling at each other. That's when I remember that I never did answer her question.

I pull her closer to me and place her hand flat over my heart and hold it there. "My Angel, I never did answer your question." She looks at me confused and then I see her eyes widen when she remembers. She shakes her head but I interrupt her. "No, you asked and I need to tell you. I went over to Paulie's house. I didn't want to see Flower or Duper, any of the guys with girls or wives, so Paul and I ordered in dinner, played video games and then I slept in his spare room. It never crossed my mind to tell you where I had been because it never crossed my mind to be anywhere other than a friend's house." I look into her eyes and I know that she believes me. Another one of those walls between us comes down; I can almost physically feel it come down. It feels good.

"So" I say "what are we doing for dinner?" She laughs now and replies "always hungry, aren't you Crosby?" I try to give her a lewd look but must not succeed because she breaks out in giggles. I roll my eyes and flop down on the sofa trying to look offended. This makes her laugh even more of course as she sits beside me. "There's a great little bistro about 20 minutes from here attached to a vineyard. I haven't been there but Mariah said it is great rustic food and fabulous wine." It sounds exactly what I'm in the mood for, other than her of course. "Sounds great." We both take some time to get dressed and I'm out in the living room before she's ready. I scroll through my phone and see that Talbo has sent me a text. 'Well?' is all he says. I text him back and say 'she hasn't kicked me out yet.' A few seconds later he responds 'so far so good then?' I smile 'yep' and then I look up when I hear her come into the room. She is absolutely gorgeous wearing a flowing sundress that leaves her shoulders bare and her hair is down the way I like it. She's wearing the earrings and bracelet that I gave her.

She comes up to me and smiles. I can't smile back. I'm captivated by her beauty and can only lay my hand on the side of her face. She leans into my palm and kisses it. I break out of my trance and lean down to kiss her. "You are beautiful." I tell her and her smile widens. "Thank you. Should we go?" I can only nod and follow her out of the house. The drive is gorgeous although it does irk me that she has to drive. I've never had any luck learning how to use a stick shift. When we get to the vineyard, I can see how beautiful the land is and then the buildings. They've managed to keep the 'old world' charm of the area and have the creature comforts of the modern. I take Angelia's hand as we walk into the restaurant. The maître d' shows us to a table outside on a patio. There are other couples but the tables are spaced far enough apart that everyone has their own privacy. There are only candles to provide light and there are heaters to ward off the evening chill. I order wine and we settle in to look at the menu. My problem is that I can't concentrate on the menu because I'm staring at her. She is so incredibly lovely by candle light. It flickers over her face and shines in her eyes.

"Stop it. I can't concentrate on my menu with you looking at me like that Sidney." She smiles at me and becomes even lovelier. I feel like I can't breathe for a moment. "Seriously, look at the menu and decide what you want to eat and I don't mean me." I chuckle now and go back to the menu. It's all in Italian but I can make out some of the items. The waiter comes back and goes through the ritual they all follow with wine. It is exceptional and he pours Angelia a glass and tops up mine. Angelia says something to him in Italian and he says "yes, I do." She must have asked if he speaks English. I ask him if they have steak and he gives me the various beef choices. I choose one with the risotto to start. Angelia chooses her meal and the waiter leaves to place our order.

I look out over the vineyard and back at Angelia. "You do look truly beautiful babe." She blushes, I don't know that I've ever seen her do that before, and smiles at me. "You look good yourself." I reach across and take her hand rubbing my thumb over her knuckles. "Why did you pick Tuscany? I thought you might go down south?" Her smile diminishes and I've obviously said something wrong but I can't think of what. "We were going to go to Barbados, that's where we went when my folks died, but I just couldn't. It reminded me too much of you. It seems like 'our place' now." Ah, that makes perfect sense. I couldn't go there without her. "We can go again together. It was a wonderful resort and I had an incredible time with you. Besides, I would give any excuse to see you in a bikini again." We both laugh at that and I feel warmth spread over my heart.


	59. Chapter 59

I think the jet lag and the stress of the last couple of weeks has caught up with me; I can't sleep. It's 3am and I just can't go back to sleep. My eyes close but my mind won't stop turning over and over. Laying here isn't helping so I decide to get up. I do some bumping and cursing as I try to move through an unfamiliar house. I grab an Orangenia from the fridge, I seem to have become addicted to these since I got here, and make my way back to the living room. There is no TV. How can a home not have a TV? I wander around the house a bit, we haven't really spent much time here so I haven't seen all of the rooms, and I find a room with comfortable sofas and chairs. This looks like a family room. If any room has a TV, it's going to be this one. It's not on a wall but, ah, there's a cabinet. Found it! Now the question is: can I find a sports channel in English?

I get comfortable on the sofa and am a little chilly since I'm only wearing shorts but too lazy to get something else to wear. As I flick through the channels, there is a lot of Italian, a little French and, finally, English. Ok, it's British but at least I understand what they are saying. I'm instantly bored by the news talking about the devalued Euro and the trouble Greece, Spain and Italy find themselves in; although, if anything is going to put me to sleep, this just might. I'm about to change the channel when they begin to discuss the Olympics. At least this is interesting. "Sidney?" I turn and see Angelia at the doorway looking sleepy and wrapped in a blanket.

"Sorry babe, did I wake you up?" She nods and says "I think you walked into the coffee table because all I heard was 'fuck' and then a small crash." I wince "sorry, I couldn't sleep." She smiles "no problem. Not like we have to go to work tomorrow." I'm about to move over to give her room to sit when she slides down onto my lap and rests her head on my chest. I put my arms around her and am instantly warmed by her body. She pulls the blanket around so that it is covering us both and we watch the news about the Olympics. "Will you go?" she asks me. I hadn't thought about it. "Probably not, I have a really full training plan and some commercials to shoot." She's quiet for a moment and then asks "Are you missing some of your training being here?" I think for a moment and then say "yeah I am. But there is nowhere I would rather be right now Angel. This is where I'm supposed to be, with you, and nowhere else." I can feel her smile into my chest and I realize that what I said is absolutely true. I've never rearranged my schedule when I have training planned. Everything else gets rearranged for training. I guess there are some things, or more specifically someone, that is more important right now. But … "Angelia, I will have to head back to LA in a couple of days. I can rearrange my training schedule but I do have commitments. Reebok is shooting a few new spots that I need to film." She's quiet.

We stay where we are for a few minutes with neither of us speaking. "Angelia, I don't know if I'm moving too fast but I'd really like you to come back with me. We'll spend some time in LA then we can go back to Nova Scotia. I think we need to be together to continue figuring things out and, unfortunately, I can't get out of my commitments." There, I said it, it's out and now I just wait for her response. It feels like eons go by before she says anything. I do feel her tense up against me and that gets me worried. "It sounds like the right thing to do Sidney. Can we wait a couple days to decide?" Well, it's not a yes but it's not a no either. "Ok. I wanted to mention it but we don't need to make any decisions right now." I feel her relax again in my arms. The steps may be tentative but we're taking steps forward.

I feel her yawn a few times and know that she's exhausted. After turning off the TV, I gather her in my arms and carry her to her bedroom. I love the way her arms circle my neck and her fingers play with the hair at the nape of my neck. I push open the door to her room and gently place her on the bed. When I lean in to kiss her goodnight, she holds me to her and says "Sidney, would you stay with me? Just to sleep, if that's ok?" I'm surprised, and a little disappointed that it's just to sleep, but I slip in behind her and pull her flush against me. I have a few moments of pleasurable discomfort when she wiggles her hips back into me but it feels right to have her in my arms. As I fall into sleep, I think about how this must have been why I haven't been able to sleep. I was simply missing her.

* * *

When I wake up I notice a few things are different. I forgot to close the blind so the sun is shining in my face. I also notice a very heavy arm and leg pinning me against the bed. I listen and hear Sidney's steady breathing. I remember our conversation last night and when Sidney asked me to go back to LA with him. I immediately wanted to say yes so that we wouldn't be apart. Then I thought maybe I should say no so that we don't just slip back into our old life and old habits. Basically, I'm confused and need more time to think. Sidney seemed ok with that which is another change I've seen in him. He always wanted to take quick action in our relationship before and we didn't talk or think about things before we did it. Now, it seems that we both are thinking more about what we should do and which steps we should take.

I try to slip out from under his arm and leg but when I try to move, he pulls me closer to him. I love how, even in his sleep, he doesn't want to lose contact. The problem is that I need to pee. I try to slide out again but now I'm half buried under his body. That pressure isn't helping my bladder. Finally, with no choice, I push him off of me. He doesn't even wake up but snuggles into my pillow. I guess he's ok with the pillow if I'm not around. I chuckle as I take care of business in the washroom.

Feeling better, I put on my robe and head to the kitchen. Wow, I didn't realize that we slept so late. It's already 9am and I'm usually up and about much earlier. After setting the coffee to brew, I take out some fruit, pastry and cheese. Hopefully Sidney will be up soon and we can decide what to do today. I hear his heavy footsteps in the hall. Guess he's up now. I pour his orange juice and make sure that there is enough food for two. He is pulling a tee shirt on as he comes into the kitchen. I feel a little flush as I catch a glimpse of his chest and abs before he covers them up. That gives me an idea of where to go today.

"Did you bring swim trunks with you?" I ask him. He looks at me surprised and says "I have shorts that will do. Why?" That definitely gives me an idea. "There is a great beach about 30 minutes from here. It is supposed to be gorgeous. The city is called Follonica and it's won awards for it's beaches. Want to go?" He gives me a big grin and says "do you have that white bikini with you?" Leave it to Sidney to take a day at the beach right into the gutter – I conveniently forget the very reason I suggested the beach was to see more of his body – and I just laugh. "Yes, I do." He just grins and nods affirmatively.

We eat quickly, pack up towels, change of clothes in case we want to go to dinner and some water. We each are wearing our suits with Sidney wearing a tee shirt and I have a sun dress over mine. We put the top down on the car and drive through the country side. It is a perfect day to go to the beach. It may not be officially summer yet but it already feels like it here. I rely on the GPS to get us there and have programmed in one of the more secluded beaches. The housekeeper says that it has more locals at it than tourists. I seriously doubt Sidney would be recognized regardless of where we go but I choose this beach because there will be less people and less of a circus. We easily find a place to park and make our way to the beach. Sidney has taken my hand and we each carry a bag. We seem to have to be touching each other at all times; that much seems to never change.

The first thing I notice is the bright blue water. It is incredibly clear and beautiful. The sand is white and dotted with towels and blankets. There are quite a few families out today but it isn't overly crowded. It looks perfect for us. We find a great spot and spread out our blanket. After getting organized, Sidney pulls his tee shirt off and begins to put suntan lotion on; I can't take my eyes off of him. I'm literally sitting beside him and staring at the huge expanse of his chest. He rubs more into his arms and shoulders then turns to me and says "would you do my back?" I swallow audibly and can only nod. I slide lotion over his shoulders and down his back feeling each muscle group as I go. God, I forgot just how incredibly gorgeous his body is and have to consciously keep myself from rubbing onto other areas. Out of the corner of my eye I catch his grin. That dirty … oh, he knows exactly what this is doing to me. Well, two can play at that game.

"You're all done; my turn now." I stand up and wait until he is looking at me. Slowly I shimmy out of sundress until my body is revealed in my white bikini; Sidney's favourite. I lie down on my stomach and undo the straps of top. "I don't want to get tan lines." I can actually hear him swallow and when he squirts the lotion into his hand he misses and it hits the sand. Good, serves him right. He eventually does get the lotion on his hands and begins to massage it into my back. Wow, his hands feel incredible against my skin warmed by the sun. He starts at my lower back and works his way up, between my shoulders, over my shoulders, down my arms and to my back again. I feel his fingers at the sides of my breasts. I don't think I completely thought this through. Any minute I'm going to mew like a kitten under his talented fingers. He moves down my thighs, over my calves and back up. I can feel myself breathing heavier and every nerve ending alive under his fingertips. Damn, I guess I didn't just trick Sidney with this stunt. I can't take any more without jumping him right here in public so I quickly do up my straps again and sit up. I look at Sidney and see that it has had just as much of an effect on him. "Let's go in the water." I say and he just nods at me.

The water is a little chilly which is just perfect for my hot body. I dive in and swim a little ways out. When I look behind me, I see that Sidney has followed me out. When he's beside me, he takes me in his arms for a searing kiss. I can't touch the ground but Sidney can so I lean on him to keep me up. His hands slide down to cup my ass and I wrap my legs around him. I can feel how he's getting hard against my core. Despite the cold water, I feel heat spread over me and settle just south of my belly button. I break the kiss and pull just far enough away to look him in the eyes. His eyes are incredibly dark with desire. I can feel the heat and desire radiating from his whole body. My hips rock into his without my even realizing it. A groan escapes from Sidney as he rests his forehead against mine and holds my centre to his. We stay like that for just a few moments. I run my hands over his shoulders and massage at the muscles. I lean a little farther from him and run my hands over his chest. I take the time to explore every nook and cranny of his upper body; arms, shoulders, back and, my favourite, his chest. His breathing has become more heavy and he says "what are you doing?" in a very low, deep voice. "I'm touching you Sidney." I say very softly to him. His eyes are on mine as I continue to run my hands over his expansive chest. "I love to touch you and have missed this so much." I know I'm playing with fire. I was the one who wanted to wait and not rush into anything. I just can't seem to care now that I'm in his arms and we're mostly naked.

I feel his erection grow against me as I play with his nipples. One of his hands has dipped inside my suit and is cupping my ass. He pulls me even further against him and I rotate my hips again. This elicits a loud groan out of Sidney; God that is the sexiest sound ever. I take a lick at his lips and then capture them with mine. Neither of us notices the huge wave coming at us until we are underwater. We come up laughing and sputtering. It serves us right for forgetting that we're at the beach, in public, and should be more cautious with our PDA. I guess some things really don't ever change. We swim to the beach and run up to our blanket before collapsing on it in laughter. "I don't know if taking it slow is still working for me." I tell him. He looks sideways at me and I see the intense fire back in his eyes again. "I want you desperately Sidney but I'm so scared to repeat our past mistakes. It terrifies me actually. I love you so much and want this to work." He rolls onto his side and takes my face in his hand. "My sweet Angel, we will make it work. Regardless of whether we make love now or later, we will make it work. I know it. I won't live without you." The fierceness with which he says this to me startles me but excites me too. This wonderful, loving, sexy man wants me and won't live without me. It's overwhelming and exciting at the same time. That's when my decision is made. "You know Sidney, they have a lot of boutique hotels by the beach."


	60. Chapter 60

**_Note: this story could have ended with them solving everything when he found her but I hate it when love stories end there with 'the big gesture.' I always wonder what happens when they go back to their lives and how do they really trust again and build a new, better relationship. What other bumps along the way are experienced as they travel their new course. In fact, can they really find their way back together but with a new understanding and deeper love. For that reason, I've decided to continue this story. I think sid and Angelia both deserve it._**

* * *

As we stand at the front desk, I think back to how quickly we gathered up our things and found one of those little hotels near the beach. It was like there was a red haze around me and I could only feel desire and could only see him. Now that we're doing the mundane things you need to do to check into a hotel, I've started thinking. Am I doing the right thing? Am I just letting hormones get to me? Are we really on the right path now? Should we still wait? "Babe?" Sidney is looking at me like he's expecting a response. "Sorry, I was day dreaming." Sidney gives me a look that I'm glad the desk clerk can't see. I know exactly what he's thinking about. "Are you ready?" I nod and we go to the elevator. We're silent as we ride up to the top floor. Sidney lets us into a beautiful room. There is a lovely sitting area with lush furniture. The windows open out to the beach and the water is all I can see for miles and miles. I look behind meat the bedroom area and there is a huge, four poster bed with lovely fabric hanging around it. "It's gorgeous Sidney. Look at this view. All you can see for miles is the water and it's so clear. I don't think I've seen water that clear since we were in Barbados. I also can't believe the beach is so quiet. There are lots of people out there but all I can hear is the water really. Sure there is a buzz of activity in the background but all I can really make out is the water. I love the smell too. It's so fresh smelling." I jump when I feel Sidney's hand on my arm. I know I've been babbling but I can't seem to help it. When I'm not overwhelmed with desire, I'm just plain scared that we're not doing the right thing.

"Angel, we don't have to do this you know. We can wait. I need to be with you. I need you to be with me. We don't need to have sex for that to happen right now." I look into his face. I can see that he means what he says, he's probably not happy about it, but he does mean what he is saying to me. I also know that I want him with a fierceness that is eating me up. "I lied to you last night." He looks at me quizzically when I tell him that "what do you mean?" I take a deep breath. "I was already awake last night when I heard you bang around. I've had trouble sleeping since I left Pittsburgh. Before you came here, it was because I missed you so badly and was lost. After you came here, I couldn't sleep knowing you were only a room away from me and I couldn't touch you. You were a room away from me and I couldn't feel your hands roaming over my naked skin. You were a room away from me and I couldn't feel you pulsing inside me as you ride your orgasm with mine." I can't believe I'm saying these things. I've never been a prude but I've also never been so brazen. I feel the heat of his body as he has come up behind me. I slowly turn and raise my eyes to his. "I just don't want to screw this up Sidney. I love you too much."

"So we won't" is all he says. I wonder if it can really be that simple and then I can't think of anything at all. His hands are in my hair taking out the elastic. He combs his fingers through it and it falls around my shoulders the way I know he likes it. His hands roam down the sides of my neck and to my shoulders where he pushes down the straps of my sundress. It falls silently to the floor and leaves me in my bikini. Sidney's eyes roam down over my body and then back up. I can feel each body part as his eyes takes it in. It's my turn and I run my hands under his shirt over his abs and then chest taking his shirt with them. He lifts his arms to help me take it off. I use my finger tips to trace the muscles on his chest. I just can't get enough of touching his body. I lower my hands over his stomach and feel it quiver. I look up at him and smile knowing exactly what I'm doing to him with my touch. I rise up on my toes to kiss his lips as my hand travels down further and cups him through his suit. He's already getting hard and I love that I do that to him. He moans into my mouth as I cup him. Seriously, best sound ever!

I kiss over his jaw, down his neck taking tiny bites and licks of him there, and then over his chest. So much skin to lick and kiss as my hand begins to stroke him through his suit. I slide my other hand inside his suit at his hip and move my other hand to the other side. I kiss down his chest and then over his tight abs. As I sink completely down to my knees I pull his shorts down with me. He springs free and I grab his shaft with my hand. He moans and then again when I take the tip in my mouth. I use my hand to stroke him and my tongue and lips to suck. He grows huge and fast. I guess it has been a few weeks. I move my hand and mouth faster and his hand settles on my head. His fingers run through my hair and then just hang on as I increase speed again. "Angelia" he says and his hand tries to move my head away. I know he's close to his orgasm and he always wants me to go first. This time I feel the need to show him how much I want him first. It's vitally important to me that he knows how much I desire him and want to please him. I've had so many 'complaints' about our relationship that I need him to know how much I still need to please him. Within seconds his body seizes and his orgasm washes over him. I slowly slide up his body until I'm standing and looking at the rapture on his face. I feel it all the way to my core how much pleasure I gave him. He wanted to stop and couldn't.

He regains composure and is looking at me. I can't stop a smile from spread over my face. "You are the devil, you know that don't you." I love how deep and husky his voice is when he says this to me. My smile just widens and I nod. He chuckles deep and low, second best sound ever, and kicks his trunks from his ankles. Then he picks me up so that I'm straddling him and walks toward the bed. He slides me down his body and onto the bed. I'm kneeling on it now which puts me at the same height as Sidney with him standing in front of me. He coils my hair around his hand and pulls my head back to completely expose my neck to him. He begins to lick and suck at various spots. I cry out when he takes a little nip. My hands have gone to his shoulders to steady myself. He tilts my head just the way he wants it and kisses below my ear. When I feel his breath there I shiver all the way through my body. He is so good at that and he knows it. I feel his smile against my neck as he continues to kiss it. He moves over my jaw line and up my chin to my lips. But he doesn't kiss me. I let out a little cry from wanting and still he doesn't kiss me. I slip out my tongue over his lips but he won't come closer. His tongue finds mine and we have a little duel before he finally crushes his lips to mine. His hand pulls my head back as far as it will go. His other hand goes around my waist to keep me flush against him. I can't do anything but try to keep up.

He releases the straps of my top and it falls to the bed. My breasts are now up against his bare chest. My nipples harden immediately. He continues to kiss me and sweep his tongue over mine as his free hand finds one of my nipples. His thumb slides around and around it and then he rolls it with his thumb and forefinger. I can't keep up with all of the pleasure I'm feeling. My lips are swollen from his hard, searing kiss. My nipples are hard from the feeling of his skin and his ministrations. He keeps his hand in my hair as his mouth travels over my neck, down my chest to lap up one nipple with his tongue. I moan loudly. He moves to my other breast and continues. I moan again. He pushes me back until I'm lying on the bed and he has moved over me.

* * *

I actually thought the woman was going to kill me; when I felt her lips take me into her mouth I thought I might just die. When I came so quickly, I thought I might die of embarrassment. I try so hard to make sure she comes before I ever do, especially in case it can only happen once, that I didn't want her to do it. Turns out that I just can't stop her and, I guess, after so many weeks apart, I really didn't want to; but, I'm going to make it up to her now. We finally made it to the bed and I'm sliding off the last remaining barrier between us, her bikini bottoms. When we are finally both naked, I lie beside her and run my hand from her cheek down to her thigh but carefully not touching between her thighs. She lets out a small mew when I touch all around it but don't go in between. Her hips begin to move as I near but I still don't dip lower. Her legs widely open and I still make her wait. She's not the only one who can tease.

I lean over her and take one of her nipples into my mouth. I run my tongue around and around and then suck on it. I lightly play my teeth over it too. She lets out a groan at that so I do it again. My hand is sitting on her hip and the other is in her hair. I still make her wait. As my mouth moves to the other breast, my hand finds the one I just left wet and I slide my finger around the wet nipple as I take the other one into my mouth. Repeating the action with my tongue, lips and then teeth, my hand slides lower. I skim over her stomach, lightly rest at her hip and then caress her thigh. Her hips arch again and I move my fingers to her inner thigh now. I'm closer but not close enough for her. "Sidney, please" she begs me. I can feel how tight her body is and how desperate she needs me to touch deep inside her.

Deciding that she has waited long enough, I slide one finger from front to back over the crevasse but not inside. Still I make her wait. I move my finger back and forth while dipping a little more inside each time. When my finger is outside her entrance, she tries to thrust her hips to take it in but I don't let her. I move my mouth to a nipple again and lick at it. I take her nipple in my mouth as I slip my finger deep but slowly inside her. She lets out a long, loud cry that I'm sure we'll hear from hotel security any minute. I rotate my finger so that every nerve ending at her entrance can feel it. I add another finger as I take her other nipple in my mouth. I pump her in and out a few tinges and then take my soaked fingers to slide over her clit. I circle it round and round and then rub. She comes off the bed with her hips and cries out loud again. When my fingers slip back inside her, they are instantly soaked again. I kiss down her breasts and then stomach as my fingers continue to pump her. I remove my fingers when my lips get to her stomach. I slip off the bed and pull her closer to the edge. My hands hold her thighs as wide apart as they'll go and I can see her open to me. Her clit is completely engorged. She is glistening with how wet she is and I can't wait to taste. Using the flat of my tongue, I take a big, slow lick of her; once, twice, three times. I can hear her uneven breath and cries, moans and mews. I feel myself getting harder again with every noise she makes.

Using my fingers, I pull her lips apart and slip my tongue inside her. I dart it in and out over and over again. Her hips begin to rotate with my thrusts. Making my tongue flat again, I lick up until I find her clit. It is so sensitive right now that the little lick I give it brings her to the brink of orgasm. I decide to let her have her first release and take her clit in my mouth. I alternate between sucking and licking. I continue this going faster and faster, over and over, until I hear her crying out and finally letting go. She gushes as she orgasms and my face is soaked. She is still shaking as I climb back up on the bed and, after wiping my mouth, I lean in to kiss her. Her entire body has gone lax now. I continue to run my hands over the hills and valleys of her soft skin. I don't' want her too relaxed. I'm not nearly done with her yet. I trace circles on the inside of her thighs and feel her shiver again. Good, not too relax yet. I slip a finger back inside of her and she shivers again. If I thought she was responsive before she had an orgasm, she is exponentially more sensitive and responsive directly after she orgasms.

I swirl my finger around her entrance and then up to her clit. I barely touch it and her hips jump like I used electric shock. I flick it ever so softly with the tip of my finger and her hips jump again. Good. I continue to tease her clit as I take her mouth with mine. I kiss her so deeply I don't know where her tongue starts and my stops. It's like our bodies are slowly becoming one again. It's been so long that I want to explore every single part of her before we finally mate. I slide one and then two fingers inside of her and feel that I can add a third. When I do, there is an increased friction as I pull in and out. Her hips begin to move in time to my fingers and her mouth and tongue continue to play with mine. I move over her and spread her legs as wide as they'll go. She guides me inside her with her hand and we both moan when we are finally connected. It kills me but I hold there for as long as I can. I want to extend the pleasure and I also want to savour this moment that I've been waiting weeks for and thought I might never have again.

I move very slowly at first drawing out every nuance, every touch, every feeling. We both pick up the pace slightly and the friction is incredible. She puts her arms around me and rolls me onto my back. We stay connected but now she's on top. She is setting a quicker pace and reaches back to rest her hands on my thighs as rocks over me. I love this position because I can be buried even deeper in her and I can also reach up and rub at her clit. I do this now and she begins to rock faster. I'm praying that I can hold on. She rocks faster and faster and I rub her clit harder and faster too. I'm trying desperately to hold on longer when she throws her head back and cries out. While she's riding her orgasm, I let myself go and almost black out for a moment. Angelia falls completely on top of me and we both try to catch our breaths. I take each of her cheeks in a hand and kiss her softly but deeply. We are both covered with sweat and completely flush. "I love you" I tell her "very, very much." I see tears gather in her eyes and she kisses me and then says "and I love you very, very much Sidney." I am still inside her, although soft, and I feel more connected to her than any other human being in my entire life; physically, emotionally, passionately. This is truly what it feels like to love.


	61. Chapter 61

I wake up and I don't know where I am. It's an occupational hazard when you travel so much and I am in and out of hotels often. This doesn't feel like a hotel to me though. My eyes adjust to the moonlight and I make out Angelia under the covers beside me. It all comes back to me then. Our trip to the beach and her body in that small white bikini; her suggestion that we find a hotel nearby and then the most incredible sex I've ever had. We lay together on the bed afterward and talked about nonsense really. We reminisced about our first summer together in Nova Scotia. She asked me how Sarah is doing and if she's lost any more teeth. She told me how Karl Lagerfeld, designer at Channel (I had to ask because I had no idea who he was), has decided that Mariah is going to be his muse for his next collection. I don't know what this means but it seems like a very big deal. I asked her to explain how the universe developed from the Big Bang. I'm definitely curious but I also just wanted to hear her talk. I can't get enough of her voice right now. It seems to prove that she's really here and it isn't a dream.

The room has a gorgeous washroom with a deep soaker tub. We indulged ourselves in it and managed to get most of the water on the floor after we decided to take advantage of being naked, wet and together. We had every intention of going out for dinner but putting clothes on seemed like too much work so we ordered room service; fluffy hotel robes was as covered up as we wanted to get. I look back over her form and I can only make out some hair from under the covers. I slowly slide the covers down to her waist. She's sleeping on her stomach so her bare back is exposed to me. Her skin glows in the moonlight coming in the window. I'm overcome with the need to touch her so I slide closer to her and press my lips to her lower back. She doesn't even stir. Using my tongue, I lick up from her lower back to between her shoulder blades and she lets out a sigh. I gently move her hair to one side and lick up her neck too. Still she doesn't move. When I slide my lips to her exposed ear and nibble at her lobe she does sigh again and shift slightly. I let my breath caress her ear where I was just nibbling and she shifts now with a small moan. She may still be asleep but I've got her attention.

I brush the backs of my fingers down the slope of her back as I continue to kiss her neck. She shifts again and moans again. When I move slightly away from her, she turns onto her side so her back is facing me, and snuggles back into sleep. Not one to turn away from a challenge, I slide behind her and pull her to me. My heart swells with how she immediately cuddles back into me. It is so instinctive that she even does it in her sleep. I slide my hand over her thigh, hip and then waist before moving it to her stomach. Taking a moment to decide where to go first, up or down, I kiss her neck. Leaving light wet kisses at her neck, I decide to go up first. My hand slides over the fullness of her breast and I just keep it there to feel the heavy weight in my hand. Her skin is so soft and delicate and I use my fingers to play over her nipple until if puckers for me. I repeat the same action at her other breast. When both of her nipples have puckered, I use my tongue at her ear and slide my hand lower. She seems to be asleep still but is definitely responding to my attentions. My hand slides between her legs to seek the heated core there. I slip between her legs and find her hot and already moist. She's soft here too and my erection grows as I feel just how soft.

When I slip two fingers inside of her they get damp and I use them to rub over her clit. Now I hear her gasp and she is definitely waking up. My lips continue to work up and down her neck to shoulder and back again. My hand finds the core of her and plays with the soft skin inside and out making sure to stop at her clit as I pass by. She softly cries out my name and I go instant hard. I'll never get use to how she does that; it goes right through to my dick every time. She turns her head so that she finds my lips with hers as I continue to work her with my hand. She laps at my tongue and lips ardently. I slip a leg in between hers to give me more room to work her. Her hand twines with my free one and her other hand has reached behind to my ass and pulls me closer to her. When I slip my fingers back inside of her I feel that she is now drenched. I move her slightly to line us up better and I easily slip inside of her. She lets out a quiet moan as I enter her. I set a slow pace at first; we simply rock against each other at our own pace. When her nails dig into my ass, I quicken the pace with increasing speed that she matches. I reach around and rub her clit as we continue to increase our speed when I feel her release. With a few more strokes I let go too.

After a few minutes, she turns to face me and takes my cheeks in her hands. "Now that is the only way to wake up in a hotel at 2am" and I chuckle because she's right. I kiss her and we continue to kiss and pet, neither of us wanting to lose the connection. She slides her hand over my chest and stops at my heart. "You have such a full and giving heart Sidney. I feel so lucky to be loved by you. I hope you know that." I am moved beyond anything I can express when she says that to me. This closeness that is pure love and connection is new. I know that I loved her before but, going through what we have and entering a new honesty seems to have increased the intensity of everything, especially the love. I take her hand and pull it up to my lips. "I do know that Angel because I feel the same about you. You have meant more to me than any other person in my life ever before."

* * *

I don't know what has come over me. The intensity of the feelings I have for Sidney have grown so large that I don't recognize them. This is so new and, well, huge. I lean in to kiss Sidney because I don't have the words to adequately express myself after what he has said. It all just pales in comparison with what's in my heart. As I kiss him, I pull him to me and he slides willingly into my arms. I love the feel of his weight over me. I am warm from head to toe and I feel so safe and so loved. I pull back slightly and just look at him. His usual plump lips are swollen and even bigger. His eyes are black and filled with his own feelings. I run my fingers over his brow and down his cheeks. My thumb swipes over his bottom lip where he captures it and sucks it into his mouth. It is incredibly erotic to see his lips encircle my thumb and feel his tongue lave over it. I don't even realize that I've moaned until I see his eyes narrow further.

I move completely onto my back and pull Sidney with me until he settles between my legs. My arms circle him and I run my nails up and down his back. He throws his head back and the noise he makes is halfway between a moan and a roar. I do it again and follow the curve of his ass this time which makes him rock his hips into mine. I can feel his erection growing again against my core. I have a brief thought of how much I love the stamina of professional athletes and I dig my nails into his shoulders trying to just hold on. Sidney enters me so fast and hard that I am left trying to catch up. I hold on tight as he sets a wild pace that leaves me breathless. My orgasm is on me before I know it since it comes so close to my last one. As I go over I vaguely feel Sidney continue to rock his hips against mine until he moans again and then collapses on me. When he does roll off of me and onto his back he says a quiet "ouch." I look over at him and his hand is at his shoulder. I slap my hand to my mouth. When I can speak again, I say "Oh my God, did I really do that?" He has five half-moon shapes on each shoulder that are slightly red like welts. I'm stunned but then I can't help but giggle. I actually can't control it and roll onto my side, holding my stomach, while I continue to giggle. I do notice that Sidney has joined me in the laugh-fest. When we both are able to control ourselves, Sidney says "I'm glad I'm not playing right now. The guys would never let me forget it." That cause a fresh burst of giggles from me. Sidney grabs me in a head lock and pretends to give me a noogie. Of course that makes us both laugh.

When we both finally settle, Sidney rolls onto his back and pulls me into his arms with him. I lay there and listen to his heartbeat and draw circles on his chest with my finger. We both enjoy the silence and each other. I don't know when it happened but I do drift off to sleep dreaming very happy dreams.

* * *

The light is shining in my eyes so I cover my face with the pillow. "Come on Sidney, the day is getting away from us." How can she be so fucking cheerful at, good God it's 8am, after only three or four hours of sleep. She yanks the pillow off of my head. "Seriously, let's go. There are lots of sites to see." I try to pull the covers up over my head but she hanks them off of me. I've been naked in front of too many people throughout my life to be worried about lying on the bed without any clothes on but I do worry about not enough sleep. I roll over to bury my face in my hands. The woman then has the nerve to slap my ass. I don't even flinch so she does it again. This time I'm too quick for her and I grab her and pull her to the bed. "Let me go Crosby. We have things to do, places to see." I pin her to the mattress and notice that she's dressed. Time to fix that but her hands come up squarely on my chest. "You wore me out last night man! Give a girl a break and let's go see the town. So far we've only been on the beach and in this room, not that I'm complaining, but it's time to see what's outside." I roll my eyes "can't we do it at a more reasonable hour of the day?" She shakes her head and wiggles out from under me. "If you want a shower you 10 minutes and I went down to the front desk and got toothbrushes and various other toiletries. Hurry that fine ass of yours because I'm out of her in ten and I have the keys to the car."

I know her well enough to take her at her word so I go into the bathroom to take care of business. I see that she also got deodorant and various other things. No razor so I'll have to go scruffy, or at least as scruffy as I get after one day. I move through my personal hygiene quickly and am getting dressed with a few minutes to spare. I'm glad we brought a change of clothes in case we had dinner. We didn't need them for dinner but they have come in handy today. Now that I'm actually awake, I see that Angelia is wearing another sundress that falls all the way to the floor. I miss being able to look at her legs but it does leave her shoulders and arms bare. It also falls in a very interesting way over her breasts. Hmmm something to look at after all. "Crosby, get those thoughts out of your head. We're going to breakfast now." I'm actually hungry for more than her so I follow her out of the room. We check out at the desk and we go to the car. Neither of us thought of it last night but I'm hoping it's still there and hasn't been towed. It is still there and I notice that there aren't parking signs of any kind. In fact, people are parked however they could fit a car in so I guess anything goes here. We drop off our bags and head back into town.

"There is supposed to be a café around the corner." She tells me and we head in that direction. There is a café and there is outdoor seating occupied by only a few. A waiter comes over to us after we've sat down. Angelia talks to him in Italian – when did she become fluent in Italian – and then she turns to me. "They do typical Italian breakfast here so we're not going to get what we're used to eating. I've asked him to bring you an orange juice and me a cappuccino then some various fruit, cheese and pastry. Ok?" I guess this is why the say "when in Rome" so I thank the waiter. So far 'grazie' is all I can manage and it does earn me a smile. I reach across the table and hold her hand. She smiles at me and I'm completely captivated by it, by her, again. "This is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Every morning, I want to wake up with you." I feel her hand go stiff in mine. Damn, did I go too far? I wasn't even thinking when I said it. I love her and still want her to be my wife but we haven't talked about it again. Damnit.

"I'm sorry Angelia. Please forget that I said it. I wasn't thinking and I'm really not trying to push." I take a deep breath and look up into her face. She is studying me and thinking. "It's ok Sidney, really. You said what was in your heart. That's ok, that's better than ok. I need to tell you that I'm not ready for that yet. I'm getting closer, but I'm just not there. I'm sorry if that hurts you." I think about it and it does hurt me but I also understand what she's saying and I agree that we shouldn't rush so I tell her so. She smiles at me. We're on the same page again. Just in time for breakfast to arrive. The waiter says something in Italian and Angelia responds. The waiter looks at me, asks Angelia a question and she agrees. He chuckles and then leaves. "Ok, you have to tell me what that was all about." She's laughing as she stirs her coffee. "He wanted to be sure that we wanted all of this food. I told him yes and that my boyfriend is a professional athlete who will eat it all. That's when he essentially said 'really?' and I said yes." I think about that for a moment. "He didn't believe that I'm an athlete?" She laughs "they mostly see football, soccer, players and you don't look like one so he didn't understand. Hockey doesn't translate in Italy." I guess this makes sense but it's odd not to be thought of as an athlete. I knew I wouldn't be recognized here but to not even be seen as an athlete is just weird.

We finish up breakfast, yes I ate it all, and start walking through the town. There is a market that we wander through and Angelia stops periodically to look at something or talk to someone. I love watching her explore; I can see her brain work. We walk hand in hand taking our time. We stop at one stall and Angelia sees a necklace that she admires. I buy it for her and she smiles brightly at me. She holds her hair off of her neck as I put it on her. After kissing her neck, I turn her around to see it on her. She kisses me and says "thank you." "It looks beautiful on you. Actually, everything looks beautiful on you." She kisses me again. The day couldn't be better. We say thank you to the vendor and continue on our way.

It is getting hot out so we pause at a bistro for a cold drink. I have an Orangenia, I really love these things, and Angelia has a lemon-something. The bistro is at the beach so we watch the water and mostly families playing. A ball flies our way and I just catch it just in time so that it doesn't hit Angelia. A small boy comes up to us speaking Italian a million words an minute. I don't understand a word of course and he is quite insistent while he's speaking. I guess he's asked me a question because he gets angry when I don't respond. Angelia pipes in and I guess she tells him that I don't speak Italian. He nods, says something to Angelia which she nods at, and then he takes the ball in one of his hands and my hand in his other. I look at Angelia and she just shrugs. I guess I'm going with the boy. I follow him to his blanket and what must be his sister and brother. He lets out another stream of Italian to the other kids and then points at me. The little girl picks something up and hands it to me. I see a toy in a few different pieces. It looks like they need help putting it back together but how did I get elected? I kneel down on the blanket with them and look at the pieces. It seems to be hoop for the water that you through the ball into; the ball that came our way at the bistro. Once I know what it is, I can see how the pieces fit together. I lay them out and try different methods of attaching them together. Eventually, I figure it out and how they snap together. It takes me no time to put it together once I've figured that out.

When I finish, I hand it to the boy who brought me over here. He says something to me that, of course, I don't understand. The other boy, who I think is his brother, tackles me and I think he's giving me a huge. Both the other boy and the girl pile on and I'm pinned to the blanket with three giggling kids on top of me. A few minutes later, I hear a woman yelling in Italian at us. She is screeching at me and the kids are now yelling too but at her. There is so much yelling, and all in Italian, so I just stay where I am hoping that the kids are explaining things to the woman. Whatever they are saying doesn't work because she keeps yelling. Thankfully, Angelia comes up and talks to the woman. The woman finally stops yelling and, within a few minutes, is laughing with Angelia. I get up feeling that she gets it now. The woman shakes my hand and I do hear a 'grazie.' I smile and nod to her.

Angelia and I wave and walk down the beach. "That was close, thanks for saving me; although, now that I think about it, you are the one who got me into it." She laughs at me and says "yeah, I guess I did." I just shake my head at her. We continue down the beach until we come to a walkway leading up to the main road. As we follow the road, we see some little shops and Angelia wants to look in them. Under most situations, I would rather push a fork through my eye than shop in 'quaint' little shops. Doing it with Angelia though seems exactly right. She talks with each shop owner. I don't know what they say exactly but both point at the owner's wares. She buys a few things along the way, which I hold of course, and occasionally shows me something for my opinion. I'm encouraged when she buys something for my mom and sister. I don't know if she even realizes what she's doing but I notice. Would she really buy something for my family if we weren't back together?

My phone rings and its Pat. "I'm sorry Angelia, but it's Pat and I have to take it." I talk to him and he wants to know when I'm coming back to LA. Reebok wants to move up the filming date. I look at Angelia and I just don't know what to do. I tell him that I'll call him back to confirm and he wants to know why I have to call him back. Not knowing what to say, I tell him simply that I have to call him back. Angelia turns to me and asks "what does Pat want?" I pull her to a bench and we both sit down. "Reebok wants to move up the shoot. That means that I'd have to leave tomorrow. I would love to bring you with me baby but I don't want to push you. If you're not ready, I'll be disappointed but I'll understand, really." I simply sit there now and wait. I really have no idea what she's going to say or do.


	62. Chapter 62

It's a long flight from Italy to LA but at least we got a direct flight out of Rome. We've pushed up the arm rest so that I can cuddle into him. We were watching a movie but Sidney has gone to sleep. I'm watching him more than the movie now. I'm so glad that I decided to go back with him. I think back to that moment when Sidney asked me. Immediately after, I had a moment of panic and couldn't decide if I should go with him or not and that was when I looked at him. He looked so hopeful at me that I knew in an instant that I had to go. After all, how can we continue to work on our relationship if we aren't together? Mariah was really happy for me when I told her. She's even thinking of coming to LA to visit but I don't know when she'll find the time.

I look up at Sidney again and watch him sleep. When I told him I'd go with him to LA I thought I saw tears in his eyes. All he did was kiss me and say thank you. How can I not be confident in my decision when this man loves me this much? He looks so young when he's asleep. There are no lines on his face at all and he is completely relaxed. Even in his sleep, he keeps his arms around me and holds me. It's like its instinctive and that makes me smile. The flight attendant walks by and softly asks if I need anything. I tell her no, thank you. She smiles at me and Sidney and keeps going. I slip off my shoes and settle more fully on Sidney's chest. He tightens his arms around me. I drift off to sleep feeling content and loved; no, I definitely don't need anything else but what I've got.

* * *

I wake up and it takes me a moment to orient myself. I feel and see Angelia in my arms and realize we're still on the plane. She must have drift off to sleep too. I look at the monitor at the front of the cabin and it seems like we're about two hours from LA. I can let her sleep a little longer. I run my hand over her hair and gaze at her for a few minutes. While I am ecstatically happy that she's with me I'm also really nervous. We've always been good when it's just the two of us and we're isolated from everything in the 'real world.' It's when we try to incorporate the 'real world' that we run into trouble. Our newfound happiness is tentative and we haven't solved everything yet. This really concerns me for going back to hockey. At least it's not season yet. I have a lot of flexibility while training and California gives us lots to do. I have a surprise for Angelia too. We're going to be here for more than a month so I rented a house and it's right on the beach. This will be much better than a hotel.

I lean back against the head rest and think back over the last week. I went from LA to Milan and then Milan to Tuscany. Of course, I suspended my training to do this and I know Pat is worried. He always gets worried if anything remotely interferes with my training, practicing or playing. Basically, he thinks that I should be 24/7 in hockey mode. Until Angelia, I completely agreed with him; but, I have someone in my life now and need to figure out how to bring the two most important things in my life together successfully. I know it can be done. I just need to figure out how to do it. Actually, we need to figure out how to do it. That's one of the big things I think we've both learned. Each of us has tried to take things on alone because we didn't want to bother the other. Clearly, that hasn't worked for us. Angelia has proven that she can handle whatever is thrown her way and I need to remember that she's a partner. I will always do whatever I can to protect her, maybe it's the traditional part of me that wants to protect 'my woman,' but I need to include her in decisions and talk to her about what's bothering me. I guess I've never had an adult relationship before that wasn't a summer thing – or a sex thing – and I'm learning as I go. Maybe Angelia is too.

As I think back to when I asked her to come to LA with me, I remember the sheer panic on her face first. It was a stab in the heart. I understand where it was coming from, I'm concerned myself, but it still hurt incredibly that her first reaction to going back with me was panic. I know it's not logical. I know it's even unfair. All I felt at that moment was hurt. Then I could actually watch her think it through. My pretty professor is a thinker and needs to consider. Within seconds, a smile spread across her face and she said "yes." I lifted her off of the bench and into my arms. She made me so happy with one little word. So why does my heart still ache for that first moment of panic she felt?

The lights come up in the cabin. I love how they do that for international flights. The lights come up slowly like it's a sunrise to gently wake you up. At least it does in first class. From my days of riding coach, I only remember noisy flights with no sleep. I gently wake Angelia by bending down and touch her lips with mine. In her sleep, her hands slide up to my neck and she takes the kiss deeper. For a few moments, I forget that we're on a plane but the sound of the flight attendant talking to someone behind me brings me back. "Come on Angel it's time to wake up." Her eyes pop open and become owlish as she looks up at me. When she looks around it orients her and she sits up and stretches. I wish I hadn't watched that and I quickly turn away from her supple body.

The flight attendant takes our breakfast orders and we readjust our seats and clothes from sleeping. "How long have you been awake?" she asks me. "Not very long babe. Did you sleep well?" She gives me a sleepy smile. "Oh yeah and I had a really great dream about some guy in a hotel near the beach in Italy." I smile back at her. It seems we both want to hold onto our bubble or cocoon as long as we can. I smile back at her and then kiss her lingering for a few moments. Her hand comes to the side of my neck. I love that light touch when I kiss her. Her fingers always slide up just a bit and into my hair. When we pull away, we are both smiling. "Which hotel are we staying at?" she asks me. Guess I have to let the cat out of the bag. "Actually, I rented a house for us. We'll be here more than a month and I thought we'd both be more comfortable. It comes with a housekeeper who will clean and do laundry so you don't have to do any of that. She can also cook if we want but I know you like to cook so I'll leave that decision up to you." Now I look at her and she looks surprised. "What?" I ask her. "You made sure we got a housekeeper so that I don't have to cook?" she asks me. "Yeah, it's not like you're my maid." She throws her arms around me. Guess I did something good. "My mom kinda pointed out how I assumed you would do all of that work and we never talked about it. We both know that I won't be pitching in or helping out so I thought a housekeeper would be a great compromise." She pulls away and looks at me. "That's a great compromise Sidney." Looks like I got it right. I feel better about this move now.

We land shortly after eating breakfast and we are now waiting for Angelia's luggage. I only have carry-on but she had two suitcases with her. "Mr. Troy?" I turn around as I hear someone say one of the names we use in airports so no one knows me; although in LA that really doesn't happen. "Yes" I say to the man in a black suit. "I'm here to drive you home sir." I guess I look at him quizzically so he says "Mr. Brisson arranged this for you and I have the address of your home here." I should have figured that Pat would arrange something. The man asks Angelia to point out her bags for him and when they come down the conveyor he takes them off. With a "please follow me" we are off to the car. It takes no time to settle in and then we are on the highway. LA traffic is usually crazy but at this time of night, it's around midnight, there are very few people on the road.

Before we got into the car, the driver handed me an envelope. There is a note from Pat welcoming us home, a couple of keys for the house and the alarm and gate codes. When arrive at the house, the driver punches in the gate code and drops us off at the door. "Wow" is all Angelia can say. I have to agree with her because it looks even better in person than it did in the pictures. I drop our bags in the foyer and we both make our way to the back of the house. Out on the deck, we simply stare at the ocean. I put my arm around Angelia and pull her to me. We stay that way for a few moments watching the moon over the water. She looks up at me and smiles. She's up to something; that is her mischievous smile. Before I know it, she's peeling off her shirt and shorts. Both her panties and bra follow them soon after and then she's running to the water as naked as the day she was born. Until she hits the water, I just watch her and enjoy the view. When she dives in, I follow suit and leave my clothes on the deck to run to the water. I run in after her.

When I come out of the water and shake my hair I say "that's one way to shake off the jet lag." She laughs and circles my neck with her arms. "I can't believe how warm the water is and it's only the beginning of summer." I look down at her when she says this and smile at her. We stay that way, simply floating together, until she yawns. "Let's get you to bed" I tell her and she nods. We make our way up to the deck and I see a cabinet there. Looking inside I see towels. Good planning by whoever owns this place. We towel off and wrap ourselves up. I'm feeling the travel catching up with me too. We find the master and both crawl into bed. Neither of us even has the energy to unpack just yet. I pull her into my arms and we both fall immediately into sleep.


	63. Chapter 63

All I can think is that the sun is extremely warm and bright after opening my eyes and immediately closing them. I guess we didn't close the blinds last night. When I do manage to open my eyes again, I see that there are no blinds and that the windows are floor to ceiling with a beautiful and expansive view of the ocean. Wow, that's all I can see when I look out the windows; ocean. It is a breathtaking view. I roll over and Sidney is still asleep, big surprise. I look at my watch on the nightstand and the time says 3pm. I don't know what time zone my watch is set to but that doesn't seem right so I grab my phone. Ahh, its 9am LA time. I don't know what time Sidney has to be there today so I know that I have to wake him up. It's going to be ugly; not only isn't he a morning person but he also reacts badly to more than a three hour time difference. Well, I do know one way he'll like waking up.

He's on his back so my 'job' is made easier and turnaround is fair play after how we woke me up in Italy. I slide under the covers and take him in my hand first. Yep, I find morning wood as I expected. Sometimes men are very predictable. I stroke him a few times with my hand and he shifts and moans in his sleep. I continue to hold him in my hand but I take the tip into my mouth and run my tongue around the tip over and over. He grows bigger in my mouth and I know that this has woken him up, literally and figuratively. He throws back the covers and I look up at him while I continue to lick him with my tongue. His eyes are very dark as they look at me. I take my tongue and lap up one side and down the other now using him as my personal lollypop. His breathing is laboured now and he is fully erect in my mouth. I take in as much as I can of him bobbing in and out a few times. He groans deep from his throat. I know from that sound that he's getting close; his morning wood never lasts long. I massage his balls with my hand as I continue my attention with my mouth. I increase speed and his breathing gets shorter. After a few more strokes he seizes and orgasms. He lays there for a minute and I slide up the bed to lie beside him. "Good morning" I tell him and he laughs. "Yes, it's a very good morning." Now I laugh. He narrows his eyes for a moment and says "you just did that so I didn't give you grief about waking me up, didn't you?" I look at him, trying not to laugh, and say "are you saying that you mind?" He looks back at me and says a simple "nope."

Before he can grab me, I jump out of bed. "Come on Crosby, we have to get going." Laughing, he gets up and we unpack first. Showering and other hygiene related activities follow and we are ready for the day. I'm glad I woke Sidney up because he has to be at the shoot in an hour. He says that there will be lots of food on set so he just grabs a protein shake Pat must have had stocked in the kitchen with the groceries. I don't know what my stomach is ready for; I don't do big time zone changes well either. There is a car waiting outside to drive him and he convinces me to go with him. I guess it could be fun so I agree. Now I experience the traffic you often hear about. The highway is crazy but the driver insists we'll still get there on time. He has given Sidney his cell number so that we can text or call when we're ready to leave. We arrive at an athletic centre that has an indoor arena, an outdoor stadium and what looks like another indoor facility of some kind.

When we pull up, we're met by Pat. He gives Sidney a handshake/hug the way men do and gives me a kiss on both cheeks. "Right on time" Pat says. "Good to see you both. You sure you won't be bored Angelia?" I don't know why his comment makes me a little uneasy but I say "it will be fine, I'm sure." He smiles and nods then we follow him into the facility. Three Reebok representatives are there, two women and one man, and they are introduced by Pat. The women are wardrobe and make up and the man, Todd, is the director. The women are going to take Sidney to the trailer for wardrobe and make up and then he'll meet Todd back on set where he'll explain the concept. The two women beam a smile at Sidney and one gives me a dirty look when Sidney turns to Pat to ask a question. Great, another bitch to deal with; wow, where did that thought come from. Maybe I'm becoming a little proprietary about Sidney. When he is done with Pat, each girl takes Sidney's arm and directs him which way to go. After going a few steps, Sidney untangles himself from the girls and holds out his hand for me. He gives me a knowing smile which makes me grin too. "Coming?" he asks me. I simply take his hand and give him a quick kiss. I don't need to look at the girls to know they are pissed off. Good. Does it make me a small person to be glad they know he's mine? I don't care.

When we get to the trailer, they try to tell me that there isn't enough room but Sidney flashes a smile and says that he's sure we'll all fit. I chuckle to myself because they girls are left with their mouths hanging open as Sidney pulls me into the trailer with him. I resist the urge to stick my tongue out at the girls behind Sidney's back, but just barely. As they do what they need to with Sidney's hair and face, they try to engage him in flirting. Of course it doesn't work for them. In fact, as Sidney sits there, he reaches over to hold my hand and we start talking about going to the Kings game tonight. Pat's company has a box and he's invited us to join him. I've never seen the Stanley Cup finals before and am excited to see it. I'll also get to meet Matt Duchene who Sidney is training with in LA. I know that we'll have to talk about the details, particularly keeping me away from the press, but I also know that it needs to be discussed in private and not with gossipy ears listening. When Sidney is ready, both of them fawn all over him about how great he looks and how great shape is in, blah, blah, blah. Sidney simple looks at me and says "well?" I look him up and down, slowly of course, and then kiss him saying "you'll do" and make my way out of the trailer hearing him laughing after me.

Pat shows me where I can sit and watch. I've brought my iPad with me in case I'm bored but I never even look at it. I'm fascinated by all of the lights and cameras. They are constantly adjusting the lights as the day goes on because the sun is moving. They are sometimes subtle changes but you can really see the difference it makes on the computer screens when they do play backs. It's also interesting to watch Sidney with the guys in the commercial with him. They are chatting easily after an initial awkwardness. A couple of times I even see Sidney smile easily versus what I call his 'professional' smile. He lets his guard down as he gets to know people. Once I overheard the conversation then I know why he's so easy with the guys; they're talking about hockey equipment. If there is anything Sidney can go on forever about it is his equipment. I have seriously never known anyone to talk about the intricacies and nuances of clothing besides Mariah. He talks about the material of the undergarments he wears like Mariah does about a Gucci sweater. It actually makes me laugh.

They are resetting and Sidney goes to get changed so Pat wanders over to me. "Are you bored?" he asks me. "No, I find it really interesting. I've never seen a commercial shoot before. Of course, I've seen Mariah work at a photo shoot but it was different than this and usually has more people working in hair, makeup and wardrobe." He chuckles "I'm sure they do. Athletes don't need quite as much. How was Italy? Sidney said that you took a vacation?" Just the way he asks the question makes me think that he's after more or has an ulterior motive. I don't know why I feel so odd about Pat today. Maybe I'm being hyper sensitive. He's been incredibly nice and friendly since I first met him. It's very weird why I feel this way and now the way he's asking about the vacation makes me wonder again. "It was great. We stayed in Tuscany and did some touring. Then we spent time at the beach before we came back to LA." He's looking at me like he's expecting more but I don't say anything else. I'm now regretting not asking Sidney what, if anything, he's told people about my leaving Pittsburgh. We talk about the game this evening and how he's hosting a dinner afterward as well if we'd like to join them. I say that I'll have to check with Sidney first of course.

Before long, Sidney is putting his arm around me and I notice he's in the clothes he came in wearing. "We're done." He tells me and kisses my temple. "We should take off so that we can be at the arena before 4pm." When I look at him odd, he says "the game is on in primetime in the east which makes it 4pm here." I nod, it makes perfect sense. We say goodbye to Pat and the car takes us home. I'm starving now, the fruit and yogurt I had at the shoot has worn off, and I head to the kitchen. I notice that there is a note telling us that the fridge is fully stocked. Should we need anything that is not provided then we can leave a note or call the number provided. It also provides us a schedule of when the housekeeper will be in and we only have to call to change the schedule. It feels weird to know that someone is doing all of this work and here when we aren't. I guess I'll get used to it. I open the fridge and it is overflowing. I see a couple of platters. One of them is overflowing with fruit and the other has sandwiches. I pull them both out and look at Sidney "lunch?" He nods, when has he ever turned down food, and we set to eating most of what is provided. I don't know what has come over me but I'm starving too.

As we eat, I think about my conversation with Pat and ask "Sidney, I never asked what you told people about my leaving Pittsburgh? I was talking to Pat today and he thought we were on vacation in Italy." Sidney looks really uncomfortable by my question. He takes a bite of his sandwich and sits quiet while chewing. Finally he says "I didn't tell anyone anything. I think that Flower might have told the guys because no one asked when they didn't see you. Of course I told my folks that you left, or rather that I was an idiot and kicked you out. I didn't tell Pat anything except that I was meeting you in Italy and would be gone for a week. To be honest, I didn't want anyone asking questions I couldn't answer." He looks so sad when he says this that I put my hand over his. He turns his over to lace our fingers together. "There's no need to tell anyone anything now Sidney. We're finding our way back, or forward I guess, but we're together so it's no one's business but ours." He smiles at me but it doesn't quite make it to his eyes. That leaves me wondering.


	64. Chapter 64

We arrive at the arena together. I want to separate so that Angelia doesn't have to meet all the people that Pat is going to introduce me to and all of the NHL brass but she insists that she come with me. I know that she took forever to decide what to wear. She was even asking my opinion which was odd and I was not at all helpful to her. Is it my fault that she looks great in everything? She decided on jeans, some kind of blouse and a short jacket. She's also wearing really high sandals that almost make us the same height which I love. She's asked me a dozen times since we left if she looks good which is very weird. Oh well, we're here and while she's holding my hand tightly, she is smiling and chatting with everyone we meet.

The president of Reebok is here so I need to say hello and chat, sponsors need special attention. Of course everyone wants to ask me the same two questions: who do I think will win the Cup and what the hell happened in our series against Philly. The answer varies but is essentially the same for everyone: LA looks really good but you can never count out the Devils and I really don't know what happened with Philly. Over and over the same questions and it's the same again with the president of Reebok. This time, though, things are different. When he asks me what I think Angelia pipes up and says "While Brodeur has never looked better it seems to be LA's year, doesn't it? What a great story. At the beginning of the season everyone would be saying 'LA who' and now they are on their way to a Cup. This is what the play offs are all about right?" I'm desperately trying to remember the guy's name when Angelia says "oh, I'm sorry, I should introduce myself. I'm Angelia." Of course then he's compelled to introduce himself – Uli, that's it. "It's delightful to meet you Angelia. Is this your first play-off finals?" That's all she needed. Within a couple of minutes the man was completely charmed by her and they were talking like old friends. Uli offered to take us to Reebok's box for a drink before the game which Angelia accepted. He offers her his arm and she takes it.

I've never seen her like this before. I mean, I've seen her confident and self-assured but I've never seen in it my world before. I had no idea she could schmooze so well. "Are you coming Sidney?" She has turned slightly to ask me and winks at me. I smile and follow them. We say hello to various people we know as we follow Uli up to their box. We pass Matt and after Angelia and Uli have passed him he mouths "what's up" to me and I just shrug and keep going. When we get to the box, there are a bunch of people I've never met before. Uli takes us around, well takes Angelia around with me following, and introduces us. First is Jerry Brown the Governor of California. Then there is Dianne Feinstein a senator in California. Then, wow, Jerry Bruckheimer and Tom Hanks. It's amusing that I'm an afterthought to Uli, so taken is he by Angelia. She's even charming Jerry and Tom. This must be what Nathalie talks about when she discusses her partnership with Mario. Angelia is slipping into that kind of role. She knows that my Reebok sponsorship is a big deal, multi-million doesn't begin to describe it, and she's ensuring that she, well, schmoozes.

Uli is pulled away by his wife and he even kisses Angelia's cheek when he says goodbye. He says "Sid, we need to get together soon for dinner, the four of us" and with a handshake he's gone. We leave the box to go find Pat, I know that he needs me to meet people too. When we're alone in the elevator, I turn to her and say "when did you learn how to do that?" She just smiles and says "you're not the only one who knows how to be charming you know. Reebok is a big thing, right? So meeting the president must be a big thing too. I figured I might be able to help out. Remember, everything I do with my research is based on grants and foundations. I can smile and shake money out of the tightest of people. Uli was at least a charming man himself." I just shake my head and kiss her hand. "Well, you are definitely good at it babe. At least in the next group I'm the one getting who is being schmoozed." She laughs and so do I.

When we get into the box of CAA, Matt is the first one to grab me and he says "what was that all about?" I whisper back "that was the president of Reebok being charmed by Angelia." Matt shakes his head and says "lucky bastard." Hmm, I guess I am. Pat grabs me and we're on another tour around the room meeting people. This time Angelia is able to escape and the last time I see her she has a glass of wine and is going to sit down in the boxes seats. I keep the company smile on my face and make all of the right comments to everyone I meet. All the time, I'm praying that this will end very soon. It lasts until warm up when everyone breaks up because there is almost no way we can hear each other over the cheering. I look for Angelia and she is still out in the seats. I see that she is talking with Don Fehr head of the NHLPA. When I approach, Don gets up and says "you have a very lovely and fascinating girl here Sid. We should get together while I'm in town. Maybe the four of us can go to dinner." We exchange good byes and he's off. I sit down next to Angelia. "If I bring you to any more of these things, we'll be having dinner out every night of the week." She looks at me concerned and I put my arm around her and kiss her cheek. "I'm not complaining. I've never had more than a few words with Uli ever. If the president of Gatorade is here too, we definitely need to introduce you." We both laugh and she settles into my side to watch the warm ups.

It's so great to see her enjoying herself and taking things on full force. I'm going to have to check in though when we get home. This is exactly what it was like before the season ended. I thought we were happy, I thought she was happy, and then everything crashed down on my head. How can I trust that she's really being open and honest with me? How do I trust that her smile really is a smile? "Is everything ok?" she asks me. I look at her and say "yeah. You really were great with them. I hope this isn't too much and that you're ok with everything." She smiles up at me. "It was fun Sidney, really it was and they are all so nice. It doesn't take any effort at all." She goes back to looking at the warm ups. She seemed really genuine when she said that but did she really mean it? Is she just trying to fit in because she knows how important these deals with sponsors are to my career? I don't know where all of this doubt has come from all of a sudden. I think I'm making her happy. She says that we're back together and coming here, to LA, must prove that, and yet … I have to stop or else I'm going to drive myself crazy if I keep this up.

The warm up ends and Angelia looks up at me smiling then she takes my cheek in her hand and brings my lips to hers. Her kiss is so sweet. I must be going crazy and really should just trust that we're finding our way back. "What was that for?" I can't help but ask. "Why does it need to be for something? You were there, your lips are with you, so they needed to be kissed." She makes me laugh at the oddest moments. I love that about her. "Um, Sidney, is something going on with Pat?" This seems to come out of nowhere. "What do you mean?" I ask her. "Well, he's been really strange. At the shoot, first he seemed ticked off that I was there and then it seemed like he was fishing for information about Italy and us. When we came into their box tonight, Pat sort of boxed me out so that I couldn't follow you. I didn't need to but you know what I mean. It just seems weird." This conversation seems really weird. Pat has been more supportive than anyone about us. "I don't know what to say Angelia. He hasn't been any different that I've noticed. Would you like me to ask him about it?" She thinks for a moment and then says "no. Maybe I was imagining it." We are interrupted by the teams coming out for the game.

* * *

I'm glad I told Sidney about Pat. I guess it was all in my head but I don't have much more time to think about it because the guys are coming back on the ice. The Kings are up 2-0 in the series and the building is rocking. The energy is contagious and I'm sitting on the edge of my seat, literally, only occasionally asking Sidney to explain something. I feel Sidney's hand on my back and then he slides it lower to play over my skin under my shirt. At first, I don't even feel it because I'm so focused on the game. There's a moment though, when there is a TV time out, that I feel his hand getting more, well, intimate. I turn to him "Sidney, you really need to stop that. Don't you see how many cameras there are and everywhere?" He laughs at me but does move his hand over my clothes and up between my shoulder blades. I lean back into him again. It's a great game so far. No one has scored yet but they've been exchanging lots of hits and some great shots. The goalies have been incredible, just incredible. At the end of the first period there is no score. Before we can get up Pat is beside Sidney and, after a short conversation, Pat goes back up to the box. "CBC wants to interview me before they begin the second period. Do you mind slipping back up when they do so you're not in camera range?" He looks tentative when he asks me. "Of course I'm ok with that Sidney. I am more than ok staying away from the press." Definitely more than ok with it. We go upstairs and get something to drink and eat. I meet some of the wives of the agents and we chat about the game, Sidney's training and how much their men work. I do more listening than talking. Initially, they tried to find out personal details about Sidney from me. I am always amazed at how complete strangers are willing to ask such personal things about him.

The CBC interviewer comes in the box with a producer and I make my way up further so that I will definitely be out of the shot. He settles with Sidney in the seats and the chat a bit before they begin. As I look at Sidney, trying to be objective, and see just how, well, hot he looks in that black dress shirt and his jeans. Yeah, it's going to look great on camera. I can see when they go on, Sidney sits up a little straighter and they begin to talk looking out more than at each other. When they're done, they stand up and shake hands. I notice that it's Elliot Friedman who I've always liked. I come out as he's leaving. He smiles at me and we shake hands. "It's good to see you Angelia, how do you like LA?" I smile back at him "what's not to love. Sunshine, sand and the ocean; clearly beautiful." He laughs and continues out the door with his producer.

I feel Sidney's arm go around me and his mouth at my ear. "Is there no end to how many men you can charm?" Oh God, is that what he thinks I'm doing? I look at him and he's smiling. Ok, he is kidding. I really have to stop looking for problems. I'm so concerned that I'm going to say or do something wrong. Thankfully the period starts and we go back to sit down. The next two periods fly by and the Kings end the game winning 4-0. I'm very pumped up when the game ends. Sidney says to me "Pat wants us to come to dinner with everyone. Are you up for that?" This may be time to put my concerns about Pat to bed and spend some social time with him. "Of course we can go. I am so invigorated right now." "Invigorated huh? Maybe we should go home and use up some that energy in very productive ways." He nuzzles my neck and I break out in goose bumps. "Sidney, seriously, public PDA, you really need to control yourself! And, we can still be productive when we get home." He laughs into my neck, gives me one last kiss there and then looks at me. Yep, definitely hot, he's most definitely hot.


	65. Chapter 65

We enter the bedroom and Angelia is still talking about the evening. She was sitting next to Matt at dinner and they got along really well. I often watched her when she wasn't aware. It's wonderful to watch her laugh and smile. Pat had to bring me back to the conversation a few times because I was so captivated by watching her. I now sit on the bed and take off my shirt while I watch her take off her jewellery first and then her jacket and blouse. She's standing there in her jeans and bra talking to me. I know I should be paying attention to what she's saying but I just can't. She moves to the closet and hangs up her jeans after she's pulled them off. Now she's standing there in her bra and panties and nothing else. There is a great deal of skin showing and her breasts are pushed up exactly right. Her panties are a whisper of lace. She is so gorgeous. I barely controlled myself during the game sitting beside her while she all but vibrated with the excitement of the game. Now, I'm just seeing her through a red haze of desire for her. Before I realize it, I'm across the room, pulling her into my arms and pushing her up against the wall.

She was in midsentence and stopped talking when I take her mouth in mine. I am overcome with the need to be buried deep inside of her. I pull the bra straps down and it traps her arms against her. I move my lips down her neck and over her shoulder. I reach around her back, open her bra and pull it off of her. Taking one breast in my hand, I lower my head to take her other nipple in my mouth. She tastes so good that I nip at the flesh there too. I move my free hand down and rip her panties off of her fast which makes her gasp and cry out. I need to feel her wetness. I push two fingers inside of her and she has started to get moist but not nearly enough. I control myself but burying balls deep in her, just barely, and I concentrate on helping her catch up. I drop down to my knees and throw one of her legs over my shoulders. Parting her, I blow first making her shiver. Next, I use my fingers to open her and replace my fingers with my tongue. First I take a long lick with my tongue. She moans at this and I feel her nails digging into my shoulders; I don't even feel them.

I land on her clit and stay there for a few minutes. Light little looks at first to tease it. Then I switch it up and push my tongue against it with some pressure. When her hips begin to rotate, I go back to teasing licks. When she moans again and again then I push my tongue deep inside of her. She cries out this time and her fingers tighten in my hair and shoulder. Her juices are drenching my face and I know she's ready for me. I stand up and strip off my jeans and short in one move. I grab her, push her against the wall and her legs wrap around me as I enter her. I slam into her again and again. God, it feels like I've wanted this all night. I continue to thrust into her and barely register that she is being slammed against the wall. Her hands are at my shoulders now trying to hang on. It takes me no time to orgasm. Everything goes black for a moment and I can't think. I can only feel.

When I do come back to consciousness, it registers to me that she didn't orgasm. Oh God, that's the first time I've ever been so out of control like that and I don't really know what came over me. It also registers that she has slide down so that she's standing, her hands are stroking my hair and she's placing soft kisses on my neck. What the hell just happened? I can't explain it to myself so I sure as hell know that I won't be able to explain it to her. I make myself open my eyes and look at her. How could I be so selfish, it's just not me? She takes my cheeks in her hands now and lightly kisses me. "Are you ok baby?" she asks me. How do I answer that when I really don't know? "I'm so sorry Angel. I don't know what came over me. This has never happened before. I'm so sorry." I just rest my forehead against hers and close my eyes again.

She pushes my face from hers and waits until I open my eyes to look into hers. "Sidney, do you really think that there is any way that you could love me that would be so bad you'd have to apologize. You lost control, that's ok. I'm not hurt. You always make sure I orgasm more than once. Do you really think I'd be upset that I didn't this time? Obviously you had a need and I guess I'd like to talk about it rather than exchange apologies like we've been doing for a week now. Let's get ready for bed and then talk, ok?" I nod although I don't know what to say. It's clear she doesn't want me to finish her off so we each pick up our clothes, I wince when she picks up her tattered panties, and we continue our routines for bed.

We meet on the bed, both sitting on our respective sides. I don't know how to begin but she beats me to it. "Was it just a case of lust taking over, which happens and I have to say I'm flattered, or is there something more to it?" I really don't know how to answer it but I do my best. "I don't know to be honest babe. I've wanted you all day, you even warned me about public PDA, and when you were getting undressed, finally standing there in only your bra and panties, I just snapped." She chuckles, says "ok" and then grabs her cream to begin her last nightly ritual. There, it is discussed and now it's done; but, there has been something on my mind all day. Is that what lead to what happened tonight? Was I trying to prove something or did hormones just take over. God, what does it say about me if it wasn't just hormones? What does it say about me that, in the end, I only took care of my needs and had no concern for hers? Why, when we are back together and she seems to feel we're right on track, am I the one who now doubts everything and mostly myself?

* * *

I was honest in what I said to Sidney. How can I be mad that he wanted me so much that he lost control? While I won't say that I'm not frustrated, an orgasm would have definitely been a better outcome for me, he is always so good to me that if one time he was a little selfish then I'm ok with that. He looked so sad when he realized that I didn't orgasm that I felt so bad for him. He is incredibly giving and that definitely includes sex. He was very helpful when he realized I wasn't ready for him yet but then hormones must have taken over. Now I'm just tired after jet lag and a long day and the only thing I'm after is a good night's sleep.

When I'm done with my cream, I look over at Sidney and he's looking something up on his phone. When he notices me looking at him, he puts his phone on the bedside table and slides down. I smile and cuddle into him. Nowhere would I rather be right now, absolutely nowhere, which is my last thought before I fall asleep.

I wake up and it's dark. Too much liquid before bed and the bathroom is calling me. I notice that Sidney isn't in bed. I take care of business and then slip out of the bedroom to see where he has gone. I walk through the house carefully since I'm still not sure of the furniture and layout. When I enter the kitchen, I see that the patio doors are open and follow them outside. Sidney is sitting on the edge of the deck looking out at the sand and ocean. He loves to be near water when he has to think; that or the rink of course. He hears me and turns around. "Couldn't sleep?" I ask him. He nods to me and I sit down beside him.

We sit there silently letting our legs swing freely over the edge of the deck. I want to ask what's bothering him because clearly something is but I also want to let him tell me in his own time. God, I used to know exactly what to do with his moods but I guess that didn't really work out because I basically didn't even talk to him about anything serious. I reach over and take his hand in mind while we continue to watch the water. "Sidney, I hope you know that you can tell me anything. We'll talk about it and work it out." I hope that he'll take me up on it but he stays quiet. I guess I can't force him to talk. We sit there a while longer and then I decide to leave him in his solitude. I get up and turn to the house but he stops me when he says "it's not because I don't want to; it's that I haven't figured it out yet." I turn around to face his back. "What haven't you figured out yet Sidney?" He's quiet again for a few more minutes and then continues "there is something bothering me but I can't put my finger on it. I can't identify how I'm feeling or maybe it's what I'm feeling. I don't know. You make me so confused. That I do know for sure; you make me very confused." I don't know what to say to him. How do I respond when he sounds lost and it seems to be about me? I knew what to do when it was about his concussion. I was able to comfort him when he was despondent. This feels different and I'm a little scared that he might be confused about how he feels about me. What if he doesn't love me anymore? What if he doesn't see a future for us?

I guess he notices that I've been standing there behind him and not saying anything because he turns around to look at me. He holds out his hand and I go over and sit beside him again. This time he puts his arm around me and pulls me to him. "I'm sorry I'm not explaining myself better and I really don't want to hurt you Angel. I guess I'm figuring out how we move forward too. We both need to figure that out. We both need to know what we need and if we can get it from each other." Now I'm really worried. It's never crossed my mind that he might not want me. God, that sounds so conceited but, while I've held things back and need to communicate more, it's really been Sidney who has needed to change. I never considered that, throughout this whole 'thing,' Sidney might decide that he isn't happy with me.

We sit for a few moments longer and then we look at each other. Sidney stands up and pulls me up after him. With his arm around me, we move into the house and back to the bedroom. Each of us climbs into our side of the bed and pull the covers up over us. I get comfortable on my pillow and feel sleep pulling at me. As I fall asleep, my last thought is that we aren't even touching and we've turned our backs toward each other.


	66. Chapter 66

Things are weird between us. We're both trying to pretend that it's all ok but it's just not. I wonder if I'm overthinking things now. It was so much better when I didn't think about our relationship at all but then Angelia was extremely unhappy and I was blissfully unaware. So now I think about every little thing. Did I say that right? Is she ok with what we're doing? How can I make sure that she's included? I'm spinning and spinning so much inside my brain that my head hurts. This self-doubt is making me crazy. It's not like I have lots of relationship experience but I'm used to knowing myself and what I need. I'm not even sure of that anymore. Maybe relationships are like learning anything new; at first you don't do something new well, you do it poorly but, with practice, you get better at it. Maybe we just need practice to get better at it. We both seem to suck so I guess we can only get better, right?

I need to talk to someone. I go through my list of friends and none of them have great track records with women. Flower could help but he's hip deep in wedding plans and I don't want to bring him down with my relationship issues. Maybe I could simply call him and we could talk. God, I'm really bad at this and it's almost comical how bad. My phone rings, if it's Flower I'm definitely going to believe in ESP, but I see that it's Mario. We chat for a little while about what's going on back in Pittsburgh and how things are in LA. We talk about the draft that's being held in Pittsburgh this year. They are running a little behind but will definitely be ready. He and Nathalie are the only ones outside of my family who know that Angelia and I had some trouble so he asks how we're doing. Maybe it is a sign that I was questioning my own sanity and Mario calls.

I make a quick decision to tell him all of it. It just comes pouring out of me and he listens patiently. That's one of the things that I appreciate about Mario; he listens so well and lets you talk it out if that's what you need. I guess I definitely need it today. I don't know how long I went on for but it was definitely a while. I end it by saying "I'm second guessing everything I think and do Mario. Maybe I just don't know how to do this well." When I'm finally silent, Mario says "that's bullshit Sidney." I'm actually stunned by what he's said and it takes me a few minutes to ask "what do you mean?" I hear him sigh. "Sid, you know the one thing that always causes you problems, right? The one thing you do when you have a problem with a play, with a friend, with anything." Now it's my turn to sigh "I get too much in my head and spin when I can't immediately solve the problem." "That's right son. It doesn't happen often but when it does …" He leaves his comment at that because we both know that it's bad when I let it get that far. "Sid, what do I tell you when you get caught up in your head like that and can't get out?" "You tell me to go for a run and then trust my instincts. But what if my instincts are wrong?" He doesn't say anything; he only patiently waits. Did I just say a few minutes ago that I like this about him? Fuck. "Ok Mario, you tell me that my instincts have never been wrong. My instinct is that I need to trust that we've both learned something about how we need to communicate and if it's working then we should keep going. It will take some time but we will continue to get better." He chuckles and says "and you didn't even need the run." Now I laugh because he's right and something hits me. "Why did you really call Mario?" I can hear him thinking through the phone. "I talked to your dad today about some foundation stuff and he mentioned that you and Angelia are working on your relationship. I thought you might need a friend." Not for the first time since I met Mario I am so incredibly grateful for him. I was given one father through birth who has been an incredible influence and I was given another father through circumstance. I'm extremely lucky to have both. "Thank you Mario. This is exactly what I needed. Please give my love to Nathalie and the kids." We say our goodbyes and an idea begins to coalesce for me.

Angelia is out for a run on the beach. I leave her a note that tells her to be ready in an hour and I'll be back to pick her up. I use the rental car that was dropped off today for us and then the GPS to find a grocery store nearby. Ah, it's a specialty store, great. I find it with little trouble and it's really cute. I find someone who works there, tell them my idea and throw myself at their mercy. The woman is older and actually pinches my cheek. "Awe young love" she says to me and tells me to follow her. We work our way around the store quickly and she's throwing stuff in a buggy as we go. She asks my opinion about what my 'young lady' might like until we have everything. She tells me to wait and disappears behind a counter. I wait for ten minutes and wonder if she's forgotten me when she comes out with a picnic basket, my credit card and receipt, and shows me what's inside. There are even plates, utensils, napkins and glasses. I lean down, kiss her cheek and say thank you. She pats my cheek and tells me to have a wonderful time with my young lady.

I make it back to the house in just enough time. I hear her in the bedroom and wait out on the deck. It is so gorgeous out today that I know we'll enjoy ourselves. She comes out of the bedroom in a sundress with her purse and a big floppy hat. She smiles at me tentatively and says "what are you up to Crosby?" I just smile back and say "you may want to wear sandals." She puts on a pair and I lead her to the car. She raises and eyebrow when she sees the basket but I don't say anything. I've put the top down and the wind is warm as it swirls around us. It takes about hour to get to Laguna Beach. I love this town. There is a great beach where I want to have the picnic lunch and then there are great shops and an art festival that should be fun. When we arrive, I get really lucky and find a parking spot close to the beach. Angelia takes a look around and then looks at me and smiles. I think my heart may have skipped a beat with that smile.

* * *

I've been wondering what Sidney was up to since I saw the note when I got back from my run. He was gone and the note gave me 60 minutes to get ready. He said to dress comfortable and that was it. I had a better idea of what we were going to do when I saw the picnic basket but then we drove forever. I only know we're in Laguna Beach because I saw the sign. I've never been here before. The beach is gorgeous with white sand and really blue water. It's was so awkward between us this morning after our late night chat last night that I'm glad Sidney decided to do something spontaneous with his day off. He takes the picnic basket in one hand and my hand in his other and we make our way to the beach. We find a secluded spot near the rocks. It's not near the beach so most wouldn't want to sit here. It does offer us some shade from a large tree up on the land above the rocks.

Sidney lays out a very large blanket and we both sit down. He opens the basket and winks at me. Out comes wine first with two glasses. He hands me the glasses and pops open the wine which I now see is champagne. "Wow, this must be a special occasion." He smiles at me again and pours the wine. He screws the bottle into the sand and turns to me holding up his glass. "To our new beginning." I clink glasses with him and sip the wine. The toast is positive. Maybe Sidney has worked out whatever was bothering him last night. He takes containers out of the basket and begins to open them up. First there is a container with many sections in it. There are a myriad of marinated vegetable? I see roasted peppers, eggplant and mushrooms. Next there are cheeses, both hard and soft, and crusty bread. Another container has mixed berries and what smells like mint. I look up at Sidney "wow, this looks fabulous. I'm surprised you're eating this in training." He shrugs "one time won't kill me." I take another sip of the wine and can feel the bubbles in my nose. Sidney gives me a plate and cutlery and we both dig in.

I guess we were hungry because the main is gone and we are slowly making our way through the berries. Sidney takes a strawberry and feeds it to me. I nip at his thumb when he lingers on my lip and suck it into my mouth. His eyes darken as I run my tongue over his thumb still in my mouth. He slips it out and runs it over my bottom lip which he then replaces with his lips. They are even yummier than the berry. "This was a wonderful idea Sidney. The day is gorgeous and the lunch was delicious. I'm so full that I could slip into a coma or, at the very least, a nap." I lean over to him now and kiss his cheek. "What was that for?" he asks. "Just a thank you for thinking of this and planning it." He pulls me onto his lap so that we are both facing out to the water and his arms are holding me against him. "I talked to Mario this morning" he says. "Oh, how are they?" He's silent for a moment and then says "they are doing well. We talked about the draft and he said that they are behind but will be ready on time. He asked how we're doing." Oh, interesting, I stay quiet and still. I wonder where this is going. "I needed to talk to someone who knows me about stuff going on in my head. I mean, I know that I can talk to you Angel, but I needed someone who wasn't you who I trust and that's a very short list. Anyway, he helped me get my head straight. Basically, I doubted myself, a lot. After thinking we were fine and then we weren't, I've doubted that I can even trust how I feel. It was frustrating. Mario reminded me to trust my instincts which are usually right so that's just what I'm doing."

Oh God is that what I did to him. Did I make him that unsure of himself? I need to see him so I turn around in his lap until I can take his face in my hands. "Sidney, I'm so sorry that I contributed or caused you to doubt yourself and how you feel. I never thought about what it would do to you in a negative way. I thought I was helping you by not telling you any of the bad stuff. It never occurred to me that it would blow up like this and that you would feel this way." I kiss him hard and then, softening it, deeply. When we part, Sidney holds me close and says "Angel, I didn't say that to upset you babe. I guess that is what happened but we're both learning. We are both new to this kind of relationship and we're going to make mistakes. We need to learn from them and then we'll be ok." I smile at him "I completely agree." We kiss again and Sidney takes it deeper this time until I'm lying on the blanket and Sidney is completely covering my body. I feel so loved and so warm with Sidney's weight on top of me. It isn't until we hear a bird squawk that we both remember we're at the beach in public. We both giggle and Sidney nuzzles my neck before sitting up and taking me with him.

"There are a few shops down by the beach we can investigate and there's an art festival up the street that is an easy walk from here. What do you think?" I'm surprised again; he thought of everything. "Yeah, let's go." We pack everything up and drop our basket at the car before heading off holding hands. The shops we find are not what I thought. They are mostly small art galleries and craft shops. Basically, everything is made by local artists. There are the more traditional items like painting but there is also pottery and hand blown glass. In one of the galleries there is a photo that has stopped me in my tracks. It's a photo of the ocean at dawn or dusk. The sun is low on the horizon and it is reflected in the water. Two seagulls are soaring together in the sky. They look all alone, like there is nothing but them left in the world, but they have each other. It strikes me so deeply that I feel a tear fall down my cheek. I feel Sidney's arm come around me and look up at him. He brushes the tear away with his thumb. I look back at the photo and say "it's so incredible beautiful, isn't it?" He agrees and wanders off. I stand there for a while longer and memorize every nuance the artist is trying to convey. I think about taking a picture with my camera to remember it by but that wouldn't really do it justice. I want to remember this feeling with the day. I sigh and go off to find Sidney. He's wander near another group of photos. "Ready to go to the next store?" I ask him. He takes my hand and we wander off.

The afternoon passes easily. We make it to the festival and it is huge. There are so many artists showing their own creations. I love talking to artists about their inspiration and how it manifests into their art. We find a jewellery artist who has made unique items. There is a gorgeous ring that is silver molded into an infinity symbol with malachite. The black stones of the malachite sparkle in the sun. It is absolutely gorgeous. Sidney picks it up as the artist is describing the symbol and the material and places it on the ring finger of my right hand. It fits me perfectly. Before I realize what he's up to, Sidney is paying the artist for the ring. As she's processing the sale, Sidney takes my hand and kisses just above the ring. "Thank you Sidney." He smiles and says "it's a math symbol that is also gorgeous. It was made for you so you have to have it." I giggle and the artist says to me "you are a lucky woman. I wouldn't let him go." I look up at Sidney and say "nope. I sure won't."

When we get back to the car, I am exhausted. It was a wonderful day. "Thank you so much for planning the day Sidney. It was beautiful. Thank you for my ring too." He takes my hand as we drive up the highway and kisses my hand again before releasing it. The sun is almost gone and the moon is shining in the sky. I am very relaxed and slip easily into sleep. The next thing I know, I feel Sidney's hand stroking my cheek and he's saying "come on baby, wake up. We're back in LA." I open my eyes and see that he is very close to my face. I smile and lean in to kiss him. When we part, he asks me "are you hungry?" I think for a moment and I am. "Yeah, I am really hungry." I look outside the car and see that we're at a sushi restaurant. I smile and we both get out of the car. Sidney wraps his arm around me and we head into the restaurant. As we are led to our table, we hear "Sid, is that you sweetie. Oh wow, it is you. Hi." Then a peroxide blond, too skinny and big boobed girl is throwing her arms around Sidney. He is just standing there as she keeps hugging him and then kisses him. What the fuck?


	67. Chapter 67

Who the hell is this woman and why has she thrown herself into my arms? She obviously knows me but I really can't place her. I'm trying to remember but it won't come back. I quickly glance at Angelia who is looking very annoyed. I push the blond away from me and just say 'hi.' She is talking a million miles a minute and I just nod. When she takes a breath I can finally say "nice to see you but we're on our way to have dinner." She gives Angelia a not so subtle hostile look and then dismisses her and gives me another hug before she goes back to her friends. I resume our path back to our table and Angelia won't let me take her hand this time. When we're seated I know that I have to say something. "Angelia, I have no idea where I know her from. She doesn't even look familiar to me but obviously I must have met her somewhere. I'm sorry." She still looks annoyed but then she shakes her head. "I guess that's going to happen Sidney. Don't worry about it." I keep looking at her to make sure it's really ok and she says "Sidney, I'm telling you the truth. I was extremely annoyed in a 'take your filthy hands off of my man' kind of way. When you think about it, I'm sure that is going to happen. In Pittsburgh they are a little less handsy but still flirt and want pictures. It's ok, really. Let's eat, I'm starving." I remember Mario's advice and decide that we've discussed it; she said that she was annoyed but now it's ok so I'm going to take her at her word. I'm also really hunger.

We order a river's worth of fish and enjoy our wine. "Sidney, thank you so much for planning today. It was a great day and I love my new ring. Thank you." This is the third time she's thanked me. We're both trying to make an effort I guess. "You're welcome babe. We do have something we need to talk about: going back to Pittsburgh in September. It could usually wait but there's something that I think you'll want to be involved in. A while ago, I bought some property in Sewickley and tore down the house that was there. They've been building a new house on the property and the shell is almost finished. We now have to choose colours and finishing. We have to approve the kitchen layout and the finishing in there too. I didn't tell you last year because, to be honest, I really forgot about it. The property was sitting empty until last month and then they started the build during the playoffs. Um, I guess we need to talk about next season. I hope you're coming back with me. We need to figure out what you need to be happy but I hope you're coming with me. If you are then I hope you'll help me build the house so that it's our house." I've been running on and on like she does when she's nervous. Just as I run out, the waiter comes over with our food. I have a few moments to glance at Angelia while we wait for the food to be placed on our table.

When the waiter is done and leaves us, I look at Angelia and her at me until she says "A new house? That sounds wonderful and I can't wait to help out. The rental house was great but this will be our own. Is it near the Lemieux's house? I guess it's near the practice rink too." I release a breath that I didn't know I was holding. I guess I'm grinning at her because she says "you definitely need to get the plans here so that we can start on it." I take her hand and kiss it again then dig into our meal. I'm suddenly starving again. Since that went so well, I decide to dig in further. "Have you given any thought to what you might want to do in Pittsburgh? Do you want a job? You could work on my foundation or maybe the Penguins' foundation. Or do you want to do research? You've really been enjoying the work with your doctoral student?" I look up at her and she's just staring at me. "You've been listening?" she says. I can't help it, I'm very annoyed. "Angelia, yes I've been listening. You know that I've always been interested in your brain. Besides the fact that you're brilliant it's also sexy as hell. I get hard just listening to you talk about the cosmos. Just because I was oblivious doesn't mean that I don't appreciate your intelligence and want you to be challenged. So, stop it, ok!" She just looks at me stunned for a moment and then she says "you get hard listening to me talk about the cosmos? Good to know." Then she goes back to eating. In a few minutes she says "I think I may check out Pittsburgh University. It doesn't have an advanced physics department, or even a good physics department, but I could help them out. Maybe we could build one. That way I only am tied to the university during the school year. My research team could take care of everything while I'm gone." I smile. It's great to hear her excited about Pittsburgh. We will be able to make this work.

We leave the restaurant and I'm glad we don't run into that blond from when we come in. I really can't place her but she seemed insistent that we knew each other. We get into the car and Angelia turns to me. "I'm in the mood for dancing. Want to go dancing with me Sidney? Come on, let's go somewhere where no one will recognize us and we can have some fun." Looks like the crazy Angelia is back and she wants to dance. "Ok, there's a place that Talbo dragged me to when he was out here. I can probably get us in without having to wait in line." She claps her hands and dances in her seat. She always makes me laugh when she's like this and it should be an interesting evening. I see that she's reached around to the backseat and grabbed a bag. She brought other shoes with her and these ones are high. We should be at the same height this way, I love that. I drive us to the club and we get in the valet line. When we reach the front door, I get out and go around to the valet handing him the keys and a tip. Pocketing the receipt, I take Angelia's hand and we walk to the door. There are lots of camera's taking our picture and I wonder if they even know who we are or just think we're important because we drove up in a great car. Thankfully, the same guy who was at the door when Max and I came here is at the door again. What was his name, damnit? Oh yeah "Matthew, good to see you again." I shake his hand and he says "nice to see you again Mr. Crosby. Mr. Talbot isn't with you this evening? Some of the ladies have been coming around to ask if he's been back." Leave it to Talbo to make all the ladies crazy. "No, I've brought my girlfriend Angelia. She said that she wants to dance so of course I brought her here." He holds the door open for us. "Have a wonderful evening Mr. Crosby, Angelia. A hostess will meet you inside."

We walk inside arm in arm. A woman meets us saying "Good evening Mr. Crosby. I am Sarah and will be taking care of you this evening. Would you like a table in our VIP section or would you prefer a private room?" I turn to Angelia and then back to Sarah. "Sarah, the girl wants to dance tonight so whatever is closer to the dance floor please." She smiles and gestures for us to follow her. She takes us through a hall and then we are out in the bar but in a raised area that is separate from the rest of the club. When we arrive at the table, she provides me a wine and drink list and tells us that she'll return soon to take our order. "Sidney, how do they know who you are?" I look at her and only raise my eye brows. "I don't mean to offend you but although they may be cup crazy right now, LA is not a hockey town. Ah, you came her with Max. Of course they know who you are if you were here with Max." Sarah comes back and I order us a bottle of wine. We take in the atmosphere. There are hundreds of people dancing, drinking and having a great time. When the wine comes, we both sip and continue to watch the crowd. I'm already regretting coming here because I hate dancing. I don't do it well and I hate anything I don't do well.

My luck doesn't hold because Angelia gets up and says "let's dance." I take her hand and we go out to the dance floor. It's packed and we have to make some room for ourselves. The beat is fast and relentless and everyone is gyrating around us. Angelia simply puts her arms around my neck, places her body up against mine and I feel her lips against my ear. "I know you hate dancing so thank you for bringing me here. This is really just an excuse to hold you close in public, you know." I chuckle and put my arms at her waist and then slide them over her back. I lean to her ear and say "Excellent idea babe; absolutely excellent idea." We sway together and I run my hands down her back to her hips and back up again. The heat of her body is fully pressed against mine and I can feel her breath on my neck. She takes a lick there and I feel a shiver go down my chest right to my dick. Her hand slides into my hair and her other one down to my ass. I love it when her fingers tangle in my hair and her nails scrape over my skull. I feel my dick twitch again.

The music changes and she pulls back from me. "Oh, I love this song!" She begins to dance with abandon. I stand there watching her. She is rotating her hips over and over and shaking her ass. She looks gorgeous and, well, hot. I can't take my eyes off of her. She is incredibly erotic as she moves to the hard beat. Her eyes are bright and she has a sirens smile on her lips. One of the straps of her dress has slipped off of her shoulders and the fabric is clinging dangerously on her breast threatening to fall completely away. It's too much to keep watching and I grab and pull her to me. My lips are on hers in a second and I'm taking them fast and hard. I can't get enough of them and Angelia is just trying to keep up. I could take her right here on the dance floor.

* * *

The song is my favourite and I can't help but dance to the beat. I loved swaying with Sidney but I can't stop myself now. I even forget where we are and let myself go with the music. The song is almost over when Sidney grabs and kisses me. I'm pulled up against him like he's trying to kiss through me. His hands are everywhere and his tongue slides into every recess of my mouth. My hands are clutching at his shoulders and I'm just trying to keep up. I feel someone bump up against me and I come back to where we are and what we're doing. I put my hands on Sidney's chest and try to push him away. He lifts his head and I see how his eyes are incredibly dark and his lips swollen. His gaze is only on me. I look around and Sidney comes back to the moment to see where we are. He pulls me to him now and we sway. I feel his erection against my stomach. He's huge and it will be obvious in his jeans for others to see. I can tell he's trying to regulate his breathing and calm himself down but the size isn't reducing. The absurdity of the situation hits me and I begin to shake with laughter. I'm trying to hold it in but it just makes it worse. Sidney lifts his head to look at me and I break out in laughter. First, he rolls his eyes and then he joins me laughing.

I have an idea so I turn toward our table and pull Sidney with me ensuring that he lines up directly behind me with his arms around my waist. I feel him against my lower back now but at least it's hidden from the crowd. We make our way back to our table this way and Sidney quickly sits down. The table is hiding his lap. I start giggling again and try to sip my wine but I'm laughing too hard. When I do stop, I take a large sip of my wine. I look at Sidney and he looks pained. I slide closer to him and put my hand on his thigh, high up on his thigh, and whisper in his ear "I can help with that you know." He looks at me and rolls his eyes. We continue to drink our wine and watch the dancers. I can feel him begin to relax beside me. Taking my hand away from him must have helped too. They begin to play a slow set and I stand. "Come on Sidney, let's dance again, only this time you need to behave." He gets up and I see his problem has subsided if not completely gone. We make our way on to the dance floor again and he pulls me into his arms. We sway again to the music. I lean up and whisper in his ear "I love you so very much Sidney." He pulls back and looks into my eyes. He leans into my ear and says "I love you very much my Angel." I feel so safe and loved in his arms. This is exactly where I belong, always.

We continue for a while more holding each other than actually dancing. I could do this forever, stay in his arms forever. That's just it, isn't it? I can see myself in this man's arms forever. I haven't truly felt that since before I left Pittsburgh. I haven't seen our future so clearly since then only now it's different. It's romantic, sure, but I also see this new home, children and a lifetime of love. I see Sidney taking our daughter or son onto the ice for the first time at Consol with tiny, tiny skates. We will make it work. It's not completely clear but it's much less hazy. He whispers in my ear "do you want to get out of here?" I pull back and nod to him. We head back to the table so Sidney can pay our tab and then we head out the front door. We wait for the valet to bring our car with our arms around each other. It's a balmy evening but I can't be too close to him tonight. I can't wait to tell him what I'm feeling and how I see our future. I hope he feels the same. Of course he feels the same; he's the one who asked me to build a home with him. Then I hear that voice again "I'm going to think that you're following me Siddy." We both turn and there is that woman again. God, how doesn't she topple over with those boobs? And 'Siddy,' really? I've had enough of this woman. "Excuse me; we're just waiting for our car. I know you think you know Sidney but he doesn't remember you and is too polite to say it. I would appreciate it if we could simply leave in peace please." I hope that was polite but clear enough for this bitch! "Oh, well sweetie, I know Siddy very well. We had a wonderful night together why'll Max had fun with my friend. See!" She holds up her phone to me and I see pictures of the four of them; Max, Sidney and two girls of which this girl is one. This bitch is sitting on the arm of his chair with her arm wrapped around him. I look back up at her face which is ginning at me saying 'I told you so.' Then I turn to Sidney and he's looking guilty. For the second time this night I think 'what the fuck?'


	68. Chapter 68

We are driving back to the house and I'm only focused on breathing and not yelling and screaming at the top of my lungs. Sidney is always so very careful about how he behaves in pictures with fans that I don't know how he allowed this picture. Sure, I had an instinctive moment of panic when I saw the picture and it grew stronger when I saw the date taken was when I was in Italy and we were broken up. I took a few beats, ok maybe more than a few, and held it together. I knew there was a reasonable explanation. Actually, Mariah would be proud of me. After looking at the picture, I looked at the bitch, leaned in so no one else would overhear me and said "enjoy your picture honey, I'm going home with the real thing." Thankfully the valet pulled up with car, I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't, so I got in and Sidney followed.

He wanted to talk about it as we drove home but I told him that we would wait until we got home. I need to calm down and there was the side benefit that he is suffering a little wondering what I think and how I'm feeling. I think that he was stupid and let Max coerce him into being a wing man. I feel that he is stupid, stupid, stupid for letting that bitch sit on the arm of his chair and wrapped around him in the picture! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I hope he is suffering, even a little bit, wondering how pissed I am! I am trying to calm him down because I know I'm going to let him off the hook but, seriously, he should have better judgement. His pictures end up everywhere and he should have considered what I would think when I saw it. Ok, seriously, I need to calm down. Knowing him, he didn't even think about it. He probably had no interest in the bitch and therefore wouldn't see anything wrong with taking the picture or playing Max's wingman.

When we get home, I have calmed down and we go into the house. I go directly out to the back deck. The ocean always draws me. It's calming, soothing and beautiful. I hear Sidney come up behind me and turn to him. He opens his mouth and I put my finger on it. "Sidney, let me tell you how I think it happened. You were out on the beach, by the background in the picture, at night with Max. He saw two girls with big boobs, blond hair and tiny brains. He told you to play his wingman and so you did. You had no interest in either of the girls but helped out your friend. You were most likely preoccupied when one of them took out a camera and asked the waiter or a passing person to take the picture. You didn't even notice until the last minute that she was on the arm of your chair and touching you and then it was too late and the picture was taken. You haven't even thought about it since. How did I do?" He stands there looking at me, mouth opened, not saying a word. I wait him out.

* * *

I don't know what has surprised me more. There is the woman who I forgot but had a picture with me. There is that she showed up in two places I was with Angelia and showed her the picture. There is how Angelia was able to recite almost exactly how the picture was taken including what happened before and after. Finally, I'm stunned that she isn't upset, pissed off or yelling at me. She knows what happened and seems ok with it. Hmm.

"You got it. The only thing you didn't get is that I was preoccupied because I was looking at my phone every two minutes to see if Paulie was calling me to tell me where to find you." She chuckles, walks up to me – God I love when she wears those heels – puts her arms around me and kisses me. Before I can take it deeper, she pulls away and smacks me upside the head. "Ow, what the fuck was that for?" I ask her. "Sidney, you should always be aware of when pictures are taken of you and who, or in this case what yuck, you are touching." I laugh because she is right. I should have been more careful. I kiss her and say "you're right. I am sorry that she was such a lunatic and that I took that damn picture with her." She kisses me know and says "Sidney, I appreciate it but no apology is needed. I was pissed off initially but I know you and trust you. You would know that even though we were technically broken up, if we were ever going to find our way back then you couldn't be with another woman." I smile at her. "Actually, I had no interest in being with anyone else. Besides, you met her, she's a raging bitch!" Now we both laugh.

"Come on, let's go to bed." We walk arm in arm to the bedroom. "I love you Angel." She turns to me and that soft look comes into her eyes. I love that look. I think of it as my look. "I love you too baby." Then she steps to me and, taking my face in her hands, kisses me softly but deeply. Wow, she never fails to knock me out when she kisses me like this and I find myself pulling her more fully to me and taking the kiss deeper. Her hands slide under my shirt and up my bare back. I raise my hands so that she can take it off. She steps slightly away from me so that she can run her hands over my chest. It's like she's memorizing every muscle and I break out in goose bumps when her hands slide down my stomach. I take her mouth again and then hear a banging. I ignore it for a moment but it gets louder. We pull away from each other breathing heavily and both hear it again. There's a banging from the front of the house. As we move closer, we both hear that it's the front door. I push Angelia behind me and open the door. For the second time tonight I'm stunned. Mariah walks in the door, kisses me full on the lips and looks me up and down. "Damn Ang, I can see why you're so hot for this one. Gimme a hug sis."

Angelia squeals and then the two are hugging and talking a mile a minute. I see Mariah's luggage outside and bring it in. They are still alternating between hugging and screaming. I can't make out anything they're saying but there is a volume to it. Finally, they stop and, with an arm around each other, both turn to me with identical grins. Mariah says "sorry Sid. You're not getting any tonight." They both laugh and turn to walk further into the house. Yeah, I guess my plans for how to end the night have changed. I follow with the luggage and put it all in the spare room.

When I walk into the kitchen, Angelia is pouring three glasses of wine and is asking "why didn't you tell me that you were coming?' Mariah shrugs and says "I wanted to see you so I came." That sounds weird to me but Angelia takes it in stride. She continues "I also wanted to see how you guys are doing with my own eyes. So how are you doing?" I look at Angelia not knowing how to answer the question. I still haven't quite gotten used to how direct Mariah is and how little pretention she exhibits. Angelia smiles at me and says "we're doing really, really well. We're even building a house in Pittsburgh." Of course that sets the two of them off on where, what it looks like, how to decorate and my head is spinning. I say goodnight to them, kiss them both on the cheek and turn to leave. Before I get completely out of the room, Mariah calls after me "don't let those thoughts about doing twins percolate in that head of yours Sid. You couldn't handle us both." Predictably, I can feel my face turn bright red and I just keep walking.

* * *

"Ri, you shouldn't tease him like that, really." She just laughs and I join her. It really is too funny. "Ok Ri, seriously, why are you here? We just talked and you knew that I was ok, that Sidney and I were ok, and then you just show up. Fess up, why are you here?" She just shrugs and says "I missed you. We didn't get to see enough of each other when you came to Europe. I miss you and needed to see you so here I am." I look at her and, while it makes sense, I just don't buy it. I continue to look at her and she just looks back while sipping her wine. Call it a twin thing or just that we know each other so well but I don't believe her. There is something very wrong but I decide to leave it alone for now. There is no way she's going to tell me if she doesn't want too. I'm also too tired to argue. "Fine, you'll tell me when you're ready and not a minute before, I know you. Are you tired or do you need time to acclimate?" She hugs me. "I'm exhausted. I haven't slept much with the campaign and fittings etc. A good night sleep is going to be fabulous." We make our way to her bedroom first and we say goodnight. Then I go onto mine. Sidney is already asleep and snoring lightly. He has an arm thrown over his head like he's a little boy. I sigh looking at him. He looks so young when he sleeps. So beautiful too.

I go about my own ritual for bedtime and then make it back to the bed. I climb in and snuggle up to Sidney. His arm comes around me and holds me to him in his sleep. Again, I think how lucky I am to have a man who even loves me while asleep. With those thoughts in my head, I slip off easily to sleep. It could be how peacefully I went to sleep that makes the ugliness of the nightmare so terrifying. I'm driving the car behind my parents that night with Mariah beside me. She's talking about how we need to take mom to the spa so that she can relax and so that Ri can give her a makeover. I'm laughing because I know mom will never agree to the makeover but I agree about the spa. My parent's car goes through the intersection ahead of us and I don't see the truck running through the red light and into them until the last minute. It seems to happen in slow motion. The truck barrels through the red light and strikes my parent's car. The side crumples and the truck pushes it through the intersection, such is the force of the truck. We are far enough back that I can swerve and avoid the accident. I stop the car and make sure Ri is ok. Then we're both out of the car running towards the truck with the car stuck to its hood and grill. I'm at the driver's side looking at dad and Ri is on the hood looking at mom. I'm screaming "daddy, daddy, are you ok?" but I hear nothing from him. The air bag deployed on both sides so maybe they knocked out with the force. "Daddy?" I call again but he doesn't move. Intellectually I notice that he isn't breathing but I won't believe that he's gone. I keep trying to pull open the door but it's stuck. I keep pulling and crying out "daddy" over and over. I'm not even conscious that Mariah is trying to kick in the windshield to get to mom. I finally pull open the door and touch my father. He isn't breathing. I can't find a pulse. Now I'm pulling at the seatbelt and it won't unbuckle. I keep trying until a man, who turns out to be a firefighter, is pulling me away and two others take care of my father. I know but I don't want to know. He's dead. He isn't breathing, there was no pulse and his head is at an odd angle. He's dead. They pull him out of the car and begin CPR. They continue and I can only hear screaming. I don't even realize that it's me screaming. After a long time, the paramedics arrive and they continue CPR while attaching monitors to him. There's a flat line where his heart beat should be. They continue for a while longer until, finally, they stop. "Noooooooo" comes screaming out of me. They can't give up. He can't be dead. Now I remember mom and I look over to the front of the car and Mariah is standing there crying. Hers are silent tears but I can see the devastation on her face and I know that mom is dead too. I scream "nooooooo" again.

That's when I feel arms around me. I try to fight them, hard, but they have a steal grip. I begin to make out words "come on Angel, you're ok, wake up." It's Sidney's voice. What is Sidney doing here at the accident? "All the way now Angel, wake up all the way. Open those beautiful eyes for me. You're ok." It finally gets through to me and I do open my eyes. I'm looking directly into Sidney's face. I glance around the room. He's turned on the light beside the bed and it glows in the room. I look back at Sidney and know that I was having a nightmare. I throw myself into his arms and bury my face in his neck. I haven't had that nightmare in years. It took me a long time not to dream about the accident every night but I finally stopped. Why did I have it tonight? What could have triggered it? Sidney's hand is rubbing up and down my back soothing me. He runs light kisses across my temple and is saying sweet words to calm me. I look at him and say "thank you." I know he wants to ask me about it but I shake my head. I don't want to talk about it now. I snuggle further into his arms and will myself to relax and go back to sleep. I can't help but wonder why I had the nightmare again and why now.


	69. Chapter 69

**_Note: I have received so many private messages, emails and notes of thanks for writing this story that I had to thank you too. First, thank you for reading. Second, thank you for your words of encouragement and sharing your positive ideas. I appreciate them._**

* * *

I wake up in Sidney's arms and the sun is just rising. The bedside clock tells me that it's 5am. I try to go back to sleep and can't. The nightmare has given me a hangover feeling and I desperately need a coffee. I pull on some sweats, head out to the kitchen to make some coffee and wait for it to brew. When it's done, I pour a big cup, grab a blanket and head out to the deck. The sun coming up over the ocean is gorgeous. It's still dark out but there is yellow, orange and pink peaking over the horizon. The nightmare is sticking with me as it always has in the past. I'm really disturbed by having it again after it being gone for so long. I think back to when I last had one and, wow, it was just before I met Sidney. Hmm, I never thought about that but when I met Sidney I stopped having the nightmares. Even when we were broken up they still didn't come back. I wrap myself further in the blanket because it's chilly out but I don't want to go back inside.

I don't know how long I'm out there but I've watched the sun rise half way up the horizon. There are footsteps behind me and then I hear "should it really be this cold in California at the beginning of June?" Mariah always makes me laugh. She's bundled in a blanket too and sits in the reclining chair beside me. "It's just at night, or early morning it guess, and it will heat up by mid-morning. How's the jet lag?" Her answer is a simple yawn. "How long are you staying Ri?" She's quiet for a few minutes and says "a couple of days at least. Don't know really. Was that you I heard last night?" She asks me that question softly. She knows I had a nightmare. I'm surprised I didn't wake up the whole neighbourhood. "Yeah, it was me. It's weird because I haven't had one in more than a year." We're both silent for a while and then she says "how are things going with you and Sid?" I smile "really well Ri. I think we are being open and honest with each other and really getting to know each other better. That feels odd to say given that I've known him for a year but it's the truth. I think you can only get so much intimacy, true intimacy, when you don't share yourself completely. Which makes me wonder, when are you going to find a man, one man, rather than the group of men who you fall into bed with?" She chuckles "I haven't fallen into bed with a group of men since college Ang." This is what she does. She evades the topic, makes a joke or deflects. I decide to let it drop for now. I still feel like there is something going on that she's not telling me. I'll give her a little space and wait for her to share.

We watch the sun completely rise and talk more about me and Sidney. I tell her about Laguna Beach and the night club. She laughs as I recount the encounter with that fan and her picture. She tells me about the campaign plans for Channel and the shoot she just did for them. While she's in town, she needs to visit two or three of their stores informally and then there is a press event at the Rodeo Drive store. She's trying to convince me to attend when we hear "don't you women ever sleep" from the doorway. We both laugh and turn around. Sidney is standing there in sweats and a bleary look on his face. "Ang, how do you keep from not jumping him every chance you get?" I laugh, Sidney looks uncomfortable, which makes me laugh more. Sidney just shakes his head. "Why don't I take you ladies out for breakfast?" We look at each and then agree.

It's not long before we are sitting at a greasy spoon I didn't know existed. Sidney says that Matt told him about it. Of course Ri wants to know who Matt is and if there are any friends of his that he can fix her up with. As we settle with coffee, we talk about the day and where everyone is going to be. Sidney has a practice and workout of course. Mariah wants to see it and even workout too. When Sidney looks at me, I tell him "she does workout and often. She's a model. How do you expect her to keep that body?" Sidney reluctantly says "sure, I'll give you the location of the facility. It should be fine to get you into the gym. It's not open to the public but we are renting the time and can do whatever we want with it." It looks like we're all working out today; oh goodie.

We are off to the rink after a quick dash back to the house to change and gather our stuff. Mariah and I sit in the stands with our Starbucks and try to keep warm. At least I thought to bring a blanket for us to sit on. Those benches get really cold. The guys slowly come out on the ice and each one notices us in the stands. This practice is closed to the public so we're the only ones out here right now. I get a little thrill as I always do when Sidney steps out. As usual, he grabs a puck immediately and shoots it into the net. His rituals are plenty and I can't keep up with them all but I know the first thing he does after stepping onto the ice is always the same. He looks up at us and smiles but that's the only sign we get. It's cute the way he is 'too cool' to wave or acknowledge us in any other way. It's so typically male. Mariah and I settle in to watch the practice after more guys get on the ice. They all seem to have something to say to Sidney; interesting.

* * *

I see the girls up in the stands as soon as I step on the ice. I smile at Angelia but make no other move. The guys would rag on me endlessly if I did. Of course, they begin anyway. "Is that the wifey up there Sid?" "You brought girls to the rink?" "Twins now Sid? One wasn't enough for you?" It was the last one that I really had to control myself on. I'm ok with them ragging on me but they need to leave Angelia and Mariah alone. I give Gagner a look and he knows I'm pissed so he drops it. Soon after we begin drills and I forget everything else. We skate for an hour with drills and scrimmages. We are doing light hitting during the scrimmages. Nobody is trying to bury anyone but contact is ok. This is the best way to practice; no contact just isn't hockey. I feel like I'm getting stronger and stronger every time on the ice. I want to start next season at the peak of my conditioning and the peak of my game. Next season is my season and, if Ray can make the right trades, we will be ready to win the Cup. Once you have it you just want it again even more.

We finish up our on ice workout and everyone is making their way off the ice. I ask Matt to say out and help me with deflecting shots. This drill really helps with my timing and I am so close to where I want to be. We continue for about 15 minutes and then clean up all of the pucks. When I look up in the stands, I notice that Mariah and Angelia are gone. I make my way off the ice to the locker room quickly. They must have already gone down to the gym. I change into workout clothes and notice that the change room is empty. That means they must all be in the gym. Shit. I job down the hall and into the gym and sure enough, there are all of the guys circled around Angelia and Mariah. What surprises me is that Angelia is flirting as much as Mariah. I think about this and anticipate jealousy. In the past, I've seen a red haze of jealousy if a guy even looked at her too long. This time, I feel nothing more than amusement. It's funny to see the guys fighting for each of the girl's attention. If they were twelve, they'd be riding their bikes past the girls' house.

Angelia does notice me eventually and her smile increases in wattage. Yep, that's the special smile that's all mine and the guys can wish they had her. She comes over and says "good practice." I kiss her and say "how would you know, you left early?" She just raises an eye brow and says "how was I to know that you were going to stay out there? Oh yeah, I should have guessed because you usually do. Come on, if we don't break up the party now, we'll never get out of here." We walk over to the group and Angelia grabs Mariah and they go over to the treadmills. The guys and I hit the weights. More than a few times I see the guys glancing over at the girls. It's feeling a lot like coed gym class. Gagner can't stop watching Mariah and almost bench presses his head when he's not paying attention. Toews is spotting him and can't stop laughing. It is funny. I turn my attention to my work out again. Andy has me doing more upper body along with the core and lower body work out. I'm trying to get stronger over the whole body now to help me in corners and digging out the puck. It will also help protect me better. It's a good plan and we have it running straight through to Labour Day. Of course there are a few breaks built in too. I definitely want to bring Angelia back to Nova Scotia and I'm hoping that we can take a vacation in there too. I few months ago, I was hoping for a wedding. Looks like this year it will be everyone but me.

I finish the workout on the treadmill first jogging and then walking. Angelia and Mariah are on the mats. It looks like Mariah is doing yoga moves and Angelia is stretching. I can't help but watch as her body bends to and fro. She is very flexible although this is not the first time that I've noticed. Matt leans over to me from his treadmill and says "you can't help but watch them, can you?" I look at his face and he's serious with no lechery in his eyes. I simply say "yeah" and we leave it there. As I slow the walk down I feel the lactic acid almost gone from my legs. Even though I did upper body, today was a heavy leg and core day too so I've got a lot of lactic acid built up. Angelia wanders over and, after saying hi to Matt, asks "are you almost done Crosby?" I simply kiss her on the nose which she wrinkles. "I'm going to have a shower and we'll meet you out front. Mariah, stop flirting and let's go!" she yells the last bit to catch her sister's attention.

They head into the visitor's locker room which has a sign "women only" scratched on a piece of paper and taped up. The guys watch Mariah following after her and every set of eyes is on her ass which, knowing her, she's very aware of and swinging purposefully. I just laugh. Matt asks me "are you guys heading out to lunch?" I know he's looking for an invitation. He's a good guy so I say "I don't know. Let me ask Angelia after we shower and I'll see." I don't know if Mariah is interested in him but he's a good guy and a lot of fun. He's better than some of the guys in here. We shower and dress and beat the girls out front. Not a surprise to me. Although Angelia isn't fast, she is much faster getting ready than her sister. It's another fifteen minutes before the girls come out. I meet Angelia and whisper "are we going to grab some lunch? Matt was asking." She knows what I mean and says loudly "Matt, we're going to grab some lunch. Would you like to join us?" He smiles and says yes. Gagner yells from the other side of the room "I like lunch you know." Before I can say anything, Angelia yells back "that's nice Sam." As we walk out she whispers to me "I heard his comment about you liking twins. Paybacks a bitch and so am I." I'm laughing so hard I have to wait to stop before I can drive the car.

* * *

Lunch was fun and Matt and Ri seemed to hit it off. Sidney appeared amused but ok with the situation. I've never asked what he thinks of my sister's incessant flirting, and occasionally sleeping with, hockey players he knows or are teammates. He seems ok with it being Matt and Matt appears to be a good guy. He won't last long in Mariah's eyes but as long as he's in it for fun then they should have a good time. Sidney and I enjoyed ourselves and felt a little smug as couples in love do with new couples, or whatever these two might be. Matt offers to drive Mariah home when Sidney asks me if I want to go to the beach. We go our separate ways and Mariah winks at me before walking away with Matt. Sidney and I just chuckle and shake our heads.

We head down to Manhattan Beach and find a parking spot. The weather is beautiful with hot sun and a great breeze rolling off the ocean. Sidney grabs our bag and we head right to the beach. I'm so glad that we decided to bring our stuff with us just in case. The beach is very crowded but we find a spare piece of sand and lay out our blanket. Sidney changes easily under a towel into his board shorts. I have to find the washrooms to change but not before I see every woman within eye sight staring at Sidney as he strips off his shirt. It's actually quite comical how they all stare. I chuckle to myself as I wander off to change.

When I get back, I half expect him to be surrounded by women but he's not. He is lying flat on his stomach and I even wonder if he's fallen asleep. I lay beside him on the blanket but on my back. I know you're not supposed to lay in the sun, UV rays and all that, but I just can't resist. At least I rubbed some lotion on in the washroom. "Can we talk about last night?" Sidney asks me. I guess he's not asleep. "Sure" I tell him but I don't know how to begin. "What was it about? I don't ever remember you having a nightmare before." I take a deep breath first. "They actually stopped about a year ago. Until then I had them almost every night since my parents died." He's silent for a few minutes digesting what I said. "So the dream is about your parents." It's not a question; he knows that's what it's about. "Yeah it was. You and I never really talked about the details of the crash. I hate talking about it and I'm sure you didn't want to push. Um, Mariah and I were in the car behind them, I was driving, and we saw the crash happen right in front of us. We tried to pull them out of the wreck but we couldn't and they died in front of use while the fireman and paramedics tried to save their lives. The nightmare is reliving it." I can feel him looking over at me now and his knuckles lightly graze my cheek. I lean into them finding comfort.

"Sidney, you know what it's like to be young and thrust into an adult's world. I may be super smart but that doesn't mean that I knew how to deal with adult things at that age. You had the same thing. We both had our parents. I may not have still lived with them when they died but they were all I had, besides Mariah, and I was so young, too young, when they died. Anyway, I don't know why the nightmare came back. Maybe it's because I think Mariah is hiding something from me. She's here for something more than she's letting on. I'm giving her space right now but I won't be patient much longer." Sidney looks at me again for a very long moment and then simply leans over and kisses me softly. I smile at him and we join hands. He smiles like he's just had a great idea and says "your sister is here, what do you think of asking Taylor to come out for a week? She just finished school last week and she has a month before hockey camp. I was talking to my dad this morning and she's already driving them crazy and she's only been home a month." I smile, it's a perfect idea. "Yep, let's do it." Sidney gets up with a burst of energy and says "I'm going in the water. Are you coming?" I shrug "I'm too comfortable right here babe. You have fun." I close my eyes and lean back down. I should have known it was coming. Sidney has scooped me up in his arms and is running towards the water. Predictably, I'm squealing and yelling at him to put me down and I get a mouthful of water as we both go under.


	70. Chapter 70

I'm nervous. That's all I can think is that I'm nervous. With Sidney, it was about him understanding me and my side of things and then me understanding his point of view. I'm really nervous about Sidney's family. I never really thought about what my leaving did to them. I just disappeared. We used to talk every day; both Taylor and me and Trina and me. With Taylor it was often more texting but it was every day. Now we're at the airport to pick them up. Trina decided to come with Taylor to LA. Troy had some foundation business or something and couldn't come. I guess I'm a nervous wreck because Sidney says "what's wrong babe?" I look up at him and he looks concerned. "I haven't seen or talked to either of them in months. When we got back together, I didn't call or anything because I didn't know what to say. Now they're here and I still don't know what to say." He puts his arm around me and kisses my forehead. "They are both really happy to see you. Mom is over the moon and wouldn't take no for an answer about coming with Taylor. Not that I ever would or could say no to her." I'm looking up at him and hope he's right. That's when I hear a scream.

When I look towards the noise, it's Trina jogging to us and she throws her arms around me. Being enveloped in her big hug takes away all of my fears and I instantly have my adopted mom back. We just cling to each other for a few minutes. When we pull away both of us are crying. Trina throws her arms around me again and says "it's so good to see you sweetie. I'm so happy to see you." I smile at her as we pull away. "I'm so happy to see you too Trina." We both wipe up the tears and I turn to Taylor to give her a hug too. I'm stopped immediately by the cold rolling off of her. It's like she's brought a Canadian winter with her to LA. She only says "hi" and then turns to Sidney. "I brought my gear so we better get the luggage." Sidney shrugs at me and then follows her to the carousel. I turn to Trina who looks sad. "It's going to take some time Ang. She was really hurt when you and Sidney broke up. He's only had one other serious girlfriend that Taylor got close to but even then it wasn't as close as the two of you. Remember, she's young and doesn't necessarily understand these things. You guys will work it out. Don't worry sweetie." I wish I could believe Trina but Taylor looked so angry. At least she's here and we can talk.

Once the car was packed with their luggage, Taylor did bring her packed hockey bag which is huge since she's a goalie, we were on our way. I sat in the back with Trina and we talked the whole way to the house. I send a text to Mariah to make sure that she's awake and presentable for visitors. I also let her know how far away we are in case Matt hasn't left the house yet. He was 'visiting' last night or so Sidney and I both heard. She sends a text back saying 'you're not subtle, he's gone' which has me laughing. We arrive shortly after and all take some luggage into the house. Mariah comes out from the kitchen and Taylor throws herself into Ri's arms and talks a mile a minute. I know that she does it part because she's happy to see Ri and part to hurt me. It does hurt. I know why and she is a kid but it still hurts. Taylor and Mariah make their way back to the kitchen and Trina, Sidney and I take their luggage to their rooms. Trina unpacks and I go into the kitchen. Taylor is making a sandwich and they're talking about the trip.

Taylor essentially ignores me and Mariah gives me a questioning look behind Taylor's back. I just shrug and go out to the back deck. Sidney follows soon after and sits beside me. "She'll get over it. She was pissed at me too but she got over it." I look at him and raise an eyebrow. He shakes his head and says "I know it's different but still, she was pretty pissed and she did get over it." I go back to looking at the ocean. Sidney takes my hand and we sit there in companionable silence. Trina joins us soon after and sits beside me. "It's no Atlantic but it's a pretty good ocean." I laugh as she meant me to and she puts her hand on my leg. "She'll get over it." I look at her "that's what Sidney said too." She pats my leg and we all go back to watching the tide. "She was hurt when you left and didn't call or text her. She doesn't understand how hurt you were too. She doesn't understand relationships. All she sees is that you dropped off the face of the earth." It hits me then; just how much of an idiot I am. I underestimated just how much I hurt the family. I turn to Trina "I was wrong. I never should have just disappeared. After you and Troy have been so good to me I at least owed you a phone call. I'm sorry Trina. I'm really sorry." She puts her arm around me now. "I know you are sweetie and thank you. I think we should put it all behind us though and focus on the future. Ok?" I sniff back some tears and nod.

She pats my leg again then gets up and goes back in the house. I put my head on Sidney's shoulder. "Thank you for sharing your mom with me." He chuckles and shifts so that his arm as wrapped around me. "You're welcome. Besides, I think she likes you better." These Crosbys are so good at making me laugh. I'm so fortunate to have a family again. I appreciate it even more now that we're back together. I know that Taylor will come around again. There may be a great deal of teenage angst to get through but we will. I hear footsteps on the deck and before I can turn around Taylor is running by us to the ocean. Mariah follows her at a much slower pace. "Where do these kids get so much energy? You guys better make up soon Ang. I don't have the energy to be a teenage girl's only friend." With that, Ri follows down to the beach and settles on a lounger. No amount of coaxing will get her in the water. Eventually, Taylor gives up and yells at Sidney to join her. He looks at me and shrugs then goes to change. Trina comes out in her bathing suit too. It looks like everyone wants some time at the beach. I watch for a little while, especially Sidney and Taylor. I love to watch them interact. He behaves as you'd expect a big brother to behave with plenty of dunking and teasing. Then he is sweet and tender with her as they chat and then he shows her some swimming technique he learned during his concussion days. Again, I feel very lucky. I get up and climb onto the sofa on the deck. I am much too tired to join so I get comfortable and take a nap.

* * *

Taylor and I have fun out in the water. We swim and play tag just like we did as kids. After a while we wade where we can touch the bottom and I decide to bring up the obvious question. "When are you going to let her off the hook squirt?" She wrinkles her nose at me like she always does when I call her 'squirt.' "I'm serious Taylor. It was between Angelia and me. I hurt her badly, really badly, and she left because I basically pushed her out the door. Maybe she should have contacted you but this wasn't about you; this was about her and me. As you get older, you're going to understand more but right now you really need to let her off the hook. She hurt you by accident but you're hurting her on purpose." I let that sink in and go back to the beach. Deliberately, I stand over Mariah and shake getting her wet. "What are you Sid, a dog? Get away from me." That job done I go over to the table and chairs and sit with mom. I towel off some and mom pours me an iced tea. "Do you think you got through to her Sid?" I don't know why it still amazes me that mom figures everything out. "I don't know mom. She's still a kid in so many ways. I hope so because they both love each other so much. I'd hate to see them not be friends." She pats my arm and says "you can only do so much Sidney. She'll need to come to her own conclusions just like you come to your own. You're both so stubborn. You take after your father that way." I deliberately choke a little on my drink and mom smacks me. Yep, she can always figure everything out.

I look over at Angelia sleeping on the sofa. Her hands are curled up under her cheek and her legs are curled up too. Her hair is falling softly over her shoulders and flutters lightly in the breeze. She is so incredibly beautiful. My heart swells as I look at her. "I'm so happy that you are happy Sidney. It may have taken a strange route but you are both happy and back together." I look at mom and smile. "Yeah, I'm happy and I think we've figured things out now. We've even talked about what she can do when we go back Pittsburgh. She's also really excited about decorating the house. Except for my gym and game room, she is welcome to it." We both laugh and I continue to look at Angelia as mom goes into the kitchen. I can't help but be drawn to her so I get up and sit beside her on the sofa. Softly, I stroke her hair and slide my knuckles over her cheek. She slowly opens her eyes. "Did you have a nice nap Angel?" She smiles up at me and I lean down to kiss her. She stretches out her back and I can't help but notice how her breasts press up. I remind myself that we're surrounded by family and ask instead "what do you want to do about dinner? Taylor says she wants to try some fancy restaurant that is horrible to get into. I didn't recognize the name but Mariah did. She said that she can get us in. What do you think?" Angelia looks thoughtful and I know she's thinking about an uncomfortable dinner with Taylor. She clears the look and says "of course we'll go. If Ri says that she can get us in then she can get us in."

We all shower and dress for dinner. Ri first complained at how early we are eating, 7pm is practically lunch she says, and then she makes us wait twenty minutes for her to get ready. I just tell myself that this is what makes her uniquely her. We do valet at the restaurant and the paparazzi begin to snap pictures of Mariah the minute she's out of the car. We all leave her to it and go into the restaurant. When Mariah joins us, we are escorted to our table. Taylor seems to be in a better mood and she ooos and ahhhs over the menu. It's decided that we will share so I leave the rest to choose our menu. As I look around the table, I feel a sense of contentment that I haven't felt in a while. We're missing Dad of course but the family is together. I look at Angelia and she's laughing at something Mariah said. I look over at Mariah and, for the first time, I think she looks tired. It must be the light in here because she always looks absolutely perfect. I do interject when they order to make sure there is enough food. Women never order enough food. With that task done, Mariah begins a story about a shoot in Egypt and I settle in to enjoy the evening.


	71. Chapter 71

Dinner was wonderful and, while she wouldn't speak to me directly, Taylor was in a good mood. We get home and everyone is tired. Trina excuses herself and goes to bed. The girls all go to change into comfy clothes and we decide to meet out on the deck. After changing, I go out to the deck and Sidney has opened a bottle of wine and hands me a glass. I take it and curl up beside him on the sofa. He's started a fire in the pit and it makes me think about his home in Nova Scotia. We loved sitting at the fire on the back deck and looking at the lake. This time it's the ocean but it feels very similar. I can't help but compare this summer to the last. When I went to him in Nova Scotia I was confused and didn't know what the hell I was doing. It's really interesting to see how we've grown and how our relationship has developed. "I can hear you thinking Angelia. It's like there are hamsters in there and I can hear them on the wheel." It's a weird metaphor but it works. "I'm just thinking about last summer and your house in Nova Scotia. We had a fire pit and the lake then. It feels like a lifetime ago. Our life is so much more complicated than it was then but I think we're in a much better place. You're stronger than ever, and going to take on next season in top shape, and so are we." He kisses my forehead.

"If there even is a season" Taylor says as she comes outside. I look at her quizzically and she actually answers me. "They're negotiating a new CBA and last time Bettman locked them out; asshole." She reaches for a glass of wine and Sidney says "no way squirt. Mom would kill me." She sticks her tongue out and settles into an Adirondack chair. Sidney gets up and says "I'll get you a Coke" and he goes into the kitchen. Taylor and I are left looking at each other. "Tay we really should talk. I'll start by saying that I'm so sorry. I know I disappeared and didn't return any of your texts or calls. Actually, I had my phone turned off for weeks. Sidney and I may have broken up but I never should have left you too. Leaving your brother was the second hardest thing I've ever done and I was in so much pain." I look at her and at least she's listening. I feel tears rolling down my cheeks but I keep going. "I may have left him but I never should have just left you too. We were friends, we were even sisters, and you don't leave family. I'm so sorry sweetie, truly." I look into her eyes and see tears too. I open my arms and she flies into them. We're hugging and crying together on the sofa now. Both Sidney and Mariah come out and Ri says "I guess they made up." Taylor and I pull back and look at each other and just start laughing. Yeah, we've made up.

The evening goes on from there with lots of laughing. There's Taylor and Sidney going back and forth as only a brother and sister can and then Ri and I snipping about our own rivalries. Finally, all three of us girls join in on picking on Sidney. "It was his huge ass I noticed first" Mariah says. "Nope, it was the huge lips for me, hot, very hot" I respond. "Ewe, gross" is all Taylor can say and pretends to gag. Even in the firelight I can tell that Sidney has turn six shades of red. Mariah gets up and stretches saying "I need my beauty sleep. This doesn't happen on its own you know." She says pointing to her face. Taylor says she's tired too. They both head off to bed and leave Sidney and me snuggling in front of the fire. "I'm tired too but I just can't move. I'm too comfy here." I snuggle deeper into his embrace. "Yeah, I never want to move. We have our family here, you're in my arms and all is right with the world." I feel exactly the same as he does. Then I remember what Taylor said. "What did Tay mean about a lockout?" I feel Sidney shrug. "The last time the players and owners negotiated a new collective agreement was the year before I joined the league. The owners locked out the players and the whole season was lost. She's saying that it could happen again." Now I'm concerned "will it?" He takes a beat and says "it could but I don't know if it will. We have hired a great guy to negotiate for us this time. At the last bargaining, the players gave up way too much and we don't want it to happen this time. Especially with revenue up so much this year over last year, there is no way that the owners can cry poverty." We sit there lost in our own thoughts for a while.

The next thing I know I'm waking up in bed, it's dark out and I'm still in my clothes. Sidney is beside me in bed so I guess I fell asleep and he carried me to bed. My shoes are gone at least. I get up to change and find myself very thirsty. Not wanting to wake up Sidney, I pad out to the kitchen for a glass of water. The patio door is open which scares me until I hear Trina's voice. I walk toward the door and I also hear Mariah. I don't mean to eavesdrop but it happens before I get to the door.

"What have the doctors said so far?" I hear Trina ask. The word 'doctors' stops me in my tracks.

"They've done MRIs and know exactly how big it is and what it is but they wanted me to see a doctor out here who is a specialist and tops in his field. I came right out here. There was one in Boston too but since Angelia is already in LA, I thought this was a better choice."

"Why don't you tell Ang what's going on? You shouldn't go through this alone you know."

"Trina, you don't know what this would do to her. She's so smart that she puts this picture out there for the world that she's strong. Since our folks died, she's just not the same and this might kill her before we even know how much there is to worry about. It will be better for her if I find out what's going on and then tell her. It will also be better for me because then I don't have to worry about how she's doing. That might sound callous but we only have each other and I need to protect her."

"Mariah, you don't only have each other. You have me, Troy, Taylor and Sidney. You girls aren't alone anymore. You are part of our family, you are our family, and we are yours. Come here sweetie. I wouldn't ever try to replace your mom but I think you could us a mom right now. Let me do that for you."

I'm stopped just inside the door with one hand on my stomach and one over my mouth. I don't know what to do. Do I go outside and let them know I heard them? Do I just go back to bed? Mariah doesn't want me to know whatever it is but I need to be with my sister; but, if she's the sick one maybe I should take her lead. God, I wish I knew the right thing to do. I hear them rustling outside so I rush back to my bedroom and manage to shut the door before I hear them in the hallway. I don't even change into my pjs. Instead I slip into bed and lay on my side looking at the moon outside our window. Sidney must have sensed me coming back to bed because I feel his arm around me and he pulls me to him. He buries his face into my neck and I hear him sigh. Thankfully, he's still asleep. I just lay there silent, wishing I could sleep, but I'm crying instead. Tears are streaming down my face and all I can think is that I can't lose my sister.

* * *

I wake up the next morning and Angelia is already out of bed. That's nothing new. One day I may just wake up before her. I get up and throw on some clothes before going to the kitchen to see who has risen. Mom is at the stove making pancakes and Taylor is on a chair at the breakfast bar talking about wanting to go to practice with me. When she sees me she says "tell mom that I can go to practice with you. I brought my equipment and everything. Come on Sid, let me go." I ruffle her hair and say "not yet Tay, I'm barely awake." I sit beside her and drink down her glass of orange juice. Feeling marginally human I ask "have you seen Angelia?" Mom answers "she left a note that she went for a run. Mariah is still asleep." I figured about Mariah but I guess Angelia had a burst of energy this morning. Mom flips some pancakes on each of our plates; I pile fruit on top and then syrup. Mom makes the best pancakes. Actually, I remember that it was mom's recipe I made for breakfast the first morning after Angelia and I slept together. Not an image I want in my head in front of my sister and mom which makes me choke a little. "Are you ok sweetie?" I just nod and hide my face. Why is it moms always know what you're thinking when they look at you? I don't want her knowing this thought.

We're half way through our breakfast when Angelia comes back from her run. She is soaked, out of breath and bent over on the deck. "Are you ok babe?" I yell out to her. She nods, starts walking around and stretching. We continue eating. Angelia comes in after a few minutes and grabs a Gatorade from the fridge. "Do you want some pancakes Ang?" mom asks her. "No thank you, I'm going to hit the shower." She goes off to our bedroom and mom keeps cooking, eggs and bacon this time, and Taylor goes back to her pancakes. Something doesn't feel right. I can't place it but it just doesn't feel right. I scoop the last of my pancakes into my mouth and go after Angelia. "Your eggs will be done if a couple of minutes Sid." Mom calls after me so I respond "I'll only be a minute mom." I go into our bedroom and Angelia is stripping off her clothes as she walks into the bathroom. Before she can shut the door I duck inside it. "Are you ok babe?" She turns to me and I get a good look at her. She is pale and there are dark circles under her eyes. Yep, something is definitely wrong here. She nods and turns on the water. I touch her arm lightly before she can head in. "Angel, there really seems to be something wrong. Tell me." She looks away and then slowly to me again. "Sidney, would you leave it alone for now? It's not about you and I and I just need to process before I can talk about it. Ok?" I really don't want to but I can see that she's in need of some space. She isn't hiding anything, she really does simply need some space. I run my knuckles down her cheek and say "ok but, Angel, don't let this make you sick. I love you baby." She leans into my hand for a second, nods and then heads into the shower.

When I go back to the kitchen, Mariah is awake now and she looks tired too. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail and her face is free of makeup. She looks incredibly young like this and I don't think I've ever seen her with a fresh face. She looks so much more like my Angel this way. She also has dark circles under her eyes and is very pale. It makes me wonder just what is going on. I sit at my place as mom is piling eggs and bacon on my plate. She made turkey bacon because she knows that I'm in training which makes Taylor complain. Mariah says that she only wants coffee but mom gives her a pancake, eggs and a couple of strips of bacon. "You need to eat Mariah." I swear I see a look exchanged between them but it's gone before I can double check what I think I saw. Mom is just smiling her usual smile and Mariah begins to eat her breakfast. Taylor begins to beg to go to the rink with me again and I'm distracted from my thoughts about Mariah and Angelia.


	72. Chapter 72

One of the hardest things I've ever had to do is go to Sidney's practice with Trina and Mariah and say nothing. After my exhaustive run and a long shower I pushed away most of the cobwebs from lack of sleep and miracle make up did the rest. It's hard to keep up a positive appearance at the practice; but, when Taylor takes the ice at the end, it is much easier to get into it and watch her play with the big boys. At first the guys take it easy on her. You can blatantly tell that they aren't shooting hard or too quick. She takes a minute to drink some water and calls Sidney over to her. They chat for a minute, maybe argue a bit, and then Sidney skates off shaking his head. "That's an argument I've seen before." Trina tells Ri and I then continues "Taylor wants them to play normal and the guys won't. She doesn't care that they are the best in the world and she's only been playing a few years. She wants to play with Sidney and his friends. They haven't had to go through this in maybe two years. Sidney has never really let her on the ice with other NHL players before. It really is a big deal for her that he's allowed it at all even if they are taking it easy on her. Of course he's got mostly friends out there now and can trust them."

I didn't know that about them although it makes perfect sense. She may be competitive and a great player but she still is a teenager and these guys are the best in the world. Sidney pulls the few guys left on the ice into a huddle where they chat for a moment and then begin drills again against Taylor. It looks to me like they are going full speed this time. The first pass has Toews shooting and he blows it right by her. In the next drill, Sidney does the same and then Matt does it on the next drill. "This is really going to bug her" Trina says. "She's very competitive and it won't matter how much skill the guys have; she'll think she should be stopping the shots." I continue to watch and they continue to blow shots by her until she stops one. It's almost in slow motion. Three of them do a passing drill, they are all moving really fast and the passes are crisp, when the final pass ends up on Toews stick. He immediately snaps a wrist shot and Taylor catches it in her glove. She just made a glove save on Jonathon Toews. He's just shaking his head as he skates away as if he can't believe it. The other guys are all tapping their sticks on the ice and the three of us stand up and yell and scream to cheer her on. Sidney skates by her and taps her butt with his stick. She ducks her head like she does when she's embarrassed. I feel tears in my eyes when I see their love for each other displayed in a very simple and quick way.

The full practice ends shortly afterward but Sidney stays out with Taylor. He takes shot after shot on her and she butterflies, slides and tries to stop every one of them. She gets better but of course she doesn't stop them all. He is Sidney Crosby after all. They clean up the pucks and push the nets to the edge of the ice for the Zamboni guy to take them off. Mariah gets up and says "I need to get to an appointment. I'll meet you guys for dinner back at the house, ok?" It is so hard to look at her and be normal but I manage. Trina and I say goodbye and then head down to the lobby of the rink where we grab a coffee and wait. "It was a lot of fun watching them on the ice together Trina. I've never seen that before. It's so interesting that he's incredibly impatient with his own skill and doing things perfectly but incredibly patient with Taylor and her skill development." Trina smiles at me. "They have a special bond. He's missed so much of her life since he went to Pittsburgh so he wants to spend as much of the time he has with her. When she wanted to play hockey, Taylor called Sidney first and talked to him about it. She wanted to make sure that he was ok with it and he wanted to make sure that she knew she would be under a microscope simply because she is his sister. They talked it out and that's when she decided to talk to us."

That sounds just like both of them. They both only thought of the other person and making sure that it was ok with them. It makes me think of Ri and I again. I've felt nauseous since last night and I can't get rid of the feeling. I'm still struggling with respecting Mariah's wishes but desperately want to say something to Trina right now. I'm concerned that it would put Trina in the middle so I keep my thoughts to myself. Taylor and Sidney come out of the locker rooms at the same time. I stand and say "time for lunch?" Everyone agrees and we head out to the car. Taylor is insisting that we go to Pinks Hotdogs because they are 'famous hotdogs.' We all agree, although begrudgingly, and we're off.

When arrive at Pinks, I don't know what I expected but it wasn't this place. It may be famous but it really is a hole in the wall type of place. That's the first thing that surprised me. The second thing that surprised me is that there is a huge line. Taylor is out of the car and in line before Sidney has even taken the keys out of the ignition. When we do get in line, we don't have to wait long because the line moves fast. Sidney orders a sausage after finding out that they make their own. While Trina and I are deciding, Taylor orders a nacho cheese chilli dog. My stomach rolls at the thought. I order a simple dog with fixings and so does Trina. We all go over to a picnic table to each out lunch. I don't know how Taylor manages to stuff the dog into her mouth but she does. I use my phone to take her picture. It's hilarious with chilli on her face and her mouth opened wide. We're all laughing at her so hard.

We decide to go back to the house for the afternoon. We're going to the Nickleback concert tonight and think we all may need a nap or, at the very least, antacid. When we get home, Taylor puts herself in front of the TV. Trina goes off to her room as do Sidney and I. When we lay in bed, Sidney turns on the TV and I cuddle up next to him. "Are you ok Angel?" I know what he's asking me. He's checking in from our conversation this morning. "No, I don't think I am but I will be. I really just need some space, ok?" He kisses my head and says "ok. I don't want to see you hurting baby." I sigh and my heart melts simultaneously. "I know and thank you." We lay there watching TV and Sidney does his usual flipping around the channels until he finds a baseball game and then he leaves it there. Baseball is so boring to me and it has the usual affect – I fall asleep.

* * *

While watching the game, Angelia falls asleep in my arms. I can feel her breathing even and slow. I must have drifted off after her because it's her thrashing about that wakes me up. Barely, I miss a punch from her flying fist. I pin her to the bed and try to wake her up. "Angel, Angel wake up. You're dreaming baby, please wake up." Her eyes do open but I know they aren't on me; they are wide and terrified and tears are rolling down her cheeks. "Angel please wake up baby. You're having a nightmare. Come on, wake up." Eventually I must have gotten through to her because I see recognition coming into her eyes. She is finally seeing me and realizes that she was dreaming. I pull her into my arms and stroke her back while kissing her temples. "You're ok baby. You're ok." She finally stops shaking and her breathing slows. She is relaxing in my arms and her arms have now come around me. "Baby, you are making yourself sick. How can I help you? Please tell me how I can help you." It's tearing out my heart to feel her pain. I've never felt such inconceivable pain from someone I love so much. It kills me. I feel the pain throughout my entire body too.

Her hands are stroking me now. I didn't realize that I need comfort too. I pull back from her and push her hair softly back from her face placing kisses over it. She pulls my face to her so that her lips find mine and we simply kiss over and over. First we are soft and lightly playing so that we're soothing each other with kisses. Our hands slide under clothes seeking warm skin. Angelia pushes my shirt off of me and her hands begin exploring my chest. I love the feeling of her light touch over the muscles of my chest. She slides them up and over my neck which gives me room to take off her shirt too and then her bra. We are flesh to flesh now and I know I'm feeling more than comfort. I feel her hard nipples against my chest and I know she is too. It's confirmed when she slips a hand down into my shorts and cups me. I groan into her mouth as she starts to stoke me slowly. Her other hand pushes my shorts down and then I kick them completely off.

I simply enjoy her touch for a few minutes and then I busy my hands on her breasts at the same pace as she's stroking me. I open my eyes and she's looking directly at me. I'm compelled by her eyes staring deep into mine and slip one of my hands down into the front of her shorts. It's too tight a squeeze so I unzip them and pull them off with her panties. Now I slip my hand between her legs and slide a finger from front to back and then back to her clit again. She cries out softly but keeps her eyes on me. I slip a finger inside of her now and stroke in and out of her at the same pace that she is stroking me. We continue to stare into each other's eyes. Fuck, it's so incredibly erotic and hot keeping the same tempo touching each other so intimately while maintaining eye contact. I'm breathing harder and harder now. I slip another finger inside of her while maintaining the same pace. Angelia cries out now as I push them even deeper with each stroke.

Her hand slips off of me when I hit just the right spot deep inside of her. I find it again and her eyes roll back and so does her head. She's now putty in my hands, literally. Her hips begin to thrust and now she's fucking my fingers trying to suck them in even deeper. I increase the pace and she matches it with her hips. It doesn't take long before she completely comes apart in front of me. There is sweat over her whole body now and she continues to shudder over and over. My entire hand is soaked from her orgasm but I'm not done with her yet. I slide my hand fully over her and up to her clit. It's so sensitive right now that she comes off the bed when I start rubbing it. God, she's still shuddering from the last orgasm and she's beginning her ascent to the next. I rub her clit over and over bringing her up again. She's getting close again, fast, so I push her onto her stomach, position myself behind her and pull her hips up so that I can enter her fast and hard. My dick is soaked immediately and I easily push in and out of her. She pushes her own face into the pillow to keep from screaming out. It's the first time I've thought that we aren't alone in the house but I'm too far gone to care. I continue to thrust hoping that she orgasms soon because I know I won't last. Finally, I can't wait and I feel my orgasm take over but I also feel hers and her muscles are sucking at me.

Eventually, we both let go and fall on the bed. I slide off of her and pull her to me so that we are spooning. We're both soaked head to toe. Our breathing is coming fast as if we can't suck in enough. Finally we both seem to be evening out in both our breathing and our emotions. The intense pain I was feeling in empathy for her has lessens thank God. I didn't know what I was going to do with it. I smooth her hair and place my mouth at her ear "I love you my Angel." I can feel her smile now and she whispers "I love you." We lay there for a while longer. "It nearly kills me to see you in this kind of pain Angelia. It's not good for you. It's really not good for you. Whatever you need to work out, do it fast because you need to be happy. You deserve to be happy." I just feel her nod and I guess I'll have to be satisfied with that for now. Fuck.


	73. Chapter 73

**_Note: in case you don't know, strep throat isn't fun! That's what I've had for the last three days and I can definitively say that it's not fun! That is the reason for my absence. Thank you for the notes of inquiry and support. I'm back, even if not 100%, and tried to make this one worth the wait._**

* * *

Sidney is already out at the car waiting for me. It's early, really very early, but it was his idea to get on the road so early. I think about yesterday as I get dressed. Yesterday, I waited all day for Mariah to tell me about her appointment. It was obvious that she saw a doctor after Sidney and Taylor's practice and I made sure we had some alone time after that including a walk along the water after dinner. I kept waiting for her to bring it up but she didn't. I weighed over asking her the entire hour we were alone but I didn't. Maybe I was afraid of what she'd tell me. Anyway, Sidney suggested we take a drive up the coast since his ice time was cancelled today. Trina and Taylor were going shopping with Mariah and Sidney definitely didn't want to tag along with them. I gather everything I need and run out to meet Sidney. The rest of the house is still sleeping but we told them last night that we'd be heading out early.

I hop in the car and say "I've never seen you so motivated to get going in the morning." He looks at me and replies "I didn't want any chance that they might rope you into shopping instead. Besides, it's going to take us almost three hours to get to Red Rock Canyon. If we want to hike and see most of it then we need to get there early." Sidney already has the destination plugged into the GPS and we're on our way. We drive through Starbucks before hitting the highway of course. I'm a morning person but I definitely need a hit of caffeine this morning. Once on the highway north, we see less traffic because we're moving away from LA.

"Are you really sure that you don't want to go to the game tonight Sidney? LA will probably win the Cup tonight." He shakes his head and says "no. I'm recording it in case we don't make it back in time but I really don't want to be in the building when anyone but us wins the Cup." I guess that makes sense. "I guess it's hard when you thought it might be you guys playing for it and then you see someone else win." He's quiet for a few minutes before he says "yeah it is and especially this year. First, it took me so fucking long to come back. When we did have all of the pieces to win, it fell apart so quickly. I've heard from Pat that a lot of the press is blaming Flower. I don't read that crap myself but Flower has to hear about it from somewhere and it wasn't his entire fault. It's not like we played any better than he did it's just more noticeable when it's the guy in net." I think about this for a minute and ask "so why do you think you guys didn't make it farther?" He sighs deeply. "I really don't know. I keep thinking about it and I even watched tape, which I rarely do at the end of a season, and I just can't figure it out. Flower absolutely had issues there's no doubt but we couldn't play defense for shit and the number of times we gave the puck away in the neutral zone was worse than triple A." I stay silent now because I'm feeling like Sidney really needs to get this out. "I met separately with Ray, Dan and Mario and I really was clueless to figure out why we didn't go farther. We just couldn't pull it together collectively. I couldn't believe it then and I still can't believe it. Ray is going to be making some moves over the summer and a few guys won't be resigned. It's going to hit the guys hard when they find out Johnny won't be resigned. Ray's going to try for a trade or free agency for an experienced back-up goalie to replace him. I think he's going to let Asher go too. On the ice, I totally see why Ray's doing it but they're both going to be missed in the room. Oh, I know you won't tell anyone but please keep this between us, ok?" I look over at him and say "of course I'll keep it between us. Are there guys that Ray is hoping to get?" He glances over at me and says "I think he's going to try and get Zack Parise when he's a free agent this summer. I knew him at Shattuck. Ray mentioned that he'd like to get Zack to be a winger for me. We'll have to see what Ray can do. He has to think about all of the pieces on the board as well as the salary cap. He's going to try and resign Staalzy too which is going to cost big. Then Geno can negotiate next year. We've already started talking about my contract although we can't formally decide anything until July." Now I look at him surprised. "Your contract is up this year?" He chuckles "actually, my contract is up next year but you can start negotiating with your team one year before. You have to wait until it is completely done before you can talk to another team. We'll nail it down this year and make it ten or more years so I end my career in Pittsburgh. I don't want to go anywhere else." I think about this for a few minutes. I didn't realize that he could even go anywhere else. "So, you could go to another team if you wanted to, when your contract is up next year?" Sidney gives one of his shrugs "I could but I'm going to stay in Pittsburgh of course." I'm still looking at him and see him frown. "Angelia, are you asking because you don't like Pittsburgh? You know I'm tied there right? I can't leave." I place my hand on his arm. "Sidney, of course you're staying in Pittsburgh. Besides the Lemieuxs, that team is yours and you'd never leave. I really wouldn't want you to move. I'm just trying to understand the process." He glances at me and must like what he sees because he smiles and turns back to the road. "Can we pull over at the next stop Sidney? That coffee is causing the predictable reaction."

There is a rest station not too far up the road and we pull in. Both of us get out and we walk hand in hand into the complex. After we've both taken care of business, we meet back at the car and continue on our way. I notice that the topography is changing. There is less and less flat land and more hills which become mountains. They're beautiful. It's different than the Rockies or the Alps but still very beautiful. Sidney reaches over for my hand and I smile at him but quickly go back to looking at the mountains. Soon, we enter the park and make our way to the beginning of the trails. After parking, we pull our packs and hats out of the trunk. Once we're all packed up, and Sidney has the map of the trails out, we head off. "This was a great idea Sidney. The outdoors and the beautiful scenery is just what I needed." He throws his arm around me and says "and me too right?" I look up and give him a quick peck on the cheek. "Of course I need you too." We are both laughing as we make our way up one of the trails.

We have to be careful because the trail is just that – a trail. It's quite rocky and sometimes unstable. I can already feel the sweat pooling. It's hot since it's the beginning of June. We make our way in comfortable silence up the first leg of the trail. Sidney has mapped out how far he wants to go before we stop for a rest. It's just like him to plan out all of the details like this on the map; but, plan or not, I really need to take a break and have some water. "Ok guide-boy I need to rest and drink. We're not all pro athletes you know." I find some shade and pull out one of my water bottles. I look at Sidney and he's started sweating too. Odd how that gives me some comfort that I'm not the only one exerted. Of course, he's not breathing hard at all but I can't expect everything. "You ok?" he asks me. I raise an eyebrow when I return his look. "Yes I'm ok. I needed to hydrate. Isn't that what your research told you? We need to hydrate often." He shrugs and I know I've won this one. Ha. "Ok, I'm hydrated, let's go."

We continue up the path farther. So far, it's nice and the scenery is pretty but I'm not overly impressed yet. That's when we come around a bend. I'm stopped in my tracks and Sidney almost walks up my back. He comes up beside me and we're both staring now. We're both stunned by the extraordinary view of the mountains. They are aptly named red rock and along with the red there are chocolate brown, black, white and pink hues. I've never seen such beautiful colours in rock before. Sidney and I reach for each other's hand simultaneously. I'm overwhelmed by how gorgeous the colours are and how prominent they appear. We turn to each other and I'm feeling so overwhelmed by the beauty of the surroundings and by how gorgeous Sidney is too. I wrap my arms around him and kiss him deeply. When I pull away, Sidney kisses my forehead and says "not that I mind, but what was that for?" I give him another peck on the lips and say "just because." We grin at each and then continue on our way.

We pause periodically to take pictures of our surroundings, of each other, and even manage to prop the camera on a rock to take a picture of us together. When we've been walking about three hours, with a few hydration stops, Sidney finally announces "I'm hungry." At least I can always count on his stomach. It needs to be fed every three to four hours of every waking minute. The sun has moved so we look for rock with an overhang providing shade. Sitting on our jackets we take out our packed lunch. I'm famished myself so I dig in too. Looking around, I say "it's gorgeous out here. I never knew that there were such gorgeous mountains this close to LA. I know about the mountains but didn't know this was so close." We continue watching scenery in front of us and a hawk flies across the brilliant blue sky. Sidney hands me a bottle of Gatorade. "You need this too, not just the water." I grimace "you know I don't like this stuff Sidney." He shakes the bottle at me "drink!" I roll my eyes at him and do as he says. He won't stop until I do, I know it. I hand the bottle back to him after drinking half of it barely avoiding choking. As he stands up, he pats my head like I'm a good little girl so I smack his ass as he walks past me. He doesn't even break stride.

I pack up my garbage and then follow him. "Are we getting closer to Red Rock?" Sidney looks at his map and responds "in about an hour we'll be on top of it." I'm glad we'll be there soon. I have to admit, even if only to myself, that I'm getting tired. When we pause again for a rest, I tell Sidney "The area was once home to the Kawaiisu Indians. These are also ritual sites from the Coso People ancestors. The Coso People were early Native American inhabitants of this locale. They created extensive carvings in this rock and neighboring mountains and conducted considerable trade with other tribes as distant as the Chumash on the Pacific coast." I look over at Sidney and he has a huge grin on his face. "What?" I ask. He keeps grinning and he says "I love it when you get all 'professor' on me. I can even see your glasses on you. I really hope you look for a teaching position at University of Pittsburgh. I'd love to watch you lecture. Hmm, gives me all kinds of naughty thoughts as 'I'm hot for teacher'." This man has a one track mind that goes to one, and only one, station.

We continue on and help each other up a steep hill. About thirty minutes goes by when it happens; we come around mountain edge and there is Red Rock. It is gorgeous and even more impressive than the first mountains we saw. There are bushes at the base and a blue sky above. The rock itself is brilliant red. There are other colours too of course but the red is so vibrant. We take out cameras and take more pictures. We both stop and are simply taken in the beauty again. "Can we find somewhere to sit and just take it all in Sidney?" He smiles at me, takes my hand and we look around. We do find some shade and Sidney sits down then pulls me down to sit in front of him. I lean back as he wraps his arms around me. This is about as perfect as life gets. It's so simple out here. We feel like the only two people in the whole world. It's us, the periodic hawk and the stunningly beautiful rocks. I'm overwhelmed by it now; but, while I want the world to be simple, it's just not. Real life is creeping into my mind, into my heart and then it creeps out of me. "Mariah is sick Sidney, really sick." Did I really just say that out loud?

* * *

I'm stunned. Of all the things I expected Angelia to tell me, that Mariah is sick definitely wasn't one of them. Wow, no wonder she's been a mess. "Is this what you've been holding in Angel?" I feel and see her head nod up and down. I decide to let her tell me more in her own time and in her own way so we sit there for a while. She has leaned her head to the left and back. I can put my cheek beside hers and I tighten my arms around her. I can almost feel the pain flowing out of her and, now that I know why, it breaks my heart even more. A hawk flies across the sky. It soars up and down with the wind only occasionally having to flap its wings. Mostly it can coast on the air streams.

"I knew something was wrong when Ri showed up at our door Sidney. She looked tired but she usually does after a long flight. She seemed too bubbly and excited but that's her too. I just felt that something was off. Maybe that's why I had the nightmare again. It must be a twin thing. We aren't psychic like some twins are or can feel it when the other stubs her toe on the other side of the world; but, there's something about being a twin that makes you so incredibly in tune with each other that you know when something is off. I hadn't really thought of it consciously until I overheard your mom and Ri talking on the back deck. I only heard part of it. Ri said that the doctors knew what 'it' was from the MRI and told her to see a specialist either in Boston or LA. She chose LA because we're here right now. Trina wanted her to tell me but she said that she didn't want to worry me. I'm the older twin and I've always been the caregiver between the two of us. That all changed, along with everything else, when mom and dad died. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't do anything anymore and Mariah most often took care of me after that; our roles reversed ever since then.

"Anyway, she said that she didn't know how bad 'it' was and didn't want me to know until she could tell me the extent of 'it.' I was going to let them know I was there and heard them talking but then she said that it would be harder on her if I knew. She would have to worry about me as well as worrying about what she's going through. That's what stopped me. If she's really sick, I don't want to add to her pain. I want her to tell me in her time and when she's ready. It's killing me though. It's just killing me that she's going through this and it's killing me that I could lose her. I could lose my family."

I stay silent as she speaks. The only thing I do is rub my hands up and down her arms. She's shivering but I know it's from the emotions and not the temperature. Even in the shade, it is hot out today. I do feel a hitch when she says that she could lose her family. I'm her family too. Then I remind myself that it's not about me. She knows that she has me. That's probably why she's telling me; because she knows that she can. I continue to sooth her even when she stops talking. I wait for a few moments and then turn her around so that she is facing me. I wipe away her tears with my thumbs and then kiss each cheek. When I pull back and really look at her, she looks completely heartbroken. Her lips are trembling slightly. Her eyes are drenched with tears. The look in her eyes is completely lost. I pull her to me and her arms wrap around my neck. I just hold her tightly to me. We stay like that for a long while. I do feel her breathing and her heart beat slow. She pulls away from me just enough so that we can look into each other's eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I really did just need to process it. It's inconceivable to me that she could be sick. I love you so much Sidney. I know that you are always going to be here for me." I give her a small smile. "I'm sorry you even have to handle something like this Angel. You have dealt with so much at such a young age that I want to spare you any more pain ever. I understand that you had to think about it and process it in your own time. I wish that I could have helped you and that you'd told me sooner so that I could have helped you; but, I do understand the need to think it through first."

She offers me a small smile and it makes her look even sadder since there are still tears in her eyes rimmed with wet lashes. I feel compelled to continue "do you really think that you shouldn't say anything to her? I wish you'd told me earlier so that I could have supported you and at least shared the pain. Couldn't you do the same for her? Should she really go through this alone, even if she thinks that she should?" Angelia gnaws on her lip as she thinks about what I've said. She turns slightly so that she can rest her head on my shoulder and she tilts her face into my neck. I tilt down so that my cheek is in her hair and, closing my eyes, I simply breathe and feel her. All the times we've held each other, touched each, shit all the times we've had sex and I've been inside of her, I don't know that I've felt this kind of intimacy. I think I finally understand true intimacy. I can't put it into words, not even for myself, but I know that having her in my arms, comforting her and truly sharing, is intimacy. She draws me out of my thoughts by first tilting her head up and kissing my neck. Then, she nuzzles in and says "your right. She needs me even if she doesn't know that she needs me. I need to be there for her. We're family and there's no choice but to be there for each other. You're my family too and you're here for me." Yep, she knows that I'm her family. Maybe she just needed a subtle reminder. "Angelia, when we get back, you, mom, Taylor, Mariah and I will sit at the kitchen table – that's where all of the family talks happened in my house – we'll talk about what is going on and we'll figure out what to do together. It's too bad dad isn't here but we'll take care of it together." She looks up at me and asks "isn't Taylor too young?" I chuckle at that "she's definitely old enough. She'll know something is going on so it's better that she's involved right at the beginning. Mom and dad always involved her when we talked at home." Angelia agrees and we get up. When I pull her up with me, I pull her into my arms again and we just hold each other. She pulls away first, kisses me and says "thank you." I kiss her back and say "for what?" She smiles now and replies "for everything, for absolutely everything, but mostly for being you." I kiss her again and then we pack up our gear. It's going to be a long road back in more ways than one.


	74. Chapter 74

_**Note: still getting back to normal. Went back to work yesterday and then came home and went right to bed but I have a little more energy today. I hope you enjoy the chapter. Thank you for loving these characters as much as I do.**_

* * *

When we walk into the house I know we're alone. My sister usually fills the house with sound when she's in it so the girls must still be out. I drag my ass to our bedroom with Sidney following closely behind me. After entering, I strip off my clothes piece by piece as I make my way to the shower. The only goal I have is a shower to wipe off all of the grime, grit and sweat that is caked on me. "I thought I was the messy one" I hear Sidney say behind me. I don't even care that I'm leaving my stuff where it falls. I step into the shower and turn it on. This is the first time I've seen the true value of a shower with a rainfall showerhead and jets on all sides. I lean my hands against the wall and let all of the jets do their work. The water heats up fast and now there is steam too. It's perfect for my aching muscles. I hear the door open and Sidney joins me. Shortly after, I feel a soapy loofa running over my body. "I truly appreciate the help but I hope you're not after any more than that because I just don't have it in me right now." He laughs at me and keeps soaping me up.

The jets do the job of rinsing me off and I hear Sidney lather up his own hair. I finally open my eyes and watch him washing his hair. My eyes travel down to his shoulders and I watch the muscles bunch and move. I go farther down and I see every muscle in his back work. Those muscles taper down to his small waist and very well-toned ass. "Are you enjoying yourself?" he asks me. I look up at him and he has a knowing smile on his lips. Damn that man, he always has my number. He leans his head under the waterfall and I can't help but move to him and put my hands in his hair as he rinses out the soap. I have to reach up a bit which has me leaning into him and out wet bodies slide over each other. His hands go to my hips to steady me. I slowly slide back down his body and my hands slide over his shoulders to land on his chest. I love his body. It never fails to excite me just by looking at him. I slide my fingers down his chest and over his stomach where I feel him tremble slightly. I slide one hand even lower until I can wrap my hand around his hardening dick.

"Ang are almost done. We're starving and want to go to dinner. God, don't you guys ever get enough. Finish up, would you? Sid, your mom and sister are out there. If you're really able to keep it up know that then congratulations Ang." Ri leaves the bathroom as abruptly as she came in. I look up at Sidney and he is turning six shades of red. Even after all of this time, he still can't take Mariah's taunting or brazen nature. It doesn't faze me at all and I begin to wash my hair. Sidney is still just standing there stunned that she came in the room at all. "It's your own fault Sidney. You didn't lock the door did you?" He's still staring at me but then says "Do I really need to lock the door?" I just look at him and raise an eyebrow. His question is really answered for him when Ri comes back in and says "Trina and Taylor just ran out to the grocery store. We've decided to stay in and BBQ so you guys can take a little more time in there if you like." Then she is gone again. Sidney is actually standing in the shower, soaking wet, with his hands on his hips looking at me. He's the cutest thing. Finally he gives up and, after one final rinse, he gets out of the shower. He's good, really good, but not even Sidney can stay hard after being interrupted twice by my sister and knowing his mom and sister were out in the other room. I just laugh as he dries off.

When I get into the bedroom, Sidney has just finished dressing and is sitting on the bed. I sit beside him in my towel and feel the weight of what we're about to do. "How do we do this Sidney? How do we have a Crosby family meeting?" Sidney takes my hand in his and says "we all gather at the kitchen table. Whoever has called the meeting tells everyone why and then we talk. It's simple but don't let that make you think it's easy. When mom and Tay get back then we'll all sit down and talk. I can start if you want so that we all know it's a family meeting and then you can bring up what you heard." I look down at our entwined hands. "Won't she feel like we're ganging up on her?" I look at him and he shakes his head. "It's all in how you do it Angel. If you blame her for not telling you then sure she'll feel ganged up on. If you tell her what you know, that you love her and that you only want to support her then she won't feel that way." He makes it sound so easy. I look up at him and he brings my hand to his mouth and kisses it. "Remember that I love you and that you have a family again. We're your family too and we all love you both." I feel tears coming to my eyes. Before I can say anything, we hear voices and laughing from the hall. Sidney shrugs at me and goes to the door. I go to the closet to grab my clothes.

I change quickly and throw my hair in a ponytail. When I go into the hall, I follow the voices and noise to the kitchen. There I see Troy! Before I realize it, I've squealed and run into his arms. He catches me and twirls me around. When he puts me down, he pulls back and takes each of my cheeks in one of his hands. Smiling at me, he leans in and kisses each of my cheeks. "Ah, Angelia, it's so good to have you back." I can't speak so I throw my arms around him again and hug him. Finally, I pull back and say "it's so good to see you Troy. What are you doing here?" He chuckles and says "I thought you just said that you were glad to see me? Seriously, I finished my meetings and didn't want Sid to have to take care of our girls by himself. The sun and the sand don't hurt either." He keeps one arm around me and says "so when's dinner, I'm starving." Trina answers "we did pick up groceries before we picked up Troy at the airport so let's make dinner."

I catch Sidney's eye and he looks at me questioningly. I take a quick moment and nod. It's even more perfect now that Troy is here because the whole family is together. Sidney clears his throat and says "actually mom, can we all sit at the kitchen table and talk before we make dinner?" She looks at him and then slowly nods. We all gather at the kitchen table and I slide in next to Sidney. He takes my hand in his and starts. "Mariah, Angelia, in the Crosby family we have gathered around the kitchen table to have family meetings over the years when someone wanted to discuss something that affects the whole family. I mentioned this to Angelia because she told me that she had something to say that we're all involved in; so we're having a Crosby family meeting."

I feel Sidney squeeze my hand slightly and I know it's my turn. I look across the table at Ri and she looks confused at me. I take a deep breath and jump in quickly. "Ri, the night you got here, I had a horrible nightmare. It was the same one that I had every night since mom and dad died. I hadn't had one in a year but it came back so suddenly and I didn't know why. I think I figured it out when I got up in the middle of the night two nights ago. I came out to the kitchen to get some water and I heard you and Trina talking out on the deck. The door was open so I heard you before I could let you know I was there." I look into her eyes now and see the exact moment when she remembers what they talked about. "Ri, I'm not mad or upset that you didn't tell me. I wish that you had, think that you should have, but I'm not mad at you. I love you and if you're sick then I need to be there for you." Sidney squeezes my hand again. "Actually, Ri, what Sidney said is true. We all should be there for you. It's perfect that Troy arrived today. It's like a sign that we should have this family meeting and that we should all be here for you. So, please tell us what's going on." I finish and just wait. I take Sidney's hand in both of mine now. I'm terrified for what Ri is going to say.

* * *

I don't think I've ever been more proud of Angelia than I am right now. That was so hard for her but she did it and now the ball is in Mariah's court. I see mom take her hand under the table. It's just like mom to offer her support when it's needed even if in a small way. I look at where Angelia's hands are entwined with mine. I guess I have a lot of my mom in me. Mariah takes a deep yet shaky breath. "Ok, yeah, you heard right Ang. I was at a fitting about a month ago, it was before you came to France, and the seamstress found a bump on the side of my breast as she was fitting me. It was really small but definitely not normal. I went to the doctor the next day and he used a needle to see if there was liquid. There wasn't any liquid so he sent me for an MRI. When he got the results, he called me and referred me to a specialist who I later found out was an oncologist. He told me that they needed to do a biopsy, which he could do right there; but, they probably wouldn't get the results for two or three weeks because the labs are so slow. He asked me if I wanted to go to London or Germany and I asked him about the US. When he said there was a renowned specialist in LA then I knew I had to be here. I guess I always knew that I would tell you." Mariah pauses and takes a sip of water. No one talks; we remain silent and let her compose herself before she finishes.

"The day of Sidney and Taylor's practice, I had an appointment with the specialist here and he did his own biopsy. He confirmed that its cancer and I went for a more extensive and powerful MRI yesterday. I go tomorrow to get the results. He'll be able to tell me how big the tumor is, what the prognosis is and all of my options. He explained that depending on the size and placement they could do a lumpectomy or radiation and chemotherapy. We have to wait and see." She has been staring at the glass of water ever since she took a drink but now she looks up and her eyes are drenched. She looks directly at her sister. "Ang, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. It's been so hard the last few years and I didn't want you to worry until I knew how bad it was or what my options were. I'm so sorry that I hurt you by not telling you and I'm so sorry that you had to hear the way you did." Now both sisters are crying and staring at each other. At the same time the both spring up and run into each other's arms. I look at my mom and she's crying too. I feel my own tears and see them reflected in dad's eyes. I look back at the girls and Mariah is looking at me now. "Oh come here Crosby, this was your idea anyway. Give me a hug." I get up and take Mariah in my arms. I just hold her for a few moments before letting her go. She looks up at me and says "I guess I did right when you begged me to tell you where Ang was in Paris, huh?" I can't help but chuckle. Leave it to Mariah to make a joke and lighten the mood. "I hardly begged. You wanted me to go get her." She punches me in the stomach and I feign pain. Before I know it, mom is up and so is dad. There are lots of hugs and apologies to go around. Everyone is reassuring each other that we will handle whatever comes our way.

Then I hear a soft voice "you have cancer?" I wasn't sure I'd heard it so I look over and it's Taylor. I tap mom's shoulder and she turns too. "Oh Tay" mom says. Taylor has silent tears running down her face and she's looking at us from one to another. Both Mariah and Angelia go over to her. Mariah sits beside her and Angelia crouches in front of her. It's Angelia who speaks first. "Tay, it's serious, of course it is but we'll get through it together. We are sisters and we stick together. We'll find out in a couple of days what is going on for sure and then we'll handle it, ok?" Taylor just looks at her. Mariah speaks next "Taylor, Ang is right. We're sisters now and we'll handle it together. I should have told you all because I need you as much as you need me. I love you sis. We'll figure it out, ok?" Taylor nods this time and throws her arms around Mariah and Angelia together. All three girls are hugging and sniffling. Finally, they pull back and the tension in the room dissipates. Mariah stands up. "Look, we need to hang in there for a day and then we'll all go to the doctor and find out what's what. Until then, we'll keep doing what we're doing." We all agree and dad says "ok, I think someone promised dinner to us hungry, travel weary folks." That makes us all laugh and Mariah, Angelia and Taylor move to the fridge to take out the food for dinner.

Mom wraps her arm around me and I lean into her. "I raised a very smart and very loving son." I look down and smile at her. "Yeah, I take after dad." Mom smacks my ass and walks over to join the girls and dad who has now decided he should help. I watch them all in the kitchen together. A year ago I was in a completely different space. I had relapse after relapse from my concussion and the doctors weren't even letting me exercise. My family, although well meaning, was driving me crazy and I escaped to France to get away from it all. The top deck of that boat is where I found my life again. I watch Angelia walk toward me and slip her arms around me. She tips her face up to mine and I kiss her. "You are a very good man Sidney. Thank you for the great advice. I love you so much. I'm going to get through this simply because I have you." I smile at her. "I will do whatever you need Angel. I love you too."


	75. Chapter 75

Everyone takes Mariah's lead and is more positive than anything else. I see Angelia periodically send her sideways glances and know that she wants to talk to Mariah alone at some point. Everyone is pitching in with making dinner. Dad and I do the 'manly' thing and barbeque. The ladies are in the kitchen taking care of everything else. Dad and I stand side by side looking out into the ocean. "How are you doing son?" I think about it for a moment. "I'm doing ok dad. I'm much better now that I have Angelia back and I think we are doing ok. We're still figuring things out but we're talking more and I think we're both being much more honest. This thing with Mariah was really our first test I guess. I knew something was wrong with Angelia so I asked her about it. Rather than evading or denying, she told me that something was wrong but asked me to give her time. That was huge for her. Then, even though I didn't want to give her space, I did. That was huge for me." Dad puts his arm around me in a side huge. "That's great son. I'm happy for you both and so proud of you. I guess the family meeting was your idea." I nod and he continues "it was a good one. Those girls need a family. They lost their parents and no child should have to go through that so young. While we could never replace them, your mom and I are so happy to be their adopted parents." I look at dad and smile. "Thanks dad, it means a lot to them and me. I've always known how much you guys did for me, supported me and even sacrificed for me but I don't know how much I've really appreciated you until I met Angelia and saw how lost she is without her parents. I'm an adult but I still need you both so much." I don't know if I'm explaining myself right but dad pulls me in for a hug which is really unusual for us. "Sidney, it is no sacrifice. We would do anything for you kids, ok?" I nod and we both go back to the barbeque.

"Isn't it ready yet?" Taylor whines from the kitchen. We both yell "soon" at the same time and then start laughing. I feel arms wrap around me and know it's Angelia. "Are you looking for food too?" I ask her. "Nope, just you." Dad pats her shoulder and goes in the house. I turn so that she's in my arms. "How are you babe? Did that work out the way you wanted it to?" She leans up and kisses me softly on the lips. "It was perfect Sidney. Thank you for suggesting and for helping with it. I like the family meeting idea. We will have to use it when we have kids." I freeze when she says that to me. This is the first time she's actually talked about our future together. Sure, we've talked about going back to Pittsburgh and what we'll do next season; but, since we got back together, there has been no talk of marriage or kids again. This is the first time she's brought it up. I lean down to her and kiss her lingering for a few seconds. "Yes, we will." She gives me a huge smile and I'm captivated by her again. "Seriously Sid, are they ready? I'm starving." When Taylor wants to eat she makes sure everyone knows about it. I take a look at the chicken and it is actually ready. "Right now Taylor, seriously, nag much."

We get everything on the table and, for the first time in a long time, mom asks if we can say grace before meal. We all hold hands and mom says "God, thank you for this meal that nourishes our bodies and this family that nourishes our hearts and souls. We pray that you keep us safe and watch out for Mariah. May her wellbeing come back and may she be strong and healthy again." We all say 'amen' and then dig in. Taylor dominates the conversation telling dad about stopping Toews shot and practicing with guys. Of course she tries to convince me that she should come again tomorrow and then everyone remembers the doctor's appointment tomorrow. Mariah pipes up "Sidney, I know that you have to practice so you don't have to come. I understand." I feel Angelia squeeze my hand under the table and I know what I have to do. "Of course I'm going to the doctor's appointment Mariah. I can work out in the afternoon so I'll only be missing the on ice practice. I'm sure Taylor will have nagged me enough that I'll bring her to practice the next day." Taylor starts in about how she'll even stop my shots that day and I glance at Angelia. She's giving me that special smile of hers and I know I made the right decision. Sometimes family is more important than hockey. I guess I'm starting to learn just how much.

* * *

When dinner is over, Trina tells Mariah and me that Sidney and Troy are cleaning up. The girls did most of the cooking so the boys are cleaning up. I look at Mariah and we decide to go for a walk on the beach. We just step out on the sand and I hear Sidney call my name. I turn around and he's jogging over to us stripping off his sweatshirt. "Mariah has her sweater but you may need this babe." He kisses my cheek, hands me the sweatshirt and heads back into the house. "I sure as hell hope you're going to marry that boy this time. He would walk over broken glass for you Ang." I feel the smile break across my face and then turn back to Ri. I'm hit with how pale she is and she's definitely lost weight. I pull the sweatshirt on and then put my arm in hers as we begin to walk down the beach.

Mariah breaks the silence first. "I'm really sorry I kept this from you Ang. I knew deep down that I should tell you but it broke my heart to tell you when you were so upset over leaving Sidney and then I didn't want to upset you when you guys got back together. Maybe I didn't want to tell you because then it would be real. I don't know. What made you think of the family meeting idea?" I smile "it was Sidney's idea completely. He thought that I should tell you that I knew. I only told him today. Before you yell at me, I wasn't keeping it from him in the way you think. He knew something was wrong and asked me about it. I told him that there was but asked him to give me some time to think about it. I finally told him today when we were at Red Rock today. He suggested the family meeting. Troy being here sort of made it seem like fate to me." We continue walking arm in arm.

"I'm so scared Ang. I don't like that the doctor wanted another MRI, it makes me think it's worse than I imagined, and I don't like that it's still in there and we're essentially doing nothing. I mean, I have cancer inside of me and all we're doing is walking down the beach. How fucked up is that?" She stops walking and now we're looking at each other. I don't know why but in that very instant we both start laughing hysterically. It is from the belly, snorting through my nose, I may pee my pants kind of laughing. When we finally finish and are wiping away the tears, I look at her and say "I'm scared too Ri. I can't lose you. I also don't want you to go through this pain; emotional nor physical. You should be in Milan or Paris right now wearing beautiful clothes and getting your picture taken." I pause for a moment and then continue "I need something from you." She looks at me and says "I'm the one with cancer and you need something from me?" I smile "yeah. I need you to let me be the big sister. Let me support and love you. Let me take care of you. It is time that I stepped up and did this for you after all you've done to take care of me. Shut it! I know you're going to say that no one is keeping track and I get that; but, what I mean is that you need me and I want to be there for you, ok?" She's quiet for a few minutes before saying "ok."

We both sit down in the sand and enjoy the sound of the waves and dim light around us. "How are things going with you and Sidney?" I think about the past few weeks. "It's been really good Ri. We're both trying hard and, it's not easy, but I think we're really getting there. Sidney even asked me what I might want to do when we get back to Pittsburgh. He suggested his foundation or even Mario's but I think I want to teach again and pick up my research. The University of Pittsburgh is hardly a mecca for physics but I could help change that and make it better. It would be a lot of fun to start something like that and take in new students. Anyway, he's building a house too. I mean we're building a house. He asked me to help pick out and design stuff with him. It's really exciting." Mariah puts her arm around me and I lean into her. "Sounds like you and Sidney are moving forward." I smile "yeah, we are and it feels great." She laughs "from what I say in the shower today, I'd say it feels pretty damn great." I forgot about that "you really need to stop that Ri. You so embarrassed him which was your intention I know. Besides the fact that you need to respect personal space, I didn't get any because you mentioned his mom and sister." Now Mariah is laughing hysterically. I get up and start heading back to the house. "Stop" she says and can't say anymore because she's laughing so hard. She controls herself just enough to say "come on Ang, stop. I'm sure you'll get in it tonight." Then she's off on another fit of giggles. She doesn't slow down until we near the house. Now there is just the periodic snort. Troy, Trina and Taylor are all outside by the fire pit. Mariah sits down to join them and they ask what she's laughing so hard about. I immediately give her a look to tell her 'don't you dare' and she just says "something Ang said" then changes the subject. I wander inside to see where Sidney has gone.

I find him in our bedroom propped against the headboard with a baseball game on. I climb onto the bed and straddle facing him. "You aren't being very social holed up in the bedroom watching baseball you know." He smiles "Taylor was driving me crazy talking about practice so I left her to mom and dad. They're used to me taking off sometimes. How was your talk with Mariah?" I kiss him first and then say "it was good. It was exactly what we needed. We'll go tomorrow to the doctor and then go from there. That's all we can really do. Thank you so much for agreeing to come with us. I know you don't want to miss practice but I really need you there." I kiss him again. "Angel, you never have to thank me for that kind of thing. I love you and I love your sister. I know where I need to be." I take his face in my hands and just look at his face. I see all of the little scars that playing hockey has given him over the years. I see his huge bee-stung lips that always entice me. I see his high cheekbones and strong jaw. Then I see his kind eyes looking at me with so much love my chest feels like it will burst. I'm overwhelmed with him so suddenly.

I pull his face to mine and kiss him, hard. I push my tongue inside of his mouth and change the angle of my head to gain better access. I run my hands down his chest and then back up but this time under his shirt. I hate to pull away but I do, ever so briefly, so that I can strip his shirt off of him and then I'm back to his lips. I can feel him getting semi hard against me and I start to grind my hips against his. My hands can't get enough of his body. I start at his shoulders and squeeze at the muscles there. God I love his shoulders. Then I move down his arms and over triceps and then biceps. I move back up to his shoulders and then down to his pecs. I follow my hands with my mouth. First, my lips devour his neck where I lick and nip. I suck at his Adam's apple and my hands play over his nipples. My lips move to where my hands have just vacated because my hands are now at his stomach but they don't stop there. I get to his shorts and undo the button and pull down the fly.

Sidney stops my hands and pulls his lips from mine. "Let me catch up baby." I moan when he moves his lips from mine but his hands quickly strips me of my tee shirt and his sweatshirt then he flicks off my bra. We are chest to naked chest now and back to devouring each other's lips. I can't seem to get enough of him. After the stress of the past couple of days, I just need to bury myself in Sidney and get a strong, fast release. Sidney seems to understand this and matches my intensity and speed. He slips his hand between us and down the front of my yoga pants. He quickly pushes two fingers inside me and groans when he finds me already wet. My hands move back to his shorts, which I unzip, then I slip my hand inside and stroke the full length of him. While our hands have been are busy, so have our mouths and tongues. I nip at his bottom lip and then suck it into my mouth. I'm forced to release it because I moan when Sidney slides his wet fingers up over my clit. This makes me stroke him faster.

At the same time, we both need more and we separate to divest ourselves of our pants. Quickly we move back together and I'm straddling his lap again. His hands are on each of my hips. I use my hand to guide him into me and then I slowly sink down onto him. I hold there for a moment and just gasp. I love this position for how deep he can fill me. Sidney grabs my ponytail and uses it to guide my lips back to his mouth. As his tongue thrusts into my mouth, I begin to rock my hips and guide up and down over him. I work us up to a frenetic pace. Sidney slips a hand between us and rubs my clit fast. That's what sends me over the edge and I latch my mouth on his shoulder. At least I had the presence of mind to remember our family is in the house, even if they are out on the deck. I feel Sidney let go and warmth seeps into me. We are holding each other tight as we slow our breathing and begin to come down from the high.

Sidney is the first to speak and all he says is "ow." I pull back and look at him asking "what do you mean 'ow'?" He's looking at me know and says "how am I going to explain the bite mark in the locker room?" I look down at his shoulder and, sure enough, I did bite him hard enough to leave marks. I look back into his eyes and then can't help myself from laughing. "Sidney, I don't care about the locker room just, please God, make sure you are wearing a shirt around your mother at all times, ok?" Now he's laughing too. His hand is stroking my back lightly up and down. He's soft but I can still feel him inside of me. I love this time when we've just had sex but are still connected in the most physically intimate way. I hold either side of his face and kiss him softly. I lick at the corners of his mouth and then over each lip. "I love you" I tell him and watch his eyes get all soft and dark. "I love you too." We continue to kiss and touch. It seems like neither of us wants this contact to end. Finally, we lean our foreheads together and I say "we really need to go back out there. They're going to know what we're doing." I yawn while saying this and I think the hike today is catching up with me.

Sidney slides me under the covers, kisses my lips and says "stay there, don't move." He throws on his clothes, smooth's down his hair and leaves the room. I stay where I am, actually I'm too tired to move, and Sidney comes back a few minutes later. "I told them we're going to bed because we're exhausted from the hike." I raise an eyebrow "and they really bought it?" He chuckles "no one but Taylor but they let me get away with it." Sidney strips out of his clothes again and slides into bed next to me. I cuddle under his arm and he starts watching the baseball game again. 'This is what I want for the rest of my life' pops into my head. No matter where we are, no matter who we're with, no matter what is going right and wrong in our world, I always want to end the day in Sidney's arms. I go with the feeling before my head can catch up to my heart. "Are you ever going to give me back my ring?" Oh God, did I really just say that to him? Sidney is now very, very still. Did I take this a step too far? Should I have waited for him to propose again? Fuck!

Sidney slips out of bed without even looking at me and goes into the bedroom. I relax when I see him come back to the bed with a small box in his hand. He opens it and there is my ring. "I've been carrying this with me everywhere since the day you left. I took it back to Philly for the game. I took it to Nova Scotia after we ended the season. I took it to France and then Italy when I found you. Then I brought it here, with you, to LA. I didn't know when to bring it up again. Things have been so good. Then today, you talked about kids and I hoped, for the first time in weeks, I hoped." He looks into my eyes. I say nothing to him and only hold out my left hand. He takes the ring out of the box and slips it on my finger. He then lifts my hand to his lips and kisses it. He slides into bed and pulls me with him. I rest my hand on his bare chest with my ring shining on my finger. "Thank you" I tell him. "You're welcome" is all he says. As I slip into sleep, happy, I remember what awaits us the next day. I can't control that so I'm going to hold onto this happy feeling for as long as I can.


	76. Chapter 76

I wake up at 5am and can't get back to sleep. Sidney is snoring but that's not really why. I keep thinking about the doctor's appointment with Angelia that's only in five hours. I get out of bed and put on my yoga pants and Sidney's sweatshirt. Smelling him on it gives me comfort. What is it about wearing your boyfriend's clothes that makes you comfy and turned on at the same time? Actually, I should say fiancé instead of boyfriend. I know it was where we were already heading back to but I'm so glad that I have my ring again. It may be old fashioned but I think it makes me his again officially. I notice that the kitchen light is on when I head down the hallway. It's Troy and he is staring at the coffeemaker. He must know I'm there because he says "I usually consider myself a smart man but I just can't figure out where the coffee goes in this damn thing." I chuckle and move beside him. "What kind of coffee do you want? Regular, late, cappuccino?" He gives me a look that makes me think of Sidney when I've asked him something stupid. "A coffee sweetheart, like Tim Hortons." I chuckle again and get out the right pod, put it in the pocket and push start. "It isn't a regular coffee maker. It makes it one cup at a time and you can have anything you want."

While his coffee is brewing, I go to the fridge and take out the cream for him then go to the cupboard for the sugar. "Couldn't sleep?" he asks me. "No, I slept fine just not long and then your son is snoring so I couldn't fall back to sleep." Troy winces "he gets that from me, sorry." "It's ok. Usually I don't even hear him. It's when I do wake up that I can't fall back because of the freight train running through his nose. Although this morning, I think I have a few other things on my mind." Troy's coffee is done so I hand it to him and make myself a cappuccino. While mine brews, I look back over at Troy and then it hits me. "Troy, Trina called you didn't she? When she found out that Mariah was sick, she called you and asked you to come out here to be with us?" He looks at me a little sheepish and replies "yeah she did. She didn't ask me, she told me about Mariah and I hopped on the next flight available." As I walk by him with my coffee, I lean up and kiss his cheek. He takes my coffee from me, puts it on the table and pulls me into his arms. I guess that's all it took because now I'm crying like I'll never stop. I pour out all of my grief and fear. When I was with Sidney at Red Rock, I thought I had completely cried myself out. I guess not.

When I'm just sniffling, Troy grabs a few tissues and hands them to me. I wipe myself up, nose and eyes, and that's when Troy notices it. "It's back" he says as he takes my left hand in his. I chuckle and say "yeah, it's back." "Where it belongs" he tells me and kisses my hand. The gesture tugs at my heart because it's just like how Sidney kissed my hand last night. We both grab our coffees and sit at the kitchen table. "I guess I'm not the only one who is up early." Trina comes into the kitchen and kisses Troy and then pats my cheek. She goes over to the coffee maker and starts a cup for herself. "What is all the noise out here? Can't a girl get her beauty rest?" Mariah shuffles into the room in her fanciest robe. Trina pulls out another cup and programs a cappuccino for Ri after taking out her own cup. "I haven't seen this many people at 5am since we had to drive Sid to the rink for early morning practice." Troy tells us. "What about Taylor?" I ask him. "Trina got the duty with Taylor. I did my time at 5am with Sid." I look around and we sure are sorry bunch. We all look exhausted and not at our best but here we are. "Well, since we're up, how about breakfast?" We all agree to Trina's question and each of us gets to work. Trina mans the stove and starts the bacon. Mariah complains about nitrates and Trina tells her "it's 5am, nitrates are sleeping." Only Trina could say something like that and make it work. She wants us to have a full breakfast this morning so we had "better stop complaining." With that, Mariah shuts up.

Troy mixes the pancake batter. Mariah begins cutting up fruit and I get out the eggs and cut up vegetables for omelettes. "Ang, should you wake up Sid?" Mariah asks me. Trina responds for me "you won't have to. If he smells bacon in the morning then he'll wake up. It's a sixth sense." Huh, I never knew that about Sidney. Of course we don't eat regular bacon so that could be why. "What about Taylor? Will she wake up too?" I ask Trina who only laughs. "Not a chance that girl will get up without a firm nudge this early." We all laugh and go back to our duties. "What the hell is everyone doing up so early?" Sidney says as he is stretching while walking into the kitchen. He kisses me and then walks to the fridge for orange juice. That man needs OJ in the morning like I need coffee. "They couldn't sleep and you wouldn't let me sleep." I tell him. He cringes "was I snoring again?" Ha, snoring "I guess you'd call that snoring. That or a tug boat." Trina laughs "he gets that from his father. You do get used to it sweetie after twenty or thirty years."

Breakfast is subdued because of the early start and the appointment that is looming in our very near future. We sit around and talk for a while after we finished eating and cleaned up. We talk about nothing in particular just the idle chit chat that happens in the morning. Sidney gets up and says he's going for a run. I'm surprised when he asks if I want to join him. "I'm not going to be able to keep up with you." He takes my hand and pulls me up. "Come on Angel. I'll take it easy on you, I promise."

I had thoughts of taking a blanket out to the deck and watching the sun rise. Instead, I'm now running down the beach trying to keep up with a professional athlete who is supposedly taking it easy on me. This is the first and last time I ever go running with Sidney. I feel like my lungs might explode or that I will die from lack of oxygen because I just can't take in enough. "Slow" puff, puff, puff "down" puff, puff, puff "Sidney." He does slow down and I finally can breathe, it's not easy, but I can breathe. I finally have to stop or else I may pass out. "Keep walking at least or else your legs will seize up." I follow his directions to keep walking and he falls in beside me. "I thought this would take your mind off of things for a little bit. It's also a beautiful sunrise." I look over the horizon and he's right. The sun rise is gorgeous. I stop and stare at it. Sidney stops beside me and we are quiet for a few moments. Sidney breaks the silence and says "let's go. We need to go in a couple hours." The tranquil moment is broken with reality and we head back.

* * *

Dad and I are waiting for everyone in the living room. "Why is it we are always waiting for them?" I ask dad. He laughs and says "get used to it. If you have daughters, you'll spend your entire life waiting for them." Mom comes out with Taylor and Angelia. Angelia sits on my chair's arm and slips her arm around me. "Ri, come on, let's go." Angelia calls out to Mariah. I hear the heels click before I see her. "Ok, I'm here, let's go." She looks really nervous but gorgeous as always. We all get up and load into the SUV. I'm glad I rented the SUV too so that we can all go together. I plug the address into the GPS and we're off. There's nervous chatter as we drive to the doctor's appointment and Angelia reaches over to hold my hand throughout the drive. I find a place to park and we all pile out. Mom and dad are holding hands, Taylor is arm in arm with Mariah and I have my arm around Angelia.

The receptionist is surprised by how many of us there are and is even more surprised when we say that we're all going in to talk to the doctor. She doesn't argue though and ushers us all into a room. It looks like a conference room with a big table and chairs enough for all of us. Mariah sits beside Angelia and the girls hold hands. I make sure that I'm sitting next to Angelia and my folks sit next to Taylor. We all wait silently. We aren't waiting too long when the doctor comes in and says "Cheryl said that there were a few of you. Hello Mariah, you've brought the whole family today?" Mariah offers him a small smile "yes Dr. Phillips. This is my sister, her fiancé and his family. I can't wait anymore; can you just tell me what you've found?" The doctor offers a small smile himself and gets up to turn on a screen. "Mariah, this is the lump we found and took a sample of when we determined that it is malignant or cancerous. This MRI shows us exactly how it's size and pervasiveness. We have caught it early enough that we have a few options." He sits down beside Mariah and begins to outline the options.

"I would suggest we do what's called a lumpectomy. This is where we cut out the tumor, or the lump, and leave the healthy breast tissue intact. If we follow that route then we will take cells from the surrounding area to test for clean margins. Clean margins means that we got out all of the cancerous cells and you wouldn't require more surgery. I think that this is your best course of action. It is the least invasive while still taking out the tumor. Testing the cells will tell us if we got it all." He pauses now and looks at the rest of us. "What if you find that the lumpectomy didn't get everything?" this question is from Angelia. "This would mean that we choose from more options. I would suggest we wait to see if that happens because there are a number of courses we can take depending on what we find. At this point, it would all be speculative. While we are conducting the lumpectomy, I would also take a piece of the lymph nodes to ensure that the cancer has not spread. There is a very, very minor chance that this has happened but it is better to look at it now than worry or have to look at it later."

We are all silent for a few minutes. I think we're all taking it in. "What is my prognosis if the lumpectomy works?" Mariah asks him. "If we have clean margins then we'll run blood tests and do a mammogram in six months and then one year. If everything remains clean, then we'll want you to have a mammogram yearly strictly as a precaution." I know it's still cancer and serious but this doctor seems to be hopeful and I'm feeling less gloomy about the future for Mariah for the first time since I heard that she was sick. "When can we schedule the surgery?" Angelia asks. The doctor looks at her now "We can do it in two days and we'll have the results two days after that when we'll know our success." Mariah takes a deep breath and stands up to shake the doctor's hand. Before she can speak, Dr. Phillips says "there is actually one more thing I'd like to discuss before you all leave." Mariah sits back down. To my surprise, the doctor turns to Angelia.

"I was unaware that you were Mariah's twin sister and identical twin at that." Angelia looks confused, I guess I am too. What does the fact that they're twins have to do with anything? "There have been many, many studies completed on breast cancer and there was a landmark study completed a few years ago on identical twins and breast cancer." Oh my God, my heart drops into my stomach, my stomach is up in my throat and I'm terrified as I've never been before. "What these studies have shown is that an identical twin is three times more likely to have breast cancer when their twin has it. Given how young you both are, I would surmise that the cause of the cancer is genetic rather than environmental. I know your grandmother had breast cancer. Since your mother died so young, and didn't have any siblings, we don't know if she would have developed it or anyone in that generation. Anyway, I really think that, I'm sorry, I don't know your name dear." He looks to Angelia to give him her name and she says nothing. Mariah answers for her "it's Angelia." The doctor nods and says "Angelia, simply as a precaution, I would like to schedule a mammogram for you. It is prudent although I don't want you anticipating the worse." She nods at him. "Do any of you have any further questions?" Mom asks about the length of Mariah's recovery and what she'll need. There are some other questions like that and then we're done.

As we walk out of the building, I'm really concerned about Angelia. She hasn't said anything since the doctor suggested that she should be tested. The receptionist gave us all of Mariah's surgery details and the appointment details for Angelia. Throughout the whole time, Angelia said nothing. The family is walking ahead of us so I stop and turn to Angelia. "Talk to me babe. You haven't said a word since we left the doctor." She looks up at me in a definite daze. Placing a hand on my cheek, she says "I can't lose my sister. I also can't leave you. What if I'm sick too?" I put my hands on her cheeks and bring my face close to hers. "Baby, let's not worry about this unless there is something to worry about. It's more likely because you're twins but that doesn't mean that you have it. Let's focus on Mariah and on getting your tests done. When we know what's going on, then we'll worry, ok?" She looks at me like she desperately wants to believe me. Finally, she nods and I wrap my arm around her as we walk to catch up with the rest of the family. I'm glad I convinced her not to be scared or worried. Now, if only I could convince myself.


	77. Chapter 77

Mariah has decided that we're going to Disneyland this afternoon. My sister has lost her mind! She's having surgery in two days and I need to be checked for breast cancer but she wants to visit Mickey! She's out of her fucking mind. Everyone but me seems to think it's a great idea so here we are at home getting changed to go to Disneyland. How I'm supposed to have fun is completely beyond my comprehension. Taylor is making a list of all of the rides we need to go on. Mariah wants to visit the New Orleans Square. Trina and Troy are even talking about the Jungle Cruise. They've all lost their minds.

I guess I've been muttering to myself because twice Sidney has asked me if I'm talking to him. He's been pretty quiet since the doctor's office. I guess this is pretty heavy stuff and it has to weigh on him too. See, that's a proper response! A proper response is NOT 'let's go to Disneyland!' I pull a tee shirt over my head and see Sidney standing in front of me when my head pops through. "You're driving me crazy Angelia. What the hell are you muttering about?" I reach for my shorts and say "they're all crazy. We just found out that Mariah is having surgery and I need tests. Are we thinking through next steps? Are we considering what we may need to do here at the house to help Ri recover? No, we're going to a theme park. Doesn't this seem the least bit absurd to you Sidney? Doesn't it seem like the craziest thing you've ever heard? Seriously?!" I'm standing in front of Sidney and waving my shorts around as I let out my tirade. He's been listening to me and, when I finally run down, he does the craziest thing yet. He breaks out in laughter. It's not just laughter; the full grown man standing in front of me is giggling a high pitched giggle that has him trying to stay standing. They've all gone stark raving mad.

I march out of the closet and to the bed to put on my shorts, socks and shoes. Sidney walks over to me, still giggling, and falls on the bed beside me. He manages to control himself and he sits up to look at me. This has him falling back again and holding his stomach with laughter. I can't help it now myself. Watching him with a serious case of the giggles has me starting. Before I know it, I'm rolling on the bed beside him in my own gale of laughter. We both finally slow down and are wiping tears from our eyes. Lying on the bed facing each other, Sidney puts his hand on my cheek and wipes away a last tear. He's suddenly serious. "Angel, I'm heartbroken for Mariah having to go through this pain and suffering. She's my sister now too and I just ache for her. I have to admit, when the doctor mentioned that you have a higher risk since you're an identical twin, I got scared. I am terrified of losing you. Those weeks we were apart are the longest I ever want to go without you. We need to get married, have lots of kids and grow old together. We'll be in our eighties or nineties before we part. I'm absolutely terrified of losing you before that has all happened. But, let's take Mariah's lead on this and spend a day having fun. We won't forget about reality but let's take some time to put it aside. We all need this and we'll go back to reality tomorrow. Ok?" I kiss him with all of the feeling in my heart. When I pull back, I say "how did I get so lucky to be loved by you?" I kiss him again. "We both got lucky Angel. Now let's go spend the day with Micky." I let him pull me off the bed. "Actually Sidney, I'm more of a Goofy woman." He swats my ass as I walk by him.

I'm in a much better frame of mind when I meet the family out by the car. It looks like everyone has decided to have a day of fun. Also, the best way to hide a famous fashion model and the best hockey player in the world is probably at Disneyland. We pile into the car and the excitement builds primarily by Taylor's non-stop chatter. She's having trouble deciding if we should do Space Mountain or the Matterhorn Bobsled first. Then she and Mariah start arguing over roller coasters. Mariah hates them and wants to see some of the other attractions. Eventually, Trina has to referee and it's decided that we'll split into separate groups for a while and then meet up. Taylor, Sidney and I want to do roller coasters and Mariah, Troy and Trina want more of the non-coaster attractions.

Once we're in the park, we look at the map and decide when and where we'll meet back up. With that decided, each group is on their way. We head right to Space Mountain. After some wait, we get into our cars and ready to blast off. Taylor is sitting with a girl who was in line in front of us. They struck up a conversation and seem to be getting along. Sidney and I share a car. The blast off happens much too soon for my liking. I love the coasters, after they're over; during it scares the crap out of me. When we stop, Sidney takes my hand off of his leg and says "You know, I need those thighs for hockey. Be careful with the squeezing!" I guess I did get a little carried away. We determine which way the Matterhorn is and the three of us are off again. After a few more rides we notice the time and need to meet the others at Indiana Jones. We all arrive at the same time and share our adventures while waiting in line.

After Indiana Jones, we decide to stop and get a cold drink. We head to the Blue Bayou and order some snacks to share too. Troy and Sidney excuse themselves after we place our order. Our drinks come and the guys are still gone. We start talking about where to shop at Disney, one of Mariah's favourite subjects, and we choose two stores to look at before we leave the Park today. I feel something on my head and then see Sidney put a strap under my chin. I see Troy do the same for Taylor and Trina while Sidney has moved on to Mariah. They got us each our own Micky ears! "Aw, Sidney, thank you. They're my very first ears." We all look silly but it's Disney so that's ok. We enjoy our drinks and snacks as we debate where to go next. It's decided that we're breaking up again. Mariah and Taylor are exploring the Jungle and Trina and Troy want to explore New Orleans. Sidney and I want to take the Mark Twain riverboat ride.

As we walk away from the group, Sidney puts his arm around me and whispers in my ear. "I'm glad we have some alone time. I like having you all to myself." I turn my head and find his lips. Neither of us is paying attention and we almost walk into Goofy who feigns a stubbed toe, or is it paw, from us. I can't help but laugh. "I told you Sidney, I'm a Goofy kind of girl. I may need to leave you now that I've found him." I tell Sidney and Goofy pretends to be embarrassed but then puts his arm around me and pulls me to him. "See Sidney, Goofy likes me too." Sidney is just standing there shaking his head at us. "You'd run away with me, wouldn't you Goofy? You'd fight for me, right?" Now Goofy is putting up his paws in a mock fight with Sidney. A crowd is growing around us now and Goofy is really putting on a show. It's hilarious.

* * *

I know I should be playing along with fighting Goofy over Angelia but I can't keep a straight face. It's so funny; especially when he pretends to protect her and fight me. A crowd has gathered now and is watching the scene. That's when I hear "it's Sidney Crosby!" Seriously, Goofy is trying to fight me and I get recognized? The kid of about 8 or 9 years old comes over to me and says "are you Sidney Crosby?" I look down at the kid and say "yeah. What is your name?" He doesn't answer me; instead he runs back to his parents and says "dad, it is him!" Now Goofy is looking at me with his head tilted and then he makes a motion like he has a hockey stick and is shooting a puck. He points to me as if he's asking if that's me and I say "yeah." Goofy turns, takes Angelia's arm and pulls her back to me. Goofy then steps back and puts both paws to his heart and then back at us. The whole thing is hilarious. The little boy comes back with his parents and they ask for a picture. Angelia moves away and lets me do my thing. Thankfully, everyone else is more interested in Goofy and leaves us. We say goodbye to the family and Angelia and I continue on our way.

As we walk, I say to her "if that kid hadn't recognized me, you would have left with Goofy, wouldn't you?" Angelia laughs "of course. The heart wants what the heart wants Crosby." I throw my arm around her and we continue on to Frontierland. It doesn't take long to get on the river boat ride. We find a seat up top and I pull Angelia down on my lap. "There's room Sidney, I can sit on a chair." I don't let her up. "Maybe, but I'm more comfortable this way." She laughs and cuddles in. We listen to the announcer and watch the scenery. This was a great idea. I really wanted to take a moment with Angelia away from the others. It didn't matter what we did, I just want to be with her and if she's sitting on my lap, all the better. I love how she leans her head down to my shoulder. This is a perfect moment and I can't help but sigh. "What was that for?" she asks me. "I'm enjoying having this quiet moment with you, that's all baby." We stay that way for the rest of the trip.

Next, we decide to go on the Ferris wheel; actually 'Micky's Fun Wheel' to be exact. I see that they are putting six people per pod so I slip the operator a twenty to allow us in our own. We get comfortable and enjoy the view as we go higher and higher. "I know we decided to focus on fun Sidney but I have to tell you something." I wait for her to continue. "I'm really scared Sidney. I'm so scared now not just for Ri but for you too." Now I'm confused "what do you mean that you're scared for me?" She takes a deep breath. "When I think about what could happen, if I'm sick I mean, what that might mean for you. This is a really important summer for you and next year is a huge season. It will be your first full one after coming back. The last thing you need is having to worry about me." I take her cheek in my hand and tilt her face up to mine. "First, nothing is going to happen to you. I know that in my soul. Second, please do not worry about me or the hockey season. Your health and the health of Mariah are the most important things now. Ok?" Her eyes are shimmering with tears now. "Don't cry Angel. We'll all be ok and we'll get through this together." She lifts her face and kisses me. I pull back and wipe the tears from her eyes. We kiss again softly. "Ok Sidney. Thank you. But, you know, I may have to leave you if I see Goofy again." Leave it to her to make me laugh.

When we leave the Micky wheel, there isn't enough time for another ride before meeting the family so we wander slowly back. We see a young couple with two little kids laughing and trying to keep everyone together. "That's going to be us soon you know." I tell her. "You want two kids?" she asks me. I think about it. "Actually, I'd love four or five. I've always wanted a big family." She looks up and smiles at me. "That's what I thought. You're going to be a great dad you know." Now I smile at her "I hope so. You're going to be a great mom. I can't wait to see you with our daughter or son. You know, we need to start thinking about a wedding and when and where." She's quiet for a few minutes so I look down at her. "I know Sidney and I want to but there is so much hanging over us right now. I think we should wait until we know Mariah's prognosis. Besides, aren't there enough weddings this summer? There's the Fluerys, Orpiks, Staals and that friend of yours from juniors. That's a lot of weddings for the summer." I know that she's right but I'm still disappointed for some reason. I can't even argue with her. How can we even think about planning a wedding when Mariah is having surgery in two days? Of course it's not Mariah that I'm primarily thinking about and that makes me wonder if Angelia is thinking the same thing. What if they find out that Angelia is sick too? Then it won't be a wedding we're planning.


	78. Chapter 78

_**Note: work has been crazy so I haven't found the time to write as often as I have in the past. I want to be sure to write the next part of their story thoughtfully so I may take more time.**_

* * *

I hate waiting. I'm in a room with Sidney, his parents and Taylor waiting for Mariah to come out of surgery. I barely slept last night. We were able to put aside everything for the day but, when we got home, reality crept in as it does unfortunately. I tried to sleep but just couldn't. Sidney was so sweet. He held me all night as we watched bad movies. I know he drifted off a few times, maybe I did too, but he never let me go all night. I felt so safe even though I was so incredibly scared. Now, here we are waiting. Sidney hasn't left my side. Trina and Troy each come over periodically to check in on me or make me drink or eat something. Right now, I'm curled up in Sidney arms on a sofa. They want to do my mammogram while I'm here at the hospital but I told them it has to wait until I know that Mariah is ok and out of surgery.

The door opens and it's Dr. Phillips. We all get up and meet in the middle of the room. "Angelia, your sister came through the surgery great. She will be waking within the next 30 minutes or so. I was able to take out the whole tumor. As we discussed, we won't know if we achieved clean margins until the pathology comes back and that could take up to a week. We'll keep Mariah in recovery until she has woken up completely. You'll be able to see her within an hour. Do you have any questions?" I look at Sidney. My brain isn't working; I'm still processing. "Doctor" Sidney says "I think we know what there is to know right now. We have all of the details about her rehab so I guess that's it." The doctor shakes Sidney's hand and says "Angelia, a technician will be by in a few minutes to take you to your test." I nod at him and he leaves the room. I look at Sidney and break into tears. Sidney pulls me over to the sofa and into his arms. I can't stop crying. I feel him slowly rubbing his hands up and down my back but I won't be soothed. All of the stress of the day comes pouring out of me. Finally, I feel myself calming down and I stop crying. Trina gives me some tissue and I clean myself up. When I look up at Sidney, I see concern in his eyes. I put a small smile on my face, it's the best I can do, and kiss his lips lightly. "I'm ok baby, just needed to get it out I guess." Sidney looks into my eyes for a moment and then kisses me back.

"Excuse me" a technician says from the door "Angelia?" I take a deep breath and stand up "yes." "We ready for your test; if you'll follow me?" So I get up and Sidney stands with me taking my hand. "I'm coming with you" he tells me. I don't bother arguing. I know he won't listen and I actually want him with me for support. "We'll wait here for you kids." Troy tells us and we leave. The technician takes us through the hospital and it feels like a maze to me. I'm hoping Sidney knows how to get us back. When we arrive at the clinic, the technician takes us into a room and closes the door. "Angelia, I'll need you to take off everything from the waist up and put this smock on with the opening in the front. I'll be back in a few minutes to get you, ok?" I nod and she leaves the room. "Stylish" I tell Sidney and he chuckles. I take everything off as she directed and Sidney holds the smock for me to get into it. He turns me around and does up the ties in the front. "This might be a good idea" he tells me and I can't help but give him a questioning look. He slips his hand inside the front and says "easy access" and then wiggles his eyebrows at me. Ok, maybe this is why I wanted him with me; comic relief.

The technician comes in and says "we're ready for you Angelia." I nod and go to follow her. Sidney holds my hand and pulls me back to him for a kiss. "I'll be right here waiting for you Angel." I nod and smile then follow the technician. We go into a room with a big machine. "Angelia, are you or is there a chance that you could be pregnant?" This surprises me but I tell her "no." She gestures me to the machine and asks me to open my smock. "I'm going to take your breast and put it on this ledge here. Another ledge is going to come down and is going to press your breast. It will be uncomfortable and could even hurt a little bit but it won't last. We'll take a digital image of your breast then I'll come back in and we'll change to the other breast." I nod and she gets my breast in position. Ok, that is much more than uncomfortable, ouch. I just shut my eyes and wait. It doesn't take long and then she's back in to set up my other breast. That one doesn't take long either. She asks me to wait a moment. When she comes back she says "the pictures are clear so you're good to go. You can get changed and then I can take you back if you like." I smile and say "I think we'll find out way ok but thank you."

I walk back into the room and see Sidney pacing. That man doesn't know how to sit still. When he sees me, he asks "everything ok?" I smile "I have smooshed boobs but their ok. We'll have to wait for the results but the pictures went off without a hitch." He shuts the door for me and I get back into my clothes. When I turn around, Sidney is there and takes me in his arms. I just let him hold me and try and relax. "I needed that, thank you Sidney." I look up at him and he kisses my nose. "Let's go, your sister should be out of recovery by now." We go back to the room, Sidney did know the way back as I hoped, and the family isn't in the waiting room. I feel myself start to panic but then I hear "Angelia, we're down here." I turn and it's Taylor smiling at us. We make our way down to her and she says "Mariah is awake. Come this way."

When we enter Ri's room, I see that she is awake and saying "Trina, you have to tell me if my hair is ok, there could be single doctors here." I breathe my first sigh of relief. If she's worried about single doctors then she must be ok. I move over to her and hug her. "Ow, Ang, careful with the boob!" I laugh and so does she. "Speaking of boobs, how are yours doing? Are they all squished?" I nod "yep, squished and photographed. We'll find out later today. Dr. Phillips said that he has a couple more surgeries but then he'll look at the mammogram and give us a call." She squeezes my hand and we speak without saying anything at all.

We wait until the intern comes in and gives us all of the directions, a prescription for pain medication and then discharges Ri. We pack her up, having to hurry her along as she tries to keep flirting with the intern, and finally pile into the car. I can tell Mariah is in pain but she's putting on a brave face. Sidney drops us off at home and he, Troy and Taylor go to fill the prescription. Trina and I get Mariah in bed. "No lying young lady, how much pain are you really in?" Only Trina could pull that off with Ri and have her answer honestly. "A lot Trina; I feel the incision every time I breath." Trina sits carefully down beside Mariah and pulls Ri's head to her breast stroking her hair. "We'll get some more drugs into you soon and then you'll have a good nap. There will be lots of rest for you and I'll have Taylor talk your ear off if you get bored." Mariah chuckles and then says "ow, don't make me laugh." We stay with her for a while and talk about mammograms. Trina had one for the first time last year and we commiserate over our smooshed boobs.

* * *

We walk in the house, Taylor says "I'll bring Mariah the pills" and she takes off. Dad turns to me and says "how are you doing son?" I honestly don't know how to answer him. "I don't know dad. Just trying to get through it I guess. I'll feel a lot better when we know that Angelia is healthy and then one hundred percent when we know Mariah is healthy too." Dad hugs me and then we walk to Mariah's room. Mom is closing the door with Angelia and Taylor beside her. "Shhh, we gave her the medication and she fell asleep" mom tells us. I look at Angelia and she's pale and dead on her feet. It's time for me to take control of the situation. "Mom, Dad, I'm taking Angelia to the bedroom and making sure that she naps. Would you please make sure Tay keeps it down?" Mom chuckles and says "go, both of you." I pull Angelia with me and shut the door when we get in the bedroom. She sits down on the bed and just stares. I go over to her, pull off her shoes and then pull her up. She just lets me take over which tells me just how exhausted she really is right now. I unsnap and unzip her jeans and pull them down. Then I pull her sweatshirt off over her head. Moving to the bed, I strip back the comforter and then tuck her in. She snuggles into the bed in only her panties and tank top. When she's wrapped up, I move onto the bed behind her and pull her back flush to me. I stroke her hair until I feel her breath slow and know she's asleep.

It's only then that I let myself relax. I can pretend that everything is ok and that I can be her protector; but, when we're here alone in bed and the world is far away, I finally relax completely and feel the tears come to my eyes. I'm not just scared, I'm terrified. Seeing what Mariah is going through and thinking that it could be Angelia too is just terrifying. I can clearly see our life together with four or five kids playing in the snow in Pittsburgh at Christmas or all of us on the lake back in Nova Scotia for the summer. We get a picture of one or more of them sitting in the Cup as a baby. Maybe they drink chocolate milk out of it with straws. How can I see our life so clearly in front of us but it could be all gone with one test and one phone call? I lean my face into her hair and just breathe her in. I feel more tears silently fall from my eyes. All of the arguments and misunderstandings of the past few months seem meaningless compared to what we're dealing with now. I've been trying to convince myself that everything will be ok but, now that I've stopped moving and I'm essentially alone with my thoughts, I can't pretend that I'm fine. It's just too much for me right now.

Angelia shifts in her sleep and I hold still but she's not still sleep. She shifts and rolls until she's facing me. I try to move or hide my face but she is holding it in both of her hands. "Oh Sidney" she says and wipes at my tears. I stare into her beautiful eyes and see tears shimmer there too. She leans in and kisses my cheeks essentially kissing my tears away. She moves to my lips and we slowly kiss and rub our lips together. We both pull away and lean our foreheads together. She pulls back and we gaze at each other again both having found comfort. "I'm sorry" I tell her and she shakes her head. "You have nothing to be sorry about baby. You've been so good to me and so strong for me. I couldn't get through this without you. It has to be so tough on you too. We just need to lean on each other, ok? You can be there for me and lean on me when you need to as well." Once again, I'm completely blown away by how wonderful and giving this woman is to me. "Ok" I tell her. "Besides" she continues "I did some research." I laugh now; of course she did some research. "While I do have a higher likelihood of having breast cancer because my identical twin does, it's still a very low chance due to age and health. Grandma's cancer bumps that up a bit, genetics and all that, but still, it doesn't have to be bad news." I roll over on my back and bring her with me.

"Tell me how you're feeling Sidney. I know this is so hard for you too." I sigh and wonder how much I should say. It would kill me if I put more pressure on her because I unload how I feel. Then I remember, isn't this exactly what she was thinking last season when she didn't tell me how she felt? Maybe I should learn from that and not make the same mistake. There was nothing that I didn't want her to tell me then so maybe I should just tell her how I'm feeling now. "I'm scared Angel. I'm so scared for both Mariah and you. I can't lose you; not for any reason. I just" and I don't get to finish my sentence because Angelia's phone rings beside the bed. We look at each other for just a moment, both of us panicked, and then she reaches for it. She answers it and says "hello? Yes Dr. Phillips … ok … ok … I can do that … yep … alright, see you then." Then she hangs up and puts her phone on the nightstand again.

I wait for her to turn back to me. One look at her face and I know it's not good news. "Dr. Phillips says that the mammogram shows something on my left breast. They can't tell what it is from the mammogram alone. It could be a cyst or a problem with the x-ray." I wait for her to say it but she doesn't so I finish it for her "or it could be a tumor." Tears come to her eyes, she presses her lips together and nods. Oh God, this can't be happening.


	79. Chapter 79

**_Note: I've received some mixed reaction to the direction of the story. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I appreciate all feedback. I wanted to share some context with everyone: October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. I've participated in fundraising at work and did the Toronto Weekend to End Breast Cancer. This story is another small way to support the cause. If you have a family history of breast cancer or are over 50, be sure to talk to your doctor about mammograms. If you are not in a high risk category then you should be doing self-exams. There are more and more survivors especially if it's caught early. Be safe and healthy ladies._**

* * *

We're all sitting around the kitchen table; Troy, Trina, Taylor, Sidney and me. Only Ri isn't hear because she is still sleeping. Sidney and I just told everyone the news from the doctor. I have to go in tomorrow for an ultrasound and a biopsy. There`s stunned silence now. I don`t think any of us really thought that they would find something. Trina is the first one to speak. "Well, this is definitely startling but we still don't know that something is actually wrong. I refuse to worry until we know." She nods at the end of her sentence like that is that and it's all we need. I love her for that; so very much. Troy, who is sitting beside me, simply leans in, cradles my cheek with his hand and kisses my other cheek. It seems that Sidney got his compassion from both of his parents. "You can't tell Mariah!" Taylor says shaking me out of the warmth and support I'm feeling. Sidney and I already discussed this and decided that we were going to tell Ri. I look at him now and he is looking at his sister. "Tay" Sidney begins "we have to tell her. She'll know that something is wrong anyway and this way they can support each other." Taylor shakes her head "no Sid. She needs to rest and get better. Like mom said, we don't even know if there is anything to worry about so why get her upset. We can't tell Mariah!"

"Tell me what?" We all turn and see Mariah standing in the doorway. She has a little more colour to her cheeks although she still looks exhausted. At least I don't think a good wind will knock her over anymore. I get up and go to her then moving her to the table. When we've sat down, I take her hands and say it out fast. "Dr. Phillips called and I need to go in tomorrow for an ultra sound and maybe a biopsy. They found a mass in my left breast that is so small that I can't see or feel it. It could be so many things that he told me not to jump to any conclusions. We'll do the tests tomorrow and then we'll know." I wait a moment and watch comprehension come into Mariah's eyes. Then I watch them fill with tears. "Oh Ri, please don't cry. We don't know anything yet. I know it was bad news for you but we just don't know yet. I can't say that I'm not going to worry but I'll try. You need to try too, ok?" I hug her fiercely to me. "Ow" she says "remember to watch the boob." Of course we all laugh a little just like she intended. "Ok Ang, we'll all try not to worry until we know. At least that gives us something else to think about besides my cancer." We both turn when we hear a sob. It's Taylor and she's sobbing into her hands. Before Trina can move, both Ri and I are at Taylor's side and pull into a three way hug. I keep forgetting how young she is and how hard this must be for her.

When she's calmed down and blowing her nose, Mariah says "we'll figure this out Tay. Neither of us is going anywhere just yet, especially since I finally have a baby sister to pick on." We each hug her and then Troy says "why don't we order in so no one has to cook." Trina and I whole heartedly agree and Sidney looks up restaurants in the area that deliver. Finding a Chinese restaurant, he and Taylor begin bickering about what to order. I guess it doesn't matter how old you are; siblings will always fight about certain things. I look over at Ri and she's thinking the same thing. We both jump into the argument until Troy finally takes over and places the order.

Mariah wants to get cleaned up before dinner and Taylor and Trina go with her to help. Troy takes a walk on the beach and Sidney and I curl up on the deck's sofa with a fire. "How are you really doing?" he asks me. I think about it for a minute trying to evaluate what I'm really feeling. "I don't know Sidney. Part of me is simply numb and can't believe that this is happening. Part of me is in a good place, as good as I can be, because I have all of you around to support Mariah and me. I guess that's all I know right now." He hugs me tighter so I ask him "how about you?" He pauses and then says "I guess about the same. It seems less insurmountable now that we've told the family but I also don't really know. I thought the concussion was the worst health scare I'd ever be through. This is definitely worse. I think the concussion was frustrating because I couldn't do anything about it. I just rested until I could do something. It never really felt like life or death; although I know it could have been its just different than cancer." I understand what he means. The word cancer feels so final.

I decide to change the subject. "Have you talked to Marc-Andre? Is Vero driving him crazy with wedding plans?" Sidney chuckles and says "yeah. I was texting him last night. He says she has definitely turned into a bridezilla. Apparently her shoes are 'wrong' and she doesn't have the time to order new ones. At least that was the tragedy yesterday. Who knows what is going on today? Have you talked to Vero?" I shake my head "just texting. I don't want to tell her too much of what's going on here. I know she'll worry and, until we know anything concrete, I'd rather let her stay in wedding central. By the way, I heard about the shoes and it is a problem. Her dress has been hemmed to be the perfect length to go with the shoes and if the shoes change then the dress needs to change and there isn't the time." Sidney is now staring at me like I've grown two heads. "Seriously Sidney, it's a problem." He just settles back and I can feel him shaking his head.

* * *

I definitely think she's out of her mind about the shoe thing but I'm not going to say it. At least we are talking about something else than what we've been talking about. I don't want to bring up too much about the wedding because then we need to decide if we're going. It's in another week. I pray that we have good news on both Angelia and Mariah by then. Maybe the wedding talk could be a distraction. "What should we get them for the wedding?" I ask her. She shifts so that she's looking at me. "Sidney Crosby, your good friend is getting married in a week and you haven't even thought of a gift?" I cringe, maybe I should have thought about it earlier, and then I say "I thought I'd talk to you first." She just lifts an eyebrow and says "yeah right. Nice try. I've already bought them something so you need to buy something for them." She's not going to get away with this "we're a couple. We're supposed to give a gift together. Just put my name on yours." Now I know this will get her riled up and she starts in on me quickly. Thankfully the doorbell rings and I get up to get the food laughing because I can hear her still yelling at me from the deck.

Everyone converges at the kitchen smelling food and feeling hungry and we make quick work of eating. Conversation centres on Taylor's hockey camp which is coming up in a couple of weeks. She's heard who is going and is really excited. Hayley Wickenheiser is going to be there for a few days and will actually be coaching too. She is a hero of Taylor's and, although she's met her a couple of times, Tay desperately wants to skate with her. "She's going to be on the ice with us, seriously! I'm going to get to stop her shots or at least try. She's so awesome." This makes me laugh. She was just on the ice with some of the best players in the world the other day like Toews, Duchene and, well, me too. My sister isn't excited about that anymore instead she is ape shit thrilled about Hayley. I have to admit that I am really excited for her. I remember the first time I skated with Steve Yzerman, my hero, I thought I'd shit the bed. I had trouble even lacing up my skates.

We clean up the kitchen and everyone is pretty tired. Mariah goes right to bed. Dad and Taylor watch a baseball game and mom is on the phone with Grandma Crosby. I look at Angelia and she takes my hand and pulls me outside. I start a fire and we curl up together on the sofa. I love the sound of the ocean. It's so powerful and peaceful at the same time. "Oh, I forgot to tell you" Angelia says. "I got the hardwood samples for the main floor of the house. We'll need to look at them and decide because one of them has to come from Brazil or something. They'll be sending over the samples for the kitchen floor tomorrow or the next day. There's this new ceramic tile that looks just like hardwood that we could run through the kitchen and front hall. We could get a stain that matches or compliments the hardwood too. Oh and there is also the metallic glass tile for the backsplash. I wanted to see everything together before we decide on one element." Wow, she has really gotten into the house design. I'm so glad that she is excited about it and throwing herself into the project. "So we'll take a look at everything in a couple days then?" I ask her. "Yep, it's so exciting, don't you think?" I kiss her temple and say "I'm excited to see you so excited babe. It's going to be a beautiful home because you're so involved." She chuckles and says "thank you."

We stay outside for a while simply enjoying each other and the silence. I feel her breathing slow and I know that she's fallen asleep. I should take her to bed but I just can't bring myself to move her. Dad comes out later and says "you know she's asleep, right?" I smile "yeah dad but I didn't want to move her. Would you put out the fire for me and I'll take her to bed?" Dad nods and I gently pick Angelia up in my arms and carry her to our bedroom. She stirs as I place her on the bed. "Sidney?" "Yes baby, it's me. Come on, let's get you undressed and into bed." I can tell how tired she is because she simply lets me undress her and then she crawls into bed in her tee shirt and panties. I pull the covers tight around her and she drifts off again. After taking care of business in the washroom, I strip down and crawl into bed myself. It takes me no time to follow Angelia into sleep.

The next morning we wake at the same time but don't have any time to cuddle, or anything else, because we have to get to the hospital. It's decided that Angelia and I will go alone. The family will stay home with Mariah. There really isn't anything to find out today since they are just doing tests. We arrive at the hospital and easily find a spot to park. We find our way back to the doctor's office and don't have to wait long. "Hello Angelia" the same technician from yesterday greets us and motions for us to follow her into another room. When she shuts the door, she hands Angelia another smock and says "you know what to do with this I guess. Remember to put the ties in the front please." After she leaves, Angelia changes and sits on the examining table to wait. I can't sit so I pace. It's not a very big room so it's hard to pace.

"Good morning Angelia, Sidney, nice to see you this morning." Dr. Phillips comes in and shakes my hand and then pats Angelia's arm. "Lie back please and we'll take a look." I guess I'm surprised because Dr. Phillips looks at me. "I'm just surprised that you're doing the ultrasound yourself Dr. Phillips." He chuckles and responds "this is the fastest way. Sometimes errors can occur on the x-rays, even digital ones, so I like to do an ultrasound before we do a biopsy. Why take a sample if we don't have to and the ultra sound will tell us if we have to?" It makes sense to me. He uses the gel and then begins. When he finds an angle he likes, he clicks a button that I'm guessing takes a picture. I'm holding Angelia's hand tight and don't remember when I took it in mine. The doctor does the moving thing with the wand and some more clicking of the button. Finally, he stops and hands the wand to the technician. He wipes up Angelia's breast and helps her sit up. I move beside her and now we're all huddled around the screen.

"Ok, Sidney and Angelia, here is the outline of the breast with this and this being the left and right sides. Now, see this spot here in this picture? This is what we saw on the x-ray. It is very small but there is definitely something there. It still doesn't tell us what it is but now we know to take a biopsy. We'll do that right now if you'll lay back." Angelia does and squeezes my hand tighter. The doctor gives her a local anesthetic and then takes out a big needle. Unfortunately Angelia sees it and looks at me panicked. I bend down close to her face. "Don't think about it baby. Remember the first night at the house here on the ocean. We were both so tired but you stripped as you ran to the water and then I followed you. The water was chilly but your body was so warm and slippery. I love the feel of you wet. It was quite and inauguration of the rental house. We got sand in a few places you don't necessarily want sand but it was totally worth it. You were so beautiful in the moonlight. I think that's how I like you best; slippery wet and in moonlight." "We're done Sidney. Angelia, why don't you get dressed and then we'll all talk in my office." Dr. Phillips and the technician leave the room.

"I think you embarrassed the technician Sidney. She was definitely blushing." Oh God, now I realize what I was saying and in front of the technician and doctor. It's my turn to blush. Angelia laughs as she dresses and then kisses me softly. "Well, embarrassing or not, it was very sweet and kind of hot too. Thank you baby." Holding hands, we leave the room and the technician shows us to the doctor's office. "Please sit, both of you." the doctor tells us and we do. "I would leave the bandage on until you go to bed tonight and then it will be fine. We were able to do the biopsy here in the office and with a needle because of the location of the mass so it was least invasive to you. I've sent it off to be tested and we'll know in a couple of days. I've asked for it to be ready tomorrow but I don't want to promise because there are more factors then my asking." He offers us a small smile. "I have your cell phone number Angelia and will call as soon as I have the results. I won't tell you not to worry or to relax because if it was that easy then everyone would. I will tell you that it isn't a foregone conclusion what the results are and we need to wait until they're back." We all get up, shake hands and then Angelia and I leave.

As we walk back to the car, Angelia puts her hand through my arm and leans her head on my shoulder. "Thank you for coming with me Sidney." I look down at her and frown. "You don't have to thank me. Where else would I be but with you? Now we need to figure out what to do for the next two days until we find out the results." We're both silent for a moment and then she stops and says "the samples! We can pick out more samples for the house. Oh, we also need to visit the kitchen design centre for the LA branch of the builder. He said that they'll show us everything so we don't have to choose from pictures." I hoped that she would have something to keep her mind off of the waiting. Looks like I'm going shopping to help out.


	80. Chapter 80

The day has been a whirlwind of activity. I took Angelia home after the tests and we checked on Mariah. She was playing video games with Taylor and Dad. Mom was bored so we brought her with us to the kitchen showroom. While there, Angelia and mom went crazy about wood and finishes. Should we have some glass doors? That means you have to keep everything inside perfect, mom said, because you can see it. It's not a problem if you frost the glass apparently the salesman tells us. We finally choose cherry wood for the cabinets. Then we look at mouldings and choose those. Next is the pulls for the cabinets. How did it become an hour long conversation to decide on what to use to open cupboard doors? Mom and Angelia discuss and debate every little detail. Now that we've chosen handles that are square we need to rethink the shape of the cabinets. Oh good grief. I didn't need to worry about what to do with the rest of the day; we spent it at the kitchen showroom. After hours of debate and discussion, we finally finished choosing every aspect of the kitchen. Then I find out that we'll have to come back because they need to actually design the kitchen layout for us to then approve.

As we drive back to the house, Angelia and mom are discussing the choices and debating what the layout might look like. I leave them to it and my mind wanders as I drive. I'm feeling physically stronger than I have in more than a year. Maybe tomorrow morning I can work out and join the guys on the ice. The earliest we'll hear from the doctor is the afternoon so I'll be back in time. Of course, hopefully I can convince Angelia to come to the rink with me. Maybe she wants to work out too. I love making the other guys drool when they see her in her shorts and tank top. She might not like it that much but I get a kick out of the guys drooling and being jealous. As Max says, her combination of brains and beauty is truly hot. Who knew that her brain would be as sexy as her body but it's true.

"Sidney!" mom yells at me. "Sorry mom, my mind was wandering." She shakes her head. "Let's pick up something for the grill for dinner on the way home." I see a Wholefoods up the road and pull in. We go in and I push the cart. There's some great Blue Tilapia so we get that and shrimp to grill. We need some staples too so we walk around the store. By the time we're done, we have a very full cart. Mom and Angelia blame it on how much Taylor and I eat. I just laugh. Of course, the six cartons of orange juice are definitely for me. We argue about how is going to pay, I don't know why they both insist on wanting to pay for groceries but I give the cashier my credit card and ignore their protests. Back in the car, they talk about what herbs they want to use and how to grill the fish. I'm struck by how normal they sound. I mean, Mariah is healing from having a cancerous lump removed and still doesn't know if she's healthy. Angelia is waiting on her own tests. But here we are, in the car, and Angelia and mom and discussing fish.

When we get home, I help take the bags to the kitchen and then they shoo me out. I grab a beer and meet dad outside on the deck. "Decide to splurge Sid?" Dad points to the beer in my hand. I rarely drink during intense training. I shrug and say "yeah. I think the last couple days require it." He smiles at me and then goes back to looking out at the ocean. "Dad, this is the weirdest year of my entire life and you know that's saying a lot." Now he chuckles and responds "I guess it would seem that way. Would you change it?" I think for a minute and say "I would take away the pain that Mariah and Angelia are going through; but, other than that, I'd keep everything the exact same. Everything we've gone through and how we've grown has brought Angelia and me to a really great place relationship-wise. If I didn't have the concussion then I probably wouldn't have been in France and wouldn't have met her." Dad thinks for a moment and says "so when are you going to marry this girl? Have you guys talked about a date?" I shake my head and say "no. She's agreed to marry me, again, but I don't want to bring up the future yet. First, I didn't want to out of respect for what Mariah is going through and now, how can we think of a wedding when we don't know about Angelia's health?" I look over and dad nods.

"Ok Sidney, turn the grill on please." I hear Angelia call out from the kitchen so I do. Dad and I stand over the grill as men do and wait for it to heat up. "Here's the fish Sid" mom hands me a platter. "Don't burn it." That's the way the rest of the evening goes. Everyone seems to think it's fun to pick on me. All through dinner, cleaning up and then playing Monopoly where they all ganged up on me to make me go bankrupt first. I'm used to it from Taylor and Mariah decided a while ago it would be fun, I still remember the recent shower incident, but I'm surprised when Angelia joins in too. At least there is lots of laughter in the house although I'm pissed that I was out first in Monopoly. I never lose at Monopoly. Mariah heads to bed first and then most of us follow shortly after.

Back in our room, I'm in bed watching Sports Centre but keep getting distracted by Angelia. She's wearing a flimsy, silky and short thing that women sometimes wear. It shows her curves, in the front and back, just perfectly. When she comes to bed and begins rubbing lotion on her arms and neck I decide to give up on the TV. "I can feel you staring at me Sidney." I smile knowing that she likes it when I stare at her. Her hair is falling over her shoulders in soft waves that move softly as she moves her shoulders and arms. When she's done, she slides under the covers beside me. I roll to her and prop myself on an elbow tracing her cheek with my finger. "You are so beautiful." She gives me one of her special smiles that melt my heart every time. I lean in and kiss her softly rubbing my lips slowly over hers. Her hands run up my arms and rest on my biceps. I continue to kiss her lightly just playing with their fullness. I slip my tongue out and trace her lips; first the top and then the bottom. She tastes so good so I suck her bottom lip into my mouth. Her tongue darts out now and seeks mine. We play with each other slowly trying to savour every moment. I push the blankets aside and slide my hand from her cheek, over her shoulder and down her arm to rest at her waist. Our kisses are becoming more ardent and she nips at my bottom lip now then sooths with her tongue. I love it when she does that to me. I can feel it all the way down to my dick. I slip a knee between her legs and then my hand under the hem of her tee shirt. Her skin is so warm and soft there. Her hips rotate against my leg and I know she can feel that I'm getting hard. I slide my hand up her body until I reach her breast and my thumb grazes her nipple.

That's when she freezes and pulls away from me. Oh God, I should have realized or remembered. "I'm so sorry baby. I wasn't thinking." Fuck, it had to be that breast too. As soon as I felt the bandage she froze. "It's ok Sidney, really, I just can't do this tonight. I'm so sorry. I just can't." Now she's apologizing to me. I feel like such an ass. "Baby, you have nothing to apologize for, really. I shouldn't have pushed." She pulls my face down to hers for a light kiss then I roll over and bring her with me. She cuddles in and I know we're ok. It was just a cold bucket of water after we were so close and intimate. I sigh and I start watching Sports Centre again with Angelia staying cuddled beside me. Her hand feels so soft against my bare chest. I'm lost in the baseball highlights when I notice that her hand has moved. It has travelled over my stomach and is currently moving inside my shorts. I'm still semi hard and this isn't helping me soften. I reach for her hand "Angel, you don't have to do this. Let's just go to sleep." She doesn't say anything but keeps moving her hand lower until she has me in her hand. I open my mouth but she puts her other hand over it and then kisses her way down my chest and stomach while her hand in my shorts begins to stroke me.

I try to tell her again that we don't have to do this but she is focused now. Her tongue licks the muscles of my stomach and I feel them contract then goose bumps break out over my body. She pulls my shorts down just before her mouth gets there. Holding the shaft in her hand, she takes the tip of me into her mouth and runs her tongue around and around. Her free hand slips down and gently massages my balls. That alone makes me so hard I feel like I may explode then she opens wide and takes me full into her mouth. She begins to bob up and down with her tongue working every inch. Her hand add a little more pressure on my balls and I can feel my dick hitting the back of her throat. It's too much now and I say "baby, I'm going to cum" then I do.

She slides up my body and fits back in beside me molding to my side. "Oh wow Angel. You really didn't need to do that but wow, thank you." She chuckles and says "you're welcome baby. Now you can get some sleep." I feel a little guilty so I say "don't you want me to …" She stops me and says "not tonight. I have way too much on my mind." Now I feel really bad "and stop that right now Crosby. If I didn't want to then I wouldn't have, ok?" How does she know exactly what I'm thinking? I simply hug her closer to me and we both settle in. She falls asleep and I follow her soon after.

* * *

When I wake in the morning, Sidney is already up. I look at the clock and it's 10am already. Wow, I guess I was really tired. I take a shower and get dressed. Sidney will be long gone to the rink so I make my way to the kitchen to see where the others are. Trina is reading the paper at the kitchen table. "Good morning sunshine" and she kisses my cheek as she moves to the coffeemaker. "I'll make your cappuccino." I shake my head "you're going to spoil me Trina. Where's everyone else?" She points to the deck "Mariah is out on the deck and Taylor and Troy went to the rink with Sidney. Taylor took her equipment and was sure she could convince Sid to take her out with the guys." She hands me my coffee now and says "why don't you go out with your sister and relax." I kiss her cheek and say "thank you." Taking my coffee and an apple I head out to the deck and sit beside Mariah in the shade.

"How are you?" I ask her. She doesn't even open her eyes when she says "tired but ok. I just want the doctor to call and know what's going on, you know? At this point I don't even care what the results are; I just want to get out of this limbo I'm in. What about you?" I think for a minute and say "I don't know how I'll go through another day without knowing. I couldn't even have sex last night. As soon as Sidney touched my breast I just froze. Hey!?" Mariah hits me with a pillow. "I don't care what's going on with you. How could you turn down sex with that fine, fine man?" I laugh and say "he wasn't too upset. I gave him a blow job instead which made him very, very happy."

"Wow, maybe I should have a bell around my neck so you girls know when I'm coming in or out of a room." Trina says as she comes out of the kitchen. Oh God, did Sidney's mother just hear me say that I gave her son a blow job. I'm absolutely mortified. I can't talk. Of course Mariah is laughing so hard that she's grabbing her stomach and rolling around on the sofa. I can't even look at Trina. Fuck! "If it makes you feel any better sweetie, I know that you and Sidney have sex." That doesn't make me feel any better. How could that possibly make me feel any better? "We can forget I heard what you said if that works better for you dear." I still can't even speak and Mariah's laughing is starting to get on my nerves. I'm saved by my phone ringing and I pick it up like it's a lifeline.

"Hello?" "Mariah, is that you? It's Dr. Phillips." I sit up and mouth 'it's the doctor' to Mariah and Trina. "No Dr. Phillips, you've called Angelia." "Oh, I'm so sorry. Is your sister there?" I hand the phone to Mariah and say "he meant to call you." She takes a deep breath and then says "Hello Dr. Phillips." She listens for a while and only says "yes" and "aha" periodically. She listens for a while and then says "ok, I'll see you then." After hanging up the phone, she just sits there and stares at it. I can't take it anymore. "What did he say Mariah?" She looks up at me and I know exactly what he said. "Um, he told me that there were still some cancer cells around where he took the lump out. He wants me to come in tomorrow and talk about my options." I grip her hand and hold on tight. We both tear up as we stare into each other's eyes. There are a million things said to each other without having to say a single word. After a few minutes, Trina comes over and sits in front of us. "Ok girls, we knew this could happen. Now we need to find out what the options are and decide what's best for you." It's so wonderful how practical she is with us. We're so emotional that we need that help.

That's the moment when we hear the door slam and know that Taylor, Troy and Sidney are home. Taylor comes out and is talking so fast. She stops abruptly when she sees us sitting there crying. "What happened?" she asks in a soft voice. Mariah holds out her hand to Taylor and I get up to let her sit beside Ri. Sidney comes out and I wrap my arms around him. I hear Ri talking to Taylor so I whisper to Sidney "the doctor called and they found cancer cells. They didn't get clean margins so now we need to do further treatments." He hugs me tightly to him and I feel his breath in my hair as he kisses me. I feel Troy lightly squeeze my arm and then he go over to sit beside Trina. I can't even focus on what they're saying. All I'm trying to do is bury myself in Sidney's arms and have him make it all go away. I know that's unreasonable and a horrible thing to put on him but it's all I can focus on right now. I need Sidney to save me and make it all go away. "Oh baby, I'm so sorry. You know we'll get through the next thing too. We'll figure it out." I lean up and bury my face in his neck as he strokes my hair. I breathe in his unique scent and hold this moment and his strength into me. I lean away slightly and look into his eyes. He knows and is trying to give me every last ounce of his strength so that I can support my sister. Then I remember that we haven't heard yet about my tests.


	81. Chapter 81

We are all back again in Dr. Phillips office. Trina, Taylor, Troy, Mariah, Sidney and I are all sitting in the conference room because his actual office won't hold us all. I'm gripping Sidney's hand so hard that I'm afraid I may break it but I can't let go. I feel like it is the only thing tethering me to earth right now. I haven't slept much. I tried to sleep but not even Sidney's soothing could calm my brain. When he eventually fell asleep, I grabbed my iPad and did what I do best, research. I educated myself on treatments and options, side effects of medications and the best course of action for longevity. I realized last night that the doctor didn't tell us the results of her lymph node tests. If it's only in the breast then there are many more options and the prognosis is better. If it's spread, well, I'm still trying not to think that far.

Dr. Phillips comes in and, after greeting everyone, he dives right into the details. "Ok Mariah, let's review the results more formally and talk about your options. We did find cancer cells in the surrounding breast tissue to the lump which means the lumpectomy didn't get it all. We didn't find any cancer cells when we tested the lymph tissue which is good news. We tested both of you for the genetic marker for breast cancer and both of your tests came back negative, the same, which we would expect in identical twins. That's more good news. From all of the tests we've performed, we can say with near certainty that the cancer is localized to the breast. All other scans and tests on the other breast are negative. So, we are dealing with one breast with cancer cells." I loosen my grip a little bit on Sidney's hand. He covers it with his other hand and strokes my knuckles. This is good news, well, at least it's not worse news. Neither of us have a risk of heredity for breast cancer and her other breast is fine.

"So Mariah, let's talk about your options for treatment." He goes on to outline radiation and chemotherapy options. With either or both of these options, she'll need to keep a close eye on the tissue and get regular scans. At her age the risk is low but there is a still a risk that either option could affect her fertility. The most radical of the options is a mastectomy of the one breast. She would need regular mammograms of the other breast as a precaution; however, she would never have to worry about the cancer cells again nor would it affect her fertility. She could have reconstructive surgery too to minimize the physical effects.

We all sit there staring at him when he finishes. He asks if we have any questions and everyone looks at Mariah and me. What he told us is exactly what I discovered in my research so I shake my head. Mariah just sits there quietly. I let go of Sidney's hand and put my arm around Ri. At my touch, she looks at me and says "I just want it gone." It's what I would decide so I don't have to ask her why. If you can get reconstruction, why risk the horrible treatments and possibility of infertility. "Are you sure?" I ask her and she nods. We both look at the doctor and I say "When can you schedule it doctor?" He tells us his nurse will let us know the first opening. At least we're in LA and Beverly Hills has the best plastic surgeons, especially for boobs, in the world. "Mariah, we can do the reconstruction directly after the mastectomy so that you only have one surgery. It's also better for the breast tissue and healing. I'll have my nurse come in with the details of surgery and a consult for the best plastics guy around." She just nods and we stay where we are and wait.

The nurse brings in the appointment details a few minutes later including the surgery date. The plastic surgeon is fitting her in after finding out who she is – probably didn't hurt that she's paying cash. I can't help but feel a little cynical. We all pile out of the office and decide to go to a little restaurant we like by the beach for lunch. We're all pretty quiet on the way and only speak to order drinks when we're seated at the restaurant. I'm the first to speak up. "Ri, how are you?" She has tears in her eyes and I'm immediately worried. "I thought it would be worse Ang. I thought we were going to have the gene and then I would die and you would die too. It's the only time since we were kids that I didn't want to be a twin. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to miss my breast, and I know that doesn't mean I'm completely out of the woods, but I'm going to be ok. I'm going to live." Now I'm crying too because she's right. We're not naïve. We all know it's not that simple and that she'll be at higher risk for cancer because she's already had it; but, the prognosis is so much better than what we were scared it would be.

When we get our drinks, Troy holds his up for a toast. "To Mariah, a beautiful girl inside and out, and her happy and healthy future." We all drink to that and when I glance at Sidney I know his smile isn't quite bright. He excuses himself and Troy slips out after him. I turn back to Mariah and Taylor talking about her plastic surgeon. Mariah is wondering if he's single and gorgeous. Some things never do change with her; thank God.

* * *

I walk toward the bathroom but see a door out to the beach and head that way trying to breathe. I feel an arm around me and dad says "are you ok son?" I can't talk. Right now I'm simply trying to hold it together. I take some deep breaths and try to centre myself. Finally feeling more in control I can say "it's so overwhelming dad. It feels like we're celebrating but Mariah has cancer and is having her breast taken off. Sure, they don't have the breast cancer gene but we still don't know if Angelia is healthy. I'm trying to be strong and supportive but it's just too much dad; it's too much." I almost break down then. Dad rubs my shoulder and we both stare out at the ocean. "You are doing great Sidney. Your mom and I couldn't be more proud of you. I've had so many proud moments over the years, so very many, but watching you take care of your family now, and Angelia and Mariah are our family, has made me so proud of the man you've become. I know I don't say it often, it's just not my way, but I really am proud of you." Wow, dad has said that before about hockey and I know he's proud of the way I play and what I've accomplished but he's never said it like that before. It means so much to me. Unfortunately, all I can say is "thanks dad." I look at him and I know he knows what I mean but can't seem to say right now. "Come on" he says "let's go back to our girls." I smile and we head back.

I slip into the booth beside Angelia. Her hand rests on my thigh and she leans into me to whisper "are you ok?" There seems to be a lot of that question going around. I whisper back "yeah, I'm ok baby." She smiles up at me when she sees that I mean it and kisses me. "Ewe, stop it you guys. We're going to eat soon." Taylor can be such a brat sometimes. Just to piss her off I kiss Angelia again only deeper. Taylor makes choking sounds and Mariah tells us to keep going because she needs to live vicariously. It's then that I remember my parents are at the table and I pull away. There's nothing more like a cold bucket of water than remembering that your mother is watching you kiss your girl.

While dad and I were gone, the girls order a bunch of appetizers for lunch that everyone could share. Angelia whispers to me "I made sure that there were some healthy options too. I know you're not getting to do all of your workouts so I figured you at least want to continue watching what you eat." I'm touched at that, with everything going on, Angelia is able to be considerate of my needs. Wow, I really do need to marry this girl. I don't have time to reply because the food arrives. It looks like they ordered a feast.

Throughout lunch, Taylor tries to get me to bring her to practice again tomorrow. Of course I tell her no just to bug her. Mom gives me the "don't tease your sister" look. Out of the blue, Angelia says "I wouldn't mind getting on the ice tomorrow, how about you Mariah?" After swallowing, Mariah says "yeah. I've never been on ice skates before. I bet Toews or Duchene will be more than willing to teach me." Angelia agrees with her and now the two of them are planning to buy skates and sticks. I know it's my fault but the whole thing is getting way out of hand. Dad even says that he could lace up the skates and they could have a game with both he and Taylor playing net. Maybe the guys would like to take on a newbie and an old timer. This is spiraling out of control now. I've got the entire family, except mom so far, inviting themselves on the ice during training. "Stop" I yell over the chattering. "Fine, Taylor, you can come on the ice tomorrow but it will be like before. I'll have to ask the guys and it will be towards the end, ok?" She's giddy now and talking about stopping even more shots than last time.

"You are a good brother you know?" I feel Angelia's breath in my ear as she whispers this to me. I am also acutely aware of her hand high on my thigh under the table. This woman definitely has my number. I feel my dick twitch in response. I grab her hand and put it back on her lap. She chuckles and goes back to listening to Taylor. Then it dawns on me that Mariah has her consult tomorrow morning with the plastic surgeon. "What time is your appointment tomorrow?" I ask Mariah. She shakes her head "Thank you Sid, but I don't need an entourage to pick out my new boob. You may consider yourself an expert" she glances at Angelia when she says this and I turn beat red "but I've had these all my life. I'll be able to talk to the doctor about them." Everyone is laughing now except me. How did I go from being a considerate almost-brother-in-law to a 'boob man' in less than ten seconds?

* * *

I can tell that Sidney is extremely uncomfortable so I change the subject. Priming Taylor's pump about practicing with the guys tomorrow is easy. She's just realized that she's out of tape for her stick and she likes a special goalie tape or a particular colour. I don't know but they're now searching for a sporting supply place. Luckily, there is one up the street and they decide to go. Mariah is going with them and Sidney and I decide to stay at the beach for a while. They'll text when they're done and we'll decide where to meet.

Sidney and I take a walk down the beach hand in hand. We both took our shoes off and the sand is nice and warm. We dodge kids playing and teenagers lying out in the sun. There is quite a wind today but it's warm. My dress swirls with the wind and I almost trip. Sidney catches me easily and I'm caught against his chest. With the sun shining down, I'm stunned again by how gorgeous he is; will there ever be a time when his sheer beauty doesn't take my breath away? I hope not. His eyes look lighter in the sun. His hair has highlights and his lips are impossibly pink. "What?" he says to me and I can't answer. With my free hand, I pull his face down to mine and kiss him long and deeply. He pulls me closer to him and we're wrapped in a tight embrace before either of us knows it. We only stop when the teenagers begin to whistle and clap at us. It seems we haven't lost our knack for inappropriate PDA. We both pick up our shoes that we've dropped and we quickly head back down the beach. After a few steps we break out into giggles and continue walking quickly away.

"I blame you Crosby. You can't keep your hands to yourself." He snorts and replies "you're the one who kissed me. It's your fault this time." I know it was but I'm not going to let him get away with it of course. "Ha, you'd like to think it's my fault but you know you can't keep your hands off of me. This isn't the first time we've been 'caught' in public PDA. Remember the beach in Nova Scotia?" We weren't really 'caught' then but we definitely took some unadvisable risks at a public place. I look up at him and see a look in his eyes that has me worried. I let go of his hand and start running down the beach. This has a predictable ending since I'm running from a world class professional athlete but I did my best. He grabs me and throws me over his shoulder fireman style. I drop my shoes and try to hold on. Oh God, he wouldn't really do it! He's walking into the water. "Come on Crosby. I'm going to take you with me if you decide to drop me in the ocean." This doesn't seem to slow him down so I start hitting his butt. He just keeps walking and is now knee deep into the water. "Fine, stop, fine UNCLE!" I cry out which does stop him. When he doesn't turn around I say "seriously Sidney, I give up, give in, whatever. I don't want to get wet!"

He does turn around and walks back to the beach before he puts me down on the dry sand. I punch him in the arm when I'm on two feet. Of course he barely feels it. He picks up our shoes in one hand and takes my hand in his other one. We continue to walk along the beach in comfortable silence. We haven't talked about it so I say "it's good news about Mariah, huh? At least she should have a good prognosis after her surgeries are over." He simply nods and says "yep." I decide to try again and say "you'll be able to go back to training which is good too, right?" This stops him and he turns to me looking very angry. "Do you really think I care about training and practice right now?" I'm stunned by this sudden rage after we were just having so much fun. He grabs my arms and says "How could you possible think I'll be able to focus on training again? There is only one thing I need to hear and focus on right now." I feel his fingers pressing deeper into my flesh and it hurts. I guess he sees it on my face because he lets go suddenly and walks a few paces away. I see him taking deep breaths like he does when he's trying to calm and centre himself. Damn it, I wasn't thinking when I mentioned practice and good news. I haven't forgotten that we haven't heard anything yet about me. I'm trying to look for the positive and I am glad we have a course of treatment for Ri. He is just standing there still so I walk to him and in front of him. He tries to hide his face but I put my hands on his cheeks and force his eyes to mine. I don't see anger there anymore; I see fear. Taken off guard, I throw my arms around his neck and hold him close. His arms slide around my back and he's holding me too.

"I know we're still waiting Sidney. I haven't forgotten; I couldn't. Let's be grateful that we're going down the right path for Mariah and then we'll go down the right path for me. We already got some good news; neither of us have the gene. That cuts the likelihood of my having cancer by more than half." I feel him bury his face into my neck. Breathing me in seems to be steadying for him. I wait a few more minutes and then I pull away slightly. I look into his eyes and see some sadness but the fear is gone. I kiss his lips and he responds so tenderly. When I pull back again he simply says "I love you so much. I can't lose you ever again." I only kiss him again as a response. My phone rings and we both look at each other. Before I look at it, I send up a silent prayer that it's the doctor. When I look down, it's a text from Taylor telling us that they are heading back to the restaurant to pick us up. I show it to Sidney and we both frown then head back down the beach. It looks like we'll have to wait a little longer.


	82. Chapter 82

I really need this practice. Focusing on the puck, the ice and the guys is exactly what I need to release the stress that's been building up over the last few days. I can't wait to hit the weight room too. Maybe I'll use the punching bag. That could really help release some of this anger that keeps boiling to the surface. I see a pass from Toews at the last minute, settle it on my stick and then let a wrist shot go at the goalie. I can't help the grin from spreading across my face when it whistles by him. I get back in line for the next drill and notice Taylor waiting at the bench. Even from this distance, I can see her vibrating with energy waiting to come on the ice. A couple of the guys have agreed to stay after practice to do some drills with Taylor. When we've finished practice, the guys help collect pucks and Taylor comes on the ice and begins warming up. I can see the huge smile on her face under her mask.

When Taylor is ready and in the net, we set up for two on one drills but Taylor stops us before we can start. "Remember Sid, you promised not to take it easy on me!" I look at the guys and shrug at them. If she wants us at full then she'll get us at full. We're not doing any drills directly in front of her or any full on slap shots so she won't get hurt. The first two guys get it by her. I'm up next and let Matt shoot it. He gets it by her too. We follow that way for a while. We change up the drill again. We're coming in a little slower this time because we've added another pass. Toews gets it by her on a wrist shot. I'm up next and shoot a wrist shot which she catches a piece of and deflects. Wow, that was good. I never would have thought she could stop that stick side. Tay's got some game. I hear mom cheering and clapping from the stands. Of course I hear chirping from the guys for letting my sister stop one of my shots. Yeah, I'm going to hear about this for a long time. Some of the guys leave and I stay on wanting to practice controlled shots. Matt passes the puck to me into my skates where I kick it up to my stick and shoot immediately. Taylor manages to stop a few on me which, of course, pisses me off. I change up with Matt and Taylor manages to stop more than half of his. It's a combination of Matt not having great control in his skates and Taylor has really improved. Every time I'm on the ice with her she shows me something new that she can do. It's really impressive.

When we're done, Taylor and I are shagging pucks and push the nets to the end of the ice. When we both get to the end, Taylor pushes back her helmet and has a huge smile on her face. "That was fun. Thanks Sid." I smile back. "You're good Tay, really good. Mom says that you are one of the best goalies in your league and I can see why." She's just staring at me with her mouth open and appears stunned. That makes me think: have I complimented her on her hockey skills so little that she is this stunned after I make a simple comment? That's really not good. "Taylor, I probably don't say it often enough but you have become really good. It's too bad I can't see any of your games. I'd love to watch you play." Now she's smiling an even bigger grin at me. I have to remember to skate more with her when we have the chance. Maybe I can even get to a game at the beginning of the school year. We'll be in training camp so maybe we'll have a weekend off before our preseason games start.

Once off the ice, Taylor goes to her locker room to get cleaned up and then meet mom and dad. I'm changing to work out in the gym and one of the guys will give me a ride back to the house. Entering the gym, Toews calls me over. "Sid, your sister is really good. Seriously, Shattucks has been good for her." I agree and thank him then set myself up for my plyometrics workout. Andy has really upped the level of strength training this year. I'm sweating again quickly. I lose myself in my reps and decide to superset the last round. I'm gasping for breath and grab my towel to wipe up my sweat. When I look around, I notice that I'm the only one left in the gym which leaves me wondering if I'm going to find a ride home. I finish up with crunches and use the medicine ball to superset those too.

The locker room is empty when I enter it. I sit on the bench and grab my phone to text Angelia. She sends me a text back quickly to say that they are done with the doctor and they just got home. I hate to ask her to come get me but I do and she agrees. Quickly, I jump in the shower and dress. I make it outside just as she's pulling up. When I jump in, I kiss her and say "perfect timing. Thanks for getting me babe. How did Mariah's appointment go?" She pulls out into traffic and says "it went fine. The doctor was very attractive so I had to watch Mariah flirt with him the whole time. Once we actually discussed medicine, we found out that a huge part of his practice is reconstruction which he's been doing for twenty years. I won't bore you with the details but he can minimize scarring and make her breast exactly as before in size and shape. That's important for Ri with her work. He says that doing reconstruction directly after the mastectomy decreases recovery time, scar tissue and basically improves all of the results. There is a very small chance that they won't be able to do the reconstruction. In 3-4% of patients, the doctors find something when they do the mastectomy that prevents reconstruction to occur but that is a very small percentage."

It sounds like the appointment went as planned and they are all set for the surgery. I notice that Angelia has pulled over to a smoothie shop. I look at her and she says "I thought you'd want something after working out and I could use something too." I know she's got something on her mind. Since I've become more observant of her moods, I've come to notice when she's upset, concerned or thoughtful. Right now she seems more thoughtful and I hope that she's going to tell me what is bothering her. We order our drinks, one of the things I love about LA is the various ways to get protein in smoothie form, and then find a seat out on the patio. We watch the traffic go by and I notice that there aren't that many people out; we're even alone on the patio. The day is cool and must be too cold for California folks. It feels beautiful to a Canadian. "How was practice?" she asks me. Ok, small talk first I guess. "It was great. Taylor is really getting good. I'd love to watch her in a game sometime but our seasons overlap too much." We're quiet again for a while. Finally Angelia says "I'm worried about you." This is not at all what I was expecting. "What do you mean?" I ask her. She gnaws on her lip as she does when she's nervous or figuring something out. "Sidney, I guess I mean that you've had a lot to deal with the past eighteen months. You thought that the summer would be a time to focus on training and getting in the best possible shape for next season. Instead, we have all of this stuff going on and it can't be easy for you. It hit me today when I was with Ri. I thought about how worried I am about her and how scared I still am to lose her. That's how you must feel about me, that kind of fear, and it made me worried."

How do I respond to her? She's right, I'm scared to death. Thinking about losing her occupies most of my waking hours. The only time I've been able to put it aside is when I'm working out. On the ice, it's only the puck and in the gym it's focusing on muscles and reps. Every other minute, I think about this beautiful girl that can't even fathom the thought of losing. I've been staring at the drink in my hand for a while now so I look up at her. Her eyes are huge and pleading for me to talk to her. I take a deep breath and dive in. "You're right because I do feel that way. I go between being pissed and being terrified. Sometimes I'm able to put it aside and sometimes it overwhelms me. It helps having mom and dad here. The only thing that is really going to help is finding out that you're healthy and the thing they saw on the ultrasound was nothing." She reaches out for my hand and takes mine in both of hers. This is one of the things I appreciate about her. Angelia knows when to not say anything but simply conveys all of her love and support in one touch. I stare down at our joined hands and hers looks so small dwarfed in my big one. The simple way she rubs her thumb over my knuckles is incredibly soothing. Part of me feels bad because I'm supposed to be supporting her; however, I guess just because she is taking care of me doesn't mean I'm supporting her any less. I am a horrible liar with her and she'll always know when I'm upset. It's funny how I can fool everyone, outside of my family, and keep a neutral expression at all times; but, with Angelia, the littlest thing she can see and knows how I'm feeling. There is some comfort in knowing that there is someone in the world who knows you that well and loves you that much.

Angelia looks at her watch and then jumps up suddenly. "We need to go. We'll be late." Now I'm confused so I ask "late for what babe?" She just grins at me mischievously and pulls at my hand so that I have to follow her back to the car. I keep asking what the surprise is as we drive but she won't tell me. I can see that we are heading back to the house and that stumps me even more. I keep begging her to tell me but she makes her fingers like a lock for her lips and throws away the imaginary key. When she stops the car at the front door, I pull her to me kissing her. She parts her lips for me and my tongue slips inside. We kiss for a few more minutes and then I pull away "yeah, I have the other key to that lock." She groans and hits me then we both get out of the car. When we're inside, Angelia yells "we're home." I hear Mariah say "we're all outside." When we get into the kitchen, Angelia lets me go out to the deck first. When we get outside, that's when I see my surprise. "Talbo!" "Sid" then we hug. Wow, this is a great surprise. "What are you doing here Max?" He glances at Angelia and I look back at her too. Her cheeks have turned slightly pink and she shrugs at me. I walk to her and give her a hug whispering "thank you" in her ear. She kisses my cheek and we all sit down. Within two minutes, Max has us all laughing at his stories about Flower and the wedding "of the century" as Max calls it. Apparently Vero is driving Flower even more insane that we all thought. She has definitely become a bridezilla which is completely the opposite of her sweet and kind regular personality. Mariah responds "that's what happens when you wait so long to make it official." Yeah, I get the hint Mariah.

* * *

I could kill Mariah when she makes that dig at Sidney about making me wait. She knows that's not how it is right now. I know she's really only teasing and thankfully Sidney doesn't seem upset. Max updates us on what he's been up to in the past few weeks. He's broken up with his girlfriend that I didn't even know he was seeing. It makes sense when I hear that it was only for a few months. Apparently, that's what Max usually does; when things start getting serious then he breaks up with them. I see a gleam in Mariah's eye so I catch her glance and narrow my eyes. She gets it but tilts her head. I narrow my eyes further and she finally shrugs her shoulders. One of the great things about twins is the easy non-verbal chats you can have. I see Trina looking at me and she gives me a wink. I know she saw the whole thing and understands what happened. She also seems to agree.

Max wants to catch up with some of the other guys too. I suggest he and Sidney meet up with the guys for dinner or whatever. Sidney looks at me as if to say 'are you sure.' I kiss his cheek and whisper in his ear "you need a night out. Go and have fun with the guys." When we all get up, I say "Max, I will not bail you guys out of jail, so behave yourselves!" He just laughs and both he and Sidney leave to get changed. We talk about dinner and decide to barbeque some chicken to keep it simple. Everyone is dispatched their duties to prepare dinner. That's one of the things I love about this family. There are definitely gender roles, Troy or Sid barbeque and Trina is in the kitchen, but everyone contributes and everyone cleans up. I'm elbow deep in cleaning lettuce when I feel hands at my waist and warm breath in my ear. Feeling a little saucy I say "Max stop, Sidney could catch us." I feel Sidney bite down on my earlobe in retaliation. I turn around and am captured in his arms holding out my wet hands. He kisses me softly then pulls only slightly away. "Thank you so much. This is exactly what I need and Max is a perfect distraction." He is really very sweet. "Sidney, I also thought it would be good to have a friend around. I know you like to keep your private life private, even from your friends, but talking to him could help. He's such a good friend and you know he loves you like his brothers. Just think about it, ok?" He nods and kisses my nose. "Come on Crosby. We're not going off to war. You'll see her in a few hours." Max yells at Sidney. I laugh and yell back "remember what I said about bail. If I get that call then I'm leaving you in jail!" Sidney laughs and after one more kiss the guys are off. I feel a heaviness come over me only I'm not sure why. If I were superstitious, I might call it a foreboding or something equally unsubstantiated. I shake it off and continue helping with dinner.

During dinner we talk about practice that morning and Taylor recounts every detail. She spends the most time doing the play-by-play of how she stopped Sidney's shot. It's really cute. There's some sibling rivalry, of course, but her pride and awe in his skill is clearly evident. It's not quite hero worship but it's definitely close. Trina, Mariah and I leave the cleaning up to Troy and Taylor when they offer so we take our coffee out to the back deck and snuggle by the fire. We must all need this closeness because Ri and I are sitting on either side of Trina on the sofa even though there are plenty of other chairs around. We're sharing a blanket to keep warm. Trina speaks first. "Ang, that was a really nice thing you did for Sid. His father and I can only do so much for him. Sometimes you really need a good friend to talk to and I hope he takes advantage of having Max here. Max has always been the guy who could make Sidney laugh but he has a quiet and caring side of him that many people don't see. He's fiercely protective and loyal of Sidney which didn't change when he went to the Flyers. Sure they see each other less but the love is still there."

"I'm hoping they'll have a good time and maybe Sidney will confide in him" I tell her. "We had a good talk today but I know that he can't tell me everything; not about this when it is about me. Sometimes you just need a friend, like you said." "What's going on with you Ang?" Trina asks me. "It's been two days now that you've been waiting for the test results. It must be weighing heavily on you." That's got to be what's bothering me. I was able to push it out of my mind for a few hours but I must be feeling it weighing on me. "Yeah, it is but I can't change how long it takes so we just wait." What's that joke: if the disease doesn't kill you then the waiting will? Not so funny.


	83. Chapter 83

**_Note: a very big 'thank you' to Leerc99 for the great feedback and encouragement. I love all of the notes and comments._**

* * *

I'm worried, no, I'm terrified, honestly and truly terrified. Max is driving and I'm sitting here in the passenger seat. At first, I was incredibly touched that Angelia called Max to come visit and that he came at such a short notice. Now I'm sitting here terrified. Max won't tell me where we are going or who we are meeting. He told me to sit down and be quiet. I'm really not sure what is concerning me more; not knowing where we're going or Max's driving. "Fuck Max, this isn't Montreal. Stay on your own fucking side of the road would you? Hey, stop signs aren't a suggestion here!" He just laughs and keeps driving. I thought it would be a club but we're heading away from the city. I then thought it might be a strip club but we are moving away from the airport. It's like Max can read my mind because he says "relax Sid. There won't be any debauchery tonight; well, almost noe." I do relax but only slightly.

He pulls into a parking lot and I see the sign. Good call Max; we're at a sports park and he pulls up near the batting cages. When he has parked, he looks over at me and says "you just need to get away from the women and you dad, and be a guy for a while; the only thing better than getting on the ice is hitting some balls." I laugh and nod to him. He's right, this will feel great. We buy a card, select a bat each and then we head to a cage. Max sets it up and tells me to get in the box. I get ready and then set myself. With the first pitch, I see that Max has set it up for fast balls and I grin. This is exactly what I need, some hard balls that I can connect with and send out of the park. Ok, maybe not out of the park but a guy can imagine its PNC Park. I've hit a home run out of there so I know how it feels. I set and connect with a half dozen balls before it stops. I step out of the box and let Max set up. It feels good to be out here together and taking some stress out on the ball. Max finishes up and lets me get back to the plate. It's great to feel my muscles stretch and tense as I connect with the ball over and over. Max and I take turns a few times and then we take a break. I follow Max out and we make our way back the way we came but then Max takes a turn away from the parking lot.

As we turn the corner, I see exactly why Max picked this place. There is a huge patio with a bar. He orders us a couple of beers and we find a table away from the others although not too far away so that Max can still watch the girls. I chuckle to myself. At least he never changes. "So why are we here Max? I thought for sure you'd want to hit a club with the guys." Now he laughs and says "That's tomorrow night. I thought tonight it could just be us." He doesn't ask me what's going on. He doesn't ask me to share my feelings. He is just here for me. This is the side of Max most don't see behind his jovial exterior. "This was a great idea Max. The weather is great and so is the view." Max grins at me predictively. He loves looking at pretty girls. I do want to talk about what's going on and I know that Max will understand.

"Did Angelia tell you what's going on when she talked to you?" I ask him. Max takes a swig of his beer and says "yeah, she did. She hasn't heard anything yet, has she?" I shake my head. "It's killing me Talbo. I can't lose her again after getting her back." I feel choked up so I stop. God, telling him how I'm feeling is one thing but I can't cry. We're both quiet for a few minutes and then he asks "when is the doctor supposed to call?" I sigh "anytime now. Every time I hear the phone ring I jump. It's killing me." Max looks over at me and says "I get it man. How is Angelia doing with it?" I take a drink and say "she's more worried about Mariah than herself. She says that she thinks about it but she is so focused on Mariah that I think maybe she's trying to not think about it, you know?" He nods to me. "Sid, it's a rough spot to be in. She's worried about her sister, worried about herself and worried about you. You have a woman who loves her family a lot. It makes sense that she'd focus on you guys first. How are you guys doing? Together I mean?" I know what he means. "We're doing well. We are still working on everything of course but we were really getting closer before it all got blown to hell." I just shake my head and stare at my beer.

Max calls over a waitress and first charms her laying on his accent really thick. Then he asks her for four shots of Jack and two more beers. When she leaves, I turn to him and say "who are all of the drinks for Talbo?" He laughs and finishes his beer. "We'll take a cab home. If there is a guy more deserving of a good drunk than you, I haven't met him. Come on Sid, let's get you drunk." My immediate reaction is to say no but then I think about it. Getting drunk doesn't sound like the worse idea in the world right now and Max is a great drinking partner. The waitress sits down our shots and beer. Max picks up a shot and holds it up to me. I take it, he picks up his own and we both down them. The next one follows the first. It looks like we're on our way.

It isn't long before I'm pouring everything out to Max and he's order even more drinks. "Talbo, I can't stand seeing her in so much pain and I can't do anything about it. I'm the man, right? Right?" Max says "right!" We take another shot and then I continue "I'm the man and I'm supposed to take care of my woman. It's not my fault that I can't fix this even though I'm the man. What the fuck is all this money good for if I can't take care of my woman! Right Talbo?" He just nods to me and agrees. I take a sip of my beer and frown at it. I was talking about something, what was I talking about? Oh, right, I'm the man. "I'm supposed to keep her safe. Why the fuck can't I do that one thing for her?" Talbo isn't listening. "Talbo, seriously, why can't I do that one thing and keep her safe?" He takes two more shots from the waitress and hands one to me. We take the shot and then I look at him again. He rolls his eyes at me and says "it isn't that easy Sid. You know that it isn't that easy. You love her and you would do anything for her. That's what a man does. I've known you for six years and you are a great man. She loves you and knows you would do anything for her. Just keep doing what you're doing man." Maybe he's right. I am doing everything I can for her. She has the best doctor and they're doing the best tests. Fuck! Why can't I fix this for her?

We take a few more shots and then sip at our beers leaning back in our chairs. "Seriously Sid, you are doing everything you can for her and she knows that you are doing everything you can. It would be one hundred times worse if she didn't have you. Think about what she'd be going through if you and your family weren't here for her, for them. You've made the biggest difference you can just by being you. Give yourself a break man. You are such a fucking control freak that you think you can control everything. Well guess what creature? YOU CAN'T FIX THIS!" This soliloquy has taken a lot of energy for a drunken Max so he collapses back in his chair. He's right of course. Fuck, he's right. I have to get home. I'm feeling an overwhelming need to get home to Angelia. I need to see my Angel now. I call over the waitress. "Would you please call a cab for us? We need to leave." I give her my card for the bill too. "We're leaving mon ami?" Max asks me. I laugh and say "yeah. I need to see my girl." I sign for the bill and the waitress tells us that the cab is out front.

We make our way out to the cab and pile in laughing the whole way. It takes me a few minutes to remember the address of the house. Of course that sends us into another peal of laughter. Looking at my phone I see that it's only 10pm. "This is some kind of record Talbo. It's only 10pm and we're wasted." "Mon ami, this is no record pour moi." Then he lets out a stream of French that is so fast and slurred that I can't even follow it all. There's something about me being the luckiest guy in the world to have a girl like that who is too good for me. As if I need him to tell me that. I know how lucky I am. Asshole, like I need him to tell me that.

The cab stops and I realize that we're home. I leave Max to pay for the cab. I paid for the damn drinks. When I walk into the great room, I see the family watching a movie. Mariah must have gone to bed. Angelia looks at me weird. "You're home early" she says. "I missed you." I respond and stumble a little. Damn tiles are uneven. Max comes in too and throws his arm around me. "My boy here needed to see his girl. We had to come home tout de suite so he could see his girl. Angelia, you're too good for Sid here. Won't you run away with me ma jolie fille?" Angelia laughs and comes up to us both. "You guys are drunk." Max and I look at each other and break out into laughter again. Angelia rolls her eyes and Dad comes over. "Come on Max, I'll help you to a spare room. Angelia, I'll leave my son to you." He says it like I need a babysitter. I'm the man, I take care of my girl not the other way around. I sway a little and Angelia puts her arm around my waist guiding me towards our bathroom. "You're so pretty my Angel. You're just so damn pretty. Come to bed with me baby. I really need you." She just chuckles and closes the door behind us after we enter our bedroom.

She guides me to the bathroom and turns on the shower. Now this is what I'm talking about; she takes off my shirt and unbuttons my jeans. Naked now, I try to pull off her clothes but she pushes me into the shower and I scream out loud when I'm hit by the cold water. "Fuuuuuck!" She holds the shower door closed as I try to get out but I can't seem to coordinate my hands with opening the door. It's so fucking cold. Now I'm wet and pissed. Oh wait, I can change the temperature. My screaming turns to laughter as I manage to make the water warmer. Ah, and who says that she's the only genius? Ha, since I'm in the shower I lather up and wash. When I'm done, Angelia is standing there with a towel for me. "I'm supposed to be taking care of you baby, not the other way around. I'm the man." She chuckles and says "yeah, you're the man. Drink this water man with these aspirin." I take the aspirin and water and do as she says. She takes the bottle from me and then guides me back to the bedroom. I slip into bed and pull her with me. "I love kissing you Angel. I love it so much, especially this spot under your earlobe. Mmmm, you love it to don't you?" I continue kissing her neck. She tastes so good. Mmmm, I love kissing her. I love her. That's my last thought before I pass out.


	84. Chapter 84

Oh God! There's too much light so I pull a pillow over my eyes. My mouth tastes like something died in it and my head is pounding. What the fuck? Oh yeah, Talbo is here which means I got drunk. He's going to be fine of course; that damn French blood of his. I swear he could drink a bottle of Jack himself and would be fine the next day. I don't know how he fucking does it but I'm dying. Someone pulls the pillow off of my face and I pull the comforter up to replace it. "What the fuck?" I hear chuckling and know its Max. "Come on Sid, open those eyes and drink this; you'll feel much better." I open one eye and see him looking tired but with no hangover. Fucking Frenchmen. I sit up and wish for my head to fall off. It doesn't so I hold it in both hands praying for the room to stop spinning. "Seriously Sid, drink this and you'll feel better. I promise." I take the glass and drink it down without even looking at it. Oh God, it's absolutely vile. "What the fuck is in this Max?" He just laughs "it's tabasco, gin, lemon juice and chilli pepper. It will help with the hangover." I get up and go into the bathroom. After alleviating my bladder, I try to drown myself in the shower.

Feeling moderately better, I dress and make my way to the kitchen. Everyone is eating so I sit down beside Angelia who puts a large glass of orange juice in front of me. I drink it down and feel a little better. Maybe some food will help. "Hangover Sid?" Mariah asks me. "No thanks I already have one." I make a lame joke that she laughs at out of pity. I look at Angelia to see if she's pissed and I notice that she's trying to hide a smile. I guess I do look pitiful. "It's Talbo's fault." Mom laughs and says "if I had a dollar for every time I heard that from you …" She's right, a lot of my regrettable mornings are because Max was involved the night before. Most of my fun nights are for the same reason too of course. I'm so glad we don't have practice today. I was going to work out but I may just go for a run instead and try to sweat out the remaining alcohol in my system.

"I'm going for a run. Max, you want to come?" With his mouth full of pancakes he mutters a 'no way' and I chuckle at him. Maybe he is suffering a little even though he'd never admit it. "I'll come with you" Angelia says and we both get up to change into work out gear. I sit on the bed for a minute and shake the remaining cobwebs out of my head. Angelia walks over to me in her sports bra and yoga pants that hits just below her knees. Guess I'm not that hung over when I feel my dick respond. "We are going for a run Crosby. Wherever you're dirty mind has gone, bring it back to reality." I guess we are going for a run so I get changed quickly. I throw on a cap and meet Angelia outside. We make our way down the beach in our usual direction. It does feel good to exert my muscles and get my heart rate up. I can feel the remaining cobwebs leave and the aspirin begin to work.

Angelia stops suddenly and bends fully at the waist. I walk back to her and that's when I notice that she's not out of breath. Angelia is sobbing and holding her waist. I kneel down in front of her in the sand and pull her into my arms. She throws her arms around my neck and hangs on tight. I'm stunned by this sudden mood change. Oh God, did she hear from the doctor? Was I nursing a hangover in bed when she found out the test results? I'm desperate to ask but I wait. She's still sobbing into my shoulder and neck. She calms a bit and then even stops crying. I shift so that I'm sitting and she's on my lap. When I feel her breathing even out, I cradle her cheek in my hand and tilt her face up to me. Her eyes are soaked with tears still and she looks incredibly sad. "Tell me what's going on Angel." She sniffs a bit and looks down. After taking a deep breath, she says "we haven't heard anything from the doctor in three days. Why hasn't he called and told us the results? Why is it taking so long?" She's looking up at me like I have the answer for her. This is what I was trying to explain to Max. She needs me to be her knight and save her and I can't. I've never felt so helpless in my entire life. She's looking at me for answers and I don't have any. What can I do?

I wipe away her tears and kiss her lips softly. "Baby, I don't know why he hasn't called. Why don't we go back to the house and call him. At least we can find out if he's heard anything or he can check it out and call the lab for us." She looks hopeful and nods. It's heartbreaking to see her trying to look hopeful with her eyes incredibly wide and full of tears. My heart breaks for her and then the anger that bubbles up turns into rage that I'm useless to prevent this pain. Years of talking to the media and her being so upset that she's not focusing keeps the rage from showing. I pull her into my arms for another few minutes. I need to hold her and sooth so that I feel like I'm doing something. I kiss her one more time and then help her up. We walk hand in hand back to the house. Thankfully we haven't gone too far so it doesn't take us long. I leave her on the deck and grab my phone from the kitchen counter. Mom sees me and says "everything ok Sid?" I look at her and say "not really mom. We're going to call the doctor and see if he can find out about Angelia's results." Mom just nods to me and continues with the dishes.

When I get back outside, Angelia is sitting on the sofa and hugging her knees to her chest. She looks so young and fragile sitting there with red eyes and a sad expression. I sit beside her and call the doctor. His nurse answers and I ask to speak with him. A few minutes later he comes on the phone. "Dr. Phillips, its Sidney Crosby. I hope you don't mind me calling but we were expecting Angelia's results by now and I'm wondering if you've heard anything from the lab." He pauses and then says "I'm checking my messages and no, I haven't received anything from them." Damnit "can you call them and see what's taking so long? I'm sorry to push but I'm sure you understand how hard this is for us." He pauses and then says "sure Sidney. Let me give them a call and we'll see where they are with the testing. Sometimes it takes time to do the pathology. I'll find out. I should be able to call them in a couple of hours when I'm out of surgery." I thank him and hang up.

Turning to Angelia, she knows that we don't have an answer. "He's going into surgery but will call the lab when he's out in a couple of hours. We'll hear from him by the end of the day baby." She bites her lip and nods. I can't take it anymore. I pull her into my arms and now I'm the one who is hanging on tight. I let her go when I feel centred again and look into her eyes. She seems better now that we've called and found out something, even if it is only that the doctor will call the lab. She stands up and says "I'm going to take a shower." I kiss her hand and let her go. I need a few minutes to collect myself again. I feel something cold against my arm and it's Max handing me a Gatorade then he sits beside me. "She looks sad" is all he says. "Yeah, she is" I tell him. I drink from the bottle and we both sit watching the ocean. "I meant what I said last night Sid, you can't solve everything for her and you'll kill yourself trying. Then you'll be no good to her at all because you'll be a mess." He's right of course but it still pisses me off. "Sid, you are helping her. She loves you and needs you. You are her superman just the way you are." I sigh now because I know he's right. I just hate so much not being in control. There isn't a problem I can't fix and yet, in the past year, there have been so many things I haven't been able to solve. Max slaps my shoulder and heads back in the house. I stay out on the deck and try to figure out what I can do next to help my Angel who's done everything for me.

* * *

I have found some comfort in Sidney calling the doctor. He didn't find out anything but at least we did something rather than just waiting around. I stare at myself in the mirror and wonder what it would be like if I lost one of my breasts. I've never really thought about them that much. Of course I push up what I've got sometimes but I've never been too concerned about their size or shape. I love when Sidney touches them. Wow, my nipples get hard just thinking about his hands or lips on them. What would he think if I had to go through what Mariah is going through right now? I know he would still love me, that's who he is, but would he still think I'm sexy? Would he still want me like he does now? Of course, then my mind goes to the worse case. It would kill me to have him watch me die. Oh God, did I just say that? Did I just say that it would kill me? Fuck, I need to stop this wondering because it's making me crazy. I've spent the past three days wondering and I guess it just caught up with me today. Thank goodness I have Sidney.

Enough of this wallowing, I need to pull myself together so that I can be there for Mariah tomorrow. Max has convinced us that we all need to go out tonight. He's even convinced Trina and Troy to come too. Of course that's the only way that they would let Taylor come. It's a good thing they're coming because they can take both Taylor and Mariah home early. I might go with them and leave the boys out to play. When I'm done with my hair and dressed then I go out and see who's around. No one is in the house so I head outside. I see Max, Taylor and Mariah out in the ocean. They seem to be having a lot of fun. Troy is sitting on the deck reading a newspaper. "Where's Sidney and Trina?" I ask him. He smiles "Trina browbeat him until he agreed to take her shopping. With Max and Sidney here, we are going through a lot of food. I think she also wanted to check in with him and see how he's doing." I nod and sit down beside him. Why did I dump all over Sidney this morning? I know he's really worried and not doing that well with it. Isn't that why I asked Max to come out? Damnit. "I think that is partly my fault Troy. I had a bit of a breakdown on our run this morning. Ok, maybe more than a bit, it was full scale meltdown. I know he's having trouble. I should have held it in or at least away from him." Troy puts his arm around me and pulls me to him. "Sweetheart, let me share something I've learned over thirty years of marriage. We men take our job to protect our women very seriously. You can go on all you want about equality and how women can take care of themselves and that's all true. It doesn't change the fact that we still take our job to protect you seriously. It doesn't help that Sid is a little bit of a control freak, in case you haven't noticed" this makes me chuckle. "If you combine how uncontrollable the situation is and Sidney's need to take care of you then you have a perfect storm of frustration. Sweetheart, you need to continue leaning on him. That helps him feel useful. He can comfort and take care of you."

I lean my head on his shoulder and think about what he's said. It makes sense to me and I'm much less guilty for my breakdown. I feel Troy kiss my forehead and feel even more comfort. "They're having fun out there aren't they?" Max is enjoying ogling Mariah in her bikini as the three of them play in the surf. The girls are both laughing at Max as he tries to surf and keeps falling off. I can't help but laugh at him too. It was the best idea I've had in a very long time to invite Max here. His personality and basic fun demeanor is exactly what we all needed. It's interesting how one person can lift the spirits of everyone in this house. "He's quite the comedian" Troy says. I nod "but he's more too. He lets us see that side of him, the loyal and sweet side, which he hides from everyone else. Maybe he does it on purpose but it's there. When he loves, it's deep and has roots. If his going to the Flyers didn't split him and Sidney up then nothing will." Troy chuckles "looks like you see below his surface too." I guess he's right. I do have a soft spot for Max. If things were different, I wonder if he and Mariah would … I leave it there. Things aren't different so I guess there's no need in going down that path.

I hear Sidney and his mother arguing behind us. Troy and I look at each other and go to the kitchen to find out what's going on. "Mom, really, it's fine. You don't need to make the dumplings." Sidney sounds exasperated when he says this and Trina replies "chicken and dumplings aren't chicken and dumplings without the DUMPLINGS Sidney!" I've rarely heard Trina raise her voice and now she's done it over dumplings. "Mom, the chicken will taste great. We don't need to go to a dozen different stores to find the right flour for your dumplings." Ah, now I get it. Sidney hates shopping and if Trina wanted to go to more than one store than he would get frustrated and Trina takes her cooking very seriously. I decide that maybe I can defuse the situation. "Trina, why don't you and I" I stop midsentence when my phone rings. I see that it's the doctor and look up at Sidney scared. He moves to my side immediately and holds my free hand. I answer the phone and send up a silent prayer for good news.


	85. Chapter 85

**_Note: this chapter is dedicated to steffilou27 and especially to her mum._**

* * *

I'm staring at the phone while Sidney, Troy and Trina all stare at me. I can't answer it so I give it to Sidney. He says "Hello Dr. Phillips. Yes, she's right here. Ok, one moment." Sidney puts the phone on mute and says to me "he has the results but can only legally give them to you." I take the phone and say "hello?" but no one is there. "Hello Dr. Phillips?" again there is no one there. "Take it off mute baby." Sidney tells me. I give my head a shake and take the phone off mute. "Hello, Dr. Phillips." Now he's there "hello Angelia. I know that I've been talking to you and the whole family but when I give test results, legally, I can only give them to the patient." I answer "I understand" and wait. "Angelia, the small mass we saw was a cyst. It was so small that there was no negligible fluid to release like we usually find in cysts." I look up at Sidney, who looks terrified, and I smile. He looks at me questioning and I just smile wider. He pulls me into his arms and I drop the phone. Thankfully, Troy picks it up and I hear him talking to the doctor. I don't care because I'm ok and I'm in Sidney's arms. Those are the only two things in my world at this moment and they are the only two things I need.

When Sidney finally lets me go slightly his lips find mine. This is exactly what we needed. We part and I can see that he's crying. I wipe away his tears and kiss each of his cheeks. When I finally look at Troy and Trina they are hugging too and then each grabs me. There's one person that I have to tell. "Ri! Where are you? Ri?" I run out the back and see that she's in the water. I don't even care that I'm dressed because I dive in after her. She sees the big grin on my face and she knows. We're hugging and laughing when a wave takes us. We come up sputtering but still laughing. I don't worry that this is good news when hers wasn't because I know she is as relieved as I am. Maybe it's a twin thing but I don't have any concern about it.

Taylor comes over and yells "what's going on?" I smile at her and say "the tests came back and I'm fine." She throws herself at me and I topple back into the water again. When I surface, I'm grabbed out of the water by Max and he swings me around. When I'm grabbed from behind again, I know whose arms have me and lean into them. He kisses my neck below my ear and says "I can't even express how happy I am right now. There are no words to describe how I feel Angel." I turn around and throw my arms around his neck and kiss him. I forget everything including who is around, where we are and even that I'm being weighed down by wet clothes. I can only focus on Sidney's lips. We each take greedy sips first and then I part his lips and our tongues play over each other. I can feel his strong arms holding me up and I realize just how much he's been holding me up. This beautiful, loving and wonderful man has been taking care of me for weeks. I love him so much. That's the only thought I have right now: I love him so very much. We do part and I see the same love in his eyes that I'm feeling. He hugs me to him and in my ear he says "I love you" and that's all I need to hear; that's everything.

We drag ourselves out of the water and Trina and Troy have towels for us. Sidney takes off his shirt and ties the towel around his waist before he pulls off his soaking shorts. I tie the towel around my waist and take off my yoga pants. I'm going to wait until I get into our bedroom for the rest. Trina takes our wet things to the laundry room and I hear Troy pop open a bottle of champagne as Sidney and I make our way to the bedroom. I'm shivering now, I'm so very cold. I strip off the rest of my wet clothes once in the bathroom and Sidney turns on the shower. I quickly get inside and sigh as the hot water hits my body. I love the rainfall showerhead. The heat of the water is enveloping me. A few seconds later it's Sidney who is enveloping me. His arms come around me from behind and each of his hands covers my breasts while his lips kiss and lick at my throat. I lean my head to give him more access. He nips at my neck and I shiver again only not from the cold. I try to turn around but he holds me where I am. His hands start roaming up and down my body, sliding easily over every plane. It's been way too long since he's touched me like this; it's only be a few days but it feels like forever. One of his arms holds me tight at the waist and his other one slides down between my legs. His fingers part me and his middle one slips inside and deep. I moan and my legs turn to jello. It turns me on how strong he is holding me up in one of his arms. God, his arms are like rock. I can definitely feel how his work outs have changed his body and then I can only feel his finger as it moves to my clit. He rubs hard and fast and my body responds in kind. It's like I'm racing for my release. Sidney slides his tongue into my ear and then over my lobe and bites down. At the same time, he increases speed on my clit and I cry out feeling the orgasm take over my body. I feel myself shake and then I can't focus on anything at all. There's only feeling in every nerve ending in my body. Sidney is now completely holding me up.

I finally focus again and I turn in his arms. I expect to find a smile on his face as usually happens when he gets me off, sometimes I think he enjoys it as much as I do, but that's not what I find. His eyes are dark and his pupils are large. His brow is furrowed and his lips are very pink and swollen from mine earlier. I'm lost in his eyes. Slowly, he backs me up until I'm flat against the wall. The steam is filling up the shower and adds a misty quality to the mood. Sidney's body is pressing me against the wall and I can feel how hard he is against my stomach. I slide down the wall in front of him until I reach his my goal and take him in my mouth. Sidney braces his hands against the wall and lets out a deep, low moan. I hold the shaft in my hand and run my tongue up and down his length then circle the tip. I stroke him slowly as I tease the tip with my tongue. When my free hand comes up and cups his balls he groans loud and long then reaches down and pulls me back up to him.

His body is pushing mine into the wall and I can feel each individual tile up and down my back. I don't care. I'm trying to pull him further into me as I kiss him desperately. My lips part and his tongue dives in to play with mine. We duel and kiss while our hands try to touch everywhere. Sidney's massage my ass while mine grab at his broad shoulders. I need him inside me right now like I need air. He grabs my ass with both hands and hitches me up so that my legs wrap around him. I cry out as he enters me hard and fast. That sets the pace for our coupling. Sidney thrusts faster and faster and my hips meet every thrust. I hold onto his shoulders and he groans when my nails dig into his flesh but neither of us cares. I can feel that I'm close and I try to hold on but I can't. My orgasm takes over my body and I feel Sidney let go shortly after. I think I hear myself cry out his name.

Sidney struggles to hold me up now so I slide down his wet body. I rest my forehead against his chest and can't help but lick and taste. "Angel, I'll need a few minutes if you want to go again." I chuckle against his chest and take one last lick before I look up at his face and see his smile. I lean up and kiss his lips slowly and softly. I kiss down his chin and to his ear. "I love you Sidney." I pull away and hold his face in my hands. "You have been my rock the past weeks. I would not have got through it without you. Don't shake your head at me Sidney, it's true. I love you so much and appreciate how much you do for me. Thank you." I kiss his lips softly again and then he rests his forehead on me. "Angel, I had no other choice. I love you and there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for you. I just love you." I feel tears come to my eyes and kiss him again before they spill over. This time at least they are happy tears. I kiss Sidney again and we simply let our lips rub gently together. It's so incredibly sweet and touching. I don't want to let him go but we do need rejoin the family.

"Sidney, we really do need to get out of here you know." He chuckles and we separate reluctantly. We both go about the usual bathing activities and then wrap ourselves in in towels when we step out. While we get dressed, Sidney says "I'm going to plan a celebration tonight just for the two of us. I know that Mariah's surgery is tomorrow and we'll celebrate then for her health but I want to take a few hours for you and me to be together, alone, and be happy. Is that too selfish? Is that ok?" My instinct was to say no, we can't. Mariah does have her surgery tomorrow and she is not out of the woods health wise yet; but, I look into his eyes and he looks so hopeful and sweet that I can't say no. Maybe, just for the night, we can pretend that everything is ok and focus on ourselves. "Ok" I tell him. "Let's take a few hours for ourselves tonight. What do you have in mind?" He shakes his head and says "nope. It's going to be a surprise." I shake my head and ask "how do I know what to wear?" He laughs and says "I'll tell Mariah and have her pack you a bag." Now I'm really curious.

Once I'm dressed, I follow Sidney out of the bedroom and into the kitchen in time to here Mariah say "that's a perfect idea Sid. Oh wow, she'll love it and I definitely think you should do it tonight. I need to go to bed early anyway and I'll see you guys at the hospital in the morning." She hugs him and that's when she notices me. "Oh Ang, you are going to have a fabulous time tonight. I can't wait to hear all about it." I walk over and hug her then whisper to her "are you sure it's ok. I feel kind of bad that it's tonight." She pulls back and looks at me saying "you stop that right now! Please go and enjoy the night. I really want you to go. Ok?" I see that she means it so I nod and say "ok."

"I thought that we were all going out tonight to party!" Max yells from outside. Mariah and I go out to the deck to see Max and Sid talking just in time to hear Sid say "I'm sorry Max, we really need this tonight." Max shakes his head and says "more fun for me I guess. I'll give Duchene a call and see who else is still in town. They'll be more fun than you anyway." I just laugh and put my arm around Sidney's waist when I'm beside him. "Then we hope you have a great time Max. Sidney and I will not be thinking of you." Max laughs and kisses me straight on the lips. "Félicitations ma fille." Max's smile is so wide that I can't help but match it back.

The next few hours fly by. Sidney leaves to run some errands and the rest of us go out for lunch. We have hamburgers and champagne; it just seemed like the right thing to do. Even Mariah is having fun and seems to have much more energy. I do notice that she is still pale and doesn't seem to be eating much. It's probably just the worrying about me and then her surgery tomorrow that has made her frail looking. Thankfully, Max is sitting beside her and making her laugh throughout the whole meal; the champagne probably helps too. When we are all full, and a little tipsy, we head back to the house. Some go for naps and Taylor and Max decide to have a video game war. I'm tired and think I should have a nap before we go out tonight so I head to our bedroom; there I find Sidney lying on the bed fast asleep. I crawl onto the bed and lay my head on Sidney's shoulder. His arm comes around me in sleep and I quickly fall asleep beside him.

* * *

I wake up and feel Angelia's soft, warm body pressed up against mine. I'm engulfed in an overwhelming feeling of contentment. It took me hours to go to the hotel and set everything up. Thankfully the same manager was there today as last summer and he knew exactly what I was looking for tonight. Angelia is going to flip over everything I have set up. It's going to be a truly wonderful night. Mariah put together a bag and some clothes for Angelia that I took with me to the hotel. I look at my watch and it's later than I thought. We really need to get going. I lean into Angelia and kiss her cheek "come on Angel, it's time to wake up." She sighs and leans further into me. God, I could stay like this and be very happy for the rest of my life. "Come on Angel, it really is time to wake up." I see her eyes flutter open and she's now staring into mine. "Hi baby, did you guys have a good lunch?" She smiles "yes. We had hamburgers and champagne, yummy." I chuckle at her. It's just like her to love hamburgers and champagne together. "I'm glad it was yummy but we really need to get going, ok?" She sits up and stretches. "What should I wear Sidney? What should I bring with me?" I look at her and say "wear what you want to wear tomorrow to the hospital. Everything you need for tonight, including toiletries and whatever else you women use, is at the hotel and was packed by Mariah." She smiles and heads to the washroom.

It doesn't take us long for us to leave. We say goodbye to the family and make plans where to meet tomorrow at the hospital. Max says something bawdy in French that I'm hoping no one else heard. The ride was relatively short although the traffic was bad. The traffic always seems to be bad in LA at all times of the day. We pull up at the hotel and she smiles at me "it's the same one as last summer!" If she's excited over this then she's going to be blown away over the rest. The valet takes the car and we walk into the lobby hand in hand. The manager approaches us and greets us "Mr. Sidney, Miss Angelia, welcome back. I hope your stay is as wonderful as your first." We thank him and head to the elevators. Alone in the elevator, Angelia turns to me and kisses me deeply "thank you." I chuckle and say "you haven't seen anything yet" and arm in arm we head to our room; the same room as our last visit.

The living room area is set up with dozens of red roses. There are many vases full of flowers and petals are strewn around the room. "Oh Sidney, it's gorgeous." I smile and lead her into the bedroom. "All of your toiletries are in the bathroom and the clothes Mariah packed for you are hanging in the closet. If you remember, there is a huge Jacuzzi in the bathroom and it is currently filled and ready for you. Why don't you soak and relax and then we'll have some dinner here in the room, ok?" She looks at me with wide eyes. "Angelia, is that ok?" She just nods and throws herself into my arms. "Is that a yes?" She pulls back and kisses me saying "yes!" Just as quickly as she is in my arms, she is jumping out and heads straight into the bathroom. While she's in there, I change my own clothes and then wait for her in the living room. The front desk calls to see if I'm ready for them and they are quickly up in our room. We set up the table on the patio, just like last time, and add candles everywhere. I set up the music too. Surveying the room, I see that everything is perfect and ready for her. It's just in time too because she opens the door from the bedroom.

I look over at her and the world stops. The candle light plays over her skin and there is a lot of skin showing. The dress has light straps over her shoulders and dips low between her breasts. It nips in at her waist then flairs slightly at the hips and falls in waves to her feet. Of course I spend quite some time perusing the slit that begins high on her thigh. It looks just like the dress she wore on our first night in this room. I move up to her face and see that she's left her hair down the way I love it. The light is playing over her skin and in her eyes which are opened very wide in surprise. I pick up a rose and bring it to her. She takes it from me and kisses me. It's going to be a night to remember for sure.

We head to the sofa and sit down together where I pour us both a glass of champagne. Each of us holds up a glass and I say "I don't really have the words to express how I feel tonight Angel. I guess I can only say that I love you and want to spend the rest of my life proving just how much." Tears come into her eyes and she clinks her glass against mine. "I love you too." We sip and sit there lost in the moment. It's like we're in our own private cocoon and nothing else exists. I'm not even touching her but I can feel every inch of her body by just being near her. Snow Patrol's _Chasing Cars_ begins to play and I'm taken back again to our first time here together. I stand and hold out a hand to her. Mariah remembered to send heels and Angelia and I are almost the same height; I love that. I pull her into my arms and we begin to sway to the music. It's really just an excuse to hold each other close.

The song ends but we don't move. I lean in to kiss her and just as our lips touch there is a knock on the door. Sidney kisses me one more time and then goes to the door. Two men in uniform come in with a trolley and head to the balcony. I follow them outside with Sidney and I see that it is the same meal with all of my Italian favourites. We progress throughout the meal and it is delicious. In between courses we dance or simply hold each other. Neither of us can be close enough tonight. We don't talk all that much because there is nothing to say, or maybe there are too many things to say, and we simply need to stay in close proximity to each other. When we are finished dinner, we sit on the sofa holding each other and listening to the music. I need to be touching more of her so I pull her closer and kiss her. It doesn't take long before she is on my lap and we can't get enough of each other. My hands feast in her hair, I love it when she leaves it down, and I take her lips over and over again. We pull away from each other and are gasping for breath. I try to pull her down again but she puts a hand on my chest. "Mariah packed a little something for me to change into and I think you're really going to like it." I let her go and love watching her walk away. After she closes the bedroom door closed, I take off my jacket and shoes and get comfortable waiting for her to return. I can't wait.

The evening has gone even better than I had hoped. She seems to have loved everything and I'm so relieved. I wanted to recreate our first evening here but wanted it to be a celebration for now. The door to the bedroom opens and I have to blink to be sure I'm really seeing. My pretty professor looks like a sex goddess. She has this see though lingerie on that falls to the top of her thighs and starts at thin straps on her shoulders. Her breasts would be completely bear except that she's wearing and black lace bra. Of course I can still see her nipples through it. For panties there is a see through, barely there G-string. Her hair is still down and lying on her shoulders like she just got out of bed. Her lips are full and curved in a slight smile. I now understand the word wanton. That's exactly how she looks, wanton. She slowly turns so that I can see every angle and then walks to me. With a sexy smile, she says "do you like?"

She is a temptress and she is definitely mine, I feel that chest-beating Neanderthal feeling that screams 'mine' in my head. It's the feeling of wanting to drag her off and have her over and over again. I'm stunned by these thoughts and smart enough not to say them. Instead, I walk up to her while continuing to look up and down her body like my eyes alone could singe off what little clothes she is wearing. She isn't wearing shoes now so she's almost a head short than me. I run the back of my hands up and down her bare arms just barely touching them and I feel goose bumps break out across her skin and repeat the action over and over. I'm desperate to touch her everywhere but keep it simple to tease us both. Her eyes flutter closed and I hear myself say "keep them open." Was that my voice so husky? Her eyes pop open again and watch mine.

Angelia slowly unbuttons my shirt and then slides it from my shoulders where it the falls to the floor. Her hands lightly play over my chest, skimming my nipples and down my stomach where my muscles contract. Her hands skim lightly lower, she undoes my belt and the top of my pants and then her hands slide lower just skimming over the fabric but I can feel my erection grow in response.

I bend down to kiss her neck, starting at that soft space between her neck and shoulder and then up. Nipping at her earlobe and blowing into her ear. As I knew she would, she shivers and mews like a kitten. Her hips replace her hands against me and she seems surprised at herself, I continue to suck and lick at her ear and her hips continue to more in reaction. I move to her chest and up her neck again on the other side and pay equal attention to the other ear and lobe. When she shivers this time, I bite her lobe just a little harder and her hips slam into mine and she cries out. There's my sexy professor. The one who's sounds alone could get me off. Her fingers have dug into my shoulders and I know I'm going to have half-moon shaped marks but I really don't care. I tighten my hands on her ass and pull her up on her tip toes so that my erection is directly aligned with her opening. I grind into her and she follows my lead. The lace material might as well not even be there. I pick her up and she wraps her legs and arms around me. I kiss her deeply as I walk into the bedroom and toward the bed.

I notice that she has turned down the bed and has turned on the speakers in here so we hear the music playing in the living room. I sit down on the bed and keep her on my lap. I don't want her any farther away from me than this for the rest of the night. The soft lace of her bra lightly grazes my bare chest but I can feel her nipples already hard through it. I take her mouth with mine and side my tongue over her lips to gain entrance. She doesn't make me wait long and our tongues mate. I love the way we fit together; currently it's our mouths but there are many more parts that are key and lock fits. I lose one of my hands in her hair. It's so soft and lush that I wrap it around my hand and pull back to give myself better access to her mouth. I take my lips from hers and run them down her throat to her shoulder pushing the straps of her bra aside. While my lips are busy with her shoulder revealed to me, I work at the clasp of her bra and it comes apart easily.

I slip her bra down so that her breasts are free. Angelia throws her head back giving me complete access to her breasts. I cup one in my hand and watch it change as I run my thumb over it. What was puckered before becomes even harder as I touch it. I circle around and around with my thumb while by other thumb rubs at her soft skin just below her other breast, teasing her, making her wait. I lower my head and take her nipple in my mouth and her fingers tighten in my hair. I lavish it with my tongue, take it into my mouth, suck and nip at it and then release it. Using my thumb, I rub the now wet nipple. Moving to the other nipple, I use my thumb again to start and watch it get harder. My mouth is next, licking, sucking and nipping at it before letting it go. Her head slowly comes up so that I can look in her eyes. The desire in them takes my breath away. Her hands slide to either side of my face and then she slides off my body to kneel on the floor l in front of me. She makes quick work of slipping her bra and slip completely off. The tiny triangle of fabric left is not hiding much but is definitely a barrier that needs to be gone. As I reach for her, she bats my hands away playfully, that gorgeous mouth turning sassy in front of my eyes. She pushes me back on the bed. Her hands release the top button of my pants and, oops, her hand brushes my erection through my pants. Then she grabs my zipper and slowly pulls it down.

She pulls my pants off and then my shoes and socks. Only her g-string and my boxer briefs are a barrier between us. She climbs on top of me and leans down to kiss me. I love the way she does that with only her lips sliding over mine and then she nips my bottom lip. As she tries to pull away, I grab her face with both of my hands keeping her there. I lick her lips and then pull her hard to me. Lips and tongues are playing now, hard then fast, teeth on lips, tongues soothing, I can't keep up. Angelia begins to rotate her hips against mine as her tongue swirls around mine at the same speed. I slip my hands lower, over her breasts and to her waist. I slide a finger into her g-string, down over her clit, pause there for a moment and then slip it inside of her. God, she's so fucking wet. I add another finger and play around and around then slip them up to her clit again. Pushing down on it, she gasps into my mouth and then throws her head back. I roll over and slip my entire hand onto her mound and slip two fingers back inside her. I capture her mouth at the same time and now I'm play with her tongue while my fingers are getting soaked inside her.

I can feel her almost so I move my fingers faster and faster. She's right on the edge so I move to her clit and she screams out my name while she goes over the edge. I let her ride it for a few moments but can't let her relax just yet. I kiss down to her nipples and take one in my mouth biting down and then lavishing it with my tongue. I repeat this as I begin to work her clit again. She is thrashing on the bed now with her head and I feel like I'm going to cum just watching her. I wanted to let her go again but I just can't hold on anymore. "Sidney please" she cries out to me the moment I move so I quickly strip her of her g-string and push at my underwear. I get back on the bed and she pushes me on my back and lowers herself onto me until I'm deep inside her. She immediately bends back with her hands on my thighs to get me balls deep now. My turn to groan and I just try to hold it together while she begins to ride me. Her hips roll and roll, it's a completely different feeling from anything else I've ever experienced. When did she learn how to do that? Fuck, I don't know if I can wait, my fingers are digging into the covers hard to focus on something else. Then I can't stop it from happening, I'm having the best orgasm of my life. I hear Angelia scream too and know she's close behind. My last coherent thought is that she is mine and will now be mine forever.


	86. Chapter 86

We made love three times last night. Once during the night, I woke up and my body was on fire and Sidney was between my legs. It was a wonderful way to wake. During the early hours of the morning, I woke and couldn't get back to sleep because I was worrying more and more about Mariah and her surgery. When I came back from the bathroom, Sidney was lying there on his back with a sheet around his waist and I could easily see his morning wood. That gave me the idea to do something about it. The look in his eyes when he woke with me lowering myself onto him was incredible. The desire came so quickly into his eyes and when he starting rubbing my clit as I rode him I could do nothing more than cry out and come.

Sidney feel back to sleep after the last time spooning me. I couldn't sleep so I laid there in his arms and watched the sun rise through the window because we forgot to close the blinds last night. I see that it's 6am and we need to get going and meet the family at the hospital at 7:30am. I try to get out of bed but Sidney holds me tight to him. Even in his sleep I feel his protection over me. "Sidney" I whisper to him. "We need to get up baby." He barely shifts and nuzzles my neck before settling again. "Sidney" I say in a louder voice but he just burrows in further. Ok, this requires more effort. I reach behind me to his ass and take a good pinch of his cheek. "Ow" he says as he wakes up fully. "We need to get up Sidney. We need to be at the hospital in ninety minutes. I'll order up breakfast and then I'm going to have a shower. You need to get up and listen for the door." He just mumbles something unintelligible. As I get out of bed, I strip off the duvet and sheet leaving him bare-assed naked. After taking a beat to admire the view, I am human after all, I head to the bathroom and turn the shower up to very hot.

The shower does the trick and most of the cobwebs are gone. When I'm dressed, I walk out of the bedroom and follow my nose. Mmmm, breakfast is set up for us and it looks and smells delicious. Sidney is well into his but he stops to pour me a coffee. "Thanks babe. Have you heard anything from your parents?" He nods and says "I got a text from dad saying that they'll be leaving the house in the next fifteen or twenty minutes." He finishes off his omelette and fruit then says "I'm going to jump in the shower and then we will be on time to meet them, ok?" I nod, my mouth full of my own omelette, and after kissing my forehead, Sidney walks toward the bedroom. I can't help but watch him go; it's a great view. "If you start something Angel we are going to be late." I laugh and turn back to my omelette. Sidney left some fruit for me, although not much, and I eat that up too. Good news and good sex have made me very hungry.

That's when I think about Mariah. She's getting a mastectomy today and I don't know how she's been so good about it. The decision was almost easy for her. It's the right decision, I know it's the right decision, but it would still freak me out if they wanted to cut off one of my breasts. She's really so inspiring. Recently, she's been talking about how to make it public. Her agent has been given her options and, although she hates the idea of talking about her personal struggle, she believes in sharing it with others so that she can help women do more self-exams and mammograms. I told her that I'd help however she would like. It terrifies me to be interviewed after the last debacle but I'd do anything for her. I'm also hoping we can negotiate that the interviewer won't bring up Sidney or anything related to him or hockey. That would make me feel better at least.

After finishing up my breakfast, I pack up my things and get ready to leave. Sidney is doing the same and we easily slip out of the hotel. The hotel isn't very busy at 6am. I'm quiet while we drive to the hospital. My thoughts are solely focused on Mariah and the surgery she's about to have. When we pull up to the front of the hospital I see that there is valet parking. Wow, only in LA would there be valet at a hospital. We walk hand in hand to the intake clinic and I see Mariah and the Crosbys sitting in the waiting room. Max had to leave last night to go to Montreal for his foundation's golf tournament but wants us to call the minute Ri is out of surgery. Mariah has a clipboard and is filling out forms. I hug each of the Crosbys and then sit beside Mariah. She doesn't look up but I can see her hand shaking as she writes. I take the pen and then her hand. She looks up at me and I see tears in her eyes. I pull her into my arms and she whispers "I'm so scared Ang, so very scared. Am I doing the right thing? They're taking off my breast!" I rub her back and try to sooth her while she hangs on tight to me. "You're going to be fine Ri and you are definitely doing the right thing. Yes, they are taking your breast but they're also giving you a new one. It's serious of course but you're going to be just fine." I pull back and look at her face. She gives me a teary smile and goes back to finishing off the forms.

A nurse approaches us and says "Mariah, we're ready to take you in." Everyone gets up with her and the nurse says "I can only take one of you in with her." I take Mariah's hand and we follow the nurse. Sidney whispers "I love you" as we pass him. How like him to know that's exactly what I needed to hear. "So, how was last night?" Mariah whispers to me. We follow the nurse into a room and she directs Mariah to take everything off and put on a hospital gown, robe and slippers. When the nurse is gone I say "Ri, how can you think about that when you're about to go into surgery?" She just smiles as she gets undressed and says "let me live vicariously, ok? I have had sex in months and I'll need to recover before I have sex again more months. Tell me, it was good right?" I just laugh at her "yeah, it was good. Very good actually." "I knew it" she says and puts on her gown and robe. She is so funny.

Another nurse comes in sets up an IV making Mariah lie down on the bed. I wrap the blanket up around her and sit by her side holding her hand. With every step in the process, it feels more and more real that this is happening today. Soon after the IV is in, they come in and give her something to make her sleepy and relax. It went into her IV so she begins to feel the effects almost immediately. They come to take her away and I don't know what to say to her. I simply kiss her cheek and whisper "I love you" and then they take her off to surgery. A nurse shows me to the room where Sidney and the Crosbys are waiting. She says that the surgery will likely take 3-4 hours and definitely not less than three since they are also doing the reconstruction. I thank her and sit beside Sidney. I feel better with his arm around me but I won't be fine again until they tell me that she's out of surgery and fine. Troy stands up and says "there is a Starbucks across the street. Taylor and I are going to get something." We all give him our orders and Trina, Sidney and I stay to wait. I know it's going to be hours but I can't leave. It's hard to explain but I can feel what she's going through. Maybe it's a twin thing but I know she's asleep and that they have started.

The first hour goes by quickly. Troy came back from getting coffee and Taylor had a story about meeting Keanu Reeves there. She told the story a few times since she was so excited. That was entertaining for a while. She was bouncing out of her skin she was so animated. She is a huge fan of the Matrix movies although I'm thinking that she had to be a kid when she first saw them. The second hour went a little more slowly. We watch the local morning show on the TV and they just get on my nerves. I get up to pace, I can't sit anymore, and Trina comes up beside me and gives me a hug. It's such a 'mom' thing to do. It makes me miss my mom. This is when we need them the most. Trina and Troy have been wonderful and more than I ever would have imagined but sometimes a girl really needs her mom. We part and smile at each other in small, wistful smiles. She goes back to play cards with Taylor and I sit back with Sidney. He pulls me onto his lap and puts both arms around me. I lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes; not to sleep of course. I need to try and relax somehow. Every one of my muscles is tight and my stomach is churning.

I feel Sidney kiss my temple and then my cheek. "Do you need anything Angel?" I look up at him, kiss the closest part of his neck and say "just you." He leans his cheek down to my head and responds "that you have baby. That you always have." The next hour goes by like a crawling turtle. I feel every minute and every second tick by and it's interminably slow. At one point, I feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin. Sidney tilts my face up to his and kisses my lips. It's a soft and almost chaste kiss but he maintains contact until I feel much of the stress leak out of me. When we part, I open my eyes and say "that's some magic kiss you have there." He chuckles and hugs me back closer to him again. Troy leaves for a little while and comes back with bottles of water and orange juice. I take the water and Sidney the orange juice; no surprise there. I can feel myself start to panic as hour four draws to a close. They said it could be even longer but I need to know something, anything. I'm about to ask Sidney to go ask someone when the doctor comes in the room.

"Dr. Phillips?" I'm up and across the room to him quickly. The doctor says "the surgery went very well Angelia. The mastectomy went cleanly and although we sent some material to pathology, we are fairly certain that we got it all and the pathology will confirm to be 100% certain. It's an extra step we don't usually need; however, Mariah said that she would feel better knowing. We'll have the results today before she leaves the hospital for the recovery centre. Dr. Berman completed the reconstruction perfectly and, when the swelling goes down, both breasts will look the same. We're still waiting for her to wake from the sedation and when she has, someone will come for you." I'm overwhelmed. She's ok! I hug Dr. Phillips who is surprised but hugs me back. "Thank you doctor; I am so appreciative of everything you've done for both of us." He smiles and pats my shoulder. "You are very welcome dear. Someone will be here for you soon."

I turn to Sidney beside me and throw my arms around him. I stay like that for a while just breathing him in and revelling in the happy news. We part and I'm enveloped into a hug with Trina, then Troy and then Taylor. We are all talking about where to celebrate tonight after we make sure Mariah is settled at the recovery centre. Taylor wants to go back to the awful hot dog place that tasted good but I regretted it that night. We continue waiting for someone to get us and it seems like it's longer than the last time but we are all so happy that the time goes by quickly. We're all laughing and joking around when Dr. Phillips comes back into the room. He comes up to us and sits beside me. I look at him quizzically. I wasn't expecting him to tell us we can see Mariah.

"Angelia, there has been a complication with your sister. She should have woken up an hour ago although it isn't unheard of for some to take longer to come out. We only gave her light anesthesia the last time you were here and she came out fine. This was a much longer surgery and a full does of the anesthesia was required. Mariah could simply be taking more time now. Given her general great health and that this is her first surgery and full anesthesia, we could be looking at a reaction to it." I can hear the words that he is saying but I can't understand it. Her surgery was fine, how can she not be ok? I look at Sidney in a panic and he puts his arm around me and says to the doctor "what does this mean? When will you know for sure it she's ok?" The doctor looks at Sidney and says "in the next few hours we will monitor her closely. We have all of her vitals being monitored and we are moving her to intensive care so that she gets very close attention. We don't know yet why she hasn't woken but I don't want to take any chances. In a few minutes, I'll have someone come here to move you up to a private room where you can wait on the same floor as the ICU. Angelia, I'll have someone take you to see Mariah when she's set up in the room. Unfortunately, only one of you can go in and only for a short period of time. While this is serious, I don't want you to be too alarmed yet. We are taking a lot of these precautions simple as that, precautions. I will check back on her in two hours and will also find you. I'm going back into surgery with another patient; however, the nursing staff will be giving me your sister's vitals every 20 minutes and we have a great staff in ICU." He pats my hand and then leaves. I'm numb, I'm literally numb. We went from being enthusiastic and happy to terrified in less than an hour. How does this happen?


	87. Chapter 87

I don't know what to do for Angelia anymore. For 24 hours she has sat by Mariah's side for the ten minutes every hour that they allow her to be in the ICU. It's killing her to wait. She does better when she gets to go in and be with her sister but then the next fifty minutes is hell. It's almost like Mariah is dead until she can see her and prove that she's alive. I feel as helpless and useless as when we were waiting for Angelia's tests to come back. I watch her in pain until the wait is over then she goes in for ten minutes. When she comes out she cries for a few minutes in my arms and then watches the clock until she can go back in again.

Mom forces her to eat some soup but that's all she'll eat. I get her to drink Gatorade at least. I think she naps a few minutes in my arms periodically. She comes awake with a start and looks at her watch to make sure that she hasn't missed her time. It's time again to go visit Mariah so she gets up and leaves the room. I lean with my hands on my knees and rub my face. Mom sits beside me and pulls me to her. I feel like a little boy when she would take me in her arms and stroke my hair when I was upset about something. Usually it had to do with some parent making fun of me or being mad because I took their kid's ice time. I stay there hugged to her for a few minutes. Her hands gently stroke my hair and I take comfort for a few minutes. I guess you're always your mom's little boy huh? I sigh deeply and lift my head. "Thanks mom." She wipes away a tear I didn't realize had escaped down my cheek. "Oh Sidney, it's been a very difficult week for you. I guess it's been a very difficult couple of months then, just when you thought you got everything back, this hits you. I'm glad that we're here for you, for you both." "I'm really glad too mom. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Even Taylor has been great." Mom smiles at this and strokes my cheek. "You know that you can have all the money in the world but if you don't have your health …"

That's when it hits me – money! I get up and go to the nurses' station leaving mom stunned behind me. When I find a nurse, I ask "is Dr. Phillips around? I really need to talk to him." She looks at the clock and says "he's here in the hospital. Let me find out where he is and if he's available I'll have him meet you in the room." I thank her and then pace in front of the room waiting for him because I know Angelia will be back inside with mom. Five minutes later, Dr. Phillips arrives and extends his hand to me which I shake. "Sidney, they said you wanted to see me. I am in between patients so I have a moment. What can I do for you?" I take a deep breath so that I don't jump down his throat. "Dr. Phillips, it's killing Angelia to only be able to be with her sister for ten minutes every hour. You know their history. They only have each other in this world, their parents were killed in a car accident, and being identical twins makes them incredibly empathetic. Can't you bend the rules for her?" The doctor sighs and says "I'm sorry Sidney but we can't. It's not just Mariah in the ICU and we have the rules so that the room isn't cluttered with people. We need to have ease of access in case we need to get at the patients." This is what I thought he'd say so I reply "doctor, is there a way to have ICU in a private room? Money is not a problem. If I need to pay for a nursing staff, for the room, for anything then I will. I need to get Mariah and Angelia in the same room now and not just for ten minutes an hour." The doctor thinks and says "I'm not sure. The hospital administrator can make that decision. I'll get her, relay your request and have her come talk to you, ok?" I thank him and he walks away. Before he gets too far down the hall I say "if he wants a new children's wing, we could discuss a sizeable donation." The doctor nods and continues down the hall.

I head back into the room and Angelia and mom are coming out. I look at them both quizzically. Mom says "we're going to the chapel to pray until Angelia's next visit." I lean in and kiss Angelia's forehead and then they head off down the hall. I go back into the room and wait for dad to come back from dropping off Taylor. She wanted to stay but was dead on her feet. Dad was going to grab a nap and then come back to the hospital. He should be back soon. I look at my phone and there are a dozen texts I haven't read. The first is from Max with his support. Mario's was the same. There are texts from Dan and Ray, who must have heard from Mario, and then a bunch from the guys. Even Flower, who's in the midst of last minute stuff for the wedding, sent me a text. I also see that I've missed three calls from Pat. I call him rather than listening to the voicemails. He answers on the first ring.

"How are you Sid?" I sigh "as well as can be expected. I may need your help in a little bit. I'm basically bribing the hospital administration to get Mariah into a private ICU room with her own medical staff. If they go for it, I'll leave the negotiations and arrangements to you. I don't care what it costs me Pat. I need to make sure that Angelia can stay with Mariah around the clock if she wants." Pat agrees and we talk about more of the details. A woman of about fiftyish comes in the room and I say goodbye to Pat. "Mr. Crosby?" she asks. I stand up and shake her hand "yes, please call me Sidney." She gives me a small smile and says "I'm Dr. Wilson, Carrie, the hospital administrator. I understand that you are in a difficult position and would like a private room." I talk about the reasons for the need and my willingness to do whatever is needed. She nods and then says "we can definitely accommodate this need and, yes, we will require your payment of the additional medical costs incurred for this request. Regarding your offer to donate, I would never turn down money; however, that is not required to secure the room and staff for your sister-in-law. If you feel moved to do so in the future then, as I said, we wouldn't turn it down." This woman has earned a lot of my respect and I know I'll be making a donation in the future. Then it hits me that she's called Mariah my sister-in-law. Hmm, I guess she is. Carrie continues "I've already called in the extra staff we'll need and we are setting up equipment in the room. Within the hour, Mariah will be moved into the room and I've made sure that it's large enough for you all to stay with her. There will be a sofa and some chairs too. I'll have someone come and get all of you when it's set up." I shake her hand again and thank her although thanks don't seem enough.

Angelia walks in the room as Carrie leaves. Angelia comes up to me and says "what's wrong" and she looks terrified. "Everything is the same Angel. There hasn't been a change in Mariah's condition. That was the hospital administrator. Within the hour, Mariah is going to be moved to a private room that is being rigged to be an ICU. This way you can stay with her 24/7 and we can all be together." I watch as tears fill her eyes and she hugs me nearly preventing me from being able to take a breath. I look at mom over Angelia's shoulder and she has watery eyes too. This makes me feel so much better. This is something that I can do for Angelia and Mariah. At least they'll be together now while we wait for Mariah to come out of it.

Mom and Angelia go to the washroom and I sit down and wait. I have another thought so I call Pat. "Hi Sidney, everything ok?" "Things are the same Pat although I did get the private room. I'll have them send the bill to your offices to be paid. I know this is above and beyond your job description but would you do some research on doctors for me? I want to know if there's anyone who is a specialist on comas or whatever this is and get him or her here fast. Can you do that?" Pat pauses for a moment which makes me realize that I've never asked him to do anything like this before. I usually keep everyone in their boxes and he's my agent. He negotiates, he builds and maintains relationships and brings in the money. I have lawyers and accountants who handle the money and my dad does most of the 'business manager' function. I wonder if I've offend Pat by asking him to do something way outside of his area. "Of course I will Sidney. I told you, whatever you need right now. Give me a couple hours and I'll find out who the best is and when they can get here." I let out a breath that I didn't realize that I was holding. Pat is the incredible in a crisis and I have no doubt that I'll hear from him very soon to tell me that some doctor is on a plane. I thank him and hang up as Angelia and mom come back in the room.

Angelia slips onto my lap and cuddles into my arms. It makes me think as I hold her in my arms. I remember the first time I had sex. It was with a lifeguard while I was at Rimouski and now I realize it wasn't great but at the time it was the first time I really felt like a man. I remember when I signed the contract with the Penguins in front of my family, Mario and Burkle. The same day I signed a huge deal with Reebok for multimillion dollars. That day also made me feel like a man; 18 years old and I was a millionaire. I remember winning the Stanley Cup and skating around the ice with it, drinking champagne out of it and celebrating all night with it. That was definitely an important feeling of manhood. Now, as I sit here in the hospital with the love of my life in my arms, I realize that it's moments like this that make you a man. It's the quiet moments when the world isn't looking and doesn't know what I'm up to that I really demonstrate the kind of man I am. I look up and see dad come in and mom goes over to chat with him. She's probably telling him about the private room. Dad looks at me and gives me a small smile and takes mom in his arms. That's when I truly realize how lucky I am to have him as a wonderful role model in my life. I can only hope to be the kind of man for Angelia that my dad is for my mom and have the kind of marriage they've had. I lean down and kiss Angelia's temple and she lifts her head up and kisses my neck.

A nurse comes in and over to Angelia and I. We get up and she says "Hi Angelia, Sidney, I'm Susan Hayes and I'm the primary nurse practitioner for your sister. We have her all set up in a private room and there is enough seating and room for the whole family. I've been an ICU nurse for twenty five years and have seen a few situations as has happened with Mariah. It is very rare. As I'm sure the doctor has told you that the first forty eight hours is crucial and that's when we have the most opportunity to see her wake. After that, the percentages begin to decline. We will be taking her vitals every thirty minutes in addition to the heart and pulse monitors that she is wearing. Should you have any questions, please ask me at any time. We'll stay out of the room as much as possible and will be located in the next room where we can monitor all of the equipment. Do you have any questions right now?" Angelia looks at me and I don't so I say "I think we want to see her now." Susan smiles at us and motions to follow her.

We travel down the hall and into a room at the end of the corridor. The room we enter is large and very comfortable. There are two couches and a few big chairs. Mariah is lying in a large bed connected to the same monitors as before. There are different linens on the bed and there are additional blankets and pillows on a corner shelf. Susan says "if anyone wants to sleep on one of the couches, we've provided some bedding. We can also bring in a cot if that would be preferred. My experience is that hospital cots are horrible. The sofa is probably a better choice." Angelia hasn't been listening to a word that she's saying. Her sole focus is on Mariah. I thank Susan and she leaves. Angelia has walked over to Mariah and climbs onto the bed beside her and curls into her side. It's heartbreaking to watch. Mom puts her arm around my waist and says "she can do that now because of you." I look down at mom and can't say anything. We walk over to the sofa and mom, dad and I sit down. We sit quietly for a while when I feel my phone vibrate; it's Pat.

I excuse myself and take Pat's call in the hall. "Hi Pat, what's up?" I hear him sigh "I'm sorry it's taken me so long" which surprises me because it's only been an hour. "Sidney, I've been educating myself on the reasons for comas after surgery. Generally, it's neurological, which is the brain, or neuropathy, which is the brain but vascular related. I have two specialists that are the best hope. One is from Princeton hospital and one is from a New York. They are both calling Dr. Phillips right now to order specific tests they want to see and all three are coordinating their efforts. After talking to them, I think that them getting on a plane to LA is a waste of time. The amount of time that they are in the air they could be reviewing tests and taking action. All of this can be done remotely and tests emailed with the highest resolution. This will get her faster treatment. I hope that was the right decision." I am overwhelmed by Pat's help. When I can speak, I clear my throat and say "that was definitely the right thing to do. Thank you so much Pat." He gives me the details on both doctors, a little interesting tidbit he got from one of them and then I head back into the room.

Angelia looks up at me when I enter and I gesture for her to come over to the family. When we're all sitting together, I relay Pat's information and what's happening. I pause and then decide to share what one of the doctors suggested. "Angelia, one of the doctors found it interesting that you and Mariah are identical twins. He believes that you could help her out of this coma or whatever it is. He thinks that by you talking to her about anything that she may feel your presence and come out of it. It's a long shot but he's seen it work." Angelia gets up immediately, climbs back on the bed beside Mariah and starts talking to her. First she talks about last night and how beautiful the suite was and everything I did for her. I'm embarrassed by this because my parents can hear her. I know I'm turning many, many shades of red when she talks about the number of times we made love and how 'incredible' it was; now I want to find a hole and jump into it. The next few hours go by slowly and they take Mariah out of the room to run some tests which they'll send to the two specialists. A couple hours after Mariah is brought back, Susan, the ICU nurse comes back in and says "I've just spoken to the doctors about her tests."


	88. Chapter 88

Susan, the ICU nurse comes in the room and says "I've just spoken to the doctors about her tests." Sidney helps me stand and we all gather around Susan. "There is nothing conclusive about the tests but they do see a slight swelling of the brain. It is very slight but it is the only thing that is out of the ordinary. They want to administer a medication that decreases swelling in the brain. It's a long shot but the best course of action at this time." It sounds like the first good news in a while. "Please do that Susan. How long will it take to know if she responds?" Susan takes my hands and says "it will take an hour or two if this is the issue." I thank her and we both go to Mariah's bed. Susan pushes a syringe into Mariah's IV tube. I climb back onto the bed and lay beside Ri on her pillow. "Ri, they're trying some medication on you right now. You could have a reaction to the anesthesia that caused swelling in your brain. This medication could decrease the swelling and wake you up. I need you to wake up Ri. The surgery was supposed to be the hard part. Sidney has been great Ri. He got you a private room with sofas and chairs for us to be with you. I don't know how much it's costing him but I bet it's a bundle. I've never much thought or cared about Sidney's money but it's really coming in handy right now.

So where did I leave off, oh yeah. The new house is going to be gorgeous. We've picked out the floors throughout the house and the hardwood is gorgeous. I've chosen a room for you too. I know you hate coming to Pittsburgh and think the only good city in the US is New York; but, I have a room picked out for you and decorated with your taste. There's also a walk in closet. I figured that might lure you. I'll have a huge office with a conference table and a large screen with a webcam. This will let me telecommute across the world. Have I mentioned that I'm going to talk to the University of Pittsburgh about their Physics Department? I'm going to help them set up a better one. I'm not going to teach classes the first year. I'll only take on a few graduate students like I still have at MIT. There's the whole CBA thing going on and the last time they negotiated there was a lockout. They may have another one so I don't want to get locked into Pittsburgh for the first semester. Sidney has been so supportive about my working and doing research again. It's like we've both grown up and have a real relationship.

I can't wait to plan our wedding. I'm not sure if we do something big, maybe in Nova Scotia, or do something small with just the immediate family down south. Sidney loves the islands and the ocean and you know I do too. We need to figure out how big this wedding will get and who we invite or don't invite. If we make it immediate family then it might be easier than not inviting some. I mean, his teammates and the staff alone brings us over one hundred people with their guests. When we were in Tuscany and at that winery, Sidney mentioned that a wedding would be beautiful there. I think that might be too far away if you think about his grandmothers and their travel. Anyway, all I know is that I want a Vera Wang dress and you'll get it for me. It's great having a sister in the business so that I can get the best clothes. I think we should also do a makeover for Trina and Taylor. I'm sure Vera could design something lovely for them both. It's going to be sad not having dad walk me down the aisle. Maybe you would do that for me. We are everything for each other."

I hear a noise from the doorway and see that Taylor has come back. She hugs Sidney and then comes over to the bed. "Mariah, Taylor is back to see you. Hi Tay, they said to talk to her because she can probably hear us. Did you have a good nap?" I notice that she's pale but she smiles. "Yeah, it's exactly what I needed. Why don't I stay with her for a bit? She hated hearing about my hockey games so this is a great opportunity to make her listen." I laugh and leave her talking to Mariah. Sidney pulls me into his arms and asks "how are you holding up?" I lean back to look at him and that's when I notice how pale he is and the dark shadows under his eyes. It hits me then that he's been up for two days straight like I've been. I asked him to take a nap but he said 'not without you.' I look back at Taylor and she's animated and talking to Mariah like she's listening. Tay even makes motions like she's showing Ri how she blocked a shot.

I am exhausted. I can feel it deep in my bones, muscles and every inch of skin. I look back at Sidney and say "why don't we curl up on the sofa for an hour?" Sidney nearly smiles and says "sure." Sidney grabs a pillow and a blanket then settles himself on the sofa on his side. I lay in front of him so we're spooning. Maybe I should have suggested this a little while ago. Sleep will help me focus better since my mind is so befuddled at the moment. I cuddle back into Sidney and his arm pulls me in even closer to him after he covers us both with the blanket. I think I'm asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

* * *

I'm so happy that Angelia decided to get some sleep. Tay looks over at us as she continues to talk to Mariah. I mouth 'thank you' to her and she smiles at me then goes back to talking. Mom tells me that she and dad are going to get something to eat. This has been so hard on them too but I know how lucky we are to have the entire family here. Mom and dad are rocks as they usually are in times of crisis. I can't believe how much I took them for granted before Angelia. Seeing how often she feels alone or wishes she had her parents here makes me more and more appreciative of them. Even Taylor has been a huge help and it's great to see how much she has grown over the last year. It's like she's gone from being a child to being a young woman. That thought makes me uncomfortable, I can't be at Shattucks to chase off any and all guys, so I try to focus my thoughts elsewhere.

I really should try to get some sleep but my brain won't stop. Thoughts keep swirling in my head and I'm trying to slow them down but can't. Flower's wedding is coming up and I hate to tell them we can't come but with everything going on here we definitely can't leave LA. Angelia has tried to get me to go but I just shut her down. There's no way that I can leave her here with what's going on. She must have realized that because she didn't push the subject. When Mariah wakes up, and I'm sure that she will, then we should all spend some time in Nova Scotia for her to recuperate. The quiet and the slow pace will be the best thing for all of us I think. God, I really hope Mariah wakes up. I feel my phone vibrate and pull it out of my pocket. It's a text from Max asking how everything is going. How do I respond to that? I use my one hand and text back 'they've given her medication that might help.' I wait and he responds 'when will you know?' I respond 'within the next hour or so.' A few minutes later I get 'how is Angelia?' I tell him 'stressed, exhausted, as expected.' A few minutes later I see him say 'give her my love, let me know if I can do anything.' Max is always so willing to do whatever his friends need. 'Thanks Max, I'll let you know' then I put the phone away.

Mom and dad come back with some sandwiches and take out soup. "We brought some for you guys too" dad tells me "although we thought you'd be asleep too." I smile at him and say "yeah, I tried but I can't slow down enough to drift off. At least Angelia managed to fall asleep." Both of them dig into the food and mom tries to get Taylor to come over but she says that she'll eat later. I know that she told Angelia that she'd take care of Mariah so of course she won't move yet. With a start, Angelia wakes up. I can tell that she's disoriented so I hold her close and whisper "you're ok baby. You've only been out for a half hour. Try and go back to sleep." She stretches a bit and says "no, I'm going to sit with Ri again." It's useless to convince her otherwise so I just let her go. If I'm honest, I'm surprised that she slept at all.

Taylor comes over to the sofa and grabs a sandwich. I feel hungry so I do too. Then I eat the soup and another sandwich. This does make me feel a little bit better. I watch Angelia talk to her sister. It must be a happy memory because Angelia is smiling and laughing as she talks. "Did you have enough to eat Sidney?" mom asks me. "Yeah mom, thanks." I continue watching Angelia and it breaks my heart seeing her try to be upbeat and happy when I know that she's dying inside. From my position across the room, I think that I see Mariah's foot move. I must be crazy and in definite need of sleep. Wow, that was definitely a foot moving. I get up and run over to the bed. "Angel, her foot moved!" Angelia stands beside me and we're staring at her and then soon after my parents and Taylor join us.

"What did you say Sid?" Taylor asks me. "Her foot moved. I saw it twice from the sofa." We're all just staring at Mariah's foot and then it moves again. We are all so excited. This is the first movement that Mariah has made on her own since coming out of surgery. With the ventilator breathing for her, this is the only movement she has made on her own. Susan comes in the room. The must have heard our cheers. "What's going on?" she asks. Angelia tells her "Ri moved her foot. Sidney saw it from the sofa twice and now we all saw it. What does this mean?" Susan moves closer to Mariah and checks her over. "Her vitals are the same but that's good because it means that they're stable. This could be a positive sign but I want to caution you. Let's do some more tests and see what we find out. I'm going to call the doctors and see how they'd like to proceed." We thank her and she leaves the room.

"This could be good right? This means that she's getting better, right?" She asks me this with such hope in her voice that I can't disagree. "Sure baby, it definitely could be a good sign." Angelia goes back to sitting beside Mariah and continues talking to her. She's encouraging her to wake up but we see nothing. I sit in a chair beside the bed and hold Angelia's hand while she talks to her sister. "Oh my God!" Angelia shrieks. I look around Angelia and see that Mariah has opened her eyes. "Taylor, go get the nurse" I yell at my sister. Mariah is looking at Angelia with a panicked look in her eyes. Angelia talks to her "it's ok Ri. You're ok. You were sick after the surgery but you're going to be ok." She just keeps repeating that "you're going to be ok" over and over. Susan comes in after Taylor and comes to the side of the bed. "Hi Mariah, my name is Susan. You have a tube down your throat to help you breath so don't fight against it. Squeeze my hand if you understand me, ok? That's it, thank you Mariah. Now, I'd like you stay very calm while I find a doctor to take the tube out of your throat, ok? You keep hanging on to your sister's hand while I get us a doctor." She turns to me and says "just keep her calm and I'll get a doctor." I thank her and she leaves the room.

I put my arm around Angelia and Mariah's eyes find mine. "She's right Mariah, you're going to be ok. We're all here for you; mom, dad and Tay. We've been waiting for you to wake up. The surgery went perfectly except that you didn't wake up. Now that you're awake, everything is going to be ok." I smile at her hoping that she'll take that as a good sign. She looks back at Angelia and then continues to stare at her like she's a life line. A doctor comes in and says "I'm Dr. Nestor, I'm working in the ICU next door. Dr. Phillips but I'm going to take the tube out for you right now Mariah. Here's what I need you to do." The doctor talks Mariah through the process as he does it and in no time the tube is removed and Mariah is breathing on her own. She tries to talk and Susan says "you won't be able to talk just yet Mariah. We'll get you some water but your throat is going to be very scratchy." Susan helps her sip at some water and sit up a bit. Mariah looks at Angelia and says "love you." That's when Angelia completely breaks down and collapses on Mariah. They hug each other while both cry. It's incredibly touching to watch. I'm so relieved that Mariah is awake and they are reunited; the way it should be.


	89. Chapter 89

It's been two days since Mariah woke and I've finally convinced Angelia to come home with me to get some real sleep. Mom, Dad and Taylor have agreed to stay with Mariah and keep her company. She should be coming home tomorrow which has excited everyone. I'll be able to help them home and then I need to catch a plane. Angelia is forcing me to go to Flower's wedding. I thought that I should stay with the family but she said that they'll be fine and I should go be with my friends and celebrate their wedding. She won't leave her sister and, of course, I didn't ask. A few of the guys are going stag so I'll hang with them. Wow, a year ago that wasn't an option it was the reality. I went stag to these things all the time. Even if I was dating someone, I was careful not to have it overlap too much with friends and family. It's funny how that never even crossed my mind with Angelia.

We're driving home and she's sitting silently watching the scenery go by. I reach over to hold her hand and she smiles at our joined hands and then me. She's tired but that smile is genuine. It's so good to have a smile on her face again. All of Mariah's tests came back as one hundred percent clean. She is free of cancer. When we arrive home, we both get out and make our way into the house then into our room. I flop onto the bed and sigh. It feels so good to be horizontal on a bed and not a sofa. Angelia climbs up beside me and snuggles in under my arm. Now it feels perfect until she starts shaking and I hear her crying. I pull her closer and hold her to me with both arms. She needs this release so badly. I stroke her and mumble nothings to her while she sobs. Slowly she begins to stop her sobbing and then there is just sniffling left. I pull back a bit and kiss the tears on her cheeks. She offers me a small smile and I lightly kiss her lips. That's better, she's calmed down now. We can cuddle in and get some sleep.

I settle back and take her with me. To my surprise, she slides completely on top of me and slides her legs on either side of me. I hold her face in my hands and her hair back so that I can see her eyes. She's smiling at me and leans in to kiss me. "You are the most wonderful man in the world. Thank you for taking care of my sister. Thank you for sharing your family with me." Now I smile "you know that you don't have to thank me. That's what I'm here for baby." She kisses me again and I enjoy feeling her body on mine and slide my hands out of her hair and down the length of her body to her hips. She takes the kiss deeper which surprises me. I would have thought she'd only want sleep but the way her hips are starting to move over me I'm thinking that she has something else in mind.

She sits back and pulls her tee shirt off over her head. She has lost some weight over the past weeks and her clavicles are more pronounced. I forget all about that when she leans down again and we kiss. I run my hands up her sides and to her back where I unhook her bra then toss it aside. She sits up again and pushes at my tee shirt which I help her get off of me. I'm following her lead. She seems to need this time together and I want to give her whatever she needs. The feel of her nipples getting hard against my bare chest excites me and I can feel myself harden. She must feel it too because she moans and grinds against me harder. I moan into her mouth. I love how she does that and it gets me harder. She sits up so that she can undo my jeans then she continues to slide down my legs and pulls my jeans with her. When she slides off the bed, taking my jeans with her, she pauses and takes off her own jeans and panties. Naked, she climbs back on top of me straddling my hips, and leans down to kiss me again. This time I feel her tongue swipe at my lips and slide into my mouth to play with mine. I groan when I feel her hand slide over me through my shorts.

She strokes me slowly with her hand while her tongue plays over mine. God, I love it when she takes control. She's so hot. I look up and her hair is falling around her shoulders and half over her face. She smiles at me because she knows exactly what she's doing to me. I rub my hands up to her breasts and use my fingertips to lightly play with her nipples. They pucker harder for me. She sits back farther to grind her hips into my erection. I slip my hand down and a finger over her. My finger comes out wet so I rub her clit with it. Now she's crying out and grinding against my erection and my hand. I can't take my eyes off of her. She is incredibly sexy and I could watch her for hours. I am salivating while I watch her and that gives me an idea.

I reach for her hips and pull her up my body. She leaves a wet trail over my chest as I pull her closer to my face. I'm drooling waiting to taste her. I slip my hands under her knees and settle her over my face. I flatten my tongue and take a long, slow lick of her. She cries out so I do it again. She rests her hands on the wall behind the bed while I use my tongue again to taste her. I move to her clit and flick over it light and fast. Her hips begin to move and her scent completely envelops me. I've never done this before, had a woman ride my face, but I wanted to feel Angelia everywhere and was desperate to taste her. I move my tongue and enter her. When I fully extend my tongue it can slip inside her easily. I pull it in and out and in and out while her juices leak down onto me. I don't care. I'm so turned on by the noises she's making and her hips grinding into my face that I increase the thrusts.

Using my hands, I push her thighs a little farther apart and that gives me even deep access to her. I move back to her clit and she cries out bereft but it changes to pleasure when I suck on it. it's so engorged that I can discernible take it in my mouth. Letting it go, I run my tongue around it and then suck it again. Her juices are dripping down my face now and her hips are grinding faster. I increase my speed on her clit and she's crying out louder now. Sensing that she's close, I continue playing with her clit until she let's go and cries out in an almost inhuman voice. She slides to her side and off of me. She can't seem to hold herself up anymore.

I know just how wet she is, it's currently smeared across my face, and I need to be buried balls deep insider her right now. I get up and push her onto her onto her stomach. Quickly taking off my shorts, I grab her hips and pull her onto her knees with her thighs wide for me. She leans onto her elbows I slam into her from behind. I slip in so fast and easily since she's still soaked from her last orgasm. I continue to thrust into her deep and can't take it any longer. I reach around her hips and rub her clit again. I want her to cum again and with me. She's moaning into the comforter and she gets louder and louder as she gets closer. I can feel her clamp down on my dick as she finds her second orgasm and I follow her. I collapse on the bed and pull her to me spooning her.

We both wait for the shaking to stop and to come down from the high. "That was incredible" she whispers to me. "Yeah" I respond "I've never done that before." She lets out a little giggle "me either. Was it ok? I thought I might suffocate you." I chuckle at that "I wouldn't have cared or noticed baby. You are so fucking hot. Right now though, I definitely need a shower before I can sleep." She agrees and we make our way to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and get in when it's heated up. I wash her mess off of my face. "Wow" I tell her "you certain came a lot. You soaked me." She giggles and I look over at her. She actually looks embarrassed. This is the first time I've ever seen her embarrassed about sex. This is interesting. My sweet Angel is embarrassed. I definitely need to take advantage of this situation.

I turn as she shifts herself under the spray and come up behind her to pull her against me. Whispering in her ear, I say softly "you tasted so sweet baby. I loved feeling your juices dripping over my lips and chin. I could feel your entire pussy vibrate from being underneath you." I glance at her cheeks and they are actually red; hmmm. "Your clit got so sensitive that just one little lick sent you screaming for more. You liked that didn't you baby. Tell me you liked it." She closes her eyes and groans. "You know I liked it Sidney." I chuckle low in her ear and feel goose bumps break out over her body. This is fun. I slide my hand over her stomach and then lower to cup her. "Tell me what you liked baby." Her breath catches and she says "when you touch me, anywhere and everywhere Sidney." I slide a finger inside her and say "tell me how you like me to touch you Angel. Tell me what you like." She licks her lips and says "please Sidney." Mmmm "please what baby?" She grinds against my hand and I feel her legs give out a little so I hold her tighter with my arm.

"Please what baby? Tell me what you want." She continues to grind against me and says "I need you to touch inside me. Not just the outside Sidney; please touch me deep inside." She says the last few words crying out. I don't do it though; I continue to slide it around the outside of her entrance. She keeps trying to grind into my finger but I won't let it enter her. "How badly do you want me to touch you deep inside baby? Tell me how much you need it." Fuck, this is so hot. She is so hot. I love it when she comes apart in my hands. "Tell me baby. I won't do it until you tell me." She moans again and cries "please Sidney, please. I need to feel you deep inside me. I can feel how hard you are against my back. I need to feel it inside me." I continue to hold my finger where it is and tease her entrance with it. Her head snaps back against my shoulder and she says "fuck me, Sidney, please fuck me!" I can't hold out anymore, not when she says that; I turn her around and push her against the shower wall. Only seconds pass before her legs are around me and I'm balls deep into her. I'm doing exactly what the girl said; I'm fucking her. She's crying out with every thrust until she digs her nails into my shoulders causing me to moan and I feel her clamp down on me again then I let myself go.

When we both can focus again, she slides down my body and we're standing under the waterfall. I push her wet hair from her face and kiss her lips. We're looking at each other and both start laughing. "Wow" is all she says when we start laughing. I repeat it back "yeah, wow." I kiss her again and then we actually grab soap and have a shower. I think about it and maybe we both needed this release as much as she needed her crying jag. I definitely feel the cobwebs gone from my brain. They've been replaced by an overwhelming need to sleep though. We both stumble out of the shower and dry off, sort of, before falling into bed and mass of semi wet, naked limbs. We both fall asleep the minute our heads hit the pillow.


	90. Chapter 90

I miss Sidney. I know I'm doing the right thing staying in LA with my sister but I miss Sidney. He went to Marc-Andre and Vero's wedding as I really wanted him to do. I feel bad that I'm not there but I'm where I need to be right now. Vero was so touched when I called her to wish her luck on her wonderful day. She was sipping a mimosa and getting her hair done. I told her that I wouldn't keep her; I felt I had to call on her big day. She didn't want to let me go. Instead she wanted to find out how I was doing how Mariah's recuperation was going. I had tears in my eyes as I told her. With everything going on today, she wanted to find out how I was. That's a great friend. I made her have someone take a picture of her and text it to me. I wanted to see her happy face for myself. I was wrong, it wasn't happy, it was deliriously happy. She's been waiting for this day for a long time and I was glad to see her so happy.

"How is Vero doing?" Trina asks me as she comes outside. "See for yourself" and I show her the picture. "She looks so happy." I smile at Trina and agree. "I wish I was there but I'm also glad that I'm here. I needed to see Ri recover myself." Trina purses her lips. It's a gesture I recognize because I see Sidney do the same thing. Trina has something to say. I wait for her to decide what to say. "Ang, I understand that you want to see Ri get well and you should because she's your sister. That being said, you also need to take care of yourself. You've lost weight and you didn't have it on you to begin with. The stress and the pressure has impacted you horrible. There's nothing you could have done differently during but now that it's over you need to take care of yourself. I have an idea." She looks out at the ocean and purses her lips again. Again I wait her out. "I would like to take Mariah home to Nova Scotia. The doctor said that she's on the mend and once he's pulled out the drain then any doctor can check in on her. It's just a surgical scar then. Let me take her home and you and Sid can have some time alone. Think about it before you say no, ok?" I look at her and nod. She pats my knee and heads back inside the house.

I feel like I'd be deserting Ri if I let Trina take her home with them. She just beat cancer. How could I let someone else take care of her? She's my sister and it's my responsibility. "I'm not a child you need to babysit Ang." I should have known she would come out after Trina. "Ri, it's not right. I should take care you." She sits beside me, going slow on the way down, and then looks at me. "You have taken care of me Ang. There is no one who would have taken better care of me; but, now I'm on the mend and there is only upside. I'll go to Nova Scotia for a couple of weeks. It`s gorgeous out there and I know I`ll be well taken care of by the way. Trina will get me fat if I`m not careful and Taylor will talk my ear off. Troy will let me cuddle with him on the sofa like dad used to, remember? It will be good for me and I think that you and Sidney need time alone." I look at her and study her face. I can tell that she really means everything she's saying to me. It makes me feel less guilty about wanting to agree. "Fine" I tell her. "You go off and enjoy Cole Harbour. I'll stay here in LA with Sidney. You're sure?" She pulls a face at me and I know that she's sure.

I look at my watch and its 4pm PST. That means that Vero and Marc-Andre are married. I smile at that, I'm so happy for them. "It's going to be your turn soon you know." I smile at her now. "Yeah, Sidney and I need to talk about that too." My phone rings and I see that it's Sidney. I answer it as I walk down to the edge of the water. "Hi baby, how is the wedding?" I can hear him smile through the phone when he says "it was great. I don't think Flower can stop smiling and it's even wider than usual. We're just waiting for them to arrive at dinner so I thought I'd give you a call. How's everything there?" I think for a minute and make a decision. "Mariah is going to go home with your folks to Nova Scotia to continue recuperating. I'll stay here in LA with you." Sidney is quiet for a moment and then asks "do you want to go with them? We can spend some time at home if you want?" Is it no wonder I love this man. He's willing to throw out more of his training time to spend with the family. "Sidney, it's time that you and I had some time together. Mariah is on the mend and just needs time now. I need you and time with you. We haven't figured everything out yet and we need to spend some time alone. I want to spend some time alone with you." He chuckles and says "I thought we did pretty well the night before I left." God, just the sound of his voice, it goes deeper as he almost whispers that to me. "We did just fine Crosby. I'd love more of that; but, I also want time for us to be a couple too. We didn't have much of that before all of the craziness started. I need this time with you." He sighs into the phone and says "I need time with you too. You know I'd do anything you need to be with your sister; but, I'd be lying if I didn't say that I want it to be just us for a little while. The season will be here again before you know it." He's right; I hadn't even thought about the season coming up again. That makes me even more sure that we're doing the right thing. "I love you" I tell him. "Good, because I love you too. I'll call you before I leave tomorrow, ok?" We say goodbye and I sit on the sand. It is such a beautiful day. The sun is warm and I feel full of love.

* * *

I'm glad I called Angelia. Just hearing her voice always makes my heart beat a little faster. Of course, it also does something south of my belt too. When I'm sure that no one is around, I adjust myself slightly and then make my way into the ballroom. Wow, Vero went all out. There are flowers and candles everywhere. It makes me wonder what Angelia wants for our wedding. Would she want something this huge and overwhelming? I hope not. It would be bad enough if I had to wear a tuxedo like Flower; but, to have over five hundred people all watching us and wanting to congratulate us would be way too much. Of course I know that if she wanted exactly this then I would make it happen. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her.

"So, did you talk to your girl?" I look over at Tanger. "Yeah, I talked to her. Everything is ok out there." Tanger hands me a beer and says "I'm so glad she and her sister are both ok. That was rough; I'm sorry you had to go through it Sid." I nod at him. I told some of the guys about the past few weeks. They knew about some of it but I guess hearing it makes it real. I'm glad they all know. I was worried that it would be awkward but it's been great having their support. Even Flower, on his wedding day, asked how both of the girls are doing. This experience has made me feel very grateful for my friends and family. I'm really lucky.

I look at the door when the crowd cheers and Mr. and Mrs. Fleury are announced. Every one cheers and claps for them. They look so happy. I quickly take out my phone and get a picture of them which I send to Angelia. A few moments later, she sends me a text back that says 'they look so happy, thx.' I smile at the phone and finish off my beer. Nealer takes it from me and hands me another one. "We're both stag so let's get drunk" he tells me. I look at the beer and decide that it's a great idea.

Dinner is delicious and there's more food than even we can eat. I never thought I'd see the day when Benny would be full but he actually pushed back from the table. Only his wife stopped him from actually unbuttoning his pants. He's had a few to drink too. The dancing starts and, after the official dance, we make our way outside to a patio. It's just the guys from the team, cigars and a bottle of scotch; perfect. We're all laughing and smoking and drinking. I should have stuck to the beer or wine. I have no head for the hard stuff; but, Max, it's always Max, keeps pouring and I keep drinking. It feels like I need this release to let go and have fun. I have been so busy focusing on Angelia and Mariah, well the whole family, which I need some time to let go myself. Max continues to pour and I continue to drink. That's really the last thing I remember; Max is pouring me another glass of scotch.

The next thing I know there is a horrible noise with talking and sirens. What the fuck is going on? I open my eyes and then immediately close them again. The light is way too much for me. God, that damn noise keeps going. I open my eyes again but only slightly. Ok, I think I'm in a hotel room. I'm definitely naked and in a bed. I sit up slowly and place my head in my hands. Fuck, this is what it feels like to be dead while still breathing. I'm sure of it. I have to be dead, or damn close to it, but I know I'm breathing. I rub my hands over my face and slowly open my eyes further. After I'm more adjusted to the light, I can make out the room. The TV is on and that's where the noise is coming from. I'm definitely in the hotel but I have no memory of how I got here. Wow, that's the last time I drink scotch. It's a memory wiper for sure.

Now that I'm able to see without my head screaming, I take a look around the room. I see my suit on the floor at the foot of the bed. Guess I was too drunk to hang it up. It was probably one of the guys who brought me to my room. That's what I think until I see that there are two beds. I had a king bed in my room. Where the fuck am I? I grab my shorts and put them on. I take in more of the room and see a pair of heels by the chair. A dress is lying across the chair itself. Oh God!


	91. Chapter 91

It's 8am and I just touched down in Montreal. I can't believe I let Mariah convince me to meet Sidney here. If I was going to come, I should have actually attended the wedding; but, she says that she feels much better and they are leaving for Nova Scotia that day anyway. Thank goodness I only had to do carry on. I sent a text to Heather last night when I decided to come and asked her to have a key for Sidney's room waiting at the front desk. I knew that there was no way that they'd give me one but Jordan would convince them. He did and I know that there is a key waiting for me at the front desk. It's so early and they were so late last night that I'm probably going to wake Sidney up. Heather said that they were drinking pretty well too. I hope he's not too hung over. I didn't come all this way just to snuggle!

After getting through immigration, I find a taxi and tell him which hotel. He asks me if I just got in from France. I forget that we're both speaking French but I definitely have a Parisian accent versus the Quebec. Although, my experience is that there are many different Quebec French accents like there are many accents for people who speak English. We converse a bit, he's lived in Montreal his whole life and tells me some of the best places for shopping. He also tells me that I look very familiar to him. I get that a lot since Mariah and I are identical. I just shrug which is easier than then the alternative. When I arrive, I thank him and enter the hotel. It has been a very long flight from LA although I got so lucky to catch the only flight that was direct. They run them once a week so, thank goodness, I didn't have to change planes.

I go up to the desk and give the girl my name telling her that there is a key waiting for me. She gives me an envelope and there is a key card and a paper with the room number. I can't wait to sleep; or maybe have some Sidney time and then sleep. "Ang!" I hear my name called out and see Heather coming out of the elevator in red Juicy Couture and pink sneakers. Only she could make that work. We hug and then I ask her a million questions about the wedding. "Wait Ang, seriously. I've had three hours sleep and no coffee. I need coffee and some food. Come on, let's grab some breakfast." I look at her and reply "maybe I should go up first and see Sidney." She looks odd and then says "come on, the guys only got in a couple hours ago. Let him get a few more zzz's and you and I can get some breakfast and chat." I'm starving so I let my stomach lead the way and follow Heather into the hotel's restaurant.

The waitress must recognize the tired and hung over because she brings us a large carafe of coffee. Both Heather and I are silent until we have had our first sip. "Ahhh" she says and I laugh. "Do you feel a little better now" I ask her. She takes another sip and says "almost human. You didn't say too much in your text. What brings you out now but miss the wedding yesterday?" I sigh and say "yesterday, Trina and Mariah convinced me that Ri would be fine recuperating without me. She's going back to Nova Scotia with Sidney's parents. I thought that at least I could come here for the post-wedding brunch and congratulate them. Sidney said it was a beautiful wedding." Heather smiles, she loves Vero but I know she's thinking that her wedding was better. I bet every bride thinks that so I don't hold it against her.

"Yeah, it was gorgeous Ang. The best was how happy she looked; both of them actually." I chuckle "that's how you and Jordan looked you know." She smiles and says "and that's how you'll look on your big day. Any idea of when that will be?" She's not the first person to ask me this since Sidney and I got back together. "We haven't talked about a day but I got my ring back." Now we both giggle. It's so great to see her again. It's nice to just talk to 'the girls' and be silly again. We order breakfast and both throw caution to the wind ordering full, big and fatty breakfasts. It's like no time has passed and we're back to sharing gossip and giggling like girls. We are having so much fun that before I know it we've both eaten our full breakfasts. I push back from the table and say "I don't think I'll eat again all day." She pats her stomach and says "I'm going to have to spend the rest of the day on the treadmill to burn this off. Maybe all day today and tomorrow."

We're laughing again when Heather looks over my shoulder. I hear "Hi babe" and Jordan leans down to kiss Heather and then he kisses my cheek too. When he's surveyed the empty dishes he smiles and says "looks like you ladies have done some damage here." We both laugh although Heather looks a little bit embarrassed too. I still don't understand the need of the girls to be so thin. I guess I'm lucky that Sidney likes my body the way it is; which reminds me, I wonder if Sidney's awake since Jordan is down here. "I think I should go up and see if Sidney has woken up." Jordan and Heather exchange a quick glance, or at least I think they do, and then Jordan says "you know Sid, he's still asleep. Stay while I eat and tell me how your sister is doing. The past week or so must have been brutal." Jordan orders his own breakfast and then looks at me. Sidney is so lucky to have such wonderful friends. I guess they are my friends too so I tell Heather and Jordan what we've been going through. It all sort of pours out of me. I tell them about Mariah's cancer and my scare and tests. The coma was the hardest to talk about. I truly didn't think she would come out of that one.

When I look at Heather, she has tears in her eyes and she moves to the chair beside me and gives me a hug. When we part, she kisses my cheek and gives me a small smile. Jordan takes my hand in his and squeezes it. Did I say good friends? They are the best. "I was really worried about Sidney. He was so strong for me and for Mariah. I know it was hard for him but we couldn't have gotten through it without him." As much as I'm enjoying getting to be with Heather and Jordan, I really want to find Sidney and take a nap. The jet lag is starting to catch up now that my stomach is full. "Thank you both for your support. Jordan, I know you were texting Sidney and he really appreciated it. Guys, I'm exhausted and really need to get horizontal." Again, the two of them exchange a look, but neither says a word. I kiss Heather's cheek and then Jordan.

I grab my bag and head for the elevator. I hope that I can at least say hello before I just pass out beside him on the bed. I use the key card to get onto the floor and then make my way down the hall. Finally, I get to the room and enter. Hmm, there's sunlight streaming in the window. There is no way that Sidney is awake already. He doesn't do early mornings. I drop my bag and then look at the bed. The king size bed is fully made up and hasn't been slept in. I look in the closet and Sidney's suit isn't in there. It's like he never came back to his room last night. Ok, this doesn't make any sense to me. Where is Sidney? I think about going back down to the restaurant to ask Jordan and Heather what all of their 'looks' were about but I have a better idea.

Taking out my phone, I call Sidney's and it goes directly to voicemail. I consider leaving a message but decide against it. Instead, I call Mariah. "Hi, how are the lovebirds? Was Sid happy to see you or very happy to see you?" "Ri, he's not here." She pauses and then says "what do you mean that he's not there?" I take a deep breath and continue "I got here and met Heather in the lobby. She wanted to chat so we had breakfast together. Jordan met us and the two looked weird when I mentioned Sidney's name a couple of times. Then I came up to the room and the bed hasn't been slept in, his suit isn't in the room and the blinds are wide open. He hasn't been her Ri. He didn't sleep here." I feel myself getting more hysterical so I take a few deep breaths. "What are you saying Ang?" I know what I'm thinking but also know that it can't be true. I don't say anything in response. "You can't be really thinking that Ang. It's not possible." I know she's right, in my soul I know that she's right; but, I can't really figure out where he is if he's not here. "I know that but you have to admit Ri that there aren't many options." She sighs and replies "I know Ang, I know. He probably passed out in Max's room and the two of them are snoring together." I chuckle because I know she's right and it sounds just like Max. If he didn't get laid last night then he'd get drunk with Sid and they'd pass out somewhere.

"Yeah, you are right. Ok, I'm going to get changed and take a nap. He'll come back soon I guess and find a big surprise in his bed." She chuckles and says "yeah, I don't know to know that right now; very jealous." I chuckle too and say goodbye. She's right, I know she's right. I get undressed and have a shower. It feels so great to wash off the travel and airplane smell that clings to you after you fly a long distance. Although, now, I'm thoroughly exhausted so I shut the blackout blinds and crawl into bed. I try Sidney's phone again but it still goes right to voicemail. Oh well, he find me here when he gets in. Climbing into bed, I grab a few pillows and the comforter then quickly fall asleep.

I wake to a noise and it takes me a few minutes to realize where I am. It's Sidney's hotel room in Montreal. I recognize the noise as the door opening so I turn on the bedside light and wait for Sidney to come around the corner to the bedroom area. I can't help but smile, although sleepily, waiting for him to see me here and in his bed. He comes around the corner and stops dead in his tracks. I look at him and smile but I notice that it's not a smile on his face. He looks panicked and guilty. Oh oh.


	92. Chapter 92

I walk in and don't really notice that the room is dark. I'm so fucking hung over and I'm definitely going to kill Talbo. It's his fault I'm in this position and I could kill him for this morning alone. When I come around the corner to the bedroom, that's when I see a light suddenly turn on and it freaks me out. I'm even more freaked out when I see Angelia there. That's why she's been calling me and I've missed all of her calls damnit. How long has she been here? When did she get here? Oh fuck, she knows that I didn't sleep here last night. How am I going to explain this to her? Ok, one thing at a time. "Hi, I'm so sorry I didn't get your calls. My phone was off and you didn't leave a message. What are you doing here?" Oh God, she's just staring at me. She takes a deep breath and says "I got here early this morning. Your family and Ri were leaving for home so they suggested I surprise you. Surprise." She says this very sarcastically but I really can't read her. I go over to the bed and sit down rubbing my hands over my face. I turn to look at her. Here goes nothing.

"I guess you saw that I didn't spend the night here, huh?" She just continues to stare at me. "Last night, the guys were all outside smoking cigars and congratulating Flower; it was just the guys from the team. Talbo brought out a bottle of scotch" Angelia rolls her eyes when I say Talbo's name. I guess she knew he had to be involved. "The last thing I remember from last night was drinking scotch outside and smoking cigars. The next thing I knew I was waking up, naked, in a hotel room with two double beds. I saw heels and a girl's dress over a chair. I had no idea what happened. I heard the shower running so I went to the bathroom door and knocked. Hearing nothing back, I knocked again and said 'hello?'. When I heard nothing again, I went into the bathroom. In the shower was Tanger and Catherine having sex! It was the most awkward moment of my life." Embarrassed, I look away and rub my hands over my face right now. My head is killing me and all I want to do is drown in a shower and, if I survive, get some sleep.

I feel the bed shaking and I quickly look over at Angelia. She is holding her stomach and laughing so hard that tears are falling from her eyes. She makes no sound for a few seconds and then lets it all out and is giggling out of control. She does manage to choke out "you … walked … in on …. them …" and then she's off on a fit of giggles again. I wait for her to wind down and she says "how did you end up in their room?" I tell her what Kris explained to me since I had no recollection. "When they got out of the shower, Kris explained that I was extremely drunk and when Talbo tried to use me as his wing man, all I would do is talk to the girls about you. Apparently I wouldn't stop and Max was getting nowhere with me by his side so he dumped me off on Kris and Catharine. They tried to take me to my room, but I couldn't remember which one was mine. They booked late and there was only a room with two doubles available so they dumped me in one bed and they took the other." She's laughing again and I guess it is kind of funny. "Baby, I desperately need a shower. I'm exhausted, hung over and smell of booze. Would you please order me up some toast and I'm going to take a shower?" I don't even wait for her response. I walk right to the bathroom, pull off my clothes and take a very hot shower.

When I emerge from the bathroom, I feel moderately better. A shower and brushing your teeth can make a world of difference. Angelia is sitting at the table with a pot of coffee, two glasses of orange juice – she knows me so well – toast and an egg white omelette. "I thought you might want something more substantial if you felt better." I smile at her and drink down one of the juices. I do feel better. It reminds me "you ran into Heather and Jordy this morning?" She nods "yeah, we had breakfast but they were acting really weird. I don't know why." I nod now "I do. I got a text from Jordy. He said that he didn't know where I disappeared to last night or who with but 'Ang is looking for you.' He told me that he'd keep you busy as long as he could. I guess he thought I left with some girl and was trying to cover for me. Apparently Heather wasn't happy about it but went along." She frowns now into her coffee. Maybe I should have kept this part to myself. Oh well, I'm in it now. "Angel, it happens sometimes, although never with me. Married guys cheat on their wives, guys cheat on their girlfriends. Even if we don't approve, we cover for each other. It's kind of a code. You know that I would never, ever, do that to you, right?" She looks at me and smiles. "Yeah, I know that Sidney. That's why it really threw me with you came in and had that look on your face. It was almost like you were guilty of something." Oh God, this is a great example of why we need to continue talking about everything. "I felt bad that you tried to find me and I was passed out. Here you wanted to surprise me by coming to Montreal and I'm passed out in someone else's room and you don't even know where I am. I'm sorry about that." She takes my hand and says "we're both here now, together. Oh, I sent a text to Vero and told her that I'm here and we are both expected at brunch. Although it's at 2pm so I don't know why they're calling it brunch. Anyway, I need more sleep if I'm going to be pleasant in a few hours. I bet you could use some too." She's reading my mind. We both finish off our drinks and she shuts off the lights and I pull the covers back on the bed. We meet in the middle, kiss a few times and then fall asleep in each other's arms.

* * *

I wake up completely disoriented. I feel Sidney's arms around me so I also feel safe and loved but still very disoriented. I look around and my eyes adjust to the dark. Oh yeah, I'm the hotel in Montreal with Sidney. Then I remember what happened and I can't help but chuckle a little bit. He actually walked in on Kris and Catharine having sex in the shower. He must have been so embarrassed. "I know what you're laughing about" Sidney whispers in my ear. "Come on Sidney, it is so funny." He pulls me tighter to him and I lean back into him further. "I missed you so much and it's only been two days. I don't want to be farther than this from you for the foreseeable future Sidney. Really, we need to plan out the rest of the summer so that we're together. Ri's on the mend, I'm healthy and you're healthy so we need to figure out how to have some fun and be happy." I can feel him smile against my cheek. "I completely agree although it might be difficult to be on the ice with you this close to me." His hand slides up and cups my breast through the tee shirt I'm wearing. I look at the clock and we don't have time for that. "Crosby, we need to be downstairs in thirty minutes. I need to do something with my hair, face and get dressed." He quickly changes positions so that he's on top of me and I can feel his partial erection pressing into me. Oh my. "You can put your hair in a ponytail and your face is perfect. If you feel that you must wear clothes then there's nothing I can do to change that; as I see it, I've bought us twenty minutes of those thirty."

Regardless of what Sidney says, I do need all of those thirty minutes to get ready so I lean up and kiss him deeply. When I feel him relax his grip then I quickly slide from underneath him and out of bed. "Later Crosby, later, I promise you." I run to the bathroom and shut the door before he can try and change my mind. After my hair and makeup are done, I come out and he's dressed and the TV is on. I'm still in a tee shirt so when he looks me up and down I still see 'that look' in his eyes. "Stop it. The bathroom is yours. I'm going to get dressed and then we can go." I make sure I stay out of his reach and grab my clothes. A short while later we are ready to go. When we enter the hallway, I hear Sidney say softly "oh God." I look down the hall and its Kris and Catherine coming toward us. I look at Kris and he looks embarrassed, Sidney also looks embarrassed and Catherine looks like she's holding back a laugh. When she and I make eye contact, neither of us can hold back the laughter. The guys both look anywhere else but at each other. These guys have seen each other naked more than us girls have and yet they are embarrassed by what happened. Hilarious!

When Catherine and I finally stop laughing, we start chatting. She's getting big. At this point, she's almost half way through her pregnancy and is feeling really good. She looks incredible but then she always does. She asks about Mariah and I give her an update. Kris touches my arm and kisses my cheek. It's amazing how so much comfort can be conveyed in a simple touch. I smile at him and then we all walk into the room set up for the wedding brunch. Marc-Andre and Vero have invited only their closest family and friends. When I see Vero, I immediately run over and hug her. We're both talking at once. After a laugh, I say "I'm so sorry I wasn't here yesterday V." She responds "l'arrêter. I'm so happy that you're here at all. It's so great that you came." We chat a bit more and then Marc-Andre comes up and we hug and chat too. Soon, they are pulled away from family and I go back to Sidney. He's talking to Max, Jordan and Heather, so I can't resist. "Max, I understand that you and I need to have a chat." He has the good grace to look embarrassed when I say this to him. Jordan and Heather look mortified too. If they all want to play some games then I can play too. "I understand that you are culpable in getting my man so drunk that he blacked out! If I remember accurately, this is not the first time that you've gotten him drunk in the last two weeks. I think I need to talk to your mom and cancel any further play dates between the two of you." Heather is laughing now soon after followed by Jordan. I turn to Jordan and say "you're next Staal so you may not want to laugh right now." This makes Heather laugh harder. I simply take Sidney's hand and lead him away to our table. He holds out my chair for me to sit down, and when he's pushing me in, he leads down to my ear and whispers "that should probably do it." Then he kisses my cheek and sits down beside me. Taking his cheek in my hand, I pull him in for a kiss and, separating only slightly, I say "I'm not nearly done with you either Crosby." We smile at each other then turn to Vero's father giving a toast.


	93. Chapter 93

"Seriously Sidney, tell me where we are going?" We've been driving for two hours now and the only stop was to The Gap before we left Montreal so that I could buy some extra clothes. Sidney bought a few tee shirts and got lucky with a pair of shorts – he usually can't buy anything off the rack. Since then we've been driving into more and more rural land. "You have to tell me where we're going Sidney, it's not fair." Of course, I've been begging him to tell me where we're going but he just smiles and keeps going. It's infuriating but fun too. We turn off the main road and onto a dirt road; but, road may be too much of a structured statement. It's a more of a worn path over wild grasses. Then he points and says "that's where we're going." I look where he is pointing and it's a cottage; very small and very quaint. He parks in front of it and I follow him out of the truck we rented in Montreal. We leave our bags in the truck and head to the cottage. Sidney has the key and, after unlocking the door, I follow him in. It's one huge room. I can see a kitchen area that is rustic but modern. Beside the kitchen is a gorgeous wood table with bench seating. There is a large fireplace that takes up most of one wall. There is a large sectional sofa in front of the fireplace. In the corner, there are stairs that goes up to a loft.

After I've looked around, I look back at Sidney and he seems to be waiting to see what I think. "It's gorgeous Sidney; absolutely gorgeous. Who owns this place?" He smiles now and then begins opening windows to air the place out. I help him. "It's Max's place. He comes here with his brothers when they want to get away from the world and fish. There's a private lake out back with a great deck and a boat. He also has a canoe." I open the fridge and it's fully stocked. Sidney says "He called his dad and asked him to stock it for us. He figured it was the least he could do." He shrugs and looks apologetic. I think it's hilarious that Sidney is still embarrassed by the whole thing. It's true that I had a brief moment thinking 'what the fuck' but it was only a second. Opening the back door, I see what drew Max here. The lake is gorgeous and peaceful. All you can hear is birds and the buzzing that is synonymous with summer. There is no man made sound until Sidney shuts the door after following me out.

He puts his arm around me and kisses my temple. "We can stay here as long as you want baby. I thought about going to an island but what I really think we need is relaxation and being together. This seemed like the perfect place." I look up at Sidney and smile. "You're exactly right Sidney. It's a wonderful place for us to relax and be alone. How long can we stay? I know you have to train and don't want to take you away from it." He gives me a half smile and says "we can stay here as long as we want. Everyone will still be in LA and Andy will come whenever I need him. Why don't we plan on a few days and then see what we want to do?" I know he really needs to train but he also seems to really need this as much as I do. "Ok, let's plan on three days and then go from there. It's going to take us a whole day to travel on top of that." I turn and he pulls me into his arms. It feels so right. As much as hockey is who Sidney is, I usually associate him with this environment; the lake, the summer and the peace of nature. Our first significant time together was at his home in Nova Scotia last summer so this is how I picture him first.

"Why don't we unpack and I'll make us some lunch. Then let's take that boat out and tour the area." Sidney agrees and he goes to get the luggage while I check out the fridge. Having four sons, Mrs. Talbot obviously knows how much these boys eat and she's made sure that we are fully stocked. Wow, it looks like she may have even cooked for us because I see thinly sliced roast beef in a Tupperware that obviously didn't come from a store. I also see crusty bread so I decide on sandwiches. Just as I'm putting lunch on the table, Sidney comes down from the loft stairs. "This looks great and I'm starving. I unpacked your bag and put your make up bag in the bathroom." He's so sweet "thanks baby. Have a seat. I think Mrs. Talbot even made us some food. The roast beef clearly came from a home and is delicious." Sidney replies "sounds like something she would do. She's always been one of those moms you see in movies form the fifties. Having four sons who all played hockey, there was lots to do to take care of the family and she loved it. She still does as only two of them are married. Mmmm, that's enough talking about the food. I need to dig in."

And he did dig in. He ate both of the sandwiches I made for him and then some of mine. Then he marched through the entire fruit salad. After a year, I'm still stunned by how much he can eat. We both clean up and wash up the dishes. There's a dishwasher but it doesn't make sense to use it since it's just the two of us. After lunch, we get changed and go down to the dock. The boat is ready for us and soon we are off. Sidney drives fast first letting the boat have its way. After we've gone across the lake twice full out, we slow down and begin to notice just how much we are alone out here. "How much of this does Max own?" I ask Sidney. He says "all of it. He owns the lake and surrounding land. He hand his brothers hunt and fish so they like having the land all to themselves." I look over the lake again and I can see why Max loves it here. It's so peaceful and beautiful. It's hot out but not oppressive and the sun is shining bright. Sidney stops the boat and we pull out the fishing rods and bait. I admit that I'm quite a 'girl' when it comes to bait, even though I do enjoy the solitude of fishing, so I let Sidney bait my hook. We let the lines into the water and set the rods into the spots on the boat. Sidney takes out a bottle of water and takes a long pull. He hands it to me and I do the same. He settles down into the captain's chair and pulls me onto his lap. We sit quietly for a while.

"You know, this is pretty much all I did when I went back home after the season was over. I sat out on my dock with Sam at my feet and fished. Well, I fished and thought of you. I replayed every moment we had together over and over in my head. I couldn't figure out where we went wrong. I thought you just blew up and went crazy. Then I thought you were a liar who would lie to me and never tell me how you truly felt. Then I realized, with my mom's help hitting me upside the head, that you were trying to do what you thought was best and we were really both misguided. I didn't examine anything too closely and just expected you to always take care of me. You knew how difficult the year was for me and was trying to do what you thought was best to help me but that just threw everything that was important to you out the window." He pauses now and I think that is the longest he's ever spoken when sharing his feelings with me. He's also never shared how he felt when we were apart. "Sidney, I didn't throw everything that was important to me out the window. You are most important to me. We both have no idea how to be in a relationship like this and hit our learning curve head on. We need to figure things out. Some we'll do by talking and planning and some we'll have to figure out as we go." I turn slightly so that I can look at him now. He looks thoughtfully up at me; it's as if he's trying to figure something out. I kiss him and, when I try to pull away, his hand holds me there to extend the kiss.

When we do pull apart, he is still looking at me with the same thoughtful face. "Let's get married" he says. Now I'm confused "we are getting married Sidney. You asked, I said yes, we broke up, got back together, I asked for my ring back. See" I show him the ring "we're getting married." He shakes his head "no, I mean let's get married now; just the two of us, with no one else around and none of the hugeness. When I saw what Vero and Flower had, it made me think that we hadn't talked about what kind of wedding we would have. I would rather not go through all of the hoopla that they did and have something quiet that is just for us. What could be more 'just for us' then just you and me?" He has gone crazy. Get married now with no one else around. "Sidney, wouldn't your mom and dad be upset? What about your grandmas?" He thinks for a minute and says "yeah, you're right. They'd be really upset." I feel bad that he now looks so sad. "Just because we want to have our families there doesn't mean it has to be a huge wedding Sidney. I'd be happy with your parents, sister, grandmas and my sister. Oh, and we'd probably need to invite the Lemieuxs too." He looks up at me surprised. "Really, you would be ok having something that small?" I hold his face in my hands and say "yes silly. The only reason I don't say 'grab a priest right now' is because I want our family there. After everything that's happened in the past year or so, we need to invite them to join in our happiest day. You say the word though and I'm on board for the date. We could do it next week if you wanted to." He's grinning hugely right now. "Then we need to set a date while we're here and figure out where to do it." I kiss him and think to myself 'I could be married to this man very soon.' I know that I can't wait.

"First, do you want to do it in Nova Scotia? We could do it at your house there." Again, he looks at me surprised. "What's your problem Crosby? You know I love the house there." He chuckles and says "it will soon be our house you know." Suddenly he frowns and looks away. His mood has changed so suddenly that I'm a little worried. "What's wrong Sidney?" He looks a little bit embarrassed and then purses his lips. Oh oh, this is going to be a problem. Finally he says "I think we're going to have a problem with my lawyer." Now I'm really confused. "What do you mean by a problem with your lawyer?" He still won't look at me. "Well, I know, as soon as I tell them that we're getting married then they're going to, um …" I try to have patience but it isn't working. "Spit it out Crosby!" Now he looks at me and says "they're going to want you to sign a pre-nup." Oh, yeah, I hadn't thought of that.


	94. Chapter 94

**_Note: I know that some of you thought I had lost my mind when you thought Sid had cheated on Ang. While I'm not adverse to them giong through trials, I try to stay true to their who they are even they are young and learning as they go. I'm viewing this story like a serial; think a drama on television. I know where we're going, or else we would flail about, but we're taking detours along the way. I'm enjoying writing this as much as you are telling me you are enjoying reading it. As long as these two are moving forward and I can tell a meaningful story, then we'll continue exploring their lives. Thank you for continuing to comment and encourage._**

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I know I'm a coward but I can't look at her while I mention the pre-nup. On one hand, it seems so unnecessary to me. After all of this time, I know that she's not a 'gold digger.' She must be ok with the money she makes and she has a sister who has huge contracts and I know pays for flights and stuff for her. On the other hand, it is just good business to make sure that the business of Sidney Crosby is protected. This means the foundation, my folks and even Taylor. This is really awkward. I've never had to have this conversation with any girl I've been with and now that she's been quiet for so long I'm worried.

"Sidney, you mention that 'the lawyers' will want a pre-nup. Do you want one too?" Oh God, now how do I answer this one? I guess we've decided to be honest with each other so here goes. I take a deep breath and look at her. Shit, I can't read her expression at all. "Well, do I think you're after my money or that our marriage will end in divorce? Absolutely not; in fact I often think you're with me in spite of the hockey and stuff. The other side is that I'm more than just me. What I mean is that I'm a business. I have so many people that I support and count on me personally and financially that I wouldn't be responsible. I think about the kid's foundation and my parents as just two. So, I guess the answer is 'yes,' I'd want us to have a pre-nup." Ok, it's out, I told her how I felt and now it's her turn to react to it. I think I'm actually holding my breath.

"Sidney, I'm really happy to hear that you don't think that I'm after your money and that you know our marriage won't end in divorce. Regarding the pre-nup, I'd guess that is a standard thing that athletes like yourself has to have for all the reasons you stated. Did I think about having one or you asking for one? I'd have to say 'no,' it never crossed my mind that we'd have one. That doesn't mean that I'm offended or wouldn't sign one. There is one thing that I'll require when it's written." The breath I let go when she said that she wasn't offended has now been replaced by another one. What does she need in it? "I think it's standard to put in one of these things how much I'm entitled to if we split. Don't you dare insult me my by putting alimony or whatever it is they call it into that document. I won't have a dollar value assigned to me or our relationship. If we split, although I prefer the 'till death thing over divorce, then I leave with what I came into the relationship with and nothing more." I can see that she's serious. Wow, that's really interesting. "Of course, I'll make sure that there is nothing like that in there. I completely understand what you're saying and agree. How could I even put a dollar figure on that? I guess a lot of people do though." She stares into my eyes for a few minutes and then smiles. "We may have to put in it that I get to keep my collectibles. I do have an actual moon rock you know." We both laugh now. I'm wondering why I was even worried about talking to her about this thing.

"There is something I wanted to talk about too Sidney now that we're bringing up awkward stuff. Um, I was wondering if we should talk to someone." I'm confused now because I have no idea what she's talking about. She must see that I'm confused. She slides off of my lap and sits in the chair facing me. "I mean, a counsellor or something. I guess going to a psychiatrist would be best because they are a doctor and have the confidentially thing. I just think maybe we can get some help on how to figure out how this relationship can work under the constraints we have. There are certain things that can't change, like being in Pittsburgh, but what can we change that maybe we haven't thought of. We also both have baggage, some we've gathered in the last year, that we need to work through. I know this cancer thing took a huge toll on you and I'm still screwed up from my folk's death. Maybe we should get some help as we figure out what we want for our future." This really surprises me. I've seen a sports psychologist before, that's nothing new to me. They teach you how to visualize and focus. Actually, they've been really helpful over the years; but, a shrink to help us be a couple seems really extreme. I look into Angelia's eyes and see that it's something she really wants to do. I guess it's easy to find one in LA. We may even find one who specializes in professional athletes. They have doctors for everything out there. "Ok, I'm willing to try. I'll ask Pat to find us someone to see when we get back out to LA." She smiles, jumps up, straddles my legs and puts her arms around my neck. Her kiss is deep and long; the kind I love best.

"Thank you Sidney. I know that you're not completely bought in but I appreciate you trying it with me. If it doesn't do anything for us then we'll stop. I think it's a good idea to try." I nod and shift her so that she's sitting on my lap again and she leans her head into the nook under my neck. We sit comfortably for a while until she says "I think we may be having burgers. It looks like there's no fish for dinner." I chuckle "yep, I think we'll need to come out tomorrow morning to catch some. It may just be too hot this time of day for them." She stands up and says "it is hot this afternoon, isn't it?" With that comment, she pulls her shirt over her head and throws it on the floor of the boat. Her bra follows it soon after. Next are her shorts and panties and then, before I can reach out and grab her, she's jumped into the water. Glad that I put down the anchor, I strip and follow her in.

When I surface, I don't see her. I look around and she's nowhere but then I hear "Marco?" I laugh and say "Polo." She seems to be moving about the stern. "Marco?" she yells again. I wait a few seconds and then yell "Polo" then I quickly swim the opposite direction of my voice and catch her. We both go underwater and I manage to grab her around the waist. When we surface, she says "sometimes I forget how fast you are and sneaky too." I laugh when she says this to me. She tries to swim away from me again and she gets away for a few seconds until I catch up with her. Then she slides under the water knowing that she's faster than I am when we're under water. We play like this for a while until we're both out of breath then I catch and hold her to me. She wraps her legs around me as I tread water to hold us both up. I love the feeling of her warm and slippery flesh sliding over mine. The sun is warm but she's even warmer. She pushes my hair from my face. It's grown longer over the past few weeks. I hate letting it grow because then it gets curly again but I also like not having to worry about my appearance constantly since there's been no sponsorship stuff for a few weeks. "I know you hate it but I love when your hair gets longer and begins to curl. It adds to your 'boyish charm' and all around good looks." Oh God, I can't believe she said that. Top distract, I kiss her and we both drift down into the water. We come up sputtering. It looks so much easier in the movies, kissing under water, than it actually is when you do it. I pull her with me as I swim to the boat's ladder. I boost her up first and watch the view as she climbs up. That woman truly has a fine ass; there is no other way to put it.

I follow her up the ladder and she's found towels for us. She wraps one around her body, what a shame to cover it up, and then works one through her hair. I dry off too and then sit down in the captain's chair again pulling her with me. She takes my cheek in her hand and has a serious look on her face. Her fingertips trace my eyebrows and cheeks then move to my lips where I suck one slowly into my mouth. Her lips part as I do that and she lets out a sigh. She pulls out her finger and replaces it with her lips. She slides them over mine how I love. It's not quite a kiss; it's more rubbing out lips together. Her tongue darts out and traces where her lips have been and then it slides in to meet mine. She pulls back slightly and licks at one corner of my mouth and then the other. Her lips replace her tongue but this time there is more pressure and she fully kisses me. Our mouths open to deepen the kiss and we're both beginning to breathe heavier. Her hands are each on the side of my neck. Her lips move to suck my bottom lip into her mouth and then her teeth lightly scrape over it. I love the feeling of that friction.

My hand has moved up her thigh and under the towel she's wearing. I run my fingers lightly up the inside of her thigh. The skin there is so soft and I feel her shiver at my touch and a ting cry escapes her lips. As my fingers slide higher, she shifts on my lap to give me better access. I can slide higher now and reach my destination. I slide my tongue over hers as I slide on finger between her legs. I purposefully don't enter her. I keep my finger on the outside and tease her. I lightly run my finger from her clit to her opening and back but never going inside. Her legs open wider and she's trying to push against my finger but I hold her where she is and won't let her move. I move my mouth to her ear and lap at her neck there moving slowly toward her lobe which I then suck into my mouth. My teeth play over it and my tongue sooths. I move my hand so that I'm holding the inside of her thigh and only my thumb is touching her clit. She tries to move against it but I hold my thumb on her clit like it's a pressure point. She begins to come apart in my hands by that slow and steady pressure; interesting. I pull her towel off with my free hand and then move my mouth from her ear to her closest nipple. I take a light lick and then suck it into my mouth. Feeling more playful, I take a nip of it, hard enough to feel but definitely don't break the skin and she cries out and pushes herself into my thumb adding even more pressure to her clit. The sound that comes out of her has me moving from partially hard to fully ready. I slip a finger inside and find her dripping wet.

I stand her up and let her towel drop while pulling off my own. She grabs me and strokes a few times making me want to beg to be deep inside her. Using her hand, she guides me into her and slowly lowers herself onto me. Her arms come to my shoulders to brace herself nd she begins to rock her hips. This is such a different sensation form moving up and down. It's almost like I reach every spot inside of her this way. My hands move to her ass and I pull her farther open to get her even closer to me. I latch onto one of her breasts to suck and lick then I give it a bite and she cries out and arches back. I wait few moments and then repeat the same with the other breast. This time I bite a little harder and she cries out and her orgasm follows closely behind. A couple more thrusts and I'm right behind her.


	95. Chapter 95

We're sitting on the sofa in front of the fire. We had a long trip up and then some fun out on the boat. Sidney barbequed the burgers while I made a salad for dinner. Hopefully the fish will be biting in the morning for us. I'm tired but it's a good tired; a satisfied tired. The world feels right with the silence and Sidney's arms around me. I've been giving a lot of thought to what Sidney said about getting married right now and I think we should wait. I wonder how he'll take it. "I've been thinking Sidney, maybe we should plan the wedding for next summer. It gives us time to plan what we really want rather than something rushed. I agree with you about keeping it smaller." I wait to see what he thinks. I'm a little concerned because I know he wants to do it this summer. "Why do you want to wait?" he asks me. Not an unexpected question but I still think of how to answer it. "I really don't want to rush it. I may not want a huge wedding but I do want a great one and to enjoy the process. Also, I think we have a few things to sort out before we're ready for marriage. That doesn't mean that I don't want to marry you or spend my life with you. We need to sort some stuff out about how we're going to move forward."

I turn to look at Sidney and he's pursing his lips. Nervously, I keep talking "in the past, we've moved so fast without even thinking about what the next step means Sidney. You bought me a ring and we'd known each other for only months. I don't want to screw this up. I love you too much. I want us to be together forever and have lots of kids. Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Let's take this next step differently than we've be doing it so that we have happy results. Ok?" He looks away from the fire and into my eyes. I'm getting really nervous because he's not saying anything. Finally, he leans down and pecks me on the lips. "Ok, I get it and we're together so that's what counts right now. Maybe we should try to do it differently. I really won't be without you again." I smile up at him. I feel exactly the same way.

"How many kids should we have?" I ask him. I can feel him smiling. "As many as we can. My parents had two but I've also lived with the Lemieuxs. They have the four kids and the house was always chaotic and fun. I'd love to have that in our house." Wow, four kids, as much as that overwhelms me initially, I also can't help but smile at the thought of having little boys and girls running around the house. They'd have Sidney's dark curls and maybe my brown eyes. All of them would play hockey with mini sticks in the playroom. There would be video game tournaments. Every one of them would be as competitive as Sidney is which would cause fights but would never be boring. "Have I lost you Angel?" I realize that I've been lost in thought and quiet for a while. "Sorry baby, I was thinking about what it would be like to have a house full of kids like you said. It would definitely be wonderful although never boring I'm sure." We both chuckle. "I'd like to have a little boy first. He'd look just like you Sidney with dark curly hair and full lips. You'd set up a little net and send him passes for one-timers using his mini stick. You guys would be so cute together. Then you'd take him out on the ice after practice with his tiny skates and a jersey that has an 87 on it and says 'daddy.' You would be so patient with him."

I look up at Sidney and he's smiling at me. "You've thought a lot about this haven't you?" I just shrug and say "I guess." He hugs me closer to him and whispers in my ear "I've thought a lot about it too only I see a little girl with long brown hair and big brown eyes. She comes out on the ice with me after practice with a pink Pens jersey on and I teach her how to skate. You're by the boards taking pictures of us. At night, I'd read her the same book over and over because she doesn't want to go to sleep. She'd drift off after the third or fourth time and I'd slip her under the covers. She would be gorgeous and smart just like her mom." I can't help but sigh as he paints a beautiful picture. Then I really think about the reality of it. It definitely won't be that idyllic. I've been through a season if Sidney didn't play for it all. It definitely won't be like that all the time. "I can feel your mood shift Angel, what's going on in that head of yours?" I think about it and know that I have to tell him. "Well, first I was right with you and it was gorgeous but then I thought that it only will happen when you're in town. Most of the time, I'll be putting her to bed or taking her to school or helping her with homework and you won't be there. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. It just hit me what our reality will look like during the season." He's quiet for a few minutes. Did I go too far? This is the kind of stuff we need to talk about though before we get there or else we'll be back where we were when I first moved to Pittsburgh.

* * *

Wow, it suddenly hits me that she's right. My kids won't have the kind of family that I had. I won't be there every night to tuck them in and read a story. I'm going to miss school plays and parent teacher nights. I know that some of the guys who are dads deal with this everyday but I never thought about that being my life too. "Yeah, I guess I didn't think about that before. I mean, I know that the guys like Duper deal with this every day but I never thought about it being my life too. I guess a lot of the responsibility would be on you while I'm on the road or playing. I'll do my best when I'm here but I guess there's nothing else I can do. Is that something you can live with Angelia?" She's thinking about it. Although I'm worried, it is one of the things I love about her. She actually thinks about it before she answers and now that we've vowed to be honest with each other, I know she'll tell me what she really thinks. I know if she tells me that she's ok then she really is ok. "I don't know Sidney. Well, I do know that it doesn't change what I want or how I feel about you. It's a completely different life than I expected; but, that's in a good way too. I never thought that I would be in love with such a wonderful man or have an incredible life like we're going to have. It's going to be different but I don't want anything else. We'll make it work and I'll have a lot of support from the girls. Carole-Lyne will be extremely helpful. I mean, she is raising four kids; she's an expert. Yeah Sidney, I'm ok with it. In fact, I'm looking forward to it."

I shift her slightly in my arms and take her lips in mine. I softly kiss her. This is going to be the mother of my children. Wow, this is going to be the mother of my children. I slowly stroke her cheek as I explore her lips softly. We gently kiss for a while. It's a mix of savoring the moment and comfort. I pull back from her and gaze at her lovely face. Her eyes flutter open and stare into mine. "I love you." I tell her. She smiles softly at me. I love that soft, hazy smile she gives me. It's a smile that is for me and only me. It never fails to make my heart beat a little faster and a smile to come to my lips too. "I know" she replies "I love you too." We both snuggle back together and stare at the fire again. We're going to have the cutest kids. On one hand I can't wait to be a dad but I also know that I'm nowhere near ready right now. In fact, getting married next year is sounding better to me when I think about it. She's right. We're together right now and figuring things out. A year gives us time to figure out what we want out life together and plan a great wedding that is perfect for us.

I notice that Angelia's breath has slowed and she's relaxed in my arms. "Angel?" I whisper to her but don't hear anything back. Yep, she's fallen asleep. This is the perfect kind of day. We had a lot of fun together, did a lot of talking and had great sex. Now we're snuggled on the sofa together with the fire crackling. I feel my phone vibrate and see that Max has sent me a text. 'Am I out of the dog house?' He always makes me laugh. I respond 'Not yet, but the place is great, thx.' 'She knows it's my place, oui?' 'Yes Talbo, she knows it's your place, good nite.' 'Nite'

She shifts in my arms but settles again. I should really call mom and dad to see how Mariah is doing. I know that Angelia has been in contact with her but I want to hear for myself. Mom picks up on the second ring. "Hi mom, how are you guys doing?" "Sidney, why are you whispering?" "Angelia is asleep mom. How is everything going?" "We're fine Sid. Mariah is doing well and enjoying the weather. Taylor is keeping her company and her incision is looking better. She's definitely on the mend. How is Ang doing?" I'm glad they're all doing well. "She's good mom. This is exactly what we need. There's no one around for miles and it is beautiful out here. We even have a boat and a lake. Tomorrow morning we're going to go fishing." Mom laughs "I hope she likes fishing. Or are you going to take her anyway?" "She likes fishing mom. I'll give you a call tomorrow. Say hi to everyone for me." We say goodnight and hang up.

I shift Angelia back onto the sofa and get up to bank the fire. After turning off the lights and making sure we're locked up, I pick up Angelia and carry her up the stairs to the loft. She must be exhausted because she hasn't woken up at all. I lay her on the bed and undress her. In her sleep, her body responds to my touch and I feel my body respond too. This woman has me wrapped around her little finger even when she's asleep. I pull the covers over her and undress myself. After brushing my teeth, I climb into bed and pull Angelia into my arms. She cuddles into me and sighs. Even her sighs draw a reaction from me. Thankfully, it doesn't take me long to relax and fall off to sleep myself.

I wake up to hear birds chirping and a dim light coming in the window. It takes me a few minutes to remember where I am and I see that I'm also alone in bed. I stretch and contemplate going back to sleep. I'm awake early so we might as well go and fish. After throwing on some shorts and a tee shirt, I go downstairs to look for Angelia and breakfast. The first floor is empty so I grab a glass of orange juice and go out to the back deck. Angelia is out there in yoga pants and a tight tee shirt. I watch as she stretches and then does her yoga moves. I'm riveted to the spot watching her muscles stretch as she bends and pulls her body. I can't look away. She is so beautiful. I watch the lines of her body shift and change into different angles. There is a light sheen of sweat over the skin that is showing. I sit down and continue to watch her movements as I drink my juice. Damnit, the combination of morning wood not dispensed with and her body doing yoga is making my shorts very tight. Ok, if we're going to fish then I need to get back upstairs, take care of my problem myself and get dressed.

After taking care of business, I come back downstairs and Angelia is eating breakfast. I kiss her and say "good morning." She smiles at me and says "I thought I saw you outside but you disappeared." I smile back at her "if we're actually going to fish this morning, I thought it was better that I stop watching you do yoga." She chuckles at me and takes her dishes to the sink. "I'll clean them up if you want to grab a shower" I tell her, pointing to the dishes. With a "thank you" she runs up the stairs and I can't help but watch her go. Yep, she has a very fine ass.


	96. Chapter 96

"Angelia, let's go. I've packed the cooler and got everything packed on the boat. All that's missing is you!" Sidney yells up at me. Boy, he's definitely in a hurry. I throw my hair up in a ponytail and run down the stairs to meet him. "I'm here, I'm here." He's at the door and swats my ass as I run by him. I keep running down to the dock and hear Sidney running behind me. He runs by me and I return the favour by swatting his ass as he runs by me. Of course, all I get for swatting him is a very sore hand. I keep forgetting how many muscles he has back there on him. No sooner am I on the boat then Sidney puts the boat in gear and we're off.

I forgot a sweatshirt and the air is chilly. I stand beside Sidney and ask him "can we go back. I'm freezing and forgot a jacket." He smiles and points to one of the chairs. "Take mine." I grab his sweatshirt and pull it over me. He's worn it already and I can smell him on it. Putting it on feels like he's giving me a hug. I take a deep breath and take his unique smell in; comfy and arousing at the same time. The boat stops and Sidney puts down the anchor. We take out the rods and he baits my hook for me. "Thank you" I say and smile. He gives me a look that I know means he thinks I'm a wimp for not baiting it myself. I don't care; there's no way I'm touching a bug and getting bug guts on me. Yuck! We put the lines over the edge and place the poles in their holders. "I had a great dream last night" Sidney begins. "After all of that talk about marriage and kids, I guess I couldn't help but dream about it." I smile at him. I really enjoyed our talk last night about our future too. It felt really good being on the same page about the kind of life we want.

"How many did we have?" I ask him. "That's the thing, we had six kids and you were pregnant again." Shit! Six kids is quite a lot. "Seriously Sidney, we had six kids and I was pregnant again. I guess that's what they mean by 'bare foot and pregnant' huh?" He chuckles "yeah, I guess so. Six would be way too many I'd think. I know I said that I'd love a large family but six, well seven, is way too many. In my dream my parents came to live with us too. You wanted the help." Now I look at him "Sidney, I love your parents but they will not be living with us. I love my sister but she will not be living with us either." He nods "yeah, I agree. They can all visit but no moving in." I open the cooler and take out a bottle of water. After drinking from it, I hand it to Sidney but instead of taking the water, he grabs me and pulls me onto his lap.

"I don't want you too far away from me" he says. "I like being this close too." I nuzzle his neck and take a sniff of the real thing; so much better than the sweatshirt. I can't help taking a lick of his neck to taste him too. "If you keep that up Angel, we're going to have a repeat of yesterday and we'll scare all of the fish." I chuckle and add a few kisses before I lay my head on his shoulder. "Ok, I'll stop but only because I really want fish for dinner. What kind of fish is there in this lake anyway?" He leans back in the chair and takes me with him. "We might find walleye or bass. Either of them will be delicious." They do sound good but "you're cleaning them you know. I'll cook but you're definitely cleaning them. I don't do baiting the hook and I don't do cleaning the fish. I will do the cooking and the eating." He laughs now and says "ok, you have a deal."

We sit in the quiet enjoying the morning and the very act of being together. Sidney's finger lazily makes circles on my hand. I hear the occasional bird chirping in the distance. The lake is so calm and peaceful. It is a very pure moment. I don't know that I've ever had such a moment before of pure perfection. I feel safe, loved and truly happy. I can't help but lean back and look at Sidney. He has the same contented look that I'm sure is on my face. Not able to resist, I turn his face to mine and kiss him. It doesn't take long for us to become wrapped up in each other but it's different than yesterday. This kiss is hot, all kisses with him are, but it's also tender and sweet. I'm wearing his sweatshirt, enveloped in his arms and tasting his lips. All of my senses are wrapped up in him. It's overwhelming to me how much love I feel for him right now. I could go on kissing him for hours.

It's been a while since we were just wrapped in each other without being desperate to move on to the climax; figuratively and literally. I hear some noise that I can't place but I'm enjoying myself too much to stop. The noise gets louder but I still can't place it. Suddenly, Sidney pulls away from me and says "we've got a fish." I leap off of Sidney's lap and grab my rod. I try to reel it in but I can't seem to move it. Sidney positions behind me and helps me. It takes some work for us to reel it in and we work together until it is out of the water. I hold the rod while Sidney gets the net and then we work together to get it in. When it's caught and on the boat, Sidney picks it up and says "it has to be 20 pounds babe. We're eating walleye for dinner tonight." I clap my hands and giggle like a little girl. Sidney laughs at me as he puts the fish in the cooler. He takes down his rod and reels the line in. "What are you doing?" I ask him. He replies "don't be greedy. We have enough for dinner and then some. We don't need to catch any more." I pout and he laughs at me again. Finally I agree and say "ok, fine, but you're still cleaning that thing." He continues to laugh and I join him.

Sidney drives the boat toward the dock after we put everything away. When we dock, he takes the cooler and I grab our things then we make our way up to the house. We each go about putting everything away. When Sidney's done, he finds me outside enjoying the deck and the sun. "I think I'm going to go for a run" he tells me. "Ok" I reply. "I'm going to stay out here and enjoy the sun. It's really heating up nicely." He lifts an eyebrow at me and then goes off on his run. I watch him as far as I can. He is as nice to watch leaving as coming toward you; yummy.

I did my yoga this morning so I think I'm going to relax while he's gone. After putting on my bikini and settling on the deck, I grab my phone and call Mariah. "How is Nova Scotia treating you Ri?" She chuckles and says "both Trina and Taylor have made it their life work to make me relax. I can't lift a finger to do anything myself." Yeah right "that's exactly the way you like it Ri. What are you complaining about?" "You know me too well Ang. Seriously though, I'm still a little weak and very sore but both are to be expected and the doctor is happy with the incision. How are you and Sidney doing? Let me live vicariously, please." Ha, I'm not going to let her get away with that again. "What do you mean vicariously? Didn't you get enough from Matt?" She gasps slightly "how did you know about Matt?" After all of these years, she has to ask me. "Ri, I saw him leave the house that morning. I know it hasn't been 'months' since you've had sex. I always know, you know that, I always know." She's silent for a few moments. "Fine, you're right but it's been weeks since then. Tell me, are you and Sidney enjoying your time alone together? There is no one in sight or hearing distance." She makes me laugh. "Yes, we're enjoying ourselves and taking full advantage of being alone. Seriously, we are talking, really talking about our future and what we want. I think this has been really good for us Ri. I know we'll have to leave soon to go back to LA but I want to savour every moment while we're here." We talk for a little longer and she fills me in on the goings on in Nova Scotia, which doesn't take long, and then we say goodbye. Just as I get comfortable, my phone goes off and I see that it's a Pittsburgh phone number.

* * *

Talbo was right, there are some great trails for running around the lake. The path is uneven and winds around trees which are great for lateral movement. I've been out an hour now and have worked up a good sweat. I use the stairs up and down the dock too. I'm looking forward to getting back to LA and training again. I miss it when I'm not on the ice and it's been too long now. I wouldn't have done anything different but I do miss the ice. As I get closer to the house, I start walking to cool down and I see that Angelia has changed into a bikini. I'm preoccupied with all of the skin showing that I don't immediately notice that she's talking on her phone. It isn't until I hear the conversation that I notice. "That sounds really interesting Dean Cooper … What areas are you expanding into … You believe the appetite is there for that kind of research … That's very kind of you to say … Let me think about what you've said and the opportunity, I'll want to talk it over with Sidney of course and then I'll give you a call in a week … great, it was nice talking to you as well, bye." She notices me standing there when she hangs up the phone.

"Hi there, did you have a good run?" I sit down beside her and grab her water. After finishing the water, I say "yeah, there are some great trails. Who was that on the phone?" She looks at the phone a minute then replies "it was Dean Cooper. He's the dean of the University of Pittsburgh. He wanted to talk about putting me on faculty there. I think he wants to make a big announcement to attached students for the upcoming year." Obviously I'm missing something because I don't know why her joining the faculty would cause an announcement. I must look as confused as I feel because she says "think about it this way, I'm the Sidney Crosby of Physics in North America. I even briefly studied under Dr. Hawking when I did a semester at Oxford." Oh, I know that she's smart but I didn't realize that she's that smart, wow. "So what did the dean say?" I ask her. She looks back at me "he wants me to come on faculty full time. I'd have a class load and graduate students I'd mentor. I know that I want to work and do my research but I don't know that I want to be full time anymore." Now I'm really confused "you didn't like not working before but now you're not sure that you want to work?" Sometimes this woman can be maddening.

She sighs and says "it's not one or the other Sidney. I could do my research, which gives me a great deal of flexibility, and take on a couple graduate students but not have a class load. I'm thinking about offering to do some guest lecturing for them. It would let the university make some money but wouldn't tie me into a regular class. I still want the flexibility to be available to your schedule. Wow, that makes me sound like a housewife in the '50's doesn't it?" Nothing could be further for me but I don't disagree with her.

I do want to make sure that she's doing this for her and not me. "I love the idea of us being able to be together but I want to make sure that you are doing what you want to do too. I don't want to be selfish about wanting you all to myself, although I'd like nothing better, I guess we need to find a compromise that works for both of us." She smiles at me and holds out her hand which I take. She has the right idea; the sun is warm and the chair is very comfortable. I strip off my tee shirt and lay back taking her hand again. "I never realized how 'traditional' I am until you came to Pittsburgh with me. It was obvious to me that you would take care of the home, take care of me I guess, and I'd work. I'm sorry about that; I really never gave it conscious thought and that wasn't fair to you." She squeezes my hand and says "it was also a difficult time with your injury. Regardless of gender roles, you needed someone to support you and, yes, take care of you. Moving forward, that doesn't work for me and I need something more. So, I think that the university is a good fit with the modifications I have in mind." I look over at her and she seems ok with it but "are you sure?" I ask her. "Yeah baby, to be blunt, they're lucky to have me and MIT is going to be miffed. Everything will work out."

It's interesting how I've never thought too much about how well respected she must be. She's at the top of her field and worked at MIT where the best of the best are and yet she stepped away from all of that to be with me. Ok, it's not interesting that I never thought much about it; I'm an ass. How could I not see how much she gave up for me? We definitely need to get her back doing what she loves. I feel bad that it can't be at MIT but there is no making that happen. At least she can be at a university in Pittsburgh and they have a doctoral program in physics. I glance over at her and am struck again by all of that skin showing and glistening in the sun. How is someone that smart and that hot? "Want to go for a swim?" I ask her. She opens one eye and says "you don't have a suit on." She's right of course "well, you could take yours off and then we'd be even." She laughs and says "go get your suit on Crosby and then we'll go for a swim." Oh well, I run into the house to get my suit on. At least I still get to look at all of that skin in her bikini.


	97. Chapter 97

We arrive back in LA after a wonderful three days at the cabin in Quebec. It was a short trip but a great one. I know Sidney is happy to be back so that he can continue his training. He won't admit it, but he really misses being on the ice and training. He feels he has a lot to prove next year and wants to be in the best shape of his life. Andy has come out her too to train Sidney and a few of his other clients. They'll do their usual training in Vail before the season begins; but, they also meet up a few times throughout the summer. Sidney feels it motivates him more to work out with others and a coach. I know he's really happy to be back.

I'm happy too. I was contacted by the chair of the physics and astronomy department at UCLA to give a lecture on my research. They didn't seem to care that there had been nothing new for the past year. I'm so excited to get back to my work that I leaped at the opportunity. They've scheduled an evening lecture this week and I have a lot of work to do to prepare. Sidney and I begin to unpack and I'm telling him all about the lecture. "It's really exciting. They've already sold out the auditorium and they moved it to the biggest one because there was such a huge demand. I'm going to speak for an hour and then we'll have a thirty minute Q&A. They've made sure that a lot of the students had the opportunity to attend. I wanted them to make sure of it. It's really the students that I love to talk to and try to inspire. I love it when they are excited by learning. Of course, they're also having a cocktail party afterward for the alumni and boosters of the school. I think they're hoping to shake some money free that night." I notice then that Sidney is sitting on the bed looking at me. "What?" I ask him. He smiles "it's great to see you so excited about this thing. I can't wait to see you give a lecture. Will you wear a short skirt, high heels and your glasses?" I roll my eyes at him "is everything about sex for you?" He pulls me to him as I try to walk by "it is when it's about you." Good grief, he's totally incorrigible.

I pull away from him and take our clothes to the laundry room and set a load to wash. When I come back into the bedroom, Sidney is on his phone. I continue putting away my stuff from the trip and over hear his conversation. "Ok, great … thanks for doing that Pat … yep, would you email the information and I'll talk to Angelia … ok, bye." He turns back to me and I ask "talk to me about what?" He sits down on the bed and says "After we talked, I asked Pat to find us a counsellor her in LA and he did. He's sending me the information today. If we agree, we have an appointment on Friday." Wow, that was fast and I'm kind of overwhelmed that Sidney acted so fast on my suggestion. I know he's only doing it for me right now but he still went ahead and found someone for us. Walking over to him, I stand between his legs and put my hands on each side of his neck. "Thank you baby; I really appreciate you doing this with me. I think it's going to be helpful." I kiss him softly and look into his soft eyes. His phone goes off and we part. I head to the kitchen.

We picked up take-out because we were both starving but didn't want to cook. I unpack the food and then grab plates as Sidney comes in the room. He takes the food and plates to the kitchen table. "That was Mario asking how you and Mariah are doing." Aw, that is incredibly sweet of him. Of course he understands what cancer can do to the body and the family. "That was really nice of him. I've been meaning to call Nathalie and check in. How are they doing?" We sit down to eat. "They're doing good. We talked a little bit about the CBA and we both think it's going to be ugly. We may have another lockout." This surprises me because we haven't talked about the CBA that much; of course we've had a lot of stuff going on in our lives. "What does a lockout look like for you guys? Does that mean the same thing it does for other unions?" He nods "yep. They had one in 2005 and they lost the whole year. I'm hoping that doesn't happen this time. At least we've got a good guy negotiating for us this time. We gave up way too much last time." This starts me thinking "if you are locked out, what does that mean for you specifically? Are there other places in the world to play? Do you just keep working out and practicing?" He looks thoughtfully at me and says "I've spoken to Pat just in case. With my concussion history, the insurance required will make it really difficult to play anywhere." Hmm, I hadn't thought of that "that must be difficult for you." He shrugs his shoulders, I hate it when he does that, and that's his only answer.

The best thing about LA is the weather, hands down, and I take my laptop out to the deck after dinner. I search through my files and find the lecture that I want to give. I need to update it and the accompanying presentation; but, the main parts are there or else I wouldn't have agreed to do one on such short notice. I was surprised that they had enough people for the lecture in July. There are students there year round, of course, but not nearly the students that they have during the traditional school year. I still forget how big a 'star' I am in the physics world. It's weird to think this way about myself. As I reread the lecture, I see that there are only a few sections that need reworking. I'll be able to do that tomorrow which will give me time to prepare.

Sidney comes outside and I look up. That's when I notice that the sun has gone down and the only light is my computer screen. I also notice that I'm cold and my neck and shoulders are killing me. I put the computer down and begin to roll my shoulders. Sidney sits beside me and turns me so that my back is to him. He begins to massage my shoulders and neck. "Mmmm" is my only response. He has magic fingers and my muscles slowly relax. "That feels great baby." He pulls me back against him and wraps his arms around me. "Are you cold Angel?" I was but now "not anymore." He chuckles and lean my head back against his shoulder. When I turn my head, his neck is right there begging for me to kiss it. Of course it do and I feel Sidney shiver; that's interesting. I lightly kiss him again and again and feel him respond. He tightens his hold on me. I love feeling his strong arms around me. It may not be terribly feminist of me but I feel very safe in his arms. This is perfect.

* * *

The next few days go by quickly. Angelia has been deep in her laptop and preparing for her lecture. I've thrown myself into training and Andy and I are doing two-a-days. The first day killed me but my body responded better over the next two days. I'm running behind now and I can't believe how late I am. I'm so glad that I brought my clothes to the rink so that I can go directly to UCLA. Angelia took a cab so we can leave together. She wanted to be there early to get a sense of the room and the sound. She told me that someone would meet me and bring me to a reserved seat. It strikes me that I've always been the person who has to get somewhere early and has someone escorted to their seat. This is a very interesting reversal. I find parking exactly where they told me to go and there is a young woman waiting for me. "Mr. Crosby?" she asks me. "Yes, I'm Sidney." She smiles and says "please follow me." We head down a path and then into a large building. "Your seat is down her Mr. Crosby." She takes me to a seat and hands me a program. "I'll meet you back here after the lecture to take you to the reception." After thanking her, I sit down and hope I won't be recognized. I didn't realize that I would be sitting in the hall with everyone else.

I look at the program and see a picture of Angelia that I've never seen before. It is very official looking, kind of like my team picture where it's definitely posed. I can't help but think how gorgeous she is looking very professorial. When I begin reading her bio inside I'm stunned. She is a MacArthur Fellow, National Medal of Science winner, Fields Medal winner, Maria Goeppert-Mayer Award from the American Physical Society, the Sackler Prize, Fulbright-Hays fellowship and many, many more awards and honours. I don't even know what those things are but they sound really impressive. The next part I really don't understand. The topic of the lecture is 'the quantum-mechanical many-body problem in the presence of very strong particle-particle interactions using the techniques of quantum statistical mechanics and field theory to investigate the phase transitions and the transport and thermodynamic properties of a number of systems, including high-temperature cuprate superconductors, metals at the threshold of breakdown of Fermi-liquid behavior, iron pnictide superconductors, heavy-fermion metals, localized spins in metals, magnets with unusual spin correlations, and the disordered interacting electron fluid in two dimensions.' I don't even know what some of those words are never mind what they mean when put together.

I close the program and look around me. The place is full and there is a buzz in the room. It feels like the rink at Stanley Cup. Everyone is very excited and talking amongst themselves. I hear the people behind me say "I can't believe that she's actually lecturing here. Does anyone know why she's in LA? I thought she was exclusively at MIT." Then another person answers "I heard she's dating some athlete and he's training out here." I chuckle at being called 'some athlete.' "What is she doing with some jock? Surely she can find someone more at her level." The friend says "maybe he's hot. That would certainly make up for being a dumb jock." I swallow another chuckle. It's interesting being the other person in the relationship. I don't have time to think about this further as the lights come down and Angelia is introduced. She comes onto the stage and gets a standing ovation; wow.

The next hour is very interesting. I didn't anticipate that I would understand what she was saying. I expected it to be full of technical jargon and words I wouldn't recognize. The hour flies by as I'm completely wrapped up in her. When she finishes, the room erupts and not only are they on their feet but there is whistling and cheering for her and I'm one of them. The Q&A is also interesting. Every person starts by saying either how smart she is or how much they love her. She handles the questions easily and the praise with humility. It's fascinating to see her in this environment; her arena I guess. She's luminescent when she's answering questions; smiling easily and making everyone in the room love her. I know how special she is, I love this woman with all of my heart; but, I have never seen her as a professional who is at the top of her field. All I can think over and over again is 'wow.'

When the lecture is over, I remain in my seat waiting for the girl who escorted me here. She doesn't make me wait long. "I'll take you to the reception Mr. Crosby. Wasn't she incredible? I've always wanted to see her lecture but have never been able to get to MIT. We're so lucky to have her here." I smile at the girl. The adoration on her face when she talks about Angelia is obvious. When we walk into a large room, she says "here you are Mr. Crosby. I hope you have a good evening." I thank her and continue into the room. I see crowd in a corner and assume that has to be where Angelia is now. I make my way over and stand off to the side. I just watch her talking to everyone and answering questions. Someone even asks her for an autograph. I don't think I've ever been prouder of her than I am right now. My girl is brilliant and beautiful and beloved by all of the science community.

After a while, she must notice me there and excuses herself to come over to me. I pull her into my arms and kiss her. "You were incredible Angel. Everyone loved you. You were a physics rock star." She smiles up at me with a million watt smile. "Are you sure? Was it really good?" I hug her again and then say "you were brilliant babe, absolutely brilliant." She is called away by someone and I nod at her to go. She should be able to bask in this adoration. She deserves it.

A man comes up to me from the crowd. He smiles at me and holds out his hand. I guess I'm going to get recognized after all. I put on the 'company smile' and prepare to talk hockey. The man says "I'm Bruce Laramie, the chair of the physics and astronomy department. I assume that you are with Angelia." Oh "I'm Sidney and yes I'm here with Angelia." Wow, I read that wrong. This man doesn't even know who I am. I truly am the 'plus one.'


	98. Chapter 98

"You were absolutely incredible. I mean the entire auditorium was on their feet before you even said a word and then after, wow, afterward they were cheering and clapping louder than you hear at the Consol. They were even whistling and yelling. Seriously, it was like a hockey game and you just got a hat trick. I thought I was going to be bored and wouldn't understand a word. I couldn't believe how fast the hour went and I got it, I mean I really got it. What you do is amazing. You're really trying to figure out the origins of life. That's really amazing." Sidney has been going on like this ever since we left the university. At first I thought he was being a typical boyfriend and flattering me; but, the longer he went on, the more verbose he got and the more I started to believe him. He really had a good time. "And then at the reception, all of those guys were hanging on your every word. They were even lining up to get a chance to talk to you. The chair of the department asked me who I was and if I was with you. That was so cool. No one knew who I was and you were the rock star. My girl is a rock star! That's really, really cool."

It was really great to be back in a comfortable environment again. I was surrounded by academics that had a depth of knowledge about my work that most don't and it was intellectually stimulating. That's what I've really been missing this past year; using my brain in pursuit of pure knowledge. It helps to know that because it validates my decision to get involved with the University of Pittsburgh. I can set up a lab there and even bring some of my research fellows with me. "Did I lose you babe?" I realize that Sidney's still talking and I stopped listening. "I'm so sorry Sidney. I was listening but then I started thinking about the work I want to do back in Pittsburgh and I may even bring some of my research fellows with me if they want to come. Their funding is tied to my work and not the specific university I'm attached to although my contract with MIT is another thing entirely. I have my lawyer looking into the contract issue because I have another year on it. I can take that year anyway I like, including as a sabbatical, but I can't work anywhere else during that time. I'm trying to get them to wave that clause. It's not like I'm leaving to go to a rival university." Sidney is quiet for a moment and then says "I didn't realize that you were under contract." I guess I never told him. "Yeah, it helps to have exactly the parameters of the work spelt out including the duties I undertake for teaching, mentoring etc. It prevents arguing over the obligations of formal education to the university. Generally, researchers would rather research than teach. For me, I love teaching so it was never a hardship. In fact, I always taught a first year physics course to try and interest new students in the field."

We get out of the car and go into the house. Sidney picks up where he left off. "You were just amazing baby. I didn't realize just how incredible a professor you are or how big of a rock star. They were in awe of you. It was truly incredible." We go into the bedroom and get ready for bed. When we climb into bed, Sidney is still talking about the night. It's actually getting embarrassing how much he's going on. I try to change the subject but he keeps bringing it back to me. Finally, having enough, I do the one thing that I know will put an end to the conversation. I straddle his hips and kiss him hard and deep. It produces the desired effect and we finish off the night in the perfect way.

* * *

I'm running late. Why am I always running late when I leave the rink? Of course the LA traffic isn't helping any. I wonder what it says if you're late for the first appointment with a therapist. I'm sure she'll have some kind of interpretation for it; but, I simply lost track of time in the gym. Thank God I find a parking spot out front so I'm only ten minutes late. I take the stairs up to the third floor rather than waiting for the elevator. It only takes a few minutes to find the office and I see Angelia sitting in the waiting room. "I'm so sorry baby. I lost track of time in the gym. I'm really, really sorry." She smiles at me and pecks my cheek. "It's ok Sidney. You seem to have trouble getting out of there on time so I told you the appointment was at 3:15pm when it's really at 3:30pm. You're actually early by five minutes." Yeah, she really has my number. "Ok, so you got me. I'm just glad that I'm not really late." She pats my leg and chuckles at me. The door opens and the doctor comes out. "Sidney, Angelia? Come on in." We get up and look at each other. Being a coward, I let Angelia go in first. Dr. Collins introduces herself and then we all sit down with Angelia and me beside each other on the sofa.

"So tell me what brings you both here to see me." We look at each other and I don't know if I should begin or Angelia should. I don't have to figure it out because Angelia begins. "Well, Sidney and I went through a rough patch a couple months ago and broke up. We got back together and we've had some health issues, well my sister did and then I almost did, and it was tough on both of us. I thought maybe we should see someone to help us out. I really want to make sure we don't make past mistakes again." I look from Angelia back to the doctor who is just nodding. She looks at me and asks "what about you Sidney? What are you looking to get out of therapy?" What do I say to that? I'm here because Angelia said we should come. I need to say something. "I guess I want to make sure we don't make the same mistakes too." I can tell that she doesn't buy it but she lets it go. "Ok, why don't you tell me how you met?" I look at Angelia and we smile at each other. Angelia recounts how we met in Cannes and the first big night. She goes on to describe how we saw each other in New York and then she followed me to Nova Scotia.

"Sounds like you had a whirlwind of a couple of months. Sidney, is that when you decided to ask Angelia to move to Pittsburgh?" So far Angelia has been the one doing all the talking. I guess it's my turn now. "Um, yeah. Massachusetts is too far from Pittsburgh and with my schedule I wouldn't really have time to travel. I guess I didn't want to be without her so I asked her to come to Pittsburgh." Dr. Collins has been nodding as I talk and is now sitting there patiently watching me. I guess she wants more. "I was still having concussion symptoms too. Angelia was helping me a lot." I don't know what else to say to her. What else does she want me to say? I glance over at Angelia and she's looking down at her hands. When I look at Dr. Collins, she's just sitting there. Ok, this is starting to piss me off. What am I supposed to say? I just sit there waiting; if they can sit here saying nothing than so can I. This is weird, why am I so pissed off?

Dr. Collins tilts her head and then looks at Angelia. "Why did you move to Pittsburgh Angelia? You uprooted your whole life to be with a man you'd known only months." I look at Angelia and she's still looking at her hands. She does say "I knew that I loved Sidney and you can't grow a relationship if you are in two different states. I was able to take a sabbatical so I did." She still hasn't looked up which is really, really strange. I take one of her hands in mine and she does look up at me now. I offer her a smile and she gives me a small one back. "What was it like when you first got to Pittsburgh Angelia?" Dr. Collins asks her. She looks at the doctor and says "it was hard at first. I didn't know anyone except Sidney and it was a different life. Sidney was still trying to get back to playing and I was helping research doctors. In fact, we found one who was really able to help him." Dr. Collins continues to look at her and asks "That's what was going on with Sidney; but, what was going on with you? How were you doing?" Angelia looks down at her hands again. I thought that we had talked all of this through and it was over. Why is this still so hard for her to talk about?

"I was really focused on helping Sidney through the concussion. He hadn't played hockey in nine months and had so many setbacks with horrible symptoms. It was so hard for him and I was trying to do my best to help." Dr. Collins remains quiet for a moment and then turns to me "what was this time like for you Sidney?" What does she mean by that question? "I was frustrated with the whole thing. I'd tried everything, or so I thought, to overcome the symptoms but they never fully went away. It wasn't until Angelia started doing some research and found an alternative treatment that I really started seeing relief and say a way out of it. She really saved me." I squeeze Angelia's hand again. She really did save me and I owe everything to her. I wonder if I've told her that enough. "It seems like you have more to say that you aren't expressing Sidney." This doctor is getting on my nerves now. Ok, I agreed to this so I guess I should play along. "I was thinking that Angelia saved me. I owe my recovery to her. If she hadn't found me a new doctor, twice actually, I don't know that I'd be playing hockey right now." The doctor glances over at Angelia and asks her "how does that make you feel?" Angelia bites her lip and is silent for a moment. Then she says "I guess I don't think about it that way. That was the only thing I could do to help so I did it." She looks up at the doctor as she says this and Dr. Collins responds "that tells me what you think but not what you feel." Hmm, the doctor is right. "Well, I was glad that I could do something to help. That helpless feeling, both Sidney and I felt that way, is horrible. Actually doing something to help was good."

The doctor asks more questions to learn about our life in Pittsburgh. She asks Angelia about making friends and Angelia talks about Vero. She also mentions Michelle Cooke and the trouble she had with her. When Dr. Collins looks at me I say "I didn't know that this was going on. She never told me." Angelia looks up at me sharply and then back at the doctor. "Angelia" Dr. Collins begins. "Why didn't you tell Sidney about the trouble that you were having assimilating or with that woman?" Angelia only shrugs at the question. Dr. Collins is a patient woman and waits her out. Finally, I say "she didn't want to bother me with this stuff with all of the symptoms I was still having." Dr. Collins looks at me, smiles and says "I appreciate that Sidney but let's let Angelia answer for herself." This doctor is really pissing me off now. Doesn't she see how difficult this is for Angelia although I'm wondering why it's so difficult for her since we've moved past it? "I didn't want to bother Sidney about it. He was already dealing with so much and I know he wanted me to get along with the other wives and girlfriends." This is the first that I've heard she thought I wanted her to get along with the others. "Sidney, you seem surprised by that response. What surprises you?" I look from the doctor to Angelia and say "when did I ever say that you had to get along with everyone? I would never want you to take shit from anyone Angel." She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. Fuck, where is this coming from?


	99. Chapter 99

The drive home was silent. I certainly don't know what to say and I can tell that Sidney is pissed. My expectations of the counselling session certainly weren't that we would leave not speaking to each other. I thought that the sessions would bring us closer together but instead Sidney is pissed, I'm upset and nothing got settled. It's like Dr. Collins wound us up and then told us to leave. I glance at Sidney's profile and his jaw is clenched tight, his lips are pursed so that they've disappeared and he has a scowl on his brow. We said that we wanted to talk about everything; we agreed we'd talk about everything, so I don't know why he's so upset. This isn't exactly what I'd hoped for as a result. We pull up to the front door of the house and I turn to Sidney. Before I can say anything, he's slamming the door and going into the house. I follow him in but he's already gone from the hallway. I go to the kitchen but he isn't there either. I decide to make some tea; maybe that will calm me down. When I'm pouring the boiling water into the tea pot, Sidney comes into the kitchen and as he's going out the back door he says "going for a run" and then he's gone.

I leave the tea to steep and take my phone out to the deck. Settling onto the sofa, I call Mariah. "Hey Ang, how are you?" I break out in tears. I can't control them. I just sob and sob until I notice that Ri is yelling at me through the phone. I'm still crying when I say "yeah." She screams "what's wrong? Are you hurt? Is Sidney ok?" I'm trying to catch my breath as I wipe the tears from my eyes. "We're" hiccup "ok" hiccup. "So what's wrong Ang? Why are you crying?" I take some deep breaths and try to steady myself. When I've calmed enough to talk, I say "We went to the therapist today." I continue to take deep breaths and try to stop the tears. Ri simply says "oh" and waits for me to respond. "Yeah, it was horrible. We drove home in complete silence. Sidney is so mad that he changed into workout gear and went for a run. He wouldn't even talk to me Ri." After waiting for a moment, Mariah says "what happened at the session?" I take another deep breath and recount the conversation to her including Sidney's reaction when I talked about wanting to make sure that he wasn't bothered by the stuff going on with the wives and girlfriends. She listens to the whole thing before saying "you can understand why he's so upset though Ang. Did he really ever buy into going to the therapist or was he just going for you? He's also still learning that you kept things from him. That has to be upsetting." She has a point. When I think about it, Sidney didn't say that he thought it was a good idea. He said that he would go for me. I also don't think that I ever really explained why I kept the stuff about Michelle Cooke from him. "Yeah, I guess you have a point. Ri, he's so mad and upset. I guess, um, it's making me wonder if this is even going to work." Oh God, did I just say that out loud?

* * *

I run as fast as I can until my lungs can't take anymore and I just collapse on my knees in the sand trying to catch my breath. I don't know that I've ever been so angry in my entire life and have no idea what to do with it. What do you do when you are furious and the person you're furious at is you? It wasn't until the therapist told me to let Angelia answer for herself that I realized that I've been making a lot of assumptions about how Angelia feels. I assumed that we were past everything. I assumed that everything was different. I assumed that different meant perfect or on our way to perfect. How could I not see how deeply hurt Angelia still is even after we've talked about everything? I feel my legs start cramping up so I get up and start walking. I'm completely at a loss. What do I do now? We were on our way; we were happy. Why are we back here again not knowing what our future may be? I can't live without her. I did it for way too long a few months ago and I won't do it again. I keep walking back towards the house. What am I going to say when I see her? How can I ever make this up to her?

I approach the back of the house and she's not outside. Her habit has been to sit out under the umbrella and work on her computer. I go into the kitchen and grab some water. She's not in the kitchen or family room either. I follow the hall into our bedroom and see her on the bed. She is curled up on her side with a tissue box on the nightstand and used tissues beside it. I walk over to the side of the bed and sit down beside her. Her cheeks are red as they get when she's been crying. I brush the hair back from her forehead and run my fingers down her cheek. I'm overwhelmed by how much I love her and want to do anything for her. It kills me that I caused her to cry; that I've caused her any pain. Why can't I be what she needs? Shit, I lean on my knees and run my hands over my face. "Sidney?" I look back at Angelia. Her eyes are wide and she looks confused. I can't think; I just grab her to me and pull her onto my lap. She winds her arms around my neck and I feel her lips on my cheek.

She kisses down my cheek until she finds my lips. There's desperation in her kiss. I take her face in my hands and pull her away slightly until I can see her eyes. She looks confused at first and then hurt. Once again I've put a hurt look in her eyes. I lightly peck her lips. "Angel, I love you so much." That's all I can think to say. It works because her eyes go from hurt to weary to soft. "I love you too Sidney." That's all I need to hear. Pulling her to my chest, I stroke her hair and kiss her temple. I pull her with me as I lay back down on the bed. She curls up beside me and we're wrapped in each other's arms. "We don't have to go back Sidney. We don't have to see the therapist again. I'm sorry that I even suggested it." She sounds incredibly sad when she says this that my heart aches. Why do I keep hurting her? "Angel, it was the right suggestion and we should go back. Obviously we have things to discuss and if she can help us then we should keep going." She leans back and looks at me quizzically. "Are you sure Sidney?" She brings a lump to my throat with those four words.

I lean in and kiss her which she returns. Pushing her gently back, I continue to kiss her lips. Softly I slide my lips over hers taking tiny sips and tastes. I feel her hands soft against my chest and sliding up to my neck. I slide my hand under her shirt and feel the soft skin of her lower back. She sighs into my mouth and her hands slide back down over my chest and under my shirt. She pulls it over my head and then her hands run lightly over my chest again. I shiver under her touch and use my own hands to rid her of her shirt and bra. We're chest to chest now and skin against skin. Our touches are soft and slow like we're trying to savour every moment and touch. Our lips continue to slip over each other. Her tongue slips out and traces my lips until I mate it with my own. Her skin is so beautiful. I pull away from her and simply look at her. "You are so beautiful my Angel." She gives me that special smile that is mine alone. I lean in again and take her lips with mine for a slow, lazy and deep kiss. Her hands slide up my arms and around my shoulders pulling me closer to her.

Her hands travel over my back and push my shorts down. I lean slightly away from her and kick myself free of them then sweep hers down and away too. My hand slides down over her waist, then hip and finally pulling her leg over mine. It feels like we're moving in slow motion. Her hands slide up into my hair and she pulls me away to look at my face. We stare into each other's eyes again; our hands still moving lightly over soft skin. My fingers gently trace her nipple which immediately puckers in response. I move my fingers to her other nipple with the same response. We continue to touch and tease all the while maintaining our gaze. Her body comes alive under my touch degree by degree. I can feel the subtle changes. Her skin heats everywhere I touch. Goosebumps break out when I lightly trace the outline of her body, over the gentle curve of her waist and then over her hip.

I push her slowly back against the pillows and settle myself between her legs. She gasps when she feels the tip of my erection against her soft core but I don't push any further. My hand trails down from her breast, over her flat stomach until I cup her lightly. I kiss her and suck her bottom lip into my mouth. At the same time, I push my middle finger inside of her and feel her heat and wetness. I slip another finger in with it and slip my tongue over hers at the same time. Slowly I stroke her tongue with mine as my fingers stroke inside of her. I swirl my fingers around a bit and she gasps into my mouth again. I feel her pushing against my hand now. Her hips grind slowly. My fingers slide out and I run them over her clit. Her wetness makes the tiny bud very slippery and I can easily circle it around and around. I pull back from her mouth and slide my tongue over her lips to trace them as my fingers trace her clit. Her hands have grabbed onto my shoulders like she's just trying to hang on.

We are moving in slow motion. I feel her hands slide off of my shoulders and up to either side of my neck. I continue to watch her face, her eyes, as I stroke her and take tiny licks of her lips with my tongue. I slide my fingers back down and inside of her then watch as her eyes close. "Look at me Angel" I whisper to her. It's vitally important to me right now to see her eyes and see what she's feeling expressed there. It's clear that she's having trouble keeping her eyes open and on mine but she does. I shift to move my hand and slide inside of her. I slowly slide in as far as I can deep inside of her and then I hold there while I hold her gaze with mine. She is looking directly into my eyes now and it's like she's looking into my soul. I slowly begin to move and she matches my pace. Our speed builds degree by degree and in complete unison. I've never felt more in tune with my Angel than this very moment. We build and build until I feel her ready to go over the edge but she's holding back. "Let go baby, you can let go" and she does with a cry out of my name. I follow her quickly and then collapse rolling to her side and taking her with me.

I lean slightly away and push back her hair from her face. She opens her eyes and I find tears there. I guess my concern shows on my face because she says "no, Sidney, these are good tears and not bad tears." I feel better now and I kiss away her tears. "I'm so sorry Sidney about what happened with the therapist. I guess we shouldn't have gone." Does she really think that? "Angel, I'm the one who is sorry. Obviously we need to keep going. There is stuff that we need to work on and I'm so sorry that I didn't realize it before." I can feel all of the anxiety drain out of her now. "We'll keep going. It can only help, right?" She nods at me and I roll onto my back taking her with me. "I think we've both earned a nap. Then I want you to put on a sexy dress and I'm going to take you out to dinner." She chuckles and snuggles against me as I bring a blanket over us.


	100. Chapter 100

**_Note: as this is chapter 100, wow, I wanted to make sure that it was worthy of this occasion. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing. Please continue to comment and let me know your thoughts. It is definitely encouraging._**

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We're back; a part of me can't believe that we're back seeing Dr. Collins. Of course the first question she asks is "tell me what happened after you left our first session." Angelia looks at me and I look at her. I guess I should take this one. "I was angry, well, pissed actually when we left." Fine, this doctor wants truth then she'll get truth. "And why were you angry Sidney?" Damn questions, she reminds me of the press in the locker room after a loss. 'How does it feel to lose?' they ask. How do they fucking think it feels? "I came to therapy with Angelia because she wanted to come. We'd talked everything out, or so I thought, so I didn't see any reason to come here." The doctor sits there and patiently waits for me to continue. This is definitely painful and I feel myself getting pissed off again. I look over at Angelia and she is staring at me with big, trusting eyes. Ok, this is why I'm doing this; for her, for us.

"I don't like not being out of control. I thought that we had talked everything out and that we were on the same page and, well, healing I guess you'd say. Then I saw how hurt Angelia still is and found out new stuff about how she felt back then. I got angry that I didn't know how she felt or that she's still hurt." I look down at my clasped hands as I say this and now Angelia's hand reaches out to clasp mine. I look up at her and she has tears in her eyes but a smile on her face. "Why the tears Angelia? Tell Sidney how you feel." I never take my eyes off of Angelia's. She licks her lips and then says "I guess I don't want to cause you any pain either baby. I tried to work through everything myself so that I didn't have to bother you. Then, this summer, there was so much to talk about I guess I didn't think it was all important. I didn't want to dump so much on you. Maybe I'm still trying to just make it all better for you." We're still here? I can't believe we're still here. The doctor must notice what I'm thinking because she says "Tell her what you're thinking Sidney." Angelia nods when the doctor says this so I do. "I thought we were over this and yet we're still at the point where you won't be completely honest with me." Angelia's eyes cast downward and I use my finger to tilt her gaze back up to mine. "It's not what I want to do Sidney, really and truly; but, I just do it. I try to make things easier or I don't want to make them hard." Now I'm really confused so I look at the doctor. So does Angelia.

Dr. Collins looks between us then says "Angelia, why do you want to make things easier? Why do you feel the need to hide things or, if not hide, not be completely candid about how you feel?" I look at Angelia and she has tears rolling down her face but she sits there silent. We all just sit there with the doctor and me watching Angelia cry. Finally, I can't take it anymore. I pull Angelia into my arms and feel her tears against my neck as she presses her face there. I look at the doctor over Angelia's head and she has the tiniest of smiles on her face as she looks at us. What the fuck? I guess I must look confused because she nods at me and gives me an encouraging look. I must be doing what I should be doing. I stroke Angelia's back and whisper inconsequential nothings into her ear. She is calming down and pulls away from me. I grab a tissue box from the table and give it to her so she can wipe up. "It looks like that was a long time coming" the doctor says. "I still need you to tell us why you can't be completely candid with Sidney about how you feel." I send a hard look at the doctor. My Angel is in tears and obviously incredibly upset. Why does she keep poking at her?

Angelia takes a deep breath and says "I don't know. I really don't know." The doctor just nods and says a simple "ok." At least she's leaving it there this time. She looks back at both of us again and asks "when you argue, I know it doesn't happen often but when you do, how do you make up?" Angelia and I glance at each other the same time almost as if to say 'I'm not telling her, you tell her.' Neither of us answers the question so the doctor says "I can guess from the many looks darting back and forth that sex is involved." Angelia is turning red so I nod to the doctor. That's all I'm going to 'say' on the subject. "When you first met, when did you have you first intimate experience? I don't mean sex exactly. I mean more than a good night kiss." Again, I look at Angelia who is turning even redder and staring at her hands. I'll definitely get her for making me answer these questions. "It was a couple hours after we met. We were walking around Cannes, found ourselves in an alley and we kissed and a bit more." Ok, I'm not getting into details with this woman no matter what Angelia may want. If she thinks the doctor needs to know more than she can tell her.

"When was the first time you had sex?" Oh God, more sex questions. "We met in Cannes. A couple of weeks later I saw her in New York and then, a day later, Angelia came to Nova Scotia. That's where we, you know." I feel like I'm eleven years old in sex-ed. "So, on your third meeting you had sex?" When she asks this, I look at her straight in the eye, pissed off but I don't find any judgement there. Ok, maybe I'm overreacting. "Yes" I answer her. "Have you found, over the year or so that you've been together, that you use sex to make things better when you've had an argument or there is stress?" Of course we do, doesn't everyone, especially when the sex is really good? I look at Angelia and she's finally looking up at the doctor. In a small voice she says "yes, we do." Now I look at the doctor who is nodding and then looks at her watch. This session has come to an end. Again, we get all wound up and then she sends us off. "Ok, I'd like you to try something." Great, she's going to give us homework now. We both sit there looking at her. "Until you see me next week, don't have sex." What the fuck?! "Kissing is ok, holding hands is fine, even laying together is ok but nothing naked and no touching each other's bodies. Do it for the week and then we'll process when you come back in to see me." I look at Angelia who is looking at me. It's going to be a long fucking week.

* * *

This time in the car on the way home from the therapist we're still quiet but for a very different reason. Finally I have to speak "Sidney, did she really say no sex for the week? We've never gone a week without sex when we're together. Maybe when you had a road trip but even then it was five days tops. A whole week is going to be torture." He doesn't respond for a few moments so I keep going. "Seriously, a week is going to be so long. I'm going to have to take up knitting or something to get through it. You're going to get some great workouts in I guess. Maybe I should workout with you to get some of the energy out." Still he says nothing and I can't take it anymore. "Sidney, say something, please just say something!" He stops at a red light and turns to me. "It's going to be a long fucking week Angel." I laugh and then he joins me. At least we're laughing together now.

"Of course all I can think about now is sex" he says. I laugh at that too because he's right. "Can we stop by the house so I can pick up my stuff and go to the rink with you? I'd love to watch you guys skate and then workout in the gym with you." He smiles at me and says "sure you can. There's going to be a lot of guys there today so we're probably going to scrimmage. It won't be as boring as usual." I never think watching him on the ice is boring. I love watching him on the ice and see him move. It's almost poetic. Shit, now I'm thinking about his body and sex again. It's really going to be a long week.

We quickly grab my stuff and get to the rink for Sidney to hit the ice on time. I'm the only person actually in the stands although a lot of fans are pressed up against the glass watching the guys. I notice that a few people are taking my picture too. The guys are doing drills right now. Even if Sidney wasn't wearing his Pens gear, I would still know who he is by the way he moves. He's quicker than everyone else and has a little more intensity too. When he's in line waiting for his turn I see him joking and laughing. He loves being on the ice so much. I'm glad that he'll be back playing next season and I'll be able to experience the entire season. They finish drills and set up for a scrimmage. Sidney goes over to the benches and grabs a bottle of water. He drinks some and then runs the water over his face. I watch the water clinging to his cheeks and lips before it drips down. Those lips look even better wet. Damn, he's using a towel to wipe his face and the droplets are all gone. He notices me watching him and winks at me before going back to the guys.

They start the scrimmage and Sidney wins the draw. He is off to the net fast but is denied by the goalie. The guys start down the other way and now he needs to play defense. I love watching him skate backwards too. I know firsthand how hard it is and can almost feel his thighs straining. They turn over the puck and now Sidney is racing down the ice one-on-one against the goalie. He shoots and it hits the water bottle top shelf, his favourite shot. I jump up and cheer forgetting that it's just a scrimmage. All of the guys look over at me and I quickly sit down. Oops, I bet Sidney will be teased for that mercilessly. He sits on the sidelines as someone else takes his spot on the ice. I can't see his face now with his back facing me. How is it that he is covered in gear head to toe and yet his body looks so hot? His hair is curling back under his helmet. I love how long it's getting. It gets curlier when it's longer and he looks so hot. I love running my fingers through it and seeing his eyes darken as I do; especially when I pull his head back so that I can get better access to his lips. Those large, juicy lips that are so kissable. Wow, since the doctor told us we can't have sex that's all I seem to think about. It was only hours ago, how am I going to get through a week?

* * *

"That's why you bring her, isn't it Sid? You need to have a cheering section with you at all times, huh?" Duchene has been chirping at me since he saw Angelia in the stands. When she cheered my shot, all of the guys joined in chirping and making noise at me. Thankfully I'm off the ice for the next shift. The rest of the scrimmage goes by quickly and my team wins. We do shoot out drills and then we're done. I look up and Angelia is leaving the stands too. She knows where to go to change and then she'll meet me in the gym. Security knows who she is and will let her in. "Where's your girl going? Has she decided she's done with you and wants a better model?" Matt is still at it. I don't respond. I've found it easier not to engage more often than not and it will stop.

I quickly change into shorts and a tee shirt then make my way to the gym. Angelia is already there on an elliptical machine. She's facing away from the door so I get a great view of her ass in the tiny shorts she's wearing. She has an equally tiny tee shirt on too. I just stare at her perfectly formed ass move as she works out. "Ok Sid, I was just yanking your chain earlier but now I'm serious. You are one lucky son-of-a-bitch." It's Matt again and a few other guys mutter agreements. Angelia turns and sees us so everyone scatters. I smile and walk over to her. "I'm sorry about the cheering" she tells me. "It's ok" I respond. "I'm going to work out." She nods and turns her iPod back on. I get on the leg press and complete my first set. As I'm resting, I have a perfect view of Angelia again. This time it's a side view and I see her long, shapely legs. Her breasts bounce slightly with each movement. Fuck, I should have thought this through when Angelia said that she wanted to work out with us. She always wears those tiny shorts and small shirts. At least she's in more than that sports bra thing. All that skin would put me completely over the edge although I'm on my way there now anyway. I do my next set and have to focus on the exercise. The minute I'm done the rep, I go back to watching her. Wow! Ok, I need to concentrate or else I'm going to get hurt.

I manage to focus and get through the rest of my workout. I also manage to not kill the other guys when I see them sneaking glances at her. I go over to the mats to stretch out and there she is doing the same. Fuck, her ass I up in the air as she does downward-dog. In the past, I would have admired her and gone on with my stretching. Now that I know sex is off the table for a week, it's all I can fucking think about and she's definitely not helping! I start my stretching routine and close my eyes. Thankfully I am able to focus on what I'm doing and not on Angelia. When I'm done, I sit up and open my eyes to see Angelia watching me. There's that smile on her face that she gets when she's thinking dirty thoughts. I narrow my eyes at her and she turns away rolling her eyes. Looking around the room, I see that we're the only ones left in it. Not a good idea given what we did the last time we were alone in a gym together. At least Kadar isn't around to walk in on us. "Come on babe, let's get out of here" and I help her get up.

We separate at the locker rooms and I join the guys in the showers. "Thought you would have taken advantage of being alone in the gym Sid" Toews chirps at me. First Matt and now Jon, everyone is getting in on the fun now. I just ignore them and go about my own business. When I leave the locker room I see that I'm the first one ready so I sit in the lobby and wait. It doesn't take long for me to be recognized so I start signing autographs and posing for pictures. I see that Angelia has come out and is waiting for me quietly. I finish the last autograph and wave goodbye to the people still milling around. Grabbing Angelia's hand, we walk out of the rink and to the car. "Your adoring fans wanted a lot today" she says to me. I just chuckle at her. "Funny. Where to now? Are you hungry?" She looks at me and says "starving. How about going to that bistro near Venice Beach?" It's one of our favourite restaurants. You are on the beach but also secluded. It's a perfect spot for a late lunch or early dinner, whatever this time is, all I know is that I'm hungry.

It doesn't take us long to get there and, given the hour of the day, the restaurant is almost empty so we have a spot on the patio all to ourselves. After ordering, we sit in comfortable silence and watch the water. I reach for her hand and lace her fingers with mine. "Is this kind of touching ok?" She asks me tongue in cheek. I raise an eyebrow and just look at her. "Fine. Seriously though Sidney, how are we going to get through the next week. I haven't ever thought about sex so much since she told us not to have it." I chuckle and say "me too. It was brutal watching you on the elliptical and the stretching nearly put me right over the edge. Downward-dog has never looked as incredible as when you did it." It's her turn to laugh now. I think about the doctor's visit and ask "besides the no sex thing, what did you think of the rest of the session?" She looks out at the water and then back at me. "I guess it was confusing for me. I didn't know how to answer the question when she asked why I hide things and avoid conflict. I don't want to be that way but I just am. I wasn't lying; I really don't know why I do it." I can tell from her voice that she's upset again even though she's gone back to looking out at the water. I lift her fingers to my mouth and kiss them. This may not be 'allowed' but it's definitely required. "Babe, I know you're not lying. It never even crossed my mind that you would. We'll figure this out together, ok? This is the kind of stuff we'll figure out together." She looks back at me and her eyes are glassy. Fuck the rules, I lean to her kiss her softly and then one of her hands slide from my neck up to my cheek. I pull back from her and ask "isn't this touching against the rules?" She smiles, as I'd hoped she would, and says "fuck the rules" then kisses me again deeply with her second hand joining the first. We only part when the waitress clears her throat. We both laugh and then dig into our food.

* * *

Tonight Sidney has a meeting with Pat to discuss some new sponsorship thing so I leave them in the kitchen and go into the bedroom; it's time to take advantage of the deep soaker tub. It takes me no time to fill up the tub with intensely hot water and bubbles. I sink into the tub and actually sigh out loud. You know the moment when you feel the water on your skin working on sore muscles; it is so perfect that you have to sigh. I turned on the music before sinking into the tub. It is a wonderful moment. I think I may even drift off a bit because the next thing I know Sidney is brushing the hair from my forehead. I open my eyes and see him smiling at me. "You should know better than to fall asleep in the tub babe." I smile at him and lean into his hand. "I wasn't sleeping. I was just resting my eyes. How did the meeting with Pat go?" He shrugs, as he usually does about the business meetings, and says "I'm going to ask my dad to look at the deal first. He'll know when he looks at it if it's a good idea. I'm not sure." It's really sweet the way Sidney relies on his dad and continues to include him in the business deals. When Sidney was first in the league, he needed his dad to help with all of the business decisions since he was really just a kid. Now, Sidney could make all of the decisions on his own but he still includes his dad; he even relies on Troy's opinion. It's really very sweet.

"Want to join me?" I ask him. He just rolls his eyes and says "you're killing me babe. It's not allowed, remember?" Oh yeah, I had conveniently put it out of my head. Hmm, maybe I can make this a little fun. I shift in the tub and rest my foot on the edge. My entire leg is visible out of the water all the way up to my hip. I watch Sidney's eyes trail the entire length of my leg and he licks his lips. Hmm, this might be really fun. I slip my leg back inside the water and push my shoulders out all the way down to the tips of my breasts. His eyes take in all of the exposed skin and the swell of my breasts. He bites his lower lip as his eyes travel from shoulder to shoulder. I can't help but smile and he notices. "You are an evil, evil woman." I chuckle now, I can't help it, and slip back into the water. He mimics my laugh and walks over to the sink. I'm about to tease him when he strips off his shirt. All thoughts of anything I was going to say slip out of my head. My greedy eyes start at his shoulders. They are way so broad and I can see every muscle in them. He's tanned from our trip to the cottage which enhances the muscle definition. My eyes follow down his back. Who knew there were so many muscles in a back? His back tapers down to a narrow waist. He strips his jeans and boxer-briefs in one movement. I audibly gasp now. That fabulous ass and thick legs are incredible. Oh God, he is so perfect. It should be a crime to be that perfect. My eyes travel all the way down his legs and then back up, slowly to that perfect ass again which I'm desperate to touch. He turns around and I see every muscle in his abs. Of course, this view is quickly replaced by his, well, you know. Wow oh wow is this week going to be fucking long.

* * *

She is an evil temptress. That's all I can think when she deliberately lifts her leg out of the water and then the swell of her breasts. It's just enough to tease. Well, two can play that game. I strip off my shirt and I can feel her eyes travel over my body. Yep, two can definitely play at that game. I wait a few moments before I strip below the waist and I swear that I can feel her eyes travel the entire length of me. It's as if my skin is heating up under her gaze. Maybe I didn't think this plan all the way through. I can feel my body aching to respond. I try to stop it and know that I need to get into the shower; a very cold shower. I turn around and her gaze stops me. Now we're staring at each other and this is not going as I planned. I break her gaze and almost run into the shower. I don't even care that the water is initially freezing when I turn it on. I can use the cold water.

I try to drown myself under the shower head. When I turn around, I see her get out of the tub and the bubbles cling to her breasts, her hips and a knee. She looks even better all wet. She would feel so soft and slippery to the touch. She wraps herself in a bath sheet and goes into the bedroom. It's been a matter of hours since the doctor made the 'no sex' rule and I need to take the problem in hand, literally. With one hand on the wall and the other hand on my dick, I replay in my mind the moment Angelia got out of the tub, how she brushed the bubbles off of her breasts, hip, leg, and then rubbed her skin dry. That's all it took to solve my problem. Thank God the doctor never said anything about masturbating.

After taking care of actual bathing, I wrap myself in a towel and go out to the bedroom. Angelia is sitting on the edge of the bed and slathering lotion over her skin. This would be the moment that I would take over for her and it would end in a mutually satisfying way. There will be no such luck tonight. She glances over at me and smiles. She knows exactly what I was doing in the shower. "Good shower?" she asks me. Smart ass. "Yes" I respond "did you have a good bath." Now she pouts because I know she still has her 'problem.' I pull on a pair of shorts and tee shirt then turn on the Pirates game. It's only the fifth inning so I settle myself against the pillows on the bed to watch. Angelia stands and drops her towel on the bed then walks across the room to the closet. The baseball game forgotten, my gaze follows her naked form across the room. Double fuck, I feel my body respond to her naked body. It's like I never did anything in that shower. It's going to be a long fucking week!


	101. Chapter 101

Playing tennis was a good idea. I love to play in the summer and I had no idea that Angelia did too. I guess this is one of those little things we're discovering about each other since we can't have sex. We have been so busy since three days ago when the therapist told us to abstain. It's like we both want to be as busy as humanly possible so that we just fall into bed exhausted at night. I feel like I'm thirteen again. Everything gets me hard and I'm masturbating a couple times a day. In fact, as I watch Angelia lean over to pick up the ball, I have to shift myself right now seeing how those tiny shorts stretch across her firm, apple bottom. When she gets up, she smiles at me. That woman knows exactly what she's doing to me. It's been like a game; how far can we push each other without actually breaking. I might just break first.

She lines up for a serve and wizzes it over the net right to my backhand. I slap it back and she races to the net and just dings it over so that I'm racing to get it. I do, just in time, but it's to her overhead smash and now she's up a point. I am actually losing to her! How is she beating me? She lines up for another serve and I focus on her movements. She is not going to win. Shit, the serve is an ace. Does this woman become an athletic savant when she doesn't have sex? "What's wrong Crosby? I guess tennis isn't your game, huh?" Now I'm getting pissed off; not at her of course, I just hate losing to anyone at anything. It's my serve this time and she readies herself on the other side of the net. She's bending down just enough to let me see down her shirt. The hint of her breasts distracts me and I fault my first serve. I frown and concentrate on my second serve. It goes right to her forehand and she returns it easily. We volley back and forth, each from the baseline, until I decide to rush the net and I finally smash one by her; finally!

We continue back and forth, back and forth, until she breaks my serve. I can't believe it; she actually has beaten me. I've actually lost. I need sex now! We gather our things and head to the patio to get something cold to drink. When we're settled, Angelia takes my hand and asks "are you ok?" Shit, I guess she doesn't realize how bad I take losing. "Yeah babe, I'm fine. You know how competitive I am. I hate losing." She actually laughs. The woman who tortured me while playing, and beat me, is now laughing at me. Great, this is just great. "Oh Sidney, seriously, I'm a great player. I've been playing since I was really young." This doesn't make me feel better. How is it that I'm getting more and more wound up the longer we go without sex but she becomes more cheerful? I just don't get it.

"I've been thinking a lot about what the therapist said." I look up at Angelia when she says this going to make a sarcastic comment but I see that she's being serious. "Yeah, and what have you been thinking babe?" She gnaws on her lip and stares at her glass of iced tea for a moment; then she says "I really want to know why my instinct is to always push everything under the rug like the doctor said and I'm having trouble figuring it out. There's also, um, something I'd like to know about you too." This surprises me and I say "what do you mean?" She pauses again for a few moments and then looks up at me. "I've noticed that when things don't go your way or they're different than you expect that you, sorta, get angry. I mean unusually angry." Now she looks down at the glass again. I pick up her free hand and say "is this about the game? You know I'm hyper competitive and hate to lose. It didn't have anything to do with you." She waits another moment and says "I know how competitive you are and it's really cute how miffed you got because I beat you. I'll also never let you forget it you know. What I mean is, as I look back, I definitely have some behaviour that I need to examine and figure out for us to have a great future. I wonder if there are things about yourself that you want to figure out." Is she being deliberately vague or am being obtuse? I really don't know what she means. "I'm lost Angelia. What are you talking about?" She takes a deep breath and looks up at me again. "When I've brought things up in the past, you got really, really angry; when I told you that I needed more to my life, the first time, you got so angry that you stormed out. This time at the therapist, when I said something that you didn't expect or didn't know, you got really angry again. There are other times in between when I've noticed it too. I may deal with things by ignoring them and you may deal with things by getting mad."

I've been listening to what she's saying and I wonder if she's right. When things don't go my way or I don't know what's going on, I do feel very frustrated and do get angry. But that's normal, isn't it? Doesn't everybody get pissed when unexpected things happen or they get bad news? I see that Angelia is staring at me now. "I don't know Angel. I've never really thought about it." She purses her lips and then says "maybe we should talk about it then." 'Do we really have to' is all I can think about. We're going to therapy for her and the doctor has identified that Angelia has things to figure out. How did I get mixed up in it? I look into her eyes and she's got me. Of course we can talk about it. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. "What do you want to talk about?" I ask her. She looks at me. "I guess I don't know why you get so angry Sidney. Everyone gets mad but it seems to me that there are specific things that piss you off and you get absolutely pissed." This is the first time she's ever brought this up and it's making me think. Do I usually get pissed off easily? I don't think anyone I know would agree to that so what makes Angelia make that comment? "I don't get it Angelia. It doesn't make sense to me. Yeah, in the instances you brought up I definitely got angry, but doesn't everyone? Why is it so weird?" She looks down at her iced tea again. Then it hits me, maybe this is why she wants us to go to therapy. Sometimes, like this exact moment, we have trouble communicating with each other. Ok, I get it now. "Maybe we should talk this over with Dr. Collins" I suggest. Angelia gives me a smile and responds "yeah, that's a good idea."

* * *

Tennis was definitely fun and beating Sidney was even more fun. I'm glad that, while we were having a drink, we talked about stuff. It felt so much better when Sidney suggested that we talk something through with Dr. Collins. I know he was only doing the therapy thing because I wanted to but it's so great seeing him take it seriously and even suggest something to talk about. It feels to me like we have a block or are at an impasse, there's something that's preventing each of us from moving forward no matter how much we want to do so. To have a successful marriage, or life, we really need to figure out how to communicate better and figure things out together. I'm hoping that the therapist can help with that. I want to make this work so badly and I know Sidney does too. I want to have that dream we talked about at the cottage with a bunch of kids and laughter in our house. It's a really happy dream and I want it to come true.

I look up at Sidney's profile. He's intently watching the TV and occasionally yells at it. We're watching baseball which, admittedly, I find extremely boring. How can you think baseball is remotely interesting after watching hockey? They throw the ball, they catch the ball and they hit the ball. Oh, and they scratch themselves and spit too. Yuck. But, Sidney loves baseball. He used to play as a kid. As soon as he told me that, I emailed Trina and asked for pictures if she has any. I want to see little Sidney in his baseball uniform; I bet he was adorable. This is a great way to end the day. I don't mean the game of course but I love laying, mostly on him, on the sofa. I can hear his heart beating in my ear. It's such a reassuring sound. I can feel the muscles of his abs through his tee shirt. My fingers absently run over them and along each ridge. I close my eyes, who wants to really watch the game anyway, and just listen to Sidney's heart and trace his muscles. There is very little I would rather do in this moment. Ok, maybe one thing but we aren't allowed. I don't even notice when my foot begins to slide up and down Sidney's calf. My fingers are still running over the muscles of his stomach. It's so natural to be close to him and touch him. Just then, Sidney grabs my hand and says "stop that." That's when I notice that his breathing and his heart beat is faster. Oops, I forgot the rules for a moment. At least it wasn't on purpose, this time. I chuckle and stop moving although the damage is done. I can feel my body begin to vibrate where it's touching his. It doesn't even matter that we each have a layer of clothes between us. Laying there against him, I feel every muscle that is touching my body. I think about what it feels like to touch that skin and slide my fingers over every plane. God, I can't keep doing this, being close to him, and not really touching him. I notice that his hand is on my ass. It's not moving but it's definitely taken possession there. What the fuck am I going to do for two more days of this? I was never like this before. I could go a year without having sex. But now, with Sidney, I can't do without it; without him.

I get up and leave him to the game. I'm going to soak in the tub. We've been so busy, and with Sidney that means outdoors and sports, that I'm using muscles that I didn't know I had. That has required a lot of soaks in the tub. Of course it's also where I, well, take care of myself. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, right? Once it's ready, I lower myself into the tub and can't help but sigh. It feels so good on my aching muscles. The new bubble bath is really great too. I still find it hilarious that I beat Sidney today at tennis. I know he loves to play and definitely didn't predict that I would beat him. Of course I never told him that I've been playing since I could hold a racket. I've always loved tennis and play whenever I can. It didn't hurt that I wore the shortest shorts I own and a very tight, slightly too short, tee shirt. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, right? Although I almost lost my focus when Sidney lifted the hem of his shirt to wipe at the sweat on his face. It showed his tight abs and part of his chest. His shorts had ridden down a bit so that I could see the way his body v's down into his shorts. I know what's inside those shorts too which is what made me almost swallow my tongue.

I think over the conversation we had about the therapist. Well, actually, about me and Sidney. I couldn't make him understand that his anger is blown out of proportion often. He thinks it's normal but I don't agree. Maybe Dr. Collins can help him understand or help me if I'm not getting it right. When he gets that angry, I don't know what to do or how to act. It seems like anything I do when he's like that makes it even worse. I'm never afraid that he'll take his anger out on me, it's not part of who he is, but it does upset me. We need to figure out how to talk to each other better. I look at Trina and Troy and how much of a unit they are and I know that's what I want for Sidney and me. It's how we get there that I can't figure out. We need to if we're going to be happy. I have faith in us though. We have gone through a lot in the past year and yet we are still together. There is something so incredibly strong that won't pull us apart for long. As I run my hand over my stomach I think about what it will be like to have Sidney's baby growing inside of me. I can't help but smile. I can even see it: Sidney is lying beside me on the bed with his hand on top of my large belly. He waits to feel the baby kick but it doesn't so he talks to my belly about the game that night and how they won. On cue, the baby kicks right where Sidney's hand is lying. He leans in and kisses my stomach then leans up and kisses my lips. He's going to be such a great father. That thought brings me back to his anger and makes me wonder what it's about. What would the effect be on our children?

I'm sure that I'm overreacting now. Maybe I'm looking for things because we're seeing Dr. Collins. Maybe it's like the students who go to med school. Every time they learn about a new disease then they think they have the symptoms. Of course I can't help but remember how Sidney has reacted when he thinks a man is hitting on me. It's really confusing for me. I don't know what's going on with me and I don't know what's going on with him. Basically, I have no idea how to figure it out either. This is frustrating for me since I'm able to figure out almost anything. I even figured out what was wrong with Sidney and got him to the right doctors when no one else could diagnose him. I guess the heart is harder to diagnosis than the head. I sigh again and close my eyes forcing myself to relax. The minute we're out of the doctor's office next time, I'm jumping Sidney in the car, hell, I'll do it in the elevator.


	102. Chapter 102

The closer we got to the therapist appointment the more confused I got. Sidney and I keep talking about what's going on but we don't ever get anywhere. He thinks I'm completely overreacting to his anger and won't talk about it anymore. He says we should just wait to see the doctor. Dr. Collins said that by not having sex we would be forced to talk more and she was right. The problem is that the talking is helping about as much as the sex did only now I'm frustrated with the talking and the abstinence. I've never felt further away from Sidney while being right beside him. We're polite to each other. I hate polite. He's spending more time at the rink and the gym and I'm spending more time working. We have dinner together and maybe do something with the guys and their girlfriends/wives in the evenings but we don't do much alone together. It's like we're afraid to be alone. Or maybe we both hate how we feel when we're together and talking but not really saying anything. I know that I just want him to hold me and tell me that everything will be ok. It hurts that he doesn't and that I don't ask him.

Tonight is a perfect example. We met a few guys and their girlfriends for dinner then we went to a movie. We're home now and in bed. Sidney is watching Sportcentre and I'm reading a book on my iPad. I've read the same page over and over and I still don't know what it says. We are as far away from each other as we can be without falling off our side of the bed. I'm so used to us being magnets always drawn to each other that this feels so unnatural. I can feel my heart ache in my chest I hurt so much from the distance. I want to say something. I want to curl up in his arms and tell him to never let go. I want him. I can't take it anymore. "I'm going out to the deck." I tell him and take my iPad and a sweatshirt and leave the bedroom. As I pass through the living room, I pick up a blanket and my phone.

After settling out on the deck sofa, I look at the time. It's 4am in Nova Scotia which is too late for Ri. Forget it, I'm going to try anyway. Her phone doesn't go to voicemail right away so I know it's still turned on. As I'm about to hang up, I hear a "lo?" I woke her up. Since she's awake "hi Ri. I need to talk so I thought I'd take a chance you'd be there." I hear the rustling of sheets and then her stretching. "Ok, I'm awake. What's up Ang?" I don't even know where to begin. I start with the doctor's appointments, both of them, and what the doctor has said to us too. When I mention the no sex rule, Mariah gasps and says "you're shitting me Ang?" I laugh at her "no, but I wish I was. She thinks that we use sex to solve problems rather than actually having arguments and solving the real problem. She's right, we're talking more but the talking isn't productive. In fact, it seems to be worse when we talk. Since yesterday, we aren't even talking. He hasn't even touched me. Ri, I don't know what to do, I've never felt so lost and, well, incapable. I should be able to talk to my boyfriend." "Yeah, you should." But this isn't from Mariah on the phone. It's Sidney saying this from the kitchen door. Shit. "Ri, I'll call you back tomorrow" and I hang up. Shit.

* * *

I know I shouldn't but I couldn't help listening to her conversation with Mariah. I thought I should see if she was ok so I was going to get some water as a pretense to check in. She left the door open so I could hear her clearly and then I was responding to her question before I could even sensor myself. Now I guess I've said it and we need to talk about it. I go out to the deck and sit down beside her. We're both looking out to the ocean. I guess I need to start since I'm the one who started down this path. "Why can't you talk to me Angel?" There, I said it so now I wait. She plays with her phone and I wait for her to answer. Finally I look over at her profile and, sensing that I'm looking at her, she simply shrugs. "There must be a reason. You were able to tell Mariah. I need you to talk to me." I guess I was a little harsh with my tone because she whirls on me and says "What do you want me to say Sidney? What should I say to you? Do you want me to say that I've never felt farther away from you then I do now? Do you want me to say that no, I can't talk to you because I don't know when you're going to be the loving and support Sidney or the 'fly off the handle' Sidney? Do you want me to say that I love you so deep in my soul and am so scared that we can't make this work? What the fuck do you want me to say?"

I'm stunned. All I am is stunned. I guess I did ask her to talk to me and she is talking; well, yelling is a kind of talking I guess. She is covering her mouth with her hand now and her eyes are wide and look scared. I don't know how to respond to her. What can I possibly say in response? I guess if she's baring her soul than I need to as well. "I'm scared too. Every time I think we've turned a corner or figured things out, we find another problem. I'm tired of it but, more important, I'm scared too." There, I said it to her. I agreed that I'm scared too. The problem is, what do we do with this fear? I turn so that I'm completely facing her. She doesn't look at me so I turn her face. I see tears there but also sadness. It reflects exactly what I'm feeling too. The one thing I definitely have going for me is that I don't quit. I never quit. "Angel, I may feel that way but remember, I don't quit. There is no way that I'm going to ever quit on us. We're going through a rough time and we need help to get through it but we will. I'm no quitter and I know you don't either. We will fight as hard and as long as we have to because we love each other and we want the same thing. We will have that dream Angel, we will have it." Screw the rules, I grab her and pull her onto my lap. Angelia wraps her arms around me and we hold each other.

I feel her lips on my neck as she says "I want it too Sidney. I really want it too." I'm so frustrated that we can't get past this and we can't solve it. Maybe we should have moved up our appointment with the doctor. It's killing us both to be this way. I know I'm frustrated but it really hurts to see how hurt she is more than anything else. I wish that I could solve all of our problems. My whole life, I've been able to succeed at anything I put my mind to do. The concussion was the first thing that I couldn't work my way out of; there was no amount of effort on my part that would help. That was the first time I truly experienced helplessness and it was my Angel that got me out of it. Now, when I should be able to reciprocate and help us both out of this, I'm completely helpless again. No matter how much time or effort I put into solving our problems we can't get over them. Should relationships be his hard? Should they really take this much time and effort? I know that Angelia is worth it; our future together is worth it. It makes me wonder if other guys have gone through this themselves. It makes me wonder if maybe we're just defective. I haven't exactly had a normal life. Angelia has had so much tragedy in hers on top of being a genius child. Maybe what we thought should bind us only makes us bad bets in relationships.

"What are you thinking Sidney?" I look down and she's pulled slightly away so that she can see my face. How much do I tell her? "It hurts that I can't fix this for us; for you actually. It kills me to see you in so much pain and know that I've caused it." She grabs my face and pulls it closer to hers. "You have not caused it Sidney. You have been the best thing to happen in my life. You're love and support has got me through the past weeks. You are the miracle in my life that I didn't know to even ask for never mind meet by chance. Yes, I'm frustrated and upset but that is so much better than the alternative. The one thing I learned by loving you is that it is so much better than the alternative. For the few weeks when we were apart, my life seemed so empty. I'm certain about much right now but I am completely certain that I love you." She says this to me so fiercely that I have to believe her. I guess it is possible to be happy and sad at the same time. When I think about what she's just said, I know that she's right. "Angel, no matter what it takes, we will figure this out together and be together. I still don't know how, and it frustrates the shit out of me, but we'll figure it out." It's odd how, in a span of 10 minutes, I can go from being hurt and confused to absolutely certain that we'll come through this together.

I stand up and take Angelia with me in my arms. I take us into the bedroom and lay her gently on the bed. After turning off the TV and the lights I get in beside her and pull her to me. She fits perfectly in my arms. We kiss a few times but pull back before it goes any further. There are still rules to be followed. I feel Angelia's breath even out and slow. She has fallen asleep. I wish it would find me too.

* * *

I wake up in Sidney's arms. After we went to bed, I slept the whole night but don't think it was restful. I feel like I've been up all night. There were really weird dreams too. I dreamed that we were at our wedding. Sidney was at the end of the aisle waiting for me and I was walking down the aisle toward him. He reached out for my hand when I approached him and the priest began the service. When he gets to part where we need to say 'I do' and it was Sidney's turn, he remains quiet. Fianally Sidney looks at me and says 'I'm sorry but I can't do this, I'm really sorry.' He walks down the aisle where I just came from and I see the guys form his team exchanging money with each because they all bet on if this wedding would happen. It got weirder when Geno stood up and said that, since the wedding was already planned and paid for, he and Mariah would get married. Ri changed into my dress and then they were married. As I said, it was really weird.

I try to slip out of bed and Sidney's arms hold me tighter. I try to inch away but one of his hands cups my ass and pulls my leg over his. My core is now over his morning erection. I can't stop myself from grinding against it. It feels way too good to stop. He responds by pulling me tighter to him. Fuck, I need to feel him inside of me. It feels like it has been forever since I've had him inside of me. Damn, I really need to move so that we are still following the rules. Sidney is, because he's asleep, but I'm definitely in a gray area. "This is against the rules Angel." Damn, I thought he was still asleep. "Yeah, I know it is but it felt too damn good to stop and I thought you were still asleep. Is it really against the rules if one of us doesn't know that it's happening?" I hear him laughing and I join him. "Yeah babe, I think it is still against the rules." Damn, he's right of course. I slide off of him and lay beside him. He rolls over so that we are each on our side and simply looking at each other. "You are so beautiful Angel. I love you this way; no make-up, your hair tussled from sleep and your body warm and pliant. You are incredibly beautiful and I can't wait to wake up next to you for the rest of my life." I feel my insides go liquid when he says this and I know I'm turning pink. I'm still not used to someone telling me that I'm beautiful. I know that I am pretty, you don't have an identical twin who is a model without knowing you're pretty, but I feel so much more when Sidney looks at me like this and tells me he thinks I'm beautiful. I truly feel beautiful.

"I really don't want to admit this but I think the therapist was right" I tell him. He raises and eyebrow and looks down at his morning wood. I chuckle and say "seriously, it's be hard but you have to admit that we've had more conversations, even though they've been frustrating, than we ever had before. Every single day since we left her office we've had at least one talk about us; sometimes two or three. Sharing our frustrations is good even if we can't solve the issue. I think it's been really good." He leans in and kisses my lips lightly. "Yeah babe, I think so too although, it doesn't help me with my situation." I look down at his erection and say "yeah, I hear you. Don't misunderstand me please. I think it's been great but I can't wait to jump you the minute she says that it's ok. Seriously, I need to have an orgasm by you desperately. I need you inside me, deep and hard, bringing me to cum so hard you feel it from your dick all the way through your body." He groans and covers his face. Yeah, I was definitely a little evil with that one. Too bad, it's so much fun to tease him – not that I wasn't telling the truth.


	103. Chapter 103

"So tell me how the last week has been for you." We're back in Dr. Collins' office again. It's hard to concentrate on what she's asking us. All I can think is that after the session I may just grab Angelia in the elevator and bury myself balls deep in her. I bring myself back to the moment and look at Angelia. She's looking at me so I guess I'm going to answer first. "It's been difficult actually." Dr. Collins looks for me to say more and I'm not sure what I should talk about. She asks "besides the fact that you aren't having sex, what has been different?" Hmm, that's a good question. "We've been talking so much more than ever before. We talk a lot about the kind of life we want and how we'll get there." She stares at me now and waits for me to keep going. "We can't seem to move past a couple of things doctor. I'm frustrated, she's frustrated and we can't seem to find a solution." There, I said it, now maybe we can get somewhere. The doctor looks over at Angelia and says "what do you think Angelia? Are you frustrated like Sidney?" She doesn't speak for a few moments and then says "yeah, I am. I still can't figure out why I do the things I do. I know I'm not being completely honest with Sidney and I know that I should talk to him more about how I feel but something stops me every time." The doctor nods at Angelia then turns to me. "Is this your perception of the situation too Sidney?" I take a deep breath and say "partially, yes. The other part of my frustration is her response to my frustration. I get angry or mad when I'm frustrated but I would think that's normal, isn't it?"

She's looking at me and then turns to Angelia. "Angelia, what do you think about Sidney's anger? Does it bother you? Are you scared by him?" Wow, I never thought that she would ever be scared by me. I turn to Angelia and wait for her to speak; she turns to me too. "No, Sidney, absolutely not; I am never scared of you. It's not like that. I just get scared of you getting mad at me. I'm never scared of you." Now I'm really confused and I look back at the doctor for help. She nods and says to Angelia "So, you are never scared of Sidney but you are scared of him getting mad at you. That's a small but important nuance. Think about the last time that Sidney was angry. Go back to that exact moment in your mind. What specifically were you scared of; you weren't scared that he would turn his anger toward you physically but you were scared of something. What made you so scared?" I watch Angelia close her eyes and she clutches her hands on her lap. Her brows furrow and I can feel her thinking and see her shaking. She cries out and opens her eyes. Her are filled with tears as she says "I don't know what I'm scared of; I just know that I'm scared." I can feel her pain while watching her. I just want to take it away but I know in my head that we need to travel down this road so that we can have a happy future.

"Sidney" the doctor turns to me "I've observed that you are a self-aware person. I've even watched your games, I'm a huge sports fan, and I've seen you very angry. Usually it's focused on a Flyer or the ref but you've definitely been what I'd say was very, very angry." I chuckle at that because she's right. She smiles too. "When you think about those moments and your reactions, how do they compare to the times that you've been angry with or at Angelia." I'm confused now because it's nowhere near the same thing; except for … "Actually, I was going to say that it's never the same but I remember twice, I was so angry with her. Both were because she'd kept things from me and I saw red so I left the house. I need to go for a run or a drive or something when I'm pissed off. The first time, I came home the next day and then went on a road trip. The second time, when I came home, Angelia had moved out." She nods at me and then looks at Angelia.

"Angelia, tell me how you felt when Sidney left the first time." Angelia just shrugs and stares at her hands. I go to speak and the doctor holds her hand up to me. I guess we're waiting for Angelia to answer her question. Finally, Angelia says "I was upset obviously." The doctor nods and says "That makes sense. What were you upset about specifically?" Angelia thinks again and says "the first time I was trying to tell him how I was feeling and he got really, really upset and left the house. I didn't know where he was going or who he was with all night." Ah, I remember her asking me in Italy where I was all night. The doctor asks "did you think Sidney had been with someone else that first night?" She shrugs again and we wait again; and wait even more. "In my head, honestly and truly, no, I don't think he would ever do that to me. I don't think Sidney could hurt me that way. But in my heart, I wasn't one hundred percent certain and I don't know why." Wow, that's another revelation for me. "You really thought that I could be with another woman Angel? Did you really think that I could ever hurt you that way?" She won't look me in the eye so I take her cheek in my hand and force her to look at me. "Babe, do you really think that?" Her eyes are drenched with tears and they started to spill down her face but she does responds. "I wasn't thinking straight then. I was so upset and doubting everything, including myself, and I don't know what I thought. If someone even suggested that to me right now, I would laugh my ass off. When I saw the picture on Twitter of you and Max with those girls, it never even crossed my mind that something happened between you even though we were broken up then. But, back in October, I wasn't so sure. I don't know why." Her answer has mollified me although I don't like that she ever had doubts about me being faithful to her. It's just not who I am. I guess I need to let it go and move forward now.

"Angelia, you never really answered what you're feeling when Sidney gets angry. How do you feel? What are you feeling when you argue?" She is still crying and I want to gather her up in my arms but I wait it out. Dr. Collins must know this because she gives me a small smile recognizing my restraint. We both wait for Angelia to respond. "I don't know doctor, I really don't know." "Ok Angelia, close your eyes and think back to the last time you argued or when Sidney got angry. Put yourself in that moment, think about where you were and what was happening. Now think about what you were feeling. Tell me Angelia, what were you feeling?" I can see Angelia struggling again. She is trying to figure it out. I don't know how a woman who is so brilliant and genius can't figure out what she's feeling or why. I can see the struggle on her face until she blurts out "I'm terrified!" then her eyes fly open and her hand covers her mouth. "What baby? What are you terrified of?" I ask her. She turns to me and we only focus on each other now. There is nothing and no one around us. "That you'll leave me and I'll be alone again Sidney." Then she physically breaks down. Her body seems to crumple into itself and she's sobbing uncontrollably. I pull her onto my lap and into my arms. All I can do is stroke her hair and hold her tight as she continues sobbing. It goes on and on. I'm getting scared now and look up at the doctor who stays where she is and just nods at me. I guess I'm doing the right thing and continue to stroke my Angel and try to give her my strength.

It feels like it goes on forever. I do, finally, feel Angelia's sobbing slow down. I grab a tissue from the table beside us and mop up her tears. I give Angelia another tissue to mop up her nose too. When she pulls slightly away to look at me, I take her cheek in my hand and kiss her lips. I can't hold it in anymore so I ask "why would you ever think I'd leave you Angel?" She frustrates the hell out of me when she just shrugs. I desperately look at the doctor for help. She says "tell him Angelia. Tell him why you think that he'll leave. You can do it. He needs to know." She continues to look at the doctor. Then she slides off of my lap and sits beside me but still looking at me. After a deep breath, she says "because everyone I love leaves me. Except for Mariah, I'm alone in this world. I have no one I can count on to be with me for always." I'm shattered when she says this to me. This is how she really feels? This is how she sees the world? No wonder she is so fragile. No wonder we're having so much trouble. I look in her eyes and say one word "why?" Her eyes leave mine and she looks at the doctor.

Dr. Collins must be comfortable now stepping in since Angelia has already had her revelation. "Has Angelia told you how her parents died Sidney?" I nod "yeah, she did. It was a car accident." Now I'm confused about what this means. "Yes, Sidney, they died in a car accident. They also died in front of her. She watched her parents die right in front of her. The accident happened in front of her when the truck slammed into their car and then, when she got out and approached the crash, she watched her parents die in front of her." Now it's starting to make more sense but … "How come her sister isn't having the same problem?" The doctor looks at Angelia and asks "what are your sister's relationships like with men?" Angelia offers a small smile and says "she believes in quantity." I offer a small smile because it's true. "That's how her sister manifests the loss. She has no true connection with people other than her sister. Angelia is scared all the time which causes her to behave the way she does. She has become a people pleaser and is afraid to make you mad because then she thinks you'll leave her." I look at Angelia and she looks emotionally and physically wrecked. I don't want to keep poking at her but I need to know. "Have I given you any reason to think that I'm going to leave you? I gave you a ring. I would have married you when we were in Quebec. I've talked about our life together and all of the kids I want us to have. What makes you think that I'll ever leave you Angelia?"

She opens her mouth to respond but nothing comes out. Dr. Collins answers again. "It's not a logical or even conscious thought Sidney. On top of the trauma losing her parents has caused, you are a larger than life figure for her and there are a lot of pressures on you both that aren't in most other relationships. It adds to it. It's no one's fault and it's nothing you did to cause it or could do to prevent it." I look at Angelia and her eyes are now back on mine. We need to stop this for the day. I really don't think that she can take anymore. "Ok, thank you Dr. Collins." She smiles at me. I look back at Angelia and take her face in my hands so that her eyes are on mine. "I love you. You need to know that. We'll keep coming here and figure out how to get over this, ok?" Her eyes search mine for a few moments, she gives me a small smile and I kiss her lips. When I pull back, her smile is still small but it has reached her eyes so I feel better. I pull her to my side and look at the doctor. "Ok Dr. Collins, we made what I think you'll call a 'breakthrough' today but I really need one more, crucial question answered. Can we finally have sex?!"


	104. Chapter 104

The doctor told us that, yes, we can have sex again. I think Sidney would have done it in the elevator but I was an emotional wreck. Actually, I'm a physical wreck too. I feel like I've been run over by Zdeno Chara – when did I start making innocuous hockey references? – and I'm still getting up off of the ice. As we walked to the car, Sidney had to put his arm around me and support me. Now, as we drive home, I'm so exhausted that I can't even keep my eyes open. We're both silent the entire drive. I really don't think that I could talk anymore right now. I feel rather than see Sidney pull up to the house and then he hops out of his side. I'm still trying to undo the seatbelt when Sidney opens my door and then reaches in to undo it himself. Before I can stand, he has scooped me up in his arms. He doesn't let me down until we're in our bedroom. He lays me gently on the bed and goes into the closet. He quickly comes back with a pair of my yoga pants and his sweatshirt. He knows me so well. I change into my comfy clothes and then slip into bed. Sidney climbs in beside me and pulls me into his arms so that we're spooning. The last thing I hear is him saying "just turn it all off baby and sleep." Then I do.

When I wake up, I'm much less weak. It seems that sleep has cured my physical weakness at least. As I think back over the session with the therapist I begin to feel guilt. Am I the reason that we've gone through hell together? Have I caused all of our problems? Will we ever come out the other side and how painful will it be for Sidney? It hurts that I've caused him this pain. I knew something was wrong that I couldn't identify but I didn't know that it was me. I guess Sidney senses that I'm awake and he pulls me closer to him and whispers "how are you feeling Angel?" At least I'm still his Angel. "Better I guess; at least physically." I feel him nuzzle at my neck and then leave a soft kiss there. "Good, you deserved some recharge time." We lay quietly for a few more moments. I have to know so I ask "should I apologize?" He's quiet for a moment and then says "for what babe?" I guess I need to spell it out. "I've caused all of our troubles, all of our problems, so it's my fault." Sidney rolls which makes me lay on my back so he can see my face over me. "What nonsense is this? Didn't you hear the doctor? No one is responsible for or could have prevented this; it's something that you need to work through. You also need to remember that I'm not an innocent bystander. I'm the one who expected you to stay at home to cook and clean for me and be happy with that existence. We both have things to learn about relationships and give and take. I've learned some of mine and now you're learning some of yours." I think about this for a moment while I'm looking at his face. His eyes show me that he really feels that way.

I slide my hand up his cheek and run my thumb over his brow. "You are so beautiful" I tell him. He tries to look away, seemingly embarrassed, but I won't let him move. I lean up and kiss him softly. We explore each other's lips slowly, savouring every touch and taste. Lightly I run my lips over his feeling their fullness on mine. Soon after, I dart out my tongue and taste his bottom lip. It is delicious and then his lips part so that my tongue can enter his mouth. Our tongues play softly over each other. I groan out loud when I hear my phone ring. "It could be Mariah, I have to check." I reach for my phone and it's not a number that I recognize. I answer it and it's a producer from Oprah's network. She's wondering where I am because we're supposed to be talking about the interview Oprah is going to do of Mariah. It's about Ri and her bout with cancer but they want to interview me too. I apologize and see that I should have been there 30 minutes ago. She says that she can move some things around and I promise to be there soon. "I need to get to the meeting with that producer. Can you drive me Sidney? I forgot all about it." I dash off the bed for the closet without hearing his response. When I enter the bedroom, changing as I walk to the bathroom, he says "can't you reschedule?" I put my hair up in a high pony tail and freshen up my makeup, especially under my eyes. When I walk back into the bedroom, I say "no. I'm the one who forgot and this is really important to Ri. Would you please take me?" He gets up and grabs his keys then we're out the door.

We easily find the offices. When he pulls up out front, I turn and give him a kiss. "I'm sorry about this. I completely forgot. Do you want me to take a cab home or do you want to get me?" He kisses me back then says "I'll be back. It's closer than I thought so text me when you're done and I should only be ten minutes." I thank him, kiss him again, and then get out of the car. I must be a masochist, I went through an emotional wringer with the therapist and now I'm going to talk about Mariah's cancer. Oh well, I guess I get over it all in one day.

* * *

The idea hits me as I drive back to the house. We need a night together to celebrate. There has been a lot of turmoil the past week, for a long time actually, and especially today. I want Angelia to know that I love her and that nothing I learned today changes that fact. I call our favourite bistro and make a reservation for when I pick her up, two hours should do it, and then I steer the car to the high end market. Inside I find exactly what I'm looking for; I buy champagne, chocolate covered strawberries and pineapple, Belgium dark chocolate and candles. It's a night for decadence. I get back to the house and get ready. First, I change the bedding and put out candles all over the room ready to be lit. Next I have a shower myself and put on dress pants and dress shirt. I clean up the bathroom and lay out fresh towels. Just in case, I also put out candles around the tub. Last step is setting up the iPod. I look around and it is perfect. Great timing too because Angelia texts me and says that she's done.

Taking a last look at everything, I know it's going to be a great night. As before, it doesn't take me long to get to the offices and Angelia is waiting outside for me. She gets in and I kiss her first and then ask "how did it go?" She looks at me and responds "first, you look very hot Mr. Crosby. Wow, really wow. I love you in that navy shirt." I smile at her. It's so great to see a smile on her face. She continues "yeah, it went really great. I didn't know what to expect but they it's what they call a pre-interview. They walked me through what they want to talk about in my part of the interview to make sure that I was prepared. They'll want to discuss my scare too and the effect on us including the support of your family. Are you ok with that?" I think about it for a moment and then say "yeah, I think it should be ok. I'll want to confirm with Pat though." She nods and sits back to do up her seatbelt. "Why are you all dressed up?" I look over and smile before putting the car in gear and merging into traffic. "I made us a reservation at our bistro." She smiles and says "that is a great idea. I'm starving too." I reach out to hold her hand as I make my way through the traffic. We arrive in a short time and I leave the car with valet.

We walk in hand in hand and the hostess immediately recognizes us. We're taken to the balcony seating and there is only one table set up out there. It's set for two with candles and a bouquet of lilies. Angelia has a surprised look on her face and then a huge smile. That tells me the last minute begging, and chunk of cash, was worth it to get the balcony all to ourselves on a Friday night. She launches herself into my arms and pecks kisses all over my cheeks, neck and then lips. I hold her head still so that I can properly kiss her for a moment. We part and I hold out her chair then give the hostess a nod. When I slip into my seat the waiter comes out with a bottle of champagne and goes about opening it. I tell him to pour Angelia's first. I chose the wine so I know that it's good and don't need to taste it first. Angelia has her face in the bouquet of lilies taking in their fragrance. She has a huge grin on her face and I thank the waiter. We both pick up our glasses and I go to make a toast. Before I can say anything, she says "let me please. First, thank you for arranging a wonderful evening for us. I'm a very lucky woman to be in love with and be loved by such an incredible man. We've had a very difficult year, well more actually, but we've had each other. I believe that we can do anything together." That was much more eloquent than I could have been; we clink glasses and take a sip.

I see Angelia looking around and I can only surmise that it's for menus. "When I made the reservation, I also ordered for us. I hope that's ok." She grins at me and says "you always know what I like so of course it's ok." Her grin turns to something saucier and then she licks her top lip. I have to shift slightly as I feel my dick respond to her tongue on her lip. Damn, this woman knows me too. It has been seven long days since we had sex and I feel like a horny teenager. We're just sitting here grinning at each other, thinking of the exact same thing I'm sure, when the waiter places the antipasti on the table and gives each of us a dish. After thanking him, we dig in. I'm as hungry as she is and remember that I haven't eaten since before the therapist appointment either. The food disappears quickly. The waiter takes away our plates and refills our glasses.

When he's gone, I notice that Angelia is quiet, too quiet. I decide to wait her out and see if the session today impacted her ability to tell me what she thinks. Thankfully, I don't have to wait too long. "Sidney, I know we're celebrating but I'd really like to talk about what happened today with Dr. Collins." I nod and wait her out again. She looks down at her drink and then back up at me. "I never realized why I did what I did. I know you said that you didn't want an apology but I still feel like I've caused a whole lot of trouble and made this relationship harder than it needs to be." She's so serious and I can tell that this is really weighing on her. "Ok, let me tell you how I've been feeling since you moved to Pittsburgh. While it's true that I didn't think that much about you leaving your career, I do know what being in a relationship with me means. You've had private moments, like that day on the beach last summer, splashed across the internet. You've had to be interviewed, to some interesting results, and experience the full annoyance of the press. You, and especially I, forget how much you've had to put up with and you've never asked me for an apology." She is silent for a moment and I can almost hear her thinking. Suddenly, she looks up at me and smiles saying "ok, I see you're point." Wow, that was easy. We're making way ahead in leaps and bounds today.

Our main course comes and, when her dish is placed in front of her, she gasps and then leans in to take a deep breath. "Oh wow, this smells heavenly." The waiter smiles and informs her that it's a specialty of the chef; fresh fettuccini with lobster, shrimp and crab in a cream sauce. I know she loves risotto but this chef is known for his fettuccini and said that the _bella donna_ will love it. Who am I to argue with the chef? I'm back into training mode so I'm having a steak and grilled vegetables. Angelia dips her fork into the pasta and tastes it with a clear "mmmm" coming out of her lips. God, I want to devour her right here and right now. The second bite causes an even longer "mmmmmmm" and I'm growing harder under the table. "You really need to stop those noises or else I'm going to have to clear this table and throw you on it to devour you!" I growl at her. At first she's surprised, then she starts to smile and finally, little vixen, she licks her lips slowly. Ok, there is no way that I'm getting out of her without everyone noticing the raging hard on I have. I take another bite of steak and concentrate on chewing. I look down at my plate, the view, my wine, anything not to look at her licking the sauce from her lips.

Then I'm the one who is surprised. She isn't doing what I think she's doing. There is no way that she's actually doing 'that' here out in the open. Fuck, she is; I feel her bare foot creeping up the inside of my pants and against the bare skin of my calf. Now I look at her and she continues to eat and has the nerve to lick her lips again. The waiter comes up and asks me how our meals are; I can't even make words come out of my mouth. I am so turned on right now that I can't think coherent sentences. The waiter looks concerned because I haven't answered him so Angelia pipes up "it's delicious, thank you." The waiter looks at me for confirmation and all I can manage is to nod. He smiles and picks up the wine to top up our glasses. Fuck me, her foot has moved up the outside of my pants now and is on my thigh. I cough when she slips to touch my hard on through my pants. "Are you alright sir?" the waiter asks. I grab the wine and take a gulp. Angelia is desperately trying not to laugh. When I can finally speak I say "yes thank you." He tops up my glass and then leaves us alone. I reach under the table cloth and grab her foot. "You are an evil, evil woman." I tell her and think that 'two can play that game.' I hold her foot in my hands and begin to massage the instep; a particular erogenous zone for her. She takes a bite of her pasta and narrows her eyes at me while she chews. I push my thumb into the arch and her eyes roll back and her heavy lids close. Yep, two can definitely play at this game.

I take another bite of my steak while my one hand continues the pressure on her instep. She's almost purring and I can feel her vibrating. She shifts slightly in her chair; I know the feeling since I've been shifting almost since we sat down. I should have thought this through more carefully. We haven't had sex in over a week and that entire week feels like foreplay. We definitely didn't need any more. I feel her shift again in her seat and her foot slides out of my grasp. We're now just staring at each other. I feel more than see the waiter come out to us again. I can't take my eyes off of hers. Without even looking at him, I tell the waiter "please tell the chef that dinner was exceptional and wrap up our desert to go; I'll take the cheque now too." He rushes away quickly. I'm sure he knows exactly what's going on. He returns quickly with our desert wrapped up and the portable machine for me to pay with my credit card. He says "I took the liberty to request your car from valet sir." I now love this waiter so I double the bill to leave him a huge tip.

The car is waiting for us and we get in quickly. I peel away from the restaurant and take off toward the house. It's tempting to pull over and jump her in the car but I know what I have waiting at home for us. I can't stop touching her though so I place my hand on her knee. I forgot how short her skirt is so, when my hand touches bare leg, I take advantage and slide my hand up and under her skirt. I slide it up high until I reach her panties. I can feel how wet they are, God they're soaked, so I slip two fingers inside and touch her core. She cries out and I can feel her shake. Fuck, I'm rock hard now and it's killing me to listen to her moan as I slip my fingers first inside of her and then slide them up to her clit. At the touch she cries out again. I could probably bring her to an orgasm right here while driving but I want, need, to feel it. It's been a very long week and I want to feel her cum over me.

I have to punch the code in the gate four times to get it right. I'm literally shaking I'm so turned on right now. She's squeezing my hand between her legs and moaning. I need to be deep in her right now. I have to pull my hand away so that I can use it to punch in the code. Finally, the gate opens and I almost hit a bush racing the car up the driveway. The minute the car is in parked, I turn to Angelia and see that she's taken off her panties and she climbs on top of me. I push the seat back and tilt it to give us more room. She has me unzipped by the time I'm done moving the chair and she lowers herself onto me slowly all the while we're staring at each other; but, that's the last thing that we do slow. When I'm completely sheathed in her, I groan an almost inhuman sound. She cries out and then she's moving, frantically, and I'm just trying to keep up. I try desperately to hold on, have I mentioned that it's been a long fucking week, and then I can't hold on any longer. The last thing I remember is being glad that I feel her orgasm follow mine.


	105. Chapter 105

I'm giggling as I run into the house with my sandals in my hand. I turn in the foyer remembering that I forgot something in the car. Sidney is coming in just then swinging my panties off of his finger saying "did you forget something?" This starts me giggling all over again. I try to grab them from him but he takes them and puts them in his pocket. I just roll my eyes and walk down the hall to the bedroom. Sidney rushes by me and says "wait!" I stop and notice that the bedroom door is closed. What is he up to now? "Promise me Angelia that you'll go sit in the family room until I get you. I have a few things to do first." I stare at him for a few moments and then say "ok. Don't be long though. I'm not done with you tonight." He gives me one of those husky, deep throated chuckles that makes goose bumps break out across my skin. "I'm not nearly done with you either Angel." I turn to go back down the hall and he slaps my ass. When I turn around, he's already in the bedroom and has closed the door. I will definitely have to get him for that later.

I sit in the family room and wait, not so patiently, for Sidney to return. I wait and I wait and I wait. Just as I get up to see where the hell Sidney is, he comes down the hall smiling at me. "Did you think that I forgot about you Angel? Not a chance babe." He continues to me and is holding one of his ties. What does he have in mind? I guess I'm staring at the tie because he says to me "do you trust me?" I bite my lip and nod. He motions me to turn around so I do and he places the tie over my eyes as a blindfold and does it up. I feel him say in my ear "let me lead you Angel." I feel his breath all the way to my core and I know that I'll follow him anywhere. He turns me around and I feel his arm around my waist as he guides me. I know that we're going toward the bedroom and hear him open the door. When we walk in, my senses are immediately assaulted. I can smell the wax of candles burning. I hear some orchestral music playing. We don't stop though; Sidney guides me deeper into the room until I can feel the tile beneath my bare feet and I know that we're in the bathroom.

I hear door close behind me and I jump. I can smell more wax and the bubble bath I usually use. I reach up to undo the tie and Sidney's hands are immediately covering my own. "Not yet babe; the tie needs to stay on." Hmm, this is interesting. I stay where I am standing. I feel Sidney's hands on the buttons of my blouse. With the release of each button, I feel his fingers graze my skin and I shiver in response. When the blouse is open, he pushes it off of my shoulders. My eyes are covered but I can feel his gaze on my breasts and I shiver again. He runs is fingertips over the swell of one breast and then the over. I'm aching for him to touch more but he doesn't. I sense that he's close and then I feel his lips on mine. I move my hands up to his chest but he swats them away. "No touching Angel." I am incredibly turned on now. His tongue slips out and licks at each corner of my mouth and then the lips themselves. I open my mouth but he moves back from me. I feel each of his hands slide up the back of my thighs and up to my ass under my skirt. I feel his body against mine and his fingers push my legs slightly apart. One of his hands slides over my hip and in between us. He takes one finger and slides it between my legs from my entrance to my clit moving the moisture around. I cry out at his touch. I can still feel my last orgasm and now he's touching me again.

I hear him lick his finger and then he whispers "you taste so good Angel" in my ear. A gasp escapes my lips; I'm so turned on from his words. He moves his whole hand to cup my mound and he massages there. I try to shift so that he slips his fingers inside but he won't. I cry out and grab his arm to try and move his hand. He pulls it back and says "I said no touching Angel. You're being a bad girl; are you looking to get punished." Oh my God, I can't believe that he's saying these things to me. I don't know what I expected but it wasn't this and I'm stunned. I can actually feel the moisture pool between my legs. I shake my head trying to play along. "Good, then you need to behave." He shifts away from me and unzips my skirt so that it falls to me feet. While behind me, Sidney also unclasps my bra and pushes the straps off of my shoulders so that it follows my skirt to my feet. I feel so exposed standing naked in front of Sidney blindfolded. I trust him completely but there is a sense of danger not being able to see.

He takes my hands and guides me to the tub. I feel his hands at my waist and he lifts me into the tub. I feel the hot water on my legs and he guides me down into the water. "Lay back babe." I do and feel the bubbles and warm water surround me. I actually sigh it feels so good. I hear and feel the water move then I feel Sidney's hands slide over my shoulders smelling my favourite soap. The soap allows his nimble fingers to slide over my skin. He starts at shoulders and works down each arm. It's relaxing as he massages while he goes. I hear the water again and think he's lathering up again. He starts at my shoulders again but this time, instead of moving down my arms, his slippery fingers slide over each of my breast. I gasp again and actually feel my hips shift without realizing what I'm doing. His fingers lightly trace around my nipples then he pinches every so lightly but enough to make me cry out. It feels so good.

When he's finished with my breasts, he moves lower over my stomach and massages the muscles there. One hand continues to travel lower and he cups me again. I try to push against him but his other hand is holding me still. I wait and wait but he doesn't move. I cry out a little but he still doesn't move his hand. "Sidney?" I beg him but he only says "yes?" I try to move against him again but he continues to hold me where I am. "Sidney please." I hear him chuckle low and deep. "Yes?" I almost die waiting for him to touch me. "I need you to touch me, please Sidney." I'm actually begging him; I feel like I'm going to die if he doesn't touch me. "Where do you want me to touch you?" This is killing me. "I need you to touch me deep inside baby, please." I keep trying to move so that his finger slips just an inch lower but he's an immovable force. I feel his breath at my ear. He licks my ear and sucks my lobe into his mouth. After sucking it and running his tongue over it, he bites down then whispers "how deep do you want me to go inside you?" He's killing me now. "Please Sidney, God, I need to feel you as deep inside as you can. Now!" As I say the last word he pushes two fingers inside me as deep as his hand will allow. It happens so fast that I can't even catch my breath because he's pushing at a spot deep inside. He's pushing up from inside and down using the hand on my stomach. My hips come off the tub and I scream out. He does it again and I'm prepared this time but I still scream. The pleasure is so overwhelming. With all of the lead up to this point, all it takes is his last push and I explode. I think I scream long and loud. I feel electricity go through my whole body down to my toes and fingers and I'm shaking all over.

I finally come down and I feel his hands sliding over my body. One hand has move up my stomach and over my breasts. He cups my cheek and he tilts my face towards him. I feel his lips slide over mine and then over my cheek to my ear. "I'm not nearly done with you Angel." I shiver again. I can tell that he is moving away and I hear the rustle that I think is him taking off of his clothes. "Lean forward" he directs me and I do. He steps into the tub and slips in behind me with his legs on either side. He reaches around and pulls me back to him with one hand on my breast and the other low on my stomach. I shiver again. Is there no end to the pleasure this man can give me? I certainly hope not. I can feel that he's hard and I shift my hips slightly to move against him. Again, at my ear, I hear "you are being naughty again. Whatever am I going to do with you?" and then he bites down on my lobe again. I feel it deep down as he laps up lobe to sooth. His hands move so that he is hugging me closer to him. I love the feeling of being completely enveloped in his arms. He slips us down lower so that we are submerged to my chin. I can feel my body relaxing more and more. It feels so good to be in his arms and, well, feeling very well loved.

I cry out as I feel a pinch on my ass. "Ow" I cry out. Sidney chuckles "I can't have you relaxing too much Angel. I told you that I'm still not done yet." Ok, that's made me shiver again. His hands begin to follow every curve of my body. There isn't any of my skin that he doesn't possess and there is no way that I'm relaxing now. I feel my nerve endings come alive again. His fingers play me like a well-tuned instrument and he's the maestro. His fingertips graze the inside of my thighs and I shiver all over. Just the hint of a touch does it to me now. I guess my head flops to the side which only exposes my neck for him to explore with his lips and tongue. He takes a long lick at the skin just blow my earlobe and then kisses it. He takes another long lick and then kisses there again. One of his hands has gone to my breast while his lips play with my neck. His hand doesn't move nor does play it with the nipple; it simply stays there and possesses. I feel the nipple pucker under his hand. I feel his warm breath in my ear and I know that he knows how much that drives me crazy. His free hand slides between my legs and one finger slips in to lightly touch my clit and I cry out. It is so sensitive after his ministrations and two orgasms. It's almost painful how intensely sensitive it is right now. He holds his finger there with slight pressure. He holds my breast with the same pressure and his lips are on my neck. It's like he's trying to gauge how much I can take. His finger pushes ever so slightly on my clit and I cry out again. It feels incredible and sore all at the same time.

He moves his hands and whispers "lean forward." I do and he gets out of the tub. A few minutes later, he grabs my hands and says "get up slowly babe." I do and then he says "step out. I have you and there is a mat." I do and begin to shiver. As warm as the room is, it's cold after the warm bath. I'm not cold for long because Sidney has wrapped me in a towel and is using another to dry my exposed skin. He rubs the soft towel slowly and lightly over my exposed skin. I can tell he's deliberately being gentle and teasing at the same time. I'm desperate to open my eyes and ask him to let me see. He responds "in a moment. Stay right here." I follow his directions while he walks away and then he's back. He pulls the towel from around me away and I hear it drop. Before I can get a chill, he pulls something over my head, careful to keep the blindfold on. I can tell from the feel and the smell that it's one of his tee shirts. I take a deep breath in. He knows how it turns me on to wear one of his tees. I love to smell him on me. He takes my hands and guides me out of the bathroom and into our bedroom.

When we are inside, and I think close to the middle of the room, he reaches for the blindfold and pulls it off of me. It doesn't take me long to adjust to the light because it's only candles but there seem like hundreds of them. They are everywhere and cast a gorgeous glow on the room. I look around the room is beautiful and I hear beautiful music too. I turn to Sidney; he's wearing only his shorts and a grin. I can't help it. I leap into his arms and only having quick reflexes lets him catch me. He twirls me around and I hold on tight. When he lets me down in front of him, I hold his face in each of my hands and bring his lips down to mine. When we part, I know that I have tears in my eyes. He brushes them away with his thumbs and is looking at quizzically. "They're good tears baby. I love you so much and am so lucky to have you in my life. Not just for tonight, this has been incredible by the way, but for everything that you do for me. I love you so much." He gives me his misty smile that tells me he feels exactly the same way. A thought comes into my head and I kiss him again, a little more deeply, and slowly walk him toward the bed. He doesn't realize how close the bed is since he's walking backwards. He does know when he falls back on it. I know there's a smile on my face when I say "my turn."


	106. Chapter 106

Angelia is standing over me as I lay back on the bed in my shorts. She has that smile on her face, the one that drives me incredibly wild. She kneels in front of me and runs her hands up each of my thighs under my shorts and then back down again. She continues that way, up and down and up and down. She changes so that her nails are scraping at my skin and my dick twitches. She smiles again knowing exactly what she's doing to me. Her hands move so that they are over my shorts and then touch my dick through my shorts. Her hand outlines it growing harder clearly in my shorts. As she strokes me through my shorts, she leans in and kisses my neck; first on one side and then on the other. Her lips travel lower and she kisses and licks at my chest, nipples and then lower. With a last smile up at me, she travels lower. Her nimble fingers pull my shorts down and I help by lifting my hips. She takes me in hand and gives me little licks on the tip. Her tongue feels so good. Her hand lightly strokes me as she licks at the tip. I groan out loud when she takes the whole tip in her mouth and sucks at it. I'm overwhelmed by the different sensations. Her hand is stroking, her lips are sucking and her tongue is running around the tip. Fuck, she knows exactly what I like and exactly how to drive me crazy. I use my hand and slightly shift her so that I can watch as she sucks me off. Those lips, plump from my kissing, look incredible wrapped around me. I am watching her and it turns me on even more. Fuck, she knows exactly what she's doing.

Just when I don't think that I can take anymore, she reaches up with her free hand and begins to stroke my balls. I don't know how she is able to touch me everywhere at once but she's doing it and I'm coming apart. I want to cum deep inside her again so I pull her up. She looks at me quizzically and I pull her so that my mouth is in her ear. She shivers when she feels my breath; I know exactly what she likes too. "I want to cum deep inside you babe. I want to be balls deep inside of you." I pull back and her eyes are wide open on mine and a smile grows on her lips. I take those lips and crush mine to them. I tilt her head so that I get better access to her mouth. My tongue sweeps her mouth and then I take her bottom lip between my teeth. I nip just hard enough for her to cry softly and then I sooth it with my tongue. I can't help crushing my lips to hers again.

I push her back from me and yank the shirt over her head. Pushing her up, she's standing in front of me now and I take one breast in my mouth. I suck at her nipple and then nip at that with my teeth too. She cries out my name and my dick twitches again. I feel pre cum on the tip and just pray that I'll last. I move to the other nipple and repeat the suck and nip. Her hands are in my hair now holding me to her. I continue with one breast and then the other; back and forth between each until her hands fist in my hair and pull my head back. Before I can object, she's crushing her lips to mine again. My hands travel to her ass and massage the soft skin and muscles there. I separate her cheeks and her legs widen for me. We continue to devour each other's lips and I slide one of my hands down her leg then up the inside of thigh. I slip my hand up between her legs and feel her from front to back and then front again. Fuck, she's dripping again. I push my thumb on her clit and she screams right into my mouth. I can't believe how huge her clit is and so sensitive too from our previous play. I push again and she leans heavily on my shoulders as she cries out again.

I grab her waist and throw her on the bed slamming inside her at the same time. She screams out again. I am having trouble controlling myself but she's right there with me so I keep thrusting. She continues to moan and cry out. I want to feel a different angle so I get up and kneel then push her onto her stomach. Pulling her hips up to me, I thrust into her again and get even deeper at this angle. I'm so close, too close to wait for her much longer so I reach under her and push on her clit again. Her orgasm starts as she screams out my name. I let go and enjoy my own ride. When I can finally think, I collapse beside her with only a last minute thought preventing me from falling on her. I can finally open my eyes and I look at her. I can't see her face so I brush it from her face and there is a brilliant smile there. "Thank you Mr. Crosby." I chuckle "no thank you my Angel." We both start laughing and, although I have no idea what we find so funny, we don't stop until we're both out of breath, again, and tears falling from our eyes.

I finally manage to stop and I pull her to me. We're lying side by side facing each other. I trace her beautiful face with my fingertips. "You are so incredibly beautiful. You literally take my breath away with your beauty." She smiles again and says "it's only because you see me that way. I feel beautiful because you see me that way Sidney." My heart melts. Her hands are running up and down my arms, then my shoulders and then my back. I shiver under her touch. Her touch never fails to touch me just like her heart never fails to touch mine. "I want to talk about our future Angelia. I want to plan for it. I want to take the next step toward achieving it. Tell me what you think about when you think about our future." She pauses for a moment and looks down at my chest. I think she's not going to answer when she looks up into my eyes and says "I've always seen our future together. We've talked about it. I don't see a future without you. Since today, since talking to Dr. Collins, the future isn't quite as clear." Ok, now I'm really confused. How can she see our future but not see it clearly? She sees I'm confused and smiles. "Sidney, I think that not seeing our future clearly is a good thing. When I used to think about our future it was always white picket fences and pretty kids. I idealized what our life would be like. Now, I'm allowing myself to see what it really could be like. I still desperately want it but it's not as clear. I guess that's ok." I think about this and she's right. We have idealized our future although "I think we started to talk about the reality when we were in Quebec; but, I see what you mean and it makes sense to me too. I think that if we are honest with each other then we'll figure it out."

She leans in and kisses me then says "we want the same things Sidney. We both want a family, a big family, and that life together. We'll spend the school year in Pittsburgh and the summers in Nova Scotia. It'll work until they get older and want summer jobs, have their own lives in Pittsburgh, but we have lots of time before that happens. The Lemieuxs did it so we can too. Hmm, maybe I should spend more time with Nathalie. Mario's life mirrors a lot of your own and she learned how to deal with the media, the life and being a 'hockey wife.' It might be a good idea." I can't help but smile at her. "What are you smiling at?" she asks and I smile wider and say "we're actually making plans for our life. This is the first time you've talked about being a 'hockey wife' and I like it." She giggles and kisses me again but then gets serious. "Sidney, one of the things that I worry about is that interview we did in New York. I need to be able to talk to the press without blaming doctors for your concussion, you know? I wonder if Pat has, I don't know, media training that I can do while out here with you." Now I'm stunned. It's amazing the difference a day makes. "Yeah, I'm sure that Pat can set something up for you. Are you sure you want to do this?" She smiles and says "no. But I think I should. I want to have a life in Pittsburgh and a future with you. There is going to be times when I'll need to deal with the press like you do. I can only get better if I do it and we need to get me in shape to do it." I kiss her now, softly, tenderly, taking small sips of her lips with mine. I know it can't be this simple but we've made a huge step today. That makes me think "maybe we should meet with Pat and his team together. It makes me think that I need to stop trying to shield you from everything and bring you with me instead. We should do more together so that when you experience things yourself then you're able to do it." I never thought about that before. Maybe I was part of the problem too.

She gives me one of her brilliant smiles. "That would be wonderful Sidney. I doubt that you need to go through the prep that I'll be put through but maybe we can talk to them about opportunities for you and I to be a couple in the public. Oh, I just thought of something. The university wants to have a huge reception for me the first week back at school. We could go together." I think about this and it's a good idea. "Yeah, it is a good idea. This way it's on your turf but, if I'm there, people will definitely want to talk about hockey. I'm a little more conspicuous in Pittsburgh then I was that the university here." She laughs and strokes my cheek. "Aw, poor Sidney, did no one recognize you at the university here. The heathens! To be more interested in physics at a university then hockey; they must not know what's truly important." I know she's teasing me so I reach around and pinch her bum. "Ouch, ok, I take it back. Seriously, thin skin much?" Instead of pinching her again, I use my hand to stroke her cheek. "Have I told you how proud I am of you my Angel? When I watched you on that stage talking about your work, you were absolutely incredible. Then handling all of those students and alumni at the cocktail afterward; you were truly a pro. I think you just need to pretend that Consol is a university and you'll be fine. Actually, you'll be incredible. Of course, watching you lecture truly made me understand the term 'hot for teacher.' If I could have managed it, we would have gone straight home so I could ravish you." She giggles now; I love that sound.

"Maybe you're right Sidney. Maybe I should look at it that way. I now know that one of the things holding me back was my fear of making a mistake and it affecting you badly. Of course, then that's exactly what happened in New York. Maybe if I hadn't been so worried all the time then I could have gone with the flow more and been more comfortable with everything. Wow, it's amazing how fear can intermingle in every part of your life." Hmm, I hadn't thought about that but it makes sense. "It must have been so hard to be that scared all the time." I ask her. She responds with a shrug but I want to talk about this now that I'm thinking about it. "No, really Angelia, what I'm wondering is how I couldn't see it. How didn't I see how worried you or how scared you were?" I think this is what's really bothering me besides how it affect her of course. She's silent for a moment and then she says "Sidney, you didn't see it for a lot of reasons I guess. Mostly, I think, because I wasn't worried or scared all of the time. We keep talking about our problems, which there are some, but I was also the happiest I've ever been in my entire life when I moved to Pittsburgh with you. We can talk to Dr. Collins about your question when we see her next but I really want you to know how happy I was and am with you. I know how short life can be and if I wasn't happy not even the best sex in the world, which ours is by the way, wouldn't be worth being unhappy. In experimentation, we often talk about optimizing the solution. The solution is good or even very good but how can it be made better. That's how I look at our relationship: it's good, even very good, and now we're looking at how to optimize it." I have to focus on her words so that I understand because she gets me so hot when she starts talking like a professor. If she had her glasses on, we'd be going another round. Wait, back to her words, oh yeah "that makes sense. Now that we're on our way it's optimizing. I like that." She narrows her eyes and looks down "it seems that you like more than that, huh?" I just shrug. I have never been able to get or stay hard as often as I do with her. It's amazing.

"Seriously though, would you call Pat and ask him who I can meet with in his office? It's really important to me that I support you and get involved in the foundation stuff and the Wives Association. Whatever I should do as your fiancé then I want to jump right in. I'm sure that there is additional stuff since you're the captain too. Last year I did some of the fundraising things like Pens and Pins but I was mostly doing social things with the 'girls.' I think there is more meaningful work and I will have time with my commitment to the school." I'm left wondering who this girl is and where the tentative and cautious Angelia I knew last season went. I'm not complaining, just surprised. "Angel, you know that I leave how much you want to participate up to you. I would love for you to get involved if it's what you want too." She smiles at me and says "yeah, it's definitely what I want. We can start with Pat putting me through my own boot camp." I'm cautious that she doesn't do too much too soon but her enthusiasm is contagious. I know what we can do "why don't we talk to Dr. Collins at our next session about all of this and see what she thinks. I guess I want to make sure that we aren't moving too fast." She laughs and says "aren't you the one who, only a couple weeks ago, said that he wanted to get married immediately?" I laugh now and reply "yeah, it was me and you were the smart one who said that we should wait. Do you remember that?"


	107. Chapter 107

"Stop fidgeting" Sidney tells me. I can't help it; I'm nervous. I stare up at the elevator numbers as it climbs the tower to Pat Brisson's office at CAA. "Seriously, stop fidgeting. Everything is going to be ok. I'm the client, remember? They have to be nice to us." I look at Sidney and I know he said it to make me feel better but I am nervous. It's one thing to know that I can do this when Sidney and I are talking but it's a whole other thing to do it now that we're here. We step off the elevator and directly into the lobby of CAA. Wow, it is definitely swanky. Everything is decorated in a very modern style. There is lots of chrome and steel. Hints of colour poke out in bright reds and oranges. It should warm up the space but it just makes it seem more modern. A tall and gorgeous woman walks toward us in impossibly high heels and short skirt. She looks Sidney up and down of course; what girl wouldn't.

"Sidney, it's so good to see you again. How has LA been treating you?" She has an English accent; of course she does. She takes Sidney's hand and kisses him on both cheeks. Then she turns to me and her smile doesn't diminish so maybe I don't completely hate her. "And you must be Angelia. It is wonderful to meet you. My name is Iris and I am Pat's assistant." She shakes my hand and we both smile to each other. She's gorgeous, has an English accent and seems incredibly nice; of course I hate her. "Please follow me and I'll take you back." She nods to us and then leads the way. How does a woman walk in heels that must be four or five inches high? It always amazes me when Mariah does it too. Iris takes us into a small sitting room with comfy couches and chairs. "Pat will be in directly. May I get you anything? Coffee, late? Water?" "We'll have some water please Iris" Sidney answers for both of us. She leaves the room and I look at Sidney "thank you. Water is about all it could drink right now." He picks up my hand and says "you really need to relax." I look at him and know he's right. Ok, I have to remember that they work for him. They need to kiss our butts and not the other way around.

Iris comes in with water for us both a fraction of a second before Pat comes in. We both get up and Pat comes to me first and busses my cheeks and then shakes Sidney's hand. "It's so great to see you both. Thank you Iris" with that comment, Iris leaves and we all sit down. "You both look great. Sid, I'm hearing great things about the workouts. Andy says you are on the way to the best shape of your life." They talk a little bit about the workouts and then Pat turns to me. "Angelia, Sidney and I talked about what you want to accomplish. I'd like to hear from you what your goals are and what you want to gain from our time together." I look at Sidney and he gives me a nod. Before we came, we talked about what to say and Sidney told me that they can only help me if I'm clear about what I want and need. "To be candid Pat, I need to be more of an asset to Sidney and his career. There are many opportunities for me to get involved in off-ice activities and I want to handle myself in a way that supports his career. Last year, our focus was to keep me away from the press and the spotlight. The Pens PR group was even directed to make sure I wasn't in pictures. Now that I have my bearings and feel much more comfortable with my role, I want to be an asset and not someone who adds to the workload. Given the disaster the interview in New York was, I think I need some media training and I know that you guys did that for Sidney. I'm here for boot camp." Pat chuckles when I say the last bit and Sidney has a look on his face that I don't recognize. He squeezes my hand and nods.

"As Sidney's agent, my role is to make sure that he gets everything he needs and wants out of his career both on and off the ice. There isn't any part of his professional life that I'm not involved in, even if it's in a small way. I think it's great that you want to help and I agree that you need some help to do that; none of these guys came into the league without training from us so it makes sense that spouses need it too. Here's what I suggest: I have two of my best people that I'd like you to meet with today. They have now watched everything that has ever been recorded of you. We're fortunate that your career has afforded you the opportunity to be recorded a lot both lecturing as well as in interviews. Usually we don't have that with spouses. This puts us a few steps ahead of where we usually start. Spend an hour talking with them today and discuss some of your specific concerns, get some feedback and ideas from them and then we can put together a plan. What do you think?" My first thought is that I love that Pat has been addressing me. He could be talking to Sidney about me, as sometimes happens with others, but Pat is treating me like the client too. I wonder if CAA handles professors. "It sounds perfect Pat." He nods and then looks at Sidney. "Does that work for you too Sid? You and I can meet to go over the Reebok plans for the next season and we should all be done about the same time." Sidney turns to me and I smile and nod. He turns back to Pat and says "sure. That sounds good."

We all stand up and Pat goes out the door. A few minutes later, he comes back in with a man and woman. They are both most likely in their early thirties. They are both tall and thin – is everyone like that in LA? – and are both smiling at me. Pat begins "Angelia this is Paula and Matt. Paula has been in media relations for ten years and with CAA for eight. I wouldn't be able to do what I do without her. She was also part of the team that helped Sid transition to the pros. Matt has been with us for two years. He played amateur hockey throughout his teens and then at Boston University. He has been involved in media relations for five years and worked for the New York Rangers in public relations before that but Sid doesn't hold that against him." We all laugh. Both Paula and Matt come forward to shake my hand. Paula begins "we're going to stay here and chat if that works for you Angelia?" I nod so we three sit down and Sidney and Pat leave. Before he leaves, Sidney leans in and kisses my cheek whispering "you are in really good hands with these two. I love you." He is so sweet.

When the door closes, we all sit down and I let them lead the conversation. First, we go over the same conversation I had with Pat. They wanted to know, generally, what I was looking for and what I wanted to accomplish. Then we quickly get into details. Paula asks me "when you think back to last season, what you would like to do differently this season? Think about what you actually did that you'd like to change then think about what you didn't do that you would like to do this season." That's a good question, or a couple of good questions. "There was really only one time that I was interviewed and that ended in disaster. I'd like to be interviewed in the future without a strategy needing to be built to fix what I've said." I'm only half kidding when I say this to them. Matt jumps in "we watched that interview. Up until that one question, you were very, very good Angelia. I think we can help you with the long format interviews. I believe you have one coming up with Oprah, right?" Oh, I forgot the Oprah interview. I guess I need to be prepared for that too. "Yes, it's my sister's interview but I'm going to be in a segment too." They nod and Paula says "when we look at the video of you, you are most at home and comfortable when you are talking about your work. The difference in the video showing you talking about your work and about hockey is really your confidence. When in 'professor' mode, you have a confidence and an authority about you. Don't get me wrong, you are still friendly and charming but you are also confident and self-assured. We need to figure out how to get you that way about hockey too."

Does it always come back to my confidence and fear? I guess I'm never afraid that physics will go away. Hmm, it really makes me think. "Angelia, did we lose you?" Matt asks me. "Sorry Matt, yeah, I was just thinking about what Paula said. You're right about the confidence. I don't think about it when I talk about physics. Well, that's not completely true, I do think about what I'm saying but not how I'm being perceived. When I talk about hockey, the Pens or Sidney then I'm concerned that I don't do anything that would hurt any of those things/people." Paula nods and reaches over to me. "That isn't unusual Angelia. In fact, we like that you're conscientious and it's easier to work with someone who is than isn't." I'm glad to hear that because it makes me feel less like a hopeless case. "May we tell you more about what we saw in the videos of you?" Matt asks me and I nod. He continues "You do relax and get comfortable, which is so important because it shows your charm and innate sweetness. What happened to you in the Brian William's interview is that you forgot that it was an interview. You were just chatting with someone and answering their questions. That's an easy thing to do and Brian Williams is a pro at interviewing. What we suggest is working on two things. First, how do you build immediate rapport and be at ease right away. This will also help you anytime you're in public and meeting people you don't know. The second thing we'd like to do is interview you and record it. This will allow you to practice answering questions and see how you come across when we watch the recording." It makes sense to me. "I like that. I think those are two good goals for us. I also like that you're thinking about the other ways that I can use the skills. I want to do more in public with Sidney. That will require me to be charming, as you put it." Paula reaches out and touches my arm. "Angelia, you know how to do this because you do it already. I heard that you were at a university recently and there were a few hundred people who wanted to talk to you. You handled them with great mastery I'm told. We just need to bring that over to the hockey arena."

We continue talking about the details and how we're going to proceed. We set up a session here while Sidney is at the rink which is down the street. I'll practice here while he practices there. They even offered to come to the rink if I wanted but I don't want all of Sidney's friends to know what I'm doing even if they have been through something similar. I'm unaccustomed to needing help learning something. That hasn't happened to me in a very long time. I'm very lucky to have experts to help me out. We finish up and as I go out the door of the room, Sidney is coming down the hall. He smiles when he sees me and I know I have an answering smile on my face. When he reaches me, he kisses my lips and then says "how did it go babe?" I look back at Paula and Matt and then say to Sidney "it went well. We have a plan and I'm going to be great when they're done with me." Paula comes up beside me and says "she's already great Sidney. We're going to make her even better." Even if she is blowing smoke up my butt, it is a very nice thing for her to say.

After saying goodbye to everyone, we get in the elevator alone. The doors close, Sidney turns to me and says "how did it really go babe?" I look up at him and say "really great. I like them a lot and they definitely know there stuff. They don't even know me, or what I've been through, but they were able to easily identify that it is confidence that I lack. I also have to practice more and remember that I'm being interviewed." He touches my face and then kisses my lips. "You are great and you'll only be greater." I laugh as he intended me to and I kiss him. The elevator doors open and we get out hand in hand. The sun is shining and we decide to take a walk down the street. There are some great stores so we window shop. It's great to be in the moment, enjoy the beautiful weather and be together. I know Sidney hates shopping so I don't go into too many shops. As we pass by the Chanel showroom, a sales person rushes out of the store shouting "Mariah? Mariah is that you?" I turn back to her and say "I'm so sorry. I'm Angelia, her sister." The woman looks immediately dejected but recovers quickly and holds out her hand. "I'm sorry for the confusion. I'm Sara. It's so nice to meet you." I shake her hand and introduce her to Sidney. Of course she looks him up and down. It's a really good thing that I'm not the jealous type or else I'd spend most of my life mad. Sara turns to me and says "Would you like to come in the store? I know we have items that would look fabulous on you." I'm about to decline when Sidney says "sure, let's go in." To say that I'm stunned is an understatement but he looks interested so in we go.

Sara takes us through the showroom and into a private viewing room. I know what it is because this is usually how Mariah shops; they bring stuff to her. We sit down and Sara leaves. Sidney turns to me and says "how come we're back here?" I chuckle and say "this is how the really rich or really famous shop. You don't look through the store like an average shopper when you're looking at couture. They bring clothes to you. By the way, you also don't talk about prices." He begins laughing and then smothers it when a young woman comes in with champagne and orange juice. Of course I knew that Sidney would have the juice and I decide to splurge on the champagne. Shortly after that, Sara comes back in with three other girls and each is holding a different outfit. Sara goes about describing them all. Basically, the first is casual, the second is professional and the third is night and glitzy. Before I can say anything, Sidney pipes up and says "why don't you try them all on babe?" I look at him like he's grown three heads. Who is this man? He hates shopping. Sara quickly hustles me to the change room and I put on the casual outfit first; it's beautiful fabric and gorgeous on me. Now I know that Sara is a genius at her job. She knew my size by looking at me and I'm a size, sometimes two sizes, bigger than my sister.

I come out and the girls ooo and ahh. Sidney simply uses his finger to gesture for me to turn around so I do. He's in a really strange mood right now. He simply nods and says "let's see the next one." I shrug and go back in to try on the more professional looking outfit. It's a simple pencil skirt but a highly stylized jacket with the entire litany of Chanel touches. The camisole is silk and feels heavenly against my skin. The Chanel touches and the slight hint of breast keeps the outfit from being too conservative. I come out and again the girls ooo and ahh. Sidney simply gestures for me to turn around again then says "let's see the next one." I shrug again and go back to the change room. The dress is very sexy and shows a lot of skin. It makes me glad that I wax often and everywhere. There are heels for me to try on with the dress. I look in the mirror and I can't believe how good I look. There is a lot of skin showing but I don't feel exposed. Thankfully, the construction of the dress may look like I could fall out any minute but I'm kept everything in and tucked. I take a deep breath and step out into the room. As before, all of the girls ooo and ahh but I barely hear them because I'm totally focused on Sidney. This time he stands up and walks over to me. He hasn't touched me but I shiver. Just the look in his eyes is enough to make me shiver and feel his gaze deep inside of me. All he says is "ok, why don't you get changed." Confused, I nod and go back into the change room. Before I can slip the dress off, Sidney is inside the room and standing behind me. He brushes my hair away from me neck and his teeth sink into my skin. He moves to my ear and whispers "you are driving me crazy showing this much skin." His hand travels down from my waist, over my stomach until he has cupped me under the dress. "Sidney don't, not here. Let's go home." He better not argue with me because I don't think I could say it again and mean it. "Fine, but get changed quickly so we can get out of here. Oh, and we're buying the dress, and the rest." I open my mouth to argue but he's gone. That man is unbelievable and thank goodness he is.


	108. Chapter 108

I'm really happy how Angelia has thrown herself into her "boot camp" as she calls it. I even caught her talking to the mirror this morning when she was doing her hair. She turned red when I caught her and it was so cute. I didn't tell her that I used to do the same thing when I went to Rimouski. I did it more because I had to speak French but I was always practicing. I even had the guys from Quebec agree to only speak French to me so that I could practice all the time. She's started dressing different to go to the meetings with Paula and Matt. She told me that they're giving her feedback on her outfits too so she wants to make sure that she's dressed nice. Apparently two of the outfits we bought at Chanel were big hits. I'm planning a night out where she can wear the third, that hot dress, for me. It's going to be a combination night out and fundraiser. She'll get to wear the dress and practice what she's been learning from CAA.

I walk into the kitchen and she's just putting her breakfast on the table. She's also put out a large glass of orange juice for me. I drink it down and say "thanks babe." She smiles at me and replies "I put out your protein powder and yogurt." I thank her and then go about mixing my morning shake. I drink it as I make my oatmeal. I take both over to the table when my oatmeal is ready. It might be time to tell her about our evening out tomorrow night. I know enough to not spring it on her the same day. Angelia is definitely low maintenance but she'll probably want to get her hair or nails done for sure. "Tomorrow night I've been invited to participate in a Make a Wish event. Would you like to go with me?" She looks panicked for a moment and then says "yeah. That's a great idea. I can wear my new dress. Oh, will there be media there too?" She's not a genius for nothing. "Yep, there will be media. How do you feel about that?" She thinks for a moment and then says "I guess it's better to jump in with both feet. I'll talk to Paula and Matt today about it and make sure that I'm ready." I'm so proud of her. I know she's scared but she's still jumping in, as she says, and going to give it a try. "I know that you'll be ready babe. You'll be a hit actually. I'm waiting for the details from Pat but we'll be able to go together. It might even be fun. We'll get to see a lot of kids at this event before the dinner and other stuff. We'll get there early and get to meet the kids and their folks. That's the best part." I really want her to enjoy herself. This is work, definitely, but I discovered a long time ago that if I can have some fun at these things than they are much easier to get through." She smiles at me and I know she's game.

We finish up breakfast and head out. We have an appointment with Dr. Collins than I have practice and she has an appointment at CAA. We are the doctor's first appointment of the day and are shown right into her office. Sitting down on the couch, we wait for the doctor. It always feels awkward to be here; at least for me. It's kind of artificial for me as if we can't have a conversation with each other without the therapist here moderating. I know how helpful this has been for both of us and I want to keep coming; but, I also still feel like it's a cop-out and we should be handling our own problems. I guess I know that we need to come but I resent that we need help. It's really weird even in my own mind. The only thing I know for sure is that we're coming here and it's helping us.

The doctor comes in and I see her glance at our clasped hands. It's been like this since we first met; I can't be beside Angelia without touching her. It's like there's a magnet pulling us together at all times. The doctor smiles at us so I guess it's ok with her. She sits down in the chair opposite us and says "Good morning. How have you two been?" Angelia jumps right in and talks about her media training. She explains how they are preparing her and the observations that were made about her having the skills but needing to believe in herself to use them in a different situation. The doctor nods and Angelia goes on about how she'll get to practice tomorrow night at the event for Make a Wish. Dr. Collins turns to me and says "and how do you feel about this Sidney?" I'm not sure what she means by that but she's sitting there waiting for a response as usual. "I'm happy that she wants to jump in and get involved more in the charity stuff related to hockey. I think that there is lots of good work that we do through my foundation and through the Penguins that she can enjoy." Dr. Collins smiles at me and asks "are you worried at all about how it could affect her?" Now I frown because I don't know what the doctor means so I ask her. "Sidney, if you look at the last time Angelia was interviewed there was a lot of fallout from it and the result hardly did you or the Penguins any favours. The same thing could happen again. What do you think about that?" I look at Angelia and she's chewing on her bottom lip. Turning back to the doctor I say "whatever happens we'll deal with it. I think that Angelia's going to be even better prepared now but if a mistake happens then it happens." I squeeze her hand and look at her. Angelia isn't smiling but she also isn't gnawing on her lip anymore.

Dr. Collins looks thoughtful after my comment but doesn't say anything. I really hate when she does that. Two people can play this game so I ask Dr. Collins "should there be something that bothers me about that doctor?" She gives me a small smile now and says "it's up to you Sidney how you feel about a situation. I'm only inquiring about those feelings." Now I really hate this response. It feels like she knows something that I should know too but don't. It's annoying and I'm getting more annoyed as she asks Angelia how she feels about tomorrow night. Angelia answers "I'm nervous but excited too. I'm heading to see the people at CAA after we leave here and talk to them about some of the specifics. There will be press there tomorrow night but the questions should be simple and focused primarily around the Make a Wish foundation. It's a great organization and should be easy to talk about." Dr. Collins looks thoughtful and I really am having trouble trying to figure out where she's going with these questions. It's is even more annoying that I can't figure it out but Angelia doesn't seem to notice.

We talk a bit more about tomorrow night and then we leave. The doctor says "I can't wait to hear how it goes when we have our next session." As Angelia and I get into the car, those words play over and over in my head. I have to ask "did you think the doctor was a little weird today?" Angelia shrugs and says "I didn't notice that she was any different than before, why?" I don't know how to explain what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling. It's really just a gut instinct that the doctor had some misgivings about tomorrow night's event. Not wanting to upset Angelia, especially when I can't even figure it out myself, I simply said "I don't know. She just seemed a little different to me but I couldn't put my finger on it. Don't worry, it was probably nothing." Only I don't think it was nothing. Damn, I'll have to think about this some more.

I drop Angelia off and head to the rink. This is what I need. We're going to have enough guys today to have some scrimmages. We make sure that any hitting is more accidental than on purpose but it does allow us to go full out in skating and plays. I see a lot of people milling about the front in jerseys so I park in the back. I hate signing autographs or seeing the fans before a practice. Afterward, I'll spend the time but I like to stay focused, and I don't want the guys to have to wait for me, before practice. Everyone is pretty quiet as we get dressed with only small conversations happening. I keep to myself as I keep thinking about the session with the doctor. Although, the more I think about it the more I get mad; it still feels like she knew something that she should have told us but decided to keep to herself. When I step out on the ice, I banish all other thoughts from my mind and focus on the drills and then the scrimmage.

I feel better after practice. I always feel better after a good practice because my body is tired but a good tired and my mind is that much clearer. I still haven't figured out the doctor's cryptic questions but I guess I'll have to put it out of my mind; if I don't know then what can I do? I look at my watch and I have time before picking up Angelia so I drive out the front entrance and my car is swarmed. One by one, I sign autographs and take pictures with fans. One woman even handed me her baby so that she could get a picture of me with him. He was definitely a cutie and was wearing my jersey in baby size. The kid turns to me and grabs my nose. He has a strong grip for such a little thing. The mom seems horrified but I think it's hilarious. The more I laugh, the more the baby laughs until everyone around us is laughing too. The kid is so funny and so cute. "How old is he?" I ask the mom. She tells me that he's ten months. I guess they're laughing and babbling at that age but not talking yet. When I turn my head to the mom to ask another question, the little guy grabs my necklace. The mom is so horrified now that she steps in and expertly extricates the baby from me and my necklace.

A little boy, of the walking and talking age, asks me for an autograph and says that he wants to be just like me when he grows up. I always find it awkward when anyone says that to me. It's really weird because I know that everyone knows me because I play hockey in the NHL and from the Olympics; but, I still feel like that awkward kid from Nova Scotia who just wants to play hockey. Even after seven years in the league, it still doesn't completely feel real. Having experienced this before, I know how to spin his question so I ask if he's playing hockey and what position. He tells me that he can't play this year because his dad lost his job but he used to play centre just like me. It breaks my heart to see this kid. He loves playing hockey but knows that he can't and there's nothing he can do about it. I see his mom and dad a ways back and I know that they haven't heard him. Most of the fans have now left and it's only me and this boy. Without thinking, I take his pen and paper where I just signed my name and I write down Pat's name and phone number. I tell the boy "tell your parents to call this number and talk to this man. Pat will put you guys in touch with my foundation and get you the hockey equipment you need to play, ok?" The boys eyes are hugely round now and become glassy "for reals Sid?" he asks me. I can't help but smile and say back "for reals kid. What's your name?" It takes him a few moments but he finally says "Ryan" and I reply "you make sure your folks call that number Ryan and we'll get you playing again, ok?" He just nods his head and goes running off to his folks. I wave as I drive away and they both wave back. I see in my rear-view mirror when he's told them. The mom covers her mouth and the dad just points. I don't do this kind of thing often but this kid got to me. The naked need on his face to play reflected what I see in the mirror every day. It doesn't matter if he has skill or not at his age. He should be able to play. Ok, now I need to call Pat and tell him that people who are 'Ryan's' parents will be calling him.


	109. Chapter 109

I'm waiting for Angelia in the family room watching the Pirates play an afternoon game. I forgot to tell her that she should dress casually for the afternoon with the kids and then we'll be able to get dressed in a hotel room for the evening. It made it easier than having to get all dressed up for right now but it also means that she'll have to bring things with her. "Angelia, you only need to bring your clothes. They'll have a make-up and hair stylist there for you to use." I hear her mumble something and I think she ends it with "damn Crosby" so I just stay where I am and go back to the game. I hear her heels running down the hall and she appears in front of me. "How do I look?" I look her over and she looks incredible. She's wearing a long, flowing summer dress with her hair down and some kind of chunky jewellery that I remember her buying when we were at the artist's show in Laguna Beach. "Wow Angel, you really look incredible. It's perfect for this afternoon." She takes a moment to smile, leans down to kiss me lightly on the lips and then scurries back down the hall. It's not often that she is so harried like most girls are about their appearance so I find it cute rather than annoying.

The doorbell rings and I know it's the driver; he's right on time. "Angelia, the car's here. Are you ready?" I hear a mumble again as I walk to the front door. "Good afternoon Mr. Crosby. I'm Ben." He's even dressed up like a driver. You gotta love LA. "Hi Ben, call me Sidney. Angelia is just getting the last of her things while I watched the Pirates. Please come in for a moment. I will be right back." I head down the hall to the bedroom. Angelia is standing in front of the bed with all kinds of stuff in front of her. "Dress, hose, bracelet, earrings, ok, that's all of it." I pick up her dress and add it to my garment bag while she puts the rest in our bag. "Shoes babe?" "Shit, yeah, shoes" and she goes running off to the closet and then running back. After adding that to the bag, she looks at me. "I think we have everything babe. The drivers here. Ready to go?" She nods and I grab both bags and we head to the front door. Ben takes the bags from me and I lock the door and go to the car. Ben is holding the door open to Angelia and I climb in after her. Inside the car there is a fully stocked bar, a TV with the Pirates game on – I didn't even hear Ben go back to the car and turn it on – and the seats are plush and extremely comfortable.

Angelia snuggles up to me under my arm. "Tell me more about what is happening this afternoon with the kids" she asks me. "They take one of the smaller ballrooms and fill it with face painters, clowns, magicians and all kinds of fun stuff. There is an area where they can make crafts, there's a 'sports' area for shooting baskets and slap shots. Kobe Bryant is going to be there too. We'll each play with the kids, sign autographs, there will be a photographer who will take pictures and print them professionally for the families to pick up when they leave. You'll be with me and will talk to the kids and parents. Kobe's wife Vanessa will be there too. There will be no press in the room. The foundation will make photos available if parents sign a release but they want this part of the event to be for the kids only. Oh, you'll have Pens stuff to hand out too." She's silent so I look at her. She's smiling at least and then looks up at me "that sounds like so much fun. I can't wait. All of these kids are sick, right?" I nod "yeah, there is a very rigorous process for them to go through to be in the program and these are really the sickest kids. You'll forget that their sick very quickly though. They will be smiling and laughing and have so much fun." She laughs and cuddles into me. "This sounds like a lot of fun."

We stop in front of the hotel and Ben gets out opening our door. I get out first and then help Angelia. "Mr. Crosby?" I turn and a woman and man are there looking at us. "Yes" I reply. "Good to meet you. I'm MaryJane Flint and this is Paul Simms. We are responsible for the PR and media for the event. We'll be showing you to the different locations throughout the day. Paul will stay with you and I will pop in and out. You must be Angelia." She turns and shakes hands with Angelia as does Paul. She gestures for us to follow her. We begin to and then I remember Ben. I turn back to him "thanks Ben." I shake his hand and give him tip. "You're welcome Mr. Crosby. I hope you both have a wonderful evening." I thank him and then go back to the group. A bellman has our stuff so I take Angelia's hand and we follow Paul and MaryJane into the hotel. MaryJane runs over the agenda for today and I'm only half listening. I understand that they are trying to 'take care' of us but it always drives me crazy how often people remind me of what's happening at these things. I've learned to tune out a bit while keeping my company-smile on my face. I look at Angelia and she smiles at me. She knows exactly what I'm doing and why.

We get off the elevator and they lead us to a huge suit. That is the other thing that they always do at these events. They give us a huge room and we'll only be using it for an hour or so. When we're in and the bellman leaves, MaryJane tells us that we have about 15 minutes before they'll bring us downstairs. Paul offers to stay but we tell him we'll be fine. They both leave and we break out in laughter. "Are they always like that Sidney?" I chuckle "yeah, they bend over backwards to make sure we're taken care of. Actually, Pat always wants me to add things to my rider for these events. All I ask for in terms of stuff is a hotel room to change in and bottled water. It's crazy what some people ask for but I'm really simple. Depending on timing, I'll sometimes ask for a fruit to snack on but that's about as high maintenance as I get. The way I think, someone has to pay for it right? This is for charity so I'm taking money from some kid." Her eyes soften and she kisses me. "You are the most wonderful man Sidney Crosby." I just shrug. This is why I don't like talking about this stuff a lot. It's not a big deal but people usually think it is and I just like to focus on the charity. At least I know that Angelia gets it.

Paul comes for us and we follow him into the elevator and then down some back hallways until we enter a room. I see Kobe and we greet each other. I've known him for a few years through these charity events primarily. He introduces me to Vanessa and then I introduce them both to Angelia. Kobe and I talk about our off season training and the girls chat themselves. I notice that Angelia is animated and making Vanessa laugh. Vanessa is showing something to Angelia on her phone and Angelia is oooing and ahing. They're probably looking at pictures of the kids. Kobe's kids are adorable. We continue chatting until Paul comes back in with MaryJane and they take us to the main room. I'm introduced first. It's LA and Kobe is really the big draw here so they introduce him last. I go out with Angelia and the kids are screaming and clapping. It's a better reception than I thought I'd get. I actually thought that they'd be upset that I wasn't from the Kings since they just won the Cup. We head over to the hockey area and watch Kobe and Vanessa get introduced. The screaming is off the chart now and Angelia and I are cheering for them too. When in LA …

There is a team of volunteers to help the kids and guide everyone to activities and to me. I'm taken over to a table where I can sign things for the kids and take pictures. I glance at Angelia and she looks totally petrified. Oh oh, this is going to be a problem. I'm about to go over to her when I see her visibly shake her head, put a bright smile on her face and then she goes over to a group of kids as the each take slap shots. She even asks one of the kids to teach her how to do it. Wow, I know she's uncomfortable but she's diving right in just like she said she would. Paul touches my arm and guides me to my area.

The next hour is a blur of kids, autographs and pictures. The volunteers are helping the next kid because he wants to walk over to me himself. My first instinct is to go over to him instead but I've learned through these events that kids have pride too and they need to do as much on their own as is safe for them. I stay where I am and wait for him to come over to me. I do move over one chair so that he'll have a place to sit. I glance over to see how Angelia is doing and it takes me a minute to find her. She's sitting down with a baby on her lap. She's making funny faces and the baby is laughing. They are both gorgeous. The baby reaches out and grabs a curl of Angelia's hair. She tries to pull at it but Angelia holds her hand then strokes it. I can almost hear her say 'gentle' to the baby and then she leans in and kisses a chubby cheek. They look so beautiful together and I feel my heart swell with love. I can't wait to see her with our baby on her lap. The boy sides into the chair next to me and I pull all of my attention to him.

* * *

It's been a wonderful afternoon. I was initially scared out of my mind but got into it very quickly. The kids have been so much fun and I found my groove easily. I helped entertain the other children of the families so that both mom and dad could focus on their sick child and having fun. I am immediately smitten with a beautiful little girl named Emily. She is so smiley and funny. She loves it when I make funny faces at her; it makes her laugh and then I laugh because she laughs and then we're both giggling like crazy. I feel eyes on me and look over to see Sidney staring at me with an expression that I don't recognize. He has a smile on his face but it isn't the usual one he has for these events. He's looking at me and Emily so intently that I almost call out to him but then he turns his attention to a boy who sits beside him. I bounce Emily on my lap while watching Sidney talk to the boy. He bends his head down to the boy and they talk intently. It takes the boy some effort but Sidney waits while the boy reaches into his pocket and then hands Sidney a puck. Sidney takes the puck, signs it and then they go back to talking again.

Emily's mom comes over to take her daughter so I give the baby a kiss on the cheek and hand her back to mom. There's not much for me to do right now so I wander over to where the line is for Sidney. There is a lot of conversation about Sidney and the event. Everyone is very excited and then I hear a conversation that really intrigues me. There is a young boy talking to his dad.

"Dad, do you think he'll remember me?"

"He might but he does meet a lot of boys and girls so don't be surprised if he doesn't."

"I know he will. Sidney was so nice dad. You have no idea how great he was and to give me all that stuff too. I got skates and pads and pants and an awesome stick. It's a complicated stick just like his dad!"

"That's a composite stick and yes, that was a wonderful thing he did for you."

They begin talking about the boy and playing hockey so I wander away. It sounds like the boy couldn't get all of the gear he needs to play hockey and Sidney somehow made sure that he got it. Of course Sidney would do something like that for a kid he didn't even know. I hang around until this boy and his dad have their turn. The dad goes with the kid up to Sidney who stands to greet them. The boy throws his arms around Sidney's waist in a huge hug. It takes Sidney a moment to recover but he does and hugs the kid back. When they separate, the dad shakes Sidney's hand and then gives up and hugs him too. When they separate, the dad has tears in his eyes. The boy is bouncing around talking non-stop to Sidney who is trying to listen to both dad and son at the same time. I walk closer to them and a volunteer stops me. I tell her who I am and she apologizes. When I ask her what's going on, she says "I think Sidney signed an autograph for this kid a few days ago at the practice rink. The kid told Sid that his dad lost his job so they couldn't afford hockey and Sid made sure that the kid had all the equipment he needed and paid his fee into the league. Sid just found out that the kid also has leukemia which is why he's here." Oh my goodness, this is exactly the kind of selfless thing that Sidney would do. I glance over and Sidney has signed a jersey and given it to the boy. They say goodbye and Sidney goes behind the curtains. One of the volunteers says "he just wants a quick break he said. This guy is incredible. It's the first break he's wanted and he's so good with the kids." I chuckle and follow Sidney behind the screen.

He senses that someone is there and I see him wipe his eyes. "It's me baby." I tell him and he turns to me. Yep, those are tears in his eyes. I go over and wrap my arms around him knowing exactly what has touched his heart. He is such a wonderful man and I sometimes forget just how kind and thoughtful he can be. After a few moments, he pulls away from me just enough to kiss my lips. I pull away and wipe the last tears from his eyes. He opens his mouth to say something but can't so I say "I know. I heard the story about what happened the other day and then how sick that little boy is. Not only is he sick but his dad lost his job too." Sidney just nods and I wrap my arms around him again. This man is so sensitive to the pain of others that it actually hurts him when others are hurt. "Do you have his information Sidney? Maybe we can find a way to help the dad find work. Maybe we can find a place that will be sensitive to his time away from work for his son?" Sidney pulls back and looks into my eyes. "This is why I love you Angel. Yeah, we have his information. Between the two of us we should be able to find something for him." We kiss again for a moment and then Sidney releases me and pulls himself together. "Ok, I'm good now. How are you doing babe?" I smile "I'm having so much fun. You're right, these families and kids are wonderful." He smiles at me and then heads back out to cheers from the crowd. I'm so glad that I decided to get involved. Although most of the stories are so sad the families and the children are inspiring and so much fun.


	110. Chapter 110

The rest of the time with the kids goes by so fast. The next thing I know, Sidney and I are being ushered out of the crowd and back to our hotel room by Paul. "Sid, Angelia, you have about 90 minutes before you have to be downstairs for the reception. Angelia, the hair and make-up stylists will be here in about 30 minutes to help you get ready. I'll be back to take you both downstairs. There is some food and drinks laid out for you. Please call me should you need anything at all. My card with my cell number is beside the phone." When Paul final winds down, Sidney thanks him and he leaves. We both collapse on the couch. "That was incredible Sidney, I mean really, really incredible. The kids were so wonderful and heartbreaking at the same time. I'm so glad that I did this with you." He kisses my cheek and says "I'm glad you did too babe. You certainly looked like you were having fun with those kids. There was one baby in particular, a little girl, that you were having a lot of fun with laughing." I remember Emily and laugh again. I look over at Sidney and he is looking at me with an odd look on his face. I don't quite know what it means. "Yeah, Emily, she was so much fun and such a happy baby." He smiles at me and runs his finger down my cheek then kisses my lips. "What's going on in that head of yours Crosby?" He just smiles and kisses me again before getting up to get some food. "Do you want anything babe?" I guess I'm not getting an answer to my question right now so I join him and grab a snack.

Right after we finish eating, there is a knock on the door. Sidney answers it and I hear him talking to two men and then the men come in and directly over to me. "You must be Angelia. Oh my, you are Mariah's twin aren't you? Such a darling your sister is and I cans see that you are too. You have a hottie there for a man sweetie. Now come over here and put yourself in Reign and my hands. Oh, I'm Ev sweetie and, as I said, this is Reign. Reign, say hello to our beauty. We aren't going to have to do much to bring out your beauty. It's right there on the surface isn't it Reign. My God Reign, why haven't you said hello to dear Angelia? Wow, oh wow, you have the perfect name for you. Come sweetie and sit over here so we can get you ready and your man won't see you until we're done. Reign, would you say hello already!" I don't know what to say. I'm actually speechless and look for Sidney to save me. He simply holds up his hands in surrender and leaves me with the whirling dervish Ev and his quiet friend Reign. Although how Reign would get a word in is beyond me. I'm saved from having to talk much because Ev can talk and work.

I throw caution out the window and let them do what they want to me although I say a little prayer what I won't look like a drag queen. Ev continues to talk which includes the hotness that is Sidney. I do blush when he asks me how Sidney is in bed. When he sees me blush, he says "I guess that blush tells us everything that we need to know, doesn't it Reign?" Reign offers me an apologetic smile and continues doing my make-up. The only reason I know that he can talk is that he asks me to close my eyes. It's freaking me out a little bit since there is no mirror for me to see myself; but, I guess the theme for today is jumping in so I do now too. Ev goes on and on about Sidney and then he switches to Kobe. They came from doing Vanessa's styling and then Ev lowers his voice. "You know Angelia that woman is all nice as pie and friendly when there is an audience but she became a real bitch when we were alone with her. You need to watch your step with that one honey. She wants to scratch your eyes out. Stay on guard around her or else she will scratch your eyes out, won't she Reign?" This time Reign does speak and softly says "she will."

I ponder this new information while they finish up their work on me. I hear Sidney say "here's your stuff babe" but then Ev stops him and says "no, no, no Sidney. You can't see her until she's all done. Put those down and we'll take care of it." Sidney leaves and chuckles then I hear the door click. "Ok, I think you're all done sweetie. Let me get your dress." He gets my dress and stuff and they begin undressing me. I'm too stunned to stop them so the next thing I know I'm pulling on my stay up hose. The dress is next and then they put on my jewellery. "Oh sweetie, this looks like a Nathan Lane bracelet. Your man has phenomenal taste. Keep that one happy. Ok, I think we're done now." He leads me over to the mirror and I gasp. Is that really me? My hair looks like I just crawled out of bed but in a good way. It screams sex! Speaking of screaming sex, my eyes are incredible and dominate my entire face. Wow! I turn to the guys and they are grinning at each other and then me. "You guys are incredible. Thank you so, so much. I can't thank you enough." The each hug me and I hang on tight to my fairy godfathers. "Let me get that man of yours."

I fuss a bit with the dress and, just as I look up, Sidney comes in the door. He's talking to Reign and then, seeing me, he stops in his tracks and his mouth falls open. I do a spin with Ev holding my hand and then stop to look at him. The guys apologize for leaving and then head out the door. I barely notice because I can't take my eyes off of Sidney. When he collects himself, Sidney walks towards me until his hands are on either side of my face when he softly pecks my lips. "Wow Angel, just wow. You look so hot, smoking hot. I'm regretting that we have to go out." I can't stop grinning as Sidney's hot eyes travel up and down my body. God, I feel wetness pooling between my legs. I wish we didn't have anywhere to go either. We're interrupted by a knock on the door. Sidney groans and rolls his eyes before going to the door. It's Paul and he's here to take us down to the reception. As we go down, I can't get what Ev said out of my head. I wonder what Vanessa said about me. It must be pretty bad for Ev to have told me. Why are these women so mean? I don't understand it and definitely don't want to get involved in it. I'll have to be nice to her but more on guard of what I say.

Sidney takes my hand and looks concerned. "Is everything ok babe?" I look at him and say "of course." He smiles at me and we follow Paul off of the elevator. Then it hits me. This is what I always do; I tell Sidney everything is ok so that I don't get him angry. I pull his hand so that he stops next to me. "Actually, things aren't ok. I heard that Vanessa said some pretty awful things about me. Of course I don't really know if they're true because it came from the stylists but it wasn't nice." He looks down at me and kisses my lips. "Ok, so we can be mean back then, right?" I look into his eyes and see the humour there which makes me laugh too. I guess we're both growing.

* * *

I want to rip the fucking bitch's head off of her. When Angelia tells me about what she heard about Vanessa I want to find the bitch and smack her. Of course any confrontation would be bad and I would never touch her but the desire is still there. Then I realize that something just happened and Angelia told me about it. That's a big step; for both of us I guess since I'm not going to kill anyone over it. Instead I say "Ok, so we can be mean back then, right?" Angelia looks quizzically into my eyes and then laughs. I guess I handled that one right. We are laughing when Paul doubles back "is something wrong Sid?" I realize that we haven't been following him. "Yeah, everything is fine Paul." We follow him again and he leads us into a room filled with people. Angelia places her hand through my arm and I lean into her ear "you are so gorgeous." She giggles, I love it when she does that, and whispers back "so are you Sidney. I love you in dark colours." I wear suits so often that I barely notice them anymore but I know she particularly likes this one so I made sure to wear it. "Stay close Angel, we're about to be eaten alive." She giggles again and we begin the event.

I keep Angelia close to me throughout the whole cocktail party. A few people try to separate us but I always hold her hand or keep her hand through my arm. It's a hectic evening and I want to make sure that she's comfortable. Plus, I like having her beside me. "Sid, you're looking great. On your way to the Cup next year son?" I refocus on the man speaking to me. I can't remember his name but I know he is a huge contributor to Make a Wish and he was a huge Penguins and Mario fan back in the day. "Yes sir, that's the plan." I take a breath to continue when Angelia jumps in and says "he definitely is Tom." I'm stunned that she's using his first name but 'Tom' chuckles like he's more than half his age and flirty with a pretty girl. "You should see him out on the ice. He is even faster. No one is going to catch him next season." Tom and Angelia laugh so join in too. Then she asks him "I hear that you are a big support of Make a Wish Tom. What made you choose this organization?" Now she's flirting and engaging in conversation. This boot camp was a miracle! "I am young lady. We had a young family in one of my companies many years ago and the son had cancer. He made a Wish which was answered. It was his last Christmas on this earth and the best way for the family to celebrate the time he had left. This organization did that for the family and I knew it was an organization to support." I notice that Angelia has moved closer to Tom and her hand is on his arm now. He pats her hand and smiles at her. "Don't let this one out of your sight son. If I was twenty years younger, I steal her away from you." I smile and reply "you might be able to do that now sir." We all laugh and then he moves on.

Angelia is smiling and I kiss her. "What is that for Sidney?" I smile at her and say "I love you and you're incredible. That's what it was for." Her smile widens and now we're just smiling at each other. "Well you both look happy." I have trouble keeping a smile on my face when I hear Vanessa's voice but I feel Angelia squeeze my arm and know I need to be pleasant. "Yes we are. How has your evening been?" I ask her, trying to be polite. She glances over at Kobe and then back at us. She places a hand on Angelia's arm and says "you know how it is when they want to talk to the star. The wives are quickly forgotten. Oh wait, you are engaged aren't married yet, right?" Now I'm not the most perceptive person in the world but even I can see that her question is a dig at Angelia although said with a smile. I can't help myself and before I can think about it I say "that's right. We didn't see a need to rush to the alter." I smile and then lead Angelia away. When we're out of earshot, she says to me "that was not nice Sidney. You know about the rumours that he only finally married her because she was pregnant." I look down at her and mockingly say "really? I had no idea." We're both giggling when Paul finds us. "Sidney, may I talk to you for a moment?" I'm confused by the low tone of his voice but we follow him out a door.

We are alone in the hallway and Paul looks from Angelia and then to me nervously. "What's going on Paul?" I'm trying to be patient but it's running out. "Um, Sid, ah Sidney, we have a problem. Apparently something has upset Vanessa Bryant quite badly and she is demanding a change to the event." This can't be good, I know that it can't be good. "Spit it out Paul" I tell him. He takes a big breath and does, indeed, spit it out. "Vanessa won't go to the dinner if Angelia is there and Kobe has backed her up. Basically, neither of them will go to the main event of the night if Angelia is there." Wow, I guess the two stylists were right. She is a real bitch. I look down at Angelia and she's worrying her lip. This is definitely not good.


	111. Chapter 111

_**Note: your comments are so encouraging. Thank you for taking the time to comment and leave me your thoughts. They are definitely appreciated. Keep 'em coming.**_

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I don't understand what I could have possibly done to this woman to make her hate me this much. I can't believe that she would make this kind of stink at a charity event. I've heard that basketball wives are even worse than hockey wives, and I had a great introduction to them through Michelle Cooke, but who would have thought she'd be so petty as to cause a hissy fit at a charity. All of the work I've been doing over the past weeks was to fit into Sidney's world more and be an asset to him. Looks like I'm trouble no matter what I do. In my head, I know that is really not the case but I can't help but feel that way. I see Sidney look at me and I don't know what to do. "Paul, would you please show Angelia back up to our room? On your way up, please call MaryJane and tell her to meet me right here immediately." I'm stunned! I was going to suggest I just leave and let Sidney do what he has to do, it is for charity, but I never thought that Sidney would send me away. I'm stunned and hurt too. I don't say anything though because enough of a scene has been made. Someone needs to be a responsible adult. I guess I'm the only one around here. I look at Sidney and his lips are pursed but I can't read the look on his face. With nothing left to do but to walk away, I walk away.

I follow Paul to the elevator as he calls MaryJane and asks her to find Sidney. He looks at me with an apology and we go up the elevator. Once in our room, I start grabbing my stuff and putting it in the bags. I'm not hanging around here without Sidney. I finish packing everything and then move toward the door. Paul stops me "MaryJane asked me to keep you here. She's on her way up now." I want to argue. The last thing I want to do is stay here for any more time than I have to but I really don't want to cause any more trouble. I sit down on the sofa and can't help but sulk. Everything was going so well. Sidney said I was doing a good job and I was having so much fun. Why do these things always seem to happen? I hear the door open so I get up and watch MaryJane come in the room. Sidney comes in behind her. Now I'm confused. He looks at me and smiles. "MaryJane, would you please arrange a car? We'll be down in a few minutes." MaryJane nods to him and she and Paul leave. Sidney walks over to me and takes my cheeks in his hands. "Did you really think that I would let that happen? Vanessa is a bitch and, while I won't cause more trouble here, I won't let you be treated that way either." He kisses me but I'm too stunned to kiss him back. He pulls back, smiles at me and then kisses me again. This time I come to my senses and push him away. "What about the charity Sidney? Sure, they're right that so many came to meet Kobe since it is LA but some of them paid to meet you too!" He just chuckles now and I'm getting very confused. "Angel, I wouldn't let anyone down. I called Pat while I was waiting for MaryJane to meet me. First, there was no way that I was going to let that bitch win and tell you to leave while I stayed. Second, there was no way I was going to let the charity down. Pat is arranging a dinner for you and I to host with the biggest donors so they can spend more time with us. It's a win-win." When it finally gets into my brain what Sidney has said and down I launch myself into his arms. "I should have known that you would find a way to make it all happen. I'm sorry I doubted you. I was happy that if you had to choose then you were taking care of the kids but I would be lying if I didn't say that I had wished you'd picked me. Instead, you made everything happen." I pull back and kiss him. When we pull apart, we're both grinning like crazy at each other. "Let's get out of here babe. We have dinner reservations. I'm not letting this incredibly hot dress go to waste. I need to show you off!"

I'm still grinning as we get into the car in front of the hotel. Sidney won't tell me where we're going so I am staring out the window and trying to figure it out. It isn't until we pull up that I see we're at Nabu. Sidney knows how much I wanted to try this restaurant and how hard it is to get reservations. How he did it with such short notice is beyond my understanding but he did it and I'm really excited. We go into the restaurant and are immediately escorted to a table. One of the things I love about LA, and I know Sidney does too, is how he can be anonymous here. We don't need a private table but he still has the clout to get an impossible to get table. We sit down and I feel like a tourist. I can't help but look around at the beautifully decorated place. The massive light fixture in the middle of the room fascinates me. It's so gorgeous and modern. Sidney takes my hand and kisses it. I love how he surprises me by doing that mushy stuff when I least expect it. I know there is a huge grin on my face. Sidney says "I'd like to get some credit for not simply staying in that hotel and having my way with you all night. You are sex on a stick in that outfit; although I don't think I've ever really understood what that expression meant until right now." I give him a saucy smile and lean in to whisper "when we get home, you can still have you're way with me." He shuts his eyes and groans.

The waiter comes over and Sidney asks me "do you want wine or sake?" Hmm, I haven't had sake in a long time so I choose that and the waiter goes to get our drinks. We have a driver tonight so we can both have a good time and drink a little. We look at the menu and begin to choose what we want to eat. There are two things I definitely want that Nabu is famous for: tuna spicy taro chips and salmon tacos. Sidney looks over the rest of the menu and when the waiter comes with our drinks, he then asks for our order. Sidney gives him mine and then proceeds to order most of the menu. I'll never get used to how much he eats. I excuse myself and go the washroom. Hmm, that gives me an idea …

* * *

I watch Angelia walk away and admire the way her hips sway. She is gorgeous in that dress. Of course she's gorgeous out of that dress too. I felt so bad that she had to deal with Kobe's wife and her bitterness. When I talked to MaryJane, she was candid with me and shared that Vanessa was very jealous of how I kept Angelia by my side all night while Kobe ignored her. She was also jealous of how much everyone loved Angelia at the reception. On one hand, I am still so fucking proud of Angelia and how she's taking this challenge head on; but, I am so sad that this keeps happening to her. Some of these women are so catty and have more money than brains. Ha, I'll never have that problem. My girl will never have that problem. No matter how much money I make, she will always have more brains and thank God for it. This was a real test for us and I have to admit to myself that I was nervous. Angelia was always charming and sweet. Everyone who has met her loves her instantly. Somewhere along the way, she let so much self-doubt creep in that she started doubting her own abilities. I know that I contributed to that but we're both focused on reversing all of that now.

I look up and admire how she looks walking toward me; even better than when she walked away. She walks to me rather than her seat and leans into my ear whispering "I have a present for you." I feel her hand slip into my pocket and then she slides into her seat. I put my hand in my pocked, thankful I'm wearing a pant with deeper pockets than usual, and … no, she didn't? I look up at her and I know that it's exactly what she did. I have her panties in my pocket! Fuck me; this woman drives me off the charts crazy. How am I going to get through dinner knowing what's inside my pocket and what's not on her. She takes a sip of her sake and gives me the sexiest smile I've ever seen on her face. My dick twitches in response and I'll need to figure out how to get out of the restaurant with a raging hard on.

The food arrives, thankfully, so we have something else to focus on. As we eat, Angelia asks me "when is the dinner going to be for the donors and what can I do to help." I can't help but smile. This is the Angelia I fell in love with; although she might be scared, she still hopped on a flight and arrived at my door in Nova Scotia. "The when is tomorrow night. Some of these people flew in specifically for this event so we need to have it immediately. As it is, some may need to change their travel plans to stay. Anyway, I wanted to ask you if we could have it at the house. We will bring in caterers and decorators so there's no heavy lifting from us. We'll probably set up an open air tent out back on the sand and use that and the deck for the main party. They'll bring in all the furniture and decoration stuff. What do you think?" I saw her eyes grow bigger and bigger as I talked about having it tomorrow and at our rented house. She takes it all in and says "I guess we do not actually have to do anything other than host and direct set up." I interrupt and say "actually, there will be someone to manage the set up too so you only need to be as involved as you'd like to be." She nods, says "than I guess tomorrow works" and smiles at me. I reach across the table and take her free hand to my lips. She's incredible. Hmm, maybe now is the time to talk about it …

"Before all of the craziness happened, what did you think of the day?" I leave it general at first to see what might have left a particularly good impression on her. "The whole day was great Sidney. Both parts of the day we attended were great but in different ways. I'd have to say that the time with the kids and their families was the most fun. I wasn't sure what to expect. These kids are so very ill but you wouldn't know that by the energy and laughter in the room. I can see why you like to visit the kids in the hospital. There's no getting around that they are sick but they don't let it stop them. It's so inspiring. When we have our own kids, I want to involve them in charity activities and especially with kids who are less fortunate then they are or who are sick. It will help them get the perspective we had growing up. It's not the stuff that makes a happy child." Hmm, maybe she's ready or maybe I'm way ahead of myself. Either way, I need to speak what's in my heart. Here goes nothing "I want us to get married now so that we can start a family." Ok, there, it's out and now I just need to wait and see what she thinks. I look at her face and, oh God …


	112. Chapter 112

To say that I'm stunned would be an understatement. Sidney wants to have a child, now! I thought we decided to wait until next summer to get married. Then I thought we'd maybe get pregnant the year after, maybe sometime during the season and have the baby in the summer so that Sidney would definitely be there for the delivery. Now he's telling me – is he seriously telling me? – that he wants to get married and have a child now. In the past couple of months we've gone from break up to cancer to therapy. I finally come back into my body and realize that Sidney is sitting across from me, holding my hand and staring at me. I notice his thumb rubbing over my knuckles. Looking up at his face, I see that he's worrying his lip. I look into his eyes and he's looking worried. I need to say something but what the heck am I supposed to say?

"To say I'm surprised is an understatement Sidney." I can't think of anything else to say. I'm paralyzed but not sure by what; fear, surprise, excitement? Sidney is still looking at me. I pick up my sake and take a drink since my throat is suddenly parched. How did we go from fun sexy time, I did put my panties in his pocket, to getting married and having children right now? How did we get from 'practice' to making it result in something? I'm on the pill for goodness sake! What that has to do with anything isn't really clear to me but random thoughts keep coming to my mind. Ok, I need to pull myself together and talk to Sidney. What am I feeling besides stunned? "Why now Sidney? We are barely back together and on even ground again. We've had so much turmoil since we first met. Don't we want some time for ourselves now before we have a family? I guess I'm trying to understand why you want to rush it." He looks down and I can tell that he's disappointed. Damn, I didn't want to hurt him. I hate seeing him hurt and especially when I cause it. How do you be honest and not hurt the man you love?

He takes a deep breath and says "Yeah, I guess it is a rush." Now it sounds like he's not being honest. "No, Sidney, I really want to understand why now? What has changed that makes you want kids now?" He looks at our joined hands and then back at me. "I love you so much and feel like we're waiting for our life together to start. I know we moved in together because we didn't want to be apart but I'm more traditional then people know. I really want us to be married." Wow, ok, I never knew this about him. I mean, I know his folks and that he wants a more traditional family and life than some of his peers, which I want too, but I didn't know that it bothered him that we weren't married. I guess he sees what I'm feeling on my face. "It's not like I'm in a rush; but, if we know that it's going to happen and we want a life together than why wouldn't we start that life immediately? If we want to have a large family, then why don't we start now so that we can enjoy that life longer?" He makes sense, in his own way, but I am still feeling blindsided. "I understand your point of view. I just don't know how I feel about it or what I want to do." He laces our fingers together with our joined hands. "Tell me how you feel" he asks me. Ok, here goes "Sidney, it feels rushed. You're only 24, soon to be 25, I'm 23 so I don't know what the rush is; that's how I'm feeling right now. Maybe I need to think about it some more." He squeezes my hand and says "ok. I understand that I've surprised you with this and you need time to think." He gives me a smile that isn't huge but I can see that it's genuine. He takes a drink of his sake and then gives me the sexiest damn smile "we can still keep practicing though, right?" I roll my eyes. What a clichéd thing to say? No wonder I love him.

We continue eating again but I can't get what he said out of my head. I haven't even established my career in Pittsburgh yet. I need to set up a lab, research assistants; I have to set up a whole department basically. How would I do all of that pregnant? We're so young, didn't Mario and Nathalie wait until their 30's? I can't remember. Good grief, I need to put this aside and enjoy our evening. Sidney has gone to a lot of effort to make sure we have a great night after the disaster of a banquet. "I wonder what the press will say about us not being there tonight" I ask him. He swallows and says "they're going to tell the press that it's LA and Kobe is the main attraction and you and I decided to have a smaller, more intimate evening to thank the sponsors who are my fans. I seriously want to call out the bitch but it wouldn't look good and definitely wouldn't help the charity." Of course he would think that way. It is a good way to spin it; I bet it was Pat's idea. "That's good. As much as I also want that woman to get what's coming to her, there is no way to do it that doesn't make everyone involved look bad. The charity is the most important thing and maybe we can shake a little more money out of the donors having this second event." Sidney laughs at me and says "you are definitely getting the hang of the charity thing aren't you?" I laugh now and say "Sidney, all of my research for the past ten years has been funded by donations only they call them 'grants' in my world. I'm very good at shaking the money tree. Usually I bring Mariah with me. Oh, I forgot, Ri texted me and said that she's able to do yoga now and her scar doesn't pull. The doctor out there says she's healing beautifully. Of course she does everything beautifully." Sidney reaches over and takes my cheek in his hand saying "you do too" and then rubs his thumb over my bottom lip. Ok, that was cheesy too but I definitely like it and it's definitely having the desired effect. I'm acutely aware that I'm without panties. I feel a little wanton so I suck his thumb into my mouth. I see his pupils darken with desire. I forget everything else but his eyes on mine and his thumb in my mouth. I run my tongue around and around his thumb then nip at it. He gasps, just softly, and I can see how turned on he is.

I remember where we are and let him takes his thumb and hand back. He puts his hand in his lap and I know it goes in his pocket to touch my panties there. I smile at him and know exactly the effect I'm having. I love teasing him this way. It drives him crazy and I know we'll have a great night ahead of us. Our waiter picks up our empty dishes and, before he can ask us anything, Sidney hands him a credit card and asks for the check never taking his eyes off of me. The check is paid quickly and we are on our way out of the restaurant. Sidney keeps me half in front of him as we leave and I can feel why pressed into my lower back. We get into the back of the car and I'm immediately straddling Sidney's lap and attacking his lips. We're kissing like we haven't seen each other in years; tongues duel and our hands are everywhere. I slide my body up as Sidney kisses and sucks down my neck. Two of his sneaky fingers slip between us and inside me. I cry out as his teeth dig into my neck simultaneously. Oh wow, this man has clever, clever fingers and lips. I can feel myself dripping over his fingers. I feel like we've had foreplay for the last two hours. I don't even notice the car moving, I'm so wrapped up in Sidney and the incredible things he's doing to my body. Sidney must because he pulls away and says "shhh" as he pushes a button then says "Ben, can you take a drive down the water on the way to the club please?" We hear "sure thing Sid" and Ben chuckles. He must know what we're doing back here but neither of us cares. Thank God for the privacy screen.

Sidney turns back to me and I feast on his mouth again while unbuttoning his shirt so that I can feel his skin. My nails sink into the flesh at his shoulders – wow, he's built up so much muscle there this summer – and Sidney groans into my mouth. I groan right back as his fingers move to my clit. He moves his mouth down my neck again and nips and licks the flesh there. I feast my hands in his hair. I love the way it curls now that it's longer. I'm so desperate to have him inside of me right now that I move my hands between us, pushing his out of the way, and undo this belt and then pants. He springs free, fully hard, and I stroke him a few times feeling the pre cum at the tip. There's only one thing left to do. I line myself up and slow slip down on top of him. Sidney tilts his hips until he's completely buried inside of me. I slowly start to move and alternate up and down with rocking. This is truly ecstasy. Sidney lets me set the pace and I keep it slow at first. This way I can feel every inch of him slide out and back in. The pleasure this way is torture and I taste sweat on Sidney's top lip with the exertion for him to keep his orgasm at bay. Finally I can't take anymore and increase speed. There was too much foreplay in the restaurant to keep teasing and I desperately need my release; Sidney must be dying. I pull back a little to look at him and his eyes are closed like he's concentrating really, really hard. Time to let us both go so, with a few more movements, I feel my orgasm begin and then Sidney lets go too. My last thought is that I can't scream out so I bury my mouth into Sidney's shoulder.

When we both come back into the moment, I pull back and look at Sidney then we both break out in laughter. "I guess our record in restaurants holds, huh?" he says and then we both fall into a giggle fit. I slip off of him and Sidney takes a tissue to clean himself up while I do the same. "Do you want your panties back?" I think about it and say "no, you hang onto them. I want you thinking about me pantie-less all night" and I give him a very saucy smile that his him groaning. Good, this night isn't over. Sidney pulls his shirt back into place and says "ow" trying to look at his shoulder. I lean in and, oh oh, see a perfect circle of teeth marks. He looks at me with narrow eyes and I shrug then say "I guess the guys will have lots to say about that at next practice, huh?" Sidney just buttons up his shirt. I look out the window to see where we are and the windows are all fogged up. The limo smells like sex too. Oh well, I suspect it's not the first time that this car has seen amorous behaviour. We are just finishing up putting our clothes in the right place when we hear "Sid, we are at the club. Are you ready to go in or would you like to see more of LA?" Sidney and I look at each other and break out laughing. I don't know how Ben is asking that question without cracking up himself but I hope that Sidney gives him a really, really big tip.


	113. Chapter 113

Ben opens our door and I get out first then help Angelia out of the car behind me. I make eye contact with Ben and we share a look that only men find amusing. We both know what happened in the back of the car but don't have to say a word. He tells me to text him when we're ready to go. We walk into the club and Angelia looks at me in surprise. "It's a jazz club" I tell her. "I thought we'd try something different tonight. It's supposed to be really good." She smiles at me and we walk in. I give the hostess my name and she leads us to a reserved table near the very crowded dance floor. I order us a bottle of wine and then lean into Angelia's ear; ok, maybe a little closer than necessary so that she shivers. "I thought this would be a nice change of pace. This band is incredible." She smiles at me and kisses my cheek. "It is a great idea." The waitress brings our wine and goes about the opening ritual. When we both have a glass, we clink glasses and take a sip and then I take a sip of her lips too. They're even better than the wine.

I lean back on the bench and Angelia curls up under my arm. A great dinner, great – no incredible – sex and now a great band; life doesn't get much better. We sit for a while and simply enjoy the music and each other. I am acutely aware that Angelia's fingers play up and down my thigh in time to the music. I don't know how long we stay in that moment until the band takes a break. I didn't realize that we had finished the bottle of wine until the waitress asks if we would like another one. I look at Angelia and can tell that she's already a little buzzed from the sake and now the wine but I say yes. We're not driving and we don't do this often. I'm in training but one night won't kill me. We talk about nothing really important. I take great pleasure in telling her how beautiful she is in that dress. "I'm so glad we bought this dress for you. Every time I don't think you can possibly look more beautiful, you surprise me. Every time I don't think I can love you even more, I fall deeper." I look into her eyes and they're wet. At first I'm worried but then I see her smile. She kisses my lips and says "how do you know the perfect thing to say Sidney?" I don't know how to answer that so I tell her the truth "I just say what's in my heart. You inspire me." Her lip quivers and then she pulls me to her and kisses me soundly. Wow, that was definitely something.

The band comes back out and people begin to fill the dance floor. It's a slow song so I stand up and take Angelia with me. I pull her into my arms. Sometimes dancing is simply a way to get really close in a public space. Both of her arms are around my shoulders and mine around her waist. One of her hands finds its way into the hair at the nape of my neck and I slide a hand to the small of her back pulling her lower body tight against me. We sway to the music amongst many other couples. Angelia shifts slightly so that my leg is between hers now. This girl is truly naughty tonight. She's in heels so that we are almost the same height and her head shifts slightly so that her lips kiss me under my earlobe. She takes a little lick after her kiss which causes me to shiver. Her fingers continue playing with my hair which is slowly driving me crazy. Her other hand slides down from my shoulder to my chest which she continues to lightly rub over me. Well, two can play this game so I slide the hand at her lower back a little lower so that I can feel her firm ass. I move my other hand up until I feel the soft skin of her bare back. I feel Angelia shiver throughout her whole body. I'm feeling lightheaded and I know it's a combination of the alcohol and Angelia. I have this woman running through my veins even more than the alcohol. I've never felt a need for a woman like I have for her. I lean in and lick at her neck and then suck on her ear lobe. Mmmm, another full body shutter by her. Then she shifts so that my thigh rubs against her centre. I feel her moan vibrate from her chest to mine. God, if we're not careful I could devour her right here on the dance floor. She pulls slightly away so that our bodies are still in contact but we can look into each other's eyes. Her cheeks are pink and her eyes are heavy lidded and full of desire. She shifts her body again and this time she rubs against my growing erection and it does just that, grows. We definitely need to take a break here.

I pull back from her and then to our table. Once seated, I drink down my glass of wine. My throat is parched and she's still at my side with her hand on my thigh. I can't even look at her right now. I take slow and deep breaths trying to calm myself down. The waitress refills our glasses for us and I thank her. Neither of us needs any more wine but it's giving me something to do rather than rip that dress off of her and take her over the table. That's when I remember that I wouldn't need to take the dress off because her panties are currently in my pocket. I notice that Angelia continues to sip her wine too. Her other hand is still busy on my thigh and then, fuck me, she brushes those fingers lightly over my growing erection. I look down at her sharply and she is innocently sipping her wine then raises an eyebrow when I narrow my eyes. The wine has my head buzzing and is giving a surreal feeling to the evening. I'm also so fucking hot for her right now that my blood is pumping throughout my body. The combination is making me crazy to be buried deep inside of her. I close my eyes for a moment as she strokes me through my pants and imagine her slipping under the table and sucking me off right here. That thought does me in and, before I can stop it, I cum right there in my pants. Fuck, I haven't done that since I was a kid. I wish I had the problem that most guys do who can't get it up when they're drunk. I'm definitely drunk but only seem to have trouble with self-control. Angelia leans into me and asks "did you just, um …" I'm totally embarrassed; what a fucking amateur move. I just nod and then she says "I love that I turn you on so much that you couldn't control yourself. Let's get out of here Crosby." This woman, wow, she is incredible. I lean into her and say "ok, let me clean up. Stay here."

I leave her my credit card to pay the bill and head to the washroom while texting Ben to meet us outside. It's dark in here and I'm wearing dark pants so no one notices my problem. I go into a stall in the bathroom because there are two guys in there. I do my best to clean up my mess but I'm definitely in need of a change of clothes. When I get back to the table, the waitress is putting down the bill for me to sign. After settling the bill, we leave the club and Ben is exactly where we left him holding the door open. He nods to us and I help Angelia into the car. She's been leaning heavily on me since we left the bar. Both of us are truly trashed. I don't know that we've ever been this drunk together. Before the door closes, I tell Ben that we're going home. When the car starts, Angelia turns to me and says "I need you right now Crosby!" I guess she is still revved up and I know exactly how to help. I slip down so that I'm kneeling in front of her. I slip her dress up so that I can see her. I put one leg over my shoulder and then the other leg over my other shoulder before I dive in. She is so wet and I lap it up. Her thighs are even wet like she's been dripping on them for a while. Of course she would be without her panties on. Her hands are in my hair and holding me in place; as if I would ever want to leave. I tongue fuck her for a while and then abruptly move to suck on her clit. I alternate between sucking and running my tongue around and around it. I can tell that she's close so I go back to thrusting with my tongue and let my finger work her clit. It doesn't take her long to let go. I can feel her body seize up and then shake. I sort of register that she's screamed out my name and then I lift my head. Grabbing a tissue while I move to sit beside her, I clean up my face which is covered with her then I clean her up too because she has either gone to sleep or passed out. "Angelia?" I say and she only moans and crawls onto my lap. I snuggle her into my arms. I can't even keep my eyes open now. I'm so tired after a long day; although I do have a vague thought that it's probably the wine.

The next thing I know, I hear Ben saying "Sidney, you're home." I manage to open my eyes and see Ben through the open car door. I'm disoriented for a moment and then I remember where we are and what we've been doing – besides fucking in the limo, twice. "Would you like some help with her?" Ben asks me. Ok, I may have embarrassed myself earlier but I will not have another man help me get my girl in the house. I ignore his question and secure Angelia in my arms. She has definitely passed out. I have to balance myself when I get out of the limo. The world is spinning slightly. When it slows down I thank Ben but ask him to wait a moment. He uses my keys to open our front door and I take Angelia to our bedroom and lay her on the bed. I go back to Ben, thank him again and give him a couple hundred for a tip. He has been great and I know he'll keep everything her saw or heard tonight to himself. He nods and wishes me the best for the upcoming season. I lock up the house and go back to the bedroom. The room is spinning again but I manage to make it to the bed and strip Angelia's clothes off of her and then strip out of my own before tucking us both into bed naked. We're both going to have one hell of a hangover. It doesn't take me long to sleep or maybe I passed out too.

* * *

I wake up to the sound of fireworks going off in my head. I do a quick inventory and find that I'm naked in bed, Sidney is beside me naked too. I feel sticky all over and in desperate need of a shower. Actually, the first thing I need is to brush my teeth because it feels like something died in there. I slowly sit up and the world spins but I have to get up to pee badly. I swing my feet over so that I'm sitting up in bed. That's when the overwhelming need to vomit hits me and I'm running to the bathroom headache or no headache. Holding back my hair with one hand, I purge everything that is still in my stomach and then I think a little bit of my stomach comes up too. I don't know that I've been that drunk before. Between the multiple glasses of sake and then two bottles of wine, Sidney and I drank way too much. When I'm sure that there is nothing left in my stomach, I move over to the counter and sink. I look like a hooker who just got home after a hard night. My make-up is smudged all under my eyes. My hair is a rat's nest for sure. I don't even bother to do anything except turn on the shower and waif for it to heat up. When it's good and scalding, I stand under the spray and pray for death. I lose track of how long I stand there but I eventually start to feel at least moderately human.

After washing, I towel off and grab my robe. Now I'm just exhausted and dehydrated. As I enter the bedroom look over at the bed and see that Sidney is gone. The bedroom door is open so he must have gone to the kitchen. Walking down the hall I hear Sidney getting sick in the guest bathroom. I guess even his incredible metabolism has a limit. Leaving him to his business, I go to the kitchen and grab a Gatorade from the fridge and a couple of aspirin then take them to the bedroom leaving them on Sidney's bed side table. I hear him still in the bathroom so I go back to the kitchen, grab my own Gatorade and sunglasses then out to the back deck. The sun is way too bright, even with sunglasses, but the fresh air is helping clear my head. I settle down on the sofa and pray for the aspirin to kick in. Closing my eyes helps with the stabbing pain going from my eyeballs to my brain. I drink the Gatorade and pray I keep it down. I feel more than hear Sidney sit down next to me. He groans as he sits and I hear him take gulps. I manage to open my eyes without my head exploding so I glance over at him. He looks like death on a trisket which I'm sure matches how I look. He's had a shower too. "I don't need to ask how you're feeling baby. You look as bad as I feel." He just groans in response. I decide sitting up is too much effort so I lay down with my head in his lap.

He strokes my hair and I close my eyes to let myself be lulled as I feel the aspirin begin to kick in. Finally, Sidney says "did that all really happen last night? I was very drunk and I am a little fuzzy on the last half of our evening. I remember having sex in the limo on the way to the club but then it gets really fuzzy after that and I'm almost scared to find out if the rest really happened." I chuckle at that which causes reverberations in my head. "Well Sidney, if you think that we almost had sex on the dance floor, that you came at the table and then I came in the limo then you are remember correctly." I hear him groan and say "Ok, so it all did happen. We can never, ever, ever drink that much while out in public again. We're too dangerous when sober. When we're drunk there just isn't any stopping us and that isn't good. Oh God" he says and then reaches for his phone. I hear it power up and then 'bing' over and over again. Wow, he's missed a lot of messages. "Oh God!" he cries out and then I get up to look at his phone. I echo his "oh God!" There is a picture of Sidney and I in the club. His arm is around me as we sit at our table. Sidney's head is back and his eyes are closed. It's obvious where my hand is and what it's doing to anyone looking at the picture. I have a half smile on my face that screams sex. Oh God! His parents could see this picture. The caption reads _Pens Captain gets a 'hand' from girl Angelia_. "Oh God, is this on the internet? Who sent this to you? Is this what all of the messages are about? Have your parents seen it? What does Pat think?" Sidney puts a finger on my lips to stop me and continues to look at his phone for a few minutes. "Ok, first, yes it's on the internet. It was forwarded to me by a whole bunch of guys, my sister and Jennifer from Pens PR. Yes, this is what the messages are all about. My parents have seen it. Dad sent me a text. Pat has also texted me and said that we need to talk about spin." I feel horrible although we were in it together. "You should give Pat a call immediately and then call your parents." He nods and calls Pat.

I turn my phone on while Sidney talks to Pat. There are a few messages for me too. Taylor sent me one as did Vero and a few of the other girls. My sister sent me a text saying _CALL ME NOW_. Sidney is still on the phone with Pat so I call Mariah. She picks up on the first ring. "It's about time you called me. Have you seen it?" I don't have to ask what she means. "Yeah, we just saw it. We are both hung the hell over. Obviously we were drunk; in fact Sidney barely remembers the whole night." Mariah is laughing uncontrollably now and I wait her out. When she winds down finally, she says "what has Pat said about it?" I sigh and see that Sidney is still talking to Pat. "He's still on the phone with him right now. Do his parents know?" Mariah is silent for a moment and I have my answer. "What was there response Ri?" I need to ask even though I'm terrified to know the answer. "Well, Troy wanted to know how Sidney could be so stupid and how this will affect his image. Trina was embarrassed and turned a few shades of red. I think Sidney needs to talk to his dad ASAP. Leave Trina to me. You both will just be way too embarrassed to talk to each other about it." Mariah is right about Trina. I don't think I could talk to her about sex with her son ever. It's bad enough that Sidney and I shared a bed while they were here. I'm modern enough to know there is nothing wrong with us being together like this but I'm also traditional enough to be horrified to have it on the internet. "Ok, I agree. I want to crawl under the blankets and wait to come out until next spring. Could you do something in public to take the heat off of us? Is that too much to ask after you've just gone through cancer? Oh, gotta go, Sidney is getting off of the phone. I'll tell him to call Troy. Bye." I hang up and wait for Sidney to tell me about it.

"Was that Mariah?" he asks me. I nod and say "yeah. She says that you really need to call your dad." He sits back down beside me and says "yeah, I will next. Pat says that they've been talking since the picture became public on Tumblr. What they advise is what he calls a "boys will be boys" attitude. He thinks you and I are in a committed relationship and live together. We were out enjoying a great evening in LA and that's all there is to say. The picture implies a fucking lot but doesn't show anything. He says that we laugh it off." I think about this for a moment. It's going to be hard to laugh it off but it is the best course of action I guess. "Yeah, I guess it is the right thing to do. Actually, it is the only thing we can do." He nods and then calls his dad. I go into the kitchen to look for something to eat that I can keep down not wanting to hear the conversation with his dad. Our recklessness finally caught up with us I guess but it's not the end of the world. Actually, I wonder if it helps Sidney's image. Pat is right: it was Sidney and me, not some hooker; we are in a committed relationship; and, Sidney is always made fun of for being boring and straight laced. This picture gives him a little edge I guess as long as it doesn't hurt his appeal to kids and families.


	114. Chapter 114

The fallout isn't as bad as I feared. Actually, the worse part of it all was getting yelled at by my dad for having poor judgement. There are a few meetings with sponsors happening to sooth some concerns but the spin is playing well and, compared to usual rape charges and cheating with hookers for athletes, my 'scandal' is hardly worth printing. Most seem to think that it helps my image. A reporter even said that if Angelia and I were married then it would be a non-story. Angelia though is mortified. She has vowed to never drink again and told me to keep my hands and various other body parts to myself for the near future at least. I don't think laughing was the right response because she smacked my shoulder and stalked away. Mariah sent me a text that simply said _STUD!_

We don't have much time to bemoan the whole internet picture thing because we are having the donor party tonight. Thankfully more sleep and fluids has gotten rid of most of the hangover for both of us. Angelia has been with the party planner all day making sure that everything is exactly perfect. It is incredible to see how Angelia is growing into the role of hostess and partner that I never knew I wanted but feel incredibly grateful to have. I have a surprise for her tonight: Mario and Nathalie are in town and coming to the party. Pat thought it might be a nice touch to have them attend too. It could further serve to smooth over any ruffled feathers from not being at the banquet. Mario didn't want to do it initially because he is always cautious that he doesn't take away from what he considers 'Sidney's time.' Basically, he wants me to stand on my own and limit any comparisons to him but he understood how important the charity is and wanted to help. They'll be here a few hours before the guests. I wanted to surprise Angelia but thought that I wouldn't be good to surprise her when the guests were here too.

Noticing the time, I go to get changed and see Angelia at the mirror doing her make-up. I stand and watch her for a few moments before she notices me. She's in her panties and bra and I look at my watch again to see what kind of time we have; not nearly enough unfortunately. Ok, I need to get dressed. "What are you wearing Sidney?" Here I thought she didn't know that I was there. I really can't get anything past her. "I was thinking dress shirt and slacks. It's too hot for a suit but I think I should dress up. Does that sound ok?" She thinks for a few moments and then says "sounds perfect. Would you wear the navy blue shirt? I love you in that shirt." I chuckle and say "yes honey." She looks at me and raises an eyebrow. My how domestic we sound and I've never been happier. It makes me think about a family again but I put that thought aside. We don't have time for that right now.

I finish getting dressed as Angelia comes back into the bedroom. All of my blood goes right to my dick. She looks like sex. Her eyes are dark and heavily rimmed. She's put her hair up but it's part down too. Of course, she hasn't put her clothes on yet so she's standing there in her bra and panties. I move toward her and she puts her hand in the middle of my chest. "Don't even think about it Crosby. We don't have any time for what you've got in mind." Luckily the doorbell rings and I walk away. "Hurry up babe, I'll get the door but meet us in the family room." She rushes into the closet and I go to the door. As I thought, it's Mario and Nathalie at the door. After hugs from both, I lead them into the house. One of the servers is getting us drinks and we are about to go out on the deck when Angelia comes into the room. "Nathalie?" "Angelia!" The two women yell each other's name and then are hugging and talking all at once. Mario and I look at each other and laugh. "What are you doing her Nat?" She looks at me and then back at Nathalie. "We came for the event tonight. We also missed you so much and the party was only an excuse. How are you sweetie? Let's go outside and catch up." They go out to the deck and Mario and I sit in the family room and then accept our drinks from the server.

"Tell me what really happened last night Sid. Feel free to summarize or gloss over all together when the picture was taken." I laugh at Mario and am happy to see that he's making light of it. If I'm honest with myself, I was worried about his reaction to it. Next to my parents, I never want to disappoint Mario, ever. "The afternoon went perfectly. The kids were great as were the families. Angelia really got into it too and was absolutely incredible. Kobe was definitely the main event but there were a lot of Penguins fans too. Anyway, the family event went good and then we had the reception. It went really well too. Angelia was a hit and charmed the best of them. Anyway, we finished up the reception and were taken to a waiting area to be introduced into the banquet. Basically, while we were waiting, we were told that Vanessa Bryant pitched a fit and neither she nor Kobe would participate in the banquet if Angelia was there." I pause to take a sip of my drink and Mario says "pute" which causes me to choke on my drink a bit. He always seems to find the perfect French word to describe a situation. "Yeah, she is. Anyway, there was no fucking way I was going to let her win, even though there was no way I was going to cause a further scene, so I called Pat and we figured out this solution. Then Angelia and I went out to dinner and the part you want me to gloss over happened." He chuckles at me and salutes me with his drink. "Sounds like you did the right thing Sid. Tonight is going to be a huge success. How did Angelia handle it? This has been a very difficult few months for you both and I know she's not exactly taken to the 'significant other' position." I smile "she's doing really well. You'll see tonight how well she's taken to it now. We've been working on our relationship a lot and I think we're really on our way. She's been taking what she calls a 'boot camp' from Pat's team. You will really see a difference in her tonight. She hasn't changed so much as she's more comfortable being herself." Mario nods and says "Nathalie went through the same thing. They get thrust into thick of things without any of the preparation we get. It takes them time to find their way." The doorbell rings and our night begins.

* * *

My chat with Nathalie couldn't have been better timed. I was still so freaked out by the picture of Sidney and me on the internet that talking to her really helped calm me down. We talked about the banquet and Vanessa. Nathalie had to deal with that shit too. Everyone looked down on her as some backwards hick from Quebec. It took her time to find her voice and her role. She assured me that I would too. I feel so much better about yesterday after talking it over with Nathalie. She even made me feel ok about the picture too and I didn't think that anyone could ever do that. She's now filling me in on the kids and goings on in Pittsburgh. "Everything looks great for tonight Angelia. I know it's going to be a huge success for the charity and for you. To be honest, I wasn't sure if we should come tonight. Mario and I are both so careful that we keep to the background when it comes to the team unless it's something Mario should do as an owner." I take her hand and say "oh Nathalie, don't be concerned. I'm sure Sidney appreciates being able to stand on his own but, tonight, I'm personally thrilled that you're here and can give me pointers." She squeezes my hand and says "you don't need it but I'll give any support you like." The doorbell goes off and I know we're on.

The first guests arrive and Sidney and I greet most together. Eventually, both he and Mario are pulled into longer conversations so I greet our guests. Nathalie tells me to focus on the guests and she'll make sure that the caterers are doing their thing. Thank goodness she's here because I don't know how I would have done both. I've just come out of the bathroom when I hear the doorbell so I answer it myself. I instantly smile when I see who it is "Tom!" I remember him so fondly from the reception and am happy when he pulls me in for a kiss on both cheeks and then a hug. It's not the impersonal air kisses everyone at the party is giving. "Yes it is dearie and what made you run out on me last night? I was hoping to chat you up more at the banquet." I knew this question would come up so Sidney and I ensured we had a prepared response. "We had an unexpected emergency but we wanted to make it up to you all so we are so glad you could come tonight." He puts my hand through his arm and I draw him through the house. "I think it will be worth your time Tom. You won't believe who else is here tonight. Mario?" I call over and see the surprised look on Tom's face. I introduce the two men and Tom morphs into a fan before my vary eyes. He remembers the two Stanley Cup wins and all of Mario's clutch plays. I excuse myself as I see Sidney slip into the house and follow him. I catch up to him in the hall. "How do you think it's going?" I ask him. He turns when he hears me and kisses my lips. "It's going perfectly. How are you?" I kiss him now. "I'm doing great. Looks like Mario is a big hit too. That's ok with you, right?" I've never thought about it bothering Sidney before now. He looks puzzled and says "why wouldn't it be ok?" This is another of the very many reasons that I love him. There isn't a vain or selfish bone in his body. "No reason."

"Angelia?" I turn when I hear Tom call my name. Giving Sidney one last kiss, I follow Tom's voice down the hall. He puts an arm around me, pulls me to his side and says "are you ready to give up the Kid for me now?" I look up and see a twinkle in his eye as he shakes hands with Sidney. Playing along, I say "you just say the word Tom and my bags are packed." He laughs hard and squeezes my shoulder. Still shaking Sidney's hand, Tom pulls him closer and says "if I was twenty years younger I'd give you a run for your money with this one son." Sidney, without missing a beat, says "I have no doubt about that sir" which makes Tom laugh even louder. Sidney wanders back to the party when he hears his name called and I decide to talk this opportunity alone with Tom to talk to him. "Tom, I don't know if I'm supposed to do this, and we've only just met, but here goes." I tell Tom about the boy and dad we met yesterday and how big of a hockey fan the boy is, and Sidney too of course, then how the dad lost his job because he missed so much work. "He really needs a job where they understand the situation he's in with taking care of his son. I know what a huge supporter you are of this organization and you own so many businesses. Do you think you might be able to help out this family? The dad, his name is Jeff, isn't looking for a hand out. He honestly wants to work and take care of his family. It's just that those two things are sometimes mutually exclusive due to his son's illness." I'm looking into Tom's eyes and I can't read him. I badly hope that I haven't misread Tom. As I'm new to these events, I'm also hoping that I haven't overstepped myself. I'm relieved when Tom cups my cheek with one hand and pecks my other cheek. "You have a very big heart Angelia. Of course I can help. Here is my card and let me write my personal email on the back. You send me that family's information and I'll contact Jeff myself." I feel tears come to my eyes as he hands me his card. It's like gold to me. He taps my cheek once more and says "so, I've talked to Mario and Sid. Now I have a beautiful girl on my arm too. Where's the food?" I chuckle and lead him to a server passing various one-bites of deliciousness.

Tom is eventually pulled away from me and I need to circulate and play hostess again. Between chats, Nathalie comes up beside me and says "this is a huge success. You have done a wonderful job." I laugh and whisper back "all I did was answer the party planner's questions." She looks me directly in the eye and says "that's the easy part, I know. The hard part is making sure all of your guests are happy while our men are having their ears bended about hockey and the Cup. Their job may be more tedious tonight but your job is harder; remember, I know." It feels so good to have Nathalie validate that for me. I'm still trying to find my way even if I have jumped in with both feet. She's able to help me in a way that Trina can't because, while she's been a hockey star's mom, she's never been a hockey star's wife. I'm very fortunate to have two different but strong women in my life to give me guidance. After a hug, Nathalie wanders away and I look for my next guest to chat with but that's when I hear "that can't be doctor angel I see?" Oh my God!

* * *

The evening has been tedious as these events often are; how many times can I talk about winning the Cup or how tough the last two seasons have been. I catch glimpses of Angelia as she talks to various people. She seems to slip seamlessly throughout the room. I saw her talking quietly with Tom and can't wait to find out what they were conspiring about. He might just be trying to take my girl! What a great guy and a huge supporter of Make a Wish. Nathalie has been around too but she seems to be staying more in the background and letting Angelia play hostess. I'm really glad they came. Angelia can really lean on Nathalie as she finds her way through the maze that is my professional life. I'm wrapping up a conversation and look around to see if I can steal a moment with my girl when I hear Angelia cry out in surprise and then launch herself into a guys arms. He grabs her in mid-air and twirls her around. What the fuck?!


	115. Chapter 115

_**Note: the holiday preparations and work are kicking my butt right now so my apologies for not maintaining my daily postings. I'm trying ...**_

* * *

Like most of the people in the room I watch the big guy twirl Angelia around while she giggles. He's huge – has to be 6'5" at least – which I immediately hate him for of course. I've always hated being shorter than most of the guys and this one currently has his hands on my woman! I don't know what to do. There's no way that I can do what I want to do and that's either punching the guy in the face or pull Angelia out of his arms and clearly stating that she's mine! Actually, both would be the most satisfying. Only years of practice keeps my face clear of what I'm feeling so that no one in the room knows and I quickly turn to the man next to me, thank God it's Tom, and start talking to him. He interrupts me and says "don't you want to go see who that big guy is who currently has his hands on your girl?" He raises an eyebrow when he says that and I only shrug. "You know Sid, you can be polite about it. Just stroll over and introduce yourself. Oh, and I'd use your full name too." I look at Tom and he's not kidding so I decide to take his advice. I nod a 'thank you' to him and head over to Angelia and the giant.

I stand beside Angelia and offer my hand to the giant. "Sidney Crosby" is all I say. I can't quite work up a smile but at least I don't growl at him. He takes my hand and says "Sean O'Pry." We measure each other up for a few minutes the way men do until Angelia says "Sean is friends with Mariah. They've done some campaigns together." Ah, that makes sense now, he's a model; great. "Yeah, I'm here for a shoot and Ri told me I had to stop by. I guess she forgot to clear it with you huh Doctor Angel?" Now I'm pissed. No one calls her Angel but me! Angelia laughs and says "no, as usual she didn't. What are you shooting in LA?" The two of them start talking about Calvin Klein and a beach shoot. I'm being called over by one of the donors and now I'm torn between what I want to do, stay here to stake what's mine, or talk to a donor. Of course, I excuse myself and go over to the donor to smile and chat. Thankfully I just need to smile and chat as the man recounts every highlight goal I've had in my entire career. What the hell is wrong with me? This isn't the first time I've had this kind of rage toward a guy who's been 'friendly' to Angelia. I mean I do get it, he's really no threat seriously, but it also feels weird and I know she'd be pissed if she knew how I feel. Although, maybe it would help if we talked about it; I guess that's what Dr. Collins would suggest.

I focus back on the donor until his wife pulls him away to go home and I show them out. As I'm coming down the hall, Angelia rushes toward me and pulls me back to where I just came until we're out of sight line of the party. "I'm so sorry Sidney. I had no idea he was coming and I definitely wouldn't have invited him here during the party. He's using the bathroom and then he's leaving." That's when I guess my face shows exactly how I'm feeling. "What's the surprised face for Sidney? I may not have a lot of experience with these things but I do know that it's inappropriate for someone to crash!" She frowns at me and walks away. Oh God, I'm such an idiot. "You know it's true love when you feel like an idiot most of the time." I turn and see Tom; that old, crafty bastard. "You set me up didn't you?" He shrugs then says "you were either going to make a fool out of yourself or swallow it then burst later, right? I was helping you behave like an adult Kid. You know in your heart and head that she loves you and only you. Our problem, and it's the problem every man has, is that we often revert back to our caveman instincts that make us want to club the competition over the head and then drag our woman off to our cave." The metaphor makes me laugh because he's totally right. I wanted to club that guy over the head and then drag Angelia off. "Yeah, I get it. Thanks Tom." He slaps me on the shoulder with more force than I would have thought of him. "That's also how you know it's true love; you over react to other men around your girl. You just learn to think it through but, trust me, it never goes away completely. Who would want it to?" I chuckle and shake Tom's hand. "It was truly an honor meeting you sir" I tell him and really mean it. "For me" Tom says "it was truly an honor to meet Mario but you're ok too." He laughs as he walks out the door and leaves me laughing too. Ok, I need to fix this now.

I see Sean coming down the hall. He stops in front of me and says "hey, I'm sorry to just arrive like this man. I thought Mariah was telling you guys I was coming. I never would have just arrived like this and crashed a party." I take a deep breath and hold out my hand. "I understand and don't worry about it. No harm done and the party is winding down anyway." I'm still not ok with him but I guess it's not his fault. He shakes my hand and then heads toward the door. He pauses before he completely exits and says "by the way, I love those girls like sisters. You have nothing to worry about man, I'm gay." With that last shot, he leaves and shuts the door behind him. At this point, I just laugh because I'm such an idiot. Wow, I am such a complete idiot. Tom's right because love does make you feel foolish sometimes or maybe most of the time. I head down the hall and back into the party.

Thankfully, the guests are all gone within the hour. The caterers and servers are finishing up the cleaning and Mario, Nathalie, Angelia and I sit out by the fire pit. "I think it was a huge success. The charity should be happy and I think that a few more donations will be coming in for them." Nathalie is always so positive and I love her for it. She and Mario both get up at the same time. Mario says "I think we should get going. I have some meetings tomorrow and we still have to check into the hotel." We walk them to the door and there are hugs all around. After they leave, Angelia goes to the kitchen to make sure that the caterers are done and then let's them out of the house. I close up the fire, lock the doors and close the lights as I head back to our bedroom. Angelia is already in the bathroom and I hear the water. After undressing, I lay on the bed and watch SportsCentre. It's into the second segment when Angelia comes out of the bathroom ready for bed. "It was a great success Angel. You were incredible." She turns and looks at me like I'm crazy and she's pissed. Oh boy. "Fine, yeah, I over reacted to Sean. I'm sorry. Sometimes a man feels the need to club another man and drag his woman off to the cave." Now she looks at me like I'm crazy and says "what the fuck Crosby?" Now I feel like an idiot all over again. "Sometimes I get jealous ok? I don't want to feel that way and it doesn't mean that I don't trust you. I love you and I trust you. Ok?" Now her eyes soften and I know I'm forgiven. She turns and takes my face in hands. "You are really a very silly man sometimes, you know. All of this over a man who has no interest in me at all. He's gay you know?" I nod "yeah, I know that now." She laughs at me and goes back to slathering cream on her arms.

That's when I remember "I saw you and Tom talking earlier. You seemed very involved in a conversation." She nods 'yeah. I was talking to him about Jeff. Tom is going to call him directly and give him a job in one of his businesses." I sigh because it is so like her to think about Jeff and his son. "I was going to do the same thing until my attention was diverted." We both laugh now. Two pickles in a jar as my Nana always says. I crawl under the covers and she joins me cuddling into my side as I settle back to watch SportsCentre again but I'm not one hundred percent sure that we settle the whole Sean thing. "You know, this isn't the first time I've felt pissed at another man showing an interest in you." I feel her head nod against my chest. "I really don't know why I feel that way. Tom says that it's every man's instinct is to want other men to stay away from our woman. It really and truly isn't because I don't trust you, you know? Maybe after we're married for twenty years I'll feel differently; but, for right now, I'll just learn to control it better, ok?" She pulls away from and I look down into her thoughtful eyes. With a small smile she says "I know you trust me and love me. I'm simply really happy that we're talking about this rather than you going for a run or work out." I chuckle because she absolutely knows how I cope. "Yeah, I guess I'm learning from therapy too."

She settles back down on my chest and we watch SportsCentre again. I decide to bring up a family again since we're talking amiably. "You know, I wasn't kidding last night when I suggested we start a family." I feel her sill in my arms. It's like she's stopped any motion, even breathing. "It may not be the perfect time but when is a perfect time? Mario and Nathalie had Lauren before they were married. When they did have a wedding, Lauren was a year old. Why do we have to wait? I'd rather be married first but we can do that before the season starts. I guess I keep wondering why, when we've found each other and want the same things, do we have to wait to start that life." I really don't know why she wants to wait. We do want the same things for our life, unless that's changed? She isn't saying anything and I begin to wonder. "We do want the same things, right Angel?" She lifts her head again and looks at me. "Yes Sidney, I want a family. Actually I want a big family just like you do. What I can't figure out is why it has to be now." I relax a little; we do want the same things, it's just the timing we need to figure out. "I guess I think 'why not now?' I've learned through these past few months, shit through the past eighteen months, that life can change so quickly. My concussion, Mariah's cancer, your scare, it all adds up to living life while you can. We need to life it now." I can't understand why she doesn't see it this way. She's quiet for more than a few minutes. Finally, she says "Sidney, we haven't even finished the house in Pittsburgh. You haven't played a full season. I haven't set up my research facility. There is still so much to do to establish our life together in Pittsburgh. I feel like we're rushing before we're ready." I want to scream 'but I'm ready now!' It concerns me that she's not. I don't know how we get past this and I don't know how to convince her. Sure, we're talking more than we ever have but what's the use if we can't make a decision together? Maybe we should talk about this with Dr. Collins. Maybe she can help Angelia see that we should do this now and not wait.


	116. Chapter 116

The next few days go by quickly. Sidney is practicing every day and working out too. Andy has come out to train him, which Sidney really looks forward to; but, the NHLPA has received the first offer from the NHL and the players are all stunned. Sidney was so angry when he read it and I think he's settled into feeling simply betrayed. The proposal significantly reduces the revenue sharing to almost half of what it was the year before Sidney entered the league. They have also rolled back so many other things that all of the guys are pissed; especially considering how much revenue has increased since the last CBA. Sidney has talked with Don Fehr every day for the past week. While Sidney isn't an official representative in the union he is one of the key leaders and takes that role seriously. It must be difficult for him being so close to Mario but being on different sides of this fight. I don't bring up the CBA unless he wants to talk about it. He gets so frustrated and prefers not to discuss the issue. Occasionally, he lets the frustration out but usually he just wants to ignore it. I can understand that and I'm getting a little worried about the negotiations and what that can mean for the season. They've already had two lockouts in the recent past and the proposal by the NHL doesn't exactly give confidence that they want to seriously work something out soon.

Of course I can't stop thinking about the two conversations I've had with Sidney about starting a family. At least the negotiations have taken his mind off of having kids. I'm still surprise that he wants to start right away and can't figure it out why. I'm starting to feel guilty for not wanting to have a family right away like he does. It's very confusing to me why he can't see that we have a lot of time. I haven't even sorted out how to have my career in Pittsburgh yet. Arg, I can't figure this out. I'll call Mariah, she'll take my mind off of things.

"Hi Ang."

"Ri, so glad I caught you. How are you feeling?"

"Good, I'm definitely going to be ready to do the Oprah interview when we planned it. We've decided to do it in New York the week of July 18th. You can still come, right?"

"Yeah, I can put my new media training to use too. Wait, did you say July 18th? That's perfect because Sidney has to be in New York for some player meetings. That's great timing."

"How's he doing with the whole negotiating thing?"

"He's so frustrated Ri. Seriously, seriously frustrated. He takes it personally especially after he negotiated less than he could have with the Pens to ensure that they still have cap room. He doesn't understand why people can't make decisions that are in best interest of the league. He's really naïve in that way; he expects the best of others and is surprised when they don't live up to it. I love that side of him so much but I hate to see him disappointed."

"Yeah, I get it. He really is a good guy Ang. You found one of the good ones."

"I definitely did but we've been having some 'interesting' conversations recently." I pause trying to think of how to tell her.

"Ooo, kinky conversations? Spill it Ang."

Only Ri would automatically go to sex. "No, nothing kinky. Seriously, do you only think of one thing?"

"If he was my man then, hell yeah, that's all I'd ever think about."

She definitely makes me laugh. "Well, I do think about that too but that's not what I'm talking about. He wants to start a family."

"What's so odd about that Ang? You want a big family just like he does."

"No Ri, he wants to start one right now. He would like to be married first, so he wants to do that right away, and then get pregnant. He wants to start a family now."

"What? Seriously? Is he crazy? You haven't even picked up your career again and he wants you knocked up. What is going on with that guy?"

"Ok, I don't feel so crazy anymore. I was starting to think that I was out of line for not wanting to start a family right now. You know I want a family but there is still so much I want to do before we have kids. I want them and I want them with him but not right now. Ri, it's going to be hard enough raising kids with him travelling all the time during the season. I want to wait and do it when we're older and have the new house, my lab is established and I have a handle on what our lives look like during a regular season. I still don't know what that looks like Ri. My first year in Pittsburgh was hardly a typical one in Sidney's career. Why can't I get him to understand this?"

"I don't know Ang. Why does he say that he wants a family right now?"

"He says that it's been a difficult eighteen months between his concussion, your cancer and my scare. He says that we can't take anything for granted and shouldn't wait to start our life and our happiness together. That's why he wants to start our family right now."

"Oh, I guess it makes sense to me but it does seem kind of extreme. Did that concussion shake him that much Ang? Is he that different since it happened?"

"I don't know if he's different Ri. I didn't know him before the concussion. It did have a huge effect on him and his mom said that he's struggled with it. Maybe he has let it impact how he views life. He did ask me to move to Pittsburgh with him and we had only been together for a couple months. Everything I hear about what he was like before we met tells me he was much more deliberate and cautious; with everything except hockey of course. I don't know."

"This isn't something you can compromise on Ang. There's no having half a child or trying it out and giving it back. Do you want to have a child right now? Deep in your gut what do you want?"

Mariah always has the perfect way of distilling an argument to the core question. "Right now? No, I don't want to have a child right now."

"Then you have your answer and Sid needs to respect it." She's right, I know she's right, but it's not that easy.

"You're right of course. It's not easy to do but you're right."

We chat more and then say goodbye. She's given me a lot to think about although I do feel better about my decision. I was feeling guilty for not giving Sidney what he clearly and desperately wants; but, as Ri says, you can't have half a child. We both need to want a child or else what kind of life would that child have? It's just too soon. I know we'll probably talk about it more and I can only hope that Sidney can understand my point of view even if he doesn't agree.

* * *

It has been the most frustrating week. I continue to run sprints pushing my lungs as far as they'll let me and then maybe a little too far. When Andy blows his whistle to stop, I do and then bend at the waist try to catch my breath. Yep, pushed too far, and I run to a garbage can and puke. After losing most of my lunch, I keep trying to find my breath. It doesn't take too long. "It's been a long time since you've pushed yourself that hard Sid." I just nod my head at Andy and try not to drop like a stone onto the ground. I may have my wind back but my lungs are definitely burning and my legs are letting me know that I've pushed them hard too. "Let's call it a day Sid. You've definitely had a long day between the on ice and now off ice practice." I know he's right but I want to argue. When I look at him I know that I shouldn't argue. He's right and I'd just be punishing my body rather than building it up. That's what the season is for, if we ever have a season of course. Fuck.

"Thanks Andy. I'm going to ride for a bit and then I'll hit the showers." We say goodbye and he heads off to work out someone else. I go to the gym and hop on a bike. I'll kill myself if I don't cool down after that workout. Unfortunately, the news is on and it is showing clips about the CBA. The NHLPA is getting good press at least but that doesn't make me feel any better. It is simply a fucked process and Bettman is a greedy, power hungry asshole. I don't tell anyone I think that except Angelia of course. Even with Pat and the others I make sure I'm guarded about certain things. Only with my parents, and now Angelia, do I let my guard down one hundred percent of the time. It used to be hard not to completely trust anyone outside of my parents but Angelia has changed that. She loves me for who I am and I'm incredibly lucky. That's why I can't understand why she doesn't see my reasons for wanting to start a family. I know that she will be an incredible mom and there's no reason to wait. Ok, I need to stop all of this stuff because it's getting me nowhere but more and more frustrated. I'm probably overreacting to the baby thing because I'm so upset about the CBA.

"Hey Sid, heard you lost your lunch today. Did Andy work you too hard or maybe you're getting soft?" I look over at Matt as he hopes on a treadmill. "You only wish you could work as hard as I do. Speaking of soft, you might be enjoying the summer off too much Duchene." He turns his iPod on and ignores my response. My legs feel better finally after burning off the lactic acid. I hop off and wave to Matt. The locker room is empty now and I'm glad not to have to chat with others. I'm really not in the mood for it. Looking at my phone, I see that I have a missed call from Angelia. That brings a smile to my face. Just thinking about her makes me happy. Regardless of what else is going on, we are meant to be together and I'm so lucky to have her in my life. I'm grateful every day. I call her back. "Hi babe, I saw that you called?" I can feel her smile through the phone. "Hi Sidney, how was the workout?" She always asks me how I'm doing and I know she genuinely cares. "It was good. I'm tired but it was definitely good. What's up?" "I wanted to ask if you would be ok staying in tonight. I bought a couple of steaks and thought we could grill them up and maybe watch a movie." That sounds absolutely perfect to me. An evening alone with my girl is a perfect evening. Maybe we can talk about kids some more.

Showering and changing are done quickly because I want to get home to my girl. I wondered if it was possible to still feel this excited to get 'home' after a year with someone. It does feel more comfortable than it used to but the excitement never goes completely away. I guess after our night out last week we certainly proved that fact. It's more than wanting have sex, although I'd gladly do that every day or maybe twice a day, it has become an excitement to see her. I like to hear what she's been up to or how her work is going. She's been talking to former students and research fellows about joining her in Pittsburgh. When I heard that she was trying to secure funding, I told her she didn't need to go and beg for money, I have the money for her to start her lab. The first thing she did was smack me over the head. The second thing she did was very specifically tell me that me that she doesn't beg for money. At her level of success, she simply has to decide which grants will best suit her needs. That reminded me of the lecture she gave. The same way that she forgets that I'm SIDNEY CROSBY in capital letters, I also forget that she's a big time talent in her field. It's not a matter of respect but rather who we are to each other isn't who others see. It actually makes me feel even closer to her.

The drive home is quick and I open the door to smell of something burning. That's going to set off the … yep, there goes the smoke alarm. I rush into the kitchen where I find smoke and Angelia standing on a chair trying to open the smoke alarm. "Shut off you fucking thing!" I can't help but chuckle at her and she turns to look at me. "Don't just stand there Crosby. Get over here and turn off this fucking alarm!" I help her off of the chair and take the battery out of the alarm. Angelia is at the sink with something that might have once been food is in a brunt lump in the sink. "I think it's done" I tell her which earns me a glare. I can't help but laugh at the look on her face. "No shit Sidney." She's so damn cute. "What was it once upon a time?" Now she adds the hands on her hips. "I called your mother and got Nana Forbes' recipe for Yorkshire pudding and this is the result. I don't think an Italian is meant to make Yorkshire pudding." Now she's hilarious and I can't stop laughing. She hits me with the towel which just makes me laugh harder. When I can finally control myself, I say "I'm sorry babe, you are just so damn cute. I appreciate you trying though. Don't tell mom or Nana but you make the best Bolognese sauce I've ever had." She smiles at me and then we're both laughing at the chard lumps in the sink.


	117. Chapter 117

New York in July is hot. It's not the kind of hot we had in LA where there is still a breeze everywhere you go. No, New York City is fucking hot in July. We've been walking for hours and yet Angelia still looks fresh and cool. I feel sweaty like I've just finished practice. It has been a lot of fun though. We've been shopping, which I usually hate, but we've been looking for things for the new house. We found an incredible couch for the living room, some funky chairs for the dining room and a desk for my office. This has been a lot of fun. Angelia is really excited about decorating the house and picking the things out ourselves. The decorator may not be as enthusiastic but who cares; I'm enjoying watching Angelia excited.

She stops and is looking in one of the windows. I see that it is a wedding dress shop and she has a beautiful and wistful smile on her face which makes me decide. I take her hand and say "let's go in?" She starts to argue but I'm pulling her into the store with me. We go up to the desk and the woman there greets us. "Hi" I tell her "my fiancé and I are only in New York for a few days and we couldn't help but notice the beautiful dresses in your window. Is there someone who can show us some dresses?" The woman keeps her smile on her face and consults her book. "Sir, we operate through appointments rather than walk ins; however, we had a last minute cancelation and if you can wait a few minutes then I think we can help you." We got lucky. I thank her and we move to the waiting room. "Sidney, what are you doing?" I smile at her and say "let's have some fun. You haven't looked for dresses yet and I'm sure you'll want Mariah with you when you do but let's look at some together first. Ok?" She smiles beautifully and says "sure."

We aren't waiting long before a woman comes up to us and says "hello, I'm Abby and I'll be your consultant today." We introduce ourselves and follow Abby to a fitting room. I sit outside of the room beside a mirror and platform that I guess Angelia will stand on when she comes out. Before the ladies go into the dressing room, Angelia turns to me and says "is there anything you'd like to see?" Hmm, I hadn't thought of what I'd like to see. I think for a moment and say "strapless. I want to see your beautiful shoulders." She gives me a wink and heads inside the room with Abby. I don't know that I thought this through because I'm left sitting out there for a while. I do see Abby and another woman bring in a few white dresses into the room. Eventually, Angelia comes out and then I can't think at all. I've seen her in beautiful gowns, sexy lingerie and nothing at all. Nothing could have prepared me for seeing her in a wedding gown. Her hair is up now which leaves her milky white shoulders bare. The dress dips slightly at her breasts with just a hint of cleavage. It is fitted to her small waist and then flares out. As my eyes travel back up to her face I see a serene smile on her face. This is her, this is the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with and I am completely overwhelmed with the love I feel for her.

I can't help it; I get up from the chair and cup her face bringing it to mine for a kiss. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." I notice that her eyes are wet now and I think mine are too. I pull myself together and sit back down. "So, what do you think of the dress Angel?" She looks into the mirror at her reflection and turns from side to side. "I love the neckline and the waist. It may be a little too full at the bottom. I would also like something with a little more style or a little more intricate." I agree with the bottom being too full. How would I get close to her to dance? They go back into the room and in a few minutes Abby comes out. Before she can move down the hall, I hail her and say "I'm not sure what Angelia told you about a budget but there isn't one. It doesn't matter what the dress costs, I want to make sure that she has something she loves." Abby smiles at me and pats my arm "I will Sidney" then she moves off. Within no time she's back with a few other dresses and I'm waiting again. I guess it takes a while to get in and out of a wedding dress but I'm not patient either.

The next couple of dresses aren't exactly right. One of them was incredibly hot, I definitely felt my dick twitch, but both of us thought it was inappropriate for a wedding dress. I love how in sync we are about almost everything. We may have a modern relationship but we are also traditional about the same things. The next one she comes out in is very different. It leaves her shoulders bare and is fitted to her waist, like the first dress, but it then continues to be fitted down her body hugging every one of her curves. It's sexy as hell but still covers her body. She has a huge grin on her face and I can see how much she loves the dress. I know we're not buying one today, she wouldn't want me to see the dress she's buying and she'd want Mariah here, but this is a big contender. I love the way she twirls on the podium to look at all angles of herself and then grins at me. She goes back into the dressing room to change. We thank Abby and head back out into the heat. "That was fun Sidney." I look at her and say "yeah, it was. You are going to be a beautiful bride and I can't wait to see you walking down the aisle to me. Thank you for looking at the strapless dresses; they look incredible on you." She smiles and says "thank you. Wow, it is hot out here isn't it." I agree and we look for somewhere to grab a cool drink.

Once we're relaxing on a patio I take a look at my phone. I have a couple of missed calls from Don Fehr. "Sorry babe, I need to return this call from Don." It turns out that Don wants to meet before we make the presentation to the owners tomorrow. Doing some mental juggling I suggest he meets me at our hotel in an hour and he agrees. Mariah takes my hand when I hang up my phone. "He wants to meet?" she asks me. "Yeah, I'm sorry to cut our afternoon short babe." She shakes her head "it's ok. We have lots of time to get back to the hotel and it's getting to damn hot out here anyway." When we've finished our drinks, we head back to the hotel. Angelia orders up some drinks and a snack for us. Don arrives shortly and Angelia lets me know that she'll wait downstairs in the restaurant for us to finish our meeting. I don't know why, but I ask her to stay with us. Don seems ok with it too.

* * *

What an interesting day it has been. We had success when shopping for furniture for the house. It was really fun to discover that Sidney and I share a traditional but eclectic taste in décor. The wedding dress shopping was a surprise but was also fun. I almost broke out in tears when I came out in the first dress and saw Sidney's eyes. The love that I saw there was so overwhelming and I felt it throughout my entire body. It was like a warm liquid that started in my heart, moved throughout every inch of my body and then finally settled back in my heart. I know I'm attractive, I have a twin sister as a model so there is no use arguing that I look ok, but it's only when Sidney looks at me that I feel truly beautiful. Trying on those dresses also showed me what he likes on me. I need to make sure that it's strapless and hugs my curves. I desperately want to see that look in his eyes again as I walk down the aisle to him to say 'I do.'

After that beautiful morning, we're now in the sitting room of our hotel suite talking to Don Fehr about their response to the NHL owners' proposal. It's quite a shift of emotion to go from sublimely happy and in love to extremely frustrated and angry. The owners were completely unreasonable with their first offer and it's clear that there is nothing cordial about the beginning of the negotiations. I'm appreciative that Sidney has let me sit in on the meeting but I also know 'my place' here. I sit silently and listen to the conversation. If I have any ideas or questions then I'll file then away to talk to Sidney later. This is very different than the situation with his concussion. It isn't only about him, there are a lot of 'moving parts' to the negotiation and this is my first introduction to Don Fehr. I want to make sure that I'm not perceived as a Yoko Ono type of girlfriend. It is definitely public knowledge that I was active in Sidney's health plans so I want to take more of a back seat here.

I pull myself back to the conversation and Don is explaining the purpose of the proposal. "Sidney, I think that we want to do two things with our proposal. The first, we want to be reasonable and make the first step toward the owners` position. We know that we need to reduce the HRR" huh, oh yeah its hockey related revenue "because they want it more evenly shared. The second is to be seen as being reasonable in the press and to the public. Negotiations are a war in the conference room and in the press. Having you guys here will help too. We'll do the press conference with you guys in the background to demonstrate our unity. What do you think?" I look at Sidney who is thoughtful. "Don, I agree about the PR piece. Having been in the league this long, I understand the importance of image; believe me. More important to me is ensuring that we are reasonable. We need to do what is fair for the players, the owners and the league. The league is of utmost importance because we don't want to damage the reputation of league. Any damage will reflect poorly on us all. It's kind of a 'pox on both our houses' sort of thing." Of course Sidney would think about the league first. He is so unselfish.

They wrap up their meeting and I can feel Sidney's frustration. We sit together after Don leaves and I wait for Sidney to speak first. We are quiet a while before he says "this has to work." I take his hand and hold it in both of mine. Bringing it up to my lips for a kiss, I say "but you don't think it will do you?" "No" he replies "I don't. I realize we'll have a back and forth, that's what negotiations are, but they are digging in before we`ve even begun; I can feel it. The owners want to take us for everything and leave us with nothing. The top five to ten percent of guys won't be affected that much. It's the other ninety percent of the players that I worry about, who we're fighting for, and it's about fairness. In six years, and two CBAs, the owners want us to lose almost forty percent of our share in HRR. It's completely unreasonable and unfair." I look at his face and see how sad he is now so I slide onto his lap and wrap my arms around him tight. There is nothing to say to make it better. No amount of research or help I could provide would make this better for him.

"What do you need?" I ask him. I kiss his lips and then look into his eyes. "What do you need Sidney?" He looks so sad and almost disillusioned. He always wants to believe the best in people and this has completely thrown him. He leans his forehead against mine and says "I wish it were that easy baby. I wish your genius brain could solve this for me but it can't. There is no reason that the owners and players have to have this kind of acrimony. The biggest problem is that Bettman only needs five of the owners to agree with what he wants to do and then he can do it. There are some long term, asshole owners who just want to make lots of money in the short term without any thought or care about the game. I'm not stupid, I know we're all here to make money, but the health of the league is what is going to make us all money. They're short sighted assholes." He's so upset. I run my hands through his hair and kiss him trying to sooth. We kiss for a while and I can feel him relax into it. He's focused on me right now and I guess that is something I can do for him. His hand slips under my shirt and splays across the bare flesh he finds at my back. I feel the electricity of his touch and hear a banging. I don't know if it's my head or my heart. Then I hear "you guys can have sex later. I know you`re in there so open up the door!" Of course, Mariah has arrived and wants to make sure we know it.


	118. Chapter 118

The day has been a whirlwind. Mariah wanted to go shopping so we went shopping. For me, I was enjoying my sister being more herself than she's been since the cancer diagnosis. Every showroom we went to have the designer there to greet us. Everyone heard about Mariah's cancer and so many of the designers wanted to personally wish her the best. There were lots of tears, of sadness first and then joy, and we were treated like royalty. I had to have the packages sent to the hotel because there were too many to carry. Each designer seemed to be giving us a whole collection worth of clothes and accessories. I even got a very special piece of lingerie from Vera Wang. She's designed a lingerie collection for her bridal collection. Of course, Ri told her that I'll be buying a wedding dress soon and Vera tells me that I have to let her create a few designs for me to see; like I'm going to say no to Vera Wang. I do tell her about what Sidney likes and the style I liked. She is so kind and tells me that she'll put a few sketches together for me.

We lunch at new restaurant that we "just have to be seen in" according to Ri. The food was good so I was happy too. Over lunch, Mariah brings up our last conversation about babies. "Have you guys talked any more about a family?" I sigh "no. I don't know what to say to him Ri. There is no compromise with a baby and I can't get him to understand that we have lots of time." Ri starts to say something and then pauses. I wait her out and she says "have you thought of talking to Trina?" Ok, of all the things I thought Ri would say, talking to Trina wasn't one of them. "No matter how close I am to her, or how great she is, I can't talk to Sidney's mom about this; it's not right." Ri pauses again and looks contemplative. "I didn't exactly break your confidence but I talked to Trina." What the fuck?! This is so unlike Mariah. Of course, we've never been part of the Crosby family. "Ok, you need to explain this before I start screaming right here and now." She holds up a hand and takes a sip of her wine. "Wait until I've told you everything. I told her that I wanted to ask her a couple questions about Sid and his concussion; specifically what he was like before and after. I didn't say a thing about your issues or the disagreement about starting a family now. She said that he has always been single minded and focused on hockey; that hasn't changed. What she thinks has changed is how he views life. It's like he grew up all at once. Away from the rink, he used to be much more carefree and jovial. Now, he is more focused and serious. She thinks it's because he almost had everything in his life taken away from him and doesn't want that to ever happen again. I guess he is taking that attitude or belief into your relationship. Think about it: he asked you to move to Pittsburgh after knowing you for only a couple months; he bought a ring to ask you to marry him shortly after that; and, he now wants to start a family only weeks after you've had a cancer scare. Maybe it's not so crazy if you think about what he's been through."

I've never thought that it could be that bad or have that much of an effect on him. I guess it makes sense but I still don't want a child right now. "What do I do Ri?" She takes my hand and says "just because you understand doesn't mean that you have to agree with him. Maybe it just helps you understand him better. Maybe you can talk about it with him." I sigh because I don't know what to do. Maybe she's right and I can talk to him about it. We have an appointment with Dr. Collins when we get back to LA. Maybe that's a good time to talk about it. Oh well, I don't want to think about it anymore. "What has your agent and publicist said about the Oprah interview Ri? What can you expect? I don't even know where it's going to be." She laughs and says "it's going to be at the Fashion Week tents. There's going to be a segment where we walk around backstage and talk about the shows. Then they are setting up an area on the catwalk for us to talk. I think we're using Michael Kors catwalk the day after his show. They arranged to keep the tent and backdrop up for the interview. They'll bring you up with me there. Did you talk to them about the interview?" I nod "yeah. I met with a couple of the producers and they were super nice. It was sort of a pre-interview. They said we'd talk about growing up, how different we are but how we're also the same and then they want to talk about going through this with you including my own tests." We are still holding hands and each of our grips tighten when we think about that time.

When lunch is over, Mariah has to go to a meeting and I head back to the hotel. Entering our suite, I hear the TV and know that Sidney is back. I make my way to the seating area and see my packages piled on one side of the room. Without looking back at me, Sidney says "did some shopping huh?" I kick off my shoes and flop on the sofa beside him. "Actually, no, I didn't. Everywhere we went, the designers had stuff for Ri and gave me the same." He chuckles and puts his arm around my shoulders. "Regardless, I think we have to buy some more luggage for it all." I glance over at it and know he's right. I look up at him and see the dark circles under his eye which tells me exactly how the day went. I take the remote control and turn off the TV. Sidney frowns at me and I climb onto his lap. He needs a distraction and I can help.

I pull slightly away from him and run my hands up under his shirt. I pull it off completely and then feast my lips on his exposed skin. I lap at his neck tasting the flavour that is uniquely him. God, I love the smell and taste of this man. Moving to his stomach, I use my nails to run them up and down his abs and feel him shiver under my hands. I move my mouth down to his chest and lick, nip and bite at his pecs. I slip my hand down into his pants and find him semi-hard so I slowly stroke him. My mouth moves back up and I taste every inch of his neck until I find his mouth. I need to lick there too. His lips are so full and juicy that I also bite the bottom one and then sooth it with my tongue. He's getting harder as my hand continues to stroke the length of him. His hands have found their way up under my shirt and he releases my bra. His fingers play with my breasts and pinch lightly at my nipples to make them instantly hard for him. I moan into his mouth not able to help myself. "Fuck!" Sidney says when he hears the pounding on our door. "We can't seem to catch a break." I look at the door and say "ignore it" and go back to stroking him. "Sid, we know you're in there. Come on, we need to talk." It's Craig Adams, I recognize his voice, and I know it has to be about the CBA.

I climb off of Sidney's lap and do up my bra. He has a huge erection and looks at me. "I'll let them in and keep them busy. You take care of that" I point to his boner. He kisses me and says "are you sure you don't want to take care of it for me?" I just roll my eyes and make sure my clothes are where they're supposed to be. Once Sidney has gone into the bedroom and closed the door, I let Craig in. "Hi Craig." He's with Jon Toews and Steve Stamkos. "Hi guys. Sidney will just be a minute. Come on in." We head into the seating area and Craig notices my packages. "Doing a little shopping Ang?" I chuckle "yeah, my sister and I went. I think I'll need another suitcase to go back to LA." The guys laugh and sit down in the living room. "I'll go let Sidney know you're here." Then I disappear into the bedroom. "Sidney?" I hear the water running in the bathroom and sit on the bed. A few minutes later Sidney comes out and I can't help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation. Seriously, Sidney's friends are in the sitting area waiting for him and he's in the bathroom masturbating. In no time, I'm rolling on the bed giggling and can't stop. I've rolled over clutching at my stomach and Sidney slaps my ass as he goes by but I still can't stop.

* * *

I can still hear her laughing as I close the bedroom door and say hi to the guys. They're looking at me questioningly but I just sit down. We're making the presentation to the owners tomorrow and I know Craig and the guys wanted to talk about a few things. "They've even brought Ovi in. As if that guy really gives a shit or even understands what's going on" Steve says. None of us are Ovechkin fans, and most definitely not me, but I keep my opinions to myself. Craig doesn't say anything either. He knows my opinion about talking behind other player's backs. We may chirp at each other on the ice and it may carry off the ice but we're all on the same team for these negotiations and need to be united. "So, Ang said that Mariah's here in town too." What is it with these guys and Mariah? First it was Geno, the Matt and now Toews is interested. I guess I understand the attraction, they are identical twins, but I just shake my head at him and say "I'm not getting involved. If you want to see her ask Angelia or find her yourself." The guys all laugh and then we get down to business.

Craig reviews the plans for tomorrow. We talk about the actual proposal and how that process with work. He shares the decision process about who will speak and what they'll share. Don and I already talked about this and I know that I'm opening the players section so I'll speak before the individual players present each section. We're using the guys who are reps for each team. I'm the only one not a rep who will talk during the proposal. It's a position that I would have been less sure about a year ago. I always did what was required of me but it wasn't very comfortable. Since I went through the concussion and met Angelia, I think I'm more comfortable with the public persona I have and the role as a leader in the league. Being a team captain was a simple shift for me. I've been the captain of almost every team I've played on and I understand the leadership role on the ice and in the locker room. Being a leader for all players in the league or representing the entire league has been much less comfortable for me and a role I continue to grow into. It's interesting how a severe injury and, more importantly, the love of a great woman can change how you feel about yourself.

We finish up our conversation and the guys invite Angelia and I to join them for dinner. While appreciative, I decline. We've already made plans to have some time alone with Mariah so we can all reconnect now that she is really on the mend. I also want to get a sense from her what the Oprah interview is going to be live for Angelia. I know that she's so much more prepared and confident than she was but I want to be sure that she'll be ok. It's going to be a rough timing for me to get to the shoot on time. We'll end the negotiations, have the press conference and then the individual scrums. I'll have a car waiting but it will still be a close call for me. I will be there though to support Angelia and Mariah. It'll be close but I will be there.

Angelia comes in as I sink back down on the sofa. She curls up next to me on the sofa. "Anything new?" she asks me. "No, it was more the timing of the day that was new. It was exactly what we discussed with Don yesterday. The guys are really excited to give our proposal. Compared to what the owners offered us, we are being extremely reasonable although I fear it's not going to be enough. Addsy says 'I smell greed' and I have to agree with him. This isn't going to be simple or easy." I run my hand over my face and then pull Angelia closer to me. The only thing that makes me feel remotely better is having her in my arms. I think I need to spend more time with her in my arms. I have a horrible feeling about the CBA being resolved before the deadline. We are most likely heading into a lockout. It makes me wonder if I can talk Angelia into a fall wedding and starting a family.


	119. Chapter 119

I'm nervous, very, very nervous. Mariah is doing a great job and looks effortless answering Oprah's questions. They are laughing and joking like they're girlfriends. They are changing tapes now and Oprah tells Ri that she's doing great. She notices me and waves hello. I wave back but they're ready to go again before we can say anymore. Oprah now starts asking about the cancer. They go back to when Mariah first found the lump and how it was found by the seamstress then move into the treatment in LA. Oprah asks about the support Ri received from me and the Crosby's, going to Nova Scotia to recuperate and how she's feeling now. I can see how this is coming to a close and I look around but don't see Sidney. Looks like I may start before he gets here. I know that I'll be fine but I'd feel much more comfortable if he was here.

I'm right and they bring it to a close and get ready for me to join. I'm seated in a chair between Mariah and Oprah. When they're rolling, Oprah introduces me and thanks me for joining them. Initially we just talk about me, growing up a twin and being a genius. I feel the tears when we talk about our parent's death but manage to hold them off. Then Oprah begins about Mariah and the cancer. Our conversation moves into my experience with my lump. I have tears form again when we talk about the effect of both Mariah and I going through this on Sidney and the Crosby's. I don't know what makes me look up but I do and look right into Sidney's eyes. At some point he must have come in. I get the strength to continue from him and say "we are both very lucky to have the Crosby's take us into their family. It is through their support and love that we came out of this difficult time. As Mariah mentioned, she's been recuperating in Nova Scotia with them and there is no one better to take care of you then Trina Crosby." Mariah and I chuckle and Ri says "yeah, I've put all the weight back on that I lost from her great cooking." The conversation becomes much less heavy from there. Oprah does turn back to me and asks "there has been a lot of change in the past year for you. You've moved to Pittsburgh, you and your sister have dealt with cancer and you are engaged. Let me see that ring." I show her my hand and she ooos and ahs over it. "How have you gotten through all of these changes and remained the confident and happy woman I see here in front of me?" I don't even realize I'm doing it but I simultaneously take Mariah's hand and look to Sidney before I say "I've been very fortunate to have people who love me." I look at Oprah and don't say anymore. I was told that you can't tell Oprah what to ask or not ask but that she also respects boundaries you set. I guess she sees that I won't go into details and she lets it go.

We end this segment of the interview and Oprah hugs Mariah and then me. She whispers in my ear "good girl. You may need to talk about your life but you don't ever have to give them what you don't want to give them. Your man looks like he's eager to reach you. Why don't we invite him over?" I laugh and look over at Sidney. He is indeed looking anxious so I wave him over. He kisses my cheek when he reaches me and whispers "you rocked it baby." I pull back and smile at him then introduce him to Oprah. "You have an amazing family Sidney. You are a fortunate man." He smiles as he shakes her hand and responds "I know it." She says "good" and then both she and Mariah are pulled away. They are going to do a segment in the back room where all of the mirrors and dressing rooms are set up. I hug Ri before she's pulled away and she says "thanks Ang. Oprah has asked me to have dinner with her and Michael Korrs so you and Sid are on your own tonight." She winks at me and then heads off.

"You were really incredible!" Sidney sweeps me up and twirls me around. I'm dizzy when he puts me down. He takes both of my cheeks in his hands and kisses me. "Truly Angel, you were fantastic. You held your own with Oprah!" I giggle now because I know that he's right and I feel so much better now that it's over. We chat with the producer for a few minutes and then she has to go back to the shoot. "I guess we can go" I tell Sidney. "Don't we have to wait for Mariah?" I smile at him and say "nope. She has dinner plans so now I do too." I give him my saucy grin and he breaks out in his own. I can feel how much I need him right now. The blood in my body is crying out for him. Once we're in the elevator, thankfully alone, I push him against the wall and devour his lips. I can't access any skin while his in his suit so I feast my hands in his hair. I hear the 'ding' of the elevator reaching the lobby and quickly pull away from him exit. Sidney swats me on the ass which makes me 'yip' and then I just keep focusing on keeping my hands to myself while we walk to the hotel.

We maintain our distance as we walk down the street and then through the hotel lobby. I know that if I touch him I might spontaneously combust. We aren't the only ones in the elevator so we leave distance between us but I can't tear my eyes from his. We get off at our floor and quickly make our way down the hall to our suit. Once we're in the door, I turn around and slam Sidney into the door and take his mouth again. I don't know what's come over me but I need to feel his skin on my skin now. I push his jacket off his shoulders and his shirt out of his pants. My nails rake up and down his stomach as I taste every recess of his mouth. I strip off my jacket, kick off my shoes and then kneel in front of Sidney making fast work of his belt.

* * *

I don't know what has gotten into Angelia but I'm definitely not complaining. Maybe it was the high of dong the interview well. Actually, I don't really care. All I'm trying to do is keep up with her which is proving difficult. When she drops to her knees in front of me then I give up altogether. She slaps away my hands when I try to help take off my belt so I just lean my head back against the door and enjoy. My pants are at my feet in record time. She holds me at the shaft licks the tip over and over. First, she uses me as a lollypop and licks up and up and up. Then she moves to swirl her tongue around and around the tip. I'm almost whimpering it feels so good. Now I do let out a loud, slow groan as she takes me deep into her mouth and I feel myself touch the back of her throat. She pulls me out again, sucks on the top and then slides me all the way in again. Fuck, I could cum right now. As she lightly pulls at my balls she alternates licking and sucking on me. Fuck, she is so good at this and I know that I'm not going to last now. I place my hand on her head and say "I'm going to cum baby." That's when she makes a sound in her throat and I feel the vibration throughout my whole body but centring in my dick. My orgasm hits me and I think I black out for a moment. At least I'm staying on my feet.

When I can think clearly, I look down at her and she has a huge, satisfied smile on her face. I help her up onto her feet and she says "hi" in the cutest damn way. "Hi" I say back and then pull her to me. As I kiss her lips I can feel how her body is vibrating. She is still so revved up and I know just how to take care her. I lift her so that she's straddling my waist and I walk us into the bedroom while I assault her mouth. Her lips are so full from having worked me over. I release her slowly so that she slides down my body. Her skirt rides up as she slides down. I pull back from her and sit down on the bed. "Strip" I tell her. She arches up one eyebrow – fuck she's so hot – and stares at me. I give in and say "please?" She rolls her eyes and turns her back to me. She shrugs a shoulder and her jacket slides down one arm. She looks over the other shoulder and shrugs that one too. The jacket falls to the floor. Still looking over her shoulder at me, her hands reach back and she unzips her skirt but holds it up. I lick my lips waiting for her let it go. She makes me wait until I want to rip it off myself. She drops the skirt to show me her perfect ass. Her g-string leaves it bare and all I want to do is sink my teeth into a cheek. Next she lifts her camisole over her head quickly and tosses it aside. Her back is still to me and I'm desperate to touch her but enjoying the show too much to move.

She reaches behind her back again and unclasps her bra. Again, one shoulder shrug and the left strap falls. Another shoulder shrug and the right strap falls. She gives me saucy smile as she lets the bra fall. Now I reach forward, grab her hips and slowly pull her toward me ass first. I sink my teeth into one cheek and then lick at my teeth marks. I sink my teeth into the other cheek a little harder this time and she moans. This is fun. I place my hand on her lower back and push so that she bends. Next I move her feet farther apart. Mmmm, I have an excellent view now. I debate leaving her g-string where it is or pulling it off. First, I pull it up so that it disappears inside her crease. Again she moans out loud. I want to have access so I pull it completely off of her and she kicks it aside. I pull her cheeks farther apart so I can see her. Her lips are glistening she's so wet for me. I lean in and with my tongue lick from front to back. I feel her shiver and sway. I use my hands to hold her up and lick her again. Again, she shivers and moans. "You taste so good baby. I love to lick you up." All she does in moan again. "Tell me what you want baby. Tell me what you want me to do." I'm still taking little licks while I say this to her. "I need you Sidney." She cries this out to me. "You need me to do what to you baby?" I take another little lick ending with her moan. "I need you inside me, please!" I take another little lick, just a soft one. "How bad do you need me inside you baby?" She shivers and moans with the last lick. "Sidney, please, I need you to fuck me!" On her last word she cries out because I stick my tongue deep inside of her and begin to tongue fuck her. She's crying out with each tongue thrust. I hold her up with one arm and work her clit with my other hand. It's very awkward positioning but she's loving it. The position allows me to get deep inside with my tongue while I work her clit. I can feel how close she is to her orgasm but I don't want her coming too soon so I pull out. She cries out now bereft. I hold her there even though she tries to move back into me. I blow on her wet opening but don't touch. She's whimpering now for more. "Do you want more baby?" She continues to whimper but doesn't answer me. "Tell me, do you want more?" "Sidney, please, yes." I slip one finger inside and it easily slides in. She's so fucking wet. I slip another finger in and swirl them around. She cries out and I feel her orgasm nearing again so I stop. "Sidney, please!"

I turn her around push her down on top of the bed. I stand up and pull off my shirt. Pushing her further to the middle of the bed, I climb in after her. She tries to pull me down to her but I won't let her. I push her thighs wide apart and dive in again. This time I focus on her clit sucking it with my lips and swirling it with my tongue. I push two fingers inside of her and look for that elusive spot. Finding it, I push up on it while I work her clit with my tongue. This time I let her go over and she drips over my fingers onto my hand. Before her orgasm is over, I push her onto her back and pull her hips up to mine. I thrust into her fast and hard and it doesn't take me long as her orgasm clamps down on my dick. My short thrusts keep her going and I cum quickly.

Before I can catch myself, I fall on top of her. When I finally realize where I am, I roll to my side and take her with me so that we're spooning. I pull her close to me and then let my hand wander down to cup her. I slip a finger in and she moans. God, she is so fucking responsive. "Really, again Sidney?" I laugh "no, I just wanted to feel how wet you still are. Dripping baby, you're just dripping for me, aren't you?" I nuzzle into her neck and kiss under her ear. "I'm always dripping for you Sidney. You can look at me from across the room and I'll get wet. You can simply touch my shoulder lightly and I'll get wet. You don't even have to be here; I can hear your voice and I'll get wet. Does that answer your question?" Wow, it sure does. "Do you think it will still be this way in twenty years?" She chuckles "I may need more rest between bouts but I certainly hope it's the same." She softly mews because I've begun to lightly trace her clit with my finger. It's so fucking huge and she shudders from the light touch. "I love how responsive you are Angel. You're like an instrument that I play. I love playing with you." She chuckles now. "I guess we're having dinner in our room, huh?" Now I chuckle "most definitely. I don't want you in any more clothes than you have on right at this moment." She wiggles her ass back into me and my dick begins to grow. "You're going to kill me baby." I don't think I would mind.


	120. Chapter 120

New York was a great diversion and the Oprah interview went really well. It won't be on until the fall but the producers were really happy with it. Sidney told me later that the producers asked him if he changed his mind about being interviewed. He declined of course but it's interesting that they asked again. Now that we're back in LA, things are getting back to normal. Sidney has been working out on and off ice. I've been in contact with former students and research fellows to put together a research team in Pittsburgh. I get the same reaction from everyone. First they say "Pittsburgh?" and then they say "seriously, Pittsburgh?" I can't help but laugh every time but it looks like I have enticed my team to Pittsburgh. I'm currently checking my phone for emails. There is still one researcher that I want who hasn't committed yet. They really don't want to move to Pittsburgh.

"Have you heard from her yet?" Sidney asks me. We're waiting for our appointment with Dr. Collins. "No, not yet." He takes my hand and says "she will. You're the best out there and, if she has any talent and taste, she'll want to work for you regardless of where you are." I look into his eyes and see that he looks a little anxious. "Sidney, I don't regret for a moment moving to Pittsburgh. You don't need to worry about it, ok? If she comes then I'll be very happy. If she doesn't then I'll figure it out. I'm exactly where I want to be." I can feel him relax and he smiles. "Sid, Angelia, come on in" Dr. Collins calls us in.

When we've settled on the sofa, Dr. Collins asks me "How did the interview go? I know you had some anxiety about it." I tell her about the interview and how confident I felt afterward. Mariah was really happy with it as was her publicist so I guess is did alright. I'm silent then and so is Sidney. Dr. Collins looks from me to Sidney and then back again. "It's obvious that you both have something on your mind so why don't we go right there to make the most of our time today." I bite my lip and look at Sidney. He glances at me and purses his lips. Which one of us is going first? It's almost like we're playing a game of chicken now; staring at each other and saying nothing. Sidney takes a deep breath and begins. "I brought up starting a family and Angelia doesn't want to so we're at an impasse." My mouth falls open and I make an involuntary squeak. What the hell? "Sidney, that's not the whole story. I want to have a family with you. What you want is to start one right now! I want to get my career going again. I want us to go through a regular season together. I want us spend some time together being happy. We have lots of time to have a family. I don't understand what waiting a year or two would matter!"

My hand flies to my mouth. I think I went a little overboard there but once I got going then there was no stopping me. I've been so frustrated for so long about this that it all came flying out. Sidney just lifts his hands in surrender and looks at Dr. Collins. She offers a considering smile and then says "ok, let's start at the beginning. Sid, what was the impetus for you bringing this up now?" Sidney closes his eyes for a moment and I know he's calming down. When he opens them, he looks at Dr. Collins and says "I guess I've been thinking about it for a while now. It started back in the fall. We were babysitting for our friends and it was incredible to see her with the kids. She was effortless with them. The littlest one fell asleep in her arms. The eldest needed help with her homework. She's a natural mom. That's when I started thinking about our life together. Recently, we've been talking a lot about our future together and I know that we both want the same thing. The Make a Wish event was where it really hit me. I saw her with this beautiful baby. They were playing and Angelia was making her giggle. That's when I knew we shouldn't wait. I mean, what's the point of waiting to start the life we want? It makes sense to start that life now so that we have more time to enjoy it."

I didn't realize that Sidney has been thinking about this since we babysat Pascal's family. I knew we both thought about a family and we even talked about it but I didn't know that he thought about starting it now. "Angelia" Dr. Collins brings me back to the conversation. "What are your thoughts?" What are my thoughts? I'm way too young to be a mom and I have so much still to do. Ok, here goes "I don't see the urgency that Sidney clearly sees. We are together and we are happy. We are going to get married. We are going to have a family, a large family, but we don't need to rush it. We're still figuring out what our life in Pittsburgh looks like. I just really don't understand why this is such a huge issue." Dr. Collins leans towards us and asks "Sidney, I am feeling an urgency from you when you talk about starting that family life right now. What is propelling you to do this right now?" Sidney is silent for a few moments. I can feel the frustration radiating from him. "I've told you why. It makes no sense to me to wait. It's like waiting for your life to begin. Just because we have a family doesn't mean that she can't work. We still need to get married first so we would have at least a year before a baby would be born. Why does there have to be more than that to it." Dr. Collins leans back and replies "there doesn't have to be something more to it Sidney but I'm sensing that there is something else going on. What do you think?" Sidney is getting more frustrated now. I wonder if I should jump in or leave it alone when Sidney just shrugs. Arg, it's such a man thing to do.

Dr. Collins makes the decision for me when she asks "Angelia, what do you think might be propelling Sidney's need for a family now?" I make a quick decision to be honest. "I didn't know Sidney before his concussion but I do know what he was like afterward. There was a time when we weren't just concerned that he'd never play hockey again; we were concerned for his health. When he had a relapse, the symptoms were horrible and truly terrifying. That has to affect how you see life and how you want to approach every moment of your life. I think that the recent events, our break up, Mariah's cancer diagnosis and my cancer scare, can't help but make you want to take advantage of every moment of life. From my perspective, I understand all of that but I don't think you make life altering decisions because you're scared not to." Dr. Collins sits there listening until I'm finished. She turns to Sidney and says "what is your reaction to that Sidney?" I look at Sidney now and he's looking down and playing with the hem of his shirt. We wait for a few moments for him to respond. He finally looks up at me and says "let's say that's true Angelia. Let's say that I've learned the hard way that you need to take advantage of every moment you have in life. Isn't that a good lesson to learn? I almost lost the single most important thing I've had in my whole life – hockey. Then I almost lost the new most important thing in my life – you – and I face that twice. I can't go through that ever again. We need to take advantage of every moment we have together. Why didn't you parent's death teach you that?" I had glanced away but my eyes snap back to his when he brings up my parents and it feels like a knife has been plunged into my heart. Oh God, how could he do that?

* * *

As soon as it was out of my mouth, I immediately wanted to take it back. I know how destroyed she was by her parent's death. She still suffers and it's one of the reasons we sought therapy in the beginning. I can't say that I didn't mean what I said. I really don't know why her parents death hasn't shown her how precious life is; but, I definitely shouldn't have said it and definitely not like that. I find the courage to look at her face and she has turned white. Her mouth is opened and I can tell that she is incredibly hurt. What do I say now? "I'm so sorry Angel. I never should have said that; please, I'm so sorry." I try to take her hand but she pulls away from me. "Ok" Dr. Collins says "let's just take a moment now. Sidney, can you explain what you meant? It might not have been said in the most delicate way but you did have a reason for saying it." Does this woman want me to twist the knife deeper into the woman I love? What the fuck is her problem? I look at Angelia again and she is still staring at me. Fine, I guess I have nothing to lose at this point. "What I meant was that you've been through tragedy and I would think that you would come to the same conclusions that I have. That you would realize that we can't take life and our time together for granted. I don't know why you don't feel the same way that I do about this because of what you've been through." I hope and pray at this point that I've made myself clearer and taken some of the sting out of what I said.

"Now I know you are upset Angelia but I need you to talk to Sidney about how you're feeling about what he's said; both about your parents and his explanation." Dr. Collins urges Angelia to look back at me. She does but I feel a chasm between us even though we're sitting an inch away from each other on the sofa. Angelia takes a few deep breaths and then looks at me. I can see the pain in her eyes and regret that I put it there. "Ok, well, I can't believe you used my parent's death as a reason to have a child. That is no reason to have a child and it hurts so much that you could do that to me. You know how deeply my parent's death affected me. You know that's one of the reasons I've had so much trouble in our relationship. How could you possibly try and use that as the reason we should have a child?" Tears are running down her cheeks and I want nothing more than to scoop her up in my arms and make it better. The problem is that I'm the cause. This appointment went so much different in my mind. I thought I would explain my point of view and Dr. Collins would tell Angelia that it made sense to her. I thought we would start trying tonight. Now everything is unravelling and I don't see how simply wanting a child with the woman I love, and who also wants a family, has turned into this catastrophe.

"That wasn't what I really meant Angel. I truly didn't mean that the way it came out. All I meant was that you have been through so much that I would think you'd want to take advantage of every moment you have in life and that we have together. I said it badly, really badly. That's all I really meant. I'm so sorry I hurt you." She lets me take her hand now as she uses her other one to wipe up her tears. I tilt her chin up until she's looking at me. "Ok?" I ask her. She tilts her head and then nods. I let go of a huge breath that I didn't know I was holding. I know that we're not completely over it, and we haven't solved the original problem of when to have kids, but I am glad that she's not crying anymore. "If we go back to the intent of what you said Sidney, you see life as short where anything can really happen and you don't want to wait to start a family. Is that a good recap?" Finally, she gets it. Maybe we can get somewhere now. "Yes Dr. Collins. That is exactly what I'm saying." She nods and then looks at Angelia "and you, Angelia, think that it isn't the right time. You want to settle into your life in Pittsburgh including your job and your new home before you have a family. If I understand, you are only looking at waiting a few years. Is this correct?" I look at Angelia and she nods. Ok, this isn't going the way I thought it was going. "So Sidney, Angelia, it looks like you don't agree on when to have a child. What are you going to do? How do we get through this?" What the fuck? Isn't this what we're paying her for?


	121. Chapter 121

Sidney and I sit looking at each other. Dr. Collins has just said ""So Sidney, Angelia, it looks like you don't agree on when to have a child. What are you going to do? How do we get through this?" Neither of us know what to say because there is no compromise with having a child. I feel guilty that I don't want a child right now. I feel even guiltier about it when I think about how much Sidney has given me, especially his wonderful family, and I can't give him something that is so important to him. I guess I shouldn't say 'can't' since I can but won't right now. We continue to stare at each other and Sidney looks away first. I see his shoulders slump as he looks down at his hands. Then he looks up at Dr. Collins and says "I guess we're not having a child right now. It's an absolute; you either have a child or you don't. There is no compromise to be achieved here." He looks so incredibly sad that I want to agree just to take that sad, dejected look off of his face. I know that it's not the right solution but I want to anyway. Dr. Collins turns to me and says "how do you feel about that Angelia?" I take Sidney's hand and look at Dr. Collins. "I'm sad because I know how much Sidney wants this right now. I also feel guilty because I'm causing him" I pause and look at Sidney "I'm causing you pain. I don't want to but this isn't a simple thing. Nor is it, as you said, something that we can compromise on. I know that you are going to be an incredible dad. I am so excited to see you with our child. But, let's be honest here: I'm going to do most of the 'heavy lifting' with our children. During the season you will be gone often. I don't say that in blame or to make you feel bad but it is the way it is. Carole Lynn does most of the parenting when Pascal isn't around. I need to be ready for that before we do it."

I didn't know that it was possible but Sidney's shoulders slump even lower and he now looks like a lost little boy. I put my hand on the side of his face and stroke his cheek with my thumb. "Sidney, it's the life I want. You know this is what I want and if you didn't play hockey then you wouldn't be the person you are right now. I don't ever wish that you weren't a hockey player. We just need to be realistic about what our life will look like and I need to be prepared for that. I need to have my lab set up and the right team in place so that it can run without me and give me the flexibility I need for us to have a family. I know what it felt like to have nothing but you in my life and when you weren't around I was very unhappy and it affected our relationship. You like that I'm independent so you need to let me be independent." He raises his hand up to mine. "I know that Angel, I do. All of it is true and you are even more crucial to having a family than I am because you're right about your role in the family. None of that makes me happy even if I do understand." I can see how very unhappy he is and I look at Dr. Collins. She gives me a small smile. "You're both right of course and, as Sidney just expressed, being right or realistic doesn't make the decision any easier for either of you or any happier." We're both facing Dr. Collins now so I lean into Sidney's shoulder and he wraps his arm around me. It feels like a melancholy has landed on both of us. In the strictest sense, I got my way and we're not having a child right now. As Dr. Collins says, getting 'my way' doesn't make me remotely happy because Sidney is unhappy. It's interesting how quickly my happiness became dependant on someone else's happiness. Not even a year ago, I didn't know this man well and yet now my happiness depends on his. This is a side effect of love that I didn't anticipate and I'm not at all sure that I like.

Sidney turns to Dr. Collins and says "shouldn't this be easier?" She responds "Shouldn't what be easier Sidney?" He looks at me and then back to the doctor. "Shouldn't love be easier? We have so many ups and downs, and I mean extreme ups and downs, that I never would have expected." Dr. Collins nods and says "it sounds to me like you're saying you think what's going on isn't normal." Sidney nods and says "yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. My friends don't have these kinds of problems. It just doesn't seem normal." She nods back to him. "Ok Sidney, let me reflect back what I've heard from both of you about your lives. Sidney, you were a young phenom. When you were fourteen years old, the media was going to your games. Parents were threatening you if their kids didn't get more ice time. Your name was known across a whole country before you had finished puberty. You were a millionaire before you turned eighteen. Since then, your life has been under a microscope. That's all before eighteen months ago when you had an injury that affected your very life. Then you meet a woman who you quickly fall in love with, have her move to Pittsburgh with you, you propose within months and then, just when your health is sorted out, you go through a cancer scare." We both sit there listening to her. It does sound like something out of a book or movie rather than his life.

"And Angelia; you have never experienced what most people call normal. You were talking before you could walk. You were reading novels while still in diapers. You graduated high school at eleven years of age, undergraduate degrees at fourteen, graduate degree at fifteen and doctorate at seventeen. You were thrust into an adult life before you finished puberty. Then the only thing that was stable in your life, your family, was taken from you. You meet this man, fall in love and move your entire life to Pittsburgh with him all within a few months. You help him through the most difficult time of his life, then your sister with cancer and finally through your own cancer scare. I guess, given all of these unusual and extreme events and experiences, I wonder why you think anything else would be normal?" Sidney and I look at each other and then we both start laughing. It seems very absurd when you think about it. Hearing it come from Dr. Collins makes it seem even more absurd. "Ok" Sidney says "I guess you have a point." She smiles at us now. "When you first came to me Sidney, you asked me if a relationship should be this hard. We talked about what you could both do that would make your relationship healthier and we're working on that; but, I would never say that either of you are the norm, or usual, so why would your relationship be the norm?" She makes sense to me. I glance at Sidney and he seems to be taken it in too.

"We do still have one issue that can't be solved so that you are both happy with the result. How do you move forward from here?" Dr. Collins asks us. We all chuckle when Sidney and I shrug at the same time. "I have no idea" I say. "I know Sidney isn't happy with the decision not to have a child and I can't be happy because he is unhappy." Sidney lifts my hand to his lips. "I know. I don't want to feel this way because I see how it affects you but I can't stop either." We look to Dr. Collins for help. She smiles at us and says "I know you won't be having a child right now but isn't there something that you can do to move your relationship forward?" I'm confused at first but then I get it and I smile at Sidney. He's still looking confused so I say "yeah, there is something that we can do right away to start our new life together. You said you wanted a fall wedding so why don't we do it? We can plan it right before training camp and we can take a short honeymoon then you can go into camp. Everyone will be around before camp. It'll be great." Sidney's face hasn't changed. I know this is little consolation compared to having a child but it is something that we want to do, it will move us forward in our life together and it's the best we can do without actually having a child. I see the same thoughts wash over his face and then he takes my face in his hands and kisses my lips, fast but firm. "I think it's a great idea" he tells me and I throw my arms around his neck. Looks like I'll be back to visit Vera Wang earlier than expected.

* * *

When we get home, I get change to go for a run. I always think better when I'm moving. Before I head out, we call my parents and Mariah to tell them about the wedding. Everyone is really excited, although surprised at the quick date, but I guess it makes sense to them given everything we've gone through in the past months. Both dad and I drop off the call once Angelia and mom start talking about the details. I give Angelia a kiss and head out to the beach. I'm really getting spoiled running along the beach. Usually, I hate running and try to avoid it whenever I can. The Penguins sports psychologist suggested I try it when I'm frustrated, angry or have something to work out. I tried it one day and have been doing it ever since.

The session with Dr. Collins didn't go exactly how I thought it would go. We walked out of there having decided not to have a child. Looks like no one can really understand what I'm saying. There isn't any compromising on a child but we are taking a step closer to a child by getting married. She agreed to get married when I suggested so maybe it's just a little more time before she agrees to have a baby too. We've decided to have a small wedding. It could get crazy if we start inviting everyone in our lives. Between hockey and the university, our guest list could get into the hundreds very easily. When I think about how many were at Flower's wedding I just shudder. On the way home, we talked about what kind of wedding we wanted and how big. We decided to keep it small with immediate family and the Lemieuxs. When we started talking about friends, it was too hard to draw a line. When I think about team mates, former team mates and other close friends, the list grew exponentially. We've decided to keep it very, very small and treat it almost like eloping. After our honeymoon, when we're back in Pittsburgh, we'll hold a huge party and invite everyone. We'll be in training camp but there is more flexibility the first week of camp. We don't start playing preseason games until the second or third week of camp.

It's going to be hard to keep this a secret at home. Mom and Angelia are talking about how they can do it. I'm sure Mariah will weigh in and help out too. She'll be able to help mom with the details. Since Mariah has spent a few weeks staying with mom and dad, it won't be unusual for people to see her there again. Hopefully people will be so focused on the CBA that they wouldn't be thinking that Angelia and I would be getting married. Angel is going to have Mariah as her maid of honor of course. I've been having more trouble thinking of who will be my best man. When I think about my friends, there are a couple of guys who I would definitely ask to be groomsmen, if we were having a big wedding. There is really only one man who I'd want to stand up for me though; that has to be Mario. I've been incredibly fortunate to have two great men in my life helping me become a man. My dad will always be my dad and the most influencial man in my life. I was lucky to find Mario who has been much more than a boss or mentor. He welcomed me into his family and guided me through a difficult transition into the NHL. I never would have had such a seamless entry if not for Mario. Since then, he's supported me through every decision I've made. It only seems right to me that he be my best man.

I keep playing it over and over in my mind what Dr. Collins said about our lives not being the norm. That's one of the reasons that Pat found her for us as a counsellor because she works with athletes and celebrities and their unusual lives. It may be weird to some people but I forget about the fame and the money sometimes. My life has been the only thing I've ever known so I forget that not everyone has had this kind of life. I guess it's the way my folks raised me. Even when I was busy with hockey and school, they made sure that I had chores and responsibilities to the family. My grades were always just as important to them as hockey and they were clear that I wouldn't play hockey if my grades suffered. We were just a normal family in an unusual situation; or so I always thought. Dr. Collins put it into perspective though. Normal families don't have their son interviewed by the media at the age of ten. Normal families don't have to send their son away to school because parents of his teammates are threatening him. Angelia's life has been just as crazy even if it didn't all play out in the press. I forget that it's one of the things that drew us together; a keen understanding of the unusual lives we've had. Sometimes I guess we all need that reminder. Having the wedding at the end of the summer was a great idea and I'm so glad we're doing it. I can't help also hoping that this is the first step to beginning our family.


	122. Chapter 122

The wedding plans are in full swing. We've decided on August 25th at Sidney's house in Nova Scotia. Wow, I guess it will be our house in Nova Scotia. I'm used to travelling, staying in the best hotels and eating at the best restaurants because I do it with Mariah; but, I don't live that extravagantly myself. Mariah has tried to give me money but I won't take it. I make a decent living and if I do vacation or travel it's with her and she does pay then. Now that I'm marrying Sidney, I guess I do have money and much more than Ri. I'm not entirely comfortable with that idea. The one thing that I am happy about is that you would never know that Sidney is 'rich.' Except for the new home, there is nothing about his clothes, car or stuff that says 'I can afford anything I want.' I am glad that we'll be able to give our kids everything from the best schools to any extracurricular activities they want to try. Although I know, first hand unfortunately, that all the money in the world can't take the place of two loving parents. Looks like our kids are going to be filthy rich in love.

As I plan for the wedding, I find myself getting a little anxious. Maybe it's because everything is happening so fast now and I want it to be perfect. I'm not nervous at all to be married to Sidney; it is exactly what I want and what I need. This man has become my lifeline to being happy. Maybe that's what I'm anxious about. The discovery that I made with Dr. Collins, that I can't be truly happy if Sidney is unhappy, really hit me hard. Having my happiness tied to another human being is really overwhelming. I don't know why I was surprised by that, I really shouldn't be, but I'm not completely in control of my own happiness anymore. And I thought Sidney was the only control freak. I chuckle at myself and the craziness that only I could add to an otherwise perfect situation. "What are you laughing at?" Sidney asks me as he comes out to the deck; I tilt my head up to look at him and he kisses me softly. "Just at my own craziness. Look, we need to talk about the wedding. Can you sit down?" He looks uneasy so I quickly say "no, it's nothing bad, really. We are in full swing now and making decisions. I need to know how much you want to be involved. The wrong answer is 'everything' if it's only just to please me because you think I want you involved in everything. We have a few weeks to pull this off and decisions need to be made quickly. If you don't care about the flowers then I can just decide and streamline the process. If there is something you care about, and I bet one will be food, and then I'll make sure that you are included. There's no right or wrong answer here. Just tell me what you want to be involved in." He thinks for a minute and says "ok. I definitely want to be involved in the food decisions. Also, what I'm wearing. I also wouldn't mind having a say on what you wear on our wedding night." He winks at me when he says this and looks so cheesy that I have to groan. "Yeah right, keep dreaming Crosby. Anything else?" He thinks again and says "I think our first dance should be to Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars. Oh, and I want Sam involved in some way. Is that ok with you?" I have to smile at him. Even when I've asked what he wants, he still checks in to see that I agree. "First dance, I had the same thought since it's kind of been our song. About Sam, we can definitely do something." He takes my hand now and kisses my fingers. "Sidney, are you sure that you don't want a couple of the guys at the wedding? Maybe Max or Marc Andre and Vero?" I can tell that he's thinking about it then says "I would love that but who do I choose and then who do I leave out? That's the problem. I'll feel bad if I choose one guy over another." It is quite typical of Sidney to be sensitive to everyone's feelings even on his own wedding day. "Ok" I tell him. "I just wanted to make sure."

I look at my laptop again and see an email from the caterer. "You want to be involved in the food; here is an email from the caterer." Sidney shifts so that he is beside me and reviews some of the options. "Steak" he says as if I didn't know that after being with him a year. "Of course we're having steak Sidney. What about the other courses?" We debate which pasta to have and then the grilled veg. After a little give and take, we decide on the menu and I email the caterer our choices. While I'm not paying attention, Sidney uses the mouse and clicks on an email with the subject line 'dress.' I see what he's doing at the last minute and slam the lid down. "SIDNEY! You can't see the dress before the wedding!" He just laughs and jumps out of arms reach knowing that I'm going to smack him. "I did the whole trying on dress thing for you in New York but now you are going to have to wait until I'm walking down the aisle." He groans and then walks into the kitchen. I am still amazed at how much and how often he eats. "I was going to get some lunch too. Do you want me to make something?" I ask him. "I'm capable of making lunch you know. Let me make it for you." He shouts from the kitchen. Wow, I can definitely let him do that for me.

I go through other emails and review flower choices, linens, and a doggie tux for Sam. I know she's a girl but anything else seemed even more ridiculous than the tux. I mean really, a dog in a wedding dress is just creepy unless she's marrying another dog. Then it's just crazy. Troy is working with her on bringing the rings down the aisle. We're trying to keep it a secret from Sidney. So far Sam will do it nine times out of ten so we have lots of time to get that last one time. I have an idea so I email Troy and Trina. I feel so bad that Sidney isn't having any of his friends at the wedding. I wonder if I were to ask someone then it isn't Sidney leaving someone else out, it would be me so no one could hold it against him. We'll see what they think. I was considering Max since he's been with us every step of the way in our relationship. Taylor is super excited to 'officially' be getting two sisters. It makes me think that I'm really gaining a new family with a mom and dad. It was also so cute to call Sidney's nanas and tell them. They were both so excited. I get nanas too! Both have already told me to call them nana. It was really, very sweet. I look up and see Sidney coming outside with a tray. I move my computer and other stuff off the table. He's brought out sandwiches, a fruit salad and macaroni salad along with a pitcher of iced tea. "Looks very yummy Mr. Crosby. Of course I made both the fruit and macaroni salads." He sticks his tongue out at me and says "I made the sandwiches." I guess he has me there.

We settle into a comfortable lunch and talk about the CBA. The talks are not going well. Sidney talks to Don every day and the owners aren't budging even a little bit. They didn't make any moves on HRR from their original position even after the players moved closer to what the owners want. It's the first time I see Sidney thinking that there could be a lock out. Wow, what does that mean for us? I don't ask of course because we can't change that and we'll deal with whatever comes. I wish that there was something that I could do for him. The wedding plans are providing a distraction but I know there's nothing that can truly fix the problem. "How come Mario can't help out? I mean he's a reasonable person and has been on both sides of this; player and then owner." Sidney shakes his head "it doesn't work like that unfortunately. Bettman only needs five owners to agree to what he wants to do so basically he chooses the five that will agree with him." Wow "is that all he needs? That's horrible." Sidney just shrugs which I guess is all he can do. This is all just part of the process and one person can't affect the whole negotiation I guess. I really wish I could do something to make him feel better.

* * *

The wedding plans are in full development. Angelia has been working with her sister and my mom on the details. It's fun to see her so excited. A couple of times she was worried about the cost of something and I had to remind her to spend whatever she wants. She forgets that I have all the money she could want to spend on a wedding. I guess I can't complain about that because I like that the money isn't important to her. I wonder if she'd rather have a big church wedding like Flower and Vero did. Am I short-changing her on a fairy tale wedding because we're doing it so fast? Did I rush her into this when she'd rather wait and do it exactly the way she's always dreamed of her wedding day? Maybe I should suggest that we wait. I watch her on the phone. I know that she's talking with the dress designer right now and she's smiling and laughing. When she hangs up, she looks over at me. "Ok, what is going on in that mind of yours Crosby?" I always know I'm in trouble when she calls me Crosby. All right, if she really wants to know. "I'm wondering if this is really the wedding you want. Vero had years to plan hers and it was huge and everything she wanted. I want you to have everything that you want. It would break my heart if, by doing this quickly, you didn't get the wedding of your dreams." Ok, there, I said it.

I watch as she stands up, moves to where I'm sitting and straddles my lap. "Sidney" she says and kisses me. "First, it will be the wedding of my dreams because I'm marrying you. Second, I've never really thought too much about my wedding as a huge or elaborate event. That may be some girls' dream but it's not mine. I want to wear a beautiful dress. When I walk down the aisle, I want to see your eyes widen and then a huge smile on your face. I want to vow to love you every day of my life in front of our family. I want to dance with you under the stars and have a family style meal. At the end of the day, I want to make love with you lying in our bed not to be seen until late the next day. Maybe brunch if I'm forced. That's what I want, ok?" I can see it, the whole thing, as she describes it. It will be perfect for us. "Yeah, I like the sound of that wedding." I run my hands from her waist up her back to bring her closer to me. She kisses me so sweetly that I feel my heart swell a little. "Ok, you convinced me. It's going to be a wonderful wedding. You still haven't told me what you want me to wear. Is it a tux?" I ask and pray it won't be. "It is a tux but it's one with a long tie and not a bow tie. Very modern, very hot. Mariah has Gucci making one for you." A tux and one made by Gucci. I guess it will be ok. "It is very traditional Sidney. I told Ri not to make it colourful or with patterns of any kind. It will be modern and traditional, just like us." I laugh at her. I guess that will be ok. She kisses me again and I get lost in her as I always do. We both have to pause for air and she asks me "in all of this planning madness, we haven't talked about what you want to do for your birthday tomorrow." Wow, yeah, I almost did forget that my birthday is tomorrow. "We don't need to do much babe. There is still a lot we need to get done before the wedding and with the house too." Still on my lap, she pulls back from me and says "we have to do something. It's your birthday. Ok, how about this: I'll make us dinner and we can just stay in for a romantic evening." Hmm "that sounds perfect Angel." She quickly climbs off my lap and starts making a list. "Hey, I thought we were doing something here! What are you doing?" I ask her. "Need a grocery list, oh and I need to go to ... no, I'm going to let that be a surprise."

I watch her run into the house with her list. Looks like I'm in for a cold shower. My phone rings and it's my mom. Yep, that will do it too. "Hi Mom." She chuckles "Hi Sid, look I wanted to chat with you for a minute. Is Ang around?" I look into the kitchen and Angelia is on her own phone talking to someone. "No, I can talk. What's up?" Mom pauses for a minute and says "who's going to walk Angelia down the aisle?" Oh wow, I hadn't thought about that. There is no one to formally give her away. "I mean your dad would do it but he's not really giving her away. Mario is your best man although they don't really have the relationship for him to do it. I don't want it to be sad if she walks down the aisle alone." She has a good point. "Have you asked her about it mom?" "No, I didn't want to bring it up until I talked to you first Sid. I know this is going to be a little bittersweet since her parents aren't here but I don't want her to dwell on it." Yeah, she has a point. Then it comes to me. "Mom, what about Mariah walking her down the aisle? She is her only family and she is the one giving her away I guess." I hear mom laughing "that's a great idea Sid. I have to call Mariah anyway to talk dresses so I'll mention it to her. Did I tell you that Vera Wang is making all of us dresses? It is so nice of her and in such short notice too." Mom goes on a few more minutes about the dresses and I just offer my 'hmm' periodically. When she has finished, we say our goodbyes. The conversation with mom makes me wonder how we can incorporate Angelia and Mariah's parents in the wedding. There has to be a way to do it somehow so that it's sentimental but not maudlin. I want to have a few surprises for my Angel on our day too. I'll have to give this some thought.


	123. Chapter 123

I told Sidney to stay out until 7pm. He had practice on ice this morning and was going to work out in the afternoon but I asked him to extend the afternoon. Since he didn't want to go anywhere, I wanted to make the evening truly special at home. I was cooking most of the day. I haven't made him my lasagna in a while, and he loves it so much, so I made that first. Then I had to marinate the steaks and the shrimp. I've opened up the large doors out to the deck and set up candles everywhere. After I got ready and made sure I was in a very short strapless dress, I check on the surprise in one of the spare rooms and everything is set up there. It takes me forever to light all of the candles – I didn't plan that part well – and I'm just opening the wine to breath when I hear Sidney come in the front door. "Angel?" he calls out and I get a shiver when I hear his pet name for me. "Back here" I answer. I hear him say "wow" as he enters the living room and sees all of the candles there. When he comes into the kitchen, he gives me a slow look up and down that makes me shiver. He slowly approaches me, each of his hands rest on a bare shoulder and he leans in for a kiss. When he straightens, he looks into my eyes and whispers "wow." Of course I answer with a huge smile.

I move away slightly then take his hand to lead him out to the deck. When he's seated, I go back into the house and pour us each a glass of wine. Back outside, I give Sidney a glass and sit next to him on the sofa. I hold up my glass and say "to the love of my life, the man I'm going to marry and a special night together; happy birthday Sidney." We tap glasses and take a sip of wine. He pulls me against him and we watch the sunset. "How was practice?" I ask him. "It was good. Andy hasn't seen me in a few weeks and was impressed by how fast I've become. It was the plan of course but it's nice to see it working out the way we planned. I can feel it on the ice and in my body too." I chuckle now and run my hand over his chest. "I can feel it to" I tell him and then lean up to kiss him. He laughs too. "Actually, I have noticed that your shoulders and arms are getting broader. That must be what you've been working on huh?" He nods and then I settle back under his arm. "Yeah, the upper body for sure. That's going to help me protect myself better against the boards. We've also focused on the hamstrings to get more power to skate faster." As he says this, I run my hand up and down his thigh. "I could tell that too." I tell him. He chuckles again at me. "I've noticed that you've been working out more too, huh?" He asks me. I nod against him and say "well, I've got this hot fiancé that I have to keep up with you know." I feel his hand under my chin and he tilts my head so that he can look into my eyes. I'm surprised by how serious he looks. "I hope you know that I like you exactly how you are. Your body is perfect and you are gorgeous." He says this so fiercely that I'm confused. "I know Sidney. What is this about?" He stares at me for a few more minutes and must like what he sees because his face relaxes. "I guess you've noticed or heard that some of the other wives have had plastic surgery. I don't want you to ever feel that you have to be anyone but who you are for me." Awe, that's so sweet of him. "Sidney, don't feel that I need to look a certain way that would need surgery. I do feel a responsibility to be 'Sidney Crosby's' fiancé which, I guess, includes looking a certain way but that's really different than thinking I need to have surgery. For me, I want to represent you the right way. That's one of the reasons that I went to PR boot camp. Does this make any sense?" He nods and says "I think so. You want to do the formal or 'work' stuff well just like you do with the university. Right?" He gets it "yeah, that's a good way to put it. I always want to represent my university or my work in a professional way and I feel the same way about the business that is 'Sidney Crosby.' And thank you for worrying about me; but, I kinda figured you like my body the way it is. You try to get me naked as often as possible." We both laugh at that because it's true.

"Are you hungry?" I ask him. He gives me a knowing smile. "No Crosby, not for that; for food." I don't wait for his reply. Instead, I get up and get our appetizer from the fridge. After marinating the shrimp, I grilled them and chilled them with some veggies. I bring the dishes outside and Sidney immediately grabs a shrimp. "Mmmm, so good." I love watching him eat when I've cooked for him. Oh God, now I sound like a fifties housewife with flounces on my apron. Oh well, no one needs to know that I like to feed my man. I've always described us as modern/traditional and I guess this is my traditional side. We both dig into the food and I fill Sidney in on what I've started calling 'the wedding report.' "Mariah has scoped out where to have the ceremony. You know that area under the big oak tree out back. It's shaded in case it's really hot and no one can see us from the lake in case there happens to be anyone passing by. What do you think?" He nods, his mouth is full, and when he's swallowed he says "sounds great. That will work really well. What about dinner?" "Actually, your mom thought we could eat in the dining room. We'll need to bring a table in so that there's enough room for everyone; but, the room is large enough to hold it. She was concerned about bugs that seem to survive every zapper or candle in August being attracted by the food. Then we could go back outside for dancing. This gives them time to set up dinner inside and change outside for dancing while we're eating. Oh yeah, Ri has decided to bring in her party planner as her gift to us. I don't think we need one but she convinced me. At least none of the family will have to worry about taking care of anything that day. Guy will do it all." "Who is Guy?" he asks me. "Ah, Guy is the party planner. He's coming in from Paris." I finish with the wedding report and go into the kitchen to get the next course.

I take out the rolls and ask Sidney to take a seat at the table. I light the candles there too and go back into the kitchen to get the next course. When I bring it out, Sidney says "lasagna? Wow! Homemade?" I swat at his shoulder and say "of course it's homemade. How dare you infer otherwise." He digs in and immediately makes yummy noises. Is it weird that I'm getting hot watching him eat my lasagna? Ok, maybe I'm not that much like the old fifties housewives. I can't imagine one of them getting their panties wet by watching their man eat their food. When he's cleaned his plate, Sidney leans back and says "I'm going to have to work out hard tomorrow to work off this meal." As I walk by him with our dishes, I slide my fingers through his hair and say "who says you're not going to work it off tonight?" I can feel his eyes on me as I walk away.

"You know, I can help you in there" he calls out to me as I prepare the steaks for the BBQ. "It's your birthday. You are not going to help with your birthday dinner." I take the salad and the steaks out. After putting the steaks on the grill, I head over to the table with the salad. Sidney takes it from me, puts it on the table and then pulls me onto his lap. With my hands on either side of his neck, I taste his lips. I can't help but follow his lead when he deepens the kiss. I'm vaguely aware of his hand sliding up my thigh and under my dress. It slides up farther until he's cupping my ass. The smell of the grill brings me back to the present. "Since you don't like your steak charbroiled, I should go take care of the grill." I can't help myself from kissing him one more time and then I quickly slide off of his lap. The steaks don't take too much longer and we're eating soon. Sidney eats his whole steak and a huge plate of salad. I don't do much justice to my steak. I was full after the lasagna. When he's done, Sidney stands up to help clear the dishes. Before I can say anything, he tells me "don't even bother Angel. I was ok while you were cooking but I will not sit out here while you clean up the kitchen." It's just like him to want to help and, when I look at the clock, his next surprise will be here soon so I let him help out. There is a comfortable feeling to the domestic chore. Sidney was excited to see that there are leftovers of the lasagna for another day.

We have settled back on the outside sofa again and Sidney asks me "not that I could eat it right now, but what about dessert?" I give him a saucy smile and say "oh, we'll have our dessert later." That's when I hear the doorbell. "Ok, stay here Crosby. I'll be back to get you." He looks skeptical but agrees and I go to get the front door. I lead the two guests to the spare room that I've set up with them earlier in the day. They get ready and I light the candles. When everything is perfect, I go back outside and get Sidney. "Ok Mr. Crosby, if you'll follow me please?" He gets up laughing at me and takes my hand. I lead him to the spare room and then inside. He looks around the room and takes in the two tables set up, the candles and soft music. Then he gets it "a couple's massage?" I smile at him and say "yep. You've been working so hard that I thought you could use one. I also liked the idea of having them come to us." He kisses me and says "thank you." We head into our room where I have robes waiting for us. After we take our clothes off and put our robes on, we head back into the room where the two ladies are waiting for us. Sidney kisses me again and then we each settle on a table.

The experience is incredibly erotic which surprises me. I can smell the candles lit around the room. The music makes the mood other-worldly. Knowing that Sidney is only two feet away and naked makes me aware of every inch of my own body. It's like the massage therapists aren't even in the room. Occasionally I hear Sidney sigh or groan and I can feel it deep within me. Moisture is collecting between my legs. I hear myself sigh as one of my knots is worked out. I guess I needed this too. I thought that this would be a relaxing experience, and it sort of is, but I'm also acutely aware of my naked body and how close Sidney's naked body is to mine. I can smell him through the candles and lotion. I didn't even realize when I started biting my lip but if I'm not careful I'll taste blood soon. I shift slightly feeling a pressure inside. I don't know that I've ever wished a massage would be over but I'm hoping that it's soon. I hear one of the therapists say in a low voice "please stay and relax a bit. We can let ourselves out and we'll come back tomorrow as we discussed to collect our tables." I'm too turned on to argue. Sidney and I stay exactly where we are until I hear the front door click. Immediately, Sidney is up and off his table and has grabbed me off of mine.


	124. Chapter 124

I've been slowly going crazy since I arrived home. I saw the candlelight before I saw her. The light enveloped the whole room in a glow. When I turned the corner and saw her I think my heart literally skipped a beat. She was standing there in bare feet with miles of leg. The dress also left her shoulders bare and her hair was down how I like it best. The horny teenager in me wanted to bend her over the kitchen table and take her immediately. I managed to restrain myself and only kissed her instead. While we were sitting outside, it took a lot for me to focus on the conversation about the wedding plans. Her perfume is tickling my nose and her fingertips are lightly running up and down over my thigh. I almost have to shake my head to clear out the horny thoughts and focus on her words. I'm grateful when she goes into the kitchen to get our first course. When she comes back, she slips back onto the sofa and tucks her bare legs under her. The very small dress rides up and stops just short of her panties. I dive into the food to give myself a diversion. At least the next course is at the table where I can distract myself by her fabulous lasagna. She hasn't made that in a while and I love it. While the steaks are grilling, I can't help myself and pull her onto my lap. I take my time exploring her lips and let my hand roam up her thigh. She stops me before I can get anywhere satisfying to get the steaks off the grill.

The rest of dinner goes by uneventful. I'm really touched that she's put so much time and effort into my birthday. When the doorbell rings I'm surprised and Angelia tells me to stay where I am. I hear muffled voices and then nothing until Angelia comes back out to the deck. I follow her back towards the bedrooms and begin to wonder just what she has planned. I'm pleasantly surprised when I see the spare room set up like a spa complete with two massage tables and two massage therapists. What a great idea although about half way through the massage I start to wonder if it really is such a great idea. I hear periodic sighs and soft moans from Angelia as the therapist finds and releases knots. My therapist asks if I want to turn over but there is no way that I can do that without thoroughly embarrassing myself by the huge tent I would pitch.

Finally, the massages are done and the ladies leave the house. I can't control myself anymore and I'm up and at Angelia's table in a second flat. I have her sitting up and I'm standing between her legs with my mouth fused to hers. Her hands are on my shoulders gripping the muscles there tight and pulling me even closer to her. I slip my hand down to help her get ready for me and I'm surprised to find her soaking wet. With no need to wait, I slide inside of her and she gasps into my mouth. The last hours have been foreplay and I don't have much finesse. Thank God she's ready. I slide in and out and she cries out again. I set a fast pace while I continue to assault her mouth. One of her hands is now in my hair and she uses that hand to change the angle of our kiss to gain further access. Her tongue sweeps my mouth and then duels with mine as I continue to thrust inside her. I know I'm not going to last much longer so I reach down and slide a finger over her clit. The minute my finger hits it she cries out and throws her head back. I rub more and can feel her orgasm begin. After a few more thrusts, I follow her.

We're both breathing heavy and then Angelia says "oh no!" That's not the kind of thing you want your woman saying after sex. "What do you mean 'on no' babe?" I pull back and look at her face having to sweep some of her hair to the side. "Sidney, I had this all planned out. I have sexy lingerie and candles in the bedroom. I was going to seduce you." She sounds genuinely disappointed; it's so cute. "Well, first, you did seduce me. You did it all night beginning when I walked in the door. Second, who says that we can't take this to the bedroom where I'll light the candles and you can slip into the sexy lingerie? Only now, since we've done this first, I'll be able to focus and savor every moment." She giggles, I love it when she giggles, and kisses my lips. "Ok, that sounds good. Should we move this into the bedroom then?" We each grab our robe and then go out to the hall. "I'm going to lock up. I'll meet you inside." I tell her. She nods and heads into the bedroom.

I start outside and snuff out all of the candles then bring in our wine glasses. I snuff out the rest of the candles inside and lock up all of the doors and windows. I refill our wine glasses and take them with me to the bedroom. Angelia has been busy too because all of the candles are lit in here. I place the glasses on the dresser and then move to the stereo. After connecting the iPod and staring the music, I hear a door open behind me. Turning, I see Angelia coming out of the bathroom. I've seen her in some spectacular lingerie since we met. Usually it's lacy and it's always skimpy but she leans more toward the romantic than the naughty. Tonight, my Angel has made a huge departure from the norm. I start at the top where her hair is down and looks like she just got out of bed. Her eyes are darker and her lips are glossy. I move down to her body and I think my tongue actually falls out of my mouth. She's wearing a black one piece, I don't even know what to call it, but it has spaghetti straps and barely covers her breasts. Of course it doesn't matter if it covers her breasts because it is one hundred percent sheer. I can see that her nipples are hard. The one piece goes in at the waist to leave a lot of skin showing at her sides and then it fans out again to attach to the skimpiest panties I've ever seen. The panties attach to garters and the sheer nylons show off mile long legs that disappear into the highest heeled shoes I've ever seen in my life. When I my eyes travel back up, I pause at her face and make a gesture with my finger for her to turn around. When she does, I almost swallow my tongue this time. The back of the one piece is sheer too but it ends in a g-string so that her entire, perfect ass is showing. She turns back around and, with one hand on her hip, cocks it to one side. I can't even move from where I'm standing. I'm having trouble even thinking. I've never seen her look sexier or wanted to fuck her more than this very moment and I can't even move. The last thing I'm cognizant of thinking is that I'm glad I came earlier or else I might have had a spontaneous orgasm right here and right now.

The smile on her face tells me she knows exactly the effect she's having on me. With a saucy smile, she saunters, there no other way to describe it, towards me. The heels have put us eye to eye. I reach out to touch her but she slaps my hand away. "No touching; it's your birthday Crosby so you're all mine." If that's the way she wants it then I'm not going to argue. She walks around me and slides the robe off so that I'm standing there naked in front of her. I get harder watching her eyes follow every plane of my body. Her fingers lightly trail over my shoulders, my chest and then my stomach. She takes my hand and leads me to the bed. My eyes are on her bare ass the whole time as I follow her. My fingers itch to touch her. When we're beside the bed I notice the kitchen chair. She pushes me down onto the chair and then goes to the nightstand. When she turns around, she has a smile on her face and a scarf in her hand. I remember the last time she tied me up, it was in LA the first time we were here, and my dick twitches. She slowly circles behind me, pulls my arms behind my back, and winds the scarf around my wrists and through the chair slats. As she walks around me, she trails her fingers over my shoulders and then up into my hair. Fuck, she is so hot. Once in front of me, she straddles my legs and sits on my lap although not over my dick as I would have liked.

Her face is right in front of mine. She licks first one corner and then the other corner of my mouth. When I try to capture her lips she pulls out of reach. She tilts her head and begins to kiss and lick at my neck; first one side and then the other. Her fingers trail over my chest and then trace the muscles of my stomach. I ache for those nimble fingers to slide lower but they don't. Her lips travel over my whole face and her hands slide into my hair. She tilts my head the way she wants it and now she's devouring my lips. Her tongue duels with mine. My hands pull against the scarf to get free but she's done a really good job tying them. I can't help a groan escape my lips. I can feel her nipples harden against my chest through the sheer top. Her hips begin to rock against me. Then she begins to slide down my body until she's kneeling in front of me. Slowly, she pushes my legs apart and slides in between them looking up at me the whole time. She grabs the base of my dick in one hand and then lowers her mouth to lick the tip. I'm rock hard in an instant. I try to move my hips so that she'll take more in her mouth but she just holds me where I am and continues to lick the tip. First she flicks and flutters her tongue and then she swirls it. It feels so good I can't help a moan that escapes my lips again. That moan grows louder as I watch her head sink lower as she takes me into her mouth and then I feel the back of her throat. She bobs up and down a few times and then goes back to sucking and licking the tip. It's taking all of my concentration to keep from blowing. I think that she can tell I'm losing my battle when she sits back, looks up at me and licks her lips. Fuck, that isn't helping me!

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I can tell that I'm driving Sidney wild and I love it. It is an incredibly wanton and empowering feeling to know that he is at my mercy and that he wants me so much it's taking all of his control to hold off his orgasm. When I move away from him, his eyes follow every movement of my body as I lean back and then stand in front of him. I still have a few more surprises for him. When I walk around, I pause behind him, put my mouth to his ear and, after taking a lick, I whisper "tell me how much you want me to sink down on top of you right now." I only hear a groan form him. "Tell me how much you want me to slide down until you are buried deep inside of me." His head rolls back and he tries to capture my mouth. I hold myself just out of reach and hold his gaze waiting for an answer. "Right now baby, please. You know exactly what you are doing to me." He's right and I do know what I'm doing to him. The problem is that I'm as excited as he is and between my legs is getting down right slippery. I move my mouth and bite his earlobe then say "I'm not nearly done with you yet. I need more play time. Now, if you promise to be a good boy then I'll undo your hands but you need to do exactly what I say. Ok?" He nods at me and says "yes." I lift one brow and he says "yes, I agree. Ok." I undo his wrists from the chair and, true to his word, Sidney stays exactly where he is. I take his hand and guide him over to the bed.

He lies on his back and I slide up his body so that I'm straddling him again careful to avoid his erection even though that's exactly what I want to do. I use the scarf to blindfold him and say "remember, you promised to do exactly what I say so stay where you are and no touching." He nods after I secure the scarf in place. Beginning at his ear, I lick and nip my way over his body. When I get to his chest, I take his nipple in my mouth and bite down just hard enough. He moans and I move to the other one. My hands have moved down lower and my lips follow. I lick every each of his chest and abs. My tongue trails along each muscle which takes quite a while given how muscular he is. I run my fingers back up and over his chest while my tongue and lips stay busy where they are. "You're killing me Angel. Let me touch you. Let me taste you." I shiver at his words and contemplate the request. Hmm, I could work with that request. "Ok" I have to hold him down with my hand on his chest "but only one finger. You may use one finger to touch me and only once." That should get him going even more. I take his hand and put his index finger in my mouth and suck on it. He hisses as I pull it out. "That one was for free. Now you can use that finger to touch me but only once." I take off his blindfold so he can see as well as touch. That should drive him crazy too.

I watch a smile bloom across his face and I wonder who has who in their sights right now. His hand slides out of mine and then I watch his hand fall and his finger slide between my folds and then deep inside of me. He pushes hard and fast and then swirls around the entrance. I should have remembered just how much damage this man can do with only one finger on me, or rather in me. I have to hold myself upright with my hands on his chest. I cry out and then moan as his finger works me over. "You're so wet baby. Did it excite you to touch me, play with me, do whatever you want to me? It made you drip for me didn't it?" I can't answer him. Between his finger and his words I feel like coming completely apart. This plan has backfired on me as, I can tell from the knowing grin on his face, he knew it would. My hips begin to move even though I'm trying to keep still. Is there nothing this man can do to my body without it being completely his? I guess play time is over because I can't control my own body anymore.

I can't take any more so I demand "touch me!" He doesn't move but simply looks me in the eye and says "I am." His finger hits a particularly sensitive spot and I involuntarily throw my head back and scream out. Sidney sits up with me still straddling him and his finger inside of me. "Looks like your plan backfired on you babe. You need me to touch you now, don't you? Tell me how much you need me to touch you." I am having trouble thinking rational thoughts never mind answering a question. "Tell me Angel. How desperate are you to have me taste you? Should I lick you up first? You are so fucking wet that it might take some time." I'm grabbing at his shoulders now with my hips gyrating against his finger. "Yes" I cry out. "Yes what my Angel?" I take a moment so that I can speak and I say the only thought that's in my head "fuck me!"

Sidney doesn't need to hear any more. Within a second he has me on my back with his tongue buried deep inside of me. One hand is holding me open and the other is working my clit. The sensations are completely overwhelming. Sidney doesn't let up on his assault; even when I begin to shake and my orgasm over takes me. I feel it throughout every nerve ending in my body. There are bright lights in front of my eyes even though they are closed. I can't stop myself from crying out and then I cry out again when Sidney slams into me and rides my orgasm. Each stroke takes me up again. I cry out each time. It doesn't take long until I'm coming again and I feel Sidney give in too because I feel his weight as he topples on top of me.

Sidney shifts slightly so we're both on our sides facing each other. When I can open my eyes, I do and see that Sidney is looking down below my waist. "You never undressed" he says. "How did we, or I, you know when you didn't undress." Now I chuckle. He was down there but I guess he had other things on his mind other than my outfit. Using my hand, I show him where the material splits. "The call it easy access." I tell him which puts us both into fits of giggles. "For which I'll be eternally grateful" he tells me. His fingers have followed mine now and he parts the material himself. I look into his eyes as he slips his finger through the material and over my clit. I cry out, even at the slight touch, because it is so sensitive. He looks into my eyes quizzically. "Sorry" I tell him. "It's just a little overly sensitive at the moment." Sidney purses his lips and then leans in to kiss me softly; one, two and then three kisses. "I can't say that I'm sorry Angel. This was one hell of a fucking birthday." With his tongue licking my lips and his finger trailing around my clit, I'm slightly preoccupied but his words do penetrate. "Why says that it's over?" I ask him and take his lips hard with my own.


	125. Chapter 125

**_Note: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone. Thank you so much for your comments. The ones about the last chapter especially made me laugh. Your comments are very encouraging and I do look for them and read them. Thank you. I'm glad you are enjoying the story and this wedding should be fun although with Max there you never know what trouble will arrive with him ..._**

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It's only two weeks until the wedding and there is still so much to do. I'm in New York meeting Mariah, Trina and Taylor to have a dress fitting and do some shopping for the wedding. I'm waiting at the airport for Trina and Taylor. I landed thirty minutes before and am now waiting for them to land. Mariah will be picking us up because she arrived a few days before for work. "Ang!" I hear my name called and turn just in time for Taylor to launch into my arms. It's so good to see her. I pull back, look at her pretty face and then hug her fiercely again. "I've missed you so much Tay." We're giggling now and I pull away and turn to Trina who envelops me in her arms. It feels so good to be hugged by Trina; like coming home. I pull away and we all begin talking at once. Laughing, Trina holds up a hand and says "let's get out of here and then we can catch up. Where's Ri?" I point to the door and say "she said she'd be waiting in arrivals." We grab our luggage and head out the door. I see a man in a black suit holding a sign that says simply "I'm in here" and I know that it's Mariah. Of course she brought a limo to pick us up. We leave our luggage for the driver and get into the car. There are hugs and everyone is chatting at the same time. "Ok, everyone stop. We don't have much time so we need to get organized." Mariah says to us. "First, we are going to Vera Wang's studio for our fitting. That will give them the day for alterations and then we can have another fitting tomorrow before we leave." Taylor pipes up and asks "then what are we doing the rest of the day?" Mariah answers "we are going to get everything else we need for the wedding including shoes. Tomorrow we can wear the shoes for them to do our hems in alterations." Mariah and Taylor begin to debate the types of shoes to wear.

Trina leans into me and takes my hand. "How are you doing sweetie? This is quite a whirlwind that you both have thrust us into." I smile at her. "Yeah but it makes sense to do it before the season begins. I just wish we had thought about it a little earlier. Although, having a small wedding with just our family is all we really need. Have you thought about my idea?" I look over at Taylor and Mariah to make sure that they aren't listening. "What do you think of asking Max to come as a surprise?" She smiles at me and says "I talked to Troy and we both love the idea. Like you said, Sidney can't be blamed for including or excluding any of his friends if you've invited one." I'm so glad that she agrees. "Great, I'll give him a call when I'm alone. I just hope that he can keep his mouth shut. They're going to be in Vail together, Sidney and Max, the week before the wedding. Do you think he can keep the secret?" Trina smiles "Max may seem like he can't keep a secret but he can and he's the best choice." We smile at each other and then are drawn into the conversation Taylor and Mariah are having.

The conversation is lively and fun all the way to Vera Wang's studio. I don't know how four women can all talk at the same time and have a conversation but we are managing it. We are taken into a private room and one of the sales women asks me to follow them into a fitting room. When I'm in there, she says "close your eyes" and I do. A few moments later she says "ok, open." When I open my eyes I'm stunned. The dress is perfect; it's even more than perfect. It is fitted from the scallop at the breast all the way down to the knee where it flares slightly into a subtle mermaid style. I feel the fabric and the silk is magnificent. I can't believe that I get to wear this beautiful a dress. I strip down and the two ladies help me into it. They keep me turned away from the mirror while they do me up, put my hair up and add the veil. "Ok, turn around Angelia." I slowly turn until I'm looking at my reflection in the mirror. I'm not just stunned. I'm overwhelmed by my image. I can't believe how much I look like a bride. I actually look how Sidney makes me feel; beautiful, truly beautiful. One of the ladies hands me a tissue to wipe up my tears. "Get your ass out here Ang!" Mariah bellows from the other room. It completely breaks the mood so I can pull myself together.

I walk into the exterior room and all three of them gasp. Taylor has her hand to her mouth. Trina is wiping tears. Mariah simply stands and says "fuck yeah! Vera does it again." We all laugh at that and then we hear "did I hear my name?" Vera Wang comes into the room and gives Mariah a hug then looks at me. "I won't ask what you think because the look on your face says it all. You are simply beautiful Angelia. Sidney is an extraordinarily lucky man; oops, sorry Mrs. Crosby." We all laugh and Trina says "it's Trina and you're right. Sidney is a very lucky man." We all laugh again. "Why don't we get all of you in your dresses now?" Vera suggests and they all leave the room. I can't stop staring at myself in the mirror. "Would you hand me my purse?" I ask one of the sales ladies. She does and I take out my phone. I wait while it rings and keep looking at my reflection.

"Hi babe, how goes New York?" My smile gets wider when I hear Sidney's voice. "New York is great. I'm even better. Right now I'm in Vera Wang's looking at myself in my wedding dress." I hear Sidney's chuckle. "How do you look babe?" I consider how to describe how I look without giving any details. "When I first looked at my reflection in the dress and veil, all I could think is that, for the first time in my life, I look how you make me feel; beautiful." My voice breaks when I say the last bit. "Oh baby, I can't wait to see you. Is there any way that I could convince you to snap a picture and send it to me?" I have a witty retort but I think of something else instead. "Ok, just a minute." I get near to the mirror and take a close up picture of my mouth with my tongue sticking out then I text it to him. "There you go Sidney." He takes a moment and then comes back on the line saying "very funny babe, very funny. Ok, I guess I'll have to wait a few weeks. Wow, I guess it's two weeks now, isn't it." I do the math and say "yeah, it is. You leave for Vail in a week and I go to Nova Scotia." I can feel him smiling through the phone. "And then we'll be married a week after that my dear Angel. I can't wait." Now I'm smiling too. "I can't wait either. I'll be Mrs. Crosby, hated woman by every female hockey fan in Canada and Pittsburgh." I don't hear what Sidney replies because his mom and sister walk in the room. "Oh Sidney, you should see your mom and Taylor. They're gorgeous." We say goodbye and I turn to them again.

"Wow, really, you guys look fantastic." Trina is in a beautiful teal blue dress with short sleeves and great rouging. It stops just above her knees which I know has to be Mariah's doing because Trina would never have something that short. She looks absolutely incredible. Taylor is in light yellow dress that is fitted to her waist and then flows in a short, flirty skirt. The spaghetti straps are perfect for her. "Ta da" Mariah says as she comes out. Always one to make an entrance, she uses the room as her own runway and struts around the room. She is simply stunning. Her dress is a soft pink which is very fitted and stops mid-thigh. The colour is an unusual choice though. I would have expected a hot pink if she wanted that colour. I guess she notices me looking at her quizzically and says "I'm thinking of your pictures. You should stand out, not us, so we chose softer colours." That is so sweet and of course Mariah would think of how the pictures will look.

"So what do you think Angelia? Do they meet your expectations?" I look at Vera and answer "they exceed anything I ever could have dreamed of Vera. You created exquisite dresses. Thank you so much." An older woman comes into the room and, one by one, she puts us on the pedestal and pins where she needs to alter. When we are all back in our regular clothes, we thank Vera and confirm the appointment tomorrow. We pile back into the limo and decide that we need sustenance before we shop for shoes. Mariah takes us to a new bistro where we are immediately escorted to an outside table even though there is a very long line of people waiting. Part of me hates when this happens because I'm no better than anyone else in line. The part of me that is hungry, tired and jet legged is ok with it and follows the hostess. "Does this happen all the time" Taylor asks me. I shrug and reply "always in New York, Paris and Milan and inconsistent in other cities." Taylor is impressed as any sixteen year old would be. We settle down and immediately order cold drinks and our lunch. We're all very hungry. I see a crowd of photographers all taking our picture. Trina looks uncomfortable so I look at Ri and nod to the dining room. "Trina, would you like to move into the dining room" Ri asks her. Trina looks at the paparazzi and then says "no. We will just ignore them like you do." Fortunately our food arrives and we have a diversion.

After a fun lunch, we head to Christian Louboutin. Mariah saw shoes that she says I have to have for my dress. When we enter, Mariah is greeted by the sales people of course. We are taken back into a private room where our feet are measured and styles discussed. Trina insists that she won't be able to find shoes here but Mariah tells her that she has to try then goes about telling the sales people what to bring us. They are talking very fast French so I know that Trina and Taylor aren't following. I hear that she's telling them a low heel for Trina and an age appropriate pair for Taylor. We both know that, while many sixteen year olds wear very sexy clothes and shoes, Trina and Troy are careful about what they like Taylor to wear. We are served champagne while we wait and Trina allows Tay to have half a glass.

When the sales people come back, they begin with Taylor. The shoes they've brought are strappy sandals. They are two inches high which I know Trina likes but they are sparkly which Taylor likes. Wow, these sales people are great. Trina looks at the shoes they brought for her and loves them. They have a kitten heal and are cream and sparkly. They fit and she loves them. Now it's my turn and when they open the box I know that they are perfect. They are high heels which should put me close to Sidney's height. They will kill my feet all night but I don't care. After they are on, I admire them in the mirror and as I walk, I'm stunned by how comfortable they are; wow, three for three. Now Mariah tries on a few pairs and decides on all of them. It's another successful shopping trip and we're all happy. When we climb into the limo, Mariah says "one last stop" but she won't tell us where. That was my first hint that I wasn't going to like it. When we get out of the limo and I see that we're at La Perla then I know that that I'm in trouble.

I grab Mariah as we walk to the store "how could you bring us here? We're with Sidney's mother and sister. I can't possibly by lingerie when they are with us." Mariah just laughs and pulls us into the store. She greets the sales people, is swear that she knows everyone in the New York shopping district, and I turn to Trina. "Trina, this wasn't my idea. I'm so sorry." Trina puts her hand on my arm and says "it's ok. I think it will be fun. I just don't want to hear about what my son likes or dislikes, ok? That would definitely make it weird." We both laugh and I turn back to Mariah. Again, we are taken back to a private room and I talk about what I'm looking for ensuring that we're not in earshot of Trina and Taylor. They wander back out to the showroom while I try on some of the outfits. I think I found the one and Mariah comes in to see. "Oh, it's perfect Ang. Sidney is going to love it; the perfect mixture of sexy and bridal. There are lots of hints of skin but nothing slutty." I turn and look at my reflection from all sides. Yep, I think she's right. It's long but has a slit up the side that goes almost to my waist. My breasts are covered but there is a lot of cleavage. When I look at the back, I see that my entire back is bare down to just below my waist. It is perfect. I can't help but look at the price. Holy crap! $985 for lingerie. I know that Sidney can afford this but wow! I guess it's for the wedding and I can justify it that way; but, wow, I spent a thousand on shoes and now a thousand for lingerie that I'll probably only wear for two minutes. At least the dress will be worn for the whole day.

When I get out to the main part of the store, Mariah, Trina and Taylor are waiting for me. "I have to pay" I tell them. Mariah just smiles and says "it's on me. You're not having a bridal shower so this is my gift." I'm touched so I hug her and whisper "merci ma belle sœur." The store will send my purchase to the hotel for us. We all head back into the limo and it drives us to the hotel. Thankfully Mariah has checked us all in and we can head right up to our rooms. We're on a key entry floor and I know that Mariah has a suite. So does Trina and Taylor since they are sharing a room. I don't know why I have a huge suite until Mariah tells me that it's only suites on this floor. We all agree to take individual down time for a few hours and then meet up to go to dinner. Once I'm in my room, I find the sofa and flop down. Shopping with my sister is exhausting. I take out my phone and call Sidney again. "Hi" he says out of breath. "Hi Sidney, what did I catch you at?" I ask him. Still breathing heavy, he says "I just got in from a run. I'm really going to miss the beach when we leave LA. How was shopping?" Mmmm, I can imagine him out of breath and sweaty coming back from a run, shirtless of course. Yum, ok, I need to think about something else. "It went very well. Everyone has dresses and shoes. I also have something special for our wedding night. You will definitely love it." I hear a low hum from the phone. "You really love to taunt me over the phone huh?" I laugh now "yep, of course. Seriously, I've put quite a dent in that credit card you gave me although Angelia bought the lingerie for me. It was a little awkward to have your sister and mother there at the store but we worked through it." I hear him groan now. "I don't need to have you in lingerie and my mother in the same image, ok? I'll have to scrub my brain for us to ever have sex again." Now I really laugh.


	126. Chapter 126

**_Note: if you are a purest for the timeline then I offer an apology to you. I've made the Vail training camp a few weeks before it actually happened to make my timelines work out. For those of you who wouldn't have noticed, please ignore this note and I hope everyone enjoys this chapter._**

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We have officially left LA. As I fly to Vail, I think about everything that happened over the summer. It started with Angelia and I flying to LA from Italy after we reconciled. We were on a 'love high' when Mariah arrived and the bomb was dropped. The next few weeks were hell for all of us. Mariah had tests, treatments and then surgery. Angelia had tests and more tests but was ultimately ok. She'll still needs to be more cautious than someone else of her age but this is really just precautionary. When Mariah was healthy and recovering in Nova Scotia then Angelia and I decided to focus on ourselves. Therapy has helped us both individually and as a couple. We've learned how to communicate better and the motivation for our actions. I've also learned that even though we don't always agree, we can see each other's point of view which helps determining how to compromise. The wedding, for example, was one of those compromises; not the wedding itself but the timing. Wow, in a little over a week, we will be Mr. and Mrs. Crosby. It seems like I've been waiting forever to be married to Angelia. I've been working on a surprise with Mariah for the wedding to incorporate their parents. I can't wait for the wedding and, more importantly, for our marriage.

The tux that Mariah and Angelia chose for me wasn't as bad as I thought. Although I won't admit it, the suit is sick. I'm really glad that they went with a tie rather than a bow tie. The shine makes it dressier. Dad even liked his suit and I think the last time he wore one was his own wedding. The wedding planner, Guy, is very 'interesting' as Angelia had said. He is a whirl of energy and if he said 'fabulous' one more time, I thought I would strangle him. He is keeping all of the details organized and that must be taking off some the stress form Angelia. Who knew that so much would have to be done when you have a wedding of fourteen people? I didn't realize that Angelia had organized for both of my nanas to get new dresses too. That must have been difficult since they couldn't go to New York. There is no detail left to chance and I'm so lucky to have Angelia, Mariah and my mom taking care of everything. This leaves me to focus on my training for the week. I'm still optimistic that the season will start on time. They may take a couple weeks of training camp away but we should be able to have a rush camp and then start the season on time.

I keep thinking about next season. It's going to be a new beginning in every way. First, Angelia and I will be starting our lives together married. We'll also be starting it in our new home although it may take a few months to get into it. Of course this will be the first season in two years that I'll play the whole season. I'm in the best shape of my life and I just know that this is going to be my best season yet. If Angelia gets pregnant within the first few months than everything will be perfect. I still have some time to convince her of that one. I'm humming to myself as I walk out of the terminal in Vail and look around for a cab. "Hey, Sid!" I look over and see Max standing by a car. I wave and walk over to him. It's so great to see him and I know this week is going to be a lot of fun. After greeting him, we pile both our luggage into the trunk and get ourselves into the backseat while the driver takes us to the hotel. "How was your trip?" I ask him. He laughs and says "long, way too long. Have you left LA completely now or are you guys going back?" I smile at him dying to tell him about the wedding next week but I don't. "We have left LA completely. Angelia has gone to Nova Scotia and I'll meet her there next week." We talk about our training and the schedule for the week. Max is pissed off that Landeskog is going to be here. He seems to be pissed that Landeskog is now the youngest guy to ever be made captain which beats me. It doesn't bother me of course but it's amusing to see Talbo pissed on my behalf. It's weird to consider that I'm one of the older guys now. This week we've got Landeskog and Nugent-Hopkins who are both under twenty. At twenty five I'm one of the old guys; very, very weird.

When we arrive at the hotel, it doesn't take us long to check in and unpack; it never takes long when you do it for a living. Actually, unless I'm in a hotel for more than three days I don't even unpack usually. Within twenty minutes I'm with Max and we're on our way to one of the hotel meeting rooms. All of the other guys are there when we arrive. I see Tavares, Landeskog, Nugent-Hopkins, Kobasew, Talbot, Myers, Johnson, Emery, Duchene, Spezza, Clarkson, Gagner, Montador, Cobum and Cheverie. Andy has a great group of guys for this camp. After greeting everyone, I did into the buffet and then sit with one of the groups. We each talk about our summers and vacations. Everyone has taken at least one vacation to somewhere either warm or unusual. Spezza says to me "I hear you spent some time in Italy at the beginning of your summer Sid." The guys look at me and I glance at Spezza to see if that's a dig about me and Angelia or if he's genuinely asking. We kept our split quiet and I'm glad to see that he's genuine. "Yeah, Angelia went over to see her sister and I met them there for about a week. We were in Florence. It is a great part of the world." We talk about Europe more and then talk turns to the CBA negotiations. Two hockey players can't talk these days without the CBA coming up.

Everyone looks at me when Emery asks if anyone has heard an update. It's interesting to see how I'm looked to as a leader amongst the players. Leadership is never something I've sought out but I've had it thrust upon me in every role I've had in hockey. At first I was very uncomfortable with it. Even though I've always been better than most on the ice, my dad always taught me that it doesn't make be better than anyone off the ice. I'm not a better person simply because of what I can do on skates. If I want to be a better person then I need to put as much practice in there as I do on the ice. I've always taken that very seriously and tried to earn the respect of those around me. It's still something I struggle with mom says that I wouldn't be good at it if I didn't struggle. I look at the faces around the table all looking at me for answers and I know that I don't have any. I look around the room and see the other guys walking over to us. Otherwise the room is empty. "I talked to Don Fehr last night. He isn't hopeful. The sticking points you heard about on the last conference call are still there and the owners continue to say that they won't move on them. They are holding firm on the HHR they want and the length of first contracts. They are making no moves away from their first offer to us. This doesn't look good for an on-time start to the season. Don still holds out hope that they are trying to make us blink and want to start the season on time as much as we do." I feel bad that I can't give them better news. They all want to play hockey; I want to play hockey. "What are your thoughts on what we offered Sid?" Spezza asks me. Everyone's eyes turn back to me. "I think we made a fair offer. I believe in everything in it. We understand the need to share the HRR and were ready to give some there. We understand the need to keep young talent on the teams and we were ready to give some there. To have the owners come back with a pure rejection and not movement on their side isn't fair; it isn't negotiating. While I didn't expect them to agree to our offer, I was very surprised with the outright rejection." The guys are shaking their heads and rumbling. I see Andy at the door and nod to him. I know he wants to start. "Look guys, I think we have a few things going well for us. Don Fehr is successful and experienced in these negotiations. He will represent us well. What we can control is how we train and the effort we put into getting ready for the season whenever it starts. Let's have a great week together." Andy sees the opening I gave him and starts the meeting.

We run through the schedule for the week and it is packed. We have on ice and off ice workouts. Andy has even scheduled some fun events like bowling and fishing. Off ice we're going to play basketball, tennis and hiking through the mountains. I love that he incorporates outdoor activities too and I'm really looking forward to fishing. I've missed that being in LA for the summer. I guess we could have fished out there but it's not the same as being at my own lake. Not all of the guys will participate in the outdoor activities but that's ok. I usually do all of the organized activities. It's more fun that way. We finish up the meeting and say good night to each other. I head up to my room with a few of the other guys. We say good night at the elevator and head to our rooms. I look at my watch and it shouldn't be too late to call Angelia.

Settling on the bed, I call her. "Hi" I hear her sleepy voice. "Hi baby, did I wake you up?" I hear her stretch and yawn. "Yep but just a cat nap from the jet lag. How are you doing?" I can hear her snuggle into the pillows and the clinking of Sam's chain. "I'm doing great. The flight was uneventful and we had dinner and reviewed the week's schedule. It's going to be grueling and great. Max wanted me to say hi to you. I almost told him about the wedding. It doesn't feel right not to say anything." I hear her take a deep breath and say "Sidney, why don't you tell him and invite him? I know you don't want to choose one friend over another but I think that they'll understand that it's a small wedding and you couldn't invite everyone." I think about it but "You might be right but who do I invite? Should it be Max or Flower? What about Jordan? We were just at his wedding. It seems simpler to do what we planned. We get married and then have a huge party at the beginning of the season in Pittsburgh." She sighs and I know that she disagrees but won't push any more. It's nice to be in this place. "You know Angel, I know we don't agree on this but I'm glad that we can talk about it and agree to disagree as they say. I love you." She sighs again and I feel a shiver throughout my body when she does. I close my eyes and can see her eyes soften and her small smile when she replies "I love you too Sidney." Those are truly magic words and the only thing I ever really need to hear from her. I hear Sam bark and Angelia laugh and say "I guess Sam doesn't want to be left out. She loves you too." Then we're both laughing while Sam barks again.

"How goes the plans for the wedding now that you're in Nova Scotia?" She sighs only now it is slightly exasperated. "It's slightly out of control. Let me just say one thing: just because it's small, doesn't mean that it's low key. We actually have an arbour being built for us to get married under. They are flying flowers in because they need so many and don't want local florists knowing where they're going. Mariah is out of control and Guy is her enabler. Actually, Mariah and your mother are out of control. Taylor said that she gave up a week ago trying to get them to pare it back." I chuckle and ask "have you asked them to pare it back now?" She lets out a long breath. "I tried to Sidney, really I did but do you know what your mother said to me?" I can only imagine what my mother said. "She said 'this is my only son's first and only wedding.' After she said that, I couldn't argue any more. Nana Forbes told me to go with it. She said 'the wedding may be for you and Sidney dear but it's also for your family. We are all getting married that day sweetheart.' How do you argue with Nana? I know where your mother gets it from." She sounds exasperated but only slightly. "Are you ok with that baby?" I ask her. She chuckles and says "yeah I am. It was actually Nana who made sense. We are all getting married that day so we should all get what we want in the wedding. It's a perfect way to describe it and it's completely true." I feel tears come to my eyes as I listen to her describe the conversations with my mom and Nana. We are all getting married. It's not just me who loves this woman. My whole family has fallen in love with her and she with them. I couldn't stop myself so why do I think they could have. "I also think that it's a perfect description. I love you Angel." She sighs and says "you better because I'm only doing this once. You will be stuck with me forever." I'm left thinking that a lifetime may not be enough.


	127. Chapter 127

_**Note: oops, I made a mistake when uploading this chapter. I blame the eggnog!**_

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"How did you know that I'd be free to talk ma belle fille?" Max asks me. "I just got off the phone with Sidney so I assumed that you would be in your room too." He chuckles "but how did you know that I would be alone?" Good question and one I never thought of until right now. "Are you alone?" I ask him. He laughs again "I am unfortunately. What did you need to talk to me about?" This is my last chance to abandon the plan or go through with it. Ok, here goes nothing. "Max, I need you to keep a secret. This is a very serious thing I'm asking you so please don't joke. I need you to not even hint to Sidney that you know what I'm about to tell you. He can't catch a whiff that you know. Trina said that I can trust you; can I?" He silent for a moment and simply says "oui." I proceed to lay out the whole plan for him. He's going to arrive the night before the wedding for the bachelor party. He's so excited that we're surprising Sidney and touched that I've included him in the wedding. "You know him Max. Sidney was concerned with having one of you over another and, really, he would you have you all there if we could keep it quiet. I figured this way anyone who's pissed off can blame me." We talk about a few more details and then hang up. That's the first part of the plan taken care of and now on to the second.

I dial the second number and wait for it to be picked up. "Oui allo" it's answered and I say "Hi Vero." We chat for a while about their honeymoon and what we've both been up to since her wedding. "Vero, is Marc-Andre there? Can you put us on speaker if he is so that I can talk to you both?" He is and she does so I go through the whole secrecy thing with them too. Vero actually cries when I tell her that we're getting married in a week. I originally thought of Marc-Andre and Vero because I'm friends with them too, more so than Max; but, I knew we couldn't have the Fleurys over Max so I decided on them both. We looked at flights and they'll come in the night before just like Max. It's going to be wonderful to have our friends there with our family. I made sure to tell both guys that Mario was the best man. I wasn't sure how they would react or what they would think if they didn't know. They may have thought Sidney would decide on one of them. This way it's easier for everyone. Oh shit, I need to tell the caterer.

I call Guy, this is what Mariah is paying him for after all, and tell him of the three additions. He is not happy because that means changes to the table and chairs for dinner and it "won't do" to have extra guests. He begins to whine in French so I hand up and call Mariah. "Ri, you wedding gift was just whining to me on the phone and telling me that I can't add three guests to my own damn wedding. Can you take care of him please? Oh, and make sure he keeps his French mouth shut because it's a surprise." She knows I'm pissed off and says she'll take care of it. I have a feeling that Guy is going to get a scolding like he's never had. Sure enough, not five minutes later, Guy calls me with his apologies. He moves between French and English about how wonderful the wedding with be and how wonderful it is to have more friends attending and how it will be the most wonderful wedding ever. Looks like he's switched from fabulous to wonderful today but I don't care. He's going to make it happen. I text Ri and tell her 'thank you.'

I look over my list and it seems to be growing rather than dissipating. I keep checking things off but also adding new things. One of my biggest problems is that I'm missing Sidney terribly. We haven't been separated for a whole week since we got back together and I definitely don't like it! I've got lots to keep myself busy with but at the oddest moments I want to tell him something or I turn to ask him a question and remember that he's not around. Looking at my watch, I know I need to get my butt in gear. I need to be over at the Crosby's house to talk about cakes. Mariah has 'wedding central' set up in a room there so we spend most of our time at their house. I told Ri that she could stay with me but she doesn't want to have to move her stuff for the wedding. The newlyweds can't have a 'plus one' for the wedding night. She always makes me laugh.

I have a few minutes so I call Sidney. "Hi babe" he answers after the first ring. "Hi Sidney. I was missing you so I thought I'd call." I can feel him smile over the phone. "I miss you too baby and I'm glad you called. How goes the wedding battle?" Now he sounds like his sister; that's what she's calling it too. "The wedding battle is going fine. We had to slap Guy around a bit but Ri did that; no one better than her. I'm going over in a few minutes so that we can talk cake. We'll have samples so I'm very excited although I'll need to be careful. My dress is altered to skim my body. I need to make sure that there isn't more body." He laughs "like you have to worry. Remember, something needs to be chocolate on that cake." Now I laugh "yes Sidney, I remember your chocolate request. There will be chocolate. They are bringing a couple different types of chocolate to taste." I hear him say "mmmm" which I initially laugh at but then I feel something a little different. Sidney sometimes makes the same 'mmmm' sound when we're making out. He lightly traces my lips with his tongue and then says 'mmmm.' "Are you there babe?" Oh God, my mind took a detour there; what was he saying? "Sorry Sidney, my mine wandered." He chuckles and says "where did your mind wander to, hmm?" He knows exactly where my mind wandered to but he wants to tease me. Two can play this game. "You know exactly where my mind wandered to and it's your fault. Are you alone in your room Sidney?" I hear some shifting and then he says "yeah. Going to dinner in a bit and I was hoping you'd call. I assume you're alone in the house." I can hear more rustling. He is going to kill me but he brought this on himself. "Yep, all alone in this big house without you but I wish you were here. I'm wearing a very short, very bare dress and no panties." He moans slightly and I continue "you wish you were here with me too don't you?" I hear a muffled "yeah." I know he's getting turned on and unfortunately it's doing the same to me too damnit. Ok, better stop this before I'm really late for dinner. "Oops, gotta go sweetie. I'll talk to you later, love you." As I hang up, I hear "what the …" Yeah, I'm going to pay for that later. As I'm leaving the house I see a text from Sidney that says "you are evil." I laugh and text back "Poor baby, I'll owe you." I get into the car with Sam and hear my phone. "I'll think of something good." Sidney texts back. Yeah, I'm sure it'll definitely involve something naked.

It doesn't take me long to get to the Crosby's house and I hear an argument as I go into the house.

"I want to go."

"You will not be going to Paris with your friends alone!"

"I'm at school alone. Why not Paris?"

"You are not at school alone and I said you're not going!"

"Mariah will be there."

"Don't get me in the middle of this Tay. It's your mom's decision."

I walk into the kitchen and see Taylor, red faced, in the middle of the room. Trina looks frustrated and has her hands on her hips. It's a typical mother / daughter argument. Mariah is sitting at the kitchen table drinking a glass of wine and looks at me confused what to do. When Taylor sees me, she says "good Ang, you tell mom that I'm old enough to go to Paris with my friends." Great, now I'm in the middle too. "Tay, I'm sorry, but I agree with Mariah. This is a decision your mom and dad need to make. It's not up to us." Taylor looks from Mariah to me and then shouts a strangled "arg" and stalks off down the hall. A few seconds later, we hear her bedroom door slam.

I look at Mariah and say "tell me please that you didn't suggest she go to Paris with her friends." Ri can't make eye contact with me which tells me everything. "Oh Mariah! For fuck sakes, how could you?" She looks up now and says "I wasn't thinking. We were talking about trips and I said how much she would love Paris; especially if she goes with friends. I didn't mean to go now and wasn't thinking that's what she would think I was saying." I can tell that she feels horrible and clearly she didn't realize that Taylor would think that she was suggesting it now. Trina goes over to Ri "I know you didn't Mariah. Ang, I heard most of the conversation and Ri really didn't say what Taylor assumed she was saying." She puts her hand on Mariah's shoulder and kisses her forehead. It's such a mom thing to do. Trina smiles at me now and I say "let me see if I can help." Trina nods her 'ok' and goes back to making dinner.

In front of Taylor's room, I knock on the door and wait. "What?" I hear yelled through the door. I take a breath and say "it's me Tay. Can I come in?" I wait a moment and hear "fine." I go in the door and Taylor is sitting on her bed playing on her iPad. I sit at the end of the bed and wait for her to look at me. She makes me wait but finally puts the iPad aside and crosses her arms. I forget how moody teenage girls can be. I kind of skipped that part of being a teen since I was at university but I remember how crazy Mariah was at this age. "Want to fill me in? I only heard the last part." I ask her. She 'huffs' and then says "I was talking to Ri about places I want to visit and my friends and I are thinking of going south on break this year. She mentioned how great Paris is and I only said that it would be fun and mom was all crazy. She said that there's no way I could ever go to Paris with my friends. God, I was just saying that it would be fun and she went all crazy." Here is another of those moods. "Tay, did you really want to go to Paris with your friends." She frowns and says "no but mom went so ape shit over just talk about it." Now I need to be careful. "So, you didn't really want to go. What made you get so mad?" She starts picking at the hem of her SSM sweatshirt. "I don't know. You know how mom can get sometimes. It's like Sidney was allowed to do whatever he wanted and I'm not allowed to do anything." Ah, this isn't the first time I've heard Taylor talk about a double standard with Sidney. Unfortunately, there is ten years between Sidney and Taylor so she doesn't really remember when Sidney was her age. From what I hear, he had very little life between practice, games and school. "I wasn't around when Sidney was your age Taylor so I don't know what happened. Can I be your big sister for a minute?" She looks up at me, curious about what I've said. She nods so I continue. "I didn't hear the whole conversation but what I did hear was you yelling at your mom and then storming out of the room. I wouldn't think that's the best way to convince her or your dad that you've grown up." I pause and hope she doesn't yell at me now. Instead, to my great surprise, she throws her arms around me and says "I'm so glad you're marrying my brother." I hug her back and I'm glad I'm marrying Sidney too; for more than just him.

We separate and grin at each other then get up and leave the room. I see that Mariah's in the living room with Troy so I head that way and hear Taylor go into the kitchen. When I hear that she's apologizing to her mom, I continue into the living room. The Olympics are on TV and it's one of the long distance track races. I settle down next to Mariah. She leans in and says "I really didn't mean to suggest anything you know." I put my arm through hers and say "I know. She's a teenager and sometimes behaves like one. Remember what you were like at that age? It was crazy." She shakes her head and says "I was a model child." I snort and just keep watching the TV. "Seriously Ang, I was a great kid. You were the one who always made mom and dad crazy. One minute you're playing video games and the next you're doing differential calculus. None of us could keep up." Now I'm pissed "me? You were the one who made mom and dad crazy; staying out late and in mom's best shoes. She was crazy because you stretched out her best Dior's with your huge, fat feet." Now she smacks me and says "we're identical twins you freak! We have the same size feet so if mine are huge and fat then so are yours." I smack her back but before I can say anything we hear "Girls! I'm trying to watch the Olympics here." Troy yells at us; he had to yell because we were definitely loud ourselves. Mariah and I look at each other surprised then, with a wink from Ri, we both turn to Troy and say "yes dad" and then break out into giggles.


	128. Chapter 128

Oh my God, I'm going to be married in less than a week. In just one week, I'll be Mrs. Crosby. How can it be the only thing I want in life and yet I'm absolutely terrified? I guess it's normal to feel this way before your wedding. Trina said that she actually threw up an hour before she married Troy. Of course she never told Troy so she asked me to keep it to myself. I'm in the car waiting for Sidney to come out of the airport. I got here early because I couldn't wait at home any more for him. I parked slightly away from the arrivals area. Sidney can get mobbed at the airport sometimes and it's easier if they don't see me too. His plane has landed and it'll take a few minutes for him to get his luggage. Thankfully, he has his gear shipped separately. He's had things stolen in the past like his jerseys and sticks so he uses shipping services. Looking out the back window I see him come through the doors and wave behind him. I know the instant he sees the car because a huge smile widens across his face. A couple of kids trail out after him and must have called his name because he turns around. He waits for them to reach him and signs something for each of them then continues toward the car.

After stowing his luggage in the trunk, he slips into the passenger seat. I see that there are people watching us so I drive away quickly. We are silent for the drive home. I'm vibrating with the need to touch him and his hands are sliding up and down his thighs like he's itching to touch me too. It takes forever for the gate to open at the house but it finally does and I drive up the driveway. No sooner am I in the garage and turned the car off then Sidney has ripped off my seatbelt and pulled me onto his lap. Straddling him gives me the access I desperately need to his mouth. His hands have found their way into my shorts and are massaging my ass while I'm pulling up his shirt. God, I've missed this chest. "Miss Angelia, Miss Angelia?" What? "Oh fuck! I forgot that the construction guys are here. I'm so sorry Sidney." We both just look at each other and, I swear, we're both calculating if we have enough time to get off before the guys find us. I give my head a shake, open the passenger door and climb out. "Miss Angelia?" Shit. Putting my clothes back in place I look at Sidney. He has a huge erection which makes me chuckle and then sigh wistfully. "Ok, why don't you go up to the bedroom? I'll talk to these guys and free myself up to meet you upstairs." I kiss him again, holding it a little longer than I intended, groan and head out of the garage toward the side of the house.

I give my clothes one more going over to make sure everything is in place. As I come around the corner, I see the man who has been calling my name. "Hello Philippe, I'm sorry it took so long to get here. I wasn't sure where you were. How can I help you?" He smiles at me. "I thought I heard you drive in miss. I have a question about the trellis. We are building it to the specifications but I wonder if it might look better two feet longer. We have the supplies to make that happen. If you stand back here" he gestures for me to move with him "then you can see how the pictures will be taken. If the trellis is two more feet then you can get the maid of honour and the best man in the framed shot. If you look beyond the trellis then it is also framed better with the trees behind it." Wow, he's right. "That's great Philippe. You're absolutely right, thank you so much." He nods to me and goes back to his men to make the change. "Philippe, I'll be busy in the house for the next thirty, maybe sixty minutes. I'll come back out and check on you when I'm done, ok?" He nods to me again and I swear I see a sly smile on his face. I'm probably imagining it but, if I'm not, I can't seem to care. I run back around to the front of the house in case Sidney didn't take my purse and … Shit!

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I've been upstairs with a raging hard on waiting for Angelia. What could possibly be taking so long? I look out the back window and see the guys working on the arch-thing and no Angelia. I do take a moment to look over all the work that's been happening. Who knew there was so much to do for such a small wedding; but, it looks great. The fence has been repainted and more flowers and plants have been added to the flowerbeds and in pots scattered around the grounds. We are going to have a gorgeous wedding and the wedding of my bride's dreams. I like the sound of that; my bride. I don't even know how much this is costing us and I don't care. As long as my Angel gets everything she wants then it's worth it. Speaking of my Angel, where the fuck is she? I'm definitely very uncomfortable. At the top of the stairs I yell "Angelia?" but I don't hear anything back. I go downstairs and she's not in the house. When I open the garage door, I hear "Sidney?" Shit, that's my mom. You'd think that would take care of my hard on but not quite; I've been away for a week! "I'll be out in a minute" I yell and run back upstairs to take care of my problem. A shower gets the plane smell off too.

When I'm dressed, I head back downstairs and follow the voices I hear out to the back deck. There's mom, dad, Angelia and Mariah. Sam jumps up on me, needing to be greeted first and then I move to everyone else. When I sit beside Angelia she whispers "they just arrived and I didn't know that they were coming." I simply smile and look at everyone. "The backyard is looking great. Mariah, that guy you hired may be snooty but he knows what he's about" mom says. I look around too and it looks even better down her than upstairs. "Yeah, it really is looking great. I especially love the plants. It gives some colour without being too much flowers or too girlie." "You can thank me for that son. I added my two cents." I laugh at dad. Mariah quickly adds "yeah he did. 'Don't make it too prissy' was all he said." While the bickering ensues, I lean into Angelia and say "that's twice in a matter of two days that you've got me all worked up and then I had to take care of myself. You definitely owe me." She simply smiles back at me and winks. I love seeing the family but they better not be staying long.

"We should get the grill on if we're going to eat soon" dad says as if reading my mind. I love my family but how the hell do they keep cock-blocking me with my girl?! Oh well, I am hungry. Dad starts the grill and mom and Angelia go into the kitchen. Mariah takes me aside and whispers "I tried to get them to call first or wait but apparently they always see you immediately when you land. They 'let' Ang pick you up but wanted to be here when you got home." She shrugs and I say "thanks for trying. How about making it an early night instead?" She winks at me and walks away. Hmm, it's weird. She looks exactly like Angelia in every way – or every way that I've seen – and yet when I look at her I feel 'sister' and not 'sex' like I do with Angelia. Interesting. I look over at dad and ask "what did you bring to grill?" Out of a cooler, dad takes out a large striped bass. "Caught it myself this morning" he says. Wow, it's huge. He has it already herbed and buttered and ready for the grill. "Looks great dad, can't wait to try it. Hey, where is Tay?" Dad looks at his watch and says "she was out at the beach with some friends. Should be here any minute." "Someone looking for me?" I turn and there's Taylor. I hug her and she says "about time you got home to help with these wedding plans. Poor dad has had enough of all the estrogen I think." We laugh and both head into the kitchen. "Here Sidney, set the table out there. Oh, remember to wipe it down first." I laugh and do what mom tells me. It's like this isn't my house and my things. Of course I know to wipe off my table before I set it with my dishes and my cutlery. "You'll always be her boy Sid. That will never change." I turn to dad and smile at him. He's right of course.

When we are finally seated at the table for dinner the talk is all about the wedding. The women in my life seem to think that I need to know every single detail about what's been going on the last week. Well, almost every woman thinks this because Angelia is sitting there quietly. I get more interested when they talk music but then Mariah pipes up and says "quiet about the music. I have that surprise, remember? Don't give it away Taylor!" Now I'm intrigued so I look at Angelia and she shrugs her shoulders. "I have no idea what they're talking about. It's a surprise to me too which is more than a little concerning I'll admit." That starts an argument between Mariah and Angelia about surprises that have gone awry over their life together. There's something about dresses and boyfriends but then I really stopped listening. Dad leans to me and says "this is what I've been dealing with over the past week. It gets even more fun when your sister gets involved and then your mother weighs into the fray." I can't help but laugh at dad. He's complaining but I know he loves it. Both he and mom have told me at different times that they miss having us at home. With me in Pittsburgh and Taylor at Shattucks, the house is very quiet. I have to admit that this is a side to Mariah and Angelia that I don't often get to see. It's really cute. When I see Angelia pick up some empty dishes and go into the kitchen I see my opening. "I'll go in and calm her down." I tell everyone.

When I'm in the kitchen, I put the dirty dishes on the table and see Angelia at the sink. I'm on her in a second, twirling her around and attacking her mouth. "Do you think they'll miss us if we slip upstairs?" I ask her while moving to devour her neck. "Sidney we can't." I move to her earlobe and ask "how about the pantry, I can be quick." She chuckles and says "as much as 'I can be quick' is a turn on Crosby, I will not have sex with you while our family is outside." That's when it hits me. I straighten up and kiss her lips lightly. "What's with that look on your face Sidney?" I smile now "you said 'our' family." She frowns for a moment and then smiles. "In just a few days they will be officially." I kiss her lips again and say "they already are unofficially." I slide my hands up and down her sides while kissing her again. After a few moments, her hands are on my chest pushing me away. "I can't Sidney, not with _our_ family out there. Come on, help me get dessert." She moves around me and goes to the fridge.

Mom and Mariah come in with the rest of the dishes. "We're not interrupting anything, are we?" Mariah asks with a wink. "Oh Mariah, stop teasing them" mom says. I start the coffee while Angelia dishes up the cobbler. "Mom, you made me my favourite cobbler, thanks." I tell her. She replies "you're welcome but it's not me. Angelia asked me for my recipe and she made it." I look over at Angelia and she's blushing. She asked my mom for my favourite dessert recipe and then made it for me. Without thinking, I go over to Angelia, take her face in my hands and kiss her softly but thoroughly. "Thank you" I whisper looking into her eyes. I kiss her again with our eyes still connected and see hers get wet. "Oh, get a room you guys" Taylor calls as she enters the kitchen which breaks the mood. Before I move away, Angelia grabs my wrist and whispers in my ear. "This is only one of the many ways that I'll be making it up to you" and then she saunters off with the dessert. I'm counting the minutes until the family leaves us.


	129. Chapter 129

They don't leave until 10pm. Mom insisted on cleaning the kitchen and then Mariah brought out wedding plans. Apparently, the meal hadn't been finalized. I thought we chose everything but learned we just decided on the courses. For example, we chose steak but what about the vegetable and do we want potato; if so, what kind? I would find this tedious at the best of times; but, forcing me to focus on stuff I don't care about when I'm this sexually frustrated is torture. I never knew it could take so long to debate types of potato. Who knew that there were even that many types of potato? And, in the end, we didn't even go with the damn potato. Fuck! Of course Angelia has been no help at all. She's been involved in the potato debate all the while running her hand up and down my thigh. Finally, the decisions are made and the family is gathering their things to leave. It takes a while to say our good byes and make plans for tomorrow.

The minute the front door is closed and locked, I push Angelia against it and my mouth is on hers. Our tongues instantly mate and hands are everywhere. I run mine up under her shirt to feel the soft, warm skin. Quickly, I release her bra and move my hand to cup her breast now free. Her nipple instantly hardens in my hand as I flick it with my thumb. We move away from each other just enough for me to strip her out of her shirt and bra and pull my shirt over my head. Then we are fused together again, bare chest to bare chest and mouth to mouth. Now her mouth isn't enough and I travel my lips down her chin, to the sensitive skin of her neck and over to her ear so that I can bite her lobe. "Ahh" she cries out and it urges me on even more. I move my mouth down her chest until I'm kneeling in front of her and her breasts are at the perfect height. I take on into my mouth and it tastes so sweet. A week is way too long to be away from this body. A week is way too long not to taste and touch this body. My mouth moves to her other breast and I lap and suck on this nipple too. I bite, just a little harder this time, and her hands grasp my hair and she pushes her breast further into my mouth. I always forget just how responsive my girl is and how much she loves it when I'm more aggressive.

While my mouth stays busy, I use my hands to slide her shorts and panties down to her feet. I slip lower and take her leg up onto my shoulder so that she's completely open to me. Just by looking I can how fucking wet she is. I look up into her eyes looking down at me and I forcefully push one finger deep inside her. She cries out and her had flies back. I slip another finger in and begin to work her around and in and out. She loves it when I alternate; around and around and then in and out. Her hand in my hair is holding on so tight that I swear I might lose some of it. I take my fingers out and they are dripping so I move them to her clit and begin to work her fast and hard. Her hips begin to move now against my fingers. They are thrusting fast and I decide at the last minute to ride her orgasm. I stand up and pull my shorts down at the same time. Then I pull her up, legs wrapped around me, and slam into her. I have to hold myself still for just a moment so that I don't cum right away. My wanton girl won't let me stay still for more than a moment though. She tries to move against me and I can't hold back any more. A few more thrust and I'm all out of control. Shit, I feel the orgasm take me before I can stop it and then I have no control; only the presence of mind not to drop her.

When I finally can open my eyes I'm looking directly into hers. Shit. "Um, did you …" I leave the question hanging. Angelia slides down my body and pulls my head with her to kiss me. "Yes, I did." I rest my forehead against hers happy that she found her orgasm too. When I back up and look at her, I start laughing. She is confused for a moment but then she looks down at me and then herself and starts laughing too. "We are both a hot mess!" she says and we definitely are a big mess. I leave the clothes where they are and hoist Angelia over my shoulder like a fireman. "Crosby?! This isn't very romantic you know." I laugh, slap her bare ass lightly and keep going up the stairs. "It's effective and we both need a shower I think." I know that I'm feeling sticky and I felt how sticky she was too. I don't put her down until we're in the master bathroom. I turn on the shower and when I turn around I notice that something is different. There are new bathmats and towels. There is a wicker basket with additional clean towels and another one for extra toilet paper rolls by the toilet. When I look at Angelia, she is biting her lip and looks a little uneasy. "I hope you don't mind. I thought the bathroom could use a little sprucing up so I bought a few things. They're just accessories so if you don't like them we can use them in one of the spare bathrooms." I walk over and kiss her softly. "I love the changes. It looks kinda like a spa and doesn't look too feminine either." Now she smiles and says "good. I didn't want it to be too girly so I thought going with the white would save that plus, and I've been to a lot of spas with Ri, it always looks good in the spas." I pull her with me into the shower and let her get under the spray first. While she's tilting her head back to wet her hair, I get some of her shampoo in my hands and then wash her hair myself. I don't know what it is about washing a woman's hair but it's incredibly soothing and erotic at the same time. While she rinses, I wash my own and then rinse too. I feel my dick twitch when she reaches around me for the soap and I feel her wet body press against mine. She looks up at me, arches one eyebrow and asks "again?" I look down at her and say "always."

This time I want to go slower and savour every inch of her. I take the soap out of her hands and lather up mine. I start at her neck and then glide down her arms to finish at each finger. With more soap, I play a significant time on her breasts. I use soft and light touches at first and then deep and slow next. Her eyes have taken on that soft and dreamy quality that I love so much. I move down over her stomach and then pull her closer so that I can get her back too. I use the removable shower head to rinse her down. After soaping up again, I run my hands in deep circles over her ass and hips. While doing so, she is brought closer to me and I know she can feel my erection against her stomach. Her hand reaches for me but I take it and say "no. It's my turn first Angel." Her eyes go gooey again and I soap up my hands again and run the slowly down one leg and then back up. Then I run my hands down the other leg and back up. Both times I carefully avoid between her legs. I know that she is dying for me to touch her there as she makes little, involuntary movements with her hips. I use the shower head again and rinse off her legs. Her hands are on my shoulders now massaging the muscles there. I'm at the exact right height to touch deep inside her. I use a soapy hand to wash her mound first and the inside of her thighs. She moans a little driving me crazy

I rinse her and make sure that all of the soap is gone; taking my time. I slide up her body and replace the shower head on the wall. I kiss her lips deeply and invade every recess of her mouth. Slowly, very slowly, I slide down her body and feel every inch with my lips and hands. When I find her mound again I simply hold it in the palm of my hand and kiss over her stomach. She moves her hips and presses deeper into my hand but I don't move from cupping it. When my kisses lead me to where my hand is, I use my hand to open her to me. I gently place her foot up on the shower seat – never knew why that was needed in a shower until now – and that opens her even more to me. I use the flat of my tongue to lap from back to front. I do that again and then again. On the third pass, I can feel how swollen her clit is so I use the tip of my tongue to tease her. I flick it over and over again until her hips are gyrating against me. Mmmm I love it when my girl gets going. I'm having too much fun to move so I alternate between sucking and teasing her clit. Over and over I go between sucking and teasing. She has moved from mewing like a kitten to moaning like the wanton women I know she is. I use the flat of my tongue to lick her one last time and then I go to town again on her clit. Her hips are moving which drives her further into my face. I can tell that she has completely lost control and it's so fucking hot. I work her clit until I feel her come completely undone.

She has slumped against me so I stand up taking her with me and into my arms. While cuddling her, I turn my face up to the spray. It's a shame to wash her off of me but I need to kiss her again. I turn her face up to me and take her lips in soft, quiet kisses. I feel her lips curve and pull back to look at her face. She's smiling at me and says "I was supposed to make it up to you not the other way around." I chuckle and reply "well, you did make the cobbler." She chuckles and says "let's get out of this shower. I can do much better than cobbler." We finish our washing and dry off with the new towels. "Wow, I love these towels. They are very fluffy." She chuckles and hands me an equally fluffy robe. She puts one on herself and we go into the bedroom. When she turns down the bed, I see that we have new sheets too; nice. Knowing my girl, she knew we'd get good use of them tonight although we are just making it to the bed now. I watch her to into her drawer, pull out something but I can't see what, and then she heads back into the bathroom. "I'll be back" she whispers.

I chuckle and sit on the bed. Turning on Sports Centre, I try to catch up with the baseball scores. I hear a click behind me and turn toward the bathroom. The remote drops out of my hand and onto the floor. Wow, this woman must have bought out a lingerie shop recently. This outfit is a red, fire engine red, and it's all lace. Spaghetti straps are over her shoulders and the bodice scoops low over her chest so that only the top of her nipples show. Of course the material is sheer lace so I can see the whole nipple and the other one too. My eyes trail down her body and the lace is hugging every gorgeous curve. The bottom flares a little at her hips and stops at the top of her thighs. It barely covers her. I think I might be drooling or else I've swallowed my tongue; maybe both. She is bare footed and slowly stalks toward me; there is no other way to describe it other than stalking.

She stops in front of me and leans down to pick up the remote. After turning off the TV, she turns to me and says "I think I have something more entertaining in mind." She moves between my legs and cradles my head against her breast. My hands slide around her waist and I take a moment to hold her against me and just breathe her in. She's put on some of her perfume and it goes right to my head and then much further south. Her hands slide through my hair softly and slowly then, suddenly, she takes two fistfuls and pulls my head back so that I'm looking up at her. "Now it's my turn Crosby." I know that would be funny if I was so fucking turned on right now.

She pushes the robe off of my shoulders and then slides her hands down my chest as she slides her body down too. When she's kneeling in from of me, she pushes the robe completely off of me and my dick springs free. I was hard getting her off in the shower; but, watching her in this red whatever it is has me rock hard. She runs her hands on the outside of my legs from hip to ankle and then hip again. She repeats the action using her nails now. The friction is so hot that a shiver runs through my whole body. She pushes my legs a little farther apart so that she can get closer. She smiles up at me and I notice her lips for the first time. They are as red as her clothes. Fuck me. One hand stays lightly on my thigh and the other takes the base of my shaft in hand. I watch as her tongue slowly slides out of her tart red lips and licks at the tip. That little lick almost makes me blow. She knows exactly what she's doing as she now smiles up at me.

Those red lips slide completely over the tip now and her tongue goes around and around. Fuck, she knows exactly what she's doing. She lowers over me and takes me all the way in so that I feel the back of her throat. Oh God, I need to focus to keep control. She slides me out and then licks up one side and then up the other. She takes me deep in her mouth again and then bobs up and down a few times before sitting up completely. She licks her lips, fuck me, and then rolls one shoulder then the other. Her straps fall down each arm but the material stops on her nipples. I run my hand down her cheek and she sucks my thumb in her mouth now with her hand still wrapped around me. I pull my thumb out and rub it over her bottom lip. "You are so fucking hot" I say without even realizing that was going to say anything. She smiles and arches an eye brow. "Is it the negligée? Is it the lips? Or is it the way I suck you off?" Oh fuck, this woman is going to kill me. "All of the above Angel, absolutely all of the above." She leans down again, this time she's all business. She takes me deep in her mouth and then out again. She repeats this over and over and over. I'm trying to hold on but I don't think I can much longer. All thoughts leave my head when she grabs my balls with her free hand and massage them lightly. With that one last touch I can't control myself any more. I tell her I'm cumming but she continues her movements and swallows everything I give her.

When I've finally regained consciousness, I realize that I've fallen back onto the bed and Angelia has curled up beside me. I stroke her hair and say "that was incredible. I have no better words to describe it but incredible." She giggles and says "so I made it up to you?" I laugh and say "more than baby, more than." I think about it for a minute and decide I should say something. "Babe, I know you don't like to swallow. You really don't have to; that's why I was letting you know I was cumming." I feel her hand come to my chest and I take it in mine. "I know Sidney but I wanted to this time; for you. I know you like when I do but would never push me to do it. I'm ok with it on certain special occasions." She's way too good to me. "You know, I thought you would come up with some crazy rule like Vero did before they got married." She sits up slightly and looks at me quizzically. "Didn't you know? Vero told Flower that they couldn't have sex one month before the wedding. He said that it nearly killed him." She is looking thoughtful now. "Don't even think about it Angel. The last week nearly killed me I don't think that I'd make it another week." She giggles and says "neither would I so don't worry."

We get under the covers and I pull her into my arms. This is what I want for the rest of my life: great sex and then my woman in my arms. It's interesting how I think about her as 'my woman' some times. I don't know how she'd take that but I know what I mean. She belongs to me as much as I belong to her and, in less than a week, we will officially belong together for the rest of our lives. I can't wait.


	130. Chapter 130

The wedding is tomorrow. At this time tomorrow, I'll be walking down the aisle to marry Sidney. I can't believe it and yet I also feel like I've been waiting forever for this date. I look at Sidney sitting across from me on the deck. The weather is beautiful, and supposed to stay that way for tomorrow too, and there is a light breeze off of the lake. Sidney is frowning while reading something on his computer. It has to be about the CBA because that's the only thing these days that makes him frown like that and furrows his brow. "What is it Sidney?" He looks up at me and says "it doesn't look good. The NHL has come back with a response to our proposal." I continue to look at him but when he doesn't continue I say "and?" He wipes his hand over his face. "They gave us the same proposal they started with almost a month ago. Oh wait, no, they made changes to the new rules. They made no movement on anything to do with money. Not a single fucking dollar budged. How can they call it fair to take us down from fifty seven percent HRR to forty six percent? Fuck, before I came into the league the players share was in the seventies. How is this fucking fair?!"

I get up and walk behind him and wrap my arms around him so that I'm flush to his back. I kiss his neck under his ear and whisper "I know." There's nothing else to say. He's right, it isn't fair, but that won't help. I know how much it bothers him that the owners are being so unfair. In the rest of the league, the owners and players are at each other's throats and yet, tomorrow, Mario will be Sidney's best man at our wedding. I realize that this owner / player relationship is hardly the norm but if others could have a small amount of the relationship that these two men have then the league would be so much healthier. It's probably Mario who is the truly special one. In the past, he had Marc-Andre and Jagr live with him too. Sidney shakes his head, shuts his computer and then turns to pull me onto his lap. "Enough of this stuff right now. At this time tomorrow, we are going to be married. You will be my wife." I wrap my arms around him. "I will be your wife. Are you ready for your bachelor party tonight?" He rolls his eyes "not much of a bachelor party with my dad and Mario. Maybe I should have invited a few of the guys." He looks at me with a sad look in his eyes. I'm desperate to tell him but I don't want to ruin the surprise. "Now you tell me that you want them here. Too late now Crosby. It will be great and we'll have a huge party during training camp so that everyone can be there." He smiles and kisses me "you're right. That party is going to be one hell of a party." We both laugh.

"What are you doing with the girls for your bachelorette?" Now it's my turn to laugh. "Considering my sister is organizing it and your sister and mom are attending, I have no idea what to expect; no idea at all." Sidney smiles and says "you could have strippers or mani / peddis." "Or both together" I reply. I cuddle into my nook against his body. I look over the yard and see all of the new foliage and flowers. The fence has been stained and tulle and greenery has been wound through. The chairs and final touches will be finished up tomorrow morning by Guy and we'll have Mariah's 'glam squad' here to take care of all of the girls. We'll get ready at Sidney's house and he'll get ready with the boys at his parent's house. Oh, I guess I should say that the girls will get ready at our house. I'll have to watch that now. Everything is ours which makes me remember "Sidney, you haven't brought up the pre-nup again since we talked about it a while ago. I assumed that you'd have it here for me to sign." Oh oh, Sidney stands up and pushes me into the chair beside his while he begins to pace.

I decide to wait him out. Obviously he has something that he wants to say but doesn't know how to do it. Eventually, after starting and stopping twice, he sits beside me and takes my hand. "Pat had the lawyers send it a week ago." What?! "So how come you haven't given it to me to sign. Even though it's you, and I trust you, I want to read it and maybe have a lawyer look at it before I sign it." He lets go of my hand and rubs it over the back of his neck. "I gave it to Mariah and she sent it to her lawyer to look at it." Now I'm really confused; what are those two up to and why don't I know about it. "Sidney, I need you to start explaining because I'm really confused and moving into pissed off." He takes a deep breath but keeps looking out at the water. "I don't want to give it to you. I don't want you to sign it but I have all of these people I trust who are telling me that I should. Even Mario had Nathalie sign one. I knew you'd want a lawyer to look at it so I asked Mariah to do that for you. I figured that's what you would do yourself. This gave me time to think without running out the clock for you if I did ask you to sign one. Basically, I'm really screwed up about this and don't know what to do." I look at his face and he looks miserable. This is no way for him to feel the day before our wedding; as we begin our life together. This problem, I can fix. "Sidney, do you remember what I told you when you first brought it up? I told you that I completely understand and would definitely sign one. I wasn't lying to you then and I still feel the same way now. Go, right now, go and get the papers." He looks at me confused. "I'm serious Sidney. Go inside and get the damn papers." I'm getting a little ticked off now. He gets up slowly and goes inside the house.

Sam must sense some turmoil because she comes over and puts her head in my lap licking my hands. I let her jump up to my chest and bury my face in her neck while scratching under her chin. "It's ok Sammy. Your daddy is just being silly and trying to take on everyone else's troubles onto himself; even when there really are no problems." I hear Sidney come back out and whisper to Sam "be cool now" then I feel slightly silly. Sidney hands me the document and it isn't as big as I thought it would be. I open the document to the tab with an arrow and see the 'x' where I'm supposed to sign. Looking back at Sidney I say "pen?" He just stares at me, God! "Sidney, do you have a pen?" He keeps staring at me for another moment and then looks around at the table. Finding one, he hands it to me and immediately sign the document. "What are you doing? Don't you want to read it first?" This man is so lucky I love him right now because he's trying my patience. "Sidney, you signed it so I presume that you read and approve of it. Mariah had her lawyers look at it and they're pretty smart people. With the two people I love and trust most in this world saying that the document is ok tells me that the document is ok. Now that this is done can we please, for the love of God, go back to focusing on the happiness of our special day?!"

Sidney looks stunned for a moment and then breaks out in laughter. I can't help it and I am giggling like a loon myself before long. Sam starts barking which Sidney and I find hilarious for some reason and we are both giggling and clutching our stomachs. Eventually, we do stop laughing and are wiping up the tears. Sidney touches my face and is very quiet and serious. "Thank you Angel" he says simply. I kiss him and say "you are very welcome. Did you finish packing for your last night of freedom? Your dad and Mario should be here soon." He kisses me again and says "I wasn't truly free until I met you. Tomorrow I seal the deal to make you mine for the rest of our lives. That is what truly frees me. With you, I'm free to be who I really am all the time. What better gift is there?" Oh God, now tears are filling my eyes. Is there no wonder why I love this man? "You need to wait to say stuff like that or else I'll be a mess before we even say 'I do' Crosby." We're saved from me become a puddle of tears by horn honking at the lake. When I look to the noise, I see Troy and Mario driving up in the boat. I also see Marc-Andre and Max. I quickly look at Sidney because I want to see the look on his face when he sees his friends. I know the exact instance he sees them. His mouth drops open and he is truly and wonderfully surprised; jackpot.

* * *

I'm so glad that the pre-nup issue is solved. I kept going back and forth on it but leave it to my Angel to remember and ask about it. Of course it's also like her to get well and truly pissed off that I let it get this far and that she had to ask about it. Oh well, nothing is standing in our way for tomorrow now. I hear the honking from the water and look over to see dad and Mario in the boat. That's weird because I thought I was going to meet them at the house. I guess the boat is the surprise for the night. That's when I notice the other two guys in the boat. What the … oh my God, it's Flower and Talbo! No fucking way they're here; but, there they are getting out of the boat. I look at Angelia and she has a huge grin on her face. "I knew you would regret not having a couple of your friends here so I invited them. Surprise baby!" It takes me a moment to compute what she's said but then I pick her up and twirl her around. When I put her down I can't stop kissing her. "Thank you Angel. I'm so glad that you know me better than I know myself. Thank you." Then I hear "what about us? We're the ones that came all the way here on short notice. What about us mon ami?" Leave it to Max to make coming to a wedding sound like leaving for war. I turn around and see both of their huge grins and I know they match my own. I don't know who has moved first but we're in a three way hug complete with back slaps and a mixture of French and English spoken at the same time.

"If you ladies have contrôlez vos émotions, can we get onto the bachelor party?" Mario interrupts our bromance. "Damn, we missed the surprise!" I look up to the house and mom is coming out the door with Mariah, Taylor and Vero. When they approach, I give Vero a hug and say "thank you for coming. I'm so glad that you are both here." She whispers softly "de rien." Then Angelia and Vero are hugging and all of the girls are talking at once. I escape away from the melee. Dad shouts over the noise "we're going to head out if you ladies want to say goodbye." I ask Max to get my bag and then I turn to find Angelia while the others chat and say goodbye. We walk alone down to the water and stop at the deck. I pull her into my arms and bury my face in her neck to simply breathe her in. When we do pull apart, I see that her eyes are wet but they aren't sad. The emotion in them pulls at my heart; actually, it pulls at my very soul. I simply continue staring into her eyes and kiss her lips. There is nothing to really say. Tomorrow we begin our life together and it will be the best day of our lives. I've been fortunate enough to have quite a few spectacular 'best' days of my young life – entering the NHL, then winning the Cup and then the Gold – but I know that tomorrow will be the most impactful to my happiness, the most satisfying to my soul and the absolute best. This woman will agree to love me forever and nothing is better than that.

Before I know what's happening, I'm grabbed by the guys and dragged away from Angelia and into the boat. I'm dumped onto a bench as Mario jumps on holding my bag. I call for Sam but Mariah yells "Sam is a girl and she's staying with us." I just laugh and my eyes lock with Angelia's. Dad starts the boat and Angelia mouths 'I love you' and I mouth back 'I love you.' Max slings his arm around my shoulders and says "enough mush for today. Now it's time for your last party as a bachelor! Que la fête commence!" I laugh at Max and slide back down onto the bench. Mario sits beside me as the boat leaves the dock. "Did you finally decide what to do about the pre-nup Sid?" Of course Mario would remember that I was troubled by it. "She brought it up. Sometimes being with a genius who remembers everything sucks. Yeah, I gave it to her, she insisted, and she signed it. She didn't even read it; said that if her sister said it was ok and I signed it then she didn't need to read it." I'm still shaking my head at that level of trust but I'm confused when Mario chuckles. "Almost the same thing happened with Nathalie. She brought it up before the wedding and, after her dad and his lawyer looked at it, she signed it no questions asked. I guess we both know how to pick good women, huh?" I look at Mario, my boss, my mentor, my friend, and smile. "Yeah, we do know how to pick them."


	131. Chapter 131

When I open my eyes I'm slightly disoriented. I look around the room and the rays of light are coming in the window so I know it's early morning. I look beside me and it's Mariah in the bed and not Sidney. Now I know what today is; today is my wedding day. When I'm back in this bed tonight, I will be Sidney's wife and we will be staring our wonderful life together. "Are you going to have that smile on your face all day? You're cheeks will hurt if you don't give it a break sometimes you know." I turn to Mariah and she has a smile on her face too. I collapse onto the bed and she pulls me into her arms. We both take a moment to relish this time for us as sisters. It feels like an ending for us but it's not sad. I know she is as happy for me as I am myself and nothing could ever come between us and our bond. "You're getting married today" she says. I lean back and look at her "yeah, I'm getting married today. It may be unconventional, although what is really conventional about us anyway, but I'm glad that you're giving me away." "I am too Ang. I've seen your relationship from the beginning and I feel as much a part of the Crosby family as you do. This isn't just a joining of you and Sidney. It truly is a melding of our two families. I know a lot of people say that but, in our case, there is nothing truer. I love you." I see her eyes are wet and know that mine are too; probably not for the first time today. "I love you too Ri." We cuddle back under onto the pillows together. "But Ang, seriously, did it have to be Pittsburgh? There is no good shopping there." She always manages to make me laugh when I need it.

There is a soft knock on the door. "Come on in" I call out and Trina comes in the door. "Have you ladies recovered from our hen party last night?" We all chuckle and Ri and I sit up on the bed. Bless Trina, she has coffee for each of us. We take the coffee and she sits on the bed with us. "I had fun last night" I tell her. "It was exactly what I wanted it to be. We sat around the fire and enjoyed each other; and a couple bottles of wine of course." We chuckle and then hear form the door "pourquoi suis-je réveillé si tôt? I'm not the one getting married. I should still be asleep." It's Vero so we invite her in and all four of us are snuggled together in the king size bed with coffee. We enjoy each other's company again. I think the benefit of a very small wedding is being able to have moments like this that are still, quiet and can be savored without all of the frantic energy of a large wedding. Mariah's phone buzzes and she looks at it. "It looks like my glam squad is here at the gate. They didn't want to buzz in case folks were still awake. Ok, Ang, you need to hop in the shower because your hair is first. Vero, you are included in the glam-over too of course. Ang, get your ass moving, it's a busy day" so much for the still, quiet and savouring. I take my phone with me into the bathroom and text Sidney.

'r u awake?" I ask him

'yes, how was ur party?'

'it was great. How about u and the boys?'

'fun, Max passed out of course, Flower was close behind, Mario and dad were ok, I didn't drink much.'

"why not?'

'I wanted nothing to spoil this day, no hangover'

'awe, me too, some wine but not too much'

'what are u doing now?'

"about to have a shower then hair, make up etc'

'wish I could be in shower with u'

'me too but soon, I'll see u down the aisle'

'yes you will Angel, I love u'

'love u too Sidney'

I turn on the shower and jump in after it's warmed up. It felt good just to connect with Sidney quickly. It feels weird to be going through this momentous occasion and not be with him this morning; but, I respect the traditions and superstitions of the day and I guess it heightens the anticipation for seeing him. I wrap myself in a fluffy robe with a towel wrapping my hair up. When I open the door, Trina is coming in the room and says "good, you're done. Come on, we've set up in the corner guest room." I follow her and need to shake my head when I see the set up. It looks exactly like backstage of a fashion show. There are two make up stations and two hair stations. Mariah is already at one of the hair stations and is chatting in French with the stylist while drinking what I'm sure is a mimosa. I'm handed a drink too as I'm guided to the other hair station. I recognize the stylist as Mariah's number one who travels with her everywhere. "Tray, it is so wonderful of you to come. Thank you so much for being here on the big day." He chuckles and takes off the towel holding up my hair. "Where else would I be ma belle fille? I have seen your dress and veil, gorgeous. You will trust me with your hair, oui?" I smile at him and say 'oui' and then he calls over another stylist and now they are both chatting on in French and rolling my hair up.

I sit back and enjoy my mimosa. Looking around the room, I see Mariah and she winks at me. It's too noisy in the room with the hair dryers and talking for us to chat. "Why is there all of this noise so early?" I hear clearly over the din. I look toward the door and see Taylor coming in. As a typical teenager, 9am is much too early for her. She grabs a mimosa and has taken only one sip before Trina pulls it from her hand. "Only at dinner to toast Taylor, you know the rules." Taylor pouts and walks over to me. I let her take a sip of mine when Trina's not looking but only a sip. "Have you talked to Sid?" she asks me. "We texted about an hour ago. Max and Marc-Andre passed out last night. Your dad and Mario got a little silly but are otherwise fine." "I just spoke to Mario and he and Troy forgot that they aren't twenty any more. They are far from fine." Nathalie says as she comes in the room. "Apparently Marc and Max are alive though so there weren't any real tragedies from their night." Vero comes in and says "Marc is definitely alive but he's not sure he's quite human yet. They'll work out and sweat out most of the remaining alcohol then they'll be fine." We all laugh at the boys' predicament. While the junior stylist finishes rolling and pinning my hair, Tray goes over to Nathalie, Taylor and Vero to talk about what they would like done and then everyone is being worked on. The mimosas are flowing although I switch to straight orange juice. It won't do to have a sloppy bride and I want to remember every single moment of this day.

While I'm under a dryer, I can't hear anyone else so I look at my phone. There is a text from Sidney. "To my bride, today I will pledge my forever love to you. I wait impatiently to see your beautiful face, my Angel." I guess I sigh loudly because Taylor is beside me and grabs my phone. "Oh, ug, really? I didn't know my brother was so sappy." She passes the phone around and there is a symphony of 'awes' around the room. Trina says "I don't know where he gets that from because it's certainly not his father" and we all laugh. As they are leading me back to the mirror chair, Nana Forbes and Nana Crosby come in. I greet them both and then there are lots of hugs and kisses to go around. They both are taken to another area to get manicures and be pampered too. This is exactly what I was looking for on my wedding morning; lots of family enjoying each other. "He gets that from your father Trina." Nana Forbes can be heard clear across the room. I look over and she has my phone now. I quickly pray that I've deleted the dirtier texts we exchanged last night. "Your father was very romantic Trina. Sidney must get that from him." We are all laughing now and the activity returns.

"Ok Angelia, your hair is done. I'd like to have your make -p done too before we show you, ok?" Tray asks me. I'm uncomfortable but I agree. Mariah has been watching closely so I know that I look good if she says I look good. The make-up team comes over to me and begins work on my face. I follow orders to close my eyes, open my eyes, look up, look down, and everything else they tell me. It takes about an hour but then I'm done. They swivel me around and I am completely stunned. I still look like me but just better. My eyes are more prominent, my lips more pronounced and my hair is fantastic. It's completely up and in a chignon but with a sweep across my brow. The veil sits at the crown in the back of my head and flows softly down my back. I look beautiful. When I take my eyes off of my reflection, I look around me and everyone is looking at me smiling. "Tray" Mariah says "you are a genius." Everyone starts clapping and talking all at once again. I can say nothing; I just keep smiling.

Now that I am ready, I head down to the kitchen for some breakfast. I'm starving and definitely need to put something in stomach besides the mimosa and orange juices. When I get to the kitchen, it is filled with people cutting, chopping, washing and doing a variety of other cooking. "Miss Angelia, good morning. May I get you some breakfast?" It's Guy asking me. When I turn to him, he takes each of my hands and kisses them. "You look simply exquisite as a bride should." I smile at him when he says this; it's my wedding and I can't hold grudges. "Thank you Guy and yes, I would love some food. I'm starving." He nods and says "how about a crepe filled with fresh apples and cinnamon? We also have a lovely fruit and cheese plate." I thank him and he escorts me out to the back deck. The deck has been transformed. There is one table that is being used for brunch and is outfitted with gorgeous linens and flowers. Around the deck are smaller tables which are also draped in beautiful linens including pick-ups and gorgeous flowers on top. Tulle, ivy and flowers are draped around the entire deck. "Oh Guy, it looks gorgeous." He pats my arm and says "I'm so glad that you enjoy it Miss Angelia. Now, no tears or else you'll ruin your beautiful make up. Please have a seat here and I'll bring out your breakfast to you. Would you like a cappuccino?" I say yes and he leaves.

I sit at the table and continue looking around me. Around the deck, in between the small tables, are three foot vases filled with gorgeous flower arrangements. When I finally take my eyes away from the deck, I look towards the ceremony site. The trellis looks even fuller than it did yesterday; they've added more greenery to the flowers and it is gorgeous. There are beautiful white chairs set up for everyone to sit and make up and aisle for me to walk down. They built a deck over the grass just for the wedding. This way none of the women's heels will get stuck in the grass. That was Mariah's idea and it was brilliant. The soft breeze flutters my veil behind me lightly. The morning couldn't be more perfect. I didn't notice Sam come up beside me until she places her snout on my lap. I look down and pat her head. "Hi Sammy, today your daddy and I are getting married." I grab a piece of cheese off of the tray and give it to her. "Don't tell daddy I gave you that, ok? It's a special day so you get a little extra too." Just then, Guy comes out with my plate and coffee cup and the crepes smell delicious. He goes back into the house and I dig in. I'm famished.

I'm surprised when I hear a boat at the dock. When I look down, it's Troy alone and he ties off the boat then walks up to the deck. When he's at the table, he kisses my cheek and sits down. "I hope you don't mind my intruding on your morning." I reach over and take his hand in mine. "Troy, you aren't intruding. You never could intrude." He squeezes my hand too. "Angelia, I wanted to see you before the wedding. It's the oddest feeling for me. You girls have become part of our family so I feel like my daughter is getting married today too and I couldn't let my daughter get married without seeing her before she walks down the aisle. You look absolutely gorgeous by the way. Wow." I smile at him and lean into his hand as it cups my cheek. "Sidney is a very lucky man." I kiss his palm and say "so am I; I am a very lucky woman." "I knew that you couldn't stay away" Trina says as she comes out the back door. She's dressed exactly as I am. We're in comfy robes with our hair and make-up done up. "My oh my, hurry up and get over here before my wife sees us together" Troy says to Trina. She hands him a cup of coffee, kisses his lips and turns to me. "See, I told you Sidney didn't get it from his father." She and I laugh and Troy looks confused. Within a few minutes, Guy brings our plates of crepes for Troy and Trina too. The three of us have a wonderful breakfast together. Troy tells us some of the stories of last night. I'm positive he's skipping some of them knowing that Max was there.

Both Trina and Troy exchange an odd look and I know something is going on. Troy reaches out to take my hand again. "Angelia, there's one thing that Trina and I wanted to talk to you about. It's kind of sensitive so we both wanted to chat with you alone." Now I'm getting worried. I guess Trina sees that and she takes my other hand. "It's nothing bad sweetheart. It's, well, now that you are officially joining the family we wanted to ask you something." She looks at Troy now and he continues for her. "Ang, we would never want to take the place of your parents, we couldn't ever nor would it be right to even try. You are officially becoming our daughter today although you know that we have thought of both of you girls that way in our hearts for some time now. We don't want to disrespect your parents in any way but, we would consider it an honor if you would call us mom and dad." I look at Trina and her eyes are wet. When I turn back to Troy, his eyes are wet too. I squeeze both of their hands and say "the honor would be mine to call you mom and dad." Oh fuck, there goes my eye make-up.


	132. Chapter 132

It's been a very long morning. There's nothing to do until the afternoon so I'm just waiting and waiting and some more waiting. It was great to hear from Angelia although the mental picture of her in the shower got me hard. The day began with me waking up in my childhood bedroom. I was disoriented for a minute and felt like I was twelve years old again. Then I remembered: I'm getting married today. Today is the best day of my life so far. I dragged my ass out of bed and into the kitchen to see dad and Mario sitting at the kitchen table with a huge spread in front of them, a chef at the stove and a server putting more food on the table. When I looked at dad he said "Mariah arranged it. She said that we needed to eat well and had no faith that we could take care of ourselves without the women around." Sounded like a smart woman to me. We each ate like we've never seen food before. Eventually Flower and Max dragged their asses out of bed. Flower had a shower first and sat down at the table with a cup of coffee. Max sat at the table and downed a glass of orange juice, a glass of water and then two cups of coffee before he said a word. These guys were definitely hung way the hell over.

Once we had eaten, I went back to my room and got the message from Angelia. It was nice to have that connection. It's weird that it's such an important day in my life and yet I'm not sharing it with her yet. Not knowing what to do with myself, I wanted to wait to shower, I wandered out to the back deck where I am right now. I see Talbo and Flower come out and sit down beside me. "How are you mon ami, êtes-vous nerveux?" I look at Max "no, I'm not at all nervous. I think I'm just anxious to get to it. This morning is going on forever." "I think I can help with that?" Mario says from the door and he has a stick in his hand. No way; we're going to go play? That's fucking awesome. Everyone gets dressed and we meet out front where there is a large SUV waiting for us so we pile in. It looks like everyone is in on it but me. We get to the local rink where I usually practice when in town and the manager is at the door to let us in. "The place is closed down as you requested Mr. Lemieux. The ice is fresh and your gear is in the locker room. There is also tape and other gear that you may need." Mario thanks him and we head to the locker room.

In the locker room I see all of our gear. Wait a minute, there are bags for five. I look to dad and he just smiles. Wow! Dad's going to put the gear on and skate with us? Very cool. We all warm up and get our gear on. Dad and Flower will each play in goal and we set up a half ice game so we're going east / west rather than north / south. We decide to play one on one with a sub since it's only Max, Mario and me. Dad looks really good in the Pens gear. Mario must have brought it for him. Dad always has skates but he hasn't had goalie gear for years. We'll need to take it easy since all of our women will kill us if we get hurt the day of the wedding. Unfortunately, it isn't in any of our nature to take it easy or stop being competitive. An hour goes by before we even know it. This is exactly what I need this morning. Physical exertion, friendly competition and fun are the perfect way to start the day.

After showering and changing, we're in the car and on our way back to the house. We have just enough time to get dressed. I fiddle with my hair more than usual. Maybe I am a little nervous. Finally, I just give up and go back to my room for my jacket. Dad is there sitting on my bed and gets up when I come in. He straightens my tie and then stands back to look at me. "You look good kid." We smile at each other. "There is one thing that I want you to have for your wedding." He hands me a small jeweler's box and I open it. They are cufflinks. "I wore those when I married your mom. I thought they aren't too '80's to be tacky now." I chuckle and immediately take off the cufflinks I have on and then hand box to dad so he can put the new ones on. "They look great dad, thank you." I give him a hug and it feels great. When we part, dad keeps a hand on either side of my face. "Sidney, I hope you know how incredibly proud your mom and I are of you. It's not because you're a hockey player and it's not because of the Cup or the Gold. We're proud of the man you've become, how you care for those around you and the good that you do in the world." I hug dad again because I just don't know what to say. "The car is hear Sid" I hear Max call from downstairs. Dad and I head out of the room and then I remember. "I'll be a minute dad." I go back into my shower kit and take out the pocket watch. I look at the inscription "To Mark, with my heart full of love, Sarah." It seems only right that I have the watch Angelia's mom gave her dad on their wedding day with me.

I head down the stairs and outside and all of the guys are waiting for me. Everyone is in their suits and look great. Mariah does have exquisite taste. "Ok guys, let's get me married." We all climb into the car. Max babbles all the way there with Flower jumping in periodically to correct him or just tell him to shut up. It makes us all laugh the entire time. It feels odd being driven to my own home. When we arrive, mom is there waiting for us. She gives me a huge hug and says "oh Sidney, you look so handsome. You can't go into the house. Go around to the back deck ok?" I nod and head the way she told me. Wow, first I see where we are going to have the ceremony. The vine-thing has lots of greenery and flowers. There are white chairs set up creating an aisle and, wow, there's a wood platform to walk on. Why couldn't we have just used the grass? I guess Mariah had her reasons. When I see the deck, I'm again surprised. It looks really great. There are small tables with nice linens and flowers around the deck. A large bare area is left where I know we'll be having the dancing after dinner. I climb up and a server brings out champagne. We all take a glass and then I hear "come over here sweetie." I look over towards the voice and see both of my nanas. "I'm sorry Nana Forbes, I didn't see you there." I go over and give each of my nannas hugs and kisses. They look so nice. Their dresses are perfect for each of their personalities and I see that they are each wearing soft make-up which they don't usually. "You both look gorgeous. You're not supposed to out shine the bride you know?" They laugh as I hoped. "See Trina, he got that from your dad." They all laugh but I'm confused. Must be an inside joke. "Here Sidney, let me put this on you." I turn and she pins a beautiful flower to my lapel. "There; oh, you look so handsome." Mom hugs me and I'm having trouble breathing it's so tight.

When we pull apart, I ask her "is Mariah around? I need to talk to her." "Did someone say my name?" We all turn and, to be honest, even my jaw drops a little. "Wow Ri, you look gorgeous." She laughs as she walks toward me. "Yes I do, don't I?" I take her aside so that no one else can hear us. "Did our 'surprise' arrive?" I ask her. "Yep" she says "I have him hidden in the guest house." I look around and then say "I'd like to meet him. Would you come with me?" She smiles, kisses my cheek and says "you are really a very special man Mr. Crosby." She puts her arm through mine and we head over to the guest house. When we enter I see him sitting on the sofa. We approach and he stands. "Hello sir, thank you so much for coming. It's so great to meet you and Angelia is going to be blown away that you're here." He shakes my hand and says "it is truly an honour sharing in the celebration of your special day. Thank you for bringing me here." He's covered our hands with his other one and I look into his kind eyes. Yep, this was a great idea. "I've actually been thinking about our plan and maybe we should change it" I tell them both. "Mariah, maybe you should both see Angelia before the ceremony. I don't think she'd want a surprise during it." Mariah nods and says "that's so funny Sid. I was thinking the same thing and wanted to run it by you both." We look at the man and he says "yes, that would be lovely. I can have a private moment with the girls before the ceremony. Again, Sidney, this is truly an honour to be here. Thank you again." I put my hand on his arm and say "no sir, I'm thankful to you."

As we leave the house, Mariah takes his arm and helps him out onto the grounds. They go around to the front of the house. As I watch, I feel Mario come over beside me. "Is that him Sid?" I look up at Mario "yep, he's much older than I thought he'd be. He seems like a great man." Mario puts his hand on my shoulder. "It was a great idea son. Is he going to see Ang now?" I look at him again. "Yeah, we were going to surprise Angelia during the ceremony but I remember something Vero said about brides not wanting surprises on their wedding day. I kept it as a surprise but thought I'd control it more than yelling 'surprise' during the wedding and in front of everyone." He chuckles "good call." "Do you have the ring?" I ask him. "That's the fifth or sixth time you've asked me Sid. Yes, I have the ring. Everything is going to go perfectly Sid. This is the best run event I've ever been too. I think it's a combination of Mariah being scrupulously organized with an eye to the best and Guy's complete and utter fear of her. Have you seen the way he jumps, literally jumps, when she calls his name?" I laugh now because I've seen it. "I'm a little concerned. Mariah said that she has a surprise for us and Angelia doesn't know what it is either. It's more than a little disconcerting. Do you know what it is?" I ask Mario. He nods "I do know and I'm not telling you." Damn, although I didn't think he would really tell me.

"Sidney" I hear my mom call me from the deck. Mario and I make our way over and mom fusses with my tie. "Mom, my tie is fine." She smooth's it down and looks up at me. "I know but you have to let me fuss a little bit. It's not every day that my son gets married you know." I open my arms and hug her. "I know mom. Thank you so much for everything you've done to help with the wedding. We both really appreciate it you know." She hugs me hard enough to almost break a rib. "Oh sweetheart, you know there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. I was just glad that Angelia let me help out." We chat a little more about the planning until Taylor and Vero come outside. "We're almost ready" Vero says. Wow, it's time.


	133. Chapter 133

"Ok, shoo everyone, I have to get the bride dressed." Mariah pushes everyone out the door and then comes to me. "So, are you ready for the dress?" she asks me. I just stare at her. I can't seem to speak. Oh God, are these nerves? What the hell is wrong with me? "Here" Ri pushes a glass of champagne into my hands "drink this down. Don't look at me that way. I've had at least four of them myself. If you've had one mimosa then I'd be stunned. One glass of champagne won't do anything to you." I drink it down and then take a deep breath. "Ok, that was a good idea. I think I just felt nervous. How can I be nervous? I'm completely certain that this is what I want to do and Sidney is who I want to do it with." Mariah rubs her hands up and down my arms. "I know, but weddings are supposed to make you a little nervous. A little nerve is ok; normal in fact. If you weren't nervous then I'd be worried." I look at her and smile. She always knows how to calm me down.

"Ok Ang, we have one more thing to do before the dress. Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. The dress is the new so that's a check. Nana Forbes has given you this handkerchief that was her mom's for something old and borrowed. It's borrowed because she also wants Taylor to have it at her wedding. Apparently Trina 'borrowed' it when she married Troy. Now, for something blue" and Mariah reaches behind her for a jewelers' box. "I told you that I would take care of the earrings. I went to a jeweler, using Vera's sketch, and he designed and made these earrings for you. The platinum is laser cut to mimic the lace trim. The diamonds are from mom's engagement ring and the sapphires are from me." She opens the box and the earrings damn near leap out there are so sparkly. "Wow, Ri, they are gorgeous. Oh my God, they are absolutely stunning." Damnit, the tears are already starting and I haven't even got to the aisle. Tray is going to kill me for ruining his work. "Let me put them on." Ri takes one out and hands it to me. I fasten the first in my ear and then the second. I get up and walk over to the mirror. My hair is perfectly framing my face and leaving my ears bare so that the sapphire and diamonds sparkle. "You told Tray! This is why he told me that a bride has to wear her hair up!" Mariah replies "of course I did. Wouldn't you be pissed if you'd left it down and couldn't see the sparkles?" I can't take my eyes off of them. They are gorgeous. I turn and hug Mariah tight. "Thank you so much Ri. They mean a lot. It means even more how much time and effort, and yes style, you've put into my wedding. I don't know how I can ever thank you." She pulls back and I see that her eyes are wet too. "I almost wasn't her Ang. I want to take as much advantage of the time I have on this earth as I possibly can. Besides, who else could throw you a fabulous wedding on such short notice?"

I look at my sister and am as grateful as she is that she is here to celebrate with us. "Many would have tried but no one could have succeeded throwing me such a fabulous wedding. Speaking of fabulous, you look incredible. The dress is perfect for you. Oh, I saw Taylor before she went downstairs. She looks beautiful too. And Trina. Oh and Nana and Nana." Mariah shakes her head and says "if you don't stop talking you'll be late for your own wedding and it's only downstairs. Come on, let's get you dressed." I step out of my robe and I'm only wearing panties. Vera designed the bra to be built into the dress so I didn't have to worry about the right bra etc. It's summer, so I didn't have to worry about stockings. So it's just the g-string and the dress. Sidney would definitely like to know that, I'm sure.

Mariah is zipping up my dress. When it's secure and she helps me put my shoes on I'm finally ready. I turn around and see myself fully ready and I'm overwhelmed with a thin veil of panic laced in. "Oh Ang, you look gorgeous. Sidney is going to spring a boner for sure." The absurdity of what she says hits me and the panic disappears. "Seriously Ang, you look really great. You're so beautiful. Oh, I have a surprise for you. Actually, this isn't my surprise, it's Sidney's surprise for you. He didn't want you to be surprised during the ceremony but he did want to keep it from you until today." She's babbling now and I have no idea what she's talking about. She turns to the open door and says "Monsignor?" In comes a very old man walking very slowly in full vestments. Who is … Oh my God! It can't be; did Sidney really find him. "Monsignor Ferrando?" The Monsignor smiles brightly "of course it's me dear heart. That groom of yours must love you dearly. He flew me in from the Vatican to marry you. Oh and look at how lovely you are. You look just like your mother did when I married her and your father." He takes my hands and kisses each in turn. I look into his kind eyes and I can't help the tears forming in my eyes. They quickly spill down my cheeks. I can't help myself, I hug him tightly to me and hold on. It is just like Sidney to do something like this for me. It's like my parents are here today. I pull back and look at Mariah "how did Sidney even know about the Monsignor?" I ask her. They smile at each other and Mariah says "Sidney was talking with the priest about your wedding with his parents. Troy and Trina were talking about their wedding and that's when he got the idea. He called me to see if I knew who married mom and dad and the rest is history." I look at the Monsignor and start crying again when he pulls me into his arms. Mariah says "definitely a good idea to do this surprise before the ceremony. You're make up is a mess. Tray!? Can you come in her and fix Ang's face. Ang, I need to take the Monsignor down so that he's in position." I look at the Monsignor again and kiss both of his cheeks. "It is a blessing to have you here." He smiles and says "at my age dear, it's a blessing to be anywhere." Now I've got tears again only from laughing so hard.

Mariah takes the Monsignor out the door to go down to the backyard. I stand where I am while Tray fixes my make-up. He's talking but I can't focus on anything he's saying. I'm remembering all of the firsts with the Monsignor. Of course I didn't see him marry my parents or baptize Mariah and me; but, he did hear our first confession and gave us our first communion. Mariah and I were all dressed up in long white dresses and veils. I was trying not to get my dress dirty and complaining that I had a physics test the next day that I should be studying for; Mariah was looking in every reflective surface to primp and check her hair. Mom was very frustrated with us before the ceremony. I remember dad telling her to leave us be and that we are who we are. He couldn't have said anything more true. When we were at the alter waiting for our communion, I remember Mariah whispering to the Monsignor then he chuckled and thanked her. When we were back with our parents, mom asked Mariah what she said to the Monsignor and Ri said "I told him that there were cobwebs on the cross over the alter. He really should have taken care of that before our first communion you know." For a moment, I thought mom was going to pass out or scream. Then she looked at dad and he looked at her then they broke out in gales of laughter. I didn't know what was so funny, neither did Ri, but we laughed with them.

I remember the Monsignor joining us for Christmas dinners after mass and being there for Mariah and my birthdays. I remember asking him once how come mom and dad had twins when everyone else we knew had one baby at a time. He told me that there was twice the love. Although I didn't appreciate it at the time, that was the perfect answer to that young girl's question. He was made a bishop but stayed in the area so that he confirmed us when we were fourteen. He was in our live for so long and in so many ways that it was expected for him to be around for us. It was shortly after that he was made a Monsignor and called to the Vatican. Mariah and I were both upset. We didn't have any grandparents or other family and it was like taking part of our family away. We were old enough to understand but it still hurt. I was going through a lot of change, especially being at university so young, and this was just one more change that hurt.

The only other time I've seen him since then was to bury my parents. I don't know how he heard about their deaths but he did and, without either Ri or I contacting him, he showed up and presided over the burial mass himself. It was comforting in a way that we couldn't have been comforted by anyone else; but, he had to return to the Vatican and that was the last time we saw him. I'm glad that won't be my last memory of him. I'll always remember him now as the priest who married us. It's perfect and Sidney made it that way. "Stop it" Tray tells me. "You are tearing up again and I won't be responsible for a teary bride. Keep it together until after the 'I now pronounce you.' We can freshen you up before the pictures but we can't pause the wedding to clean up the tears." I sniffle them back and smile at him. He must like what he sees because he nods and says "ok, she's ready." I look toward the door and Mariah is there. "Ok Ang, let's get you married." We stand side by side looking in the mirror. I feel completely ready with every fiber of my body. "Ok, let's go. Oh, wait, what happened to Father Henry, the Crosby's priest who was going to marry us?" Mariah smiles "it's ok, relax. They are both going to marry you guys. It's perfect." It really is.

Mariah helps me down the stairs and through the kitchen. The catering staff stops what they are doing and applaud. Awe, that is really sweet. I thank them then Mariah and walk out the back door. Before we head around the corner, I turn to Mariah and she says "are you ready?" I smile because I know that I am. "Yep, let's get me married." We link arms, each take a deep breath, and we walk around the corner so that I can see the guests and where Sidney should be standing waiting for me.


	134. Chapter 134

**_Note: here it is, what you've been waiting for, the wedding. I hope you enjoy this beautiful time as much as I enjoyed writing it. They really deserve a wonderful, heartfelt wedding, don't they?_**

* * *

I step out to my place and look down the aisle just as Angelia turns the corner. Everything goes into slow motion. She turns around the corner with her eyes down to watch her step. I think I'm holding my breath while I wait for her to cast her eyes up and find mine. The wait seems interminable. She walks down the few steps from the deck and then it happens, finally, she looks up and her eyes find mine. She is breathtakingly beautiful. I'm sure that everyone will comment about the dress, veil, jewellery and shoes; but, all I can really see is her eyes. There are boundless depths of love there. In an instant my mind flashes through our life together; the dark meeting on the boat in Cannes, waiting for her in the café although she never showed, finding her in NYC and then her coming to me right here. I remember every step of falling in love with this wonderful woman. How she supported me, nursed me and ultimately helped me find the solution to getting hockey back. I remember the excoriating pain of losing her and my determination and desperation to get her back. My heart skips a small beat when I remember almost losing her again, to cancer this time, and then knowing that we'd have a lifetime together. All of these moments and feelings flash through my mind in a second and then, all I can do, is watch the woman I desire, adore and love walk toward me. I have a vague sense that someone is singing to a guitar being played but it doesn't register as more than that. I think Mario has patted my shoulder but it's more of a sense than acknowledgement. I know that Mariah is walking beside her but I don't really notice. My entire world is my Angel walking toward me.

When she finally stops in front of me, I hear the Monsignor say "Welcome everyone" and I know he continues on but there is just a buzzing in my ears right now. Angelia is smiling hugely at me and I know I'm returning the smile myself. This wedding is something I've looked forward to for a long time and now I just want it done so that we can start our lives together. "And who gives this woman to be married?" the priest asks. Mariah steps forward and says "she gives herself Father and I do too." There is a little chuckling from our family and friends. Finally, Angelia hands her bouquet to Mariah and steps up to take my hands. Without thinking, I pull her close to me and kiss her. The Monsignor says "not yet Sidney. We have a little more to go before that part." Everyone laughs now and I'm horrified for a moment but then end up laughing too. Before I pull back, I whisper "you are stunning" and I'm rewarded with a brilliant smile.

"I had the true honour of marrying Mariah and Angelia's parents. It was also a small wedding and outdoors but the similarities don't stop there. There was so much love in that ceremony, with the friends and family and, of course, between Mark and Sarah. I was fortunate to watch their love grow and expand to include their wonderful girls. Then I watched Mariah and Angelia grow into beautiful and strong young women. Now, I am blessed to be joining Angelia's life and love with Sidney's life and love in the presence of their closest friends and family and God our Heavenly Father. I feel very fortunate to share this celebration with Father Henry who has been the Crosby's priest for a great many years." Then the Monsignor shifts to allow Father Henry to speak. "I feel just as fortunate to share this celebration with you Monsignor Ferrando. I married Trina and Troy in Cole Harbour so many years ago and have watched Sidney and Taylor grow up. Sidney was a happy and loving boy and it is so wonderful to see him having grown into a happy and loving man. When I look around at the people here to share your happy day, it is a testament to you both and the love you share that these people are here to wish you a wonderful life together."

I feel my heart swell as I hear both priests talk about our parents and their happy marriages. I hope to have as solid a marriage with Angelia as I've seen my parents continue to have. When I look into Angelia's eyes then I know it's all possible. We all sit down and Taylor and Mariah each do a reading. I picked one of them, a psalm that spoke about unselfish love. I remember hearing it at Vero and Flower's wedding and thought it describe everlasting love perfectly. I look at them when Tay reads it and I see them cuddle closer together. When the readings are done, and the gospel too, we are ready for the vows. Angelia and I stand and face each other holding hands. It's the first time I've been able to touch her since my impromptu kiss at the beginning. I don't know what I expected but her hands are steady and warm. They grasp mine and it feels right. For a moment, it feels like we are the only two people in the entire world. Time stops again and the moment simply freezes. I'm feeling too many emotions to identify them but the most important one is overwhelming love. When I look at this woman, I see the mother of my children, I see the greatest lover I've ever had and, most importantly, I see my partner for the rest of our lives. Like she's reading my mind, she smiles widely and I'm taken back by her beauty.

Now her eyes narrow and she looks puzzled which brings me out of my fog. I look at the Monsignor and he says "now is when you get involved Sidney" and everyone laughs. Yikes, missed something in my own damn wedding. The Monsignor repeats himself "Angelia and Sidney, have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?" He pauses and nods at me. I say "I do" at the same time as Angelia and there is chuckling again. "Will you love and honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?" Again, we both say "I do." It's truly sacred making this commitment to Angelia and looking into her eyes as we say the words. Now Father Henry takes over "Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands, and declare your consent before God and his Church." We release hold of our hands and join only our right ones. "Sidney, please repeat after me" and then I do "I, Sidney, take you, Angelia, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life." I'm confused when, with her left hand, Angelia reaches up to my cheek. She brushes away a tear that I didn't even know I shed. I take a moment to compose myself. Father Henry turns to her and says "Angelia, please repeat after me" and she does "I, Angelia, take you, Sidney, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life."

The Monsignor asks for the rings and receives them from Mariah and Mario. He blesses them and then hands Angelia's to me and instructs me to put it on her finger. Then I repeat after him "Angelia, take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." Angelia takes my ring and repeats the vow "Sidney, take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." Together, both priests say "May the peace of Christ live always in your hearts and in your home. May you have true friends to stand by you, both in joy and in sorrow. May you be ready and willing to help and comfort all who come to you in need. And may the blessings promised to the compassionate be yours in abundance." Then Father Henry looks at me and says "Now Sidney, it's time to kiss your bride." I hear the chuckles from everyone but don't care. I get to kiss my wife! I pull Angelia to me in our sweetest kiss ever. When we pull back, I see a mischievous look come into her eyes and she jumps into my arms and kisses me enthusiastically. Not one to squander and opportunity, I return the kiss. When I set her down and we are grinning at each other, Monsignor says "may I present to you all Mr. and Mrs. Sidney and Angelia Crosby." We turn to our friends and family while everyone stands and cheers as we walk down the aisle together.

* * *

Sidney and I are swamped by everyone after the ceremony. There are a lot of hugs and kisses. Everyone asking what I thought of Sidney's surprise for me. I hear how beautiful I look and how wonderful the ceremony was. Vero and Marc-Andre were incredibly touched that Sidney used one of the psalms from their wedding. Vero, fresh from her own wedding, is teary and tells me that it was perfect. I know what her standards are and thank her for the compliment. I am frustrated that I can't get a minute alone with Sidney. We're both being pulled in different directions. I just want to tell him how much I love him and how happy I am to be his wife. I guess even small weddings can be overwhelming. Then the photographer wants to set up pictures. Tray and his team do touch ups for make-up and hair to anyone who wants it. Still, I'm not alone with Sidney. Even when we're standing side by side other people are talking to us and then the photographer tells us to stand still and smile. We take so many pictures with everyone: with Sidney's parents, with Sidney's whole family, just Sidney and his parents, Sidney and his sister, me and my sister, Sidney and I and our sisters, one nana with us, the other nana with us, each nana with each of us, both nanas with both of us … then I just lose count and pray that I don't lose patience.

The photographer wants to get some of Sidney and me alone. Guy tells everyone that there are drinks and h'ordeuvres available. Sidney says something to the photographer and then leads me down to the dock. I'm sinking into the grass with my heels so Sidney picks me up in his arms. When we're at the dock, he makes sure that we're out of sight of the others and then he kisses me, thoroughly. When we part, out of breath, I throw my arms around him and hold him close. When we part again, Sidney holds my face in his hands and says "I love you very much Mrs. Crosby." I smile "mmm, I love the sound of that and I love you Mr. Crosby." Oh yeah "Sidney, that was so wonderful of you to find the Monsignor for me. It was the next best thing to having my parents here. It actually felt like they were since he married them too." I can't stop the tears now. Sidney kisses each one as they trail down my face. I have this weird feeling that someone is watching us so I turn and it's the photographer taking our picture. "I'm sorry" he says. "I was coming down to meet you guys and you made such a beautiful picture. I got a few truly beautiful moments captured." I'm too happy to feel intruded upon. "Have you been crying again missy? Come here, let me fix you." Tray says and is now attacking my face with brushes so I wait him out.

The next half hour is actually fun. The photographer does some poses but then he also has us talk to each other and try to forget that he's there. He has us dance at the end of the dock and I really do forget that we aren't alone. I simply enjoy being held by my husband; wow, my husband. At one point I pull back to look at him and his eyes are wet. "What is it baby?" I whisper to him. He just shakes his head so I hold his face in my hands and ask again "what is it baby?" He leans his forehead onto mine and takes a deep breath. "The past eighteen months have been the most difficult I've ever experienced. There was a time when I thought I'd never play again and that's all I've known my entire life. The past year has also been the best of my life because of loving you. A year ago, I thought my life was over. Now, I know that it's really just begun." Now I have tears in my eyes and I touch my lips lightly to his. What else is there really to say?


	135. Chapter 135

When the pictures are done, Angelia and I join everyone on the deck for drinks and h'ordeuvres. This time it's mellower. Everyone has been chatting and enjoying themselves and Angelia and I slip right into the group. We're able to stay together which I like. I can't seem to stop touching her or looking at her. Her incredible beauty keeps taking my breath away. "What?" I hear her ask me and notice that she, Vero and Flower are all staring at me. Without thinking, I simply say "you are incredibly beautiful." Vero says "awe" and Angelia's eyes soften and she kisses me saying "thank you baby." I focus back on the conversation. "This was the perfect idea for you guys." Vero says. "I wouldn't change a thing at our wedding; but, this is perfect for you both. There's no circus, it's intimate and it's in Nova Scotia. It's perfect." Angelia thanks her and says "it was also the best solution when planning it quickly; but, I have to agree with you. Even if we had a year to plan, I don't know that I'd want anything different." "It's mostly perfect because you invited me, ma petite fleur" Max says and he throws his arm around Angelia. "I have to say, dynamite food, plentiful drinks and a beautiful bride. The only thing missing is drunken bridesmaids." We laugh as he intended. "Maxime, je bois aussi vite que je peux" Mariah says coming up to Max. "I'm not completely drunk, but I'm getting there." The look she gives Talbo leaves no illusion to what she's referring to and I just roll my eyes. If she hooks up with Talbo, that would be Geno, Matt and now Max. Oh well, none of them seem upset about it and, as long as everyone is happy and no one gives me details, I'll just pretend it's not happening.

Max and Mariah continue to flirt and Vero and Flower move to chat with Mario and Nathalie. I take advantage of the moment and pull Angelia into my arms. She is almost the same height as me in her heels and, while gazing into my eyes, she softly kisses me. I think it's these small, quiet moments that I love most today. Of course the moment is also quick because Guy announces that dinner is ready. We all make our way into the dining room and, holy shit, I don't even recognize my own dining room. There is a very long table set up with layers of linens. There are flowers and greenery everywhere. I love how they added so many plants to compliment the flowers so that it isn't too feminine. The room is elaborately decorated but it doesn't seem too much. Either Mariah or Angelia is a genius to have pulled this off. There are place cards for everyone so we all find our seats easily. I notice that Max is escorting both of my nanas. He may try to come off like an ass sometimes but this is who Max really is; the kind of man who makes sure that others are taken care of and flirts a little along the way.

When we are seated, the servers walk around and pour wine for everyone. Mario and Nathalie have provided the wine for the meal as their gift to us. I think he worked with the chef so that he could have the best wine with every course. When the glasses are filled, my dad gets up. "On behalf of Trina and me, thank you all for joining us in the celebration of our son's wedding to our new daughter Angelia. Sidney has given us so many things to be proud of over his life. Everyone knows that he was an incredibly talented boy and has become an even more talented man. The world sees what he can do on the ice which is a product of his talent and how hard he has worked. What most don't see is the work he does for children with his foundation. They don't see what we know about how devoted he is to his family and friends. Trina and I have been incredibly blessed to have two children who have brought us pleasure and pride. Now we have two more daughters and we couldn't be prouder. This wedding is a joining of families. You always hope that your child will find someone who loves them and will be a partner with them in life. When your son is 'Sidney Crosby' then you know it will be more difficult than for most. Angelia is the perfect partner for Sidney and him for her. We look forward to watching their love grow, hopefully providing us some grandchildren along the way. Please raise your glass and join me in toasting Sidney and Angelia." Everyone toasts us and Angelia and I hug both my dad and mom.

The first course comes out and I realize that I am starving. "Slow down Sidney, we have a lot more food to go." Angelia whispers to me. I notice that I've eaten almost my entire plate and Angelia has just started on hers. I laugh and say "I'm hungry." She chuckles and keeps eating her own antipasti. As I look around the table, I see so many happy faces of the people we love the most in the world. It's unfortunate that neither Father Henry nor the Monsignor could stay for dinner but it was great to see Angelia's reaction to her surprise. Everyone is eating and talking, there is a lot of smiles and laughter; this is exactly what I wanted for our wedding. When the plates are cleared, the servers reset our wine glasses and pour us new wine for our next course. This time, Mariah stands up with her glass. "Getting to today was a lot of work, I'm not going to lie to you" everyone laughs. "But I've enjoyed every moment of it. I love to plan a party, any kind of party, and this is a fabulous one. It's so much more of course. Over the past few years, Mariah and I have been everything to each other. It makes me so happy to see the love that she has for Sid and that he returns for her. Who knew that a doc and a jock would have so much in common? At their core, they share a love of family, a love of life and a deep love for each other. I don't know that I would have thought of a hockey player for my sister; but, we know that Sidney is much more than a hockey player. He is kind, wonderful and loving; and the perfect man for my sister. Troy, thank you for welcoming us into your family and we are happy that you are part of ours. I wish Sidney and Angelia a lifetime of happiness together. To Sid and Ang." Everyone toasts us again and we get up to hug Mariah. The girls hug and are both crying while babbling to each other. I can't make out the conversation but that's not unusual. When they're done, I hug Mariah and she whispers "I love you Sidney. You better take care of her." I pull back and I know she means both statements with equal vigor. I nod and kiss her cheek "I will Ri. That's a promise."

* * *

I'm not going to have any make up left by the time this dinner is done. Every time someone gets up to speak, I cry. Tray has left so I'm all on my own to fix myself up. The pasta course was delicious. I'm glad that Sidney suggested the pasta with the seafood. I forgot that we're on the Atlantic Ocean and the seafood is both plentiful and delicious. I see the server giving Taylor some wine and I know that she's up next. "Ok, I need to say a few things about my brother and my new sister. First, I have two new sisters which are so much more fun than a brother. They like clothes and make up and guys. I've never dressed better; thanks Ri. Seriously, I didn't know what I'd think of the girl Sidney married. I guess I didn't think too much of it before I met Angelia. She is fun, and scary smart, and I'm so glad that she loves my brother because he really deserves it. I'm so glad that you guys are together and really happy." She raises her glass and we all do the same. I hug her first and then Sidney does. While he's hugging her, I hear him whisper "I love you Tator." She hugs him tighter and then says "don't call me Tator." It brings tears to my eyes of course. God, I've been an emotional mess all day. I guess all brides are like this on their big day. "Come on, let's 'freshen up' Ang." Mariah takes my hand and we go upstairs.

Vero comes with us to the spare room where the room is still set up with the various stations. I sit in one of the chairs and Mariah says "let me, I'm a professional after all." I laugh and reply "you're a professional at being on the receiving end, not holding the brush." She just scoffs at me and starts on my face. Vero says "I know I said it already but it was a beautiful ceremony Ang. You are so gorgeous and everything was perfect." I take Vero's hand and say "merci." Just then, Nathalie comes in with glasses and champagne saying "when did I stop being part of the 'girls' to go to freshen up?" We all chuckle and take the wine that she pours. She leans into the mirror and looks at her face closely. "You look gorge Nathalie." Mariah tells her. Nathalie replies "I look good, I'll settle for that. You should have seen me when I was your age." We all chuckle because the comment is absurd. Nat is a gorgeous woman of any age. "Thank you so much for the wine Nat. It is perfect and every one matches the course perfectly. Mario has a gift." She chuckles and says "a gift, maybe. Or maybe we just really like to drink" and we all laugh again. Mariah declares me ready and the rest of the girls do their own touch ups. I look at us all in the mirror. Except for my sister, I didn't even know these women a year ago. Now, I consider them among my closest friends. I am a very lucky girl.

We head back downstairs and I only have eyes for Sidney. When I approach the table, he stands, pulls out my chair and helps me sit down. Before he returns to his chair, he leans in and kisses my cheek. "You are so beautiful" he whispers and I can't help but feel beautiful when he says that to me and looks at me that way. When he is seated beside me, I turn and look at him. He is so beautiful too. I could look at him forever in that black suit and white shirt. He cut his hair for the wedding so his curls are gone but his eyes pop more with the shorter hair. He turns to me and smiles. I know we must look like we're crazy, we're sitting here staring at each other grinning, or we look like two people in love. Oh, who cares, I love looking at him. Suddenly, I hear the tapping of a glass and then everyone is joining in. I thought we could avoid this with our wedding being so small but looks like we can't. To my dismay, Sidney stands up, pulls me with him and dips me back to kiss me, thoroughly. I forget where we are, who we are with and focus only on his lips. God, I love it when he kisses me like this and want it to go on forever. It's only when I hear people hooting and whistling that I remember and Sidney pulls me up with him. We both chuckle and I wipe my lip gloss off of his lips then we sit down.

Over the next course, Max and Marc-Andre get up and talk together. It is a very funny mixture of French and English. They slip into French when it might be a little too racy for the nanas. At one point, Vero covers her face with her hands, embarrassed, but the rest of us just laugh. There is a lot of ripping on Sidney but the love they have for their captain and friend definitely comes through. Max takes the credit for us being together because he gave me the address to Sidney's home so that I could find him. I know that Sidney is going to talk last and thank all of our family and friends but I need to say something first. I see the surprise on Sidney's face when I stand up before dessert. "First, I know Sidney is going to speak in a moment, but I wanted to offer a special thank you to my sister. She went from resting and recuperating from serious surgery to planning the perfect wedding. Thank you is not enough for your support and love. I never gave a lot of thought to finding love. My life was so atypical that I thought there was no one who could ever understand me. Then, when we lost our parents, I didn't want to risk loving someone and I continued to run from Sidney no matter what he did. It wasn't until recently that I understood just how scared I was. What I didn't realize is that through being scared I was missing out on what my life could be. I was missing out on loving and being loved and the only way that you can experience love is if you risk, well, everything. Who knew I'd find the love of my life at a party in France that my sister dragged me too. Since then, my life hasn't been the same and thank God for that." I turn to look at Sidney now, trying to hold back the tears pooling in my eyes. "Sidney, you have been a true blessing in my life. You have opened your family, your life and your heart to me and I will be eternally grateful. This is only the beginning of our journey together. I love you with all of my heart." I know the tears are spilling over but I don't care. Sidney stands up and wipes them from my eyes then kisses me. That's all he ever needs to do.


	136. Chapter 136

**_Note: First, woo hoo! Hockey will be back soon! Thank you all for your comments on the wedding. I've received many notes over the course of the chapters about how you love the detail with which I write their story. I was concerned that you might rebel on me as I take the wedding into a few chapters. Thank goodness you are enjoying their wedding details. After so much time and so many chapters, it seemed a disservice to skip through it too quickly. To those asking, no, the wedding is not the end. We haven't gotten where I'm going with the characters yet. I do have the new hockey season to consider though (not that I'm complaining, Go Pens!) and it changes a little bit of how we're going to get there; but, trust me, there is more of their story yet to go. Enjoy ..._**

* * *

As I'm wiping Angelia's eyes and kissing her, I am also praying that I can hold it together. To listen to the woman you love, with all of your heart, declares her love in front of family and friends is, quite honestly, overwhelming. Now, while trying to hold it together, it's my turn to talk. Clearly, I didn't think this all the way through. Angelia sits down and I take a sip of wine for my suddenly parched throat. All of a sudden, everything I planned to say disappears from my head. Angelia and I went through it carefully but I can't remember a damn word. Fuck! I look around the table at all of the smiling faces and feel all of the love in the room. I'm moved to just speak from the heart. "First, thank you all for being here. Talbo, Flower, Vero – it was a complete surprise that you were here and now I can't see this wedding happening without you. Earlier this summer, I watched Marc-Andre and Veronique get married and was honoured to share in their day. What some of you may not know is that Angelia surprised me by coming to Montreal when she knew that Mariah was settled and on the mend. When Max saw her there, he changed his own plans and offered us his cottage for a few days. After a stressful summer, it was the exact thing we both needed. He knew this and offered us his vacation selflessly. I feel incredibly fortunate to have you all as my friends. Thank you for being here today and every day.

It's interesting to me when reporters ask what I call Mario. I've been around long enough to know that they don't mean 'Mr. Lemieux or Mario.' They are always trying to put our relationship in a round hole with a square peg. Yes, he is my boss and, for a long time, my landlord; just like he was for Flower. Yes, he and Nathalie became surrogates for my parents in the early years. Again, in the early years, we were teammates and he was my captain. The support and guidance he provides goes far past the concept of mentor. It spoke volumes to me when I thought of who I wanted to be my best man and the only name was yours. Mario, you've been landlord, a second dad, a teammate, a captain and a mentor. I guess what I'm most thankful for is that you've become my friend. There are a lot of people who contributed to making me who I am today and your role will always remain significant. Nathalie, Mario, thank you for all of the love and support you've shown me and Angelia. There really aren't the right words to express our appreciation and love.

I'm sure that one of the reasons Angelia agreed to marry me is because of my family. Two of the important reasons are my nanas. They took an instant love of Angelia and her to both of them. They made careful consideration that Angelia knew how much I walked on water. They wanted to be sure that she was good enough for me, as Nana Forbes said. What they found out, and both told me, is that I needed to make sure that I was good enough for her. They're right of course; you never, ever disagree with your nanas. Nana Crosby even gave her turkey stuffing recipe to Angelia and she's been guarding that for years. Thank you both for accepting the woman I married into our family seamlessly and with the boundless love you both always show.

To my two sisters; wow, and I thought one was too much. It's been interesting to see Taylor's reaction to girls I've dated over the years. It varied from mild interest to outright distain, even though she tried to hide it. With Angelia, it was simple and easy. The minute they met, they were fast friends. Yet another member of my own family that turned on me and told me I better be good enough for Angelia. Even though there are ten years between us, and often a whole lot of miles, we have always been incredibly close Tator and I appreciate that so much. Then there is Mariah. I still don't know how to adequately describe Mariah that lives up to who she truly is; she has such an incredible spirit and life within her which made this summer that much more difficult when we almost lost her. It is clear to everyone the deep bond you and Angelia share that goes so far beyond being twins. The fierceness with which you love and live is enviable and contagious when you're around. I am so happy to have you as my new sister and even happier that it's going to be for a very long time to come.

Mom and dad, as I was going through juniors, I got a lot of questions about how normal I seemed. I guess the media expected me to have a swelled head or something from all of the attention. It just seemed weird to me at the time; but, upon reflection all of these years later, it makes perfect sense. You both always made sure that I knew that I was special, with hockey only being one of the reasons; but, you emphasized the responsibility that came with it rather than the fame. School was always just as important as hockey and, when around the house, I had responsibilities to the family including chores. There was a time when you both worked two jobs to pay for my hockey equipment. Those times were incredibly difficult for you but I never knew it then. You made sure that I grew up loved and with a responsibility to be a good person first and then a good hockey player after that. It is your example of being a loving couple and parents that has given me the blueprint to start my own family beginning with the wedding today. Thank you for accepting both Angelia and Mariah into our family so easily and making them yours as much as Taylor and me. This is what you taught me a family is; accepting and loving. Mom, you always took care of me and gave me the strong sense of self I have today. Dad, I learned how to be a man from you and hope I can be as good a husband and father. Thank you for everything.

Finally, my bride. I didn't realize either how much my life would change that day we met. I especially didn't think so after you stood me up the next day. Our journey defines the long and winding road. I knew, only a few weeks after you came to Nova Scotia, that I would marry you. You have always fascinated me with your quick brain and equally quick wit. But that is only what's on the surface. When I learned more about you, I learned just how multifaceted you are and how much life you had already lived. I always wonder at how someone so young could have gone through as much as you have in your life. Then I look at my life and it hasn't been exactly 'normal' either. It's no wonder to anyone that we are a matched pair. It's funny that Mariah called us 'the doc and the jock' because I guess, to some, that's what we are; very, very different. I've never felt anything but a deep kinship when I look into your eyes. Since we first met, I've felt you understand me, all of me, like no one else in the world can or does. There is no accident that brought you to me. I've never really believed in soul mates before. I'm not sure I do now, in the strict sense of the word, because we've worked hard on our relationship. We aren't married today because of fate; however, when I think about it, there had to be some kind of divine intervention. How else could I go to the other side of the ocean and meet my true love? I almost lost you this year, twice, once because of my stupidity and once, well, you know. Thank goodness I was able to fix the one and the other was just a scare. What this taught me is that life is too damn short to waste a moment not loving you. Life is too short not to be with you, by your side, always. I've learned that I need you as vitally as I need air. I am so lucky to be loved by you and I plan on showing you how much you are needed, desired and loved forever; my Angel."

My voice cracks on the last two words. I know my eyes have filled with tears as I watch them spill onto my Angel's cheeks. She gets up slowly and takes my face in her hands. We kiss softly at first and then deeper. I pull her into my arms and bury my face into her neck as I try to compose myself. It's not working but I still try. I notice that applause has broken out by the group. It only barely registers though as Angelia whispers in my ear "I have never loved you more than I do right now." I kiss her neck below her ear and then move to her lips again. When we pull back, we're each wiping at each other's eyes. I kiss her again because I just need to steady myself and that always seems to work. It does now too.

* * *

I can't stop the tears. I was incredibly touched when Sidney spoke of our friends, of Mario, our sisters and his parents. But, when he spoke to me, I completely lost it. There was no holding back any emotion as he described how much he loves me. The problem is that the more I try to control myself now that we're sitting down, the more I cry. I hear Guy call for cutting the cake and then Mariah is pulling me up the stairs saying that I need to freshen up before more pictures. Once upstairs, I settle onto a chair and completely fall apart. I'm sobbing now, my body is wracking with each one, and tears steam down my face. I only feel some measure of comfort when Mariah wraps her arms around me. Eventually, the sobbing stops, then the tears and then my breathing normalize. I look up at Mariah and she's brushing her fingers under my eyes. "Feel better now" she asks me. What I feel is spent, to be honest. I look at her and say "why am I a complete mess?" She chuckles and says "to be honest, I don't know how you weren't a sobbing puddle during his speech. I was more of a mess than you were then. Who knew Sid had it in him to be so eloquent. I mean, I know how much he loves you but, wow! He is quite the orator." I chuckle now and sigh. "I must be a real mess now." Mariah stands and leads me to a make-up table. "Yes, but you're with a master remember. First, here, Visine in the eyes will get rid of the red. We don't have time to get rid of the puffy but I can camouflage that with clever make-up." She works on me for a few minutes and then says "Voila!" I look in the mirror and, wow, she is a genius. I don't look like I've shed even one tear.

We make our way back downstairs and everyone is still drinking and laughing. When I make my way to the cake, Sidney comes over and says "are you ok babe?" I smile and tell him "I am. Mariah was surprised that you were so eloquent. I knew different of course but you still overwhelmed me. I love you." His eyes go from worry to gooey. I love watching them soften as he leans in to kiss me. Mariah comes between us before our lips touch. "I've just spent fifteen minutes on that face including the lipstick. Take the pictures with the cake before you kiss off all of my hard work, ok Crosby?" I just laugh as she leads us over to the cake. We set up for the pictures and I see Vero snapping her own too. Then we feed each other a piece. Thank God we both feel the same way about the ridiculous stuffing a piece into the other's face. Finally, we are back at the table eating the cake with a dessert wine. At least we're having food with all of this wine or else I would be very drunk. As it is, I should switch to water soon.

Sidney is happy with the cake. He should be since there is enough chocolate for any chocolate lover. Dessert also includes a variety pastry and both fruit and cheese trays. I lean back and take a deep breath. "I think I may need to be cut out of this dress. I have eaten way too much." Sidney leans into me and says "I can think of a few ways that we can wear off these calories." I look at him and raise an eye brow saying "I don't have to ask what those ways are of course." He winks, kisses my cheek and then goes back to his cake. I seriously don't know where he puts all of the food although, I think this meal might have actually filled him up for the first time. When dessert is finished, the servers clear the plates and top up any champagne or coffee for everyone. There is companionable chatting although I think that everyone is ready to get up and work off some of the meal. I didn't realize that Mariah was gone until she comes back in the room and stands at the other head of the table. "May I have everyone's attention please? My surprise for the couple is ready. Would you all come outside please?" What does she have up her sleeve?!


	137. Chapter 137

Everyone is excited to see what Mariah has to surprise us. Sidney and I follow everyone out to the deck and the area has been transformed. The tables that we out earlier have been dressed up with candles. Actually, there are candles everywhere and those are the only lights. The sky is dark and the candlelight makes the evening glow. Everyone is standing around the perimeter of the deck and Mariah leads Sidney and me out to the middle. "I know you had a particular song in mind for your first dance. I also know that Sidney has a favourite singer and Angelia, although she wasn't partial to country music before she met Sidney, has a favourite song. We thought an acoustic version would be great." Now Mariah has a theatrical head of steam. "Everyone, please welcome Brad Paisley playing _We Danced_." Sidney and I look where Ri is pointing and, holy shit, there he was with a guitar. The crowd is cheering, Sidney and I are stunned, and Brad Paisley waves and then he and an accompanist begin the song. I look at Sidney and he's looking at me. I smile and walk into Sidney's arms. I'm not going to let this opportunity pass us by. This song is perfect. Since I'm in heels, we are almost the same height and I can look directly into his eyes. This feels surreal to me. The candles are flickering and sky is dark. Brad's voice is clearly heard over the two guitars.

When the last of the cords melt away, Sidney kisses me while the group cheers, probably for Brad. They begin the next song and I go to Troy and Sidney dances with his mom. It's actually another one I like called _Waiting on a Woman_. I smile at Troy and he leans in to whisper "I'm so happy you've joined our family. You are a very special woman. Trina and I knew it would take a very special woman to make a life with our Sidney. You will have a wonderful life together." I tear up again and can only kiss his cheek and whisper back "thank you." We dance a while longer and then I feel Sidney's hand on my arm. We exchange back and Sidney takes me in his arms. We both gesture for others to join us on the dance floor and they do. One song flows into another and I never want this moment to end. I can feel every place where Sidney's body is touching mine. One hand is splayed across my lower back and the other is at my waist lightly stroking up and down. My hands find their comfy place at the nap of his neck. Our cheeks are pressed together and I can smell his cologne and the smell that is uniquely Sidney. "Are you sniffing me?" He whispers into my ear. I shiver as I feel his breath on my neck and ear. Giggling I reply "yeah, do you have a problem with that Mr. Crosby?" He chuckles, kisses my neck and says "not at all Mrs. Crosby." Mmmm, I love that especially when he says it.

Brad and his accompanist take a break and Sidney and I take a moment to thank them. They head inside the house and we grab champagne from the server walking around. "I have to sit down for a moment" I tell Sidney and he leads me to one of the tables. Mariah sits down with me and Sidney heads off inside the house. "Ri, that was a great surprise. I don't know how to thank you for everything. You provided Guy and then made sure that he did his job. You organized practically everything and then surprised us with Brad Paisley! Sidney is never going to forget that; in fact, I think he's inside right now to talk to Brad." Mariah pats my hand and says "you're welcome Ang. I have to take care of my baby sis after all." Oh good grief "you are seven minutes older than me. Get over it already. We're twins!" Then I look at her and we laugh until I feel tears in my eyes. "Shit! I can't even laugh without ruining my make-up." Of course, that makes us both laugh even harder. "Angelia?" I look over and Sidney is standing beside his nanas. "The car is here to take them back to my parent's place." I follow them in the house and we say goodbye to each nana and Taylor who is accompanying them home.

We head back outside and Brad announces that he's playing his last song; it's a new one that we are the first to hear. Sidney is thrilled. He pulls me close and we sway to the music. It's a beautiful song about love and longing. I turn my lips slightly so that I can kiss Sidney's neck. I feel him sigh against me so I do it again. It's so beautiful to be in his arms, in the summer air with beautiful candle light. Actually, it's beautiful whenever I'm in Sidney's arms. Brad ends the song and we all applaud. He wishes us congratulations and we thank him. This was a perfect surprise. We all seem to move to the fire pit that Troy has lit. Settling into the comfy furniture we sit in comfortable silence. It doesn't go unnoticed by Sidney or me that Mariah is sitting very close to Max. I'm too used to my sister's roaming eye to be surprised or concerned. Actually, I wonder briefly if they might be a match. Shaking my head I turn my attention back to Sidney. He looks so peaceful. Hmm, I don't know that since I've met him I've ever seen him so at peace. It looks good on him. He turns to me, smiles and kisses me briefly.

Vero, of all people, breaks the silence. "I'm not sure what your plans are Ang, but Max, Marc-Andre and I would like to give you our gift. It's somewhat time-sensitive so we don't want to wait." I look at Sidney and he nods saying "sure. I'm not going to turn down gifts." Vero reaches into her purse and hands us an envelope. I give it to Sidney to open and lean over his shoulder when he does. "Oh wow!" comes out of my mouth before I realize it. They have given us a honeymoon. We leave tomorrow afternoon for the Cayman Islands. "The resort you're staying at has private bungalows. You can stay by yourselves and not see a single sole for the week or you can go to the hotel. You have your own private beach too." I look at Sidney. We had just planned on staying here for our honeymoon, not seeing a sole here either, but this is so much better. "Thank you all so much." I say as Sidney and I get up for hugs all around. This was so thoughtful of them. Vero knew that we weren't going on a honeymoon and I guess she thought we should have one.

When we sit back down, Troy pulls an envelope out of his pocket and hands it to me. "We weren't sure if you wanted to have your gifts tonight or tomorrow so we didn't say anything earlier. This is from your nanas and us." I look at Sidney and he says "it's your turn to open one." I open the envelope and the card is gorgeous. Inside is a hand written note that says 'we know you will create your own family traditions in your new home and we wanted you to have a strong foundation." I'm confused as I pull out pictures from the envelope. There's one of a large wardrobe with matching settee that, wow, has actual needlework embroidered in it. The other picture is of a very large sleigh bed with a gorgeous quilt on it. I'm very confused so I look at Sidney. He looks confused too and then his eyes open really wide then look at his folks. "Is this …" he says. Trina's eyes are wet and Troy looks like he's fighting tears too. Troy nods and says "Ang, the wardrobe and settee are from my mom and dad. They were given to them at their wedding by their parents. The bed belonged to Trina's mom and dad and belonged to her great-great-grandparents. We had everything repaired so that it is sturdy for regular use and then had it stripped and stained so that they look like they are part of the same set." Oh my God, this is incredible. We will sleep in a bed every night and live with the furniture that came from Sidney's family for many generations.

We are both so touched and get up with tears and hugs all around. Trina holds my face in her hands and says "I hope you have as much happiness and the couples who lived with those heirlooms all of their lives. I love you sweetheart." Awe "thank you mom" I say and we both realize that it's the first time I've called her mom. I finally just give up and let the tears come. They continue when I hug Troy too. With everyone standing, Troy and Trina are the first to say "we should all get going and let you two newlyweds be alone." There is some laughing but everyone seems to be in agreement. We head in the house and I see that the kitchen is spotless. It looks like no one has even been here. I look at Mariah and she says "oh you know I wouldn't leave you in a mess. They are outside now cleaning up. I knew about the honeymoon so I made sure that everything would be cleaned up tonight. All of the flowers are going to the Halifax General Hospital since you won't be around to enjoy them." Of course she thought of anything. There are two cars out front; one is going to the hotel and one to the Crosby's house. Everyone notices that Mariah doesn't get into the car going to the Crosby's. We wave as they pull out and Sidney looks at me. "Don't say it. Don't even suggest it. For all we know they're going to Talbo's hotel room to play PS2." I can't keep a straight face as he says the last part. "Yeah, you keep thinking that Crosby."

As I'm about to walk back into the house, Sidney yells "stop!" and scares the shit out of me. "What?" I yell back. "I have to carry you over the threshold." Oh, this man is too good to be true. "Do you realize how many times I've walked in and out of this house today?" I ask him. "It doesn't matter. This is the one that counts" and he sweeps me up in his arms. It really is romantic when he walks through the door and kisses me. Still in his arms, I grin at him "so now what?" He grins back and says "if you don't know the answer to that question then I have to wonder if I married the right woman." I punch his shoulder, which barely makes a dent in him, and then we both laugh. I know exactly what we're going to do next. "Mr. and Mrs. Crosby?" It takes me a moment to realize that Guy is talking to us. Sidney puts me down and we walk to the kitchen. "Hi Guy" Sidney says. "You are completely cleaned up outside. I took the liberty to bank the fire. The only thing left to do is dismantle the deck for the ceremony site and they workmen will be back in two days to take of that. Mariah will be taking care of that while you're on your honeymoon." We thank him and each close up the house.

We walk upstairs arm in arm. "Sidney, I have a favour to ask." He looks at me. "Would you change in the spare bathroom? I'd like to get changed and surprise you." He kisses my nose and says "of course, but don't take long. I just need to get a few things." We go into the bedroom and both stop. "When did she do this?" I say. Sidney says "who?" I look at him and he smiles "Mariah, right?" I just nod. The room has glowing candles and roses everywhere. The bed has fresh sheets on them and is turned down. It looks absolutely perfect. Sidney points to the bedside table "look, she even managed champagne, strawberries and whipped cream." He wiggles his eye brows at me when he says this and I roll my eyes. "Cheesy, Crosby, that's really, really cheesy." Sidney goes into the bathroom and grabs a few things, including a robe, and then goes to leave the room. "Um, Sidney, I do need help getting out of this dress." Oh good grief, the eye brows are going again. "Don't get any ideas. I need you to undo back. It's laced up within an inch of my life so I need it loosened." He steps behind me and loosens the ribbons. Of course, he lets his fingers linger on my skin lightly. I hold the dress up when it starts to slip. "Don't be long Angel" and he kisses my shoulder then leaves the room. I'm left with a shiver of anticipation.


	138. Chapter 138

I hang up the dress carefully. It will have to be cleaned of course but I almost feel like it's a piece of art that I want to cherish now. I grab my negligée from La Perla and rush into the bathroom. I wrap my hair and have a quick shower. I feel a little grimy from all of the activity today and that is not how a bride should feel on her wedding night. I pat myself dry and then look at my reflection. I definitely need some make-up so I add some light make-up to my eyes and cheeks; perfect. I unwrap my hair and take it down the way Tray showed me. Shit, he was right. It looks perfect; tussled but not messy. The man is a hair and make-up genius; no wonder Mariah keeps him around. I use the cream I know makes my skin glow and apply it everywhere. There's a knock on the door "How long are you going to keep me waiting Angel?" Well, someone is anxious. "Just a few minutes more. I promise that I'm worth the wait." I answer. "Oh, I already know that" he replies. I finish the cream and now for the negligée. I slip it on and it is just as perfect as it was when I bought it. It hugs every curve and I forgot just how high the slit is; right to my hip. The back drapes perfectly to show the entire length of my back. I take off my jewellery except for my engagement and wedding rings. Those are never coming off, ever.

After a last check in the mirror, I turn to the closed door. Wow, I feel a little nervous. That's really weird. Maybe that's how every bride feels, virgin or not, on their wedding night. With a deep breath, I turn off the bathroom light and then open the door. I have to look around the room to find Sidney and he's turning on the stereo. My iPod this time so no twangs of country stuff; just light, mellow pop. He must sense that I'm there because he turns around with a huge smile on his face. The minute he sees me, the smile disappears. He simply stands there and looks me over top to toes and then back again. Neither of us moves but I can feel his gaze like it's touching every inch of my skin. We stand like that for a while and Sidney's face is expressionless as he stares at me. He had a shower too. His hair is tussled and he's in his robe. He still doesn't move even a muscle so I walk toward him. When I get closer, I see that his eyes are wet.

I stop in front of him and take his face in my hands. He still doesn't move for a moment; but, then he pulls me to him, hard and fast, and buries his face in my neck. I stroke his hair and simply hold him. This is unexpected. He takes a couple of deep breaths and then pulls away to look at me. I use my thumb to wipe at a tear that has escaped. He leans into my hand and kisses my palm. I stroke my thumbs over his cheekbones as I stare into his eyes waiting for him to gain his equilibrium. After a last sigh, he rests his forehead on mine. "Are you ok?" I ask him softly. He smiles slightly and kisses me. "Yeah, I am. Sometimes you completely overwhelm me. When you walked out wearing that, well I don't even know what to call what you're almost not wearing, and the candlelight glowed against your skin … I felt my love for you throughout every nerve in my body, with everything that I am and everything that I ever will be." Oh, now he has tears forming in my eyes. I don't know how to respond, in fact, I can't form a single word.

I simply pull his face down to mine and kiss him softly; at first. I run my hands into his damp hair and my tongue along his bottom lip; that plump, beautiful lip that I have to taste and suck with my own. I alternate between kissing his lips and sucking on the bottom one. Finally, I slip my tongue through those lips and play with his. Our tongues softly glide and tease each other. We both appear to want this to last as long as we can. Savouring is our focus. I feel his hands slide from my sides around to my back where he finds bare skin and groans into my mouth. It is so erotic. His hands don't stop there. They continue down my back and over my backside to bring me closer to him. I feel his erection grow against my stomach. We are swaying although I don't know if it's to the music playing or the sound of our love. I move my lips from his and kiss over his cheek, down to his chin and then back up his other cheek. He pulls my lips back to his and takes them tenderly. He takes tiny sips of my lips to slowly savour me. It makes me feel, well, loved.

He pulls back and I open my eyes looking directly into his. They are deep and dark with desire and love. He takes a step back from me and then uses a finger to ask me to twirl. I smile slyly and turn slowly around. I hear him whistle when he sees the back. "Wow, Angel that is some … whatever you call it. Just wow." I chuckle at him. He takes my hand and leads me to the bed. He leaves me there, walks over to the wine and collects glasses he must have poured while he was waiting for me. I take the wine he hands me and sip. It's cold, bubbly and delicious. I can't take my eyes off of him while he sips from his glass too. I take another sip and then hand Sidney my glass. He places both of our glasses on the nightstand and then returns to stand in front of me. I put my hands on his hips and look up at him. While maintaining eye contact, I slide my hands to the tie of his robe and untie the belt so that the robe partly falls open. I slide my hands inside of his robe and part it. Mmmm, he's naked underneath and I part the robe a little farther. I lean in and kiss his stomach over his six, no eight pack. "Mmmm" I say while I continue to kiss his stomach. "Even better tasting than the wine." Sidney chuckles but it turns into a groan when I use my tongue to slowly trace each of his stomach muscles. His hands are lightly lying on my shoulders. I see his erection of course but carefully avoid it. He's not the only one who wants to savour tonight. I continue to kiss up and down his stomach and my hands slip around him to massage his backside. I take a deep breath to breathe him in and the smell is heady.

* * *

She hasn't even touched my dick and I feel it growing. When her hands move to my ass, I think that I'm going blow. Her tongue is working all over my stomach. I move my hands from her shoulders into her hair. I love that she's taken it down for me tonight. She pulls back, looks up at me and then slowly stands while sliding up my naked body. Once standing, she pushes the robe from my shoulders so that I'm completely naked in front of her. Her hands slide over me slowly beginning at my shoulders, sliding down my arms and back up. It is brutal to stay still when those fingers lightly touch my chest. I almost come apart when she leans in and touches her lips to my neck. She offers me light kisses down my neck, over my chest and then lightly slides around one nipple and then the other. She is moving so slowly with light touches of fingers, lips and tongue. I need to touch her too and can't wait anymore.

I cup her cheek and pull her face up to mine to capture her lips. I hold back from devouring her but do take the kiss deep and thorough using my tongue to sweep at every recess of her mouth. While continuing our kiss, I slide one of the straps off of her shoulders and then the other one follows it. The lace catches on her nipples so it doesn't fall down as I intended. I trace my fingers over her shoulders and then, in slow circles, down to her breasts. Finally, my fingers meet fabric and then it falls completely away to reveal her body to me. I trace her nipples lightly and then roll each between my thumb and finger. She gasps and I see a shiver ripple throughout her body. I feel my body responding to hers and I know I'm torturing myself as much as Angelia by going so slow. I move my hands to her waist and then pull her warm, naked body full against my own. Her arms slide around me and rub up and down my back. First she goes softly but then she begins to massage the muscles at my back deeper.

I pull back and take her lips with my own. I can't go slowly this time. Her lips are more moving more ardently against mine and I respond in kind. I dip so that I can slide my hands to pick her up and pull her legs around my waist. Her hands go into my hair and our kiss becomes even more passionate. I walk the couple steps to the bed, kneel on it and slowly lower her to the bed following her so that our bodies don't lose contact. I feel her nipples harden against my chest and another shiver run through her and then through me too. Her legs naturally fall open so that I'm nestled there but I don't enter her yet no matter how much I want to; I'm not nearly done exploring her gorgeous skin. I kiss down her neck and chest pausing at her breast to lick, then suck and then lick some more. Moving to the other breast, I repeat my actions and use my hand to play with the nipple I just left. I move my lips lower because I have a destination in mind. I leave a trail of wet kisses across her stomach until I end at my goal.

With her legs wide, I have a perfect view and use my finger first to tease her opening. She whimpers as I trace her without going inside or touching her clit. She whimpers again and tries to press into my hand. I'm preventing her from moving so I continue to play. The problem is that I'm not just teasing her, I'm teasing myself too and I need to taste her now. I lean in and use the flat of my tongue to lick her up; once, twice, three times. Her whimper turns to a loud cry. I settle up at her clit running my tongue around and around. My Angel has her hands in my hair holding me where I am; as if I would move. I suck and lick and nibble at her clit while she cries out over and over. I use the flat of my tongue again, this time to push on her clit while I slowly slip two fingers inside of her. Fuck, she is soaking my hand. I push my fingers in as far as they will go and then push against the wall while I push on her clit. She cries out so loud and I fear that she'll pull out tufts of my hair. I move off of her clit and slide out my fingers and simply blow air while she wiggles. Fast, I push on her clit with my tongue again and slam my two fingers inside her and move them in and out. Faster and faster my fingers and tongue work her. I can feel her get closer and closer so I stop.

Angelia cries out but this time it's because I've removed my fingers and mouth. I'm leaving soft kisses on each of her thighs and one of my hands travels up to play with one nipple and then the other. "Sidney, please!" and she tries to use her hand to move my head. "What baby?" then I continue kissing her thighs and close, just to the edge, of where she wants me before I move away again. "Sidney, I need …" I'm not done with her yet. "Tell me what you need Angel. I want to hear you tell me what you want me to do to you." She moans and tries to move my head and her hips again. "I need you to touch me again baby, please." Fuck, she is so hot when she begs for it. "How do you want me to touch you baby?" She continues making sounds of frustration. "I want to feel your tongue on me." Hmmm, still not enough. "Where do you want my tongue Angel?" Her hips can't stop now; she's grinding them now without even knowing it. Her body is running completely on instinct and I know that I've almost lot her. "I want your tongue inside me Sidney" she cries out. "Fuck me with it, pleeeease!" Now that's what I needed to hear. Fuck!

I pull her open and slam my tongue inside her while moving my finger to her clit. I use her moisture to rub her clit over and over then pinch lightly and then rub again. My tongue is doing exactly what she begged me to do; I'm tongue fucking her too. She went from whimpering and mewing to moaning a deep throated, gut wrenching sound. Now she's crying out with complete abandon. Her head is thrashing around and I ride her orgasm inside of her. She pulses around my tongue and I continue to stimulate her to extend it. Her hands have fallen away from my hair and my face is soaked as she cums on me. I feel her orgasm begin to subside so I lift my head to look at her. Her body is involuntarily shivering and shuddering. I run a hand over my face to clean it off while I watch her beautiful body.

I don't want her coming down too far so I slip two fingers inside and then up over her clit. It's overly sensitive now so I'm careful and soft but I want her to go back up again. I start slowly to maintain where she is and then I build. Slowly, moment by moment, I feel her begin to respond. Her hips begin to make slight movements against my hand at first. She begins to moan again, softly at first and then with more feeling. I add a little more pressure and her hips push against my fingers. Good, she's rising up again. Her eyes suddenly open and attach to mine. They are wild with desire and I feel like my dick is going to explode. Angelia roles over suddenly, grabs my neck and then pulls me down on top of her. With her lips attached to mine, she pulls me between her legs and reaches down. She guides me so that my tip is at her entrance. Her eyes are on mine again and I push inside of her. Fuck, she is so hot and wet. Her hips immediately begin to move against mine and we quickly find our rhythm. I focus hard to keep myself in check before she goes over again but it isn't easy. My Angel is doing her best to drive me insane with the sounds she makes. She pulls her knees up so that I'm reaching even deeper inside of her and I must hit the right spot because she cries out and I feel her orgasm begin so I let myself go.

I fall to my side and pull her with me. We both are trying to catch our breath and when I open my eyes I find Angelia looking at me with a sheen of sweat over her face. I kiss her lips and we both smile. "Not bad Crosby." I swat her butt and say "not bad?" She chuckles and replies "for a preview." A preview? I don't think champagne is going to do it tonight. We might need some Gatorade.


	139. Chapter 139

**_Note: I'm sorry this one took a few days to write and post. My grandmother went into the hospital and I was spending most of my time there. She's out of the woods now and writing was a great stress outlet. You'll notice this chapter is also sexy. God some of my stress out lol_**

* * *

"This was a great idea" I tell Angelia as we soak in the tub together. I brought in the champagne and some of the candles too. The room is glowing and my bride is glowing and naked in my arms. "What was your favourite part of the day?" she asks me. I think over every moment and I know the exact perfect moment. "When you were coming down the aisle and you looked up. Your eyes caught mine and, for that moment, it seemed like time completely stopped. It was the perfect moment. How about you?" She's silent thinking and then says "your speech. It was poignant and sweet. I loved watching you tell everyone how much you love them. I think I'll remember that forever." I feel slightly embarrassed by that speech but I don't want to tell her. I've never been like that before but this woman seems to move me to do things I've never done before. "How about Vero, Flower and Talbo giving us a honeymoon?" She laughs when I say this and answers "yeah, it's going to be incredible. I am so overwhelmed by your parent's and nanas' gifts. I am so touched that we're going to begin our life together sleeping in the bed of your great, great grandparents." I smile "yeah and they had six kids you know." She laughs and replies "well, that would definitely put a team on the ice." Ha, she's right.

"I am so happy that you invited Flower and Max. It's funny, yesterday I was regretting not inviting any of my friends and then they showed up. Guess you know me better than I know myself, huh?" She turns her head around to look at me. "They're my friends too and I wanted them here so I thought that you'd want them here too. This was a perfect wedding for us, wasn't it?" I lean in and kiss her then pull her back into my arms. "Yeah, it was perfect. I think we were meant to have this wedding in this way and at this time." Wow, as I say it I really mean it. I guess this feels like destiny in a way. I know that I've worked hard for everything that's important in my life, hockey and my relationship with Angelia, but I've also always felt a sense of fate or destiny too. It's like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be doing what I'm supposed to be doing. That's another reason the concussion was so hard to take. All I could think was how could that possible be my destiny, to get so close everything I ever wanted and then have it taken all away? Now, I'm in the best shape of my life and ready for the season. I also have everything I need in my life laying in my arms right now. "I've lost you. Where did you go Sidney?" I realize that I've been lost in my thoughts. "Sorry babe, I was thinking about everything that has happened over the last two years, actually over my life, and how perfect everything is right now." She sighs and says "yeah, right at this moment, I can't believe that life could get any better."

Of course that makes me think of having a family. Wow, I'm in the tub naked with my bride and I'm thinking about babies? When did I become the woman in this relationship? Of course I don't tell Angelia any of this or else she'd freak out. I can't seem to stop thinking about what she'll look like pregnant; her breasts fuller and her stomach large with our child. Hopefully we can plan it so that she's due in the summer that way I don't have to worry about being on time for the birth. I remember Duper almost missing the last one. He got there with ten minutes to spare and it was really close. I remember when Adams brought Rhys onto the ice for the first time. That's what I want with my own child, boy or girl. I wonder how quickly I can convince Angelia that we should start a family. I know the wedding was a compromise for starting our life together but I haven't forgotten about wanting to start our family soon. I'm really hoping that we can slide into it now that we're married. I know it's not going to happen by accident since she's on the pill but I'm hoping to convince her to go off the pill very soon. Oh well, no need to think about this tonight.

We're quiet again and it's one of those quiet moments that you savour. Her fingers are lightly tracing up and down my arm that is holding her close to me. Her head is leaning back into the crook of my neck. I can smell the light perfume that she has on or it could just be her. Her fragrance has always been heady to me. "Do you remember the night we met?" she asks me. As if I could ever forget it. "Of course I remember the night we first met." She's silent for a moment and then says "every night after, I dreamt about that alley and our kiss. I woke up one night and had to get myself off before I could sleep again." She's never told me this before and it's an incredibly hot. "It was the same for me Angel. I would wake up and swear you were beside me. Every time, I woke fully erect and incredibly disappointed that my dream wasn't true. Now, I don't have to dream because my dream is in my arms right now." She leans back a bit to look at me then crosses her eyes and sticks out her tongue. "Oh God Crosby! That is soooo cheesy!" We both end up laughing so hard that water spills out of the tub. "Ok, the water is cooling and I don't want my girl all prune-like. Let's get out of her." I sit up and help her out of the tub before I stand and exit myself. We each dry off and wrap ourselves in the thick cotton robes Angelia bought us. She starts her creaming routine and I head out to the bedroom.

I take a few minutes to tidy up the sheets on the bed. I hate getting into a bed with messy sheets. A glance at the clock tells me that it's 1am but I don't feel tired. I'm very relaxed – great sex and a bath will do that for you – but I feel more invigorated that tired. I sit on the bed propped up by the headboard barely resisting the need to turn on Sports Centre. I may have recorded it on my wedding day but that doesn't mean that I'm going to watch it. "Go ahead" Angelia says as she steps out of the bathroom. "Go ahead and what?" I ask confused. "Put it on; you know you're dying to see how the Pirates did tonight." Oh, my girl knows me so well but there is no way that I'm putting the TV on during my wedding night. Angelia sighs, picks up the remote and puts it on herself. I guess if she insists then who am I to disagree, right? I get caught up right away in the baseball scores and only peripherally notice that Angelia has brought over the strawberries and whipped cream to the bed.

I open my mouth when she puts a strawberry in front of me. She alternates between feeding herself and me. Some of the whipped cream falls off the berry and onto my chest where the robe is open. Before I can get it, Angelia has leaned in and licked it off of me. Suddenly, Sports Centre doesn't seem so vital. Angelia pushes my robe open further and, using her finger, spreads more whipped cream on my chest. "Oops" she says with a mischievous grin and then leans in to lick it off of me. She moves her tongue slowly. First she takes a few little licks and then one long one. Fuck, it's so hot. She shifts a bit and opens my robe wider so that my stomach is exposed too. More whipped cream finds its way on me and her tongue laps up every little bit. I sit back and watch the very hot show. More whipped cream finds its way on my chest and stomach and now she is very busy lapping it all up. Her tongue slides over my skin and leaves a warm, wet trail. I can't help it so I say "enjoying yourself?" She chuckles, looks up at me and simply licks her lips. She doesn't need to actually speak words for me to know what she means.

I know what I'm desperate for and she doesn't make me wait much longer. Using one hand, she pulls my robe completely away. With the other hand, she has the whipped cream. My dick springs free and she licks her lips again; fuck! I shiver a little as the cold whipped cream touches me. She makes sure that my entire length is coated and then her tongue follows her finger. I almost go off right there and then. More whipped cream is added with her tongue following. I try to watch, she's so fucking hot, but my eyes actually roll back in my head. She is now doing some amazing things with her tongue and lips. All I can do is follow along for the ride. Now all I can feel is her warm, slippery tongue and lips gliding up and down the length of me. My hand instinctively goes into her hair. I look down again and pull her hair back so that I can watch the show; although, looking down the length of her gives me an idea.

I pull her robe up to expose her backside. She's on her knees which gives me great access. I reach between her legs and run my finger between her legs. She cries out softly making her breath travel across me and I get even harder. She continues with her tongue and lips and I slide my finger around spreading her juices. I dip my finger slowly, deep inside as she takes my entire length into her mouth. I love the feeling of having my dick in her mouth while I finger her at the same time. She bobs up and down a few shallow times and then takes me deep again. I push two fingers as deep inside her as I can and she gasps with my dick in her mouth. I feel the vibration along the entire length of me. Fuck, I need to take deep breaths now to maintain. I know I'm not going to last much longer so it's time to take over.

I pull Angelia up and then onto my lap so that she is straddling me. She reaches down and guides me inside of her. With her other hand, she takes my fingers that were inside of her and sucks them into her mouth. Oh fuck, she's never done that before. Who knew it would be so fucking hot. After she's sucked on them, she bites down while she lowers over me and I gasp. Now I know I'm not going to last. I reach between us and rub her clit with my wet fingers. She begins to rock against them riding my dick at the same time. I rub faster and feel her getting close. I put all of my effort into focusing on her and making sure she orgasms too because I can't hold on any more. I feel my control slipping and then it's gone. I think she rocks on me a few more times before she collapses on top of me. Although I clearly couldn't wait anymore, that doesn't mean that I'm done with her. I want to find out what she tastes like with whipped cream too.

I slowly start kissing her cheeks and then down her neck. She nuzzles and sighs into me. While I love my Angel soft, there is so much more to do tonight. I slowly lay her back so that I'm on top of her and nestled between her legs. I pull of my robe and toss it aside then open hers so that we're lying completely flesh to flesh. I'm holding myself up so that I don't crush her which means I can only touch her with my lips and tongue; but, I'm managing just fine. I slide lower on her body so that I can taste her breasts. First, I move my tongue around one to taste the nipple and then kiss every inch of her breast. Her skin is so soft here. I take that nipple into my mouth and suck on it then run my tongue around it the way she loves. I move to the other breast and give it all of the attention it too deserves. I play with her nipple between my thumb and finger as my lips move lower on her body. I kiss across her flat and smooth stomach but leave it soon after for my true goal.

I settle between her legs and push them far apart so that I can see her. I reach for the whipped cream this time. I look up and she's propped on a pillow looking down at me. She's biting her lip and her eyes are wide. Oh yeah, she's dying for me to taste her. I dip my finger in the whipped cream and spread it over her. She shivers at the cold and her hips rotate up. I just watch the way the cream settles against her hot skin. Some has slid onto her thighs so I lick it up there but that's as far as I go. Angelia begins to whimper and her hips move again. I see some cream drip onto her other thigh so I lick at it there while looking up at her. She might bite clean through that lip. She's mewing and whimpering now. I just smile up at her. "Sidney" she cries out. Oh, this is good; "yes" I answer. She just moves her hips again but I stay watching her. There is a long drip now down her thigh so I start at the bottom and lick all the way to the top stopping short of where I want to go but I'm not done teasing her yet. "Sidneeeey" she cries out again. I just look up at her. "Pleeease" she says. "Please what baby?" She moans and tries to move but I'm holding her thighs open now. "Please touch me." "I am touching you baby" I reply. "Arg, no, I need you to touch me there." Now I chuckle slightly. It gets me so fucking hot watching her beg me. "Where baby? Where do you want me to touch you?" She shifts again and this time I don't even think she's aware of it. "I need you inside of me. I need your tongue deep inside of me, please Sidney, please." Yeah, that's what I was waiting for her to say.

I use my fingers to open her up wide for me and then I lick the cream off of her. First I use little licks that tease her. Then I use a couple of long licks with the flat of my tongue along the length of her. I open her up even further and focus on her clit for a while. I use tongue flicks first, the light and feathery kind, then I push down with my tongue and suck with my lips, alternating back and forth. She begins to cry and moan loudly now. God she tastes so good with the whipped cream and that taste that is uniquely her. I know she's getting close. Her clit is huge now even though it was already big from her last orgasm. The whipped cream has been replaced by her juices. I use my fingers to continue playing with her clit while I slide my tongue inside her fast. I lap up inside of her while my fingers play. It doesn't take long before she's thrusting into my face and I feel her inside walls begin to shake. Her orgasm rips through her as I continue to ride it.

When she begins to calm down, I use her robe to wipe my face and then I kiss my way up her body until I find her lips with mine. We softly kiss and I try to roll off of her. She holds me to her so that I'm completely along the length of her. "I'm too heavy baby." She whimpers and says "no, you're not. I love feeling the weight of you on top of me. I feel so safe, so loved when you lay on top of me." She wraps her legs around me so that I can't move at all. I try to adjust so that my arms are bearing some of my weight but I can't do it with her hugging me to her so I just nuzzle in her neck. "Mmmm, I love when you lay like this but, you're right. You are kind of heavy now." I just chuckle and reverse our positions so that she's lying on top of me now. "I like this too" she says. I hold back her hair and kiss her. "You drive me absolutely crazy when you make me beg for it" she tells me. Now I laugh "I know. Why do you think I do it?" She bites down on my bottom lip and says "you're lucky I have my best orgasms that way." Ha "no, you're lucky to have the best orgasms." She thinks about that for a moment, smiles and kisses me, then says "yeah. You're right, I am the lucky one. But, you had some fun yourself." Well, she's got me there. We kiss some more. Before long, it turns into a make out session like you did as a teenager. I'm really just enjoying feeling her lay on top of me and kissing her in every possible way. Eventually, we do stop and she lays her head on my chest drawing circles on it with her finger.

"As much as I love lying on top of you, I'm equally exhausted and sticky. I need a shower and some sleep." I look at the clock and it's just after 3am. No wonder we're both so tired. "Ok, you jump in first babe and then I will too." She kisses me one more time and then heads to the bathroom. As much as I could just fall asleep right now, I get up and change the sheets on the bed. We made such a mess between the strawberries and cream goop and then our own, well, let's call it goop too, these sheets are not fit to be slept in. I'm just finishing when she comes out. "Awe, thanks Sidney, I was coming out to do that." I smile and say "now you don't have to." She goes to her side of the bed and begins her cream routine. "I'm going to have a quick shower myself and then we can go to sleep."

After getting all of the 'sticky' off, I go back to the bedroom and my girl is desperately trying to keep her eyes open. "You are so tired. Why don't you just go to sleep?" I ask her. "I was not going to sleep without you tonight." That is one of the sweetest things that she's ever said to me. I pull on some shorts and climb into bed. She's wearing one of my Pens shirts and cuddles up beside me. I don't think the light had gone completely out before she is asleep. I kiss her forehead, whisper "goodnight Mrs. Crosby" and then fall off to sleep myself.


	140. Chapter 140

I'm curled up next to Sidney as we fly home from the Caymans. We're tanned, relaxed and ready to be home. As much as it was a wonderful honeymoon, the looming CBA deadline is weighing on both of us. It's looking more and more likely that a lockout is imminent. It's a crime for Sidney. He's in the best shape of his life, quicker and stronger than ever, and hasn't played a full season in two years. Now they're going to lock them out. We both banned our cell phones during our week long stay and didn't turn them on again until we were back at the airport waiting for our flight home. That's when Sidney called Don Fehr and got an update which wasn't good. I look up and am glad that he finally fell asleep. I was actually contemplating becoming members of the mile high club to relax him until he did drift off.

I snuggle closer and think about our wonderful week in paradise. The cabana was exactly what Vero said it would be. It was isolated with its own beach. We had a motor boat, two jet skis and they even made sure that there was fishing gear for Sidney. The kitchen was fully stocked so we didn't even have to leave for food. The first day we arrived we simply took a swim and then slept until the next day. The wedding day was incredibly hectic and then we didn't get a lot of sleep that night; not that I minded of course. I will never be able to eat whipped cream again with getting turned on. When we woke up the next day, the sun was high in the sky, the breeze was warm and the beach beckoned us. With Sidney in his board shorts and me in my bikini, we made our way to the beach, our private beach. We made great use of the jet skis and then, exhausted, dropped onto lounging chairs and baked in the sun. Since we had our private beach, I was daring and took off my top but I couldn't do the bottoms. I just couldn't do it.

I look up at Sidney now as he begins to snore softly. He always gets stuffed up on the plane and always ends up snoring if he falls asleep. He's super tanned and it looks really good on him. We had been doing a lot outdoors when we were in LA but we lived outside when the sun was up in the Caymans. There was a golf course and Sidney insisted that he teach me how to golf. Predictably, I was horrible at it; quite seriously horrible. By the time we got to the ninth hole, I was pretty much Sidney's caddy. I wanted to chuck the whole idea but we were in the middle of a match or is it called a game? Anyway, Sidney couldn't stop until we were finished all eighteen holes so he could see what his score was and if it was above or below his average. The competitive part of him is cool unless you're the one following him around a golf course bored. He got a little ticked off when I started heckling him but eventually went with it. No, it wasn't heckling; he called it 'chirping' at him. Whatever it was, it kept me interested at least.

The nights, I need a moment to remember all of our nights. There was a fire pit on the beach just like at Sidney's home in Nova Scotia. Oh, wait, that's our home in Nova Scotia. That's going to take some getting used to remembering. Everything is ours now. Wow, we have multiple homes and multiple home towns. "What's going on in that brain of yours? You woke me up with all of that thinking." I look up at Sidney and he's smiling at me sleepily. "I was just thinking about our wonderful honeymoon and the life we're starting together. It's too bad that the house won't be ready for us." He nods and says "yeah. At least we are able to get the rental house for a few months again." I am glad we're going back to the same rental. It's familiar and I do like it. "It's close to the new house too so that we can pop over easily as they are finishing it." He nods again and pulls me closer to him. "It's also close to our practice rink too. Are you sure you're ok being so far from the university?" I look up at him again "Sidney, it's only twenty minutes, thirty tops. It's not a bad drive. I'm also super close to Consol so when you have games, we can drive home together." He smiles "I like the sound of that. Will your whole team be there the first week of school?" I nod "yep. I managed to lure all of them away and I have a few openings to hire some graduates from this university too. It's a hard balance. If I don't bring my research fellows with me then they don't have a research job but I also want to be fair to the university and take on some of their students." I've been struggling with this balance and Sidney knows it which makes it feel strange that he's grinning at me now. I guess I look quizzical because he says "I know it's been difficult but it is so great to see you excited. You're so 'in charge' and hyper organized. I like it." He kisses me and I melt into the kiss. It feels like a lifetime ago that I was worried that Sidney wouldn't like me to work or focus on anything but him.

* * *

If I'm honest with myself, I really didn't know how I'd feel with Angelia working. It was so nice having her home when I got home, regardless of what time, and for her to have free time when I had free time. I wouldn't tell her that of course. I know how misogynistic that is and I really don't want a wife who is solely dependent on me. Angelia really hasn't experienced what a regular season is like for me. I have practices and games for sure but I also have commitments to sponsors, foundations and the press. She's only seen a small part of it and that made her need something else in her life. A 'real' season would drive her crazy without her work. I guess, when I think about it, I'm happiest when she's happy. I know how much she missed her work and this will give her something that is her own. It's a side benefit that I love her in those reading glasses.

We're going back to Pittsburgh. If there's a lockout, we won't know how long it will last so being in Pittsburgh makes sense. The NHL is being completely unreasonable and won't move from their position on HRR at all so we all think we're heading to a lockout. A bunch of us have a plan for workouts if that happens. Part of me is glad to be back in Pittsburgh. We can finalize the details of the house and hopefully move in before Christmas. It so great that we're on the same page about everything although, hmmm, the one thing Angelia and I never talked about was our therapy. Should we keep going and if so, to who? I look down at her and she's still awake. "Angel?" She looks up at me "yeah." How do I bring this up? I guess straightforward is the best. "We never talked about what to do about therapy. We were going to go back to LA to pack up and would see the doctor then; but, with the honeymoon, Pat had our things packed and shipped to Pittsburgh. So we never went back to the doctor either." She's frowning now which I don't know is a good sign or a bad sign. I decide to wait and see what she says. "Do you think we need to keep going?" Ok, I didn't expect her to ask me that and I certainly don't know how to answer. "I don't know" is at least honest. She looks up at me again and says "I don't know either." At least we feel the same way even if it is confused. "How about this" she begins. "Let's see how we do the first few weeks as we get into a routine and settle in as married folk. Then we can check in and see what we want to do." As I ponder this, it begins to make more and more sense to me. Just because we decide that we don't want a new therapist now doesn't mean that we can't change our minds later. "That sounds right to me too" I tell her and then kiss her nose. I just can't resist her when she's wearing those damn cute glasses.

She snuggles back and begins reading her iPad again. I plug in the ear pieces and choose Band of Brothers to watch on the screen. I love this show so much that I could probably repeat all of the dialogue. My mind begins to wander almost immediately. Our honeymoon was incredible; there's no other way to describe it, absolutely incredible. The beach was fantastic and there was so much to do together. We had fun on the jet skis. I couldn't believe that she went fishing with me too. Of course she did more tanning than fishing; but, it was a great day. We packed a lunch and enjoyed the whole day out on the ocean together. I even caught some Mahi-Mahi for our dinner that night. It was delicious when we grilled it outside on the open fire. All Angelia put on it was salt and lemon and I have never had a better tasting fish in my entire life. Maybe it was the simple act of Angelia and I cleaning and cooking dinner together. We ate outside that night, the fish and grilled vegetables, and then watched the stars come out while lying together on a blanket. We exchanged soft kisses and caresses for a long while with only the stars and the moon lighting us. As it always does, one thing led to another and we made love on the beach. It was, well, sweet is really all I can think of to describe it. We truly savoured each other and every moment we were together. She's been tanning without her top on, which I wholeheartedly encouraged, so most of her skin completely glows. Every day we made love two, three and even four times. I thought that we couldn't have sex any more than we do; but, somehow we managed to top our usual frequency. I think back to the beach, the shower, the hot tub … wow, I need to stop thinking about this or else I'm going to have a problem here on this plane.

* * *

I'm trying to read my iPad but I can't focus. I keep thinking back over the conversation with Sidney about therapy. At first, I was worried that he thought we still needed therapy because there is a specific problem that we're still having. When I think about it now, it seemed more like he was checking in with me so I think we decided the right thing to do. We'll see how we do and then revaluate. We really haven't solved our baby issue. We got married as our compromise but I still sense that Sidney really wants to start a family, yesterday if I agreed. I don't want to tell Sidney but I'm hoping that I'll feel differently in a year or two. I will have set up my lab and research team. We will have our house ready and I'll know what the regular season feels like and how to respond. I'll also have more support from the other wives and girlfriends because I'll know them better.

As Sidney says, we are having a lot of fun practicing. I don't think I've ever been this sexually active, even when I've had a boyfriend, but I just can't keep my hands off of him. Thankfully, Sidney can't keep his hands off of me either. We need to get a little smarter about how handsy we get in public but I hope he always wants me the exact way he does right now. Our wedding night was one of the best or maybe even the best time ever. To think I almost had my period for our wedding night. Thank God I counted wrong and it waited for a couple of days. Wait, oh my God, I still don't have my period. Oh fuck! I'm five days late.


	141. Chapter 141

Angelia got really weird after we talked about therapy. She was quiet the rest of the flight and when I asked if something was wrong she just kept saying no. I wonder if I said something wrong or maybe she thinks we should keep going to therapy. I hate to think that she's not as happy as I am right now. Maybe she's not sure about Pittsburgh. As we wait for our luggage, I keep looking over at her and she's worrying her lip and looking at her phone. This is really, really weird but I don't have time to think about it because I get recognized. Angelia moves away as she usually does and I sign autographs and take pictures with fans. I lose track of her when the crowd thickens. It is even harder for me to maintain a friendly demeanor when all I want to do is figure out what's going on with my Angel. The crowd thins finally and I see Nathalie pointing outside.

As I walk away, I hear a girl say "was he wearing a wedding ring?" I wasn't thinking about that so I hurry away before someone can ask me. Once outside, I jump into the Lemieux's truck and Mario drives quickly away. "Thanks for picking us up. We could have ordered a car." I tell them. "This is your first time in Pittsburgh as a married couple. You were not going to take a car service Sid." Nathalie replies and I simply say "thank you." There is no arguing with Nathalie of course. "How were the Caymans?" Mario asks. I look over at Angelia and she's staring outside. "It was great" I respond. "We had a secluded cabana and a private beach. They even had jet skis and a boat for us to use with fishing equipment. It was relaxing and wonderful." I look at Angelia and catch her eye. She looks startled and then smiles saying "yeah, it was great." This is really weird. I've never seen her like this before. She doesn't seem upset or sad. She just seems, well, weird and distracted. "I know you guys are probably tired from the travel and want to get home but I thought we could have dinner, you need to eat, and then we can drop you at home so that all you have to do is sleep." I look at Angelia, she smiles and says "sounds great Nathalie, thanks."

We drive to one of Mario's favourite steak houses and valet park. They must have made reservations because we are immediately escorted to a back, private room. We're following behind so I hold Angelia back for a moment. "Are you ok?" I ask her. When she gives me a blank look, I begin to get worried. She shakes her head and says "yeah, Sidney, I'm fine. I think it's just jet lag and lack of sleep from last night." She elbows me and gives me a smile that reaches her eyes. We continue to our table. I guess I'm imaging things. When we're seated, Angelia reaches for my hand with hers. I smile at her and rub my thumb over her knuckles. "Remember when we were like that Mario?" We both look at Nathalie and laugh. "I guess we didn't get enough on our honeymoon." Angelia replies to Nathalie. "Well, don't ever let it change Ang. It's sweet." "Yeah" Mario says "but don't feel the need to share the details, ok?" We all laugh and then look at our menus. I put mine down because I always get the same thing here; steak, rare, with baked potato and steamed vegetables. It's not on the menu but they make it for me and make sure that there is a larger portion. "I love the fish here" Nathalie says. "I think I need a break from fish" Angelia replies. "It was so delicious down there that it's all I ate for every meal." We order and then Angelia excuses herself for the washroom. As she's walking away, I subtly nod my head in Angelia's direction to Nathalie. She takes the hint and follows.

When we're alone, I bring up what I've been dying to ask Mario. "When I talked to Fehr, he said that it's definitely going to a lock out." Mario sighs and nods. "Yeah, it is. The owners won't play while negotiations are ongoing and there is too much of a difference between the sides to settle by the deadline. We're definitely going to a lockout." I frown and look down at my wine glass. "What will that mean for us? I mean, I know the staff from coaches to secretaries will be told that they can't communicate with the players. What does that mean for us?" I'm a bit of a coward when I ask because I can't look Mario in the eye. "Sid" he waits until I look up at him before he continues. "Yes, I'm an owner and you're a player but everything else stays the same. You are my friend and that doesn't change. I think, when the lockout is announced, that we can't be seen in public together. That would cause a whole lot of headaches neither of us want; but, we will stay connected and remain friends. Ok?" I nod to him and can't help the smile. "Ok, thanks." The girls come back and while Angelia is sitting down, Nathalie shrugs her shoulders at me. I guess there really isn't anything wrong. Surely Angelia would have told Nathalie if there was something going on.

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I have been trying to get alone since we landed but I was either with Sidney or then Nathalie. When Sidney was mobbed by fans, I backed out of the way, as I usually do, and was about to call Mariah when Nathalie came up to me. She and Mario wanted to surprise us by meeting us at the airport. I've been texting Ri but she hasn't responded. I even excused myself when we got to the restaurant but Nathalie followed me into the bathroom. I guess both she and Sidney sensed that something was wrong with me so I assured Sidney that I was just tired and told Nathalie the same thing. My motives are a little murky for lying. I'm telling myself that I don't even know if there is something to tell but that I think I don't want to deal with anyone else's reaction until I know what mine is; and I really don't know anything yet. All I can think of is how I can get a pregnancy test without anyone seeing me at the drug store and without Sidney knowing where I'm going and why? While on the plane, I Googled about getting pregnant while on the pill and there is a very low probability. In fact, if you take it at the same time every day and without missing a dose, as I do, then the only thing that will work better is abstinence.

My biggest concern is that I'm always regular. The Swiss could take lessons from my vagina on how to be regular; I'm that regular. I thought I got lucky for the wedding for my period was late and then I wasn't even thinking about it with the wedding and the honeymoon. Maybe it could be stress and, even though it was the best, a wedding is stressful. Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part. Fuck! Why can't I find a moment alone to talk to Mariah and why doesn't she message me back?! Ok, I'm losing it again. I focus on the conversation again and they're talking about our new house. "What is your closet like?" Nathalie asks me. Before I can answer, Sidney says "it isn't about the closet for my girl Nat. You should ask about her office." I chuckle and Nathalie looks from Sidney to me. "Yeah, he's right Nathalie. I have a walk in closet blah, blah, blah. But, my office is going to be so cool. I'll have different areas for research and work. We're installing a big screen and everything is completely wired together. I'll be able to do everything that I can do in my office but in our home. This will make it easier for conference calls with Europe that always seem to be in the wee hours of the morning here. I'll also be able to work at home whenever I need. It's going to be great." Mario chuckles and says "she talks about her office the same way you talk about closet remodel." Nathalie hits him and then focuses back on me. "That sounds like exactly what you need. I nod and continue eating dinner. I haven't been nauseous; wouldn't I be nauseous if I was pregnant? But I have been so tired and want to sleep all the time. That's how I'd feel if I were pregnant. Of course we've been so busy the last few weeks and a honeymoon with Sidney doesn't exactly include a lot of sleep. Oh God, I need to get an answer and until I do, I need to focus on something else. I'm going to drive myself crazy and worry Sidney if I don't.

Dinner was wonderful, and I always love spending time with the Lemieuxs, although I'm very glad when they drop us off at our rental home. Sidney carries our things upstairs and I look around for boxes as we make our way to our bedroom. "When are our things getting here?" I ask him. He looks around and says "they're supposed to be here already." Then it hits me and I go to the walk in. Yep, everything is neatly hung up and shoes lined up. "It's here Sidney." I take out my phone and text Nathalie. 'This was very kind of you but very unnecessary.' She quickly responds 'welcome back to Pitt.' I walk back into the bedroom and Sidney looks confused. "It was Nathalie. She made sure everything was delivered and unpacked." He laughs and replies "it's just like her too; always the mom." I start unpacking our suitcases from the Caymans and Sidney puts on Sports Centre. Since he's busy, I take a load for the wash and, once in the laundry room, I take out my phone. Damnit, Ri's phone goes right to voicemail. "Ok Ri, I don't care when you get this, call me right away. Everything's fine but I'm freaking out. I might be pregnant!" Fuck, now what am I going to do. "When were you going to tell me?" I turn around and see Sidney with the laundry basket standing in the doorway. Fuck!


	142. Chapter 142

**_Note: Wow! You are all very upset with Angelia! I was worried about Sidney forgiving Angelia; now I'm worried about you forgiving her too. We'll have to see what happens on both counts. Regardless, I do appreciate all of the comments and notes. Thank you for following their story._**

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I felt guilty letting Angelia take all of the laundry down so I grabbed the basket and brought it to her. I was just in time to hear her say "Ok Ri, I don't care when you get this, call me right away. Everything's fine but I'm freaking out. I might be pregnant!" For a second, I'm completely stunned. She might be pregnant? We might actually be having a child? It feels like all of the dreams I've had for the last year might be coming true in those four words 'I might be pregnant.' She's my wife and we're starting our family. Wait a minute, Angelia was leaving a message for her sister. What the fuck?! "When were you going to tell me?" I ask before I can really think about it. Angelia turns around looking stunned and then scared. Yep, I heard exactly what I thought I heard. "Are you pregnant?" I ask her. She stares at me so I repeat myself. "Are. You. Pregnant?" She doesn't say anything or even move for the longest moment. Then she shrugs and says "I don't know. Maybe." I move towards her and she backs up. Then it hits me again that she just called her sister instead of telling me. Fuck! I thought we were over this bullshit.

All I see is red. The anger that I feel because she went to her sister instead of me is overwhelming. The almost uncontrollable violence I feel is … I can't even identify it. She looks down at her hands and then back up at me. She thinks that she's pregnant and instead of telling me, her fucking husband, she calls her sister. Instead of feeling complete and utter joy that we're starting our family, she announces that she's 'freaking out.' What the fuck?! I'm truly scared of what I might do so I turn around and leave the room. I grab my keys from the counter and head out to the truck. Before I'm out to the garage, Angelia grabs my arm and says "Sidney, wait, please" but I just shake her off and keep walking. I need to calm down before we talk. That's the only thing I know for sure right now.

I hop in my truck and as soon as the garage door is open I peal out of it. The last thing I see is Angelia with tears streaming down her eyes. When I've gone around the corner, I pull over so that I can calm down. I'm too pissed to even drive. She knows how badly I want a child. She knows this and yet she doesn't tell me that she might be pregnant. She fucking knows. There is only one thing that I know to do when I'm this pissed so I drive to Consol. The security guard lets me in and must see that I'm in no mood to talk. There's no ice on the floor due to some concert so I head to the weight room. I stop at the trainer's room and grab some workout gear. My trainers will have to do for shoes. I get on the treadmill and start running. I lose track of how long I run. All I'm focusing on the whole time is each step I take. There is nothing but the light thump of my feet hitting the treadmill and the sound of the motor. I turn it up so that I'm at a fast run now and keep going until I'm completely out of breath and need to slow it down. I have to remind myself to cool down because my body is so exhausted that I just want to collapse. When I feel my muscles have cooled down sufficiently, I do that exactly – I collapse on a mat.

"I was wondering if you were ever going to stop." I turn when I hear Mario's voice. He walks towards me and hands me a Gatorade. Taking it, I drink it right down before I look up at him. "If I could have kept going then I would have. Even my legs have limits I guess." He sits down beside me on the mat and hands me a bottle of water that he was carrying with the Gatorade. "David called me" Mario says indicating that the security guard called him. "He said that you were running like a maniac on the treadmill and looked 'very disturbed' was how he put it. This is the first time you've done this when the place is closed up so I thought it must be serious and about Angelia. We just left you two hours ago. What's up?" I take a deep breath and consider his question. If I talk to Mario, am I any better than Angelia? Isn't this the exact thing that she did? Although, if she did it, doesn't that mean that I can too? What the fuck, am I twelve years old again? "Come on kid, you obviously need to talk about it or else it wouldn't be tearing you up so much." He's right, as usual, I really do need to talk about it so I spill it all out. He knows about our trouble last year and why we broke up so I fill him in on therapy and what we discovered about each other. Then, finally, I tell him about what happened when we got home that eventually led me here.

I look over at Mario now and his face is impassive as it always is when he's thinking. Finally, he looks at me and says "I guess the honeymoon is over, huh?" It isn't funny, because it's true, but it does break the tension. I sigh and say "yeah. I just don't know what to do. We were going along so well. Everything was perfect and now …" I leave it there because I don't know how to describe it. Mario is quiet for a moment longer than says "Well, I don't know that things are ever 'perfect' Sid. We are human beings who make mistakes. It sounds to me like you've gone from Angelia hiding everything from you to her sharing with you how she feels, including disagreeing with you about having a child, and now she hasn't told you something really vital. Could you think of this as a relapse?" I try to see it that way, and I do, I guess you don't do everything perfectly all the time but "I see what you mean; but, this isn't like stubbing toe. She could be pregnant! This is huge." Mario pats my arm and says "yeah, it is Sid. You can't diminish it because it's about a child. I know we've never talked about it but you know that Nathalie became pregnant with Lauren before we were married, right?" I don't know where he's going with this so I just nod. "It was a different time; I feel so old saying that" and he chuckles. "Essentially, we had to get married because we had Lauren. We waited until after she was born but there was no other course for us. Luckily we were in love and heading that way; but, it wasn't going to be that soon. Anyway, when Nathalie learned that she was pregnant, she didn't tell me first. She went to her best friend." Surprised, I look at Mario and he just nodded. "She was scared, being pregnant and not married, what her family would say, what my family would say and what I would say. It was a different situation of course but there are a lot of similarities too." Do I ask him the question that I'm scared to even ask myself? "Did you forgive her?" Mario takes a deep breath and says "when you have some perspective of years and experience, when you finally have your child in your arms, that's when you'll know that there is nothing to forgive. Right now, you'll argue and yell. Someone will sleep on the sofa, probably you, and there will be lots of tears, probably her. It will be difficult while you're going through it; but, Sidney, you'll come out the other side. I was your best man. I know about these things." He stands up and gives me a hand up too. "You'll be ok kid. You love each other and you've worked it out in the past. You'll work this out too. I'm heading home now. My phone's been buzzing and I'm sure Nat is worried sick." We say goodbye and I head to the showers know what my next step has to be.

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My phone keeps vibrating and it's Mariah every time. She's texted me too. I can't get the image out of my head of that moment when I turned and saw Sidney standing there after I left the message for Ri. At first, he was surprised, then happy and finally, unbelievably hurt. It didn't hit me what had really happened until he turned away from me and stormed out. He shook me off like a fly when I tried to stop him. I've been lying on the family room sofa since he left with the TV on so that I don't feel so alone. I want to run out and buy a pregnancy test but I keep wondering what would happen if someone recognized me. There's only a small chance that would happen but I don't want to make the situation worse. I keep running everything back in my mind since I thought about this on the plane. Why didn't I turn immediately to Sidney and tell him? Why did I go to my sister first? Why didn't I tell Sidney first? One of the answers I'm ok with; this is what I've always done so it was instinctive for me to do it. I've only been able to count on my sister for so long that it's all I've known to do. That doesn't make it right of course and I need to stop doing it; but, it is an understandable reason why. The second reason that I consider makes me much more uncomfortable. I even have to take a deep breath before I think about it. Did I avoid telling Sidney because I don't want this child; at least not now? God, I feel like a horrible person even thinking it. I love Sidney so much and desperately want to have an ice rink full of children; but, I'm not ready right now. We're still working out how to live together with him playing hockey and me starting my career at a new university. No one outside of our immediate circle even knows we're married. The quick wedding was a compromise so that we could wait to have children when we were both ready. Not only might I be a mom; but, half the time, I'll be a single mom because Sidney is on the road. I'll have no career if that happens. My life will be a child with no husband half the time, no mother to help me out, I'd be alone.

Oh God, I'm freaking out again. I guess I'm scared what Sidney might think of me if I'm not as immediately happy as he is about being pregnant. Will he ignore how I'm feeling or, even worse, will he think less of me? I'm not certain of anything right now except that I need to make it right with Sidney. I need to tell him how I'm feeling and just pray he is ok with it. The first step to making it right is not talking to my sister, which is why I'm currently ignoring her calls and texts. I don't want to turn off my phone in case Sidney calls but I'm trying to ignore every other message. When he comes home, I'll just have to beg for his forgiveness, give him the honesty that he deserves and then we can deal with whatever aftermath there may be.

I must have fallen asleep because I wake up to Sidney's hand on my face. At first, I think that I'm dreaming and I smile and kiss his hand. When he pulls it back, I know that I'm not dreaming, he's really here and he's not happy. I slowly sit up to give him room to sit on the sofa beside me. I don't really know what to say but I know I owe him an apology first. "Sidney, I'm so sorry, I" he cuts me off. "We need to talk of course and we will but there's something that we need to do first." He opens a plastic bag that I hadn't seen yet and hands me a box. It's a pregnancy test. I'm surprised and look at him. "I didn't go out and get one because I was afraid that someone would recognize me. How did you get this?" He nods "yeah, I thought of being recognized too. I went to Dupers and asked Carole-Lyn if she would go into the store if I drove her. I figured that she wouldn't really be recognizable and we can trust them. Oh, I told them that we're married too." I have so many questions for him. He's been gone over three hours. Surely it didn't take that long to go to the store. I don't ask though for the same reason that he doesn't want to talk yet. I have a test to take.

I take the test from him and leave for the powder room. I've never taken a pregnancy test before so I read the instructions. I look at when it's effective and I've been late so the timing is ok. The test is nine-nine percent accurate so I should know through this test. I follow the directions and close up the stick. We have to wait three minutes. I don't care if Sidney is pissed at me or not, I go back into the family room so that we can wait for the results together. When I come in holding the stick, Sidney looks up at me so I say "we need to wait three minutes." He looks surprised. I didn't know why at first and then it hits me. He expected me to wait in the bathroom myself and then tell him. I guess I deserve that; but, it does hurt that he thinks that way.

We sit in silence for a few minutes while he watches the time on his phone. I can't stand it anymore. "Sidney, I can't find out that we're having a baby when you hate me so much. I need you to know how sorry I am and that I know I was wrong not to tell you immediately. I also want you to know that I love you more than I can ever adequately express. I need you to know all of those things before we find out." He has closed his eyes while I've been talking and I don't know if that's good or bad. I take a risk and take his hand. I breathe a sigh of relief when he doesn't pull away. He opens his eyes and turns to me. Oh God, I hate that I've caused the pain that I see in his eyes. I feel my heart actually ache that I caused that pain. He looks back down at his phone and then turns to me again. "The three minutes are up. Do you want to look at it or should I?"


	143. Chapter 143

**_Note: wow again! You guys are even disagreeing with each other. Thank you for being so engaged and sharing your views and opinions with everyone. It's fulfulling to see everyone still so invested in the story._**

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I've been waiting impatiently for practice to be over. I don't think I've ever been less focused in a practice except maybe when Angelia went into labour two years ago. I get nailed into the boards by Brooksy because I'm not paying attention. Dan gets pissed and tells me to get my head out of my ass. I try to focus better, if for no other reason than not to get hurt. I put more effort into the drills and focus on stick handling. For the first time it's not because I want to do well. I'm focusing so hard because the time goes by faster and I definitely want the end of practice to end now.

Finally practice is over and, for the first time ever, I don't help the guys clean up the pucks. I make my way over to the bench and take off my helmet and all of my equipment above the waist. Just as I step back onto the ice, my eye catches Angelia coming up the ramp. I skate over to see my little man in her arms wearing his brand new skates. When the skates came in yesterday it was everything Angelia could do to stop me from waking up the little guy and taking him to the rink right then. I had to wait until now but it was definitely worth it. He's got his helmet on and his skates. I take a moment to marvel that he's mine. Who knew that I could help make something so perfect? "I think he's ready daddy" Angelia says as she comes up to the boards. "Tell daddy how excited you are to skate" she tells him. My little guy starts clapping his hands and then reaches out to me when he gets close to the boards. "Come here kid, let's get on the ice." When I grab him, he instantly hugs me and I lean in to hug him even closer. This will never get old; hugging my son. I used to see Pascal with Cody and wish that it was me. Now it is and my life has never been better.

I look down at him and notice that he has a toddler jersey on that's number 87 but, where Crosby should be on the back, it says 'Kid's kid.' I look at Angelia and she just laughs. At least Pascal's wife put 'daddy' on the back of his son's jersey. "Funny Angel, very funny." As he begins to squirm in my arms, I put my son on the ice and bend to hold him up. He tries walking and his skates are just sliding on the ice. It puts to mind deer on ice sliding and skidding around. "Ok buddy, try standing first" but he won't stop. Since this kid learned how to be mobile, he just won't stay still and no one can stop him. Mom says that I was the same way. There is no slowing him down and it looks like he's the same way on the ice. I just laugh as he keeps trying to walk. "Fast daddy, fast" he squeals. It's his first time on the ice in his skates but definitely not his first time on the ice with me and I know exactly what he wants. I pick him up and start down the ice, fast. As I turn the corner and pick up more speed he begins to giggle and says "faster daddy, faster." I can't help but laugh as he giggles even more when I increase the speed. I love his laugh. It is the absolute best sound in the entire world. God, I knew being a dad would be incredible but there was no way that I could be prepared for how life changing having my son was going to be. He's absolutely … "Sidney? We need to wait three minutes."

Angelia's voice pulls me back to present. She's come back into the family room holding the pregnancy test. The awake dream I've been having disappears fast and I'm back to waiting, apparently for three minutes, until I know what my future will be. Of course, if we're pregnant, that doesn't solve the issue in front of us. I was initially pissed because Angelia went to her sister rather than talk to me and I guess I still am, partially. What truly has me scared right down to my bone is that I don't know if she was ever going to tell me? She's told me over and over that she doesn't want kids right now. What if she was serious, really serious, and was going to … I can't even think that thought. I take a few breaths to calm myself. I need to take this one step at a time. First, we need to find out if we're pregnant. Then we'll figure out what comes next.

"Sidney, I can't find out that we're having a baby when you hate me so much. I need you to know how sorry I am and that I know I was wrong not to tell you immediately. I also want you to know that I love you more than I can ever adequately express. I need you to know all of those things before we find out." I feel so torn. I love her so much and am also so angry with her too. I close my eyes while she's talking to try and centre myself. I had a short leash on my emotions before and then she had to say all of those things to me. She takes my hand and the feel of her small hand in mine gives me comfort. I'm very confused about everything right now. I can't believe someone who loves me this much, and I know how much she does, can also hurt me so much. I open my eyes and look at her. I can tell from her eyes that she feels so much remorse and hurts too. Fuck! How did we go from such an incredible high in the Caymans to where we are now? I look back down at my phone and, after noting the time, I turn to her and say "the three minutes are up. Do you want to look at it or should I?" She stares at me without moving and without saying anything so I reach for the test.

"No!" she says and grabs my hand. I sit back and look at her. She lets go of my hand and takes a deep breath. "Sidney, I don't know that I'll have the courage to tell you the truth after we know for sure." I guess we're going to do this first. "Ok" I tell her and then stop talking so that she can continue. She takes a deep breath and stares at her hands. "Part of it was because it's what I'm used to doing. When I have a problem, or I'm scared or something freaks me out then I call Ri. It has nothing to do with trusting you or wanting to talk to you. This is what I've been doing for years and, remember, we really just started being completely candid with each other since we got back together less than a couple months ago. None of that is an excuse and I need to put you first. You are the person who loves me, who supports me and who I made a commitment to be a partner with for life. I need to live up to that promise and I failed miserably today. I know that and can't possibly make it up to you. The only thing I can do is tell you I'll do better." When I pause a beat, and think about what she's said, it makes sense, she does realize that it wasn't right and she wants to do better.

What has me chilled to the bone right now is know this is only her lead up to the 'big thing' that she's scared to tell me. I know her too well and for too long to think that this is it. I decide to wait while she continues to the real issue. I've realized through talking to Mario and reflecting on the situation that Angelia going to her sister first is not the issue. It's an issue but it's not THE issue. I think I'm waiting because I'm scared to move, I'm scared to think and I'm really scared to hear what she'll say next. I want to crawl back into my dream world where I'm skating with my son.

I turn and look at Angelia now. She has tears silently streaming down her cheeks. Yeah, this isn't going to be good. Fearing the worse, I turn back so that I'm not looking her in the eye. It may be cowardly, but I just can't do it. I hear her take a few deep breaths and sniffle. So much of me wants to gather her up and tell her that it will be ok; we don't need to talk about it. Part of me wants to run from the house and never deal with what I'm about to find out. Instead, I stay silent and wait. "Sidney, I've been honest about how much I want a family with you. I look forward to the day when we have an ice rink full of kids. The house will be noisy with them. I've also been honest about not wanting that right now. I don't know if you truly took me seriously when I said it; but, that isn't in the immediate plans. I'm not ready to, essentially, be a single mom part of the time. I haven't made a life here yet. We haven't made our life here yet. While I don't know if you are ever truly ready for children, I do know that I'm not. I was terrified to tell you that knowing how much you want a family right this minute. In fact, my saying 'I'm pregnant' right now would be your dreams coming true. How do I tell you that I'm not ready? How do I tell you that I'm not thrilled, I'm terrified? How do I tell you that, right now, this news doesn't make me happy?" She says the last words on a sob. She has confirmed my worse fear. She could be pregnant with a child, my child, which she doesn't want. Oh my God, how could this be the woman I love?

"Sidney, I feel so guilty. I feel like I'm the worse person on the planet for feeling this way. I'm completely ashamed with myself and it's killing me to say the words out loud. I'm hoping that the test is negative and it's breaking my heart." I look at her now and she is completely shattered. I'm looking at a woman who is broken in such a fundamental way. I don't know what the fuck to think or feel. I really don't understand how she can want a family so badly but not want one now. She loves me and wants to have a family with me BUT she doesn't want it now. What does that mean if she is pregnant? What is she telling me about what she wants to do if the test is positive? How can I be angry with her when she is so obviously devastated with how she feels? I just don't know what to say but she continues "how can someone who loves her husband and wants his children feel like this? It's not right, it's just not right." With this, she breaks down completely. I go with my instincts and pull her into my arms. I don't know anything right now except that I love her and she's dying an emotional death right now. We actually hold each other. I know I have tears in my eyes too. We cling to each other for a long while.

When we both calm, I pull back slightly and grab a tissue box. We clean ourselves up and she moves to sit beside me but under my arm. She's shared with me her worst fears and I need to do the same now. I take a deep breath and ask "what does that mean for us?" I feel her tilt back a bit to look at me but I can't look at her right now. "What do you mean 'what does that mean for us'?" she asks me back. Do I really need to say it? Fuck. "If we, I mean you, are pregnant then what does that mean?" I keep staring straight ahead and can't look at her for fear of what I might see. I need her to say it while I'm not looking at her.


	144. Chapter 144

**_Note: work has been unbelievably busy, but you've been waiting for a couple of days, so I separated this chapter into two._**

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I am so confused right now. Sidney just said "what does that mean for us?" I have no idea what he's talking about. We're married. Does he think I'll want a divorce if I'm pregnant? Does he think I'll just leave him? I know I went to my sister rather than him but I didn't leave and I have no intention of leaving. I never want to be without him ever again. "What do you mean 'what does that mean for us'?" I ask him really confused. He won't look at me which worries me a lot. I told him what I'm feeling, I felt I had to, but now I'm really worried that he'll hate me for not feeling as excited as he is with the prospect of having a child right now. He still won't look at me but he answers "If we, I mean you, are pregnant then what does that mean?" I still don't understand what he means. Is he being deliberately obtuse or am so emotional that my brain has shut down. "Sidney, I'm sorry but I really don't understand what you mean." He runs his hand over the back of his neck as he does when he's really pissed off and then pushes off the sofa leaving me reeling back a bit. He paces to one end of the room and then turns back to me quickly. I can't read the look on his face. He's giving me the neutral face that he usually uses with the media.

"I mean, if you're pregnant, are you going to have an abortion?!" I can't speak right now; literally I can't form words out of my mouth. It feels like he's speaking another language and I hear his voice and the words but it isn't permeating my brain. Is this what he's been thinking about for four hours? Has he been wondering, worrying that I want an abortion? When I finally figure it out, I fly up from the sofa and grab his face in my hands. He tries to pull away but I somehow find the strength to stop him. "Sidney, let me be really, really clear about this, ok? I may be worried, concerned and freaking out over being pregnant but not once, not even once, has an abortion passed through my mind. I've been dying over being a bad person that I could even feel that this isn't the right time. I could never, ever kill our child." I didn't' even realize that one of my hands has gone to my stomach until Sidney places his over mine. He also leans down and places his forehead on mine. "Oh God Sidney! Of all the ways I've screwed this up; the biggest way is letting you think I would do anything like that either to our child or to you. We are in a loving, committed relationship. We can financially and emotionally raise a child. I may not stop freaking for the near future because it wasn't in the plans for us right now; but, if I'm pregnant than this baby will be the most loved child ever, by both of his or her parents." I notice Sidney's eyes getting wet. It breaks my heart. I go with my instincts and lean up to kiss him. Thank God he kisses me back. We simply hold each other for a while. I think we both need to feel that connection and comfort that we can only find in each other.

Ok, I feel better now and he seems steadier too. I pull back and look at him again and he has a small smile on his face but then gets serious again. "Ok" he says. "I just couldn't believe that you could do that and it's been eating me up. I know this isn't exactly what you want right now and I know that I don't completely understand why but I'm glad we sorted that part out. We will have much more to talk about you know; regardless of what the test says." I nod at him and know he's right. If I'm pregnant then that list gets even longer. "So, are we ready to see what the test says?" I ask him. He nods and we both sit down. "Fuck!" Sidney yells when both of our phones go off at the same time. We both look at them and Nathalie is calling me and Mario is calling Sidney. I put my phone down but Sidney says "Mario found me at the rink and knows we could be pregnant. He wouldn't call right now if it wasn't important." I nod and we both answer our phones with Sidney moving further into the kitchen.

"Hi Nat, what's up?" I ask her. "We've been trying to get a hold of you guys. Don't you answer your phones? Wait, I know what's going on so that's a stupid question. One of Lauren's friends just texted a picture of Carole-Lyn getting into Sidney's car; they're saying that he's having an affair with her and that she's pregnant. I guess the person who took the picture saw her buy the pregnancy test tonight and the saw her with Sidney." For a moment I'm stunned. This evening really couldn't get more surreal. The ridiculousness of the situation makes me chuckle. Before long, I'm laughing so hard tears are streaming down my face. Sidney comes running into the room, still on the phone with Mario, and has to take my phone from me because Nathalie is yelling through it. She must think that I'm crying but I'm laughing so hard that I can't talk. When I look at Sidney, he has a phone at each ear and an exasperated look on his face. I think he tells both of them that we're fine and he'll call them back.

He stands there in front of me and watches me laughing. He has his hands on his hips and a stern look on his face. Unfortunately, this makes me laugh even harder. He finally gives in and starts laughing with me. I'm glad no one can see us. We still have a pregnancy test on the table in front of us, Sidney is holding both of our phones and we're laughing like loons. We do, finally, slow down the laughter and are both catching our breath. "So" I say to him "are you and Carole-Lyn going to raise the child together?" Which starts us on our way again. The hilarity is compounded when our phones start ringing again and it's Trina for me and Pat for Sidney. I know he wants to ignore them as much as I do but we have responsibilities. We each take a few calming breaths then I take my phone from him and he heads back to the kitchen with his.

"Hi Trina, how are you?" I say when I answer. "I'm fine dear and you're supposed to call me mom. I know that you're just back from your honeymoon dear but are you aware of the photo and rumour that's been started about Sidney?" I sigh; it doesn't take long for it to get out does it? What the hell am I going to tell her? I don't even know if there is something to tell her. "Yeah mom, we just heard about it from Mario and Nathalie. I guess Lauren found out from a friend. Anyway, Sidney and I were having a laugh about it right now." She sighs "well I'm glad you're not upset about it. Anyone who knows any of you would find it irrational too." She doesn't ask about the pregnancy part and I don't bring it up either. She continues on and asks about the honeymoon and the Caymans. She tells me about getting Taylor ready to move back to school. She's sad that she'll have an empty house again. If there's a lockout at least we'll be able to visit more although no one wants a lockout.

Sidney comes back in as I'm hanging up with Trina. "Your mom says hi. She called to see if we'd heard about the picture. She didn't ask about the pregnancy test and I didn't volunteer anything. I think she didn't ask on purpose rather than not forgetting to ask. I also think that she knew that I knew. Carole-Lyn pops out those kids every year or two but you wouldn't really be taking her to get a test I guess. Anyway, we're going to get questions, I'm sure." He sat down beside me as I was talking. "We already are Angel. Pat just told me that he's had a few phone calls already for comment. He's calling Duper to talk to him so he and Carole-Lyn are prepared. Basically, we're all going with a resounding 'no comment' if asked." Wow, this is out of hand. "Do you think we should call Pascal or Carole-Lyn ourselves?" I ask. Sidney shakes his head and says "no. I'm going to send him text later and we'll talk tomorrow. Pat is going to tell him that I'll talk to him tomorrow. Besides, they both know what we're doing tonight." We both look at the unseen test on the table.


	145. Chapter 145

**_Note: here is the second half of the chapter. I'm sorry to make you all wait._**

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The past few hours have been hell. Actually, the only truly hellish part was wondering if Angelia would want an abortion if she was pregnant. I can understand her being freaked out about being pregnant but I couldn't reconcile in my mind that the woman I love would kill our child. It was a relief to know that my instincts were right and she wouldn't do that to me, to us. Now, we are finally going to find out. I wait for her to take the cap off the stick. Before she does, she looks at me and asks "do you want to do it?" I shake my head. I want to see her reaction first before I know. She does it herself and her expression doesn't change; not one bit. I can't tear my eyes away from her face right now. She turns to look at me and I'm about to rip the test out of her hands when she smiles and says "congratulations, daddy!" It takes me more than a few seconds to figure out what she's telling me. Oh my God, I'm going to be a dad! Oh my God, I'm going to be a dad! Then it really hits me and I look at Angelia. She's crying, I mean really crying, but she's smiling too.

I jump off the sofa and pull Angelia with me to spin her around the room. Oh God, I put her down. "Guess I shouldn't be spinning the mommy huh?" She's still crying but has a brilliant smile on her face. I take her face in my hands and wipe away her tears and then kiss her lips. I think this is the sweetest kiss I've ever experienced. Wow, we're having a baby. Oh my God, I'm going to be a dad! That's all I can keep thinking over and over. When we part again I can't help but stare into her eyes and her hands come up to cup my cheeks. Her thumbs are wiping away tears running down my face. I didn't even know that I was crying. I'm so happy right now. I can't even truly identify just how happy I feel because it's unlike any other feeling that I've ever had. I pick Angelia up in my arms and take her onto my lap as I sit down.

She leans her head onto my shoulder and my hand naturally goes to her stomach. It's so flat right now that it's hard to believe that a baby is starting to grow in there. There is one thing that I'm still concerned about. "Angelia, the one thing I am worried about is you`re on the pill and have been since we met; will that have done any damage to the baby." She looks up at me startled. "I don't know. I never thought about it. Well, I need to go to a doctor to have a real pregnancy test and I'll stop taking the pill immediately. I hope that the baby is ok." Now I've worried her, great. "I'm sure everything will be fine and I agree about going off the pill right away. Maybe Nathalie can recommend a doctor." I rub her stomach with my hand. Our baby is inside of there. She places her hand over mine and I look at the wedding rings on our fingers laced over her stomach. I feel her lips on my neck placing soft kisses up and down. Her lips are soft and sweet and I turn into her to capture them with mine. Our kiss deepens and her arms wind around my neck.

We end our kiss and stay wrapped in each other's arms. There are a few things we need to talk about still and a few things to work out. I wonder if I should just leave it alone as we begin this new chapter of our life. I'll have to think about it but I know now is definitely not the time! I do want to ask "how are you feeling about this now? How are you feeling about us having a baby right now?" She's quiet for a few uncomfortable moment; really uncomfortable moments. I feel her take a deep breath and then she says "it's really weird Sidney. I still don't know how we're going to do it or what this season is going to look like for us. I am a little freaked out when I think of that because I just don't feel ready to be a mom." She pauses and I feel a knot form in my stomach. I thought that when it was real, finally real and she was pregnant, then she would feel differently. "What has happened, when I saw the stick and knew that I was definitely pregnant, I started to feel something more. I know we'll be ok, more than ok, and I'll learn to be a mom, right?" She looks at me with uncertainty in her eyes. At least it's not fear. "Yeah, we both have a lot to learn but it's going to be a great adventure. We're going to be great parents and you are going to be the best mom. We'll figure it out Angel. There's a lot to figure out but let's start tomorrow, ok?" She nods and I stand keeping her in my arms. "What are you doing Sidney?" I carry her up the stairs saying "mommies need their rest" I pause and then add "with the daddies." She giggles as I intended. I think this is really a night for us to be happy. We'll do the heavy talking tomorrow.

I place her on the bed and she's already yawning. It's been a long day for both of us but I do want to talk about tomorrow. "I guess we need to tell Nat and Mario and Duper and Carole-Lyn something and if we're going to tell them then we need to tell the family." I watch her frown and begin second guessing again. "Aren't you supposed to wait until the end of the first trimester?" she says. "I guess that wouldn't work here with so many people already knowing; but, shouldn't we see a doctor first? I know it's Sunday tomorrow, but maybe Nat's doctor will see us?" I breathe a sigh of relief; she just wants to wait until it's confirmed. She hasn't even mentioned her sister; oh God her sister. "Do you think you should call Mariah? She's going to be worried about you." I take my phone off my belt and give it to her since her phone is downstairs. She dials and I go to the closet to change for bed.

I can hear her talking to her sister when they are connected. Initially, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop but then I stood close to the door so that I could listen. "Ri, I'm fine, really." Silence and then "I shouldn't have called you. Really, I just freaked out for a few minutes." Silence again then "I'm hoping to see a doctor tomorrow and then we'll know. Can you please just wait until we see a doctor?" More silence and this time it goes on for a while. "Mariah, I really shouldn't have called you. I know that I always can and you'll always be there for me but I need to go to Sidney when I'm freaked out or need help too. I think it really hurt him that I went to you first and I need to make that better. Look, I just wanted to tell you that I'm ok and I'll call you tomorrow, alright?" Silence and then "I love you too, ciao." Then I hear Angelia padding to the closet so I quickly move away.

"Were you able to hear everything clearly enough?" she says as she comes into the closet. Oops, busted. "Yeah, sorry about that." She just smiles at me as she undresses. "It's ok, it's been a difficult night for everyone. I especially feel bad for Carole-Lyn and Pascal. This means, once people really think about it, that they're going to know that I'm pregnant. Oh God, when they find out that we got married then they're going to think that we got married because I'm pregnant. Oh God!" I turn her around to face me. "Who are you worried about thinking that Angelia?" She looks at me like I'm crazy and says "everyone." "No" I say "who specifically?" She thinks for a moment and can't answer the question. "See, the people who know and love us know that wasn't what happened. The people who don't know or love us, well, who cares about them, right?" She pauses for a moment and then kisses me. "Yeah, you're right. I still get caught up in the whole thing, sorry." I kiss her now and then we each continue getting ready for bed.

We each crawl into bed on our own sides and meet in the middle. Angelia cuddles into my arms. "I need to call Martin tomorrow too." I guess she can feel me frowning because she continues "the decorator Sidney? The one Pat's wife set us up with in LA. I want to see how much longer we're in this rental. I'd really like to be in our home for Christmas and I especially want to be in it before I get too huge to pack or unpack things." She's so cute "babe, you won't be packing or unpacking anything. We'll hire people to do that for us. You will need to talk to him about a nursery though." I feel her smile "oh I thought of that already. We'll need the most perfect room. I can't wait to start planning it." I hug her closer and kiss her forehead. "Enough for now Angel. In the morning, we'll call Nathalie and get the name and number of her doctor. Hopefully we can convince him to see us tomorrow and then we can get this confirmed. Until then, we really don't know for sure, right?" I hear a soft "I guess" and then I know she's asleep. I'm as tired as she is so I follow after her.


	146. Chapter 146

I wake up the next morning and I feel like someone is watching me. Opening my eyes, I see that it's Sidney. We're on our sides facing each other and he looks like he's been up for some time. He kisses my nose and says "good morning." I smile but slip out of bed saying "nature calls." I quickly take care of business including brushing my teeth. Climbing back into bed, I slide closer to Sidney and he pulls me into his arms. "How are you?" he asks me. "I'm fine, good actually. I'm probably tempting fate but I haven't experienced any of the symptoms I've heard of when you're pregnant. I'll probably get them all now that I've said that of course." He chuckles and I notice that he's wearing shorts and tee shirt. "Are you going to work out?" I ask him. "I was going to" he replies "but I saw you stirring and came back to bed instead." I see that gleam in his eye and know exactly what kind of 'exercise' he's hoping for now. But … "Sidney, I'd like to talk about yesterday." I can't do anything else until we've talked and cleared the air. He simply nods and waits; I guess I'm going first.

"Ok, I haven't really figured everything out but I've been processing. I know we decided on a compromise to get married quickly but wait on a baby. Neither of us was completely satisfied with the situation but, marriage is often about compromises, so we did. I don't know that I truly understood how much you wanted and/or needed to have children right away and I don't think that you truly understood why I wanted to wait. Does that seem accurate to you?" He nods so I keep going. "It could be that I think logically about how we're going to do everything and what it 'looks like' and you're going with your instincts and what you need. Anyway, outside of therapy, I haven't talked about having kids with you for a while because I know we don't agree and don't completely understand each other on this issue. When I thought about it on the plane, and considered that I might be pregnant, I panicked for sure. I really didn't want to do this now. I didn't think I could do this now. I also didn't think that I could talk to you about it. You would be so happy and so completely excited. How was I going to try to explain that I wasn't as happy and excited as you are and what would you think of me if I did? I felt, and still feel, so guilty for not wanting this when you so obviously do. Anyway, I think all of those things, and the fact that I was completely terrified, made me react rather than think clearly and I called Mariah first. While there will be times that I talk things over with my sister, who is my best friend, when I need someone to talk to, I should never have done that on something this big and important to us both. I'm sorry. I'm also sorry that I lied to you when you asked if something was bothering me. I can only promise to try and do better." I take a deep breath and hope that I was able to adequately explain myself.

He brushes a stray hair off of my forehead. "I think I understand Angelia. You're right in that I don't understand why you didn't want to start a family right away. I guess I understood your reasons, it just didn't seem like as big a deal to me as you feel it is, or felt it was, anyway I just didn't get it. When I ran into Mario at Consol last night, we talked about when he found out that Nathalie was pregnant. It was very different circumstances then ours but she went to her friend before she talked to Mario. I guess it's what you do sometimes; but, I agree that you should have come to me. I understand why you reacted the way you did but it wasn't right and it hurt." He looks away for a moment. I know he hates to talk about how he feels when he's hurt but I'm glad that he is now. "I guess I reacted too when I heard you leave Mariah a message. All I saw was red and knew that I needed to work off some of the mad. I don't think that I've run so much in my life as I did on that treadmill last night and you know how much I hate running. We both had emotional reactions but I think we've come to the right place now. The only thing left that I need to know is, after a night's sleep, how do you feel?" I don't have to even think about it. I take his face in my hands and say "I'm terrified; truly and honestly scared about being a good mom. I'm new to this marriage thing; and marriage to the best hockey player in the world so the media is going to watch every step we make. I still don't know how to balance having my own life and fulfilling my own needs while being a partner to you. Trying to be everything to everyone while also making sure I don't lose myself is terrifying. I'm also so excited to see what a little you and me looks like in a tiny package. I can't wait to get big and fat; the feeling of the baby moving for the first time should be incredible. I can't wait to see you holding our child for the first time. You are going to be such a good dad. Depending on how far along I am right now, we may have our own baby to put in the Cup this year. Yeah, I'm still terrified but this is going to be an incredible adventure, just like you said, and this is going to be the most loved baby in the entire world." He must like my answer because he leans in and takes my lips with his own.

His lips are instantly insistent and his tongue finds the recesses of my mouth. I love it when he is this aggressive and possessive. I feel like I'm completely surrounded by him as his body covers mine, his lips and tongue play with mine and his hands, of God those hands, are pulling my panties off quickly. I feel his erection against me and know why he's in a hurry. I pull his tee shirt up and over his head so that I can feel the muscles of his shoulders and back with my hands. He's so solid and powerful. He throws my panties to the side and I open my legs for him to settle there. He's still in his shorts which I try to remove but he's slipped lower. Pushing my tank up, he exposes my breasts and his lips firmly attach to one. He alternates between sucking and kissing the way I love it. His finger and thumb play with the other nipple which hardens instantly with his ministrations. I strip my tank right off so that I'm naked under him and then feast my hands in his hair. I cry out when he bites on one of my nipples and the feeling goes right down to pool between my thighs. He knows how crazy I get when he does that so he does it again on the other breast. My fingers tighten in his hair now and follow has his lips travel lower. When they reach my stomach, he pauses for a moment and then places soft, light kisses over it. He is so gentle with soft pecks across my stomach and then back again. I begin to stroke his hair softly. I am so in love with this man that I feel my eyes get wet.

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She loves it when I play a little rougher with her nipples. I feel a shudder accompany her cry out each time I take a bite. My little minx likes things a little rougher sometimes. I'm so fucking hard right now that I've got to make sure she's read and fast. As I head down to my goal, my lips kiss the path over her stomach. That's when I pause. Our baby is inside of there. My kisses soften as I feel a tenderness go through me. There is almost a reverence and a paying homage to the mother of my child. Our baby lies sleeping inside of her right now. I feel her fingers lightly caress my hair now and I look up to her face and see that her eyes are wet. I slide back up and take her lips with mine. We softly but deeply explore each other's lips and mouth. My hands run up and down the length of her slowly. I want to savour every moment. Then a thought runs through my head and I pull back. Angelia looks at me puzzled. "Is it ok, I mean are you ok to, you know, do this?" I ask her. For a moment she's still and then she breaks out laughing. "Sidney, this is how we got pregnant in the first place, remember?" I roll my eyes, if she wasn't a genius, I would wonder if she was stupid. "You know what I mean. Is it ok for us to have sex?" She smiles and then touches her lips with mine. "Lots of couples have sex while pregnant Sidney. Do you think that your huge, throbbing dick might poke the little guy?" Great, she's making fun of me now, although, when I think about it, I guess the question is a little ludicrous so I laugh now too. When we both stop, she's looking at me with dark, mysterious eyes. She's flush and her lips are pink and swollen from mine. I am definitely not thinking about her as a mom right now. I cup her and her mouth opens wide in an 'o' until I slowly let my middle finger find the outside of her opening. Then she bites her lip. I keep watching her face as I slip my finger inside, pushing as far as I can, then pull it out and rub it over her clit. This is when she cries out and her eyes close. I alternate between circling and pushing down on her clit. She's so wet and slippery that my finger easily slides around. I lean in and kiss her as I continue to work below. I slide my tongue inside her mouth as I slide two fingers inside of her. I absorb her moan into my mouth and begin to move my fingers in and out. I move slowly at first, spending time to circle the nerve endings at her entrance before slipping back in. Her hips begin to meet my fingers and I know that she's completely ready for me.

I move for a mere second to shed my shorts and then settle back between her legs. She pulls her knees up and opens wide for me while her hands rest on the sides of my neck. With my elbows resting on the bed, I slowly lower myself to her and guide in. With her legs this wide open, I don't need any help finding my destination. I'm buried deep inside her and I pause a moment looking into her eyes. It feels different now; everything feels different now. I lower my lips to hers again and move out then back in with her meeting my thrust. She starts quickening the pace and I answer her. We are matched thrust for thrust now as we alternate kissing and staring into each other's eyes. She throws her head to one side and I take advantage by sinking my teeth lightly into the delicate skin of her neck. I know that I'm getting close so I reach between us and give her clit some attention which pushes her over the edge with me soon following.

When I realize I'm on top of her, I try to roll off. "No" she says and holds me to her, still inside of her, with her legs firmly around me. "I don't want you to move yet. Before you say it, yes, you're heavy but I still don't want you to move." I chuckle and take advantage by kissing her neck. I leave soft kisses from her jaw to her ear and then back again. Finally, she gives a gentle nudge and says "ok, you're too heavy now." I chuckle and reverse our positions so that she's laying on me with her chin resting on her hands on my chest. "We still have a lot to talk about Sidney. I mean, this is going to get complicated. I'm not giving up the university or my career before I've even started. We'll need to make it all work. Before you suggest it, no nanny! We are raising our child ourselves; however, I wouldn't turn down help with laundry, cleaning and cooking." I can't help but smile; looks like she's taking to this with her usual vigor for life. She's going to have this whole thing planned out before we even have the kid. I can't wait.


	147. Chapter 147

_**Note: I am so sorry to have been away so long. My grandmother had a heart attack earlier this week and I needed to be with her and the family. She is back at her nursing home and doing well, thank God, and she shold recover. Such a tough woman, she says that no heart attack is going to beat her until she's ready. What an inspiration. Anyway, I'm in a much happier place to start writing again. Actually, it might be therapy for the stress too. I hope you all enjoy.**_

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"Sidney?" I hear her calling from downstairs. "Yeah, I'm getting dressed so I'll be down in a minute." I throw on a tee shirt over my jeans and then a baseball cap. While I showered, Angelia was calling Nathalie's doctor to try and see him today. I run down the stairs and find her in the kitchen looking in the fridge. I come up behind her, put my hands around her waist and look at the full fridge. "Are you looking for inspiration or can't decide?" She leans her head back on my shoulder. "I have a craving for eggs and bacon." I pull back to look at her "craving huh?" She chuckles "not that kind of craving. I need to stress eat; eggs and bacon, mmm maybe pancakes too." She is the weirdest woman. When she stress eats it's always breakfast food. "Ok mommy, breakfast it is, let's go. Oh wait, what did the doctor say?" I almost forgot about the appointment. She turns around and says "we have time for breakfast. He'll see us in two hours. We're going to meet at his office rather than the hospital. He has the equipment at his office and, this way, we won't be seen by anyone going into a hospital." I nod and say "that's good. What kind of equipment does he need?" I ask as we make our way out to the garage. She waits until we're inside the truck then says "he'll do an ultrasound today. Depending on how far along I am, he should be able to see something on the ultrasound which will confirm the pregnancy. He'll do a blood test too because he tests other things; but, we'll have it confirmed today."

As I drive to our favourite breakfast place, I realize what she's said; we'll have it officially confirmed today. I never contemplated that the test last night might be wrong. We might not be pregnant. That is a thought I don't like and don't want to consider. At least we decided to see the doctor before we called anyone to tell them. Nathalie didn't ask when Angelia called her. She knows that we'll confirm when we're sure and when we're ready. I think the weight of what's going on is finally sinking in. Next summer, we're going to have a baby. I'll have to figure out where to train and travel so that I'm with Angelia and the baby. I know it's not 'done' by most players, but, when I have to travel then they're coming with me; not during the season of course but during the summer for sure. I now see why Duper is in such a hurry to talk to Cody and the girls before their bedtime; even if we're at dinner when on the road, he is sneaking off before 7pm to talk to all of them. Wow, that's going to be me next season. I'll have to upgrade my cell phone so that I can live chat over it.

We head into the restaurant and to our regular table. The waitress quickly brings over orange juice for me and a cup of coffee for Angelia. She is about to take a sip when she says "oops. Um, could you please bring me decaf? I'm trying to cut down on caffeine." The waitress heads off so I ask "what's up with the caffeine?" Angelia looks around to make sure no one is in ear shot. "I don't know everything about what I'm supposed to eat and drink but definitely no alcohol and no caffeine. Oh God!" She's loud at the end so she covers her mouth and then leans in to whisper to me "I had wine at the wedding. I was pregnant then, I had to be, and I drank all of that wine. Fuck, in the Caymans too. What if I've done something to the baby?" Her eyes begin to fill and I can tell she's about to lose it. I take her hands in mine and shake my head at the waitress coming up behind Angelia. "Angel, don't freak out until we know if there's something to freak out about, ok? Let's take it one thing at a time. We'll confirm that we're pregnant first. Then we'll talk to the doctor about everything else, ok?" I wipe away a tear that leaked out. She pauses and bites her lip but then nods. She picks up her menu and the waitress comes back over. I mouth 'thank you' to her and she sets down the decaf for Angelia. We order and she indeed is stress-eating; eggs, bacon and pancakes. I order my usual and then we sit there for a moment.

I can see that the worries are still swirling in her mind so I ask "have you thought about names?" I desperately want to keep her positive until we see the doctor. Huh, who knew that I'd be the rational one about kids and doctor stuff? She looks at me and says "no actually. How about you?" Great, I asked her the question and I have no idea either. "I haven't either. Do you want to know if it's a boy or a girl?" She thinks about it for a moment and says "I don't know. The surprise could be part of the fun. Although that means we'll have to do everything in green and yellow. Do you think that you could wait that long to find out, mister 'I need to be in control of everything' Crosby?" I chuckle at her because she's right. "Yeah, it may be too much for me but if you want to wait then we can wait. Look, tomorrow after I skate, why don't we plan to spend the rest of the day together. I know that you want to get to the university and start planning but I really think we need to talk. We'll know for sure today if we're pregnant; but, regardless of what we find out, we still need to talk about some stuff, ok? We were both really emotional last night and" I pause while the waitress puts our plates down. When she leaves I continue, but I have to take a deep breath first. Here goes "I don't think that I've said everything I need to say. I wanted to think about it first and figure out how I'm feeling. Anyway, we agreed to talk more and I think we still need to talk, ok?" She's looking at me a little worried. I want to tell her it's alright but I've thought about it more and finally let myself acknowledge just how hurt I felt; and still feel. With my immediate fear of her having an abortion allayed, I didn't give myself time to think through what else I was feeling. While I was in the shower this morning, I replayed the day in my mind and I got angry again. I gave her shit about not talking to me so I have to talk to her; even if I don't want to do it.

She gives me a small smile and says "ok, then we will" then she begins to plow through her meal. Yeah, she is definitely stress-eating. Although she also eats like this before her period so once again I'm forced to consider that we might not be pregnant. Fuck, I told her not to freak out and I need to follow my own advice. We'll know soon so I need to put it away until then. "We still need to talk names you know" I tell her trying to lighten the mood. I dig into my omelette and watch while she thinks about it. "I don't think I want to name the baby after anyone" she says. I guess I look puzzled so she says "I think it is incredibly sweet and a wonderful way to honour someone special to us. I also think that it's a lot of responsibility to put on a baby before they're even born. I'd like our child to be his or her own person." I think about it because I was sure she'd want to incorporate one of her parent's names. "I don't have a strong opinion either way." I tell her. She smiles and says "I remember seeing an interview with Michael J Fox. He said that they didn't name their first child until he actually was born. Fox said that when he came out, they were sure he was an "Ed" so that's what they named him." "That's so funny" I reply. "I actually wondered about waiting. There might be something to waiting and meeting him or her first."

We finish up breakfast, I pay our bill and we head back out to the truck. A couple of fans stop me for a photo so I stop while Angelia continues on. "Wait" one of the fans says. "Can I have your picture too?" she calls to Angelia. I'm about to tell them no when Angelia comes back smiling and says "sure." She is careful to stand beside me and when the fan says 'thank you' then Angelia says 'you're welcome' and we head off again. As I drive off, Angelia says "that was definitely odd." I chuckle "I guess you're a popular now too." She chuckles too. "I don't know why. I'm so very boring." Now I really laugh. "Yeah, right Angel, that's what I've been saying for the year or more I've known you. 'She's just so boring'." I guess she realizes what she's said too and laughs.

I follow the GPS to the doctor's office and the medical building looks shut down for the day but I see that it's right. As I park, Angelia pulls out her phone and says "he told me to call when we got here and he'll let us in." After she calls, we walk to the side door and the doctor is there to let us in. "Dr. Harper?" Angelia asks. The man responds "please call me Kevin. And you are Angelia and Sidney. So nice to meet you both." We all shake hands and then follow him down a hall. "Thank you so much for see us on a Sunday Kevin." I tell him. He smiles and gestures us into an office. "I completely understand your need for discretion. I delivered all of the Lemieux children so my office is very familiar with secrecy. Please follow me in here." We go into his office and use his sitting area to talk.

"So, Angelia, what tells you that you are pregnant?" That question seems really weird to me. Doesn't everyone take a pregnancy test and then go to the doctor. "My period is a week late and I'm like a Swiss watch; my body keeps really good time. Then I used a pregnancy test last night and it was positive." The doctor nods and takes notes. "So this is the first period you've missed?" Angelia nods at him. "So your last period was five to six weeks ago?" Again, Angelia nods. Wow, I have talked this much about Angelia's periods since we met. It's usually her saying 'we can't' and I know why. Once, I had to buy tampons for her, which we agreed I'd never have to again when a picture appeared on the internet. "Have you ever been pregnant before?" This time she shakes her head. "Are you using birth control?" Angelia answers "I'm on the pill." He nods, takes more notes and asks "and you take it at the same time every day?" That makes a difference? Wow, who knew? "Within an hour of the same time every day, yes." He makes more notes and then asks "Have you been on antibiotics in the past two months?" Angelia shakes her head no and then says "oh, wait, yes I was." Now I look at her; when was she on antibiotics? "Sidney, remember after the biopsy, the doctor put me on antibiotics just in case because I heal slowly." Oh, I don't remember that, I really need to pay more attention. "Why did you ask her that Kevin?" The doctor looks at me and says "for some women, antibiotics can affect the effectiveness of the birth control pill." Wow, I'm learning all kinds of things today. When I look over at Angelia, she's gone white as a sheet. I guess this is new information to her too.

The doctor gets up and gestures us into the next room. He asks Angelia to take everything off from the waist down and sit up on the table with the blanket draped over her. I'm confused by this; don't they run a wand over her stomach. Why does she need to be naked from the waist down? She does it and then I let the doctor know we're ready. The doctor is busy at the end of the bed so I stand up by Angelia's head. While the doctor gets Angelia ready, he asks some of the basic questions about her age, does she smoke, her family history. He also asks her about drinking and she says sometimes but then bursts into tears. I take pull her to my chest and turn to the doctor. "She had wine at our wedding and then last week on our honeymoon. She scared that she's damaged the baby." The doctor gives me a small smile and pats Angelia's arm. "Let's take one thing at a time, ok Angelia? While alcohol is not good for a baby, you are not an alcoholic nor have you been consuming great amounts over a long period of time. First, let's see if there's a baby." Angelia clears up her tears and lays back down. Kevin helps Angelia into the metal legs at the end of the table. What the hell is going on? He sets up the screen so that we can see it but it's at a bad angle. He takes a wand and puts, seriously?, yep, he's putting a condom over it. What the …. Oh! The scan is done from the inside and not on her stomach. I guess he's seen my face because he says "when it's this early on you can't get a scan from outside of the body." I nod like I knew that and he keeps going. I look down at Angelia and her eyes are glued to the screen. I look there too but then have to look away. My peripheral vision is too good and I can't watch Kevin with his hand and a machine up her … I give my head a shake. I know I spend time there but it's a little weird to see the doctor with his hand there. I shake my head again … grow up Crosby. This may be the first of a lot of doctor's visits and I need to get used to it; I hope.

He is quiet and moves his hand slightly over and over. He punches a button on the keyboard and then does the whole thing over again. I look at the screen again and all I see is unrecognizable black and white, well, stuff. It makes no sense but he seems to know what he's looking at and I'm assuming he'll tell us. After a few more movements and button pushing, the doctor straightens up, through the condom in the garbage and wipes Angelia – I wish I hadn't seen that part – then says "why don't you sit up Angelia." I help her sit with the blanket over her. Briefly I wonder why we both did that since the doctor has just seen everything down there. He pulls the machine over with the screen. I reach for my Angel's hand. After a few taps of the key board, a picture comes up of the weird black and white stuff again. He points to give us a lesson on Angelia's anatomy, I really don't care about her uterus right now, and then he points to a tiny little oval, well, thing. Then he looks at us with a smile and says "and that is your baby."


	148. Chapter 148

_**Note: for those of you confused, I made a mistake when posting and reposted Chapter 147 for Chapter 148. Long story why, my apologies. Thank you all for the well wishes for my grandmother, I truly appreciate it. I so happy that you're thrilled about the baby. This should be interesting ...**_

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It would have been comical watching Sidney watch the doctor if I wasn't so stressed out. When he saw the doctor put the condom on the wand, I almost laughed. But now, sitting her with Sidney's hand in mine, we're waiting for the doctor to show us if we're pregnant or not. He gives a tour of my uterus first and we wait an inordinate amount of time for him to finish. Finally, he looks at the screen and points to a tiny, oval spot that kind of looks like a peanut. He looks at us with a smile and says "and that is your baby." That is the exact moment that time stopped for me. I think that the doctor may still be talking but all I can see is our little peanut. It's right there on the screen. Wow, we really are having a baby. I snap out of my fog and look up at Sidney who is still staring at the screen. I can't see his eyes so I reach his cheek and turn it toward me. That's when I see the tears in his eyes and mine fill as well. We're having a baby. His tears are spilling over so I wipe at them with my thumbs then lean up and kiss him. The doctor leaves the room and I think he says to get dressed and meet him in his office. All I can do is keeping looking in Sidney's astounded, tear filled eyes. I kiss him again and this time he holds my cheeks and kisses my lips, my cheeks and then my lips again. "We're having a baby" he whispers to me. I give him a tearful but happy smile "yeah. We're having a baby." We both turn to the screen and Sidney says "our little peanut." I start laughing because that's exactly what I've been thinking. He looks at me horrified and says "oh God, that's bad right? I shouldn't call it, him, her, whatever a peanut." When I stop laughing, I tell him "I'm laughing because that's what I've been calling it, him, her, whatever." We both laugh now.

Sidney helps me off the table and I get cleaned up and changed. When I'm back in my clothes, we wrap our arms around each other and just stare at the screen and our peanut. "We better go back in to see Kevin" Sidney says and I sigh. He's right so we turn and go back into the doctor's office. When we're all seated again, the doctor begins "the scans look great. The baby is at the right growth stage for your estimations of when you became pregnant. You seem to be 4-5 weeks along and we'll be able to narrow that down as you develop more. If that is correct then you will be due in May." The doctor looks at Sidney because he has a puzzled look on his face. Sidney notices us staring at him and he says "I know that Angelia is the genius but doesn't May make it ten months?" I chuckle although the doctor doesn't. Kevin replies "a woman is actually pregnant for forty weeks which is ten months. Most say nine months because you don't usually know for the first four weeks. A woman is pregnant for forty weeks." Sidney shrugs and nods so the doctor continues. "The scans look good and the baby looks healthy. I've written you a prescription for prenatal vitamins for you to take and I'll just take some blood so that we can see how your iron is among other things." Before he begins taking the blood, he hands me a print out and says "I thought you might like a picture of the scan." I look at it and there is our peanut. I don't even notice when the needle goes in my arm. This is our baby's first picture.

We finish up and make another appointment with the doctor in a few weeks. He says that he'll call with the blood work results. Sidney and I walk to the truck in silence and get in the same way. He doesn't start the car. We just sit there staring out the window. "You know, in the back of my mind I wasn't sure. I know people get those pregnancy tests and they're wrong so I just wasn't sure until he said it. We're pregnant Angel." I hear the wonder in his voice. How could I have ever not wanted this right now? I'm growing a tiny human in my belly. I'm growing his tiny human in my belly. Oh my God, I'm growing a tiny human. Wow! "Angel? Are you ok?" I turn to Sidney and he looks very anxious. I give him the brightest smile I have and say "we're growing a tiny human; our peanut." He giggles, I love it when he does that, and kisses me tenderly. "Yeah, we are, technically you are I guess. My job is to take care of the woman who is growing the tiny human; our peanut." We both chuckle now. "Let's go home Sidney." He nods and starts driving. "We need to talk about who were going to tell and when. I mean, your mom suspects, Nathalie and Mario know and my sister is still blowing up my phone. I think we have to tell them, and the Dupuis', and then we wait until the first trimester is over before we tell anyone else. What do you think?" He's quiet for a few minutes and then asks "why do we need to wait for the first trimester to be over? I know that people wait but I've never known why." He's so fricken cute. "The first trimester is usually when anything that could go wrong, will. When we're over that hurdle then we should be safe." He nods and says "ok. Then that list makes sense to me." Good, we've agreed on that, now we just need to discuss a million other things.

When we get home, we both head for the kitchen and Sidney grabs the phone with the speaker on it. "Who first?" he asks. I think about it a moment and my first instinct is to call my sister. "You want to call your sister first?" he asks me. I think about it again and ask "we have conferencing on this thing, right?" He nods so I say "let's get your parents and my sister on it together." He smiles and kisses me "great idea babe." He goes about calling everyone and then conferencing everyone in "is everyone there?" They all say yes so Sidney looks at me. Oh oh, we didn't discuss how we're going to do this but I know he wants to tell them so I nod at him and then the phone. He smiles hugely, takes my hand in his and simply says "we're pregnant!" The phone explodes with my sister, who's switched into French for some reason, his mom and then his dad telling his mom something. Basically, it's a cacophony of noise for a few minutes. When they all calm down, I begin "we saw a doctor today. Actually, it's the same doctor that delivered Mario and Nathalie's kids. He confirmed that I'm about five weeks along. Everything looks good, he did an ultrasound which I'll send a picture of to you, and he took some blood. We'll be seeing him again in four weeks." I pause and wait for more noise but Trina asks "how are you feeling dear?" I smile at Sidney "Trina" damnit "mom, if I wasn't late then I wouldn't even know that I'm pregnant. So far so good but I hear everything starts to really kick in at about six weeks so I'll let you know then." "When are you due?" Ri asks now. "We're due in May sometime. Probably the second or third week and at our next scan they'll be able to narrow it down a bit." I look at Sidney and he says "we're going to keep this quiet for a while. We're only telling the Lemieuxs and the Dupuis' since Carole-Lyn helped me buy the test." I here Mariah snark over the phone "yeah, you've been busy Sid, two women knocked up!" Everyone laughs of course, including us. We talk some more and then say goodbye. We call Mario and Nathalie and then Pascal and Carole-Lyn. All are thrilled for us and know to keep it quiet. We agree not to even tell Pat, Sidney's agent. I was surprised but he says that it doesn't affect Pat right now and if he tells Pat but not others then it's not fair. We've only told those outside the immediate family because of circumstance. Put that way, it makes sense to me.

I'm tired and decide to take a nap. A few minutes after I'm curled up on the coach with a movie on, Sidney joins me and I scootch over to make room for him. He slides in behind me so that we're spooning. His hand rests on my stomach and his fingers lightly play over it. I don't even know if he realizes what he's doing but I love the feeling of that connection between Sidney, me and the baby sleeping in my stomach. It's weird how in tune I am with my body right now. I feel every place where his body is touching mine. I feel even the lightest of touches his fingers are making over my stomach. "I thought you were going to take a nap. I can hear your mind going a mile a minute." Sidney whispers in my ear which makes me shiver of course. I roll over, carefully since we're lying on the sofa together, so that I'm facing him. "I'm really tired but I can't get my mind to slow down. I'm so overwhelmed. I'm going to be a mom. We're going to have a baby. We could really have a baby to put in the Cup when you win this year." He kisses my nose and says "I love how you always assume we're going to win the Cup." I frown and respond "well, you guys do that too. You told me that every year you know that you're going to win the Cup. That's what gets you motivated. That's what gets you playing well. So, I do the same thing. I assume that you are going to win this year. I know the ending of last year sucked but this year will be different." He frowns and says "if we play." Oh God, I forgot in our entire wedding, honeymoon, baby whirlwind that the negotiations are looking very grim.

I take his face in my hands and say "it's looking like a lock out, I know, and I don't know what to say Sidney. You deserve to play hockey. You are in the best shape of your life and I hear you are quicker and stronger than anyone has ever seen you. This is your year, I believe that, and you will play. It may not be right at the beginning of the season like we hoped but you will play. You will win that Cup and I will be there to see it. Please let the hockey Gods make sure you're in town when I go into labour, ok? I'm not having this baby without you! Seriously, I will make every acquiescence under the moon for hockey except having this baby alone! Ok Crosby, you will be there at the birth!" He is chuckling now until I don't because I'm not kidding. He sobers up, kisses my lips and says "yes. I will be there for the birth of our child. The guys have used a system where one of the trainers has their phone during games and practices. If a call comes in from the mom then they immediately answer it. Duper cut it really, really close for the last one but he's been there for them all. If I have to charter a plane, I'll be there for the birth of our child." I sigh. Ok, I feel better now. I like facing him so I snuggle down a bit to get comfortable. "Thank you. I'm going to have a nap now. Go ahead and watch whatever you want." I hear baseball almost instantly on the screen. He's so predictable. Thank God for that.


	149. Chapter 149

I start to watch the baseball game but am quickly distracted when Angelia falls asleep in my arms. She's so small lying here next to me. For the next nine months, who knew they were pregnant for ten months, she's going to get bigger and bigger. I can't wait to see the first hint of roundness to her flat stomach. She's going to get even more beautiful although I'm not sure how that's possible. I would never tell anyone this but, more than winning the Cup, more than paying off my parent's mortgage or remodelling their house, it's this single act of becoming a dad that makes me really feel like a man. I'm going to forever have another person that I'm responsible for, that I would give my life for, and I already feel so protective of him or her. It's not an easy life that they're coming into. My son will forever be compared to me and God help him if he wants to be a hockey player. Of course, this could happen if I have a girl too. It wouldn't be the NHL in her future but she could make a career of it. Mario's kids, no matter what he's said or done, two of them are hockey players. There are a lot of families like that; look at Brandon Sutter and his family; or the Staals of course. I guess we can only insulate them for so long and then they'll need to find their own way and be their own people.

I look down at Angelia and I feel a new protectiveness for her. I've always loved her and I've always wanted to do anything I can to make her happy but this new feeling goes so far beyond everything I felt before. This is exactly why I wanted to start our family now. This is exactly why I didn't want to wait. We're no longer living in the past. This is a whole new future that doesn't depend on concussions and symptoms. This has nothing to do with hockey and I never knew that I would find something so fulfilling in my life that has nothing to do with hockey. When I do a gut check, I realize that hockey hasn't diminished in importance; I don't think that it ever could. Something has now been added that wasn't there before. I watch Angelia sleep and know that this is everything I need in the world now. I have hockey back, whenever we do drop the puck, and now I have a family. I'm seeing myself coming home from practice and I find Angelia in the nursery rocking the baby to sleep. Maybe I find them in the kitchen while Angelia is making dinner and the baby is in a seat watching with big owl eyes. I'll get a huge grin from the baby when I pick him or her up to settle on my shoulder. I'll move to the kitchen and kiss a tired but happy Angelia then take a sniff at what is cooking. There is nothing more that I could ask for in the world although, I'm sure I'll be hinting at more before our little peanut is even a year old. We both want a huge family and this is just the beginning.

I do wonder how Angelia will take to not working. Maybe the team she's brought in can continue what she's started. The last girl in particular has a lot of promise Angelia said. Maybe we can convince the university not to dismantle the team because Angelia will no longer be working there? I would think a huge endowment would help. Angelia would be heartbroken if she left before she's even started and the team is fired before they even begin working. It's going to be hard for her too. In the past few weeks, she's become even more excited to start working at the university. To have those plans all change will be difficult but we're having a baby and finishing the house. She'll probably be too busy to notice.

We definitely need to get into the house before the baby is born. I'm sure mom will want to come down and visit; probably Mariah too. We'll need the room for sure. I also want our peanut to have their very own bedroom when they come home. I wonder how long we can keep this from the media. The people who know won't let it slip so I don't worry there but when so many people do know, like at the doctor's office, then it's going to get out. I bet Pat is going to want us to do an interview. He'll say that it's about controlling the story and he'll be right; but, I hate talking about my personal life and we even make the press agree not to discuss it when I give formal interviews. It's an unwritten rule in the after practice and after game scrums. I guess a lot of that will need to be formalized when everyone knows that we're married or maybe after the pregnancy is known. I try to tamper down the resentment I feel for having my perfect dreams spoiled with thoughts of the press.

I lightly brush my hand against Angelia's very flat stomach. I'm looking forward to see it start expanding. She'll grow even more beautiful, I'm sure. I have to make a note to get a house cleaner. We can't have Angelia doing that stuff while she's pregnant. We'll probably keep them after the baby is born too. Angelia needs to have everything off of her plate so that she can focus solely on the baby and being happy. Maybe that's how I can convince her to have another one quickly after the first but I'm definitely getting ahead of myself. Oh, next Christmas I'll have my own little one to bring to the Pens family skate. That's going to be awesome. Hmm, the peanut won't be walking yet, at least I don't think so, so no tiny skates just yet for that party.

Angelia shifts slightly and I move with her to make sure she's still comfortable. I notice that the Pirates game has ended and they're back in the studio talking. It's when someone says "CBA" that I start paying attention. They are all agreeing that a lock out is imminent. They don't know how right they are because there is no way to close the gap in time for there not to be a lock out. We are not going to start training camp on time. Don thinks that if something doesn't change on the owner's side then the first part of the season will be lost too. I can't believe how unfair this is to everyone but especially to me. I'd never tell anyone, besides Angelia who totally gets it, but it feels like everyone and everything is against me these days professionally. I'm in my peak and for the next three or four years, I'll be playing the best hockey of my life and I will have lost almost two years before we're back to playing. Is it too much to ask to have my personal life and my professional life be on the right track at the same time?

I feel my phone vibrate and see that it's Mariah calling me so I answer it, although softly so I don't wake up Angelia. "Hey Mariah, how are you?" "I'm fine Sid. How's Ang doing? Seriously, how is she? I didn't want to ask on the phone with your folks but I know that she was kind of freaked out last night. Is she doing better?" I knew up front that the sisters are attached at the hip, especially being twins, so I should have anticipated this call. "She was freaked out Ri. You know that she didn't want a baby this soon but she's really excited now. I think she's concerned but I bet every new mom feels that way. She's not sure she'll know how to do everything right and she's wants to be a good mom. I think she'll be fine. Once she tells the university that she can't join them as she hoped she could then she can focus on the baby and the house. I want to make sure that we're in there before the baby is born. Actually, I want to be in there before Christmas so we have a lot of work to do to make that happen." Mariah is quiet for a few minutes and then she asks "what do you mean that she's going to quit the university?" Her question surprises me and I don't quite know what she means. She continues "she's not going to quit her job just because she's pregnant Sid. Most women work pregnant you know." Hmm, it never even crossed my mind that she would work. We have so much to do now and the minute the season starts then all hell breaks loose so everything needs to be done now. I am not, however, having this discussion with her sister. "Look Mariah, Angelia and I haven't talked about more than who we're going to tell right now. We need to talk everything through and then we'll have a plan. I know that she'll tell you all about it" I joke at the end hoping to take some sting out of the first bit. I love Mariah too but there are sometimes both sisters need to cut the cord and let Angelia and I work things out together.

We chat a bit more and then say our goodbyes. The conversation does confuse me a bit. My assumption is that Angelia would stop working, or not start working I guess is more accurate. What if she does want to start working? If I'm locked out then what will I do when she's working? I know I'll be working out but I guess I'll be working on finalizing the house alone. This isn't at all what I thought this season was going to be like. This isn't at all what I thought having a baby was going to be like. I thought that we'd shop and plan together. We might even paint the baby's room ourselves rather than the contractors so that we could say we did it together. We'd buy the crib and I'd put it together. Angelia would be getting bigger by then so she'd watch me and tell me everything I'm doing wrong as she likes to do when I insist on trying to do anything handy. She says that she finds it 'cute' that I still try. In the end, she has to help and tells me that I should stick to hockey. We either end up laughing or making love right on the spot; sometimes both. I mentally shake my head. Everything is turning out exactly as I wanted. We're married and we're pregnant so the next step will fall in line too. She only needs to square things with the university and then we can spend all the time until the lock out is over planning for the arrival of our peanut. It's going to be the happiest time of our lives yet.


	150. Chapter 150

"Are you sure that you want to come with me Sidney?" she yells to me from the kitchen. I'm going with her to the university to check out her offices and lab. I realize that she wants to work and I really don't want to take the excitement away from her right now. I've been thinking a lot about this over the last twenty four hours and maybe Angelia needs to work right now. Once we start doing more planning for the baby then I'm sure that she'll realize it's better for her to set up the lab and let her team take over. I have to admit that it'll be interesting to see her at work today. When I saw her give a lecture, it was fascinating and I learned a lot about her work. I'm really hoping that this is the same thing. "Yes, I definitely want to come. I want to see where you work." "It could be boring you know." I chuckle and reply "I'm not just some dumb jock you know. I'm looking forward to seeing where you work." She comes into the front hall and kisses my cheek. "I wasn't inferring that you are a dumb jock. I just didn't think you'd be interested." She tries to walk away but I grab her arm and pull her back to me. Kissing her thoroughly, I hold her in front of me and say "everything about you interested me Angel." She rolls her eyes and then walks away saying "cheesy Crosby, you are so cheesy." I can't help but admire her as she walks away. She's wearing a short skirt which is hugging her ass perfectly. I love it when she gets in professor-mode. It's so hot.

When we're on our way, she pulls out her phone and begins texting. When she receives one back she says "woo hoo" and texts again. "What's up with the 'woo hoo' babe?" She finishes her text and then looks at me. The team will be there this morning too. You're going to love them Sidney. I'll need to bring on a couple of the local students but you are going to love my team." What I love is how excited she is about seeing them. "Tell me about them." She puts her phone away and takes a deep breath. "Gemma has been around the longest. She's from Cambridge University originally and is working on her doctoral thesis and is really close too. She's the one I was waiting for a decision from because she really wasn't keen on moving to Pittsburgh; actually, she didn't want to leave MIT. She's hilarious and very British. You'll love her. Then there is Richard. He's also a doctoral thesis student and did his under and post grad work at MIT. He's very laid back and quiet; sort of the quintessential socially awkward geek. The last one is Donna. She's young, quite brilliant and going to be an incredible physicist. She's all business and very serious but can be personable and funny when you tease it out of her. All together, they are a really strong group. I'll add a couple master's degree students for my team to mentor and maybe even an under grad. I'll have to see the talent that's there first." Is it wrong that I'm getting hard listening to her talk about physics and building her team? I love it when she talks about her work. She sounds so brilliant, enthusiastic and in charge. She's really, really hot!

"Sidney, are you listening?" I pull back to the conversation. "Sorry, my mind wondered a minute. I'm looking forward to meeting them." We get close to the university and she points to a driveway. "The directions said to go in here; turn right and then another right." I follow her directions. She's looking around and then sees a small parking lot with only twelve or so cars in it. There's a guard at the entrance. "That's it Sidney." I pull up and the guard comes up to my window, which I've rolled down, and a huge smile on his face. I guess he's a fan and recognized me. "Angelia, welcome to the University of Pittsburgh." Oh, he recognized Angelia. "Please pull in to the reserved spot with your name on it. When you go in the side door, someone from the Chancellor's office will be there to meet you." She thanks him and I drive to her spot. We get out and I look around. I've never been to the campus before and it's so close to Consol. She takes my hand and we head into the building. "Angelia?" I look up and see an older lady. "Welcome to the University. I'm Bea, Chancellor Nordenburg's executive assistant. Will you follow me please?" Wow, I now understand the term formidable. This woman is definitely formidable. I would be scared to disagree with her or argue with her in any way. We exchange a look behind her back as we follow her up the stairs. I almost laugh at the face Angelia pulls. She feels the same way I do.

We follow her into a large room and she gestures us into an office where a man comes from behind a desk with his hand extended. "Angelia, it is wonderful to meet you in person. I am a great admirer of your work." "Thank you Chancellor. It is great to meet you too" she replies as she shakes his hand. "Please call me Mark. And you must be Sidney. It's great to meet you to." We shake hands and he gestures to a sitting area. When we're comfortable he offers us beverages, which we decline, and then he begins to thank Angelia again for joining their university. Apparently the board of directors is putting together a strategy now that they have someone as prestigious as Angelia having joining the school. I have to admit that my mind wanders as they talk about foundations and grants. It's pretty dry stuff but I try to keep track of the conversation. He is literally fawning all over her. It's like she's a rock star. I love watching it every time it happens. She really is a huge celebrity in her expertise and accomplishments. They start talking about her lab and team so I focus more carefully again. They've put together a list of master degree students for her to look at and interview if she chooses. He hands her a folder which she takes and opens. Before reviewing anything, she puts her reading glasses on. This is not going to help me focus. She's so fucking hot in those glasses. She flips through some of the documents and tells him that she'll review them and let him know if she wants to meet any of them. Wow, she's being authoritative and wearing those glasses. I'm thinking of all kinds of things we're going to do with her in those glasses later.

We finish up with the Chancellor with Angelia promising she'll coordinate with the formidable Bea so that we can have dinner with Mark and his wife. I guess if Angelia has to meet donors and fans with me then I can have dinner with Mark and his wife. A young guy who is clearly nervous is waiting for us. "Patrick. Patrick!" the formidable Bea yells and the young guy, who must be Patrick, snaps to and stumbles over. "Patrick, take the Professor to her lab." Patrick seems to be mute but he's staring at Angelia. "Hi Patrick, I'm Angelia. It's nice to meet you." She holds out her hand and Patrick stares at it for a moment until finally putting his hand in hers. I can only imagine how sweaty it is and decide not to shake it myself; not that he even notices that I'm there. We head down the hall and Patrick finally finds his voice. "Prof … Professor …" Angelia takes pity on him and says "please call me Angelia. Are you in the physics program Patrick?" The man nods and we head outside. "Um, the science building is over here. It's close to your parking spot. If you head the opposite way of the administration building then you'll find it easy." Oh God, this poor kind is terrified. It's actually cute.

After following him into another building and down a few halls, he stops in front of a door and says "your lab is in there Profess … um, I mean, Angelia. Would you like me to stay or are you ok from here?" Angelia takes pity on the poor guy and says "thank you for showing me where to go Patrick but I think we're ok now." He nods and heads off down the hall. He must remember something and then he says "it was great to, um, meet you. I hope that I can take one of my, I mean your classes" and then he scurries off. "You have groupies Angel." She turns red and says "I do not. He was sweet and simply flustered." I laugh while following her through the door. The next thing I hear is a woman screaming "Professor Cooper has arrived! All hail Sheldon!" Then a tall, dark haired woman is launching herself into Angelia's arms. The two are giggling, talking and hugging all at the same time. Then I notice that there is a man sitting at a table with three computer screens in front of him and another woman with mousy brown hair and glasses sitting beside him. Both are staring at Angelia and the other woman while they still carry on.

Angelia notices the other two and rushes over to them now. They each embrace and, while it is less enthusiastic, it is no less heartfelt. This must be her team and I can definitely see that they share the affection that she has for them. "Sidney, come over" Angelia reaches her hand out for me. "Guys, this is my husband, Sidney Crosby." No one is looking at me though; they are all staring at Angelia, stunned. It's the first woman who says "married? Oh my God" and then there's all talking, laughing and more talking. This time all three of the women are involved. I walk over to the man and say "you must be Richard. Hi, I'm Sid." The man stands and shakes my hand. "Yes, I'm Richard. I guess that I should say congratulations on your wedding Sid." Yep, I see why Angelia called him socially awkward but there is warmth in his eyes when he looks at Angelia. How can you dislike a harmless man who has obvious affection for such a wonderful woman? "Thanks Richard. Angelia is really glad that you guys came to Pittsburgh. Thank you for that. We have to live here because of me so I'm glad you were able to come to her." Richard nods and says "we would go to any school to work for the Professor. What do you do that you have to stay in Pittsburgh?" I almost chuckle because it hasn't been since LA and when Angelia gave her lecture that I was an unknown. "I play hockey for the Penguins." Richard says "oh" and then gives Angelia a hug and gives his congratulations. I'm so glad I came today. What a great and odd crew!


	151. Chapter 151

The day has been really great and I'm so glad that Sidney came with me. I really thought that he'd be bored when we started talking about our work but, for the most part, he actually listened to what was said and asked a few questions when we took breaks. He's so good with people. He really drew Donna out by asking her questions about the work. He even had a conversation with Richard who hates talking to everyone and most have their eyes rolling back in their head after two minutes with him. I shouldn't have been surprised when, at the end of the day, Sidney suggested we all go out to dinner. He was careful to say that it was on him. I know that it was really uncomfortable for him to say that, he hates drawing any attention to the fact that he has money, but he also knows that these guys can't afford to go to the kind of restaurants that we need to go to so that we can have a back room. He used to be able to go out with the guys at off peak hours at popular restaurants; however, since we got together, no one will let us just eat and during dinner hour it would be impossible. My guys seemed a little reticent at first but then Sidney said that it was to welcome them to the city and they all agreed.

We're on our way to our favourite Italian place, where we've been many times before, and I'm hanging up from talking to the restaurant. "The back room is open and we're all set up." I look over at him. "Thank you so much for doing this and getting to know them. It's really important to me." I see him smile and he takes my hand. "Of course I want to get to know them. They seem really great once you can tease it out of Donna and Richard. No digging is necessary for Gemma. She's a walking whirlwind." I laugh because he is totally right. I'm so glad that he appreciates them for who they are; of course I knew that he would. He's extraordinarily accepting of others; another reason that I love him so much. Of course I told the team about getting married and they were all excited for us. I won't tell them about the baby until we're ready to tell others. I'm sure they'll understand.

We arrive at the restaurant and use valet parking. Just as we're about to walk in, I catch the team coming around the corner. I wave and we wait for them. They're two minutes too late and Sidney gets recognized. I guide everyone into the restaurant and we leave Sidney outside to sign autographs and take pictures. "Does this always happen to him?" Gemma asks me. "Not always, but more often than I'd prefer. He's good with them though. He manages to give them time but then disengages himself. I don't find that I'm ever waiting too long." The hostess guides us to the back room and we make ourselves comfortable. I order some appetizers while we're waiting; Sidney is taking a little longer than usual. The appetizers arrive and I'm about to go out and look for Sidney when he comes in the room. "Sorry everyone, it took a little longer than expected." He looks a little bit flustered so while the guys are digging into the food and debating main courses, I lean into Sidney and ask "what happened?" He shakes his head but I ask again "what happened?" He sighs and leans his head down. "Someone noticed the wedding ring." Oh, I never thought about him being in public now and wearing his wedding ring. I guess it's going to break now. I look back up at his face and that's not all there is to the story. "What else happened?" I ask him. He shakes his head again. "Sidney, what else happened?" He leans in again and says "I'll tell you but let's do it later, ok? I handled it for now and want to enjoy the evening getting to know everyone, ok?" He doesn't give me any choice as he digs into the calamari and asks how everyone is enjoying the food.

I dig into the appetizers too and take my favourite, the prosciutto with melon. I'm about to take a bite and then I remember, shit, I can't have cured meats because I'm pregnant. Hoping that no one notices, I slide my prosciutto onto Sidney's plate. Damn Gemma's eyes, she catches it of course. "I thought you loved that stuff Ang." I try to think quickly but, thankfully, Sidney does instead. "She does, but the last time she had it, her stomach didn't agree with it, if you know what I mean." Everyone rolls their eyes and no one wants to talk about it further. I squeeze Sidney's thigh under the table as a thank you. He winks at me when no one is looking and we all continue to chat and eat. I'm glad that everyone is ordering wine by the glass so that I don't have to say no if we got a bottle. Both Donna and I order sparkling water.

When our main courses arrive, Sidney turns to Gemma and asks "How come you called Angelia 'Dr. Cooper' when you saw her earlier?" Everyone laughs and Gemma replies "you know the TV show 'The Big Bang Theory?' We nicknamed her after Sheldon Cooper, the genius who is social inept." They all laugh again but Sidney is confused. He turns to me and then back to Gemma. "Gemma, I get the genius part but Angelia is pretty far from socially inept." Now everyone laughs harder and Sidney looks even more confused. "You should have met her years ago Sid" Gemma tells him. "She was definitely socially inept and wore even weirder clothes than Sheldon does on the show." He looks at me and I nod because they're right. "So what happened?" he asks me. I chuckle and reply "Mariah happened. She arrived at MIT for my last day before summer break and told me that I was spending the summer with her in Paris. She took me with her, gave me a make-over and took me to every party in Paris for the whole summer until I could talk to people without squeaking; yes, I squeaked. Anyway, as much as I hated her when the summer started, it was the best experience of my life. I was a whole new person." He's shaking his head at me and laughing "leave it to Mariah, huh?" he says. "Yep" I reply. Gemma is laughing "you should have seen the way everyone looked at her when she came back to school. It was crazy. The guys who were scared of her intellect were now tripping over each other because she was hot too. Hilarious!"

That starts the 'Angelia' stories and even Richard gets in on it. Sidney is going to have some great ammunition should he ever need it. I'm not really bothered by it and I'm so happy to see everyone getting along and having a good time. My guys don't follow sports and had no idea who Sidney was so there isn't any weird stuff. Sidney is simply the guy their friend loves and married. I think that's one of the reasons that Sidney must be so comfortable with them too. They treat him like anyone else they would meet and have dinner with; not entirely comfortable since they just met but not dumb-struck because he's SIDNEY CROSBY. Hmm, I've never notice that before. To me, when he's mine, then he's Sidney. When I refer to him as the hockey player, then he's 'Sidney Crosby.' I guess it makes sense although I'm a Crosby now too. Oh, I need to get my name changed on everything. The university needs to know too. I guess if the cats out of the bag from Sidney's interaction earlier then there's no need not to tell the world. Of course we weren't really keeping it a secret. I guess we wanted to keep it to ourselves for a little while. Or maybe we've been so preoccupied with the pregnancy over the last forty eight hours that we haven't thought about much else.

I bring myself back to the conversation and Donna is actually telling an "Angelia" story. Wow, it's amazing. Donna doesn't usually warm up this quickly to people she doesn't know. I was hoping that she might even say one word today. Who knew that she would open up so much? Sidney looks much more relaxed now too. I really wanted to press him about what happened outside but if he doesn't want to upset anyone then I don't either. It must be bad if he was shaking me off like that so I'll wait. It's killing me waiting to find out. "Did you really swim in the wading pool?" Sidney asks me. I haven't been paying close attention but I know the story they're telling. "It was hot and the air conditioning died in the lab. You try being in a small room with five people, five laptops and a super computer. It was hot!" We're all laughing and I feel my stomach get a little weird. Oh, I think I ate too much. I was too hungry and then I wasn't paying attention while we were laughing so much. I never finish a plate of pasta here. I better watch myself or else I'm liable to get as big as a house with this pregnancy.

When dinner is over, Sidney pays the check and everyone is very thankful which embarrasses him of course. He's so cute when he blushes. We head out of the room and Sidney says "we're going out the back guys. I hope to see you really soon." I'm surprised but we all say goodbye and go our separate ways. Sidney takes my hand and leads out the family back hallways and through the kitchen. "There are probably people waiting out front" he tells me. The car is waiting for us and we get in. As Sidney pulls away, I turn to him and say "ok, now tell me what happened out front." He sighs and continues driving. "At first, it was fine. I was talking to the fans, signing stuff and taking a few pictures. One of the girls must have seen my ring and she screamed, literally screamed, and said 'are you married?" There was absolute silence for a moment and then all hell broke loose. I …" I don't hear the rest because my stomach gets weird again. Oh no "Sidney pull over" he doesn't but says "what?" Oh no "Sidney seriously you have to pull over right here and right now!" He pulls onto the shoulder of the road and I'm already opening the door before the car is stopped. I barely make it to the bush before I lose my fettuccini. Shortly after I start puking, Sidney is beside me with a hand on my back and the other one holding my hair. Later I know I'll think about how sweet he is but right now I'm too busy heaving everything that went into my stomach today. Two things cross my mind right now. First, I think my morning sickness might be evening sickness. Second, that fettuccini is not pleasant in reverse. Ug.


	152. Chapter 152

"How are you doing babe?" Sidney walks into the bedroom with a bottle of water. I'm lying on the bed curled up on my side. "I'm feeling better." I don't know how I can still feel nauseous when there is nothing left in my stomach but I do. "I'm ok but still a little nauseous." He gently gets on the bed and lies beside me with the bottle of water. I take it and sip a little. "Poor baby" he lightly brushes the hair from my brow. "I guess it isn't just going to be morning sickness, huh?" I chuckle softly and say "no. Our little peanut seems to have other ideas." I take another small sip of water and then sit up. Sidney does too. "Are you ok?" he asks me. I sigh "Sidney, I love you with all of my heart and you are the most attentive man. How many men would hold my hair back while I puked? But, this is going to be a very long pregnancy if you are asking me if I'm ok every two minutes." He chuckles and says "ok. I get it." He leans in to kiss me and I stop him. "Oh, I haven't brushed my teeth yet. You don't want to do that … give me a minute." I get up and some of the nausea has gone. At least that didn't last too long. Once in the bathroom, I look at myself and I'm a little pale. Great, ug, well at least I can do something about this breath. I start brushing my teeth and can't help but gag a bit. Oh God, I get to the toilet just in time for the small amount of water I've swallowed to come up. What the fuck? I'm puking from brushing my teeth. This is crazy. How am I ever going to have clean teeth?

When I'm done, I sit beside the toilet and Sidney is there with a damp washcloth. He wipes my face with it and I give him a weak smile. "Thank you." He sits beside me and pulls me into his arms. "How am I going to have clean teeth if I puke every time I brush them?" I can't say why this upsets me so much but I'm close to tears. Sidney strokes my hair and says "We can ask that doctor about that but how about mouth wash for now? At least it will get rid of the nasty taste." Hmm, that's a good idea. He stands and then helps me up too. We go to the sink and he gets out the mouth wash for me. I use it and it does make me feel better. With a clean mouth, I stand on my toes and give Sidney a proper kiss. Right as we're getting into it I think "shit! Mouthwash has alcohol in it. Oh God! All the wine from the wedding and honeymoon then mouthwash." Sidney takes my face in his hands and says "stop it. It's fine. Tomorrow we'll call the doctor and ask about the brushing and puking. I'm sure he's seen it before and can help." He's right of course. I finish cleaning up in the bathroom and then we both get changed for bed. He turns on ESPN and I curl up with my iPad. I'm sure there has to be something I can Google about this new 'symptom.'

A few minutes later I do find a reputable site and some information. "It's actually not uncommon for pregnant women to have a sensitive gag reflex that can be triggered by brushing your teeth." I look at Sidney to see if he's listening to me and he's looking at me with a smirk on his face. Confused, I ask "what's that look for?" Now he just tilts his head at me. Oh God "Crosby, seriously? I'm looking up why I puke when I put a tooth brush in my mouth and you're thinking about your dick?! No, you won't be getting a blow job for nine months if my gag reflex is this sensitive. Get used to it!" The look on his face is absolutely priceless. I take a picture of him with my iPad and it's perfect. I can't help but laugh and very soon I'm snorting and can't control myself. It's so funny. Eventually I do pull myself together and he's back watching TV. Good grief, I think he's actually sulking. "Babe, I'm sorry but this kid must be conspiring against you. Hmmm, maybe you did poke him the last time we had sex." He just ignores me because I've started laughing again. This is way too much fun. I roll over so that I'm right beside Sidney and lean in close. "Maybe not only did peanut feel you but he heard you too. Maybe this is his way to say 'stay away from my mommy?' I don't know Sidney. You better be careful or else you may really upset our poor little peanut." Sidney looks over at me and suddenly his hand is on my face and he's pushing me back to my pillow and my side of the bed.

I try to hold back the laughter this time and I go back to my iPad. I notice that Taylor is messaging me.

'Hey Ang, how are you?'

'I'm good … started puking though, yuck'

' Double yuck, did Sid take care of you'

'Yeah Tay, he was great. How are you?'

'Good, school already sucks but practice has been good. I may be number one this year for starts.'

'Wow Tay, that's great.'

'Oh, sorry Ang, gotta go, say hi to Sid, bye'

'Bye Tay'

"Your sister says hi" I tell Sidney. "She thinks that she may start this year." Sidney looks over with a smile. "Wow, that's great. She's got to be so excited." I smile too. I love seeing how proud he is of Taylor. He loves her so much. "Yeah, she's really excited. Change of subject; did you get hold of some of the guys? What are the plans for working out?" He puts the TV on mute. "We've decided to keep the scheduled time at Southpointe. We'll practice together for an hour or two four days a week. It's not the same as playing but we'll get on the ice together." I nod knowing that this is not what he wants but it's better to be on the ice like this than not be on the ice. That makes me think "before they formally announce the lockout, do you want to have a party? We never talked about what we want to do about a wedding reception or party with our friends here." He thinks about it and then frowns. "Why do you say to do it before the lockout is official?" He's so smart sometimes but, then there are the other times, when he is such a man. "Sidney, I've never been through a labour lockout but I'd assume that you can't or shouldn't talk to the staff including the coaches." I see surprise, agreement and then sadness wash across his face. "Yeah, I guess that's right. I only thought about Mario when I thought about the lockout. I never even thought about the coaches, trainers and the rest. Do you think we could pull a party together for this Friday? The CBA dies on Saturday, or Sunday at midnight more accurately." I laugh now. "Sidney, we pulled off a wedding in three weeks. I think we can pull of a party." He shakes his head and asks "how soon can Mariah get here?" I smile and say 'oh, I wasn't thinking of Mariah for this one since we have Nathalie here but imagine what the two of them can do together?" I think Sidney visibly shudders at the thought. "Sidney, I don't even know if Ri can come. She's started working again so she's super busy. Nathalie will be a huge help and we'll whip this party into shape before you know it. Find out where all of your guys are and tell them to get to Pittsburgh for a big bash on Friday."

Sidney has grabbed his phone before I can finish my sentence. I look at the clock and then text Nathalie. 'Can I call or is it too late, no emergency' and then my phone is ringing.

"Hi Ang, how are you feeling?"

I laugh "good, except already sick of people asking me that?"

"Oh honey, you are in for a long pregnancy if it's already driving you crazy."

"Nat, I'm calling because Sidney and I are going to have a party this Friday as a kind of wedding reception for our friends here in Pittsburgh."

"This Friday? Why so quick? I guess I need to stop asking that since your wedding had three weeks' notice."

"Actually, the CBA expires the next day and there's going to be a lockout. This way we can celebrate with all of our friends before we all have to choose sides."

She sighs "yeah, it's a shame that you have to think that way. Ok, come to my place for lunch tomorrow. I'll have my best party planner here and we can get this whipped into shape."

I knew that she would help. I thank her and hang up just as Sidney closes his phone … we really need to get him a new cell phone. "Ok, Nathalie is in full party planning mode. I'm having lunch there tomorrow and we're going to plan it all. She'll have her party planner there too so that we can set him on his way. One thing that you and I need to talk about is where we're having it. We could take over a restaurant or, and I think you might prefer this, we could ask Mario and Nathalie to host it. Since our house isn't nearly ready, this might be the only option if you don't want a restaurant." He's staring at the muted TV and I know he's thinking more than watching. He's quiet for a while and I think I know what his thinking over. "Sidney, if there are no other considerations, would you want it at home or at a restaurant? Quick, which one?" He quickly says "at home." As if I didn't know that was what he'd want? "Ok, then don't worry that we could be intruding on the Lemieuxs. They consider you family and me now too. I bet I won't even have to ask Nathalie. She'll probably ask me to have it there." He purses his lips, wow he's thinking about this hard, and then nods. "Ok, you're right. She'd be pissed if she knew that I thought it might be an imposition." I cuddle up next to him now and sigh as his arms goes around me to pull me closer. "It's going to be a very busy week Sidney but I'm so glad that we're going to have the party. Oh, I can invite my team too." He kisses my forehead and I close my eyes. I'm just about to drift off when I suddenly wake and ask "Sidney, you never told me what happened outside of the restaurant."


	153. Chapter 153

I can't believe that I almost forgot to ask Sidney what happened before dinner. "Sidney, you never told me what happened outside of the restaurant." I pull back and look at him. He sighs and puts the TV back on mute. "Ok, at first it was the same as always, you know, two people stopped me for a picture and then a few more noticed what was going on. I was signing an autograph when one of the girls noticed the ring then asked loudly 'are you married?' That's when the crowd went quiet for a second before all hell broke loose. I tried to turn quickly and head into the restaurant but I walked right into Rob Rossi; you know, the guy from the Trib." I smirk "you mean the ass wipe from the Trib." Sid does chuckle a bit and then replies "yeah, that's him. Anyway, within seconds, he had his iPhone out and started asking questions and recording me." Sidney pauses for a moment and I know he really doesn't want to tell me the rest but he will. "Well, he started asking me questions with that fucking phone right up in my face. It was boring at first and I just kept saying 'no comment' and asked him to let me go by. More and more people were stopping now to see what was going on which added to the heightened atmosphere. I was starting to lose my cool and got pissed off when Rossi wouldn't let me by. I was pushing through when Rossi asked 'what happened Crosby, did you knock her up? Couldn't get away from her then, huh kid?' I saw red then, grabbed his shirt and was in the act of punching him when the valet grabbed me and pulled me into the restaurant."

I sit up completely now and look at Sidney. He looks pissed again but also embarrassed. I know how much he hates it when he loses control and to do it in public too. I take his face in my hands and kiss his lips. "I'm assuming that there are lots of pictures and video of it too." He casts his eyes down when I say that and I know that is what he really hates; not only did he lose control but they also got it on film. Most people will think that it's because he wants to control his image closely and make himself look like a saint. That may be Pat's goal but it's never Sidney's. He honestly doesn't want to hurt anyone, no matter what they've done, and he never gets physical off of the ice with anyone. "Rossi is an ass hat and deserves whatever he gets Sidney. Did you give Pat a heads up?" He nods "yeah, that's what I did before I joined you guys. Angel, when he said that, about us getting married because you were pregnant, it just hit hard. I don't want anyone to think that's why I married you. No one should ever say anything like that about you." I knew it; I just knew that it was because Rossi said something about me. Sidney would let it roll off of him if it was just about him; but, as soon as Rossi brought me into it … Sidney wouldn't let that happen.

"Well, I'm not going to tell you that you should have let it go because you know that you should have and still you would do it all over again the same way. It's one of those 'no win' situations. I guess now we move on and let Pat figure out the spin. What's really bothering you beyond the fact that Rossi is an ass hat?" He chuckles but then is serious again. I wait him out knowing that he needs to collect his thoughts before telling me what he's thinking. He sighs once more and then says "it didn't hit me, until Rossi said that, what people would think when they found out that you're pregnant and that we got married so quickly. Don't say that it doesn't matter because I don't want anyone talking about you in any way. I know that you've done interviews but, now that we're expecting, they need to leave you alone. I'm fair game, I get that, but I won't let anyone talk shit about you and the peanut." My heart breaks for the venom in his voice. "Oh Sidney, this is going to be a very long pregnancy for you if you're going to take all of this on your shoulders. People are going to say things baby. They're going to say a lot of really, really mean things about me. We need to follow the same policy with me and the peanut as you do with yourself. We don't read anything, we stay off the internet and, basically, let Pat worry about it." He won't look me in the eyes so I take his face in my hands again and bring his eyes up to mine. "Sidney, this is natural, you wanting to protect me and the peanut. I would never disrespect you by suggesting that you shouldn't. I get it, I really do baby. I only want you to realize that we're in it together and that it doesn't hurt me. They can say whatever they want. I care what you think about me not silly girls on the internet or anal-retentive reporters." He stares at me for a very long moment. Finally, he sighs again and then says "ok." It's just like him to give a simple one word answer to end such an important and serious conversation. I love him so much.

* * *

How does she know the exact right thing to stay to me? How does she understand what I'm thinking and feeling even better than I do sometimes? She gets that I need to protect her and our baby. I get that she doesn't care what people say about her but I do and always will. I agree leaving it in Pat's hands is the best way to go but that won't prevent me from hating it and doing everything I can to stop it. Pat and I have a meeting this week to talk about this bullshit. I want him to do everything he can to protect Angelia. When it's public, then he'll have to protect our child too, at all costs. "Ok" I tell her. I know we'll be just fine and, if I have to, then guys like Rossi won't last long because I'll have to step in and take him out. I won't hesitate if I need to and I'll do it without a second thought. There is nothing that I won't do for my family; nothing. They will be safe and cared for at all times. We'll have to figure out what to do at games. Being married is going to be ridiculous enough but when they know that she's pregnant no one will leave her alone.

I look at her and I'm astounded at how calm and self-assured she is about this situation. She is positive about how we'll figure it out together. She's so strong. I forget how strong she is sometimes; I guess watching her puke her guts out a few times tonight doesn't help that impression. I am so lucky to have her in my life. "Angel, we'll be fine, I know that we'll be fine. It's going to take some adjustments for us but we'll be ok." She smiles and then snuggles into my arms. I can't help but place my hand softly on her stomach. Our peanut is sleeping in there right now. "What are we going to do about the party? I mean, you can't be drinking wine or anything." I can feel her smile against my chest "we'll figure something out. Nathalie will probably think of something." She's right and I think I'm starting to obsess. This is sometimes what I do when I feel that everything is out of control. I try to control every little detail of everything. While it makes me feel better, I know that it drives everyone around me absolutely crazy. Angelia is great about my, well, neurosis is probably what it's technically called. I call them quirks or routines. She goes with it easily and simply. It's so funny how I've always worried that a woman would find me too weird or even crazy if they knew what I'm really like and how much I need to control everything. Angelia has never had an issue or concern that way. She understands why I need to do what I do. As I look down at Angelia, I can help but thinking that I'm really a lucky man.

When the alarm goes off the next morning, I know that I don't want to get up and Angelia doesn't either. She snuggles deeper under the covers. I turn off the alarm and roll over to spoon her. I gently circle her waist with my arms. "How's your stomach this morning?" I ask her. She turns her head to look at me over her shoulder and arches an eye brow. "Oh come on Angel! I have to be allowed to ask that after you spent most of last night puking!" She just chuckles and lays her head back down on the pillow. "It's ok I guess. Nothing out of the ordinary this morning." I glance at the clock and she doesn't have to be at Nathalie's for over an hour. That definitely gives me an idea. I start by nuzzling her neck and then leaving a trail of light, wet kisses down to her shoulder. As I continue to kiss her neck, I slip my hand down from her stomach until I'm cupping her mound. She's so pliant and warm from sleep. It's not enough, so I slip my hand inside of her panties and cup her again. She pushes into my hand, I love it when she does that, so I slip a finger inside. There's some moisture but we can definitely do better than that so I shift back and pull her until she's beneath me. I try to kiss her lips and she puts her hand on my mouth. "Ok, seriously, we both need a moment to be minty fresh before this goes any further." I laugh and, after smelling her breath and mine, know that she's right. That gives me another idea though "they why don't we take this into the bathroom, have a brush and then into the shower?" She laughs and then we're in a race to the bathroom. I'm closer, so I win of course. We each grab our brush and take care of business. My dick is already getting hard thinking about her soft, wet skin against mine.

"Oh God" she cries and then rushes to the toilet. I drop my brush and meet her there. Holding back her hair, I wait her out. The poor thing, there can't be anything left in her stomach after last night, and then she flops against the wall beside the toilet. I get a damp cloth and a glass of water. She takes a few small sips of water while I wipe at her face. "Ok, first thing on the list is finding an alternative to brushing teeth." She says as she looks at me with a weak smile. I lean in and kiss her forehead. "We'll figure it out. When the doctor's office opens then we can call. Until then, I'll call Nathalie and tell her that you won't be over." Angelia looks at me weird and asks "why wouldn't I be going over to Nathalie's?" Now I'm confused because she just spent five minutes trying to puke up her stomach lining. Why isn't she going back to bed? I try to be more diplomatic by saying "are you feeling well enough to go?" She slowly stands up and replies "I'm fine to go Crosby. Just don't ask me to brush my teeth again." I chuckle, then pray that it's ok to do so, and she does too thank God. She looks serious for a moment and asks "do you really think it's ok if I use some mouthwash? I can rinse my mouth with water afterward too." I brush my fingertips over her cheek. "I'm sure it's ok, at least just for last night and now. Then we can ask the doctor that too." She looks relieved and goes over to the sink. After rinsing, she turns back to me and, on her tip toes, stops her lips a fraction from mine "ok, I'm minty fresh again." I laugh and she kisses me softly. "But as for the shower, it's just for washing this morning sweetie. I may be minty fresh but puking sure does spoil the mood." Great, I wish she'd convince my dick of that!


	154. Chapter 154

Nathalie was a bundle of energy. She made me a smoothie when she heard that I was nauseous and said that it was the only thing that she could keep down in the mornings for all of her pregnancies. I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't something so yummy. It was really good and settled my stomach. When I was sitting in a comfy chair with the party planner on the sofa beside me, Nathalie took over and I was entirely grateful. When the planner asked where we were having the party, as expected, Nathalie said that she'd be honoured if we'd have it at their house. That decided, we were on our way to planning a great party. I was able to stay comfy in the chair with my smoothie and simply answer questions. Yes we wanted food but no sit down dinner. Yes we wanted music but use a dj rather than a band. It went on like that and it was fun. The planner was upset that we didn't do formal invitations – even with one week's notice, the guests should be formally invited – but one look from Nathalie had her moving on quickly from that point. Sidney was telling the guys at practice today and will be calling the coaches, trainers etc. after the practice. I'm taking care of the university and thankfully I haven't met any of the other professors yet or else I'd have to invite them too. I do need to discuss the Chancellor with Sidney. I don't want to invite him, I barely know the man, but I also don't want to be rude. Actually, I'm concerned that the Chancellor might turn the event into a way to pump millionaires for donations to the university. Oh well, we'll see what Sidney thinks.

When we're done, Nathalie makes us some tea and we sit down to chat. "Are you having any other symptoms besides nausea?" she asks me. "No" I respond. "I got sick after dinner last night and then after brushing my teeth both last night and this morning. Isn't that weird?" Nathalie shrugs "I've never heard of it but that doesn't mean that it's weird." I love that I can talk to another woman about this that's been through it. "We've only known for four days now and I worry about everything. The mouthwash has alcohol in it so am I damaging the baby? I've been reading everything and everyone seems to contradict each other. There's a Mass Gen study that contradicts the Cambridge study. How do you know what's best for you and baby?" I know I'm getting a little hysterical but I'm so confused and so frustrated. Usually, when I don't know something, I research, apply critical thinking and then act. With this, I have no idea what to act on. Oh, and then I remember what happened last night. "Nat, you aren't going to believe what happened last night too. It was crazy. Sidney almost killed Rossi!" Then I'm off again describing the situation that happened outside of the restaurant. When I've finally got it all out, Nathalie gets up and moves beside me. With her hand on my arm she says "breathe Ang, just breathe." I take a few deep breaths and calm down.

When I'm calm again, Nathalie sits back and takes a sip of her tea. She turns back to me and says "ok, let's take this one at a time. First, talk to the doctor about the nausea. There are safe things that you can take now and he can make suggestions for you. Every woman is different. For me, I would always be eating a plain, no salt cracker. There are a few brands out there. I ate one every ten or fifteen minutes. They were beside the bed, in the car, in the bathroom even; if I kept something in my stomach at all times then I was much less nauseous. Next, yes, there are a million studies and so many of them contradict each other. You think this is hard, wait until you have the kid and try to figure out how to raise him or her. There are even more books and studies. Listen to your doctor and, although it's counterintuitive, try to read the least amount as possible. I have a really good book that I'll give you before you leave. It tells you what's going on at different stages of development and what to expect for changes in your body. It will give you some common sense stuff about eating and exercise. Basically, eat from all the food groups, if you exercised before then keep doing it and do things in moderation. Other than that, you are a healthy young woman and you will continue to be. You only need to worry if something abnormal happens. Which, since you're young and healthy, it most likely won't. Ok?"

I know that I have tears in my eyes. I'm grateful for Nathalie but I miss my mom so much right now. Nathalie pats my hand again. "Now, about that Rossi business, don't tell Mario, but I wish Sid had hit him. He deserves it; but, for you and Sid, I'm glad that he didn't. It would get really messy. I bet Pat's going crazy with all of the requests for comments and interviews about your wedding. I've even had a couple of my friends' text me this morning to ask if it's true. They all secretly hoped they could match up their daughters with Sid. I knew as soon as I met you that he was off the market but they were still hopeful. I would follow the same path regarding the press that you have been. The answer about your personal life is no answer and Sid will handle the hockey side of the press. How are you now? Ok?" I think about and yeah, I'm feeling much better. "Thank you so much Nathalie. I do feel a lot better and I'm so grateful for your help. This party is going to be great." We chat a little bit more and then I have to be on my way to the university. I don't start full time until next week but I want to stop by and make sure that the equipment has arrived on time and in good order.

When I get in the car, I look at my phone and there's a text from Sidney. 'Going on ice in a min, I'll call u when I'm done.' I text him back and let him know that I'm on the way to the university. I want to make a couple calls so I use the hands free option in the car. First the doctor and his receptionist says that they can squeeze me in for a chat if I want to come by at the end of the day to talk. I wasn't expecting that but took the opportunity. I think Sidney's free too. This will give us both an opportunity to ask our questions. I really need to figure out this teeth brushing thing. I can't be the only woman in the world who has this experience. I need clean teeth and really don't want to be puking every morning and night; yuck!

It's nice to get my own parking spot near the building. I don't have too far to walk to my building and my lab. I text Sidney about the doctor's appointment and ask him to meet me at the university. Gemma is in the lab alone when I get there. She's currently yelling at someone through her cell phone. "I don't care that you have misplaced the paperwork. We need that computer equipment here, this week or else we're going to get them somewhere else and we don't care if you ever find the paperwork!" She's quiet for a few seconds then says "fine. You have two hours to find out what's going on before we cancel the order and I'll spend all that money somewhere else!" She hangs up and yells "Arggggg!" I can't help it so I say "catching flies with honey again are you?" She whirls around and then laughs when she sees that it's me. "Tell me Ang, how do you lose $50,000 worth of computer equipment? They've lost it. No idea where it is and can't even find the paperwork! Imbeciles! They're going to try and find it. That doesn't help us now, does it?" I put my things down and sit beside her. "That's the components we've ordered, right?" She nods and I realize why she's so pissed off. This equipment is not only going to help in my research but will also help her with her thesis. It's a double loss. "Gemma, if they don't find it in two hours, what are you going to do?" There aren't exactly a lot of companies that make the equipment that we need. She replies "probably just yell at them some more but they don't need to know that." We both laugh.

I look around and see that a couple of the computers are set up. They've also set up the meeting area and their 'lounge' area. At MIT, we made sure that we had a comfy area where we could sit and talk, or more often take a nap, that wasn't a meeting table. The table and formal area is needed but sometimes we want to brainstorm or talk through things and comfy helps. We also had the white boards installed. That's another thing we brought from MIT; every wall that isn't a window is now a white board and can be written on. We are always getting up to draw out an equation or even to doodle. We ran out of white board space once and ending up writing on the wall in permanent marker. That's when the university gave in and installed the white boards. I heard that Microsoft had that in all of their meeting rooms so I asked the school for them. Now we can't work without them. "Where are Donna and Richard?" She looked around as if just noticing that they are gone. "Oh yeah, they went to check out the campus. You know they hate to hear me yell at people. Of course they don't want me to stop, they want the equipment, but they don't want to hear it either."

I look around and notice that we have more boxes to unpack. No time like the present I guess. "Let's get to the rest of those boxes." I tell her and roll up my sleeves. We unpack box after box with books and supplies. I lose track of time until I hear "what are you doing lifting that heavy stuff?" I turn around at Sidney's voice and see him rushing to me to take the box from me. Thankfully, Gemma stepped out to get us some water. Oh yeah, I still need to order the fridge. "Sidney, seriously, two things are wrong with that. First, I lifted this before I was pregnant so it's ok that I do it now. I don't need to stop doing things I used to do. Second, what if Gemma or the other guys were here and heard you? Be careful, ok?" Still holding the box he took from me, Sidney smiles and says "ok, but we're asking the doctor about the lifting stuff. I still don't think that it's a good idea." He leans in and kisses me. His hair is still damp from his shower after practice. I love how it's getting longer and curling a little bit at his neck. "Ok, you guys are married now. Isn't the romance supposed to end?" It's Gemma of course and she's being cheeky again too. "It will never end G. Our life will always be a honeymoon!" She laughs as looks Sidney up and down. He turns red of course and I just laugh. "I guess if my husband looked like that then I'd feel the same way." We both laugh and Sidney walks away with the box. When Gemma is beside me, she whispers "and he's even better walking away." I take the bottle of water from her and can't help but admire Sidney's backside in his jeans. Yeah, I have to agree with her. He does look mighty fine walking away.

I shake myself out of it and look around. The place looks like a bomb went off but everything is unpacked. Now it needs to be organized and put away. That is actually the easier part and I'm going to leave my team to it. They will argue and fight about the organizing and I don't care that much. As long as it's away and tidy, what do I care where the markers are kept? I catch Sidney looking at his watch and glance at mine. We need to leave for the doctor's appointment. We say goodbye to Gemma and head out of the building. "Where did you park?" I ask Sidney. "I got a ride here by James. He was coming downtown and this way we only have one car here." I hand him my keys and we walk to my car. As we drive to the doctors, Sidney asks about the meeting with the party planner. "It went really well. We don't have to do anything. Oh, you were right, Nathalie wants to have it at their house so it's set. The planner wasn't happy that we weren't sending out 'real' invitations but when she expressed her displeasure then Nat cut her off. She could give Ri a run for her money in managing party planners. I've gone with passed bite size food and a buffet. The buffet will have more substantial stuff, yes there will be red meat for you, and the passed food will be more typical cocktail type stuff. Yes, before you ask me, they are doing the little lamb chops." He chuckles and says "you know me so well."

"Oh" I say "did you talk to Pat? Any fall out about the thing last night?" I see his lips purse and know he's pissed. Oh oh, there was fall out. "Pat says that he's heard grumblings about Rossi suing me but it's a non-starter since I didn't actually touch him. There is video and pictures circling the internet but the Pens and Pat are giving the standard 'no comment' about everything. Pat thinks we should release a picture from the wedding or we could have a friend post it by 'accident' to stop or at least stem the questions." I know he doesn't like the idea but I can see the merit. "How about we let my sister post something on her website? She could put it on her blog wishing us congratulations?" He thinks about it for a minute and says "yeah, that might work. Not from Pat or the Pens and definitely not from us. We stay in what I'm calling 'no comment land' but this gets it out there. Ok." I take out my phone and text Ri. She responds right away. "She thinks it's a great idea and is totally willing to do it. Do you have a preference for the picture?" He thinks a minute and says "whatever you choose is fine but it can only be of us. I don't want anyone else being posted." I agree and choose from the couple of pictures that Ri sends me. It's a great one out on the dock, in black and white and we both look incredibly happy. "Ok, she'll have it up on her site within the hour." That should solve that problem.


	155. Chapter 155

I'm worried. No, actually, I'm really fucking worried. I have to leave for New York and Angelia won't come with me. I need to be there for a show of support before the CBA expires and she insists on staying in Pittsburgh. She needs to be in her lab now that it's set up. We're still figuring out the pregnancy thing, it's only been a week since we found out, and she's still feeling crappy. We got the toothbrush thing sort of figured out. We switched to a less strong flavour and that helps but she's still puking a lot. Who knew you'd have to change how you brush your teeth when pregnant? She's also slowed down and been more careful which makes me feel better. I really don't want to leave her and had originally said that I wouldn't go to NYC but then Pat called me and said that I need to be there. I need to be a leader for the players and the media. No guilt of course! Angelia then convinced me that she'd be ok. I'll only be gone over night and she will be fine. Then she hit a low blow: how am I going to play hockey if I can't leave her for one night? She's right of course, and so is Pat, but I have a really bad feeling about leaving; but, here I am, packed and at the door saying goodbye.

I turn around and look at my pregnant wife. Holy shit, three weeks ago I couldn't say either of those words and now I have a pregnant wife. And I'm leaving her in Pittsburgh alone. This must be one of those things that Angelia talked about before we got married. She's the one who's pregnant and I'm walking out the door. I never realized how difficult it would be leaving her. It wasn't easy at the end of last season when I started playing again but it was never this hard. "Are you ok Sidney?" I realize that I've been staring down at her without saying anything for a few minutes now. She looks worried. I reach down and pull her into my arms. I don't want to let go. "Really, baby, are you ok?" She asks again. I turn so that my face is in her neck and I breathe her in. "Yeah, I'm ok. I really don't want to leave you, that's all." Her hand goes to the back of my neck and strokes me there. I know exactly what she's doing and it still calms me. "I'm going to be ok you." She tells me. "I know you will. I really don't want to leave you though." She pulls back and kisses me softly. When she tries to pull away I simply hold her to me. I don't want the kiss to end. Finally I do pull away. "Damn, I'm going to be late for the plane if I don't go now." I kiss her again and then do something I swore I'd never do. I bend down and kiss her stomach and say "you take care of mommy." I hear Angelia laughing behind me as the door shuts.

I drive a little too fast to the airport but do make the gate on time. When I sit down beside Craig, he says "you almost didn't make it." I reply "yeah, sorry. Thanks for letting me tag along." He gives me an incredulous look. We both know that even though he's on the negotiation team, I'm the one the NHLPA brass want there for the media. For me though, it's showing Craig respect. He's our team leader for this and I am tagging along. "Oh yeah, congratulations" Craig says to me. "I hear that you guys got married." I smile and say "thanks. Yeah, we did it back home a couple of weeks ago. You know how it is; you get married in the summer or you wait until the next summer." Craig laughs "yeah. Probably why every hockey player can remember their anniversary; it's either July or August." I laugh too. "You were smart to keep it small." He tells me. I nod and reply "yeah. There were a lot of weddings this year and we didn't want a circus. If we had a larger one anywhere in Canada or Pittsburgh then it would have been a circus. So we had my parents, sister and nanas, Angelia's sister and Mario and Nat. Angelia then surprised me with Talbo and Flower." Craig smiles "sounds like a perfect wedding for you. How does it feel being married?" I think about it for a minute and say "it's great. It feels, I don't know, right I guess. It's like it was always supposed to be this way, you know?" He chuckles and says "yeah, I know. I figured it would be that way for you. When Max was banging every girl that looked his way and tried to get you to be his wingman, for real and not just to distract the friend, I knew that you'd be different. I was like that myself. When I met Anne, it was like I was always waiting for her and then it was just right." I've never heard Craig talk like that about Anne. He always talks about the kids but he doesn't often talk about Anne. It's nice to hear him express exactly how I feel too.

We take off and usually we'd each have earphones on and watch TV or sleep. Neither of us seems to be in the mood for solitude. "This Friday, we're going to have a party. Angelia and I wanted to do something with our friends and family here and especially before the lockout. I hope you and Anne will come." Craig replies "of course." We talk about some of the details and he's excited for us. Of course, we both become somber as we talk about having it before the lockout so that the coaches and trainers can come too. "Do we say it or are we going to ignore it?" Craig asks me. I think about it and reply "I'll say it. We're getting locked out." Craig takes a deep breath and says "yeah, we are." We both know that going to New York is only for the media and to show player solidarity. We're not going to get a last minute deal. They'll meet and they'll try but we are too far apart for there to be a deal without pressure of a lockout or losing a season as gun to their head.

Now we're quiet for a few minutes both feeling the magnitude of the situation. It's so hard to know that we can't play the game we love. We're going to lose so much but, for me at least, this is about fairness. We can't possibly give up as much as they want us to and call it fair. We know that we'll need to move on the HRR issue but to move so much is unthinkable. "How are we going to get them there Addsy?" I don't even realize that I've asked the question out loud until I hear my own voice. "To be honest Sid, I have no idea how we're going to come to an equitable deal when they have such a hard line." He sighs and I know that he's as frustrated as I am. Actually, he's probably more frustrated since he's been involved in negotiations so much and for so long. As much as I know it's happening, I really can't believe that it's going to happen. We're going to get locked out.

* * *

I didn't want to let Sidney know but I didn't want him to leave either. It didn't feel right for him to leave. It actually felt like he was leaving me; so weird. I wasn't able to eat this morning again. I switched toothpaste, like the doctor suggested, to one that isn't very minty. I managed not to puke this morning but I'm very nauseous and puked enough yesterday to count for today too. I really need to get the fixings for the smoothie that Nathalie made me. It went down and stayed down. I think that I'm going to need that for the foreseeable future. I'm concerned about keeping it from Gemma. I don't think Donna or Richard would notice what I'm eating or drinking but Gemma notices everything. It's going to be hard and it's already started. She went to get us coffee and I had to ask for decaf. She looked at me like I had three heads. I told her that I'm eating a lot healthier since I got together with Sidney. I'm glad that I thought about that so quickly. Actually, it's going to come in handy with all of my different food choices.

"Ok, we need to talk about these students you want to take on." Gemma is not fond of taking on undergraduates. She hates that I like to take on second and third year students who want to volunteer and learn more. She calls them puppies and wouldn't even learn their names if I didn't make her do it. "What's your complaint this time Gemma?" She walks over and flops down on the chair beside me. After a deep sigh, she says "the physics program here sucks first of all." I look at her and say "ok, that needs to stop. You're here now and part of this school. Really Gemma, I don't want to hear about it anymore. What's wrong specifically with this group of students?" She sighs again and says "ok, seriously, they are really not at the same calibre of what we're used to and you know that I never even liked what we were used to at MIT." Yeah, I know that's what she's always thought. "We're going to take a few Gemma, so what do you think that we can do with them and BE NICE!" She sits up and I know that she's done complaining and ready to get serious.

"When we get the supercomputer set up then they will be able to do data mining after we've trained them. I think it's time to have Donna get involved in that but not Richard. We don't want Richard talking to anyone really. Sorry Richard" she yells over to him. "Oh, I don't take offence" he yells back. "I don't want to talk to them either." I don't say anything but I think we all agree on that one. Oh oh, I feel my stomach roll. Don't tell me that I can't even keep a coffee down. I dash off to the washroom, I'm so glad that there is one in the lab, and just make it to the toilet in time. Up comes the water and coffee I put down this morning. As usual, I keep heaving and try to ride it out. When I finally stop, I lean back and try to take deep breaths slowly. "Are you ok?" Gemma asks me having followed me in. "Yeah, haven't been feeling well this morning, that's all." I slowly stand up and reach down to flush the toilet. "Oh God!" I can't help but let out. There's blood in the toilet bowl with my puke. "Oh my God!" I say again. "What's wrong Ang?" That's when I remember that I'm not alone but I don't care. All I can think is that there is something wrong with the baby.

I flush the toilet and rush out of the stall. "I have to get to the hospital" I tell her. "What's wrong Ang? You're white as a ghost." I'm shaking and I can't seem to stop. "There was blood when I puked. I need to get to the hospital, now!" Gemma rubs her hands up and down my arms and says "calm down first. A little bit of blood is nothing to freak out about. Simply call your doctor and I'm sure he'll want you to come in but it's not anything to go to the hospital about." I bite my lip and make an instant decision. "Gem, I'm pregnant." I can't help it, I'm crying now. I'm so scared. I can't lose this baby. Oh God, I should have told Sidney not to go to New York. What am I going to do now?


	156. Chapter 156

Tedious is the only way to describe what's happening in this meeting. They're talking and talking but everyone in the room can see that it's disingenuous. The owners are going to lock us out; we all know it. Yet, here we are, in NCY sitting though tedious meetings and all I want to do is be home with my wife. I want to take out my phone and text her but that wouldn't look good and, let's face it, we're all only here because of how it looks. The word 'break' catches my ear and everyone gets up. I look at Addsy beside me and he knows I zoned out, he knows me too well, and tells me "twenty minutes." I thank him and quickly leave the room before someone can grab me to talk. What is there to talk about anyway?

I find a quiet nook and call Angelia. It rings and rings which is odd. She usually answers it or has it turned off so it would go right to voicemail. Just as I'm about to hang up and redial I hear "hello" but it isn't Angelia. "Hi, who is this?" I demand and freak out a little. "Oh Sidney, it's Gemma." I calm down. Wow, I really need to relax more or else it is going to be a very long nine months. "Hey Gemma, is Angelia around?" Gemma must have picked up her phone when it rang. "Um, actually Sidney, we're at the hospital. Ang is ok before you freak out, ok?" Now all I hear is buzzing in my ears. Did she just say that they're at the hospital? "What happened?" I growl into the phone. "Sidney, we were in the bathroom and Angelia threw up some blood. She told me about the baby and we came right to the hospital. They asked her a bunch of questions and took her into a room. They're examining her now and I've been waiting." That buzzing is coming back again but I take a few deep breaths to keep from sheer, uncontrollable panic. Ok, I have control. "Gemma, please go into the examine room and see what is going on. Keep me on the line. I don't care what the doctors say, you go in there and keep me on the line." She pauses and then says "ok."

I wait for what seems like forever. Craig walks up to me and asks "is everything ok Sid?" I take a deep breath and say "no, Angelia is at the hospital. Her friend says that she's ok but I don't know any more so I'm waiting." He simply nods and says "just go Sid. Get to the airport and get on the next plane. I'll tell everyone." For a moment I waiver, I have to be beside Angelia's side but I have responsibilities here and I don't even know what's going on with her. It only takes that small moment "yeah, I'm out of here. Can you bring my bags tomorrow?" I give him my hotel key card, he nods and heads back into the meeting since it's about to start. I start pacing. I can't head down the elevator because I could lose service – should have got a new phone a long time ago – so I wait for Gemma.

I hear "I have her husband on the line and he wants to know what's going on. I know doctor but he's rather insistent." That's when I hear "Sidney?" and I feel myself relax slightly. If she can talk then she's ok. Now I start to worry about the baby. "Sidney?" I hear directly into the phone. Gemma must have given it to her. "Hi baby, what's going on?" I hear her sniffle, she must be so scared right now, and then she says "I puked and there was blood. Gemma brought me right here to the hospital and they took me right away. They're doing an ultrasound of the baby right now. Hang on." I hear more noise now and know that she's put me on speaker. "Can you hear me Sidney?" "Yeah, I can hear you baby." I hear her sniffle a little bit more. "Ok" I hear a man's voice now. "Mrs. Crosby, this is your uterus and right here is your baby. When I look at the heart beat, all of the baby's vitals and yours, everything looks healthy with the pregnancy." I hear Angelia sob and my heart breaks. I know she is relieved but it tears at me that I'm not with her. Fuck!

"Baby, that's a good thing. The baby is ok. How does our peanut look? Is he going to put the skates on before he's two?" I hear her chuckle as I hoped and then the doctor says "Sid? Oh, I didn't put things together. The baby looks fine and healthy. We just need to investigate where the blood is coming from and there are a number of simply and normal reasons." I hear what he's saying but I don't like the unspoken 'but it could be more serious things too.' This confirms my decision. "Baby, I'm going to the airport right now and I'll be home as soon as possible." I hear her sniffle again "Sidney, you really don't have to do that. I'm going to be ok now. I was just so worried about the baby. You stay for your meetings." I know that she really does want me there and I know that I want to be there; so, that's where I'm going. "The meetings aren't more important than you. As soon as I hang up, I'm leaving for the airport and I'll see you soon. Gemma?" I hear some rustling and then "yeah Sid." "Gemma, would you please text me as soon as you know anything. I may be in the air but I still want the texts, ok? I'll especially need to know where I'm going when I land." "Will do Sid." "Sidney" Angelia starts but I cut her off "it's decided babe. I'm on my way, ok? I love you." I hear anther sniff and then "I love you too. See you soon." I hang up and head to the elevator. While I wait, I call Pat and tell him I need a flight immediately from NYC to Pittsburgh. He can charter something if he needs to but I need to leave within the hour. He doesn't ask questions, he knows it's important since it's the first time I've ever asked for something like this, and I hang up. I have to call back when I get into the cab. I don't know which airport to go to. Pat tells me to go to LaGuardia because it's the closest to my location and he has the most opportunity to get a charter if he needs to hire one.

I tell the driver and he's on his way. It's rush hour of course; although when isn't it rush hour here. I text Angelia's phone because I can't wait anymore but get one back saying "no news G." It's killing me not to be there. How does Duper do it? How is he away from the kids and Carole-Lyn without knowing everything that's going on with them? I close my eyes and take some deep breaths. I'm spinning out of control now and it's not useful to anyone. The phone rings and I snap it up. It's Pat "hey Sid. There's only one flight to Pitt tonight and it's in three hours. Before you start, I got you a charter and it will be ready when you get there. Go to the airport concierge and they'll know where to send you. Don't even ask me what this is going to cost you because you don't want to know. Now will you tell me what's going on? I'm scared shitless for you." I wasn't thinking how worried Pat would be. "I'm sorry Pat. I should have thought about that; I'm too wrapped up in myself right now. Angelia is at the hospital. She was vomiting blood and they don't know why. It's freaked me out so I'm heading home right away." He sighs and says "ok, well, not ok but you know what I mean. Everything is set for you and there will be a car at the airport in Pitt. Tell him where to take you. Please let me know how she's doing, ok?" I thank him and we arrive at the airport. I have no idea how much I tip the driver but he thanks me and calls me sir so it must have been a bundle. He's lucky I remembered to pay him.

I find the concierge and they say "yes, right this way Mr. Crosby." I'm taken through hallways and down a tunnel until we're out beside planes. Wow, we didn't even need to go through security. What the hell did Pat have to pull to get this done? Maybe I don't want to ask. I'm led to the charter and it reminds me of the small planes used to island hop out east. I settle into a seat and the pilot comes out. "Mr. Crosby, I'm Captain Steeves and we'll be underway shortly. I understand that you are in a hurry to get home so I've filed a flight plan that will get us there in just under an hour." I thank him and he goes back to the cockpit. Wow, under an hour. I really don't want to know what Pat did because it takes at least ninety minutes usually to fly from NYC to Pitt.

I check my phone one last time and there's nothing. I send a text that I'm taking off and then turn it off. I should have thought ahead because I realize that I have nothing to read, nothing to do and no one to talk to while on the plane. Fuck, this is going to be a very long flight. I watch out the window, what else can I do, as we climb through the clouds and then level off. I'm surprised when another man comes from the cockpit and introduces himself. "I'm the co-pilot. We aren't staffed for service but I wanted to let you know that there are refreshments in this cabinet here. If you open this" and he does "here is a TV with movies and television shows. There are also magazines and video games." I thank him and he goes back to the cockpit. I'm so happy that there is something to do and it doesn't take me long to get immersed in a Homeland episode.

Thankfully, it passes the time quickly because the next thing I hear is "Mr. Crosby, please fasten your seatbelt, we are landing." I turn everything off and return to my seat. Sure enough we do land quickly and just under an hour as promised. We taxi to the jet way, I turn on my phone and, once stopped, the co-pilot comes back to open the door. It takes a few minutes for the stairs to set up and then with a 'thank you' I'm off the plane. My phone has updated and I have a text saying 'still at hospital, doing tests, she's ok.' If she was ok then why would they be doing tests? They did tell me the hospital so I tell the driver "UPMC Hospital downtown please." He nods and we drive off. I call Angelia's phone and Gemma answers "Hi Sid. They have her in for some tests. They are going to look at her throat and all the way down to her stomach. That should tell us something and then they'll figure it out after that." I sigh because it sounds much more benign than I was thinking it could be. "Ok, I'm about twenty minutes away. Are you still in emergency?" She confirms that they are and we hang up. The flight might have passed by quickly but the drive to the hospital is interminably long. I want to scream at the traffic to move out of our way but that won't solve anything of course.

Finally, the driver pulls up at the emergency door and I'm out before he can open my door. I turn back because I probably need to pay or sign something. The driver says "it's all taken care of Mr. Crosby, go right on ahead." I thank him and head into emergency. There are so many people everywhere. I don't know who to ask or where to go then I hear "over here" and I turn to see Gemma. She takes my arm and pulls me through some doors until we're into a quiet hallway. "You were getting recognized so I didn't want to call out your name" she tells me. Oh yeah, I didn't think about that. The only thing on my mind is "where is she?" I follow Gemma down a few halls and for the life of me I wouldn't be able to find my way back out. We walk to a room and I see my Angel laying there in a bed. "Baby" I say softly and she turns towards me. My poor girl has definitely been crying.


	157. Chapter 157

"Baby" I hear from the door way. I turn over, see Sidney and burst into tears. He rushes to my side and takes me in his arms. I can't help myself and I'm sobbing in his arms uncontrollably. He sits beside and pulls me onto his lap. I find comfort there as he strokes my hair and places soft kisses along my forehead and cheek. He brushes away my tears and tilts my face up to his when I've stopped sobbing. I know I must be a mess – what a time to think of that – but all I see are love and concern in Sidney's eyes. "I need a tissue" I squeak out. Sidney chuckles softly and grabs the box for me. I stay in his arms while I mop myself up. There is nowhere I would rather be right now than in his arms. When I'm dry again, I cuddle back into his arms and put my head in his crook. Mmmm, it's still my favourite place to be. I take in the smell of him and I know that I'm home and loved. It centres me and feels immensely better. "Thank you for coming home." I tell him. He kisses my forehead again and says "where else would I be?" I settle, finally no longer feeling terrified. Even seeing the ultrasound didn't calm me completely but Sidney always manages to do it.

"Mrs. Crosby?" I look up as the doctor comes in. He notices Sidney and says "oh, Sid, hi" awkwardly. Yep, he must be a Penguins fan and doesn't know how to act in front of Sidney. It takes a minute but he becomes all 'doctor' again. "It's good you're here too. We used a scope to look down your throat all the way to your stomach. You do not have an ulcer, I know you were concerned about that, but we did find the source of the blood. As you told us, you've been doing a lot of vomiting the past week and that has put strain on your esophagus and throat. Basically, they have been rubbed raw with your vomiting. This happens often with pregnant women to different degrees. For right now, you can go home assured that you and the baby are just fine. Call your doctor and schedule an appointment so that you can get some relief with the vomiting and heal your throat. You also want to make sure you are getting enough nutrients for you and the baby; but, I'm not worried and this is not an emergency. You're going to be fine Mrs. Crosby." He looks concerned because I'm crying again but I can't speak. I'm so happy that everything is ok. Sidney looks at me and then hugs me to him. "These are happy tears doctor. She's just fine, thank you." The doctor says that he's releasing us and a nurse will be in with the paperwork so I can get dressed.

We leave the hospital in no time and head out a side door where Gemma left the car. Sidney drives back to the university. "Thank you so much Gemma. Angelia is so lucky to have you and I really appreciate you thinking fast and keeping me updated." Gemma pats my arm from the back seat and replies "now that I know there is a bun to take care of, I'll be even more vigilant." Sidney and I exchange looks and I turn so that I can look at Gemma. "G, I'm sorry to ask, but would you keep this quiet please? We want to wait until we're out of the first trimester before we tell anyone. The more people that know the more likely the press will find out." I watch her eyes widen and then she says "wow, you really have to worry about that too? That sucks for you guys. You can't just be blissfully happy like you should. Well, don't worry about me. I'm deaf, dumb and mute on this one." I smile knowing that she can be counted on. We pull into the parking lot at the university beside her car and I turn to give her a hug which she returns with gusto. When she gets out of the car, Sidney follows her. I don't hear what they're saying but I see Gemma's eyes get wet and she hugs Sidney with even more vigor than she did me. When we're driving off, I ask Sidney "what was that about?" He keeps driving but takes my hand with his and says "I thanked her for taking care of my Angel and our peanut." Awe, now my eyes are getting wet. He is the most wonderful man in the world. "It would have been ok if you had to stay in NYC but I am so glad that you came home. I guess you won't always be able to so I wanted to tough it out this time." Sidney is quiet for a very long few minutes and then he says "yeah. I guess I won't always be here when I'm needed and that's kicking me in the teeth right now. I never truly understood what you meant when you talked about being a single mom sometimes until I was so far away when you needed me. This time I was able to leave, so I did; but, the next time I may not be able to drop everything. I am happy to know that Gemma's good in a crisis." My heart aches a little for him. This is a hard realization for him. Yeah, he's going to miss things, and he realized that, but he didn't realize that he'll be missed when he's needed too. It's not just missing birthdays or school plays.

"Enough of that" he says as we pull into the driveway. "Tonight I'm going to pamper you. Tell me what you want to eat and I'll, well, I'll order it." I chuckle at him. He's so lousy in the kitchen. "We'll install you on the sofa and you can even have control of the remote. When you're ready for bed, we'll take you upstairs for a bubble bath and then slip you into bed. Tonight you floss but no brushing. You must keep tonight's food down, dirty teeth be damned!" Hmmm, I'm finding this take control Sidney very sexy at the moment and I'm definitely not thinking about my teeth. We pull into the garage and Sidney quickly comes around and pulls me out of the car to carry me into the house. "I can walk Sidney" but he quickly says "nope. Your wish is my command tonight." I encircle his neck and enjoy the ride. As promised, I'm installed on the sofa propped up by pillows, with a blanket over me and the remote control in my hand. "So, what would you like to eat?" I think about all of the places we order from and nothing appeals to me. Oh, I know "Sidney, I really want some scrambled eggs and toast." He looks terrified for a moment and then visible stands straight up. "Ok, I can do that. Scrambled eggs and toast coming up." He looks so determined as if he's a soldier going off to war. When I think about what the kitchen will look like when he's done then I know the war analogy is accurate. He's made breakfast before so the eggs shouldn't be too difficult to make edible.

Truth be told, we both know that I'm fine and could very well make dinner for us both easily; however, I think we both need this time together and for Sidney to take care of me. He needs to feel useful when he feels things are out of his control. I need to have him feel useful because it makes him happy which makes me happy. Besides, who wouldn't want their man pampering them even a little bit? Oops, spoke too soon. There goes the smoke detector and I smell the smoke too. He must have burned the toast. "FUCK!" is all I hear from the kitchen. "Everything ok Sidney?" "Yeah, yeah, I got it. You stay there." I chuckle happy to poke a little fun at him but not too much. The poor guy is trying. The next five minutes is enlightening: I smell more smoke and then hear the garbarator; there was a crash that I hope wasn't our new dishes; and finally Sidney cursing a blue streak and then running the water while he continued to curse. I suspect he burnt himself. Although I couldn't even see what was going on, I consider this dinner and a show.

Eventually, Sidney comes in the living room with a tray. There is a plate with scrambled eggs and toast with the toast cut into tiny squares. He also made me a fruit plate with the cheese I love. Oh, and a large glass of orange juice. "Oh Sidney, it looks delicious. You really spoil me. Where's yours?" He jogs to the kitchen and gets his plate. It looks like he's eating his own rejects but he doesn't care. This guy eats just about anything and a whole lot of it. I taste the eggs and they're a little over cooked but edible. He did better with the toast. It's toasted but not too dark. The fruit is wonderful too. "How come you're not eating the cheese? It's your favourite, right?" I was hoping he wouldn't notice. He looks so damn proud that he got all my favourites. "Yes, it is my favourite but it's also unpasteurized and it isn't good for the baby." Sidney's face frowns and he looks disappointed. Then he tilts his head and looks at me. "Should I have known that?" he asks. He so incredibly cute and I respond "not yet I don't think. I just started reading the books and began with the food dos and don'ts. When I know things then I'll tell you." He looks happier now and so proud of what he's down. I want to pat his head or rub his tummy. Of course looking at his stomach gives me other ideas. "Ok, time for bed" he tells me. He must be reading my mind. He takes all of the dishes into the kitchen and then comes back for me. "Oh Sidney, what does the kitchen look like?" He shakes his head and says "forget about it. I'll clean it up later before you're even awake." I don't believe him for a second but I go with it for now.

As he told me he would, Sidney swoops me up in his arms and carries me upstairs to the washroom. Placing me carefully on the counter, he turns to tub and begins filling it up. Liberally, he uses the bath bomb and then turns back to me. Slowly he unbuttons and unzips my clothes. I love the feeling of his fingers lightly, softly brushing my skin. I pull him toward me and kiss his lips. "I want you to join me in the tub." He smiles and helps me off the counter. I slip my last remaining clothes, my panties, down my legs while Sidney removes his clothes. While he's slipping his pants down, I move behind him and wrap my arms around his back. Of course I have to lick and kiss his expansive shoulders and back. There is so much skin there to taste. He pulls me in front of him and kisses me deeply. Mmmm, this is exactly what mommy needed; some time with the daddy. We walk to the tub and Sidney gets in first then helps me in and I settle in front of him and lean back. The water is scalding hot, the way we both like it, and the bath bomb has made is even slipperier. I run my hands up and down Sidney's thighs which are both massive and like granite. I can feel him grow under me as I do. Not to be left out, Sidney's hands begin on my stomach and over my sex but they go north rather than south. He slides his hands up under my breasts and tests the weight of them. "I think they're getting bigger" I tell him. He chuckles and replies "I know" like he's a boy with a new toy. It's always been a toss-up whether he's an ass or breast man. Lightly his fingers make small circles around the breast and then firmer on the nipples. "Ow!" I cry out and Sidney immediately moves his hands. "What's wrong, what happened?" he asks. I reach my breasts myself and I notice that they are fuller but they are also painful. "Ow, they really hurt." Sidney shifts slightly so that he can see my face. "Your breasts hurt?" he asks incredulously. I look up at him with an apologetic look and say "yeah, I'm afraid so babe." Awe, poor Sidney looks disappointed. Guess he thought he had a fun-filled, larger toy and now he has nothing. He can look but he can't touch. He leans back in the water and pulls me with him. 'I guess they're only for looking at now, huh?" He sounds so sad, it's hilarious and adorable. "I hear it goes away in a few months but, yeah, please don't touch. They are really quite sore." "A few months!? Ok, I guess." I look back at his face and he's actually pouting. He's pouting over not being able to touch my boobs; hilarious!


	158. Chapter 158

"I'm sorry" I say for the hundredth time. We're in bed now and I know he has a raging hard on but I really don't want him to touch me. I'm slightly nauseous and my breasts still hurt so it isn't really a sexy time for me. "It's fine" he tells me and turns ESPN on. I know it's not my fault and it's not his fault but sex has always been such a huge part of our relationship. It feels really weird for us to both want it but not do it; hmmm, although maybe I can do something for him at least. I finish applying cream over my body and slide into bed beside him. His arm comes out naturally for me to slip under. I snuggle in with my head and hand on his chest and my leg over his. It's a perfect position for what I have in mind. I make slow circles over his chest. My fingertips are lightly grazing over his tee shirt. He's still focused on the TV so I slip my hand under his shirt so that I can touch the muscles of his stomach and then chest. His skin is so warm and so smooth. Now I have his attention. "What are you doing?" he asks me. I look up at him, smile and kiss the corner of his mouth. My hand slips lower now and I rub him over his shorts. "Seriously, Angel, you don't have to do this you know." I just smile up at him but now my hand closes over him through his shorts. He bites his lip which makes me so hot, his lips always do, so I continue stroking him but take that lip in my mouth myself and bite down. As I keep stroking with my hand, I use my tongue to sooth his lip and then I suck it into my mouth.

I want better access to him so I slide onto his lap and pull him out of his shorts. This way, facing him, I can stroke him and take his gorgeous mouth too. I stroke him a little faster now and slip my tongue in his mouth at the same time. I know he's dying to touch me but my body seems to be betraying me today so I want to make this all about him. I sweep his mouth with my tongue tasting every single recess. I never get enough of this man's taste or smell. I can tell his breathing is shallower and there's lots of pre-cum on the tip. I use it to make my stroking more slippery. He's getting close, I can feel it, so I reach down with my other hand and massage his balls. I have to pull back from him to do this and it gives me an incredible view as I watch my man have his orgasm. His mouth is open, his eyes shut and his head goes back. His fingers are on my thighs and they tighten. I can feel his whole body tighten in front of me. I increase speed and pressure and see the exact moment he lets go. There is a big smile on his face now and his whole body goes taut for few seconds and then just collapses.

I look down and I'm a bit of a mess since I forgot to control the squirts. It's on me, it's on him and I definitely need to wash my hands. Sidney looks down where I'm looking and we both laugh. "Yeah, I got a little carried away too so it went everywhere." I get up and head into the bathroom. After washing up, I head back into the bedroom and Sidney uses the bathroom. I have just pulled my tee shirt over my head when Sidney comes up behind me. His mouth is in my ear and he asks "can I put my arms around you, over your stomach?" He's so damn cute. "Yes, that's fine." He kisses my ear and down my neck. "I needed that, thank you." He's thanking me for sex. Yeah, he's so damn cute. "You're welcome. I know that there aren't any restrictions on physically what I can do but I just don't feel, that way right now, you know. Between the hospital and the puking, then the incredibly sore boobs, this body doesn't feel like my own. It's like I hit the six week mark and 'boom!' I have a whole new body and it's a rebel." He nuzzles my neck "we'll figure this out just like we figure everything else out. But, I'm not an animal you know. We don't have to do anything if you don't feel like it." I turn around and take his face in my hands "You are so damn cute!" Then I kiss him and he pulls me off the ground then too the bed.

We lie down and watch ESPN together. Actually, Sidney gives me the remote because he promised that I could have control tonight but I know he wants sports so I just leave it. "I'm probably not going to go in tomorrow until about 9 or 10am. I think I'll sleep in a bit after today." I notice that Sidney has tensed up. I look up at him and say "what's up?" He purses his lips, never a good sign, and says "I thought you might take a few days off after what happened today. We need to see the doctor too." Now I'm confused "Sidney, the doctor said that the blood was from vomiting and that's part of pregnancy. We definitely need to see our doctor but why would I stay home?" His lips have almost disappeared now so I sit up beside him waiting for an answer. He turns off the TV and says "it could have been more serious. Work might not be good for you right now. I know we talked about this before but can't your team take over for a while? Gemma looks like she could run that lab single-handily. Maybe the vomiting and everything is the peanut telling you to slow down." I'm quite honestly stunned. Where is this coming from? When did my work become the reason that I'm vomiting. Is this what he really wants, for me to be at home all of the time to take care of him and the baby? I thought we'd worked this all out. I guess not.

"Sidney, we've talked about this quite a bit. You know that I want to work, I need to work, and my team does need me. They came all the way to Pittsburgh to work with me. Besides all of that, none of what's going on is because I'm working. The doctor said so today. I'm puking a lot so my throat and esophagus are raw which causes some blood. I could be at home on my ass all day and the same thing would happen. We'll get that confirmed with our own doctor but, God, you need to take a little dose of reality here." I'm too wound up now so I get up to pace. "Sit down Angelia, you need to rest, especially after today." "Arggggg! The only thing that happened today is that I overreacted to some blood in my puke and got a tube put down my throat for it! That's all that happened today." He gets up too and faces me. "If you stayed home then we would be together. You could rest and I would take care of you if something like this happens again." What the hell is he saying? "Take care of me Sidney. We'll leap over the idea that I need to be taken care of and go right to what if I was at home today when this happened. You weren't here anyway!" The minute I see his face I know that I went too far. That's not what I meant at all. I was trying to say that regardless where I was it would have happened and what happened wasn't a big deal. I guess I was also sort of right. He won't always be here. This is the life we've chosen, I've chosen, and maybe Sidney is just figuring that out.

"Sidney, the way it came out, that's not what I meant." He holds his hand up to me so I stop talking. I don't know if I should apologize or explain myself better. I know he's hurt but I don't know if I'm really the one who did it. Maybe he finally understands what our relationship really looks like and it isn't perfect. He could be away when the baby first walks or talks or dates. Maybe his rose coloured glasses are finally clear but all I can do is watch the pain. He walks over to the bureau and pulls out some work out gear. I walk over to him and he shrugs off my hand on his shoulder. He changes, grabs his track shoes and goes out the bedroom door. A few minutes later I hear the front door slam. He's going for a run. He hates running.

I can't believe she said that. I can't believe we've only been married a few weeks and she's already stopped counting on me. We talked about this in therapy, how much she'd be doing while I travelled, but I didn't think about what that would truly mean. She could get sick and I may not be here. One of the kids could have an accident or need to go to the hospital and I'm playing hockey in Florida. She dropped everything in her life last year to take care of me, to make me healthy and I can't even be here when a little thing happens so that we can freak out together. It isn't supposed to be like this; it's supposed to be perfect. I'm in the best shape of my life and ready for the next season, when it ever starts. I married the girl of my dreams and now we're having a baby. How many twenty five year olds can say that they have everything they ever wanted for their live? Not too many I'd bet. And yet, here I am, running through Sewickley at midnight trying to work something out in my head that can't be worked out. I try to be the perfect player, the perfect captain, the perfect son, the perfect friend and now the perfect husband and dad. It looks like I won't be able to do it. If I give more to one then another suffers. I made a commitment to the team, to this city, that I'd be the best player and captain that I can be. But, if I fulfill my commitment to Angelia to be the best husband and father then my other commitments will fail. How did everything that was so perfect yesterday go to shit today?

Working out usually helps me think but this is getting me nowhere so I turn home. Hopefully it's at least tired me out so that I can sleep. I climb the stairs and see that the light is on in the bedroom. I see Angelia in bed but I go right to the bathroom and have a shower. When I'm out and brushing my teeth, Angelia comes in and wraps herself around my back. "I'm so sorry Sidney. That's not what I meant at all. I know that I can always count on you. I do and you are always there. Even if you hadn't flown back, you were on speaker phone and there with me and the doctor. All I meant is that working isn't causing any harm to me or the baby and, I promise, if it was then I would quit in a heartbeat. Nothing is more important to me than you and this child." After spitting and rinsing, I turn around and see tears in her eyes. Those beautiful eyes that drew me in from the very beginning. "I know baby. I know that's not what you meant. We're both trying to figure out how to make everything fit. We will" I tell her and pull her into my arms. At least this I can do. I can help take my Angel's worries away. I turn off the light and lay in bed with her in my arms. I slowly and leisurely kiss her pouring every feeling of love I have for her into that one kiss. I hear her sigh and know that I reached my goal, at least for tonight. My girl is happy and content. Now, if only I could figure out the rest.


	159. Chapter 159

After my wake up, brush my teeth and puke routine, I head down to the kitchen to make my smoothie. Nathalie is a genius and this is the only thing I can keep in my stomach in the morning. It feels odd brushing my teeth before eating but if I don't then breakfast has a returned trip regardless what it is. I'm really worried about Sidney. He was so sad last night. After the run he wasn't angry anymore but he was just sad. It's like someone kicked his puppy. I really don't know why. I wish he would talk to me but he always needs to think things through first and sort it out in his own mind. I look up as he comes into the kitchen. He sees me drinking my smoothie and frowns "I was hoping to beat you down here and make you one." I smile and say "the peanut was hungry and I guess waits for no one." I chuckle at my own joke but Sidney just gives me a half smile and gets himself some breakfast. Oh well.

"I have an appointment to see Kevin 1pm. I know that cuts into your workout but they are only on a half day today so they added us at the end. I understand if you can't come." Sidney gives me a look that makes me stop cold. "I'll pick you up at the university at quarter two and we can go together." I just nod and drink. He's really moody and it's so weird. "If you're ready soon, I could drive you to the university and then we'll only have one car down there." He's saying this with no inflection or tone in his voice. It's like he's the robot who talks in monotone to the press. What is going on here? "Ok, that sounds great. I appreciate it." He smiles and kisses my cheek as he walks by. "Is fifteen minutes good to leave?" I say yes and he walks out of the room. Who is this man? There's nothing wrong per se but he's not my Sidney. Maybe the excitement has worn off and now he sees all of the other stuff that comes with it. I wonder if he still really wants this now that it's more real to him. I was the one who was reticent to have a child right now and Sidney was always the one to want this right now. Now that we're actually pregnant, I can't think of this being any other way. I'm growing a life in my stomach, I'm growing his child inside of me and that is so overwhelming. I'm going to be a mom. Our peanut is going to have the best parents ever.

I finish my smoothie and wash out the cup. As I'm finishing, Sidney walks in the room and asks "are you ready?" I look up and smile at him. "Yes I am. So far, the peanut likes the shake." He smiles then raises his hand to touch my stomach. I'm smiling but he pulls away before he makes contact and heads toward the garage. I grab my stuff and follow after him. We are silent in the car and as he parks in my university spot. Still saying nothing, he walks me to my lab and even inside. Donna rushes towards Angelia. "What happen? Gemma said you were coughing up blood. Is everything ok?" Thankfully Angelia already had an answer in place. "Remember that ulcer I had years ago? Well I've just had a flare up so I need to be careful what I eat and take care of myself." Gemma comes in and puts her arm around Sidney. "Well Sid knows that she's in the best hands with us when he's not around, right Bud." Sidney wraps his arm around Gemma and says "yes ma'am and thank you so much." He barely looks at me but gives Gemma a huge ass smile. What the fuck? "Ok, I have to go, I'll pick you up and quarter to one" and then he disappears. Seriously, what the fuck? "Not only does he have the hottest ass, the perfect lips and a back that I want to run my nails up and down, but he is clearly the most caring man alive and over the moon for you sweetie. You are one lucky girl." I give a big smile that I know is fake because I don't know what I feel right now. The only thing I feel is the great chiasm between us. I'm the one who's knocked up so why is he the one who is so fucking moody? Oh forget it. "OK, we're going to get pressure to bring in some new ducklings. Let's take a look at their CVs." Now I feel back in control!

We work through the CVs with a great deal of argument. I love it when the team argues. They are so passionate about what we do and want it to be the best. If they didn't care then there wouldn't even be a discussion. "Ok, guys, settle down. We have a short list now. Each of you is going to interview five of them and determine which of those two that I should meet personally. Remember: use the interview form and score it appropriately. Gemma, that doesn't mean I want read how great his ass is; Richard, looking you in the eye when they talk is a good thing; and Donna, if they make a joke it is not the downfall of human kind. This is how the system works guys, you whittle the team potentials and then I'll meet them. That's it for now, go forth and scare every junior student you meet … make momma proud." They all grumble but go off to their desks to make their phone calls. Most, excluding me, hate having anything new in the lab. New disturbances change the balance of things with which we've become very accustomed to and that is the exact point. If we become complacent then we will never look at things differently. It's when we look at things differently than we can see brilliance. I know my team hates this and it's going to be a very bumpy road but it is worth it.

Oh, thinking of something I hate, I call Nathalie about the party tomorrow. "Hi Nat, how are things going?" She laughs "you know that I know you hate planning these things. You also know that I love to plan these things. There is no need to feel guilty that you aren't here all of the time, ok?" I laugh at a little. She's so great. "Ok, but really, how are things going?" She yells at some for a moment and then says "very hectic as it always is the day before. We have created a drink in your honour called the Angel. It is a mixture of pineapple juice, cranberry juice, a splash of lime and vodka; minus the vodka for the pregnant ladies. There will also be no unripened cheese, no raw fish all for our pregnant ladies." Oh wow, "Nat you have gone so overboard. I don't know how to thank you, really, I don't." "Ah, my belle fille, I love to do this for you and Sid. You are like my own children and I want the best for you. When do Troy and Trina get in?" Shit, it slipped my mind. I have to call Sidney and see if he remembered to pick them up. "Thanks Nat, I have to go." We say our good byes and then I call Sidney.

"Is everything ok Angelia?" Aw "Yeah Sidney, everything is ok and I was just talking to Nat and everything is ok there too. Are you picking your folks up at the airport?" I hear a very loud sigh and then he says "Yes Angelia, I'm on my way there now. Then I'll drop them off at home and pick you up for our doctor's appointment. I didn't forget, I've got everything taken care of, ok?" Wow, that was more than a little snotty. "Sidney, I only called to see if they wanted to come to the doctor's appointment. They might want to hear the heartbeat and see the peanut themselves too." He heaves a huge sigh and I think he says softly "another thing I didn't think of" but before I can ask, he replies "That's a great idea Angel. I'll pick them up and bring them to the university. We'll have a little time before the doctor so they can see your lab." I thank him and then he hangs up quickly. He is really in a mood and I just can't figure it out. Maybe his mom and dad can help. I get occupied in the student lists and for seminars and before I know it I hear "Angelia!" from the door.

I turn and get up to rush into Trina's arms. I don't know why but I'm crying. "Oh baby, I missed you so much too." She slowly takes me over to the seating area and my guys decide to go to lunch and leave us alone. Thanks in huge part to Gemma of course. I sit beside Trina and she pulls my head onto her lap. She brushes my hair from my face and sooths me as I slowly stop crying. When I'm done, I sit up beside her and Troy is kneeling in front of me. "How is our sweet girl? I hear your tummy isn't agreeing with you." Troy is so completely cute. I let him take my face in his hands and he pulls me in to kiss my nose. I pull back and feel so much love and warmth, of course I feel better. I look up and Sidney is standing awkwardly by a chair. It's really weird like he isn't part of the group. Before I can say anything, Trina has pulled my focus. "So how has the vomiting been? Have you figured out what your triggers are and what you can keep down? Mine were so weird in the beginning. I was the pickles and peanut butter girl." She's looking at me expectantly and, well, I haven't even confessed this to Sidney yet. "Radishes and apricot gelato." I say sheepishly and Trina and Troy laugh. Troy turns to Sidney and says "guess you're buying out the grocery store of that huh kid?" Sidney smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. What is going on here? Before I can really think about it, I'm up and all of my stuff gathered so that we can make the doctor's appointment on time. Of course no one lets me carry anything.

* * *

At least it's easy right now. Everyone is focused on Angelia and her pregnancy that they forget I'm even here. That's all my parents wanted to talk about after I picked them up. What is Ang drinking and eating these days? How does she feel? Is she up for the party? Sidney, you better be taking care of things for her. She can't overdo it you know? When we arrived at the lab, I might as well have not existed. It was all about Angelia and both mom and dad were crying with her. Thankfully Gemma got everyone out of the lab first. Trina wanted to know every detail about how she's feeling. When they get to the cravings, it's the first I've heard about radishes and apricot gelato. I can't even do that right.

I'm not jealous of the attention Angelia is getting. She deserves it of course. She's growing a tiny human. In fact, I'm glad that there are others here that I trust who can help take care of her. I can't seem to do anything right. I'm not around when I'm needed and so Angelia has started taking care of herself making sure there are radishes and apricot gelato in the fridge. This is just the beginning. She shouldn't have to figure out how to fulfill her own needs. That's my job but I happen to suck at it and it's just going to get worse when the season starts. How will I protect her and our peanut then? This is feeling like the worse idea in the world and I'm the one who kept pushing for it. My mom's voice cuts through my thoughts as we are driving to the doctors. "Did you ever find out how you got pregnant since you were on the pill Ang?" Hey, I meant to ask that too. "Mom, it's the weirdest thing because I always take it and at the same time every day. Anyway, after the biopsy in my breast, the doctor put me on the strong antibiotics. Apparently, for some women, this can counteract the pill. Guess I'm one of the few." How come I didn't know this either? I know I've been practicing a lot and there was the one trip but how come I didn't know these things?

They aren't really a secret because she just blurted it out in front of mom and dad. She just never specifically told me. How come I'm feeling like an outsider about my own baby? I should know all of this and be the one to tell mom and dad. I want to be that kind of husband and that kind of dad that knows everything and is involved in everything. It doesn't sound like a good beginning since I didn't even know why our baby was conceived; antibiotics stop the pill, huh? Since I got back from New York, I feel so left out and so superfluous. I'm sure that Angelia feels that she can't count on me now and that it's all on her, even when I'm here, and I hate that. But how do I disagree. She could have been having a miscarriage and I was a few states away. I hate feeling out of control. I hate not being able to do my only job right now: take care of my pregnant wife.


	160. Chapter 160

Sidney is still being weird. I haven't had a moment alone to talk to him and find out what's going on. When we went to the doctors, Trina and Troy wanted to see the baby so we all went into ultrasound. After the ultrasound, Trina was very worried about all of the vomiting I'm doing so she asked the doctor about it. Kevin looked at me as if to ask if it was ok so I nodded. It's no secret so we might as well talk together. That's how the whole appointment went. Troy didn't even look squeamish when I mentioned my sore boobs. I think we're all going to talk about boundaries tonight if they want to come to more doctors' appointments. If they want to see the ultrasound live then I completely support that but as soon as we talk about my other body parts then everyone needs to leave. Sidney can stay of course, but everyone else needs to go.

The doctor gave me some medication for the nausea. He said that it is perfectly safe for the baby and when I see the name I know it's the one I was researching the other day. They don't like to give women anything at all but this one was in trials for years and has been used in the public for ten years now. We all head out and pile into Sidney's truck. Trina and Troy are in the backseat marveling at the picture form the ultrasound. I sent them an electronic version of the first one but I guess there's nothing like having one in your hand after seeing it on the screen. "Hungry?" Sidney asks me softly. I think about it and I say "yeah, I am actually" and I shake the pills at him. "Mom, Dad are you hungry" I ask them. Troy says "I'm always hungry" and we all laugh. Sidney looks at me and I know what he's asking. In a split second, I say "let's go wherever you'd like. The picture is out there so we have nothing to hide" to which I add a wink. He gives me a smile and heads to a favourite pub with a patio.

We valet park and head into the restaurant requesting a seat on the patio. I can feel the eyes on us and hear the whispering. I ignore it although I know I'm holding Sidney's hand tighter. He leans down and whispers "are you sure that you're ok?" He's so sweet and after behaving so oddly I'm just happy to have my Sidney back. I kiss his cheek and say "yep. We haven't been here for a while and we love this restaurant. Let's jump back in." He smiles down at me. At our table, the four of us sit down with the menus. "Ok" Troy begins "it's time for over/under. The time is ten minutes. Will it take more than ten minutes or less than ten minutes for someone to come over here for a picture or signature?" Leave it to Troy to make a joke and a game out of it. We're close to the university here and I know many of the students go to student rush for games. I pipe up first "I'll take under. It's a university pub and this time of the afternoon is when they're looking for breakfast." Everyone laughs and Trina says "no offense to my dear boy, but I think it will be over. It's Murphy's Law, they won't bother us until we have food in front of us and that will take more than ten minutes here." Now everyone laughs even harder. I love how they make a joke about Sidney's fame. It must be one of the things that keep him so grounded.

We start talking about the house and the myriad of decisions still needed. Trina has offered to help weed through the choices. I can't imagine doing this without a decorator. Even with one, there are a lot of decisions to make. "Excuse me" I hear a soft voice and check my watch; yup, it's been under ten minutes, so I won. I look up to see who is talking to Sidney and I see a young man about seventeen or eighteen years old in front of me. I don't say anything at first so he continues "Professor, I'm trying to get into you're The Universe is Physics course and it's full. It just went up today and there is already a wait list. Would you sign this so that I may get on the wait list, please?" I quietly take his pen and sign the paper. After giving the paper back to him, I say "good luck" and he turns away. Quickly, he turns back and says "thank you Professor. I'm sorry to interrupt your lunch with your friends." Then he walks over to his friends who all want to see the sheet that I signed. "Look at that Trina" Troy says. "Not only did Ang win the over/under but they wanted her and not our Sid." They start laughing and Sidney looks weird for a minute. This kind of thing hasn't happened much but he's always found it funny. I hope he does this time too. Sidney picks up my hand and kisses it "of course they know who's really important." That makes everyone laugh.

Soon after, a small boy of about three toddles over with his dad following behind him. The boy is wearing a Pens hat and, with one hand in his dad's, points at Sidney with the other and yells "Sidweee." The dad is turning beat red but is clearly so loving toward his son. "Sid, I'm so very sorry. I promised myself that if I was ever eating in a restaurant that you were at, I would never interrupt. Of course that was before this little guy came along. He saw you from our table and I'm surprised that you didn't hear him saying your name. May we intrude for a picture?" How could Sidney say no looking at the adorably little boy? Before anyone could stop him, the boy was shimmying up Sidney's leg until he reached his lap and Sidney had to catch him to keep him from falling off. Facing Sidney, the boy grabs Sidney's face in both of his hands and yells "Sidweeeeee!" I feel my eyes getting wet. It is the cutest thing that I have ever seen in my life. The baffled look on Sidney's face is precious. When the boy's dad calls his name, Hunter, then Hunter turns slightly and the dad takes a couple of pictures. When they're done, dad says "it's time to go Hunter." Hunter is clearly having none of that and says a very resounding "NO!" Dad tries to pick him up and he clings to Sidney's neck in a death grip. Oh God, this is definitely going to cause a seen. I'm trying desperately to think of how to stop this from getting more attention and looking at Trina is no help.

Watching Sidney now, I'm overwhelmed with how he's treating the little boy. He turns the boy so that he's still in Sidney's lap and Sidney leans down to talk to Hunter who has some tears leaking now. Sidney brushes away the tears and continues whispering to the boy. Then the boy says "weeely?" and Sidney smiles and says yeah. Hunter gives Sidney a huge hug and then he bounces off of Sidney's lap and into his dad's arms. Sidney stands and talks to the dad for a few moments whose eyes get wet too. They shake hands and walk away with Hunter waving until they are completely out of sight.

"What was that about kid?" Troy asks. Sidney smiles "when the season begins, I promised him tickets and that he would get to meet Iceberg. I was thinking about Iceberg visiting his school but we can't plan that stuff with a lockout coming." He is such a kind man and I can't wait to see him with our little peanut. "When are you going to Colorado again?" Troy asks. I look at Sidney because this is the first that I've heard he's leaving again. Sidney looks sheepishly down at his food and says "I don't know if I'm going." Troy looks at me and I shrug. He better not think it's my fault Sidney isn't going. This is the first I've heard. "When is it Sidney?" I ask him. "Two weeks and we'll be there for one week of training." Huh, ok I guess we were going to discuss it, there has been a lot to preoccupy our minds recently. "I know we haven't talked about it but I hope you're going. This will help keep you in shape, right? Especially the high altitude will be good for your lungs."

* * *

Sometimes the fact that she's a genius drives me crazy. Just because it's the smart thing to do doesn't mean that it's what I should do. I was going to cancel so that I could stay with her. Every day the pregnancy changes and how she feels changes. I should stay and take care of her. Isn't that my job until the baby is born; I take care of the mommy. Although, when I think about it, I haven't done such a great job so far. I didn't even realize her period was late. Then she vomits when she brushes her teeth. Blood is added to the vomit and I'm not even in the city. I try to have sex with her and she's been through all of this AND her breasts are so sore that she recoils when I touch her. What the fuck is the matter with me? I can't even be a good husband how am I going to be a good dad?

Everyone is looking at me now so I say "we'll talk about it" and I hope everyone leaves it at that. We're done lunch and Angel says that she wants to check in at the lab. I don't know what to say to that but I'm saved when mom says "why don't we head back to the house and you can call in on your way. I'm sure they'll understand with us having landed and the big party tomorrow." This must make sense to Angelia because she agrees and we're on our way home now. "What are you wearing for the party Ang?" Angelia is quiet for a moment and says "with all of this activity, I haven't given it much thought. With all of my bloating, I hope things still fit me." Mom chuckles and replies, if not then we get a shopping trip. Crisis averted, for now at least, an Angelia follows mom to the kitchen and I help dad with the bags upstairs.

When dad's unpacking, he says "there's something wrong." I look at him surprised and ask "what did you ask me?" Dad shakes his head and says "I didn't ask you a question; I stated that something is wrong. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours. I try to pry so much out of there you'd think I'd have the key by now." I laugh and so does dad. "I don't know how to do it all. Angelia was rushed to the hospital and I was in New York. Our baby is six weeks old and I'm already a failure to his mommy." I sink down to the bed and rest my head in my hands. I feel so lost and useless and, harder to take, out of control. "Sidney, while not every man is in your unique position, every man does feel completely useless at least a dozen times a day. Wait until her mood swings start. And all of those people who say 'I'm waiting until I'm ready' well bull shit. There is no ready son. There might be more and less convenient times but there is no right time. There are a whole lot of things that you can't control. That's going to be the hardest for you my dear son, the control freak. You're going to be just fine. What has Angelia said?" I get up and walk across the room. "I haven't talked to her about it." I can hear my dad shaking his head behind my back. "Well now that's the way to handle it huh? All alone, with no support received or given. This is not the way to handle it son." I turn to him and I partially believe him but I also partially feel "dad, she didn't want to have this baby right now. She wanted to wait and she's scared. I need to be strong for her and make her see that we can do this, that I can do this for her and our baby. Both of us can't be scared right now. I'm pretty sure, now that we have a baby coming, we need to take turns at the very least. Dad, I just need to figure out how to do this and I will. It's going to take some time." "I wondered what was taking my two wonderful men so much time. You aren't' even unpacking and they call us the talkers." Mom says to Angelia behind her. Angelia is giving me a very funny look like she knows something is going on. I know dad said to talk to her but I don't think this is the time. Nope, definitely not, I'll figure it out myself while I take care of my girl and our peanut.


	161. Chapter 161

_**Note: it's Valentines Day and I'm in a sexy mood ...**_

* * *

Is it wrong for me to be glad the big party is over and that Sidney's parents have gone home? I mean, I found something to wear in my closet that fit and everyone said the marriage agreed with me because I was beautiful. One of the servers was instructor to make sure that I never had an empty glass and that it was always filled with the non-alcoholic punch. Sidney was out of his funk thank goodness. Even guys who hadn't come back to Pittsburgh yet came in for the party. My sister managed to come in although only for the evening on her way to New York. Even Taylor came in. It was so much fun and I loved seeing Sidney so happy. I did feel bad about passing out when we got home. I mean I literally passed out on the bed fully dressed. Sidney had to undress me and then tucked me into the bed. I had a great night sleep though.

We dropped his folks off at the airport with Taylor. Sidney and I have decided to have a night in to relax. Little does he know that I have something else in mind for him? After the party he got weird again and no amount of coaxing got it out of him. It's so hard to peg his mood. He seems sad but not unhappy. I catch him glancing at me with a sad smile on his face although when he notices me watching him he brightens up immediately. Maybe it's the lockout which becomes official at midnight tonight. This is why I decided to do something for him. He's working out so I have some time at home to prepare.

I did some research about sex and early pregnancy. On the outside, you look completely the same except maybe for fuller breasts and stomach. What's different is everything on the inside. There's the gag reflex and the almost constant nausea. The breasts are very sore and Sidney certainly likes my breasts. Anyway, the suggestions I found may just work. First, wear a bra the entire time. This will help remind both of you that they are sore so don't touch and if the woman is on top then it will help with the pain if they bob up and down. They also suggest you have a waste basket close by; it's not sexy to have to puke while having sex but it's even worse if you have to clean up the mess in the bed or on the floor by the bed. They also suggest eating one hour before sex. Your stomach will be full but if you were going to vomit then you already would have done so.

Wow, I remember not so long ago that waxing and brushing my teeth were the only real considerations. Well, I'm certainly not going to tell Sidney why I moved the waste basket closer to the bed. I draw the line there. Sidney has gone to the gym to work out and I just woke up from my nap, time to eat something and then get into some fancy lingerie. Thank goodness that still fits although my breasts are spilling over a little bit. I don't want to chance my stomach revolting on me so I make one of my smoothies and silently thank Nat again for the recipe. While drinking my smoothie, I put the first part of my plan into action. I text Sidney and simply say "shower at the gym but then come directly home, there's a surprise waiting for you" smiling I close my phone. I go to the office and open a memo template on the computer.

'To: Mr. Crosby'

'From: Mrs. Crosby' (I smile as I type that part)

'Subject: I need sex! (I laugh now and think about how truly cheesy it is but there's no backing out now. Good grief.)

'New Rule: the organization, me, has a new rule to negotiate for the bedroom. They involve the breasts. The breasts will be made to look pretty but you may absolutely not touch them. Touching them will result in a penalty and may end the game altogether. They are very sore and may be looked at but not, never, touched. Should you be willing to work within the new rule, then you may meet your wife in the bedroom for a sexual encounter.'

I print out the note and tape it to the newel post at the bottom of the stairs and then make my way back upstairs. I change the sheets, put out fresh towels and consider candles but the fragrance might not be good for my tummy. I finish my smoothie and take it downstairs. Instead of wine, I grab some sparkling water, a carafe of ice cubes and two wine flutes. I set them on the side board and turn the lights down and the sheets too. Oh, Sidney's going to be hungry. I run down stairs and make him a protein shake and then rush back upstairs. As I'm putting it beside the water and glasses, I hear the garage door open. Perfect timing.

I open my robe just a little to show some hint of breasts and then lounge on the bed propped up by pillows. I hear Sidney come in the house and then I hear "Angelia?" Perfect, "yep, I'm upstairs. Come on up." I hear him pause and know that he must be reading my note. I hear him laugh loudly. Good, I wanted this to be fun. He needs to have a little more fun. He runs up the stairs and then stops at the entrance to our bedroom. His eyes sweep the room and settle on me. I feel his eyes roam up slowly and then down even more slowly. It's like I can feel every single place his eyes touch as if they are his fingers. "Do I need to sign something to formally agree to the new rule?" I giggle of course. First, I get up and take his protein shake to him. After handing it to him, I say "I need my man to have his energy tonight and your word is good enough for me so no formality needed to accept the rule." He laughs and drinks the whole thing down. After wiping his mouth, he asks "what's next?" I take his hand and lead him to the bed. Sidney pulls me down to his lap. Before he can kiss me, I pull slightly away. "I know it's been weird and my body feels alien, even to me, but I need to be abundantly clear right now of my singular goal Crosby, I NEED SEX!" He chuckles softly but then gets serious. "Besides your breasts, is there anything else I need to be aware of?" He is so incredible. "Everything else is exactly where you left it and you already have the owner's manual memorized." This makes him laugh like I'd hoped. I stand and straddle his lap taking his face in my hands and kiss him soft at first and then deeper slipping my tongue inside to taste every recess of his mouth. I part from him and take a last lick of his upper lip with my tongue.

Sidney takes control now and pushes me up so that I'm standing between his legs. He slips the robe off of my shoulders so that it pools at my feet. He doesn't touch me at all. His eyes bore into every piece of my skin. I shiver under his gaze. I feel moisture pool between my legs and he hasn't even touched me yet. His fingers reach out first and the back of just on finger grazes my stomach. His other fingers join them and then his lips. Sidney leaves wet kisses across my stomach intermittently with little licks of his tongue. I feast my hands in his hair and a few times my knees almost buckle. Slowly, Sidney stands but his mouth never leaves my flesh. He carefully avoids my breasts but goes up the centre and then to one shoulder. I shiver when he bites down on my tender flesh and then tenderly licks where he just bit. My hands have left his hair and I pull his shirt off. I am left with a huge, muscular expansive of chest in front of me and my lips go to work. My hands are pulling and pushing at the muscles while my tongue traces the dips and valleys. I breath him in deeply too. Just the smell of this man gets me wet. As I get to his neck, he leans down a little to give me better access. Just then I also know he wanted better access himself as his hands find and separate my cheeks. From behind, he slips a finder along me and feels how we I am. Pulling my cheeks apart, he can slip one finger inside to get wet and swirls it around a little bit. He then moves slightly and gives himself access from the front to push on my clit. As his finger slips and slides I bite down on his neck.

His arms circle my waist again and he lifts me off the ground. I hold onto him with arms and legs. He feels so strong and stable under my arms. We kiss slowly and deeply each changing the angle slightly to get better access. I hold on and bring Sidney with me as he lowers me to the bed. I rest my hands on either side of his neck and watch him looking over my face. I can feel the naked desire in his eyes all the way to my core. He lifts himself off of me and looks me up and down. Then a devilish grin forms and he leans down to the floor to pick up my robe. I have no idea what he's doing until he takes the fabric belt from the robe. He holds the belt in one hand and runs his other hand up and down over my panties. "You can have a choice on this one, but it's your last choice; hands or eyes?" He arches up an eyebrow and I bite my lip. I go with what I know he prefers and say "eyes." He smiles and doubles up the belt and then ties it around my head. "No peeking now" he tells me as he lays me back down in the centre of the bed. I'm shivering waiting for him to touch me.

I hear something but can't make out what it is then I feel Sidney's weight on the bed. Now I know what he did as I feel the cold drip onto my stomach. He got an ice cube from the carafe. He lets it drip a couple of times before placing it on my stomach and rubbing it around. I can't help shiver again when his tongue replaces the cube and he licks me dry. Now he places the cube on my lips and traces the bottom one first and then the top one. A drip escapes and falls down my cheek. Sidney nabs it with his tongue. He's gone for a moment then quickly returns. He runs each of his hands up and down my arms with ice cubes. This has me shivering. "Don't worry Angel, you won't be cold for long" and I shiver again. He carefully avoids my breasts but the cubes run down the middle of my body and he stops them both in the dip of my belly button. Leaving one there to melt, he takes the other on and runs it lower. "You are so fucking hot, I bet this cube would be steam in a split second." He doesn't need to tell me where because I know where it's moving toward. He slips it lower, then inside my panties and finally between my lips. I cry out from the shock of cold because he's right, it's so hot down there. I can feel the ice cube quickly melt and Sidney dips to the one on my belly and laps it up. When he slips a finger into my panties he says "aw, looks like it's all melted, we'll have to get another one."

He leaves the bed but quickly returns. I feel him taking off my panties "we don't need these anymore, do we?" I love how vocal he gets when I'm blindfolded. It's like all of his inhibitions, although sexually he doesn't have many, go out the window when I'm blindfolded. When my panties are off, he pushes my legs open wide. I'm a little apprehensive. It's one thing to have a melting ice cube inside my panties but won't it hurt putting it right on my skin? Of course, I'm forced to admit that the not knowing has me incredibly excited. I can feel myself quiver waiting for him to do something. I feel the cube first at my pubic bone and then he traces it across to the other. Just as I'm about to relax, he dips it to the outside of my lips. A little of the cold water dips inside and I shiver and a moan escapes me. "You like that, don't you baby. How about a little closer?" He pushes me open and lets the cube drip directly on me. I moan out so loud now. I can't believe how erotic this feels. It's everything together, I can't see Sidney but I know he's watching my most intimate parts, I'm completely exposed to him and the cold against my hot skin is incredible. There are no words to describe it. I jump a little when Sidney's finger touches me now and rubs the water around. "Mmmm, not good enough, I need to taste" he says. First, I feel his hot breath blow across my skin cooled by the ice cube. He's holding my legs so far apart that I'm completely open to him. I feel his breath once, twice then three times until he takes a long leisurely lick from bottom to top. A moan escapes me that I don't even recognize. "Ah, there's my girl. How about one more time" and then he takes another long lick but this time he stops at my clit and flicks his tongue over it a few times.

My hips begin to move, or maybe they were already moving and I didn't notice, but I know they're moving now. Sidney holds them still "not yet. I'm nowhere near done with you yet." He pushes one finger inside of me and swirls it around. He explores every wall and pushes in as far as he can and finds the spot that makes me come screaming off the bed. "Ah, knew I'd find it." I'm panting like a dog now and I think I say "again" but it doesn't sound like my voice. "I don't know. Maybe I should make you wait" and he continues to swirl his finger around and around the entrance. I try to move my hips but he's too strong and holds me still. "Please Sidney" I'm begging him. I didn't even notice that he moved alongside me because he whispers in my ear "please what baby?" I let out a strangled moan and say "do it again, touch me again." He chuckles in my ear and bites down on my lobe which makes me groan. "I am touching you baby. Can't you feel my finger touching you?" Arg, I know what he's doing but it's driving me crazy. "No Sidney" I think I'm begging and crying like a child now. "I want your finger deep inside me. Find that spot again." Now I feel his breath right in my ear, his tongue takes as lick and then I feel his breath over the slick wetness his tongue left behind. "Say please" he tells me. Oh God, I'm going to come apart if he doesn't touch me. "Please Sidney, please touch me." His finger has been playing at my entrance the whole time and his hand must be drenched. His teeth bite down on my lobe again and I feel his breath. "Say 'please Sidney touch me in my special spot'." If I weren't so fucking turned on and ready to self-combust that might have been funny but I desperately need my release. It's becoming painful waiting like this, so I say "please Sidney touch me in my special spotttttttttt." I barely got the 'spot' out when Sidney's fingers reach deep inside and he rubs at that sensitive bundle of nerve endings and then I think I blacked out.

The first thing I notice is that I'm tingling again and I can feel my next orgasm building. Sidney is between my thighs working my clit with his mouth. He's alternating between sucking and flicking it with his tongue. I moan and feel my head thrash from one side to the other. I can't stand so much pressure. He switches to slipping his tongue inside of me while he rubs at my clit with his finger. I can't stop the next orgasm from washing over me although it feels like a continuation of the first. Every part of my skin is on fire and I think I'm actually shaking now. The orgasm crashes over me, again.

Sidney lets me come down a little further from this one and I think he has removed all of his clothes now. He is stretched out along side of me and turns me to my side so that I'm facing him. He takes off my blindfold and kisses my lips. I know he's wiped his face but I can still taste a little bit of myself there. "Are you doing ok?" He asks me and looks genuinely concerned. "I got a little carried away there." An involuntary chuckle leaves me when he says that last part. "Sidney, you can get a little carried away like that anytime sweetie." I lean in to kiss him again and feel how rock hard he is against my stomach. I look down at it and for a fleeting moment wonder if I should try, or if my gag reflex would make it the least sexy blow job ever, when Sidney says "don't even think about it. I know that's off the table for now. Besides, I love being buried inside of you when you're soaked and still quivering." He slips two fingers inside of me and says "yep, slippery and quivering."

He scissors his leg through mine and I use my hand to guide him inside of me. When he's buried to the hilt, we just hold there and look into each other's eyes. I slowly start to grind on him in a circular motion. I know that drives him crazy and after everything he's done for me I want to do everything I can for him. I gyrate in small circles at first and then make them bigger and then back to smaller. His head has fallen back so I slide my tongue up his neck taking little nips of his perfect skin. He smells, well, like him and it turns me on even more. I increase my speed and he groans getting closer. He reaches between us and rubs at my clit which doesn't take much time to get me close again. I start coming and Sidney takes a couple thrusts and rides his orgasm inside me.

We are trapped by each other's arms and legs. At this point I don't know where I begin or where Sidney ends. All I know is that my body has that, well, freshly fucked feeling (is a mom-to-be still allowed to think that way) and I'm very, very sticky. Sidney must be reading my mind because he says "bath or shower?" We both know that he would just roll over and sleep as men do but I want to get cleaned up. I think about it and say "bath, together." He kisses my forehead and turns to get up. I hold him to me and take the kiss deeper. When we part, he says "what was that for?" I smile at him, I can't seem to do anything but, and think of what to say. "First" I start "I love you with all of my heart." His smile softens and he puts a soft kiss on my nose. "I love you too. What's the second thing?" I look into his eyes and say "thank you for not touching my boobs." He just rolls his eyes and pushes my face back into the pillow.


	162. Chapter 162

We've settled into a routine. I go to the lab in the morning and work until about 2 or 3pm when Sidney comes by after he's had on ice practice and workout. He's turned down a few opportunities to train with Andy in LA and join the NHLPA in New York for negotiations. I keep telling him that I'll be ok and he'd only be gone overnight but he won't go. That melancholy hangs over him still and there is no coaxing him completely out of it. There are moments when he just looks lost and he won't talk to me about it. I'm at a loss as what to do about it and then it's like it was never there. Right now, for example, we're lying in bed and I'm reading some research on my iPad while Sidney is lying with his head resting on my stomach watching the Pirates. He is describing the game to our peanut. "See peanut, that's what happens when you cheat up the middle. You're going to get caught if you aren't quick enough to backtrack." I've long since stopped reading what's in front of me. I'm simply listening to Sidney's voice muffled into my stomach. This is the most intimate moment we've experienced with the baby. It actually feels like we're a family and the baby is hardly the size of a peanut. How could I have not wanted this right now? I'm not naive. This isn't going to be easy when Sidney starts traveling and I have a colicky baby at home. Or worse, Sidney needs to sleep and the baby won't go down. Right now, right in this very moment with Sidney explaining the designated hitter rule to peanut, I can't think of a more perfect time in my life.

"Sidney?" he finishes watching a play and then turns to me "yeah." Ok, I've tried all of the subtle ways now it's time to take the problem head on. "Is Andy's second Vail camp coming up next week?" He turns back to the TV and says "yeah." I take a deep breath; sometimes talking to him is like pulling teeth. "So, when do you leave?" Now, he rolls off of my stomach and back to his side of the bed. "I'm not going." Finally, I get him to admit that he's not going. "Why not Sidney?" I turn to him but he stares at the TV and the game. I can wait him out and I do. Finally, he says "you know why not Angelia?" "No Sidney, I really don't know why?" He sits up and looks at me this time. "You know what happened when I left last time. I'm not going to leave until I absolutely have to and I don't absolutely have to this time." I take a deep breath. "What happened last time Sidney? Besides the fact that we both got scared, there was no emergency. In fact, more than half of pregnant women have blood in their vomit, we just didn't know that at the time. I'm healthy, the baby is healthy, in fact the baby is in the ninetieth percentile. There is no reason for you not to go. I'll miss the hell out of you but I'll put the phone to my belly so you can talk to the peanut every night. Ok?"

He's quiet for a long while still staring at the TV. Suddenly he gets off the bed and heads out the bedroom door saying "fine, I'll go call Andy." This is when I get confused. I've tried to assure him that we'll be ok for a little while without him and we'll stay connected. This training in Vail is crucial to getting into game shape. The altitude and pure immersion of training is important. They don't stop training all day from on ice practice to gym workouts to hikes and even basketball. They are working their bodies all day, every day at the high altitude. It puts your lungs farther ahead than others who haven't done high altitude training. I keep telling myself how much he needs this to keep from grabbing him and begging him to never leave me. This is just the first of many goodbyes that we both have to handle.

Maybe I should see if I can get him to talk to me. I get out of bed and follow him into his office. He's finishing up so I come around behind him and wrap my arms around his shoulders leaning my head on top of his. "Ok, thanks Pat. Yeah, I'll look for it, bye." He hangs up his phone and rests one of his hands on my two. "Sidney, I feel like there is something going on with you. I hope you'll tell me if there is something going on or something bothering you. We can do anything together, right?" I lean in so that my cheek is beside his. He pulls me around and onto his lap burying his face in my neck. I know that there is something on his mind but for some reason he just won't tell me. I stroke his neck and shoulders. I feel the tension slowly seep out of him. Even if he won't talk about it, at least he's feeling better than he was. Ok, one more time, last try. I pull away and kiss his lips holding him right there. "Tell me what's going on baby." I look into his eyes and try to will him to talk to me. He rests his forehead on mine and lingers for a moment. The moment is over when he stands and carries me in his arms to the bedroom and then onto the bed where we cuddle.

He takes my face in his hand and says "you are so beautiful Angel. I hope, if we have a little girl, that she looks like her beautiful mommy. She'll have your dark, silky hair and full, beautiful lips." I'm dizzy from Sidney's change in moods but it's a positive one so I'm going with it. "Or she could have your full, beautiful lips." He turns red as I knew he would. He always gets embarrassed when anyone mentions his lips. "Or it could be a boy and he could still have your lips." We both chuckle at that one. "Right here, in this room, with no one else around, would you rather have a boy or a girl first?" He thinks about it for a few moments and I can see, for the first time, that he does have a preference. I wait him out again. "Ok, fine, I want to have a girl first. Of course we'll love all of our children but I think having a girl first could take the pressure off of having a boy. Unfortunately any son of mine is going to be compared to me and it'll be worse if he plays hockey. If our girl plays hockey then there is less of a comparison than with a boy, you know?"

He looks at me hesitantly. I nod "yeah, I see what you mean. Of course I thought of having a boy first so that I can see your mini-me." We laugh now. "Really Sidney, he'd have dark curls and a wide smile. He'd always be laughing and having fun. It won't matter how old is, he'll be incredibly competitive and always want to win. There'll be no doubt where he gets that from of course." We both get serious for a moment. "Sidney, it won't matter if we have a boy or a girl first because we're going to have a large family. Plus, we can't change it, we'll have what we'll have." Sidney kisses my forehead and says "of course. I can't wait to meet our peanut though and see what he or she is like. I definitely can't wait to be a dad." I stroke his face "you're going to be a great dad Sidney. It's a good thing we made a huge play room in the new house. I'm seeing a lot of mini sticks games in our future." I can feel that Sidney is more relaxed now and we settle in. I cuddle in his arms getting ready to sleep while Sidney watches TV. With a deep feeling of love inside me and surrounding me, I drop off to sleep quickly.

* * *

I know the instant that Angelia is asleep in my arms. Her breath slows and her entire body is lax. It kills me that I can't get on firm ground with how I'm feeling. I've cancelled every planned trip so that I can be here with her. I don't ever want her to ever be alone and scared again. It's my job to take care of her and our peanut. It's only been eight weeks and I feel like I've failed more than I've succeeded as a dad. The only time we had an emergency, I was out of town and I refuse to let that happen again until Angelia pushed it tonight and forced the issue for me to travel to Vail. I really had no argument that didn't make me sound like I don't trust her. I know that our peanut is inside of her but it's my job to take care of them both. How can this be so hard and the baby hasn't even arrived yet? It's killing me to leave them now, how am I going to do it when the baby is actually here? Everyday Angelia is learning something new about her body. She can't make fun of me or the other guys anymore. She has become a gas making machine; whether she's farting or burping, it's a constant stream of gas. That just started two days ago to her extreme embarrassment and my amusement. I also noticed tonight that her very flat stomach has a slight bump now. It's really subtle but it's there.

I wondered what it would be like when we have sex with her pregnant. I always find her sexy as hell but would I be preoccupied with thinking of her as a mommy. With the night she planned a couple weeks ago, I had no need to worry, none at all. I can't wait to see her with large breasts and stomach. She is going to be gorgeous and I know I'll want her just as much then as I do now. I'm getting semi-hard thinking about it. Looking down at her, I brush the hair away from her face to reveal the high curve of her cheek and the full slope of her breast. I'm really hoping that the pain goes away soon. I can't wait to feel the new fullness of her breasts in my hands. She shifts slightly and I gently slide my hand over her stomach where our baby is sleeping.

That's when I really know what I've been feeling; of fuck! I haven't been able to really talk to Angelia about it because I haven't been able to definitively identify what I feel. Now I know; I'm terrified. I go back to the concussion and the helplessness I felt. It was more than helplessness; there was a time when I feared that I would never be the same never mind play hockey again. It taught me that I'm not as infallible as I used to think. Now I'm going to have a little human completely dependent on me. I worry about missing significant parts of his life. I worry about not giving Angelia the support she needs and she becomes a single mom. Then there's the niggling feeling, just a little one, in the back of my mind that I'm not truly over my concussion. Maybe the symptoms will come back when I start playing again. I haven't played a whole season yet since the concussion. What if the symptoms come back? I need to be healthy for my family. Angelia must sense my turmoil because she shifts restlessly in my arms. How do you tell the love of your life, the mother of your child, that you are terrified you can't be the man she needs you to be?


	163. Chapter 163

Since Sidney got back from Vail he's been even moodier then before he left. I'm having trouble keeping up with the changes. He caught me looking at my belly in the mirror the other day. I'm about ten weeks along now and I have a discernible pouch. It's still easy to hide but I know it's all baby now. Sidney came up behind me in the mirror and rested his hand over mine lacing our fingers over our peanut. I looked up and there were tears in Sidney's eyes. The love he had shining in his wet eyes simply overwhelmed me. Then he kissed my cheek and walked away.

Every time any travel comes up it's an argument. I know there are times when he needs to go but it's like wrestling a tiger to get him to do it. The baby continues to be healthy and in the top ninetieth percentile. The doctor warned me that we're going to have a large child; all I could think was ouch! Sidney comes with me to every appointment and asks a ton of questions. We've chosen to have private Lamaze classes so that we have the flexibility of scheduling but they don't start until towards the end of the pregnancy. At least he's stopped arguing with me about working. I'm only in the lab about six hours a day so I'm definitely not overdoing it. I teach two classes and my team does the grading so it's not onerous at all. But there are times when I feel Sidney watching me like a hawk ready to swoop down at a moment's notice if I need him. I guess it's natural for him to feel protective so I don't say anything. It's sweet really. I have been so tired and it's really, really bad. It's Saturday afternoon and I'm waking up from my second nap of the day. Sidney went grocery shopping by himself because I was falling asleep in my soup at lunch.

As I'm lying on the sofa slowly waking up, I listen to the house and it's quiet so I know that Sidney is still out. I grab my phone to give Trina a call; I haven't talked to her in a few days.

"Hello?"

"Hi mom, how are you doing?"

"Oh Ang, it's so good to hear from you. I'm well, how are you doing?"

"To be candid, I'm exhausted. I just woke up from my second nap today. It's exhausting growing a human being!"

Trina laughs and replies "it sure is. I remember when I was pregnant with Sid. I wanted to sleep all the time and often did. It gets better for a few months and then you're exhausted because the baby is so big that you're hauling around a lot of extra weight. Are you having any pain?"

It's so nice to talk to someone who has been through this "yeah. My ligaments are stretching and letting me know that they aren't happy about it. It isn't all the time but there are definitely some painful twinges."

"Wait until your pelvis starts shifting around your seventh or eighth month. Of course none of it compares to the big day."

"Thanks mom, as if I wasn't already terrified with the doctor telling me that we're definitely going to have a big baby!"

"You don't get that from our side. Sidney was six and a half pounds and Taylor was six."

"Yeah, it's definitely from my side of the family. Mariah and I were big twins. I'm really excited because tomorrow we get the design for the baby's room. We talked to the designer about a week ago and she's emailing her ideas tomorrow. I can't wait to see them. I'll send them off to you when we get them. It's been hard doing a unisex room but we really want to be surprised when the baby is born."

"Troy and I waited too. That's part of the fun although it makes for boring baby gifts before the birth; lots of green and yellow."

"You know what I'm really looking forward to, seeing Sidney with the baby. He's going to be such a good dad. I just know it."

"You know, it's funny Ang. You never think about your children as adults. Even with the wedding and Sid is twenty five years old now, you still never think of your children as adults. They are always you're children; but, when they're having children of their own, it's not possible to do anything but realize that they're fully grown. I don't know what I'm saying. I guess I'm getting sentimental."

I think I know what she's saying. "Not only is Sidney going to be a dad but you're going to be a grandma."

"I wondered how I'd feel about that but I can't wait."

"I can't wait either." I wonder if I should mention Sidney's moodiness and get her opinion but then I hear the garage door open and the decision is made for me. "I have to go mom, I'll talk to you later. Give my love to dad." I get up and am glad I didn't say anything. I really need to talk to Sidney about this but he every time I try, he changes the subject or finds a way to end to the conversation.

I'm getting up from the couch as Sidney enters the kitchen. When I round the corner, he sees me and comes right over with a big smile. I guess he's in a good mood now. "Did you have a good sleep Angel?" I smile back at him when he kisses my cheek. "I definitely did. I just got off the phone with your mom too. She sends her love." He kisses my lips this time and goes back to the kitchen to unpack the groceries. I help him and the chore is done quickly. "Do you think you're up for going out to dinner tonight? A couple of the new guys are in town and we thought we'd all go out. Pascal and Carole-Lyn even got a babysitter. That makes it good for us too because it won't be a late night." I love how he says 'us' rather than me. It's a small thing, a subtle thing, but the fact that he does it unconsciously tells me that he sees our pregnancy as the two of us, a team. I'm not surprised of course but my heart swells nonetheless. "What are you smiling at?" he asks me. I lean in and kiss him. "I'm really, really happy" I tell him. He smiles and pulls me into his arms and kisses me long and deep.

When we part, we're both smiling now. "How's our peanut this afternoon?" I look down and say "not giving me any trouble today. I'm just tired which your mom says she was in the beginning of both of her pregnancies." "And the pain?" he asks. I reply "I haven't really had any today. Some pulling but it aches more than hurts so that's good. I think the yoga is helping a lot by stretching slowly and relaxing of course." His hands that were roaming over my back have now dipped lower. "I can attest to loving the yoga too." I laugh and lower my hands to his ample backside. "I can attest to loving a hockey player's body for what it does to the behind too." Suddenly we're not laughing anymore but wrapped up in each other's arms. It amazes me how his mouth can still devastate me. His lips take mine and his tongue sweeps through my lips. I'm absolutely lost in him until Sidney pulls away. I'm confused until I hear his phone ringing.

Sidney gives me an apologetic look as he answers it. I only hear snippets of the conversation as I make myself a cup of tea. It's when I hear the loud "fuck!" that I turn around. Sidney is staring at his phone and his face looks murderous. He sees me looking at him and says "that was Fehr. The owners have cancelled the entire preseason now." I know this was expected but it still must hurt. I walk over and touch his arm. He pats my hand but then stalks away and paces the kitchen. I ache for the pain he feels. "Fehr says that the owners are prepared to keep cancelling games. There are three days of negotiations scheduled starting in a couple days but that's useless because they aren't discussing HRR. There's a one day break and then Bettman and Fehr are getting together to discuss the HRR issue." I nod to him and then notice the look on his face; they must want him in New York. I can see it clearly that they want him there before the Bettman/Fehr meeting so that the press knows he's involved. Whoever the NHLPA has doing media now is a genius and are using the players, and Sidney in particular, masterfully. There are important moments when the players need to be and be seen as being united. There are also key moments when the guys who will get the press need to be involved. Sidney, of course, doesn't want to leave me and is torn between what he sees as clashing responsibilities. I want to take a few minutes to figure out how to approach the conversation this time so I go to the boiling water and make my tea.

Sidney has moved to the family room and has a baseball game on. I sit down beside him with my tea and wait a few minutes before asking "when do they want you there?" He doesn't answer me right away. I wait until he says "the day in between the two meetings. They want the press to see me actively involved to add to the importance of the player resolve to fight the HRR issue." I stay quiet and wait for him to continue, which he does "you know I'm not going. Don't even try to talk me into it." Looks like he's ready for an argument but I'm too tired to keep arguing with him. So I think it through again. I've tried logic in the past and it hasn't worked. The reason he doesn't want to go isn't logical. He knows that I'm healthy. He knows that it's only a day or two that he'll be gone. He knows that the baby is healthy. The reason he wants to stay isn't logical. Sidney is scared that what happened last time could happen again and he feels like a failure as a husband and a dad that he wasn't here for me. I know him well enough by now to understand him. Of course that doesn't mean that I can change his mind.

Maybe if I appeal to his sense of responsibility and fairness to the players then he'll see that he has to go. I turn to look at him and his face is unreadable. "Sidney, they need you. This is bigger than a media event. I know it's not fair, but you are the face of this league, as they say. Where you go and what you say is incredibly impactful to this negotiation which in turn impacts every single player. That's the unfortunate responsibility you have and you know that. I'm not saying anything new to you. It would absolutely be different if I wasn't healthy but I am and so is our peanut. You're needed in New York. We'll be fine for a couple of days." He turns to me now and looks incredibly sad. I don't understand why and I'm about to ask him when he says "ok." That's all he says then he gets up and makes a phone call. I assume to make arrangements for travel. I feel like there is something else going on. I don't know if it's my hormones in hyper mode or if there's really a problem but we are going to have to talk about this sooner or later. I know the lockout is weighing heavy on him but it feels like there is something else. When he gets back from New York, we are going to have a talk. The irony that I'm the one who wants to talk isn't lost on me.


	164. Chapter 164

I feel like a knife goes through my heart when Angelia tells me that they need me in New York. The implied 'I don't need you here' is killing me. How can I prove to her that I can support her and the baby if I'm leaving all the time? It's going to happen when the season begins but I don't even want to think about that right now. All I can control is right now and yet, right now, I'm making arrangements to go to New York and leave my family. Of course Pat is telling me that it's the right move and Fehr knows exactly what he's doing. The media salivate every time they hear that I'm going to be involved in negotiations. Little do they know that there isn't much negotiating going on? I tell Pat to get me in and out the same day. He's definitely not happy about that but I don't care. It'll be like Angelia's at work and I'm at the rink all day. I also have him charter a plane so that it's at my disposal when we leave. He thinks I'm crazy at this request and says that we can always get one like we did last time but I won't hear him out. I just tell him to make it happen and hang up.

I take a deep breath to calm myself and rest my hands on the kitchen counter. I feel Angelia's arms come around me and she presses herself completely against me. We stay that way for a few moments and being in her arms has a calming effect on me. I can actually feel my heart rate slow the minute I feel her touch. "Sidney, I know there's something bothering you and it's more than the lockout. Tell me what's going on baby." The irony that she's trying to get me to talk isn't lost on me. I don't know what to tell her. How do I tell her that I have everything I ever wanted and it's not at all like I planned? How do I tell her that I need to be needed by her and the baby but I know that I can be in New York and she'll barely know I'm gone? How do I tell her that I'm still heartbroken over not being there for her when she needed me at the hospital? I know the answers to all of those questions; I don't. "It is the lockout. It's different being in this kind of spotlight. It's like every player and every fan are looking to me for answers that I don't have." I hope and pray that she let it go now.

I turn around and pull her into my arms. For the first time, I can feel that there's something between us. I pull back a little and look down. "Yeah, there's a little more to me now." Angelia says. I pull back a little further and place my hand on her small bump. It's tiny but her stomach was so flat before that it's definitely noticeable in her tee shirt and yoga pants. "When are we going to feel it move?" I ask. She places her hand over mine and I look up at her. "We'll feel slight ripples or what they call quickening around eighteen weeks, maybe more because it's our first. They say that most women feel it but don't realize what they're feeling because they've never had it before." I smile and say "I can't wait. I remember Duper said that he could see the outline of Cody's foot when he kicked." Now she laughs and I know we're past our earlier moment. I look at my watch and say "we're meeting everyone in an hour for dinner." We both go up to get changed. Thankfully it's casual so I just put on clean jeans and a tee shirt. Angelia has a little more trouble finding something to wear. She chooses a dress to be comfortable and shortly we're out the door.

We arrive at the restaurant and find a parking spot. Walking hand in hand down the street, Angelia says "we'll need to take advantage of warm days like this because it's going to be cold before we know it. Oh, can we sit on the patio?" I look at her and there's a huge smile on her face. I don't have the heart to tell her that we'll be bothered constantly if we sit outside so I find myself saying "sure." When we enter the restaurant, we find out that we're the first ones there and we can sit on the patio. After we're seated, I feel people watching us but I put it out of my mind. It can drive you crazy knowing that total strangers know who you are so I learned a while ago how to ignore it. Thankfully, Angelia doesn't notice the stares and is reading the menu instead. She has been eating everything in sight since she stopped vomiting all the time.

We don't wait too long before Tanner Glass arrives with his wife Emily and then Sutter, Nealer and Martin all arrive together. Duper and Carole-Lyn arrive last. When we all have drinks and are talking over each other, as usual, then Pascal gets everyone's attention. "We're not all together yet, but we want to welcome the new guys to the team. Tanner and Brandon, welcome to Pittsburgh and the Pens. Emily, I have a feeling that you will be the better part of that trade" everyone laughs of course "but we're glad you are all here. Now we just need to play hockey!" We all drink to that in agreement. It doesn't take long before the first person comes over to the table and asks for a picture with me. I smile and thank them for being a fan. That causes a few more to approach me, since someone else already has, and I put on the company smile and chat and take pictures. I hate that this happens and disturbs everyone else's good time.

* * *

It still amazes me that people come over to the table, interrupt our dinner and ask for a picture with Sidney. I understand that he's beloved, especially here in Pittsburgh, but do they have to interrupt dinner? "Does this happen a lot?" Emily whispers to me. "Enough" I tell her. "It's part of it, especially in Pittsburgh. When we're in Nova Scotia, everyone knows him but treats him like just another guy. Although I remember a time when we were in the supermarket during dinner hour and he was almost mobbed by fans. No one knew we were dating so I quickly slipped away and met him outside." Emily nods "I guess that's one of the downsides. Oh, I hear you got married congratulations." We spend some time talking about Sidney and my wedding and then Emily tells me that she and Tanner were married in Seattle last year. Emily seems like a genuine person and reminds me a lot of Vero. On the surface, they're nothing alike but they share the same sweetness and good heart. It must be hard for wives like Emily whose husbands move from team to team every few years. They have to make a new home, new friends and be away from their family. I never really thought about that before and how lucky I am with Sidney. He'll finish out his career here and we'll be able to have a home and a life in one place.

I see Carole-Lyn get up and she gestures for me to follow her. I excuse myself and follow her into the ladies room. She checks all the stalls to make sure that we're alone and then turns to me. "How are you feeling? You're what, ten or eleven weeks now?" I smile and reply "tens weeks, yeah. I finally stopped puking all the time and now I'm eating everything I see. I have a little pouch." I flatten my dress to show her and she laughs. "I have a pouch three times that big and I'm not even pregnant!" She chuckles and I just shake my head. I know she's self-conscious because so many of the other girls are stick thin although Carole-Lyn has had four children and you'd never know it. "Oh you're gorgeous and you know it. Why else do you have four children already? Pascal can't keep his hands off of you." Now we both laugh. We stop when the door opens but its Emily. "I know I'm new ladies, but you can't leave me out there with those boys. They're bonding and that's never pretty." Carole-Lyn and I look at each other, then at Emily, and then we all break out laughing. Yeah, I think Emily is going to fit in just fine.

We finish in the bathroom and head back to the table. I sit down beside Sidney and he puts his arm around my shoulders. Whispering into my ear, he says "have I told you how gorgeous you look tonight?" I turn my head quickly and catch his lips with mine. What I meant to be a quick kiss turns longer when Sidney holds me to him. "Oh for fuck sakes, I know you're still newlyweds but get a room" Paulie calls out and the rest of the guys agree. Emily turns to Tanner and says "see, not everyone is so terrified of public displays of affection" and she smacks his shoulder. Tanner winces and turns to Sidney. "I know you're the captain Sid, but please put the reins on it man or else I won't be able to play this season due to mariticide!" I can't help but chuckle and then break out laughing even harder when James turns to Paul and asks "what's mattress-ide?"

After dinner, Sidney and I walk back to the car hand in hand again. "I really like Emily. She seems like a lot of fun but really genuine too, you know?" Sidney leans down and pecks at my cheek. "What's that for?" I ask him. "I love how you see the good in people" he tells me. Wow, he's full of compliments tonight. I am a lucky, lucky girl. "It was a great idea for all of us to get together. I guess it's part of the bonding process that has to happen to become team mates." Sidney helps me into the car and then gets in his side. "Yeah, it's better if you can have some time practicing and also get to know each other. We don't always have that kind of time when there's a trade. So many times the guy shows up one day and plays the next. He gets an hour on the ice with the team, if he's lucky, and too many hours watching video with coaches and memorizing plays. It's not easy being traded." I never thought of that either. "I guess it also has to be tough because they're expected to produce right away too, huh?" I ask Sidney. "Yeah" he replies. "It's all part of it but it can be unfair too."

We arrive home and both head upstairs. I'm exhausted so I just flop down on the bed. Sidney lies beside me and turns on the TV. I swear that TV is on all the time and with some game of some sport. I guess it's a good thing that it's never bothered me. "How many days are you staying in New York?" I ask him. I feel him tense beside me; damnit. After a moment, he replies "going in and out so I'll only be there for the day." I know that's odd and he's never done that before but I don't dare mention it. He thinks that I bought his shit earlier today about only being worried about the lockout and it's all that's bothering him. I don't know how to get him to talk to me. I don't know how to get him to tell me what's wrong because it's so obvious that something is wrong and he just keeps avoiding it. Maybe he doesn't want to upset or worry me. Wasn't that the same mistake I made a year ago? Wasn't that one of the reasons we almost lost each other for good? I really don't know what to do anymore. I can feel sadness from him at the oddest times and it's not right. He has everything he's wanted, even if hockey is on a hiatus, and he shouldn't be sad. Oh God, I wish I knew what to do.


	165. Chapter 165

_**Note: I have two comments. First, regarding the flurry of reviews, wow! Second, coincidentally to the reviews, here is the next chapter.**_

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Sidney's plane has just landed and he's on his way home now. When I received the text, I started putting the finishing touches on dinner. I decided that we need to talk and I'm not going to give him an out this time. I'm going to mellow him out with a steak and good wine and then we'll really talk. I know there has to be more to it than the lockout and we really need to discuss what that is so that we can figure it out together. I hear the garage door opening so I go out and put the steaks on the grill. The potatoes are done and so is the salad. Checking the table, I see that everything is set up there too. Sidney walks into the kitchen, I can see how tired he is and know that nothing good came out of the meeting today. He leans in to kiss me and hold him close to me for a little longer. When we part, he pulls back only far enough to rest his forehead on mine. "I assume that it didn't go well." I say rather than ask. He kisses me again then pulls back "no. It didn't go well at all. I have no idea what Fehr and Bettman are even going to discuss tomorrow because we are absolutely nowhere with the HRR issues." He notices the table and then looks back at me quizzically. "I thought a nice dinner might help with a difficult day." A huge smile breaks out over his face and he says "wow, great idea. Do I have time to change?" I nod and he rushes up to the bedroom.

I bring the steaks in when they're done and put everything on the table just in time for Sidney to walk into the kitchen. As I'm pouring wine for Sidney, he comes up behind me and puts his arms around me. "Everything smells delicious" he says and kisses my neck. "I'm glad" I tell him. "I thought you might have had a long and even difficult day and I wanted us to spend the evening together." We each sit down and dig in. Sidney fills me in on the negotiations and I quickly see that he's right. They seem to be absolutely nowhere and the owners are just bullies. It really is one sided with the players the only ones moving to give concessions. As we clean up, I say "it really doesn't seem fair that they aren't willing to even budge on the HRR, length of contracts and other key things. What's Fehr going to do?" Sidney is silent for a moment and then says "the only thing he can do. He keeps at it and hopes that they negotiate." I can hear the frustration in his voice and I almost waver on my plan for the rest of the evening. Then I think back to those great talks we had in Tuscany and over the summer which strengthens my resolve to talk this out tonight.

We take our drinks into the family room and curl up together on the sofa. I can't help myself; I grab Sidney's wine and take a big sniff of it. He chuckles at me when I hand it back to him. "Don't laugh. You know that I wasn't a huge drinker but I actually miss it; especially that great wine. It's some of the leftover from the wedding that Mario gave us." Sidney takes the glass from me and we cuddle together in the silence for a few minutes. The silence is comforting, of course being in Sidney's arms does that too, and I hate to break it but I feel like it's now or never so here goes. "Sidney, I was hoping we could talk tonight." I'm too chicken to look at him right now but I feel him stiffen beside me and, although he hasn't physically moved, there is a distance now between us.

"Ok" is all he says. At least he hasn't left the room. "I feel like there's something going on that we're not talking about and it's right here between us. Before you say that it's the lockout, I feel that it's something else too. I don't know if you're still angry because I went to my sister when I first thought that I was pregnant. I know you don't like that I am still working and intend to keep working. Maybe it's something else altogether but we have to talk about it." Ok, I got it out and didn't become a crying jumble like I feared I might. I'm such a hormonal mess I had no idea how I'd handle this or how I might react. I do get a little worried when Sidney gets up now and walks over to stare out the window. His hands are in his pockets, of course, and I can only see his profile. I am almost shaking as I wait for him to answer me. Finally, he says "I don't know what you want me to say." That wasn't exactly what I'd hoped for but at least he's talking. "Sidney, I just want you to tell me how you feel. It seems to me like everything changed, like you changed, when you last went to New York. I know you weren't happy that Gemma had to take me to the hospital; but, something seemed to change then." Suddenly, Sidney whirls around to face me with an incredibly pained look on his face. "You think I wasn't happy that Gemma had to take you to the hospital? Is that all you think it was? Maybe I was mildly perturbed or annoyed that I was hours away when you needed me! That the first time I needed to be a father and take care of my family, I was in New York fighting about money rather than being with my wife and child, would simply tick me off a little. Is that what you think Angelia?!"

I'm stunned by his sudden outburst and more by what he's saying. I had no idea. Does he really think he failed us? "Sidney, is that what you really think? Do you think that you failed me and our baby?" He simply shrugs but then asks "didn't I?" My heart breaks right now. How could I have not seen that Sidney would see it this way? I should have known that this man, who takes his commitments and responsibilities so seriously, would have felt like he failed when he didn't take care of me. I hold my hand out for him and keep it there until he steps over, takes it and sits next to me. This time I turn so that I'm looking at him. Instinct takes over me. I put our joined hands over my stomach and put my other hand on his cheek to turn his face to me. "Sidney, I want to be really, very clear right now. No interpretations or perceptions. No hidden meanings or wondering. You have never failed our peanut and you have never failed me." I know that there are tears running down my cheeks now but I need to keep going. "I truly want you to hear me on this, ok? I have never, ever felt that you failed me. I don't think you ever could." As I look into his eyes, I see that they've changed from being devastated to being unsure. It's a step in the right direction but I don't understand why he's still so unsure. He gets up again and paces. He thinks better when he's moving.

* * *

I want to believe her and I know she's telling me the truth. I have to think about what I want to say so I get up and walk around the room. Part of me is glad that we're finally talking about this; but, a part of me is worried about what she'll say if I take the next step and tell her what I'm really worried about now. What is it Nana Forbes always says? 'In for a penny, in for a pound.' I take a deep breath and ask "if you don't think I've failed you then why are you pushing me away?" She doesn't answer me right away so I turn around and look at her. She's wiped away the tears that fell and now she simply looks confused. "I, um, I don't know what you're saying. When have I pushed you away?" Is she really so clueless? "This trip to New York is a perfect example. I didn't need to be there but you almost kicked me out the door. You told me how much they need me and count on me, clearly telling me that you don't need me here." The look on her face is bewilderment and I really can't believe she's so clueless about what she's been doing. "You've been saying it all along Angelia. You're pretty much going to be a single mom when I'm playing hockey and travel. Maybe you're just practicing for it now. Maybe you don't want to count of me or quite simply don't need me!" Oh God, did I really just say that out loud. I guess that's the 'pound' of it Nana Forbes talks about.

Angelia looks shocked and her mouth is slacked. I can only stare at her and wonder if I can take it all back now. I notice that her hand is on her stomach now and I rush over to kneel in front of her. "Are you ok baby?" It's like my words haven't penetrated so I ask louder "are you ok?" She notices my hand covering hers on her stomach and I think my words have finally broken through. "Oh" she replies "yeah. I'm ok, the baby is ok, really. I'm just, kind of stunned and processing what you said." I let go of the breath I've been holding but keep holding her hand. She stares down at our joined hands and then back up at me. "Um, first, I think we need to talk about what I've said about having the brunt of the child rearing when you travel. It was never said as a complaint or an indictment about you as a father. It is a fact about the life we lead and a consideration to having children. It was just that, a consideration. Having children changes our lives and that should be a consideration to having kids. For me, it was always about the timing consideration and never about the fact of it. I chose this life with you, I chose to be your wife and I chose to have children with you. It might be happening a little faster than anticipated; but, this is exactly what I want. I thought I clearly told you that this is what I want but I'll keep telling you if that's what you need to hear to believe it. Now, about New York and the trip, I was only thinking it through logically. I'm fine, the baby is fine, we're both fine so why wouldn't you go? If we weren't fine then maybe you wouldn't go. There is nothing subliminal or under the surface Sidney." I look into her eyes and feel, for the first time in weeks, the knot in my stomach slowly loosening.

She takes my face in her hands now. "Sidney, having a child, becoming parents, can make you crazy. I worry all the time that I'm doing the right thing, eating the right thing, moving the right way. You'd be crazy not to be freaking out a little." I begin to feel a little, ok more than a little, stupid for how I spun out of control. "Yeah" I reply. "I think I have been freaking out a little." She tilts her head and raises her eyebrow. "Fine, more than a little. I just worry all the time that I'm not going to do what you need me to do and be who you need me to be; both you and the peanut." She rests her forehead on mine and says "silly, silly man. We need you to be exactly who you are and that's all we need. We just need you." Now that knot is smoothed all the way out. We both lean in now and lips meet lips. It starts out slow and sweet and then deepens more meaningfully. I shift onto the sofa pulling her with me into my arms. We never break the kiss, the connection, needing to feel it.

We sit together now, cuddled in each other's arms, and I know that there is one thing left to talk about and I'm the one who should bring it up. "I think that I need to apologize too." I tell her. I feel her lean back and look at me. "I should have talked to you about this rather than brooding. The irony is not lost on me that you're the one who had to pry it out." She kisses my cheek and says "fine. Apology accepted. Now we're even." I chuckle a little but then look down at her and see that she's turned serious. "We'll get better at this you know Sidney. If we think that we're freaking out now, what are we going to do when the peanut is actually born? Then we have a baby! There will be diapers, breast feeding and projectile everything. That's when we'll really want to freak out. Of course, then we'll soon be into walking and having to lock everything up tight. What about when he or she goes to school or starts driving or dating?" I kiss her to shut her up. "Stop it ok? I get you're point Angel. We have a lot of worrying to do so let's not do it all now and let's do it together. Think how much better we'll be for number two and three." She tilts her head and raises that eye brow again with a smirk on her face. Oh damn, guess I have to kiss that smirk off.


	166. Chapter 166

I'm so happy that we aired everything out that I don't even care that we're watching baseball now. I'm so incredibly content lying in Sidney's arms on the sofa, spooning, that what's on the TV doesn't mean anything. I've missed this feeling the past couple of weeks. It's like we are completely connected in every way possible. He doesn't even notice that he's lightly drawing circles over my stomach with his fingers. I'm sure I should feel maternal or sentimental but it feels erotic to me. I can feel those light finger touches throughout my entire body. I can't help but shiver and Sidney pulls me closer in response. "Cold?" he asks me. I bite my lip then reply "no." I feel him chuckle behind me and then he leans into my ear. I feel his lips there and he whispers "really?" I wiggle my butt into him in response. He chuckles again and I feel his breath in my ear, down my neck, and it goes straight to my centre. Sidney tightens his arms around me with one hand going to my breast. I'm about to tell him to be careful when I notice that it doesn't hurt. Oh thank God that part is over. I knew that this kid couldn't hate me this much that I'd have sore breasts for nine months.

I tilt my head slightly and give Sidney better access to my neck which he takes immediate advantage of and his lips leave soft kisses along the length of my neck. At the same time, one of his hands sneaks up my shirt to cup my naked breast. With a jolt, Sidney stops everything and says "sorry, I forgot about your breasts." I smile and look over my shoulder at him. "It looks like our peanut has given me a break because they're fine now." I see a huge grin on Sidney's face before he attacks my neck again and his hand softly cups my breast. At first he only holds the weight of it in his hand, testing it, as if looking for muscle memory. Then his fingers trace around the nipple. Finally, he takes the nipple in his thumb and finger and lightly, softly, rolls it. I moan and arch into his hand. I can feel that one touch deep inside of me where it starts to throb. He licks at my earlobe and whispers "you missed that haven't you baby?" I can only moan and he continues "I have too. You are so fucking hot. I love to make you moan." I can only do it again as he continues teasing my breasts and then bites down on my earlobe. This man knows my body better than I do at this point. Thank God for it.

I reach around and pull his head forward so that I can take his lips with my own. I devour them quickly sweeping my tongue inside his mouth and tasting every recess. Finally, I just focus on his lips. I love how they feel against mine especially when I suck on the bottom one. I use my teeth to bite at his lip and then my tongue to salve it. He pulls away from me and I can't help but cry out when his lips desert mine. "Patience my Angel, patience. I want to see and feel more of you." He pulls my shirt over my head and then his. I feel his naked chest and stomach along my back as he pulls me against him again. His hands area everywhere; breasts, throat, stomach. I can't keep up with his touches along my naked skin. He puts one of his hands over mine and guides it to my breast and has me rub my nipple over and over with my hand. Then the guides my hand lower very, very slowly. I feel goose bumps across my stomach as our hands travel over it and the slight bump of the baby sleeping. He slips our hands inside my pants and panties guiding it lower still. With two of his fingers, he guides two of mine between my folds and then inside of me. "Feel how wet you are for me baby." I shiver when I feel his whisper against my ear. He dips our fingers slightly inside of me and I can feel that I'm already soaked. He twines his fingers with mine and I shiver. This is so erotic. I can hardly breathe. Every breath I take is a shudder.

He slides our fingers up to my clit and presses my wet fingers over it. He slides them around and around which makes me whimper over and over. "Yeah, you love touching yourself for me." I try to speak but it comes out a cry when he presses our fingers hard on my clit. I almost come right there and then but he removes our fingers quickly to dip them back inside of me. "Can't have you going too fast" he says. "I'm not nearly ready for that" although I can feel his erection against my butt and I know that he's more than ready. He moves our hands out of my panties and pulls them up until he can suck my two fingers into his mouth. I nearly orgasm right there at the moan he makes as he sucks on my fingers that were just inside of me. He licks them up and down and then sucks on them again. "You taste so good baby." I don't know what possesses me to do this but I pull my fingers from his mouth and pull his hand to my lips. Sucking on his fingers, I can taste myself on them and Sidney too. "Oh fuck" is all he says and moans as I continue to lick his fingers clean.

Sidney devours my neck using lips, tongue and teeth. I slip my hand behind me and pull at the snap of his jeans. I have to stretch which gives Sidney more neck to work. I moan when his teeth sink in again and then it's his turn to moan as I take him in my hand. He's rock hard and smooth as I stroke him slowly. I know this drives him crazy so I move my hand very slowly up and down. He groans and bites into my neck. I briefly wonder if it's going to be too cold for a turtleneck tomorrow to hide the damage; then I don't care. His hands play over my breasts as I get to the tip after a particularly long stroke. I feel his pre-cum and use a finger to lightly spread it around the tip. My touch is so soft but I know Sidney feels it because he's stopped moving. His hands are just cupping my breasts now. His legs are completely still. I have him in hand figuratively and literally. Again I only hear "oh fuck" this time whispered into my ear. I have another inspiration so I take my hand from between us and suck my finger into my mouth making sure I do it slowly and let Sidney see my tongue run up and down my finger to taste him. This seems to be too much for him now.

Sidney strips my pants and panties off of me and quickly slips his hand between my legs. I cry out when he simply holds me because I know that I need more. I move my hips to get him to slip his fingers further but he won't. He leaves his hand exactly where it is as he leaves slow, wet kisses down my cheek, neck, shoulder and then back up again. He's torturing me; I know for sure that he's torturing me. My hips are moving involuntarily now. I can't stop them. Sidney's free hand pushes my hair and my shoulders slightly so that he can lick and kiss at the nape of my neck and both of my shoulders. It pushes me forward slightly and I hope further into his hand but he holds me still. "Sidney!" I'm begging him now. I feel his smile against my skin. "Yes?" is all he says. Arg "you know what I want!" I tell him but the only thing moving against me is his lips. "I think I do but you need to tell me so that I'm sure." He's an evil, evil man. I love it when he's like this and I feel more moisture pooling below his hand. I bite down on my lip and squeeze my legs together as hard as I can. Damnit, it doesn't do the trick so I need to say "I need you to touch me, please. Slide your hand further between my legs and push your fingers inside me and fuck me until I cum." I know Sidney isn't used to me talking like that and I feel his erection pushing hard against my butt; he loves it.

Thankfully, he doesn't make me wait or beg any more. Sidney roughly pushes two fingers deep inside of me and I don't even recognize my own voice when I cry out. He pulls them out slowly and then slam them back inside and I throw my head back and cry out again. Sidney grabs my lips with his and begins moving his fingers in and out, fast and he takes my lips with his. As his tongue plays with mine, his fingers slide to my clit at the same time. The sensations are overwhelming me now. I can't even keep track of what is going on because it's become on huge mass of feeling as the orgasm builds. When I release, I'm wracked with small spasms and lose all conscious thought. The feelings wash over me again and again. Every nerve is on fire until, slowly, everything extreme begins to melt away into warmth and heaviness. I feel satiated that only comes from a man who knows your body better than even you do.

Slowly, I become aware that I'm disoriented and both hot and cold at the same time. As I become more aware, I realize that I'm still on the sofa. My body is cooling and the sweat with the cool air is making me shiver. The hot is Sidney's body still flush behind mine and very much a furnace. I feel his erection still pressing into me and know we're not done yet. I take a deep breath and feel more than hear Sidney chuckle. "You never cease to amaze me" I tell him. "Just when I think you've taken me as high as I can, you find a way to go higher." He chuckles again and I continue "but we're not done yet." I slide out of his embrace and slowly stand up. Shit, my legs are even wobbly. I look down at Sidney. Oh fuck, I could eat him up. He's lying there with his muscled, naked chest begging for my hands and lips to touch and taste its expanse. As I look lower and see his huge erection sticking out of the fly of his jeans, and I see a better use for my lips.

I'm about to drop to my knees when Sidney says "no" and I look at him confused. He stands up beside me and lifts me into his arms. "Upstairs, the sofa is fun but not nearly long enough for me." I chuckle and cuddle into his chest. Mmmm, I was going to taste that, wasn't I? I move my lips across his neck first and then down to his chest. Mmmm he tastes salty and very much Sidney. I move my lips back up to his neck to continue to taste as he walks us into the bedroom. He places me gently in the middle of the bed and I hold my hand out to him. He strips his jeans and shorts quickly and climbs onto the bed beside. I turn into him wanting to face him now.

Looking into his eyes, I run my hands up his chest, over his neck and into his hair to pull his mouth down to mine. We slow things down now. I can still feel how huge he is against my stomach now but we both seem to want to savour. Tiny sips at each other's lips turn into deep, long kisses. Our hands are roaming each other's body but slowly and softly. I love to feel the muscles at his shoulders and down his back. I'm always amazed that his skin can be so soft and his muscles so hard. The combination never fails to excite me. Our tongues begin a duel and we slowly play. I pull away slightly and lick at his lips. I watch his eyes open and humour come into them so I do it again. We both chuckle but this time when I try to lick, Sidney takes my tongue in his mouth and gives me a searing kiss. Mmmm, I guess we're done savouring.

Sidney rolls so that he's half on top of me and my hands play at his neck while we continue to kiss. I let my hands wander farther down his back until I reach his incredibly hard ass. Oh my God, I sink my fingers into each cheek and it's hard and unbelievable. Of course as my hands sink in I'm bringing him closer to me and feel again how hard he is so I try to shift and take him in but he holds me firm. "Not yet" he whispers and his lips move to my chin, down my neck and over my breasts. He pauses there to take one nub into his mouth. He works it with his lips, tongue and teeth until I'm writhing beneath him and pushing my breast further into his mouth. He moves to the other one and repeats his actions. When he's finished there, his lips travel lower and my hands move to his shoulders. He pushes my legs apart and settles himself comfortably between my legs. He pushes them even farther apart and then blows on me. I moan and my eyes close. I can't keep them open. I'm not even really feeling like I'm in my own body. Sidney takes a long, slow lick of me and I moan again; longer and deeper. He settles his tongue on my clit and holds it there pushing and releasing over and over. It's so sensitive from my last orgasm that I fear I might come again from this one little repeated action. His tongue leaves my clit and I feel his fingers opening me even wider for him. He blows again and again then, quickly, thrusts his tongue inside of me. His tongue darts in and out while his nose occasionally brushes over my clit. I'm in sensory overload now. The only thing I know is that I want him inside of me, now. Not his tongue, not his fingers, I need his dick inside me right now. I take a fistful of hair and pull as hard as I can until he slides up my body. He kisses me and I can taste myself on him but I don't care. I reach down and guide him inside of me. I let out a long moan into his mouth as he easily slides deep inside of me. I wrap my legs around him and just hold him there for a moment feeling the complete and incredible pleasure of being filled by him.

Soon though, that isn't enough and I release my legs, although I keep them around him, and begin to rock. Sidney takes my cue and begins to slowly thrust in and out. It's very slow at first and I open my eyes to see him looking at me. We rock against each other over and over while keeping the eye connection. I tilt my hips slightly and feel Sidney brush against that spot deep inside of me and then I can't keep my eyes open any more. They roll back in my head as he hits that spot one more time. My orgasm begins strong and fast. I'm aware that Sidney thrusts a few more times but then I'm only aware of feeling. It's so intense and strong. I feel it throughout my entire body. I ride it as long as I can and savour every moment. It amazing what this man can still do to me every tiem. I feel Sidney begin to shift but I wrap both my arms and legs around him. He chuckles. He knows that I love to hold him inside me as long as possible no matter how flaccid he's become. I love that connection; we're still joined as one. Even with him propped up though, he does begin to get heavy so I uncoil myself and let him roll to his side taking me with him.

We're nose to nose now and again staring into each other's eyes. "I love you" I tell him. He pushes hair from my sweaty forehead and says "that's handy because I love you too." We're whispering as if we might break a spell if we're too loud. No matter how good I feel, I do begin to feel both cold and sticky. Of course Sidney notices and says "let's take a shower." Before I know it, I'm in his arms again and he's walking us into the bathroom. "You know, I can walk Sidney, not that I'm complaining of course. One of the advantages of an athlete husband is knowing that you'll never be dropped." He chuckles and, still holding me, asks "is that the only advantage?" I cock my head and pretend to think about his question. "Hmmm, I think there might be one or two more if I really think about it." Sidney 'drops' me in the shower and turns on the water. When it's heated, he grabs me and pushes me against the wall. Water falls over us and Sidney attacks my neck with his lips. "Well, we had one and two. Let's try for a third more" he tells me and then we do.


	167. Chapter 167

_**Note: between work and taking care of my grandmother, the only thing I've been doing at home is sleeping. My apologies for the wait between chapters. I tried to make it up to you today. Enjoy ...**_

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Sidney's been a little moody again but I know it's about the lockout. Both sides aren't even talking and he's so frustrated. Four days a week he meets some of the guys at the rink and they skate then workout. He's so lost before and after practices. He's even brought be lunch at work a few times although I had to kick him out once when he got into a debate with Richard. At first, Gemma, Donna and I could only stare at them. We were all stunned that Sidney was debating string theory with Richard. Gemma whispered to me "I thought he was a hockey player?" I could only shrug my shoulders and then I went over when I saw that Richard was getting agitated. Richard has never taken it well when someone disagrees with him. As I walked Sidney out of the lab, I asked him "when did you learn about string theory?" He simply smiled at me, kissed my nose and said "don't you think I listen to you?" Then he disappeared out the door. He is always surprising me.

This afternoon he was going to check on the house progress. We are still hoping to be in by Christmas so they've added more guys to do the work. The design for the nursery is gorgeous and everything I could dream of and more. Sidney was surprised when he saw the design because I didn't tell him that I wanted accents of gold, black and white; Pens colours. It's very subtle but Sidney picked it up. It'll be good for a boy or a girl and it really isn't obvious. It's so cute that Sidney has decided to paint the nursery himself. He said that he wanted to do something himself for the baby. I know part of it is the boredom but it is very sweet. I put my foot down when he started talking about installing cabinets or countertops. There are some things that really need to be done by a contractor and not a hockey player.

Scanning my email, I see one from a colleague from MIT. It's nice to hear some of the news from my old school. I miss it, of course, and especially my colleagues and students but Pittsburgh has really become home and there are a lot of challenges here that I'm excited to take on. As I read further, I see that he's not just dropping me a note to say hi; he has a 'heads up' for me that I definitely don't like. My team is going to be so pissed off. I need to figure out how to handle this without them all diving off the deep end. I close my email when Gemma sits down beside me and asks "how are you feeling?" I look around and see that Donna and Richard each have their headphones on. "I'm still tired a lot but that's about it. I can eat anything I want again and actually keep it down although I really have an aversion for oranges. I can't drink orange juice or eat oranges. It makes me nauseous; weird." She starts laughing and says "leave it to you to be that weird. Oranges huh? " I laugh with her and say "yeah, oranges. I don`t even want them in the house so Sidney has to get his orange juice on his way to the rink. It's really weird." She looks down at my stomach and asks "are you starting to show? I've noticed that you're wearing looser clothing." I look down too. "I have a little bit of a pouch but just enough to make some of my clothes uncomfortable; especially my pants. I have enough clothes to wear that are loose." Now Gemma snorts "I'd say you have enough clothes. I'd love to have a sister who gets as many freebees as yours." We're both distracted when we hear Richard shouts "Fuck me!"

We walk over and I ask "what's going on?" I have to tap his shoulder and repeat myself because he forgot to take his earphones off. He does and says "look at this?" so we both lean in and read the email. Donna has also come over and we're all crowded around Richard's computer. "How can those fuckers do this to us?" Gemma says expressing what we're all thinking. Looks like my colleague was right and it's happened. "How can they be taking us off of the short list for the Fundamental Physics Prize this year? We were a shoe-in to win this time." Gemma again expresses what everyone else is thinking. Finally, they all turn to me and I walk over to what we're now calling our 'living room' so everyone follows me.

I wait until the team is seated then I explain. "I received an email from Dr. Jefferies today" referring to the email from my colleague. "I just read it a few minutes ago. He wanted me hear about it before we found out on the news or from any media. It looks like the Chancellor of MIT is not taking too kindly to my leaving the school. He feels it is especially egregious since he gave me a year off last year." "He gave you a year off? That fucker is lucky you only took a year. You didn't take any sabbaticals while there and only took meager vacations." I'm surprised that this is coming from Donna. While I completely agree, I need to pull this team together again. "Yeah, he's upset and that's an understatement guys. So he let the selection committee know that MIT is not supporting my nomination for this prize. As you know, you need to have a prestigious school or research facility sponsoring you to be selected and the University of Pittsburgh doesn't count." I let that sink in for a moment and they all look so dejected. I feel awful. "Guys, I'm so sorry. This is my entire fault. I'm the one who took a sabbatical last year and I'm the one who forced you all to move here. This would have been so important for all of you to receive this award; it would have been a team effort even if my name was on it. I'm really so sorry." I feel close to tears and it's really hard to hold them back.

Everyone is silent for a few minutes and then Richard clears his throat and says "it's ok." We all look at him and wait for more but that's all he says then he gets up, pats me on the shoulder twice and goes back to his desk. I'm confused and surprised. The others take his lead; Donna pats my shoulder too and Gemma says "when we win it with Pitts it will be that much sweeter." That's all there is and they go back to work. I know I'm not overestimating how great this could have been for them if we won and they don't seem to care. I know I'm going to lose it so I quickly head off to the bathroom. I barely make it inside when the tears and sobs break free. I know I'm hormonal but I can't stop myself. I am so lucky to have a great team working with me. They are truly the best. When I finally run out of tears, I survey the damage in the mirror. Yep, I look like I've been crying my eyes out. I do the best I can to repair my makeup and I look ok except for the red eyes. As I'm finishing up, Donna knocks on the door and says "Sidney's here." As usual, that makes me smile. I give myself a last look and then head out the door. When Sidney notices me he says "hi beautiful" and then his eyes narrow. I know he can tell that he can tell that I've been crying but I give my head a quick shake. Taking his hand, I turn to the group and say "we're going to get a coffee. I'll be back soon" and I lead Sidney out the door.

We head outside and I tell Sidney what happened. We sit on a bench and he pulls me into his arms. "I'm sorry babe. That's really unfair that they can pull their support like that." I nod "I feel really bad for the team but, you know, they were fine about it. I'm the one who dragged them to Pittsburgh and caused this to happen and their only response was to say 'it's ok' and that was it." I thought I might break down again but Sidney's hand running up and down my back soothes me. "Of course they're ok with it. I mean they obviously aren't ok with what happened; but, Angelia, they would go wherever you were to work with you. It goes beyond that too. They love you and are devoted to you and the work you all do together. I saw it the first time I met them. Have you told the university?" Oh crap "no, not yet. I thought about it and then I was distracted. I guess I should see if the Chancellor is in. I am not looking forward to that conversation." Sidney looks surprised and asks "do you think he's going to be made at you? It's not your fault." I chuckle because Sidney sounds just as incensed as my team did earlier on my behalf. "No, he's not going to blame me. He's going to try and make it better. He'll brown nose because he won't want me to leave the school and I hate when they brown nose." I tilt up for a kiss. Yep, this makes it all better. I cuddle in and we simply sit for a few minutes in comfortable silence.

I feel exhausted all of a sudden and make a decision. "Are you done with practice and everything for the day?" I ask Sidney. He replies "yeah. I thought about stopping by the house but wanted to see you first." Awe, he's so sweet. "Can you take me home? I'm ok just very tired right now and I think a nap is in order. I can deal with this shit tomorrow." He smiles and kisses my nose. "Of course, your wish is my command. Do you want to leave your car here? I can drive you in tomorrow." He's always thinking, my man, so I nod and kiss his nose. "Sounds great to me, I just have to go back in and grab my stuff." We head in and entering the lab it is obvious that they three were talking about something because they stop the minute we come in. They look at each other and then Gemma steps forward. "Ang, um, we were talking and we want you to know that we're pissed about the prize because you really deserve it. The work you've done is amazing and the best out there in this field. But, we really want you to be one hundred percent sure that we don't regret anything. We want to work with you and in this team. That's the most important thing to us. We don't care if it's at MIT or Pittsburgh or anywhere else. Being with you is what's important to us. Ok?" I look at all three of them and they're all smiling and nodding. Wow, I'm very lucky. I smile too and say "to coin Richard, 'it's ok'." We all laugh and have a group hug, except for Richard who has an aversion to hugging.

Shortly after, Sidney and I are in his truck and driving home. I can barely keep my eyes open so I lean back to close them; just for a minute. I wake up sometime later and I'm in Sidney's arms going in the house. "I guess I fell asleep" I tell him. He chuckles and replies "I almost wanted to check you for a pulse baby. You were in midsentence when you pretty much passed out." I chuckle too and hug him as he takes me up the stairs. "You know, I could get used to you carrying me." He kisses my brow and places me gently on the bed. "You get some sleep" he tells me but I pull him down with me. "I want you beside me." He sighs so I continue "you know you can put the TV on. I'll sleep right through it." Now he chuckles and props himself up on some pillows and then pulls me to his side. I feel comfortable there and drift off quickly. I only hear the Sports Centre theme in the background for a second.

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There were a few things that I wanted to do, including calling Fehr to find out what's going on with the talks, but Angelia doesn't often ask me to stay with her when she naps so I thought I should. She looks tired today although I'm smart enough not to mention it. Again I wonder if working is too much for her. I wish for the hundredth time that I could convince her to stop working. I see how tired she is and how much it drains her to be there all day and it worries me. I can't help it. All of the other wives don't work. Well, I guess not all of them. Benny's wife is a teacher but that doesn't really count. With the money I make there's no reason for Angelia to have a full time job. She could continue to research but let her team run the lab. Gemma seems more than capable and Angelia could go in for a couple of hours a week. I understand how important it is to her to work and I don't want to take that away from her. I guess I'm trying to be practical. I still have time since the baby isn't due for a while. I can't help it when my hand brushes over her barely there stomach. She has the smallest pouch and most people wouldn't even notice it. I'm in awe every time I see it. I can't imagine what it's going to feel like when the baby moves or kicks. To actually feel the life that is inside of her will be amazing. I'm still in awe that we're having a baby and I'm going to be a dad. I look at Angelia's face and she looks absolutely angelic in sleep. Her features are relaxed and she looks beautiful. I understand what they mean by pregnant women glowing because she really does. I feel my own eyes get heavy now so I slide down careful to keep Angelia in my arms and I quickly fall asleep too.

"Sidney!" I wake up confused. Did someone call my name? "Sidney, come here, hurry!" Yeah, that's Angelia calling me urgently. I get up quickly now and run towards her voice. In the bathroom, she's sitting on the toilet and holding a wad of toilet paper. There's blood on it. I'm confused about what's going on but the fear in her face breaks through; she's just wiped herself and there's blood. I can feel panic bubble up in my throat but then I see how scared Angelia is and I try to calm down. This is what she needs me to help her through. I kneel down beside the toilet and take her face in my hands. "Babe, we don't know that there is anything to worry about yet, ok? It looks like a small amount of blood. Was there anything else?" I don't even know what I'm asking her but I guess I need her thinking and not panicking." She looks down and then back at me. "No, just this" so I kiss her lips and say "ok then. You clean up and I'll call the doctor. We'll go get checked out right away and see what's happening. Let's not worry until we know that there is something to worry about, ok?" She still looks scared but says "ok."

I leave her in the washroom and shut the door behind me. I need to stop and take a couple of deep breaths. Inside I'm freaking out and I need to remain calm for both of us. I take a couple more deep breaths and then walk to my phone to call Dr. Harper. He gave us his cell phone number in case we ever needed it; now seems like that time. He answers right away and I relate the situation to him. "Sidney, it is most likely not serious but I want you to go to the emergency room. I'll call ahead and let them know that you're coming so that you don't have to wait in the waiting room. I'll meet you there, ok?" I thank him and hang up as Angelia is coming out of the bathroom. She is very pale. I quickly take her in my arms and say "Dr. Harper is going to meet us at the hospital. He says it's most likely not serious but we'll check it out just in case." I tilt her face up to mine and see the fear I feel mirrored there. I kiss her lips softly and say "let's go find out what's going on. It's most likely nothing Angel." She nods but I know that she doesn't believe me. I'm not even sure that I believe myself right now.

It takes us very little time to get to the hospital and Dr. Harper has called ahead so they take us right into an examination room. Angelia is quickly changed into a gown, hooked up to an IV and blood is drawn. I'm getting a little freaked out by all of this activity for something that should be nothing. Why the IV and blood if it's probably nothing? They don't stick needles in people when it's probably nothing, right? I feel Angelia squeezing my hand and I look at her and try a smile. I hope to hell I'm doing a better job at projecting more confidence than I fell. The nurses are all pleasant and ask Angelia a million questions about how she's feeling which she answers over and over again. I'm the one who's impatient and want's to kill everyone to get Dr. Harper here faster. Finally, he arrives and comes in with a clipboard.

"Hello Angelia, Sidney. I'm looking over your labs Angelia and everything looks good here. It's exactly what we'd find at this point in your pregnancy. Let's take a look at your baby. Although we can see the baby through a traditional ultrasound now, I want to do one transvaginally to get a really good picture." Oh God, not that way again. I was so happy when he switched to the regular kind but looks like he's back to the inside one. They begin to set up the things for her feet and have her scootch down the end of the bed. I don't know how she does this, really I don't. It seems so weird and kind of violating. I really hate it so I look down at my Angel instead and brush the hair off of her forehead as she worries her lip. I lean in and kiss those lips and get a small smile. "We'll see our peanut in a minute babe." She bites her lip again but nods. "Ok, here we go" Dr. Harper says and I look up at the screen. In a few minutes, a picture appears and Dr. Harper is playing with the screen and then I see his arm moving up and around but I quickly put my attention back on the screen. I don't need to see his hand in my wife with an object, seriously!

He taps the screen a few times, readjusts, and then he taps the screen a few more times. Finally he says "ok" and sits back. The nurse cleans Angelia up and helps her sit up. Dr. Harper pulls over the screen closer for us to see. "I did see some blood Angelia but not enough that I'm alarmed. If we look at the baby" and he taps a button "you can see that everything looks good." Our baby appears on the screen and really looks like a baby now. Well, part baby, part alien but much less like a 'thing' and more like a baby. Then it hits me what the doctor has said; everything looks good. A huge breath rushes out of my lungs. I look at Angelia and she's crying now so I lean down and kiss her. She reaches up and brushes at my cheek to wipe away a tear. "Everything looks just fine. The baby is in great form for maturity and grown. Your placenta is intact and attached as it should be. With spotting, we sometimes worry about the placenta but everything looks good. Sometimes, some women have some spotting and that's all this is. You're both doing just fine." I can't help it, I pull Angelia into my arms and we simply hold onto each other for a few moments. When we separate, I kiss her slowly and softly. We are both so relieved. I look around and realize that everyone has left. I guess they knew we wanted a few minutes together.

"Our peanut is ok baby." I tell her. She smiles up at me, beautifully, and replies "yeah, our peanut is just fine." I stroke her cheek and say "but mommy needs some food and then some sleep." She nods and says "you bet. And mommy needs to do both of those things with daddy." I can't help but smile now too. Dr. Harper comes in and is signing something on his clipboard. "You guys were right to give me a call. As you enter you second trimester you want to be concerned by blood but it is more often nothing than something. Go home, continue to do what you're doing and you're all going to be fine." We both thank him and then Angelia gets dressed and we head home. As we're driving home, I ask her "what are you in the mood to eat. I'm going to pick something up for us. You're too tired to cook and neither of us wants me to cook unless an omelette is all you want." She laughs and then says "actually, an omelette sounds really good right now. Why don't we just stop at the diner?" I scoff at her and reply "you don't want me to cook one of the only things that I can? Ha! I am going to make you the best omelette of your life when we get home." "Tough talk Crosby. Are you that confident in your omelette making skills?" I guess she's feeling better. My wife is chirping me about omelettes. Nothing could make me happier right now.


	168. Chapter 168

When we get home from the hospital, Sidney won't let me do anything. He settles me at the breakfast bar with a cup of tea and tells me not to move. I put up only a token protest because I love watching him do, well, anything. He's currently chopping up vegetables to put in our omelettes. I cringe every time he gets a little too close to his fingers; not only am I fond of them, very fond, but I don't think the Pens would be too happy if he damaged one. "Ok, I've got mushrooms, spinach, left over broccoli and green onions. Is there anything else you want?" he asks me and I can't resist so I lean over the counter with my lips puckered. He laughs, kisses me and then says "anything else?" I shake my head and he gets the eggs out. I get up to get the toast going and he asks "where do you think you're going?" I look at him and reply "to get bread to toast." He simply points to the chair I just left and says "sit." So, I sit back down and watch him get the bread.

I sip my tea as he whisks eggs and goes about making our omelettes. I get distracted when he's at the stove. I'm only human and Sidney is standing in front of me wearing my favourite jeans. Wow that man can fill out a pair of jeans. His phone rings and he says "who is it?" I look and it's Fehr. Sidney says "can you answer on speaker?" I do and Sidney says "Hi Don, what's up?" Don replies "Hi Sid. I wanted to give you a heads up that the owners have just pulled their latest CBA offer off the table." Sidney turns and stares at the phone. "What does that mean Don?" I can hear Don sigh then he says "it means that there is no offer on the table from the NHL. Since our last offer was rejected, it means that there is no offer on the table from anyone." Sidney is still staring at the phone so I jump up and tend to the omelettes. He mouths 'thanks' to me and says to Don "I don't understand. How can they just withdraw their offer?" Don replies "it's a tactic Sid. They think if they don't negotiate then we'll be forced to give more concessions. It's one hundred percent a negotiation tactic. We'll probably burn a week or two because of it and then they'll have to cancel the Winter Classic. That's going to be big news and they'll hope it makes it seem like the season will be done soon after." Sidney and Don talk for a little while more and I'm putting our omelettes on our plates when Sidney hangs up the phone.

I take our dishes to the table and Sidney joins me. He kisses my forehead before sitting and says "thanks babe." I nod but stay silent. I know he's upset by the news and I'm not sure what to say. There's really nothing to say about the situation really and it's frustrating. "They just withdrew their offer. How can they just do that? How does that move negotiations forward?" Sidney asks but I know his questions are rhetorical. I say the only thing I can "I love you." He looks up at me surprised and then it does earn me a little smile. "I love you too Angel. I guess I still owe you an omelette." I smile back and say "you can clean and then we'll call it even." We both dig into dinner and, as we finish, I ask "what does that mean for our plans? We haven't talked about it in a while but what about playing in Europe." Sidney has started cleaning so he stops, looks at me surprised and replies "forget about the insurance problem and what it would look like if I left; do you really think that I'd leave you here to play in Europe?" I sigh and reply "no, not really. I just wanted to ask. You know that I never want to be the reason that you don't play hockey. You've sat on the sidelines too much in the past eighteen months. If you needed to go to Europe to play then I'd understand and we'd make it work."

Sidney walks away from the sink with soapy hands and kisses me. "I love you for understanding that and for also understanding that I'm not leaving you here, pregnant and alone. You're right that I want and need to play hockey; but, as long as a season is possible, I won't even consider going anywhere. Pat will keep on top of the offers and we'll tell the press it's still a possibility but I'm not going anywhere babe." With one last kiss, he goes back to the washing the pans. I never truly thought that he would leave but I am glad to hear him tell me that he isn't even considering it right now.

When everything is cleaned up, we settle in front of the TV and are just getting comfortable when Sidney's phone starts blowing up. Text after text comes through. "I guess it was announced that the owners withdrew their offer" I say. He looks at his phone and says "yeah. A lot of guys are texting about it. Unfortunately, they think I know more than they do but there isn't anything to know. They pulled their offer so we're now in limbo." I take his phone from him and turn it off. I grab mine and do the same. I hand him the TV remote and then lay back down so my head is on his lap. "Let's turn the world off and watch a movie. After all of the drama today, I think we need to stop the world and take an evening for us." Sidney starts stroking my arm and says "you're right. Let's order a movie and ignore everyone else." "No war movies" I tell him. "Choose a comedy. I need to laugh." He flips through the movies and settles on Ted. It doesn't take too long before we're both laughing.

Despite the movie being hilarious, I predictably fall asleep. I fall asleep every time I'm horizontal these days. I wake up and, when I open my eyes, see football on the TV. Damn, I must have slept through the end of the movie. "Hello there; guess you decided to take a nap after all." I chuckle softly and reply "I didn't decide to take a nap. It just happens to me, a lot." I stay where I am and cuddle a little closer to Sidney and into the blanket he's draped over me. He begins to run his fingers through my hair and I'm almost purring. I love when he does that. It's such a comforting and reassuring feeling although it quickly turns to more than comfort. His hand slides down my neck and over my arm. I know where his mind is going, mine is there too, but I have to put the brakes on. "Sidney, we can't remember?" I'm reminding him what the doctor said today. No sex for a couple of days. Sometimes spotting can happen from sex and, although there is no danger, we should wait for a couple of days before we have sex again. Of course that's like waving a red flag in front of a bull. While I might have felt too tired, since we can't have sex, it's all I'm thinking about right now. "Shit, I forgot" Sidney replies. I feel bad for him because when I feel him shift, it's obvious he's already getting hard. Hmm, just because I can't doesn't mean that we should both suffer.

I roll so that I'm on my back and pull his face close to mine so that I can kiss him. I take his lips for a long, slow kiss. When he pulls back he asks "what are you doing?" With tongue in cheek, I reply "if you have to ask then I guess I'm not doing it right." He rolls his eyes and I pull his lips back to mine again. This time I use his shoulders to pull myself up until I'm straddling him and manage to maintain our kiss. His hands have gone to my waist and they move slowly up and down my sides while I feast my hands in his hair. I briefly notice how long it's getting as it curls at the nape of his neck. I move my lips over his cheek and to his jaw. I nip and tease as I move down his neck. He tastes so good so I move slightly back and pull his tee shirt over his head so that I can continue kissing down his chest. I slip off his lap and continue to move my lips over his chest. He tries to pull me back up and says "Angelia, you don't need to do this; we can wait" but I silence him with my lips on his before I move back down again. My lips move over his chest and down to his stomach. God, I love his abs. It's not human to be built like this and to be able to feel every muscle against my lips.

I'm unsnapping his jeans when there's a knock on our door; actually, it's more of a banging than a knock. I look up at Sidney and he's rolling his eyes and grabbing his shirt at the same time. Looks like our plans for the evening have changed. I follow Sidney to the front door. When he opens it, both Mario and Nathalie are there. Nathalie flies through the door and hugs me hard speaking very fast French. She's happy that I'm ok and wants to know why we didn't call them. When Nathalie lets me go, I pull back from the door so that Mario can come in too. "Nat, what are you talking about?" I ask her. She replies "Sid's parents have been trying to reach you both for hours. Someone from the media called them wanting to know what was wrong with Sid and if he's having concussion symptoms again. Apparently there's a picture of you guys leaving UPMC emergency room. Trina and Troy got worried when they couldn't reach you so they called us and we came over here. None of us thought it was Sid but we prayed it wasn't the baby." She looks between Sidney and I and asks "what's going on?" Sidney replies "we're both fine. Why don't we go into the family room?" He takes their coats and we settle in the family room. Before Sidney can begin, I tell him "maybe you should call your folks first." He picks up his phone and turns it on. The minute it's powered up, it begins beeping and making all kinds of noise. They must be missed calls, texts and messages.

He takes his phone with him into the kitchen to call Trina and Troy so I tell Mario and Nathalie what happened. "I had some spotting so we called Dr. Harper and he had us meet him at emergency. Everything with me and the baby is fine but we were worried of course. Someone must have taken our picture when we left. With the news about the CBA" I begin, wince when I say this and look at Mario. He just nods once so I continue "well, with that news, Sidney's phone was going crazy so we both turned our phones off so that we could just relax for the evening. It's been a stressful day. We never thought about this kind of thing happening." Nathalie comes over to sit beside me. "You're ok Ang? He did an ultrasound and everything is ok?" I take her hand; it's just like her to focus on making sure that I'm ok. "Yeah Nat, everything is fine. The baby looks good. The placenta looks good. We're healthy." She hugs me and says "thank God." Sidney comes in then and says "mom and dad are fine now. They didn't really worry until they couldn't reach either of us and it went on for a few hours. Since you're here, why don't you both stay for a while? I'll open a bottle of wine and we can catch up."

* * *

Once everything was sorted out, we had a really great time catching up with Nathalie and Mario. I've missed not being in daily contact with one or both of them. This lockout is screwing with all of us. I think Angelia had a great time catching up with Nathalie too. They've decided to have lunch once a week, not in public of course, to stay in touch. We were caught up on the kids and the craziness that is always the Lemieux household. Basically, it was a great evening with great friends. Both Nathalie and Mario noticed Angelia yawning a few times, even though she tried to hide it, so they left after an hour or so. Angelia may have had a nap but it was a very busy day and stressful day so she must be exhausted.

After saying goodbye to the Lemieuxs, I send Angelia upstairs while I clean up and close up the house. When I walk into the bedroom, she's already in bed and I can see her eyes drooping. She's trying to wait up for me and battling hard to stay awake. I get ready and quickly slide into bed beside her where she curls up to my side. "Mmmm, you're so warm" she mumbles into my chest. "What a weird day" she continues. I think about it and she's right. It's been really, really weird and more than a little scary too. "I can only be thankful that you and the peanut are ok. I have to admit that it scared the shit out of me when I saw that blood. If this kind of thing freaks me out, what am I going to do when the peanut is actually here? I remember Duper saying that Kody had stitches twice before he was three years old and he was on the road both times it happened. The girls were much calmer but Kody's been giving them gray hair, Duper says. I'm going to freak out about everything I guess. Thank God I have you to be the calm one." I look down at her and she's drifted off to sleep. I chuckle wryly. She wants me to talk and then she falls asleep on me while I do. I kiss her forehead and she doesn't even stir, poor thing. Oh well, it's been a very long and stressful day for both of us.

It makes me think though; if I was stressing over being away IF something happens then what am I going to be like when I'm on the road and something does happen? Kids have accidents, it's a fact, and I may not be here. I never thought about this when I dreamed of having a family. Nathalie and Mario make it look so easy. So do the Dupuis', Cooke's, Kunitz's; how are those guys so calm all the time when they're away from their kids? Mine hasn't even been born and I can't imagine not being here. I look down at Angelia again. I guess she's going to make it all work. One of our conversations with the doctor in LA comes back to me. Angelia talked about ballet classes, baseball games, recitals and how she would be primarily responsible for taking the kids. She would go to parent-teach conferences. As I think back to that conversation, it strikes me now that she wasn't complaining or being negative. It's going to be a fact that I'm going to miss stuff; Duper does, Cookie does, Kuni does and so will I. When I consider this, I don't regret that we're having a child now. I know that I will be there for lots of stuff and we'll make it work. It does make we wonder, again, how Angelia is going to keep working when we have kids. She is going to be more involved when I'm on the road. How will it even be possible for her to do it all?

Maybe I should talk to Nathalie or one of the wives who Angelia is close with and see if they'll talk to her about how they manage. None of them work and have kids. They can tell her what it's like to be the mom of a hockey player's kid. I wouldn't have wanted them to talk to her before she got pregnant or else we definitely would have had to wait; but, now that we're expecting, maybe one of them can convince her to stop working. She can still advise her team and support the work without being there every day. A nice endowment will smooth it over with the school. Am I crazy for wanting her not to work? When I look around at the guys with kids, and see that their wives are home full time, I have to think that I'm right. Fuck, what am I going to do? I want her to be happy but I also want to do what I think is right for our family. Is it possible to do both? Do all of the guys go through this when they start a family? Why am I stressing out so much about this when Angelia isn't? We really need to talk about this again. Hopefully she'll be feeling better tomorrow and we can talk and plan for what comes next. This baby is going to be here before we know it.


	169. Chapter 169

_**Note: life still remains a challenge to write with as much as I was before. I even had to record the Philly game and watch it later. Thank you for your patience, enjoy**_

* * *

'We have to talk' is all Sidney's text said after 'I'll pick you up after practice.' He drove me in this morning so I wasn't surprised that he was going to pick me up. It's the 'we have to talk' that's currently driving me crazy. The past two weeks have been great. I've been feeling really good with no more spotting. I'm still tired but that's really the only unusual thing in my body. I haven't really grown much bigger, to my disappointment, but the doctor is very happy with everything. He does an ultrasound for us at every visit which I know is unusual, and it's probably because of Sidney, but I'm not going to complain. I get a baby picture every time we visit which I quickly take of picture of with my phone and send to Trina, Taylor and Mariah. Sidney and I have been great too so I'm really worried about the 'talk' part of his text. Or maybe it's the 'we have to' part of it. I don't know. I only know that he'll be here in five minutes and I have to get going if I'm going to prevent him from coming in here. It will take forever to leave if he does and I want to find out what we have to talk about! The team loves talking to Sidney. If I'm honest, I love that they love him because I know it's not because he's a hockey player. It's because he's Sidney. I just don't want them to talk today.

Finally, I've pulled everything together and I say goodbye. "Wait" Richard shouts to me. "We really need to talk about this Physics Prize. I've been looking into it and we can appeal. We should appeal." I feel bad that Richard is so upset. Actually, they're all upset but at least Gemma and Donna know that there is nothing we can really do. Hmmm, Richard is very much like Sidney regarding fairness. "Richard, I love that you want to pursue it and you're right that it's not fair. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to change the outcome. By trying to protest, we really only look like sore losers and there's nothing to gain." He wants to argue with me, I can see it on his face, but he can't. I'm right and he knows it. That doesn't mean any of us like it. I look at my watch and I really need to go. "Guys, I'm sorry but I have to go. See you tomorrow." I pat Richard's arm and he nods to me. That's as big as a hug from him.

I'm rushing out the main door and fall directly into Sidney's arms. "Whoa" he says as he catches me. "Oh sorry, I was trying to make it outside so that you didn't have to get out of the car." I reply. I push my bags back over my shoulder and look up into his face. I can tell that something is preoccupying him but he smiles and it reaches his eyes. "Hi" he says and kisses me. I linger into the kiss before I pull back and say "hi yourself." He takes my hand and we walk to the car. After he helps me in, he goes around to his side and then we're off. "Where are we going?" I ask instead of what I really want to know. "Home" he says simply and then he's quiet. Looks like I'm going to have to wait for this talk; shit. I try to relax but then I feel a twinge at my pelvis. I guess my hand goes there because Sidney says "are you ok?" I grab his hand because he's panicking. "Yeah, I'm fine sweetie. I read about these things. My ligaments are pulling as our peanut makes his or her home in there. I'll probably have these kinds of twinges for a few weeks and then, closer to the date, I'll get them again only it will be my pelvis starting to move." He shakes his head and says "I guess pregnancy only looks perfect from the outside, huh?" I take his hand that I'm holding and place it on my stomach saying "it's pretty perfect from the inside too." His hand stays there for a few moments and strokes my stomach until he has to use it to drive.

Thankfully the traffic is light and we make great time to the house. I go directly to the kitchen and Sidney follows me. I grab a yogurt and some make some tea. It seems that I need to keep busy until Sidney finally decides to say something but he waits until I'm seated at the table with my snack. We stare at each other for a few minutes and it's killing me waiting for him to start. Do I ask? Should I start? What would I start with? Arggg!

* * *

I've been regretting the text message ever since I sent it. Why couldn't I wait until I saw her and then decided if I wanted to talk? Of course, I sent the text because I know the answer to that question. I wouldn't have said anything and another two weeks would have gone by. I sent the text so that I'd be forced to bring it up. As soon as I decided not to get one of the girls to talk to her and to bring it up myself, I've been chicken shit. Maybe I should have given more thought about what I would say before I decided to force the issue. Oh well, that ship has sailed and now I'm sitting at the kitchen table in front of Angelia, calmly sipping her tea, waiting for me to say something. Ok, here goes.

"I, um, I'm sorry for the text. I've wanted to talk to you about something and I never do. I guess I sent the text so I couldn't chicken out again." I finally look up and see that she looks worried. I reach for her hand and say "oh baby, I'm doing this so badly. Everything is ok, really. I want to talk about what's going to happen when the baby is born." She sighs and looks relieved. "Oh, that's it, ok Sidney. What about in particular?" I take a deep breath because I know she's not going to be relieved for long. "Ok, well, I want to talk about you working or, I guess, you not working. Shit, I'm making a mess of it." She sits back and I know this wasn't what she expected. "I thought we talked about this and decided everything Sidney." I look at her and, no, this wasn't what she was expecting. "Yeah, we talked about it. We've talked about it a few times but I don't feel that we've really settled it. At least, I don't think we've settled it." She takes a sip of her tea and says "ok. If you think that there is still things to talk about then we should talk. I guess if we've learned nothing else from our relationship it's that we need to talk about things that bother us."

Good, we're going to talk. Now I need to actually tell her what I think; how I feel. "I've been trying to think of how to explain my point of view. I know I haven't done a good job of it in the past. I guess that I always assumed my wife would stay home with the kids just like the other guys' wives do. That's the first thing. It really surprised me that you wanted to work. I know you weren't happy last year with nothing to do but I assumed having the baby would solve that problem." She's been sitting there patiently listening to me. Now she takes another sip of her tea. "Sidney, you're right that I wasn't happy last year when you were away and I was alone with nothing to do; but, it wasn't having anything to do that bothered me. I need my work. I need the pursuit of my goals, the analysis and conversation that happens. I need the drive for the unknown. I know that I can make more contributions to understanding the universe. It isn't about busy work. It's about my life's work. You know what it was like to be without hockey. Why can't you see that it's like that for me too?" That gets my attention. Is she really using my concussion as a reason that she should work? I feel myself getting mad and force some deep breaths to calm down. Wait, isn't that one of the things that drew us to each other? We both were children in an adult's world pursuing our dreams and now both of us are at the top of our profession doing something we are passionate about. Somewhere along the way I forgot about that. I forgot about last summer when she gave that lecture and was treated like a rock star, or a hockey star.

"Yeah Angelia, I get it. I understand how important it is to you. What about when I'm playing again and travelling? That's when I worry about you. You could be alone for days. How are you going to work and take care of the baby? I don't see how that is going to work especially when you were so clear about not wanting a nanny. Without help, how do we going to do this when I travel? I never gave too much thought to it when you were talking about being like a single mom when I travel. It wasn't until our peanut was real when it hit me that you were right. How do you think this will work?" She's biting her lip now. I don't know what that means. Is she trying to figure out what to say? How to say it? I just wish that she would say something. "I've been think about this a lot recently and I don't know." What? Did she really just say that? I guess I looked surprised because she says "you're right in that I don't know what we're going to do. Maybe I was too quick to say no nanny. I know that we need to figure it out. I've made a commitment to my team and they've moved their lives to Pittsburgh. Sidney, all I know is that I need to figure it out not give up. We have everything, truly everything, and there are so many other people in the world who have a lot less than we do. Surely we can figure this out. As I said, maybe I was wrong to dismiss a nanny." Now I'm the one to be surprised. I didn't even consider that she would see a nanny as an alternative. She continues "you know, working doesn't mean that I have to work full time either. I wouldn't say this to anyone else but the University is lucky to have me. My name has already brought in big donations to the school. They wouldn't give me any trouble about hours and that allows me to be a mommy and a scientist. With a nanny to help out, it may be the right solution."

This isn't at all how I thought this would go. She's supposed to see that she can't work and have a family when I'm on the road. She's supposed to decide that she can't work and be a mom. She's supposed to decide to stay home. Why can't she see that's what she's supposed to do? This isn't making any sense to me. Everyone else's wife stays home with the kids. Why can't Angelia see that's the way this works? Even Nathalie stayed home with the kids. Not many player's wives, and definitely not elite player's wives, work outside the home even when they don't have kids. I need to regroup and think about how to approach this next. I've tried logic and she doesn't see it. Maybe if I tried … "So we're going to have a baby and a nanny is going to raise our peanut when I'm away? That isn't the way to raise our kids. That isn't how I thought we'd be raising our kids." She's very quiet now. I can't read her face at all. It's completely expressionless. Slowly, she stands up and turns to leave the kitchen. I'm on her before she can leave the room. When I touch her arm, she whirls around on me and says "don't touch me right now Sidney. I just need a minute before we continue this conversation." Now I'm confused by why she's so upset. I say "what" but she doesn't let me finish. "Please don't say another word right now. I need to use the washroom and then I'll be back." I see her eyes are wet and I feel like crap. I reach for her arm again but she only puts her hand up to ward me off and then turns and walks away. The bathroom door closes with a soft click rather than the hard slam I expected. The quiet sound has more impact. I'm left wondering where it all went wrong.

* * *

I probably shouldn't have walked out of the room but what else do you do when the soon to be father of your child calls you a bad mom before you've even had the child. Why am I a bad mom to want to be personally and professionally fulfilled? I thought the conversation was going so well until then. We were both being so rational and honest. We talked about how we felt and what we thought. Why is it, when we had discussed all of the obstacles and knocked them down, did Sidney get so personal and, well, attack me? I'm not a good mom if I don't stay at home? What the fuck is that about? I guess we never really talked about what our life would look like when we had kids but surely he couldn't think that I'd stop being me. He knows what it was like last year. He's seen me now in my lab and working. I know he's a traditional guy regardless of his age; but, is he really that traditional that the woman needs to stay home? His mom never stayed home. Wait a minute; his mom never stayed home!

I have a really good mad on now, maybe to cover the hurt, and I rush back into the kitchen. Sidney meets me beside the table and I poke him in the chest with my finger. "Why would you ever think that I would stay home and give up my job? It's such an antiquated way of thinking that I can't even believe you suggest it. And about me needing to do it because you travel, fuck that too! There are a lot of families with travelling parents and they do just fine. We're not handicapped by your success. In fact, we have more options because, quite simply, we have the money to have the options. We haven't finished the house yet. I could put an addition on for a lab at home and not even need to leave the house to work. Oh, and I have never cared, nor do I care now, what all of the other wives do. You always told me how you're different than the other players with more obligations and responsibilities which makes us, and me, different too. So don't be trying to tell me that I'm going to be a bad mother because I'm not June fucking Cleaver in an apron waiting at home with dinner on the table and the baby ready for you to play with. Ok Crosby!?"

I finally slow down and notice that Sidney is standing in front of me with his mouth wide open. In part of my brain I giggle because he looks like a bass he caught out of the lake. The rest of me is still mad and breathing heavily. He seems to collect himself and says "Look I" but then I remember "and another thing Crosby. Your mom wasn't home with you! Not only did your mom work but she often had two jobs to pay for your equipment, training, travel and all kinds of things that parents who don't make much more than minimum wage have trouble finding the money for. Your parents juggled like every family does. They'd switch off practices and games, travel out of town, special trainers in other parts of the country and they never got any financial help until you were a teenager. That's ten years paying for an elite hockey player's shit with minimum wage jobs. How can you even fathom that I would stay home after having one child? I'll take time after the baby is born of course, an infant needs it's mom, and sure, when we have the four, five or six you want, but I can work and take care of one child!" Now I've run out of mad and I'm exhausted. I flop onto a chair and take a sip of his water while he just stares at me. Hmmm, I feel better now.

* * *

In the past few minutes, I've only got two words out because my sweet Angel has turned into a dragon. Where the hell did all of that come from? One minute we're having a calm conversation and then she comes back from the bathroom breathing fire. Ok, I'm not that stupid and I know that I crossed the line when I said that we needed to be home to raise a child. I really didn't call her a bad mom but it could have sounded that way. As to the rest, I'm still processing everything. She's sipping my water sitting at the kitchen table so I sit down too. What the hell just happened? It's still a blur. Ok, she's right about the money thing. We've got lots of it so we can do whatever we want to have the best of all worlds. Almost no one else who's raising a family can say that. I never thought about her having a lab at the house. I would have no problem with her team around. They've been with her forever and are almost like family. She'd only have to go in to the university to teach or meet with students I guess. What really got me was the thing about my mom and dad. She's right about them; either one or both had to work two jobs so that I could have the equipment and training I needed to be the best. It's an expensive sport.

So why am I so set on having her stay at home? "I'm done now Sidney. I promise that I'll let you have your say now." I look at her and she's still flushed with anger but it's coming down. She also looks a little embarrassed by her outburst. It was truly impressive and, I would never risk my life speaking these words out loud, more than a little hormonal. "You're right about everything" I tell her because she is but I continue "I still want you to stay at home and I don't know why." I guess honesty is better than nothing. I place my head in my hands trying to think this through. My mind immediately goes back to last season. Angelia came to Pittsburgh with me and helped me through my concussion. She's the reason I got better. She made sure I saw the right doctors and did the right things. Her research was invaluable; but, it was more than that though. She was always there for me. I've never had someone who was always there for me. Sure, I know that I can always count on my parents but it was different coming home every day to someone who knew me and understood what I was going through. I don't know what I would have done if it hadn't been for her. Oh fuck! Am I really that guy? Am I really that selfish prick? Am I really the guy who wants his woman to be home all the time so that she can take care of me? Oh fuck! I'm really that guy**. Oh fuck**, and now I have to tell her too.

"Are you ok Sidney?" she asks softly. I can hear the concern in her voice so I lift my head to look at her. Yeah, she's worried. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just figured it out. I guess you wouldn't just let me take it all back and go from there huh?" She only looks confused now. Ok, here goes nothing. I get up and then kneel in front of her. Might as well be in close reach if she wants to deck me; she is pregnant and I do deserve it. "I finally figured out why I want you at home." I tell her. She keeps looking at me and waiting for me to continue. She's going to kill me. I know she won't leave me but she's definitely going to kill me. I take a deep breath and look down at our joined hands. I really can't look at her when I say this. "I want you to stay home so that you can keep doing what you did last year." She doesn't say anything so I look up and her face is confused. Damnit, do I need to spell it out? I look down again and plainly say "I want you at home to take care of me." There, I got it out. Seriously, I can't believe that I'm that fucked up to want my wife home to wait on me. I brace for the screaming or the smack from Angelia but it never comes. I peek up at her face and, seriously?, she's laughing. The kind that doesn't make any sound because it has taken over you completely; great, fine, lovely. My wife, the love of my life, is laughing in hysterics at what an idiot I am.


	170. Chapter 170

"I really am sorry that I laughed at you Sidney" she apologizes for the hundredth time since our talk. I'm actually glad she laughed. Many women would have been offended or called me a pig or worse. My wife laughs. "Please stop apologizing. I should be apologizing for being such an ass. I'm still worried though about how we're going to do this but I think we'll be able to do it together." She turns and cuddles to my side. I love laying like this on a lazy Saturday morning. The sun is peaking around the curtains and we're either too comfortable, or too lazy, to actually get out of bed. I turn on my side to look at her and we're nose to nose. She strokes the side of my face and asks "how upset are you that they cancelled the Winter Classic? I know you're not playing in it but they say that if the owners are willing to cancel that then they're willing to let the whole season go." Ever since I heard the news I've been worried. I even talked to Pat about options although going overseas really isn't an option with a family on the way. It's the first time I haven't put hockey first and I'm not as upset as I thought I would be.

"Yeah, that's what they're saying. Fehr doesn't think that they can afford to cancel the whole season but I don't know. At least they're meeting today but it's going to be about the 'make whole' numbers and we're nowhere near each other." She kisses me softly and then pulls back to ask "that's the part I don't get about this whole negotiation. I know I'm a genius, but quantum theory is easier to understand than the 'make whole' provision." I chuckle because she's right. "Don't tell anyone Angel, but I didn't understand it until Mario walked me through it. Basically, we're taking our share of HRR down from 57% to 50%. 'Make whole' means that by taking that number down, any cut in salary we take from the what we were paid last year will be made up to us over time. The NHL wants that money to come out of future money we'd make. That's where the problem is for us because some players would essentially be paying other players. It's the way they're playing with the numbers that is crazy." She shakes her head and says "I don't know how you guys can even agree on which numbers to use. You can't even agree on when to meet." She gets it more than she thinks she does. "That's exactly the problem. Depending on whose numbers you use and what you include changes everything."

I've had enough talking about the lockout and the CBA. I have a warm, somewhat sleepy, very hot woman next to me. I only have one thing in mind. I try to kiss her but she jumps out of bed before I can. "Sorry, I have to pee" and she runs to the bathroom. Our peanut may not be very big yet but it most certainly is sitting on her bladder. A few minutes later, she comes out and climbs back into bed and directly on top of me. "Ouch" she says and slides off. "Ok, I can't do that anymore." "Are you ok?" I ask her. "Yeah, I just can't lay flat on you anymore. My body doesn't like it and it let me know. But, my body still likes yours" and she pulls me to her. I take her lips slowly with mine. It feels like a 'slowly' moment. Our lips and tongues play slowly with each other. Sometimes I think that I can go on kissing her like this forever. I love the way she nips and then licks at my bottom lip. It's like she's trying to sooth after inflicting the bite. I can't help but moan as her hand slides into my hair and she changes the angle of our kiss slightly to give us better access.

I lean her back and slightly cover her body with mine. Her hands feast in my hair giving me access to run my hand down her side and over her hip so that I can pull her leg over my hip. I push my growing erection towards her centre and moan at the contact. Even through our clothes I can feel her core. I slide my hand up her tee shirt and feel her warm skin there while she pulls me closer to her so that I'm covering her body now. It's so soft and warm. I abandon her lips for her neck and begin to kiss my way down. "Oh God!" she says but not in a good way. I pull back to look at her and she looks shocked. Not what you want to see when you're making love with your wife. "What?" I ask. "Did you feel that?" she asks me but I don't know what she means. "Feel what?" I reply. She looks down at her small belly and puts my hand over it and to the side. "That, do you feel that?" I'm focused but I really can't feel anything. "No" I tell her. "What are you feeling?" She closes her eyes a bit like she's really focusing. "I don't know. It feels a little bit like I have butterfly in my stomach. It's kind of like a ripple. You didn't feel it on the outside?" I focus now and she says "there!" Unfortunately I'm feeling nothing. "Nope, I don't feel anything from the outside." I'm so disappointed.

"I read that this can happen. I'm four months now so I'll feel it inside first. Damn, I wish you could feel this like I do." She looks so incredibly happy at this moment. It's more than happy. She looks so serene and beautiful. "Tell me about it Angel." At least I can hear what it's like if I can't feel it. "At first I thought it was you and how you always make me feel. Then, I could tell it was different. There was actually something inside moving. Honestly, at first it was the weirdest thing. When I figured out what it was, well, it's overwhelming." I brush a tear from her eye and kiss her softly. I move down to her stomach and raise her tee shirt to lay a soft kiss there. "Hi peanut, its dad. You need to grow bigger so that I can feel you on the outside too. Also, if you're doing things for your dad, try to pick your moments better. Dad was just going to get some." Angelia laughs and I push up so that I'm back beside her with my hand on the slight swell of her stomach. "I thought that you'd be bigger at four months" I tell her. "From what I read, it's going to be the sixth or even seventh month before I really start popping out. The baby is developing all of his or her parts right now and then they get bigger." I run my fingers lightly over her stomach. I'm still in awe that my son or daughter is inside of her right now, sleeping. Wow.

* * *

I think back to the morning and the first stirrings I've been sure of feeling. For a couple of days now, I thought the baby might be moving inside of me but I wasn't really sure because it was so odd. Today though, I knew it was our peanut moving inside of me. I knew it. I still feel badly that Sidney couldn't feel it but he will soon. The first time the pregnancy seemed real to me is when I first saw that little pouch with my stomach sticking out slightly; but, the first time I felt there was a baby inside of me was when I felt the peanut move. Now I really know that there is a baby in there and I'm going to be a mom. Wow, almost half of my pregnancy is over already. That's crazy to think about.

I'm making dinner and waiting for Sidney to get off the phone with Fehr. Fehr and Bettman have been meeting all day and are on a break right now. They're trying to work out the 'make whole' provision but Sidney doesn't feel confident that they'll get anywhere today. At least they're talking which they haven't done in a while. I'm taking the stir fry off of the stove as Sidney comes into the kitchen. While I'm making plates for each of us, he comes up behind me and puts his arms around my waist. After kissing my neck, he says "they've agreed to start negotiations again this week. They're going back at it after this break but Don doesn't think they'll get too much further on the issues. He's happy that they've both agreed to more talks and specific dates to do that this week. That's success in itself." He takes the dishes from me and heads to the table while I follow behind with our drinks. I don't know what it is these days but I love cooking for Sidney. The simple act of making dinner and even cleaning up is satisfying. I guess this is what they call 'nesting.'

"What do you think?" I ask Sidney as we begin dinner. He shrugs, as I knew he would, and then says "we can't solve anything if we're not talking so setting dates to talk is a good step. I really don't know what we're going to do about the 'make whole' thing. It's the new sticking point and it's a lot of money." He just shakes his head now. I decide to ask "do you need to go this week?" He looks up at me, waits a beat and says "no. It's not because of what you think. It's only the negotiation team that goes. They like me to go for media things and to add 'weight' as Fehr calls it." I nod and know that he's telling me the truth. He still doesn't like the idea of leaving me home pregnant but I also know that we've gotten past that in our relationship.

"Oh, I talked to Mariah today. She wants to know what's going on for Christmas." Sidney looks up at me and replies "I guess we'll wait and see like we talked about. We'll go to Nova Scotia but the lockout will determine for how long. She's going to come, right?" I smile "try and stop her. She's really looking forward to Christmas in Nova Scotia. Since she spent time there recuperating, she's fallen in love with that part of Canada. I never would have thought that given how much she loves her big cities but she loves it there. Oh, she's going to stop by for a few days not this week but next. She has her last follow up with the doctor in LA and is going to stop by on her way back to Europe." Now he smiles and asks "does she know that Geno is in Russia?" I just raise my eyebrow at him in response. He gets up and takes our empty plates to the counter and says "I'm just asking."

I follow him and we begin clean up when he asks "are you tired? Feel like a date night tonight?" Hmm, that sounds perfect actually. "How about an early movie? I may fall asleep if we go to a later one." He chuckles, kisses my cheek as he walks by and says "sure. An early movie sounds great. How about Skyfall?" Yuck, I hate Bond movies. I scrunch up my nose and say "the new Twilight movie is out." I don't really want to see it but I love watching the face he makes when I do. "No way" he tells me although he knows that I'm joking. "Ok, how about Lincoln?" he suggests. I think for a moment and say "that's a good compromise." I finish up cleaning while Sidney buys the tickets on line. When we go to the movies, we buy tickets ahead of time and go in after the previews have started. We don't always get the best seats but Sidney almost never gets recognized.

I quickly change into yoga pants, a long sleeved tee shirt and sweater; if I'm going to be sitting for a few hours than the peanut is going to need room. I'm going to need new clothes soon. I only have one pair of pants that fit me for work and my tops are starting to pull up and expose some of my stomach. How am I going to buy clothes so that no one sees me? Taking a look in the mirror, I know I won't have too much more time before people know that I'm pregnant. If you actually know me then you can tell. "Let's go" Sidney calls from downstairs and I run down to meet him. We head out the door and are at the theater just in time for the opening credits. I link my arm through Sidney's and rest my head on his shoulder. Although the movie is interesting, I do find my mind drifting and before I know it I hear "Angel, wake up" in my ear. I open my eyes as the final scene of the movie fades out and the credits begin. I guess it was predictable that I would fall asleep.

I look sheepishly at Sidney and he just shakes his head. "I guess I'm not a good date tonight, huh?" I ask him. He smiles at me and stands. "Come on mommy; let's get you and the peanut home so that you can actually get some sleep?" "ARE YOU PREGNANT?!" I whip around and see a teenage girl behind us staring with her mouth open. My hand immediately goes to my stomach and then I wince inside. Guess I wasn't subtle with that move. "Oh my God! Sidney Crosby is having a baby!" I notice others stopping and looking at us as the credits continue to roll. The lights are on and, although low, they illuminate us so everyone can see that it is Sidney. I look at him not knowing what to do or say. How come, with all of the things we've both learned about ourselves and our relationship, we can't remember when we're in public to keep our mouths closed and our hands to ourselves?

Sidney puts his arm around me to guide me out; however, I rethink that move and stop him saying to the girl "yes. We are pregnant." That's when I steel myself for whatever this girl and her friends, who are taking a million pictures with their phones, are going to say to me. "Oh wow, that's awesome!" Then she asks when we're due, if we know what it is and what name we're going to choose. I'm so relieved that they aren't mean that I can't even answer. Sidney jumps in and answers her questions. Finally he says "thank you for your good wishes but I need to get the mommy and baby home to bed." The girls collectively say "awe" and we turn to go. The remaining crowd parts and we are able to leave without any further issues. When we're in the car, Sidney locks the doors, turns to me and says "I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut sometimes." I pat his arm and reply "I was thinking that about both of us when it happened; mouths shut and hands to ourselves is what I was thinking." We look at each other and break out laughing. It takes a few minutes for us to collect ourselves and then Sidney drives us home. I guess I can go shopping for maternity clothes now.


	171. Chapter 171

Yep, it got out. Apparently, the news and picture of me with my hand on my stomach made it to Twitter before we even left the theater. We got a lot of emails and texts from the hockey world, Sidney's phone has been ringing constantly, and Pat has been getting a lot of requests for interviews. The past week has been crazy but I'm so glad that my sister is coming to visit. I'm waiting in the car for Mariah to come out of the airport. I've had to be careful about being in public now too. Everyone in Pittsburgh is on baby bump alert. Ri comes out of the doors and sees me so I pop open the trunk. After stowing her suitcases in the trunk, she jumps in the care. We both squeal and are hugging and crying. It's the first time that we've seen each other since the wedding. Ri has been working so much that she hasn't had a chance to visit. We finally stop and I'm able to drive. "Let me see my niece or nephew" and she puts her hand on my stomach. "Wow, you can't really see it but the bump is there, huh?" I smile at her "yeah it is." I take her hand in mine. "I'm so glad you're here Ri. I've missed you so much. The news is out that I'm pregnant so we can go shopping. I desperately need clothes." She laughs and replies "I figured as much, and I'm always ready for shopping, but I also brought so much with me. There are a few really cute boutiques in Paris that have gorgeous maternity so I bought them out in your size. Why do you think I have three suitcases?" If I'm honest, I didn't even notice that she had three suitcases. She always has a lot of suitcases.

"Are you sure that you can only stay a couple days?" I'm not happy that she can't stay longer. "I know Ang but I have a show in Milan that I need to be at and they want me to shoot the campaign too. We'll have lots of time at Christmas together." She's right of course but I was spoiled with the time we had in California even if it was for a lousy reason. I miss her. "At least you're here for shopping. We can go tomorrow. I heard about a couple of stores from Carole-Lyn." Mariah waves her hand at me. "I have already planned our day Ang. Sidney is going to drive and carry bags. We are going to spend lots of his money at the many, many stores that I've scouted out. We'll start at Nordstrom of course. They are carrying most of the designer maternity and even have Topshop so you'll look very stylish." Of course she's talked to Sidney and planned our whole shopping experience. "Are you sure that Sidney wants to come with us. Did you convince him that he had to come?" "Absolutely not" she says emphatically. "Really Ang. I told him that we were going shopping so I'd need his credit card and he said that he wants to come. I think he wants to be involved in everything baby even if it involves shopping." We both chuckle. "Oh, and since everything is out there, I've requested a private dressing room at Nordstrom so that we don't have to worry about being bothered." Of course she organized it.

We pull up and she jumps out of the car. "Leave my bags, I'll get them later" and she runs into the house. "Sid! Where is the daddy to be?" I walk through the door as Ri launches herself into Sidney's arms. He hugs her to him for a few moments. I love how close they are just like I'm close with Taylor. When he puts her down, she gives him wet kisses on both cheeks. "Hi daddy" she says and they're both grinning at each other. "Let my man be Ri. Find your own." We all head into the kitchen and Mariah fills us in on her doctor's appointment. She sent me a text saying that everything was good but waited until she was here to share the details. "So my tests were all clean and I've made a one hundred percent recovery. They say that I'll have to be tested every few years just in case but it's a blood test and it's simple. They don't anticipate anything more happening. I'm a healthy, healthy girl. But I want to talk about you guys. How's my little niece or nephew?" I grin now. "The peanut is growing but no longer making mommy puke every second of the day. Oh Ri, I felt him move for the first time the other day." Mariah jumps up and puts both hands on my stomach. I push her away and say "you can't feel it yet. I feel it on the inside. It's so cool; I can't even describe how cool it is. You should be able to feel it on the outside in a month or two." Ri pouts and sits back down. We talk a while longer to catch up but jet lag hits Mariah and I didn't get my afternoon nap so we call it a day. Besides, we have lots of shopping to do tomorrow and need to have energy for it.

The next morning, we pile into the truck and Sidney drives us to the mall. Mariah has shown me everything that she brought with her and I wanted to cancel the shopping trip. She has a whole suitcase full of maternity wear for me; but, Ri insists that I need more so the three of us are on our way to Nordstrom. I'm still surprised that Sidney wants to come but when I asked him about it last night he said "if it's about the baby then I want to be involved; even if it includes shopping with your sister." He has only heard about shopping with Mariah and never experienced it himself so I reminded him to have a good breakfast and bring Gatorade; it's more like an on ice workout than shopping. When we walk into the store, we're greeted by a personal shopper who whisks us to a private dressing area. I love that Mariah gets us this kind of private treatment. In Pittsburgh, I'm sure we'd be interrupted constantly in a mall if we were in the public areas. As much as it usually doesn't bother me, when I'm shopping for maternity clothes I'd like it to be a private experience and not be stopping for Sidney to take pictures with fans. When we enter the fitting room, we are greeted by a man who introduces himself as the store manager. Wow, they're going all out for Ri. That's when he directly says "welcome Mr. and Mrs. Crosby. Janette and Hannah will be taking good care of you today." I guess we're getting this treatment because we're the 'Crosbys.' I should have figured since it is Pittsburgh.

Mariah and the girls talk about styles and designers so I take a moment to talk to Sidney. "Just let me know if you want to wander off to find an electronics store or something, ok?" I tell him. He smiles, kisses my cheek and replies "there's nowhere I'd rather be than with you right now." Before I can respond, Janette and Hannah say "awe" and Mariah rolls her eyes. I'm quickly swept off to the fitting room by Janette while Hannah offers Ri and Sidney something to drink. "Mrs. Crosby" she begins so I stop her and say "please call me Angelia." She smiles and begins again. "Angelia, we spoke at length with your sister the other day and she requested specific designers for you to see and a few specific outfits. Would you like to review them before we begin?" I know my sister well and how to answer this question. "No need to review them before we try. If I don't try them all on then she'll ask where they are so let's start." She smiles at me again and shows me a long dress with great draping. I take off my clothes but rather than handing me the dress, she comes to me with a pillow that has straps. I guess I look confused so Janette says "this is a faux bump and will show you how the dress will fit when you grow." Who knew that there were 'faux bumps' to simulate pregnancy? She puts it on me and then I get into the dress. As I look in the mirror I'm stunned by my image. I look really, really pregnant now.

Janette leads me into the main room where Mariah and Sidney are sitting. When they see me, Mariah gets up immediately and starts fussing with the dress; a little tug here, pull there. I barely notice because all I can see are Sidney's eyes. They roam over me first and then grow big. When they meet mine, I can see a million emotions swirling in them. I hear Mariah and Janette talking but what they're saying doesn't even register with me. Sidney stands and comes closer which is when I see that his eyes are wet. When he's in front of me, he takes my hands in his and kisses me softly, slowly and the way I love the best. Pulling back, he whispers "you are truly breathtaking" and then kisses me again. I can't help the smile that blooms on my face as Janette and Hannah say "awe" again. Mariah then says "ok, even I think that was an 'awe' moment but we have more work to do; next outfit!"

The rest of the afternoon was really a blur. We spent hours at Nordstrom until I was exhausted. Mariah wanted to go to another store but I couldn't. I was too tired to do more shopping so she went onto the other stores and said that she'd take a cab back to our house so that Sidney could drive me home. When Sidney tried to give his credit card to Mariah to buy more clothes for me, she rolled her eyes and said "really?" then walked away. Sidney forgets that she's a model with lots of her own money. I guess it's like she forgets that he's an elite hockey player with lots of money. They're just Sid and Ri to each other because we're family. When we get home, I slide out of the truck and try to help Sidney with the bags. "Leave them for now" he says. "Let me get you into the house and then I'll bring the bags in." I guess I'm truly exhausted because I don't even argue with him and, as soon as my head hits the pillow, I'm out.

* * *

I look down at Angelia and she is in a deep sleep. The noise that the bags make when I put them down doesn't even make her budge. I look at the bags now and decide to take a few minutes to hang everything up in the closet. Even when she wakes up, she'll probably be too tired to do it and I know she wants to visit more with her sister. As I hang up the clothes, I think back to the shopping trip. When she came out in the first dress, I was completely overwhelmed by her beauty. That's how she will look in a couple of months and the baby is near full term. She looked the most beautiful I have ever seen her. Why is it that just when I think I can't be overwhelmed any more than I am with my love for her, I am? I think back to the summer when we were shopping on Rodeo Drive and I thought she was incredibly beautiful in that dress. She was but it was nothing like seeing her with that bump which will soon be our baby.

Although I wouldn't say it to Angelia or Mariah, the rest of the time was tedious. The debate over fabric and fit was enough to make me want to gouge out my eye with a fork. Even CBA negotiations aren't that tedious. I didn't say a word though since I said that I wanted to be involved. I was almost relieved when Angelia said that she wanted to go home. I would have gone as long as she wanted to shop but going home was music to my ears.

With the new clothes dispatched, I walk over to the bed and lay down beside her. She's on her side, facing me, with a pillow between her knees. She says that it is more comfortable and she's not supposed to sleep on her back. Apparently the baby pinches a key artery that can stop the flow of blood to her legs if she sleeps on her back. The more I learn about pregnancy, the more I wonder how women do it. I know why they do it but the how baffles me sometimes. I can tell that she's deeply asleep so put my hand on the swell of her stomach and then make sure that she doesn't stir. When she doesn't, I lean in and say "hi peanut, it's your dad again." I look up at Angelia to make sure that she is still asleep. I often talk to the baby while she's sleeping and don't want her to think that I'm crazy to want some alone time with the baby. After all, she gets to be with the baby all the time. "Your mom had to get new clothes today because you're getting bigger. Your Aunt Mariah helped us. You'll meet your Aunt Mariah when you join us in a few months. I'll warn you now, she's a little crazy but she has the biggest heart and already loves you so much. She's the kind of aunt who'll buy you beer and talk to you about boys or girls. You're going to love her. Oh, I should warn you that your Aunt Mariah and mommy are twins so they look exactly the same. Actually, they're not exactly the same. I can tell them apart and I'm sure you'll be able to as well. Can I confide in you peanut? I'm worried about being a good dad for you. I already love you so much and I want to do everything just right so that you are happy and loved all of your life. You need to know that sometimes it won't be easy being my kid but I hope that you're mommy and I make it up to you in every other way. I guess I just want you to know that we both love you and can't wait to meet you." I kiss Angelia's stomach and, keeping my hand there, I lean back and quickly fall asleep myself.

I wake up when I feel Angelia move under my hand. Opening my eyes, I see her looking at me. "How can that be comfortable for you?" she asks me. I look down and my arm is at an odd angle so that I can keep contact with her stomach. I shrug and move to a more comfortable position. Yeah, I'm definitely going to have a sore shoulder later. Angelia sits up and sees the empty bags by the bedroom door. "Did you unpack all of those clothes for me? You are the most wonderful husband in the world." She leans down and kisses me so I bring her all the way down to my side. I continue kissing her softly. Our kiss becomes heated and we're wrapped in each other's arms with hands roaming. I find the soft skin beneath her tee shirt and splay my hand across her back. I undo her bra and then slide my hand until I find her breast. Slowly, I use my thumb to play with her nipple until it's puckered. When she moans into my mouth, I feel it all way to my dick. That has to be the sexiest sound in the world.

I work my mouth from her lips and down her throat. "Sidney, is my sister home?" I back away slightly and look up at her. "Oh God Crosby, get your mind out of that gutter and forget that little fantasy about twins, ok?" I just laugh. "I'm asking if she's home yet before we get too involved here." I reply "I don't know. She wasn't when I fell asleep." She rolls over and grabs her phone. How could I have been so close to be shut down? First it's the kid blocking me and now it's the sister. All I want to do is have sex with my wife. Who knew it would be so difficult? "Hey, where are you?" Angelia says into the phone. "Ok, see you soon." She puts the phone down and turns to me. After kissing me lightly, she says "Ri's only two minutes away. Aren't you glad I found out? We could have been right in the middle and then interrupted." I don't know if I'd describe my mood as 'glad' at the moment; uncomfortable is most likely more descriptive.


	172. Chapter 172

My sister's visit was incredible. I've missed her so much and to spend a few days with her was wonderful. I won't see her again until Christmas but that's less than a month away. Wow, Christmas is less than a month away. Since the pregnancy became public, I haven't been able to go grocery shopping or to a mall, especially with the mall so busy before Christmas. Sidney has been doing the shopping for us. He's been going with Tyler Kennedy a lot. Tyler broke up with his girlfriend before coming back to Pittsburgh so Sidney wants to spend more time with him. This is perfect for both of them. Of course I need to get Sidney's gift myself but his mom is helping me with that and he's going to be so surprised.

"Are you awake?" I hear Sidney ask me softly from the bedroom door. After we dropped off Mariah at the airport, I had to come home and have a nap. "Yes" I reply "I'm awake. Come here" I tell him and hold out my hand. I don't need to tell him twice. Sidney is on the bed and I'm in his arms before I can blink. He kisses me softly and I melt into him. His kisses always melt me. They begin so soft and slow. I feel each of his pillow soft lips slide over mine and I can't help but sigh. His hand slowly slides down my side with his thumb skimming my breast and then settling at my waist. With his lips kissing down my check and to my neck he whispers "I've been waiting to touch you for days." I can't help but smile. I know that Sidney has wanted to be alone with me. Oh hell, he's wanted sex and that I can take care of now that we're alone.

I push Sidney back so that we are lying side by side. I kiss his lips and my hands start in his hair, then over his neck, shoulders and to his chest. Again, I'm amazed at his muscles and the strength of his body. I move my hands to his back and up under his shirt. He pushes back a little to let me pull his tee shirt off and then I have all of that skin to explore. Pushing him back further, I slide my lips off of his, down his neck and over his chest. I love to lick and kiss my way across his chest. He moans when I pay close attention to his nipple but I keep going. I marvel at his abs as I lick each muscle but keep moving lower. I unzip his jeans and push them down so that he can kick them off. This is a first; I've undressed him before I've taken a single article of clothing off. I see that he's starting to get hard so I take him in hand to get him harder.

I stroke him a couple of times before lowering my mouth over him. Sidney lets out a long moan that I feel all the way to my core; it's sexy as hell. I use my lips and tongue to continue working him. His hand makes its way into my hair and lightly tangles his fingers there. I feel Sidney growing harder and harder in my mouth. I pull off for a moment and look up at Sidney. His eyes are closed, his mouth is open and his head thrown back. God, he is so fucking hot. I lower my head again and see that Sidney is fully erect in my mouth now. He moans again and it encourages me to move faster. Suddenly, Sidney's hand tightens in my hair and he says "babe, you need to stop. I'm not going to last." I consider for a moment ignoring him but I want to have the connection of our orgasm together. I pull back and Sidney sits me up with him to pull my shirt off of me, then bra and then he strips off my jeans and panties together. He lays be back gently and slides his hand from my neck, over my breast, hip and then settles it between my legs. He simply holds me there. He doesn't slip a finger in or touch my clit. He just holds me and takes my mouth with his.

After thoroughly exploring my mouth with his lips and tongue, his mouth slides lower over my neck, where he takes a nip, and then his lips travel over one breast. His lips and tongue work my nipple to a hard peak. I'm pushing my hips into his hand now but his fingers go nowhere. His hand is simply possessing me. It's comforting and incredibly arousing at the same time. His lips move to the other nipple and tweak, kiss and lave it until it's a hard too. I cry out this time because one of his fingers moves slightly and comes into contact with my clit. I cry out at his touch. His finger circles around and around then pushes slightly. He repeats this action over and over while his mouth and tongue work one nipple and then to the other. I can feel myself getting wetter and wetter as his mouth and fingers work my body. This man knows my body better than I do at this point. His mouth leaves my breasts and I whimper at the loss of contact but he moves lower on my body.

He keeps me on my side and bends my top leg up to give him access. As he lowers his mouth, he slips my leg over his shoulder. I feel his lips on my clit and I shiver. At first, he simple kisses but then he alternates between sucking and licking. My hips begin to move all on their own, tilting into Sidney's face and he continues to work my clit. He pauses and takes a long, slow lick of me and then goes right back to working me again. I feel the pressure build quickly and I try to pull Sidney up but he stays where he is and works his tongue faster until I can't even think. The orgasm takes over me so quickly. It washes over me in a quick wave. It's one of those quick releases that almost sneak up on you and Sidney knows how to make it happen fast, in a the best possible way.

I smile as Sidney begins kissing up my body. He starts with my inner thighs and leaves soft, moist kisses along them. He moves further up my stomach and pauses there. I look down and watch Sidney leave a soft kiss on my stomach. His hand softly caresses the swell where our baby is and my heart melts. I can't help but reach down and brush a curl off of Sidney's brow. He looks up and smiles at me a soft, sweet smile. My orgasm left me sated. Sidney's smile leaves me feeling loved. I pull him up to me now and we have a slow, soft and deep kiss. We lie facing each other and continue to kiss. I love running my hands through his hair now that it's a little longer. It curls in my fingers as I slide them through. I feel Sidney's hands roam down my side and over my butt to squeeze my cheek slightly bringing me closer to him. The problem is that I don't move all that much closer.

We both look down and chuckle as my swollen belly meets his flat one. "I guess I'm getting a little too big for this position." I say. We kiss more and then Sidney says "let's try this" and he leans back to gently push me over to my other side. I sigh when Sidney spoons me from behind and then I moan when I feel his erection against my butt. I try to shift to let him have better access but Sidney holds me where I am. "I'm not nearly done with you yet Angel. Don't rush me." I'm going to chuckle when I feel Sidney's lips close over my ear lobe. Oh yeah, this man knows my body. His hand closes over my breast and caresses me there while his mouth continues to work my ear, then my neck and then back to my ear again. This time he whispers "you are so incredibly beautiful. I'm overwhelmed every time I look at you. You steal my breath every time." I moan as I feel his breath in my ear and his words in my heart.

I'm at a disadvantage with this position because I can't use my hands over Sidney's body. I can reach back with my one hand and feel the hard muscles of his gorgeous ass. I hold his other hand to my breast as Sidney takes his lips over my shoulder now. The pressure has been building inside of me again. I slide his hand from my breast down between my legs. He pushes his middle finger between my folds and inside over my clit. It's swollen from my last orgasm and so sensitive. His finger slides longer and dips inside as I tilt my hips. Oh, it feels so good as he swirls his finger around. "Are you ready for me baby?" I moan and say "yes. Now Sidney, please." I don't have to ask twice. He slides his knee between my legs and enters. I'm so wet from my last orgasm and his work since. When he's deep inside, I use my hand on his ass to hold him there and clench my muscles to hold him inside. It feels incredible holding him so deep inside of me and at a different angle than usual.

Sidney must know that I want to set the pace and lets me lead. I hold him inside for a few seconds more before I release him and begin to rock. Sidney finds his position and follows my pace. We continue to rock at our rhythm until I feel my orgasm building. "Soon, Sidney, I'm coming soon" I tell him. He increases the pace now and I know I'm close. Sidney knows it too and continues to increase the pace. I sense that feeling coming over me and moan as it overtakes me. I vaguely sense that Sidney's begins too as he pulls me tight to him. I come back to the moment as Sidney buries his face into my neck and holds me tight against him.

We're quiet for a few moments and enjoy the closeness. Before I realize it, I'm saying "I love you so much Sidney." I feel his lips curve into a smile. "That's handy, because I love you too." Now I smile because that's what I usually say. "How was that position for the peanut, and you too of course?" I have to laugh at how he thought about the baby first and then me. "It was good for me and, yeah, more comfortable for the peanut." We lie in each other's arms soaking in every minute and connection we have together. "Promise me that we'll always have time for each other like this Angel. I know it will be different when the baby arrives, and I'm not even talking about sex, I want to make sure that we keep this connection." I don't know where this is coming from so I turn around to face him. With my hand on his cheek, I say "Sidney, we'll be crazy busy with the baby but we'll make sure that we take time for us too. It won't be easy I'm sure but we'll make sure that we do it. Ok?" He smiles and kisses me now. Whatever precipitated his question must now be eased. He's right though; I wouldn't want to ever live without this incredible feeling with this incredible man.


	173. Chapter 173

"Thank you so much for coming with me" I tell her for the probably the hundredth time. "You can stop thanking me Sidney. School is out for the holidays and I've closed up the lab until the new year. Of course I came with you." Truthfully, I'm relieved she came with me. I'm really nervous about this meeting. Burkle, Mario and I have really been the push behind this meeting. It's going to be eighteen players and six owners without Fehr or Bettman. This has to work because nothing we've done so far has and we have to get back to playing. I look over and see Mario and Ron talking intently. I know that they are strategizing about what to do with the other owners because they have a few who are going to cause problems in this process. "It's going to be fine Sidney. You're doing the right thing and you're showing the leadership that the players want from you. You know how Einstein defined insanity?" I look at her and she says "doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. You weren't even at the negotiating table the past couple of weeks. Someone had to do something different or else you'd all be insane." I chuckle, as I'm sure that she intended me to, and nod. "Ok, you're right. We had to do something different. I just hope that this works or else I don't know what we'll try next." I hate to be hopeful because we've had our hopes dashed so many times.

"Sid" I turn when Mario calls my name and gestures me over to him. I could get used to flying in Ron's plane. It's huge and luxurious. I kiss Angelia's cheek and wander over to Ron and Mario. When I'm seated, Mario says to me "Jacobs is coming." We just look from one to another because we all know what that means. The owner of the Bruins is a hardline, old time owner who wants to win almost as much as he wants the money. He's been one of the guys whispering in Bettman's ear this whole negotiation; although if you ask Ron, he'll say Jacobs has been yelling more than whispering. I can't see how we're going to get anywhere if Jacobs is there. This is supposed to be new faces at the table to try something different; fuck. "Is that as bad as I think it is?" I ask Mario. He gives one of his infamous, one shoulder shrugs and I know that I'm right; double fuck. "So what are we going to do?" I look from Mario to Ron and its Ron who answers. "We follow the plan we've set up. We go in with the new guys and follow the agenda. I'd also do some praying that Jacobs behaves himself." We look at each other and all know just how unlikely that is going to be.

As we deplane, I help Angelia down the stairs they pulled up to the plane. That's the only thing I hate about private planes; you have to walk outside when you get on and off and it's currently December in New York City. Mario and Ron take one car and Angelia and I take another. While we aren't trying to hide we also don't want to have our picture taken together either; player and owners. It's not a long drive in distance but New York traffic is always a bitch. Finally, we arrive at the hotel and I can tell that Angelia is exhausted. I give the valet a hundred and ask him to get us into our room in the fastest way possible. We don't even need to check in. The valet has us in our room in less than five minutes. "How much did you give him?" Angelia asks as she flops down on the sofa. "Enough that we got up her fast" is all I say. She chuckles and says "thank you. I don't think I could have stayed vertical another minute." I unpack our bags, I always do that when first entering a hotel room, and then meet my girl on the sofa.

She shifts so that she's lying against me and I can feel her whole body relax. I would stay like this forever but my stomach betrays me. Angelia tilts to look up at me and asks "hungry?" I get up to find the room service menu and Angelia follows me. "What are you doing?" I ask her. "I'm getting my shoes so that we can go out for dinner." I grab her shoulders and lead her back to the sofa saying "we are not going out for dinner. They invented room service for pregnant ladies who just travelled for hours." She sits back down and I grab the menu. "The peanut wants red meat tonight" she says. Recently, the peanut has been making a lot of her meal choices. "Does the peanut want it on bun or in steak form?" We play this game every time too. I look at Angelia as she considers her choices. "On a bun please but with a chef's salad" and then she leans her head back on the sofa with closed eyes. I wonder if I should even order because she's going to be asleep in a couple minutes. We both need to eat so I order us dinner.

It doesn't take long for our food to arrive. I hate to do it but I gently wake Angelia up "come on babe. Dinner is here and you need to eat." She moans a little, stretches and sits up. "Good, I'm starving." She lifts the dome off of her plate and immediately attacks her hamburger. It's amazing to watch her. She almost eats more than I do now and she hasn't put on more weight than the baby. I wouldn't care whatever weight she put on of course. "Are you going to eat?" she asks me and I realize that I haven't sat down yet myself. I sit across from her and eat my dinner too. When Angelia has cleaned her plate, she leans back on the sofa and says "ok, now I need sleep." She's so beautiful. She's leaning back with her eyes closed and her hands on her stomach; absolutely beautiful. "I can feel you staring at me Crosby. Do I still amaze you with how much I'm eating?" I laugh and reply "yes but that's not what amazes me right now. You are so beautiful Angel." She opens her eyes and gives me her brilliant smile. I stand up and pull her off the sofa too. "Come on mommy, now that you've had dinner it's time to get you to bed." She puts her arm around me and we walk into the bedroom of our suite. "What time do you start tomorrow?" she asks me. "I need to be there for 9am. You sleep in and text me when you're up. I'll let you know the plans for the day. Are you sure you'll be ok alone?" She pats my cheek before heading into the bathroom saying "I'll be just fine Sidney. You worry when I'm home, you worry when I'm here; you really need to stop worrying about me." Yeah, like that's ever going to happen.

* * *

The day went by fast. Of course I didn't get up until 10am and it was almost lunch time when I was out the door. I didn't even hear Sidney get up in the morning. I sent him a text when I woke and he told me that he'll probably be in meetings until very late into the evening. The concierge gave me the name of some baby stores so I thought I'd check them out. I bought a few cute things for the baby but got tired again and it's cold here in New York. Of course I just walked through Rockefeller Centre to see the huge Christmas tree which could have contributed to my chill. Thankfully there was a Starbucks nearby and I'm currently warming up with a hot chocolate and a scone.

Beside me is a woman with a toddler and a baby. The baby is fussing and the child just spilled his drink. I lean over to help the child but he lets out a huge scream. "I'm so sorry" the mom says. "He's going through a phase where he's making strange with everyone." I smile and reply "that's not necessarily a bad thing when it comes to strangers." She nods and tries to sooth the baby while helping the child. "Would you like me to take the baby?" I ask her. She pauses a moment and then notices that I'm pregnant. That must have made the decision for her. "That would be great, thank you." I take the baby, who is also screaming, and hold him to me while rubbing his back. It takes a few moments but he does settle so I slow my swaying and he sighs. "I'm Angelia" I tell her. She smiles and replies "I'm Paula." When she's finished with her toddler, he climbs on her lap and she tries to put him back in his chair. I see that he's about to scream again so I say "I'm ok with the baby if you don't mind." She gives me a grateful look and says "thank you so much."

I shift the baby so that I can see him. His eyes are wide open and staring at me. His neck muscles aren't quite strong enough so I'm careful to hold up his head. It's a little disconcerting the way he's staring at me. Paula says "he does that when he's interested in something. He stares at you like he's trying to memorize your face." I chuckle and ask "what's his name." "The one on my lap who likes to scream is Steven and the baby is Sidney." Hearing that, I'm surprised and I guess Paula notices the odd look on my face so I tell her "my husband's name is Sidney." She laughs now and says "that is really odd since it's not a popular name. My husband is a huge sports nut. His favourite basketball player is Steve Nash and his favourite hockey player is Sidney Crosby so that's what we named the boys." Now I'm absolutely stunned and wonder if I'm being punk'd. Paula notices the weird look on my face again and I debate in my head if I should tell her. I'm not sure. "So you let him name the boys after his favourite athletes?" I ask her. She shrugs and says "to be honest, I couldn't settle on names for either of them. I liked both Steven and Sidney so that's what we did. When are you due?" The baby's eyes begin to droop so I hold him to my shoulder again. "I'm due in May" I tell her.

We spend the next half hour chatting like we're old friends. Paula and her husband live in New York and moved here from Toronto five years ago for her husband's work. I told her that I'm visiting with my husband for his work. We then talk about pregnancy and kids. She has some great advice about breastfeeding which we start talking about because the baby gets hungry so she feeds him. Steven has decided that I'm ok now and has climbed onto my lap while Paula is feeding the baby. I hear my phone go off and it's Sidney texting me to see how I'm doing. I send off a quick note so he doesn't worry and then go back to talking with Paula. I don't even notice that Steven has picked up and is playing with my phone until he shouts out "it's Sid-wee mommy it's Sid-wee!" I look down at Steven on my lap and see that he's holding up my phone to his mom and not pointing at the baby. On my phone is a picture of Sidney and me from our wedding. I look at Paula and she's looking between my phone and me.

"I'm sorry Paula. Yes, my husband is Sidney Crosby. I really didn't know if I should say anything. You have to admit that it's really, really far-fetched that I would be in a New York Starbucks and not only sit down next to but talk to a woman whose husband is a huge fan of my husband. Who would ever believe a story like this really happened?" I look at her and wait for her response. After a few moments, she smiles and says "yeah. It is really weird, isn't it? I guess you have to be careful about stuff like that and fans of his." I want to tell her that she has no idea what a recluse I've had to become since getting pregnant; but, then I remember that I really don't know Paula no matter how nice she's been. I can't confide in a perfect stranger. "There are a lot of fans who know who we are but that's mostly in Pittsburgh." I want to do something for her so I ask "would it be weird to ask you for your address Paula? I could have Sidney sign something and send it to little Steven here." I know that Steven has no idea what I'm talking about but he starts bouncing up and down in my lap. "Or" I say "I could leave something at the concierge of our hotel for you to pick up if that's better." She looks relieved and agrees. She's actually really appreciative that I offered. "You know Angelia, Steven recognized Sid because he watches the Penguins games. My husband even got him a toddlers #87 jersey. It's so cute to see them watch a game together." We talk a little more about the boys and their dad. I don't talk too much about Sidney now that she knows who we are; it's really a shame that I have to be careful like that. Soon, Steven gets fussy and we all bundle up and leave. I thank her for a nice chat and we head our separate ways.

I grab a cab and ask him to take me to the NHL store. I want to buy a jersey for Sidney to sign for little Steven. When I enter the store, I can't believe how big it is and they seem to have everything inside. For a minute, I wonder if this was a smart idea. Ok, now I'm being paranoid. I'm in New York City with millions of people and no one is going to recognize me. Good grief, I'm letting Sidney's worry rub off on me now. Laughing to myself, I look around for the jerseys and a clerk asks me "can I help you find something?" I ask him about the jerseys and he takes me directly to Sidney's telling me "it's very popular." I chuckle and pick out a full sized one. I think some people frame them and this would be better than a child's version. I start to second guess myself so I grab both. I guess one for the dad and one for Steven. Oh wait, we can't forget baby Sidney, so I grab a baby onesie with Sidney's number on it. By the time I leave the store, I have a jersey for dad and Steven, a onesie for baby Sidney and a onesie for our peanut. I know it's sappy but I couldn't resist. I flag down a cab because I'm exhausted now and need to have a nap. I text Sidney and tell him that I'm heading back to the hotel for a nap. He says they just stopped for a break and to text him when I wake up. When I ask how the meetings are going he simply says 'long.'


	174. Chapter 174

I wake up disoriented. I can tell it's the middle of the night because the room is dark but I don't recognize the room. "Sorry to wake you up babe, go back to sleep" Sidney tells me as he's getting into bed. Now I remember: we're in New York and Sidney was at the negotiations until very late. I look at the alarm clock beside the bed and see that it's 1:30am. I roll over and curl up beside Sidney. "How did it go?" I ask him. He's silent for a moment which doesn't bode well. "We kept talking so that's good" he eventually replies. Oh oh, he's grasping for what went well; that definitely doesn't bode well. "But just as we thought, Jacobs is being an ass." I stifle a yawn because I know that Sidney needs to talk it out. "How did the whole day go?" I ask him. He sighs and then says "it started out well. Ron was in the meeting rather than Mario of course. Ron made an opening statement about the purpose for these meetings and the changes in the way we will operate compared to how we've been negotiating. Everyone was positive and seemed to have an open mind. Jacobs was quiet which is the best you can hope from him most times. I gave an opening statement that was agreed on with Fehr and the players' negotiating team. It was basically the same kind of thing as Ron's. We then moved into a recap of decisions we've agreed to; Ron thought this might demonstrate how far we've come and show our success. You know how much negotiating Ron's has done with his companies in LA?" I can sense Sidney looking at me so I just nod. "It seemed to have the desired affect because the tension in the room lessened. That's when we went right into the 'make whole' provision. So far they've always started with the small things that everyone can agree on before going into the big guns. This time we thought that it's the elephant in the room and really the only thing left of significance so we went right into it. That was the last positive thing said."

Sidney pauses so it must be bad. I can feel his entire body tense up against me. I decide to wait for him to continue because there really isn't anything I can say at this point to calm him no matter how much I want to help. He takes a couple of deep breaths and then continues. "We both lay out our rationale for our proposals. That part went smoothly. A couple of times an owner asked a question to us. Chipman, the Jets' owner, asked the questions. It's the first time that he's been involved in the negotiations and he seemed to really be seeking to understand rather than his questions being sarcastic or threatening." I don't understand so I ask "what do you mean threatening?" He snorts and replies "I've heard more than one owner ask a question like 'you know that will bankrupt us, right?' That's the kind of thing we usually hear. Instead, Chipman was asking really good questions. Our side was pretty quiet during the owners' presentation. Once both sides were done, we began to poke holes in each other's numbers, although we kept it respectful. It's a negotiation so we're going to disagree. About an hour into it, Jacobs decided to get involved and it went downhill quickly. He's such an arrogant prick and talked to us like we're indentured servants. According to him, we make enough money and have enough power. It's time that the owners were given the rights that they deserve so that, and these were his exact words, 'no prima donna player can hold us down for ten year contracts for a hundred million dollars.' The asshole had the nerve to look at me too and it doesn't have anything to do with the 'make whole' provisions."

Now I see why Sidney is so mad. Jacobs was attacking Sidney personally. Everyone knows that Sidney signed for a lot less than he could have if he'd held out for it. Sidney is a team guy and wanted the Pens to have enough cap room to negotiate for Geno and Kris when the time came. Jacobs even knows that and is just being an ass. I sit up now and turn on the bedside lamp. When I look at Sidney, his lips are pursed and his brow furrowed. Yep, he's definitely pissed off. "That's a cheap shot and was taken to try and piss you off. You know that" I tell him. He looks at me and replies "of course I know that but it pisses me off anyway." Of course it does and it should. "Yeah, I get it. How did the other owners react?" He sighs "that's the worst thing. Chipman and a few others new to the negotiations didn't say another word; essentially, Jacobs shut all of them down. It did get some of the players' negotiating team rattled. They started talking about past meetings and the whole thing went exactly where we didn't want it to go. Ron finally stepped in and suggested that we call it for the day and meet again tomorrow morning. We met for a couple hours to talk about the meeting, the players I mean, and decide how to approach tomorrow. When we were done, I found Ron in his hotel room with Mario and we talked some more. It's a bit of a nightmare situation and not at all what we'd hoped would happen."

He is so frustrated. I know he had such high hopes for these meetings. Before I can say anything, he continues "I don't know what I'm doing. I thought I was going to help solve the problem but it looks like I've created more. There might be more animosity and more tension now than yesterday. I never should have gotten involved this way. I should have done what I've always done and that's being here for the press and behind the scenes but keep out of the rest. What do I know about labour negotiations? What do I know about any negotiations? I should have just left it to Addsy to be our representative and let them bring me out for the dog and pony show. I'd smile and give the right sound bite but stay out of the serious stuff. They counted on me being able to help solve this and I've fucked it up even more."

I can't stand to see him so down on himself. It's so odd to me how a man who is supremely confident on the ice can be so insecure off of it sometimes. He desperately wants to be the leader he thinks he should and doesn't even see that he already is that leader. "Sidney, I don't know what to say about what happened in the room. You're right that Jacobs is an ass and then emotions and frustrations get the better of guys." I pause now and place my hand on his cheek. "You need to believe that you are doing the best that you can. Actually, you're doing better than anyone else would or could. You are the leader that the guys need. There is no one who can do what you are doing right now. Who else could have worked with their owners to orchestrate a meeting at this point in the negotiations? Most of the other guys are playing in Europe right now." I put my finger on his lips before he can speak. "Don't give me some crap that if I wasn't pregnant and you didn't have insurance issues than you'd be there too. We both know that's crap. You are an incredible man and an incredible leader. You are exactly where you know that you should be; leading your guys and doing your best to help everyone out. You seek out advice from others and use your intelligence to make up your own mind with the players' needs forefront. That's a leader; that's someone who is doing the right thing."

When I finish I move my finger and sit back. Sidney smiles, tilts his head and cups my cheek. "Maybe I should have brought you today; you're pretty convincing. How did I ever get so lucky to find you?" I smile back and say "I don't know but now that you've knocked me up, you have to keep me." We both laugh at that and I kiss him. Unfortunately, as I I'm kissing him, a yawn escapes before I can smother it. "I'm sorry" I say. He turns out the light and pulls me down beside him. "Come on, we both need a good night sleep. You can tell me about your day over breakfast." Oh, that reminds me "in case you get up before me, I need you to sign the three things I've laid out on the sofa. It's for a family I met today. They actually named their kids after Steve Nash and you." I tell him about meeting Paula and the adorable Steven and baby Sidney. "Only my Angel would think of getting them jerseys. I think it's awesome of you to do that and I will most definitely sign them." I cuddle in and feel incredibly loved and know that I'm in the perfectly right place; Sidney's arms.

* * *

I feel Angelia fall asleep quickly in my arms. Unfortunately, I can't do the same thing. I love that she has so much faith in me and I can see her point of view. My problem is that I don't share it. I know hockey. I know hockey more than most elite players and coaches in the world know hockey. What the fuck do I know about this and why the fuck am I trying to pretend that I do? If I'm honest with myself, I know that I'm a high school graduate that has been put on a pedestal because I play hockey better than almost anyone else. I'm not Addsy who has a degree from Harvard and gets all of this stuff. He can talk circles around me. Isn't this why my dad is so involved in the business end of my career? He's still my back up and a double check for contracts and all the important crap. I trust Pat of course but my dad will always have my back and will always take care of me because he loves me. I know that Pat will negotiate the best deals for me because he gets a cut if for no other reason. While I read everything I sign, I always know that I have Pat and my dad there too. Now I'm out here pretending that I'm Mr. Business and representing a league of players when I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I understand the issues of course. I'm not an idiot; but, I don't know anything about negotiating so why am I trying? The results prove that I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. There's only one person that I can really talk to about this and I know that he'll advise me well.

I slip out of bed after sliding Angelia onto the pillow. The poor thing is exhausted because she doesn't even move. I close the bedroom door and turn on the lights for the living room area. I see on one end of the sofa the jerseys. There's a full sized one, a children's one and a baby thing – I guess I'll need to learn what they're called since I'll be having a baby who wears one soon. So that I don't forget in the morning, I sign all three of them and then I notice a second baby's thing with a note that says 'for peanut' on it. It's so cheesy that she bought it and I love it! Wow, the baby is really going to be tiny and the size says six months too. It's going to be even smaller that this; wow.

I grab my phone and cringe when I notice the time. Oh well, it's going to freak him out but I really need to talk. I wait through a couple of rings and then I hear "lo?"

"Hi dad, first everything is ok and I'm sorry to wake you up."

"Sidney, is everything ok?"

"Dad, wake up. Yes, everything is ok. Tell mom we're all ok. I just need to talk." I wait while he talks to mom and then he comes back on the phone.

"Ok, I'm back. What's up Sid?"

I tell dad about everything that happened today. He knew that we were meeting and what we were trying to do. He even gave me some advice which is another reason why I wanted to call him. Lastly, I tell him what Angelia said. "What do you think dad?"

"I think that if I didn't already know that the girl was a genius then this would have clinched it. I didn't raise an idiot so why are you acting like one?"

Dad doesn't often talk to me like this so I must really be stepping in it now. He's only called me an idiot twice before and in both circumstances he was totally right. "Dad, I'm serious about the problems. It's a complete disaster. I was supposed to come in and fix things. Instead, I'm making it worse."

Dad is quiet for a few minutes then he says "ok Sid. Let's take a serious look at it. I'm hearing two things from you. One is that you doubt yourself and your capabilities to lead the NHLPA in this regard. Does that sum it up?"

I think about it and reply "yeah. That sums it up."

"Ok, then I'm back to telling you that I didn't raise an idiot. If I know you, and I raised you so I should, you asked Mario and Ron a million questions. You talked to Fehr for hours. You've read and reread the contract and all of the proposals over and over. Am I right?"

Yeah, he knows me. "That's about it, yeah."

"Ok, so you prepared yourself well and I bet better than any other guy in the room. So I'm back to telling you that you married a genius and you should listen to her. Saying that you don't know what you're doing is crap. That argument doesn't work. So I'm left wondering one more thing."

I wait for a few moments but he doesn't say anything. "What dad?" I ask.

"You said that you were supposed to fix everything and instead you're making it worse. The one thing I know you fear above everything else is letting people down. You've always worried about letting your mom and I down which we've told you that you never could. You worry about letting the coaches, owners and your team mates down. Now I bet you're worrying about letting your new wife and baby down. Isn't this what's really bothering you?"

Yeah, I knew dad would help. "Yeah, I guess" I tell him.

"Oh Sidney, you really only ever need to do your best. I know that there are high expectations and even higher stakes involved; but, you are doing your best and this thing was fucked up before you ever stepped foot in that negotiating room. I don't know that you can make it better but I sure as shit know that you can't make it worse."

I laugh now because he's right. It might have been folly to ever think that this could work but we had to try. "I guess I just want to fix everything and I can't."

"Hell kid, you're finally figuring out that you're human huh? Wait until you have that kid. You think you're stressing now about wanting to solve everything. Having that kid is going to turn you upside down and inside out wanting to solve everything."

"Dad, I can only hope to be as good a dad as you are to me."

Dad is silent for a moment and then says "you're going to be just fine Sidney."

We talk for a few more minutes and then say goodnight.

I turn off all of the lights and then slip into the bedroom. Angelia is exactly as I left her curled up under the covers. I lie down and try not to wake her but she's awake. "Did you talk to your dad?" she asks me sleepily. Does everyone but me have me figured out? "Yeah I did." I reply. "Good, now you can go to sleep" she says. I lean over and kiss her cheek. "Yeah, now I can go to sleep." I lie back down on my pillow and do just that.


	175. Chapter 175

I can't believe that it's been almost a month since Sidney and I were in New York for the negotiations. The rest of December went by in a blur. Being in Nova Scotia for Christmas with both Nanas and my sister was incredible. I tried to soak up as much of it as I could because I know we won't be back that often at Christmas because of games. Everyone spoiled us with baby clothes and other things we'll need. Trina even brought out the baby pictures of Sidney and Taylor. There was one of Sidney in cowboy pajamas playing in his bedroom. You could see the Montreal Canadiens' wall paper in the background. It was so cute.

Now it's the new year and we're both pretending to watch the moving on TV. Instead, Sidney is constantly checking his phone and I'm watching him check his phone. A few weeks ago, the NHLPA and NHL brought in a government mediator to negotiate the last pieces of the deal. They've been at it today for over sixteen hours so Sidney thinks that a deal is really close. I don't want to get my hopes up but the news said that some of the guys playing overseas have even made arrangements to come home. We're just waiting for the call to make it official. It's driving me crazy so I don't know how Sidney is handling it.

Ow, our peanut has become more active lately and likes kicking or punching a particular rib. "Ow" I say out loud not even realizing it. "Are you ok babe?" I look at Sidney and he's looking at me with concern; watching my hand on my stomach. That's when it dawns on me: I can feel the movement from the outside! I grab Sidney's hand and put it where the last kick was. "Angel" but I cut him off "shhh, hang on" I tell him. "Oh come on you little brat. You've been playing on my rib for the last hour. Kick for your father." As if the peanut listened to me, he/she gives a wallop of a kick right into Sidney's hand. "Fuck me" he says and stares at me. We wait a few more moments and then another kick. "Oh my God our peanut kicks hard." I shake my head at him and reply "you should be on the inside. Oh oh, I have to pee." I get up and Sidney doesn't move his hand. "Sidney, I really have to pee. I'll be back, I promise." He moves his hand and gives a shrug and big smile.

After finishing my business, I come back to the couch and sit down. When did the couch become so low and when did I start getting so big. I'm thirty weeks now and really starting to pop. The past two weeks, the baby has really grown. Dr. Harper said that I'll grow quickly now. I look forward to the baby coming and can't wait. Sidney opens his arms and I scootch over to sit beside him; best I can. He looks down and then tries to hide a smile. "Go ahead Crosby, you can say it. I'm getting huge. It's like the last two weeks I've doubled in size. I turned to put a jar back into the fridge this morning and shut the door with my stomach!" Now he can't hide his smile and he's laughing. Of course that has me laughing too. It was kind of funny. His hand closes over mine over our peanut who must have decided to have a nap. "The peanut is resting" I tell Sidney. He says "ok" but doesn't move his hand. I love it when he does this; putting his hand over mine on my stomach. I feel so connected to him, to our baby, to us as a family. It's a pretty incredible feeling.

I'm feeling so mellow that when Sidney's phone goes off, it scares the shit out of me. He answers it on the second ring. I wait while 'ah huhs' for a while although he does mouth 'it's Fehr' to me. Sidney's up pacing the room now. He says "when will that be?" I wait some more and then he says "ok, thanks so much Don. I'll talk to you tomorrow." His back is to me so I wait for him to turn around. One look on his face and I know everything I need to know. They made a deal. I try to jump up and I can't quite make it so I fall right back down on the sofa. Sidney is on me in a second, pulls me off the couch and twirls me in his arms. I'm getting a little dizzy so I ask him to put me down. We're just looking at each other and grinning now. "So when do you start to play?" He's still grinning and says "they need a couple of days to finalize the deal and get the lawyers involved. Then we'll need a week for everyone to come back. We could start training camp in a week." I'm so happy to see him so happy that I throw my arms around him again. His phone goes off. "You start answering and I'll call mom and dad." He nods and answers his phone while I pick up mine. It's going to be a very long night and I don't care one bit.

* * *

I can't sleep. I know that Angelia dropped off quickly because she was exhausted but I'm so revved up that I can't sleep. We're going to have a season. It's going to be a quick season but we're definitely going to play. I know that I'm in the best shape of my life and ready to play. Of course game conditioning will take time. You can only get yourself so ready until you have to play to get the rest of the way. But who really cares? We are going to play a real game in just over a week. Training camp will be seven days and that's it. I'm glad we've got so many guys coming back. There is still a defensive hole but they're hoping that Despres is ready. It's going to be a very interesting camp. But, again, who cares? We're going to play soon. Some of the guys who played in Europe will smoke us initially. They're already in game shape; but, they'll get tired toward the end of the season and we'll still have fresh legs. It's going to be a very interesting season.

I get out of bed and give up trying to sleep. Maybe there's a movie on or something. I settle onto the couch and soon learn that there is really nothing on. I flip around and find an old Stanley Cup game on. It's the '92 final game when the Pens beat the Hawks. I may have seen it a few times but it's better than the crap that's on at 2am. I love watching Mario playing in his prime. There is nothing better than watching him fly down the ice, split a few D men and hit the back of the net while falling. I still remember how valuable it was playing with him even if it was on twenty six games my first season. I still smile when I remember winning our first game. I was laughing and jumping around. When no one was around us, Mario took me aside and told me it was going to be a very long season if I got this emotional after a regular season win. At first I felt admonished by my mentor but then I understood what he meant: there are going to be highs and lows and you can never get too high or too low. Unless it's the cup of course and then I got as emotional as I could.

I must have fallen asleep at some point because I wake up hearing Angelia screaming "Sidney! Sidney! Where are you?!" It takes me a second to remember where I am and then I run up the stairs to where Angelia is still screaming. I jump onto the bed beside her and take her shoulders to turn her. When she looks at me I see that her face is pure white. She can't say anything now like she's in shock. I kiss her forehead and say "take a couple of deep breaths and tell me what's wrong." She can't talk but holds out her hand and it's covered in bright red blood. I follow her eyes and see that that the blood is coming from between her legs. It takes me a few seconds and then I get it; it's the baby. "Ok Angel, it's going to be ok. I want you to lay back for a minute, ok." I prop up a bunch of pillows for her and, when she's settled, I pull back the sheet and her night gown. There is a lot of blood but nothing else. I guess blood is bad enough and I'm sure what I was expecting but there is a lot of blood.

I sit beside her and hold her hand. In my other I dial 911. "Yes, my wife is pregnant and she just woke up with a lot of blood between her legs." I give our address and answer more questions. "It's bright red, yes. She's, um, she's 30 weeks along." I look at Angelia and the only movement is her bloody hand rubbing her stomach over and over. Oh my poor Angel. I have to make everything alright, somehow. I hang up when the gate chimes. After buzzing them in, I turn to Angelia "I have to go down and let them in baby." She doesn't respond so I kiss her forehead and run downstairs. There are two big guys in EMS gear with a stretcher. I tell them what happened as I lead them up the stairs. They've left the stretcher downstairs but brought their gear with them.

One begins to run tests; he attaches blood pressure, oxygen and heart rate monitors to Angelia first and then a monitor over her stomach to assess the baby. The other guy tries to ask her questions but she's not answering him. All she can do is rub her stomach and stare. I take over and answer all of the questions for her. I thought they would have basically scooped her up and gone to the hospital but they do a lot of tests and take a lot of notes. They also call the hospital to let them know what's going on and talk to a doctor there. That's when I think to call our doctor. I stand a couple feet from the bed and call Dr. Harper. It's handy being me sometimes. You have your doctor's direct numbers. I relate to him what is going on and he asks to speak to the EMS. They talk for a few minutes, most of it gibberish to me, and then he hands me the phone back. "Sidney, she's stable and no longer bleeding. They're going to take her to UPMC and I'll meet you there." I thank him and notice that they are bundling her up. "You may want to change sir." One guy says to me. I look down and see that I'm only in shorts. They bring in the stretcher and I run to grab some clothes.

I get back as they are finished packing up. We all head downstairs and I only have the presence of mind to grab my phone and lock the door to the house. I get in the back of the ambulance and we head off to the hospital. I look down at my Angel and she's so pale but her face is blank. Her hand is still clutching her stomach like she will never let go. It must be pure instinct because my hand is now over hers. When I look back at her, she's looking at me for the first time and a tear slips out of her eye. Keeping one hand over hers and our peanut, I lean closer to her face and kiss the tear away. "You're going to be just fine Angel. Both you and the peanut are going to be just fine. We have a season to play and a peanut to put in the Cup when we win. It's going to be our first summer as a family in Nova Scotia. Mom and dad will fight over who gets to spoil first. We'll put peanut in the onesie you bought in New York. See, I even learned that it's called an onesie. We have so much life ahead of us; the three of us. You hang on, ok? We're going to be just fine." She doesn't say anything, which worries me, but when I kiss her lips lightly I feel her kiss mine back. I guess I'll have to take that for now.

It's a blur when we arrive at the hospital. There are a lot of nurses and doctors there to meet us. One doctor gets an update from the EMS and I follow Angelia down a hall and into a private treatment room. Dr. Harper must have called ahead. I didn't even think of that; we could be in a public area and I really don't know what I'd do if someone took a picture right now but it would most like involve jail time, for me. "Sir, you can't go in there yet." It's a nurse talking to me. "Excuse me" I say not quite sure that I heard her right. "Mr. Crosby, you will need to wait in another room while we examine your wife." I take a breath and count to ten. When I open my eyes, I look at the nurse and calmly say "I am not leaving my wife's side. You can put me in a corner of the room if you need to work on her, but I am not leaving my wife's side. I'll buy this damn hospital if I have to so that I can stay there but nothing and no one is going to make me wait down the hall." I said it quietly but she knew that I was deadly serious. She pauses a moment and then says "come with me and we'll get you a gown." I follow her next store and she fits a gown over me, like she's wearing, and then instructs me to wash my hands. Finally, she leads me back to Angelia's room.

I notice that she's been changed into a gown and she's hooked up to all kinds of monitors which are beeping and making lots of steady noise. When she looks over and sees me, she holds out her hand to me and rush to her side. Someone gives me a stool and I sit down beside her head. Holding her hand, I push her hair from her brow and kiss her forehead. I lay mine against hers for a few moments. We both need this connection and I'm willing every bit of strength I have into her. I hear the door open and the room becomes quiet, except for the machines. When I look up, I see Dr. Harper. "Sidney, Angelia, I was updated by the EMS during your ride in and received another update a few moments ago. I want to order some tests and take a look at our baby to see how you're both doing." He pauses and puts one hand on Angelia's arm and one on my shoulder. "I know this is very scary for you. Let's get some information, find out what's going on and then we'll know what to worry about. More importantly, we'll know what to do, ok?" I look at Angelia and she nods at him and so do I. "There is good news. The baby's heart rate is strong and normal." I grasp Angelia's hand. We have something to hold onto now.

Dr. Harper begins talking to a nurse and I look back at Angelia. Dr. Harper had the same effect on her that he had on me. I'm feeling much less panicked and much calmer. I offer Angelia a small smile. While she doesn't return it, she does take my hand to her lips and kisses it saying "my hero." The first words she's speaking since she cried out my name and it's to call me her hero. I feel my heart grow and my eyes get wet. All I've ever wanted to do is love and take care of this wonderful woman; soon to be a wonderful family.

Suddenly, I hear a splash, Angelia gasps, the monitors go crazy and everyone in the room begins to move. Someone is pulling me away from Angelia. I fight against them, I'm going to win being bigger and stronger, then I hear the nurse say "we need to take care of your wife. You can wait just outside." I let her push me into the hall and I lean back against the wall. With the door closed, I hear nothing. Someone comes out and turns quickly away from me. For a brief moment, I hear the chaos of the monitors and everyone is still talking. It's Angelia's cry that cuts my heart. I slide down the wall until I'm seated on the floor and rest my head on my knees. That's when I start praying.


	176. Chapter 176

**_Note: I'm working hard to get these ones exactly as I want them and not make you wait. I'm sorry if the balance isn't always tipping in your favour._**

* * *

The wait is interminable. It's killing me to be out here when I know that my Angel is suffering in there. Staff comes in and out. They even take in some machine. I get up and pace now because I can't keep still. It feels like I've been waiting for hours. Everything goes in slow motion. When someone comes out, I can see inside briefly but can't see Angelia at all because there are too many people around her. I need to see her, touch her, anything to have that connection. I hate feeling like this, like I'm completely out of control. There is nothing that I can do but wait. My reason for living in is that room and I can't be in there with them.

As I debate charging inside, Dr. Harper comes out and gestures for me to follow him. We go into a small office and he shuts the door. "Sidney, we've completed an internal ultrasound and determined that Angelia has placenta praevia. Essentially, the placenta has partially pulled away from the uterine wall. It is rare and happens slowly. In the second trimester, the only real way to see it is if you do an internal ultrasound which we don't do when a woman is otherwise healthy and shows no symptoms. Tonight, the placenta tore away from the uterus a bit which has caused Angelia to bleed." He waits for a moment before continuing. I just nod to him and he continues. "The baby is doing well and is so far unaffected. What concerns me is the amount of blood that Angelia has lost and continues to lose. We need to stop the bleeding or else it will affect the baby and could endanger Angelia's life." He pauses again. Now I'm having trouble processing. How did we go from my feeling the baby kick for the first time to having both my wife and baby's life in danger? How did we get here?

"What does this mean Kevin?" I ask him. "Sid, we've given Angelia some medication to help her clot and slow down the bleeding. We are also giving her plasma and blood. We are hopeful that the bleeding will stop and we will replace the volume that she has lost. Those are our immediate concerns." I'm processing more now and ask him "What is the worst case scenario?" He sighs and says "we're nowhere near there Sid. Let's take this one step at a time, ok?" I understand what he's saying but I have to know. "Kevin, I need to know. What is the worst case scenario?" He sighs again and replies "If the blood doesn't stop then we'll need to deliver the baby. At the current viability, the baby has a fifty to seventy-five percent survival rate." I take that in but I really need to know "what about Angelia?" He puts his hand on my arm "Sidney, she's lost a lot of blood. We'll be concerned with her going into shock and it affecting her vital organs. But Sid, we aren't there. We have so many steps to go before we get there. You need to think positive. I'm going to take you in now. She's very scared and you'll help calm her." He turns to go and there's only one thing on my mind. "Kevin, save my wife." He pats my shoulder, nods and then we leave the room.

At the door to the examine room, I pause for a moment and take a couple of deep breaths. This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do; make sure I hide how truly terrified I am. I go into the room and finally see Angelia. After a few moments, she must sense me because she looks over and then her eyes fill with tears. I rush over beside her, take her hand and kiss her cheek. Resting my forehead on hers, I say "I just talked to the doctor and you're going to be ok baby." I look into her eyes and know that she desperately wants to believe me. I guess I need to mix a little truth in too. "I just talked to Kevin. They are worried about the blood you've lost, both at home and here, but they're working on it and have given you medication and blood." She gnaws on her bottom lip and then whispers "the baby?" I kiss her again and reply "the baby is doing fine Angel. Strong heartbeat, like his mother." She sniffles and says "his?" Oops, personal pronoun slip. I shrug and say "or her." We chuckle a little. "You are going to be fine Angel. You both have to be. I have a game in two weeks that you need to be at. Flower and Vero will be here soon and you and V can compare bellies. I think you have a few weeks on her and will win hands down." She tries to smile but it becomes as sob. "Oh, baby" I lean in farther so that we're cheek to cheek. "I know this is scary but we're going to get through it, ok? One step at a time is what Kevin said. You're worrying about step six thousand and forty two and we're on step twelve. You know how you got me through the concussion last year? You had me focus on one thing at a time. So let's do that now, ok?" I pull back to look at her beautiful, scared face and wipe away her tears. She nods and I lightly kiss her lips. We both hold the kiss for a few moments. We both desperately need to.

Someone has brought the stool back so I sit down but stay right beside her. I couldn't move any farther away if I wanted to; it seems vital right now that I keep touching her. Nurses come in and out of the room. One always stays with us looking at monitors and making notes. It's actually comforting to have the nurse constantly watching and noting. I'm going to go crazy soon so I turn to Angelia and say "you know, we still haven't settled on names." She looks at me like I'm crazy but I say "what else do you have to do right now?" She rolls her eyes at me and I know she's getting some of her fighting spirit back. "I keep telling you that Sam works if it's a boy or a girl." She rolls her eyes again and says "Crosby, I'm not naming our child after the dog!" I feign surprise then say "fine. What have you narrowed it down to since you don't like my idea?" The machine makes a strange noise and we both jump, startled. The nurse says "it's supposed to do that, everything is ok Mr. and Mrs. Crosby." I think we both let out a huge breath.

"No hockey player names" she says. "I don't want a little Stevie Y for a child." I play along and reply "if you don't want to name our child the same as a hockey player than we are going to quickly run out of boys names. There have been a lot of hockey players." Again she rolls her eyes and says "fine. Maybe we can name him Alexander or Claude." Yep, my Angel is coming back. She's in emergency, hooked up to every tube and machine they have, and she's chirping me. I love this woman! "Fine, we'll avoid hockey player names. Definitely no Claude. Seriously though, we are going to have to agree at some point on names. Even if we create a short list. If boy's names are too contentious, how about girls names; what do you think of Julie?" She wrinkles her nose. No Julie. "How about Annabelle?" Now she wrinkles her nose and rolls her eyes. "Fine, how about Emma?" Now she doesn't wrinkle or roll. "Emma" she says. "That's a possibility. Shortened, people might call her 'Em' which is cute. Emma is a pretty name." I smile "ok. We have officially started our short list."

* * *

I don't know that I've ever been so scared in my entire life. Not even when I thought I might have breast cancer was I so scared as when I woke up to all that blood in the bed. All I could think is that I was losing our baby. My only job for nine months is to keep it safe and I failed. The only thing that kept me sane was Sidney's hand on mine over our baby. As long as his hand was over mine and I felt the peanut inside of me then everything could still be ok. Even now, as I look at him trying to make me laugh, I only feel safe because he's beside me. When they made him leave the room, I thought it was over. I thought that this was it and I was losing the baby. I didn't really breathe until he was beside me again. I didn't think that I could love anyone more than I love him and then we got pregnant. I already know that I would do anything to keep our peanut safe. I know what placenta praevia is and I know the chances that they'll have to deliver the baby if I don't clot. I'm a genius and genius' research. I looked into every possible complication to pregnancy. I didn't tell Sidney of course because there was only the smallest of chances it would ever happen; but, I needed to know what could happen. Being knowledgeable gives me comfort even if it's about the worst thing. I never contemplated that it could really happen.

"Sidney?" I interrupt him as he tries to build our short list of one name, Emma. "Yeah babe" he replies. I take his cheek in my hand and say "you are going to be a wonderful dad. Our peanut will be so lucky to have you in his, or her, life." I don't know what makes me say this but I continue "we've never talked about his because we never really had to but, if anything ever happens to me" he puts a finger to my lips and I see his eyes fill with tears. "Don't you finish that sentence or start it ever again. I am not going to lose you. We will be old and gray before either of us goes anywhere. We will have children and grandchildren before we even need to think about that, ok? I'm serious. You can't think that way, not now, not ever. I will not lose you!" He says it so fiercely, with so much emotion and tears falling from his eyes, that I can only nod and smile. He kisses me and I wipe away his tears. "Ok sweetie, I won't talk about that anymore, I promise." It's my turn to comfort him. For a moment, I get a glimpse of just how scared he is right now. I know he's trying to put on a brave face and be strong for me; but, he's so frightened right now that I feel it inside my heart. "We'll just think positive thoughts then, like you told me that sports psychologist once told you. Visualize the puck going in the net and it will go in the net, right?" He nods but I can still see the fear in his eyes. I feel that same fear deep inside me too.

Kevin comes in and confers with the nurse before coming to us. "Angelia, your bleeding has slowed considerably. I don't want to say that we're out of the woods just yet but it is promising. Between the medication and transfusions, we are beginning to stabilize you. The baby's heart rate has slowed just a little bit; but, you've also been lying for a while and that could me the baby has gone to sleep which does slow the heart rate a bit. I'm not concerned yet and we'll keep monitoring." Kevin pats my arm and asks if we have any questions. We don't, so he leaves the room. I look at Sidney and I see some of my own relief in his eyes. "Not great news but better news" I tell him. He nods and sits back down on the stool beside me. I've lost all track of time, day or night, so I ask Sidney. He tells me "4am. Doesn't everything seem to happen at night between 3 and 4 am?" He looks so tired right now. It's been a rough ten hours. He went from the high of a CBA contract to being in the hospital with me. If anyone ever needs an example of dichotomy then this is it.

"Did you get any sleep?" I ask him. He knows that I'm talking about before I woke up. "Yeah, I fell asleep watching the '92 final game for the Cup. Don't tell Mario I fell asleep, ok?" That does make me laugh because he's actually serious. "No, I promise I won't tell Mario. I bet you've watched that series a few times though, haven't you?" He blushes a little. I remember his mom telling me that he tried to watch every big game that Mario played before he went to the Penguins. We smile at each other now and he doesn't answer me. "Ok, I like Emma but we really need more than one name on our short list Angel." Truthfully, I've always liked Emma and I think it should be the name we use if it's a girl. It has to be fate that Sidney thought of it too. It's funny how, until now, we've only talked about names that we don't like. Since we first knew that we were pregnant, we've talked about all the names we hate but have never really talked about the good names. I guess we always thought we had lots of time.

"Ow" I cry out as I feel a sharp stabbing pain in my lower abdomen. My cry is followed by monitors going off and people coming into the room. Terrified, I look at Sidney but he's watching all of the people at the monitors. I feel the pain again and Sidney leans down and says "breathe slowly Angel. You just focus on your breathing." I look into his eyes and focus there and on taking deep breaths. I hear Kevin come in and turn to watch him go to a nurse. He looks at scans of the fetal heart rate and the monitors. After conferring with another nurse, he turns to me and says "Angelia, I think" and then anything else he says I can't hear. That sharp, stabbing pain now feels like my insides are ripping. I cry out long and loud. I notice movement around me and people touching the bed and me. I feel Sidney beside me as the bed starts moving. I'm moaning now with the pain but I hear Kevin say "Sid, we knew this was a possibility. We tried everything we could but we need to take the baby out now." Did I hear him right? He's going to deliver the baby? It's too soon. No, it's too soon. I'm being wheeled quickly down the hall now and when I turn my head, Sidney is being held where he is by a nurse. I weakly reach out my hand and whisper "Sidney" before I black out.


	177. Chapter 177

The nurse shows me to a waiting room and I'm left alone with a TV showing the news. A few seconds later, someone comes in. "Mr. Crosby, I'm Dr. Evans, a resident working with Dr. Harper. He asked me to come out and let you know what is going on." He gestures for me to sit down and we both do. "Mr. Crosby, as you know, your wife has placenta praevia and earlier the placenta began to pull away from the uterine wall. That's where the blood was coming from. We've been giving her medication and blood transfusions. While that did stabilize her, the entire placenta has now ripped away from the uterus. We need to deliver the baby immediately. At thirty weeks, we are very hopeful for the baby's prognosis. As a precaution, Mrs. Crosby was given steroids when she first came in which helps the baby develop faster." I nod but that's not what I'm really worried about. "Tell me about my wife."

Dr. Evans pauses and says "that's a little trickier." What the fuck does 'trickier' mean? What kind of fucking doctor uses the word 'trickier' to describe a patient? "She has lost a lot of blood Mr. Crosby and we are continuing to transfuse. The biggest risk after delivery with placenta praevia is hemorrhaging. Since she's already been bleeding, it's a concern. We are taking every effort to prevent that from happening as well as continuing to give her blood and plasma. I'm going to go back in to assist Dr. Harper. I will come back out when we have delivered the baby and have more news for you." He pats my arm and leaves the room. While I wait, I have some calls to make.

Picking up the phone, I make the call I've been dreading since we got here. "Mariah? Hi it's Sid." She's surprised to hear from me and carries on for a few minutes before I stop her. "Ri, I'm at the hospital with Angelia. There was a complication with the pregnancy. It was sudden and no one could have predicted it. They are delivering the baby and Angelia is in surgery. She lost a lot of blood Ri." She's silent for a moment, I thought maybe the line was disconnected, then she says "I'll be on a plane within the hour. Call Trina and Troy." I give her more details and how to get to the hospital. She'll text me her flight information when she has it. The next call is going to be difficult too.

"Dad, it's me."

"Wow, it's 5am, what's up kid? You can't want to talk about the CBA. It's over."

"Dad, it's Angelia. We're in the hospital. Can you put me on speaker and get mom please?"

He gets mom and I tell them what's going on too. It's a bitch to get from Halifax to Pittsburgh by commercial flight so I tell them to charter a flight. They agree and will text me their information too.

Now I sit down on the sofa and don't know what to do. I feel numb. This doesn't seem real. After everything we've been through together in the past two years and now we're here. I almost have everything I could ever want in this world and it could be gone any minute. I'm a wreck. Losing all track of time, I sit here and wait for an eternity, or at least it feels that way. "Sidney?" I hear my name and look up. It's Nathalie and Mario. My parents must have called them. Damn, I should have thought of that. I stand up as they walk over. "I'm so sorry, I should have called you." Nathalie shakes her head and then folds me into her arms. The minute her arms are around me, I break down. This is my second mom. She may not have raised me, and could never take the place of my mom, but she is one of the most important people in my life. I sob like I haven't' done since I was a boy. Nathalie strokes my hair and holds me until I'm empty.

I wipe up and turn to Mario. He folds me into a hug too. Nothing has even been said and yet I feel their support and comfort. We all sit down. Nathalie says "your mom called us. Ron is sending his plane to them. Thankfully it's in New York right now so it will be there before they'd even have time to arrange one." I'm so thankful to have wonderful people in my life. "Tell us Sid" Mario begins. "Your mom told us a bit but what's going on now." I start at the beginning hoping, maybe, that it will start to make some sense to me. When I'm done I say "so now I'm just waiting." Nathalie is holding my hand and Mario pats my knee. I look up at the door and it's Dr. Evans. We all get up and go to him.

At first he seems startled or surprised. It hits me that he's probably a Penguins fan and having Mario here would be a surprise. He covers quickly, for which I'm grateful, and then tells what what's happened. "Mr. Crosby, you have a beautiful baby girl who was born approximately fifteen minutes ago. She is premature. She was having trouble breathing so we have her on a respirator. We will need to assess her other organs. The steroids we gave her did help. She is critical though and has a long road ahead of her. We are guarded about her condition. She's in NICU being further assessed and monitored." It's so much to take in right now. I have a child, a baby girl; but, she's sick and in critical condition. Oh God, he hasn't said anything about Angelia. "My wife" I say to him. "What about my wife?" He takes a breath and I feel a cold chill go down my spine. "She has lost a lot of blood Mr. Crosby. We are transfusing as fast as we can and Dr. Harper is repairing her hemorrhage. The placenta did completely tear away from the uterus." My head is spinning with all of this information. I sit back down in the chair.

I hear Mario ask "what does this mean doctor?" Dr. Evans replies "we are concerned about her organs failing or she could go into shock. Dr. Harper is trying his best but may have to perform a hysterectomy to stop the bleed. We should know better where we are in the next hour. I'll come back out." I don't say anything. I can only rest my head in my hands. "Is she going to live?" I finally say to no one really. I feel Mario's hand on my shoulder. "Sid, you can't think that way. Everything he said is worst case scenario. He's simply letting us know what could happen not what is happening. The only thing we know is that she has a world class surgeon working on her right now. And you have a baby girl." I look up at him. He's right, I have a baby girl. I'm a dad although I don't want to be a single dad. Angelia has to make it. A girl needs her mom, right? I couldn't do this without her. I couldn't live without her.

I hear my phone ring and see that it's Mariah. I answer it and fill her in on everything. "So when will they know if she's going to be ok?" she asks me. It's the same question I have. "They'll be coming back to see me in an hour or two." "Ok Sid, my plane is about the leave. I'll call as soon as I land, ok. You stay strong. Ang is a fighter. I can feel that she's going to be fine. It's a twin thing. We will not lose her." How can she be so certain? We say our goodbyes and I sit back, close my eyes and just breathe. "Mr. Crosby?" I open my eyes and see a nurse at the door. Immediately, I get up and say "yes?" "Would you like to see your baby?" Oh my God, I didn't even think to ask to see the baby. "Can I?" I ask her. She smiles gently and replies "we'll need to put you in a sterilized gown, but yes, you can see your daughter." I'm torn now. I need to see my baby girl but I need to wait for news on Angelia. "Sid" Mario starts "we'll stay here and if there is any news then we'll get you right away." I nod and follow the nurse.

We have to go through some security to get on the floor. I guess they do that for the babies. The nurse takes me into a small room and I have to wash my hands with special soap. I'm put into a gown and a mask. They even put gloves on me. When I'm ready, she leads me down the hall and I see a glass wall with a room full of incubators with babies. I'm stunned by how many there are; there must be eight or ten of the tiny people under sun lamps and attached to a lot of monitors and tubes. The nurse gestures for me to follow her and I do to one baby in particular. The label says "Baby Girl Crosby." Then I look past the label and see my little girl. She's so tiny; I didn't expect her to be that tiny. "How big is she?" I ask. "She was born at three pounds and one ounce. That's a good size for thirty weeks. She was having some trouble breathing so we're helping her with a tube. You can put your hand through that hole there if you want to touch her."

I look at the nurse surprised. I didn't know that they'd let me touch her. The nurse opens up the hole and pulls a chair over for me. "I'll give you a few minutes with your daughter Mr. Crosby." Wow, my daughter. I pull the chair closer to her and put my hand through the glass hole. "Hi baby girl. I'm your daddy. I know you've had a rough start to your life but I promise that it's going to get better. Your mommy and I love you so much." I'm completely overwhelmed when her tiny, tiny fingers curl around my pinkie. She has a lot of tubes and wires. It's scary to think how much machinery is helping her stay alive. She looks like a baby though; I wasn't sure what to expect. I bet she'd fit in my one hand. Her hand tightens ever so slightly on my finger. "Yes, it's daddy. We have a wonderful life waiting for you. It will be full of love. There are so many people who love you already and they haven't even met you. Grandma and Grandpa are flying in right now and so is your Aunt Mariah. Mario and Nathalie are downstairs and your mom" my voice hitches now "your mom is fighting right now to be with you. You're going to love mommy. She will love you so much and always be there for you. She's a genius your mom is and a scientist too. She's smart and beautiful and has the biggest heart in the whole world. You are going to love meeting your mom." Just then, she opens her eyes just a crack and seems to look directly at me. I don't know if she remembers my voice from all of the times I talked to Angelia's belly or if she can sense how much I love her. Just a glimpse of those blue eyes gives me hope that this is going to turn out ok. It may not be easy, but we are going to be a family; a happy and healthy family.

A nurse comes over and looks at the monitors and writes a few things down. "How is she doing?" I ask her. The nurse smiles at me and says "she's a strong girl Mr. Crosby. You have a very strong girl there. Look at how she's holding your finger. Most preemies of her age wouldn't be able to do that yet. Yeah, you have a strong little girl there." I smile at the nurse and say "she's just like her mom." I don't know if the nurse knows what is going on with Angelia or if she is intuitive; but, she leans in and says "you hang onto that Mr. Crosby. You have two strong girls." Then she walks to the next baby. "You hear that little girl. You are very strong and a fighter. Of course, I knew that already. What else would you be? I'm sorry that you don't have a name yet. Your mom and I just started a shortlist and only one name is on it. Maybe it's fate that it is a girl's name. How do you feel about the name Emma? Do you feel like an Emma? It's almost unfair that we have to name you before you can have a say. What person really likes the name their parents chose for them? Being named Sidney wasn't easy I tell you. When they couldn't pick on my game they definitely chirped me about my name." I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I just can't stop looking at her. She's mine. I'm a dad. I have a baby girl and she's beautiful and a fighter. I already want to kill anyone who even looks sideways at her.

The nurse comes up to me and says "I'm sorry Mr. Crosby, but we will need to have you leave for a little while please." I have an overwhelming feeling to stay. Actually, it's stronger than not wanting to leave. It's like I can't leave. I brush her cheek with my finger as a kiss goodbye. "I'll be back soon baby girl. I promise." I lean in closer and whisper "I love you." When I stand and remove my hand from the glass hole, the nurse gestures for me to follow her. As I turn around, I see Mario and Nathalie at the window. They must want to see the baby. Before I can turn around and point at the baby, I see Nathalie gesture me to come out and Mario mouths 'Angelia.'


	178. Chapter 178

It feels like I'm under water. I'm trying to swim to break through but the current keeps pulling me back down. I can't open my eyes and everything I hear is muffled. At one point, I hear Sidney saying "stay with me Angel. Our baby girl needs you. I need you" then he was gone and it was all water again. At another point I felt Mariah. She was in the water with me, beside me, helping me swim, and she looked sad. The next time I was conscious, I felt Sidney beside me, holding me and talking to me about our daughter. We have a daughter! I try to make out what he's saying but I can only pick out every few words. I try to catch more but I can't. She must be tiny if she's been born so early. Sidney says that she's beautiful and strong and can't wait to meet me. I try hard to fight through the surface but just can't do it and I fall back into water.

The next time I'm conscious, I can see through the surface and there's light. I fight and, this time, I'm able to break through. I open my eyes and there's only the soft glow of a florescent light from the corner of the room. I slowly look around and see Sidney with his head in my lap sleeping. All it can think is that he can't possibly be comfortable in that chair leaning over onto the bed. His back is going to be so sore. I try to lift my hand and my arm feels like it has lead in it. I take a few deep breaths and try again. It's hard but I rest my hand on his head and tangle my fingers through his hair. He looks so tired. I feel him stir under my hand and then his eyes open slightly. When he becomes fully awake and aware of where he is, he sits straight up and grabs my hand. "Angel?" he whispers as if he's afraid that he's dreaming. I try to say his name but it comes out like a croak. He grabs a styrofoam cup and brings the straw to my lips. I take a few sips and my throat feels considerably better. Now I say "Sidney" and lightly pull him down to me. He buries his face in my neck and he holds me gently. I feel wetness and know that he's crying. I hope they're happy tears. "Sidney?" I ask and he pulls back. He has a big smile on his face now and he kisses me lightly.

As happy as I am to see him, there is really only one thing on my mind. I've looked down at my stomach and I know that the baby was born. "What happened to the baby?" I ask him. He cups my cheek and says "she's beautiful Angel. She's so beautiful." I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. I feared the worse. I do, however, know what it means that she was born at only thirty weeks. "How are her lungs? Is she on a ventilator? How big is she?" I pepper him with questions until he puts a finger to my lips. "I'll tell you everything just give me a chance. She's three pounds, one ounce. She is on a ventilator to help her breath but she's holding her own. They say that she's a fighter Angel. She's so beautiful." She's on a ventilator and she's three pounds, one ounce. The weight is better than I anticipated but I had hoped the steroids would have done more for her lungs. "What about her other organs?" I need more information. Sidney sighs and I know there are things he's not telling me. "Sidney, I need to know how our baby is."

He pulls the chair closer to my head and sits down. "Her lungs are underdeveloped. They are also concerned about her intestines. They say that they are also underdeveloped and they are concerned with inflammation." They may or may not have told him but they'll be worried about more than inflammation. They'll be worried about necrotizing enterocolitis; her gastro intestine tract dying little bit by little bit. He looks so hopeful that I can't believe they've told him everything. "Don't worry Angel. She's a fighter, just like her mom. Oh God" he sobs and carefully hugs me. "I thought I almost lost you." I take a moment and focus on Sidney. This must have been hell for him trying to handle this alone worrying about both his wife and baby. "Oh Sidney, I'm so sorry you had to go through this alone. I love you so much." He turns his face into my neck again and kisses me. "You've been asleep since you came out of surgery eighteen hours ago. You seemed to surface a few times but I wasn't sure. I've never been so scared in my life." I turn my face now to kiss him.

"Ang!" I hear from the door and then my sister is in my arms. We don't say a word, we don't need to, we just hold each other. I know what she's going through because it's what I went through when she had cancer. Eventually we do part and that's when I notice Trina and Troy behind her. They each hug me in turn and then Trina says "I'll be right back. The only way that I could keep Taylor in school is if I promised her I'd call immediately when you woke up. I also need to call Mario and Nathalie." Troy hugs Sidney and I feel tears come into my eyes. I'm so glad he wasn't alone. It was killing me to think he would be.

I start thinking about why I've been unconscious for over eighteen hours. The placenta must have torn completely for there to be that much blood and to deliver the baby so quickly. Oh God! "Sidney! What happened to me in surgery?" I can't even say the words 'hysterectomy' even though I know it's a possibility. Sidney comes back to my side and says "they had a lot of trouble stopping the bleeding and they've been giving you transfusions." "No Sidney, did they, I mean was there anything else they did?" I really can't say the word I'm so scared. Sidney looks confused so I look to Mariah. She smiles and takes my hand "they didn't have to do a hysterectomy. You can have lots more kids." I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Thank God; we can have more children. Now my attention turns to the only thing that matters; I turn to Sidney and say "I need to see her." He shakes his head and says "Angelia, you just woke up. You need to rest." I put my hand up to stop him. "Sidney, I need to see her." He looks like he's going to argue but then he goes to the hall and I hear him say "my wife is awake and insistent on seeing our daughter."

The nurse comes into the room and says "it's nice to see you awake Mrs. Crosby. We can definitely take you to your daughter but I need to examine you and take your vitals first." I'm going to argue but she tilts her head and says "that's the deal. The only way I can move you is to know that you are stable." I nod and hope this will go by fast. She asks everyone to leave but Sidney stays. The nurse takes my basic vitals and everything but my blood pressure is normal. My blood pressure is a little low but that's to be expected with all of the blood loss. She asks about my pain and I lie of course. I can feel the caesarian incision because it hurts like a bitch. When she asks me about the pain on a scale of one to ten and I say four, she turns to me and says "liar. What is it really?" This woman is tough. I still lie but say "six." She only says "fine" and keeps going. When she's done with her questions, she checks my incision. It's red and looks as painful as it feels but she seems happy with it. "I'll be back in a few minutes Mrs. Crosby."

I turn to Sidney after she leaves and his face is white. "Sidney, what's wrong?" He doesn't even acknowledge my question. "Sidney sit down" and he does. "Now, tell me what's wrong!" He finally looks up at me and says "I never thought about the surgery itself and how much you went through. How much pain are you really in?" It takes me a few minutes but then I realize his reaction is from seeing the scar. "Sidney, it hurts, I'm not going to lie to you, but you need to put that behind you now. I'll heal and we need to focus on our daughter." He nods but says "maybe you shouldn't be moving yet." I don't have time to answer because the nurse comes in with a wheelchair. I smile at her and Sidney says "nurse, maybe we should wait before she gets up." The nurse smiles at him and replies "the doctor left orders that if her blood pressure stabilized and her incision wasn't weeping then she could make a short trip to see the baby. It will be good for both of the Mr. Crosby." Sidney doesn't look convinced but he must realize that he can't win against us both.

They help me carefully move to the wheelchair. My IV bags are transferred and they take off the monitors. It really hurts to move. I feel the sharp pain of my incision as my now concave stomach folds in on itself and the incision. I have a brief hope that my stretched skin goes back to pre-baby shape at some point in the near future and then I'm been wheeled down the hall. It feels like forever until we turn a corner and I see the NICU. They make me put on a gown, mask and gloves, as well as Sidney, and then we go in. I know what to expect and yet it still scares me to see all of the tiny, tiny babies in the incubators. They seem so helpless and scared.

They take me back and stop in front of an incubator that says "Baby Girl Crosby." I move my eyes to look at my daughter. She's so tiny and frail looking. She has a ventilator tube down her throat and two IVs, one in her wrist and one in her foot. She has a little bit of fuzzy hair on her head but I know that won't really come in for a while. Her eyes are closed. The vent is taped to her mouth and her chest is moving up and down in time with the machine. As I glance down to her stomach, I see what the doctors are worried about. Her stomach is distended; that's the necrotising enterocolitis. She's so tiny, my daughter, so very tiny and frail. I look up at Sidney and he has the widest, goofiest smile on his face. As I glance back down at the baby, I know that he has no idea how sick our daughter is, nor does he know that it's entirely my fault.

* * *

I thought that I was dreaming when I felt Angelia's fingers in my hair and saw her eyes open. The eighteen hours before that was hell. Initially, everyone tried to get me to rest but I wouldn't leave her side; not even to check on the baby. Mom and dad visited every hour for me and told me how she was doing. I only ate because mom badgered me to and dad told me that I needed to keep up my strength for my family. I feel like the weight of the world is off of my shoulders now that Angelia is awake. Both my daughter and my wife are going to be happy and healthy for a very long time. We're going to have more children too. I felt bad not realizing what Angelia was asking me about when she talked about her surgery. That was eighteen hours ago and the only thing I've been thinking about since was her waking up. Even if we couldn't have more children, it wouldn't matter as long as I had her. Now she's going to meet our daughter for the first time. I'm so excited. There is no other way to describe how I feel and yet 'excited' even seems too ordinary.

When I see my baby girl again, I feel my heart expand in my chest and the widest smile wash over my face. I am already so in love with her that I constantly think my heart might explode with it. She's very tiny and looks very frail but I have faith that she will be strong and healthy soon. I have my Angel back so my princess won't be far behind. When we get close to her, I look down at Angelia and she seems to be taking it all in. I thought she would be smiling but then I remember what I thought the first time I saw her. It was a shock to see how small she was and all of the tubes and monitors. Now, I don't even notice all of those things; I can only see my beautiful baby girl. "Isn't she gorgeous Angel?" I put my arm around Angelia and continue to stare at our daughter. When she doesn't answer me, I look down at her and she's just staring at the incubator. She turns to the nurse and says "when can I see the doctor. I have questions about treatment." I'm surprised. She's seeing our daughter for the first time and all she can think about is treatment. "Your daughter's primary physician is here now. I'll get her for you" and then the nurse turns and leaves the NICU.

I look back at our daughter and smile again. I can do nothing else when I look at her which puzzles me again about Angelia's reaction. I crouch down beside her wheelchair and say "I think she's going to look like you. She has your eyes, the shape at least, and she's strong Angel." I look at Angelia and she is looking from one monitor to the other. Before I can say anything else to her, a woman comes up and introduces herself as our daughter's doctor. "I'm Dr. Bucci. It's nice to see you up and about Mrs. Crosby. I understand that you have some questions." We each shake Dr. Bucci's hand and then Angelia says "I understand that you are monitoring both her lung and GI function. I assume that you are concerned with necrotising enterocolitis?" I look sharply at Angelia. No one has mentioned this necro-whatever to me. I know Angelia did extensive research about babies and pregnancy, as she does with everything, but I didn't realize she also researched potential problems. Dr. Bucci seems to take this in stride and responds "it's a concern, yes. We are currently managing with intravenous fluids and antibiotics." Angelia nods and asks "have you determined if there is a mass?" The doctor shakes her head. "We don't feel anything upon examination but there is some tenderness so we went directly to the current course of action. We will continue to monitor for the next couple of days and see where that takes us." Angelia nods again and asks "have you considered upper gastrointestinal small bowel follow-through or surgery to repair?" Why is Angelia thinking worst case scenario? The doctor is even more optimistic than she is and I'm confused. Dr. Bucci replies "we aren't near at that point Mrs. Crosby. Let's see how the antibiotics do at resolving the issue. The next step would be anti-fungals. Surgery is far down the path and we most likely will never get there." Angelia thanks the doctor, who tells us that she'll be available should we have any more questions and then leaves us with our daughter.

I crouch down and decide to try something different. I say "that hole opens and you can put your hand in and touch her. They let me do it and I can't even describe how incredible it was. I mean I'd rather hold her but if that's all we get then it's better than nothing, right?" Angelia doesn't respond. She's still staring at the damn monitors. "Angel? Don't you want to touch the baby?" Now she turns to me. Her face is unreadable. I can't tell what's going on with her. Before I can say anything else, she says "Sidney, I'm really exhausted. Would you take me back to my room please?" I guess I'm just staring at her so she repeats "please?" Confused, I nod and then get up to push her back to her room. I do notice that she doesn't even look at our baby girl before I turn her to leave.


	179. Chapter 179

I'm being discharged today. They say that I'm healing nicely and I can finish my recuperation at home. What the fuck? 'Healing nicely?' 'Finish at home?' My baby is fighting for her life and they're sending me home to finishing healing. Don't they know that I will never be fully healed? Yet, here I am, being wheeled out of the hospital to the car that will take me home. Home to our new house we moved into over Christmas and where there is a beautiful nursery for our baby girl. Home to what?

Sidney helps me into the back of his truck and Trina is there to help me buckle up. I know they all mean well but there are too many people around. There have been too many people around all the time. I'm never alone. It's either Sidney or Mariah, or Nathalie or Troy. Even Mario has been to the hospital every day. I'm never alone. Trina is going on about how she's stocked the fridge and I won't have to do a thing. She'll take care of everything while I continue healing. There's that word again, 'healing,' as if I ever really could. My baby is fighting for her life and it's my fault. How am I supposed to heal? I watch the world go by outside the window and occasionally nod and try to smile at Trina. It's not her fault. She's doing exactly what moms should do; they take care of their children.

We arrive home quickly and Sidney helps me out of the car and to the front door. He insists on carrying me up the stairs to our bedroom. I have a brief moment of panic remembering how I left this room, bleeding. When I force myself to look at the bed I see that there are new linens and comforter. I look at Sidney and he says "I let mom pick it out but we can change it to whatever you want." I just nod. When he places me gently on the bed, I roll to my side and he pulls the covers over me. "Do you want me to stay?" he asks. I try a smile and say "thanks, but I'm just going to get some sleep." He kisses my forehead and says "ok. I'll be back to check on you later." Then he leaves the room and shuts the door. When I think back over the past four days, it seems surreal. We had everything, everything, and then it was all gone overnight. It seems like years ago that Sidney felt the baby kick for the first time and heard that they'd negotiated a new CBA. Now our baby could be dying and I can't even be with her.

I heard Sidney and his dad talking in my hospital room when they thought I was sleeping. To try and escape the false cheer of my visitors, I pretended to fall asleep as often as possible. Sidney didn't want to report to camp. He thought he should stay with me and the baby. He was sure that Mario would understand because it would just be for a week or two. Troy told Sidney that he understood and would probably want to do the same thing. He also assured Sidney that they were going to stay as long as we wanted them here and Mariah was too. Camp is in Pittsburgh so he would only be gone during the day. It took a while but Troy finally convinced Sidney to go. I'm glad he did. He shouldn't have to live his life in limbo, waiting, when he was needed by his team. It would be different if he could do something but we just wait. Every day we wait to see if the antibiotics are working. Besides, I don't want Sidney around all the time to see the mess I've made of our life. I was so conceited and smug about what a perfect life we were going to have. The biggest problem was to have a nanny come to school with me or work solely out of the lab we put in the house while I was still breast feeding. Now, I pump my milk ever few hours to keep up my milk supply in hope that one day my baby will be able to breast feed. So every few hours I pump and throw the milk down the sink. It seems like an ironic metaphor that I can't seem to find funny.

I hear the door open and close my eyes. I smell Sidney's cologne as he gets closer, feel his lips on my brow and then his fingers lightly over my cheek. I hear him pad away and the door close again. I can't stay in bed anymore but I don't want to go downstairs where all the people are either. I guess I'll go to the office and get something to read. I quietly open the door and just as quietly close it behind me. I can faintly hear everyone talking and know that they are in the family room. They won't hear me from there. I walk down the hall towards the office, forgetting what I have to walk by; it's the nursery. The door is closed but it doesn't matter. My heart breaks a little knowing that my daughter isn't in there.

I must be a masochist because I open the door and go inside quietly shutting the door behind me. The room turned out beautifully. The walls are a light cream and there are white accents everywhere with the tiniest hint of black. I remember when I first showed Sidney the design. It took him a minute but then he noticed the Pens' colours. It was subtle but it was there and I look around to see it's still subtle but there. I run my hand over the crib. We are, were, going to have the baby in our room in a bassinette but wanted the crib ready too. The linens are soft and cozy as every baby's bed should be. There are more than a few stuffed penguins in the room. Everyone seemed to think it was hilarious to give us stuffed penguins. The furniture all turned out so nice too. When I couldn't find a set I really liked, Sidney insisted on having it made for us. It seemed like a silly expense but he was insistent. I notice something on the change table. It's the Penguins onesie I bought in New York. I still remember waking up the morning after I bought the jerseys. Sidney had already gone to his meetings but I saw that he signed everything for the family before he left. It wasn't until later that I saw he had signed the onesie for our baby. He wrote 'I love you with all my heart, Daddy.' I pick up the onesie now and run my fingers over his Daddy 'signature.'

Beside the change table is the rocking chair. I insisted on an old fashion one rather than one of the new gliders. The room is very traditional and I thought the rocker should be too. I sit down in it now and it really turned out well. It's comfortable and rocks evenly, smoothly; but, this isn't how this was supposed to be. I'm sitting here, alone in a dark nursery, holding a onesie instead of my baby. All of a sudden the pain is too much to bare and, for the first time since I woke up from the surgery, I start sobbing and can't stop.

* * *

I feel helpless and useless. There seems to be nothing that I can do for Angelia. It's like her emotions have been completely shut off. I didn't necessarily expect joy since our daughter is so sick; but, I expected something. Angelia isn't happy, she isn't sad, she just seems numb. The doctors told me that it's normal for a woman who has been through what Angelia has been through to act this way, to be this way, and we need to give her some time. How am I supposed to start training camp tomorrow and leave my wife at home like this and my child in the hospital? Playing hockey doesn't seem quite so important right now; but, I know that dad is right. I have to juggle my obligations and the family is here to help. Mario is also helping by lightening my schedule for everything except team stuff. I'll have little media responsibilities and he's keeping everything else away too.

When I last checked on Angelia, she looked so pale against the white pillow and I know she's still very weak from the trauma her body has undergone and the blood that she's lost. I know that it's ridiculous, and everyone is thinking that I'm crazy, but I'm going back upstairs to check on her. Something isn't right, or is more not right, than when it was in the hospital. I excuse myself and head quietly up the stairs. When I open the door to our bedroom, I see that she isn't in bed. A check of the washroom tells me that she isn't there either. I go back into the hall and travel down to the spare bedrooms, all rooms are empty, and then I head back the other way. Oh God! Tell me she didn't go into the nursery. As I get closer, I can hear a sound that I've never heard before. It sounds like a wounded animal.

I open the door and Angelia is on the floor in front of the rocking chair, clutching the onesie to her chest and sobbing. She doesn't even notice I'm there. I rush to her and try to pull her into my arms. She fights me, lashing out, but I don't think she even realizes that it's me or what she's doing. I'm afraid that she's going to hurt herself or pull out stitches so I use my strength to circle her with my arms and force her to my chest. She continues to struggle, but not nearly as much, until she finally breaks down again and is sobbing in my arms. I don't know what to do so I just hold her tight and rock her back and forth in my arms. I hear something at the door and see Mariah. I shake my head and she nods then closes the door. My heart is breaking at the pain coming from Angelia. It's like wave after wave washes over me. I've never seen or heard someone cry like this; like the pain inside of her is too much to bare and it's ripping itself out.

It feels like she'll never stop but I continue to hold her tight and rock her in my arms. Finally, I feel her breathing change. Some of the sobs are breaths now but she's beginning to hyperventilate. "Breath slowly" I tell her. "Deep and slow breaths now." She tries but it takes a few times until she can take that deep breath. Over and over she tries and becomes more and more successful. Her breathing does even out until she's laying limp in my arms. I lift her, stand then leave the nursery. She still hasn't said a word. When we're in our bedroom, I lay her on the bed still in my arms. There is no way that I'm leaving her right now. I'm encouraged when she shifts to lie more comfortably in my arms and rests her head on my chest with her hand over my heart. This is the first time we've really touched since the baby was born; that she's initiated. I've kissed her and held her hand but she's never reciprocated back. This is the first time that she's actually touched me. I didn't realize how much I need even that small comfort. I've been so focused on her and our daughter that I haven't taken a moment to breathe myself.

With my wife broken in my arms and my daughter fighting for her life in the hospital, I felt completely alone and completely inadequate. Just that small touch by my Angel has given me hope that we are going to get through this ok. It sure as shit isn't going to be easy but we're going to get through this together; including our daughter. I hate to keep saying 'our daughter' but Angelia won't name her. It's as if she believes if we don't name her and something bad happens then it won't hurt as much. I didn't want to push so she remains 'Baby Girl Crosby' on the label. For the first time I feel tired and think that I can actually sleep. I see that Angelia has drifted off, and not that fake sleeping that she's been doing, so I finally do to.


	180. Chapter 180

_**Note: I am overwhelmed by the stories you ladies have shared about your lives and what you went through birthing your children. I'm very appreciative of your stories and happy that you're children are happy and healthy. Thank you so much for sharing something so personal with me and the rest of the readers. This chapter is shorter than usual but I think you'll see why when you read it. **_

* * *

I wake up in Sidney's arms and then snuggle closer. I love sleeping in his arms. I wonder if I can find an interesting way to wake him up. I love when he wakes up aroused and erect. I shift back to get a better look at him and feel an intense pain in my abdomen. That's when it all floods back; the baby, the hospital and the trauma of the past week. Sidney pulls me closer to him and kisses my forehead. "You need to sleep Angel." I also remember sobbing in his arms. I felt so much pain. It was tearing at my heart and trying to break out of my chest. I don't know how long I cried on Sidney but it felt like days. Now I just feel empty. There is nothing inside me. I look at the clock beside the bed and notice the time and that I haven't seen our daughter in eight hours. I need to see her. She's alone and I can't let her die alone.

I get out of bed and Sidney sits up rubbing his eyes. I grab some yoga pants and a sweat shirt. Dressed, I turn to Sidney and say "I need to go to the hospital." Sidney jumps up and is in front of me right away. "Are you ok? What's wrong?" I pat his hand on my arm and say "I'm fine. I need to see the baby." He sighs and says "you just got out of the hospital Angel. You need to rest and be strong enough to go see her tomorrow." I shake my head. I never should have let any of them convince me to leave and he isn't going to convince me to go back. "Sidney, either you drive me or I'm driving myself. Either way I'm going to the hospital." I try to turn but he holds me in front of him. "Angelia, you need to rest so that you can be strong for the baby tomorrow. You will be no good to her if you're sick." I pull hard away from him and stumble back. Thankfully, Sidney is quicker and stronger and he prevents me from falling. "You need to rest Angelia. We will go see the baby tomorrow. I'll take you first thing in the morning as soon as you've had a good night's sleep." I try to pull away again but he still holds me where I am. "Sidney, let go of me! I'm going to the hospital to be with our child." We struggle for a few minutes until Sidney yells "Enough! You are going to rip your stitches and make yourself sick. Then you'll definitely be going to the hospital. Now sit down! We are going to talk about this calmly!" The irony that he's yelling at me to be calm doesn't register for him. I walk over to the bed and sit. I'm not going to convince him of anything when he's angry. He puts up a wall of stubbornness when he's angry. I decide to take a different approach.

"Sidney, it's better if one of us is there with her. She knows us. She knows we're her parents. If we're not there then she'll think we've abandoned her." Sidney sighs and rubs his hands over his face. "Angelia, she's well taken care of and they'll call us immediately if there is any change. They're taking care of her and she knows we haven't abandoned her. You need to recover still. If you aren't healthy then you can't look after her." Now I'm getting frustrated because he doesn't get it. "She's alone Sidney. She's all alone." He shakes his head and I know for sure that he doesn't understand. "Sidney, after everything I've done to her, I won't let her die alone!"

Sidney's head snaps back like I've slapped him. I don't know why he's so surprised or what's shocked him. It's my fault, we both know it. He just stands there now and I don't want to waste any more time arguing with him so I get up and turn to leave the bedroom. I'm almost at the door when I hear Sidney whisper "wait." I turn back to face him and he's holding a hand up to me to wait, so I do. He walks back to the bed and sits down then runs his hands over his face again. "Ok, Angelia, I need you to tell me why this is your fault." Is he really this dense? "Sidney, I told you right at the beginning of this pregnancy that I was worried. Do you know what one of the things that cause placenta praevia is? Alcohol consumption during pregnancy. Remember all of that wine I drank at the wedding and on our honeymoon. All that time I was pregnant. I did this; it's my fault our daughter is in the hospital dying right now." He's staring at me now with a sad look on his face. Oh God, he didn't realize that it was my fault and now I've just crushed him. I can't believe that I've done this to the two people I love most in the world: my husband and my child.

Sidney stands up and walks until he's standing in front of me. "Is this what you've been thinking since she was born? Have you been feeling guilty because you think that it's your fault?" He still doesn't get it. "Sidney, it is my fault. I knew this was a possibility but I didn't want to worry you. It wasn't likely but it was possible. As the weeks and months went along, I convinced myself that we were going to be ok. Now I know the damage I did and you and our daughter are paying the price. I have no words to express my regret. I'm so sorry that I did this to our baby girl." I don't even notice the tears falling down my face until Sidney begins to wipe them away. I thought I didn't have any more tears left. "Come here" Sidney says and pulls me over to the love seat in the corner of our room. He hands me some tissue and settles in beside me.

"I can't believe that you've been thinking this and you never told me." he says. Now I'm confused. "Sidney, why would I tell you? You have to know that this is my fault. Why do you think I won't name her? It's my entire fault." He shakes his head "I know that I wasn't pregnant but just because you were doesn't mean that it's your fault. Oh baby, I wish you would have said something earlier." He turns to me and takes my hands in his. "Don't you think I asked Dr. Harper why this happened? I didn't think you did anything. I was scared that there was something wrong with you, that you were sick, which caused it. Kevin told me straight out that it wasn't anything that anyone did or didn't do. There was nothing that you could have done to prevent it. In fact, because you woke up and called for me, we were able to get you to the hospital right away and save both you and the baby." He leans closer to me. "Angel, both you and the baby are alive right now because we did everything right." I don't believe him. Things like this don't just happen by fluke. He knows me too well because he says "sometimes you can't reason or analyze your way around it Professor. Sometimes shitty things happen."

I let that soak in for a few moments. I know he's not lying to me; Sidney would never do that about something so important. Is there really nothing I could have done differently? "The other thing we need to address is that our daughter is not dying" he says. "She's sick, she's very sick, but she's not dying. They're going to take her blood tomorrow and see how much bacteria is it. If it's gone down, as they think it has, then we can feed her." He shrugs and says "it's going to be through a tube but it will be your breast milk. So, tonight we're going to have dinner with our family and get a good night sleep in our own bed, together. Between the worrying and not having you beside me, I haven't had a decent night's sleep myself. Then tomorrow morning, we are going to the hospital to feed our baby girl." I'm still so overwhelmed that this wasn't my fault that I'm not really taking it all in. I do remember though "Sidney, you have to report for camp in the morning." He shakes his head "I need to be with my two best girls in the morning. I did my physical today so I don't need to report in early. We're going to feed our daughter together, ok?"

The fog that I've been in full of guilt and fear finally lifts. I begin to feel the same hope that Sidney does that our baby is going to be ok. Now that the fog is lifted, I can take a good look at him. Oh Sidney, the weight of the world has been on his shoulders. He almost lost me and the baby. He's had to be there for us and worry about us. Who's been taking care of him? This, at least, I can do. I carefully slide over until I'm on his lap and circle my arms around him. I lay my head onto my favourite place, my nook, snuggle as close as I can get and hold him. He leans down so that he's resting against my head. He takes a deep breath in and, when it comes out, it's very shaky. Yeah, he's been through a lot too. With one of my hands I simply stroke the nap of his neck lightly. I feel more than hear him crying. His body shakes slightly. He sniffles a little. I continue to hold him close to me. There is no need for any more words between us. He's kept our family together for the past week. Now it's time that we were partners again and parents to our little girl. When I feel him sigh, I know that he's let it all out too. I also know what we have to do.

I lean back and wipe his tears. We kiss; pressing our lips together lightly that goes a long way to heal us both. I slowly stand up and hold my hand to him. When we're facing each other, I say "Sidney, there's one thing that we have to do tonight. It's important. Can we go to the hospital? Just you and I and only for a few minutes, please? It's really important." He sighs and grabs his wallet from the dresser with one hand and my hand with the other. We make our way slowly downstairs because I insist on walking myself. Sidney tells the family that we'll be back and we're quickly in the car on our way to the hospital. Thankfully, it doesn't take long to get there or through security. Everyone knows us already.

At the NICU, we go through getting all of the gowns and gloves on. Once inside, we walk immediately to our baby girl. I open the little window of her incubator and, for the first time, touch my little girl. I put my finger in her hand. She instantly squeezes it. I look up at Sidney with wet eyes and find his wet too. With his arms around me and my finger in our baby girl's hand, everything finally feels right. Well, almost right. I look around for the nurse to see if she's brought me what I need. Smiling, she hands me everything. It only takes me a few moments and then I cover the piece of tape on the incubator that says 'Baby Girl Crosby' with 'Emma Crosby.' Our daughter finally has a name.


	181. Chapter 181

Angelia and I finally got a good night sleep. She was right about going back to the hospital and naming our daughter; it helped us with some closer. We're now able to put that bad stuff behind us and focus on getting our daughter, Emma, healthy and bringing her home. Today is going to be incredibly busy. We're at the hospital right now to see and feed Emma for the first time and then I need to be at training camp. For the first time ever, I don't want to play hockey but I know that I have to go. This is a crucial week for us to come together as a team. Again I feel another first; hockey is an obligation and not a love. My heart is going to stay with my daughter and wife but I need to be at the rink. I'm so very lucky that Angelia not only understands it but is encouraging me to go; although, it's killing me even thinking about leaving.

The neonatal nurse is walking us through what's going to happen. "Mr. and Mrs. Crosby, as you know, we've been keeping your daughter on IV fluids only, with the antibiotics, to heal her intestines. We didn't want her to digest anything while healing. The good news is that her infection is gone." I look at Angelia and she smiles back at me. "That means that she's out of the woods regarding the concerns we had. We shouldn't need surgery or anything else regarding her intestinal development. Our focus now is her gaining weight and developing so that you can take her home as soon as possible." I put my arm around Angelia at the same time she reaches for me. This was the best news we could hope for although we both know it's going to take some time.

"Mrs. Crosby, I understand that you do want to breast feed so we are going to use your breast milk to feed your daughter through an NG tube initially. In a few days, we should be able to have you start breast feeding." I guess I look confused because the nurse says "an NG tube is simply a very small tube that we place in the baby's nose and down into her stomach. This will give her nourishment until she's a little stronger and we can be sure that she's ready for breast feeding. It will not be painful for your daughter at all. Preemies grow very quickly and you'll be able to see the changes every day. She'll grow more alert and stronger. We anticipate only a few days of the feeding tube given how she responded to the antibiotics and how she's growing." I'm disappointed that we won't be able to actually feed her ourselves and I can tell that Angelia feels the same way. "I know that you're disappointed" the nurse continues "but I think I have something that will cheer you."

She gestures for us to follow her and enter the NICU but instead of going toward all of the babies she takes us to a small room off on the side. I didn't even know the room existed. Inside is our girl and another nurse. That nurse leaves the room and I look around. Emma is still plugged into all of the monitors. There are two chairs. "Ok, we usually do this out in the NICU but I understand the need for your privacy." Now I'm really confused and it looks like Angelia is too. "How would you like to hold your daughter?" No eight words ever spoken have sounded better to me. We can actually hold Emma? "Now that your daughter is stable enough, we can do something called Kangaroo Care. It is a way of helping the family bond. It's also been known to speed the baby's healing. We place the baby against your chest skin to skin. It's been known to regulate a baby's heart rate, their core temperature and simply bring mom and baby, and dad and baby, closer together." Of course we immediately agree.

The nurse gets Angelia set up first. Her abdomen is still tender so we both help her sit down and then take off her sweatshirt and bra. The nurse gets Emma and, only in her diaper, places her carefully between Angelia's breasts and then lays a blanket over them both. This is the first time mom and daughter have touched without anything between them. I vaguely hear the nurse say "I'll give you a few moments" as she slips out the door. The sight of my Angel holding our daughter is the best thing I've ever seen. Emma still has wires and tubes but it is the most natural thing in the world for her to be in her mom's arms. Angelia is simply staring down at Emma with a huge smile on her face. "Hi Emma" she whispers to her. "I'm your mommy. You've had a pretty rough start to your life but I promise it's going to get much, much better from here. You have so many people who love you and can't wait to meet you. I have to warn you though, daddy has a whole team of men who are going to fight off any boy who has his eye on you and those men have sticks." I chuckle listening to Angelia talk to Emma. As she whispers to her, Emma seems to nuzzle in closer to Angelia. I don't know if Emma is used to the sound of her voice or senses that this is her mom but they are definitely connecting.

Angelia looks up at me and says "I'm holding my little girl." She chokes out the last word with tears in her eyes but I know that they are tears of joy. After everything we've been through this past week, this is the moment we've all been waiting for; mom and baby reunited. I sit down in the chair beside them and place my hand over Angelia's hand on Emma's back. With that one simple action, we are united again as a family just like we did when Angelia was pregnant. "She's so beautiful Sidney" she says and looks at me. "You both are baby, you're both beautiful. My two girls are the most beautiful in the world." I lose track of how long we sit like this, together.

The nurse comes back in and says "Mr. Crosby, I know that you have to get going soon. Would you like to hold your daughter too?" I look up, surprised. I didn't even think about being able to hold her too. "Sidney, you should." While the nurse helps Angelia, I take off my shirt and sit in the rocking chair that Angelia has just left. When she lays Emma on my chest, I'm first overwhelmed by how small she is against my chest. My one hand covers her back completely. When the blanket settles over us then I can feel Emma settle against me and find a comfortable spot. As I look down, her eyes suddenly pop open and I'm looking into clear, bright blue eyes that seem to know me. "Hi baby girl, you know me don't you?" She stares at me for a few moments and then settles her head back down against my chest and falls back to sleep. I feel the tears falling from my eyes and look up at Angelia. She leans over to me and kisses me then wipes away my tears. "Of course she knows her daddy. Can you believe it Sidney? You're holding our daughter." I can only keep staring down at the tiny face of my daughter and fall completely in love with her. I know that there is nothing I wouldn't do for her, ever.

Soon, too soon, I know that I have to leave and the nurse places Emma back into her incubator. I stay while they place the feeding tube in and give her the first 'meal.' While I didn't like watching them put a tube in her nose and down into her stomach, I keep reminding myself that this was a great next step in Emma's development. I guess this is what I'm in for being a dad; watching my kid take difficult first steps and wanting desperately to make it all better but knowing that I need to let it happen. "Sidney, you are going to be really late" Angelia says to me. I look at my watch and she's right. Fuck, they've already started the first meeting. I give Emma one last fleeting glance and then kiss Angelia. "I told mom and dad that I'd text when I was leaving and they're going to come with Mariah, ok?" She nods and I kiss her one last time before I head for the door. I can't leave yet though, so I turn around and lean in towards Emma and whisper "I love you baby girl" and then I literally run out the door.

I don't know how I didn't get a speeding ticket getting to Consol but I managed to get there without incident. There were fans outside but I didn't stop as I usually do because I'm really fucking late. I run through the halls and into the meeting room. Of course everyone sees me enter and I'm mortified that I'm late. There's silence for a moment and then the whole room breaks out into applause. Embarrassed, I raise a hand in thanks and try to sit down but Dan says "come on Papa Crosby, tell us how mom and baby are doing." Looks like I'm definitely not slipping quietly into the meeting. "Thanks guys. It's been a very difficult week but we found out this morning that the baby has turned a corner and is definitely improving. Angelia is doing better too. I just left them both at the hospital where we got to hold Emma for the first time. Oh yeah, we named her Emma." There's more applause and then I clearly hear Geno say "you tell her we stop boys going her way, ok?" Everyone laughs and I can finally sit down and Dan picks up the meeting. My head and focus is here in the room, years of practice have taught me how, but my heart is definitely with my girls.

* * *

I can't stop staring at her. Since Sidney left, I've been sitting beside Emma and staring at her. After letting go of the guilt and most of the fear last night, then holding her for the first time today, I'm finally breathing deeply. I'm in awe of how beautiful she is, although very tiny, she's definitely beautiful. A nurse approaches me and says "Mrs. Crosby, you're family is here." I look over at the window and see Trina, Troy and Mariah. I go out of the NICU and hug each of them. "We got to hold her" I tell them. Trina cries and hugs me tight. Only another mother understands just how precious that is after being devastated at not being able to for so long. "Sidney did too. They usually only allow the parents into the NICU baby but Sidney got them to bend the rules for us. Mom, dad, you can go in and see her if you'd like." Trina still has tears rolling down her cheeks and I see Troy with tears in his eyes too. He simply hugs me and kisses my cheek then they both follow a nurse. Mariah puts her arm around me and leads me to a kitchenette and seating area that they have for the parents.

We sit down and just look at each other holding hands. After a few moments, Ri says "you're doing better." It's a statement and not a question. We are too well tuned to each other for her not to know exactly how I am emotionally. "I'm still a wreck and I think I will be until we can bring her home but yeah, I'm doing much better." I tell her. Mariah starts to say something, pauses for a moment and then says "I saw you. When you were in the nursery, with Sidney, I saw you. I had that feeling, that sharp painful feeling and I knew that you were in excruciating anguish so I went to find you. When I saw you with Sidney then I knew you were going to be ok. You've found a good one and he loves you so much." I can only smile because I know she's right and I'm very lucky. Her comment does make me think. "Ri, tell me what happened before I woke up. Sidney won't talk about it and I don't want to talk to Trina and Troy but I really hate that he was alone. I mean he had you guys but for almost a day he was worried about losing me and the baby."

Mariah sighs and says "yeah, he was. Ang, it was really odd. In one way, he was exactly what you would expect of Sid. He was strong, holding it all together, demanding that doctors do everything they could for both of you. Then there were these small moments when I would see him hold your hand and he would crumble. It was for just a moment, so quick that I almost thought I didn't really see it at first. He was a rock Ang. Of course, he also had a lot of support. Mario was here a lot and both Troy and Mario would sit beside Sid for hours. No one would say a word. They would all just sit together and quietly give each other strength. Remember, Mario and Nathalie went through something similar. Austin was premature and, although he wasn't as sick as Emma and Nathalie wasn't as sick as you, they do understand what you're going through." I forgot that Austin was a preemie too. "And how about you Ri? This couldn't have been easy for you." She just shakes her head and her eyes fill with tears at the same time that mine do too. "I was so scared Ang but I also knew that you were going to wake up. Call it a twin thing or just faith; whatever it was, I knew, deep down, that I wasn't going to lose you." We sit there in comfortable silence for a few minutes then Ri asks "when did you decide on Emma? Last we spoke, you were thinking of Reagan or Sloan for a girl." I laugh and reply "Sidney hated both of them. When I came into the hospital, we were trying to distract ourselves and talked about names again. Sidney brought up Emma and it felt right. It was the only name we both agreed on and we both loved it. Having a girl must have been destined because I have no idea what we would have done if it was a boy." We both laugh and turn when we hear Troy and Trina come in.

Trina immediately hugs me and says "she's so beautiful Ang. She's so incredibly beautiful." We hug some more and then Troy hugs me too. "Did you enjoy your visit grandpa?" I ask him. He chuckles and says "very much." We all sit down together and seem to heave a collective sigh. "Oh" Trina says "the doctor is going to be in to see Emma in the next hour and then the nurse said that they'll find us so that you can talk to her." That's good; I want to hear how Emma's doing with her first day of feeding. I also want to know when I can begin breast feeding. I definitely don't want to rush it but I'm really anxious to have that additional bond. I also want to know how often I can hold her. If I had my way, I'd never put her down but I know that's not possible, at least not yet. But it will be soon, very, very soon.


	182. Chapter 182

Training camp went by so quickly and now we're right into the season. It's going to be grueling too. We have games almost every second day and started the season on a road trip. It was agonizing to be away from home for those three days. Then we were home for a couple days and back on the road again. I'm so grateful for my parents and Mariah who have been able to stay and be with Angelia. The other wives have been great too. As much as I worried, I felt better knowing that there's a great support system for Angelia at home while I'm on the road. All of January was the same schedule; a couple days at home followed by more days away. We did a lot of Facetime, I'm so glad they talked me into an iPad, so that I could see Emma and Angelia. I watched when Emma was able to breast feed for the first time. It wasn't the same as being there but I did get to be part of it.

We're into February and I've been away for another road trip; but, I'm back, even if it is midnight, and climbing into my own bed. I lay close to Angelia and she turns into my arms. Even in her sleep she always turns to me. That's something I never want to take for granted. "Sidney?" she asks sleepily. I chuckle "who else would it be?" She snuggles closer to me. "I'm so glad you're home." I hold her close and ask "now that I'm here, tell me again." Now she's awake and props herself up so that she's looking into my eyes. I make out her beautiful face in the pale light. "Ok, I'll tell you again. Tomorrow, we can bring Emma home." I smile at hearing it again. We are bringing home our daughter tomorrow. We've won four games in a row but that pales in comparison to bringing my daughter home. "Are they sure she's ready?" I ask for the dozen time. "Yes, she's ready. We have everything we need too. I asked your parents and Mariah to let us do it ourselves. I wanted it to be just us bringing her home. They'll be here when we get home but I thought it would be nice if it was just the three of us coming home. I arranged it so it's after practice too. Your dad will drop me off at the hospital and you can meet me there from practice." She's thought of everything. "I love the idea of it being the three of us leaving the hospital. That's exactly the way we went in too. Ok, we have a very busy day tomorrow. Let's get some sleep." We both drift off hoping that the morning comes quickly and we can bring our girl home.

The next morning, practice seems to take forever. We're working on our defense and power play. The defense is still not exactly right and I know that Shero is looking for a veteran to come in and help out. The power play is just a matter of finding the right roles for everyone to play at their best. We have all of the right pieces so the coaches just need to find the right positions and plays. I know we'll get there. It's the defense I'm still worried about but I've put myself in the same place as everyone else; I can makes plays and score but I need to think defense first. Dan brings us all together at the end of practice and says "better boys, that was much better. We travel to Washington tomorrow and I want to see the same intensity on defense that we exhibited here. We'll practice at Southpointe tomorrow and then leave from there." Everyone breaks up with some getting in some more ice time and others heading the gym. Dan calls me over. "Sid, I heard that you're bringing Emma home today that's great." I smile at him "yeah, I'm heading there right now." He slaps my shoulder and then skates off. I know that everyone has been pulling for our little girl. It's incredible to have this kind of support from the team, coaches and the entire organization.

I skate off, for a rare time I'm not the last one off of the ice, and then I'm showered and changed in record time. After texting Angelia that I'm on my way, I take off. When I look in my rear view mirror, I see the car seat. That's when it really hits me; we are bringing our daughter home today. I take a moment to pause and take it in. After two months of worrying, hoping and more than a little praying, we get to bring our daughter home. At the hospital, I park in the temporary parking and grab the car seat. Angelia is bringing other bags and stuff that we need. I greet security and the guard says "taking your daughter home today Mr. Crosby?" No matter how many times I've told him to call me Sidney he still says Mr. Crosby. "Yes we are Tom" I reply and know that a huge grin is on my face. I think it's been on my face since this morning. If possible, it gets wider when I go around the corner and see Angelia. Her grin matches mine. I kiss her and then she grins up at me. "Emma is coming home today." I kiss her again and reply "yes Angel, she's coming home today."

Hand in hand, we head to the ward where they move babies when they leave the NCIU but aren't quite ready to go home. Over the past weeks, we've learned to bathe Emma, swaddle her – I had no idea what that word even meant before this – and feed her. Angelia is breast feeding but I do the burping and changing diapers. I would never admit it to anyone but I love changing her diapers. It's those little moments that Emma and I can spend together that I cherish and I don't care that it involves shit. The nurse gives us some last instructions and the doctor's appointment details. As a preemie, Emma will see the doctor every week for the next month. I don't know if that's normal but I appreciate having her checked by professionals as often as possible. I'm confident that we can bring her home and care for her but I am also anxious that she continues to thrive. Angelia lets me change Emma into her going home outfit that Mariah gave us. I notice that it's Ralph Lauren; of course it is since it's from Aunt Mariah. It's a little big on her but she does look really cute. The snow suit is next and then she strapped into the car seat and we're ready to leave. It takes us a while to say goodbye to everyone. The staff here has become family to us. They've taken such good care of our daughter and helped us so much. Angelia and I have already decided that we are donating money to the hospital but we are also going to renovate both the staff and the parent's lounges in the NICU. We want to give back when they've done so much for us.

Finally, after some tears from Angelia and the staff, we are out to the car and on our way. It's comical how long it takes us to make sure we've connected the car seat right. The portable part snaps into the car part. We check, double check and then triple check to make sure it's secure. I guess all new parents are paranoid like this and want to make sure the baby is safe. When I pull into traffic, I think I'm driving more carefully than when I went for my driver's test. It's funny how 'baby on board' really makes you careful. Angelia takes my hand when we're at a stop light. I pull hers to my lips and kiss it. We both know how precious this is; we are finally starting our lives as a family.

* * *

As Sidney kisses my hand, I can only smile at him. I'm so happy at this moment that I can't even think about anything else but how grateful I am to be taking our daughter home. I look back and Emma is asleep. I hope she wakes up to see her grandma, grandpa and aunt when we get home. We arrive home quickly and Sidney unpacks the car. Babies certainly do require a lot of stuff. I see that Emma has woken so I take her out of the car seat. I want to hold her all the time. It's hard to even watch Sidney hold her because I never want to let her go. We head up walk and I see people through the windows. When I look at Sidney, he shrugs. As we go through the front door we see that the living room is filled and everyone loudly whispers "surprise!" I guess they don't want to startle the baby.

Looking around, I see that the place is full of Sidney's team mates and coaches. My team is here too. Of course Sidney's parents, Mariah and even Taylor are here. Kris is holding his little boy and I see Vero with her growing stomach. I feel tears in my eyes; I'm overwhelmed by their love and support. "Let's see her" I hear someone say so I shift Emma from my shoulder and hand her to Sidney. He walks into the crowd, the proud papa, to show off our little girl. Mariah puts her arm around me and whispers "I hope you don't mind. Everyone was calling to find out how you guys were doing because they didn't want to bother Sid all the time. We thought you could get this all over with at once and everyone knows that they need to leave in two hours." I look at her stunned "oh close your mouth Ang. I wasn't going to let his team mates over here without them knowing that there's a time limit. Emma will need to rest. Which reminds me, Trina, Troy, Taylor and I are moving to the Lemieux's house tonight. We want you guys to have family time alone your first night under one roof. Don't even think about arguing because it's done. All of our stuff is over there. As soon as we've cleaned up after the party, we will be gone." I shouldn't be surprised that Mariah is this thoughtful. I kiss her cheek and simply say "thank you."

We join in the party after that and I completely lose track of Sidney and Emma. Finally, I find them in them in the corner with Kris and his son. The two men look so natural with babies in their arms. Who would have known last year that we'd be here like this now? Trina finds me and says "do you or Sidney want to say a few words? Everyone will be leaving soon." I nod and go off to get Sidney. It takes me a few minutes to get through the crowd but I do finally. He sees me coming and excuses himself from Kris. I take the baby from his arms and say "everyone is going to be leaving soon." When he looks puzzled I tell him about Mariah's edict to everyone. "She would do that wouldn't she" he says. "Would and did Sidney. Before everyone leaves, do you want to say a few words? Thank everyone for their support and love?" He nods and we move toward the doorway. When he gets everyone's attention, he begins "thank you all for joining us in welcoming our Emma home. It's been a very long couple of months. There aren't enough words to express how grateful we are to have friends and family like you who love and support us. We are very lucky to have every one of you in our lives. Thank you for celebrating our daughter's homecoming with us." I look at Sidney and see that his eyes are wet. Everyone breaks into applause and, as Mariah told me they would, everyone then heads for the door.

When everyone is gone, Trina says to us "why don't you let that little one try out her bassinette? We're going to start the clean-up." I'm going to argue but Sidney says "thanks mom" and leads me upstairs. I head to the nursery but I'm still unsure. "Sidney, don't you think she should sleep in our room just for a little while?" He hugs my shoulder and says "we have this top of the line monitor. We can hear and see everything that happens in here. After being with all of those babies, don't you think she deserves her own room?" I guess he's right and we can see and hear everything on the monitor. I change her into a sleeper and we place her into her bassinette for the first time. Her eyes drift close right away. "Guess she likes it" Sidney says. I look up at him and he pulls me into his arms. We hold each other for few minutes while watching our daughter sleep. "Sidney, our baby girl is finally home." He kisses my forehead and says "yes she is and I have both of my girls safe and sound." I look back up at him again and say "I love you." He kisses my lips softly and says "I love you too." We both look back at Emma and the world seems right.


	183. Chapter 183

I wake up and the bed next to me is empty. Angelia must be up with the baby. I get up and follow the hall down to Emma's room and sure enough Angelia is rocking Emma while nursing her. I stand in the doorway and watch my two girls. Angelia looks so beautiful with a half-smile on her face as she watches our daughter at her breast. "You look so beautiful" I say before I realize it. Angelia glances up and smiles widely at me. "I was trying not to wake you up. You have practice then you're flying to Washington tomorrow. You need your sleep." I walk closer to them and then crouch down in front. "I woke up alone and wanted by girls." Emma must be done because she's fallen asleep. Angelia hands her to me, I put her on my shoulder and rub her back gently. It doesn't take long for her to let out a deep burp. "I swear Angel, I don't know how such a tiny body can let out such a loud sound. She's louder than Duper." When I know she's done, I kiss her tiny lips and place her in the bassinette.

With our arms around each other, we walk out of the room with the baby monitor. I carefully shut the door and then we head to our bedroom. Back in bed, Angelia cuddles up next to me. I feel content, happy and like the world is now perfect. I kiss her forehead and settle back against the pillow. Angelia pulls away slightly then kisses me softly. It feels so good to have this connection. Her lips play softly over mine and I feel her hand travel over my chest. It's when her tongue darts out to lick my lips that I pull away. I guess I look as confused as I feel because she says "don't you know when someone is trying to seduce you Crosby? Has it been that long?" She doesn't need to ask because I know exactly how long it's been; 72 days is how long it's been. "Can you, I mean can we? How long are you supposed to wait until after, you know?" I'm fumbling not sure how to ask this question. She smiles, that sly, vixen smile that made me want her from the very first moment I saw it. "We can right now, if you stop talking about it and actually participate." She tries to kiss me again but I need a little bit more than that. "Wait, did the doctor say that it was ok for you? I mean I want to make sure that you're ok to, you know." She laughs now and says "Crosby, you're a father now, you can say the word 'sex' you know." She starts laughing hysterically now so I guess it have my answer.

I pull her to me and take her lips. I've been so desperate to touch her like this that I've tried to keep my distance. It's like all of my frustration and need is coming out all at once and my Angel is matching me. Once the first burst has been salved, I slow down to savour her. I lean back to pull her tank over her head. Leaning in, I cup her cheek with my hand and then slide it slowly down her neck, over her collarbone and to her breast. They are fuller now, her nipples are bigger and I wonder if they are more sensitive. I lean in and flick one with my tongue. Angelia gasps and her nails dig into my shoulder. Oh yes, they are very, very sensitive. I take another lick and my hand slides lower over her hip. I continue to lick and kiss at her breast as she moans with every contact. God how I missed this; her responsiveness to my every touch and taste. Her body is different and yet completely the same. She's softer and fuller and still completely my Angel. I move my lips to her other breast and continue my ministrations. Suddenly I notice that her breast is wet and it's not from me. Some of her milk has leaked out. As I stare at it, I consider how I feel and look up at Angelia. She's just noticed and begins to blush. I make an immediate decision and ask "may I?" She looks confused, then surprised and then bites her lower lip and nods. I dart out my tongue and lick up the drop of milk. It tastes oddly sweet. When I look back up at Angelia I see that she's no longer embarrassed so I move back to her lips and take them with my own. My tongue darts its way through and explores every recesses of her mouth. We play and linger. One part of me could kiss her all night; but, another part of me, the more compelling part at the moment, is urging for more.

I kiss down her neck paying special attention to the soft skin I find there. Moving lower I stop at her breasts again. Her fingers are in my hair now as I lap and kiss at each nipple. I just lightly touch her and she's moaning. They seem incredibly sensitive so I try to be light and soft. I continue down her body and reach her stomach. Suddenly, she tries to turn to her side and pull me back up. This is weird so I move back up so that we're facing each other. Taking her face in my hands I ask "is it too soon?" She scrunches her brow and shakes her head. Now I'm really confused. "So what is it Angel? We don't have to do anything more tonight if you don't want to baby." She's chewing on her lower lip like when she needs to tell me something but doesn't want to so I wait. Eventually she says "um, I haven't lost all of the baby weight yet and my body, well, it's different." Oh, that's what she's worried about? I want to laugh at the absurdity but I see that she's serious and worried. I need to choose my words carefully here. Actually, maybe I'll do something else instead.

* * *

When milk leaked out of my breast I was concerned that Sidney would be turned off but I'm so happy he wasn't. It might seem weird, but it was an incredible turn on to see him lick the drop off of my nipple. While the leaking concerned me, having Sidney see the flabby skin that hasn't completely gone back to normal and the couple of stretch marks that haven't gone away is terrifying me. Sidney has never been one of those athletes who need a picture perfect wife but he's always loved my body and this is definitely not my usual body. When he asks me what's going on I simply say "um, I haven't lost all of the baby weight yet and my body, well, it's different." I don't have the confidence to say anything else but I definitely need more than just those few kisses we've exchanged.

I can't read the look on Sidney's face right now. He looks, well, pensive I guess. I wait for him to say something but he doesn't. Instead, Sidney pulls the covers completely off of us and slides down. Before I can move, he is kissing my stomach. He starts around my belly button and then moves to where I know I still have stretch marks. After leaving kisses on every inch of my skin where the baby was, he looks up at me and says "did you really think that I'd feel less desire for you? Did you really think that I'd want you less, need you less, because your body shows the beautiful gift you gave me; our daughter?" I feel my insides go completely gooey. How does he know exactly the right thing to say? His lips are on my skin again and this time they travel lower. The gooey, warm feeling in my heart becomes molten and moves much lower as Sidney nudges my thighs open. Using his fingers, he opens me and I watch as his tongue darts out and teases my clit. He does it again and then one more time. I can't watch anymore because my eyes have rolled back in my head.

His lips encircle my clit and he alternates between kissing and sucking on it. A moan escapes my lips and he continues to work me. I feel him shift positions slightly so that my legs fall open even wider and he slips a finger inside of me. He licks at my clit again while his finger plays around my entrance, teasing the nerves there. My hips shift so that his finger slips in deeper and his mouth feasts where his tongue was playing. He increases his speed and I feel like I'm going to come apart. He slips another finger inside of me and searches for that spot. When he finds it, I come off the bed and come completely undone. I can feel him continue working me with his tongue and fingers as if he's trying to continue my orgasm; damn clever of him because he does. I feel my body shake uncontrollably longer than I can remember it ever happening. When I finally become conscious again, I feel Sidney slide up so that we are face to face on our sides and his hand is still cupping me, holding me with a few fingers inside the fold. It feels so possessive and completely gets me hot again.

I pull his face closer to me and bite lightly on his bottom lip then lick it even more lightly. "Thank you" I tell him. He smiles, kisses me and says "anytime." I look at this man I love with all of my heart and remember all of our time together in a flash. I remember the first words he ever spoke to me on the ship: 'don't jump.' I remember the alley where we first made out and almost lost ourselves in the moment; and then the beach, restaurant and bar where the same thing almost happened. I remember every time I ran from him because I was afraid to love him and lose him. We've overcome concussions and neck injuries; cancer scares and our own stupidity; and finally the two months of hell praying for our daughter to be healthy. As I look deeply into the eyes of the man I love with all of my heart, I can't help but wonder what the rest of our lives together will bring. "What?" he asks me. I guess I've been staring at him for a while. "I love you Sidney Crosby. With all of heart and soul and I will continue to love you for the rest of my life." His eyes soften and he replies "I love you Angelia Crosby. With all of heart and soul and I will continue to love you for the rest of my life." Then he kisses me softly at first and then more insistently.

I pull him closer to me and he rolls me onto my back. I love the feel of his weight on me. It's comforting and arousing at the same time. I feel his huge erection against my thigh. Dragging my nails lightly down his back the way he loves, I absorb his moan with my lips. Finally reaching his ass, I grab each cheek and pull him closer to me until he's nestled between my legs. Although, I try to move so that he enters me, he has other ideas. Sidney slides down my body again. First, he kisses my neck. Then he spends time with one of my breasts with his mouth while his hand holds and fondles the other. His hand moves lower and he slips two fingers over my clit. It's swollen and sensitive so he softly plays with it, first circling and then pressing lightly. This time he is the one who absorbs my moan when his lips find my mouth again.

I reach down for him and stroke his already huge erection. He groans and doesn't object when I shift and line him up. His eyes find mine as he slips easily inside of me. I open myself as wide as I can so that he fills me completely. He holds still and we stare into each other's eyes for a moment. I see all of the love, and lust, I feel for him reflected right back at me. As he leans in to kiss me, he slowly slides out and then back inside of me. He sets a slow pace at first that I follow. It's excruciating pleasure. We both quicken the pace little by little and are still staring into each other's eyes. I meet him thrust for thrust as the pace quickens again. I can see the strain on his face as he tries to hold out for me to go over first. I can feel myself getting close and I pull his face down to kiss him. As I feel the orgasm take over me, I can also feel Sidney thrust a few more times and then he collapses on me. My body is so alive and I can feel every nerve ending. Since the very first time, this man has known exactly what to do to my body and has made it his, for which I have no complaints.

He rolls to his side and takes me with him so that we are again face to face. Looking at him, I wipe the sweat from his brow and kiss his plump lips. Neither of us says a word. We've said so many to each other over the time we've been together that we know how each other feels at this very moment without a word being spoken. Looking at him right now, I know that we can do this together. We'll have a pile of kids, he'll play hockey and I'll do my work. We'll make it work because we love each other, support each other and know that there is nothing we can't overcome together. We kiss again and I feel it throughout my entire body. I always have and know that I always will.

**The End**

* * *

_Epilogue_

"Sidney, it's here!" I call up to him. The man known as the 'keeper of the Cup' has arrived at our house in Nova Scotia for Sidney's day, well two days, with the Stanley Cup. It was a very difficult end to the already short and tough season. Sidney had his jaw broken by a puck in a game at the end of March. He required surgery and was in a lot of pain for a while. He rehabbed quickly and got back in time for the playoffs. The Pens did well without him but there was a definitely hole that only Sidney can fill. When he was back for the first playoff game, you could tell that he and the whole team were on a mission. It was a vicious playoffs but they wanted that Cup. They wanted it for the 'old timers' who had never won it and for the young guys who wanted to prove that the first one wasn't a fluke. And they did it beating the Blackhawks in a series that went all seven games.

Now it's August 8th, Sidney's birthday, and the Cup has arrived. Tomorrow will be the parade and the big day for the public but today is just for us. We'll have it alone for an hour or so before his parents, sister and my sister come over. Then the extended family and friends else will join culminating in a big party tonight. I go out to where "the keeper" is unloading a big case from his trunk. We introduce ourselves and he coos over Emma. She's eight months old now and has become quite a flirt. I don't know if it's because she's been around a lot of Sidney's team mates for most of her young life or if she takes after Mariah but she definitely turns it on for anyone male. We all turn when the screen slams and watch Sidney come down the walkway. He kisses Emma, then me and greets Craig, the 'keeper.'

"Ok Sid, you've done this before. I'll be back tomorrow at 8pm for it and I'll leave the case for you should you need it." When he's gone, Sidney picks up the Cup, carries it to the backyard and down to the dock as I follow him with Emma. When he turns, I can't help but smile because he looks so happy. "What are you smiling about?" he asks me. "You. You should see yourself and how happy you are." He takes Emma from my arms and says "why shouldn't I be happy? I've got the Cup again and, most importantly, I've got my two best girls. What could possibly make me happier?" He starts showing Emma the Cup and all of the names on it. This is the perfect opening I've been looking for since yesterday morning. "Hmm, I wonder if there is a way that I can make you happier." I say to him. He looks over and raises an eyebrow asking "in front of the kid?" I roll my eyes. His mind is certainly one track sometimes. "No, not that Crosby. There are other ways that I can make you happy you know?" He holds Emma to him and says "I have my girls and the Cup, the world is perfect." I walk to him and stop right in front of him. "I bet, in seven or eight months you'll be even happier." He's stumped for a moment, and then a moment longer, until he finally gets it. "You mean?" I smile and kiss his surprised lips. "Yep, we're on our way to that team you wanted. Emma will have a brother or sister next summer."

Sidney 'whoops' and twirls Emma around while she giggles and throws her arms around him tight. Finally, he stops and pulls me to him with his free arm. "Oh Angel, that is the best news. We're going to have another baby. Did you hear that Emma? You're going to be a big sister." Emma has no idea what it means but she giggles at her daddy. It makes me giggle too. Sidney suddenly becomes serious and says to me "we're really having another child" and his hand goes to my flat stomach. I just got it back to flat and now it's going to start growing again; I can't wait. Sidney looks from Emma to me and back again and says "you know, I have everything I have ever wanted right here on this dock with me." I feel my eyes getting wet because I feel the same way only I have everything I always wanted and was afraid that I'd never have. The happiness I've found with this incredible man continues to overwhelm me and I hope it never goes away. Who knew two people, so different on the surface, could find so much love together. Who knew they would be so well suited, this doc and this jock.


End file.
